The Debrief - I Got My Dream Job & I Hate It.... | The Debrief Podcast

Episode Date: March 11, 2024

Welcome back to The Debrief and HAPPY MONDAY! We are celebrating International Women's Day with an episode covering all the successes achieved and created by women whilst also discussing your dilemmas regarding the struggles you guys face in male dominated spaces. As always please DM us @the.debriefpodcast or email: [e-mail] with any topics you would like to discuss. Have a fabulous week,Lots of love,K+K xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I've got a rebel soul I've got a rebel soul I've got a rebel soul Welcome to the Debrief! We are back. Back better than ever. Back in the studio. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

Happy March, everyone. Happy March! Happy March! Spring has sprung. Spring! She tailed. Happy March, everyone. Happy March. Happy March. Spring has sprung. What's that song from Seven Brides and Seven Brothers? Spring, spring, spring. I love spring.

Delightful. I love spring. I love how, although, warning, everyone start taking their hay fever medication. Now. And now you'll laugh. Ha, ha, ha. taking their hay fever medication. Now. And now you'll laugh. Ha, ha, ha. You will laugh at me now hearing this. However, I feel hay fever in February. So I'm in the swing of mefexafenadine.

Oh, and you've got to build up your tolerance to it. You do, you do. And also, guys, when the wind's about. Oh, ten times worse. Carries the pollen in the wind, doesn't it? Oh, awful. So you'll get bad hay fever. And it's been windy weather recently.

It's been very windy. So be sure to take your antihistamines. Yeah, yeah. And wise up, my friend. And tread carefully. Yeah. How are you feeling, Peach? I'm feeling delightful.

On this fine Monday. Oh, I love a monday yeah i know i really do i just always feel like mondays are so much better because i know i'm gonna wake up and hear the debrief yes hear me sound i gotta rap and i always listen to it when i do my run so at the start when it's like oh god i'm like yes like yes yes yes i love it so much okay so tell me your mantra my mantra is i am more capable than i think oh lovely and tell me why i'm actually why i am doing a few things this week that I'm like, oh, wow.

If you told me a few weeks ago that I'd be doing this, I'd be really confused. Oh, okay. Could you give an example? So I'm doing a cabaret this week, but I am not singing in one of the numbers I'm doing. I am dancing, which is a really funny, funny old thing. Sexy dancing, aren't you? Sexy dancing. Oh, it really funny, funny old thing. Sexy dancing, aren't you? Sexy dancing. Oh, it's going to be a show.

She's getting that poof sound. Oh, it's going to be out. But she's getting the batty out. More or less. Yeah, more or less. She'll be, hello. I've ordered some jazz panties. Oh, panties.

What's a jazz panty? They're like high-waisted briefs that you wear instead of a leotard oh i think i've seen them before yeah yeah and the fishnets and i've got some heels coming oh i love that it's time to be alive so i'm excited i think it's gonna be really really good i think it's gonna be really fun why did you think that's something you wouldn't do because i wouldn't say i'm a great dancer okay i still wouldn't say that now like i can i'm a mover and a groover um but to like perform an actual route like a dance dance routine uh is quite quite scary and especially is one of the really good dancer in your group yeah yeah so one of those i'm like carry me through girl carry me through it's always i always found it like in dance lessons there would be one that would know their shit and be so good

and you just kind of side eye them like what the fuck is like please help me help me yeah genuinely so i'm excited for that love it good luck yeah thanks girl what's your mantra okay so my mantra is to do with um the theme of this week. This week? No, actually this month. Yes. So mine is each time I stand up for myself as a woman, without knowing it or claiming it, I stand up for all women.

Oh, I love that. Yeah, it's really good. Yeah, it's so nice because I feel we're going to go onto it in a second, but we experienced something over the weekend. And like, it was mad how when women come together, it is the most incredible revolution. You see these women coming together, everyone's using their own skills, their mindset,

their feeling towards the world. And the way women can come together, Everyone's using their own skills, their mindset, their feeling towards the world. And the way women can come together, the way women can then conquer is fucking spectacular. There's an energy. There is an energy. Honestly, it's like the Handmaid's Bloody Tale. I love it.

