The Debaters - Should curling be Canada’s national sport? Is Canada's Thanksgiving better than America's?
Episode Date: October 9, 2025We’ve got a stone cold debate on whether curling should be Canada’s national sport. Then, who dishes out a better Thanksgiving, Canadians or Americans?Featuring: John Cullen, Elvira Kurt..., Clifton Cremo, and Nathan Macintosh.Fill out our listener survey here. We appreciate your input!
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Hey, Canada, we're here for better or reverse from the home of the reversing falls, St. John, New Brunswick.
It's the debaters!
The debaters where comedians fight with facts and funny in this audience picks the winner.
Now here's a man who everybody falls over backwards for, Steve Patterson.
Hey! Thanks, Graham! Hello again, Canada! Welcome back to the debaters. We are here in St. John.
St. John is a lovely place to visit, even if you didn't mean to.
Recently, a cruise ship from Norway docked here with 3,000 passengers aboard to take shelter from an approaching hurricane.
The people in Port St. John adapted quickly to the unscheduled stop and gifted a plaque,
commemorating the Norwegian ship's first visit to the Port City.
I think it's smart.
A musical about this is no doubt in the works.
It'll be called Come from Norway.
Yeah, we did it. We did it, everybody.
Now, let's meet two debaters who are in no way from Norway.
This comic thinks that rituals around tea drinking are steeped in mystery.
It's Calgary's John Cullen!
Come on out, John! There he is!
Striding purposely across the stage, taking the podium to my right.
Hello, Steve.
Hi, John.
And this comic bakes her own bread, and it's no wonder...
It's Alvira Kurt!
Alvira Kurt!
Making her way to my left!
Hello!
Hi, Steve.
Hi, Alvira.
Your topic is one that leaves broom for improvement.
Curling!
Should it be Canada's national sport?
This is a great topic to do here in St. John, home of many long-established curling clubs.
Now, currently, our official national sports are lacrosse in summer and hockey in winter.
But that leaves spring and fall up for grabs, curling.
Although granted it is tougher to glide rocks across water that isn't frozen.
Sorry, I think that one was too on the button.
It's okay. It's nearly the end for me.
It's time for these debaters to take it to the house.
So, whereas it's an exciting game that features the perfect combination of strategy,
physical endurance, and even socializing,
be it resolved that curling should be Canada's national sport.
John, you're arguing for this, please.
You have two minutes.
Starting now, John Cullen.
Thank you.
Thank you, Steve.
Hello, I am John Cullen, and I am a curler.
I curled competitively for the better part of two decades,
and my team reached as high as 25th in the world.
And I know what you're thinking.
There's 25 curling teams in the world.
But I'm here.
to tell you there's at least 29.
And I believe that curling should be Canada's national sport.
You know, as you said, Steve, Canada's two current national sports are lacrosse and hockey.
They're both hard-hitting, fast-paced games, jam-packed with excitement, and I have had enough.
This is Canada, we are talking about.
a nation so polite that when we needed to send a message to our American neighbors that we are not for sale,
who did we call the guy who played Austin Powers?
Take that, America.
Curling is also a sport that can be enjoyed by the young and old alike.
And we should take pride in the fact, and this is true, North America's oldest sports club is the Royal Montreal Curling Club,
established in 1807, where many of its original members are still alive and curling well into
their 200s.
Also, let's be honest, our national sport should have more beer.
Yes. Some of you may not know this, but every curling club in the country has a bar in the same
building, and every ice shed has a phone where you can order beer to be.
the ice during the game.
Yeah.
Beer league hockey tournaments are no match
for the alcohol consumption of the annual
Round the Clock Rock, Bon Spiel and Gander,
or the I'll sweep with your wife mixed Bon Spiel in Edmonton.
Steve, audience, we can waste no more time.
We must hurry hard to ensure that curling becomes our new national sport.
Don't brush away this opportunity.
It's time to rock.
Thank you.
John Cullen, everybody.
Oh, yeah.
Now, here to tell us why the thought of curling becoming Canada's national sport
makes her blood curdle.
Let's hear from Elvira Kurt.
