The Debaters - Is butter better than margarine? And does Newfoundland have the best time zone?

Episode Date: August 7, 2025

Two comedians churn out jokes in a battle for the superior spread. Then, get ready for a timely debate on Newfoundland’s unique time zone.Featuring: Derek Seguin, Matt Wright, Nour Hadidi, and Hisham Kelati.

You know, shopping for a car should be exciting, not exhausting, and that's where Car Gurus comes in. They have advanced search tools, unbiased deal ratings, and price history, so you know a great deal when you see one. It's no wonder Car Gurus is the number one rated car shopping app in Canada on the Apple app and Google Play, according to AppFollow. Buy your next car today with Car Gurus and make sure your big deal is the best deal at car gurus.ca. That's C-A-R-G-U-R-U-S.ca.cair-Gurus.cai. This is a CBC podcast. Hey debaters, listeners.

This is Nicole Callender, one of the producers on the show. We're on a summer break right now, so you're about to listen to a debate we aired earlier this season. And you'll want to spread the word about this episode, where we figure out if butter is superior to margarine. We'll be back in September with brand new episodes and to kickstart our 20th season. Thanks for listening. Hey, Canada, are you ready to rock from Newfoundland, the rock that rules the waves?

It's the debaters! The debaters where comedians fight with facts and funny and this audience picks the winner. Now here's a man who rock. and rolls with the punches Steve Patterson. Hey, hello, Canada. Thanks, Graham. Welcome back to the debaters, and it is great to be back here in Newfoundland.

Ah, Newfoundland, Labrador, a place that can boast world-class achievements. And one such title that this fine province holds is that it is the root-seller capital of the world. Congratulations! I'm not sure who is in second, but I am not rooting for them. Because you deserve this, Newfoundland.

Every year, the citizens of Elliston hold the Roots, Rants, and Roars Festival, which I assume is when people go into a root cellar and rant about whatever they want. and then roar to be let out. Now it's time to meet two debaters who will get to the root of this debate. This comic once took an arachnid course online

and really enjoyed the webinar. It's Newfoundland's Matt Wright. Matt Wright. There he is. Big hometown welcome as Matt makes his way out, takes his place to my right. And this comic tried to fill out his incomplete chessboard by browsing pawn shops.

It's Brassau, Quebec's Derek Sagan. Derek Sagan, driving across the state purposely, to my left. Your topic is one that will make you melt, Newfoundland. Butter is it superior to margarine. We're going to do the debate anyway. Newfoundland has a complex history with margarine.

In 1925, Sir John Crosby founded a margarine plant called the Newfoundland Butter Company. True story. At one point, Canada imposed a prohibition on margarine, and the only place you could get it was Newfoundland. It created a black market, or I guess a yellowish market, in the rest of the country. Then when Newfoundland started negotiations to join Canada in 1948, the production of Margarine was a sticking issue. Again, true story.

For those of you who didn't like this factual debate opening about Margarine, you're no doubt thinking, I can't believe it's not better. What a long walk that was. Time now for a debate that we hope spreads the joy. So, whereas it's the original and iconic spread, be resolved that butter is superior to margarine. Derek, you're arguing for this, please. You have two minutes.

Starting now, Derek Senge. All right. What the heck is margarine in the first place? Why was butter not buttery enough? Originally, did you know that margarine was left over animal fat that they weren't using for anything? And they just whipped it into that weird consistency and added salt and flavoring

and a variety of chemicals? When it was first introduced, I did research, back in the 1800s by a French chemist. A French from France, by the way, not Quebec French. You can blame St. Pierre-Maconon for all this crap. It was because Napoleon wanted a cheap alternative to butter to serve to the poor people. That's right, Matt. Your precious margarine is poor people butter. You can have it. I'll take the artery-hardering rich man spread of golden nectar.

I might even hire my own butter churner. Set them up on my back deck in colonial clothing. But butter is luxurious. and delicious. Margarine is struggle and poverty and chemicals, and comes in a container that you can reuse later to store other leftover poor people food like craft dinner and weeners. Try to reuse butter packaging.

The wrapping comes off in small little confetti-sized shreds of aluminum foil. So as soon as you open it, We have to make cakes and cookies and soak everything in it. It's the last thing you add to a jig dinner here in Newfoundland, right? You boil everything. Butter makes it edible. Right? It's awesome.

