The Debaters - Is pool superior to darts? Does nothing beat growing up on PEI?

Episode Date: November 20, 2025

Right on cue, we’re pitting pool against darts. Then, two Prince Edward Islanders go potatoe-to-toe on whether their home province is the best place to grow up.Featuring: Kelly Taylor, Clare Belford, Meg MacKay, and Patrick Ledwell.

This program is brought to you in part by Spex Savers. Every day, your eyes go through a lot. Squinting at screens, driving into the bright sun, reading in dim light, even late-night drives. That's why regular eye exams are so important. At Spec Savers, every standard eye exam includes an advanced OCT 3D eye scan, technology that helps independent optometrists detect eye and health conditions at their earliest stages. Take care of your eyes. Book your eye exam at Specsavers today from just $99, including an OCT scan.

Book at Spexavers.cavers.caps are provided by independent optometrists. Prices may vary by location. Visit specksavers.cavers.cai to learn more. This is a CBC podcast. Hey debaters, listeners. This is Nicole Callender, one of the producers on the show. I'm wondering if I could call in a little favor. If you're enjoying the laughs and logic on the podcast, we'd love it if you could give us a rating or review. It really helps new listeners find us. All right, let's get into our first debate.

Hey Canada, are you ready to iron out some jokes? From the home of the iron rich red soil around Charlottetown PEI, it's the debater! The debaters where comedians fight with facts and funny in this audience picks the winner. Now here's a man whose jokes are never dirty, Steve Batterson. Hey, thanks Graham Clark. Hello, Canada. Welcome back to the debaters. We are very happy to be back here in PEI, Prince Edward Island. But according to a national survey, PEI ranks as Canada's unhappiest province. Are you unhappy P.E.R? Or are you unhappy with this? claim of unhappiness.

Right, because I'm happy not to mention it if that makes you happy. But I'm also happy to tell the rest of Canada I'm very happy to be here, and the audience here seems pretty happy. So let's just move on. Yeah. Time to meet two debaters who are ecstatic, which is a fancy word for happy to be here. This comic once thought he spotted the female lead from the movie Fatal Attraction, but it wasn't even close.

Here's Saskatchewan's Kelly Taylor. Kelly Taylor from Saskatchewan, striding across the stage deliberately in a very fancy shirt. Yeah, it's from my uncle who passed away. Thanks, Steve. Yep. They should have buried it with them.

One point. Thank you. And this comic once saw the band's fish, corn, and the black-eyed peas in concert, but felt they could have used some salt and pepper. It's Halifax's Claire Belford. Hi, Claire. Steve. Welcome. Welcome back. Nice to have you on again. Your topic is one that requires precision thinking.

Darts versus pool. Which is the superior sport? Personally, I like them both, and I'd love to see them combined. For example, if you accidentally sink the cue ball, your opponent is allowed to throw darts at you. Which you can deflect with the pool cue. Now throw in a barroom brawl,

and I bet Rogers would bid a bunch for the broadcast and naming rights to this new sport, Dau. Wade? No, you're right, sir. Poo are. That's better. Now for a debate that's right in our pocket. So, whereas it's a more complex sport that has fewer safety concerns and greater popularity,

be it resolved that pool is superior to darts. Kelly, you are arguing for this, please, my friend. You have two minutes, starting now, Kelly Taylor. Okay, I got to admit I messed this up when I got this debate. I thought I was debating pools versus darts, as in swimming pools versus hack and dart cigarettes. And I wrote a great debate about how fun water slides are versus getting lung cancer from hack and darts.

I'd like to say pool is a game for everybody. Ball and hole, black one last, simple. You can piece it together when you're hammered. That's a real game. Darts is for the elites. The rules and the math, it's impossible to look cool throwing a dart. Who are you impressing at the bar, tossing a needle with wings using your best limp, wristed, overhand, high arc technique?

Pool, you miss a shot, you might drain a ball. I played darts once. Missed a shot, hit my Uncle Murray in the neck. Sad funeral, got a great shirt out of it. Some of the best egg salad sandwiches I ever had were at that funeral. Why does it take a small town funeral to get a good egg salad sandwich? That's where the saying comes from. Who's got to die around here to get a good egg salad sandwich?

