The Debaters - Shh! Is silence golden? Does a smoothie make a meal?

Episode Date: April 17, 2025

We decide if quiet is something to treasure, and whether a smoothie is meal-worthy.Featuring: Yumi Nagashima, Charlie Demers, Katie-Ellen Humphries, and Gavin Clarkson.

Every language is a note in the symphony of our heritage. Together, they create a harmony that cannot be silenced. Discover your voice on the new APTN Languages TV channel. This is a CBC Podcast. Hey Canada, are you ready for a show that is heaven sent? From the Centennial Theatre in North Vancouver,

it's the Debaters! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! The Debaters, where comedians fight with facts and funny in this audience, it's the winner.

Now here's a man who's ready to share his two cents, Dee Patterson! Hey! Thanks, Graham! Welcome back to the Debaters. Everybody, welcome to the Debaters. Hey, Patterson! Hey! Thanks, Graham! Welcome back to the debaters, everybody. It is wonderful to be back here in Vancouver, home of the quirky and beloved Kingsgate Mall.

Kingsgate. Kingsgate Mall celebrated its 50th birthday in 2024, 50 years. That is pretty seasoned in mall years, but still younger than most of its regular customers, many of whom walk around inside the mall every morning. Over the years, some diverse businesses have opened shop in the Kingsgate, like a library, a radio shack, and a sword shop. These days, Kingsgate is also home to zero latency and immersive virtual reality space where customers can immerse themselves in virtually any world. Like, for instance, a mall with a sword-wielding librarian

who works at a radio shack. Happy 50th, Kingsgate! Yeah! Time now to meet two debaters who are both virtually unbeatable. This comic can often be found outdoors hiking up her socks. It's Vancouver's Yumi Nagashima!

Yumi Nagashima! There she is! Hi, Yumi! Yumi with a nice hello for the crowd. Thank you! And this comic has been accused of being high on his Charlie horse. It's Vancouver's Charlie Demers! Charlie Demers! Charlie Demers coming on stage striding across purposefully to my right. Hello.

Your topic debaters we believe is pure comedy gold. Silence! Is it really golden? Silence! Is it really golden? As a comedian currently on the radio, I do acknowledge that silence can be a career killer. However, it's important from time to time to take pause, reflect, not fill every moment with the sound of your own voice, like I'm doing right now. Shout out to Captain James T. Kirk.

Speaking of being silent, why is it that often those who talk the most seem to have the least to say? I call it the Kevin O'Leary effect. But it's time now for a debate that sounds good to me. So whereas silence can bring peace and tranquility, encourage reflection, and improve self-discipline, be it resolved that silence is golden. Yumi, you're arguing for this, please. You have two minutes.

Starting now, Y from a longer quote. Speech is silver, but silence is golden, which puts silence in a strong first place. Actually, the full-length quote also adds, and bronze goes to obscene hand gestures by Charlie Demeer. Congratulations. The proverb, silence is golden, is also popular in Japan, where it is called, 沈默は禁鳴. This reflects why Japanese people often value speaking less. Long ago, my dad earned the nickname Golden Boy, because we never talked. See, I bet you all wished I kept my childhood trauma silent, too.

Every morning I sit on my porch and meditate for 15 minutes. If my neighbor happens to start the leaf blowers, I calmly return inside and meditate on revenge. In our noisy world, silence is a luxury. It is for people who can afford noise canceling headphones. Silence gives your brain the space it needs to generate creative ideas. Many inventors and artists, including Albert Einstein, had breakthroughs in quiet moments. If you have witnessed someone coming up with many ideas while they are talking,

the person is using cocaine. Some monks are silent all the time, which gives them more time to do whatever it is that monks do. When most men talk, they are trying to get women into bed, so admittedly monks have an advantage here. I mean because of celibacy, not because monks are so hot. Research shows that noise pollution increases the risk of heart disease. If you are skeptical, try sitting beside a crying baby on the plane. It will break your heart. Thank you, Steve. Thank you.

Yumi Nagashima! Ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. Now, here to sound off against the sound of silence, let's hear it for Charlie Demeers. the sound of silence. Let's hear it for Charlie Demeers. I just want to point out that we're literally at a radio taping. The term for silence here tonight is dead air.

