The Debaters - Are backyards better than front yards? Is travelling with kids worth it?

Episode Date: June 18, 2026

For The Debaters’ season finale, we’re finding out if the grass is greener on the other side in “Backyard vs. Front Yard.” Matt Wright believes the backyard is best, but Patrick Dussault argues the front yard should be the front-runner. Next, is travelling with kids part of your summer plans? Julie Kim is pro-parenting on holiday, but Sammy Farid says you might need a vacation from your vacation.Featuring: Matt Wright, Patrick Dussault, Julie Kim, and Sammy Farid.

This week on two blocks from the White House. From a $1.8 billion fund that could go to allies to retribution for Republicans who have spoken out against him. With midterm elections coming up, we're asking how far can Donald Trump go without paying a political price? Join me, Paul Hunter, and my fellow Washington correspondents, Katie Simpson and Louis Bluin, as we break down U.S. politics from a Canadian perspective. Find and follow two blocks from the White House wherever you get your podcast. And watch us on YouTube every Wednesday. is a CBC podcast. Hey Canada, tonight's show is going to be on fire from Winnipeg, Manitoba, home of the Winnipeg Firefires Museum.

It's The Debaters, where comedians fight with facts and funny in this audience picks the winner. Now here's a guy who's a smoking hot comedian, Steve. Welcome back to the debaters. Yes, I am quite good looking for radio. We're here in our favorite festival city, Winnipeg. A city that will move you. Recently, a user of the website Reddit designed what he thought would be an ideal light rail transit system, or LRT, for Winnipeg. It looks disturbingly similar to the design of Toronto's subway map.

It looks pretty good. And just like Toronto's subway, it could be effective roughly 10% of the time. If he really wants to help, he should create a map of Winnipeg's Elmap. LRP system. LRP system, that's lots of random potholes. So you know where they are. All right. Time now to meet two debaters, who we feel are always on the level.

This comic's material is certainly made of the right stuff. It's Newfoundland's Matt Wright. Come on out, Maddie. Matt Wright, everybody. There he is. Matt. Getting the crowd riled up. Welcome, my friend.

Thanks, man. And this comic's jokes, Do So, make us laugh. It's Toronto's Patrick Duso! Patrick! There he is. He looks happy, striding across the stage to my right.

Steve, you look terrific. Thanks, buddy. Debaters, your topic is one that will go the whole nine yards. Front yards versus backyards. Which is superior. You heard that. Some people do care about this. I have found a perfect way around showing bias in this debate.

I'm going to argue about our side yard in Toronto. Our side yard is the yard beside our house, where I play fetch with our dog Ferris and where he often does his business. It's also where we do our gardening. So I had to buy my wife raised garden beds that are slightly taller than our dog. Either way, if any of you ever come visit, it's okay to have a tomato.

Time now for a debate that will yard stick it to you. So, whereas it's a larger space that offers privacy, flexible layouts, and a comfortable and casual environment, be it resolved when it comes to outdoor spaces, backyards are superior to front yards. Matt, you are arguing for this, please. You have two minutes, starting now, Matt Wright. The backyard has privacy.

dignity and relaxation. The front yard has drive-by shootings. The vibe in the backyard is immaculate. The sun is out. The beer is flowing. The smell of hot dogs soars through the air. Do you know who's in the front yard? Jehovah's Witnesses!

In the backyard, we do not witness Jehovah. The only thing we witness is a good time. Have I heard the good news? Nope. I'm in the backyard, baby. The only thing I can hear is the sweet sounds of Gordon Lightfoot on the Bluetooth speaker.

Fireworks in the backyard, we are celebrating. Fireworks in the front yard, you're being used. manslaughtered by the little boy from Home Alone. What's your preference? You want beer and barbecue, or do you want to get hunted like a dog by 1991 McCauley Culkin?

91 Culkin was at his most adorable and dangerous. How this young man went from going full psycho jigsaw for two Home Alone movies, only to be murdered by a bunch of, of bees and my girl the following year is a sudden loss of form not seen since Bobby Orr's knees blew out. What was I talking about?

Backyards versus front yards. Right. Thank you. The backyard is a place for yard games. Cornhole, boccey ball, croquet. Sounds fun, right? Imagine me playing a game in my front yard. What kind of desperate pervert is playing games in the front yard for the neighbors to watch.

