The Debaters - 1905: Kids on Social Media & Stripes vs. Polka Dots

Episode Date: October 3, 2024

Myles Anderson and Sean Lecomber troll with the punches when they discuss whether kids should use social media. Then, are stripes superior to polka dots? Rob Pue and Kathleen McGee refuse to be clothed-minded with their patter on these patterns.

My name is Graham Isidor. I have a progressive eye disease called keratoconus. Unmaying I'm losing my vision has been hard, but explaining it to other people has been harder. Lately, I've been trying to talk about it. Short Sighted is an attempt to explain what vision loss feels like by exploring how it sounds. By sharing my story, we get into all the things you don't see

about hidden disabilities. Short Sighted, from CBC's Personally, available now. This is a CBC Podcast. This podcast is an extended version of The Debaters, which may contain more mature themes. To stream the radio-friendly version of this episode, download the CBC Listen app or go to cbc.ca slash the debaters. And thanks for listening to the CBC. Hey, Canada, it's time to come clean from St. Albert, Alberta, home of the clean and green Riverfest. It's the debaters. The Debaters!

The Debaters, where comedians fight with facts and funny, and this audience picks the winner. Now here's a man who always gets a green light, Steve Patterson! Hey! Thanks, Graham Clark! Hello, Canada! Welcome back to The Debaters. It is great to be back here in the Edmonton metropolitan region. The St. Albert part specifically. Edmonton, of course, is the capital of Alberta. And there's a cool thing that happens at the amphitheater on the east lawn of the legislature. If you stand in the middle of the amphitheater and clap, instead of hearing the echo of your clap, you hear a squeak. True story.

No one knows what the science is behind that, but it sounds like Edmonton's legislature is full of rodents. Frankly that's not unique in politics but personally the only party I want to be a part of is the 497 strong Arden Theatre Party here tonight. Listen to that crowd, Canada. We've filled up the theatre. And if you don't like laughing, I don't want to hear a squeak out of you. Now it's time to meet a couple of debaters who are anything but mousy.

This comic fell behind on his punctuations lessons like a real Johnny Comma lately. It's Victoria's Miles Anderson! Come on out, Miles! There he is, taking his place behind the podium to my left, looking determined, as he always is. That is his default look. And this comic once saw two reindeers skip out

on their restaurant bill and assumed it was a diner and dasher. It's Edmonton's Sean LeCumber. Let's bring out Sean. There he is. My friend, Sean LeCumber. Going backwards into the podium to my right. Yeah, just a little backwards walking.

Your topic is one that could become the TikTok of the town. Social media, should we let our kids use it? No. It wasn't an open question. Would you get these people? I just want some social media savvy youth out there to answer this Gen Xers question once and for all. Is it pronounced Gif or Jif?

Audience, who thinks it's pronounced Gif? And who thinks it's Jif? And who has no idea what I'm talking about? Okay, all right. That last group's probably going to need a young person to explain the rest of this debate. Time now for a debate that should be over in a jigif. Whereas its platforms can be addictive

and cause anxiety and low self-esteem, be it resolved that kids should not use social media. Miles, you are arguing for this, please. You have two minutes. Starting now, Miles Anderson. Thank you. Kids should not have access to social media, drugs, or my model train collection. All these things are very alluring and instantly addictive, but for the last time, do not touch!

Social media's only purpose is to mine our personal data to sell us crap. What is a kid even gonna buy? Kids don't have any money. The definition of a child is anyone who makes less than $20,000 a year. Parents shouldn't want their kids on social media. If your kid makes an Instagram account, they're going to find the thousands of pictures you posted of them without their consent. They're really going to freak out. So make sure you film their reaction and post it.

That's going to be good content. Some people will say social media is no worse than video games. This is not true. Video games will teach you things like how to build forts in Fortnite and mines in Minecraft. Forts and mines built this great country. They are the solid foundation upon which our flourishing housing crisis was built. As a comedian, my whole career depends on social media, and kids skew the market data. Most views on YouTube are generated by toddlers watching Cocomelon videos on sticky iPads. I miss the days when my comedy could be based in English, but now my act is mostly just shapes and colors.

Learning how to socialize should not be permanently recorded on social media. It may be hard to believe, but I wasn't very cool in high school. Thankfully, my high school experience is not searchable on the internet. It is stored safely in my brain as a series of recurring nightmares. Thank you.

