The Dating Detectives - The U-Hauler: Part 1

Episode Date: August 12, 2024

In the lesbian community moving in quickly isn't taboo, it even has a name: U-Hauling. But for Piper U-Hauling led to dogfishing. Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page! If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email [e-mail] or contact us through our website using this link This episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. Get your incredible, temperature maintaining, silver infused sheets for 40% off, PLUS a free three piece towel set, by going to trymiracle.com/TDD and using code TDD at checkout. This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/tdd today to get 10% off your first month. This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Quince. For free shipping on your order visit quince.com/TDD This episode is sponsored by Hello Fresh. For FREE breakfast for life go to HelloFresh.com/freetdd  ***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following program contains names, places, and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7-233 for support. Happy Monday. Happy Monday.

I love Mondays. Hannah, hi. We had so many new Patreon subscribers. You guys, thank you so much for supporting us. Last week, it just like was overwhelming and it was a great like little push because we had such a good episode for that CIA situation. And anyone who listened to it. We want to hear your thoughts. Thank you so much, you guys.

And if you have questions, like some people have been in the chat like, wait, how do I find stuff? Like, just let us know. will help you navigate new Patreon world. And you know what I love is that when you post in there, the other Patreoners are just so kind and responsive. And it's like a big family. I love it so much. Well, I love my mom was in there, like asking for dating advice last week.

Mama Hannah. And everybody was like, Mama Hannah, do this, do that. It was perfect. And it's like truly the best community. I love our little community. Thank you guys so much. Our sleuthies are joining a Patreon. We're so grateful.

So we have another new guest for you guys. today and I'm really curious to know what questions you guys are going to have for her because I know that I had a lot so I think it'll be great to hear from her. It's definitely something that I don't think we've we've had here on the show yet. No, Piper is like you're going to love her, great storyteller and very vulnerable. You'll hear you'll know what we're talking about. I mean, it's definitely just like a taboo subject in some ways, but it's like very important to hear those stories and she's awesome. And man, I just, you know, Yeah, I can't wait for people to hear it.

And guys, just to let you know, this is a two-part episode. We're sorry. We're sorry, but not sorry. It's worth it. It was so much we wanted to do it in one. Every time we do a two-part episode, it's because we don't want the story. We want you to get all of the stories. So I just know it's for you.

Just to be clear, we want to be able to just like have these totally unedited and you get like all the raw stuff. But for the sake of anonymity and for the sake of, you know, safety and for the safety and for sake of just giving our these these guests are so vulnerable and so we want to give them the opportunity to tell us their story but then say oh wait you know what i didn't really want to share that part of my story can we cut that out and that's really important to us that we give that safety that safe place to them so thank you guys for being so understanding so anyways it's a two-parter but it's fine we want to give you the whole story so we're excited for we're excited for you to hear it so yeah let's go let's hear what she has to say you guys are going to love her piper take us away take us

a journey. We are excited to hear from you. Thank you for being here. Thanks so much for having me. I'm ready. I came with all the stuff. Oh, she just told him about file. Okay. Wow. You're our type of person. We love receipts. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. So I, this was like October of 21, 2021. I was as 29 and I'm a single mom. I have two daughters. and I was dating around at the time, not really looking for a serious relationship, but also not opposed to anything magical happening. I'm the type of person I don't like definitives or more of a like whatever happens happens and whatever life brings me.

I'll embrace it. A little backstory, I am an aerial and pole dance instructor. That is so cool. I've seen that. Wait, can we come? Can we do one? My big old butt break the pole. I think you would be beautiful.

You would be, oh, you'd be like a, you and your flowing hair, Mackenzie. I want to see you in an aerial flying thing. I've always wanted to, that'd be so cool. I'm just imagining all the hair flips on you, you would tear away. My extensions would get caught under my arm's arm. No, no, no, no, no. And I always say, like, pole dancing is for everybody. And a lot of people always say, like, oh, I'm not strong enough.

And I'm like, well, it's like going to a ballet class. Like you don't go to your first ballet class expecting to do all the crazy lifts and stuff. Like you start from, you know, zero and you work up from there. So same with pole. We have beginner classes. It's so impressive. Thank you. Yeah.

So because of that, I also perform throughout my area and I do shows and things like that. So that's like kind of a little bit about me because it's important later on. Let's see. I'm also divorced. I was married when I was really young and had my girls when I was really young. And so I had that as quote unquote baggage. And after my divorce, I fell on really hard times. And so I utilized my whole dancing to help me get out of that.

And so I started dancing at a strip club and I was a stripper for a while. And that led me to other aspects of sex work. So I am a sex worker and that's a big part of my life. And whoever I date, I'm always very open about that part of me. And it's something that I have to communicate. And say like, hey, you know, this is what I do. How do you feel about it? La-di-da. Is that, do you mind if I ask you a question about that? Mm-hmm.

Whenever you're dating as a sex worker and you bring that up and you're sharing with this new person what you do, do most people take it pretty well or what is the general consensus, a response? So different. Everyone's different. Yeah, yeah. I've definitely, like, I, you know, I had an ex who after she found out and she was like, I don't think you need to do that. you're too good for that.

Why do you have to lower yourself to that? And I very quickly ended it right away. I've dated others who are like, I really admire that you do this type of work. And this is awesome. And I'm not judging. But I also need you to know my boundaries. And I'm not comfortable with you doing that if we're going to be serious. And then I've also dated people who like no judgment will continue to date me while I'm doing

sex work. So across the board, it's just, okay. Are there people who like it too much? I feel like there would be people who are like, ew, like it make it like really gross. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm actually going to be a part of a sex worker documentary about sex workers for our moms.

And it's just about like, hey, we're people, we're moms. We pack our kids lunch. Sex workers, we take our kids school. We're normal humans and the stigma that all sex workers are just drug addicts. You know what I mean? Yeah. It is literally the oldest profession like ever. And we work really hard.

Yeah. Do you date, do you date men and women? I do date both men and women. Yeah. And it's such a fluid, like I, you know, I dated men primarily. And then I dated women primarily. And then for a while I dated both. And then, you know, so it just, yeah, it depends on my mood.

Oh, my God. How the wind's blowing that day. Yeah, but I'm very much like sexuality is very fluid. And I'm very, very bisexual. You're just open-minded. Yeah. Yeah, like I'm attracted to the person and not the gender. Yeah.

I'm so thankful. Thank you for being here and being so vulnerable because I think it's important to hear your story for sure. Well, it's important to share also because there's not a lot of education or information out there regarding those things. It's just so very black and white for people. And so I just think it's interesting to hear from someone who is actually in your position who that's like sharing those things is going to be so eye-opening for so many people. Thank you for saying that. Yeah, of course. Back to pole dancing.

We love it. Yes. Well, okay, so I go to this Halloween party in October of 2021. And I was at this Halloween party with a group of like, I was a part of this Asian, lesbian, sapphic social group in my area. And so we were there. Yeah. So we were there just like socializing. And it was funny because we were just like every person that we saw that was Asian,

we wanted to like go up to them and get to know them and be like, hey, do you want to join our social group? Like we do lots of events. We do get togethers. Like we party and we like also do wholesome things like board game nights. You know, just to like connect and like have a fun queer community. So that's what we were doing. And so I was going up to everybody asking them like, oh, what are you dressed at best?