And I think as well, women supporting women is the greatest thing that could have ever come from feminism. Feminism isn't about um a superior race it's not about putting men down and people who think that's what feminism is or people that practice that yeah shouldn't claim they're a feminist because that's not what it's about yeah um but when that comes together when you support a woman and that comes in when that is built up based on everything you've been through, it's pretty emotional. It is. I love it.

Yeah, it is. It's fabulous. What's your song for this week? My song is I'm a woman. W-O-M-A-N. I'll say it again. Lovely. Woman.

Peggy Lee. Peggy Lee. Peggy Lee. Peggy Lee. Delightful song. I could say that was a Peggy. Take that back. Take that back.

A Peggy. Her face. I could say that. A Peggy. She's giving me the eyes. I could. A Peggy. Her face. I could see that. A Peggy. She's giving me the eyes. I could. Oh, lovely. Maybe not.

A Peggy. A Peggy. What's Peggy short for? That's a very interesting question. Peggy. Maybe like Patricia or something. Patricia. Pegs.

Pegs. Yeah. But then Patricia, you'd have Pat. Patsy. Pegaroon. Pegaroons. Yeah. You know it.

Yeah. Okay, so my song is Makes me a little bit harder Makes me a little bit smarter Makes me a little bit harder Thanks to making me a fighter Yeah. Christina Aguilera, Fighter.

Christina. Don't make me harder. Jiggle tips. Get the poos. Slap the ass. Things to make me. It's like, go girl. Yeah.

Go girl. Yeah. It's just like, you know, you can knock me down, but I'll get up ten times harder. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. My skin will be thick. Yeah. I will be strong knock me down but I'll get up ten times harder oh yeah yeah yeah my skin will be thick yeah I will be strong yeah

and I'll be singing absolutely can you imagine if someone like actually pushed you to the ground or harmed you and you're like thanks for making me up

as you're standing up makes me a little bit smart can you imagine you'd be like what the fuck is going on this week is the best recommendation okay so on sunday yesterday we went to straker's nottingham oh my god a restaurant the yummiest the yummiest of the yum yum that food so good was incredible so that food we went there to celebrate peach's birthday and oh my gosh it exceeded god we got so peach and i and our friend we got the mussels flatbread yeah and it was

covered in mussels it's really hot. All the food was so fresh. That's what I must say. Yes, yes. It was so tasty, so fresh. This hot flatbread with chili oil. And oh my God, was it sensational. So good. I would say reasonably priced for London.

A reasonable price. It wasn't mortgage worthy. No. But it wasn't an Ando's. Yes. Do you know what I mean? Yes. It wasn't cheap. A perfect way to describe it. Yeah, but it wasn't mortgage worthy no but it wasn't an ando's yes do you know what i mean yes it wasn't a perfect way to describe it but it wasn't breaking the bank but worth if you can get a reservation oh my god it was so good go you have so good also the service great they were so quick they came very quick they came with the menu and explained so stra, Strakers as well change up their menu. Yeah. So, it's a reasonably small menu.

It's not like when you go and there's pages and pages of different dishes. It was literally one page, a few starters, a few mains, a few desserts. It's edible. Let's be brave. Yeah. Thank you, girl. Okay, so we've entered the month of March. So we have to embrace this month because it is our ladies' month. Hell yes.

Okay, every month should be, but this month in particular, because it is Women's History Month. I love that. And wow, did the universe bring it to us at a good time. I know, yeah. So over the weekend, Katie and I were in a club. Yeah. Oh my God.

We have not ever experienced such bad... What's the word? Management. Oh, yeah. From bouncers. Yeah. We were with a group of friends. One of our friends friends was hurt and another friend of ours was hurt yeah and this was from a male in the club yeah katie very appropriately and very wisely said to the bouncer that look this has happened can you help us it

took them 45 minutes for something to happen yeah and the only time it did happen is when a female bouncer helped us yeah and also i will say is that they um well they didn't kick us out but they made us way outside the actual club until it got resolved and they did not make this guy they didn't pull him out for a long while after we got pulled out we got pulled out first he then got pulled out after we got pulled out we got pulled out first he then got pulled out which was ridiculous it was one the one thing i couldn't understand is you've got six women telling you one thing has happened against one one man saying no yeah and we were the ones that got dragged out first i was raging i was raging how for many reasons we're going to talk about, to do with Women's History Month, the workplace for women. Yes.