Miles Anderson with a very solid opening argument on why kids should not use social media. And he does want you to also keep your hands off his model train collection. I just want to reiterate that. Now, here to twitter away about why it's good for kids to all be linked in together on social media, let's hear from the luxurious Sean LeCumber. Thank you. Thank you. My name is Sean, and according to Miles, I'm a child. Should children be allowed unfettered access to social media? Of course they should

Their posts are a nice break It's all lip syncing and dancing Fun, remember that? Fun It's a nice break from adults and our entrenched, predictable, political hot takes. Once you know what an adult thinks about one thing, you know what they think about everything. You never hear one person say, I don't like these pride nights because they're grooming our kids. And also, COVID was a legitimate public health threat we dealt with as best we could. What are we worried about with kids

and social media? Who do you care? Let them go! A little online bullying? That's our concern? Uh-oh. Couple words got you feeling down? Hayden, Jayden, Braden, all the dens. I was once forced to eat frozen cat feces. While all my classmates cheered, eat it, fatty. In case you want to know what a little offline bullying tastes like.

We are the generation who spent the first half of our lives doing stuff. And the second half of our lives staring at screens. We see our kids on their devices and we say, you gotta get off of that. When I was a kid, please, like we're better than them. Like if an iPhone 15 was around in 1985, we wouldn't use it. No, thanks. I'm not interested in all the world at my fingertips in 4K.

I'm about to meet up with two kids I don't even like. But they live close. And we're going to play marbles on the sidewalk. Get that phone out of my face. I'm trying to throw a couple cat's eyes and a steely into my Crown Royal bag. Thank you. Sean LeCumber, ladies and gentlemen.

Sean LeCumber. If you've just tuned in, that was an argument for social media. It's time now for the Bare Knuckle Round. We're debating whether kids should be on social media, so it's time for YouTube to throw the Facebook at one another and show everyone here WhatsApp. Time to carpe diem and give each other a public vlogging.

Now that the audience is all a Twitter, sorry, I mean all an X, let's start really making things meta now. Look, don't worry about kids on social media. It's natural. Every generation moves one step further away from real activity. You know, my parents went outside all day and did stuff with their friends. I stayed inside and did stuff with their friends i stayed inside and played video games my children stay inside and watch videos of other people playing video games it's natural it's nature let it happen

i don't think it's natural at all for a little kid to be you know staying inside playing with moldovan bots on social media you know, staying inside playing with Moldovan bots on social media when they should be outside playing with Moldovan children and learning their traditional dances. I mean, I just read the other day, Instagram is now forcing kids to have accounts where they have to declare their ages and it'll be easier for parents to monitor and control their child's usage. I got news for you. Every time a teenager hears that there's some new parental control, their stress level is zero.

They love it. There's a genius 11 year old on YouTube that is 10 steps ahead of you folks. They figured it out the day it happened. If you want teens to obey the age restriction, I think that they don't respond to conflict. I think the teen, you just have to ask nicely. I think I can solve this right now. If there are any teens listening to CBC Radio 1 right now,

I call you guys to just respect the age guideline. CBC Radio 1 right now. If all you guys could just respect the age guideline set by Instagram, that would be great. You never know, St. Nicholas might be watching you. All right. All right. That's the bare knuckle round, everybody. It's been a good one.

It's time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on social media brought to you by Snapchat. Snapchat, the favored communication method of Crackle and Pop. Oh, boy. Finish the tagline from the 2020 documentary The Social Dilemma about the negative impacts of big tech. The technology that connects us also does what?

Miles. Distracts us from the real issues like the high price of model train cars. Bringing it back. I love it. Really playing on people's attention spans. John? Needs a charger you don't own. I love you. That's a good answer.

The actual answer is controls us. The technology that connects us also controls us. A popular term among teens, finsta, is slang for a fake Instagram account. What's the purpose of a fake Instagram account? Sean? That allows you to sell furniture that you stole off your neighbor? I didn't do that at all.