Curling is un-Canadian.
And I don't say that lightly.
I say it judgmentally.
And also accurately.
Curling was invented in Scotland,
a country with a long streak of genius inventions.
Family skirts worn without underpants.
An airbag of angry pipes played by one's armpit.
And a tasty meal of the grossest parts of a sheep cooked in its own stomach.
Such a high bar.
Is it any wonder they came up?
with marbles on ice?
Don't get me wrong, okay?
I'm not saying curling is easy.
What I'm saying is, it's boring.
And that's the last thing our country needs.
We already have a reputation for being polite and tidy.
Do we really want the sport we're known for
to involve taking turns sweeping?
Then again, I didn't grow up steeped in the lore of curling, like most Canadian kids.
Gosh, how I envied the rituals of my childhood friends, their moms waking them up at 4.30 a.m. for curling practice.
Who else has them?
Who else has those fond memories?
Show of hands.
Or maybe playing a game of road curling
with the kids on your street, remember that?
Someone would yell, car!
And you'd move the rocks and the hog line off to the side?
What fun!
Or what about that heart-stopping bond spiel
between nations in 1972?
where Team Canada beat Russia by hurrying harder.
No, no one remembers that, because none of that happens in curling.
Canada has a national sport, also on ice, but with blades, not a slidey shoe.
and deft stick handling, not manic floor buffing.
Hockey is a sport that rocks.
Curling just pushes them away.
Thank you.
Alvira Kurtz.
All right.
Well done, Alvira.
We are the best of us.
are debating curling on the debaters,
and I've been assured that the terms I'm about to use
will make sense to certain people.
It's time now for the bare knuckle round.
We're debating whether curling should be Canada's national sport.
So I want you two hacks.
That's what you slide out of.
Thank you.
To drop the hammer.
That's when you get to throw last.
On your opponent's briar statements.
The Breyer's the Canadian National Championship for Men.
And have this audience thinking, whoa, heavy.
Those are calls the skip gives to the sweepers
to give them direction whether to sweep or not.
About nothing anyone cares about.
One of you hit and roll, the other, tap back.
You want us thinking, oh, my good guard.
Time to read them and sweep, starting now.
I do hate to start the bare knuckle round like this, Silvira,
but with all due respect, you are 63 years old.
The fact you hate curling is insane.
First of all, I don't know how you got into my gynecology appointment.
You don't want to mention my weight also there, buddy, right out of the go?
And I'm about to make it worse. I'm also a lesbian.
So I'm apparently a traitor to every demographic I belong to.
Wait, do you think the only place I could get your birthday is that your gynecology appointment?
No, that's just the most recent, John.
Again, why are you obsessed with that?
So, I mean, what you said is true.
If you don't know what Elvira said there,
curling is one of the most queer, inclusive sports in the world.
And it's not only insane you don't like curling being 63,
but it's also crazy you haven't competed in Vancouver's Pacific Rim League.
That's the real name of it.
for the pink broom,
which is also the name of the trophy.
Spoken like a true bottom.
Or whatever they call a catcher in curling, I don't know.
But John, how dare you accuse me of broom envy?
I have bigger stones than you'll ever throw.
You were talking, I think you mentioned hockey.
I think you were talking about hockey.
Scandals in hockey are crazy.
Crime, assault.
The biggest scandal in curling was called Broomgate.
And it was about the brooms.
Yeah, it was classic.
Old Gordy McLeish, 55 of Vegreville, Saskatchewan,
used a Manitoba hog hair
instead of the traditional
Prince Edward Island horse.
They suspended him for two months.
He'll still be allowed to play,
but he won't be allowed to drink
while he's doing it.
Oh, I'm here.
Do you want the last...
Sorry, what were you saying?
Do you want the last...
Do you want the last?
Last word.
We're talking about curling.
Yeah, sure.
Okay.
You've made some reference in your little thingy thing about that they deliver beer.
It's almost like you're saying, oh, here's the reason people have curling because you can get beer when to Canadians need an excuse to bear beer with anything.
By that definition, everything's a sport.
The debaters should be the national sport.
All right, that's a good place to stop it.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I'm not going to debate that.
