The Debaters - Are night owls superior to early birds? Does dogsledding bring the excitement?

Episode Date: November 27, 2025

It’s never too late for night owls to take on early birds, then, we decide if dogsledding is paws-itively thrilling.Featuring: Don Kelly, Yumi Nagashima, Graham Clark, and Jenny Hamilton.

Hi, listeners ears. Steve here. I'd like to talk to your eyes for a minute, please. Eyes? I want you to know that I see you, and I know that every day you go through a lot. Like squinting at screens, or squinting in the bright sun. Anyway, regular eye exams are very important, and that's why at spec savers, eye exams include an advanced OCT 3D eye scan, technology that helps detect eye and health conditions at early stages. So take care of yourself, eyes and book yourself an eye exam at specksavers.cavers today from just $99, including your OCT scan. Now, to remind your ears of what I just said to your eyes, here's my best fast announcer voice. Book an eye exam with an OCT scan from $99 at specksavers.cavers.com. Cases are provided

by independent optometrists. Prices may vary by location. Visit specksavers.caver's.com to learn more. Hey, pretty good, fast talking, Steve. Thanks, normal talking, Steve. You were good, too. Hey debaters listeners, this is Nicole Callender, one of the producers on the show. Before we get into this week's episode, I've got a favor to ask. If you haven't done so already, we'd love it if you could hit the follow button on our podcast. That way, you won't miss an episode. Okay, on to today's show. Hey, Canada, have you got antlers in your pantlers for us to start?

From Yellowknit, the home of the only free-range reindeer in Canada. It's the debater! The debaters, where comedians fight with facts and funny in this audience picks the winner. Now here's a man who never gets care of booed off stage, Steve Patterson. Hey, thanks Graham Clark. Hello, Canada, and welcome back to the debaters. We are so lucky to be here in beautiful Northwest Territories. Yes!

A land of remarkable landscapes and even more remarkable people. If you ever get the privilege to visit, you need to go see the Smoking Hills. One person here likes it. But if you're not familiar, due to coal and sulfur deposits, this strip of land has been burning for literally centuries, making it a bona fide tourist hotspot. In fact, a famous novel was written about it. called Coal of the Wild. It's a bit sad, though, because

these hills could easily have been mountains, but all that smoking stunted their growth. Time now to meet two debaters who are always on fire. This comedian won't play tennis with a marsupial because they refuse to be part of a kangaroo court. It's Vancouver's Yumi Nagoshima. Hi, Steve.

Hi, Yumi. Welcome back. Always a pleasure. Thank you for having me. And this comic believes every day starts with a brand new dawn. It's Ottawa's Dawn Kelly. Come on out there, Dawn. There he is. Welcome back striding across the stage to my right.

Your topic is one that we might lose some sleepover. Night owls, are they superior to early birds? Comedians tend to work at night. Here in the Northwest Territories, land of the midnight sun, it's probably hard to figure out if it's a late-night gig or an early afternoon or morning gig. Should I be drinking orange juice or vodka in orange juice? In the winter, a comedy nightclub here could open at noon.

In the summer, a late-night show could last well into the next day, which is when this stand-up could use a little lie down if anyone has any way to close the curtains fully. Now for a debate that's here just in time. So, whereas they're active during a calmer part of the day, which can increase focus, creativity, and productivity, be it resolved that night owls are superior to early birds. Don, you're arguing for this, please. You have two minutes. Starting now, Don Kelly.

Morning people, vegans. People training for their first marathon. on. It's amazing how we can simultaneously admire people while finding them completely annoying. There you go. See, no one likes mourning people except other mourning people, right? Who wants to be around perky, unshowered people at 6 a.m.? I avoid them like Buffy St. Marie avoids pow-wows. The crowd is torn. I like that.

Nighttime is where it's at. The night is full of intrigue, mystery, romance. What happens in the morning? Brunch. A meal's so lame, it can't even figure out what it wants to be. Right? Yeah, I'd like to order the tuna and peasant. pancake sandwich, please?

Being an early bird isn't even natural. Proof, the human race invented the snooze button. And when something terrible and life-changing happens, what do we call it? A wake-up call. It's all negative. And you know, most early birds don't even want to be early birds. They're forced into it, and there's a name for those people.

Parents. Yeah, schlepping your kids to hockey practice at 4 a.m. You're stumbling around in a groggy haze. Of course you're seeing the world with new eyes, right? What a beautiful pine tree. That's a coat rack. Nighttime brings out the cool people, right? Celebrities, rock stars, vampires, Batman.

