The Debaters - Is pumpkin overrated? Should everyone play in a band?

Episode Date: October 22, 2026

Can you never get enough pumpkin? Laurie Elliott is proudly pro-pumpkin, but Kyle Brownrigg says this overrated squash has him seeing orange. Next, do we all need to join a band? Wes Borg is ready to rock out, but Maddy Kelly believes this plan is bound to fall flat. Note, for all you keen Debaters fans, this is one from our vaults! Featuring: Laurie Elliott, Kyle Brownrigg, Wes Borg, and Maddy Kelly.(Originally recorded in September 2019 and February 2020)

Lately, Canadians are thinking more about the choices we make, aren't we? Where we shop, what we buy, our everyday choices say a lot about what matters to us. And your website domain name can too. Choosing a dotCA connects your brand to Canada while supporting local projects that help build a better, safer, stronger internet for all Canadians. So when you're choosing a domain, see the difference a Canadian choice can make. Visit choose.ca for more details. The following is a special presentation from the debaters Fact and Funny Hall of Fame. Stay tuned for two classic debates, airing for the first time since their original broadcast season.

Hey, Canada, are you ready for the maritime of your life? From St. John New Brunswick, it's the debater! The debaters where comedians fight with facts and funny and this audience picks the winner. Now here's a man who sure loves comedy, Steve. Patterson. Hello, Canada. Welcome back to the debaters. It is great to be here in New Brunswick.

Yes. St. John, New Brunswick, more specifically. I've noticed that here in St. John, you don't abbreviate the saint in your city's name like they do in St. John's. It's surprising that they don't do the full word saint over in Newfoundland. Maybe it's because they're so exhausted from having to write out Newfoundland and Labrador all the time. Or maybe Newfoundland and Labradorians have been saying the whole word this whole time. They just talk a lot faster. Anyway, are you ready to meet your debaters or as they would say in Newfoundland? Let's do it. At the risk of sounding redundant, this comedian tries to avoid

sounding redundant. It's Kyle Brownrigg. Kyle Brownrigg. Making his way to the stage, taking the podium to my right. Welcome, my friend. Thank you. And this comic won't share her fish, and she doesn't give a carp. It's Lori Elliott, the delightful Lori Elliott, taking her place at the podium to my left. Your topic is pumpkin and pumpkin products. Can you ever get enough of them? St. John is the site of an annual pumpkin smashing competition, hosted by a local rock station, where people heave pumpkins off the roof of Market Square. Whoever gets closest to the target wins $1,000, while the person furthest from the target

has to try to avoid being charged $1,000 for bouncing a pumpkin off a police officer's head. Time for a debate that you will all fall for. So, whereas it is the most iconic part of the season, be it resolved, come fall, you can never get enough pumpkin. Lori, you are. arguing for this, please. You have two minutes, starting now. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. All right. Well, I love all things pumpkin. Yes, I am one of those people. Come fall, I bleed,

orange. I especially love pumpkin spice lattes, or PSLs, as I like to call them. They're like drinking liquid pottery barn. I just chug them down, an orange lasers shoot out of my eyes, Turning leaves, beautiful colors, turning my crocs into Wellington boots, and turning my group of friends into a brunch of women. I love it so much. But, oh, my gourd, uh... Who loves us pumpkinseers.

We're constantly under attack for being basic, so much that you'll often see us order one for our idiot loser friend, who we feel so sorry for, But hurry up, I'm late for book club. And yes, the book is Eat Prey Love. It's always Eat Prey Love. Pumpkins are comfort food, triggering happy memories of friends, family, and holidays.

Like Halloween, the original pumpkin tradition, where in the early evening, you see kids trick-or-treating in silly costumes. And then later that night at a bar, you might see a drunk Shrek slow dancing with someone in a sexy poop emoji costume. It's how I met my husband. I was Shrek. What I'm trying to say is that if you hate pumpkins, you hate children. And you hate love. Thank you. Lori Elliott.

Lori Elliott. I didn't know she liked pumpkins that much. Now, to tell us why he's not so pumped about pumpkins, it's the always spicy Kyle Brownring. Dictionary defines pumpkin as an orange squash that white women have ruined for everyone. Pumpkin has gotten way out of control. What started out as a harmless drink at Starbucks has become a seasonal corporate bloodbath marketed to girls named Jessica. And we are in the eye of the storm people. It's not just a latte anymore. They now have a have pumpkin spice body lotion, pumpkin spice shampoo, pumpkin spice body spray. I was at the shopping mall and I saw a pumpkin spice deodorant. If you can only buy your deodorant once a year,

you're gross. Pumpkins are frauds. That's probably why the president's of the United States looks like one. They are frauds. Pumpkin doesn't actually have a flavor. Pumpkin pie, pumpkin spice. That's delicious, right? Honey, that's not the pumpkin. What you're tasting is the cinnamon,

the ginger, the all-spice, the nutmeg. But who's taking all the credit? The pumpkin? Because it's the worst. The only good thing a pumpkin has ever done was take Cinderella to the ball and even then it crashed. Thank you.