Why don't I have beer up here?
That's a good point.
Thank you.
Drinking water like a sucker.
Time now for the firing line.
In my hand, I have a list of questions on curling
becoming Canada's national sport
brought to you by the story behind every James Bond movie,
The Bond Spiel.
The Curling Day in Canada website says curling is more than a game.
It is built on what and what?
John.
Sex and violence.
I like that.
It's built on housekeeping and control issues.
All so good.
Also good.
It's built on community and friendship.
So same, same.
Same, same.
Same same.
Same same.
According to the Canadian Encyclopedia,
what happened in 1843 to cause a newspaper to write,
Curling may now be considered a Canadian rather than a Scottish game?
Elvira?
A tight.
One point. One point for that. John Cullen.
I think curling became a Canadian game more than a Scottish game because it was the first time a guy curled in pants.
Very kilt-based sport before that.
Real slow roll in the Imperial Theater on that one.
Slow roll.
In 1843, a newspaper wrote that curling may now be considered a Canadian rather than a Scottish game
because a Canadian-born curler won the denim medal for the first time.
See that?
And he's in the fourth row!
What does the winning team receive at the curling competition formerly known by such names as the Labat Tankard?
the Alexander Keith's tankered, and the Papa John's pizza tankered.
John?
They receive a two-four of Labats, a two-four of Keith's,
enough pizza to feed the entire 17th annual Caspamst's hodown,
and zero actual dollars.
That's pretty good.
That's pretty thorough.
The winner gets to represent New Brunswick at the Breyer.
Yeah.
In April 2025 at New Brunswick's Fundy Curling Club's end-of-season party,
curlers mixed things up by replacing curling rocks with what?
Elvira.
Newborn babies.
They're wrapped tight.
They're up like, oh, duck us?
It would be perfect.
This is crazy.
but you're half right.
John?
So you said it was the fundy curling clubs, Steve?
That's right, yep.
It was probably the bones of sailors
who washed up in the bay.
Oh, that's somehow more controversial than babies.
Crowd loved the babies getting slid down the ice.
Currently acting out a baby being slid.
down the ice.
Oh, this is great.
A show just broke out within the show.
At New Brunswick's Fundy Curling Club's end of season party,
the curlers mix things up by replacing curling rocks with people who sat on saucers wearing helmets
who have started life as babies.
So that's an official point for Alvira Kurt, everybody.
All right, it is almost that magical time when our Imperial Theater audience votes.
But first here again to tell us why she gives the idea of curling is Canada's national sport the total brush-off.
Let's hear again from Alvira Kurt.
Curling is more like parenting than a sport.
The skip, mom, starts an activity, then spends all her time.
getting her children to focus.
Hurry, hurry!
Go hard, go hard!
But the kids just complain, it's heavy.
Lost handle.
Which makes mom lose it.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
And why a broom?
Unless it's quidditch, nothing about a broom is sexy.
It doesn't even have bristles.
Nothing in curling makes sense.
One shoe's slippy, the other's grippy, there's a cardigan.
It's like if a platypus was a sport.
Pickleball is less ridiculous.
It's definitely more popular,
and pickleball is the most annoying sport ever invented.
There's not even pickles.
But at least there's action.
In curling, your heart rate never gets above 70.
Sorry, that's not a sport, that's a coma.
Thank you.
Alviric Kurt.
Strong points in her closing argument against curling now.
Here to tell us why he thinks the suggestion of curling
becoming Canada's national sport
is a rock-solid argument to him.
Let's hear from John.
here from John Cullen.
Thank you so much.
Obviously, hockey has been brought up here this evening.
And look, a Canadian team has not won the Stanley Cup since 1993.
Since 1993 at the Curling World Championships, Canada has 27 titles.
Yeah, 27.
Coincidentally, that's also how old my grandfather was
the last time the Toronto Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup.
Here's another true fact for you.
Initially, the curling world championship was called the Scotch Cup.
We named the world championship after booze.
The Breyer, Canada's National Championship, it's named after a brand of tobacco.
If smoking and drinking in a freezing cold ice shed is not our national sport, then tell me what is.
