The Debaters - Should we all do pottery? And love lineups?

Episode Date: January 1, 2026

It’s a throwdown when we decide if everyone should take up pottery. Then, should we all love lining up? We get down to the pros and cons of this social practice.Featuring: Jacob Samuel, Brittany Lyseng, Abdul Aziz, and Ryan Williams.

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From Vancouver's North Shore, home of Horseshoe Bay, it's the debaters! The debaters where comedians fight with facts and funny in this audience picks the winner. Now here's a man whose voice never gets horse. Steve Patterson. Hey, thanks Graham Clark. Hello, Canada. Welcome back to the debaters. We're always happy to be back here

and our home away from home, Vancouver. Ah, yes. Vancouver, a city with much acclaim, particularly your airport, YVR, has won multiple awards. It won SkyTrac's best. the best North American airport 12 years in a row. Pretty good. And Best International Airport in Vancouver

13 years in a row. And it also features a giant aquarium, which I personally have never seen because when I walk through airports, I try not to make eye contact with any other living thing. It's time now to meet two debaters who love to get into hot water. This comedian attended the mathematician banquet alone

because he couldn't find a plus one. It's Vancouver's Jacob Samuel. Come on out here, Jacob. Jacob Samuel making his way out to my left. Hey, Steve. Hello. Welcome back, Craig. And this comic will never back down from a fight unless she's on a ladder.

It's Calgary's Brittany Lysing. Come on now, Brittany. Oh, we gave her the scenic route. Long walk tonight. Hello. All right, debaters. Your topic is one that we really hope takes shape, pottery. Should everyone try their hand at it?

Yes. Okay, we're going to do the debate if that's all right. Vancouver's own Seth Rogan shot a reality pottery show for CBC on Granville Island called the Great Canadian Pottery Throwdown. throwdown. It's exciting. Because it was Seth, they could have called it the Great Canadian Pot Grow Up.

But Seth is actually apparently quite passionate about pottery, so it's great that he got a chance to showcase other Canadian artisans. And inspired by that, I'm pitching a show based on my favorite hobby called the Great Canadian Lie Down. It's me traveling across Canada, napping in various places and then contestants compete by taking their own naps and the winner is

no one I guess because the judges will also be asleep now for a debate that will throw the laughs and bowl us over time so whereas it's a time-honored craft that can improve focus lead to new friends and create a timeless work of art be it resolved everyone should take up pottery Jacob you're arguing for this please. You have two minutes starting now. Jacob Samuel. Thank you. Thank you very much. So when my wife told me she was starting pottery, I had the same fear any husband would. Will she be seduced by the ghost of Patrick Swayze? But as she got deeper into pottery, coming home satisfied with zero signs of ghost ectoplasm, I realized everyone should take up pottery.

Not just because the pottery studio is the one place where it's okay to say, nice jugs. Or can I touch your knob? But for more mature reasons. Pottery is the only craft where you can turn a pile of mud into a loving gift. You can make a vase for your mom,

for the flowers you give her on Mother's Day, or a brick to throw through your dad's car window, for Father's Day. It's the most affordable way to get a bust of Steve Patterson you kiss before bed. Trust me. With pottery, you can make a bowl to reheat soup in the microwave. Try doing that with knitting or aluminum foil sculptures. Look, I'm a clumsy person.

Before my wife did pottery, I lived in fear of breaking her favorite mug or bull. But now, any time I break something, she smiles with joy and runs off to the pottery studio. She now gets so excited when I break a dish, I'm worried she's going to leave me for a Greek man. Ooh, too controversial a stereotype. Look, pottery gave my wife something I could never give her. body active creation that doesn't involve me breathing on her. Thank you. Jacob Samuel, ladies and gentlemen, debating on behalf of pottery.

