The Debaters - Is London, Ontario superior to London, England? Does Facebook Marketplace rule?

Episode Date: May 14, 2026

On this week’s new episode, London’s calling, when we pit London, Ontario against London, England. Ron Sparks says Canada's London is a city after his own heart, but Arthur Simeon believes the British version is better. Then, we’re deciding if Facebook Marketplace is the best place to buy and sell. Graham Chittenden gives this platform a five-star rating, but Kaitlin Shuvera refuses to use Meta’s marketplace.Featuring: Ron Sparks, Arthur Simeon, Graham Chittenden, and Kaitlin Shuvera.

Let's see if Toronto advisors know their life insurance providers. Hey there, who offers term plus life insurance a flexible solution with really low premiums? Oh, uh, Beneva. Correct. Who makes it easier to protect your clients with high approval rates and several built-in benefits? Veniva. You got it. Who offers whole life insurance with a whole lot of cash value? Beneva. Am I on TV?

No, not today. Looks like people are starting to know Beneva pretty well. You're stronger with the right partner, Beneva. This is a CBC podcast. Hey, Canada, we're going to have one heck of a night from London, Ontario, home of the night's hockey team. It's the debater. Now here's a man who is... We are back in my old hometown of London, Ontario, Canada.

You know who else is rumored to have lived here in London, Ontario? Walt Disney. As someone who for sure grew up here, I wish Walt Disney had stayed and opened Disneyland in London. It would be the happiest place on earth between Lambeth and Dorchester. You know what I'm saying? Your first week at Western University, you could ride Frosh Mountain.

Entirely of empties. Or you could take a fresh spin around an old South London shopping staple. White Oak's Mall. It's a small mall after a... All right. Time to meet two debaters who are worth the price of admission.

This comic had to brand the family cattle, and he really did a number on them. It's Chatham, Ontario's Ron Sparks! Ron! Private Chatham! There he is. Purposely. Hitting the stage to my left. And this comic firmly believes in the old saying,

Spare the Rods, spoil the fishing trip. It's Toronto's Arthur Simeon. Arthur Simeon. another of our favorites. All right, debaters, your topic is going to be quite geographic. London, Ontario. Is it superior to London, England? No one's ever asked.

We're going to ask that question. This is a special one for me because my brother John met his lovely wife and my sister-in-law, Pauline, in the UK, and he said, let's live in London. and she did not realize he meant London, Ontario. She thought she was going to the big city of London, England. Now she's acutely aware of the differences between the two London's, so I dedicate this debate to my longtime sister-in-law, Pauline,

and to my brother John, get ready, because you'll have an argument of your own tonight after this. Now, for a debate that's sure to be a jolly good time, so whereas there's fewer crowds and more personality, be it resolved that London, London, Ontario is superior to London, England. Ron, you're arguing for this. You have two minutes starting now.

Ron Sparks. Thank you, Steve. Thank you, impartial audience. At first, let me just say that I don't want any special treatment just because I'm from here. Well, maybe not downtown. The suburbs. Chatham.

But it's just an hour down the 401. And you know, that's just as long as it takes to turn left at Wellington and commissioners. So I'm basically local. This city was named for England's capital, but like any son, London Jr.'s all grown up. Ready to fill daddy's shoes. It's time to usher that old London into the nursing home for geriatric metropolis. Our sexy young London turns just 200 this year. That's right.

It's energetic, exciting, optimistic, modern, vivacious. For a city is so young and cute, Donald Trump wants to fly here on Jeffrey Epstein's plane. Maybe I'll travel with their old buddy, Prince Andrew. Oh, say, where's he from again? That's right. London, England. Like London, England, London, Ontario has an international airport.

That's right. A lot of you didn't know. And unlike Heathrow, you will not have a 15-hour layover. You won't need one because you don't have a 14-hour walk to the next gate here. Because there's only one gate here. Now what does London, England have that we don't? People? Sure.

They got 10 million to our half million. But that's not a good thing, Steve. Every single jerk I have ever met in my entire life has been people. So why would I want to live in a city that has 20 times more of them? Even London, Ontario's nickname is better. Forest City celebrates life-giving trees. The big smoke celebrates lung-killing factories.

They burned all their trees to fuel some silly industrial revolution. It didn't even last. Nobody even uses steam power anymore. Other than LTC buses. That's why London wins, Ontario. London, Ontario wins, to be clear. Thanks, everybody. Yes.

On behalf of London, Ontario. Thank you, Ron. Now, in support of London, England, with an argument that's anything but half-cocknate. Let's hear from a very brave man who's about to see what happens. Arthur Simeon! Thanks, Steve.