Which tells you, who's a night owl? Or let me rephrase that. Who's a night owl? They're a veritable, who's who? That's who? Mental note, yellow knife, not big on the owl, puns. But so choose wisely, Yellowknife, because, you know, being an early bird or a night owl,

that's a six-month commitment in the territories. Choose night owl, thank you. John Kelly, ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of night owls. Now, here to tell us why when it comes to early birds, she's ready to beak off. Let's hear from Yumi Nagashiba. Let me set one thing straight.

We live in a system called the solar system and everything in it revolves around the sun, not a fluorescent light bulb. I get it, owls are cool. But it's a delusion to think human can be owls. Don, do you have night vision or eco location? No? Then you are just a regular human being who can't wake up early.

wake up early. Living in harmony with sunlight isn't a lifestyle choice. It's basic survival. Except in yellow night. It's less harmony and more like a sun dictatorship. But regardless, humans were never designed to be nocturnal. We need sunlight to function, to thrive, to not cry in the shower for no reason. Japanese national flag is literally

the sun. I am from the land of the rising sun. This is why I don't cry in the shower. Not because I'm emotionally dead inside. Sacadian rhythm is vital. Every organ in your body runs on a 24-hour clock sink to sunlight. It's the proof we are meant to rise with the sun. Night owls? They are basically walking jet lag. Yes, they are like vampires, except instead of sucking blood, they suck at answering emails before noon. They say they are more creative when everyone else is asleep.

So do burglars. An early bird wakes up at 6 a.m. and drinks water. A night owl wakes up at 2 p.m. and drinks melted ice coffee from last week. By the time they roll out of that, I've lived three lives done laundry. And my laundry smells like early retirement. Thank you. Yeah. You mean Agashima.

We're debating night owls versus early birds here on the debaters, and it's time now for the bare knuckle round. We're debating whether night owls are superior to early birds, so consider this a wake-up call. You need to sunrise to the occasion. Night shift it into gear and debate the living daylights out of your opponent. it. Make them eat your dusk before it's too late. And one of you is in mourning. That one,

that one hurt some people. Speaking of which, it's dawning on me now that we should begin now. Yumi, I didn't want to interrupt you, but yes, I do have night vision and echolocation, because of course, I'm indigenous. Okay, you just can't wake up early. Well, by the way, can we acknowledge, can we acknowledge up front here the position I'm in? I'm in front of a group of CBC radio listeners who opted to come to the matinee taping of the debaters about how it's better to be a night person. And you're like, oh, 7 p.m. I don't know.

I've got gardening tomorrow. I just, I can't. Good point. Yeah, sure. You are like one night owl surrounded by a bunch of morning birds. You must feel like a goth kid at the Bible camp. I get it. Morning people are annoying.

I get it because we mirror back everything you gave up on. Sorry, daylight doesn't lie. That's the point, that's the point. You mean daylight doesn't lie. Everyone looks better in the dark. You guys look lovely. You guys look fantastic. You know what, we're going to call it there.

That's the bare knuckle round. It's time now for the firing line in my hand. And I have a list of questions on night owls versus early birds brought to you by afternoon albatrosses, when what you don't accomplish in the morning really weighs down on your night. Deep pit there, I guess. You've got to know what an albatross is. And that would require research.

Lifehack.org says that early birds tend to be more proactive while night owls tend to be what? You mean? The reason deadlines exist. Strong. Strong. Don Kelly? Night owls tend to be way better looking.

Am I right, yellow nice? Am I right, yellow nice? That was an honest question. Early birds tend to be more proactive while night owls tend to be smarter. Hold on. I don't know what lifehack.org is. I assume it's one lonely guy.

Actor Mark Wahlberg has a strict morning schedule that starts at 2 a.m. He wakes, prays, eats breakfast, works out, and then at 7.30 a.m. he does what? Yumi. Smokes are joint with Ted. I love. like that one. I'm going to get one and a half points for that.

Apparently at 7.30 a.m. every day, he plays golf. A study in Medical News Today.com found that night owls who slowly transitioned into early birds found improvements in their physical shape, reaction time, and what other thing? Yumi. Finally got invited to brunch. That's good. That's good. One point for that.

Don Kelly. All right. I actually know this one. It's that grip strength from desperately clinging to their sleep-deprived sanity. The actual answer is grip strength. That's a rare, correct answer.

