The Debaters - Which is better: Mother’s Day or Father’s Day? And do coaches matter?

Episode Date: June 12, 2025

We’re pitting parental holidays against each other, and deciding if coaches are a make or break mentor.Featuring: Dave Hemstad, Elvira Kurt, Emmanuel Lomuro, and Patrick Dussault.

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This is a CBC podcast. Hey Canada, we'll never francophone it in. From the home of St. Boniface, the francophone neighborhood in Winnipeg, it's the debaters! The debaters where comedians fight with facts and funny and this audience picks the winner. Now here's a man who never asked you to pardon his French, Steve Patterson.

Hey, thanks, William! Hello, Canada! Welcome back to The Debaters! And we are back in a city we always love coming to, Winnipeg. A city where you can score some great deals. One place to get a good deal is the annual Punk Rock Flea Market. True story. The one-stop shop for all your used safety pin needs. The flea market is held at the Victoria Inn and Convention Center because nothing says

punk rock like a convention center near the airport. Yes. I didn't see anything I liked at first, and I didn't want to be standing around like an American idiot. But then I did find a couple things that clashed. Your reaction to that makes me wonder, should I stay or should I go now? Well, I'm staying for my go-to debaters to get Sid Vicious. So this comic says if he were king, the fear of being overthrown would be a clear and peasant

danger. It's Toronto's Dave Hempstead. Dave Hempstead, our Norse debating champion, Dave Hempstead. And this comic thinks jumping from rooftop to rooftop is par for the core. It's Toronto's Alvira Kurt. Alvira Kurt coming out, another of our favorites. Alvira Kurt. Thank you. Friends, your topic is one that comes with a parental warning.

Mother's Day, is it superior to Father's Day? It's about time somebody covered this. I'd like to refer to a question that my five-year-old daughter Nora asked me recently, which is, Daddy, why is there Father's Day and Mother's Day but no Daughter's Day? And I replied, I don't know. But if there were a Daughter's Day, then shouldn't there also be a Son's Day, honey? And she replied, there is Sun's Day. It's right after Saturday.

Then she patted me on the head and left the room. With those kind of self-assured puns, she'll be hosting this show very soon. Time now for a debate that's a mom and pop operation. So whereas it's a day filled with beautiful gifts, loving meals, and a bigger celebration, be it resolved that Mother's Day is superior to Father's Day. Dave, you're arguing for this.

You have two minutes starting now. Dave Hempstead. Father's Day Day more important. Come on, get out of here. I'm a dad. Every day is my day. Have you heard of the patriarchy? In spite of some recent pushback, it's still doing just fine.

Mothers work their butts off all year raising kids, dressing them, washing and brushing their hair, making lunches, all the behind-the-scenes work so that dads can show people pictures of how nice their kids look. So, yeah, let's give Mom a day. Let's take a day. Say, hey, good shift, Mom. Let's get you a brunch and some flowers,

and let's hope that that stops you from feeling unappreciated for the next 364. Ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Mother's Day saves marriages and keeps families intact. That's why everyone gets together for it. See, Mother's Day was born out of guilt. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

And that's the kind of love that lasts. There's pressure to get Mother's Day right. You have to hit it out of the park or else. The whole family pulls their weight. And guess what? Pressure creates diamonds. Breakfast in bed, chores being done, kind words being used. Yay, Mom!

Ha. Ha. There's no pressure on Father's Day. It takes very little effort to leave someone alone. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Fun fact. Father's Day was created two years before Mother's Day. Thank you. Thank you. Fun fact, Father's Day was created

two years before Mother's Day to get men to admit they have children. Ha! There's no brunch or flowers for that, you see? Mother's Day brunch, they take over a banquet hall, fill it with all the foods you could possibly want, and it costs 17 grand for a family of four. Father's Day breakfast is bacon and egg, coffee and toast,

$4.99, which he eats alone on the way to the golf course. Because Father's Day is all about giving Dad a day to remember how easy his life was before he had a family. So, when it comes down to a battle of days, one must say, Mother Superior. Yeah! Dave Hempstead coming out swinging on behalf of Mother's Day. Thank you, Dave. Now, here to convince us that this debate resolution couldn't be father from the truth, let's hear from the one and only Alvira Kirk. A.K.A. Alvira Kirk. A.K.A. Alvira Kirk.

A.K.A. Alvira Kirk. Oh, who will speak for dads? A.K.A. Alvira Kirk. This tiny lesbian, apparently. A.K.A. Alvira Kirk. That's how cocky they are. Good old Dave over there, Manosphere of the Year, with his breaking news that moms are the real heroes to honor, adore, worship. Yeah.

