The Debaters - Today's debates! Should we all do pottery? And love lineups?

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

It’s a throwdown when we decide if everyone should take up pottery. Then, should we all love lining up? We get down to the pros and cons of this social practice.Featuring: Jacob Samuel, Brittany Lyseng, Abdul Aziz, and Ryan Williams.

Hi there, Steve Patterson here. You know, I travel a lot for work on my own, so when I can do a trip where I get to bring my wife Nancy and our daughters along, I jump at it. On a recent trip to Ottawa, we booked an Airbnb. It was a nice home and a nice neighborhood, and it even had room for our dog, Ferris, which was also nice. And that made me think, hey, maybe our home in Toronto would be a nice place to stay for some nice people too, since it sits empty while we're away. And honestly, it would be great if our house started bringing in some extra cash to put towards the next trip,

because frankly, Ferris keeps screwing up in his job interviews. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. This is a CBC Podcast. This is a CBC Podcast. Hey Canada! Are you ready to horse around? From Vancouver's North Shore, home of Horseshoe Bay, it's the Debaters! The Debaters where comedians fight with facts and funny and this audience picks the winner. Now here's a man whose voice never gets forced.

Steve Patterson. Hey, thanks Graham Clark. Hello Canada. Welcome back to The Debaters. We're always happy to be back here in our home away from home, Vancouver. Ah yes. Vancouver, a city with much acclaim. Particularly, your airport, YVR, has won multiple awards.

It won Skytrax Best North American Airport 12 years in a row. Pretty good. And, best international airport in Vancouver, 13 years in a row. And it also features a giant aquarium, which I personally have never seen, because when I walk through airports, I try not to make eye contact with any other living thing. It's time now to meet two debaters who love to get into hot water. This comedian attended the mathematician banquet alone because he couldn't find a plus one. It's Vancouver's Jacob Samuel.

Come on out here, Jacob. Jacob Samuel making his way out to my left. Hey, Steve. Hello. Welcome back, Frank. Thank you. And this comic will never back down from a fight, unless she's on a ladder, it's Calgary's Brittany Lysing! Come on out Brittany. Oh, we gave her the scenic route long walk tonight.

Hello. Alright debaters, your topic is one that we really hope takes shape. Pottery. Should everyone try their hand at it? Yes! Okay, we're going to do the debate if that's all right. LAUGHTER Vancouver's own Seth Rogen shot a reality pottery show for CBC on Granville Island called The Great Canadian Pottery Throwdown.

Exciting! Because it was Seth, they could have called it The Great Canadian Pot Grow Up. But Seth is actually apparently quite passionate about pottery, so it's great that he got a chance to showcase other Canadian artisans. And inspired by that, I'm pitching a show based on my favorite hobby called The Great Canadian Lie Down. It's me traveling across Canada napping in various places, and then contestants compete by taking their own naps. And the winner is no one, I guess, because the judges will also be asleep. Now for a debate that will throw the laughs and bowl us over time.

So, whereas it's a time-honored craft that can improve, focus, lead to new friends, and create a timeless work of art, be it resolved, everyone should take up pottery. Jacob, you're arguing for this, please. You have two minutes. Starting now, Jacob Samuel. Thank you. Thank you very much. Everyone should take up pottery. Jacob, you're arguing for this, please. You have two minutes starting now. Jacob Samuel. Thank you. Thank you very much.

So when my wife told me she was starting pottery, I had the same fear any husband would. Will she be seduced by the ghost of Patrick Swayze? But as she got deeper into pottery, coming home satisfied with zero signs of ghost ectoplasm, I realized everyone should take up pottery. Not just because the pottery studio is the one place where it's okay to say, nice jugs. Or can I touch your knob? But for more mature reasons. Pottery is the only craft where you can turn a pile of mud into a loving gift. You can

make a vase for your mom for the flowers you give her on Mother's Day. Or a brick to throw through your dad's car window for Father's Day. It's the most affordable way to get a bust of Steve Patterson you kiss before bed. Trust me. With pottery you can make a bowl to reheat soup in the microwave. Try doing that with knitting or aluminum foil sculptures. Look, I'm a clumsy person. Before my wife did pottery, I lived in fear of breaking her favorite mug or bowl.

