The Dating Detectives - Young Love: Part 1

Episode Date: December 4, 2023

Mackenzie and Hanna hear Lauren's dogfish story of her college sweetheart who became her husband. After her husband had three medical crisis in one year she realized that this relationship was far more than she bargained for. Tune in next Monday to hear the shocking conclusion to this story! Join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page! https://patreon.com/TheDatingDetectives?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=join_link This episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. Get your incredible, temperature maintaining, silver infused sheets for a whopping 40% off by going to trymiraclemade.com/TDD and using code TDD at checkout! This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/tdd today to get 10% off your first month. ***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following program contains names, places, and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7-233 for support. Hi, Hannah. Hey, girl. We're back. We got another good one today. Yeah, I'm so excited.

Before we get into the story, we got to talk about the Golden Bachelor really quick. And if you don't, the reason I bring it up is because I feel like people are going to want us to address the fact that there are dogfish accusations against the Golden Bachelor. Basically, Gary is the Golden Bachelor, and he was painted as a widow who was this, like, wonderful, sweet guy who's just wanting. wants to find love after this tragedy, which is probably real. But I don't know if we'd, I want to hear what people think if we'd classify him as a dogfish because I think the show painted him differently than people are saying he was. I was about to say reality TV really isn't reality, right? Like it's, yeah, is it just a dogfishy thing? People are saying like he was dating a much younger woman, like a month after his wife passed and that that was not obviously part of the story. Some people

are saying his work was inflated, that like his, he's, they're making him this restaurateur, but he hasn't worked owning restaurants since like the 80s. I don't know. He owned like a subway. He owned one subway. Oh my God. I don't have all the details either. This is breaking news on rolling as we speak. By the time this episode airs, maybe it will all be debunked. But Golden Bachelor people, dogfish among the Bachelor nation? I don't know. I think producers are dogfish. Like producers of the reality shows that are actually scripted. Let's be real. Like you, come on. They don't think we're going to like get on the Google machine and find this stuff out. That's what dogfish, if you're a dogfish, don't do it in a relationship.

Go work in reality TV. Put it all in there. Channel it there. Make a living out of it. And then tell the truth to everybody else. Yeah. I wonder how many of our listeners, like, if you guys listen to that, comment, because we want to, if you guys watch that, we want to know, like, I need to know more information. I need to be educated. Also, just to, like, give you guys a heads up. We got a concerning message. Someone was saying something about they don't want to listen to the dating detectives anymore now that we have ads. So I just want to clarify, just real quick, that our ads, you guys allow us to create more podcasts for you. So we really, really appreciate your support. So I just wanted to preface by saying that, like, we're so grateful for you. And, you know,

the ads are what, like, you know, help monetize our podcast so we can just create more for you. So thank you. So thank you. We also genuinely love everything we have gotten to promote. And it's cool. Like, they actually send us the products so we can actually try it and, like, make sure we love it first. We make sure we like it. Yeah. We're not just, we're not just advertising all willy-nilly.

All willy-nilly out here in front of God. Anyway, should we get into this story? It's a big one. Yeah. So this one's kind of a dozy. This is like a different kind of dogfish, honestly. Mm-hmm. I'm really, really looking forward to you.

hearing how people respond because she's, yeah. Like, I'm ready to have a conversation about it. I'm trying not to say too much because I don't want to ruin the whole thing, but like, just, just listen, we're curious to know what you guys think. And also, you guys, I have like, okay, warning, full disclosure. This is going to be a too freaking parter. Don't get mad at us. It's breaking my heart and even tell you that.

But it's a doozy. We really had no choice. We didn't want to cut out all the good stuff or the bad stuff, really. But the meat of the story, we wanted to give you everything. We just couldn't edit out enough to put it in one episode. We're sorry, but also not sorry. You'll be fine. I am honestly dying to hear what people think.

I'm so excited. And I love her for coming on. So let's get to her story because she is a badass. Okay, Lauren, we are ready to hear what you have to tell us. I'm so excited to hear this. Thank you for being here. Yeah, take it away, girlfriend. Yeah, absolutely.

I'm so excited to be here. And I guess I'll just start at the beginning. set the stage a little bit. And really, it started, it was a cold and rainy night. No, just kidding. I love that. I like her already. Add some wind in the background, Molly. Right. The sound effects. Darry's Mayer breathing. But really, it was, so it was January, beginning of the year, I was in my junior year of college. And so I had just gotten up to campus about a week early for winter semester. And because I went to college in a very cold part of the country, we did a lot of inside activities to try and help students get to know each other. It is also relevant

to know that this was a Christian university. I grew in a very Christian home. I'm still very devout Christian, but that does play into some of the factors. And so they do a lot of get-to-know-you things and activities in the first Sunday up on campus, again, before the semester even starts, they will pair apartments of men up with apartments with women, and they do something called a sweet swap, which is where one of the apartments will be hosting and they make sweets, and then the other apartment will come, and it's a good way to just kind of get to know each other, and then every week on Sunday they will swap. So you get to meet a new apartment of the opposite sex every week.

That's very sweet and wholesome. Is this facilitating dating or just getting to know each other? I was going to say sweet swat to me. Sounded a little bit more dirty than it is. Yes. I like it. It's, you know, definitely I think under the premise of introducing people, making friends and acquaintances. Sure.

