The Debaters - 1819: Hiking vs. Gondola & Don't Break Up with Friends

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

Gavin Clarkson and Abdul Aziz peak the audience’s interest when they discuss if hiking is superior to riding a gondola. Then, is it okay to break up with a friend? Maddy Kelly and Yumi Nagashima go their separate ways on this topic.

Hi there, Steve Patterson here. You know, I travel a lot for work on my own, so when I can do a trip where I get to bring my wife Nancy and our daughters along, I jump at it. On a recent trip to Ottawa, we booked an Airbnb. It was a nice home in a nice neighborhood, and it even had room for our dog Ferris, which was also nice. And that made me think, hey, maybe our home in Toronto would be a nice place to stay for some nice people too, since it sits empty while we're away. And honestly, it would be great if our house started bringing in some extra cash to put towards the next trip. Because frankly, Ferris keeps screwing up in his job interviews. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. This is a CBC Podcast.

This podcast is an extended version of The Debaters, which may contain more mature themes. To stream the radio-friendly version of this episode, download the CBC Listen app or go to cbc.ca slash The Debaters. And thanks for listening to The CBC. Hey Canada, we don't want to keep you in suspense. From the home of the Lynn Valley Suspension Bridge in Vancouver, BC, it's The Debaters! The Debaters, where comedians fight with facts and funny, and this audience picks the winner. Now here's a man who never burns his bridges, Steve Patterson. Hey, thank you, Dan Clark. Hello, Canada.

And welcome back to The Debaters. Always so nice to be back here in Vancouver, a place that's always trucking along. Speaking of trucks, in 2023, there were no less than 13 incidents of the tops of large trucks smashing into highway overpasses because the drivers hadn't properly lowered the cargo portion of their vehicles. Thankfully, no one has been hurt in these accidents, except, of course, for the overpasses. But I guess that's understandable. Fun fact, your groans are energy to me, you know that. Fun fact, when a truck crashes into an overpass, the fine for the truck driver is $575,

which might sound expensive until you remember how much it costs to fill one of those trucks with gas. So really, smashing through the overpass is cheaper than driving around. Now, are you ready to meet a couple debaters whose jokes we hope don't pass over your heads? Let's do it! This comic half expects to win every 50-50 draw he enters. Let's welcome the Yukon's Gavin Clarkson. Gavin Clarkson trekking in. He looks like he just came on a long journey.

He's got a back hat, an adventurer hat. And this comic thinks bird watching is better for the birds. Let's welcome Vancouver's Abdul Aziz. Abdul Aziz, there he is, looking smart, tie, vest, jacket. Hello, Abdul. Hello. Your topic, gents, is perfect for Vancouver as we are in the shadow of Grouse Mountain. Hiking versus taking a gondola.

Which is superior? I personally can't tell you which method is better, but I do need some clarification. I've always known gondola as the boat in Venice. So my question is, why are you riding an Italian boat up a mountain? And then I realized it rains a lot

in Vancouver. I just didn't know it rained that much. Although I'm sure one day it will. Anyway, not a lot of laughter as that one was a little too real. It's time for me to take a hike and let these fine debaters take this topic to new heights. So, whereas it provides you with fresh air, exercise, and quality time with Mother Nature, be it resolved, when it comes to exploring a mountain, hiking is superior to

riding a gondola. Gavin, you are arguing for this, please. You have two minutes. Starting now, Gavin Clarkson. Imagine going to a ski resort, spending the day shredding down the mountain trails with the wind in your hair and the feet on the slopes. Now imagine being stuck on the chairlift and thinking to yourself, you know what? This is my favorite part. I wish there was an activity where I could do just this and spend $80 for the privilege. Gondolas are just that. A chairlift you pay good money to ride once. They're boring things for boring people. For people where a trip to the mall is a little adventure.

Where pumpkin counts as a spice. And where the steam clock counts as a great tourist attraction. Hiking actually is an adventure. You control your own destiny with no strings or cables attached, where you can really experience wildlife and even encounter it directly. What's a better story? I almost saw a bear from inside a gondola. Or I almost saw the inside of a bear.