Kyle, yeah. Taking the pumpkin down. Time now for the bare knuckle round. We're asking whether you can ever get enough pumpkin. So debaters, use your melons to spice up your arguments, carve out your positions, and then squash your opponent's ideas.

You can patch things up later, if you want, after the loser has conceded to the winner. Orange, you glad? I'm almost done with these pumpkin pumps. If you think that this is easy, well, you don't know Jack, oh, lanterns.

Go ahead. Well, okay, first of all, I'd like to ask you, Kyle, how did you know my middle name was Jessica? And, no, but seriously, you mentioned seeing a pumpkin spice deodorant at the mall, and I just wanted to ask what mall and what store?

In H&M in the basics section. Yeah, totally. Okay, that's my favorite section. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, you cannot listen to someone like Lori Elliott. Look at her. She looks like she was born in a pumpkin patch. A pumpkin patch kid, if you will.

It's a lot like a cabbage patch kid. It's just a lot less diverse. It only comes in one. white trash. Shots fired. Shots fired. Lawyer, you're going to take that? Wow. You know what? Okay, listen, now that I'm thinking about it, I would like to purchase that doll. Yes, I think you should, Kyle. I think you should, because cabbage patch kids are very

expensive. But you can buy me for a pack of smokes and a case of 50. Sold. Okay, we're done. That's the bear knuckle round. It is time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of on pumpkins, brought to you by the pumpkin patch. The pumpkin patch, what people wear when they're trying to quit pumpkin spice lattes. The village of Negawak, New Brunswick, has held what pumpkin-based event since 1995. Kyle. The Grow It and Show It Pumpkin Fest.

Hello. That is. That is a pretty good name. Lori's getting excited. I'm going to guess. Pumpkin Spice. The Purge. One day only. It's actually called the Giant Pumpkin Provincial Festival.

I like Grow It and Show It. I think we should change it right now. I'm going to say I like that too. What unlikely brand announced a limited edition Pumpkin Spice flavor in 2019? Lori. Pumpkin Spiced Moray Special Mild Slim 100s. Incorrect.

Incorrect. It's not a cigarette. Kyle. Tam packs. This is weird. The brand that announced a limited edition Pumpkin spice flavor in 2019 was spam. Pumpkin spice flavored spam. Have you had spam? It can't get worse. They might as well add stuff to you.

And that's the firing line, everybody. It's almost time for our Imperial Theater audience here in beautiful St. John New Brunswick to pick a winner, but first here again to say that only back bumpkins like pumpkins, it's the forward-thinking Kyle Brownring. I hate the pumpkin spice latte personally because I used to be a Starbucks barista. And you never wanted to be working on the first day of the year when that came out. Because do you know what's waiting for you on the other side of the door when you go to unlock it?

An army of UGBoot wearing, Canada Gooseboarding, Taylor Swift Loving, How I Met Your Mother, DVD Box Set Owning, Michael Coors Watch wearing, Sephora online shopping, yoga pant wearing, even though girl, you don't go to yoga. Tiara on her birthday sporting. Live, laugh, love, wall decals, and picture frame owning basic white girls.

When they came into the store, it was violent. It was like watching the first 20 minutes of saving Private Ryan. Let's end the violence. Let's end pumpkin. Thank you. Brown ring. Yes.

With a very thorough, descriptive, and very specific closing argument. I'm going to feel hard for Lori to not feel personally attacked on that. Well, it's like you just read my dating profile. Now here again to tell us that from stem to seed, pumpkins, what you need. It's pumpkin-loving. Lori Elliott.

Okay. Thank you. Okay. I will admit it. I am basic. I am. The only time I wear yoga pants is for the stretch after eating an entire pumpkin pie, for sure. But I'm tired of being othered because I'm a woman who likes something a lot of other women like. I mean, if I were a guy who loved pumpkin, I'd be the coolest cat in town. I'd be all, oh yeah, because I've got pumpkin steaks on the grill. Eh, ladies. But no, I'm just a freckley white woman.

of a certain age who puts wigs on pumpkins and pretends they're her kids. Whatever. But if you vote for me, I'll send you my recipe for pumpkin spice pot cookies. Because, yes, us basics like to get lit before our big little eyes marathons. And in conclusion, this planet is screwed. So when it comes to pumpkin, I say let's just get back to basics. Thank you. Lori Elliott.

job, Lori. Nice job. Imperial Theater audience. It is up to you to pick a winner. By applause, who thinks that Lori's pumpkin punchlines were perfection, Lori Elliott. Okay. A lot of love. A lot of love for Lori. And who thinks Kyle's pumpkin bashing was the most smashing Kyle Brownring? That's it. It's over. The winner is Kyle Brownerang down with the pumpkins already. Big hit for Kyle Brown and Lori Elliott, everybody. Hey, DeVaters, listeners, we've got more facts and funny coming your way. And right now, we're changing locations

from St. John and heading out west to the Centennial Theater in North Vancouver. Lately, Canadians are thinking more about the choices we make, aren't we? Where we shop, what we buy, our everyday choices say a lot about what matters to us. And your website domain name can too.