Like let her not getting to know them. And it was just a fun time. And I met this girl and she was very cute, like right off the bat. She had this really cute like K-pop boy band like idol type vibe, you know. And she had these angel wings on. And since we were scouting for more queer Asian women to join, I just started talking to her. And very quickly we vibed. And we connected like my age, her age because I look really young for my age.

And so I was like, oh, guess how old I am? Like la da-da-da, it's always this fun thing. And I was like, yeah, y'all also never guess like I have kids. And most people don't believe that I have children. They're like, why, you look too young to have kids? Yes, you do look very young. Thank you. And I was like, yeah, I have two daughters.

And she was like, oh, how funny. I have three cats. I know it's not the same thing. So it was like a very like meet, cute kind of thing. And I find out that she lives in Phoenix and I'm in San Francisco. And we were in San Francisco. So we just start to chat back and forth after the party. We're texting, messaging each other a lot, and we start very casually dating because I was like, oh, this is long distance.

This is going to be fun, casual. She's originally from SF, so she comes to SF pretty often, and she has a lot of friends in SF. So she was constantly back and forth. Yeah, and I was like, oh, whenever you're in town, like, we'll just hang out. You know, that was like my attitude. So it was her birthday a couple weeks after we met, and she said she was coming back to SF to visit for her birthday. So we hung out more when she was back in town And it was just a really, really nice fun time,

fun conversations and just learning more about each other. You know, like the whole like, what are you like? What do you like? Yeah, yeah, get to know you basic stuff. Was it like really flirty or like it had crossed the friendship line? You guys were like, we're into each other. Yeah, because it was it was very, very, like obvious that I was attracted to her. She was attracted to me.

And so there was sexual chemistry. So we were very flirty. And but we also like very quickly had some deep meaningful conversations to sprinkled into like the fun and flirtiness of it. Yeah. So that was really nice. And I know you said you look younger than you are. Can I ask like what your ages were at this time?

Yeah. So I was I was 29 at the time. Okay. And you're still young. Or 30. I think that was yeah. 29 or yeah, I was 29. And she's two years younger than me.

She was 27. So about the same age. Yeah, yeah. And then I want to say like a month into talking, she invites me to stay with her for a weekend in Phoenix. So I was like, okay, I'm down. Like, I go. And she winds and dines me.

She takes me to see the best shows. She, like, introduces me to her cats. She even spent the whole night prior to me arriving, making sure her place was clean and nice for me. So yeah, it was just like a really fun weekend of being like kind of just like treated nicely by this really cute girl that I was like very attracted to. And I opened up with her about my sex work. And she was very accepting and very supportive. And I was just like, wow, because prior to her all of my, I know we talked about this earlier, but like prior to her, I had only had had partners that wanted me to quit it.

Yeah. And so she was the first person that was like, yeah, I don't care. You can keep doing it while we're dating. Even if we get serious, like, I'm not judging. Like, you do you. You got to make your money. Like, go get your bag. And I was like, wow, this is amazing.

I've always been asked to quit it. And I've always, like, done that for my previous partners. I've always given up my sex work while I'm in a relationship. So I thought I was about to do that again. Wait, what job did you do instead of sex work then? Like, what did you do for income if you gave it up? So I'm still teaching pole and teaching Ariel. Oh, okay.

So you just get and have that. Yeah. So I do, you know, like I'm just hustle, like very hustle mentality. I do so many of everything. I also do weddings and I work on sets and like I do like a plethora of things. But my main. Yeah. So you still have income.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So my main job is teaching dance. But on the side, I did do sex work to supplement my income and all these other random gigs, you know. And then I just want to hear about like the conversation of bringing it up. Like so it sounds like you brought it up after like two-ish dates, maybe when you're like getting more serious.

We talk a lot about like when to bring up certain things, whether it's like you're divorce, you're whatever it is that you're carrying. Your time and prison, like whatever. Yeah. And like how to do that. And I feel like from your perspective, like you probably have feelings about when you would want your partner to bring,

for example, sex work or prison, whatever it is up to you. it sounds like you have experience, like having to share something that you know is going to be taboo. That's so hard. Yeah. And I think for me, because I already teach pole and I already teach,

you know, Ariel and things that can be seen. It's not totally out of the blue. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm very open. Like, hey,

I used to be a stripper. And now I do like I had only fans for a while. And then now at the time when I was dating this girl, her name's Izzy. When I was dating Izzy, I was like, hey, I am still actively.

like escorting and sugaring. I just need you to know that. So it was like straightforward easy. That sounds like the best way to go about it for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not like going to, you know, I'm going to be very open about who I am right off the bat.

I mean, it did take a few like times of chatting to be like, hey, actually. But you're setting an expectation kind of too. Like I don't want to hide anything. Yeah. Yeah. And also shows you like are confident. You're like, I know my worth and this is who I am. And I'd rather find out now if you.

You're not up for it. Yeah, earlier than later. Sooner than later. So yeah, she was just very sweet, like very charming. And I just was like kind of enamored. And so we just keep talking for a while. This is October. And then early November, it's her birthday.

She comes. And then like mid-November, I go to Phoenix to spend a weekend with her. And then after that, we start to hit the holidays. And it's magical. and beautiful and feelsy and you're just like feeling things you know because the holidays are a very feeling time yeah time full of feelings you want to cuddle by the fire yeah chocolate together yeah and so you know she's she's busy with a lot of holiday things and traveling and so am i you know and she starts to bring up that she wants to move back to sf and i was like oh okay cool you know

she's like, well, she's originally from SF, her family is from here. She started saying really concerning things that like her landlord was really creepy. Oh, no. And he would go into her apartment while she wasn't there without like her permission. And then yeah, I was like, that is, I was very worried. And I was like, that's not okay. It was a lot of those stories. And she also said that she shared internet with her neighbors.

And her neighbors would shut her Wi-Fi off. for no reason or like shut it off and she'd be like this is so frustrating like I got to I have stuff I need to take care of and my landlord's like I need to move so like I was very worried for her and I remember just being like yeah I do think you need to get out of there like this isn't safe like this feels really weird and she wasn't in the best part of Phoenix so it was just not the greatest place you know for a single woman to be living in and so she starts looking for places in SF and her family lives in SF and so she was like talking about maybe moving back in with her family or getting her own place and I was like yeah move back like that we can date more

and spend more time together and actually like hang out all the time instead of like you know doing this long distance thing but it was also again during the holidays she was traveling a lot in December with her family they were going places and then she tells me that she doesn't have anybody to cats sit for her three cats. So she was like, yeah, like my sitter fell through and the other people. They're also traveling. Like, no one can cat sit for me. And I was like, well, I'm going to be here. I'll cat sit for you. I don't mind if you want to drive the cats to me. And like the next time you're here, because she was going to come back to SF and then leave with her family on their trip. And so I was like, okay, well, when you come, like just bring the cats

and then I'll cat sit for you. And she was like, oh, great, let's do that. So I cast it for her for three weeks while she's gone. Are you a cat person? I was not an animal person at all, but I do like cats. And like, yeah, so cats I was okay with. I was slightly allergic. And I was just like willing to. I'm a very like, fine.