But it's definitely to try to help people like meet for dating. Yes. You can find your. I like that. That's kind of smart. Your person. Yes. If somebody made me sweets, I would be a lot more enticed to go talk to boys.

Make me cookies. They need to feed us. Yes. Yes. And so, exactly. And I had taken a little bit of a break from school where I was actually living in China the summer before to teach English to little kids. And so I got back.

And this was my second semester back in the country. And so I was really excited to get to know people and start dating and doing all those things. that you do in college. I had not had a ton of dating experience. Well, I should say I had not had a lot of relationship experience. I dated guys, but it didn't always really turn into, I'd never had a long-term relationship. And-super young, too. I was, yeah. I was 22. And the apartment that my apartment was partnered with. Sweet swapping. Yes, sweet swapping with. It was an apartment of guys, and there was one guy in particular that I really hit it off with, right? off the bat and his name is David and we just kind of had this immediate connection. It was so

bizarre. We hit it off right away and we would sit and talk and even when our roommates would be talking to each other just like as a group, you know, like in a social situation, he and I would be like in our own little world and it just was so adorable like those things that you see. Like in a homework movie like all the cheese, right? Yeah. I like the cheesiness. The weird thing about it is that our roommates each tried to make it so that whenever we do something together, like my roommates would make it so that I would conveniently sit next to him and his roommates would make it so that he would conveniently sit next to me. Yeah.

And so we each kind of had this like our apartments full of like being men and women trying to like get us to connect. Oh my gosh. That is so cute. But we didn't know that the other's apartments are doing that. And so we always just ended up sitting next to each other. And then we were just in our cute little world, fully immersed in Hallmark. Sweet swap success. Yes, it was.

And we started dating almost immediately, so immediately that we didn't even have a first date. Oh, we never even had a first date. Like, we would hang out at each other's apartments. And it didn't matter who else was around. Like, it was just the two of us. You were just in a relationship. Yeah. Yeah.

It just started so fast and. It started so fast. And we didn't even like have the talk or anything like that. It was just so obvious to everyone that we were together. And so that went for about two weeks where we were just spending as much time together as we possibly could. And it really wasn't anything fancy. Like we wouldn't go to dinners or it was just spending time together. Like it was the most adorable lame thing ever.

I love that though. That's my idea. It's so sweet. Also in college, that's like college, because you all live so close to one another. It's like, why wouldn't we spend as much time together as we can? Yeah, honestly. Absolutely. And so whether we were at my apartment or his apartment, and that's kind of how it was for the first couple weeks.

And then he got really sick. So my roommates had gone over to the guy's apartments to hang out, and I was coming over shortly after them. and we get there and David's not there. And the roommates were all kind of like, hey, like, what's going on with David? And I was like, what do you mean what's going on with David? And it was in that moment that they looked at me and I was realizing that there were something that I should have known. And that's when they told me that he was in the hospital. And they gave me the information of where he was.

And so I immediately rushed over to the hospital. I was really scared. Like this is the first time that I've had a relationship that seemed to have some real long-term promise that I could see this becoming a long-term thing and a really serious thing. And I thought, oh, my gosh, of course, it would happen to me that I'm two weeks in and this guy's about to, I don't know what. Like my mind went to like the worst thing ever. And I was really scared. Of course. And I am also very nurturing by nature.

My mom always thought that I should become a nurse because I just, I'm a mother hen. And I just, I gather chickadees under my wings. And I just want to take care of people all the time. And so that was, I immediately went into that mode of like, all right, we got to make sure he's okay. And so I get to the hospital. And I was, I was kind of afraid to show up by myself, but I didn't think it was appropriate to bring other people with me. And so here I'm just walking into this hospital. And I, they, they, I'm surprised it.

They told me where he was. because I wasn't family, but I... That's a HIPAA violation, but it's fine. Yeah, I was going to say, okay. I mean, it was a pretty small town, so apparently everyone's family there. I don't know, but they let me into his room. And so I walked in and he was, you know, obviously in a hospital bed and the gown and the IVs and the cords and the beeping and everything all over the place.

And I was familiar with hospitals because my dad was in the medical field. but it's different when it's someone that you really care about. It's so scary. And that image just burns in your head. Exactly. And I didn't even know what was wrong with him. Like all I knew was that he went to the hospital with chest pains. And the fact that my dad is in the cardiac realm of the medical world was very much like chest pains.

Oh, chest pains equal death. So I walk in and I see him all these, you know, the medical equipment and the beeping. And he was obviously not himself. He was on a lot of pain killers. So I walk up and he, he woke up and I was like, tell me what's going on. And, you know, he was just immediately so grateful that I was there and just so touched. And it was one of those things where I immediately felt validated and like, okay, I'm needed here. I'm wanted here. I'm doing good here. I can. I can understand that. When you're a nurturer, that's the feeling like you get joy from being needed by others. Like that's part of. that nurturing, I have it too. Like, it's just you want to you like that. You just want them to be okay. And if you can help them be okay, then that is like it, it brings meaning to your life. And I was there whenever I wasn't in class.

If I wasn't in class, I was there at the hospital. But his family wasn't there. And his family lived close. So after a couple days of being in the hospital, they diagnosed him with a lung infection. Oh, God. Yeah, it was really uncommon, especially for someone in their early 20s to get this lung infection. But that's what we were told. And I just kept thinking, where's your family?