And this has been requested by quite a few debrief listeners, but also coming at a good time because I'm starting a new job next week. Yes! So very excited. So we're just going to push positive energy out there and let's discuss it. Yes. push positive energy out there and let's discuss it yes so apart from housework like housekeepers and cleaners etc the uk government didn't employ any women until 1869 yeah yeah and even then there was a lot of restrictions so women could work in the general post office yeah or the civil servants yeah there was still a lot of limitations yes you know and

i'm going to give some fabulous examples of what has happened however they happen quite late so um the first uk female professor at uni yeah and which was actually reading university was in 1908 the first professor okay her name was edith morley but that made me shit myself i thought so i've been watching handmaid's tale yeah probably blabbered on with the last few months but in that there's like this woman who is taken in she's what's the gilead yes she was trapped by gilead and she was made to be a handmaid but she was a um professor yeah she was made to be a sinner because they didn't yeah yeah yeah i thought 1908 the first female in the uk the first female professor that is really scary yeah yeah that's really scary but of course it's made the it would make that uh system so

scary for women as well yeah well where am i going to get my information you know where am i going to get a a spokesperson for me when there is no one yeah that is and i wonder if that was like a controversial thing at the time yeah and reading as well you'd think yeah okay but i feel like most i i was about to say maybe it wasn't controversial but it seems like every time there is a woman elected first to do anything it's controversial yes completely yeah yeah you're so right uh the next one 1922 the uk's first female barrister 1922 oh my god i know her name was helena normanton um and 1922 i'm thinking what so almost 100 years ago that was our first female, I'm gonna say barista, I always say barista. I'm like, first woman to make coffee, you know.

Actually, that would be equally as important. But do you know what I thought when I read that? I would shit myself. Can you, anything a woman, like these women that I'm talking about have done is fantastic and very brave. But can you imagine, Peach, standing up in a courtroom full of men? And I highly doubt even women would be able to be in the jury at all.

Yeah, probably. I highly doubt they'd even be allowed to do that. So potentially the only woman in the courtroom. Wild. Maybe apart from a witness or something else. That's scary. That's terrifying. you imagine standing up there you just wouldn't want to put a foot wrong would you you'd be under scrutiny oh and the fact what a career to go into from what they said they started being able to do things at 1869 yeah then. Then what? 1890, 50 or so years later.

This woman doesn't just take any job. She becomes a lawyer. Yes. I'm like, what a brave leap. Yeah, truly. Yeah. Okay. And then the other one, 1979,

we had our first female prime minister, which was Margaret Thatcher. Margaret Thatcher. And lover or hater, she was still the first. Still the first. Yeah. That is an achievement in itself yes and it does baffle me 79 79 i'm like what not even 100 years ago not even 100 years ago and it does baffle me still we've never had a female president you know in the US. Yes. Yeah.

I mean, I do feel the US maybe are more conservative anyway. But I feel like that was such a... Surely a change is coming. Yeah. I did not know enough about any political, like what people were campaigning for. But I'm like, surely Hillary Clinton would have been a better choice than Donald Trump. Surely. But they were like, nope. No.

No, no, no. And that shows the priorities, doesn't it? That's what gets me is that she actually won by popular vote. People wanted her in, but the electoral college were the one that were like, no. And I'm pretty sure that's quite male dominated. How interesting. How fascinating.

I feel like that's crazy. Yeah, it is. It is wild. It wild it is it's like so would you prefer you'd rather prefer someone who's who's more radical yeah to do it just because they're a man yeah someone who's better but they're a woman you know yeah well actually the fact they're a woman lets them down more it's like yeah it's absolutely crazy you're mad we asked the debriefers what they wanted to be when they were younger versus what they are now love it and we got some cracking responses so this one uh girl said i wanted to be a flight attendant bitch i'm now a pilot i'm like fantastic fantastic oh my god fantastic i'm like oh my god yeah yeah can you imagine although i'd shit myself driving the plane i couldn't would you rather be a pilot or a flight attendant flight attendant i could not drive a fucking plane oh my god handing out the kit kats

one for you one for me yeah yeah i'd be like all gone all. Sold out. Yeah. I'm afraid, no. Sold out. Sold out. Oh my God. None left. Do you have any? I have one. I wanted to be a nurse and now a firefighter.

