The Debaters - 1915: Baby Showers & Winter in Alberta

Episode Date: January 9, 2025

Erica Sigurdson and Dakota Ray Hebert rattle each other’s nerves when they decide if baby showers are great. Then, does nothing beat winter in Alberta? Brittany Lyseng and Ola Dada break the ice on this seasonal subject. 

Hi there, listener. Steve Patterson here. If you're a frequent traveler like I am, you know that traveling's great. But as a wise young girl with fancy red shoes once said, there's no place like home. That's why when I travel, by myself or with my family, I often book Airbnbs for that homey touch. Like the one I stayed at in Stratford, Ontario recently, where I performed a show and took in some Shakespeare. Though to be clear, I didn't perform Shakespeare. There's no perchance of that happening. I was not meant to be, or not to be. Anyway, my point is, I like the feeling of home when I'm on the road, and I feel like I'm not alone in this, especially when I'm traveling with my family, which got me thinking, when we're on the road, our house could be a home away from home for

fellow travelers, too, if we hosted on Airbnb. It just makes sense. Actually, it makes dollars, and those dollars could help pay for our next family trip. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca.host. Something to prepend on and on. This is a CBC podcast. This podcast is an extended version of The Debaters, which may contain more mature themes. To stream the radio-friendly version of this episode, download the CBC Listen app or go to cbc.ca slash The Debaters. And thanks for listening to The CBC. Hey Canada, we're busting down the doors from St. Albert, Alberta, home of Canada's largest outdoor farmers market.

It's the Debaters! The Debaters are comedians who fight with facts and funny and this audience picks the winner. Now here's a man who always brings home grown jokes, Steve Patterson. Hey! Thanks, Graham Clark. Hello, Canada. Welcome back to The Debaters.

We are back in the great province of Alberta, home to the world's largest beaver dam. True story. I'm not making, why would I make that up? It's too ridiculous. The world's largest beaver dam. It is so big, you can actually see it from outer space. Yes, this beaver dam, it's the largest. You can see it from space and that puts it in the company of the Amazon River, the Himalayas, and Daniel Smith's ego. Yeah! And it's just a bit smaller than Justin Trudeau's.

Ironically, the beaver dam here is located in Wood Buffalo National Park. So either the name of that park should be changed to Wood Beaver, or the buffaloes better get some damn work done. In the meantime, these busy beavers have turned a giant space into a protected wetland, something that humans couldn't do. I guess when you want to save the planet, you've got to leave it to beavers. It's a joke that could only work on CBC. Time to meet two debaters ready to sink their teeth

into this debate. This comic almost got a degree in professional lawn bowling, but she botched the final exam. It's Vancouver's Erica Sigurdsson! Come on out here, Erica! There she is, Erica, taking her place. The podium to my left. And this comic once knew a flower child

who turned out to be a bad seed. It's Saskatchewan's Dakota Ray Hebert! Come on out, Dakota! Dakota's driving across the stage representing Saskatchewan. Your topic is one that'll give birth to some new ideas, we hope. Baby showers? Are they just the best? My wife Nancy and I had a big baby shower for our daughter Scarlett. We were given a bunch of gifts that really helped

out with the baby and some that didn't. Thanks again for the vasectomy gift card, Erica. For our second daughter Nora, we already had all the stuff from Scarlett, so we didn't have a baby shower for her. And if she ever finds out, I'll have to spend all the money we saved making her use her older sister's stuff on a new car that she could drive to her counseling appointment. But enough about that. It's time now for a debate that is sure to deliver. So, whereas it's a fun-filled way for family and friends to share love and laughter and celebrate the arrival of a newborn, be it resolved that baby showers are great. Erika, you are arguing for this

and you have two minutes starting now. Erika Sigurdsson. Thank you. Thank you. If you don't enjoy baby showers, you're approaching them all wrong. And by that, I mean sober. Unless you're pregnant, in that case, I'll be over here drinking for two. Or I guess three. Finding out you're pregnant is some people's greatest joy

and others' greatest fear. Either way, a baby shower is a party that says, my grade five health teacher was correct. Unprotected sex has consequences. Now pass the spinach dip. Baby shower games are the best, like trying to diaper a baby while wearing oven mitts. Someone excels at this. Never let them babysit.