But now, anytime I break something, she smiles with joy and runs off to the pottery studio. She now gets so excited when I break a dish, I'm worried she's going to leave me for a Greek man. (*Laughter*) Ooh, too controversial a stereotype. (*Laughter*) Look, pottery gave my wife something I could never give her, a full-body act of creation that doesn't involve me breathing on her.

Thank you. APPLAUSE Jacob Samuel, ladies and gentlemen, debating on behalf of pottery. Now, to tell us why she thinks that taking up pottery is for mugs, let's hear from Brittany Lysing. APPLAUSE that taking up pottery is for mugs. Let's hear from Brittany Lising. Oh my, take up pottery for what? Pottery's been around since like 30,000 BC.

And spoiler alert, everyone sucks at making it. Pottery's not a gift. It's a curse. Oh, yay, just what I wanted, one plate with your signature on the back. It's like a billboard that says, hey, look, everybody, Aunt Judy doesn't have a job. Nothing makes me sadder than having to lie to a loved one while I feign excitement, doing a little play for the whole family, like, oh, I'll even put the warped plate next to my nice plates.

Now we'll think of you every time we eat. Nom, nom, nom. Thanks, Aunt Judy. All while knowing it's going in the trash as she backs out of the driveway. Listen to me. People hate pottery, and I'm sick of the lies that big pottery is spinning and throwing.

I'll give it this, though. Nothing passes the time in a loveless marriage like sitting in a dark room with your hands in the mud. Just counting down the days till your youngest goes to university. Here, Bill, I made you this mug. Turn it around. It says, I'm leaving you. It says, I'm leaving you. Don't get me wrong, I love all art forms, but pottery is not art. It's just something you do when you don't have a personality. Thanks, Steve.

Pretty icing. Whoa. Shots fired. It's time now for the bare-knuckle round. We're debating taking up pottery, so try to get the clay of the land. Mold your arguments together and keep it wheel. So really, ceramics it up until there's a glazed look on your opponent's facade. That's how you know you're killing it.

Get fired up now! Well, this is a bit awkward. I brought you a gift. Oh my goodness. Yeah, a beautiful mug my wife made. Wow. From backstage, Jacob, this is real. He Yeah, a beautiful mug my wife made. Wow. From backstage, Jacob, this is real. He is producing a beautiful, a beautiful ceramic mug that his wife apparently made, especially for Brittany Leising.

Oh my god. I love it, Jacob. Wow. Wow. Sure you do. Everything you've done here, I can barely fit my hands into the handles. Tell her I said thank you. Yeah, I thought it was more appropriate than the urn, but you know.

Well, she earned it, you know. Listen, it's fine. The gift is fine. It's just pottery is so boring to me. Look, even Pottery Barn mostly sells couches. I watched pottery on YouTube to fall asleep, Jacob. Yeah, so do I. Boring is good.

We're adults. Exciting things are stressful and bad. We all need more boring stuff. I'd rather make a Super Bowl than watch the Super Bowl. Wow. Whoa. Boring is good, finally, one of our people. Also, with pottery, you can make customizable stuff

for yourself. You can't get in mass production, right? Like, before pottery, the only people who have a custom toilet is a billionaire. I've never... Not relatable at all. Okay. Look, I have never been pooping and thought, I wish I made this. Laughter

Applause By the way, Jacob, I love the mug, and there's so much effort has been put into this. It's clear your wife loves spending time away from you. I think we broke Jacob. That's the bear nuck around everybody. We are debating the merits of pottery on the debaters. Time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on taking up pottery,

brought to you by Clint Eastwood's new competitive pottery show, Go Ahead, Make My Clay. In a DVD featurette, ghost screenwriter Joel Rubin says Demi Moore's character was not originally conceived of as a potter, but rather as someone who did what? Jacob. Ghost busting. I like it. I like it. I'm going to give two and a half points for that one. Brittany Lysing?

Was a fentanyl czar. Very, very different movie, yes. No, there was a, it says Demi Moore's character was not originally conceived of as a potter, but as someone who did wood carving. Oh, imagine the splinters on poor Patrick Swayze. Finish this quote about pottery from actor and amateur potter Seth Rogen. It's like yoga, but... It's less scary if you find mud in your pants.

Yeah. Oh, that was a slow roll. That was a slow roll across the crowd. Four points. Big one. It's like yoga, but if you got a thing at the end. And that's why Seth Rogen should be our next Prime Minister, ladies and gentlemen. Pottery on the wheel dot com says, if you find yourself frustrated with the pot you're throwing, you should what?