I didn't do that. But I've heard about it. That's not what I have here. It was a great guess, though. It's actually a second secret Instagram account that teens use to post things they don't want seen by their parents, teachers, or potential employers. In fall 2024, Australia announced plans

to set a minimum age limit for children to use social media. The European Union had previously attempted to do so, but failed. Why? Miles? Because children voted to leave the EU years ago. Remember Chexit? I will give two points for that. Good answer.

Sean LeCumber. They couldn't make it lower than the legal drinking age of seven. Also good. Also good. Two and a half. The European Union had previously attempted to do so, but failed because people complained that it reduced the online rights of minors. Good boy. That's the firing line, everybody. All right. We got a good one here. Great points either side. And it's almost time for our beautiful St. Albert Arden Theatre audience to pick a winner. But first, here again to tell us why trying to keep kids off social media is just meme-spirited.

Let's hear again from Sean LeCumber. Thank you. You know, my wife was worried if our kids were on social media, they might have some stranger tell them to meet them somewhere. Well, yeah, but they'd need a ride. You think our kids are walking somewhere? No. My kids are allowed unfettered access to social media.

One reason, safety. Okay? Is he missing? Nope. Phone tracker. Boom. There he is. Got him. Next to the dumpster behind Dairy Queen. Probably studying for a science final. As a young man, I had low self-esteem. And based on how things turned out, even that might have been set a little high. It was low because my friends were just neighbors of a similar age. My kids are tight with people from all over the world. They connect within a deep personal level.

Not just, hey, look, our dads both drink the same type of beer till they fall asleep in an old chair. Thank you. Sean LeCumber. In praise of keeping kids on social media. Now, here to tell us why he thinks that social media makes kids anti-social, let's hear from Miles Anderson. Kids shouldn't learn about the world through social media. When I was a kid in the 90s,

I learned about comedy by listening to Steve Patterson on the radio. If I learned how to do comedy through social media, this show would be 35 seconds long, and the only joke would be me asking a person what they do for a living. Bullying is a huge problem on social media. Before social media, I was bullied a reasonable amount. Four to six hours a day, max. But online bullying is relentless, and kids shouldn't be exposed to it.

The only people who should get bullied online are people who bought a cyber drug. Thank you. Miles Anderson with a quick, concise closing on why he thinks social media makes kids antisocial. Sean LeCumber thinks it's okay.

It's up to you to decide, audience. By applause, how many of you thought that Miles' argument against kids on social media had more than an Instagram of truth to it? Miles Anderson. Okay. Good response from Miles.

And how many of you were mega-influenced by Sean to keep your kids dialed in on social media? Sean LeCumber. The crowd has spoken. The winner is Sean LeCumber, everybody. Let the kids keep going on social media. Big hand for Sean LaComber and Miles Anderson, everybody. You're listening to CBC Radio's The Debaters.

Want access to bonus content and information on upcoming tour dates? Then be sure to follow us on Instagram at atCBCDebaters. I've been trying to talk about it. Short Sighted is an attempt to explain what vision loss feels like by exploring how it sounds. By sharing my story, we get into all the things you don't see about hidden disabilities. Short Sighted, from CBC's Personally, available now. I just have one question for you, St. Albert. Are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters?

Yes! This should be a good one. This comic once tried selling hors d'oeuvres without any sauce, and their sales took a dip. It's Ottawa's Rob Pugh! Rob Pugh, let's get him out here! One of my good buddies at Canadian Comedy. We always love having Rob.

Hello, friend. How you doing? Good to have you. Great to see you. And this comic lines her walls with spaghetti because she enjoys living in the pasta. It's Edmonton's Kathleen McGee. Come on out, Kathleen. There she is. We always love having Kathleen back. All right, debaters. Your topic is one that is challenging by design. I always love having Kathleen back. All right, debaters, your topic is one that is challenging by design.

Polka dots versus stripes. Finally, which is the superior pattern? It's not for me to say, but I do have a pattern that comes up often in my life that I'd like to send a shout out to, houndstooth. I don't mean the look. I mean that's what's left of my socks once my dog Ferris gets to them. The houndstooth. I can only imagine how fast he would bury a Burberry pear. It's becoming a genuine pattern of plaid behavior and it seems to be a twill for him but I'd rather he bury a herringbone instead,

you know what I'm saying? I was going to include another pattern pun, but my memory's a little paisley, so... Whereas it's a versatile pattern that's suitable for all ages and can heighten any design or outfit, be it resolved that stripes are superior to polka dots. Rob, you're arguing for this, please. You have two minutes. Starting now, Rob Pugh. I bid good evening to the esteemed judicial panel of pseudo-fashionistas of the CBC Radio Court. Let's settle this age-old debate that's been dividing wardrobes and perplexing closets for generations.

