The Debrief - Communication Crashes | The Debrief Podcast

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

Welcome back to The Debrief! This week we're talking all about communication or lack thereof...As always message us with your dilemmas to: [e-mail] or DM us @the.debriefpodcast Have an amazing week ahead! Lots of love, K+K x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I've got a rebel soul I've got a rebel soul Welcome to the deep brief With your co-host, Kitty Minil And your co-host Katie Leach Kindy! Well, well, well, look at it outside, isn't it? Pitch, whack.

Now, the thing, shiver me timbers. Shiver me timbers. Now, the thing I have noticed is I have been feeling fine when I'm waking up in the sense of, I've been leaving about 6.45. Yeah, yeah. And it is light. It starts to get light, yeah. I'm not like pitch blacker. No, it was, yeah. I'm like, fine. Yeah. But I'm at work now leaving in pitch black. That's upsetting. And I like to run home. Which means I now need to take a different route because the route I usually take, there's no light. There's no light. Yeah, yeah. So I need to now take a longer route.

which is an extra K, I would say. Okay. I don't know. Would you ever resort to wearing a high-vis jacket? Oh, God. Because what my mum used to, when she, like, runs, she's got an array of reflective running gear. That's very, that is very safe if you've never.

Like a reflective legging, reflective running belt, full reflective jacket, reflective running backpatch. She's like, these fuckers aren't getting, she runs with a little head, eye on. That was the only thing I was thinking that I was like, I'm not opposed to getting a headlight. She's got a headlight.

Because then I could take my normal row. But she makes me die because I'm like, where she runs is fairly lit. She's like, just in case, it's dark, it's dark. I'm like, right. Because that's the thing I was going to say. If I was running like in the countryside, then probably. Yeah, you'd want to be lit. Like if I think of my mum and dad's house,

they like live in the country countryside. And they're beautiful, like, lanes and stuff. Yeah. But it's all country lanes. Like, if I was running at that time, yeah, I probably would want high viz. Valid, yeah. But I'm like, I'm running through parks in London and over bridges. Like, it's all there.

Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? But yeah, I've noticed it's getting dark at like four, I would say now. It's getting pretty dark. Like I... 4.30 maybe? I left work yesterday at 3. And it was...

It started to feel like it was starting to turn a little bit. I was like, by the time I got back home, I was like, it's starting to get dark now. Yeah, I was like, and I noticed it yesterday for the first time because it was like my first proper day back and I was like, oh shit. I was like, it's so dark. I was like, oh my God, I don't know why every year I just get so surprised and I'm like, global warming, hopefully will affect the sun not going. Exactly.

I'm like, come on global warming. I used to have it when I worked at Sweaty Betty, like our office like back area was like completely like no windows but the shop itself was all windows i remember one time like i left to take my break at like three and i came back out and it was dark and i was like oh that's so good no because it does go quick it goes really quick it goes quick but what the other thing i was saying is is there another point where it goes darker earlier in the sense of it's like when is it it's the solstice the longest day of the year Oh no, the shortest, longest is summer.

When is the solstice? Let me have a look, because it is, that is, like the sun rises late and the sun sets very early. Winter solstice, 2025. Sunday the 21st of December. Sun's going to set at 3pm. Oh, God. Shortest day. Okay. okay because I was like

actually this isn't too bad like at least I'm getting up and it's like that's the thing like I'm getting up in the dark but by the time I get to work it's like yeah yeah and I like to walk into work it takes about an hour to walk and then I run back

and I like it like I just wear a good like warm coat and pick up a matcher and I'm like this is really really nice yeah this is so nice but I was thinking God it's coming it's really coming now I really like, I don't want to be a Taipei person, but I'm really starting to think of ways I can like magical, like, magify, what, magify.

Magify. Magify. Like, make my winter festive. Absolutely. I see what you mean. I might bake. Oh, do it. I've been debating baking, like, Christmas, like cookies.

I kind of want to bake. Do it. Can I also gloat for a second? Yeah. It is the 4th of November when we're recording this, okay? Yeah. I have to get 10 presents. I've got seven. Oh my God, well done. For 10 different people. Well done. I have got seven.

That's so good. Well done. I'm like, it's not even December. You've nailed that. I've nailed it. I will tell you, I've got mummies. Yeah. I've got Archie's. I've got Archie's mum, Archie's dad. Great. I've got Archie's older sister and younger sister. Yeah. Three left. My dad, which I already know what I'm getting him. you and our housemate and I'm like I'm done oh my god you've nailed it I've nailed it I've got no idea this is the thing I was feeling it sounds ridiculous I was feeling stressed in October I mean you're doing like you're doing an early Christmas celebration though aren't you you're doing like a hard with Archie family yeah like in like November so I understand your stress there yes but I was in October and I usually get a few bits yeah I usually start in like September and I was like it's the end of October and I've got Nash And then I was like, right, and then I sat down, and I was like, boom, boom, boom, got it all out.