And it's broadly considered the worst thing that can happen in radio, aside from asking Billy Bob Thornton about acting... when he wants to talk about music. Deep cut for the CBC heads out there. Going to a radio taping to argue that silence is golden is like going to the Olympic 100-meter dash to make the case for crocks and slow-cooked brisket. No one in this room who is married or has kids

can sign on to the idea of silence being golden, because we know there is literally nothing more dangerous than silence coming from children or a spouse. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Listen. Listen, if silence were golden, then the silent treatment would be something

that affluent white women from West Vancouver would treat themselves to on cheeky Whistler getaway weekends. There is, of course, a case to be made for the mystical or contemplative silence of meditation or prayer. But even here, silence is misleading. Mindfulness and contemplative prayer are almost always guided by chants, mantras, sacred words, singing prayer bowls, bells, or people accidentally yoga farting during Shavasana. And would you even know you were in the right place for your mindfulness retreat if you couldn't hear the electric vehicles smugly charging

themselves on the power of pure self-satisfaction. According to Google, the phrase, the silent killer, can refer to high blood pressure, carbon monoxide, and prostate cancer. You mean, if that's golden, I don't want silver. Thank you. Charlie DeMarris, everybody. He is dead set against silence. All right, debaters, time now for the bare-knuckle round. We're debating whether silence is golden, so calm one, calm all, as these two give us a piece of their minds. All punchlines are allowed, so your jokes should be speechy keen.

That last one should have gone without saying. Please direct any complaints to atcbc, hashtag the debaters. It's time to go for a resounding win now. It's time to go for a resounding win now. Charlie, silence doesn't mean avoiding conversations. You can choose to communicate through writing, which is best for important conversations. Imagine if every time housekeeping knocked on your door, you had to scream, do not disturb! I mean, that's a bad example because I actually do scream

every time housekeeping knocks on the door. I actually screaming is my go-to whenever anyone comes into a room, but I, I'm glad first of all, that you didn't want to opt for a silent bare-knuckle round. Uh... Because I feel like that would have really taken the fun out of it.

And I was a little kind of, I have to say, cheating a bit for you to translate, you know, silence is golden into Japanese, because I feel like it's just much more poetic. I couldn't do the same. Because in, you know, Quebecois French, it's not a... Silence! Come on, now! It's not a... It! Tabarnak! It's not a...

It doesn't have the same... Sounds is a beautiful... Like, what was your first concert? My first concert was Paul McCartney. Yeah. First of all, moneybags. And... But that sounds amazing. And I, like, I hope Uh... And, uh, but that sounds amazing. And I, like, I hope he didn't, uh, like,

spoil it with a bunch of songs. Well, I actually appreciate his writing more than his singing. Oh, yeah. Yeah, everybody just want to sit back, hope you get one of those great Paul McCartney texts. -"Lol." Sorry. I shouldn't have tried to...

That was... To Paul McCartney, lolling in a Liverpudlian accent. No, I just... I mean, obviously, like, I think that silence is great, but then you need sounds. Like, in a song, you'll have rests, and then there's notes on the other side,

and that's a beautiful thing, right? But the sound, that's what you came for. No? No. All right, that's a good place to end it. That's the Bareknuckle Round, ladies and gentlemen. We are debating whether silence is golden. Time now for the firing line.

In my hand, I have a list of questions on silence being golden, brought to you by The Silence Game, where the child who stays quiet the longest, wins their parents' love. One brave person applauding for that. Finish this quote from American spiritual leader, Ram Dass, the quieter you become. Charlie.

I said the quieter you become. Incorrect, but three points. The crowd is making some noise for you there. Yumi? Smarter, you seem. Remember that, Charlie. The quote from American spiritual leader, Ram Dass, the quieter you become, the more you can hear. There's some real moments there.

Healthline.com's list of silences health benefits includes improved focus, reduced stress, and what? Charlie. Improved focus. Laughter Applause I said that one, buddy. I was in there. I was in there already. Yeah, yeah.

Silence's health benefits include improved focus, reduced stress, and better sleep. I mean, even I'm pro-silence at bedtime. improved focus, reduced stress and better sleep. I mean, even I'm pro-silence at bedtime. The quietest place on earth is an anechoic chamber at Orrfield Laboratories in Minnesota. It's so unnervingly quiet, you can hear what? Yumi?

That I have a slight Japanese accent. I don't hear. No, I don't know about that. Apparently, at anechoic chamber at Orrfield Laboratories in Minnesota, it is so unnervingly quiet, you can hear the sound of your eyelids blinking. Pfft! Some parents in the house are going to book me a ticket!

