The Debaters - Should snowball fights be banned? And is 60 the new 40?

Episode Date: December 4, 2025

We’re right on target with a debate on snowball fights, then, it’s an ageless discussion on whether 60 is the new 40. Note, for all you keen Debaters fans, this is one from our vaults!Featuring: Derek Edwards, Dave Hemstad, Mike Wilmot, and Deborah Kimmett. 

Hi, listeners ears. Steve here. I'd like to talk to your eyes for a minute, please. Eyes? I want you to know that I see you, and I know that every day you go through a lot, like squinting at screens or squinting in the bright sun. Anyway, regular eye exams are very important, and that's why at spec savers, eye exams include an advanced OCT 3D eye scan, technology that helps detect eye and health conditions at early stages. So take care of yourself, eyes and book yourself an eye exam at specksavers.cavers today from just $99, including your OCT scan. Now, to remind your ears of what I just said to your eyes, here's my best fast announcer voice. Book an eye exam with an OCT scan from $99 at specksavers.cavers.com. Cases are provided

by independent optometrists. Prices may vary by location. Visit specksavers.caver's.com to learn more. Hey, pretty good, fast talking Steve. Thanks, normal talking, Steve. You were good, too. Hey debaters listeners, we've got a special episode for you today from our fact and funny Hall of Fame. So get ready for laughs you can really take to the snowbank with snowball fights and 60 is the new 40. Hey Canada, tonight's house is anything but common from our nation's capital, Ottawa, Ontario. It's the debater! The debaters, where comedians play with facts and funny, and this audience picks the winner. Now, here's a man who's definitely not over the hill, Steve Patterson.

Hey! Hello, Canada. Welcome back to the debaters. We are in Ottawa, which is a beautiful frosty place. It has 250 outdoor ice rinks. That is a lot of rinks. Although I wonder, City of Ottawa, did you ever think of having fewer outdoor rinks so there would be room for one indoor rink for your professional hockey team

to play within city limits? Okay, not a bad reaction. We were worried that joke would fall LeBretton flat. Now, are you ready to meet two debaters who always take it to the limit? What a start. What a start we have here. This comic is as fit as a fiddle and as plucky as a banjo.

It's Dave Hemstead. Dave Hemstead. Striding purposely to the podium to my right and getting ready. And this comic has two gears, forwards and Edwards. It's Derek Edwards. Derek Edwards, the one and only,

making his way to the podium to my left. And he looks ready to go. Wow, this topic couldn't be a better one for this place and for this time. We're in Ottawa where there's no shortage of winter activities. Snowball fights, should they be banned? Now, when I was a kid growing up in London, Ontario, we were in the snow belt, which meant there was always plenty of snow to belt people with. My method was to build up a large stockpile of snowballs.

Other kids did the same, and though our parents hoped we'd never have to use them, We were ready if we did. We called it the Cold War, which we should have trademarked, because before we knew it, the term was stolen by the Russians. Let's get to the battle at hand. Whereas it's all fun in games until someone gets hurt, to be it resolved that snowball fights should be banned. Derek, you're arguing for this, please.

You have two minutes starting now. Ah. Welcome for my part. I sense an uphill battle on this topic, but it's time to work together in this world. It's time for snowball fights to be gone. People harken back to these delightful battles with high school friends, and may emphasize memories are much rosier with the passage of time. Anyone want to relive those golden moments today, for instance?

Anyone feel like some melting snow trickling down their neck and back, do you think? No, it was stupid then, it's dumber now. And who of us here can honestly say they don't have that one snowball they regret? You actually flinch to remember. I say maybe you're aiming at a friend, but then some little guy with glasses and then smack and now he's crying. Or even worse, you hit a big kid. Some galute shaven by grade eight. was if a fella fancied a girl, a fresh pack snowball to the throat, passed on the sentiment

like a single red rose. And that recess, I only had eyes for Claire. I certainly didn't see skull crusher McGee looming behind her. But I knew the moment it left my mitt. I'd a huge mistake. I mean I used to have a wide head. Growing up, old pumpkin head they used to call me. But after that day, well, sure, Dave, it's all fun and games. But you tell that to the kid with perpendicular eyes. Science, I'm looking through the microscope both eyes at once. It has to be stopped. Thank you. Derek Edwards, ladies and gentlemen.

Yeah. Nice job. Thank you, Derek. Now, to tell us that he'll fight anyone who wants to ban snowball fights, it's Winter Wonder Man, Dave Hempstead. Thank you, Steve. That bell is really...

All right. Snowball fights shouldn't be banned. They should be mandatory. They introduce integral life-building concepts like strategizing, math, engineering, topography, teamwork, hand-eye coordination, reflexes, and emotional intelligence. You'll learn important survival skills, like, how far can I throw? How fast can I run? And if you don't like the answers to those questions, How can I make friends with the Alpha Predator?