Not to mention the price. You can spend $100 on some boots and spend years enjoying mountains of fresh air. Or you can spend $100 on a gondola ticket and spend 20 minutes breathing the inside of everyone else's mouth. And finally, hiking is such a classically British Columbian experience. We specialize in home price hikes, gas price hikes, and food price hikes. So do what every politician tells us to do when we complain about those things.

Take a hike. Thank you. Yeah! Gavin Clarkson, on behalf of hiking. Gavin is fully decked out in hiking gear with a heavy bag on his back, and we're going to try to draw this debate out and see if he falls.

Now, here to tell us why, when it comes to gondolas, he gets carried away, let's welcome Abdul Aziz! Abdul Aziz! Mother Nature is a cruel and vengeful tyrant. As a species, we have dedicated every single technological, scientific, and cultural advance to protecting ourselves from her wrath. Despair not, fellow mortals, for there is still hope.

Rejoice, for we have arrived at the pinnacle of the human endeavor, the golden age of the gondola. It literally lifts humanity out of the mire and into the sky, realm of the gods and birds. From the comfort and safety of a climate-controlled cube, you too can enjoy all that nature has to offer without being murdered by it. Unlike the ill-fated Icarus, you will travel into the sky not on wings of wax,

but on tensile cables forged of human ingenuity and perseverance. And also steel. So sensuously perfect is the gondola that everything in creation shares its design. For what is earth if not a gondola for man? Who is in turn a gondola for the pizza he eats? And what is pizza if not a gondola for cheese and sauce? To forsake the gondola by hiking is to share in the hubris of Daedalus and DiCaprio. Dooming your sons and daughters to the fate

of all those exposed to the wilderness. Death. It is in humanity's nature to protect against the ravages of the hike. Spurn the gondola and you might as well throw away penicillin analgesics, antiseptics, modern agrarian practices, and the gondola.

Thank you, Steve, and thank you, gondola. Abdul Aziz. And it's time now for the Bare Knuckle Round. We're debating hiking versus taking a gondola. So let's trail mix it up until the audience laughs so hard they get stomach crampons. I'll be the one gondoling out the points. So I hope you're inclined to pique this audience's interest and not go at a glacial pace. To sum it up...

it's time to mount your arguments now. Kevin, your issue seems to be with the price of the gondola, which is not a problem with the gondola itself, but with late-stage capitalism. Saying you don't like the gondola because it costs $80 is the same as saying that you don't like shelter because rent prices are high. There is nothing that fights against late-stage capitalism like disappearing into the woods.

Call me old-fashioned, but I think that climbing a mountain should be a very physical process, something that is earned through effort and sweat and your own gusto. It's my opinion that when you are mounting a summit, you shouldn't have to rely on a machine to bring you to the climax. Thanks. Gavin, you're right.

You are old-fashioned. And also, going on a hike is a great way to get to know somebody. If you want to meet over cocktails, that's fine, but that's not the real you. I don't want to know you after too many bellinis. I want to know you after not enough water. Kevin, I'm not sure what your experience of dating is. Okay. All right. That's probably a good place to stop. That's the bear all around.

It is time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on gondolas versus hiking, brought to you by The View. Scenery or daytime talk show? Either way, when you see it, you'll think, whoopee! The Squamish Adventure Inn offers an option called hike and ride.

Hike up the trail and then ride the gondola down. Besides saving money, what's the main benefit of the hike and ride? Gavin? Really efficiently doing the worst part of both things. Abdul? It gives Australian hikers more chances to steal your girlfriend.

It's not what I have here, but it's a good answer. Besides saving money, it's easier on your knees. Are we still talking about hiking? Yeah, I don't even know anymore. Put that Australian guy in the same spot. In August 2023, two newlyweds rode the Banff gondola to take their wedding photos at the top of Sulphur Mountain. The next day, their story made the news. Why?

