The Debrief - I Spent My Boyfriends Money...Help!! | The Debrief Podcast

Episode Date: June 30, 2025

Welcome back to The Debrief!This week we are discussing money in relationships!!As always feel free to email us your debriefs and dilemmas to: [e-mail] or DM us @the.debriefpodcast Have an amazing week hunnies xx Lots of love, K+K xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the D-Brew! With your co-host, Gizmodo. And your co-host, Kehatily. This is the podcast where we talk about everything you'd want to, but you just can't. Exactly. You just can't. Literally. You can't find the right person, but hey, we're here for that.

We're here. These four walls, sacred. Safe. The four walls. I wonder if people watch us being like, God, I'd love to know where they are. No, literally. I'll be like, you never will. You never ever will, even though we've dropped our postcode.

Complainer. Accidentally many a time. Yeah, I know, right? But I'm like, hey. Oh my God, have I told you? Have I told you? You get the most of this. On TikTok, there's this house for sale.

Now, this house, I shit you not, Archie and I walk past every single day. I think I've seen this on TikTok. And it's our dream home, okay? It's our dream home. Every time we walk past and get, oh, when we're making the millions, like Arch, when we've made it in the industry, we'll buy that house. That's the house we want. We love this house. We want to be, you know,

and every time we walk by, oh God. Anyway, so on TikTok, Archie tags me and it's saying, our dream house is for sale kitty. So then I respond saying, if I'm like, Oh my God, this is what we walk past it. The state agents got in contact with us. Thinking we could afford 5.5 million helps. She's offered us another one. She said there's another one on that street if you'd like to view it. Oh my God bless her. So I mean aren't you like, Oh, maybe not. Give it time. All right, give it time. Okay.

Would you accept? So I mean, aren't you like, Oh, maybe not. Give it time. All right, give it time, okay. Would you accept? She keeps tagging us and that because she's obviously an estate agent for this area, but she keeps tagging us and like these different properties being like, this is the type of character house you'd like. Oh my god, it's relentless. And I'm like, you know me so well. Like, you're right.

You're right. You're right. I'm like, if you would accept a 1000 pound deposit and nothing more small monthly instalments. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Honey bonus. Shall we go on to mantras? Let's go on to mantras. So my mantra this week is I choose consistency over motivation. Love that. Yeah. It's time to lock in bitches. Lock in, lock in, lock in. It's time to lock the fuck in. Yeah. You're not always going to want to do it. Yeah. Motivation low. Motivation low, but consistency. Bang, bang, bang. Keep on that consistency. Yeah. Because then that motivation will be high when you get a good result. You keep chipping

away at that statue and Michelangelo will appear. For sure. I got you, Paige. Big time. What's your mantra? My mantra for this week is to do with the topic that we're going to be talking about. It is wealth is in the teamwork, not the paycheck. Okay. Boom, mic drop. Love that. Yeah.

So Casey, I get wealth from our friendship. That's what I do. Yeah, I know you do. Yeah, big old, I know you do. I'm a millionaire. I get wealth from my people around me and my happiness. It's not always about the money. That's what people need to remember, okay? Wealth and love is a currency.

Wealth is in the teamwork, not the paycheck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My song this week again is to do with the theme, and it is an oldie, but a classic. I need a dollar, dollar, dollar is what I need. I need a dollar. I don't know how to say this man's name. It's spelled A-L-O-E. Aloe. Aloe. Yeah, I think so. I think it's Aloe. Aloe black. Great song. Banger. Great song. Tell me your song for this week. My song is, so take a sexy picture, take a sexy picture of me. Now, let me, it's take a sexy picture of me. Yeah. And it's, have you heard the C-mat? Oh, is her name. C-M-A-T. I don't know whether it's C-M-A-T or C-mat. But she, have you not heard the viral sound where it's like, I did the butcher, I did the baker, I did

the room and the candlestick maker. No. like we're on a completely different side of TikTok. We really are. But it's a bit of a banger and I'm kind of obsessed with it. Oh, I need to listen to this. What's her name? CMAT? CMAT. C-M-A-T. CMAT. All right. Okay. It's a pretty good one. Give it a listen today on the train.