Ooh. I'm like, firefighter? Like, down the pole? I die. In the... I hope she's put some heat protection on her hair yeah that would be quite scary she's got the dream coat on she's like no fucking way not my hair wow which i think is pretty wild i think any any like industry which probably now you look back is all stereotypically yes

because they all started off male but especially like firefighter police like yeah i mean it's called police man isn't it but like yeah yeah force anyone a part of that like my friends are part of the police force yeah yeah and i'm like wow i'm like you're amazing it's badass you are badass badass real this girl says I wanted to be a princess I am now working as Jasmine at Disneyland Paris oh I love that she did it I used to always say to my dad I remember I'd be be like, I want to be this. Do you think I'll be able to do it? And my dad's like, if you work hard enough, you can do anything you like.

If you put your mind to it. And I'm like, this girl has. Yes. Oh no, she's manifested that. She's like, I am a princess now. Yes, yes. I am, I am. I am.

What does Jasmine sing? On the carpet? A whole new world. I love it. So I have one. I wanted to be a celebrity chef. Love that. Fantastic.

Nigella. And I am now a vet. Ooh. Okay. Which is crazy. So I wonder if this is like when you were, like when I wanted to be a chef. Like when I was like five.

Making the cupcakes and the beans on toast yeah yeah but i'm like that a vet i could not be a vet i i genuinely if a little duckling came in it's like and like i i would no no no but also not even just losing the animals the feral ones the feral animals and then it like nips you i'd be like do you know what fuck off that night i don't well fine well treat yourself then darling because you pissed me off now honestly i even saw this video but there was this little pug in like um you know the back of a vets went yeah and he just woke up from um surgery and he was like like making this noise and the vets were so good they were holding it i mean that's what you'd want is yeah yeah compassionate with your little pet yeah i couldn't i would die my heart would be so

sore no i feel like i would just i would cry all the time if i was if i was a vet i'd crumble oh they're like oh yeah i had someone say to us from the male community they wrote in, they said, I really wanted to be a drag queen, much to my parents' dismay. Oh, my God, love it. I am now doing an internship in accounting. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Did that take a different turn?

I was like, okay. Oh, my God. That's so funny. That is so funny. But I almost am like, I hope you can still do that as an extracurricular. Oh my God, please. I hope that one day this will happen for you, darling.

Please. Oh my God, please. And then make your drag name related to something. To the money. Accountment. Money bags. Accountment. Accounting.

Money bags. And he can have like money on his tits or something. Money bags. Yes. Oh my God, please pursue this. Pursue this. I've got another one saying, money bags and he can have like money on his tits or something money bags oh my god please keep pursue this i've got another one saying i wanted to host bingo nights and be the woman that picked out the numbers from the rolling ball yep don't blame you okay don't blame you it's the description i'm not an interior designer

okay i love it so funny i had one um wanted to be a lawyer yeah and now in their final year at law school at oxford oh my gosh you've done it you've done it girl you've absolutely you get it get the wig fitted can you send us a photo when you first like go to your first court thing yeah you know you're like yeah in the pews like yeah when you first go to your first court thing. Yeah. You know that thing. In the pews, like. Okay. So, we're seeing women achieve so much, which is so great.

I think it's absolutely fabulous. But I would also go as far to say not to be a negative Nelly. No. Not to be a negative Nelly. But a realistic ronnie oh i'm being real i'm being real there is still plenty more yes there to be done yes and to achieve there are plenty more male seats in powerful positions yeah more men in powerful

positions whilst we are seeing women achieve these things and whilst we are seeing women make advancements in workplaces that men used to dominate completely i would still say that it is something that we're still fighting along for 100 yeah so is there ever been a time in a workplace or in any situation as a woman where you have felt misrepresented misunderstood taken advantage of oh this is a good question i think i actually experienced something last week on the train i was listening to these two young girls they must have been maybe 13 14 yeah they were on their way back from school they were sat in front of me on the train and I was just listening to their conversation as I was looking out the window and they were discussing um pretty openly yeah about someone they knew a woman they knew who openly said that she wanted to be a homemaker she wanted to have the role of someone at home and that position yeah was something that she would prefer to do than a corporate job yeah and they were slandering her for it and i was on this train for about 30 minutes

um and the whole time they were like women have done so much just so she can be lazy yes there was a lot of un unjustified uneducated things that they were saying. I was like, you do not understand at all. And it made me so upset because I felt they were missing the whole point. I was like, feminism and the right work is literally just being able to make that choice. Yes. It's not, it's, we don't want women to be forced to stay at home it's the

choice if they want to be at home a homemaker and take that role on yeah which is highly unappreciated yes remember it's a job that is unpaid yes you know yeah this is a big responsibility 100 but what we've all fought for and what women before us have fought for is about having a choice because historically we never did. Yes. Yeah. 100%. You know, I do not have a preference if a woman wants to stay at home or not. Yeah.