Because they only lived like 45 minutes away. Did you talk to anyone in his family or did he? No. Like, so he didn't. Well, he told his family that he was there. and then eventually they finally came on like the last day. And it was the weirdest thing. And I couldn't figure it out.

They didn't seem concerned that he was in the hospital. They didn't see. I just did not. Are they just like me awful? They were just like, did you have a bad relationship with this family? Or were they just? Yeah.

He was really close with his family. I just, it didn't make sense to me because in my family if you're in the hospital, like everyone, you have like an entourage. Everything. Yeah. Especially if they're close. And he had a distant relationship with them, that's kind of what I assume. But you just- No, he was close. He was super close with his family. So he gets out of the hospital and he ended up having to drop out of school that semester and figured not waste any more money on rent. So he decided- Did he miss that much school? He missed like the first week to 10 days of school of this. Oh, and that. So they were like it would be worth it. It's just, yeah.

It's worth it for him to drop out. And it was still before the withdrawal deadline. And so he could get his tuition and everything back. Gotcha. It would start fresh. Yep. Start fresh the next semester. Exactly.

So he ended up moving back home just to save money. And so we were doing like a semi long distance thing, which really isn't that far. But it seemed really far. And I found that it was really difficult to get him to put as much priority into our relationship as I felt like I was. And there were times that he would choose other things or other people over me when I felt like I should have been the priority in our dating situation. And I know that it was still really new, but like we got intense really fast. Yeah. So the expectation was already kind of set.

Right. So was he just not like calling and texting as much? Yeah, he just wasn't involved. He wasn't communicating well. He wasn't making an effort to come and see me or make me halfway or. Ew, okay. He just wasn't putting a lot of priority in because he was being pulled in other directions by different people and not setting boundaries.

Yeah. Was he better fully from the lung infection or what was his like recovery process. Yeah, he had healed. He was, he was good after they got him on some antibiotics and things like that. It took a couple weeks. So go see your girlfriend, David. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So it was totally fine. I don't really understand where his hesitation was. And so it was just one of those things that didn't make sense. And so in February, we were looking at Valentine's Day and as a brand new couple. And I was super excited to see him. I had put together a really thoughtful gift. Like, all right, we got to like keep this, this train going, get some momentum. And he,

he just wouldn't make it a priority to come see me. And when you asked him, he was, would he just like ignore your aunt questions or just not text you for a while or well? No, he would say that he needed to help other people. He needed to, he needed to help his mom specifically. Okay. Okay. Did you go, did you ever go to his mom's? Yes. Yeah.

Yeah, a lot. Oh, yeah, you said that. So, but like, what was she, did she need help? Like, what was he helping her with? I don't know. What? Because my brain went to the episode we just did where he said like, oh, I have to help my mom. She's like terribly mentally ill.

Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Functioning, but then she wasn't. She was totally fine. I've got that. playing in my head. Okay. No, I think, I mean, she owned her own business and he was the oldest of five kids. And so I think she just wanted help. Okay. And he was obligated because he's the oldest. And I think he, he was a bit of a people pleaser. And so I think he just felt this connection that he needed to,

his mom needed to be as priority. And I think generally that is great. Like having that relationship with your mom is amazing. It shows that you respect her and that you love her and care for her. But I think- Yeah. And how they treat their mom, they say is usually how they're going to treat you. Right. And so initially I didn't have an issue with it, but it kept coming up over and over and over. And I was like, hey, we are, even though we've only been dating a really short period of time, like we're pretty serious. we've talked about really serious things. Like, I need to start to see that you can make me a priority

and that it's not always just going to be about mom. And rightfully so, I think. And that was a concern. I think a lot of listeners will relate to this. Yeah, girl, put your foot down. Yeah. And so it was actually, he finally made time. I feel so irritated, even saying that still.

He finally made time to meet with me for Valentine's Day. and it was like by the like two weeks later, the end of February. And I had just kind of had it. And so we ended up breaking up at that point in time. And I said, I think you need to go figure out what you want and you need to straighten out your priorities. Good for you. You're like, I just deserve, I want something different in a relationship.

And so I wish you well. Yeah. We didn't really talk much for about a month. And then he reached back out. What? I'm so surprised. No one saw that. This coming. He came crawling back. Never. This never ever happens. So after about a month,

he had moved out of his mom's place and got in his own place. And he called and was like, hey, so I've got my own place. I would love it if you came to look at it and helped me decorate it. What do you think? And I was missing him. Like, I'm not going to lie, even though he had his jerk mom. Of course. That's totally normal. Totally. So I was like, blink, blink, blink. Okay. I would totally love to come.

Especially if he's saying like I've got my own place. I've set a boundary kind of saying the things that you needed to hear and see before. He moved out. He got his own place. And I was only so happy to come and help him decorate his new place. He was probably at this point about 25 minutes away from where I was on campus. So I went to his place and we started hanging out. And it was about 3.2 seconds later that we were back together.

Again, no one saw that coming. Big shocker. So surprising. Yes. And we were right back like in the thick of it. He was a lot better about coming up to where I was to spend time with me. I would come down to his house and spend time with him. And so that was probably the end of March.