Unless she's in a Disney movie, then she's killed off before the credits and never mentioned again. Ha ha ha. Or she's one of Elon's disposable baby mamas. Oh! Part of the sperm-link division of Darth Musk's evil natalist empire.

And never mentioned again. But what of us human moms? The ones Dave eviscerates with compliments so backhanded, even Hannibal Lecter is like, chill, man. We moms know the score, that Mother's Day isn't about us at all. It's a scam invented by a man for men to avoid responsibility.

Thank you, women. I mean, the lengths dudes will go to to cover up their shortcomings. Lady, look! Flowers! Cards! Breakfast in bed! Bro, just say you're sorry you're so useless. It's no secret. Laughter

Applause Mother's Day is just putting lipstick on the pig that is patriarchy. Laughter It's dad's annual get out of-of-jail-free card. Or like a prostate exam for his soul. Mother's Day guarantees one thing. Failure. She sacrificed her body to give us life.

What possible gift compares? Let's let mommy sleep in tomorrow. Father's Day, on the other hand, this is an easy win. For a man, it is an easy win. For a man, it's a victory lap. Look at me! I stuck around!

Father's Day is inherently superior because it's so meaningless. What do you get the man who has everything and takes it for granted? A day to rub our noses in it. What would you rather have? A mother load of guilt or no guilt ever? Come on, he doesn't even know when his day is. A Father's Day card? Sure, I'll sign it. Oh, Dad, what a no-brainer.

Thank you. Wow. Alvira Kurt. Yeah. We got ourselves a debate. Let's move on now to the bare-knuckle round. We're debating Mother's Day versus Father's Day, so don't end up dad in the water in this mother of all debates. And while winning and losing is all relative, no one wants a tie.

Thanks, thanks a tie. Laughter Thanks, everybody. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks a brunch. Laughter All right, you two, couple of cards. It's time to think outside the toolbox. Starting now. All right, Dave, that was an excellent argument for you.

I agree. The moms are superhuman, but so are dads, right? Think of all the expired food you guys finish. Laughter Usually I'm kind enough to ask, is anyone going to eat this? Before I do it, like a gentleman. But this isn't a debate about whether moms or dads are better people. It's about which day is more important. And of course Mother's Day is this saying is happy wife, happy life. No one ever says happy dad, life's not so bad. You're right, you're absolutely right. Except moms are not happy.

She's lying for the kids' sake, okay? That's why we let you sleep in. Oh yeah. Oh, moms really get to sleep in. A good five minutes after you sneak out of the bedroom and the whole house is like, Mom? Mom? Everyone in the family walking around a darkened house stumbling into the kitchen.

What happens in this room? ["Except for One Glorious Day." Each year.] Listen, you know, you're making strong points for Mother's Day for sure, but dads deserve it too. I mean, moms, yeah, we get a day because we're such amazing multitaskers, but so are dads. Like, think of all your unfinished projects. That's a...

Like, there's a lifetime's worth you guys will never get to. That's not easy to manage. Like, there's a lifetime's worth you guys will never get to. That's not easy to manage. So don't waste a whole day. Dads don't need a whole day. Give us a high five. We're good. That's it. Way to go, Dad. Nice job. Thanks, kids. Boom.

You can save a whole Sunday in June. I just want to know how badly you screwed up that you had to take the Mother's Day side. Do you want to hear me say it? Do you want to hear me say it? I'm sorry I'm so useless. All right. That's the Bare Knuckle Round.

It's time now for the firing line in my hand. I have a list of questions on Mother's Day versus Father's Day, brought to you by the new film, Father Time versus Mother Nature. Father Time versus Mother Nature. Time is not on her side. Readers Digest's five simple tips for hosting the perfect Mother's Day brunch are, get inspired, do work in advance, play up the basics, remember the drinks, and what else? Elvira? Brace yourself for criticism.

Like that? You didn't do it right. Whatever you did. You didn't do it right. That's an official point. Day. You have to do all those things and then also remember to invite mom. That's, that's, that's wrong. Trust all the T's but didn't dot the I. That's a good point. The answer was, don't disregard casseroles.

The tagline for the 2016 film Mother's Day is, come and celebrate the mother of all holidays. What's the tagline of the 1997 film Father's Day? Elvira. He who smelt it dealt it. That's great. Two and a half points. Dave Hempstead. One man struggled to take it easy.