Or borrow your oven mitts. Then there's eating melted chocolate soup out of this diaper. You're welcome. The greatest spectacle of all is watching two new grandmas compete for pole position. Pitted against each other like the Hunger Games. Two grandmas enter. Well, they'll both leave, but one will be a loser. Each is bringing a more elaborate baked good and completely ignoring the baby register

to outshine the other grandma. A stroller by Tesla by one. An Apple watch for the baby from the other. Truthfully, I love baby showers because I am a youngest child. And there was no such fanfare for my arrival. Those of us that came after the firstborn were lucky if someone threw some beef jerky on our parents yard. When we arrived, I love baby showers because I can look at that little Apple Watch wearing firstborn and whisper in their ear, enjoy it while you can.

There's somebody way cuter nipping at your heels. Thank you. Erica Sigerson says baby showers are great. Now here to say why she soured on baby showers, let's hear from Dakota Ray Hebert. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE You did it! You really did it! And now you're pregnant. Congratulations, or whoopsie doodles. LAUGHTER Either way, someone you know is trying to throw your zygote a party,

and the zygote doesn't even care. You do, though. Because even though the party planner said you won't have to help one bit, you know the truth. You're gonna have to help lots. Because you've got to invite the family and friends they don't know who maybe have wacky dietary restrictions, and now you're worrying about this time consuming,

stress inducing, odd present gifting tradition. There are two types of baby showers, okay? And they equally suck. Type number one, a freshly earth side baby got to meet family and friends they can't even see. The baby also got picked up and nuzzled and kissed by all attendees and as such, picked up and nuzzled an assortment of brand new illnesses. A freshly postpartum mother got to watch her brand new baby be passed around like a doobie

at a music festival. Piss, tits, pass. Snip, snip, snap. brand new baby be passed around like a doobie at a music festival. Ha ha. Piss, piss, pass. Sniff, sniff, pass. Oh, I just love the smell of new baby. Ha ha. Ha. Type number two.

You know you can't trust people to stay home when they're sick, especially loved ones. So you gotta have the baby shower before the baby's born to protect them from said loved ones. To reiterate, baby's not here yet. They have not arrived, they're still on their way, we're having a party for them without them we're jerks And the mom is so pregnant she's actively hiding her pee pants which makes Which makes me wonder why no one brought her a diaper cake instead. Baby showers. A way to feel an abundance of stress before a lifetime of stress.

Mas dicho. Thank you. Listen to that St. Albert crowd for Dakota Rae Heber. It's time now for the Bare Knuckle Round. We're debating baby showers, so let's get this potty started. And get the audience pacified up. Put the booties to your opponent

as one of you baby wipes the floor with the other. And a onesie and a twozie and a one-two free to begin now. Dakota, I think, like you have a baby and you have to agree that your baby shower was probably the perfect introduction to motherhood in that everyone said they would help, very few people did, and nothing was really about you. So congratulations. Thank you, thank you. I actually never had a baby shower. That's how staunchly I agree with it not being great. I think the baby showers when the baby hasn't arrived are my personal favorite because then everyone

who's had a baby sits around and tells the mother to be horrifying stories about their own birth experience. Like nothing goes with a caprese salad quite like an episiotomy story. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing goes with a caprese salad.

What happened to garlic toast? Yeah. Yeah. Also you bring up the mothers always have to pee. Well, so do the two grandmas. So now it's just a family affair. Typers abound. Everybody's having fun. Something else I don't like about the baby showers is the registry because older family members don't

give a care about a registry. They know what's best for a baby, having brought a few into adulthood themselves, you know? And you know what that means is a lot of unnecessary and unwanted presents, such as maybe toys from their childhood, you know? And that reminds me, Auntie, if you're listening to this, thank you for the lead paint. All right, I think that's a good place to stop it. We're doing well, we're doing well. It's time now for the firing line in my hand. I have a list of questions on baby showers

brought to you by Jesus's baby shower. Hey, wise guys. The gold and frankincense were nice, but we were hoping for a diaper, Janey. happiestbaby.com's list of 25 baby shower theme ideas includes dinosaur themed, rainbow themed, and what else? Dakota? Mom guilt theme? Otherwise known as sorry baby we're too broke to look good on Instagram theme. Maybe a little too true. Erica Sigurdsson? Maury Povich theme. It's a spicy one. So weird to find out you're not the mother, wouldn't it?

Dinosaur themed, rainbow themed and lumberjack themed. Yes, lumberjack themed baby showers with real chainsaws, you cowards. Broodcare.com says, if you want to host a baby shower that doesn't suck, make sure you don't forget what? Erica. Edibles. No, but yes. Dakota? A cube of beer and a pack of darts.