Now, to tell us why she thinks that taking up pottery is for mugs, let's hear from Brittany Lysing. Oh my, take up pottery. What? Pottery's been around since like 30,000 BC. And spoiler alert, everyone sucks at making it. Pottery's not a gift, it's a curse. Oh yay, just what I wanted, one plate with your signature on the back. It's like a billboard that says, hey, look everybody, and Judy doesn't have a job. Nothing makes me sadder than having to lie to a loved one while I feign excitement, doing a little play for the whole family, like,

oh, I'll even put the warped plate next to my nice plates. Now we'll think of you every time we eat. Nom, nom, nom, thanks, Aunt Judy. All well knowing it's going in the trash as she backs out of the driveway. Listen to me, people hate pottery, and I'm sick of the lies that big pottery is spinning and throwing. I'll give it this, though. Nothing passes the time in a loveless marriage,

like sitting in a dark room with your hands in the mud. Just counting down the days till your youngest goes to university. Here, Bill, I made you this mug. Turn it around. It says, I'm leaving you. Don't get me wrong.

I love all art forms, but pottery is not art. It's just something you do when you don't have a personality. Thanks, Steve. Brittany, Lysing. Whoa. Shots fired. It's time now for the bare knuckle round. We're debating taking up pottery,

so try to get this. the clay of the land, mold your arguments together, and keep it wheeled. So really, Ceram, mix it up until there's a glazed look on your opponent's facade. That's how you know you're killing it. Get fired up now! Well, this is a bit awkward. I brought you a gift. Oh my goodness. Yeah, a beautiful mug my wife made. Wow. From backstage, Jacob, this is real. He is producing a beautiful, a beautiful ceramic mug

that his wife apparently made, especially for Brittany Lysing. Oh, my God. I love it, Jacob. Wow. Everything you've done here, I can barely fit my hands into the handle. Tell her, I said thank you. Yeah, I thought it was more appropriate than the urn, but, you know. Well, she earned it, you know.

Listen, it's fine. The gift is fine. It's just pottery is so boring to me. Look, even pottery barn mostly sells couches. I watch pottery on YouTube to fall asleep, Jacob. Yeah, so do I. Boring is good. We're adults.

Exciting things are stressful and bad. We all need more boring stuff. I'd rather make a Super Bowl than watch the Super Bowl. Whoa. Boring is good. Finally, one of our people. Also, with pottery, you can make customizable stuff for yourself. You can't get in mass production, right?

Like, before pottery, the only people who have a custom toilet is a billionaire. I've never... Not relatable at all. Look, I've never been pooping and thought, I wish I made this. By the way, Jacob, I love the mug, and there's so much effort has been put into this. It's clear your wife loves spending time away from you.

I think we broke, Jacob. That's the bare knuckle round, everybody. We are debating the merits of pottery on the debaters. Time now for the firing line in my hand. I have a list of questions on taking up pottery, brought to you by Clint Eastwood's new competitive pottery show. Go ahead, make my clay. In a DVD featurette, ghost screenwriter Joel Rubin

says Demi Moore's character was not originally as a potter, but rather as someone who did what? Jacob. Ghostbusting. I like it. I like it. I'm going to give two and a half points for that one. Brittany Lysing.

Was a fentanyal czar. Very different movie, yes. No, there was a... It says Demi Moore's character was not original. was not originally conceived of as a potter, but as someone who did wood carving. Oh, imagine the splinters on poor Patrick Swayze. Finish this quote about pottery from actor and amateur potter, Seth Rogan.

It's like yoga, but it's less scary if you find mud in your pants. That was a slow roll. That was a slow roll across the crowd. Four points. Big one. It's like yoga, but if you got a thing at the end. And that's why Seth Rogan should be our next prime minister, ladies and gentlemen. Pottery on the wheel.com says if you find yourself frustrated with the pot you're throwing, you should what?

Brittany. See if you can get your money back. For the class. You shouldn't have to explain these, huh? You're learning in real time. One point. If you're frustrated with the pot you're throwing, you should earmark it as a gift for your cynical, disgruntled niece.

