The Debaters - Children vs. Parents: Who is Smarter? & Talent Shows

Episode Date: February 20, 2025

Are children smarter than their parents? Ivan Decker and Syd Bosel decide who wears the smarty-pants in their households. Then, does nothing beat a talent show? Sean Lecomber and Canada’s Got Talent finalist Sterling Scott bring more than the same old song and dance when they go toe-to-toe on this topic.

Hi there, listener. Steve Patterson here. If you're a frequent traveler like I am, you know that traveling's great. But as a wise young girl with fancy red shoes once said, there's no place like home. That's why when I travel, by myself or with my family, I often book Airbnbs for that homey touch. Like the one I stayed at in Stratford, Ontario recently, where I performed a show and took in some Shakespeare. Though to be clear, I didn't perform Shakespeare. There's no perchance of that happening. I was not meant to be, or not to be. Anyway, my point is, I like the feeling of home when I'm on the road, and I feel like I'm not alone in this, especially when I'm traveling with my family, which got me thinking, when we're on the road, our house could be a home away from home for

fellow travelers, too, if we hosted on Airbnb. It just makes sense. Actually, it makes dollars, and those dollars could help pay for our next family trip. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca.host. Something to prepend on and on. This is a CBC Podcast. Hey Canada, we're ready to shoot our mouths off from Vancouver, BC, the home of the Stanley Park nine o'clock gun. It's the debaters. The debaters where comedians fight with facts and funny in this audience, it's the winner. Now here's a man who's always gunning for laughs, Steve Patterson.

Hey, thanks Graham Clark. That was a really good one. Hello Canada. Welcome back to the debaters. Oh, it's always nice to be back here in beautiful British Columbia. This province has seen its share of intellectuals such as author Lawrence Peter, one of the creators of something called the Peter Principle. The Peter Principle states that people in the workforce often get promoted until they're way past

their level of competence straight into incompetence. In Ontario, we call it the premier principle. But hey, I'm always game to fail upwards on the corporate ladder, so if anyone wants to promote me from host of this show to head of CBC, I'm in. I'm just not sure how long I'll get to do it though, since Pierre Poilieff could very well Peter Principal his place into the position of Prime Minister. I know that punchline kind of petered out, didn't it? Now it's time to meet two debaters who never fail to please the public.

So this comic always performs fully decked out. It's Vancouver's Ivan Decker! Come on out, Ivan! There he is, taking his place to the podium to my left. Hello. And this comic believes that we built this city on bedrock and roll. It's Comock, BC's Sid Bozell. Sid Bozell.

Hi, Sid. Welcome. Debaters, your topic is one that asks the age-old question, are kids smarter than their parents? The proper way to do this debate would be to have one child are kids smarter than their parents? The proper way to do this debate would be to have one child debating the side of this topic on behalf of all children. It's just really difficult to explain to a kid what a radio show on the CBC is. But even though we don't have an actual child in this debate, don't worry,

because given the average age of the CBC radio listenership, I'm basically a toddler up here. My writers didn't want me to do that joke, but I said, I don't want to do your jokes! So, whereas they can acquire new knowledge and skills faster and are constantly learning and growing, be it resolved, children are smarter than their parents. Ivan, you're arguing for this, my friend. You have two minutes. Starting now, Ivan Decker. Ding!

Whoo! Thank you, everyone. Hello, Sid. I do not envy my opponent's position because she is going to try to fool all of you into thinking that I am smart. Like, to my opponent, and some people here, I may appear to be a child, but according to my children and the government of Canada child benefit,

I am a parent. I have a 2-year-old and a 4-month-old. I am so sleep-deprived and confused that the other day, I forgot the word for salad. I called it leaf dinner. Every day, my children get smarter, and I get stupider. My two-year-old one year ago did not know any languages. Now he knows almost all of English. I have had Duolingo on my phone...

...for 11 years. And the only French I know is the beginning of the Air Canada safety briefing... in French until I notice that it's the French one and stop listening. I have forgotten every password I have ever made. They say you should not use the same password for everything. Well, I do, because it's the password to my e-mail,

because everything I log into involves me clicking forgot password and then going to my e-mail. And I know it's tough. It's tough to convince people that their parents are smarter than them. I know somewhere there's a millennial listening to this who just got a call from their parent asking, what's a Bitcoin?