Choosing a dotCA connects your brand to Canada while supporting local projects that help build a better, safer, stronger internet for all Canadians. So when you're choosing a domain, see the difference a Canadian choice can make. Visit choose.ca for more details. I just tallied up my cost for this semester. And between tuition, campus fees, and a very expensive textbook I've barely opened, my budget is stretched thin.

Yeah, it's a lot to juggle at once. Right? It feels like everyone else somehow got a manual on how to navigate student life and figure out their finances, and I missed the memo. Trust me, nobody got a manual. When I started school last year, I felt the exact same way. Everyone's just figuring it out as they go. Honestly, just knowing other people are asking the same questions

makes me feel a whole lot better. You're definitely not the only one trying to make sense of it all. Navigating school and your finances comes with a lot of big questions. If you're figuring out your next steps, check out Count Us In. A web series where host Michelle Spina, It's down with members of Gen Z to share real perspectives and experiences on money, life, and what comes next. Paid content with Desjardin. Now streaming on CBC Gem.

This comic can't sleep during Wimbledon due to the constant racket. It's Maddie Kelly. Maddie Kelly. Welcome, Maddie. On the debaters. And when this comedian investigated vegetables stolen from his farm, he had to play good crop, bad crop. It's West Bored. Westborg, everybody.

The always energetic and hilarious Westborg. Hello, Steve. How are you? Welcome back, my friend. Your topic is music to my ears. Should everybody play in a band? Oh, someone was physically injured by the prospect of that. You know, the debaters is actually a great name

for a band. Come to think of it, we tour the country regularly. You can hear our work multiple times every week on the radio. We've even got a horn section and a bell section. Technically all we need are songs. You say you want a resolution.

Well, you know. And that's all I can sing legally, but it's time to turn things over to my bandmates. So whereas it's a creative, fun, and possibly lucrative way to bond with friends, be it resolved, everyone should play in a band. Wes, you're arguing for this, please. You have two minutes.

Starting now. Thank you. Everyone should be in a band, especially the talentless. And yes, I am talking about you. Join a band. Failure is critical to learning, and there is no more sure-fire way to fail

than to take all of your hopes and dreams, load them at 5 a.m. into a.m. with no winter tires, drive that thing to Nelson, B.C. in January, for $33,000. teach. Join a band. According to the New York Post, the odds of you being famous are one in 62,986. About the same as if you'd never tried. But if you didn't try, you would never know being in a band is the absolute best way to learn. Giving up on your dreams is the adult thing to do.

So join a band. If you're unable to stand well drunk, you're a drummer. If you can only play one note at a time, then you're a bass player. If you spent your entire youth in your bedroom learning finger inversions because you think it will make you sexy, well, you're a guitar player.

If you're terrified of speaking to people, you're on keyboards. And if you have no musical abilities whatsoever, congratulations, you're the lead singer. Thank you. West Bored, he wants everyone out there to be in a band. Now, to tell us why playing in a band is not her brand, it's the band banning Maddie Kelly.

I feel like my opponent is making my points for me. It seems like being in a band is a thankless endeavor that leaves you broke and bitter. And this is coming from a Canadian comedian. We don't need to encourage people to start bands. Trust me, they're starting them. It's like every man turns 50 and just wakes up one day and he's like, get me to Tom Lee.

I got to buy a pedal. Have you noticed that 50-year-old women are not starting bands? Yeah, that is not the midlife crisis for women. Women run marathons. Yeah. But doesn't that kind of make sense? Your husband comes home one day. He's like, honey, we're finally doing it.

Me and the guys from work were starting a band. And she goes, that is great. I'm going to go run around outside for a long time. I started a band when I was in high school. And do you know what that did to our relationship? Try telling your teenage daughter to say no to drugs when you have been in the living room for two hours practicing the guitar solo from Purple Hays.