If you're frustrated with the pot you're throwing, you're throwing, you should do something silly to remind yourself it's fun. According to pottery crafters.com, step number one of using a pottery wheel is what? Brittany? Morning the loss of friendship. Incorrect, but I'll give you a point. Jacob, Samuel. Making sure the edibles have kicked in.

There we go. Nice love from the North Van crowd for the edible reference. Step one of using a pottery wheel is finding something appropriate to wear like an apron. And only the apron. Just the apron. That's the firing line, everybody. All right.

We're moving right along, and it's almost time for our North Van Centennial Theater audience to vote for us. But first, here again, to tell us why anything to do with pottery will be pretty much a bust as far as she's concerned. Let's hear from Brittany Licing. Call me crazy, but anything that needs to be baked at 600 degrees for four hours is the work of the devil. Pottery is actually the reason I started smoking. I made an ashtray in the eighth grade,

and I've smoked a pack a day every day since. That's right, they used to make us make our parents' ashtrays in the 90s. A whole generation can thank pottery for teaching children that smoking is okay. This is what my father meant when he said, stay away from podheads. And he was right. Hands off the wheel, dorks. Time to find a real hobby. I close my face. Pretty licensing.

We are going to get so many. angry vases. Now, here to remind us that there's no statue of limitations to the endless amount of joy that pottery can bring. Let's hear again from Jacob Samuel. Everyone should take up pottery because it is great for mental health. It forces you to take a break from your toxic smartphone and clear your mind. Pottery relaxes me so much. I actually wrote a high coup about it. If you'll bear with me. I yearn to mold mud How My Body Akes for Clay

I am Clay Aiken Take up pottery because it connects you to people from the past The Ancient Greeks lived thousands of years ago But because of their pottery we know that just like us they were also nudity-obsessed alcoholics. Human beings have been creating pottery since the dawn of civilization, and we will keep making pottery

until the end of civilization. Which, any day now. Thank you. Jacob Samuel. Yeah. Jacob Samuel, pro-pottery. Brittany's against. Let's see what the crowd has decided.

It is time to vote, audience. applause. Who preferred Jacob's pro-pottery pronouncements, Jacob Samuel? Wow. Wow. A lot of love for Jacob. He's tipping his cup to them. And who agreed with Brittany's assertion that Cerimachus, the Greek god of pottery, has feet of clay. Brittany Lysing. It's a lot of love. It's a lot of love on both sides. But we've got to give this one just by a nose to Jacob Samuel. Keep the pottery coming, everybody. Big hand for Jacob Samuel and Brindy Lysing everybody.

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It's easy as aren't. Learn French, have fun, repeat. Download the free Morial app now. I just have one question for you, North Fan. Are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters? Let's do it. This comic thinks that trying to find inexpensive eyeglass frames is an optical delusion.

It's Vancouver's Abdul Aziz. Come on out, Abdul. We like him. We like Mr. Aziz. And this comic quit trying to duplicate the formula of a clear soft strength because he just wasn't seven up to it. It's Cam Loops Ryan Williams. Ryan and Abdul.

Gentlemen, your topic is worth waiting for, I think. Lineups! Are they good to be a part of? What other show would be? do this. None. Our listeners, being the mature sort that they are, may remember way back to 1985. When the legend...

Someone had a great year. 1985, when the legendary man in black, Johnny Cash, took his surname literally and became spokesperson for Canada Trust's new ATMs called Johnny Cash Machines. With the slogan, because friends, life's too short to walk the line. Honestly, I remember those ads as a kid,

and I kind of liked them. I wish they'd bring them back with another Johnny Cash-toon slogan updated for current times. Throw your cash into a burning ring of fire. The fees don't stop. They get higher and higher. Time to move on now with this debate

before we get hit with a lawsuit from a lawyer named sued. So... Whereas it provides order, prevents chaos, and is an integral part of our shared social contract, be it resolved, we should all love lining up. Abdul, you're arguing for this, please. You have two minutes. Starting now, Abdulaziz.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to defend not just lines, but the foundations of our humanity. For just as the line is the basis for all geometry, the lineup is the foundational piece of human society. Imagine the chaos of tonight's debates without a proper lineup. Every single comedian on stage all at once. Screaming over one another. Desperate to make even a single person laugh.