It'll let you know what I think. Big time. Are we ready for our R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R Oh, my god. We had the okay, so our appointment was at two o'clock. Yeah, I have a girls day on a Saturday. Yeah, this is when my ankle was still broken. So I was like, deep in the south. Yeah, me and Peach like, right, let's do this. Pitter Potter, we arrived 2pm, leave 5pm. We're there for three hours. Now Peach did a beautiful little mug of cherries. It's so cute. Very cute. And I did a lovely jug of strawberries. So we're going to have it as our Pim's mug this summer and Pym's jug this summer.

Honestly, guys, it's so over for you all when these are killed. I cannot wait to see these all shiny. All shiny and done. I can't wait till they get, I get a message from them and they say, bitch, it's done. I'll run. I can't wait to see my mug. Maybe we even do it on Saturday. We go do our other jugs. We should! We should go do our other jobs. We should. We actually should. We should go to our other jobs. Yeah, that's such a good idea. We're back. We're coming. Obsessed. Why don't I email them when I get back home? Oh my god,

yeah. Because that's how I booked and be like, can we come back? Yeah. Get a spot and do it again. I genuinely would love to. Yeah. Okay. That's what we'll do. That's what we'll do. Are you ready, Pete? I'm ready. Let's debrief. Okay. So this week, we're talking about something we've been hearing a lot from you guys, from our listeners. And it's all about money in relationships. So we get it. It's a touchy subject whether you're figuring out who's paying for dinner or deciding to merge your finances. Yeah, so scary. Or even managing joint accounts.

And let's not even get started how all this can mess up your emotional balance. Money is one of those things that can make or break a relationship. And yet it's still so hard to bring it up. It's mad that actually you can have such a strong connection and relationship. But when it comes to money, you're like, I'm not speaking about that. I don't want to talk about that. Exactly. So the listeners have sent in some questions about money and relationships, and Katie and I will discuss our opinions on the topic.

Absolutely. So one of the girls said, Hi, when is it the right time to talk about finances with a partner? I'm curious. Now, for me, in my opinion, I think this depends. I think the moment you have trust in a relationship and the moment you can see it having longevity is when I start talking finances. For example, I never spoke anything with my last partners or ex-boyfriends about because I knew in my mind, well, I'm not going to end up with you. And like, I don't really talk about this. But with Archie, it was pretty open because I saw our relationship having longevity. Now don't get me wrong. I wonder if the listeners have wondered, Arch

and I don't share an account. Arch has said that we could potentially do like a joint Monzo or something for shopping and all that kind of stuff. But at the moment, we don't do that. He has his money, I have my money. And I spend my money on him for his stuff and he spends money on his money for myself for birthdays and treats and all that kind of stuff. And we do go half and half with holidays and all that kind of stuff. I think it really depends on the relationship. Like Arch and I have been very upfront about money that we have or money that we're making. But again, that does take trust in a relationship. I think it all depends on the person's relationship. Money is a very, very tricky thing. I think

people can have very different relationships with it. If you're with someone who has a very tricky relationship with money, they probably won't talk about it that much. You can talk about it if you have it, you can talk about it if you don't, it really depends on the person. So I would say I literally don't think I would ever broach it unless I was like, we're moving in together, let's talk about income. Or we want to buy somewhere. Obviously, those kinds of discussions. Like you said, it's about longevity. I agree. And I think it's quite normal in a relationship to know how much each other's making or how much money's coming in. But by all means Archie and I aren't sat down and I'm saying, what are you spending your money on? Absolutely not. And I also feel that that's something that I wouldn't be wanting to at this point in

our relationship. Like when we're married or have kids or want to buy a house, then of course those discussions will happen. But at the moment, we're just 22 year olds living the best life. Do you know what I mean? Paying for barley. So we're thinking it's not as serious as other people have responsibilities like kids and children. Someone said, hey girls, how do you decide whether to share expenses equally or do you divide based on income? Okay, my opinion. If you're splitting equally, it works well if both have similar incomes and financial goals, but dividing based on income is often more practical if there's a significant income difference. As in assures both partners contribute in proportion to what they individually earn.