No one likes a remake. And that's all London, Ontario is. A remake of a classic. London, England is a world-class city that hosts international events like the Olympics, where athletes from around the world come together to showcase their talents and spread STDs. In London, Ontario, you don't get any athletes or talent just the STDs. London, England is the home of London dry gin, a smooth drink enjoyed by classy people in fashionable clothing

who are about to go save the world. London, Ontario is the home of Labad Beer, which is enjoyed by dead-bit dads and people with a parole officer. London, England has a royal palace filled with wealth and an inbred family. London, Ontario has a legion filled with inbred families. London, England has Notting Hill, where a simple bookstore owner can fall in love with a movie star and have a magical romance.

London, Ontario has the beef parent where a middle-aged stripper and a bedroom trucker can consummate their hate for work culture. The flushing toilet and the ATM were both invented in London, England. The last time I was in London, Ontario, I saw a man fighting an ATM before using the sidewalk as a toilet.

I think I know which the better London is. Thank you very much. Okay. Simian, brave, brave argument. All right, it is time now for the bare-knuckle round. We're debating whether London, Ontario, is superior to that other one, London, England. So I'll be keeping my London eye on the O2 of you. Be sure to buckingham it up and hope the comedy here seeps into the audience's psyche.

Otherwise, they'll just sit there going, so-ho what? We want a storybook ending to this debate so you two need to labat it out of the park starting now. First of all, my opponent, Arthur, he's right about Labat Blue. I love it. Fair point. Shout out to your parole officer.

By the way, so anybody know where my kids are? Here's something. That royal family over in London, England, they've invited Donald Trump to be their honored guest twice already. Yeah. London, Ontario has never invited him to come for anything. In fact, you can't invite the president of a country when you have nowhere for his plane to land. Relax. Your airport has one gate, okay? It's a really nice gate. This will be my only point I'm going to try and make, okay? Every celebrity that was born in London, England, examples. Adele, Idris Elba, they all still live in London, England.

Every celebrity born in London, Ontario has never set foot back in here. Ryan Gosling, Justin Bitt. They would never even do a concert just to come back. So I know which the better London is. No. Ryan Gosling is a great ambassador for this city who's working for him. And Justin Bieber was asked politely to leave. Now, Arthur, if you're not going to leave.

If you're such a fan of English culture, then you should actually prefer London, Ontario, because this is the city that the English actually built. Lundinium was built by the Romans. In 43 AD, our hated enemies. Why are you always coming out here and pushing the Roman agenda on us, Arthur? Well, if you must know Ron,

it's because I like open-toed sandals, okay? And people that look like me really thrive during the Roman Empire. Okay. All right. We're going to stop it there. That's the bare-knuckle round. It is time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on London, England versus London, Ontario. Brought to you by King Charles and the late Queen Elizabeth.

Whether you agree with them or not, they're always on the money. London, England and London, Ontario both have the river Thames, Oxford Street, and what else? What else? Ron. It's an easy one, Steve. Stores. I got to give you the point for that. You're right. You're right. Arthur? They both have beautiful women.

Don't spy into it. Don't spy into it. No, please do. Stop it. London, England and London, Ontario both have the River Thames, Oxford Street, and Hyde Park. There you go. Users on Cora say one downside of living in London, England, is the high cost of living, while one downside of living in London, Ontario is most people need to do what to live here?

Arthur. Learn how to repair stab wounds. Incorrect, Arthur. Ron? It's a trick question, Steve, there's no downside in London, Ontario. I do, however, know a significant downside in London, in England, because I witnessed it myself. I'm talking, of course, about monsters.

I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand. Walking through the streets in Soho in the rain. He was looking for a place called Leeho Fuchs. Gonna get a big bowl of beef chalming. Everybody! Ah, ooh! That's not what I have here. The answer is own a vehicle.

I was getting to that. One of London, Ontario's claims to fame is being the birthplace to what revolutionary medical discovery? Arthur. Having every SDD simultaneously. Well, you'd know. Kind of walked into that one. Ron? Let me tell you what I discovered in London, England, Steve.

He's a hairy-handed gent. Rana Muckin' Kent. Lately, he's been overheard in Mayfair. If you see him, you better leave. He'll rip your lungs out, Steve. I'd love to meet his Taylor. Everybody. There's so much easier than giving answers.

I can't believe we're getting paid the same. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. What question were we on? Three. One of London Ontario's claims to fame as being the birthplace to what revolutionary medical discovery? Insulin!