You'd never, like, have a steak come out and be like, oh, you know what? I think I want to pour some motor oil on that. That's what margarine is. Dirty old motor oil out of a 1984 Dodge Ares. Thank you. Derek Sagan. Says butter is better than Margarine. Now,

here to assure us that anything Derek says in support of butter is just a country crock to him. Let's hear from Matt Wright. Butter versus Margarine is less Beatles versus Margarine is less Beatles versus Stones and more Beatles versus something that looks and tastes like the Beatles

but is actually synthetic yellow food goop designed by scientists to feed Napoleon's troops in 1880. Is it healthier than butter? No. Does it taste better than butter? No.

Does it have any more nutritional benefit than the plastic tub it is served in? No. But... P... Spreading margarine is so easy, and spreading butter is so hard. Never have two foods resisted a union with such ferocity.

You're like, hey, Butter, do you want to be on toast? And Butter's like, I'm not doing that at all, actually. I got a different plan, which is that I'm going to rip the bread clean off like it's Janet Jackson's shirt at the Super Bowl. And like Justin Timberlake, Butter lives on with a flawless reputation, even though what happened was entirely his. is false. Now, spreading margarine is easy, smooth, sexy.

You wanna put margarine on toast? It's already done. If you leave a piece of toast next to margarine, it will spread itself on in a perfect circle like Lunette the clown pretending to be a clock. I have a five-week-old son. He sleeps for 45 minutes, three times a night, and people ask me if that's hard.

And I say yes, but it is not as hard as trying to put butter on top. In 1999, margarine actually became more popular than butter for the first time. And that is because we thought Y2K was going to murder all of us, and life is too short to spend it struggling to butter toast. I will save my energy for my family and my friends, and to fight for Napoleon.

Not right. Matt Wright, on behalf of Margarine, we got ourselves a debate. All right. Well, golly ghee, gentlemen. If you get it, you get it. It's time for the bare knuckle round. We're debating whether margarine is superior to butter, so let me clarify.

You don't have to have a meltdown, but anticipate any churn of events, leaving no margarine for air. Set this debutter's audience on emulsifier starting now. I mean, I don't know about you guys. It sounds to me like Matt just shouldn't be trusted with toast. Never mind a five-week-old baby. Do you not have a microwave at your house, Matt?

Like, literally, four seconds, and the butter is liquid. No, I don't have a microwave. We used the microwave. We broke it down and we made more margarine out of it. Are you saying you want me to melt the butter to make toast? Are you crazy? You want me to churn it, too? What do you want me to do? Obtain cows? What do you want me to milk the cows?

You want me to pasteurize the milk for you, Derek? Turn it into cream, stir it at the proper speed and temperature for it to become butter, realize the labor of the farm is unsustainable for one man, put an unruly amount of pressure on my wife to produce sons, resent the daughters she inevitably bears, teach the boys how to become capable farmhands, quell their dreams to become folk singers,

and then get them to milk the cows, churn it and get butter. I want toast now. This is why he can't be trusted with toast. He's a ghost addict. You gonna put margar on, on lobster? You psycho? I've done it.

Oh, my God. Oh. Okay. That's the fair knuckle round, everybody. It's time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on margarine versus butter brought to you by peanut butter. Peanut butter.

Are we great at our craft? You damn skippy we are. Finish this slogan for Bacel's dairy-free plant butter. Skip the cow, not the what. Derek? the taste of cow manure. It's weird, but you're almost right. Matt?

Skip the cow, not the traumatic experience of having to butter toast. I actually like that. Skip the cow, not the taste, which was sort of the start of Derek's answer. So I have to give him half an official point. All right. In the 1920s, M.P. Alan Neal said of margarine in the House of Commons,

it is not a substitute for butter. It is what? Matt Wright. It is not a substitute for butter. It is giving you the freedom in time to raise your children. Very on-brands. Two points. No, he said it's not a substitute for butter. It is a deceptive counterfeit.

I like the way this guy thinks. Readers Digest.C.A's list of things to do with a margarine tub includes, use it as a paint container, pack fruit in your child's lunch, make freezer storage, and what else? Derek. Show your neighbors that dad lost his job again. Back on the margarine. Three points.

Matt Wright. Put your pop's ashes. in it because he doesn't want to get left in some fancy box. Also good. The actual answer is make it into a dog dish or use it as a gelatin mold. Those are two different things. I want to point that out.

And that is the firing line, everybody. Here we go. In the home stretch. It is just about time for our holy heart theater audience to pick a winner. But first, here again, to remind us that once you start using margarine, things can only get better. It's Matt Wright. How dare Derek come to Newfoundland and roast our official drink? This is in these hardworking people's blood because their bodies can't

deal with it. It's still in there. We use it for everything. I'm not going to come to Quebec and tell you to eat carrots instead of cigarettes. This is what we do. Butter was made by cows. Margarine is made by dreamers.