The Titanic clashed between stripes and polka dots. I flew across the country for this. Yeah. While both contestants boast their own charm, I stand before you adamantly behind and defending the indisputable superiority of the stripe. Stripes are the Swiss army of patterns. They elongate, they streamline, they add jazz and pizzazz to everything from power suits to prison Prison wear. Want to look taller? Stripes. Need to impress on a first date?

Stripes. Looking to holler frustration at the dapper man who wouldn't give the Euler fan a fair shake in the playoffs? Stripes! Now let's talk about dots for a second. Polka dots. What is a polka dot but a filled-in circle? Dots are punctuation posing as fashion symbols. All you are is filthy confetti to me. Sphere wannabes. So let us cast aside the dots and embrace the lines that will lead us confidently

into the future of fashion. Yeah, Rob Q. Rob Q. On behalf of Stripes, I like that you point out the dots are punctuation and nothing gets a CBC crowd riled up like punctuation. So thank you. Rob Pugh, everybody. Now, here to tell us why we should all have the hots for dots, let's hear from the always dot on the spot, Kathleen McGee.

Poconuts have a long history. We first saw them in the Middle Ages where they scared people. You know why? Because they looked like rashes and were associated with leprosy, syphilis, and smallpox. Yeah, just like Rob. associated with leprosy, syphilis, and smallpox. Yeah, just like Rob.

But, um... What were these people afraid of, though? Like, I don't understand. If they only used their brains, they would realize that it wasn't the polka dot that gave them syphilis. Surprise, it was the blacksmith. Cartoon legends Minnie Mouse and Betty Boop

paved the way for one of the greatest polka dot covered characters of our generation, Polka-Roo. I'm gonna need some more applause for Pokaroo! Thank you. So on one side we have Minnie Mouse, Betty Boop, and Pokaroo. Lovable, fashionable icons. On the other side, we have a hamburger-loving thief,

and a demon summoner, Beeljuice. Don't make me say his name again. To this day, stripes give me anxiety when I'm shopping. I can never remember the rule. Is it horizontal? Is it vertical? My mother never said I should wear horizontal polka dots because they flatter everyone and don't make one's waist look wider than it is, Kathleen. It's very true. I can hear some traumatized women in the crowd.

In closing, doing all my research, I uncovered the best argument for dots. Stripes are universally known to be worn by, get this, mimes. Mimes, that's right. A vote for stripes is basically telling the world that you support mimes. I mean, if that's how you want to be known, go ahead. That's up to you. But not me. I'll shout from the rooftops, I love polka dots!

Because that's one of the many things that mimes can't do. Dots rule and stripes rule. Thank you very much. Yeah! Kathleen McGee with an argument on the spot for dots. And I guess you were a little tough on the mimes, but we'll never have one on this show. It's a radio program, so way to go, Kathleen McGee! We got ourselves a debate, everybody.

Time now for the Bare Knuckle Round. We're debating whether stripes are superior to polka dots. So take it from me, Steve Patterson. I know, I know, you guys seem stressed. This is no time to be clothed-minded. Be sure to read the fine leopard print because points are striped for the picking. It's time to leave this audience in stitches starting dot, dot, dot, now. Rob brought up an interesting point.

I don't know if you know this. Rob is from Edmonton, and he used to play hockey here, so he's a bit of a hockey expert. The referee is the worst. Why would you bring that up? You just screwed your debate. Okay, that's all I'm saying. Hey, if you're looking for the refs for help, maybe your team ain't good enough. Um, ha, ha,

ha, ha, ha. You know, the polka dot is basically a giant period. And nobody likes to end a sentence. And now we're going to bring women's bodies into this. Okay, okay. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Why did the polka dot cross the road? To get to a sock hop in the 50s. Also, you're defending stripes and you're not even wearing them. I think I'm creating some polka dots under my armpits. I didn't want to clash. I think we'll end it right there. That was the Bare Nuggle Round. We are debating stripes versus polka dots.