It would be a human person. rights disaster. But take that disaster, order it sequentially, and now you have something that the government not only funds, but puts on national radio. That is the power of the lineup.

It creates art from chaos. For the line is the line, that separates us from the animals. Like the lion. Pretty good line. You can see this demonstrated in lineups outside every public bathroom in porta potty. Good people, decent people,

choosing to risk politely soiling themselves, rather than compromising the integrity of that lineup. We do this no matter how lactose intolerant we are, or how much raclette cheese we ate at the Montreal Winter Festival in 2013. We do this because it's easier to curry yourself a clean pair of pants of pants than it is to rebuild society. And also I didn't like those chinos anyway. In many religions, the lineup also bestows divinity.

In Christianity, the act of waiting for a cracker in a lineup turns it into the literal and liturgical body of Jesus Christ. In Islam, the Muslim pilgrimage to Mecca is a seven-day-long line that gets you into heaven. And while I don't have a punchline here, I am interested to hear how my opponent justifies being openly critical of Islam. Thank you, Steve.

Abdul Aziz. On behalf of the lineup. Now, here with a linear litany of letters lined up against lineups. Let's hear from Ryan Williams. Yeah. The first written description of humans lining up by Thomas Carlyle described how before the French Revolution, Parisians would line up for bread.

The dehumanizing indecency of lining up led to a primal, simmering rage that culminated in 1793 France's reign of terror in which thousands of innocent people were publicly executed via Guilty. As a march, A job of Parisian citizens watched with glee. Those in the front had to line up,

so they skipped their daily bread, and they hungered for blood! We indoctrinate our children. We teach them to line up in kindergarten. If they're good, we treat them to lines at Disney World. On graduation day, they line up to get their diploma, stand in line at the job fair, so their employment can allow them to join a waiting list

for a $3,000 a month apartment, and then join the wait list for a wedding venue and join the wait list for a daycare so the cycle can be repeated again and again. Security at the airport, voting, relieving your bowels in a downtown Starbucks washroom. All necessary parts of society we have to line up for none of them leave us feeling much dignity after.

Ski resorts, where families pay thousands for majestic vacations to be joined with locals in longer and longer chairlift lines. If they cannot make equal numbers, they are joined by a random stranger from the singles line. The only time society agrees, it's okay for a complete stranger to be trapped with a family in the sky. And here's what it all boils down to. That's why amusement parks offer more expensive tickets

so you can cut the line and cosplay as an oligarch for the day. That's why first class and business class boards before you. We need to wake up and realize the line only exists to sell a VIP experience without lines. Ryan Williams, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, yeah. Wow. Time now for the bare-knuckle round.

We're debating whether lining up is worth lining up for. So it's up to you, debaters, to velvet rope us into your argument, giving us the full unabridged joke. No cutting. If you didn't like that one, take a number. It's time to debate like it's going out of turnstubes. style now. The one thing

both of our arguments had in common was bathroom lines. If you, you should be allowed to run into any bathroom line and simply yell diarrhea and be given frontline treatment. Ryan, I assure you

that if either you or I run into a Starbucks and yell anything. We're not getting into the bathroom. Ryan, your list of gripes was, like, daycare waitless, joblessness, housing and security, kindergarten wait lists. The issue with all of that isn't the line.

It's overpopulation. Lineups are just how common people deal with that. Oh, this is how Big Line looks at you. Big Line wants to control your reproductive rights. That's probably a good place to stop the fair knuckle round, everybody. It's time now for the firing line. I didn't realize how biased this was given this debate. It's time now with the firing line.

In my hand, I have a list of questions on lining up. Brought to you by the CBC Radio Show with great guest lineups, Q. with Tom Power. Good show. Guinnessworldrecords.com says the longest line ever was almost five miles long and people waited in it more than 14 hours

to do what. Ryan. Speak to WestJet customer service after their flight was canceled. Woo! Woo! Oh. Five points.