It's a really nice feeling, though, because this is exactly how I felt when I bought your birthday present in, like, March. I was like. I've nailed it. I've done it now. I was like, got your birthday present? Yeah, done it. Nailed it. Like, I was like, yes.

Yeah, yeah. And it was all sorted. So I was like, and there is part of me that's really smug. I would be really smug. That I've sorted it all out. I even know what I'm getting my dad. I only need to get you in my house. it and then done.

Absolutely done. But yeah, having that earlier Christmas with Archie's family. And I remember when Archie told me, I thought, oh gosh, I hope, do I, I don't bring presents then. Can I do it after Christmas? Yeah. No need for that. No need for that.

No one needs to compromise with me. I'm ready. Don't worry about us, sweetheart. I'm the elf. Yeah. Rucking away. Absolutely nailed it. I'm so jealous.

I know. I kind of want to create like a Christmas film, itinerary for the flat. That would be fun. That would be so fun. And or fun. time to watch my favorite genre of film the Hallmark Christmas movie. You do like the Muppet Christmas Carol.

Love Muppet Christmas Carol. Your dad likes Muppet Christmas Carol. I want a book to see, and actually I'm going to do it this year. If no one wants to do it, I'll go by myself. I would like to go. I would like to go. I would like to go. I would like to go. I think I prefer the holiday, you know. Yeah, I think I would.

Although if we're talking, I'm talking about orchestra. Yeah. But you watch the film. yeah you watch the film and they play against it live but the obviously you get mariah carey in love actually and they have a great like brass section so you'd be getting the whole orchestra with love actually or you be getting a lot of like strings i will definitely come with you oh my god i will definitely come we can have a girl day of it let's go absolutely i really want to go we should so go but should we crack on yes

yeah i was thinking we've been nurturing away right right let's do it nantra my match for this week is the best part is, it's only in the beginning. Damn right. This is better at myself. This is only the beginning. Hell yeah. I was thinking to myself every day. Kitty, how far you've come within the year.

And then I thought, remind yourself, young warrior, that you are 23. I was like, this is the beginning of it all. Do you know what's funny to me? The beginning of, I was that, Ricky Javees. Beginning of it all. His priming is like 50s. I know.

I know. I was like, I'm starting it. Now, in this moment. I find it so funny because I think, like, you was 23. 23 is so young, but, like, when I think of me at 24, I'm like, haggard. But I know next year when I turn 25, and you turn 24, I'll be like, 24 is so young. Yeah, you're so young, but I'm like...

This is why I like to surround myself. I mean, you're only a year older, but, like, our housemates are a few years older than me, like, four years. So I love to surround myself with older people. Did you see that? Kendall Jenner turned 30? I did. I was at 30. I was also like, I'm sorry, guys, but anyone, like, Archie's sister who's scared turned 30, Kendall Jenner's 30. So you're fine. If she's 30, everyone is fine.

Literally, life is so fine. I was like, literally no stress. Kenny's turned 30. Yeah, it's all good. But have you seen that funny clip where, like, Kylie's like, I'm 25, you're basically 30. And she's like, Kylie, I'm 27. I was like, if they don't do a TikTok to that son, she's 30. Oh, they have to.

Yeah. Right, tell me your mantra for this week. My mantra is, stop. Breathe. Question. I've been doing that a lot the past week. Where I'm like, it's just been a nice little thing I've been using to just quiet my mind. Oh, lovely.

Because I've been coiling. I've been coiling with a capital C this week. I've been like, coiling in the corner. Rocking in the corner. And what I've been doing is stopping, taking a big deep breath and being like, Why do you think you're feeling this way? That's lovely. Why do you think?

What could be making you feel this way? And then I think about it logically and I'm like, then you're fine. It all makes sense. It's all fine. You're all good, Cheika. Good in the hood. All good. Hey, green light from me.

Green light, big time. Red light green light. Exactly. Our podcast editor told us told me not to laugh in the mind. Yeah. So when I was about to laugh, then I was like, Exactly That's exactly it

Okay My song for this week I've got to be A song from Lily Allen's new album And it is my favourite My name is Dallas Major I like Dallas Major a lot Does that sound like fun to you

I like Dallas Major I love Pussy Palace I love Oh What was it What's it? Ruminating, ruminating all up in my head.

Ruminating such a good one. Ruminate and ruminate in all the things you said. I need you. Yeah. I need you or Archie. Yep. On Friday to get me a ticket. How do I do that though?