Pool has variations. Snooker, bumper pool, and so on. Darts, you have one variation. Lawn darts. which coincidentally was banned in 1989 the same year my dog got killed by playing lawn darts it was my uncle Boyd's idea throw it over the clothesline

oh there goes shaky pool you can close one eye to get a better feel for your shot dart you close one eye because you took a dart in the eye thank you very much Steve Ladies and gentlemen, nice job. Now, here to pull a complete 180 on Kelly. In favor of her darling darts, let's hear from Claire Belford. I would like to open my case against Poole with one simple word.

Doolies. Some radio listeners may not understand the reference, but Charlottetown does. Dooleys is basically like the Legion, but for guys who owe their mom money. It's as much a pool hall as it is sort of a living museum of divorce. Kind of a mecca for smokers' cough and regret. And oh yeah, it's carpeted. Movies have depicted Poole as the intellectuals game, but I've spent my fair share of time at a Dooley's,

and you know what these guys ain't intellectual at? Conversations. Good luck talking to a pool. cool guy. Hope you like angles. God, it's like talking to a protractor. Movies also want us to believe that pool players look like Paul Newman in The Hustler, when really most of them look more like the cue ball. The truth is we've been lied to about pool. Pool players aren't these hot bad boys. They're mostly bachelor uncles. My own bachelor uncle, He regularly drove himself alone to Vegas to participate in amateur pool tournaments.

Never on this show has a more damning sentence been spoken. Have you ever seen a professional dart player? Talk about the duality of man. Those are the most stoic-looking Joe blows you've ever seen. Every pro-darts player looks like he just completed a five-day silent yoga retreat and then won a hot dog eating contest. Darts players look like if Guy Fieri found inner peace. They're not bothered if anyone likes the flame decals on their short sleeve button up.

Because they know their own worth. And may we all achieve such profound enlightenment as that noble frosted tipped every man. Thank you, Steve. Blair Belford! Yeah, Claire Belford, on behalf of darts, but really more so against pool, and more specifically, Dooley's in specific. It's time now for the bare knuckle round. We're debating pool versus darts. So on my cue, let's make a clean break and leave your opponent in a state of chalk. If they make some sharp points and give you the shaft, let out a big bull, sigh, and tell them how it felt. So throw everything at the wall and see what sticks, starting now.

Kelly, you said pools for everyone, but who's everyone? Like, who has room for a pool table anymore? I live in a condo. Where would I put my pool table on the? bus? With darts, though, you can just start throwing. People will make room. Trust me. Get a bigger house then, Claire.

A little motivation to work harder, hey? Goals. You know, you keep talking about how dangerous darts are, but do you even know what happens if you get hit with a dart? Hardly anything. It's like a little prick. Do you know what happens if you get hit

with a pool table? You die. This Dooley's place sounds like heaven. If it's anything like the Legion, it's just cigarette smoking, pool, and do you guys have meat draws? I'm in. Other guys that owe their mom's money? Come on. How do you actually think I afforded my house?

I assumed your wife was rich. I knew it wasn't for comedy money. Oh, that's a dart snob right there. Okay, that's the baronucco round. everybody. That's a good place to stop it, I think. Try to leave the moms and money owing out of this. Time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on darts versus pool brought to you by cue ball. Kewball. What not to call a bald guy holding a fistful of darts. The 2025 World Pool Champion won a quarter of a million dollars. What did the

2025 World Darts Champion get? Claire? Love. We'll stop. Love. Okay. One point. Kelly? A coupon for two can dine for 1999 in A&W. A&W is expensive.

You need a coupon. It's a nice plug. Good try, but wrong. The 2025 World Darts Champion got half a million pounds. Finish this tagline from the 1961 Oscar-winning pool movie starring Paul Newman. He was a winner, he was a loser, he was what? Kelly. I was going to say I know that because I was going to rent it,

but then it was $4.99 and it wasn't free, so I didn't. So actually, I just buzzed in quick. What was the question again? Oh, he was a winner, he was a loser. He also tied sometimes. That was it. He also tied sometimes. It's like, win, loser, draw.

Sometimes he was a draw. I didn't need to rent it. That's why I didn't rent it. What a journey to nowhere your mind is. That's my comedy career. Incorrect. He was a winner. He was a loser.

He was a hustler. Oh, his name was in the title. What does sports insurance for you.com say is the most common injury sustained by darts players? Hurt feelings. Not hurt feelings? Good guess, though. Half of one point. Claire Belford.

