The Debaters - 1817: Artificial Intelligence & Themed Accommodation

Episode Date: February 1, 2024

Courtney Gilmour and Hunter Collins chat a-bot the pros and cons of artificial intelligence. Then, you'll want to check-in for Laurie Elliott and Kristeen von Hagen's debate on themed accommodation.

Hi there, Steve Patterson here. You know, I travel a lot for work on my own, so when I can do a trip where I get to bring my wife Nancy and our daughters along, I jump at it. On a recent trip to Ottawa, we booked an Airbnb. It was a nice home in a nice neighborhood, and it even had room for our dog Ferris, which was also nice. And that made me think, hey, maybe our home in Toronto would be a nice place to stay for some nice people too, since it sits empty while we're away. And honestly, it would be great if our house started bringing in some extra cash to put towards the next trip. Because frankly, Ferris keeps screwing up in his job interviews. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. This is a CBC Podcast.

This podcast is an extended version of The Debaters, which may contain more mature themes. To stream the radio-friendly version of this episode, download the CBC Listen app or go to cbc.ca slash The Debaters. And thanks for listening to The CBC. Hey Canada, we're ready to get this party started from Ottawa, the city that's party to Canada's political parties. It's The Debaters! The Debaters, where comedians fight for facts and funny, and this audience picks the winner. Now here's a man who never comes late to the party. Steve... Patterson!

Hey! Thanks, Dan! Hello, Canada! Welcome back to The Debaters! We're back here in Ottawa, a city full of history. Though it might only be locals who know about the retro civic sign at the corner of Holland and Carling. Ah, the civic sign. It used to be a part of the civic pharmacy sign, but now it's part of the civic credit union sign. I see what they did there. Though I do think that Honda missed out on a prime opportunity for a new car dealership. Right?

The Honda Civic, come on! The sign has been a staple of the neighborhood since the 1950s, which means that in about ten years it could be selected for the Senate. Then it could truly and finally fulfill its civic duty. Oh, you groans are energy. Groan at me, Ottawa. Time to meet two debaters that we're glad have promised to be civil.

This comic thought that gin rummy was a drinking game. It's Toronto's Courtney Gilmore. Courtney Gilmore. One of our favorites, making her way to the podium to my left. Hi, Steve. And this comic thinks that falling off a bike is as easy as falling off a bike. It's Montreal's Hunter Collins.

Hunter, coming back. He's already angry. Ah! Hunter, he's entered angry as he usually does. One of our better villains. Nice to have you back. Good to be here in the world's most exciting city, Ottawa, Ontario. Yep.

This topic is an important one and it's a real thinker. Artificial intelligence. Should we be excited about it? Every so often we have a debate that people should really be debating. There's a very popular AI program out there called ChatGPT. You can ask it to write anything. So I asked it to write a short bio for Steve Patterson. This is what it came up with. Steve Patterson is a Canadian stand-up comedian, writer, and radio host known for his satire and observational comedy. Pretty good. He most recently served as the president and CEO of the Arizona Coyotes.

And was the state auditor of Mississippi from 1992 to 1996. His cricket career lasted for 22 years. And in addition to his football legacy, Patterson is also a qualified social worker. Man, how do I do it? Thanks, Jack GPT. Yeah. It's time now for a debate that will test your comedy intelligence, debaters. So, whereas it reduces human error, can perform tedious tasks,

and will lead to new and exciting inventions, be it resolved, we should all be excited for artificial intelligence. Courtney, you're arguing for this, please. You have two minutes. Starting now, Courtney Gilmore. Thank you, Steve. Ottawa, you are a people who value intelligence. In your city, your schools, your government.

And for that reason, I ask you to open your mind to AI, because I come to you as an ally, a human ally, and a robot ally. You see, a fun fact about me is I have a bionic robotic prosthetic leg. Fellas? So... I'm technically part machine, okay? And I come in peace. Without incredible AI technology, I would be walking on an upside-down umbrella with a sneaker attached right now. You want to know how cool

this robo-leg is? It anticipates the motion of my body and moves with it in perfect sync. I don't even think my real leg does that. It connects to Bluetooth. Hunter, does your leg connect to Bluetooth? Everyone thinks AI will take over the world, but I'm telling you there's nothing to be worried about. If we can peacefully coexist with sex toys and still be overpopulated, we're gonna be just fine. Thanks.

AI can help your love life. Did you know that there's an AI dating app that talks to potential love interests for you? Finally, a more efficient method of emotional distance. You match profiles and they auto-generate all of the idle chit-chat and small talk and pick-up lines for you. Sign me up and don't even stop there.