Way to go, Don. That is the firing line, everybody. It is almost time for our Northern Arts and Cultural Center. her audience to vote, but first here again to say that you'll have to get up pretty early in the morning to get the win from her. Let's hear again from Yumi Nagashima. Night owls think they're mysterious creative levels, but there's nothing cool about living

in pajama pants. Sure, call themselves night cheaters or midnight dolphins. anything to avoid being called out for what they really are. Procrustinators. Benjamin Franklin said, Early to bed, early to rice, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. That's right.

he didn't say anything about a woman. So technically, I can wake up whenever I want. But human cells repair best between 10 p.m. and 2 a.m. So I sleep early, I rise early. That's why I look like this at 47. 47. Yes. And Don looks like that.

And he's only 12. Everyone, this poor kid is going to hit puberty. hit puberty and start falling apart at the same time. It's our time to show him what healthy living looks like. Thank you. Yumi Nagu Shima. Oh, that was great.

Using every tool at her disposal against her child opponent. Thank you, Yumi. Now, here to tell us why the night time is the right time. Let's hear from Kid Don Kelly. Ah, you me, you little attack hamster. See how cranky morning people are, everybody? Lashing out. And there's jealousy, because you know what?

It sounds counterintuitive. But we night owls get way more out of every day. Think about it. We get to see the ethereal beauty of the Northern Lights. What do early birds get? You want to go stare at the sun for 20 minutes? We don't need our night vision.

I'm only 12, come on. Early birds will never know the joy of the midnight snack. the midnight snack. Leftover pizza and ice cream at 1 a.m., that's a delicious delight. Leftover pizza and ice cream at 8 a.m., that is a desperate cry for help. And if you're a hardcore night owl at some point, you actually become a morning person, so you get the best of both worlds. Win, win, right? Go Night Owl! Thank you! John Kelly!

Trying to bring it around. The crowd has a lot to think about with this one. There's good points on either side. It is up to the audience to vote. By applause, who enjoyed Don giving two hoots for night owls? Don Kelly. Okay. Nice support for Don.

And who thought Yumi's argument was a crack up at dawn, Yumi Nagashima? Wow. Whoa. Wow. The crowd has spoken and they have spoken against the child prodigy. The winner is Yumi Nagashima. Early birds are better than night owls.

Big end for Yumi and Don Kelly, everybody. You're listening to CBC's The Debaters. Want to be a part of the debating action? For upcoming tour dates, be sure to visit our website at cbc.c.ca. debaters. Hi, listeners' ears. Steve here.

I'd like to talk to your eyes for a minute, please. Eyes? I want you to know that I see you, and I know that every day you go through a lot. Like squinting at screens or squinting in the bright sun. Anyway, regular eye exams are very important, and that's why it's spec savers. Eye exams include an advanced OCT 3D eye scan, technology that helps detect eye and health conditions at early stages. So take care of yourself.

eyes and book yourself an eye exam at specksavers.cavers.ca today from just $99, including your OCT scan. Now, to remind your ears of what I just said to your eyes, here's my best fast announcer voice. Book an eye exam with an OCT scan from $99 at specksavers.cavers.cavers. Prices are provided by independent optometrists. Prices may vary by location. Visit specksavers.com. Hey, pretty good, fast talking, Steve. Thanks, normal talking, Steve. You were good, too. This program is brought to you in part by Specsavers. Every day, your eyes go through a lot. Squinting at screens, driving into the bright sun, reading in dim light, even late night drives. That's why regular eye exams are so important. At Specsavers, every standard eye exam includes an advanced OCT 3D eye scan,

technology that helps independent optometrists detect eye and health conditions at their earliest stages. Take care of your eyes. Book your eye exam at Specsavers today from just $99, including an OCT scan. Book at Spexsavers.ca.caps are provided by independent optomet addresses. Prices may vary by location. Visit specksavers.cavers.cai to learn more. Hey, Yellowknife, are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters? Listen to that, Canada. I think they're ready.

Despite her name, this comic doesn't hail from Hamilton. It's the Yukon's own Jenny Hamilton. Come on out, Jenny. Always a pleasure to have Jenny on the show striding across the stage. Great to see you, Steve. Hello again, friends. Hi. Taking the spot to my right.

And this comedian followed a true crime podcast about the quilting killer and started to notice a pattern. It's Vancouver's Graham Clark. Hey, Graham. Look at this. Hey, buddy. Your topic debaters is one that might give you pause. Dog sledding.