I will give you each half a point. The actual answer is music. Music. Brood Care knows what they're talking about. What line from Shakespeare does hallmark.com suggest might be appropriate to write on a baby shower card? Dakota? It's from the Twelfth Net and the line is I was adored once too. Three and a half points, perchance four. Erica? Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

Nice. Done. Three quarters point. That's the party I'd go to. The actual answer is though she be but little, she is fierce from a Midsummer Night's Dream. Yeah. And that's the firing line, everybody.

It's almost time for our illustrious Arden Theater audience to pick a winner. But first, here to tell us why a shower for a babe in arms has her up in arms, let's hear again from Dakota Ray Hebert. Let my closing argument be your opening argument to loved ones. No more baby showers. We want postpartum showers. The postpartum shower entails you receiving your very own diaper cake, and loved ones help you out by tidying your home, doing some laundry, and taking care of the brand new baby so that you, brand new mom, can take an actual shower. Oh yeah.

A long, luxurious, much needed shower. Go ahead, scrub off those milk crusties. Shave off your mucklucks. Have a hearty hormonal cry. We're passing around your baby like a doobie at a music festival. So take your friggin' time, mama. Real showers are good.

Postpartum showers are great. Baby showers are not. Masi Cho, thank you for your time. Well said, Dakota Ray Hebert! A very good closing argument on behalf of, well, showering, really. Now, here to tell us why in the past she's brought a present for a baby's future, let's hear again from Erica Sigurdsson.

Thank you. Because I don't have kids, people wonder if I want to attend their baby shower. And the answer is yes, because baby showers are all about the snacks. And a dash about the baby. I'm also really good with babies, which seems to impress people. I'm like a childless baby whisperer. And at a baby shower, somehow the childless woman shines. It's like spinsters on ice.

But... I also love all the baby gifts at the showers. A lot of new moms don't like the pressure of everyone watching them open their shower gifts and having to pretend like they love everything. Well, Caitlin, you could have pretended to have a headache nine months ago and we'd all have Saturday free.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

But here we are, past the spinach dip. Thank you, goodnight. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!rika Sigurdsson on behalf of Baby Showers. All right, audience, it is up to you to decide by applause how many of you were converted by Erika's Shower Power Sermon into newborn Gens, Erika Sigurdsson. Listen to that!

That's a lot of love. A lot of love for Erica. And who understands why baby showers just don't register with Dakota Ray? Dakota Ray Hebert. Dakota Ray. Very close. Very close. Pretty tough to call this one.

And you know what? I don't have to. This is not a national election. It's a tie! It is inconclusive! Big hand for Erica Singleton and Dakota Ray Hebert, everybody! You're listening to CBC Radio's The Debaters. Want to be a part of the debating action? For upcoming tour dates, visit cbc.ca slash The Debaters. Hi there, Steve Patterson here.

You know, I travel a lot for work on my own, so when I can do a trip where I get to bring my wife, Nancy, and our daughters along, I jump at it. On a recent trip to Ottawa, we booked an Airbnb. It was a nice home and a nice neighborhood, and it even had room for our dog trip to Ottawa, we booked an Airbnb. It was a nice home and a nice neighborhood, and it even had room for our dog, Ferris, which was also nice. And that made me think, hey, maybe our home in Toronto would be a nice place to stay for some nice people too, since it sits empty while we're away. And

honestly, it would be great if our house started bringing in some extra cash to put towards the next trip, because frankly, Ferris keeps screwing up in his job interviews. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. Struggling with debt, help is available. Discover reliable solutions to help you get back on track. Visit canada.ca slash debt-solutions

for support you can trust. A message from the government of Canada. Hey, St. Albert, I just got one question for you. solutions for support you can trust. A message from the Government of Canada. Hey St. Albert, I just got one question for you. Are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters? Listen to that Canada. All right. This comic only rinses the gums on one side of her mouth in an effort to divide and canker. It's Calgary's Brittany Lysing! Come on out, Brittany! Brittany Lysing decked out in winter wear. Hello, Steve.

Hi, Brittany. Looking ready? I'm ready. To rumble, all right. And this comic's balloon store was a real mom and pop establishment. It's Vancouver's Ola Dada. Come on out, Ola.