No, actually, their feelings are fine because the most common injury sustained by darts players is they are absolutely drowning in it. And the it, we're just going to leave open-ended. The most common injury sustained by darts players is throwers' elbow. Quite the athletes, those dart players. What is meant if you say a darts player has wet feet? Claire. Standing in it. When a darts player has wet feet,

it means they weren't standing behind the throwing line. But I'll let Claire's answer better. That's the firing line, everybody. All right. It is almost that magical time when our Confederation Center audience votes. But first, here again to tell us why darts are right on target. As far as she's concerned, again from Claire Belford.

Okay, sure. Pool is a great game. For perverts. Poole is a bar game that lures women into bending over. Jeez. Squeez. our cleavage together to square up shots.

Balls everywhere. I'm supposed to believe that the cue stick isn't some big phallic fantasy. Then why is a shot called a stroke? Disgusting. In bars, where women are already vulnerable to the unrestrained, ogling of drunk, nasty little men, pool increases that vulnerability. A game of darts arms us.

Back to you, Steve. Thank you. Claire Belford, everybody. on darts being better than pool now here to try to rack up

even more points and praise of pool and really it's a matter of self-defense at this point let's hear from Kelly Taylor as you can tell I think we can all agree I'm not the smartest guy around

pool is easy stripes and solid I'm not even smart enough to play darts. It's all math. 18, three times. Kelly, it's your turn. No, sorry, I'm over here with a pen and paper, adding things up.

180! How many pitchers of beer have been dropped because of that guy's yelling? If you're good at pool, you're called a pool shark. If you're good at darts, you know what you're called? A dart player. And that's true. I googled that.

right before you know how popular darts is if you want to be in the top ten of darts in the world you have to beat at least three or four people thanks steve kelly taylor trying to champion pool over darts claire belford says the opposite and it's time for our charlottetown audience to place to vote by applause who loved the points kelly pooled together and brought to the table kelly taylor Okay? Some nice support for Kelly with the special effects. You feel that?

And who preferred Claire's dazzling defense of darts? Claire Belford. Woo-hoo! Woo! Well, somebody just got a 180-point win! Claire Belford wins it! Darts is better than pool! Big hand for Claire Belford and Kelly Taylor, everybody!

You're listening to CBC's The Debaters. Want access to bonus content and information on upcoming tour dates, then be sure to follow us on Instagram. You can find us at at CBC Debaters. This program is brought to you in part by Speck Savers. Every day, your eyes go through a lot. Squinting at screens, driving into the bright sun, reading in dim light, even late-night drives.

That's why regular eye examines. are so important. At Specsavers, every standard eye exam includes an advanced OCT 3D eye scan, technology that helps independent optometrists detect eye and health conditions at their earliest stages. Take care of your eyes. Book your eye exam at Specsavers today from just $99, including an OCT scan. Book at Spexsavers.com.caps.coms are provided by independent optometrists. Prices may vary by location. Visit specksavers.cavers.ca to learn more. Hi, Steve Patterson here, and I love a good argument. So here we go. Is Manitoba a prairie province or a maritime one. It might sound like a joke, but University of Manitoba researchers are seriously

exploring how a changing Hudson Bay could reshape Canada's economy. Dr. Fay Wang and his team are studying how increased Arctic shipping could be done responsibly and sustainably. Learn about Manitoba's surprising place in global trade by checking out the University of Manitoba's podcast. What's the Big Idea? Hey, Charlottetown, are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters? Listen to that, Canada! When this comic was led into the world of comedy, he was obviously led well.

It's PEI's Patrick Ledwell. Listen to that crowd for the hometown boy. Woo! And this comic once gave an exceptional holiday tour director a five-star review, and it couldn't have happened to a nicer guide. it's first-time debater and another P.E. Islander, Meg McKay! Meg McKay dancing across the stage here at the beautiful confed center

and landing gloriously to my right. Hi, Steve. Well, debaters, your topic is one that will hit very close to home for both of you. Prince Edward Island, is it a great place to grow up in? One child said so. So, well done. Moist from the darkness. I had the opportunity to visit this province this past summer with my family,

and it was absolutely beautiful, sunny, warm, smiling faces everywhere, though I'm told it can be slightly different here in the winter. when that gentle, warm summer breeze turns into a category five hurricane with ice pellets. In the summer here, I scream for cows ice cream. In the winter, I might just scream. So, whereas it's a beautiful province that provides a strong sense of community and charming island culture, be it resolved that nothing beats growing up on PEI.