Brittany. See if you can get your money back. For the class. You shouldn't have to explain these, huh? You're learning in real time. One point. If you're frustrated with the pot you're throwing, you should earmark it as a gift for your cynical disgruntled niece.

If you're frustrated with the pot you're throwing, you should do something silly to remind yourself it's fun. According to potterycrafters.com, step number one of using a pottery wheel is what? Brittany? Mourning the loss of friendship. Incorrect, but I'll give you a point. Jacob Samuel? Making sure the edibles have kicked in.

There we go. Nice love from the North Van crowd for the edible reference. Step one of using a pottery wheel is finding something appropriate to wear like an apron. And only the apron. Just the apron. That's the firing line everybody. Alright. We're moving right along, and it's almost time for our North Van Centennial Theatre audience to vote for us.

But first, here again to tell us why anything to do with pottery will be pretty much a bust as far as she's concerned, let's hear from Brittany Lysing. Applause Call me crazy, but anything that needs to be baked at 600 degrees for four hours is the work of the devil. Pottery is actually the reason I started smoking. I made an ashtray in the eighth grade and I've smoked a pack a day every day since.

That's right, they used to make us make our parents ashtrays in the 90s. A whole generation can thank pottery for teaching children that smoking is okay. This is what my father meant when he said, stay away from potheads. And he was right. Hands off the wheel, dorks. Time to find a real hobby. I close my case. Really?

Nice thing. We are going to get so many angry vases. Now here to remind us that there's no statue of limitations to the endless amount of joy that pottery can bring, let's hear again from Jacob Samuel. Everyone should take up pottery because it is great for mental health. It forces you to take a break from your toxic smartphone and clear your mind. Pottery relaxes me so much, I actually wrote a high-Q about it.

If you'll bear with me. I yearn to mold mud. How my body aches for clay. I am clay-aiken. Take up pottery because it connects you to people from the past. The ancient Greeks lived thousands of years ago, but because of their pottery, we know that just like us, they were also nudity-obsessed alcoholics. Human beings have been creating pottery since the dawn of civilization, and we will keep making pottery until the end of civilization. Which...any day now. Thank you.

Jacob Samuel! Yeah! Jacob Samuel, pro-pottery, Brittany's against. Let's see what the crowd has decided. It is time to vote. Audience, by applause, who preferred Jacob's pro-pottery pronouncements? Jacob Samuel! Wow! Wow. A lot of love for Jacob. He's tipping his cup to them. And who agreed with Brittany's assertion that Ceramicus, the Greek god of pottery, has feet of clay. Brittany Lysing. That's a lot of love.

That's a lot of love on both sides. But we've got to give this one just by a nose to Jacob Samuel. Keep the pottery coming, everybody. Big hand for Jacob Samuel. Keep the pottery coming, everybody. Big hand for Jacob Samuel and Brittany Leising, everybody. Woo! Hey, debaters listeners. Here's a Potter reason to follow our podcast. You'll get early access to weekly episodes,

as well as bonus material. So hit the Follow button. And while you're there, we'd love a rating or review. It really helps new listeners find us. Hello, I'm Jess Milton, host of the podcast Backstage at the Vinyl Cafe. Join us every Friday for funny, fictional, feel-good family stories about Dave, his wife Morley and their kids, Sam and Stephanie. And for behind the scenes stories about what it's like to live life out on the road, on a tour bus, living out of a suitcase, traveling across Canada. New episodes every Friday.

Subscribe for free wherever you get your podcasts. I just have one question for you, North Band. Are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters? Let's do it. This comic thinks that trying to find inexpensive eyeglass frames is an optical delusion. It's Vancouver's Abdul Aziz. Come on out, Abdul. We like him. We like Mr. Aziz. And this comic quit trying to duplicate the formula of a clear soft drink because he just wasn't seven up to it.

It's Kamloops Ryan Williams. Ryan and Abdul. Gentlemen, your topic is worth waiting for, I think. Lineups! Are they good to be a part of? What other show would do this? None. Our listeners, being the mature sort that they are, may remember way back to 1985. When the legend...