She's really pretty. Yeah. Exactly. And I was like, okay, I'll catch it. But very quickly, like, I fall in love with these cats. They're amazing. And then now I'm like a huge cat lady. So, oh, yeah, three cats.

So prior to this, she had given her 30 day notice to her place because she was like, oh, I'm going to get out. And then I'll find a new place in San Francisco so that I can move right after I come back from the holidays, like from a trip. And so I was like, okay. So she gives her like 30 day notice and it's coming up. And she hasn't found a new place yet. Everything she finds like falls through and San Francisco is very expensive.

she can find anything within her price range. And she was like, I have nowhere to go, I've nowhere to go. And then I was like, okay, well, what about your parents? And she was like, well, my mom doesn't like the cats. And I can't, I can't stay with my parents. McKenzie's face right now. She's like, I was like, okay, well, why don't you just like stay with me till you find a new fine place?

There it is. This is why we have McKenzie because I'm with you. I would have been like, girl, get over here. Like, it's going to be fine. let's snuggle and McKenzie's like, no ladies. Do not do that. Nothing good ever comes from it. Uh-uh.

Yeah. Yeah. So we move in or she moves in with me. So she drives all the way from Phoenix to San Francisco with a main fan like full of her entire life. And I was like, okay. And she makes the joke about like you, do you guys know what you hauling is? Yes, but tell the people.

Is that the lesbian thing where the lesbians get together? Because my mom's a lesbian and that's a joke to your own date. You bring a you haul to the second day. I was going to say that, but then I didn't want to offend anybody. So I'm glad you brought it up because, yeah. Yeah. So the reason why e-hauling is such a thing in lesbian culture and we make jokes about you-hauling all the time is because it is very common for lesbian couples to move in with each other very quickly after meeting or dating.

And I think in part because women are very capable of being emotionally invested. faster and quicker and communicative. Yeah, and like deeper, deeper, faster. Like you're able to have very deep and meaningful conversations very quickly. So the U-Hauling is really, really common in a lesbian relationship. It's like when it works, it works. And when it doesn't, sometimes you end up on the dating detectives.

And that is just the dice we roll. Right. So, yeah, so she jokes about U-Hauling a lot. She's like, oh, you know, the cats are already really comfortable in your house. And moving them is very stressful for them. And, you know, like, we're a lesbian. Like, we're, you know, like, so she's just, she's just drilling, like, you hauling into my brain. So that the more comfortable I am with that idea, I'm like, oh, yeah, like, we, we do connect really well.

And your cats do really like my house. And, you know, let's just, let's just live together and see how it goes. And it just felt more, like, socially acceptable, you know, because. because we're lesbians in Wii U-Haul. Like, it just felt like, oh, yeah, this is what lesbians do. Totally. It didn't feel, like, fast or didn't feel weird or it wasn't, like, red flaggy. It was just like, this is normal for lesbians.

This is fine. This is fine. Did Izzy get along with your daughters? Did your daughters like her? Yeah, yeah. So she was really great with the girls. She used to teach kids, too. And so she is comfortable around children.

and well that's nice when she has a history with the kids yeah and she has very similar interest to children like like she loves anime she loves like a lot of things that kids really like so she can relate to them yeah yeah she sounds so far this is my worst moments in the episodes because i'm like i kind of love her so far i'm gonna do it Hannah don't get attached there's a reason she's on this podcast you're not going to match to her i will put up my walls Yeah, basically it was a lot of that, like her being great with the girls and her being very supportive of my sex work. And on top of that, like, she would come to every single one of my shows and support me. She very much accepted and embrace me as a divorce single mom.

And I shared with her very, very vulnerable things about my trauma from my divorce. And like, you know, I was also like abandoned by my birth mom when I was a baby. I shared that with her. And she was just very accepting of everything. everything and very, you know, just, just like she cared. She was very thoughtful. I also experienced sexual assault by a manager when I was a waitress and she like had things to say about that and like just I felt very seen and heard by her.

Sorry that happened to you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So like I felt safe to share these vulnerable things with her and she also shared things with me and she would just do very sweet and thoughtful things for me. she for instance like my birthday was coming up in March and she bought passes for us to a local theme park so that we could go all the time and she also she always said that I was like super

hot she's like you're so hot like I can't believe I'm with you like I can't believe I'm with someone that's hot wait say it again and I'm just like oh my god you know and so she was like constantly like wanting to take pictures for me wherever we went she'd be like oh you look so good let me get a photo of you, just wanting to show me off. Like, it just had that vibe. Oh, that must have felt so good. Yeah. And I was just like, this is so nice.

I just felt so validated by her. It was just really nice to have someone in my corner. Sounds like such a cheerleader. Like, reading for me. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I love to rock climb and I was like, oh, I haven't rock climbs in a while. And she buys us passes to go rock climbing together.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah. And so we got like, you know, we had, we got membership. She got us both. memberships to Rock Climb. And I was just like, wow, this is someone that is interested in my activities and my hobbies and wants to do things with me. So I'm infatuated and it seems like she was too by me. And so I was like, okay, cool. So she's, she really wants to make it as an actor. She was on like a few very small things, like a YouTube series. And she was on a Netflix show very

briefly. And so she was always looking out for gigs to be a part of. And so she got us to be this like featured couple on a video. Oh my goodness. And she was like, okay, you can't break up with me. We're on a public video together now. It's going to live forever. Oh, that's something I would say. I'd like, break up with me. And I'd be like, okay, ha ha. You know. That's so funny. I'm like thinking about how many public couples like break up immediately after they're like very expensive public wedding. It's like, okay, this video is not a marriage proposal, but go on. Yeah, yeah, but it was just, it was a fun time, you know, and she even helped me pick out what to wear and ask me what she should wear so that we were like super cute. She was also very cognizant of how we were presented because she was like, we're the hot couple.

Like she would always say like how hot we were and I'd be like, okay, thank you. Okay, stop it. Like, you know. Did your friends like her? They did, yeah. In the beginning, a lot of my friends really, really liked her. They were like, oh, she seems so cool. She does everything and she's really active because I'm very very.

active and they're like you need someone who's active who can keep up with you because I go hiking I rock climb I teach all the time I'm good for you and so they were like yeah you need someone who can keep up with your like active lifestyle and it seems like she is all of that and she has her own interest too not just yours so it was just nice to hear that and then later instead of just coming to my dance shows she starts coming to my classes too and she's like oh like you know it'd be cool to like watch you teach and then like you know be a be your student and like learn because i want to learn pull dancing i want to learn lira i want to learn all this aerial stuff like that's really cool i want to you know see what it's like to do what you do so she starts coming to every single one of my classes

and wanting to learn and i was like okay cool fine it's fine she didn't have like another job going on She wasn't working. Okay, so she just had time to toast. Mm-hmm. She had a lot of time. Yeah, she wasn't working. She does sound a little, I'll say clingy. Yeah.