The key is to have open, honest conversation and find a system that does feel balanced and fair for both of you. Because if one of you is getting paid, let's say one of you is on 50k and one of you is on 25k, that's a massive difference. And let's say you've just bought a house or something. I would say the 50k person should be paying more because that's a percentage of their wage. But for example, if the mortgage was, I've got no idea, let's say the mortgage is three grand a month, I've got no idea, that's 1,500 each. But the person who's got on 50k can pay 2,000 pounds or 2.1 because they're making more. I would say it should work out like that. I see an influence, I follow this influencer who's she's with someone and she earns more

money than him. And she pays for the mortgage. But he pays for like the bills, the car, subscriptions, food shops. So it's split that way. Intersting. Yeah, that makes sense. I find that interesting. It's kind of like how you choose to do it. But I'm like, I would say if you're paying less, then you'd pick up the food shops or pick up like the bills. But again, I don't have a boyfriend. I think money is such an uncomfortable conversation. It really is. It's so sticky.

If you know you want to end up with this person, I think it needs to happen sooner rather than later. Yeah, absolutely. Because you don't want to be now married with pregnant and being like, oh, would you mind say if he's paying for the everyday things? Oh my god, yeah. And you go, sorry, would you mind just putting shaving foam on there? And he's like, oh.

And you're thinking, why are you not? Are you paying? Yeah, like you can't have those conversations down. And the last question is, Hi girls, can you help? What is the challenge of keeping financial independence while being in a relationship? I think it's quite a tough one. Yeah. Well, like you can still buy your own bit. Completely. Yeah, I'm like... I think it can be tricky, but it all is all about setting boundaries. Yeah.

Like you can still share bills and expensive without losing control over your own money. Yes. Yeah. So keep your own accounts or savings and financial goals separate from your partners. So you're not totally dependent on each other because that's when it can get tricky with being like, Oh, I've just bought a Dyson Air app. And it's like, that was 500 pounds that we could have spent on bills. Yeah. I think if you have your separate money, then at least

you have an individual financial space. Yes. Yeah. 100%. Should we dilemma? Let's dilemma. Tell me, Paige. So, okay. I'm losing my mind right now and need to know if I'm overreacting because this is just a mess. Tell me. So here's the backstory. I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year and things were going really well.

Like house buying conversations well. Oh wow. Okay. But here's the thing. For the past few months, I've had this weird feeling that something wasn't right. I kept noticing random purchases he made, stuff that didn't make sense for us or even for him. Then one morning I was cleaning out the drawer where we keep all our bills and found a credit card statement and it was £30,000 worth of debt. And it wasn't just for things like groceries or bills,

it was vacations, designer clothes and random online shopping. It was really bad. Stop it. Now I'd already been feeling kind of off about it, but I hadn't confronted him yet. And I was planning on waiting until after lunch when we were going to his parents' house for a family get together. I figured I'll bring it- Imagine sat there fuming. Oh, like, fuck.

Oh, being like, oh, we're going to have a conversation later. I figured I'll bring it up when we get back after I process it. But here's where the drama starts. So while we were sitting there at his parents' house, everything blows up. We were chatting, having a nice meal. And then suddenly his mum casually says, I'm just glad you two are talking about the house. It's been a little tough with the debt, though we've been trying to help him figure it out. I froze. It felt like the ground just disappeared beneath me. I looked at him and his face went completely pale. He literally panicked. Without missing a beat, he turns to my family and goes, no, she doesn't know about it. So I'm just sitting

there like, what is going on? His mum looks at him all calm and says, but you told me, you told her about it. Oh my God, how embarrassing. And that's when I couldn't keep it in anymore. I looked at both of them and said, actually, I do know I found out this morning and I was just trying to figure out what to do about it. So I know it's all true. You could feel the tension in the room.

His face turned bright red and he went from panicking to scrambling to explain himself. I swear I've never seen someone sweat that much in my life. And he started talking about how he was going to pay it off. And honestly, it felt like a joke. I'm going to start budgeting. He says I'll get a second job and we can tackle this together. I was planning on telling you this is your bloody issue. Well, yeah, I'm not going split sees on on that. I'm not covering your dad. I'm not going split sees on that. So here's the thing. I'm really hurt. I've been sitting here thinking we were in this together, that we were building a future, but instead he's been lying to me and his entire family,

and his entire family knew about his debt while I was kept in the dark. I'm furious that he'd tell his family before me and that he didn't trust me enough to be upfront. I have no idea what to do now. He keeps apologizing saying he didn't want to stress me out, but I feel like this is a huge trust issue. Yeah, I agree. So do I stay and try to work through this together knowing that his financial mess is now my problem too? Or do I walk away because if he's been hiding something this big, what else has he been lying about? Well, quite right.