How can I fake six so I don't have to go outside today? These are valuable life skills that we need as adults in the workforce. Snowball fights help you learn quick. Parents aren't allowed to hit their kids anymore. But something should hit you growing up. It's important. Right? I mean, you can't ban getting hurt.

Life hurts. So why ban one of the fun ways to get hurt? Do snowball fights ever get carried away by someone who takes it too far? Maybe. In which case you ban the player, not the game. Fighting in hockey has been drastically reduced, but we never banned hockey, and we shouldn't be teaching meatheads that if they're determined enough,

they can ruin the game for decent fun-loving people. That's how we get crappy press. And I'd rather my little girl get hit by a snowball than an online bullying campaign. Hot chocolate is the right remedy for one of them. Unless you want to ban that too. What are you going to ban next? Sticking your tongue to metal poles? Come on, man!

It's winter! You're going to ruin Winterloon! Thank you. Dave Amstad. Yep. Pretty strong. Time now for the bare knuckle round. We're asking if snowball fights should be banned, so plan a surprise attack and winderrupt each other.

I'm admitting that one got away from me. The last thing you want to encounter from this audience is an icy reception, so do your best to hit your mark, or this whole thing is a face wash. start throwing now this no kidding ding

that was that was great look first of all God forbid kids go outside and play for a bit one of my favorite memories is the

glee that comes from running in sheer terror as snowball whizzes by your head you're never more alive than after a near-death experience

and if it does hit you well you know concussion studies have shown it's important to get a few when you're young I'm not to build up immunity I'm not I'm not I'm just baby thoughts that doesn't seem like that doesn't seem like a real thing Dave Derek yeah look I was this is a occurrence yesterday it's a show on some station I can't remember and this is they said this is a fact that apparently full 303% of Americans are not completely convinced that the earth is round. I'm not kidding.

I guess in political terms they're called the base. So you can't allow Americans unfettered access to things you can throw. Their synapses are barely tied onto their brain stamina. barely tethered there with the thinnest little thread that ball can't keep it can't keep everything together if you hit a that's it

that's it's the end of the world well yeah but see if you make a flat snowball and a round snowball maybe you can teach them a little bit about the universe all right that's the bare knuckle round

it is time now for the firing line in my hand list of questions on snowball fights brought to you by the snow bank the snow bank if we discover cold hard cash and a slush fund we'll freeze your account how did nine-year-old dain best change a century old law banning snowball fights in a colorado town dave i believe he hid edibles in the snowballs colorado's a great place pretty good answer you have a point for that Derek Edwards.

Well, the little dick is he organized knife fights at school. And so we'll bring back them snowballs. Actually, Dane Best changed a century old law, banning snowball fights in Colorado with a PowerPoint presentation in front of the town's board of trustees. Yeah, score one for the nerds. There you go. He certainly did his Dane Best.

According to art of manliness, dot com what clothing option is most effective for snowball fighting Dave no clothing Steve that's the art of manliness the audience is given you to Derek they recommend a a full mouth guard with a cyanide capsule in case you get captured the art of manliness dot com recommends wearing gloves instead of mittens. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.

Art of Manliness. That's the firing line, everybody. All right. Almost time for our beautiful Meridian theater audience to vote. But first, here again to tell us that he wants to stop this banning talk before it snowballs. Here's the cold. does ice but twice as nice, Dave Hampstead. Thank you again, Steve.

Look, there are very few perks to snow outside of eating it and turning it yellow. And everyone knows we're getting weaker and softer with each generation. Kids are allergic to everything. They live in fear constantly. But no one's allergic to snow because packing snowballs actually washes all the peanuts

peanut butter off their hands. So snowball fights saved lives. No, that's it. That's all I'm right. Dave Hepstead, everybody. Getting some love from this Ottawa audience saying dope fans, nobles.

And then eating snow and turning it yellow. And the order is important on that. Yes. Good points, Dave, in that closing argument. Now, to tell us that snowball fights aren't all right, it's the never frosty, Derek Edwards. You see, well, these jokers ambushed me one morning with a barrage of snowballs, but then they must have brought it from home. They doused them with hair conditioner with revitalizing hohobaba oil. How could I know?

It was like wearing a target all day. My hair was so shiny and radiant. Every goon in school was knuckle rubbing my scalp trying to mess it up. But it was so effing manageable. It just fell right back into place. I just went from headlock to headlock. It was only through God's good grace that my skull was still so compressed

I would say it'll wrangle out of all of them people we've just got to stop the carnage Derek Edwards on banning snowballs it is time to vote theater audience by applause who thinks Derek's snowball band made him the man.

Derek Edwards. Woo! Okay. Okay. And who thinks Dave's pro-Snowball Gahl had it all? Dave Hampstead.