Time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on stripes versus polka dots brought to you by the only country that bans both stripes and dots, the Czech Republic. In 2017, over 4,600 people gathered in Japan wearing striped shirts and hats, blue jeans and glasses

in order to break the world record for the most people doing what? Kathleen. Asking, do I look fat in this? I like that. I like that. I like that. I will give you one and a half points for that. Rob.

To be the most people in one place not getting any. The audience has given you two points. The most people dressed as Waldo from Where's Waldo. There was no way to tell how many. Because they couldn't find them. BBC's Seven Things You Might Not Know About Stripes. Written on a slow day at the BBC. Says that French sailors began wearing stripes

in the late 1800s for what reason? Rob Pugh. To let the militaries around the world know that France knows how to go to war and look good doing it. Good answer. That's a good answer. We'll give you two points.

Apparently, they began wearing stripes in the late 1800s because if they fell overboard, the stripes' high visibility would vastly improve their chance of rescue. In 2018, why did residents of a Calgary neighborhood get together and paint polka dots on the shoulder of the road? Rob Pugh. To remind drivers to move over. It's a Cowtown reference.

I quite like it. I like it. Two points. Kathleen McGee. Because Calgarians can't draw a straight line. Whoa! There, they like that one! Four and a half points!

It was actually done as a traffic calming strategy because the bright colours made the road seem narrower and drew drivers' attention to pedestrians waiting to cross. Oh, that was the longest answer we've ever had. That's the firing line, everybody! You can never over-explain these answers again. It's too much.

All right, it is almost time for our amazing art and theater audience to vote. But first, here again to help us join the dots as to why dots just do it for her, let's hear again from Edmonton's Kathleen McGee. Listen, I'd much rather walk a pattern of polka dots than a straight line when I'm pulled over, okay? It would be more fun for everyone, actually. There's been a lot of crazy talk from my opponent tonight, but Rob can't help it.

He can't help it, he's a boring man. In closing, polka dots are better than stripes because unlike stripes, polka dots know how to party. Stripes just stand around being serious, making sure the triangles aren't spiking the punch. Not polka dots. Polka dots show up looking like confetti, beautiful confetti, and ready to have a good time.

Connect the dots, people, and let's polka. Thank you. Kathleen McGee. Yeah, bringing it all together at the end there. Asking the audience to polka with her. All right, now here to remind anyone who throws serious shade on stripes that you've crossed a line,

let's hear again from Rob Pugh. Yep. We have weighed the two testimonies that brought before this most incandescent and brilliant of crowds. Oh, mm-hmm. It's clear that stripes stand tall as the epitome of fashion and timeless elegance. They flatter the wear and exude sophistication. Polka dots are pure dirt. Well polka dots have a Rorschach charm, sort of a, is it Mickey Mouse or Mama? They lack the class and power of stripes. So let's celebrate the enduring allure of stripes

as a superior pattern choice. Honored guests, the choice is clear. When it comes to fashion prowess, leave the polka dots in the 50s and start gliding into the future on a trail blazed with stripes. Thank you! Rob Pugh!

Rob Pugh! Really bringing it together there on behalf of stripes. I've really never heard him this passionate about anything, to be totally honest with you. All right, art and theater, it's up to you to decide. Why applause? How many of you loved how Kathleen always circled back to her desire for dots? Kathleen McGee.

Okay. Nice love for Kathleen. And who preferred how Rob fashioned an argument that allowed him to show his true stripes? Rob Pugh. Okay, the audience has spoken. The winner is Rob Pugh, Okay. The audience has spoken. The winner is Rob Pugh. Stripes over polka dots. Big hand for Rob Pugh.

And Kathleen McGee everybody. Well that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying I don't care if you wear stripes or polka dots as long as you're a solid person. I'll argue with you again soon Canada. Good night. The Debaters is created by Richard Seid.

This week's episode was produced by Nicole Callender, Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark. With continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis, and Gary Jones. Technical production by James Perella and Corey Haberstock. Story editing by Gary Jones. With special thanks to Emily Ferrier, Katie Ellen Humphries, and David Pryde. Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts. And thanks to everyone at the Arden Theatre in St. Albert.

For more CBC Podcasts, go to cbc.ca slash podcasts.