I might trust this with Arch. Yeah. Maybe I'll sub you. Yeah. Because I... My enthusiasm's that and I really want to go, but trusting myself with the internet is not one of my strong suits. I'm at work and I don't have access to my phone

when the pre-sale goes on. I need someone to get me a ticket because I need to be in the paladium. To get me a ticket. We need to get Arch to get us a ticket. Because I think his sisters are getting him a ticket, but we need a ticket.

And I can't, there's no way I can do that. I need to be in that. I'm loving all the songs. So good. Just enough makes me cry. I'm like, I find it really hard to listen to it. I like, I think the facts, because I know my mother will be listening

right now, Mum, you need to listen to Lily Allen West End Girl because all the songs go from start to finish. Don't just click. You would love that. You need to go, Lily Allen, West End Girl album. And just listen to it the whole way through. And listen to it from start to finish. The first song is West End Girl. The last song's Fruity Loop.

Yeah. And they're all in order. Listen to them and listen to the lyrics, Mum. Because when I listened, I was like, I'm going to cry. This is so hard to listen to. It is a spectacular album. It's like the first album. In a very long time, I've listened to it from top to bottom. Completely.

And it's not... Oh, repeatedly. It's all I listen to it. It's not... It's not... I'm just trying to find it here. The other one that I wanted to recommend, Lily Allen West End girl.

Ruminating, I like. Non-monogammy. I like that one. Non-monogammy is one of my faves. Let You Win's good. I mean, they're all good. I literally like... Just enough makes me cry.

Begg for me makes me cry. I think they're really hard to listen to, but I think it's, the fact it was all written in 10 days, it's beautiful. It's fantastic. And I'm like, down with David Harbour. And it goes from ups and downs and ups and ups and up. I mean, it really does take you on the journey. Yeah, take you on the journey.

But also, like, as you said, replicate her emotions of like, yeah, I can do this, I can do this. That's why I like Dallas Majors. So the one where she, I think it's Pussyfellas when they talk about all the sex, and all of me. It's so hard to listen to. But anyway, what's your song for this week? My song of this week is Puts the Palace, Puzzin'Pas Pustin' Palace, Pustin' Pallis.

That I thought it was you don't Joe, don't Joe, don't Joe. Only for the fact that they've laced the Stranger Things theme in there, I think that I love shit like that. I don't know the Strangers theme. I'll play you the two next to each other after this. It's spectacular. It's like,

you know the like, at the start of Pussy Palace there's like a little twinkly sound, that's the stranger thing's theme. And I was like, you clever fucking bitch. I love this. It was so, so good. The other bit that she says that I find really

hard is like, it's quite in an early song where it says something like, why are we still not, why are we not fucking baby or something like that? Sleep talking. Sleep talking. Sleep talking through to pussy palace has been my like rotation. Yeah. All those like five songs. I'm like obsessed.

It's so hard. So, so good. So we need tickets. I need to be in that, like, I don't know why I feel I've been through a breakup. I need to. And I love Lily Allen. And I'm like, I could cry every day. Because she'll do West End girl, but she'll also do her classics.

Yeah. Smile. Fuck you. Yeah. Not fair. London. She'll probably sing London. In London.

Sun is in the sky. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Without our. Love her. And also the bit where she said, you know, I changed my passport. And now, like, I immigrate. Did she say immigration status?

Immigration. I changed immigration status. But now I'm a stranger to you. And I was like, oh, I'm heartbroken for you. It's lyrical, Jean. I'm obsessed with her. It's really hard to us do. Anyway, should we go on to recommendations? Yes.

Recommendations this week is. Guys, we went to Shoreham Bloody by sea. Now, listen, listen, listen, listen. Besides seeing Kitty McNeil absolutely slay the house down. Thank you. And give comedy comedy chops.

Thank you. I was dying. Yeah, thank you. Came out as the Archbishop of Canterbury. And I laughed out. I'd go forward. I went, I am the only one laughing louder?

My dad. And I heard him. laugh. I could hear him laugh. And I went, yeah. Do you what's so funny is they recorded the show and I was, I had, I had my drink in one hand. So then every time you'd come up, I'd be like, and then I realized that might get caught on camera, me doing. I really hope it does. I really hope it does. I was like, I get it. There's busty, that's busty. Love it.

Me snapping away. Snap it away. But Sean by seat, absolutely delightful. It's cute. So cute. We went for a lovely breakfast the next morning and it was gorgeous, lovely day. They had tarot readers. I was like, I want to live here. It kind of felt Cotswoldsy but also like holiday-esque of like sorry-esque. Like the cobbled streets, the little church. The vintage shops. It was only an hour out of London. No, it's mad to me. It's madame. It took me no time at all on the train from Victoria.