If I can get this thing to get lucky for me and send me a Google Doc summary of how inevitably disappointing it was, I'll still consider that a win. Thank you. Courtney Gilmore, everybody. Yeah. Courtney Gilmore says we should all be excited for artificial intelligence, and she obviously has a vested interest in it. Now, here to ask, hey, artificial intelligence, what have you done for me, sign you lately? Let's hear from Montreal's Hunter Collins! Yeah! Ha ha ha! The advance

of science and technology has not been matched by a corresponding advance in human wisdom. Know who said that? Little mentor of mine called the Unabomber. Yeah. Unabomber didn't just regular bomb stuff, okay?

He had a few truth bombs up his stinky hermit sleeve, too. AI steals jobs from us oxygen sniffers. Without purpose, mankind atrophies. You take serving coffee away from baristas. How will they afford the worst colors of hair dye imaginable? Without cartoon animators, who will hide genitals in the background of the new Little Mermaid movie for me? Without customer service agents,

who will we scream at to create the illusion we have control of our worthless lives? A robot? I don't feel big if the thing I'm screaming at can't cry. Why? Oh, AI can write more gooder than us? Well, newsflash, I wrote this without even using spellchook. Oh, AI can learn my deepest carnal desires and upload that information to a highly realistic sex robot?

Where do I buy a bunch of AI? AI is killing art, putting painters, musicians out of work. Do you want to read the complete works of Shakespeare or Glorktron 5000? 201 or not 21101-1101? That is the silicon encryption source code. Human error is a gift that opens your world to new possibilities. I love when they bungle my order at Tim Hortons. Otherwise, I'd never know how much I enjoy

Chipotle bacon decaf sour cream glazed Farmer Raphs. Bottom line, the only AI I'm in favor of is automaton annihilation. Spell-chook that, megabyte breath. Hunter Collins! Yeah! Hunter Collins is anti-AI, and he's won over this crowd, despite themselves, I think. Thank you, Hunter Collins.

You're welcome. It's time now for the Bare Knuckle Round. We're debating whether we should be excited for artificial intelligence, so let's get into an algorithm and keep your AI on the prize. If you have trouble, then just deep fake it till you make it to show the audience what you're all about. It's causing them physical pain. This is my favorite. Try not to be the one who chat the bed on this.

Or we might get bandwidth from any future programming. Time to boot up now. Yo, let's call artificial intelligence what it is. Fake smarts. And I don't like things that are fake. Fake flowers, Steve's chipper attitude. And Courtney's fake leg that uses AI technology. It's all souped up.

If she was Italian, there'd be lights under the thing. For the record, the lights are for date number three. Come on! Whoo! Whoo! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, old Hunter here is sour because he's got chronic CPK,

cabbage patch knees, and everyone here knows it. He never outgrew his baby legs, and that's why he doesn't qualify for a cool bot like mine. and everyone here knows it. He never outgrew his baby legs, and that's why he doesn't qualify for a cool bot like mine. But wait till he finds out that my software upgrade comes with a beer tab.

Not so lame now, eh, hunty? Ha ha! Take it easy there, Blade Run-On Sentence. We don't need artificial intelligence. We need real people with real intelligence. We're living through not only an erosion of the middle class, but a correlating text-caused erosion of the median intellect. You got the people who make the iPhones

and the people who can't tell the difference between land and water on a map. You show a kid a globe, he points at the Pacific Ocean and goes, is that cheese? Ottawa, don't you remember Astar from the war amps? The guy, the little robot from Planet Danger? He could put his arm back on. AI is part of our Canadian heritage.

All right. That's the bare knuckle round, everybody. It is time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on artificial intelligence brought to you by Old MacDonald's Future Farm, AI, AIO. Three points. Three points.

Three points. How does American Senator Bernie Sanders believe we can benefit from artificial intelligence? Courtney? Sorry, hold on. Hey, Siri, how does American Senator Bernie Sanders believe we can benefit from our official intelligence?

Did Siri come up with anything? She's buffering. Hunter? I don't really value the opinion of senators who lose. Like, I'm not taking tips on how to run a power play for Ottawa's hockey team either. Oh, no. You guys did great winning those cups back before the continent separated.

All right. We may be off topic. This is a multi-level debate at this point. How does American Senator Bernie Sanders believe we can benefit from AI by reducing the work week? In a 2023 Time magazine article, Elon Musk said his overriding mission is to assure that AI is developed in a way that helps guarantee what? Oh. Hunter Collins.