Discovered by London's Frederick Banting. Thank you. London, Ontario is nicknamed the Forest City in honor of its trees. What nickname was given to London, England in honor of its poor air quality? Arthur?

Hamilton. Three points. Three points. Ron Sparks. I was planning to sing about werewolves again. But now I'm too upset. I just realized that I put a lot of hard work into my debates, and you don't even listen, Steve.

Correct me if I'm wrong, audience. In my opener, just minutes ago, did I not say the nicknames of both London's? So, I can obviously answer your question. But will you be listening this time? Anyway, it's called The Big Smoke, but we will be finishing this conversation later at home. Yes, the answer is The Big Smoke. If anyone's still listening.

That's the firing line, everybody. We are in the home stretch. And it's just about that magical time where our fabulous grand theater audience places their votes. But first, here to insist that London, England's Superior is the nodding hill that he wants to die on. Let's hear again from Arthur Simeon. London, England is a world-class city.

London, Ontario is three small towns in a trench court, pretending to be a city. I would rather live in Kitchener, Waterloo, and that place is filled with white people obsessed with German history. Going to London, England means shopping, sporting events, vibrant nightlife, and museums. and museums. Going to London, Ontario means you have either given up on life, or in a witness protection program, or you're recording a CBC radio show.

One of the most famous comedians from London, England, is my friend Jack Whitehall, currently starring in multiple TV shows and movies. The most famous comedian from London, Ontario, is my friend Steve Patterson, currently staring at me wondering when he can get and get back to the tuna egg sandwich he left in his dressing room. I rest my case. Arthur Simeon. Arthur Simeon, harsh words, but almost true.

It's chicken salad, idiot. Now, here to say that he thinks London, Ontario, London towers above the other London. Let's hear again from Ron Sparks. Thank you. London, England is terrible for one reason. Food. If you've ever been there, you know their so-called food is inedible.

Kidney pies, eel pies, fish heads, deer and trails, blood. There is no meat too disgusting for them to pie. They conveniently serve fish and chips in newspapers, so you can just throw it straight in the trash. I'm not picky, but I spent months in England, Steve, and could not eat a thing. bubble and squeak, bangers and mash, toad in the hole. Those aren't meals, they're threats to my person.

Still not sure if spotted dick is the name of another terrible English dish or simply the condition you suffer after eating it. London, Ontario, on the other hand, is full of great high-class restaurants. Yeah! I'm going to be honest, I haven't made it to them yet. Actually, I'm done now because I want to go to fast eddies. Thank you. Ron Sparks!

Ron Sparks, on behalf of London, Ontario. Arthur Sibyan is against. He wants London, England, to win. Let's see what the audience has decided by applause. Who loved the monarch of Arthur's royal argument, Arthur Sibyan? He got some... All right. That's some nice support.

Nice support for Arthur. Okay. And who agreed with Ron that life in the 519 is mighty fine. Ron Sparks! London and everybody! Hey, debaters listeners. We've got more facts and funny coming your way.

But while you're here, why not drop us a five-star rating or review? It really helps new listeners find us. Thanks for your support. Let's see if Toronto advisors know their life insurance providers. Hey there. Who offers term plus life insurance a flexible solution with really low premiums? Oh, uh, Beneva.

Correct. Who makes it easier to protect your clients with high approval rates and several built-in benefits? Beneva. You got it. Who offers whole life insurance with a whole lot of cash value? Beneva. Am I on TV? No, not today.

Looks like people are starting to know Beneva pretty well. You're stronger with the right partner, Beneva. At Desjardin Insurance, we know that when you were building contractor, your company's foundation needs to be strong. That's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business and provide tailored solutions for all its unique needs. You put your heart into your company, so we put our heart into making sure it's protected.

Get insurance that's really big on care. Find an agent today at dejerdin.com slash business coverage. Hey London, are you ready to meet your next pair of debater? Crowd Canada. Let's bring them out here. This comic wonders if Queen Bees create extra work for their drones just to make sure they stay buzzy. It's Brantford, Ontario's Graham Chittenden.

Come on, out, Kid Thunder, Graham! And this comic is Vera Vera Funny. It's London, Ontario's Caitlin Chavara. Come on out, Caitlin. Hello. Welcome. Welcome. Hello, Steve.

Your topic, debaters, is an easy one to buy into Facebook Marketplace. Facebook Marketplace. Is there no better place to buy and sell? If you don't know what Facebook Marketplace is, it's exactly like Craigslist. If you don't know what Craigslist is, that's a lot like a flea market.