Right. And then we drove back and it was an hour and a half. So good. Oh, I'm so sad to say goodbye to your car. Don't. The fact, like, I'm so sad. My dad's coming tomorrow to pick it up. Maybe you should just, like, chain yourself to her. Like, maybe I should just lie in there naked and be like, Dad, you couldn't see me in this state.

You can't take the car away. You could. I'm actually so sad. You could drive it to work tomorrow. I can't know, because my dad's picking up at 5.30. That's a shame. It's a real shame. And I was like, you've.

Ruin my happiness. Yeah. All my happiness, gone. Oh, my happiness, gone. Right, are we ready? Okay, let's go. Okay, let's debrief. So, this week, we're talking about the one thing people always say is key to a relationship.

Yeah. Communication. So, we're delving into the good, the bad and the onset, right? My first question to you is, do you think you're a good communicator? I think that's a good question. I think yes and no, because I think people communicate in very, very different ways. Yeah. I think I will say yes because I think I'll make my feelings known.

But I would say no, that I don't always express it in the best way. Right. I think, I think I'm quite a good listener. Like if someone came to me and said I'm feeling like this, I'd want to be really present and be like, oh my gosh, okay, what's the matter, you know, and like give them the time to speak and that space. But I think maybe some people have said, I think maybe I can be defensive and be quick, apparently.

Allegedly. Really? Not only the best friend of boyfriend. I'm like, really? Allegedly. I'm like, I don't know who that is. Yeah, okay. So I think, you know, I can maybe in that terms of communication,

yeah i will know i will always express myself but i might not do it in the best way and i think shout out to therapy here i think something that therapies really help me with yeah is actually to just beat have a beat yeah you know like just because i'm not telling you my point right now yeah doesn't mean i never will yeah yeah and i think just having that cool time yeah yeah you know and and i think i inherently i am a feisty person you are you are I am, you know, and can be quite fiery. But I think there are great positives with that. You know, I don't let people walk on me, walk all over me, all my friends.

Yeah. But I also think there can be negatives with that, that it can be then stop people maybe from addressing things with me that I might have done wrong because they might fear that I might not respond well to it. Okay. So I think I think I am good at communicating. Yep. But I could be better. Yeah.

You know. I love that answer. How about you? Do you think you can communicate well? Not really, no. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

I think, no. No, I think I'm working on it. Mm-hmm. But I have a really hard time advocating for myself. And I have a really, really hard time addressing things. Yeah. I'm bringing stuff up. So if I'm bringing something up, it is pretty severe.

Okay. Like, I think it's to the point where I'm like, I either address this or we never speak again. Right. And most of the times, like, and in retrospect, like, I have just like stopped communicating with people because to avoid a conversation,

which is not very good. No, but that's interesting, yeah. But I usually, I'm one of those people that will try and figure out, if someone's done something to offend me or upset me, I will try and figure out in my head why they might have done it. And then do the, do the conversation myself.

Yeah, okay. So I'll be like, they probably did it because of X, Y, Z. Therefore, they didn't mean it, so I can drop this. Interesting. Instead of going, you know, what you said? That just pissed me off a little bit. Like, what the fuck? And I feel like I've gotten better at it.

But I would definitely say, like, unless I feel like it's, I really can't understand where you're coming from or if I really feel like this needs a dressing, like, I can't get over it. then I will address something but like I'm very very bad at it yeah I also think that's hard though because I mean something that archie and I have archie's of the premise sometimes where he won't communicate because he's like oh it's not worth it yeah kit didn't mean that yeah kid didn't mean to say that kid didn't meet and actually that's not helpful because they're either, you know, it might be pent up. Yeah. And all that, as you said, conversation in your

head. Yeah. All the filtering that you've done. You know, I can either be like, why, what have I done wrong? Yeah. Why have I upset you? Or it's brought up a few months down the line. Yeah. Oh, massively. And that's not just archie. I can do the same in the sense. Actually, I'm not very much bring up down the line. But I, I, I remember. saying recently something he was like why didn't you tell me and i was like oh well i knew you didn't mean it and he was like that's literally what you tell me not so and i was like yeah i think it's one of those things as well and i can speak for myself in the sense that like if i have an issue with someone and i'm already making mental excuses for them and trying to solve it all myself without

involving them when they do the same thing that annoys me multiple times and then like i get to a point when then I feel like you can't bring it up because I'm like you do it all the time and it annoys me so much and they're like well why haven't you said anything you know yeah it almost then you end up holding all the stuff they've done against them like it's not it's not the healthiest way to move forward with things yeah yeah and I and I do see an element in communication

where there is a balance between fighting your battles and actually calling someone out on it. And I think that's what Arch and I have learned, you know, that my feistyness sometimes can come across as either being judgmental or criticism. Yeah. When for me it's more, I don't like that, please don't do that.

Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. I mean, you learn so much about each other, but, you know, for Archie as well, he's thought, well, I won't bring that up because it's not important or blah, But, but, but, but, you know, and even as I said to you earlier with communicating, you know,

he said, well, one of the reasons why is you can be defensive. And that really upset me. Yeah, yeah. And even when I asked you and I was like, hey, you hear this word theory. Well, she thinks I'm defensive. And you were like, no way. No way, care. No way.

And I was like, fuck. I was like, okay, the two people who love me so dearly, you know. And actually, I think you two are. and my mum and dad are the people who can criticise me. Yeah. And I can take it on board, I think, with others. It is. Well, you don't even know me.

Yeah, yeah. But with you, you do. So I think when the two people who love me the most, I thought, okay, that's something I need to take on board. Because actually, that's hindering me from allowing Archie to communicate. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, massively.

It's different personalities. And I wonder when you meet your person, whether you'll meet your match and he'll be the same. well I don't want to cause issues and I don't want it, you know, and then you're both dead silent or maybe you have a kitty, you know, you don't know until... You don't and I do feel like, and I'm one of those people that's like, I will never follow up, I will never chase, I'm like if they want to, because guys, update on the date. Oh my gosh, hear you, hear you, hear you. Oh my gosh, yeah. Oh my gosh, yeah. Went on a date, went on a second date. It went very well. So, did go well. Did go very well.

Yeah. And tell me why I've heard nothing from the man since. It's amazing. It's actually baffling to me. It's baffling. Magician act. Magician act. Dynamo.

Fucking shagged dynamo here. Like, I'm telling you, he's gone, like the wind. And also the way he was wooing you. This is what fucks me off. This is what fucks me off about. man because I've had two instances now where they really put in the groundwork and act like I am the first woman that has ever walked the earth. Oh, it was like, who was this? I was being pursued. I was being chased. Actively pursued and actively chased. Actively chased. You

give them what you want and they fuck off. I'm actually so annoyed. I'm so annoyed. And also it's not even sometimes about like, oh, I really liked them. It's like, I didn't even like you. You were the one making the effort. No, literally that was the thing. I was on the fence about this man. And now I took a leap because my therapist and my friends were telling me to just do it. So I did.

And this is what I got. Nish. So in short, if you think someone was like, why aren't you just double text? Because like you said you were going to be busy over the next few weeks. I was like, if you think I'm double texting that man, you would be fucking mistaken. You would be absolutely. mistaken. Because better in mind, it's my message he's got to reply to.

If you think, I'm being, how are you? Why? Why would I embarrass myself like that? Yeah. When clearly the door's been slammed in my face. I think there's an element as well of being like, communication. Literally.

With situation ships, if we call them. Yeah. Dating and all that kind of stuff. I truly think social media broke the art of communication. Literally. Because, you know, it sounds very theatrical, but we are. And, you know, there's nothing more romantic than being wooed and being pursued. Right.

And a man turning up at my door and being all dressed up and ready to go and a thought, a plan and blah, not you up. You have completely lost any way of wooing me. You know, the art of communication has been lost. It really has. And the thing that fucks me off the most is these men disguising chivalry as the you up. Like, if you're going to, do you know what, I genuinely would respect you more if you were setting it out as just a casual thing? Yeah. But in both these instances, it's being pursued as something more than a casual thing.

I don't understand. and I think communication is hard enough in everyday life when you're trying to I think actually you and I are very good communicators and I think that is because of the people

we are but also the interests we have however you do have a low social battery sometimes so you can be like I'm done with this you know you're like even on the weekend you're like I'm so done with this and it's just and I mean you and you and

and I can sit in silence for hours. Oh, yeah. The testament of best friends. Yeah. But communication in new, when you're meeting new people, is exhausting. It's so exhausting.

I literally, I was on the floor. I practically was non-verbal at the weekend because I'd literally spend all week meeting loads of new people having to have very, like, it's like uni, like having all these conversations and like all my energy went into getting to know these new people and then it's hard it was like I by the time I got to bat to see fireworks

I was like if someone's like how are you I'm like no one speak to me I could have happily sat in the corner yeah I said nothing I was actually like you're like yeah I was watching the fireworks stood in silence and I knew you were happy though I was having a good time I was but you just needed quiet time and I completely understand that but my point is is that like how I think it's exhausting keeping your self accountable especially when you're in therapy because your therapist keeps you accountable

but then having that communication when you're dating because it's like I'm putting an effort into you I put effort into you for two weeks we had great dates and now it's gone so now I have to do this all over it I'm not telling I'm not saying that he was the one but you know what I mean it's like

back to like hello What? I'm bored. And then it's literally like, it's just, oh, I'm like... This is when Bridgeton, everyone was married, because we all had the balls. Where's my dance card? Where's my dance card? Where's my ball? We have balls every few weeks. I would happily go back to just getting, finding my Jonathan Bailey. Completely. I personally would love that. Yeah. I'm just like... He lives in Brighton, do you know? Oh my God. Of course he does. Sexiest Man Alive. Did you see that? Yeah. Really?