In a 2017 movie, Antonio Banderas takes a vow of silence until such time as he's avenged his murdered family. What was the film called? Yumi. Liam Neeson was busy. Ha ha ha! I like that one. Two-point answer. Charlie DeMars?

Uh, Spy Kids 5. Someone killed the Spy Kids. Antonio Banderas is in Spy Kids. The actual answer was Acts of Vengeance. 27% on Rotten Tomatoes, if you're wondering. That's the firing line, everybody. All right, ladies and gentlemen, here and on the other side of these airwaves, it's almost time for our Centennial Theatre audience to vote. But first here again to prove that the speakey wheel gets the grease.

Let's hear again from Charlie Demers. Thank you. You know, I still remember my first dance with my wife at our wedding 18 years ago. It was very romantic. There was no song, of course, because silence is golden. But we stood, shuffling our feet in each other's arms inside a circle of friends and relatives to the rhythms of their breathing. I remember my son's first word,

the magic of his writing it down on a piece of paper, folding it, sliding it to me across the table. Let's not ruin this with a lot of sound. And folks, in a minute or two, when it's voting time, please, pay Yumi's argument its greatest respect. Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!

Ha-ha! Ha-ha! She doesn't want the tacky cacophony of applause. Just your stony silence will be victory enough for her. Thank you. Charlie DeMarris, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. Oh, that was clever, buddy.

That was very clever. All right, now, here to suggest, among other things, a respectful moment of silence for the sudden death of Charlie's argument. Let's hear from Yumi Nagashima! You know, nothing says a romantic wedding like needing a DJ to tell your wife how you feel. Charlie's argument would have been stronger in silence. I hate arguments, and when I sense one coming, I text my fiancé from five miles away. If he's still mad when I get home, I do the right thing.

And I pretend I can't speak English. When you are silent, you truly listen. You deliberately make space for others to express themselves with understanding and empathy. This is why therapists stay quiet. They understand this. And with an hourly rate of $225, their silence is really golden. Thank you, Steve. Yeah! Yumi Nagashima says silence is golden.

Charlie says the opposite. It is up to the audience to decide by applause how many of you are simply speechless with admiration for Yumi's soliloquy on Silence. Yumi Nagashima. Wow, listen to the love. That's a lot of noise for Yumi. And how many of you support Charlie Stabb at Silencing Silence? Charlie Demares. That is pretty close. Charlie Demares! CHEERING Whoa, gross.

CHEERING That is pretty close. I know why. It is too hard fought on either side. It's inconclusive. We have a tie. We have a tie. Big hand for Yumi Nagaseba and Charlie Demares, everyone. CHEERING CHEERING

Hey, debaters, listeners. Silence may be golden, but you know what else is? Hitting the follow button on our podcast. This will ensure you get your weekly fill of facts and funny and that you never miss an episode. And if you already follow us, we appreciate it. Every language is a note in the symphony of our heritage. Together they create a harmony that cannot be silenced. Discover your voice on the new APTN Languages TV channel.

The Council for Interior Design Qualification administers the NCIDQ exam. This rigorous examination assesses the competency of interior designers to practice in a manner that protects the health, safety, and welfare of a building's occupants. CIDQ's more than 17,000 active NCIDQ certified interior designers protect the public through the design of safe, code compliant, and accessible spaces. Learn more at cidq.org slash design. Are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters? Listen to that crowd, Canada! This comic writes on an unbreakable padded keyboard because she prefers the strong, silent type.

It's Victoria's Katie Ellen Humphreys! Come on out, Katie Ellen! One of our very favorites! Hi! Welcome back. And when this comic tried to sell a half-submerged sailboat, buyers ignored the listing. It's the Yukon's Gavin Clarkson! Yes!

Gavin Clarkson, back again. Hey buddy. Back again. Hey, buddy. All right. Your topic, debaters, is one that you'll really drink up. Smoothies. Are they the best meal? When I was growing up in the 1980s, the place to hang out was the Orange Julius in London, Ontario's White Oaks Mall.

Yeah. Orange Julius. Those drinks were so delicious. Notaks Mall. Yeah. Orange Julius. Those drinks were so delicious. Not a smoothie, not a milkshake, not entirely sure what it was. The orange part was pretty straightforward, but what food group was the Julius part from? Orange Julius has since merged with Dairy Queen.