Woo! I think he was close enough to be a tie. It's incocliscence. Derek Edwards and Dave Hempstead, everybody. Hey, debaters, listeners. Well, there's no debating

it, we'd love it if you could hit the follow button on our podcast. That way, you won't miss an episode. And if you already follow us, thank you. Hi, listeners ears. Steve here. I'd like to talk to your eyes for a minute, please. Eyes? I want you to know that I see you, and I know that every day you go through a lot. Like squinting at screens, or squinting in the bright sun. Anyway, regular eye exams are very important, and that's why at Spec Savers, eye exams include an advanced OCT 3D eye scan, technology that helps detect eye and health conditions at early stages. So take care of yourself, eyes, and book yourself an eye exam at Spexavers.caver today from just $99, including your OCT scan. Now, to remind your ears

of what I just said to your eyes, here's my best fast announcer voice. Book an eye exam with an OCT scan from $99 at specksavers.cams are provided by independent optometrists. Prices may vary by location. Visit specksavers.com to learn more. Hey, pretty good, fast talking, Steve. Thanks, normal talking, Steve. You were good, too. This program is brought to you, in part, by Specsavers. Every day, your eyes go through a lot.

Squinting at screens, driving into the bright sun, reading in dim light, even late-night drives. That's why regular eye exams are so important. At Specsavers, every standard eye exam includes an advanced OCT 3D eye scan, technology that helps independent optometrists detect eye and health conditions at their earliest stages. Take care of it. of your eyes. Book your eye exam at Specsavers today from just $99, including an OCT scan. Book at Spexsavers.cavers.cai. Eye exams are provided by independent optometrists. Prices may vary by

location. Visit Spexavers.a to learn more. Hey, Ottawa, are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters? Let's do it. Having this comic on the show is always good kismet. Welcome, Deb Kibb Kitt. There she is. Always looking ready. for a comedic fight and a great show. And this comic will never drop the mic. It's Mike Wilmot. Mike Wilmot. Your topic is age.

Age is 60 the new 40. Some people have already decided we're going to go through the debate anyway, if that's okay. This has been claimed by media outlets like Psychology Today and CBS News. So if 60 really is the new 40, that means 40 is the new 20. And if I board a train in Chicago at 2 o'clock, traveling at 120 kilometers an hour,

when I arrive in Toronto, I'll be 17? This new math is hard. On to our next word problem. Whereas many baby boomers are healthy, productive, and having fun, be it resolved that 60 is the new 40. Mike, you are arguing for this, please. Oh, I am? Yeah. You have two minutes

starting now. I go? All right. Stop and I got two minutes. 60 is the new 40. I'll be 56 years old at the end of this month, and I, for one, am thrilled to be four years shy of 40. I have a feeling that the reason people

feel younger, nowadays than before, in a nutshell, in a concise, one-word answer, wait a, I've forgotten where I was going. There is one reason, no, real, no, hold on, back, I got it. Moisturizer. Moisturizer is what's keeping me alive. I, and I mean this, I have never, and Steve will back me up, I've never been this moist. In fact, this took me twice as long to type, because my fingers kept sliding on. the keyboard. It also helps, by the way, that when you were 40, you were in the worst

shape of your life. I was 50 pounds overweight or whatever that is in kilometers. I was a, I was a chain smoker and a heavy drinker, and if I did die, it would have made more sense to hang me in a deli window than put me in a casket. Anyway, When I turned 51, I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, which is a DIY disease. And now I'm smoke-free, and I run 5K a day. And I'll tell you, the hardest part about running 5K a day is keeping it to yourself. Anyway. 60 is the new 40, and every time I feel a bit old and down,

I always try to remember what the Vikings used to say. 60 is highly unlikely. Stephen. Mike Wilmot, Mike Wilmot says 60 is the new 40. Thank you, Mike. Now, to tell us that 60 is the new 40 is the new punchline, Here's spring chicken, Deb Kempett. 60 is the new 40.

Imagine saying that in any other situation. Like when a cop pulls you over for speeding. You'd lose your license and your points, which is what you're losing in this argument, Mike. If 60 were the new 40, a 60-year-old man wouldn't have to leave you for a 40-year-old woman because he'd already have one.