The man on the computer said, I needed to pay my Windows Update security fee with it. Also, the chief magistrate of the government of Canada said my social insurance number needs a top-up using Google Play gift cards. Laughter. Scammers target parents because they know that they are naturally kind and cognitively overloaded.

Sure, I'll send $400 to Microsoft. Why is Microsoft spelled with a Y? I don't have time to think about that. All right. Scammers don't target children because children are cunning, sharp, and heartless. Thank you. I've been Decker. I've Ivan Decker.

Ivan Decker, what a line to end on. Now, here to show us how deconstructing Ivan's argument is mere child's play to an adult like her, let's hear from Syd Bozell. Hello, audience of my people. My esteemed impressionable, in need of my guidance, colleague Ivan. Saying that your children are smarter than you would be like saying, you are smarter than me. Pssst. Young Ivan, you as a parent are way more tired than your children. You have to be smarter and more efficient because you do not have their endurance.

Ivan, given the opportunity, your children will eat magnets. I have two children who my husband and I playfully refer to as Plans C and D. And we raised them to strive for mediocrity. One of my kids is a university graduate and I don't want to brag, but it is the Canadian university that is the farthest away from me. It's just a coincidence. So I have firsthand experience, Ivan. She graduated, my daughter graduated with a degree in gender and women's studies. The good news is that while she was away in gender and women's studies university, she and her young friends invented feminism. So we have them to thank.

Then she moved home and I have a $54,000 travel mug. Young Ivan, do you know what is fun about having a new feminist come home for the summer? Nothing. So informed and articulate. I think my greatest contribution to the women's movement was teaching her to talk. Sure my daughter taught me how to use bits of coins and that Facebook thingy. But I taught her to talk. The Facebook thingy is becoming obsolete, Ivan, whereas I think talking is here to stay. Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Woo. Sid Bozel, ladies and gentlemen. In her first opening argument for us. All right, debaters, it's time now for the Bare Knuckle Round. We're debating whether kids are smarter than parents, so stand behind your intellect turns

and make an impression on your opponent that smarts. I'll bet you a hundred dollars that the writer of that pun is now in the witless protection program. More on that later. Their words, not mine. It's time to show us you're not dumb, da-dumb, dumb, dumb... now! applause

applause Oh, Sid, are you telling me you've never been scammed? Well, yes, I have been scammed. I paid for that degree. laughter All right, all right. laughter Boy, I really walked into that one. laughter All right, all right. Boy, I really walked into that one.

All right, I don't think Facebook's becoming obsolete. Where else am I gonna buy a broken toaster oven behind the liquor store at 3 o'clock in the morning? There must be some benefit to having kids, though. Oh, Ivan. Well, my son is a mechanic now, and he fixed the brakes on our Subaru, so it's paid off to have had him.

So hang in there, Ivan. Okay, see? That's good news. So I've got, how old is your son? Thirty-four. That's the bear knuckle round everybody. Yeah. Wow.

Wow. Time now for the firing line. In my hand I have a list of questions on children being smarter than their parents brought to you by Streep Smarts. Streep Smarts. What Meryl Streep teaches her kids. What was the name of the popular TV game show where adult contestants tried to answer questions drawn from elementary school textbooks?

Sid? Bienvenue, French immersion parents. Yes, you too can count over 11. That's not what I have here, but what a... that sounds like a page-turner. I'm going to give you three points for that one. Ivan Decker. The White House press briefing. That's good.

Of course, it was a popular TV game show where adult contestants tried to answer questions drawn from elementary school textbooks. Are you smarter than a fifth grader? We also would have accepted CPAC, CPAC live footage. The Flynn effect notes that intelligence test scores tend to increase with each new generation, suggesting children are indeed smarter than their parents. Some theories why include improved diet, increased education, and what else? Ivan?

Bike helmets. All right, buddy. That's two points. Way to go. Some theories why include improved diet, increased education, and a generally more demanding environment. See? Finish this quote from author Kenneth G. Ortiz.