Help guarantee that his children will keep being named after computer viruses? I'm Glitch Protocol. This is my sister Worm Factory 17. I'll give three points for that. Yes! Courtney? Help guarantee Roombas that clean up your mess, but emotionally. Emotional Roombas, I would take that. Elon Musk said his overriding mission to assure that AI is developed in a way that helps guarantee that human consciousness endures. Ooh. Hmm.

But also except it makes the site formerly known as Twitter profitable again. According to the American Film Institute's list of top 100 villains, which AI character is listed as the 13th greatest movie villain ever? Courtney. E.T. That's a good answer.

Hunter Collins. I don't know the guy's name, but that little robot guy from the movie WALL-E. I think I got it. I think his name's Wally. That's incorrect. The actual answer is Hal 9000 from 2001 Space Odyssey. And that's the firing line, everybody. It's just about time for our scintillating Centrepoint audience to vote.

But first, here to tell us why the use of AI will be society's true brain drain, let's hear again from our favourite human debater named Hunter. Hunter Collins! Yeah! Yeah! Imagine a bleak society where emotionality is crushed and droning humanoids control our country's fate. That world is present-day Ottawa. If AI runs amok, the whole world will become as dreary

as this soulless, glorified Hamlet. And for those of you groaning, please, y'all had a tornado warning a while back that said, stay inside after 6 p.m., and you were all like, yeah, we do that anyways. Science fiction tried to warn us. Okay, Space Odyssey showed us how sentient AI could turn on us, just like iRobot showed us a dystopian world or hyper-smart androids go rogue,

just like Ghost Rider 2 Spirit of Vengeance showed us a world where Nicolas Cage sucks. For Christ's Pete, it's called Terminator Rise of the Machines, not Terminator Rise of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Unplug it all before it's the Fitbits who are wearing us. Hunter Collins with a passionate argument against AI. And you can only call Ottawa a soulless, glorified Hamlet to their face. passionate argument against AI. And you can only call Ottawa soulless glorified Hamlet to their face.

The only city you can do that and get applause. Thank you Hunter. Now, here to tell us why she thinks that artificial intelligence is the real deal, let's hear again from the one and only Courtney Gilmore. To everyone who says that AI is just going to make us lazy and unmotivated, yeah. Good.

Isn't that the most ideal state of being? Why are we acting like our quarantine self wasn't our best self? Yeah. I aspire to peak laziness. Do you guys ever add an extra 10 seconds to the microwave just so that you can get the bowl to rotate closer to you? Those are my people. I do.

I do. If the mac and cheese ends up on the other side, once the timer's up, oh, hell no, we're giving her another spin. If it ends up on the other side twice, Uber Eats. And that's me being lazy even with the help of AI. Anyway, I forgot to charge my leg, so Hunter's going to have to piggyback me the hell out of here.

So thank you. Courtney Gilmore, keeping it real. We'll have a quick vote because she needs a ride out of here. All right, audience, after listening to her each and every sentience, how many of you agree with Courtney that AI should not give us android rage? Courtney Gilmore. A lot of support. A lot of support for Courtney.

Oh, she's showing some artificial legs. Okay. That might put her over the top. And who agreed with Hunter that if artificial intelligence was a movie, it would be the imitation game while we'd just all be dumb and dumber? Hunter Collins! Hunter Collins is going to show off the real hair. It's pretty close, but I have to give this one to Courtney Gilmore.

Let's embrace AI. Big hand for Courtney Gilmore and Hunter Collins, everybody. He's carrying her off stage. You're listening to The Debaters on CBC Radio 1. Want to be a part of the debating action? For upcoming tour dates, visit cbc.ca slash the debaters. Hi there, listeners.

Steve Patterson here. You know, I get asked to emcee weddings a lot, and I'm happy to do it for close friends and family, especially when the wedding is somewhere fun, like, say, Reykjavik, Iceland. So my family and I booked an Airbnb in Reykjavik for a week, and it was awesome. There was plenty of room for all of us, and we met lots of locals in the neighborhood. And that made me think about how much our home would be appreciated by fellow travelers as an Airbnb, too,

since usually it just sits empty while we're away. It's in a great Toronto neighborhood full of restaurants, shops, and friendly people. It has room for a group of four to all have their own rooms. And honestly, we'd appreciate the house earning a bit of income to help with our next trip. Intrigued? Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. And speaking of hosting, that couple I emceed the wedding for? Still married. That's how good I am. Though I guess I can't take all the credit for that. Anyway, let's get to this week's show. My name is Graham Isidore. I have a progressive eye disease called keratoconus.

