The Debaters - 1821: Step-Parents & Talk to Strangers

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

Jon Dore and Charlie Demers step up to the plate when they decide if step-parents are the unsung heroes of parenting. Then, is it okay to talk to strangers? Ivan Decker and Julie Kim have the gift of gab when they talk us into this topic.

Hi there, listeners. Steve Patterson here. You know, I get asked to emcee weddings a lot, and I'm happy to do it for close friends and family, especially when the wedding is somewhere fun, like, say, Reykjavik, Iceland. So my family and I booked an Airbnb in Reykjavik for a week, and it was awesome. There was plenty of room for all of us,

and we met lots of locals in the neighborhood. And that made me think about how much our home would be appreciated by fellow travelers as an Airbnb too since usually it just sits empty while we're away. It's in a great Toronto neighborhood full of restaurants, shops, and friendly people. It has room for a group of four to all have their own rooms and honestly we'd appreciate the house earning a bit of income to help with our next trip. Intrigued? Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. And speaking of hosting,

that couple I emceed the wedding for? Still married. That's how good I am. Though I guess I can't take all the credit for that. Anyway, let's get to this week's show. This is a CBC Podcast. This podcast is an extended version of The Debaters, which may contain more mature themes. To stream the radio-friendly version of this episode, download the CBC Listen app or go to cbc.ca slash The Debaters.

And thanks for listening to The CBC. Hey Canada, our hopes for a great show are sky high! From the home of the Skytrain in Vancouver, BC, it's The Debaters! The Debaters, where comedians fight with facts and funny in this audience, picks the winner. Now here's a man whose jokes are always on the right track, Steve Patterson! Yeah! Thanks, Graham Clark! Hello again, Canada. Welcome back to beautiful North Van,

part of the larger system that is attractive Vancouver. A city with many tourist attractions. One such attraction is called the Eye of the Wind. Vancouver. A city with many tourist attractions. One such attraction is called the Eye of the Wind. Wind turbine. Perched atop Grouse Mountain. It's the only wind turbine in the world where you can stand a mere three meters away

from the giant rotating blades. Though I suggest you refrain from pointing at anything in the distance if you've got long arms. Kidding, you're in a glass pod, but I guess it's a great place to be if you're someone who likes looking down on Vancouver. Which explains why I met so many other Torontonians when I was up there. Not me though! I would never there. Not me, though. I would never grouse about your beautiful city.

Not on public radio. Now, are you ready to meet two debaters who are the wind beneath our wings? This comic always flies, working class. It's Vancouver's Charlie Demers, ladies and gentlemen. One of our very favorites, Charlie Demers. And this is a comic we haven't had on in a long time, but we're so happy to have him back.

This comic says that drinking coffee is not exactly his cup of tea. Let's welcome John Doerr. Welcome back, John Doerr. Welcome back, John Doerr. Hello there, friends. Hello, Stephen. Your topic is one that is apparently important. Step parents. Are they the unsung heroes of parenting?

I know this might be controversial, but personally I think the unsung heroes of parenting? I know this might be controversial, but personally, I think the unsung heroes of all parenting are children. I'm a way better dad since my children were born. But I can also see how step parenting could be an even tougher gig, especially when you step on Lego. And that's why I prefer lie-down parenting, where the parent lies down and the children take turns walking snacks over. So I guess they kind of are my stepchildren, after all. Did you just figure out what show you're on? So, whereas they perform all the duties and responsibilities of a parent,

but are often treated like outsiders, be it resolved that step-parents are the unsung heroes of parenting. John, you are arguing for this, please. You have two minutes. Starting now, John Doerr. Thank you, Steve. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much.

All right, let's break down the term unsung hero. A hero is a person admired for their courage, outstanding achievements, and noble qualities. Unsung means there has not been a song written about them yet. However, that is going to change. Now, full disclosure, I am the parent of my own biological son. He's two years old, and I'm also a step-parent. I have a 10-year-old daughter. Well, it's in my nature as a hero to be a step-parent. Now, here are some famous step-people that we all know? John Kerry, former United States Senator and Vietnam War veteran. A courageous, noble, and progressive-thinking leader, he's a step-parent. Do you know who is not a step-parent? Osama bin Laden.

Oh, yeah. Remember him? Oh, yeah. Did you know not a single one of Osama bin Laden's kids were stepchildren? Not a single one. And in case you don't remember, he masterminded several terrorist attacks, including the bombing of embassies in Africa, the bombing of the USS Cole in Yemen. Oh, there's one more. Anyway, it doesn't matter. The point is, not all biological parents are terrorist masterminds. However, research does show us that they are definitely more likely to be one. Okay?