They are both work, but it's about having that choice. And I think for that moment in my life, but going back to the question it concerned me i thought gosh i really hope that schools institutions universities college do educate women on this and men educate everyone all genders um that you know staying at home isn't anti-feminist it's not at all like it's equally as it's just making that choice it's being able to have a choice yes and i think that's when it felt unrepresented and unheard yes i felt like saying girls you're so wrong you know yes um i think that was a big moment for me because i've never really had so much guttural instinct yes being like god you've got no idea you have no idea yes because i think everyone can have an opinion in this world of course they can but i would highly appreciate or respect if they can come at it from a place

of understanding yes have you tried to understand everyone yes do you know what the feminist definition is do you because right now it doesn't sound like you do um and look they're very young you know so i do not yeah you know hate them for it I definitely said awful things when I was younger and I thought oh gosh you have no idea so they're young so they probably will grow out of that but I hope someone in their life can change that yeah it's just how that's the narrative right now yeah how about you have you ever felt that way I've definitely felt uncomfortable in the workplace at times specifically at one job I had okay um where there was a guy who I would say was quite inappropriate towards me and I think it was one of those things that i felt uncomfortable but i knew but i did not want to put my neck on

the line and make a big fuss about it so it was one of those things where it was just inappropriate comments this guy was considerably older than me as well and he would make inappropriate comments it was one of those he one of those people that would always kind of like grab you inappropriately to get past even though there's plenty of space. Loads of things that happened that I thought this isn't correct but also something that he also wasn't management. We were in the same kind of position. But management was a woman

and they would see this and still not say anything. So it was one of those things that I was very there's internal politics as well where this guy was one of the only guys in our like team okay um and he was just like and I don't know whether there was being unaware but I also didn't want to be like you're being inappropriate because I was scared that if management haven't said anything they're going to turn around to me and be like well you're being um and not what's the you're making something out of nothing okay you're making a big deal out of nothing yeah mounting to it from a yeah yeah and I just felt really uncomfortable and I never voiced it and I think that was purely from me being worried that I was gonna like get told off for voicing my opinion which was not great

and I feel like no workplace dynamic should ever make you feel like that so I think it's one of those things that definitely I've learned from and I'm not there anymore um but definitely a time where I felt misunderstood and no one no one saw it and thought it was odd and i'm just like in what world yes it was just and there was more on me to say something but i was too uncomfortable to say something i really hope that women going forward don't feel like you did where it's like i can't speak about it because i don't it's been politics well such and such friends with such and such so you know yeah um but but we say these stories girls and boys and everyone else yeah um we say these stories in order to make you feel that you're not the only ones yes that it has happened before yes and this is not a badge of pride this

is something to in order to make you feel safe that things are changing 100 and we are recognizing that things have to be done yes you know we're we are recognizing that things have to be done yes you know we're not sat here saying things have to be done but should we go for coffee yeah it's like well how shall we we need to you know let's find different ways and gosh we don't know the answer to that but we will try yeah you know absolutely um okay so on to our debrief dilemmas yeah um hey kitty and casey love you girls so much and i can't tell you how much your podcast has helped my mental health and happiness that's lovely that's really sweet so i need to debrief as i have a dilemma my boyfriend and i

have just broken up after seven years we met at oxford and got engaged right afterwards wow my fiance fortunately went straight into work and was making enough money to support us both and to be honest i was relieved because after all that pressure at uni i needed time to unwind yeah it actually saved my mental health and made me appreciate there is more to life that's great that's amazing however we have come to the conclusion that we are not right for each other our outlooks on life are very different and we are and so are our priorities so i'm now going into work after not for six years okay and i'm terrified it's not that i don't want to work because i do and i'm actually really excited to have my new path i'm just so scared i'll be battered bad at it and let people down and be embarrassed about