Is it the most enthralling, activity. As I was thinking about this topic back at home in Toronto, my dog Ferris, whose breed is called a double doodle, was contentedly sleeping on my feet after a long night of also sleeping on my feet. If I told my dog Ferris to pull me around on a sled in the winter, he would laugh right in my face and then fall right back asleep on my feet. So if I ever wanted to dog sled with Ferris, I'd have to pull him. in the sled. I'd probably be good at it too,

considering my wife describes my physique as a bit husky. Time now for a debate that we believe will be doggone delightful. So, whereas it's a one-of-a-kind activity that celebrates tradition, competition, and the bond between animals, be it resolved there's nothing more enthralling

than dog sledding. Graham, you're arguing for this, please. You have two minutes, starting now, Graham Clark. Okay. Hi. Now, I know I look like I might own my own dog sled. I get it. But I don't.

But I have been dog sledding with none other than Steve Patterson. We went dog sledding together. He bravely steered his own sled, while my wife steered mine as I laid swaddled like a little baby Jesus. The entire brake system is basically a snowscraper, so it's literally a nonstop thrill. flying along the lake the instructor said huh the lake isn't usually this thawed this time of year but I think it'll hold we all just laughed and laughed

now when I was growing up I had a poster of the one and only champion dog slater Susan Butcher on my wall as I think a lot of us have right absolute legend like her fellow racers Brent Sass Peter Kaiser Carl Huntington all household names right But they don't get their face on boxes of cereal. Nope.

They get their on the back of a package of Quaker Oats mush. I got nowhere to go. Dog sliding helped the very first mail delivery service, and some of those letters they carried will be delivered any day now. Dog sliding gives Yellowknife citizens something to gamble on other than how long will this power outage last? The North is beautiful and mysterious like that mole I found in my chest last night.

But one can only stare up at the northern lights or go to the dump so many times before it gets old. Enter the dog sled, the yellow knife, boredom buster. Thank you. Yeah. Graham Clark. On behalf of dog sledding.

Thanks, Graham. Now, here to tell us that the hype surrounding dog sledding is just dogma. As far as she's concerned, it's Jenny Hamilton. Thank you, Steve. All right, the motion before us is there's nothing, nothing more enthralling than dog sledding. Really? Like, not skydiving?

Not indoor plumbing? Not even doing a comedy show here in beautiful Yellowknife? We're going with dog sledding. I've been dog sledding. Here's the facts. Ten minutes in, you're a human popsicle clinging to a glorified IKEA bench, while a pack of overachieving huskies do all the work. You're not in control.

This is not high-octane adventure. It's cross-fit for canines. You're just a cold idiot holding on for dear life while nature slaps you with a windshield that shatters your teeth. Mush? No longer a command, it's all you can eat now. People romanticize it. They say, it's how the pioneers did it in the old days. Yeah? You know what else they did in the old days? Died. And competition, this is not the Yukon Quest. It's a desperate northern attempt to make walking your dog seem extreme.

So, yeah, the bond between human and dog? Sure, a regular dog. Mush dogs are crazy tornadoes of fur and barking. You're riding behind a pack of dogs that are synchronized pooping. That's real. Instant pink eye. Plus, that lead dog keeps looking at you like your smoked salmon wrapped in bannock.

It's terrifying. So no, dog sledding is not the peak of human existence. It's not even the peak of winter sports. It's more like the quirky uncle of sports. Crazy, outdated, and best taken in small days. Thanks, Steve. Thank you. Jenny Hamilton, everybody.

All right. Time now for the bare knuckle round. We're debating whether there's nothing more enthralling than dog sledding, and gee, there's a lot of ground to cover. If you know, you know, if you don't, just sit silently. So, now isn't the time to go malamute. Whoa! That might have been too mush.

It's time to harness your argument and slay your opponent now. Okay. Right out of the gates, I take your quirky uncle that's in small doses comment personally, and I don't appreciate it. And I also love that you think indoor plumbing is enthralling.

I'm a northern kid. I've been dog sledding. You've been dog sledding. My experience was fantastic. What was so bad about your experience? Well, I went dog sledding. It was supposed to be one of these fun little puppy rides with my in-laws, and it turned into a day-long survival course. I mean, after a couple hours, I heard, hey, want to keep going? And my in-laws were like, yes. And I was like, I got to go pee. And he went hike, and the dogs went Zoom, and we were off.

Here's a question. You said that you had to pee. Even if you could, how? It's hard to do when you've got like 24 eyes on you, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, it is. See, my wife also sat in the basket, like, you know, happy luggage like you did. That's my dick name. Happy luggage.