Might as well have a bell in a triangle hat and be like, hear ye, hear ye. Neighborhood watch. Call the police before it's too late. We already know that the backyard is better than the front yard. But sure, let's listen to Pat, a man who lives in Toronto and has never seen either of them. Okay.

Okay, Matt Bright. All right. Now, here to tell anyone who doesn't think that front yards come out ahead of backyards that they basically lost the plot. Let's hear from Patrick Dusso. Riddle me this, Winnipeg. If backyards are so superior,

why do people let their pets use them as a literal toilet? And since we're asking questions, why are people so protective of their front yards that they put up passive aggressive signs asking dogs to please be respectful. Knowing full well that dogs can neither read nor grasp the concept of private property. It's because front yards are what separate us from the animals. Front yards are where kids put up lemonade stands, with pay-what-you-can signs that prepare them for a lifetime of struggle under late-stage capitalism.

Backyards are where your neighbor's creepy kid goes to set ants on fire, until he grows up into an adult who buries his victims there. Front yards are a fresh canvas that lonely adults use to turn every seasonal holiday and federal election into their entire personality. Backyards are where those same lonely adults drunkenly stream the game in their tidy whitties because literally who cares. Front yards are where we put up little free-lil-law. libraries to share the inspiring, life-changing books we want our neighbors to think we've read. Backyards are where the time limit for food that falls on the ground goes from five seconds to last summer. In short, front yards keep us connected to the basic conventions of human society.

Backyards are where we go to escape those conventions. And with the Internet expediting the backyardification of humanity every day, I would suggest to my dear friend Matt that the only possible solution to our civilization is sitting in our front yard. Thank you. Patrick, you saw everybody. On behalf of front yard. It is time for the bare knuckle round. We're debating backyards versus front yards.

So as we fire pit you two against each other, don't hedge your bets. I just wanted to wait for that one fella to get it. Instead, shed your inhibitions. Take a big swing and try to deck your opponent. They might take offense, but you two just keep bringing the mulch-needed laughs. You're both trampoline, mean debating machines who deserve a patio on the back.

So wait for my barbecue to begin now. I can't even believe I have to stand here and argue with this guy who doesn't think dogs can read. This guy, he's probably performatively reading on his front porch. People are always reading on the porch. You think you're better than me because you read Agatha Christie on your front step. But I already finished that book because I listened to it at four times speed on audiobook, and I've retained nothing.

But that's fine because I don't read to be performative. I read so I never have to think a thought once. Here's a thought for you to contemplate. I can't believe that we're having this debate because the front yard is your house's face. The backyard is your house's butthole. So does that make a duplex of human centipede?

Okay. All right, strike that from the record. I don't want our listeners Googling human centipede. Yeah, you might get a spoiler. I'm just saying. Your backyard isn't so much a plot of land as it is an outdoor junk drawer for rusty bikes and failed home improvement projects. Pat, it is the middle of the afternoon. Do not be telling people what drawer you put your junk in.

Man. That's fair enough. But have you considered that the front yard is where your mail carrier delivers your package? But the backyard is where the mail carrier delivers your spouse. his package. Oh, Matt's on the phone. I'm going to call my wife to confirm that before I reply.

Okay. I think we've got what we need. That's the Bar-Noggle round. Backyard versus front yard. It's time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on backyard versus front yard brought to you by Blackbeard's landscaping company.

I will take care of your yard for a small, charge. A 2025 CBC article says a growing movement is to shun manicured lawns and instead fill your yard with what? Patrick?

Decoy Amazon packages to confuse porch pirates. Yes. Two points. Matt Wright. Fill your yard with children. Children to manicure the lawn for you. Yeah. Okay.

At an unfair wage that you can still get a So to answer the question, I would say, fill your yard with illegal child labor. A 2025 CBC article says, fill your yard with native plant species or a food garden. What is one of craneprojects.ca's ideas for front yard landscaping that will make your neighbors jealous?

Patrick? Patrick? Landmines that detect door-to-door solicitors. A little harsh. One point. Matt Wright. A yard sign of a printed-off version of their wife's Instagram posts. I mean child labor. According to craneproject.ca, ideas for front yard landscaping

that'll make your neighbors jealous. Sculpted hedges. Doesn't seem to work here in Winnipeg, though. Maybe other places. In 2023, a Toronto family was shocked when the city told them a neighbor had complained, and they'd have to remove what $20,000 addition from their backyard? Matt. A live performance by Blue Rodeo.