Voted Sexist Man Alive today. Really? So true. So true. I love them since it was in Broadchurch, OG fan. But the thing that gets me is I'm like, I'm a big girl. If you texted me, if you texted me being like, I'm not looking for anything serious.

I had a good time, but I'm actually not looking for anything serious. Like, thanks, though. The way you would have been thrilled. The way I would have been delighted, because then I've done enough that I can come back to you guys and be like, look, I did it. And then not have any serious consequences. Like, would have been brilliant. I completely agree with you, Katie.

I think my biggest frustrations in life are due to miscommunications. Yeah. I might just say, I cannot stand. There was especially one person in my life who doesn't communicate at all. Yeah. And I'm like, just speak. Literally says safe. Because also I think, and maybe this comes down to the defensive thing.

People are thinking, or she can be a bit scary or she can be a bit. Yeah. You know. And yes, that is true. But I am really working on if someone's given me a criticism to let that sit and let that land

and take that away and either come back or just accept it because actually sometimes it doesn't always need to be solved. You know, if someone's coming to me and say, look, Kitty, let's say I called someone a petal.

Yeah. And they were like, I found that offensive a bit like patronising. You know, I'm not weak. Yeah. You know, let's give an example. I don't need to start just to find myself. Well, I only said it because I thought you were.

Yeah. I didn't say you a bitch. Yeah. Literally just say, I am sorry about that. I can understand how you feel that way. Move on. Move on. Life's too short.

It really is. It's only the beginning. Yeah. Let's have fun. So only the beginning. Throw ourselves in. Let's head first. Honestly.

Yeah. Head first. Right. Dilemma. Okay. Hi, girls. Please help. Yeah. I've recently started dating someone. Let's call him Paul. Okay. It's very fresh and I'm also just coming off the back of a bad breakup a few months ago. Oh, I'm sorry. I still feel quite affected by the breakup, but I'm loving getting to know Paul. Oh, good. However, he keeps talking about how he wants to be in a relationship and is looking for something serious, but I just don't know if that's what I want right now. Annoyingly, in these combos, I've just been nodding along and now I feel like I'm back to. into a corner because he thinks we're on the same page and we're not. I've always just been bad with confrontation slash communication and letting people down but I'm now aware

that I'm making things way worse. I don't want us to end. I just want to be taking it slow. How do you think I best go about this? Okay. So just to clarify, he's like full, he's like fully committed. It seems like they've been dating. It says very fresh

so let's say like maybe a month or two and he's like, I'm dating I'm dating for my person like I'm dating for commitment, I'm dating for... Right, okay. Which is a lot. No, that is. And like, I remember very early on, it was overwhelming to me.

I remember a few weeks into meeting Archie and he said to me, I know you're the one for me. And for me, that was... I mean, it was so romantic. But I remember at the time it scared me. Because it also put so much pressure on that, being like, oh, should I have to be perfect now. Yeah, yeah. Because you're my person and I'm yours. So I think this conversation can really go so well.

I think, again, this is perfect for the episode. It's all about communication. And remember, you know, confrontation is just communication. So you're like, I don't want to confront it. I don't want it to it. It's not like that. You know, you're not being aggressive. No, no.

I think you just need to. I think what I always do is lighten the blow. Yeah. That was always what I was taught by my dad. Now every single time he's like, I love you. You know how much I'm like, oh, fuck, I know what my mom. You know, but, you know, you need to soften the blow and say at the start, you know, I'm really loving to get into New Year.

This has been like such a great journey and I'm like so excited to see where it's gone. I think then just be honest and open and vulnerable and say, look, I have had experiences in the past that, you know, have made me more cautious. Yeah. I am not putting those past actions or people. and bad qualities on to you. But I'm saying it has affected me and how I can go forward in a relationship.

And I just wanted to say that I'm really enjoying this and like this is going so well and I can see this going somewhere. But I think for me, I think it would work best if we take it slow. None of what you're saying is negative. But if I think you need to, if he say, oh, we get married and you're like,

fucking out. Yeah. Yeah. Meet my mum and you're like, oh my God, I haven't even been to your flat. It's a lot. I think you're absolutely okay. People are more, there are friends like that as well. Friends, that some friends can come get really close, really quick.