P... Did a cow? Did a cow put a man on the moon? No, we did. And we took the leftover fuel and made margarine with it. And no, it's not good for you. But you know what? That's life. It's cool.

Eating margarine on white bread is like, surfing in shark-infested waters with a cigarette in your mouth on a board made of pork jobs. You are not in danger. You are the danger. A quote from Walter White, a teacher who started selling meth

after he got cancer. Two things that are healthier than margarine. We don't. We don't eat it because it won't kill us. We eat it because we want to feel alive. I stand with margarine because we made it. And in these divided times, I stand with the people. If you want something a cow made so bad, go suck and utter.

That is not right, everybody. Matt Wright, with a lot of support. That was an argument on behalf of Martrin. If you're wondering, uh, wow. Now, here to drive home his argument, like a buttering ram, let's hear from Quebec's Derek Sagan. I don't know, everybody. I'm just, I'm just hurt now.

You've been to my house. You saw me slave over that butter to feed my three children. I love my children. That's why they get butter. Bother, even if you're... Even if you're vegan. Butter, it don't hurt the cow. The cow, it's kind of like, the cow's like, hey, how you doing?

It's a byproduct. We don't have to hurt the cow. Heard the cow. Vegans should love this. Spread it on their little whole wheat toast. Good. Instead of slaughtering millions of soy plants to make Bessel butter.

Unsaturated fat, too. That's what that is. Unsaturated. That don't sound good at all. Sold in plastic cubs that'll float out to the ocean and kill the whales and the cods. Your precious cods. And you float around in a margin.

around in a margarine tub. Don't even get me started on the turtles. Thank you. Derek Sagan. On behalf of butter. Audience, it is up to you to decide who has won this important debate by applause who thought that Derek gave Matt a good whipping

with his butter banter. Derrick Sagan. We had a lot there. They're buttering him up. And who agreed with Matt's magnificent Margarine Musings, Matt Wright? They did it. They want the hometown boy. The winner is Matt Wright.

Margarine's better than butter. Big hand for Matt Wright. And the one and only Derek Siggin. You're listening. to CBC Radio's The Debaters. Want access to bonus content and information on upcoming tour dates, then be sure to follow us on Instagram at at CDC debaters. You know, shopping for a car should be exciting, not exhausting, and that's where Car Gurus comes in. They have advanced search tools, unbiased deal ratings, and price history, so you know a great deal when you see one. It's no wonder

Car Gurus is the number one rated car shopping app in Canada on the Apple app and and Google Play, according to app follow. Buy your next car today with Car Gurus, and make sure your big deal is the best deal at car gurus.ca. That's c-ar-G-U-R-U-S dot CA. Car gurus.com. When a disgraced podcaster follows a Maryland man-child through an IKEA wardrobe.

The wardrobe is a portal? Oh man, I told you not to follow me. She stumbles into a once pristine magical kingdom, now drowning in fast food and vape clouds. They are eating into my margins. Where'd you pick up that fancy business talk? He spent years living in a hollowed out stump. If these two

unlikely heroes are ever going to change anything, they'll have to start with their miserable selves. Stanland, featuring Bobby Moynihan, Reyes Seahorn, John Hamm, John Waters, and more. Subscribe now. Hey, St. John's, are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters?

Listen to that, Canada. Let's bring them out, Dan. This comedian attended a wedding near a cell phone tower and really enjoyed the reception. It's Toronto's Noor Hadidi. Noor! Thank you. Thank you. Hi, Steve.

Hi, Nor, welcome back. And this comic set up his electrician friend on a date with a welder, and boy did sparks fly. It's Toronto. Hesham Kalani. Hesom, Hesom,

making his way to my left. Debaters, this is a topic that is very timely Newfoundland's time zone. Is it the best time zone in the world? Some have already decided. Now, some of you out there listening may not know that Newfoundland has its own time zone. that is half an hour ahead of even the Atlantic time zone.

So it's ironic that while you're technically ahead of the rest of Canada, you were the last to join Confederation. Waiting until 1949. What happened? Did the rest of Canada bribe you by saying you can have anything you want and you decided, we want our own time zone? Instead of, say, a different fruit to make jam out of it, besides partridge berries?