There he is, making his way across the stage to my right. Your topic is one that we think is really, really cool. Winters in Alberta. Are they the best? You all obviously know about the Chinook winds. For those in the rest of the country, it's a warm breeze that can heat up a freezing day in mere minutes. Apparently they only have them in Calgary, and not here though. I can only assume that when people in St. Albert get wind of that hot wind, they jump

in their giant trucks and head south to Calgary to vacation for 20 minutes of warm weather. Anyway, time now for a debate that you can take to the snowbank. So, whereas it offers breathtaking scenery, exciting activities, and unforgettable experiences, be it resolved that nothing beats winter in Alberta. Brittany, you're arguing for this. You have two minutes. Good luck. Brittany Lysing. Hot take alert. I love the cold. I long for a long winter and nowhere on earth does it better than here in beautiful Alberta. All right. I'd even go as far as to say winter makes summer better.

Summer without winter is like sunny without chair, Simon without Garfunkel, the oiler's without a cup. Oh! It just doesn't hit the same. Winter in Alberta is like living in a Christmas carol. Picture this. You're in the mountains in a log cabin. Snow is gently falling outside your cartoonishly frostbitten window, all while knowing we have zero provincial sales tax and housing is affordable.

Can you think of a better thing than watching the battle of Alberta, flames versus oilers, in the middle of February while your uncle yells at your aunt to get him his darts and another friggin' whiskey. I can't, we're living in God's country, baby. Snow shoeing, snowboarding, ice skating, cross-country skiing, normal skiing, that isn't for boring dorks. We've got it all.

And if those boring dorks ask you to go cross-country skiing, blame the road, say it's unsafe so you can hang out with your real friends. Perhaps sports are not for you, but you still love a good frosty dopamine hit. Well, may I suggest the world's scariest roller coaster? Wait for a storm to hit, and then head up to Fort Mac during oil field shift change.

Nothing like being tailgated in the slow lane on a bed of ice by someone who just ruined their third marriage. I'm sure you might think winter is better spent elsewhere, but I prefer to wake up in the Hallmark movie that is my life. I love winter and I love Alberta. I sure hope all of it feels the same way. Brittany Lising, everybody. Alberta's own.

Winter without summer is like the oilers without a cup. One of the bravest lines I think. Yeah, I can't protect you after this. Now, here to frostbite back about winter in Alberta, let's hear from Ola Dada. Thank you, Steve. My parents moved me all the way from Nigeria to come to North America for a better life and more opportunities, and then moved us to Fort McMurray, Alberta.

Yeah, so trust me, I know about winters. I can tell you without a doubt. It's so cold over there, man. Like, it's one of the few places in the world where you can see the sun, but you can't feel the sun. Yeah. Yeah. On average, it's minus 40.

On average, it's minus 40. Even the freezer is not minus 40. Because if it's neat, it doesn't need to be that cold. Like, it's so cold in Alberta, if you smile too fast, your lip would just split right in half. A lot of people think Nigeria is dangerous. It's just like any other place. If you go out the wrong place at the wrong time, bad things can happen. In Alberta, it's so cold you can just go outside and die.

You've done nothing wrong to nobody. You just go outside, you're waiting for the bus. The bus takes too long, now you're dead. You leave your house, you step on the wrong pavement, you slip, crack your neck, now you're dead. Wow. Having to explain black ice to anybody that's never seen black ice is very difficult.

Because black ice is exactly ice you do not see. It's so cold that you need to check the Weather Channel every day. And every day when I lived in Fort Mac, I would check and I would see minus 30. And for some reason at the bottom of the screen in tiny little fine print detail, And every day when I lived in Fort Mac, I would check and I would see minus 30. And for some reason at the bottom of the screen in tiny little fine print detail, plus wind chill.

(*laughter*) Minus 50A. (*laughter*) That bird of winter suck and I rest my case on that. (*laughter*) Alright! Oladada, ladies and gentlemen. His first opening argument for us.

We got a debate here. It's time now for the bare-knuckle round. We're debating winter in Alberta, so time to slay your opponent right out of the gate. Because when push comes to shovel, there'll be one Wetasca winner and one sore loser. You two are snow angels, but ask yourselves this,

can more laughs be gotten here? Can more? Leth bridge Can more? Can more? Can more? Can more? Let's bridge the gap between fact and funny and make your opponents see red, dear. Time to break the ice and ladook it out, starting now. Quick question, Brittany. Sir. Yeah?

Usually when you drink your hot chocolate or your coffee, how do you take that? I ice it like a grown-up. Look, for somebody that loves the cold so much, you look pretty warm right now, just saying. For those radio listeners, I've worn a jacket. I'm about 480 degrees, too hot. But I feel very cool. I feel very cool. This is the coolest I've ever been. It's dedication to the craft.