Someone had a great year. 1985, when the legendary man in black, Johnny Cash, took his surname literally and became spokesperson for Canada Trust's new ATMs called Johnny Cash Machines, with the slogan, "'Cause friends, life's too short to walk the line. Honestly, I remember those ads as a kid, and I kind of liked them. I wish they'd bring them back with another Johnny Cash tune slogan updated for current times. Throw your cash into a burning ring of fire. The fees don't stop.

They get higher and higher. Time to move on now with this debate before we get hit with a lawsuit from a lawyer named Sued. So whereas it provides order, prevents chaos, and is an integral part of our shared social contract, be it resolved, we should all love lining up. Abdul, you're arguing for this, please. You have two minutes. Starting now, Abdul Aziz.

Whoo! Whoo! Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to defend not just lines, but the foundations of our humanity. For just as the line is the basis for all geometry, the lineup is the foundational piece of human society. Imagine the chaos of tonight's debates without a proper lineup.

Every single comedian on stage all at once... screaming over one another... desperate to make even a single person laugh. It would be a human rights disaster. But take that disaster, order it sequentially, and now you have something that the government not only funds but puts on national radio. That is the power of the lineup.

It creates art from chaos. For the line is the line that separates us from the animals. Like the lion? Laughter Pretty good lion. Laughter You can see this demonstrated in lineups outside every public bathroom in Porta Potty. Good people. Decent people. Choosing to risk politely soiling themselves

rather than compromising the integrity of that lineup. We do this no matter how lactose intolerant we are or how much raclette cheese we ate at the Montreal Winter Festival in 2013. We do this because it's easier to curry yourself a clean pair of pants than it is to rebuild society. And also, I didn't like those chinos anyway. In many religions, the lineup also bestows divinity.

In Christianity, the act of waiting for a cracker in a lineup turns it into the literal and liturgical body of Jesus Christ. In Islam, the Muslim pilgrimage to Mecca is a seven-day long line that gets you into heaven. And while I don't have a punchline here, I am interested to hear how my opponent justifies being openly critical of Islam. Thank you, Steve. Abdul Aziz on behalf of the lineup. Now, here with a linear litany of letters lined up against lineups. Let's hear from Ryan Williams.

The first written description of humans lining up by Thomas Carlyle described how before the French Revolution Parisians would line up for bread. The dehumanizing indecency of lining up led to a primal simmering rage that culminated in 1793 France's reign terror, in which thousands of innocent people were publicly executed via guillotine. As a mob of Parisian citizens watched with glee, those in the front had to line up, so they skipped their daily bread, and they hungered for blood!

We indoctrinate our children. We teach them to line up in kindergarten. If they're good, we treat them to lines at Disney World. On graduation day, they line up to get their diploma, stand in line at the job fair, so their employment can allow them to join a waiting list for a $3,000 a month apartment, and then join a waiting list for a $3,000 a month apartment and then join the wait list for a wedding venue

and join the wait list for a daycare so the cycle can be repeated again and again. ["The Weekend Show"] ["The Weekend Show"] ["The Weekend Show"] Security at the airport, voting, relieving your bowels in a downtown Starbucks washroom. All necessary parts of society we have to line up for, none of them leave us

feeling much dignity after. Ski resorts where families pay thousands for majestic vacations to be joined with locals in longer and longer chairlift lines. If they cannot make equal numbers, they are joined by a random stranger from the singles line. The only time society agrees it's okay for a complete stranger to be trapped with a family in the sky. And here's what it all boils down to. That's why amusement parks offer more expensive tickets

so you can cut the line and cosplay as an oligarch for the day. That's why first class and business class boards before you. We need to wake up and realize the line only exists to sell a VIP experience without lines. Ryan Williams, ladies and gentlemen. Oh yeah. Wow. Signed out for the bare-knuckle round. We're debating whether lining up is worth lining up for.

So it's up to you, debaters, to velvet-rope us into your argument, giving us the full unabridged joke. No cutting. If you didn't like that one, take a number. It's time to debate like it's going out of turnstile now. The one thing both of our arguments had in common was bathroom lines. If you, you should be allowed to run into any bathroom line

and simply yell diarrhea and, and be given......frontline treatment. Ryan, I assure you that if either you or I run into a Starbucks and yell anything, we're not getting into the bathroom. Ryan, your list of gripes was, like, daycare waitlists, joblessness, housing insecurity, kindergarten waitlists. The issue with all of that isn't the line. It's overpopulation.