And being I'm losing my vision has been hard, but explaining it to other people has been harder. Lately, I've been trying to talk about it. Short-sighted is an attempt to explain what vision loss feels like by exploring how it sounds. By sharing my story, we get into all the things you don't see about hidden disabilities. Short Sighted, from CBC's Personally, available now. Are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters? This comic is alarmed at the thought of getting up at dawn. It's Christine Von Hagen.

Christine, one of our favorites. Welcome back. Christine striding across the stage confidently, taking her place to my right. And this comic treats dessert as an afterthought. It's Toronto's Laurie Elliott. Laurie Elliott. Another one of our favorites.

All right, debaters. Your topic is one that themes like fun. Themed accommodations. Are they the best? We're talking about hotels and resorts that have a theme, like Disneyland. As a comedian who has toured across Canada for over two decades now, I've stayed at a lot of hotels, and I always forget at least a couple items. So instead of getting frustrated with my forgetfulness now, I like to think I've created a unique themed accommodation

for the next hotel guest. For instance, some lucky person in Calgary recently got to enjoy an only worn once Steve Patterson t-shirt. Another lucky hotel goer in Vancouver got an expensive water bottle that I promised my wife I wouldn't lose. And someone in Halifax recently became the proud owner of one very expensive compression sock.

Time now for a debate you won't forget. So, whereas they offer accommodation with unique designs, exciting motifs, and unforgettable experiences, be it resolved, there's no better place to stay than at a themed accommodation. Lori, you're arguing for this. You have two minutes.

Starting now, Lori Elliott. Thank you. Thank you. Some kids want to grow up and be astronauts or zookeepers or the president. I wanted to be an old woman who lived in a shoe. Well, spoiler alert. Unlike adult fiction, children's fiction is all lies.

So maybe I can't live in a shoe yet, but what I can do is stay in a shoe-themed hotel. I can sleep inside a giant sock, order some shoe-themed room service like spaghetti laces and sweat sauce. Mmm! Maybe get stretched by a handsome cobbler once in a while. And this may come as a shock to you,

but I'm a weirdo. And themed hotels are made by weirdos for weirdos who literally dream of going to a whale of a hotel so that they can sleep inside Moby Dick's stomach for just one night. Uh, what does it smell like? What color is the bile? And if I can sleep in Moby Dick's stomach, can I upgrade to sleep in Moby's dead?

Did I mention I'm weird? Anyway, this is for all the kids like me who grew up thinking outside the box while sleeping inside the box the dishwasher came in. I'm just trying to say the road to happiness is paved with themed hotels somehow. Where you go to dream should have a theme. Say it with me.

Where you go to dream should have a theme. Thanks. Lori Elliott getting the crowd riled up here in Ottawa. And for the rest of you in the rest of the country, yes, that is as together as Ottawa can get. Here to tell us that anyone who thinks that themed accommodations are fantastic is living in a fantasy world themselves,

let's hear from Christine Von Hagen. I live in Las Vegas, the home of the themed hotel, and they are a waste of time and money. We have the Paris. It's just like France. The service is bad and everyone's rude. Treasure Island, nothing like a pirate theme to tell you they're going to steal your money up front. Caesar's Palace, actually fairly similar to ancient Rome. Lots of people vomiting after they excessively drink and eat too much. And when you go to the Colosseum, instead of seeing gladiators fight to the death, you see Adele for a thousand dollars. When I went to Memphis, I stayed at an Elvis-themed motel. It was easy to find. It was just down at the end of Lonely Street. Literally the heartbreak hotel. Every TV's been shot out, Quaaludes for breakfast.

The restaurant only serves peanut butter, banana, and bacon sandwiches. And no toilets in the room for your safety. Theme hotels are always lame and they share the same theme, disappointment. Christine Von Hagen is against the idea of themed hotels. It's time now for the bare knuckle round. We're debating whether themed accommodations are the best places to stay. So bell hop to it and lobby the audience for laughs with your best available rate of joke delivery. These are all hotel terms in case that's not. I'm using these themed accommodation puns

as a last resort in hopes that I do not disturb the audience. It's time to check in now. At this point, anything can be a themed hotel. Why not have, like, a debater's hotel? Yeah! Yeah! That would be amazing. We could sleep on a podium.

Lori, this is why themed hotels don't work. What's that? Sorry. I was asleep on my podium. For someone who hates themed hotels so much, you sure have stayed at a lot of themed hotels, Christine. Aren't you going to a wedding in the Animal Kingdom Hotel that went in Florida with all the giraffes and the gazelles? Yeah.