It was weird because it didn't feel clinging at the time because every reasoning she gave for wanting to do all of these things made sense in a weird mental cartwheel kind of way. Yeah. Like for me, I'm always the type of person that is like, oh, I don't see it that way, but I can see why you see it that way. Yes, yes. So I'm going to be understanding of your point of view.

Sure. Even though it's taking me mental cartwheels to get there, I can see why you see it that way. That's what you do for a living. You do cartwheels and bendy things. You can bend in your mind. I can like mental cartwheel, mental gymnastics in my brain. Yeah. She's not working.

And if I ever brought up like, hey, are you going to find a job? La-da-da-da-da-da, you know, because I asked her to participate in the rent and contribute to the house and stuff like that. Like, you know, she, in the beginning, like, she bought me so many things. And I was just like, okay, she is like financially stable. And even if she's not working, you know, I just, I just didn't really question it because I didn't feel like we were at the level of like talking like deep finances yet. So yeah, but it seemed like she just wasn't very active in trying to get a job.

She just wanted to look for all these like acting gigs here and there to make a little bit here in there. But she was getting disability pay, I want to say, because she actually got injured while doing trampoline stuff. Like she was taking a trampoline class and she got injured for it. Oh, no. And she said her work made her continue to work even though they knew that she was injured. So she sounds like a lawsuit of some kind. Yeah. And so she quit and she is suing them. And so she was getting monthly. Oh, good. Okay. So she's pursuing. Yeah, okay. Yeah, so she wasn't working and her back was injured.

And then this is when some of my friends would be like, oh, wait, she's injured, but she's doing all of these activities and going to your pole classes. Yeah, yeah, that's what I was thinking. I was like, okay. So I was like, oh, well, you know, she, she goes to chiropractor consistently and maybe this is her way of, like, keeping her body, you know, moving or, yeah, like agile. I don't know. So I would just like make excuses and I would come up with reasons because I, you know, couldn't see it any other way. Of course. I've been there. I've been there. Yeah. So that was the reason why she didn't want to look for work because it was like my back pain and my disability and this and so. Yeah. And then slowly she started to be more vocal about things that she wasn't before. And it didn't come off weird to me because she was always someone that was very straightforward.

and very blunt with me from the get-go. She would have different views than me on certain things, and she wouldn't hesitate to express that in a good way. And so later on, when she starts to comment more things, I didn't really question it because I was like, oh, this is someone who, like I said, like mental gymnastics, I'm like, oh, I'm trying to think of what they're thinking. So she starts making comments about my girls, my kids,

and how they're very toxic. What? Yes. To whom? To each other, to each other. Because girls who are two years apart fight a lot. Because they're sisters, yeah. Yeah.

And doesn't she have siblings? And she's like, yeah, I, you know, I have four sisters. I know what it's like. Like, I, you know, I can see that this is going to be really toxic in the future. They're not going to be able to. She doesn't have a good relationship with her sister, like one of her sisters. And because it was very toxic growing up. So she was like projecting a little bit.

Yeah, yeah. And she was like, you know, they're so terrible to each other. And she would criticize like my parenting sometimes. But like in her own way. And I'm an only child. Like I don't have sisters. So I, a lot of times I would go to my friends who do have sisters. And then also like I would go to Izzy and be like, hey, la-da-da-da, you know, like what was this like?

Was it like this growing up? Like how much how much involvement? Yeah. And I'm over here thinking that sibling fighting is very normal. And it probably made you feel like you were doing something wrong, like you're being a bad mom or something. Yeah, and I trusted that she knew what she was talking about because I witnessed her relationship with her sister.

And like, I'd met her sister by this time, you know. And I was like, oh, yeah, like I can see why this hits home for you. And it almost was like a, she cared about my kids so much that she didn't want my kids to turn out like her and her sister. And this is why she's criticizing in the way that she is. That's a great way to put that. because I feel like somebody could do that easily and be like, I care about you so much that I want to control what you're eating.

I care about you so much that I want to control your friend. Yeah, she's definitely crossing a line. That's interesting. But in a way of like, I care about you and I care about the kids and like you're an only child so you can't recognize the size. And you respect her opinion. I do. I do. I do.

Yeah. I trusted her. Yeah. And it felt like she was this wise, wise person and I was inferior. and she knew what was best because I didn't know. And she would bring out that like she's worked with kids for years. And she's witnessed kids of all different attitudes and personalities and behaviors. And so she can see.

So my kids were very problematic for her. And I was just like, oh, she was like, you know, telling me I needed to be more strict. And I needed to be more like disciplinary. And oh, sorry, I laugh when I'm uncomfortable. No, it's making me. Because don't tell me how to mama. Don't. Like that makes me no matter.

No, I get the audacity. Like, don't. Do not step on my toes as a mama. No, ma'am. Sorry, go ahead. Very hard. Yeah, thank you. It must have been so difficult for you because this is someone that you care about.

Like, this is someone that you've, you know, decided to share your space with, your life with. And like, your children with. Yeah. And of course, you're probably like, man, like, of course she cares about me. So she's not going to steer me wrong. also like she's kind of judging my parenting like and this is someone you want to yeah I would feel so embarrassed I was yeah I think that's what it was like it was like it was a lot of embarrassment yeah and being inferior and trying to like do do something that she would be proud of you know and like be a

mom that she would be proud of being a mom is something you take pride in anyways and then when someone says you're doing it wrong it's like that is the most that is the most rewarding job in the world and then to say that someone's doing it wrong is that's a bad feeling that must have been really hard for you. Yeah. I'm so sorry. It's okay. Thank you. I'm doing better. Okay. And then I think there was one moment where I kind of like mentioned in passing. I had like a fling with my neighbor. It was like a very casual, not serious thing. It happened during COVID because like nobody's going out. And so it's like my neighbor. Yeah. We're in the bubble. You know, and I didn't think to bring it up because it was such a casual thing, very short-lived, like a month. And me and my neighbor were on very good terms.

A neighbor had a new girlfriend. It was so short-lived. And she got visibly upset about it. I was like, I didn't know this is going to be a big deal. And she was like, you, like, you didn't think about my feelings when I moved in. And now I have to see your neighbor every day. Oh, for the love of the lamb. This was before you knew her, right? Like, everybody has to have to be honest. And I was like, I can't go back in time and like control that. No. That's absurd. Yeah.

And she like asked me what like my deal breakers were in a relationship. And this was like a joking casual conversation. This is a separate conversation. Like we're joking one day. And I was like, ha ha, dating younger women. But you know, I'm dating you now and you're so amazing. And she. Yeah, because she's younger than me by two years, you know.

She took it really personally. Oh, Lord. And she like started to kind of. like attack me and brought up what her deal breakers were. And she was like, well, my deal breakers were never dating anybody with kids. Okay. I mean, well. And I was like, oh, but I told you the first night we met that I had children.

She was like, yeah, and I'm dating you. Like, you should be grateful. Oh, thank you so much. Thank you. I'm so forever grateful. Did you bow down and like worship her feet right there in that moment? Because you should have. Good grief.