It's time to hang up the skates, put away the lacrosse ball, and recognize a true national sport that reflects
us as a people. Nice, polite, neighborly, and occasionally a whole lot of screaming. Thank you.
John Cullen, everybody, on why curling should be Canada's national sport. Elvira Kurt is against
and is up to the St. John audience to decide. By applause. Who thought that John was the perfect
ringer to champion curling as our national sport? John Cullen. And he's posed as a perfect
He's posing as if he is throwing a rock.
And who thought that Alvira's anti-curling convo
was the perfect icebreaker, Elvira Kurt.
And she is also exhibiting her form,
and she's sleeping, and she's still acting it out,
and it is very close.
But the winner is Alvira Kurt.
Curling should not be our national sport.
Big hand for Alvira Kurt in the world.
for Alvira Kurt and the one and only John Cullen, everybody.
Hey, debaters, listeners, we've got more facts and funny coming your way.
But while you're here, why not drop us a five-star rating or review?
It really helps new listeners find us.
Thanks for your support.
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eye health. Every standard eye exam includes an OCT 3D eye scan, advanced technology that helps
your optometrists detect early signs of eye and health conditions like glaucoma, cataracts, or even
diabetes. It's a quick, non-invasive scan that provides a detailed look at what's happening beneath the
surface. Don't wait. Give your eyes the care they deserve. Book an eye exam at
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Hey, St. John, I just got one question for you.
Are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters?
Listen to that crowd, Canada.
This comic dislikes crushing chickpeas because it's committing hummus side.
It's Cape Breton's Clifton Cremow!
Clifton Cremow! Come on now, buddy. There he is.
Taken in all the love, striding purposely across the stage to my right.
Nice, Steve. Hey, buddy, welcome back.
And this comic is the Apple.
of our eye, it's Nathan McIntosh!
Nathan McIntosh!
Hello, Steve.
Hello, my friend.
Your topic debaters is one that we can all gobble up.
Thanksgiving is Canada's superior to America's?
I feel like this debate is about more than Thanksgiving.
As a tradition, some families go around the table and say something that they're thankful for.
Personally, I'll be thankful when the gravy train stops for a certain American whom is the color
and shape of a butternut squash.
But let's remember that not all Americans are turkeys and be thankful for these grade A Canadian debaters
about to stuff us with laughter.
Time now for a debate
that we think will be a ha-ha-horn of plenty.
So, whereas it was the first to be celebrated,
falls on a better day of the week and is less chaotic,
be it resolved, Canadian Thanksgiving is superior
to American Thanksgiving.
Clifton, you are arguing for this.
You have two minutes, please.
Starting now, Clifton Cremow.
Canadian Thanksgiving is superior to its American counterpart for a myriad of reasons,
first and foremost being it's not American.
It's a holiday to sit around the dinner table, manners down, elbows up.
While it is true that we have separate thanksgivings, Americans still celebrate the second Monday,
day of October with Columbus Day. Why cheer for a country that celebrates the decimation of
indigenous people in October and November?
We would never do that in Canada. November's too cold.
It's October and July 1st for us.
Canada celebrates Thanksgiving at the right time of year.
Thanksgiving is traditionally a harvest feast.
Apparently Americans think you harvest food at the end of November.
No wonder the pilgrims were starving and emaciated.
Pumpkin in October, delicious.
My jackal lantern in November?
least appetizing pile of mush on my doorstep.
As the great feline philosopher Garfield once said,
I hate Mondays.
In Canada, Thanksgiving falls on a Monday,
giving us at least one thing to look forward to.
In America, it's on a Thursday.
So not only do you have to work the next day,
but you had to work the day before, too.
If you're truly unlucky, you work in retail.
And your turkey coma is going to be in.
interrupted by a stampede of shoppers trying to save $11 on a 32-inch TV.
American Thanksgiving is so bad that most people now just view it as Black Friday Eve.
Hey America, we have Black Friday sales too, and we don't got to sit through three awful football games to get to them.
Our football games are awful year-round.
Thank you very much.
Yeah.