the lack of experience i've had where do i start looking and how do i muster up the confidence to get out there thank you girls you're the best ps my degree was in art history thank you darling thank you so much yeah that's hard. That is really hard. Firstly, I would say that there are so many options you have currently. And I would also say that lack of experience shouldn't be something to worry about in the sense that there are people under qualified yes probably getting jobs you'll you will want to go for as well yes um so i don't think you should worry at all no i think biggest um tick is that you need to reassure yourself donning you went to oxford university okay yeah so first of all you do have

experience yes you have a lot of experience yes that shows your dedication your hard work your focus that all in one where whatever university you went to that shows that much so congratulations that does mean you do have experience you don't doubt yourself with that um what i would say is where you start looking uh it sounds pretty obvious but linkedin make sure you have a linkedin profile update everything you've done just make sure you've got your degree on there yeah any uh any grades that you've got from exams or anything on there things you're interested in linkedin is now getting creative so be able to be creative you sound that you are a creative woman.

Then from there, things will pop up. Things of interest. You will see in LinkedIn, you can put little tabs as to what you're more interested in. Brilliant, yes. Art history, there is so much there to explore. Whether you want to go down more of the curator route or whether you'd like to be a part of a gallery or whether you'd more like,

if you prefer to be the academic route yes there is so much there to explore so my first piece of advice is look for what you are wanting to gain from this you know are you wanting to be in a gallery is that where your workplace where you prefer yeah or are you like oh no no no i'd rather study it or i'd rather write about it and you know fantastic make that clear but what i do want to say is it's okay to be scared i feel scared i'm starting next week and i feel scared and you are you are older than me i think by your description um and i am scared as well yeah so i hope that you know whatever age you are going into new jobs new experiences anything in life that is new and on and not in your routine yes is scary yeah um so please be

reassured by that and that there are so many experiences out there yes yeah and do not be embarrassed by no do not that's a big thing no because that was your decision and that saved your mental health yes that's something to be massively proud of and don't avoid it no no interview because they may ask you they might say why have you not done such and such over the last few years embrace it yes absolutely yeah no you're great advice come on girl you've got this and we're so excited please write back yes you go girl go girl you gotta girl okay, girl. You've got this. And we're so excited. Please write back. Yes, yes. You go, girl. Go, girl. You got it, girl.

Okay, tell me. Gorgeous. I've got, Hi, girls. Hope you're well. This episode has come at the perfect time. I've just got my dream job in my field and have relocated to London.

Fantastic. I'm from quite a small town and this is also my first time in London, so all quite daunting. Oh. I've been at the job for just under two months and, girls, I hate it. The office vibe is not what I thought it would be. time in London so all quite daunting oh I've been at the job for just under two months and girls I hate it the office vibe is not what I thought it would be my colleagues are really standoffish

and it feels very clicky I just feel left out the actual work portion is great but I dread coming in every day I also I feel awful because all my friends and family back home are super proud and I just don't have the heart to tell them that I would move back in a second if they asked I don't know what to do as I feel like quitting this early would make me look undesirable to other companies I would love your help you girls always give the best advice oh darling that is really hard I think I've been in a position where I was in a job I hated and like there really is nothing more draining and more upsetting than having to go into a job you dislike especially when it's a workplace culture thing as well where you just feel left out it feels very like you're back at school it feels very um isolating coupled with the fact that you're in London as well by yourself and you've just moved and this is your first time i can imagine it is extremely overwhelming oh god so firstly i hope you're okay

yeah definitely and i think you're doing extremely extremely well i feel like i would firstly reach out to your friends and family they're going to support you whatever and they're just so proud of you um and you still have to be proud of yourself as well. Yeah, definitely. There's no failure there in admitting that you're struggling. No. Everyone needs that. Oh my God, if I didn't say to Peach at the end of the day, I had a shit day.

If I didn't call my mum or Arch. You know, that is a must. Darling, do you not feel that you have lost your self-worth or that you are failing if you admit defeat? If you just say, I'm really struggling. That even might help you more. Yes, 100%. With the whole not enjoying the job,

did she say she'd been there for two months? Yeah. Okay. I would say first port of call, talk to your friends, talk to your family. Yes. That is not anything to be ashamed of. They are always going to be proud of you.