If you don't know what a flea market is, that's like a yard sale. If you don't know what a yard sale is, you got to get off Facebook and go meet your neighbors. Time, yes, listen, wow, they're ready for you guys. Time now to sample what these debaters are trying to sell us. So, whereas it's a simple way to find bargains, reduce waste, and even earn a little extra cash, be it resolved,

there's no better place to buy or sell than on Facebook Marketplace. Graham, you're arguing for this, please. You have two minutes. Starting now, Graham Chittenden. When I heard that they needed somebody to debate, about Facebook Marketplace. I immediately emailed the producers and said,

is this still available? They immediately said yes, and then I ghosted them for three days. Then I did say yes, please, I'll take it. I told them my price for writing and performing a debate, and they said, will you take $40? Well, I'm here, aren't I?

Now, despite what may seem like a complaint about Facebook Marketplace, It still is the best way to sell stuff. Any stuff. You have a toaster that you think should be thrown out? Don't. Fifteen or 16 messages back and forth. Then you put that thing outside on your porch.

Somebody picks it up and replaces it with money. It's like the tooth fairy, except for the part where they have teeth. And sure, the tooth fairy never left me the money as a bag of nickels and dimes that smelled like cigarette smoke. But... Whatever. Now, to be fair, bigger sales do require human contact, but that's okay, because you're not meeting these people blind.

Every listing is linked to an account. Before I do business with you, I can size you up. Let's see. Okay, I really like your coffee table, but don't like your views on immigrants. So I'll pass. See, here's the thing. It was reported by CBC. Yes, CBC.

the very same corporation that will pay me for tonight's performance three months from now. It was reported that Ontario's hospitals have a dangerous shortage of available hospital beds, and yet Marketplace says there are three available within 14 kilometers of my house. I don't care if you think it's a dumpster fire. Facebook Marketplace is keeping things out of that dumpster. Thank you. Graham Chittenden. He is pro Facebook Marketplace.

Now, here to kick Graham's argument to the curb. Let's hear from Caitlin Chevera. Facebook Marketplace is for people who live inside the marketplace of dreams and ideals. Never following through on purchases and making their way through life with no consequences. If a transaction is ever successful, the most positive consequence is getting to invite

the strangest person you have ever seen online over to your house for your trash. and praying that they still think it's treasury when they see it in real life. If the buyer does not follow through, which is the case more often, then you've been ghosted by someone you don't even know after revealing your embarrassing, nerdy interest to them. Yes, I was asking full price for this rare Lego Star Wars set, and it is still available.

This is even worse than being ghosted on a dating app. At least there, everyone assumes you are still available. when they see all of the photos with you and your Lego sets. It's much easier to feign interest in a Facebook marketplace purchase and lead someone on than it is on a dating app. This is how I get stuck responding to 30 local single moms who pretended to be interested in my Lego set for their child and sent me, is this still available messages?

But no, it is not available anymore because I got so annoyed responding to all your fake inquiries, I threw the set against the wall, and now it's not even an used-to-fair, Thank you. I like that. I like that. That stayed very on point.

Excellent opening. Time now for the bare knuckle round. We're debating whether nothing beats Facebook Marketplace. So, before we start, I have one question. Debaters, can you deliver? Remember, this is a comedy show, so non-serious inquiries only. We need this segment gone.

ASAP, so time to start selling us now. Graham, I noticed you compared Facebook Marketplace to the Tooth Fairy, but I feel like I believe more in the Tooth Fairy than I believe that Mark Zuckerberg is a real person. That's great. That's why I like Facebook Marketplace. This is the one spot, you know,

the Zuck can't get 10% of your broken lawnmower. You know what I mean? This is it. This is where we live within that, you know? that, you know? I feel like I believe more in the truth rate than I believe Walt Disney lived in London, Ontario. Yeah. That is the greatest fantasy story ever told about Disney.

Yeah. No Aladdin. Just the fact that Walt Disney might have got his coat stolen at the seeps. I do feel like you're not giving Facebook Marketplace a chance. I don't think you hate Facebook Marketplace. I think you hate people. I mean, did the Lego Star Wars set not give that away? Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, that's fair.

I honestly think, I mean, and I'm not understanding this. If you hate Facebook Marketplace, you hate the planet and you want it to burn because right now there is a garbage island floating somewhere in the ocean, and Facebook Marketplace is the only antidote. It's the only place where you can sell anything. You think you need to throw out a half-empty bottle of Restoralax? Tell that to my partner and our extra $6. I just, we'll leave you with that.