Lifting Cremot, arguing that Canadian Thanksgiving is better than American Thanksgiving.
Now, here to say to those suggesting that Canada's Thanksgiving could ever be superior to America's,
well, that's just pumpkin pie in the sky.
Let's hear from Nathan McIntosh.
Let me start by saying that as the Canadian,
who lives in America, I still celebrate Thanksgiving in October.
I do.
The second Monday of the Harvest Month, I walk into a New York diner alone,
and I order a Thanksgiving dinner and horrify the server
because they think it's just some random Monday.
But no, it's Canadian Thanksgiving, and it has some problems.
First of all, Monday.
Monday is too polite of a day to ask.
for a holiday. Monday is going, can I please extend my Sunday a little longer? America
goes Thursday, right in the middle of the week. Right after hump day, it's roast a turkey's
rump day. And then they take Friday off. They don't go to work on Friday. And can I get
serious here too? October already has a food-related holiday. It's Halloween. What do we want to do here? We want to
snort butter in the middle of the month, and then mainline candy corn at the end?
We have no holidays in November, none. We have Remembrance Day. You ever have a big
Remembrance Day barbecue? Ever have your family over to salute the troops and pound some
sausage? There's no Remembrance Day feast. There's no in Flanders fields where puppies grow
I eat cans of bringles
row by row.
America also
has entertainment on their Thanksgiving.
They have football,
they have movies about the holiday,
they have a parade.
We have nothing.
What do we have?
Grandma slurping cranberry sauce?
Maybe baseball every 10 years?
No.
We have watching the clock,
counting down the hours,
until we have to go back to the office
holding a Tupperware container of wet
and somehow dry at the same time meat
left over for lunch.
Thank you.
Okay.
Nathan McIntosh.
Making some good points
on behalf of American Thanksgiving,
but we got ourselves to debate.
It is time now for the bare-knuckle round.
We're debating whether Canadian Thanksgiving
is superior to American Thanksgiving.
So please, no gobble-gobble-de-gook
as you try to cranberry your opponent.
Drumstick it to them.
And then casserole over them.
All for the enjoyment of our loyal CBC Tripto fans.
So help yourself to some seconds and minutes starting now.
Nathan, you have.
started off your argument by admitting
you still celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving
in America.
Yeah. I'm Canadian.
What do you want me to do? Run around
down there and pretend it's on a day?
Can I just say
maybe this doesn't have to do with anything, but there's
more Americans, right? Which means
they kill more turkeys.
And isn't that a nice
thing?
A turkey
alone is a sin against
nature, guys. Look at
This bird, it has wings that don't work and testicles on its face.
A turkey is basically what Jeff Goldblum becomes at the end of the fly.
Sure, Americans kill more turkeys, but Americans kill more everything.
That's a pretty strong, succinct point.
They do, yes, they do, like entertainment.
They kill that.
And we watch their stuff.
Because this is what happened.
What do they do in America during Thanksgiving?
They talk about American politics.
What are we do in Canada?
Watch TVZ.
Grow up.
Grow up, lady.
I'm going to watch David Suzuki while I eat turkey.
No, you don't.
You sit around talking about American politics.
Okay, that's the vernackel round, everybody.
Everybody, yeah.
So I'm now with a firing line in my hand.
I have a list of questions on Canada's versus America's Thanksgiving,
brought to you by buckle hats.
Buckle hats.
When you eat so much, you need to unbuckle your head.
It's a pilgrim joke.
Look at some old pictures, idiots.
Sorry, I'm sorry.
On Thanksgiving in Canada, the Prime Minister typically issues a statement of thanks.
During American Thanksgiving, what does the U.S. President do?
Clifton?
puts tariffs on the nation of Turkey.
That's nice.
That is nice.
That is nice.
Three points.
Nathan McIntosh.
I was going to say he avoids questions about the Epstein client.
list. Also, also a good answer. He actually pardons a turkey. For January 6th.
According to National Geographic, the first Canadian Thanksgiving meal in 1578 consisted of biscuits, salt, beef, and what else?
Nathan.
Scurvy.
Probably.
Good point.
Clifton Cremow.