Now, for a debate that will be great time and time again. So, whereas it's the earliest in Canada and was created specifically for the province, be it resolved, Newfoundland, has the best time zone. Nor, you are arguing for this, please. You have two minutes. Starting now, Nor Hadidi. Thank you, Steve.

It is an honor to be here in Newfoundland for the very first time. to live here is to be 30 minutes ahead, literally in the future. Which is why I find it appalling that some people, like my opponent here, want to drag us into the past. The Newfoundland time zone

is the only one in North America with a half hour offset. And it's been my experience that the best things in life are one of a kind. Yes. Like true love or a smart American. And let's talk about the half hour. It is unequivocally the best unit of time.

You can take a nap, watch TV, or if you're a woman like me, you can finally find that chin hair you've been meaning to pluck. Yeah? You know, if you're in a bind, an hour is insurmountable, but anyone can get by with just a half hour left, especially if you're bored at work or at a Hisham-Kalati comedy show.

What are the other options? Pacific time? More like pathetic time, okay? Always lagging three hours behind. Or mountain time? Newsflash, I'm not a bear in hibernation. The only people this is this is, The only people this time zone is inconveniencing are Newfoundlanders themselves.

And sure, it would be easier to join the Atlantic time zone, but easy doesn't mean best, okay? Newfoundland time is not just a time zone. It's a statement. It says, we've got a big zone, and we're not afraid to use it. Nora Dee-Dee, everybody, a big fan of having your own time zone. Now, here with his zone, timely take on his time zone talk, let's hear from Hisham Kalladi. Newfoundland, your time zone is trash. Trash! Sorry, sorry, sorry, I'm getting out of myself, I'm going to hear myself, okay.

As Steve mentioned, Newfoundland was the last holdout to join Canadian Federation. They were living off the grid, like the Farrell uncle you haven't seen since the 90s, who lives in the forest with this pet moose. And every Christmas, it's a family tradition to leave him a case of beer by the highway. And I know that there isn't a single Newfoundlander who's offended by comparison. There's for sure someone just went, is he talking about Uncle Terry? And being the weird one is great, but sometimes it's too much. You know what? I can't. I can't. I'm just going to cut to the the chase. Newfoundland, your time zone has just gone on for too long. Your mother and

I cannot put up anymore. You are tearing this confederation apart. Just move over to the Atlantic Timesome. We won't make a deal about it. We promise. We will be cool. We understand it was just the phase you were going through. We promised Newfoundland to burn all the pictures so none of the other provinces know you were a goth, okay? And for everyone saying that the time zone is cultural heritage, there is more than enough Newfoundland quirkiness to replace it with. Did you know that the Flat Earth Society considers Newfoundland to be one of the four corners of the earth? Newfoundland tourism give me $10,000 and three weeks, and I'll come up with a new tourism

angle for the rock, now known as the edge. In summary, it's time for Newfoundland to spring forward into the future or fall back and right off the planet because it is flat. I'm Hisham Klaidi. Thank you, and I look forward to hearing your applause 30 minutes from now.

Hesham Kalladi. It's tough. It's a tough assignment we've given you. Debaters, it's time that we zone into the bare knuckle round. The pleasure is all ours. As you debate whether Newfoundland has the best time zone. So the audience will stop, watch, and listen, as you try to beat the living daylight savings out of them.

But remember, time flies when you're having puns. So, clock and load now. You know the worst thing about all of this, about the times on Newfoundland, is the fact that you guys are making us do math! You're supposed to be the cool ones! Come on! Hisham, actually it's a great way to get kids to learn about fractions early on. I actually think they know what they're doing. And if I may invoke some history here, Newfoundland they have a history of tacking on things.

You know, like you added Labrador to the name Newfoundland and Labrador, right? Why not tack on a half hour too? Newfoundland and Labrador, an hour and a half, jigs dinner and indigestion. You know, it's just, it goes well with the province. Everyone keeps talking about how the time zone is a part of Newfoundland identity.

You know what else is part of your identity? A mummer's parade. which I still don't get. And like many, many people have tried to explain it to me very clearly and in great detail. I'm just letting you know as someone from the outside, it doesn't make any sense, just like your time zone. Hisham, please, okay? Some people are ugly and they can only

be in public if they're dressed as a scarecrow, okay? Have some compassion. And besides, the government tried to get involved, right? They tried to change the time zone back twice and 51 and 63, but the people of Newfoundland here with their ugly faces, they said, no. Right? She called through ugly.

Remember this later. She caught through ugly. And they still love me. That's what I'm advocating here for people, the right to choose, okay? We get to choose our own time zone, which my opponent, a man, is... Yeah, yeah, okay. That's the bear enough around, everybody. Oh, Hesam, I got it when I hear a knockout, I got to acknowledge it, you know?