Ten. Also good. No, wait, that's Ferris Bueller's Day off. See, the point is pretty close. Father's Day was, we're going to need a bigger beer. Oh, that's good too. Two points. The tagline of the 1997 film Father's Day was,

the reason why some animals eat their young. I'm going to go back and watch that now. New York Times dot com says, sandals are a great Father's Day gift as long as they're what? Dave. Taped to a bottle of whiskey. Oh, three points. Elvira Kurt. Paired with white socks. Oh, nice.

Nice. That's a nice combo. Yeah. Incorrect, but so close. It says, uh, sandals are a great Father's Day gift as long as they're not, uh, in the same way that they're not in the same way that they're not in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're

in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the

same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same way that they're in the same Yeah. Incorrect, but so close. It says, uh, sandals are a great Father's Day gift as long as they're not dorky. That's the firing line, everybody. We are cruising right along here in a great debate, Mother's Day versus Father's Day, and it's almost time for our Jubilee Place theater audience to vote. But first, here again to tell us why, the hippest, coolest day is Father's Day.

Daddy-o, let's hear again from Elvira Kirk. (*audience applauds*) Kids, when mommy smiles at you while choking down that burnt coffee and blackened toast you made for her with daddy's help. That's no act of love. It's a metaphor. Each bitter gulp is easier to swallow than the sad reality

that once her day is over, she alone keeps the family on track. Mom's joy? Well, let's just say orgasms aren't the only things she fakes. Meanwhile, dads get to come and go or sit and fart or fart and go or burp and fart or fart and fart until death do they part. Who has the better day? Ask the two knuckleheads up here

who didn't have to arrange childcare for this stupid debate. Happy Mother's Day, fellas! Happy Mother's Day, fellas! Happy Mother's Day, fellas! Happy Mother's Day, fellas! Vera, Kurt! Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. Now, to tell us why Mother's Day is a celebration that he'll never stay mum about, let's hear again from Dave Hempstead. Mother's Day was made official by President Woodrow Wilson in 1914. That was back when women didn't even have a vote. You were not considered to be, you know, full citizens. Not wholly developed people who could exercise critical thought. I know, crazy, right? So can you imagine the amount of noise that old Woody and his pals were dealing with backstage

to have to declare a Mother's Day? You didn't get a vote and we chose it for you. That's how much more important it is. I agree, I agree. It's a much more important day because mothers should be celebrated more than fathers. To prove my point, when I asked my daughter Vivian, hey kiddo, give me a couple of reasons why Father's Day is more important than Mother's Day.

She stopped brushing her teeth, looked at me and said, it's not. The defense rests. Dave Hempstead. I like that. Good argument. All right, audience, it is up to you. This has been a hard fought debate and it's time to vote. How many of you pretty much matched Dave's Mother's Day musings?

Dave Hempstead! Okay, a lot of love there. And how many of you found more fun in Elvira's Father's Day fanaticism, Elvira Kurt? Woo! Woo hoo hoo! Woo! Wow, yeah!

Elvira! It's over. The winner. The winner is Elvira Kurt, ladies and gentlemen. It's for Father's Day. Father's Day is more important. Thanks, Elvira. Big hand for Dave Epstein and Elvira Kurt, everybody.

Hey, Debaters fans. Want to be a part of the debating action? Then come to a live taping. For details on upcoming tour dates, visit our website at cbc.ca slash the debaters. At Desjardins Insurance, we know that when you own a law firm, your bar for everything is high. That's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business

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All right, Winnipeg, I just got one question for you. Are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters? You listen to that, Canada! Yeah! This comic doesn't need a comedy manual to be funny. It's Winnipeg's Emmanuel Lomarol! Emmanuel Lomarol! There he is! Hello, brother! Emmanuel Lomarol!

First time debater, Emmanuel Lomarol. Thank you so much for that one. Thank you, thank you. And this comic says, I do so make the audiences laugh. It's Toronto's Patrick Do So. Patrick Do So! There he is. Welcome back, my friend. Alright, gentlemen, let's get to this.

Your topic is one that is fresh from the playbook. Coaches. Are they the most impactful figures in life? Coaches. My daughter, Scarlett, participates in artistic swimming, formerly known as synchronized swimming. And I'm not going to lie. I don't know how her coach stays cool when coaches of other sports say artistic swimming isn't a real sport.