A double-double.
Not a lot of people know that.
Tim Hortons has been around longer than we think.
Biscuits, salt beef, and mushy peas.
Not popular out here in St. John.
All right.
What makes Thanksgiving in Atlantic Canada distinct from the rest of the country?
Nathan.
The drinking.
The quantity of it?
Yes, yes, the quantity of the drinking.
Okay, all right, all right.
Still incorrect, but I just wanted to clarify.
Clifton.
It's actually two things.
First, we call it tanksgiving.
Okay, fair.
And second, instead of going around asking what we're thankful for,
we ask, what's your father's name?
Two points.
Those are both good points.
Two points.
This is one of those moments.
Every once in a while, I learn something as I'm saying it.
Is this true?
It's not a statutory holiday here?
Come on, Premier Holt!
If they're listening, do the right thing.
Not a statutory holiday, but if we can help it, it will be.
That's the firing line, everybody.
We did it.
It is almost time for our imperial
theater audience to vote, but first here to tell us why America's Thanksgiving is much more
thankful for him personally. Let's hear from Nathan McIntosh. All right, guys, let's be
honest. Thanksgiving isn't about giving thanks. It's not about being grateful. It's about
grating cheese into your mouth. It's about devouring calories. It's about eating, and nobody
eats better than Americans.
If you try to keep up with them, you will lose a foot.
They put marshmallow on sweet potato.
None of us would think to do that.
They put camping dessert on a vegetable that's already called sweet.
We wouldn't think of that.
No Canadian would ever haul a P.E.I. russ it out of the earth.
Rubbed dirt off it and cover it in caramel.
But America does it.
America made the turduckin.
America put a duck inside a chicken,
then put both inside a turkey.
And that wasn't to save space.
That was for a family meal.
The most adventurous we get on Thanksgiving
is putting butter on bread.
The most adventurous Canada gets with food
is adding pineapple to pizza.
And as soon as we did that,
all of our giving of thanks privileges
should have been taken away.
I know I lost this debate.
Thank you.
Nathan McIntosh
thinks it's over already.
We're still going, though.
Now, here to make us thankful
for his loving of Thanksgiving in Canada.
Let's hear it again from Clifton Cremow.
Canadian Thanksgiving is the one day a year where Canadians are allowed to feel thankful,
an emotion that's not the standard, sorry, you know?
Although speaking as an indigenous person, Thanksgiving is probably the one day you should feel sorry.
American Thanksgiving is too close to Christmas.
You need some time between your dinners to make turkey feel special.
Thanksgiving is an incredibly important North American holiday.
It's a time where families can reenact all their favorite moments from Jerry Springer.
In America, a fight could get you shot.
In Canada, fighting only gets you five in the box.
I'll take that any day as long as that day is in October.
In conclusion, I'd like to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart,
and I'm sure Nathan will thank you in about a month and a half.
Clifton Cremow, ladies and gentlemen,
on behalf of Canadian Thanksgiving.
All right, but it's time to vote, audience.
Who wants to give thanks to Clifton
for his Canadian Thanksgiving gratitude platitudes?
Clifton Crembo.
Raising the roof here at the Imperial.
And who agreed with Nathan
that American Thanksgiving has all the right stuffing
Nathan McIntosh.
Nathan didn't even vote for himself.
The winner is Clifton Cremow.
Canadian Thanksgiving is better.
Big air for Clifton Cremow and Nathan McIntosh, everybody.
Well, that's all for this week.
I'm Steve Patterson saying on behalf of the whole debaters team.
We're very thankful for every single listener over the past 20 years.
I'll argue with you again soon, Canada.
Good night.
The Debaters is created by Richard Side.
This week's episode was produced by Nicole Callender, Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark.
With continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis, and Gary Jones.
Technical production by James Pirella and Jean-Villev Boudreau.
Story editing by Gary Jones.
With special thanks to Katie Ellen Humphreys, David Pride, George Sadie, and Emily Ferrier.
Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts.
And thanks to everyone.
at the Imperial Theater in St. John.
For more CBC podcasts, go to cBC.ca.ca slash podcasts.