Abdul. To get tickets to see Steve Patterson live. 14 hours. Thanks, buddy. Thank you. Four points. It was pay the respects to Queen Elizabeth II. But we do get confused for each other.

Simon Fraser University's handbook for international students describes lining up as a cherished Canadian practice. And just as Canadian as what other two things? Abdul? Overcharging international students for university and collegiate institutes that no one's ever heard of. No, but I'll give you a point. Ryan Williams.

Giving a wave when someone like that. lets you merge into traffic. And becoming so angry when you let someone merge, but they don't wave back. He's done it. Two points. Simon Fraser's handbook for international students describes lining up as a cherished Canadian practice

and just as Canadian as punctuality and frequent apologizing. We would also have accepted complaining and writing angry letters without sending them. According to an Angus Reid poll, 74% of Albertans get furious when people in lines do what? Abdul. Bump you in the head with their big old cowboy hats.

And then boop you in the butt with their big fancy bell buckles. I'm gonna give you two points for acting that out for me on the radio. Ryan Williams. 74% of Albertans get furious when people in line vote liberal. That's a good answer. The actual answer is cut in, but I like your answer better. Three points. That's the firing line, everybody.

Oh, yeah. We got ourselves a good one here on the debaters. We're debating the merits of lining up, and it's almost time for our centennial theater audience to vote. But first, here once again, to remind us of the downside to line ups. Let's hear again from the always up, Ryan Williams. The truth that big line doesn't want you to know,

the elites will always skip the line. Private jets, assistance to stand in line with us to grab their master's latte. You think CEOs wait on hold? Now, after tonight's show, you're going to line up to exit the theater. You're going to become frustrated, and my point will resonate with you more. But before you think that I am a man of the people, know that everyone on stage tonight that you see leaves through a special door

that none of you have access to. My opponent, praising lines, is going to walk out that door without breaking the stride in his step. Thank you so much. Ryan Williams. Wow. Strong, buddy. Now, here to explain why lining up is something he believes that we should all get behind. Let's hear again.

Abdulaziz. Esteemed audience, when you get up to leave the theater tonight, will you do as my opponent wishes? Throw off the shackles of the lineup and rush the exit as a crazed mob? Or will you exit with grace? And dignity.

A collection of heroes. Heroes. Commenting to one another on how much Abdul Aziz deserved to win. I believe it will be the latter. For a lineup is a group of people who band together with purpose and common goal to brave the elements

and achieve something of value. Sure, sometimes that thing is trivial, like breakfast or lunch. But sometimes it's something more profound. Sometimes it's brunch. Thank you. Abdul Aziz. Oh, really makes you think, doesn't it? Really makes you think.

It's time for this audience to vote by applause. How many of you felt that Abdul really really? felt that Abdul really had his ducks all in a row as he lavished loads of lineup love. On a lot of you, Abdulaziz. Listen to the love for Abdulaziz. It is a fever pitch here in Vancouver. All right.

And who agreed with Ryan that regarding being forced to get into a lineup, he just won't stand for it. Ryan Williams. Wow. It's very close. It's very close. But I gotta give this from this. Ryan Williams, down with lineups.

Big hand for Ryan Williams and Abdulaziz, everybody. Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying if you're lining up for something right now, I sure hope it's worth it. I'll argue with you again soon, Canada. Good night. The Debaters is created by Richard Side. This week's episode was produced by Nicole Calendar,

Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark. With continuity by Graham Clark, Clark, Diana Francis, and Gary Jones. Technical production by James Corrella and Eric Pankrats. Story editing by Gary Jones. With special thanks to Katie Ellen Humphreys, Emily Ferrier, and David Pride. Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts. And thanks to everyone at the Centennial Theater in North Vancouver.

For more CBC podcasts, go to cBC.ca slash podcasts.