Sadly, they missed out on a golden opportunity to team up with a certain pizza chain and call it Little Orange Julius Caesar's. It's right there. Time now for our debaters to go Roman for laughs. So, whereas it's portable, nutritious, and easy to make, be it resolved, there's no better meal than a smoothie. Katie Ellen, you're arguing for this, please. You have two minutes.

Starting now, Katie Ellen Humphries. Thank you. No one knows better than Vancouver that a smoothie is the greatest meal. We once built an entire SkyTrain system We once built an entire SkyTrain system just to connect 300 booster juice locations. A smoothie is a meal for all ages, from newborns to centenarians alike,

because a smoothie requires no chewing. As your hockey heroes, and I'm sure many of us here in this room tonight, can attest, teeth are a temporary privilege. I eat a smoothie at least once per day. A lifetime of eating ruffies, i.e. non-smoothie meals, just chock full of North American processed food has left my digestive system devastated to the point that I now require my food to be like a new Cybertruck. Already broken down. Smoothies are convenient. I'm having one right now, and I'm at work, kind of.

The best thing about smoothies? No cooking. Cooking requires a recipe, which means digging out a note card stained with the ghost of pot roast past, trying to decipher your grandmother's faded cursive, or more likely, looking up a recipe online where you're forced to read a food blogger's incredibly boring life story

just to get the list of ingredients, which, oh, by the way, you don't have. I need my food to be like Vancouver, cold, wet, and fortified with hemp. Thank you. Yeah. Katie Ellen Humphries with a sensational opening on behalf of Smoothies. Now, here to give the smoothie a rough time, let's welcome the ultra-smooth with rough edges,

Gavin Clarkson! Applause Smoothies are not a meal. They are a way of forcing food into you that does not belong there. Laughter Kale that was, until recently, just a garnish? Chuck it in.

Those seeds that came with chia pets? Sure. Laughter Beets that will soon cause a panicked call to your doctor? Absolutely. Laughter Beets that will soon cause a panicked call to your doctor? Absolutely. Saying there is no better meal than a smoothie is, by its nature, a toothless argument. You see? The human language itself prioritizes the act of eating solid food.

To sink your teeth into something. A phrase meaning to work energetically or productively. Very different from the phrase, do you want to eat your meals through a straw? Which is a threat of violence. So when it comes to smoothies, I say, hold the pulp lest you be beaten to one. So let's chew the fat over smoothies, shall we? Breaking bread is a tradition in every civilization, where meals are emphasized as social activities,

meant to strengthen family bonds and relationships. Even the term companion comes from the Latin companionum, literally meaning bread buddy. There is no such term like this for smoothies because these people have no friends. ["The Man Who Had the Most Desserts"] ["The Man Who Had the Most Desserts"] ["The Man Who Had the Most Desserts"] ["The Man Who Had the Most Desserts"]

So, smoothies are not even a meal. They are something to be consumed only out of necessity, after the dentist or when severely hungover. And whether you eat with your hands, knife and fork, or chopsticks, I think we can all agree, drinking your meals from a cup is the last straw. Thank you. Woo! Gavin Clarkson! Oh my goodness, that was strong, buddy. It is time now for the Bare Knuckle Round. We're debating smoothies, so friends, debaters, countrymen, blend me your ears.

This is a liquid pro quo kind of thing. So show us the Cuisinart of the deal by firing a neutral bullet into the heart of your opponent's argument and hear the audience shout, whip, whip, puree. It's time for me to get out of your way now, so Vitamix it up! Katie, you called solid food ruffies. That is such a smoothie brain thing to say. Katie Allen has taken a little break.

She's drinking a mysterious green liquid. What? Case in point. Humans have evolved our jaws over millions of years that helped make us the dominant species on this planet. If we're up to my slurpy scoundrel on my left here, we would have evolved with permanent duck face. ["Duck Face"]

["Duck Face"] ["Duck Face"] ["Duck Face"] ["Duck Face"] ["Duck Face"] I thought it was pretty heartless of you to bring up the practice of breaking bread, when pretty evident from my whole vibe that I cannot digest gluten. ["Duck Face"] ["Duck Face"] ["Duck Face"] cannot digest gluten. Plus, you said that the smoothie community doesn't have a term like bread buddy, which

is just ignorant because of course we do. We call them sip ships. I think that's a good place to call it. That's the Bare Knuckle Round, everybody. We are debating smoothies. It's time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on smoothies brought to you by Vodka Smoothies. Vodka Smoothies.

