The Debaters - 1912: Pickup Trucks & The Customer is Always Right

Episode Date: December 5, 2024

Is the pickup truck the best type of vehicle? Katie Ellen-Humphries and Dan Taylor refuse to Dodge the question when they hit the road with this topic. Then, laughs are in store when Yumi Nagashima and Faris Hytiaa decide if the customer is always right.

Hi there, listeners. Steve Patterson here. If you're a frequent traveler like I am, you know that traveling's great. But as a wise young girl with fancy red shoes once said, there's no place like home. That's why when I travel, by myself or with my family, I often book Airbnbs for that homey touch. Like the one I stayed at in Stratford, Ontario recently, where I performed a show and took in some Shakespeare.

Though to be clear, I didn't perform Shakespeare. There's no perchance of that happening. I was not meant to be, or not to be. Anyway, my point is, I like the feeling of home when I'm on the road, and I feel like I'm not alone in this, especially when I'm traveling with my family, which got me thinking, when we're on the road, our house could be a home away from home for fellow travelers, too, if we host it on Airbnb. It just makes sense. Actually, it makes dollars. And those dollars could help pay for our next family trip. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host.

Something to prepend on and on. This is a CBC podcast. This podcast is an extended version of The Debaters, which may contain more mature themes. To stream the radio-friendly version of this episode, download the CBC Listen app or go to cbc.ca slash the debaters. And thanks for listening to The CBC. Hey Canada, we've put down roots and we're ready to bloom! From St. Albert, Alberta, home of the province's largest public rose garden, it's The Debaters! The Debaters, where comedians fight with facts and funny, and this audience picks the winner.

Now here's a man who's everyone's bud, Steve Patterson. Hey! Hello Canada! Welcome back to The Debaters. It is great to be here in St. Albert, Alberta, right next door to Edmonton. And Edmonton's a city that has some very distinctive landmarks. In fact, Edmonton City Hall is an eight-story glass pyramid, which presumably keeps the city's spending transparent, or at least helps avoid pyramid schemes. Edmonton also has a great sense of humor about it, and once renamed City Hall for a day in tribute to Edmonton-born actor Nathan Fillion. And this is a 100% true story. They called it the Nathan Fillion Civilian Pavilion.

I like that. If only he were from Vermillion. The only thing that could be a more hilarious tribute to a famous Edmontonian would be if they renamed your nearby nude beach for a day and called it the Tommy Chong Bong and Thong. Now it's time to meet two debaters out to make names for themselves. This comic thought Little Miss Muffet was a good role model until she lost her way.

It's Victoria's Katie Ellen Humphries! Come on out Katie Ellen! There she is! Taking the podium to my left. Always a pleasure to have Katie Ellen on the show. And this comic's jokes are all tailor-made. It's Edmonton's own Dan Taylor! Here comes Dan, striding across the stage to my right. Hi, Dan. Hello, Stephen. Your topic is one that I feel like this is a good province to have this debate in. It'll be a bit of a pick-me-up. Pickup trucks! Pickup trucks. Are they the best vehicle? I don't see a ton of pickup trucks in Toronto, maybe because they're measured in half tons. But if I did own a truck in Toronto, I'd like it to be a monster truck called the Debatonator. And I could preside

over debates between Toronto drivers in tiny little electric vehicles by simply scooping them up and putting them in my flatbed until they stopped arguing. Plus, I'd take full advantage of the free parking on Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Time now for a debate that will make you laugh for wheel so whereas it's versatile that's the first grown I'll count it whereas it's versatile has a strong road presence and is perfect for both work and play be it resolved the pickup truck is the best type of vehicle. Katie Ellen, you're arguing for this. You have two minutes starting now. Katie Ellen Humphries. Thank you. Yeah. Because when something goes wrong with almost any other type of vehicle, you send for a truck.

Okay. No thrill quite like riding in the back of a pickup driven by your dad or someone of equal or greater mustache. Bopping around with a handful of other loose grade schoolers like unbopped kernels at the bottom of a popcorn maker. Redneck shiatsu. My own father, Big John, owns an exquisite 1972 Chevrolet pickup truck, sky blue with dark blue interior, white trim. I have never received more positive attention than when I'm driving this beauty,

and I have accidentally worn rider's green through a Saskatchewan airport. Where would country music be without the mighty pickup? What if instead of got to the station in my pickup truck, Dave and Alan Coe sang in my CRV hybrid SUV crossover. It's not as good. Spotify has a playlist of the best country music songs about trucks that contains 50 songs. 50! And that's just the best ones. In contrast, there is only one song about a Zamboni.