Man, this all went so fast. Yeah, it is moving fast. It all went so fast. But also in college, I feel like time moves quicker. You know, a day is like a week. So you guys like connected in January and by March, he had already like you guys had kind of broken up a little bit and now you're kind of getting back together. Yes.

Okay, got it. And again, it was still, it was right back into the depths of the Hallmark movie. And there was actually looking back, I can see there was a lot of love bombing on both sides. So you were both love bombing each other. Oh, yeah. Like, we didn't know, but it was, it was very, like, I was so into it. I was so excited to have this relationship and to be with someone who generally treated me really well. Yeah.

And when you say you were also love bombing, do you mean like you were doing nice gestures? Of course, because you loved him, but out of like wanting to make sure he stayed? Like what does it mean to you? Or is how you just show your love or whatever. Because I think there's, you know, you could just love. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think there was like any nefarious intent on either side. I think we were both acting a little bit out of fear.

So kind of like the honeymoon phase a little bit? Definitely honeymoon phase and... But with a little bit of insecurity. I get that. Yeah, I get that. Yeah, I get that thing. But definitely some insecurity on both sides. And so there were things that I wanted to make sure that he saw like the best parts of me. And so I did guard some of the real me a little bit. And he guarded some of the real him a little bit. And so it was just... Totally done that. We were both so just intense on the good things, like the lovey-dovey things, the spree. spoiling each other, the over the top, everything, that it was just kind of a lot. But we were both totally there for it. How long does this period go on? So the end of April, I went on a family trip and he came with me. Okay. Meet the parents. Yes. So he did meet my parents and my brother

and sister-in-law had also moved to the same town that my parents were in. So he met like the whole family. Wow. He met everybody. Just about. Okay. And it was all very intense because they are all super protective of me. And so they like grilled him. Oh, that's cute. Do they like him? Everybody immediately loved him, especially my mom. My mom just soaked him right up like a sponge. And it was like, well, this is my new son. Like she immediately just sweet though. Welcome to him. And, And we were on this family vacation. And he proposed. Like just like, wait, and what, what month was this? This is April. This is the end of April. January, February, March, April. Okay. So four months. Okay. I'm not panicking. Okay. That's fine. Kind of.

It was fast. It's okay. It was okay. Part of the story. Yeah. It was fast. And so we get back from vacation. La-di-da-da-da, hello world. We're engaged. And it was the end of the semester. I think that's part of why he did it when he did it. It's because I was about to move back eight hours away with my family, my parents, because it was summer.

Oh. And was that his way of like saying, hey, don't go. Just stay here. Let's get married. Well, if it was, it didn't work because I still went home. Oh. But because I needed to work and save money to help pay for,

the next year's tuition and books and everything. And so I had actually noticed that there was kind of a weird spot on my ring, a little tarnished spot. And I was like, what is this? Like not in like a gold digger way, but like this is a real ring. Like, right? And so we took it back to the jeweler that he got it from and they like took it back. No questions asked. Gave him the money. All of that. And we ended up going and getting the exact same ring made custom from another jeweler. But it also meant that I would be leaving in a week to move back home with my parents and work for the summer without my ring. Which wasn't a huge... Do we know what happened with the first one? Like no one just said anything. They just had a, like, they just had a like a return policy was like no questions

ask situation. And so we returned it and they didn't ask any questions. Nice. And so I didn't really care that I didn't have my ring, mostly because I was doing work where I wouldn't have worn it anyway. I was assisting with some wildland firefighting jobs type stuff. So it was pretty intense work, right? I'm not.

You're teaching English and China doing. She's fighting. Why? You're amazing. She's Mother Teresa. I'm not. But I didn't care that I didn't have my ring because I wouldn't really ever be wearing it. And so I didn't know too much about it. And I didn't really hear anything about the ring at all. And so I figured, great, everything's going fantastic and just doing my job and he's doing his thing. And then a few, not quite a month before the wedding. So our wedding was scheduled for August. So she's, Short dating, short engagement. All of it was really short. So in July, the end of July, he started to get cold feet and was talking about maybe we should call off the wedding or at least postponance. Like, I just don't know if this is right. And I start. It was your idea, fella. And I start to freak out because I'm like, whoa, wait a second. Hold on. Of course. And so I tell me, I said, I think you just need to come down and visit and we just need to spend some time together. And if when we're together,

it still doesn't feel quite right, then fine. Like, because if I don't want to marry somebody if you're not sure. Yeah. And so he came down. And once again, as soon as we were together, we were right back in the Hallmark movie. And we're like, no, we got this. We're going to do it. I think he seemed to feel a lot better once he was with me. And we had talked through it. And he was like, no, I think I just needed to be with you and whatever. So. And how did you feel after that? Were you like secure? Yeah, I felt fine. Like if he said he was good, then like he was good and let's do this. Yeah. Okay.

Because he and his family were eight hours further north from where my family was. We decided to get married in a city that was four hours in between. We split the difference. Between them. Oh, that's smart. That's so nice of you. And I mean, it makes it sound like all servicey of me. No, like the vendor I wanted was also in that city. So listen, we don't know one needs to know that. It doesn't matter. You went above and beyond.

You're still a mother to please everybody. Everybody is welcome. Okay, you're all welcome. So it ended up being convenient as well. And so we get married and it's wonderful. and I did finally get my ring late, late, late, the night before the wedding. We met up in the hope. Just in time.