100%. They're going to be proud that you made this huge move and took the leap yeah right now it would seem and of course it would be that when you're in this job and this is your first time in london as well yeah that's scary so that the social aspect of it is your job like so i would try and build fun social things to do outside of work yeah like run clubs um like uh there are places that do pottery painting evenings like crafty fun things that you could go to um there are loads of group chats loads of places in london loads of online communities that you could join to try and fill your evenings to get you through the work day great not feel like your only social interactions are evenings to get you through the work day great not feel like your only social interactions are going to be work through work they're not great yeah

absolutely sending all our love i hope that goes well for you okay so we got our last one um hey girls believe it or not male listener here oh i know love your pod and my sister actually got me onto it i need your help and seriously need to debrief my girlfriend and i had a huge fight the other night and led me to go back to my flat and we haven't spoken for a few days we were discussing the future dot dot dot she makes more money than me which i am so proud of her for and in no way feel any negative feelings towards that. I'm an architect and she is a lawyer. We were discussing how in the future I do want to quit my job and start up my own company for design but unfortunately that's in an ideal world. She asked me why and I said I can't afford to quit and support a startup

company unemployed. Fair enough. She then kindly offered to support me through this process. fair enough she then kindly offered to support me through this process oh wow although i was so touched and thanked her profusely i said that i wouldn't be comfortable doing that and it would actually me actually make me feel emasculated okay she then got very upset and said how does my belief in your work and my willingness to support you make you less of a man. I responded saying it doesn't. I just would feel uncomfortable having you provide everything. I'd feel very guilty. The argument went on and on and on. We were both very angry.

She didn't want me in her flat, so I left. I don't know what to do. I love her so much and I truly see her in my future and I want her to be my wife. I wouldn't want her to pay for my ambitions. That's not her responsibility please help me I want to sort this out but I don't see a way out thanks girls please keep me anonymous oh tricky that's really sticky tricky I I understand I feel like taking money from people is often a hard thing especially from

uh a partner yeah um and i obviously can't speak on how that would make you feel emasculated because i obviously would have never experienced that feeling. I just think it's a really difficult one because realistically, for you to pursue your dreams and your passions, it would require her support. Absolutely. And I feel like if you didn't do that you might not resent her but resent the fact you never took that leap yes yes and also who's to say

that this company isn't going to be a success and you can give it back yes yeah and i feel like when you're a team if it's a relationship whilst it is her hard earned money there is going to be a point where you will both have a pool to take from and put into absolutely so it's all based on your decision whether to take it or not but i understand why you took her offering a certain way but But I would discuss, I would have another discussion about how logistically that would work for you if you did take the money. Yeah, completely.

Yeah. And I think going, obviously you sound so in love with this girl and obviously this isn't gonna be like a make or break. So what I would suggest, well, I hope not anyway, but I would suggest, I know that you said you had thanked her profusely and you

were very uh you were very um grateful but i would make that the forefront of the yes the discussion yes say that offer meant so much to me yes you know without you i couldn't make that happen that is so kind thank you um clearly the whole emasculated comment did upset her. So I would think I would avoid that and try to approach it. And Katie and I come from a female outlook, so we can't give that male perspective. But I could stereotypically understand that, yes, that is the man's job, you know, to provide for his wife. You know, so I can understand that,

but actually it didn't sound like that's what you were saying. Yes. Um, so I would just say to, to her that it's more about that. You want to feel you've made it on your own. Yes. You could say it in that way.

Yes. I want to do this for me. Yeah. You know, and I want, and, and I'm so grateful that you're facilitating that yeah but i feel this is something i need to navigate on my own yes if that's the route you want to go down i think

that's what you should say yeah and good luck and i hope that yes i hope that goes okay and try go back to her flat yes yeah okay you ready i'm ready ping pong you ready just yep okay my ex mansplaining oh why are you doing that to me get in the bin why are you doing that to me get in the bin we've got a friend actually who mansplains us all the time and it's a friend like he's like he's like no you don't understand you i'm like i i understand perfectly actually i've got perfect understanding yeah nothing's wrong with my understanding yeah it's really irritating truly like it boils my blood yeah i'm like listen listen sometimes listen i think i am a happy go lucky person and i'm very jolly and i think people mistake my jolliness for stupidity and i and i will not i will not have like there