Osama bin Laden is the type of person that Charlie is going to be defending this evening. Yes, that is correct. You can't take it back now. Jihad the chance, my friend, but it's over. And by the way, by the way, it is perfectly natural to take on the responsibility of parenting a child that isn't biologically your own.

Did you know in the animal kingdom, the lion will take on the responsibility of step-parenting to prove themselves dependable spouses and in turn leading to more mating opportunities with mama now i'm not saying that's the reason why i became a step parent but you know i do want to make it very clear that uh my sex life is quite excellent um like actually last night even last night my oh my fiance's legs they were both like straight the twin towers that was the third one.

Osama bin Laden. Oh, oh I tell ya. Sorry, back to the animal kingdom. While researching examples of step-parents in the animal kingdom, I also learned that manatees control their depth in the water. They rise and sink by farting. That has nothing to do with the debate,

but that's pretty cool. I mean, it just, a link took me there. But listen, because I'm a stepfather and also a biological father, I can sum up this debate in one story. I've been raising my stepdaughter for the past five years. And you know what I recently discovered?

Her biological father, he wants nothing to do with my son. The guy does not understand the concept of returning the favor. I said, hey man, listen. I've been raising your daughter for the past five years. You can't take two hours out of your night to babysit my son so I can rent a hotel room and make love to your ex.

You are selfish. And you got to change that or you're never going to get back together with her. All right? Biological parents, they are selfish. Thank you. John Doerr, on behalf of step-parents being the unsung heroes of parenting. Now, here to tell us why step-parents are the unsung zeros of parenting,

as far as he can tell, that's just, he didn't, he never said that. Here's Charlie Demers. Thank you. Thank you. When I heard John was going to come out here and claim step-parents were heroes, I naturally thought of my own stepfather.

Then I remembered, not everybody acquires their step-parents through middle-aged gay marriage. Otherwise, frankly, I don't see how having sex with my dad makes anyone a hero. Yes, that's right, my dad's in a gay marriage, just like Osama bin Laden's. Look, I have nothing against step-parents. My doctor was recently going over my charts with me, and he said my kids will almost certainly have a step-dad at some point.

My daughter was so upset when I told her that joke. She said, oh, but I don't want you to leave mommy for an old gay man. She's very conservative. Stepparents are great. You're just, you're not the only heroes. First of all, stepparents don't conceive their kids, so that's a huge headache out of the way, right off the bat. I know conceiving a baby sounds like fun in theory, but no no sex therapist has ever advised a couple who was in a rut, oh have you tried turning your lovemaking into a rigidly scheduled

obligation? And what about pregnancy and childbirth? I mean, shouldn't they at least count for something? I mean, after she carried our children for nine months, each, obviously, before miraculously delivering them, my wife told me that if we ever broke up someday and I let another woman call them mom, she'd give me a C-section. Finally, a biological bond with your child doesn't always make things easier. Step-parents never have to do the hardest thing there

is when it comes to parenting, which is to treat another person with consistent love, care, and affection, even though they remind you of you. Thank you. Charlie Demers getting emotional here. But good points. And, you know, we got a great debate here. And by the way, rigidly scheduled obligation has been okayed as a new After Dark CBC show.

Congratulations. All right, let's get it. It's time now for the Bare Knuckle Round. We're debating whether step parents are the unsung heroes of parenting. So it's all relative in this domestic squabble. Go nuclear on your opponent. It's a nuclear family.

And tell them as loud as you clan, you must be out of your family tree. Remember, neither of you are my real dad. Starting now. Okay, yeah, yeah. You're a monster. I mean, I can't believe you said half the things you did. I mean, you know, the way you speak about step-parenting, you need a 12-step program is what you need. I'm not even kidding. You're a biological dadzurd.

That's what you are. Well, I would say, you know, biohazard, that's so, you're, I mean, you have one of your own. Spit it out! You sired a child, You're bio-curious. You... Fuck, fuck, fuck. You slander the hard work I put in.

You say that the work I have to put in is harder. Of course, I'm a hero. I have to earn the trust of a strange child. You, they unconditionally love you. You're masquerading as a hero. You're pretend, you know what? You're the Buffy St. Marie of parenting. That's who you are.

Yeah. You know, you know, you know what? You're Buffy St. Charlize. That's who you are. Oh, that's, first of all, I just find that offensive in multiple ways. To who, Italians? Why are you offended?