And it can be. I find that quite jarring. Quite jarring, but also very disarming and very alarming. You're thinking, why are you so close? Do you not have any other friends? Why am I your first port-a-call? Yeah, when you just meet someone. Sometimes, you know, it's right person

and you're both going through something, so you meet it. That's great. Yeah. But I think some people are like that. And I think you need to just make yourself known that I would appreciate taking things slow. Yeah. That doesn't mean not seeing you less,

but it also doesn't mean that I stop seeing my friends as much. Yeah, exactly. Or it doesn't mean that I stop having my own time. I think that's something you worry about. Yeah. That, you know, when you're in a relationship, there will be less Katie time. Yeah.

There will be less independent time. And I think that's what I always say to Audrey. It's so important because you cannot be us without you. Yeah, yeah. Two individuals. You do. No, you do. Can't be two halves.

Yeah. You really do. Yeah. You know. But yeah, I actually think that situation is so manageable. And it's very common as well. And so common. Yeah, yeah.

I think, you know, personalities opposites do attract. Yes. So I think it's normal that, you know, you might have met someone who's more affectionate in that kind of way. But be honest, because that genuinely is the best way to go about it. And you don't want to keep this pent up. And then you're at a dinner party and he says, yeah, we're going to do this. And you're like, God, that's a bit much. Yeah, yeah.

And it comes out in that way. You need to knit this in the bud now so that you're on the same page. Exactly. You've got this girl. Yeah, you've got this. Okay, you ready? I'm okay, I've got one. I've got one off.

Okay. It's so me coded. And when I do it, I'm like, it's fine. But when others do it, I'm like, why? Saying I'm fine when I'm clearly not? No, no, I'm fine. Seriously, I'm mine. I'm fine.

I'm not. Do you know what I feel like? I'm so far from fine. Do you know when I feel like I've nailed life is now when I can read you? Really? Yeah, I am really bad. I think I was really bad. out of reading you for like a good yeah i couldn't read you at all for like really two years maybe

really yeah it took me a well sometimes it would be you'd be like oh yeah yeah and you'd be like i'm fucking raging and i'd be like really i'm oh oh really but like now i've now i've got you you've got me i've got you like it was so funny we were even together on the weekend me kate in arch and we were literally walking all together and i literally said the most outrageous thing to Archie. And then it was like, this is the best thing about living with your best friend. He witnessed everything. I'm bad.

Sex, arguments, makeups. Yeah. Everything. Yeah. So anyway, the theory of us were just spending time together. And to be fair, the theory of us like spending a lot of time with each other anyway. So, and anyway, it was just like a really ridiculous comment. And I was like, oh, God, Archie, you're so, what was there?

Uptight. Yeah. You're so uptight. Yeah. You're so uptight. And then it went silent. And I was like. Right. I was like, no, I think, I think I've done it again.

Usually, usually if I'm chiming in behind you, you're like, nail-ed-down, nail-down. Yeah, yeah, usually when Katie's like, no, I get you, Kit, I get you. I mean, Katie's obviously not going to be like, yeah, arch. So, you know, when she said, no, I get you, cat, I'm like, oh, she knows, she's got me. But Peach was dead silent, and I was like, I'm worried. And then Archel, like, walked off to get, not in a mood, but to get like a donut. And I was like, to Katie, hit me here. And you were like, look, it came out on no one.

I literally. I was like, Katie, I love you and thank you for keeping me accountable. The way I was trying so hard not to laugh. Like, I was sat there. I was like, just keep looking ahead. Keep looking at it. The way I really hope that I experienced this with you. It was so funny.

I literally was like, because O'Hodge was like, what? And I was like, what? It's like, honestly, you're just so uptight. And then it was silent. And I was like, fuck. It was like, and then Katie was pretty, I was like, Katie, gave me the real, the rundown here. And you were like, look, it came out. And I was like, but those are your feelings?

That's how you're feeling. That's fine. I was like, but it, but it was bad. And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, oh, I apologize. I was like, look at Arch. And he was just like, thanks.

It was like, it was literally like the equivalent of being like, should we have dinner at five or six this evening? you are so uptight I was like No it was It was a correction or no I asked a question Yeah It was the spelling of someone's name Like let's say Neve Is it with like

Nyama An M-P-H-H thing or an EVE Yeah And they were like a notch She was like no don't do that And I was like you are so uptime You are so up tonight You are so up my kids

I was like I love you, but where did that come from? I was like, hey. And I was like, thank you for just keeping me in my check. In check, I got you, go. Yeah. Right, you ready? Yeah.