Right? Yeah. Late that night before the day of the wedding, he brought me my ring. And I was, you know, a complete fiancé at that point, just in the nick of time. And so we get married and we go on our honeymoon. And it is oh, so sweet and adorable. and like mucky, mucky, super disgusting, cute honeymooners. Literal honeymoon, okay.

Yeah. And then the week after our honeymoon, we went on another vacation with my family. And so we did a lot of traveling back to back. Yeah. Because we had to get it in really fast because the semester was going to start. And we then had to get back up to where we were going to live and get our apartment all set up and start. and start living our lives. And it was, it was great. Everything was so wonderful. We're in our apartment. I started this semester as a full-time student. I was also working part-time at a restaurant.

And he was working part-time at a local grocery store and then part-time at that same restaurant. And so we got to see each other at work a lot. So you were together all the time. Like, it really is the most adorable, like disgusting thing ever. No, it is really sweet. I like that. Yeah. That's cute. We just could not spend enough time together. And so our first a couple months were amazing. I loved, this sounds so cliche, but like I loved playing house and having my person to come home to every day. Of course. That very... The fantasy. Yes, that thing that everyone wants, right? And that's kind of how it felt. Yes. And then a couple months into our marriage, I was in our spare bedroom going through some stuff in the closet, just, you know, because I don't know about y'all, but it takes.

It takes me a while to fully unpack my houses. Oh, yeah. We won't even talk about how long sometimes. But it does not take me that long to go through someone else's stuff, but it's fine. I was going to say, you're sleeping in the boxes. And so I'm going through some stuff in the closet, and I come across this box, and I've never seen it before. And it says, urgent, open immediately.

And I was like, this has been in the back of a closet for two months. And it's, like, sealed? Yeah, it hasn't been opened. What do you mean sealed? Like with bubble got? Like what do you mean? Sealed? Like with tape.

Like with tape. Like a moving box. And you know how you. And it's just nobody. Okay. No one's opened it. So what happened? What was in the box?

Yeah. So I opened this box and it is chuck full of papers and folders and all kinds of paperwork of debt. Of bills. Oh no. Of collections notices. Of anything financial that is. what you don't want is a whole box chuck full of it. In the back of the closet.

In the back of the closet. And he's not home as I'm going through it, but I'm getting deeper and deeper and deeper. And I start to realize these are current, like the accounts aren't current, but these are like currently delinquent. Like he, yeah. Oh my God.

And now you owe the money too because you're married. Right. It's now my thing, right? Because we're married. What's it for? Oh, it's for anything and everything. It's for cell phones. Like credit cards.

Yeah, credit card. Eating out. Shopping. Bills. Everything. He's just run up a lot of. Just everything. He's run amok, amok, amok.

Yes. Yes. A muck. Yeah, he had totally run a muck. He had so many different bills. And so I started to make a spreadsheet. So I could keep track of like all these different things and start organizing it because that's just how my brain works.

Yeah. Because you're probably like, okay, we need to nail this down. Right. Like, let's get on top of this. Like, I am really responsible. Were you mad at him? I wasn't mad, but it was like, I was scared. I think I was mostly scared.

Like, I don't blame you. What is this? What does it mean? Now what? And I grew up in a very financially stable household where it was very, very aggressively like pushed into our brains that you don't spend more than you make. That was my mentality is you, you do not let a bill go unpaid. You do not like if you have to get another job, if you've got, whatever you got to do,

you pay your bills. And so to find this whole box of unpaid bills was like terrifying. And I thought, well, he's hiding this. Yeah. And so when he got home, I was like, hey, David, come here, what is this? And he's like, oh, yeah, I totally forgot about that. Did you? And I was like... I'm sorry, boy. What? What? What? Oh, yeah, that. David. Oh, that old thing. Yeah. Well, and he wasn't mad that I found it. He wasn't upset. Well, of course, because now maybe he can get you to deal with it.

It wasn't, like, it was one of those things where I don't, I really, don't know that he was actively trying to hide it. I think the box got stuck in the back of the closet and he's just kind of clueless with this type of thing. Out of sight, out of mind. And yeah, exactly. And I don't like, because when I approached him about it, he wasn't like shameful or upset or anything like that. He was just like, oh yeah, that. Oh yeah. He was like, oh yeah. We probably need to take care of that. And I was like, can we talk about this? Why do you have this? What is going on. And we hadn't dug into his finances before getting married as much as we should have. And I did not ask questions that I should have. I still wonder if I don't know what I would ask,

but at 22, I certainly would not have known what questions to ask. Yeah. I'd like to introduce you to Sinisterhood, the comedy podcast about all things sinister. Join longtime comedians and best friends, Christy Wallace and Heather McKinney as they cover true crime, cults, cryptids, unsolved mysteries, and strange phenomena. Episodes have covered the real story behind HBO's new documentary, Last Stop, Laram. The Love Has One Colt and the Twin Flames Universe MLM group. Join Sinisterhood each Wednesday for episodes with plenty of research, lots of laughs, and legal insight from Heather, a licensed attorney.