Abdul. Their wedding pictures set the record for the most number of Australians in the background. Stealing people's girlfriends! Okay, all right. That's enough about the Australians for now. Gavin? It was newsworthy that someone was celebrating

their wedding vows on Sulphur Mountain. Was Satan's peak too crowded? I am genuinely entertained by how angry you are about this. The next day the newlyweds' story made the news because a power outage disabled the gondola, stranding them at the top of the mountain, and they had to sleep in their wedding clothes on the floor of a building. And that newlywed couple? Prince Harry and Meghan. Hikingdude.com says that if you get lost while hiking,

you should follow the acronym STOP. S-T-O-P. What does S-T-O-P stand for? Gavin? So tired of paying for gondolas. Close. Abdul? Stop stealing my girlfriend,

Australian guys. Abdul's having his own inner debate right now. Hikingdude.com says that STOP, S-T-O-P, stands for Stop, Think, Observe, and Plan. There you go. Or for jazz enthusiasts, say, there's Oscar Peterson. That's the firing line, everybody. Well, just about time for our fabulous

Centennial Theatre audience to vote, but first, again, here to tell us why he has always gone gaga for gondolas, let's hear again from Abdul Aziz. Abdul Aziz. Mother nature will betray you. She will freeze you to death in the winter and burn you alive in the summer. If my words haven't convinced you,

look into your hearts, gondolas of your life's blood. And if that doesn't work, look into my hands, gondolas of my arms, where I hold two passes. One for a disgusting hike. And the other granting you unfettered access to the sea-to-sky gondola for one year. A $200 value. Whichever side wins, I will throw that one into the audience. Let your wallets, gondolas of your money, decide. Abdul Aziz with a very interesting closing argument.

Not just bordering on, but crossing the line and fully going into bribery. Thank you, Abdul. Now, here to walk us through why we should all jump into hiking with both feet, let's hear again from Gavin Clarkson. Do not be swayed by petty gifts, North Vancouver. Markson. Do not be swayed by petty gifts, North Vancouver. This is North Van. This is the hikiest place in the world. Can you imagine what would happen

if you went this week to your yoga group and said that you accepted a gondola bribe from a man wearing that much tweed? You would be run out of the city! The more nature is commodified and packaged for sale, the less it is appreciated. The more convenient something is made, the more it is taken for granted.

Hiking is an inexpensive way to enjoy our beautiful wilderness, free from the shackles of steel cables or gift shops or parking lots. And gondolas aren't without risk already. The sea-to-sky gondola has collapsed not once, but twice due to vandalism after hours. Thankfully, no one was hurt, but they may as well now call it the sea-to-ground gondola. And they still have the audacity to charge so much for tickets. Ticket prices never got cut, just their cable. And what did it take to defeat this mega structure of steel, this marvel of modern engineering?

One hiker. When it came to gondolas versus hikers, we are two for two, baby. And with the help of the audience tonight, we can make it three for three. Thank you. Gavin Clarkson, on behalf of hikers everywhere, versus Abdulaziz and the gondolas,

and it is up to the audience to decide, by applause, who felt that Gavin's hiking harangue, talk the talk and walk the walk, Gavin Clarkson. Gavin Clarkson, a lot of support for Gavin here. You can feel it through your radios, I'm sure. And who felt lovingly lifted up by Abdul's gondola gab, Abdul Aziz. It's very close.

It is very close. And you know, there's no rule that says I can't do this, so I'm doing it. We have a tie! It is inconclusive! Big hand for Abdulaziz and Gavin Clarkson, everybody! You're listening to The Debaters on CBC Radio 1. Want to be a part of the debating action?

For upcoming tour dates, visit cbc.ca slash the debaters. Hi there, Steve Patterson here. You know, I travel a lot for work on my own, so when I can do a trip where I get to bring my wife Nancy and our daughters along, I jump at it. On a recent trip to Ottawa, we booked an Airbnb. It was a nice home in a nice neighborhood, and it even had room for our dog, Ferris, which was also nice. And that made me think, hey, maybe our home in Toronto would be a nice place to stay for some nice people, too, since it sits empty while we're away. And honestly, it would be great if our house started bringing in some extra cash to put towards the next trip. Because frankly, Ferris keeps screwing up in his job interviews.

Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. Hey there, I'm Kathleen Goldtar and I have a confession to make. I am a true crime fanatic. I devour books and films and most of all, true crime podcasts. But sometimes I just want to know more. I want to go deeper. And that's where my podcast Crime Story comes in.