Lineups are just how common people deal with that. Whoa! This is how Big Line looks at you. Big Line wants to control your reproductive rights. That's probably a good place to stop the fair-knuckle round, everybody. It's time now for the firing line. I didn't realize how biased this was, given this debate. It's time now for the firing line. In my didn't realize how biased this was, given this debate. It's time now for the Firing Line. In my hand I have a list of questions on lining up, brought to you by the CBC radio show with

great guest lineups, Q with Tom Power. Good show. GuinnessWorldRecords.com says the longest line ever was almost five miles long and people waited in it more than 14 hours to do what? Ryan. Speak to WestJet customer service after their flight was canceled. Woo!

Woo! Woo! Oh. Five points. Abdul. To get tickets to see Steve Patterson live! Yeah, 14 hours. Thanks, buddy, thank you.

Four points. It was pay the respects to Queen Elizabeth II. But we do get confused for each other. Simon Fraser University's Handbook for International Students describes lining up as a cherished Canadian practice and just as Canadian as what other two things? Abdul? Overcharging international students for university and collegiate institutes that no one's ever heard of.

when someone lets you merge into traffic and becoming so angry when you let someone merge, but they don't wave back. Ha! Well, yeah, he's done it. Two points. Simon Fraser's handbook for international students describes lining up as a cherished Canadian practice and just as Canadian as punctuality

and frequent apologizing. We would also have accepted complaining and writing angry letters without sending them. According to an Angus Reid poll, 74% of Albertans get furious when people in lines do what? Abdul? Bump you in the head with their big old cowboy hats. And then boop you in the butt with their big fancy belt buckles. I'm going to give you two points for acting that out for me on the radio. Ryan Williams?

74% of Albertans get furious when people in line vote liberal. That's a good answer. The actual answer is cut in, but I like your answer better. Three points. That's the firing line, everybody. Oh, yeah. We got ourselves a good one here on The Debaters. We're debating the merits of lining up and it's almost time for our Centennial Theatre audience to vote. But first, here once again to remind us of the downside to line ups. Let's hear again from the always up, Ryan Williams. The truth that big line doesn't want you to know, the elites will always skip the line. Private jets, assistants to stand in line with us to grab their master's latte.

You think CEOs wait on hold? Now after tonight's show, you're're gonna line up to exit the theater. You're gonna become frustrated, and my point will resonate with you more. But before you think that I am a man of the people, know that everyone on stage tonight that you see leaves through a special door... that none of you have access to.

My opponent, praising lines, is going to walk out that door without breaking the stride in his step. Thank you so much. Ryan Williams. Wow. Strong, buddy. Now, here to explain why, lining up is something he believes

that we should all get behind. Let's hear again for Abdul Aziz. ["The Greatest Showman"] Esteemed audience, when you get up to leave the theater tonight, will you do as my opponent wishes, throw off the shackles of the lineup, and rush the exit as a crazed mob? Or will you exit with grace? and dignity, a collection of heroes, commenting to one another on how much Abdul Aziz deserved to win. I believe it will be the latter.

For a lineup is a group of people who band together with purpose and common goal to brave the elements and achieve something of value. Sure, sometimes that thing is trivial, like breakfast or lunch, but sometimes it's something more profound. Sometimes it's brunch. Thank you. Abdul Aziz. Oh, really makes you think, doesn't it? Really makes you think.

It's time for this audience to vote by applause. How many of you felt that Abdul really had his ducks all in a row as he lavished loads of line-up love? On the lot of you, Abdul Aziz. Listen to the love that Abdul Aziz. It is a fever pitch here in Vancouver. All right. And who agreed with Ryan that regarding being forced to get into a line-up, he just won't

stand for it. Ryan Williams! Wow! It's very close! It's very close! But I gotta give this one to Ryan Williams! Down with lineup's big hand for Ryan Williams and Abdul Aziz, everybody! Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying if you're lining up for something right now, I sure hope it's worth it. I'll argue with you again soon, Canada. Good night!

The Debaters is created by Richard Side. This week's episode was produced by Nicole Callender, Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark, with continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis and Gary Jones. Technical production by James Carella and Eric Penkratz. Story editing by Gary Jones. With special thanks to Katie Ellen Humphreys, Emily Ferrier and David Pride. Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts. And thanks to everyone at the Centennial Theatre in North Vancouver.