Oh, that is good. Patrick? A marble sculpture of Doug Ford accepting a kickback. I would buy that. That's one point. No, they had to remove artificial grass, including a putting green. I guess the neighbor had a phobia of golf. That is the firing line, everybody.

All right. It's just about time for our jubilant jubilee place theater audience to vote. But first, here again to remind you all that the grass is always greener on the front side of his lectern. Let's hear from Patrick Dousseau. Backyards are nothing but a marketing gimmick invented by big hardware to sell more rakes. Sure, they offer a larger surface area, but as my wife has reassured me many times over the last 20 years, bigger doesn't necessarily mean better. In fact, backyards make us worse because they shield us from one of the most important emotions in all of human evolution.

Shame. We all try a little harder to be better people when we think someone's watching. That's the basic premise of Catholicism. But worse than that, backyards blind us to the plight and suffering of others. And the reason that I know this is that no one has ever opposed the building of affordable housing or a safe injection site

by grousing, not in my front yard. Thank you. Yeah. Patrick Jousseau. Strong points. Thank you, Patrick. All right. Once again, here to tell you

about his favorite kind of yon. the kind with an awesome backstory. Let's hear from Matt Wright. In the backyard, I can get drunk in the afternoon and fall asleep in a hammock, and no one is the wiser. If I get drunk in my front yard and fall asleep on my front step,

I will never see my son again. Backyard forever. I want privacy. I want space. I want to be away from the prying eyes. of my neighbors so I can botch my gender reveal in peace. No one has ever said, bring the kids to the front yard. It'll be a great time. Why don't you just let your children go to a witch's house

and play in the oven? That's what he's saying, basically. He's arguing for a place equally as safe as the plot of Hansel and Gretel. Hansel and Gretel is a German fairy tale about two siblings. They are living during a famine, and the father's second wife says,

send the kids out of the woods, defend for themselves. It's true, that's what it says. The children then find a house that is made of food. They try to eat it, but then a witch tricks them inside, and the witch is about to put a boy in the oven, and the sister tricks the witch to look in the oven, and she kicks that witch in the oven. Now, that is what constitutes a happy ending in a German fairy tale.

The children return home, and they say, hello, Fater, we have survived, and we have committed murder. But do not worry, she was a witch, even though we saw her do no magic. The father says, weird coincidence. While you were gone, another one of my wives died, and I will not be elaborating. The family then exchanges a firm handshake, the German custom of love, and they lived happily ever after. So yeah, I think backyard is better.

And if you don't, why don't you come to see my backyard pizza oven, and I bet I can change your mind. Matt Wright, everybody. Matt Wright. audience, it is up to you, and it's time to vote. By applause, how many of you back Matt after he never backed down about backyards? Matt Wright. A lot of support for Maddie. Okay.

And how many of you liked how up front Patrick was about putting front yards front and center, Patrick Dousseau? It is very close. This was a well, well-fought debate. I got to give this one just by a little to Matt Wright. Backyards are better. Everybody. Hey debaters listeners, thanks for tuning in to our season finale. And get ready for more facts and funny with this episode's second debate,

which really travels well. Here's Steve Patterson. Imagine you've been charged with a crime, and the only witness pointing the finger at you isn't even human. I remember thinking, are you serious? What is this thing? It's something artificial, created by a mysterious Canadian. And it's coming for all of us.

A life-defining technology. Crime as we know it will never be the same. I'm like, oh my God, he's lying. From CBC's Uncover, The Expert Witness. Listen, ad-free on Amazon Music. Hey, Winnipeg, are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters? Listen to that crowd, Canada. This comic's past 12 months spent writing positive phrases onto hanging fabric

turned into quite the banner year. It's Vancouver's Julie Kim. Julie Kim, making her way to the podium to my left. And this comic has trouble remembering the name of the kitchen gadget used at the salad bar when it's right on the tip of his tongue. It's first-time debater, Sammy Farid. First time. Hi, Steve.

Welcome, buddy. Hello. Your topic, debaters, is one that's well-traveled. Is traveling with your kids worth it? I recently flew with my six-year-old daughter, Nora, who melted the hearts of every airline employee we encountered. They even gave her free VIP lounge access, unlike me who had to earn it with thousands of air miles flown over hundreds of years. When we landed, she barged to the front of the line because she just didn't want to be on the plane anymore, which when she does it is

adorable. But when I do it is arrestable. Time now for a debate with real travel agency. So, whereas it provides quality time in a different environment, introduces children to new customs and cultures, and makes lifelong memories, be it resolved, traveling with kids is worth it. Julie, you are arguing for this, please. You have two minutes, starting now.