Yeah, yeah, no, I'm just- Massachusetts born Italians? Why are you offended? Yeah, yeah, no. Massachusetts-born Italians? Mamma mia! Say something! So, so, so, wait. Okay, so, wait a minute. Are you suggesting that her birth parentage is her real parentage? I feel like that's the message between the lines here.

Let's move on to something else. Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay, what I'm saying, John, is you talk about earning the trust of a child. Every father has to earn the trust of their child. You know what that's like. A mom, sure, there's an automatic. You come in, the baby looks at you

with those useless nipples and just thinks, what are you doing? The first year of a baby's life, it's just looking at you, go, what do you bring to the table? That's the bare knuckle round, everybody. It's time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on step-parents brought to you by godparents. Godparents. And you thought stepping in for a mom or dad was tough.

What popular TV show was conceived of after the creator read in the LA Times that 30% of marriages in the U.S. have a child or children from a previous marriage. Charlie. The Maury Povich Show. Two and a half. John?

I actually do know the answer to this, though. Okay. It is the Brady Bunch. It is? That's the correct answer, John Doerr. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Brady Bunch. Yeah. I know. John, John, John. John.

According to Stats Canada, when are Canadians most likely to become step-parents? Oh, Charlie? It's, they're most likely to become step-parents right after marrying someone who has kids. You would, you would, yeah. I can't say that's wrong. Yeah, that's one point. That's good, yeah. That's not the right answer, though?

For sure. No. What's the question again? According to StatsCan, when are Canadians most likely to become step-parents? November. Is that right? Is the top step-parent month. Oh, it is. November.

In their 30s, when they are in their 30s. Oh, I didn't understand the question. No. Okay. And that's the firing line, everybody. Here we go. It is almost time for the audience to vote. But first, here to speak up on behalf of Cinderella, Snow White, and Rapunzel,

it's Charlie Demers. Thank you. Listen, step-parents don't like the fact that they've gotten a bad rap in fairy tales. They're always mean and cruel. Okay, well, why doesn't it bother anybody that in these fairy tales, us biological parents are just dropping like flies? Listen, taking care of anyone's children is not easy. Child care is so hard that after just a few years of working to expand early childhood care here in British Columbia, barely dipping their toes into the daycare world, the B.C. government was like,

uh, birth control is free now. Ha! Ha! Ha! But when it comes to baby stress, call me a theological conservative. Anxiety begins at conception. Step-parents are real parents, no question. But this is a union show, and we respect seniority. Now let's wrap this up.

I have a vasectomy to get to. Thank you. Charlie and the Man. Let's wrap this up. I have a vasectomy to get to. Thank you. Charlie Demers. Now, to tell us why the anthem for all step-parents should be David Bowie's Heroes, let's hear again from John Doerr. All right. Now, as promised, let's address the unsung part of tonight's debate. Why aren't there any songs about step-parents?

Well, there is one now. I wrote the lyrics. I hope you enjoy. I am the best. I raised a kid that's not my own. I am the best. I raised a kid that's not my own. I am the best. I sit on step-parents' throne. I am the best.

On this I must insist. I am the best. And Charlie's a terrorist. I am the best. I'm at the top, you see. I am the best. I'm at the top, you see. I am the best. Charlie's at the bottom like a constipated manatee. I am the best. Thank you. John Doerr with a very moving rendition

of his new original song. What was the title of that? I have it. It's not titled yet. No. Untitled. All right, North fan, it is time to vote. My applause.

How many of you fell into lockstep with John's sweetheart of a step speech, John Doerr? Lot of support, lot of love here for John. And who agreed with Charlie that a step away from step parents is a step in the right direction? Charlie Demers. The audience has spoken. They have sided with Charlie Demers for this one.

Big hand for Charlie Demers and John Doerr, everybody. You're listening to The Debaters on CBC Radio 1. Want to be a part of the debating action? For upcoming tour dates, visit cbc.ca slash the debaters. Hi there, Steve Patterson here. You know, I travel a lot for work on my own, so when I can do a trip where I get to bring my wife Nancy and our daughters along, I jump at it. On a recent trip to Ottawa, we booked an Airbnb.

It was a nice home in a nice neighborhood, and it even had room for our dog Ferris, which was also nice. And that made me think, hey, maybe our home in Toronto would be a nice place to stay for some nice people too, since it sits empty while we're away. And honestly, it would be great if our house started bringing in some extra cash to put towards the next trip. Because frankly, Ferris keeps screwing up in his job interviews. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host.

Hey there, I'm Kathleen Goldtar and I have a confession to make. I am a true crime fanatic. I devour books and films and most of all, true crime podcasts. But sometimes I just want to know more. I want to go deeper. And that's where my podcast Crime Story comes in. Every week I go behind the scenes with the creators of the best in true crime. I chat with the host of Scamanda, Teacher's Pet, Bone Valley, the list goes on.