If you're wondering why our children are so stupid nowadays, look no further than what? Sid? Their fathers. Yeah. Oh, no, no notes. Kenny G Ortiz said, if you're wondering why our children are so stupid nowadays,

look no further than the American educational system. And that's weird because I'm pretty sure Kenneth G. Ortiz is American. Today's parent dot com says you shouldn't tell your child they're smart. Why not? Sid? Because they're smart. Why not? Sid? Because they're not. Laughter Applause Applause

Applause Applause Applause Applause Ivan, you got anything? Mom, pick me up. I'm scared. Laughter Laughter Applause Mom, pick me up. I'm scared. Today's parent.com says you shouldn't tell your child they're smart because it can make them more likely to cheat in order to live up to the expectations. But I like Sid's answer

better. That is the firing line, everybody. All right. We are rolling towards our final decision here in our Centennial Theater audience, whether parents or children are smarter, that's really what we're debating. Here to tell us why in the school of life she gives parents top marks over their kids, let's hear from Sid Bozell. Woo!

Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Sid Bozell. Young Ivan, you are old enough to know better. Seriously, Ivan, think about this. Between you and your children, which of you can drive a car without scooching your feeties? I'll give you an example of my son. My son said to me, just go into the cloud and delete cookies,

and put them into recycling. It's in File Explorer on desktop in SharePoint, mom. So I said to him, just go down to the rumpus room and get the manila envelope and put it on the roll top. It's on the ottoman, under the doily, in front of the Chesterfield, in the Sears catalog. I have moved from merely being smarter than my children to as a grandma, I'm considered a wise elder

and probably not just by me. Laughter Children are merely unfolding, Ivan. They're not smarter than us because they believe what we tell them. Laughter Their artwork is amazing. I do find that I have a lot in common now with my eldest grandson now that he's four. We both prefer our shoes to have Velcro. Neither of us know what happened to the remote. Most of our

conversations with our friends are about our bowel functions and our owies. But he's got those really cool light-up shoes. Do you know the one, Ivan, that light up? I don't have those. I want those, but I have a car, so I win. Thank you. Sit, close out. Oh, yeah. Oh, that feels good. You might get elected to some position here by this audience. Oh, yeah. Oh, that feels good.

You might get elected to some position here by this audience. Now, here to sadly admit that it's his children who wear the smarty pants in his house, let's hear from Ivan Decker. ["Ivan Decker's The Smarty Pants"] ["Ivan Decker's The Smarty Pants"] ["Ivan Decker's The Smarty Pants"] All right, I think I need to settle this with some hard data.

Brad Brutter, James Holzhauer, Matt Amodio, Amy Schneider, Matea Roach, these are all incredibly smart people. This is a list of Jeopardy! champions during their run, all of them childless. The only parent in the top five Jeopardy! Champions list is Ken Jennings, the goat, who had his son in 2002. And then, in 2004, his historic run came to an end. This is irrefutable proof that having a two-year-old will make you stupider and ruin your life. Thank you.

All right. You took it in a little different direction than I thought. All right. Audience, it is up to you to vote and try to make it seem close. By applause, who agreed with Ivan that the pain of having to admit that today's kids outsmart their parents really does smart?

Ivan Decker! There you go. That's nice. That's nice. And after hearing her passionate promotion of parents being more cerebral than children, how many of you sided with Sid Bozell? Sid Bozell! Listen to that crowd!

In her first debate, she has won it in a landslide! Kids are not smarter than their parents to win her. Sid Bozell! Way to go, Sid! Big hand for Sid and Ivan Decker, everybody. Hey, debaters, listeners. Here's a smart idea for you. Hit the follow button on our podcast.

This will get you early access to episodes, which include lots of bonus material. Now that's just using your noggin. In 2017, it felt like drugs were everywhere in the news. So I started a podcast called On Drugs. We covered a lot of ground over two seasons, but there are still so many more stories to tell. I'm Jeff Turner and I'm back with season three of On Drugs. And this time it's's gonna get personal. I don't know who Sober Jeff is.

I don't even know if I like that guy. On Drugs is available now wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, North Van, I just got one question for you. Are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters? Listen to that crowd, Canada. This comic has a sterling reputation. It's the one and only Sterling Scott. Come on out, Sterling. There he is.

How's it going, Steve? Always good, my friend. You're one of the few people you can hear smiling. It's a special quality. And this comic likes to drink. It's a special quality. It's a special quality. It's a special quality. And this comic likes to drink outside of the box of wine.

It's Edmonton's Sean LeCumber. Edmonton's Sean LeCumber. Looking fresh. Looking fresh. Debaters, we got a good one. Your topic is one that you can feel free to judge. Talent shows. Are they the very best in entertainment?