Also, people and hobby bands are ruining the music scene. Did you guys know that bars won't pay real bands money because they can get a dad band that'll do it for the exposure? Dad bands are like, it's not about the money, man. It's like, yeah, because you already have it. You're a lawyer. Vancouver called the Dadalessens. And I told my dad that, and he said,

Ugh, I know. They actually get gigs. Time now for the bare knuckle round. We're debating whether everyone should experience playing in a band. So let's kick things off on a high note and try not to go solo that the audience thinks you're drum and drummer. Whether you can guitar and feather your opponent to orchestrate a win will be instrumental to your success. So follow your bass instinct.

and make sure the audience isn't keyboard. Thank you, audience. Who wants it first, Maddie? If I may, I think that there absolutely should be more 50-year-old women starting bands, okay? No, that wasn't the point of what I would say. No, you're right. You're right. It's a sexist tragedy, Maddie, and it needs to be addressed.

Because if we had more 50-year-old women bands, we could finally have Chickleback. I've wanted to say, She'd see chickleback for years, but they don't exist. Yeah, I don't want to go to my favorite dive bar and have to see a bare-naked ladies cover band called The Modestly Dressed Ladies. I do think that what you said about failing is great.

I think people should be allowed to experiment and do things. I just don't think that that failure should be amplified. Literally. That's probably a good place to stop. That's better enough to round. It is time now for the firing line in my hand. I have a list of questions on playing in a band brought to you by the Robert Frost poem

about the abandoned guitar technician, The Rodee Not Taken. You know it, you know it. What's number one on guitar world's list of top ten traits of an awesome band member? Maddie. Driver's license? Good answer.

Two points for Maddie Kelly. Westborg. No priors. That's good, too. One and a half for Wes. Number one on Guitar World's list of top ten traits of an awesome band member. Reliability, which really should be ability to play guitar, I would think. But that didn't make the top cut.

Willie Nelson got his start at age 12 playing in what kind of band? Wes. The band substances. Strong. Strong. William Nelson got his start at age 12 playing in a poker band. What tops metro.co.uk's list of things you only know if you play in a band. Maddie?

How to clear up VD. Would come in handy, sure. Things you only know if you play in a band, the top of the list was, it's mainly boring. That was metro.c.c.org. And trust me, British people know boring. That's the firing line, everybody. We got what we need. Just about time for our centennial theater audience

to pick a winner, but first, here again to tell us why she'd rather you join a gang than a band. It's band berater, Maddie Kelly. Guys, I will agree. Joining a band is a great way to solidify your friendships. Just ask all the members of the Beatles, Oasis, and the Eagles. Oh, also, not to mention your friends

who are not in the band. I'm going to say this one time and one time only. Your coworkers do not want to go see you and your band. Shouldn't have a hobby, but there's a climate crisis, people. We don't need to pass time idly. We play smoke on the water. There's literally smoke on the water. Music to their ear.

Wes, you're in tough here, my friend. Here again to tell us that being in a band is actually best. Tears notorious band booster. Wes Borg. You, sir, in the audience. Front row. Do you have children? Three children. Do you ever wish you could just get the hell away from them? Guitar!

All right. A guitar just flew on the stage from somewhere. This song is for you, sir. Get in the van. Get in the van. Even though it smells like a dive bar can. We'll drive a thousand miles of play for just one fan. Get in the van.

We're a Canadian. band. We got no dental plan, but we don't give a damn. We're gonna live on spam. So shut your hos or mouth and get in the van. Where's the road? Where the hell is the road? I can't see the lines. We're all gonna die. There's a semi in the ditch. This is no way to get rid. And when the tour is over and you get back home, you're probably gonna have to get a payday long. The band isn't debt. You got kids you never met and a haircut you no longer believe in. Maybe it's time to change your name back to Stephen. I mean, the Walmart's probably not going to hire somebody named Spooch.

But hey, you tried, you failed, you played, you bailed, you did everything you can. You got wasted and burned, but aren't you lucky you learned? Aren't you happy that you got in the van? Because everyone should be in a bird. The guitar back, a great musical ending on point. Audience, it's up to you to pick a winner. By applause, who thinks that Wes's pro-band bluster was a big blast. West Boy!

Yep. And who thinks Maddie's anti-band bellowing was the best, Maddie Kelly? For this week, I'm Steve. Patterson saying if you do start playing in a band, good for you. If it turns out to be good, even better. I'll argue with you again soon, Canada. Good night. The debaters is created by Richard Side.

This week's episode was produced by Nicole Calendar, Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark. Our classic debates were produced by Nicole Callender, Graham Clark, Josh Bailey, Katie Ellen Humphreys, and Tracy Rideout. The technical production by Pat Martin, Larry Walker, Will Howie, and Ross Bragg. Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts. And thanks to everyone at the Imperial Theatre in St. John

and the Centennial Theater in North Vancouver. For more CBC podcasts, go to cBC.ca.ca slash podcasts.