And if I were the coach of her team, I would reply by throwing them into the pool and seeing if they could make it out, artistically or otherwise. It's time now for a debate that we hope will bring home the win. So, whereas they can improve your performance in a sport, provide strong leadership, and even be a source of inspiration, be it resolved there's no one more impactful than a coach. Emmanuel, you are arguing for this please.

You have two minutes starting now. Emmanuel Lomarow. Thank you, Steve. there is no one more meaningful or impactful in your life than a coach. Think about every decision you've made on your own without consulting anybody. Yeah. Every bad haircut, every questionable outfit, and let's not forget your ex.

Remember? The one? Yeah. Imagine you had a coach to sit you down and say, hey, let's take a timeout. This one might not be it, you know? One of the most impactful skills that I've learned in my life is the power of a nickname. I played basketball in college,

and my basketball coach taught me the power of a nickname. He used to give every player on the team nicknames. He was a little bit older, so I should say they weren't racist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But they weren't not. Uh... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Couple of the most memorable ones, I used to call myself and my cousin the Black Panthers. Yeah, this was before the movie, so he was thinking about the jungle. Yeah, he was, yeah.

There was an Asian player on our team, used to call him Crouching Tiger. But this is what he would do, he'd cover it with a compliment. He used to get real low on defense, is what he said. He was a real low player. That's what he was. There was a Jewish player on our team. He used to just call him Moses. Yeah. He said he would lead us to the promised land of a championship. That was his thought process there. In conclusion, the impact of a coach is more than just day to day. It lasts a lifetime. Thank you.

Yeah! Emmanuel Lumero! For this first debate for us, saying there is no one more impactful than the coach. Now here to tell us that being anti-coach is right out of his playbook, let's hear from Patrick Dussel. Folks, there's an adage in professional sports that says, coaches are hired to be fired, which not only implies an expectation of failure, but also a disposability usually reserved for diapers, syringes, and the art your kids bring home from school.

Now, if you're wondering why that is, look no further than another popular sports euphemism, the coaching carousel. Now, you see, like a carousel, a team is the end result of a complex network of experts and professionals working together behind the scenes to create an entertaining product that lasts for decades.

A coach is the dim-witted child who gets on the carousel and thinks that he makes the horsey go up and down. ["The Horsey Go Up and Down"] ["The Horsey Go Up and Down"] ["The Horsey Go Up and Down"] Look, Mommy, I made Connor McDavid do a goal. Sure you did, pumpkin. Coaches are so interchangeable that teams literally have to issue a press release to

let fans know when they've hired a different, doughy, middle-aged white guy......with the resting facial expression of a dog who's just been asked to explain algebra. Now, look, far be it from me to minimize the impact of what basically amounts to a make-a-wish program for adults who aren't sick. Laughter But I can't help but think there are a few more inspiring figures to today's pro athletes. Specifically, the figures in their bank accounts. Laughter

Professional athletes don't play for love of the game. They play to get paid. That's because in the absence of any other employable skills, they need to make as much money as they can now so that they don't have to debase themselves in retirement by becoming a coach. Patrick, do so, ladies and gentlemen. Patrick, do so. Yes. All right, we got ourselves a debate, and we're going to keep going with it. We are debating whether no one is more impactful than a coach. So let me tell you the Tommy Lasorda thing

we're looking for here. Don't Scott Arniel to your opponent. Make a Paul Maurice for the top and And try to Casey Stoney them. That's the women's national soccer team coach. Look at her! Time to prove you're mentally stronger than them, starting now. I think listening to Emanuel, it's clear that he's into coaches because he doesn't want to make mistakes, but mistakes are the reason

that I'm now a happily married father. Yeah. How many kids and how many wives? Pass. Look, that's why people prefer to be happily single. Oh yeah, well that's why I'm mired in mountain-crushing debt. See, if you had me as your financial coach, I could help with that. Alright, alright.

Alright. All right. All right. All right. I mean, listen, I didn't have the benefit of a casually racist coach to teach me about that. I had to learn about casual racism the old-fashioned way by being a straight white man with immense and limitless privilege. I'd like to take this moment to defend my coach and say that he was not racist, but he wasn't not not racist.

All right, that's the bare knuckle round everybody. We're debating coaches on the debaters. Time now for the firing line in my hand. I have a list of questions on coaches brought to you by Private Jets. Private Jets, because elite coaches don't fly coach. WGcoaching.com's list, 101 coaching coaching tips includes believe in your athletes, never stop learning, and set aside time each day to do what? Patrick?