So I drove the sled, and I was sunburning my eyes because I forgot my sunglasses. Pro tip, you can't put aloe on your eyeballs. Don't tell me what I can and can I do, Mom. All right. That's a good place to stop the bear dog around. It's time now for the firing line. In my hand are a list of questions about dog sledding brought to you by the new dog sledding and fishing magazine.

I did a rod and reel. Thank you. Thank you. Spectacular NWT describes dog sledding as part pristine wilderness tour and part what? Graham. Hot dog on dog action.

Incorrect and disturbing, minus one. Jenny? Part, hang on for dear life. I'll pack a furry athlete to drag you through a snowstorm I'm like you stole their milk bones. Cat person. Yeah, no, it was good. It was well thought out.

Part pristine wilderness tour and part exhilarating winter adventure. With just a little third part of staring at dog's butts. Manawa.com says you should probably avoid dog sledding if you what. Graham Clark. You should probably avoid dog sledding. dog slating if you don't have a sled or dogs. Yeah.

That's solid. That's two points. You're just a crazy person running through the wilderness then, yeah. You should probably avoid dog sledding if you are pregnant or suffer from back pain. That wasn't a joke. According to cbc.ca, yellowknife's sled dog, Santa. delivers Christmas presents via dog sled, but never shouts ho, ho, ho. Why not? Jenny?

Because ho, ho and ho lives in Whitehorse. All right. We know who we are. Because the dogs might mistake it for whoa, which is the dog sledding command, to stop. And who wants a sled to stop? According to the Canadian Encyclopedia, why do dogs letters shout mush?

Graham. It's a shortened version of mush, I ask you, a thousand times to go. Oh, he's back. He's back, everybody. Two points. Jenny? Because get moving, you furry little psychos,

is a bit long-winded. Also true. Give a point for that. Actually, it's an anglicization of the French command, march, meaning marsh. And that's the firing line, everybody. It is just about that magical time when our Northern Arts and Cultural Center audience

gets to place their votes. But first, here again to tell us that she's not betting on dog sledding, it's the dog gone talented, Jenny Hamilton. Dog sledding isn't the apex of human achievement. It's a polite way to freeze to death under the Northern Lights. Yeah, it's cold, like horrifyingly cold. Cold in a way that makes you question if you still have a butt.

Your face freezes, your snot crystallizes, and you paid money to do this. You paid to become a frozen meat puppet behind a pack of dogs that could care less if you make it back alive. Ooh, fun. You want real northern thrills? Try driving on an ice road in summer tires. Or using an outhouse in January, wearing only a t-shirt.

Those are thrilling. Dog sledding? Just a scenic way to regret your life choices. Thank you, Steve. All right. Danny Hamilton, no in the audience. Now, here to tell us why he thinks going to the dogs is a good thing.

Let's hear again from Graham Clark. All right. Now, you may not know, but when the dogs are done sledding, they're rewarded with a giant meat popsicle, which was my high school nickname. I went streaking in the winter. I guess it was actually like little meat popsicle, but anyways.

When I was there, every dog in the yard wanted to race. And who am I to disappoint a puppy? Maybe not caring about a puppy's feelings is my opponent's thing. But not to me, my friends. Dogs are humble. They don't get swelled heads like those horses, right? With their smug, pre-glued attitude, right? Let that one settle in there.

They don't need a wreath at the end of the day. They're happy with a belly. Have you ever rubbed a horse's belly? It's disgusting. Don't ask me how I know. Dog Slaters ask the question, Who's the good boy? You for giving it a try.

Thank you. All right. Graham Clark, giving the crowd something to think about here. That is it, Yellowknife. It's time to vote by applause. Who thought, Graham's dog sled debate made you want to sit and stay for more.

Graham Clark. Okay. Some good support for Graham. And how many of you thought Jenny's anti-dog sledding argument really dished it out? Jenny Hamilton. All right. The crowd has spoken. They like Jenny Hamilton.

They do not like dog sledding. The winner is Jenny Hamilton. Big hand for Jim. Eddie Hamilton and Graham Clark, everybody. Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying, if you haven't tried dog sledding yet, to me, you simply mush.

I'll argue with you again soon, Canada. Good night. The debaters is created by Richard Side. This week's episode was produced by Nicole Callender, Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark. With continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis, and Gary Jones. technical production by James Porella and Corey Haberstock

Story editing by Graham Clark With special thanks to Katie Ellen Humphreys, David Pride and Emily Ferrier Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts And thanks to everyone at the Northern Arts and Cultural Center in Yellowknife For more CBC podcasts, go to cbc.ca.com.