So I just felt so shitty. and I again, trying to do mental gymnastics to kind of understand where she's coming from like, oh, she must be so hurt like me telling her that I wasn't going to date younger women must have really hurt her feelings and that's why she like responded this way. Of course.

And like my whole, yeah, and I'm the type of person that's, I'm always going to give you the benefit of the doubt. Yeah. And our entire relationship, I was always like, she just never learned how to communicate well and express her feelings properly.

So she says these mean things. that she doesn't mean. And I would just repeat that over and over in my head every time she said something mean. You're like, oh, she doesn't mean it. She doesn't know how to let it out. Yeah, she doesn't know how to express herself kindly. And she doesn't know how to communicate in a way that's, you know, helpful. So like, I'm just, I just got to hang in there.

I'm going to teach her how to communicate in this way. And so that was just my thoughts the entire time. There was one day where we were driving to her family. house and we were like holding hands in the car and then my phone and then I would like let go for hands like go on my phone and very quickly her demeanor changed and shifted but I didn't super notice her pay attention I was just like like dealing with something on my phone and then after I was done dealing with it I just started to scroll and be mindless on my phone as we have you're driving yeah and then all of a sudden like traffic starts and she slams on the brakes

and someone slammed on their brakes behind us and swerved and they didn't hit us but they were very close. They like swerved to like not hit us. So I was like, oh my God, what happened? She was like, that car almost hit us. And I was like, oh, thank God. Like we're okay. And she's like, she's like, no, that's not okay.

She rolls down the window and she starts cussing at them and sticking her middle finger at them and like swerving to catch up with them. Oh my God. It was really scary. And I was like, Izzy, you need to get off the freeway. Get off the free right now. Pull over, pull over. Like, I will drive.

Get off the freeway. So she doesn't ride away. And after like a couple exits, she like gets off the freeway and she pulls. I was like pull over right here. And like, I get out of the car and I like run over to the other side. And I was like, hey, what's going on? Like, are you okay? You know, like talk to me.

And she's just, she starts crying. and she's just like, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I got upset, I'm sorry. You didn't want to hold my hand. Oh, my God. All this for that? You almost kill us for that. Yeah, I was like, oh, my God. But at the time, I was like-

She chose violence, Lord. I'm almost impressed that she connected it, though, that she connected that behavior to the, like, it sounds like she's not in touch with her anger. Yeah. No, she's barely in touch with her anger, Lord. She is, but doesn't mean she controls it. She just thinks it's your fault.

Yeah. And like, I've tried to armchair diagnose this forever. And I don't know. Like, I'm not going to speak for what was going on in her brain, but that's what she said to me and expressed to me. Well, at the end of the day, she was like driving recklessly, which is like no excuse. Yeah. And Road Ridge was terrifying.

I've never been in the car with someone who, like, acted that way. And it was so scary. And I was just like, oh, my God, I'm sorry. I didn't hold your hand. Like, you must have felt so hurt that that happened. And that's why you acted this way. like just why don't I drive the rest of the way and I'll hold your hand the rest of the You were so empathetic towards her. That's so kind. Like you almost felt sorry for her.

I felt so bad. Yeah. Right away, it wiped away like all of the terror and fear I felt while she was like road raging and I was just like, oh my God, this poor girl has like, has maybe like abandonment issues or love issues that me not holding her head triggered something. Like that's where my brain went. Did that ever become a red flag for you, like that whole situation? Or was it always just, nope, that it was just a bad day or whatever. It was a very gradual noticing of things. Gotcha. That's usually what we hear.

Yeah. And she had opened up a little bit to me because when I was vulnerable with her about my past and things that had happened to me, she also was vulnerable about being hurt by her exes. She was vulnerable with me about her things too. It was just, I'm over here like, this is a hurt person. This is someone who's like her. So after the road rage incident, it gets to be summertime.

And I have a really good couple friend, Clara and Amy, and they invited us to this bonfire at the beach. And I was like, oh my God, it's so fun. Like, we were both really excited to go. Izzy was really excited and I was really excited. And the day of the bonfire, I checked the invite list because it's a potluck. And I wanted to check to see like what people were bringing. So I didn't bring duplicates or, you know, on how many people were there and all that stuff. And I, I check the list.

And I see that one of my exes is going to be at this bonfire. And this person is very good friends with Clara and Amy. And so it made sense that they were there. And I was like, hey, Izzy, like, just a heads up. I just want to be like, you know, just wanted to let you know. Totally transparent. You're doing it right. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That like my ex is going to be there. and this this is an ex that I'm very friendly with like you know we dated all of two months and she's going to be there queer community very small yeah yeah so small everyone's friends with everyone yeah so but isy just she gets like super bothered by it and she was like this is so disappointing to me i thought you were better at setting boundaries with people how is it possible

that your ex doesn't have this boundary of being in the same space as you and also Claire and Amy are honestly they're not even that good friends to you if they're going to invite you and your ex to the same space like this is not okay how can you not see that this is not okay

you know she was like I thought you were an adult like you can't set boundaries with people like this is this is very eye-opening for me like I thought you were better than this she was just so bothered she was like your ex has the audacity to show up to something that we're going to go to. Oh, bless. She's blaming, like, if you don't want to be somewhere with your ex, don't go.

If you don't want to be somewhere with your partner's ex, you don't go. It's not for the other people to not go to the party or invite their friends to the party. Yes. Like, they're allowed. They're allowed to go. But, you know, like, like you said, like being friends with exes in the queer community, it's so normalized. But I just, I felt so dumb for being like, she was like, you are friends with

terrible people and you can't set good boundaries. Oh my god. And so slowly again like me doing mental cartwheels to understand where she's coming from and understand because this is someone that I thought like was very self-aware, was very capable of setting boundaries with people based on like her relationship with her sister and things like that. And I was like, okay, like I'm going to understand this and I'm going to make sense of it. I can't see what you see right now, but I'm going to try really hard to get there. And so I start distancing myself from my friends. because I'm like, yeah, if I'm surrounded by these people who are bad for me, then I'm not going to, I'm not going to grow. So I'm just like, okay, I'm not going to be around them.

And I'm going to just surround myself with positive people, people who are going to not bring me toxic energy and not put me in toxic situations like being around an ex. Like, that's where my brain went. Oh, man. Yeah. And anytime we like had in this agreement or an argument, argument like this. Again, I'm the type of person who's always going to want to make things work. Like my mentality was always like you are someone that lives in a world that I didn't grow up in. So I'm not one to place judgment on you. And any time of red quote unquote red flag would arise,

like I would accept them because I felt like this is someone that's so rare, someone who's accepting all of me and my sex work. You're taking her at her word that this is just how she thinks and you're trying to accept that. Exactly. And I'm just like, again, always doing the mental gymnastics to understand her point of view. So I would always want to make things work and I would make excuses for everything. The way you just put that of like somebody who accepts all of me and that's rare, I actually made a note of that. There is that universal feeling of like no one else is going to like me or accept me for whatever it is that I think is not okay. Right. So you make extra excuses for their behavior, which is so normal and so sad that we do it because I want, you. to live in a world where you don't have to worry about people being like, oh, your profession means that you're a deal breaker immediately.