I have a hidden talent that I'll share with you all very shortly. But first, ladies and gentlemen, one of our debaters here on this very stage was recently on Canada's Got Talent and very nearly took home the top prize. The other debater wasn't. So by applause, how many people think that it was Sean, Sean LaCumber? And how many people think it was Sterling Scott? Sterling Scott. Interesting. Yep.

Yep. Bullied already. Yeah. Well. Last time I was judged by this many white people, I was in court. Okay. All right. Well.

He's a big jury. I am not going to say who it was. That's my hidden talent. Suspense. But before we find out who it is, it's time for a debate that puts talent shows in the spotlight. So, whereas it's an entertaining way to showcase a wide variety of skills, boost self-confidence and engage an audience, be it resolved that nothing beats a talent show. Sterling, you are arguing for this please. You have two minutes.

Starting now, Sterling Scott. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Now my name is Sterling Scott and I am the first Canadian comedian to be the $25,000 Golden Buzzer winner and the finalist in the largest talent show in the country, Canada's Got Talent. Whoo! But I lost, so... this is what I get. The debaters at CBC, baby!

See, talent is like a cold sore on your lip. Just walk with me. See, when it gets big, people really start to notice. But a talent show is like a doctor's office because it puts you in a place where you can be seen by someone who can help you. And because of talent shows and Free Basic Healthcare, I have received that help.

You see, I have received that help. You see, I have known my opponent Sean for over 15 years. To get a picture for you guys at home of what Sean looks like, he is a 45-year-old white man from Fort Saskatchewan, Alberta. When I hear that, I think, of course he's against talent shows. Sean is a stay-at-home dad in Alberta.

His biggest talent is convincing other men he's still a man. Laughter Now, talent shows are popular in Canada because it brings people together from all walks of life. You can be conservative, NDP, Bloch-Cabec-Oi, or even liberal, and they can all be united. The only time our country has ever been so united is when we had to vote no confidence for Justin Trudeau.

Like, that's the last time! (*Laughter*) So talent shows are essential to the growth and development of the arts by allowing people to be passionate and elevate their talents by being challenged by others in their field. That competition does not spoil talent shows because you can be talented and never win. You don't believe me?

Just ask Conor McDavid and the Edmonton Oilers. And that is why I believe in talent shows. Sterling Scott, everybody. Sterling Scott. Answering the mystery that I opened up with. I tried. That's good, buddy. Now, here to tell us why, to him,

talent shows are nothing less than amateur hour. Let's hear from the very talented, Sean LeCumber. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I want every man in here to know that I do my own oil changes. I don't go to Jiffy Lube and spend $189.99. Hi, hi everybody. I'm contestant number 99827 and I'm Sean LaComber from Edmonton, Canada. What's my backstory? Contestant number 99827, and I'm Sean LaComber from Edmonton, Canada. What's my backstory? My family, they're all here today, they're all burn victims.

Third degree, just pretty bad. They got confused between the stop, drop, and roll thing and the bear thing. I'm also an adoption survivor. Was not raised by my biological parents. Growing up, we didn't have much. Our garage only had room for two cars. I have ADHD, self-diagnosed, of course, and tonight I'm here to sing The Boy Is Mine by Ariana Grande.

Sob story, 10 out of 10. Boom! Hit the buzzer! Roll the confetti, it's time for Howie Mandel to be fake gobsmacked again. He just can't believe what he's seeing, guys. He just can't believe it, wow. Modern talent shows are a cruel spectacle where a delusional, unstable human is told they're worthless by a panel of judges and sent home to their family.

Then as we became more sensitive to neurodiversity, it became less funny to laugh at those people, and the ratings plummeted. We only tuned in because we loved watching a jerk tell people who can't sing they can't sing. That was the end of it. Really lost. Really lost. I was hoping I had more words there to make people laugh at.

But it really did lose steam there. You done? Yeah. Alright. Sean LeCumber, everybody. It's time now for the bare-knuckle round. We're debating talent shows, so give us more than the same old song and dance. If you're doing well, I'll let you talk until the Simon Cowles come home. That's just how we do it here. Time to star search and destroy, so be sure to take things to the Susan Boiling Point starting now!