People will buy anything. What do you have at your house right now that you want to sell? Three hospital beds. Yeah, that's the bare knuckle round. Oh, yeah. Yes, I want to leave the audience wanting more. There will be inquiries. It is time now for the people.

the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on Facebook Marketplace, brought to you by Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg himself. If you're having trouble finding a buyer for your junk, remember, there's a Zuckerborn every minute. Reader's Digest says when shopping on Facebook Marketplace, one red flag to look for is what? Graham. People who describe toilets as like new. Oh, that's a good one. Caitlin Severo. One red flag to look for the Confederate flag.

That was good. That's good. Three and a half. One red flag to look for is how long the seller's account has been on Facebook? Because if they haven't been on long, apparently that's a red flag. Suppleful.com says some of the best-selling items on Facebook marketplace are home decor, clothing, and what else? Graham Chindon?

I know the answer to this one. It is footpicks of Steve Patterson. The best-selling items on Facebook Marketplace are home decor, clothing, and baby items. I would decorate a nursery with footpicks of Steve Patterson. Oh, poor kid. Shopify.com says you can maximize your marketplace profits by taking good photos, writing detailed descriptions, and what else? Caitlin?

Lying? I love a good, brief, perfect answer. One point. Graham? I'd say you want to make a little extra money, throwing a few feet picks of Steve Pennishing. Would you stop it? You can maximize your marketplace profits

by selling at seasonally appropriate times. True story. CNBC.com says one reason people love Facebook marketplace is it has no what. Pretty close. Caitlin? Shame? Good answer.

Another point. Yeah, I was also going to say shame, but like in a good way. No shame. No shame. And also feet picks of Steve. All right. Don't you get into it now.

People love Facebook Marketplace because it has no fees, which is too close to feet. For my pleasure, that is the firing line, everybody. All right. It is almost time for our very gracious grand theater audience to vote, but first, here to say when it comes to Facebook Marketplace,

she's still not interested, thanks. Let's hear from Caitlin Shemara. Facebook Marketplace should have been called the Facebook Bazaar, but spelled B-I-Z-A-R-E. What happened to garage sales or taking your clothes to the Goodwell? And then going back to that Goodwill three hours later to search through those same clothes because you might have left $300 in the pocket.

These are important moments and memories in our children's lives that we are taking away from them when we turn to the internet to sell our goods. Instead, we are subjecting our babies to strangers in our homes and spending hours replying to messages for items that will never be sold. Facebook Marketplace, more like, please look at my face when I'm in your store down the street where I'll be shopping next week.

Thank you. Yeah. Caitlin Severa. A nice bow on the argument. Now here to tell us that when you sell on Facebook Marketplace, you can't lose because it'll always be the win in your sales. It's Graham Tittenden. Thank you. I don't want to overstate the importance of Facebook Marketplace or the danger of Caitlin's pro-consumer messaging.

But Facebook Marketplace is the greatest tool we have for fighting the capitalist machine and is doing it from inside the walls of meta? That would be like this show turning into a rally to defund the CBC. Like, I've got to be honest with you. I'm not sure how you defund this program. Take our bichorn and our little bell. I don't know how you take. Facebook Marketplace is like Costco, but better. No new goods are produced, and yet you can price match an entire province

by snow tires in the same place you buy your pants. And if you think you can't find a hot dog for $1.50 on Facebook Marketplace, trust me, it is available. Thank you. Graham Chittenden. With a nice closing argument on behalf of buying on Facebook Marketplace, Caitlin Chavar is against it, it's up to London to decide. By applause, how many of you agree with Graham that using Facebook Marketplace

will leave you in excellent condition? Graham Chittenden. A lot of support here for Graham. and how many of you agreed with Caitlin that Facebook Marketplace should have no place in our lives, Caitlin Chevera. Inconclusive, this is a tie.

This is a tie. Big answer, Graham Chittenden and Caitlin Chevera, everybody. Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying, whenever you buy things during a full moon, remember Lecantthropis Amtore. Bewarewolf.

I'll argue with you again soon, Canada. Good night. The Debaters is created by Richard Syed. This week's episode was produced by Nicole Callender, Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark. With continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis, and Gary Jones. With technical production by James Pirella and Chris Sampson. Story editing by Gary Jones.

With special thanks to Katie Ellen Humphreys, David Pride, and Emily Ferrier. Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts. And thanks to everyone at the Grand Theater in London. For more CBC podcasts, go to cBC.ca slash podcasts.