But I know that's the world you've experienced in the world you live in. And I totally, totally get why you would be like, oh, let me just make this work even though, yeah, it's not perfect. Yeah. So I'm just like I would consistently try to like settle and settle and settle because of all these other things, you know. And it was just, again, it was like a roller coaster. She would like, she would pull me down and then she would lift me.

me up and she'd pull me down and she'd lift me up so I was just like she would be the problem but then she would always be the solution solution yeah good point yeah so a lot of those hurtful things she doesn't meet like I just be like she just doesn't know how to express it just so she says yes their heart yeah yeah so she started to say a lot of things like I wrote wrote these down she would say you you drag me down you hold me back you embarrass me oh I can't stand you. Oh. I don't want to be with someone who's not an adult.

And you ruined my life. Those are things that she said to you. Ew. Yeah, quote. These are quotes. Yeah, I did not change them or anything. These are the actual quotes of things that she would say to me constantly. And the more you hear that, there's no.

Oh, I believe it. Not a person in the world could hear that consistently and completely block it out. You start to believe it. You start to believe it. You start to believe. Well, if she's saying this. I really believe that I needed so much work. to the point where I was like, hey, I'm going to go back to therapy.

I'm going to work on myself. Like, I know that there's a lot that I need to work on. And we started to get this like pattern where she would threaten to break up with me. And I would always apologize. And so she would threaten to break up with me until I would apologize to kind of like keep the peace. Even if it was something that I didn't feel like I needed to apologize for, the moment she brought up breaking up, I'd be like, okay, I'm sorry. just to kind of like... That's how...

That's manipulation. Yeah. So manipulative. Yeah. And she would always bring up something called sunk cost fallacy. We, yes. We talked about...

We talked about sunk cost fallacy. Do you want to explain what that is, Piper? So sunk cost fallacy is where, like, say you're waiting in line for the release of something or waiting in line for a restaurant and they tell you that the wait is 30 minutes. So you wait 30 minutes.

And then they're like, oh, we're so sorry. it's going to be another 30 minutes. And so you're just like, okay, well, it's already been 30 minutes. I've already invested the 30 minutes time. I might as well invest another 30 minutes and get the thing I wanted to get instead of getting out. And so in a relationship, some cost fallacy is like, oh, I've already invested. Yeah. For me, I was like, we already lived together.

I've already invested all this time. I've shared so much of myself with you. Like, we just got to get through this and then we'll be good. Like, we'll get through this rough patch and then we'll be good. So I constantly had the sunk cost fallacy in my brain. So many people can relate to that. I know it. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I'm glad you. Wait, and she would bring that. She would bring that up? She would bring it up in joking ways. Oh, of like, just stick it out. Yeah, and then it started to get drilled into my brain of like, she's right. And like, we've put in so much effort into this relationship.

So in the beginning of our relationship, she had mentioned something about how she loves to travel and she was like I want a travel buddy and my partner like would you travel with me and I was like yeah I love to travel like it's just hard for me because like I'm a single mom and I work a shit ton but like yeah if I ever get the chance of travel like I totally would so come may she like wants to she this was 22 now yeah because we met 21 so this is 22 and a lot of these like travel deals were so cheap still like post-COVID right so she finds this like really the inexpensive cruise, Mediterranean cruise. And we plan this big 10-day cruise from Barcelona that takes you all over. Oh, how nice. Mediterranean. It was beautiful. It went to Greece. It went to Italy. We go a

week early to Barcelona to explore Spain and then we hop on the cruise and do our 10-day and then come back and then we're going to go to Paris for a couple days and then go back to Barcelona and then fly back home. Wow. So funny enough, if you've been on a cruise before, you know that during dinner time, you're seated at a specific table and you'll meet other people on the cruise. cruise and then you're with them the entire time. This is the group that you sit with every single night for dinner. They happen to seat us next to another gay couple. Oh, profiling. No, just kidding. Love it, love it. It was like really cute. And it was this two very sweet boys and we get to know them throughout the cruise and they're just so sweet and like we just

fell love with them like right away. I love like the vacation friends. It was cute. Yeah. It's adorable. It was so fun. And the fact that, like, they were also, you know, queer. It was just really cute. So the day before we got to Rome, we're at dinner, and Matt and Nick are like, what are you guys going to do in Rome? And we actually didn't have a lot of set in stone plans for Rome. And they didn't either.

And so they offered to like, hey, why don't we just do Rome together? And we're like, oh, my God, thank you. Like, yeah, let's totally explore Rome together. So we have the best day with them. And we're chatting, getting to know them. And the boys bring up how much they love going to Vegas and things like that. And I was like, oh, my gosh, I love going to Vegas too. Have you guys heard of Area 15?

And they're like, what do you mean? You mean area 51? And I was like, oh, I forget. I think it's either 15 or 51, but it's this like really cool spot in Vegas. It's a big hall and they have different bars and restaurants and different activities. And there's this one place that's like a supermarket, but there's secret pathways and entrances into this like underground world. I know what you're talking about. I thought you were talking about the like part of that one you know what I'm thinking of the like yeah. Yeah that's area 51.

Area 51. Okay. Yeah. So that's where they like you're not allowed to fly over it because it's like a government alien conspiracy theory spot. But this I think I've seen on TikTok. It's just like a cool entertainment restaurant place. Exactly. It's a cool like experience. Yeah. It's really fun. And I was like yeah, I don't remember if it's 51 or 15 but it's really cool. Like go check it out the next time you guys go. And then like we go about the day. So when we get back to our cabin that evening, Izzy was like, wow, you were so embarrassed. And the guys will never want to hang out with us again. Like you couldn't get Area 15 and Area 51 correctly.

You're like. And she was like, you're going on and on about Vegas when you haven't even been there many times. And like you're so obnoxious for answering for Nick. Like he was talking to his boyfriend and not you. like why do you have to be this obnoxious? Oh my God. I felt so small and so stupid. And I was like, oh my God.

I did not realize that I was like this. I'm so sorry if it came across like really obnoxious and overbearing. Like I'll try to be more mindful of this. I'm so sorry. I'm embarrassed you. I just I felt so, so small. That is awful. Yeah.

So she got really controlling over how I would act and things that I would do and stuff like that. not embarrass her. And so like we end the cruise and we go to Paris and throughout this entire trip by the way, like we're constantly like fighting back and forth. Because prior to the trip, we were again like making plans for it. She would ask me like what I wanted to do. And I would make some suggestions and she'd be like, oh no, I don't want to do that. And so very quickly it seemed like she had, she had things that she was set on doing. And so I let her decide on the activities and the itinerary. So during the trip, she got upset because she was like, you know, how much an emotional labor it took to like plan this trip for us and you didn't contribute to

anything. Oh my gosh. You can't do anything right. I couldn't do anything right with her. Yeah. And so during the trip, I was like, okay, well, why don't I contribute now? Like, I will navigate us where we're going. I'll take care of like Uber's. I'll take care of this, this and this. And so there were time, like I've never been to Europe before. This was my first time in Europe. So there were moments where I got us lost and I was like that's me that's me and that's how fun yeah and like so I would just try to navigate us and I'd get us lost and she would just get so mad at me like well you're so irresponsible this trip is really opening my eyes to how much I can't count on you for anything and like I really need to be with someone who's actually an adult and not going to get us lost

on the trip and then leave then go home go go do you want to do whatever stuff you want to do in Paris, whatever boring museums you want to go see. I know. It was the worst trip. I'm so sorry. Honestly, it was like the worst trip ever.