That's pretty cool. It's not cool, Lori. They sell this hotel as Step Into the Heart of Africa. It's like, hopefully not with the corrupt wannabe dictator. That's the rest of Florida. Hey, that's a good place to stop us. That's the Bare Knvil round, everybody. It's time now for the firing line.

In my hand, I have a list of questions on the topic of themed hotels brought to you by the hotel chain you can only stay at on long weekends, the Stat Holiday Inn. In spring 2023, Disney World announced its large Star Wars-themed hotel would close just a year after opening.

What was the main reason for its closure? Lori. People kept falling into the trash compactor and getting eaten by a giant garbage worm. That's two and a half points for that answer. Christine Von Hagen? Big Star Wars fans were uncomfortable at the thought of not sleeping in their mom's basement.

That's good, too. All right. Audience likes that one, too. The main reason that the Disney Star Wars themed hotel closed was low bookings due to high cost. The most premium experience cost $20,000. And people found their lack of value disturbing. In Alberta, the Fantasyland Hotel in the West Edmonton Mall offers rooms with themes such as pirate, space, and luxury what?

Lori? Oil drum? I hope. It's incorrect, but not that far from the truth. The luxury truck. Mmm, luxury truck. Luxury truck. The Arlington Hotel in Paris, Ontario, offers rooms themed around authors such as Lewis Carroll, Jane Austen, and who else? Christine.

Stephen King. Here's an insider tip. Avoid the misery room. Your ankles will thank me in the morning. Two points. Lori Elliott? No, it's Dr. Seuss, as a matter of fact. In the restaurant, if you eat a dozen green eggs,

they give you a ham. You get two and a half points because the answer is the Dr. Seuss room. Right answer. Dr. Seuss room. I do not like this room too much. There are some stains I dare not touch. That's the firing line, everybody.

It is just about that magical time when our Ottawa audience votes. But first, here again to tell us that anyone who thinks a themed accommodation booking will end well needs a reality check-in. Let's hear again from Christine Von Hagen. I have stayed at so many themed hotels, but there are so many more of them. There's a hotel in a cave, and the website asks, is it a cave or a hotel?

If you have to ask, it's a cave. There's the Ice Hotel, a hotel in an old prison, a hotel in the trees, a hotel in a school, a hotel decorated like Christmas all year. These are the hotels that attract people like Lori. And that alone is a reason

not to stay there. You know where I want to stay? I have a theme. It's just called hotel. Free parking, free Wi-Fi, good service, a coffee maker that works, no bed bugs, a pool that's open. That's the theme Thank you Christine Von Hagen Good points She has the full support of at least one audience member

Now here to give us the valet of the land on how a themed accommodation is a five star sweet deal Let's hear again for our own five-star debater, Lori Elliott. Whoo! If you want to increase tourism in your small town,

you should get a themed hotel, because they're the destination and the attraction all in one. For example, and I'm not making this up, there is a city in Michigan named Hell. Google it. It exists, right? It's 100% real. It's begging for a themed hotel.

Looking for a nice place to stay? Go to Hell. See? It sells itself. You got steaming hot rooms. Your bed of rusty nails has no sheets. It sells itself! You got steaming hot rooms. Your bed of rusty nails has no sheets. Two and a half men is playing on a loop.

Just like hell. But then bing-bong-ding-dong, all of a sudden, your town is flowing with red hot cash. So if you're happy staying in a cookie cutter hotel, fine. But if you're into theme hotels, then I'll see you in hell. Hell yeah. Laurie Elliott. Yeah.

Bringing it all around. All right, Ottawa, it is up to you. By applause, how many of you now daydream and scheme to deem yourselves a member of Laurie's Supreme and Extreme Theme Team for Lori Elliott. The theme does not work. Thank you. Okay. Okay.

And who agrees with Christine that the very thought of themed accommodation comes with way too much baggage? Christine Von Hagen. Close. Very close. The results are inconclusive. We have a tie. It's a tie. Lori Elliott and Christine Von Hagen, everybody.

Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying, if wherever you're staying right now has a theme, I hope it's a happy one. I'll argue with you again soon. Canada, good night! The Debaters is created by Richard Side. This week's episode was produced by Nicole Callender, Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark.

With continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis, and Gary Jones. Technical production by James Perella and Conrad Hijazi. Story editing by Gary Jones. Technical production by James Perella and Conrad Hijazi. Story editing by Gary Jones. With special thanks to Katie Ellen Humphries and David Pride. Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy

is Lee Pitts. And thanks to everyone at the Meridian Theatres in Ottawa. For more CBC Podcasts, go to cbc.ca slash podcasts.