Two, if you imagine that the guy that sings Get Out of My Dreams, Get Into My Car drives a Zamboni. Pickup trucks are the unappreciated stepdads of vehicles. Aesthetically, many do look like the cursed love child of a Coors Light and an Eddie Bauer catalog. But when something needs doing, they come through

with a politically divisive bumper sticker that tells the world get on board or get trucked. Thank you. Katie Ellen Humphries, on behalf of the beloved pickup truck. Now, here to pick apart pickup trucks in Alberta, it's Dan Taylor.

I get it. Trucks and I have history, too. My first vehicle was a 1983 GMC Halfton. It was brown and cream and had revolving orange lights on top. It was like driving a pumpkin spice latte in 1997. And there may have been a time when today's proposal was true, but much like the statements, Tim Hortons is good, the Alberta advantage is real and the debaters is a hard credit to get. What was once true is today demonstrably false. First point, pickup trucks are versatile and have a strong road presence.

Well, since the year 2000, trucks have grown a foot taller and 1,300 pounds heavier, while pedestrian fatalities have gone up 46%. That's like we all went out and brought gas-powered chainsaws into our houses and said, it's versatile and has a strong kitchen presence. Sure, but at what price? We also said that it was perfect for work and play. As someone who has recently tried this, how many sheets of 4x8 drywall do you think you can lay flat in a chevy silverado ford f-150 and dodge ram combined zero

because truck beds aren't perfect for work anymore they're now an open trunk that the police don't need a warrant to search. I understand the romance of the trucks of the past and the songs about them, but those days and those trucks are gone. Now, owning a pickup truck is like wearing a T-shirt constantly that says, ask me to help you move in 2024 the romance of holding hands across the cab of your truck ends when both of our hands fall into an abyss designed for the most ridiculous of Stanley's cups.

The beds are so short that were we to lie down in them together, we would have to pull our knees up to our chest like we're in the middle seat of a Flair Airlines flight. When I was a child, I spoke like a child. I thought like a child, and I drove like a child. But when I became a man, I got a minivan for family stuff and a compact car for commuting. Thank you very much. Well, listen to that. Dan Taylor. We got ourselves a Well, listen to that. Dan Taylor.

We got ourselves a debate, ladies and gentlemen. Good job, Dan. It's time now for the bare knuckle round. We're debating pickup trucks, so Nissan carefully. And payloads of attention. Or you may take an extended cab ride home. It's your super duty to throw your opponent Tundra the bus so you can Tacoma win.

You've each got an F1 50-50 chance. So dodge your opponent's barbs and pick jokes where you think, these'll get laughs. Let's GMC what you've got now. Katie, just because something is popular doesn't make it good. That's the kind of thing I wrote in my diary when I didn't get invited to the school dance. An obvious lie of a delusional child. Pick up trucks, rip!

Speaking of delusional child, I did not appreciate your dig about talking like a child just because before the show I told you my favorite food is paschetti. You're going to criticize a truck because it's now 1,300 pounds heavier in the last 20 years? Who amongst us hasn't put on a few since the dawn of the millennium? Are we not still worthy? That's fair, but we can all acknowledge that agreeing that stretchy pants are okay in public does not normally endanger pedestrians.

But I get it. I do know a thing or two about reverence for the past. My dad also has a 1970 Chevrolet pickup truck as well. I get it. But he also has a 1944 Oldsmobile. So just because we have these vehicles doesn't mean that they're the best vehicle now. My dad has a 1965 Beaumont. What are we doing here?

We're just sharing the fact that our inheritance is going to be mostly errands and Kijiji ads. All right, I think we've heard enough. That's the Bare Knuckle Round, everybody. We're debating the gloriousness of pickup trucks here in St. Albert, Alberta, and if you're keeping

score, stop that. It's time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on pickup trucks brought to you by the number 16. The number 16, or as truckers call it, four by four. The Toronto Star says that in 2023, pickup trucks accounted for four of the top five selling vehicles in Canada. According to the article, why has Canada become such a truck nation? Dan?