Plus, catch all new, odd but true tales submitted by listeners every Friday with occasional guest stories from special friends like Jonathan Perez, best known for the viral TikTok account Latinos against spooky shit, 30 morbid minutes. That's why we drink. Creeps and crimes and more. Listen to Sinisterhood on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast. And now I'm sitting here with all of these bills and I'm thinking, well, that's why when I asked about his checking account and he didn't give me straight answers, that's why he didn't say anything because we have this box of bills. And I didn't push because I didn't want to rock the boat.

I didn't want to make him upset because when he got upset, he would run away. Yeah, he would say, I don't want to get married. He would run away. I don't want to. Yeah, like he would go and he'd get in his car and he'd go for a drive and he wouldn't talk it out. He's very avoidant. He's very avoidant. And I'm a talker.

Yeah, we need to talk it out. Hash out, drag out, whatever we got to do. and we'll talk through this. And he's not. He's avoided. So he'd get in his car and he'd drive away for a couple hours and then he'd come back and he would have been resolved. And so I... But without...

But I didn't get the resolution. Right. And so I didn't ask a lot of questions. And now all of those questions I didn't ask were making sense as to why when he said something and it didn't line up. This was why it wasn't lining up. Yeah. Things started to be much more clear to you, it seems. Yes. And so we're like, all right, let's spreadsheet this. Let's make a plan. And let's move forward because we're married. So my wagon's hitched to yours and we're just going to make this work and we've got to figure this out.

Yeah, we're a team. Exactly. And so life continued on. And then out of nowhere, he started to have chest pain again. And I don't remember the exact first instance. of this chest pain. But I remember thinking when it came up again and he was like, oh, I'm having chest pain again. I immediately thought, oh, no, it's that same thing from earlier this year. And he was very quick to say, no, no, no, no, totally different kind of chest pain. Because the one in January was in his lungs, he said this one felt different. And I thought, well, different how. and he said it felt like it was more like heart chest pains. And that freaked me out.

My brain started to go to the worst places ever. And I thought, no, not again. Sure. I thought that we dealt with this and we're done. But I was really mostly just worried about like his well-being and how do we fix this? How do we find answers? And so we went to doctors and tried to figure out what it was. and he eventually we were able to get a diagnosis

and it was one of those things where we went to the hospital over and over and over again because we just couldn't figure out what it was and so now we're racking up all of this medical on top of everything else. And no one can give you any answers, no one knows anything. They're doing all of the tests

and I would get so stressed and I didn't know what to do and his family once again was not present. Yeah. And so I would call my parents like, I don't know what to do. Can you help me? What advice do you have? And my dad was in the medical industry.

And so he gave some suggestions on different doctors that we could talk to or go to. And so that's how we ended up getting a diagnosis. Did you have, you know how colleges have like student health insurance? Yes. Or I guess you're under 26, so you were still, I don't know. No, but you're married. Yeah. So I don't.

I don't know how it works. I can't remember if I was still on my parents' insurance or if I was on the college insurance. I was insured and he was on his parents' insurance. Okay. I just didn't know if he was like racking up a ton of more debt. Yeah. And so we ended up getting into some of those specialists and got a diagnosis of mitralve prolapse, which is a condition with your heart.

The what? It's basically a little flap in one of your heart atrium's that doesn't close properly. And so it's a valve that doesn't close. So the pumping of your blood through your heart and atrium's, it doesn't do it how it's supposed to do it. And most of the time you don't even know it's there. But apparently in him it caused a lot of pain. I had even more questions once we found the diagnosis of the mitral valve prolapse

because that is not something that just like pops up out of nowhere. Or as McKenzie said, it just pops up willy-nilly in front of God and everybody. It's something that is just all willy-nilly. It's just all really nilly. It didn't make any sense to me how all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he would start having symptoms that were this extreme over something that was not like an injury or an infection or something that happens to you. And that was really confusing to me.

but my first front of my mind thought was always, what do I need to do to help him get healthy? What do I need to do to help make sure he's okay? And that is kind of my default in most of my relationships is making sure that the other person is okay, which obviously can be very great quality to have, but it can also be very unhealthy. It's easy to lose yourself when you're so worried about saving somebody else.

But it was shortly after that diagnosis that we learned that his parents actually had let his insurance lapse and didn't tell us. Oh, no. What? Yeah. So we had no insurance and he's. And they didn't tell him either? Yeah. So here we were early 20s.

He's already got debt. We now have multiple ER visits and specialists and all of this. Yeah. So I started adding to my spreadsheet. And at this point, you're probably working to pay off a lot of his debt. Yeah, it just kind of got to be a lot. And so we get that taken care of and kind of managed, I should say, because it's not something that necessarily can be like fixed,

but there's ways to manage it. And so once we got a diagnosis, we were like, okay, so this is, we can now make a plan. This is what we need to do. I thought, okay, this is one step closer to having a normal relationship. This is one step closer to having a normal marriage and a normal life. And we don't have to worry about adding on to my spreadsheet of people that we have to pay every single month. We can start to like, you know, start to take a crack at this debt and, and start to work towards our actual life together. And then we would go to. to dinner at his mom and stepdad's house pretty regularly on Sunday nights. I thought it was

important to be close to family and to involve family in our lives. And I wanted to build more support there, get to know them better. Also, maybe seeing them more often might have them mention things like, oh, by the way, we don't have insurance anymore. Like, it sounds like they're the type of person you might want to check in on. Yeah, maybe we can build our relationship up to that point. Yeah, so you don't have insurance anymore. Pass the potatoes. You know, right? Like, would have been nice. Yeah. So we sent a lot of time there. It was stressful for me to spend a lot of time with his family. His mom pushed for us to start having kids so fast and very aggressively. She was a pretty heavy smoker and she knew that he hated that

she smoked constantly. And so she would say things like, hey, if you two get pregnant and have a baby, I'll quit smoking. That's so manipulative. That's rude, but okay. So he was pushing to have a baby as well. So I don't know if he was influencing her

or if she was influencing him. Either way, he and his mom were both on the baby train. And I was very solidly on that platform of this train's not leaving. This one is. Not happening. No. Were you wanting to like, you were wanting to get the debt taking care of, right? Sure.