Yeah. Like I loved exploring Europe and I loved eating. But like I just, I had the most miserable time because we will take you back to Paris. We have to go to Paris. Right. Thank you. But also it was just like,

again, roller coaster, right? Because she would tear me down like this. And then she would be like, oh my God, this trip is so amazing. I'm so glad I'm here. here with you, making memories with you, and I wouldn't want to be here with anybody else. And so it was just like up, down, up down, up down of this, like, hearing all these nice

things of like, I love that I'm here with you and then hearing like, you're so irresponsible for getting us lost. And so I'm over here like, okay, well, maybe she just gets stressed when she's traveling. Maybe she just like, when she's really stressed out traveling and wanting to do all the things, like then she says mean things that she doesn't mean. Again, making more excuses, right? Making more excuses. Yeah.

So the last day of Paris comes and I call the Uber to take us from our hotel in Paris to the bus. Because we had to catch our bus ride back to Barcelona to hop on our flight back to SF. And so the Uber gets to our hotel late, like super late. There's like a lot of traffic. And by the time we get to the bus station, we miss our bus. Oh boy, it was your fault, I bet. It was my fault. Yeah, like again, same thing.

You're so, I can't believe you did this. I can't believe you did this. And I'm scrambling, trying to like solve the problem. I'm just, I'm trying to like look at, because these weren't buses that leave every five minutes. Like, this is a long 13 hour bus ride from Paris to Barcelona. So they only have so many bus rides. And so I'm trying to see which bus will get us back in time so that we can make our flight. I'm over here panicking and trying to.

And so the next bus, I booked us the next, like, bus ride. She breaks up with me at the bus station in Paris. What? Mm-hmm. She was like, I can't, I can't do this with you anymore. Like, you've made this trip so miserable. Like, I couldn't even enjoy it because you did not go smoothly. And now we're going to, like, miss our flight back to L.A.

This is such an inconvenience. Ew. Yeah. And, like, on the 13-hour bus ride, I, I'm crying. the entire 13 hours and she's just sleeping. Yeah. So and then we make it back. We make it to the air like.

Because she knew you wouldn't go anywhere. She thought she had you all wrapped around her finger forever. And I also felt trapped. Like I'm in a new country. I can't really leave or do any like I just, I, you know, I just just like I just want to get home. I just want to get home. So did it feel real?

Did you think she really was bringing up with you or was there a part of you that was like this is just kind of what she does? I don't know. I think there was some truth to it. But also it was like I hadn't yet apologized. And so I think it was like she would break up with me until I apologize, right? So I hadn't apologized yet. So we make it back to home and her mom picks us up. And Izzy's completely normal. Like acts like nothing happened. And we get back home and I'm like, hey, what's what's going on? Like, are we broken up?

Like, whatever, you know? And she's like, I don't know. I just, I just need to cool off and think about things. And I'm like, okay, was traveling just really stressful for you? And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, okay, well, let's talk about it when you're ready. And we just never talked about it again. And she just goes back to like normal.

So it was just really confusing. But in that moment, I did say like, hey, look, like I, you know, I'm going to go back to therapy. I'm going to work on myself because I know that trip was really stressful for you. I still took on a lot of the responsibility of like what we're wrong. You know, I still was like, I'm sorry that I wasn't a more mindful person. I know that traveling is so important to you. And I'm sorry, I failed you.

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. So it's now like July, because we went to Europe and May. It's now July. and her friend is having a birthday party. Her friend's a little bougie and like wants to do this big party on a yacht. And I had to work that day.

I had to work that day, but it was from like 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. And the party was at 6. So I was like, okay, well, why don't I talk to my boss to see if like I could finish early? I could get off at 4 and my boss agrees totally fine. I was working on set that day. So it was with a photographer and the photographer was like, yeah, totally leave at 4. So I was like, why don't you pick me up from work from the studio and then we'll just drive straight to the docks because a party on a yacht like you have to be there on time or the boat's going to leave. Yeah, you know, you can't get to this party late. Like you have to be there on time. So I was like, pick me up before like plenty of time to get to the dock. Like on her way to pick me up, the undercarriage of her car starts to loosen and it starts dragging on the freeway.

Oh my God. Let me guess she blames you somehow. Oh my God. No. She pulls over. Yeah, she pulls over. She ducks, tapes it. And then she picks me up.

By the time we get to the doc, we miss the party. Oh, bless it. We miss the party. Mm-hmm. And I was like, okay, hey, like, why don't I drive us home? I'll make us a nice dinner. Like, you know, and the entire drive home, I can't believe you did this to me again. You!

How, how, how, how, how, how, how, how to. And I was like, what? How did she say you? How did she say it was your fault? I don't, I don't. He says, you were supposed to order the screws from my car. And I was like, I did order the screws from your car. They're at home.

Well, you didn't put them on. You never think about me. Oh, my fucking mechanic? Are you supposed to remind her to breathe? Like, live your own life, girl? Mm-hmm. So I was just like, oh my gosh, okay, I'm so sorry. Like, as soon as we got home, I pull her car.

up the, like I have a little ramp. So I pull her car up the ramp. I get under her freaking car. I fix the undercarriage of her car. And then after I'm done, I go inside. I make dinner. How long, how long has it been at this point? It's been like seven, eight months?

So we met in October. Yeah, and this is July. Okay. All right. Yeah. Oh, she got some dinner. I'm nervous. Yeah.

And so when I'm done making dinner, she says, I want to break up. again again like so this time i like i was done with this tactic making everything my fault and i was so fed up and i was like i'm done apologizing so i was like okay let's break up and period i was like okay let's break up and i was like i need you to move out she didn't expect that did you yeah i was like i need you to move out and i think she didn't realize i was going to call her bluff and so for the next three days she refuses to leave my house oh my god so she's like a squatter yeah and so she begins to make me into this villain she's like you're kicking me out i have nowhere to go i'm going to be homeless do you want me in the cats to sleep in the car like i'm not going to

let my cats suffer in the car i'm going to have to take them to a shelter i'm going to have to give these cats up like this is what you're doing this is what you're doing this is what you're doing to us. And I'll even, I was like, hey, I'll take the cats until you can get settled in finding her place. And then she's like, you're stealing my cats. I can't sat for three weeks. I can handle this. Three weeks. Yeah. And I was like, I'm going to offer to like watch the cats. Like also like, you're welcome. I got very attached to one of her cats. Her name is Buttercup and she's so cute. So I was just like, look. And I'll take the cats until you get settled, like find your own place or move back home and she was like I can't move back home my mom hates the cats I'm gonna have to

find like something you know and then she was like she was like I would never leave the cats with you I don't trust you with them and I was like take them and get out goodbye yeah I was just but to turn me into this villain that I'm not like insinuating that I'm going to hurt them you know or that I'm going to do something to that like I was just like what are you even saying I could do the mental gymnastics but at this point I couldn't even cartwheel my way out of this logic of hers, you know? And so on the second night after we break up, I'm in bed and she's got the TV on full blast and she's just not a character, like worst roommate kind of vibes, you know? And I, I kind of like finally fall asleep and I get stirred to her crawling into my bed.