Every week I go behind the scenes with the creators of the best in true crime. I chat with the host of Scamanda, Teacher's Pet, Bone Valley, the list goes on. For the insider scoop, find Crime Story in your podcast app. Hey, North Van, are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters?

That sounds like you're ready to meet, Canada. This comic thinks that covering a cut is just a band-aid solution. It's Vancouver's Maddie Kelly. Let's welcome back Maddie. There's Maddie striding confidently across the stage. Hi Steve. Podium to my right. Hi Maddie, striding confidently across the stage. Hi Steve! Podium to my right. Hi Maddie, welcome back. And this comic got fired from her Canada Post job because she failed to deliver. It's Vancouver's Yumi Nakashima! Yumi, welcome back Yumi!

Thank you. Thanks for being back. Here we go, your topic is one that will keep you in the friend zone. Friends, is it okay to break up with them? This is a fairly new concept, where instead of losing touch, naturally, you actively break off a friendship in a mindful way.

Some people say that their spouse is their best friend, and I don't know if that can ever actually be true. I love my wife Nancy a lot, but there are certain things I can say to my best friend Ted that I cannot say to her. Like the time in grade four I said said, hey, Ted, want to see who can pee in the urinal from furthest away? That was last week. Now it's time for a debate that I hope stays friendly.

So, whereas friendships provide powerful bonds, are an investment of time and energy, and are ultimately worth fighting for be it resolved it's not okay to break up with your friends maddie you arguing for this please you have two minutes starting now maddie kelly listen of course i have friends i want to break up with. You think I'm going on all these brunches and replying to all these Instagram stories for fun?

I'm doing it for all of us. If we break up with our annoying friends, who will be friends with them? You think these people are making new friends? You know them very well, and you don't want to be friends with them. People without friends clog up customer service lines. They go to the doctor way too much.

They're the people that talk forever after a film when there's a question and answer period, and then the person's like, what's the question? They're like, oh, let me re-say it, and then keep talking. Being friends with people you don't like is like paying your taxes. Nobody loves it, but it's part of doing your part as a functioning member of society.

You don't have to be best friends with them. Distance. See them once a year and not once a month. But don't cut them out completely. Move if you have to. I moved across the country. And if you're listening to this at home and you're wondering if you're a Vancouver friend

that I moved to get away with, the very fact that you're self-aware enough to worry means you're fine. Plus, if you keep an annoying friend in your life, you are rewarded. You have someone to talk about with your other friends. Thank you. Maddie Kelly says it's not okay to break up with friends.

Thank you, Maddie. Now, using this very debate to tell her friend Maddie that she's never speaking to her again, let's hear from Yumi Nagashima! When I hear someone say, it's not okay to break up with a friend, I picture a scene from a cliché coming-of-age movie. Drunk college girls skinny dipping in a lake saying, Best friends forever!

Sure, it's erotic. But not realistic. As time passes, some people stick together and some go different ways. It's called evolution. What if the first fish to evolve and walk on the land had never left her friends behind. If that happened, today we will be debating underwater. underwater Sometimes in life you open a window Sometimes you close the door especially in the bathroom笑い声 with one of my friends anymore because I just realized that I didn't like her.

It was so empowering. It's like when you eat a slice of pizza, you eat all the cheesy parts and leave the crust. Simply because it's dry. And it's boring. And it's judgmental. And it's always just a bit too flirty with your boyfriend. Go to hell, Fumiko.

Go to hell. Thank you. Yumi Nagashima. Yeah. If you've just tuned in, this debate is about friends. And we're going to move on now to the bare-knuckle round.

We're debating if it's okay to break up with friends. So time to rift on some ideas and produce some side-splitting-up jokes. If you feel like you're casting a pal over this audience... There it is. Took him a bit. It's time to look into your soul, mates. Someone please begin this debate now. Now! Marie, you are recommending to see your friend once a year. I'm pretty sure it's called something like an acquaintance.

Why? I see Santa Claus once a year. I consider him a lot more than an acquaintance. That's true. I see my mother once in a year, and I wouldn't call her an acquaintance. I call her nemesis. Ultimately, my question is, what does it cost you to keep a friend? A birthday text?