And finished school. I wanted to at least know him for a year. Like, I. Can I have some time with like to get to know this guy? Got it. And even when we were dating, we had talked about this. We'd talked about kids. We had very clearly said we wanted to wait a couple years.

We were still so young and I hadn't finished school. He was just starting school. And so it was one of those things where it was like a no-brainer. me that we would, you know, like, no, we're not even going to get a dog. You can have a fish. Like, you can have a fish. Oh, my God. You can get a plant. Right? A plastic one. Raise your plant. And have to. Yes. And so one night I came home and I was getting ready for bed. And I went to get my birth control out of the drawer and it was gone. Shut up. Are you serious? Yeah. It was gone.

And I mean, I'm not good at math and there's only two of us that live there. Like he stole your birth control. Get out of here. Yes. What? So he... That is abysmal. Yeah.

So he moved it, which I mean, in hopes that I wouldn't see it. So I immediately confronted him. And I was like, David, what the crap? Like, what are you doing? Where's my birth control? And he was like, what do you mean? And I was like, okay, seriously? And he was like, well, I mean, I hope that maybe if it wasn't in,

in the normal place you'd maybe just forget. Not everybody forgets about important things, David. Yeah, David. Just because you do doesn't mean that's also just very... He hid your birth control. I feel like that's a crime. I know, I was going to say, should we should look up, like, if there's any penalty for taking someone's healthcare and medicine?

I mean, I don't know if it's a crime, but I definitely think it's bordering non-emotional abuse. Yeah, 100%. Bordering? I mean... Very much so. Yeah, that's freaking awful. I made him show me where it was so that I could take it.

And he was like, well, I just, you know, I really want to have a baby. And, you know, and I just basically looked him right in the eye and I said, listen, you know that I practiced abstinence prior to getting married so I can go a real long time. Like there's other ways to not get pregnant. She said, I can go. Oh, my. That is not what I thought you were going to say. The look on your face right now.

You were like, bitch, try me. Try me. If you're going to keep the means of me protecting my body away from me, then I'm going to take my own means and protecting my body. If you don't want to have a baby, you do things in order to not have a baby. And if the only thing at your disposal is to not have sex, then that's what, yeah. That's what you do. This freaking guy. Yes. Yes. She said I practiced abstinence. I can go a long time. I love it. I love it. I mean, That's just how I felt. And it was also right around this time that he started to get some immense pain in the back of his head. He would get really bad headaches and there would be a lot of pressure in the back of his head. And so I was like, oh my gosh, are we having another medical thing about to happen? And then we know you don't have insurance still. And I'm trying to go to school and work and like all these things. I'm like on top of it. You want me to have a freaking baby? Yeah, that's a lot. the pain and pressure in the back of his head intensified and his symptoms intensified.

And he would start to have these episodes where he would basically just like lay in the fetal position on our floor. And he would pass out and quit breathing. And quit breathing. Yeah. For how long? Just temporarily, I'd have to shake him and get him to wake up and start breathing again. But again, he didn't have insurance.

He couldn't get cleared for insurance. And so we had gone to the ER and F times by this point that I kind of knew what they would do, you know, check his basic vitals and things like that. And so I had taught myself how to do that so we could save ourselves $1,500 and an ER entrance or admittance fee or whatever it's called. And so I would start to check his vitals. And it happened often enough. that I would sleep with my hand on him. You know how like moms like get attuned to like waking up?

Yeah, just to see if he's still breathing. And so I would sleep with my hand on him. And when he would quit breathing, I'd wake up. And I'd have to like get him to start breathing again. And then in the morning he'd be fine. And I'd go off to school or to work. And he'd be like, oh, I just can't do it today. And it just got to be a lot.

But he was still pushing that idea of like, I think we should have kids. I think we should have kids. And it was just absolutely blowing my mind that he wanted to even explore that at this time. I knew that I was overloaded. I knew I had too much going on. I knew he was sick. And I knew that in my gut, I felt like that was not what God wanted for us either. And so I told him, I feel like this is not what's next for us right now. We have to take care of us first before we can take care of another being of another human. And he did not. receive it well. He went upstairs and went in the bedroom and shut the door. And I remember I remember laying on the floor and I was laying on the back just staring at the ceiling. And I just kind of lost it. Like I was just sobbing and I was just laying there on the floor. Like I haven't ever even told this to anybody before. I just lost it. And I thought, how can I keep doing this? How can I keep going through this level of crazy? Like this is not the life that I signed up for.