Julie Kim! All right, all right! Traveling with kids can be great, but they have to be your kids, right? Otherwise, it's much less meaning. less meaningful and quite frankly, kidnapping. Whenever we travel, my kid says, my parents work very hard to take me on this trip,

because we make her say it while we're recording on the phone. As a kid myself, I did not travel with my family. We had no money, and I thought all-inclusive meant that we lived with our grandparents. Okay? Although on some weekends, we would take family drives to Costco. Right? Yes, to get supplies for our convenience store.

Forced child labor at 7 a.m. on a Saturday. And I got my taste of the world through international foods via free samples. And I'd say to my dad, I don't like pork. And he'd be like, well, this isn't regular pork. It's free pork. Even today, my parents are like, why should we go to Europe? We have food at home. My husband, daughter, and I have traveled a lot.

It is stressful. It is expensive and chaotic. But is it fun? No. But it is worth it because we're going together. And really, that is the best look on Instagram. Okay? We're creating shared memories.

Nobody's like, hey, remember that regular Tuesday last year? Never. Instead, it's like, remember when we got lost in Rome and dad refused to ask for directions? And we ended up in Iraq? Yeah. That is a core memory. Also, bonus, we left him there.

We hope he's well. Thank you. Thank you. Julie Kim argued on behalf of traveling with kids. Now, here to tell us why traveling with kids to get away from it all may end up with you wanting to get away from them all. Let's hear from Sammy Farid. Thank you, Steve. On September 23rd, 2024, my wife, my 4-year-old son, and my 2-year-old daughter and I began our magical family voyage to Japan.

And within 24 hours, we consider disbanding as a family, you know? People say travel enriches the soul. Sure, for adults, not for children. Kids don't appreciate travel. Their imaginations are already too big. You fly them halfway across the planet. temples, mountains, cherry blossoms, and they all react like you took them to the passport office. And there's the food. Japan has some of the greatest cuisine on earth and beautiful, delicate dishes,

and your kids just pick at it like seagulls fighting over French fries. Unless, of course, it's the most expensive thing on the menu. My kids discovered a passion for uni. That's right, sea urchin. Two toddlers with the taste of a... retired hedge fund manager. They just kept yelling, Dad, another round of Colby beef for the table. Someone will eat it. At one point, my wife and I,

we stopped outside the Sizakaya, a sweet tiny pub, five seats, no room for strollers. And we were just standing outside the window, watching everyone inside, clink their beer, laughing, living their best lives. Honestly, it looked like they were celebrating

not having children. Then our peaceful moment ended when we heard two tiny voices behind us yell Why are we still standing here? This is so boring. And that's when I realized you know it would have made Japan so much better if we left the kids at home.

Thank you, Steve. Hey, all right. Sammy Farid in his first opening argument for us. It is time now For the bare knuckle round. We're debating whether traveling with kids is worth it. So, backpack your argument with laughs. Really stuffy it full.

Or I'll have to throw the coloring book at you. Don't fly by the car seat of your pants. Are we there yet? No. Stop asking and start arguing now. Julie, you were complaining about traveling to Costco on your family vacation. as a child. I think that's a great family vacation. You get the international experience. You're trying all the foods. It's probably only half the cost of a family vacation. Well, first of all, yeah, let's just settle here. Things cost money, all right? But I only have one child. Sammy, you have two kids. That's double the number of my kids. And of course, you know, life is less fun and more expensive for you. And that's not your kid's fault. That is your fault. Okay.

That's fair, Julia. I actually have three kids now. There's a reason to go away. You need a vacation. Like, you're different when you're on vacation. I'm a much better person when I'm on vacation. No distractions, no work. I'm very present as I yell at my family.

You got to try it. Okay? Yeah, and I yell. I'm a yelling person if you can't tell. Right? But, of course, I'm not perfect. And we're not perfect. Sometimes we go on vacation and we put her in front of an iPad.

What do you do? Well, I just take the two smaller ones. I put them in front, the bigger one. Oh. Hold on. I'm going to write this down. I only have two kids, but it's still worse. I just need to know then.