Meg, you are arguing for this, please. You have two minutes. Starting now, Meg McKay. Thank you. As I said, I grew up on Prince Edward Island in the 90s and 2000s. I'm a McKay, and you know what they say about the McKay's. If you can't find one, check the jails.

I know that PEI is a good place to grow up because I left, and I know what the real world is like. Prince Edward Island is a perfect place to grow up It teaches you to be sweet To look out for your neighbor And to be able to compliment someone In a way that shatters their confidence For the rest of their lives

Growing up on PEI Every day is a biology lesson From learning what type of mollusk Has made its home on the wooden slats of the causeway Or what happens when two cousins have a kid? Where everyone knows who your father is, even if you don't. Where else will a bearded man emerge from the sea and teach a group of elementary school children

how to play the spoons to the tune of honky-tongue woman? And that will be a mandatory part. of passing grade six. Where else would a genuine excuse for being late for school would be because your neighbor's ducks got out? Where else can you be in the suburbs? But still go outside and make meaningful eye contact with a cow. Was it easy here?

Of course not. You get a nickname here? It sticks. As a queer kid growing up, I got the nickname Meg, McGay. And I'm not even 100% sure it's because they knew I was queer.

Growing up on PEI makes you soft on the outside but hard on the inside. Like a reverse lobster. Thank you. Yeah. Make McKay open it up on why

PEI's a great place to grow up. The line really resonated. What happens when two customers kids, there was a lot of laughter from half of you. Now, while it's been said that no man is an island, here to insist that he believes no one should live on one either, it's PEI's own Patrick Ledwell.

Look, I know 99% of you think PEI is the greatest place in the world. I also know 99% of you have never lived anywhere else. So what's your opinion worth? Island-born innocence is a virtue? Well, that's making a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Yes, I just used an expression involving a pig ear. That demonstrates how unfit I am for modern, for modern life after being raised on PEI.

With five siblings, I grew up in the PEI countryside, basically like a hairless firm animal. Waiting to be fed in a bowl on time. We knew nothing. Our parents could tell us anything. We had no access to the outside world. My father declared Vienna sausages were the heights of luxury. Canned hot dogs in their own cold water with the ends cut off.

Our only contact without. side was the Columbia House Tape Club, where you get 10 free tapes in the mail for a penny. Then as six rural children, we signed contracts to buy more tapes at ridiculous prices. Our mailbox was stuffed like a firm on the brink of foreclosure. I paid full ransom for a tape putting on the Ritz. I was 10. I thought the song was about Ritz, the Cracker. I've talked about Columbia House with friends raised in more worldly places.

They say, those envelopes, my mother gave us a Sharpie and said, Find your name and write deceased. Not charming, but that's learning. how the world works. But when you're raised on PEI, step up and smell the Vienna sausages. And you know who's the real cracker? It's you.

Thank you very much. All right. Patrick Ledwell. An honest opening argument. Took us all on a nice little journey through your childhood. Thanks, buddy. It is time now for the Bear Not We're debating whether nothing beats growing up on PEI,

so please, no beeching or moaning as you cavend dish it out and go potato to toe. When I feel that we connemore do this, I'll ask the crowd to take a somerside. So, debaters, if you're ready, willing, and's gables, hit your tignition switch. and go to Charlottetown on your opponent now.

I mean, Meg, we grew up in different generations, so you probably have a lot of questions about my experience growing up. Like, what is the tape? What is the mail? And what is a penny? All those things. different for you?

No, sir. No, I grew up in the same PEI that you did where you don't need a map to get around. You just need some ancient knowledge of where a purple house used to be. And you got to know if a place is called Queen Street Meat Market, it is on University Avenue.

Well, sorry, if I didn't grow up fancy and come to town to get my meat in a store. You're talking about making meaningful eye contact with a cow. We were making meaningful eye contact with our pets, some of whom we were going to see later at dinner. That's a hobby farm for you. You stay home from school when your neighbor's ducks escape because it's almost Thanksgiving, and he doesn't have a count of them.

Just go after it. I don't know, man. If you grew up on the part of Prince Edward Island, I grew up on, it's not necessarily a gentle island. If you hung out with me and my family, you too could be ban from Dollerama. The Cornwall Dolarama is pretty fancy. I don't think growing up here makes you tough.