For the insider scoop, find Crime Story in your podcast app. I just have one question, North fan. Are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters? Let's do it. This comic wishes he had a twin so they could be double deckers. It's Vancouver's Ivan Decker. Ivan Decker, there he is, making his way across the stage, taking his place behind the podium to my right. And this comic loves to binge watch the Weather Channel. It's Vancouver's Julie Kim. Welcome back, Julie Kim. Hi, Julie. Hi, Steve. Thank you for being here.

Your topic is one you might find a little strange. Strangers. Should we talk to them? Finally, we discussed this. When I was a kid in school, the teachers told us, never get in a car with a stranger who offers you candy. But now, thanks to Uber Eats, you can get candy delivered to you by a stranger in a car. So take that, my old teachers. Back in those days, there were so many rules for kids about how to avoid dangerous situations,

it was easy to get confused. The one time I was offered candy by a stranger, I stopped, dropped, and rolled. Which in fairness, did make the stranger go away. Now for a debate that we hope isn't like taking candy from a baby. So, whereas it can increase social skills, self-confidence, and maybe even lead to a friendship, be it resolved that it's okay to talk to strangers. Ivan, you're arguing for this, please. You have two minutes. Starting now, Ivan Decker.

Oh, thank you, strangers. Isn't this great? Neutral ground. How often do you get to experience that these days? We are so regularly stagnated in the sludgy mire of opinionated people that we know. People in our lives with points of view and a desire to express them into our faces.

Right, your coworkers, somebody there that probably has a one syllable name like Rob or Mike. You want to talk about their boat or golf. Why not drift into the sublime liminality of a stranger? A blank canvas. A new beginning. Talking to strangers

is all we do as comedians. I don't know anything about any of you. And I love it. If I were to speak to you after the show, we could find things in common that would fill us with delight. And if not, we'd become enemies.

Well, at least we got that out of the way. Talking to strangers is also how you fall in love. I guess if you're okay with marrying a family member, by all means. Talking to strangers is also how you fall in love. I guess if you're okay with marrying a family member, by all means. Stay away from people you haven't met, I guess. Now, let us talk about people on the internet. Because that is why we are afraid of strangers. Now, let us talk about people on the internet. Because that is why we are afraid of strangers.

They do not count as strangers. People online are demons. Do not let that dissuade you. People change when they're standing right in front of you, with their vital organs exposed. They're honest, open, mortal, the way God intended. Thank you. Ivan Decker says it's okay to talk to strangers. Now, to tell us why there's a clear and present danger

to a weirdly pleasant stranger, let's hear from Julie Kim. People mistakenly paint an idyllic picture of talking to strangers as a cute pastime in which people connect a bit and leave better than they came and not murdered. And for those of us who are not males, talking to strangers is more like being talked at by strangers. Am I right, ladies?

Once, I saw an old man who was alone at a cafe crying. I stopped. I asked if he was okay, and he asked where I was from. Not Toronto, where I was born, but where I was really from. Then he touched his crotch and told me that Chinese women are his favorite. Yeah. And I'm not Chinese, by the way. But who cares? Not him, not his crotch. These men will just walk up to a woman and talk about whatever they want.

They'll just slide right into a speech about what they hate, which is everything or their health problems. They have so many health problems. I don't want to talk about gout, sir. I'm like, I don't even know what gout is, but I'm glad you have it, sir. I hope you grow a third leg so you can get more gout. I swear, I swear if a stray old man fell on the ground in front of me leaving this venue, I don't know if I would stop, okay? No, I'm kidding. I would definitely keep going, but...

Because I'm a human, I would definitely, I'd take a second, I'd bend down, look into his eyes and say, you should smile more. Thank you. Julie Kim... making a very firm argument on why you shouldn't talk to strangers. I thought we would keep that story about my gout to ourselves, but... We got ourselves a debate. It's time now for the Bare Knuckle Round. We're asking if it's okay to talk to strangers, so really, gab this audience's attention and try to burst your opponent's

babble. You schmooze, you lose this prattle for the ages, so let's keep it pleasantry now. Julie, it seems like you mostly just have a problem with old men. There's other strangers out there. Not... Where are you hanging out? Like, the doctor's office? Ivan, do you not see any connection between gender and the dangers of talking to strangers? Oh, sure. But you could talk to women.