I'm sorry, what? What? Yeah. And I was like, what are you doing? Please get out of my bed. This is so uncomfortable. Like, I don't want you here. And she goes, well, I'm fine in the bed. If you're the one with the problem, you go sleep on the couch. This is your home. I know. Oh, my God.

I was like, what the fuck? Like, my brain could not brain. I was like, it was like talking to a wall. Like, you're not making any sense. Like, what is happening? I love how many times she called you a child. And she is so child. She was in totally panicking because you were done and she knew it.

And she was like, oh. And then she was trying. Yeah, okay. I think she didn't realize I was actually going to call her bluff and so she would do everything she could to like gain back the power and control and nothing worked so she just spiraled and anytime I was like I need you to move out I need you to move out she would just make it she was like she was like why don't I just live in the garage and I was like no like she was like I'll make the garage homie like I'm gonna know man no go get a fuck I was like you really need to move out I am so

uncomfortable. I can't even. And the same thing, she would be like, well, I'm fine continuing to live here and living in your garage. Like, if you have the problem, you should move out. And I was like, girl, you're not even on the fucking lease. Like, is she being anything? It's crazy. Yeah.

It was just awful. So. She got so damn her. Yeah. I need to like take a breather. Yeah. No. We'll do it with you. I need it too. Everyone listening in your car right now or

walking your dog and like screaming. Take a deep breath with us. So then what happened? So then did she finally leave? What did you do? Did you call the gods? What happened? So, so this, these, these three nights, like she's, again, she's threatening to take

the cats to the shelter. She's all, all these, like, unhinged comments, right? The third night, I, I'm gone all day because I don't want to be home around her. So I come home really late. And I noticed that she is finally packing her things. And I'm like, oh, thank God. Right? And so she's packing and I'm like, hey, are you leaving tonight?

If you are, like, turning in your keys, la-da-da-da, you know, and she just ignores me. She has, like, a sitcom on in the background and she's, like, packing and watching her sitcom, she's laughing at the TV. And she's just ignoring me. And I was so infuriating. And I was like, okay, whatever. So I go about my evening. And then I notice Buttercup is nowhere. Like, I could not find Buttercup anywhere.

Where was Buttercup? Wait. And I flip the fuck out. And I, I, I'm like, what, what did you do? Like, where did you take her? Ignores me. Doesn't answer me. And I, I'm crying.

I'm crying at this point. And I'm just like, because I fucking love the chat. Where's buttercup? And I was like, please tell me. Like, and I'm like begging her. I'm like, please tell me you didn't take her to shelter. Please tell me she's not at some kill shelter or anything. And she finally responds.

She looks at me. She goes, why? She's better off. dead than with you. Oh my God. Oh my God. So I lose it. I so completely just fall apart and I was like, you need to get the fuck out of my house right now. I start grabbing every single item that she owns and throwing it outside my house. Yeah. I was like, get out. You are not welcome here. You need to leave. like you just get the fuck out of my house I'm throwing everything out the door

like I I'm not proud of this because I don't get violence like I the entire time we always fought like I never got violent I never yelled like this is Let's normalize not always having to take the high room I mean I just feel yeah at this point it's like she is you want to talk about boundaries She's not like legally

shouldn't be there anymore like invading your bed Your space and then threatening an animal Like, I'm shaking. Yeah. So I was just like in pieces. I was falling apart. I was mad. I was throwing all of her stuff out of the house.

And at one point, she's like in and out of the front door trying to like gather her things. And I'm throwing something out and it kind of just swipes her. And it triggers her. And then she comes up to my face. And she goes, hit me. Hit me. Why don't you just hit me? And I was like, I don't want anything to do.

you like don't even answer i just like walk away and i just continue throwing herself out of the house i think she was like trying to instigate a physical fight with you i don't know and at one point she's outside the front door and i close it and i lock it because i'm like just leave you get i don't want me in here and she you know she pulls out her keys because it happens to be in her fucking pocket and she unlocks it as she's unlocking it to come in i'm pushing against the door she's pushing against the door. We're both pushing against the store. And finally I was like, so I let go and she falls to the ground.

And then she starts like whimpering and crying. And oh my God, Mackenzie, you're gonna, ah, your face. Okay. So she's on the ground. She looks up at me. No, she doesn't. Don't even say it. Say it.

She looks up at me. She smiles. and then she slams her face into the ground. Dude. We know. Like we know how you feel and how you feel about the fact that you have to wait a week, but just it's okay.

It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. Okay, so next week, we won't do a dogfish debrief this week. We're going to save it for next week, but oh, my Lanta. I know there's probably, I want to hear everybody's thoughts

and we'll talk about it more towards the end, but thank you in advance for your care about her line of work. I think that her being vulnerable about being a sex worker and dating as a sex worker is a very important story that a lot of people can't share. It's very brave of her to share. And so I'm so grateful that we have such a supportive audience. Everybody's so not judgey. And I love that about our audience. And you know, because everybody has a story and everybody deserves to tell it. And we need to hear the rest of this story. But I'm sorry we, I'm sorry you get sure you next week. Holy banana

But you'll see Just wait Oh my gosh You're gonna sit on your hands If you need to talk to us In the meantime There is always Patreon Where we're all over the place

$5 a month of a whole community of sleuthies that are very invested And we love them so much We also had so many people join Patreon recently which is so cool Yeah and so many new listeners To the pod We're so excited

Thank you so much you guys We're so exciting And also I love the Patreon because that's where we do a lot of our updates. So anyway, join the Patreon. And as always, if you have a story to share with us, we want to hear it, even if you're a boy, no matter who you are. We know there's some girl dogfish out there. So we want to meet them too. So Hannah is going to share the email with you. I got it. Investigate at the dating detectives podcast.com. And in the subject, put details about your story. Don't just say like, I have a dogfish because that part, that part we know.

That part we know and are ready for. Every single email says, I dated a dog bitch. Yeah, we just need a little bit more. We need like Cliff's note. Keywords like fraud, scandal, cheating, arson or something. Or emojis, whatever you got to do. We just are trying. Molly's planning a wedding, y'all.

We got to make her life easy. Okay? It's so true. But yeah, so there and also all of our socials at Dating Detectives podcast, just come talk to us and let us know how you're feeling after this part one. Yeah, and thank you so much for always sharing our stuff on your socials, too, because that's how you get the word out about our podcast, and it helps our podcast grow and helps us to bring you more stuff. So thank you, thank you so much. And we love you guys.

And until next time, trust your foundation.