That was a mercy bell there. All right, DePater, it is time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on Newfoundland's time zone brought to you by KFC's collectible TimeX watches. They take a finger licking and keep on ticking. That's a good one.

That's a good one. According to a CBC article, prior to Newfoundland's 1935 passing of the Standard Time Act, the Postmaster went by solar time, wireless officials went by Eastern Time, and the lighthouse keeper went by what? Hisham? A good time. Nice shout out to lighthouse keepers there.

Noor? He went by LKT, Lighthousekeeper Time. I like that. Yeah. Little LKT. Nope. Went by daylight time. But time of the day, it is.

We also would have accepted, Watch out, the lights coming around again. Time. The transcript of an 1870 budget debate in the House of Assembly... Oh, God, now we got you listening. Reveals that at the time, many fishing villages in Newfoundland

set their clocks by what daily event? Hisham. When the liquor store opened. You beautiful, beautiful people. Thank you so much for that. Audience has given you one and a half. The transcript of an 1870 budget debate in the House of Assembly reveals that at the time,

many fishing villages in Newfoundland set their clocks by what daily event? It was the firing of a noonday gun on Signal Hill in St. John's. In 1988, the provincial government experimented with double daylight savings. time, moving clocks ahead two hours instead of one. Why was the experiment abandoned? Nor.

Because I was born that year, and my name in Arabic means light, so I brought enough light into the world that they didn't need it anymore. Just a reminder, she called you ugly. Except why on? Remember that part. Doesn't matter. Three points. He said?

Someone did the math wrong, and it ended up being Tuesday for three weeks. I will give two points for that answer. The real answer is that it forced children to go to school in the dark in October. That's the firing line, everybody. It is almost time for our holy heart theater audience to vote. But first, here again to tell us why Newfoundland's time zone is more like the twilight zone to him.

Let's hear again from Hisham. Kaladi! Newfoundland, did you know three other countries that have a 30-minute time zone? Iran, Afghanistan, and Australia. Is that really the country you want to be compared to? Australia? There are literally so many benefits to having a normal time zone.

All your TV times will be fixed. You get to go to work a little later. And most importantly, that's an extra 30 minutes of sleep. An extra 30 minutes? an extra 30 minutes of sleep. That's my whole argument. An extra 30 minutes of sleep.

There's an old joke here in Newfoundland. The world ends at midnight 1230 in Newfoundland. And you guys are so happy dancing a jig in the kitchen, excited to be the last one's alive. But that just means you guys have to clean it all up.

Move your clocks back 30 minutes and come die with the rest of us. Thank you, Newfound. Newfoundland, you beautiful, handsome, sexy people. I'm Denise and Kaladi. Goodbye forever. Hisha M. Kalati. Very interesting take on the time zone change.

Now, here to say, see you later to anyone who won't give Newfoundland's time zone the time of day. Let's hear again from Nor Hadidi. Thank you. You know, I have to say this. has been really fun and I've enjoyed my time with you all, but I'd like to end on a more serious note.

Okay. Wow, not taking a woman seriously. Okay, he shaman. First, they came for the Newfoundland time zone, and I did not speak out. Because I was not in the Newfoundland time zone. Then, they came for Quebec, and I did not speak out because I was not Putin. Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak for me.

Thank you. Norah Be in the most distinct closing argument we've ever had. Thank you, Nora, it is up to this audience. to decide by applause who agreed with Isham that when anyone talks up Newfoundland's time zone he tends to zone out. Hisham Kaladi! Nice support. Nice support for Heisham. And who thought that Norr's argument on the greatness of Newfoundland's time zone was right in the zone, Nor Hadidi? That's it.

The audience has spoken. They agree. The best time zone in the world. Time Zone in the world is this one. The winner's Nor Hadidi, everybody. Big hand for Nor Hadidi and Hisham Kaladi. Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying whatever time zone you're in right now. We're ahead of you because this was pre-recorded.

I'll argue with you again soon. Canada, good night. The Debaters is created by Richard Side. This week's episode was produced by Nicole Calendar, Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark. with continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis, and Gary Jones. Technical production by James Perela and Mark Strong. Story editing by Gary Jones.

With special thanks to Katie Ellen Humphreys, Emily Ferrier, and David Pride. Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts. And thanks to everyone at the Holy Heart Theater in St. John's. For more CBC podcasts, go to cbc.ca.ca.com.