Is that a snowmobiling jacket? This is a snowmobiling jacket. I paid $80. I'm going to charge it to the CBC. Great. I got one more question for you, Brittany. Sure, please, please. When you wake up in the morning and you go into your shower, you turn your shower on,

what temperature do you put it at? What part of this outfit makes you think I'm showering? All right. All right. That's the fair enough around. We're getting on it now. Now we're getting on it. All right. All right. That's the bare knuckle round. We're getting on this now.

Now we're getting on it. Time now for the firing line in my hand. I have a list of questions on Alberta winters brought to you by Shakespeare's all season camping gear, whose slogan is, now is the winter of our discount tent. I like that one. I like that one. That's one point for our writers right there. BuzzFeeds list 12 reasons why Alberta is the perfect place to visit

if you're obsessed with winter, recommends visiting the Banff Hot Springs, climbing a frozen waterfall in Johnson Canyon, and what's number one? Brittany. Counting truck nuts on Highway 2. Two points for that. Hola.

Looking for plugs for your vehicle? Nope. The number one reason why Alberta is the perfect place to visit if you're obsessed with winter, according to Buzzfeed, is seeing the Aurora Borealis. Yeah. In 2019, a University of Alberta student from Costa Rica wrote an article entitled, How to Survive Your First Winter in Canada. What did she never do in Costa Rica that she found herself doing twice daily in Canada? Praying before she stepped outside.

I'll give you a point for that one. That's a good answer. Brittany? Apologizing for nothing. Good. That's a good Canadian custom. Give you half a point for that. Moisturizing. Moisturizing. Yeah! That's it. That's the firing line, everybody. It is almost time for our awesome Arden Theatre audience to vote, but first here again to remind anyone who's heard good things about winter in Alberta that they might have been misled. Let's hear again from Oladada. First off, I just want to say winter is not an ally.

It is not friendly to people with lips like mine. There's plenty of things you have to learn when we left Nigeria. Chabbed lips was not one of them. If you look at me, I got a lot of lip to chap. Great power comes great responsibility. What they don't tell you is if you don't have chapsticks in Alberta, you need to lick your lips for moisture. And when you lick your lips for moisture, you get into the lip lick of destruction.

Because it dries faster than the last time you licked it. There's nothing more frustrating than having a conversation with somebody, looking them in the eye, and then waiting for your opportunity to lick your lips again. Because you get two licks before it looks like you're about to eat the person in front of you. Thank you very much.

before it looks like you're about to eat the person in front of you. Thank you very much. Oh, Adada! Yes! Getting to the heart of it. Now the winter gloves are off for her stone cold defense of winter in Alberta. Here's, I'm going to assume by now, boiling hot, Brittany Lysang. by now boiling hot, Brittany Lysang! Oh, what? Oh, what? People from all over the globe travel to Alberta to experience winter.

They leave their homes, they'll get on planes, they'll even fly WestJet and risk the cancellation. And not just to clog up the streets of Banff only to find out the whole town is riddled with Australians and that the Beaver Tail is just an overpriced donut. They come because this is the most beautiful place on Earth. Winter is who we are. It's what makes us a little tougher. And yeah, it's harder to be better at everything than the rest of the country when it's minus

40, but we still manage to do it. We like our winters like we like our women. Strong, beautiful, with a faint smell of cigarettes and two strokes from a snowmobile. Nothing beats winter in Alberta. All right. Brittany Lysing with a great closing argument and a great idea for a new perfume, I think. All right, audience, it is up to you to decide the winner. By applause, how many of you found yourselves warming up to Ola's Alberta winter warnings and got your hearts melted?

Ola Danna! Wow! Listen to that! Listen to that! All right! Wow! And how many thought Brittany ran rinks around Ola with her Alberta winter wonderland words?

Brittany Lysen. That's nice support. That's nice support for either side, but I've got to give this one in his first ever debate to Ola Dada. The winters in Alberta might need some improvement. Big hand for Ola Dada and Brittany Lysing, everybody. Well, that's all for this week.

I'm Steve Patterson saying, if you haven't done winter in Alberta yet, you haven't done winter right I'll argue with you again soon, Canada. Good night The debaters is created by Richard side This week's episode was produced by Nicole calendar Chloe Edbrooke Dean Jenkinson and Graham Clark With continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis and Gary Jones. Technical production by James Perella and Corey Haberstock. Story editing by Gary Jones.

With special thanks to Emily Ferrier, Katie Ellen Humphries and David Pride. Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts. And thanks to everyone at the Arden Theatre in St. Albert.