At 40, you're talking about your new food plan. At 60, you're thinking, eat it, don't eat it, shut up about it. At 40, you're still buying self-help books. At 60, you're having a yard sale for those self-help books. Because by this point, you've done everything to improve. You've got your colors done. You've been disrupted, downsized, amalgamated, thought outside the box, thought inside the box. thought inside the box

drank wine from the box and at 60 you know you have absolutely no potential there's nothing wrong with being the age that you actually are see at 60 I have

no PMS yes in fact I now know it wasn't hormones it was me I'm a bitch I've been in a bad mood since the 80s in fact some days I think 60 is the new 80 and that way it makes me feel young

I no longer take nonsense from anyone I don't apologize I cut people off in traffic and then I ghost them you know what ghosting is when your kids won't text you back I pretend I don't see them because I'm not just getting older I'm getting shorter thank you Deb Kibb Kippett

Deb Kippett does not think 60 is the new 40 in fact she thinks of it as 60's the new 80 to make herself feel better it's time now for the firing line in my hand I have a list of questions on 60 is the new 40 brought to you by the perfect new product for loosening up old joints, WD-60. The British government's chief medical officer

says baby boomers will stay healthier the longer they put off what? Mike. Dying. Can't really argue with that. Yeah, that's a full point. Next. That's a full point.

Deb? Well, the British chief medical officer said it, so he said they should put off Brexit. Okay, it wasn't that good Don't say men Matt Does anyone remember the question? The British government's chief medical officer

says baby boomers will stay healthier the longer They put off retiring from work Boo Okay All right All right, I just read them Don't act like I made it up Who said it takes a long time to become young?

Deb George Hamilton Some people remember Georgie, Mike Wilmot. Who's George Hamilton, Grandma? The boyish charm of Mike Wilmot. Oh, he's so charming. Who said it takes a long time to become young? Pablo Picasso.

That's who. And now he's dead. Fitness experts recommend that adult children help their parents stay healthy by encouraging them to have plenty of what? Deb. Money? Good answer.

One point? I like to get my folks to Greco-Roman wrestle. Nice. That's a nice visual. Come on, ma, get in there. Circling each other. You can get him.

He's in a chair. Get him. Get him, Mom. I'm kidding. I'm getting. Dad's been dead for years. Okay. Okay.

It's a joke. Oh, right. The actual answer is water. I don't even remember the question. That's the firing line, everybody. It is almost time for our theater audience to pick a winner. But first here again to tell us that, Lordy, Lordy, 60 is not the new 40.

It's our age and timeless expert, Deb Kimmett. If 60's the new 40, then 90's the new 40, then 90 will be the new 70 and 100 will be the new I get a nosebleed just thinking about it who is going to pay for all this longevity? Millennials? No because to them 30 is the new 10

and they just got their tiny house and their first therapy dog and it's okay to be the age you are because now I can smuggle fruit across the border And I need the fiber. I now collect CPP.

That's right. I took it early because pretty soon we're going to have the highest population of old people in the history of Canada and we're going to be like Canada geese walking around and squawking, wah, wah, wah, and pooping everywhere with no natural predator. So I'm taking the cash.

now, baby. At 60. Or as I like to say with my girlfriend, 60. That's right. So let's get this debate over, boys, so I can get to Tim Hortons before it closes. Thank you. Deb Kimmett, ladies and gentlemen. Deb Jimitt with a very intoxicating closing argument. And now all of you are going to follow Deb to Tim Hortons after. See where the tidbits go. Now, here again to tell us that age ain't nothing but a number, it's the very age appropriate, Mike Wilmot. Ladies and gentlemen, in 1973, I was 10 years old. A 60-year-old in 1973 was born in 1913, lived through the Great Depression, probably saw action in World War II, lived in a time when we were actually dropping atomic bombs in other countries.

They weren't the 60 years old people of today. They were little hunched people, full of nightmares and bacon grease. They thought bread was a vegetable. Today's 60-year-olds are running around 5K a day. Wearing compression tights and fit bits and camelback water bottles, swimming in synthesized hormones. And what about Viagher you're saying? Sure, it would have been easy to make fun of Viagra for the last 10 minutes.

Why the hell didn't I do that? Stephen? Mike Wilmot, ladies and gentlemen. Giving a good argument and almost an endorsement for a product at the end, but then not. There you have it, audience. It is up to you to pick a winner by applause. Who thinks that Mike's aging action was the most awesome Mike Wilmot? Okay.

And who thinks Deb saying 40s, 40s, 40s. and 60 is 60 was real nifty, Deb Kimmett. Very close. It's very close this time. I have to give this one to Deb Kimet, the winner. 60's not the new 40. A big hand for Deb Kimet and Mike Wilmot, everybody. Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying, I don't care how old you are. If you keep listening, we'll keep helping you laugh. I'll argue with you again soon, Canada. Good night. The Debaters is created by Richard Seid.

This week's episode was produced by Nicole Callender, Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark. Our classic debates were produced by Josh Bailey, Nicole Callender, Katie Ellen Humphreys, Graham Clark, and Tracy Rideout. With technical production by Jean-Sebastian Villeneuve and Conrad Hajazi. Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts. And thanks to everyone at the Meridian Theatre's at Centerpoint in Ottawa. For more CBC podcasts, go to cbc.ca.ca slash podcasts.