Yeah, I do talk to women. Who do you think I complain about the men to? That's good. That's talking to strangers. It's nice. You're connecting. Look at that guy over there. That's why the best way to make new friends at a workplace is just find the person nobody likes and be like, I hate that guy.

And then they're like, we're friends. That's why we need weirdos around, because they unite us. One person that sucks. We all are like, huh? And then, yeah. You can be friends non-verbally. You can just look at the weirdo

and then look back at anybody else and be like, yeah. And they're like, mm-mm. Want to see a picture of my kids? Yeah, definitely. I like that you just had a conversation with yourself. Okay, that's a good place to stop it. That's the Bare Knuckle Round, everybody.

Time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on talking to strangers, brought to you by Marvel's Doctor Strange. Sure, he may specialize in interdimensional magic, but do you know how hard it is to find a doctor to talk to you in this dimension? According to NBCNews.com, research has shown that talking to a stranger is often rewarding

if you're willing to what? Ivan? Give him a little kiss. Two points. Julie Kim. Talking to a stranger is often rewarding if you're willing to keep your noise-canceling headphones on. Well, that's my secret to successful air travel. Talking to a stranger is often rewarding if you're willing to push past the awkward moments. Just so you know, the awkward moment might be you.

Psychologytoday.com says that when talking to a stranger, you shouldn't ask them what? Julie? If they're pregnant? Damn! You know what? That's just a great idea. You should never guess if a woman's pregnant. Yeah, you just have to ask, like, subtle stuff. Like, you gotta be like, taking any new vitamins?

No reason. Psychologytoday.com says, when talking to a stranger, you shouldn't ask them cliched questions like, what do you do for a living? Listen to this. It's been this in front of a 75% retired audience. According to a CBC report from January 2023,

what did Asobies in Edmonton do to give customers an opportunity to talk more with a stranger? Ivan? They lowered all the trucks so people's heads were at the same level. Have you guys been to Edmonton? Incorrect, but well thought out. Julie Kim. They colluded with the other grocery chains and increased their prices because of inflation.

Now the customers have plenty to talk about. That's a good answer. That's a good answer. Yep. Three and a good answer. That's a good answer. Yep. Three and a half points. The actual answer, they opened a slow social lane where customers can chat with the cashier as long as they like. Closely followed by a mass exodus of cashiers.

And that's the firing line, everybody. All right, it's almost that magical time here in North Van when our Centennial Theatre audience votes. But first, here again to tell us why, when it comes to chatting with strangers, don't talk the talk or even walk the walk, just run the run, let's hear again from Julie Kim. Listen, I don't have time to talk to strangers.

I'm busy, I work, I'm a mom, I'm listening to this podcast about kindness. There is no time. Sure, there's a chance that talking to strangers could result in lifelong edifying relationships. Maybe a best friend or a soulmate that makes every second of this difficult thing called life worth living. But that's not a risk I'm willing to take. By the way, I'll be doing a meet and greet after the show. Thank you. Julie Kim.

Getting to the meat of it, does not want to talk to strangers. Now, here to take the danger out of talking to a stranger, let's hear again from our new friend, Ivan Decker. Let me paint a picture of the future my opponent is advocating for. The year is 2030. Talking to strangers is against the law. You no longer have a name because you do not need one. You go to the grocery store. You get on an elevator. It stops at the floor after you get on. On steps my opponent.

It goes one more floor, and then the lights go out, flicker, come back on. But the elevator has stopped. You are trapped. Oh no. Your groceries, milk, popsicles, ice cream. You cannot even express your worry because it is illegal. Well, worry not. Your precious perishable items will be fine

because her heart is so cold... that it would keep ice cream frozen for a decade! Thank you. Ivan Decker with a stone-cold closing argument. Let's see what the audience here in North Van thinks. By applause, who was strangely talked into Julie's anti-stranger talk? Julie Kim.

And who felt that the more Ivan talked to you that he became less and less of a stranger? Ivan Decker. Well, the audience has spoken. They want that future where you still talk to strangers. The winner is Ivan Decker. Talk to strangers. Big hand for Ivan Decker and Julie Kim, everybody.

Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying thanks for letting me talk to you again this week, even though we probably haven't met. I'll argue with you again soon, Canada. Good night! The Debaters is created by Richard Seid. This week's episode was produced by Nicole Callender, Chloe Edbrook,

Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark. With continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis, and Gary Jones. Technical production by James Perella and Annie Kennedy. Story editing by Gary Jones. With special thanks to Katie Ellen Humphries and David Pride. Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts. And thanks to everyone at the Centennial Theatre in North Vancouver.

For more CBC Podcasts, go to cbc.ca slash podcasts.