Like, you're so against bringing kids on family vacations. Like, what is the issue? Did you have some family vacation trauma or something? Julie, were you not listening? The entire vacation was trauma. I shared a bed. the very first night we got there. I shared a bed with my son, and he was okay.

He wears overnight diapers. And we went to bed, and midway through the night, he woke me up going, Dad, I peed the bed. And I always think of my father and how he was a very angry Egyptian man, and how I should be a better father than he was to me. So I said, Habibi, not a big deal. Come on out of bed. I got him changed.

I put a towel over the wet spot, and I go, let's go back to bed. And you know where this kid laid on the dry side of the bed? All right. That's the barreduckle round, everybody. It's time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on traveling with kids, brought to you by the Jonathan Swift Family Travel Guide. The Gulliver's Travel with their kids.

Literary jokes usually go better with CBC. Canadian aviation regulations say if you're traveling with more than one child under the age of two, you're required to what? Sammy. Have one of them checked into the cargo hold? That is a big reaction from this audience. Please do not do that. Julie Kim.

Have both of them checked into the cargo hold. Okay. All right. That's how you do it. Have one adult passenger to accompany each infant. And then my producers wrote, i.e. one adult can't accompany two infants. Thanks.

Travel writer Stuart Heritage says, if you're traveling with a stroller, be sure to what? Sammy? Throw half your itinerary in the trash. That's pretty funny. If you're traveling with a stroller, check if your destination has lots of cobblestones.

Yeah. Familytraveller.com says if you're worried about your child wandering away and getting lost on vacation, you can buy yourself some peace of mind by doing what? Julie. Same thing you do with my husband. Put them on a leash. Retractable leash.

That's nice. Incorrect. Sammy. You can put a little air tag under their tongue. You can buy yourself some peace of mind about your child wandering away and getting lost by writing your name and phone number on their forearm. Air tags definitely better idea. That's the firing line, everybody. It is almost that magical time

when our Jubilee Place Theater audience places their votes. But first, here again to prove that when they travel with their kids, parents go from road warriors to road warriors. Let's hear again from Sammy Farid. Okay, look, traveling with kids is magical, okay? If your idea of magic is watching $9,000 disappear because someone,

Someone's crying, their paper straw has gone soggy. You don't actually get to see the world. You get to see bathrooms. Every landmark becomes, how far is this from the toilet? Every meal turns into, do you have any plain white rice? No sauce, no flavor, no joy, just rice. We flew 13 hours so my kids could eat like inmates. Sure, travel can enrich the story.

soul, just not theirs. They already think the living room was Disneyland. Without kids, you travel. With kids, you relocate your problems internationally. Same tantrums, different time zones. So if you're wondering whether to travel with kids, don't. Because without kids, you see the world, and with kids, the world sees you. Sammy Farid. Oh my God. Buddy, funny, deep, true. All right, now, here to tell us why the joy of traveling with her kids allows her to go the extra smile. Let's hear from Julie Kim. All right, the biggest thing here is culture.

Nothing says culture like asking, what's the Wi-Fi password in another language? All right? And speaking of culture, may I share, we took our daughter to France. They did not care for her. I loved it. Someone else treated her like. she wasn't special and it wasn't me. Oh my God. I was like, yes, humble her, see you play. And this is good for her. This will prepare her when she grows up and is treated like crap as an adult in France.

So is traveling with kids worth it? I say it is because our daughter has promised to take us places when we're old, which is great because we're spending all our money taking her places now. Thank you very much. Yeah. Julie Kim. Happily travels with kids. Sammy Farid is the opposite, and it's up to our audience to vote.

By applause. Who agreed with Julie's assertion that a journey of a thousand miles happily begins with one baby step? Julie Kim. Okay? All right, some worldly applause for Julie. And who agreed with Sammy

that traveling with kids is nothing but a bumpy ride on a rocky road? Sammy Farree. A decisive victory Winnipeg does not like children. The winner is Sammy for everybody. Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying to my daughters who travel with me a lot. Keep practicing being adorable.

You get free. The debaters is created by Richard Side. This week's episode was produced by Nicole Calendar, Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark, with continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis, and Gary Jones. Technical production by James Porella and May MacKillop. Story editing by Gary Jones. With special thanks to Katie Ellen Humphreys, David Pride, and Emily Ferrier.

Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts. And thanks to everyone at the Jubilee Place Theatre and the Winnipeg Comedy Festival. For more CBC podcasts, go to cBC.ca.com.