Most of my experiences growing up were with my father getting angry at the prospect of Divided Highway, just so confused, trying to get to Moncton and ending up in Champlain. place asking four directions to Champlain place and thinking everybody was going to speak French so he was going up to people with a super loose face going is this champant place all right that's the bare knuckle round everybody we're debating whether it's great to grow up on PEI time now for the firing line in my hand I have a list of questions on PEI being a good place to grow up brought to you by Charlottetown's Atlantic Fitness Center the Atlantic Fitness Center because everyone wants PEI muscles

PEI's provincial website boasts of the coastal beauty the small town feel and the non-existent what Patrick turn signals Listen to that. The crowd has signaled their enjoyment of that one. Three hypothetical points. Meg? Personal space. That's good, too.

I'm going to give one and a half for that. The answer is the non-existent rush hours, but as someone that was here in the summer and waited for two years at a roundabout, it's not super. not super accurate. Finish the title of this book by PEI poet Norman McNeil. Growing up on PEI, Patrick.

And going absolutely nowhere. No, but full point. Meg McKay. Growing up on PEI and the curse of the illegal pop can. I like that. It's like a hairy pocket wizardess. I like it. Two point.

The actual one we were looking for, growing up on PEI, Memories of an Island boy. Which is weird because that doesn't rhyme. I thought it was memories growing up on PEI, love the red sand, but not in my eye. Finish this lyric from PEI country singer Ali Walker in her song, Growing Up, I was 17, couldn't wait to leave. next thing I knew I was 23,

wished I could fly home, but what? Meg. I owed money to the bootlegger. One point for that. Patrick. Wished I could fly home, but I got routed through Montreal every golfer saken time.

One and a half points. Wished I could fly home, but I had a job. to keep and couldn't afford a seat. I hear you, Ali. I hope she made it. And that is the firing line, everybody. Well, it's almost time for our Confederation Center audience to vote.

But first, here again, arguing that anyone who thinks PEI is a great place to grow up needs to grow the heck up themselves. Let's hear again from Patrick Ledwell. I was raised on PEI, and unlike Meg, I still live here, wrestling with it. I know people since way back in high school, strong community. Nowadays, if I want to buy a car and not deal with someone who bullied me in high school, I have to go to Monkton. I was raised on PEI and was banned from buying canned pop here until 2008. I was 35 years old.

Charming? I was raised on PEI, and when I went to school, looked at the front of my Hilroy scribbler with a map of Canada, missing the province of PEI. In school, to see all of her efforts have not succeeded in putting us on the map. Raised on P-E-I, more like erased on P-E-R. Good night and good luck, my fellow Islanders. Yeah.

Thank you very much. Patrick Ledwell. Going against the very grade on the... island he grew up in that no one knew about from those notebooks. Thank you, Patrick. Now, here again to tell why she and 25% of Canada's total potato crop only have eyes for Prince Edward Island. That's a potato joke. Let's hear again from Meg McKay.

Is growing up here perfect? No. Just growing up on PEI, prepare you for the real world? Absolutely not. Listen to me, you can't smile and talk to strangers in the real world. They won't think you're nice, they'll think you have a knife. Growing up on BEI teaches you that you need to go away for a few years. Explore, then when the time comes, like how geese migrate in the winter, Islanders know they have to move home because somebody's got to give side eye to the nephew,

the guy who was rude to your grandmother in 1976. No matter how many miles I travel or how far I go in life, I'll always have PEI with me. And a part of me will always be Meg Gay. God love the luckiest. Thanks. Meg McKay, everybody. Meg McKay loved growing up of PEI, Patrick Littlewell, arguing against it. It's time to vote by applause who agreed with Meg's memories of PEI as being a real treasure.

Meg McKay. Okay, a lot of love there for Meg McKay from the hometown crowd. And who felt that Patrick cast away any doubt that Prince Edward Island is a great place to grow up on Patrick Ledwell? We're close. It's very close, but the audience knows fun when they see it, and the winner is Patrick Ledwell. This is not a good place to grow up, but it's a great place to be right now. be right now. Big hand for Patrick Redwell and Meg McKay, everybody. Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying whether or not you grew up on PEI, you should definitely

visit ASAP. I'll argue with you again soon, Canada. Good night. The Debaters is created by Richard Side. This week's episode was produced by Nicole Calendar, Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark, with continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis and Gary Jones Technical production by James Porella and Jean-Vieve Goudreau Story editing by Gary Jones With special thanks to Katie Ellen Humphreys

David Pride, George Sadie, and Emily Ferrier Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts And thanks to everyone at the Confederation Center of the Arts Theatre in Charlottetown For more CBC podcasts, go to cBC.ca slash podcasts