are some things i'm like you're literally explaining one plus one is two to me that's fucking ridiculous completely i'm aware yes i'm aware yeah i completely agree yeah right okay okay so the expectation that once a woman has children she needs to prioritize that over her own ambitions and goals yes you know as as every woman can tell you who's ever had a child oh my gosh when when you have kids it completely changes your life and i I get that, but I've never experienced it, but I can respect that that's the case. However, if someone can afford or are fortunate enough to have a nanny or an au pair

or to have help even from their own parents, why is that shameful if they want to focus on their career? Why is that an issue? That really pisses me off. Like, oh, you're letting them look after your kids and yes they're not they're not abusing their children yeah she's also having in a career and then in the evening get to see their kids and on the weekends get to have a great time with their kids yes you know yes i do i really agree with the nannying thing. People, yeah.

They're like, oh, well, you're not a mother then. It's like, well, no, that is not the case. But it's one of those things as well that I'm like, there are so many people who I know that have kids that grandparents help. There's so much parental support. I'm like, these people might not have that. Completely. There are people who make these judgments

when they're still getting their parents to come look after their kids. Yeah, yeah. So it's one of those things I'm like, that I don't vibe with. No, I don't like at all. I'm like, give us a rest. Yes.

Okay, should we go on to questions? Yep. Questions. Questions. I'm on silly. I'm on serious. Serious. Okay, hit me with your serious.

Do you think there is ever a point yeah where you should have to sacrifice your career goals or alter your career goals based on a relationship okay great question um yes i can see how that could be a possibility yeah um when you progress in a relationship when you uh want to procreate when you have kids when when you're more um financially a unit together when you rely on each other yeah uh when you're in a marriage completely i can see in a world in which that could happen yeah personally right now no yes um i'm 21 i'm starting my life yeah um the the goals ambitions yeah everything i see happening in my life i feel i do not feel i can sacrifice just yet 100 there is compromise of course there's compromise um if that means archie had a job in north london i had

a job in south london I'd compromise that we'd live in between yes I wouldn't say no we have to be in South yeah I would compromise but not sacrifice yes um of course in the future I could see that being a thing yeah of course yeah and that does not diminish my love I have for my partner it just amplifies the ambition I have for myself yeah love that yeah what do you think do you agree I would agree I think there's a very different like especially at our age I think there's a difference between sacrifice and um compromise I think compromise should be happening a lot yeah yeah yeah like not constantly but I think it is healthy yeah definitely but sacrifice at this age I think I

would just resent my partner I would yes it's too much yeah yeah okay so my silly question is would you rather yeah work in a place where you can never repeat the same outfit or you'll be fired fuck but but but but your workplace you love it like it's your ideal job like you're working in pinewood filming the new wicked coming out yeah you are the galinda yeah but you can never ever turn up in the same outfit or they'll be like you're out okay or have to perform to your colleagues individually every single lunchtime for a month oh god you can do any act you like yeah okay but how many colleagues you have you have to individually perform to them for a month okay and then the next month you start again with a new act again oh fuck okay with a new act no well then i'd have to go the first one

i could not i'm no performing monkey i also love my lunch breaks to just sit and chat to no one yeah I'm like I see you guys enough yeah I want to sit on my lunch by myself I could not do that I actually could not do that

that would give me the it's the individual bit as well like hey Amy oh my god no it's time for your performance and even the ones that don't like you oh my god

imagine you've had a beef with them and you're like it's your turn today. It's your, sit down, it's your turn. No, I'd have to go for the first one

and I'm hoping that like the paycheck I would get from doing Wicked at Pinewood would allow me to budget for more clothes every day. Love. And if it's a must within the company,

then surely they will pay you enough to help out. To facilitate that. Yeah. 100%. What would you pay? Completely the same yeah there is no fucking chance i'm doing a card trick no i've got my hand up a puppet sauce

every lunchtime no hello everybody no i die no no no no i die so i'm gonna have to change up the outfits but i would be shitting myself yeah i'd be ah yes 100 yeah oh guys guys we're at the end of the podcast okay have an amazing monday best monday amazing week we love you all love you all thank you for writing in we love you thank you for all the support go in grace all right yeah go in grace go in grace love you love you bye Bye!