Maybe you see some movies you don't want to see? It's not that big of a deal. YES, TEXTING DOESN'T COST MUCH. YET YOU CHOSE TO MOVE ACROSS THE COUNTRY. I THINK IT'S EXTREMELY COST INEFFICIENT. ALL RIGHT. THAT'S THE FAIR KNUCKLE RAP, EVERYBODY. YEAH. TIME NOW FOR THE FIRING LINE. All right, that's the fair enough we're at, everybody. Yeah. Time now for the firing line.

In my hand, I have a list of questions on breaking up with friends brought to you by Friends With Benefits. Friends With Benefits, that special friend who comes with free dental. I didn't know the laugh I was waiting for until I heard it. Cosmopolitan Magazine says you know a friendship is over when you find yourself frequently thinking of what? Maddie.

England? England? Yumi? Making a wig out of her hair. Super creepy, Yumi. Super creepy. Cosumi. Super creepy. Cosmo says no friendship is over when you find yourself frequently thinking of excuses to get out of spending time with them. Not making a wig out of their hair.

In 2021, the Survey Center on American Life found that 22% of Americans who reported ending a friendship all cited what as the reason? Yumi. If the earth is flat or not. Flat earth? That's a good answer. I'll give a point for that. Maddie, Kelly? 2021, the movie Licorice Pizza? You guys didn't watch that?

It was kind of controversial. I don't like you guys either. Maddie has broken down a bit here. Towards the end of the firing line. The actual answer is differing views on Donald Trump. 22% of Americans ended a friendship over that, and that is a low number for that. That's the firing line, everybody.

All right. We're racing towards the finish here, and it's almost time for the audience here in beautiful North Van to vote. But first, here again to tell us why the phrase, friends to the end, should really be end to the friends, let's hear again from Yumi Nagashima. Yumi Nagashima Just because you have a history together, doesn't mean you have a future together. Just ask the Ottoman Empire or Simon and Garfunkel.

Moral obligation is no reason to stay in a friendship, only genuine love, or because you are implicated in a multi-level marketing scheme. We all deserve true friends who are loyal and nurturing, so don't feel bad about leaving a superficial friendship when faced with situations like your friend saying, you are funny for a female comedian. Or public radio broadcasting is an outdated model. And remember, your time is sacred.

Sometimes the best friend with benefits is when you benefit from never seeing them again. Yumi Nagashima! Telling us it's okay to end friendships. Now to tell us why to her, best friends forever literally means forever. Let's hear again from Maddie Kelly. Maddie! We are a nation divided. Because too many people are not hanging out with people that are different than them.

And I blame breaking up with your friends. If you cancel everyone out of your life that you don't like the way they think, guess what? They find new friends who are worse. Did you see those trucker convoys? We don't need these people grouping up. When all is said and done, no matter what you do that I find so egregious,

if you are my friend, you are my friend for life. I'm still rooting for you. I'm still putting a flames emoji on your selfie on social media. Thank you. And if that means I have to make fun of you extra when you're not around, that is a price I'm willing to pay. Maddie Kelly says friends forever means forever.

Let's see what the audience has decided. By applause, who felt that the very sound of Maddie's voice had a lovely friendship ring to it? Maddie Kelly. All right, see, there you friends. And who agreed with Yumi's take on friendship that you should fake it till you break it? Yumi Nagashima.

Well, I'm going to give this one to Yumi Nagashima. You can break up with your friends. Big hand for Yumi Nagashima and Maddie Kelly, everybody. Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying to all my friends out there I haven't spoken with in a while, this episode's over. Call me now. I'll argue with in a while, this episode's over. Call me now. I'll argue with you again soon, Canada.

Good night. The Debaters is created by Richard Side. This week's episode was produced by Nicole Callender, Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark. With continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis and Gary Jones. Technical production by James Perella and Annie Kennedy. Story editing by Gary Jones. With special thanks to Katie Ellen Humphries and David Pride. Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts.

And thanks to everyone at the Centennial Theatre in North Vancouver. For more CBC Podcasts, go to cbc.ca slash podcasts. to everyone at the Centennial Theatre in North Vancouver.