When you're ready to go on a weekend blender. EatThis.com says a smoothie that contains alcohol is what? Gavin. Acceptable. Let's send it back. One word, two points. Well done. Katie Ellen Humphries. Saturday.

Ha! Ha! Saturday smoothies got a little something-something. Two points for you, too. That was good. A smoothie that contains alcohol is basically just a daiquiri. Good point. That's what gets Grandma through the holidays. It's all I care for. Lipstrong.com's list of reasons to drink smoothies includes that they can improve your complexion, strengthen your immune system, and what else? Gavin?

Impress your wife's boyfriend. That one's just a bit of a thinker. Reasons to drink smoothies include they can improve your complexions, strengthen your immune system, and support good gut health. What is the name of the smoothie brand co-founded by ex-Vancouver mayor Gregor Robertson? Gavin? Blenders and bike lanes. I like that. founded by ex-Vancouver mayor, Gregor Robertson. Gavin? Blenders and bike lanes.

I like that. Like that, little B and B. Yep. Two and a half points for that. Katie Ellen. Ex-Vancouver mayor, Gregor Robertson's smoothie brand is actually called, It Gets Worse. That's good too. Two and a half. This is very close.

The actual answer, ex-mayor Gregor Robertson's smoothie brand is called Happy Planet. We also would have accepted Gregor's flavored juice. And that is the firing line everybody. We are rolling right along in this debate about smoothies. I don't know how this audience is gonna decide because it's been good on both sides, but it is almost time for our Centennial Theatre audience here in North Van to vote. First though, here to tell us why anyone he hears speaking out in support of smoothies will be ostracized from his life. Those who get it, that's good.

Let's hear again from Gavin Clarkson. We live in a modern world that prioritizes convenience over connection. Same-day shipping, on-demand television, as needed Canadian radio comedy. But if you're a smoothie person, when was the last time you sat down across from someone, had a real meal, and just talked about something other than CrossFit. LAUGHTER Smoothies are bland. They take all the joy of food and puree it into a dull paste.

And you dare task the innocent banana with covering the flavour of this atrocity. LAUGHTER Bananas do not deserve to be blended. They were born to be split. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE to be blended, they were born to be split. Food is one of the greatest joys in life. Savor it. Don't blend those moments away. Take time to stop and eat the roses. Thank you.

Gavin Clarkson. An appealing argument against smoothies. Thank you, Gavin. Now, once again, here's one smoothie operator with her Super Smoothie Talk, Katie Ellen Humphries. I know a smoothie is the best meal, and the nation is behind me on this. The most popular order at Tim Hortons is the Double Double. Coffee with two cream, two sugar. Oh, a liquid base with a thickener and a sweetener? Baby, that's a smoothie!

Laughter You know those people who make smoothies? Baby, that's a smoothie. Laughter You know those bananas that you watched ripen on your counter almost to the point of rot and then, rather than the compost, threw into the freezer? Put them in a smoothie and stop living a lie. We both know you are never gonna make that much banana bread.

Blend those manners and liberate yourself. Pre-heating? Ugh. Marinate? Get serious. Meal planning? Give your head a shake. And then give some protein powder and almond milk a shake

and get on with your life. Thank you. Kati Ellen Humphries. Those are super, super strong points. All right, it is up to you to decide, audience, by applause, who agreed with Katie Ellen that when it comes to making smoothies, all's well that blends well, Katie Ellen Humphreys! Lot of love for Katie Ellen. Yep, they like it.

And who thought that Gavin's anti-smoothie speech gave you some solid food for thought, Gavin Clarkson? Oh my goodness, gracious. Well, this was a well thought debate, but the crowd has spoken. They do not like smoothies. The winner is Gavin Clarkson. Big hand for Gavin Clarkson and Katie Ellen-Huffreys, everyone. Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying if you're having a rough day, maybe try a smoothie. I'll argue with you again soon, Canada. Good night! The Debaters is created by Richard Side.

This week's episode was produced by Nicole Callender, Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark. With continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis, and Gary Jones. Technical production by James Garella and Eric Penkratz. Story editing by Gary Jones. With special thanks to Katie Ellen Humphrey's Emily Ferrier and David Pride. Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts. And thanks to everyone at the Centennial Theatre in North Vancouver.