Mine is, and sometimes I can be guilty of this. Yeah. Oh, I'm guilty of mine, yeah. But you'll understand this. Yeah. Passive listeners. What does that mean? As in, if you're telling a story and you're at the pub and you're giving an icon and someone's just, someone walks in, walks in.

walks people have the attention span i find it so rude that i dropped my mum did it once and i was like good on you yeah we were in a public setting and she was talking to someone and they were he wasn't like they just went yeah they would they did it consistently like five minutes and my mum stopped talking she just went quiet and they went oh no keep and she said no no Well, I'll keep talking when you're interested. I mean, it's one of those things. And I completely got it. And I was like, it's so rude.

Yeah. I find it so rude. Yeah. And obviously, you know, sometimes you need to take it into account like when people overstimulated or when there's a lot of noise and a lot of, you know, it can affect people in different ways. So I think we need to be kind in that sense. Yeah.

But when it's, I'm having a conversation with you, it just comes across that you don't care. It really does. And it's one of those things I have a friend who does it all the time. Really? And I'm talking and it's always like above my head just watching people walk by. And I'm like, okay. But you feel like, you're chatting shit.

You're like, oh, don't worry actually. It is quite disorientating because you're like, do I keep talking? Like, are they about to bring up something they've just seen or like, you know, and you're like, oh, and they're just anywhere but your eyes. I'm like, guys. Someone said to me recently, they were like, you hold such. strong eye contact. You do.

And it was never something someone has said to me before. So I was thinking, well, I'm not in a fucking weird way. I'm like, tell me more. You know, and they're like, oh my God.

And I was reflecting, you know how when someone like points something out that you don't know. Yeah. You like the defensive thing. I was like reflecting on it. And I was like, really. And I think it's because

I cannot stand. Yeah. When someone's chatting to me and it's like, yeah. I'm like, you're trying to me. Or like people on their phone. I find it so rude. I'm like, guys.

I find it so rude. I'm like, oh. Right, questions. Yeah, questions. I'm serious. And I'm Philly. Okay. My question is, what do you think is the most common communication mistake?

I think people pleasing. Yes. Lying to appease others or not. speaking or truth. Yeah. Guilty! I think most people will avoid difficult conversations or difficulty by wanting to sugarcoat or just try and not give an accurate version of events.

Yeah. To try and lessen the blow of things. Yeah, completely. Like, if I was really annoyed at something, but I don't want to have that confrontation, oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, it's fine. Yeah, I think you're so right that. I think, yeah, it's got to be like not wanting to hurt someone.

And that's the thing, like, sometimes honest communication is not nice, but... Oh, I think it can be hard, yeah. You need, you need it. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. Okay, so my silly question is, would you rather respond to any question in song, so you have to sing your answer? Yeah.

Or, like, Yoda. Sing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I make it a thing. This is, I, I think... Although if I was having a tough time, that would be hard. Like, you're right? I'm so good right now.

I'm just really struggling with my feelings. I think I'd be like, okay, it's cringe. But I would hope that people have a prerequisite being like, look, it's great. But she sings. She's got this thing. And they love singers. And it's like, no, no, no, no. She sings, like, all the time.

I didn't realize I do it quite often. Yeah, you do all the time. You will sing about anything. And I'm just getting my sweet treat. Yeah. And our housemate brought it up saying it really pissed him off. And I was like... He said it to me.

He's like, it really irritates me. And I was like, I don't do that. And he was like, you do it all the fucking time. And I was like, really? Do you know what I was mad? I didn't notice it until he's old. He was like, have you noticed? A kitty always says it.

I was a response. And I was like... No, she doesn't. And then I let you did. And I was like, I didn't clock that I did that. But then I found a meme about it on TikTok and sent it to him. And it was like, P-O-V-U live with a friend that sinks everything. And it's like, no, I don't want to do that.

And I was like, me. Yeah, you do. I honestly, like, I just think it's so endearing. I hate that when people Maybe you should start doing like confrontation while singing So it really annoyed me Like it's one of the things

I always find it so funny when people like You know like little quirks And they're like that really annoys me I'm like no That's endearing I know it's like when someone has a proper quirk about them Or like personality and people are like it's annoying And I'm like no lovable

Because he our same friend hates when I wiggle when I enjoy food and I'm like he said it to me is that it angers me so much Kit and I'm like do you hate happiness do you that's one of Archie's favorite things about me it's endearing it's so endearing I'm literally so lovable he's like it's endearing and when you like enjoy food and you start like wiggling and I'm like well it sounds like someone needs to relax that I'm like maybe try being less irisible it's like just because I've got a person I'll say Just got a good quirk. That was like, how rude.

God forbid I have a little quirky trait. Right? Right, we've gone to the end of the app, guys. Communication is key. It's key. We love you. We love you. Have a great rest of your week. Bye.

I remember it's time from Mariah Carey. Christmas time. Love you. Bye. I've got a rebel soul. I've got a rebel soul.