This is not what like the life that I've lived. Like I was always the good girl. I did everything I was supposed to do. And this is not my happily ever after that I feel like you're promised. And he eventually came downstairs and he saw me laying on the floor. And he just put his coat on and he walked out the door and went for a drive. And he didn't ask if I was okay. Like nothing.

Like, blame you and make you feel like you're doing something wrong or disappointing. 100%. Yeah. I mean, at the time, I was hurt that he didn't even ask if I was okay. Because all I had been doing our entire relationship was making sure that he was okay. And he didn't ever even ask me. He never, like, what were you doing?

or he never asked anything ever. And yet somehow I brushed it off and was like, all right, well, let's get back to figuring out how to fix David. And I just moved forward. And there were lots of late night calls to my parents. Just crying. Just mom, I don't know what to do. Like we can't take him to the hospital. We don't have any money.

I don't know what's wrong. And it just got to be a lot. I was still doing classes full time, still working as much. as I could because he couldn't go to work all the time because of what he was going through. And so it just, it felt like everything was on me to just keep our lives running. And I'm the type of person that I am very good at getting into kind of survivor mode where I'm just like head down, get crap done, make it, make it go. And so I was surviving. I wasn't thriving, but I was surviving. And finally, my parents were like, we can't help you from here. Like, we've done

everything we can. We think you need to put a pause on your education and you all need to move down with us. And then that way, dad can help get you into the doctors here. And especially we weren't really getting support from his family, even though they were close. And so at the end of this semester. We packed everything up. Our landlord led us out of our lease early. I think he just felt for the situation. You know, like he... Yeah, like when a health thing comes up like that. It's... Yeah. And we moved eight hours south to where my parents lived and just moved in with them because we didn't have any money. And my dad was able to get him into a few different doctors, but we first went to a primary care physician that I had seen for years. He knew my family really well.

and we were able to get a diagnosis from there. It was a infection called mastoiditis. You have a bone in the back of your school called a mastoid, anditis is like an infection or inflamed. And so, and he also had a deviated septum and some like drainage issues in his sinuses. And it was apparently not draining right and getting stuck in his mastoid. And that was what was causing the problems.

And I don't know a ton about mastoiditis. That's not what my life specialty is in. Never heard of it before, so I don't blame you. But throughout all of this, we kept going back to that primary care physician. And he made a comment that really caught me and David off guard. He was like, hey, so I think that's great that we're finding all these answers. but I really think that David needs to go and see a psychiatrist. Why?

That all of these medical things that he's had, even just like that year, don't line up. That he thinks there's something else going on. Oh, yeah, I kind of forgot that this was all in the course of a year. So he's had three separate serious health scares in one year. Yeah. Just that he thought it was really odd for a young, man to be having all of these issues and to have them so in such short succession. He was basically

like, hey, I think you need to go and see a psychiatrist. My brain is going so fast right. I know. Keep going. There are so many things. The theories are flying. You guys, Hannah's face. Okay, so I want to hear. Is your brain hurting? Yes, I want to hear everybody else's theories too. This is where we're cutting for the week. There's so much. much more, you guys. Everybody tell us what you think, and I promise you, you'll be wrong. There's more than you think. Honestly, if someone, if someone guesses it, we should, well, I'll send them a T-shirt

because there's no way anyone can guess where the story is going. Yeah, it's, there's definitely some more turns. And like, I'm watching you guys, Hannah and I, like, video chat. She's in L.A. I'm in Tampa. And so we have the video chat when we do these and, like, her, I'm just watching. watching her face. And like it goes from like her eyes go up and then her eyes get all squinty. Like she is where it's it puts you in a place. I really do love her storytelling though. And I'm really grateful that she is sharing this because it's obviously a lot. And I can't wait for you guys to

hear more like to hear the rest of it. A privilege. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, the usual stuff guys. You got to go to our Instagram, Dated Detectives podcast. Also TikTok, also Facebook. And if you have any stories for us or anything you want to share. Our email is investigate at the dating detectivespodcast.com. That's a new email address, you guys. Now everything's plural and it makes more sense. So all the other times and all the other like 30 episodes or how many we said whatever the email was, but just note the email address is different now. Investigate at the dating detectivespodcast.com. It's in the show notes. Email us your story. Ooh, nice little jam.

Good singer. We really appreciate it when you guys share us on your socials and just share us with other people so that they can experience the dating detectives themselves. So thank you so very much. We are so grateful for you. And make sure if you want to sign up for the Patreon, it's only $5 a month. You get an extra two. You get an extra. You get two.

I always say two bonus extra episodes. That's like a lot. Two bonus. Goody extra. You get two bonus. episodes a month, just go to the dating detectivespodcast.com and you can subscribe to the Patreon. We love you guys. I listened to the latest one yesterday and it was you and Justin telling your love story and I swooned even though I had already been there. So you guys,

my husband was on one episode of the dating detectives and he thinks he's a freaking movie star. He's and it's not recorded like on video yet like yet we want to eventually. But he's like, I'm like Tom Cruise. Like he wants a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Like he's like, He thinks he's a freaking movie star now, and he's talking about who his stuntman would be if he was like a famous. And I'm like, you were literally on one podcast, like calm down. I will be his manager. I believe in him. I think he could do it.

I'm starting the Oscar campaign. He hasn't been in a movie, but it doesn't matter. So next week, you guys will hear part two. We're so excited to share it with you. And as always, trust your fun to the show. Bye.