Bet on the game through an untraceable third party. Strong point. Two points there. Emmanuel? Always pick more black kids. That's what my coach did. That's... I'm going to give you a point for that. The actual answer was, take care of your personal health and fitness. Good try, everybody.

and fitness. Good try everybody. In 2003 Manchester United soccer star David Beckham was injured when his coach did what? Patrick? Walked in on him bending it like Beckham. Emmanuel? Imanuelle? Claims Sporty Spice was the best spice. That was a good answer too. Two points. Yeah. David Beckham was injured when his coach kicked a stray shoe in anger and it struck Beckham in the head. According to trusted coaches.org, when coaching youth sports, don't focus on the negative, don't intimidate and don't what?

Manuel? Worry about the first two. Nice. Nice. There we go. Two points. Patrick, do so. Invite everyone over for a slumber party afterwards. Yeah, don't do that either. Don't do that. That was a great reaction crowd. One point for you.

Don't focus on the negative, don't intimidate, and don't prioritize winning. That's dumb. That's just a dumb thing. That's the firing line. Everybody, yeah. Well, it's almost time again for our jubilant Jubilee Place Theatre audience to vote. But first, here again to tell us why he thinks that all coaches should be sidelined, let's hear again from Patrick Dussault.

Folks, if coaches were really instrumental to a player's success, I'd currently be enjoying my recent retirement from Major League Baseball instead of standing behind the lectern at a comedy debate. Growing up, I had the passion, I had the dedication, and between the high school and rep teams I played for, Lord knows I had the coaching. But in a world with over 73,000 brain surgeons and only 700 Major League Baseball players, it turns out that the only thing I really needed to make it to the show was the one thing

no coach could ever give me, actual talent. And that reminds me of another popular sports adage, those who can do, those who can't teach, and those who can't teach, coach. Thank you very much. Patrick Jusso, ladies and gentlemen. Now, here to tell us why he thinks that the Coachella Festival should be a festival celebrating coaches,

let's hear again from Emmanuel Longereau. I firmly believe no one is more impactful than a coach. Coaches teach, inspire, impact our lives. We know this and we trust this. Why else would parents drop their children off to a stranger with a bag full of balls every week if they didn't understand the impact that they were creating for our adults of tomorrow. Patrick will sit there and say, no, coaches have no value in today's society. But I pose this thought to you.

Would you rather drop your children off to a stranger with a bag full of balls or a stranger without a bag at all? Thank you. stranger without a bag at all. Thank you. Emmanuel Lomarow making a strong point. On behalf of coaches, that is it. It is time for our audience to vote by applause. Who felt that listening to Emmanuel's coaching kudos improved their performance as audience members, Emmanuel Lomuro! A lot of love for Emmanuel there. Alright.

And who agreed with Patrick that when it comes to the idea of needing a coach, sadly that trainer has left the station, Patrick Duso. All right. A well-fought battle on each side, but I got to give this one with the hometown crowd in front of his hometown in his premier debate to Emmanuel Lomarow. Thank you to the coaches. Big hand for Emmanuel Lomarow and Patrick Duso, everybody. Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying to all my former baseball fans, thank you for watching.

I'm Steve Patterson saying to all my former baseball fans, thank you for watching. I'm Steve Patterson saying to all my former baseball fans, thank you for watching. I'm Steve Patterson saying to all my former baseball fans, thank you for watching. I'm Steve Patterson saying to all my former baseball fans, thank you for watching. I'm Steve Patterson saying to all my former baseball fans, thank you for watching. I'm Steve Patterson saying to all my former baseball fans, thank you for watching. I'm Steve Patterson saying to all my former baseball fans, thank you for watching. I'm Steve Patterson saying to all my former baseball fans, thank you for watching. I'm Steve Patterson saying to all my former baseball fans, thank you for watching. Big hands for Emmanuel Lamoureux and Patrick Dussault everybody! Well that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying to all my former baseball coaches, it's your fault I didn't make it to the pros.

I'll argue with you again soon Canada. Good night! The Debaters is created by Richard Side. This week's episode was produced by Nicole Callender, Chloe Edbrooke, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark. With continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis, and Gary Jones. Technical production by James Perella, Mae McKillop, and Lloyd Peterson. Story editing by Gary Jones. With special thanks to Katie Ellen Humphrey's David Pride and Emily Ferrier. Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy

is Lee Pitts. And thanks to everyone at the Jubilee Place Theatre and the Winnipeg Comedy Festival. For more CBC podcasts go to cbc.ca slash podcasts.