Oh yeah? You said talent shows are essential to the growth and development of the arts. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Remember when people had hidden talents? Remember that? When did that stop happening? Where people just had a talent and they didn't show everybody all the time? It just doesn't happen anymore, does it, Sterling? No, but I feel like your set is a hidden talent that maybe... we'll find the jokes later. And, um...

I don't like what's happening right now cold sores are like talent what is that what does that even mean cold sores like a lot of things old stories are horrible aren't they I mean well so's your set so I left the crowd's reaction just like Turning into just like, this is a weird roast. It is. It is. They're like, I bought tickets for a roast. Who was the guy getting roasted? Nobody knew him.

No one knew him. I think that's a good place to call it. That's the Bare Knuckle Round, everybody. All right, debaters. Keep this smooth train rolling. It's time now for the firing line in my hand. I have a list of questions on talent shows. Brought to you by the new talent show coming to Canadian television,

America's Got Canada's Talent. Vancouver is home to a live talent show that's been running since 2008. What's it called? Sean. Hey, my rant. I'm giving you three points for that. Three points. Sterling Scott.

The NDP election. That's good. Timely. The talent show that's been running since 2008 is Talent Time. The winner of America's Got Talent in 2024 was janitor Richard Goodall. What was his talent? Sterling? Mopping up the competition. Oh, nice. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Sterling, twoopping up the competition. Oh, nice. Nice. Yep.

Yep. Sterling, two and a half points. Well done, Sean. Jingling keys to Bon Jovi songs. I will give you one and a half for that. No. The 2024 America's Got Talent winner Richard Goodall, his talent was singing. We also would have accepted throwing tennis balls down off the school roof. And

that is the firing line, everybody. It is almost that magical time where our theater audience here at the Centennial Theater votes. But first, here again to happily K-pop your bubble about talent shows. Let's hear again from Sean LeCumber. Thank you. Thank you. Is there any group of people more easily amazed than talent show live audiences? They bought a ticket to a show that promised singing

and dancing and still just can't seem to believe it... when people start doing that. They leap from their seats and yell, Oh my God, I didn't know ugly people could sing! Talent shows on TV, it's like the most evil man in show business was tasked with finding a way to save the networks the most money. Okay, get this. You know how cheap the audition process is, right?

Yeah? Okay, how about that's the show? Thank you, that's the end of it. Sean LeComber, everybody. Now tell us why when it comes to the vast pool of talent out there, he says talent shows aren't shallow, it's Sterling Scott. All right, here we go. We refer to ourselves as the human race, proving competition lies even in the way we describe

ourselves. Talent shows are never going to go away, kind of like polio at an anti-vaccine convention. (*Laughter*) It's true. (*Laughter*) Talent shows allow us to meet voices we would never have seen otherwise. In fact, I made a lot of jokes about Sean tonight, but did you all know that Sean, many years ago,

was on the biggest talent show for comedians in the country? It was called the Homegrown Comedy Competition, held at the prestigious Just For Last Festival. He went up against the entire country and won! against the entire country and won! ["Winning the World"] ["Winning the World"] ["Winning the World"]

And we wouldn't have had that moment. And so, Sean, on behalf of all the white community... ["Winning the World"] we thank you for being one of the good ones. ["Winning the ones. Thank you. Sterling, Sterling Scott, everybody. Sterling Scott versus Sean LeCumber. This is about talent shows, this one.

It's time to vote, audience. By applause, who agreed that Sterling gave a pitch-perfect pitch touting talent shows? Sterling Scott! Listen to that. A lot of love for Sterling. All right. And who agreed with Sean with regards to talent shows, hidden talents should stay hidden? Sean LaCumber. CHEERING Pretty close. Pretty close. It's a close one. We got to give this one to Sterling Scott. Let's keep the talent shows going.

Big hand for Sterling Scott and Sean LaCumber, everybody. Well, that's all for this week. Until next time, I'm Steve Patterson saying to everyone out there who supports our show, thanks for being a talented listener. I'll argue with you again soon, Canada. Good night! The Debaters is created by Richard Side. This week's episode was produced by Nicole Callender,

Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark. With continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis, and Gary Jones. Technical production by James Perella and Eric Pankratz. Story editing by Gary Jones. With special thanks to Katie Ellen Humphrey's Emily Ferrier and David Pride. Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts. And thanks to everyone at the Centennial Theatre in North Vancouver. For more CBC podcasts, go to cbc.ca slash podcasts.