Because becoming a car nation would be too flowery. Oh! All right. That got a rise. That got a rise out of the crowd here. Are you not entertained? Katie Ellen Humphries. Canada has become such a truck nation

because you can't convoy in a Corolla, am I right? Yes! Oh, I would pay to see a Corolla convoy. Just the anger. Meep, meep, meep, meep. Someone's never been to the St. Albert Farmer's Market in a joke. That's got to be all Corollas. Why has Canada become such a truck nation? Because trucks have become a social norm and auto dealers are pushing more large vehicles. I'm saying this in Alberta.

This is just history here. A 2023 Axios survey found that 28% of Ford truck owners frequently use their truck for hauling, while 87% frequently use their truck for what? Dan? Listening to Joe Rogan's podcast. Crowd has given you one and a half points. There you go, Joe. a little plug from us. 28% of Ford truck owners frequently use their truck for hauling, while 87% frequently use their truck

for shopping and errands, as opposed to going to math class to make better surveys that add to an equal 100%. A survey cited in GuideAutoWeb.com finds that 80% of pickup truck owners would rather do what than give up their truck? Katie Ellen? Rather than give up their pickup truck, 80% of truck owners would prefer

to actually F Trudeau. He's on the market. 80% of pickup truck owners would rather quit drinking than give up their truck. It's crazy. I know, truck. It's crazy. I know, Alberta. It's crazy. Hagerty.com's list of the best movie pickup trucks

includes the Ford F100 from The Expendables, the Dodge Ram from Twister, and the GMC Wideside from what romantic drama? Dan? There Will Be Blood. Two points for that.

Katie Ellen? The correct answer is actually Pride and Prey Approved Financing. A stretch, but I'll allow it. The GMC wide side from The Bridges of Madison County. We also would have accepted when Harry ran into Sally. And that's the firing line, everybody. It's almost time for our awesome art and theater audience to vote.

But first, back with more pick-up put-downs, let's hear again from Alberta's Dan Taylor. Like I said at the beginning, I have a history with trucks, and I want to save trucks from the parody that they've become. And we can do that by telling the truth. Trucks have become part of performative masculinity. They are an accessory to a blue-collar man costume. They're like the hats and boots

worn at the Calgary Stampede. In that they're expensive and used by politicians to trick people. Trucks are no longer the best vehicle, but they could be again. And the path back starts with striking down this resolution right now. And by the way, do you know how many sheets of 4x8 drywall you can lay flat in the back of a Chrysler minivan? 53.

Thank you very much. Dan Taylor with a real solid closing argument. Now, here to impress us with more of her road-tested pickup lines, let's hear from Victoria's Katie Ellen Humphries. Thank you. My opponent claims that the quality pickup truck is a relic of times gone by, like the drive-in or the ability to retire. I do agree with him that modern trucks have gotten bigger in recent years,

but that is also true of the rock, charcuterie boards, and my butt. And those things are all internationally beloved. A pickup truck is a lot like Alberta. It's tough, it's fun, and people from Vancouver think they have no use for it until they get rent evicted. Like a good Albertan, whether you want to construct a bunker to survive a zombie apocalypse

or to do sick donuts in a Walmart parking lot, A pickup truck is the best. Thank you. Katie Ellen Humphries. A strong argument on behalf of pickup trucks Dan Taylor's against. Let's see how this St. Albert audience decides. How many of you are glad you picked up on Katie Ellen's pro pickup patter and want to keep on trucking? Katie Ellen Humphrey! All right. All right. A lot of love for Katie Ellen. And who was down to see Dan pick up the pace with his anti-pickup prattle, Dan Taylor? Well, the audience has spoken.

They are down with pickup trucks and up with our winner, Dan Taylor. Congratulations, Dan. Big hand for Dan Taylor. And Katie Ellen Humphries, everybody. You're listening to CBC Radio's The Debaters. Want to be a part of the debating action? For upcoming tour dates, visit cbc.ca

slash the debaters. Hi there, listeners. Steve Patterson here. If you're a frequent traveler like I am, you know that traveling's great. But as a wise young girl with fancy red shoes once said, there's no place like home. That's why when I travel, by myself or with

my family, I often book Airbnbs for that homey touch. Like the one I stayed at in Stratford, Ontario recently, where I performed a show and took in some Shakespeare. Though to be clear, I didn't perform Shakespeare. There's no perchance of that happening. I was not meant to be or not to be. Anyway, my point is I like the feeling of home when I'm on the road and I feel like I'm not alone in this, especially when I'm traveling with my family, which got me thinking when we're on the road, our house could be a home away from home for fellow travelers too. If we hosted on Airbnb, it just makes sense. Actually, it makes dollars and those dollars could help pay for our next family trip. Your home might be worth more than you think.

Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. Something to prepend on and on. Hey there, I'm David Common. If you're like me, there are things you love about living in the GTA and things that drive you absolutely crazy. Every day on This Is Toronto, we connect you to what matters most about life in the GTA, the news you gotta know,

and the conversations your friends will be talking about. Whether you listen on a run through your neighbourhood or while sitting in the parking lot that is the 401, check out This Is Toronto wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, St. Albert, I just got one question for you. Are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters? Listen to that, Canada. This comic suspects that while Mickey Mouse seems in charge of Disney, it's really a plutocracy. It's Vancouver's Yumi Nagashima. Yumi Nagashima, there she is

Welcome back to Yumi Hi Steve Hello Taking her place at the podium to my left And this comic is hilarious As far as we're concerned It's Lethbridge, Alberta's Forrest Hatia

Forrest, come on out First time on the show For Forrest Hatia! Forrest, come on out! First time on the show for Forrest. Your topic is one that might be a hard sell. Is the customer always right? The customer is always right in matters of taste, is the actual quote. The customer is always right in matters of taste is the actual quote. The customer is always right in matters of taste. But if that were true, then Buckley's cough syrup would have been out of business ages ago. Whether or not the customer is right or wrong can be hard to figure out. For example, let's say you're eating a meal at a self-serve restaurant.

If the customer, who is you, is telling the server, who is also you, that you're unhappy with your meal and to take it back, who's right? Is it you or you? Now it's time for a debate that if I'm right, we'll be a belly full of laughs. So, whereas satisfied, loyal customers ensure a business grows and thrives, be it resolved, the customer is always right. Yumi, you are arguing for this, please. You have two minutes, starting now, Yumi Nagashima. In North America, the saying goes, the customer is king.

In Japan, we say, which means the customer is God. Take that puny North American king customer. We take customer service to the next level. This explains why you can witness a sincere apology in Japan if a train leaves three minutes late. If three minutes early, you can witness a ritual suicide. Dark humor is my love language. As a Japanese, I excel in customer service too.

I know my audience is always right if they laugh. If not, I must assume deep, unexamined xenophobia. If the customer isn't always right, why do you check Amazon reviews before buying? Why do you feel reassured when your Uber driver has a high rating? Every decision a customer makes is a vote. It's democracy, baby.前にコメディを始めた時 バンクーバーの日本のレストランで サーバーを作っていました

男性が私を招き 私たちは異なる言葉を聞きました お客さんは常に白いです the customer is always white. Sure, sometimes there were difficult patrons, but remember, Harry Selfridge said, the customer is always right in matters of taste. So, if white people wanted to use way too much soy sauce, I allowed them. It's their taste. It's their sodium intake. Sayonara kidney number one. Thank you, Steve. Yumi Nagashima, everybody. Yumi, with a solid opening argument on behalf of the customers of the world.

Now, here to drive a hard bargain as to why the customer is not always right, let's hear from Fares Hatia. People of St. Albert, I've worked in retail most of my adult life. If that experience has taught me anything, it's that not only is the customer not always right, the customer almost never is.

In fact, we wouldn't need staff if the customer didn't need help. Believe it or not, I too have been a customer. I need help. If I was always right, I wouldn't have to live with the memory of trying to return a half-bitten zucchini to Walmart because this cucumber tastes funny.

These archaic ideas have made it so an expert can't just tell you you're wrong from the outset. Look, I used to work at a bank in Lethbridge, Alberta. I was the only brother that worked there. People had questions. Don't worry, nothing too crazy. You know, just stuff like, who is he?

What's he doing here? Like I snuck behind the desk and made my own name tag. If it wasn't for your vigilant eye. And then I'm not allowed to tell them they're wrong for behaving that way? Now I just have to act confused when an application gets denied. Like, sure, I've spent the last 45 minutes reversing non-sufficient funds fees for you, Kyle. But I too think you're ready for a mortgage. The customer being wrong is why we have return policies.

Did you know you can return dead plants to Home Depot for a year? That's right, because while you thought you were developing a new hobby, they knew it was only a matter of time before you neglected that relationship too. They've made it so retail workers, servers, and public servants have to take it from all sides when they should be able to tell you what your friends won't after every breakup. Maybe you're the problem. Thank you. Yes! Boris Hatia on behalf

of the customer not always being right. It's time now for the Bare Knuckle Round. We're debating whether the customer is always right. So go ahead and clientele us what you've got in store in a way that's complain as day. It's time to send them home with their retail between their legs and seize the shopper-tunity

starting now. Look, Yumi, you make a lot of good points, but Japan is not like Canada. Maybe your customers are nice. All right, but in Canada, a lot of them are really entitled people. So maybe I've just become bitter. Yeah, you are bitter. Like the zucchini you bit into. Well, and that's proof that I would have done better if they'd left an Amazon review for that.

One star, not a cucumber. If the customer was always right, why would people still go to West Edmonton Mall? All right. That's the fair enough around, everybody. Yeah. It's time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on the customer always being right,

brought to you by the creators of the airplane, Orville and Wilbur. They were both right. The website Better Proposals says there are five types of customers that a business should never cave to. Unreasonable, abusive, entitled, dishonest, and what other kind?

Yumi. Dead. It's tough to argue with that. I gotta give you an official point with that. Forrest? Black people. Incorrect, Forrest. Maybe that was just leprous. Sorry, sorry.

Unreasonable, abusive, entitled, dishonest, or those seeking an unjustified refund. Finish this quote from Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. We see our customers as what? Fares. Undiagnosed. Nice, that's a slow roll, but it's there. One and a half. Yumi?

Unpaid warehouse inspectors. Bezos says, we see our customers as invited guests to a party. Also would have accepted, we see our customers as little as possible. Helpcrunch.com's list of customer service horror stories includes that of a woman who was charged $7,000 worth of shipping for $90 worth of what?

Yumi. Bubble wrap to protect her from the shock of shipping fee. I like the irony of that. One point. Forrest. Handling. Shipping and handling. I like it. I like it. You gotta close the gap a little bit. That's what makes it good.

Three points. Charged $7,000 worth of shipping for $90 worth of toilet paper. It's a pain in the, well, you know. That's the firing line, everybody. All right, we are in the home stretch here at the beautiful Arden Theatre, and it's almost time for our audience to vote.

But first, to tell us why he doesn't think it should be customary for nary a customer to always be right, let's hear again from Forrest Hatia. Yeah! Philosopher and assistant manager Socrates once said, True wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. Something I'm sure he said while processing a return in chapters for a book someone returned with wet pages. Look, I'm not trying to say the customer is never right After all, you bought tickets to this show You might always be right But ultimately, my case is a case for unity

A chance for us all to trust each other and make life easier for retail workers we need each other if you could go it alone you'd be in the woods or worse an MP representing the People's Party of Canada and that's not good for anybody

thank you Forrest Atiyah And that's not good for anybody. Thank you. Forrest Hatia. Assistant Manager Socrates. Now, here to insist that as a customer, if she's not right, something's wrong. Let's hear again from Yumi Nagashima. Yumi Nagashima. The customer is always right mindset,おめでとうございます

お客様は常に正しい思い出ですお客様に対する人々を助けます お客様は自分の意図を開き 自分の心の平和を保つことができます with inner peace. In Buddhism, this self-release is called chaga. In English, it's called suck it up buttercup. If you want your customers to grow, you must invest your love. You can't just decide someone is unimportant, ignore their needs, and expect them to thrive on their own. That sounds like my dad. I need therapy.

Thank you, Steve. Yumi Nagashima. Giving the crowd a lot to think about. This has been a really great debate on both sides, but it's time to vote. And vote you must. Please, audience audience by applause who agrees with forest that the custom of customers constantly being correct is too costly first hatia

all right okay a lot of love a lot of love and how many of you felt that Yumi's pro-customer chat was on the right side of history, Yumi Nagashima? Close. It is close. But I've got to give this one to our first-time debater, Faris Atiyah. The customer is not always right. Big hand for Faris Atiyah and Yumi Nagashima, everybody. Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying to all our customers out there

who have stuck with us for 19 years now, you're all all right to me. I'll argue with you again soon, Canada. Good night. The Debaters is created by Richard Seid. This week's episode was produced by Nicole Callender, Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson and Graham Clark. With continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis and Gary Jones. Technical production by James Perella and Corey Haberstock.

Story editing by Gary Jones. With special thanks to Emily Ferrier, Katie Ellen Humphries and David Pride. Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts. And thanks to everyone at the Arden Theatre in St. Albert. For more CBC Podcasts, go to cbc.ca slash podcasts.