Well, quite. This whole thing just feels like a betrayal and I don't know how to move forward. What would you do? Oh my God, I'd be devastated. I will say, I think it's interesting. I think he was trying to keep this from you because I think he genuinely did panic. And I think he genuinely did think he could solve this. Do you think? I think so. Part of me really doesn't think it was a betrayal thing. I think it was a fuck. So he's gone to his family being like, you need to bail me out. And they're like, we can't fucking bail you out. I think he was trying to sort this out before you found out, which is obviously silly. But I can understand his panic. I'd love to know how old this boy was.

Yeah. If you're buying a house, you've got to be like, like an adult. You've got to be an adult. They must be a lot older than us. Like over 25. For sure. Yeah. Because I'm thinking if they were our age, I think more understandable, being silly with money. Yeah. But if you're a 35 year old man, come on, surely. Put on the credit card. I mean, this is why I will never own a credit card. I just can't. No, no, no, no. I will be in debt. I will find myself in debt.

Oh, I really feel for her. I do. Because I do understand how she feels like it's a betrayal. Yeah. And I'd also feel how it's a betrayal that like, people knew and she was the only one who didn't. I just feel that, oh God, do you think this is salvageable? Do you think this is salvageable? I think it is. I think she just needs to be like, I'm not helping you with this. I think although- Yeah, that pissed me off when he was like, we can do this together. Uh-uh.

Uh-uh. Although I think you just have to realize that you're probably not going to be buying a house anytime soon. Yeah. Yeah. And if that's what you want, then maybe look elsewhere. But like, if you want to get this sorted and then look at moving in together, like part of me is like, if you want to be still be with him, it shouldn't matter because it was a lie and you do feel betrayed. But

like you can get through that. But I do think it will take a second and I think you do need to give him a bit of a hard time. Yeah, I agree. And also, if he is the one that you want to be with, you need to make sure this is a mistake, not a habit. Because if this starts becoming habit, when you have debt with mortgage or kids or all of that, Like, that's not realistically going to work, especially if that's not how you want to live your life. So I think you need to have a conversation with it. If you still want to be with him, I think it is salvageable for sure. I think you just need to be like, this could never happen again. You're going to pay every single

penny of that. I'm not paying for that. I don't know if that's what he meant, but getting through it together, you do not have to be paying for that. No, not at all. And also you do not want to be starting off in a new property, still paying off other debt. Yeah, massively. Yeah. Good luck. Good luck, girl.

And do give us an update with this. I'm really, really intrigued. yeah, massively. Yeah. Good luck. Good luck. Go give us an update with this. I'm really, really intrigued. But stay positive. Yes. I'd also say he's opened a lot a lot up to his family, which is good. Yeah. But also open up to yours. And if you don't feel comfortable with yours, maybe your friends or your girlfriends or yeah, you know, work colleagues just to kind of get a bit of relief for that because sometimes even just letting it out like feel so much better. Oh yeah, 100%. Eeeeks.

Eeeeks. I've got one. Yeah, I've got one. Yeah, I'll ping-pong. Yeah. It's got to be on the topic of overpriced things. Tell me. Restaurants in Mayfair.

What is up with them? It needs to stop. What is up with them? If someone says I've been to Mayfair, I'm like, are you ret? I think I've been out for one meal in Mayfair and it was not nice. I've been for nicer meals down the road, but a lot less. I went for a meal in Mayfair a few years ago with Archie for an advert, I think. It was just extortionately expensive. So expensive. And it wasn't worth it

in the slightest. They never are. I'd rather go to Notting Hill. I'd rather go to Southwest, like this great restaurants in Parsons Green, 1910 shout out. I love 1910. Yeah. So good. Yeah, really yummy. But like so many like over, like so many people think like Mayfair is like the epicenter of food. And I'm like, it's not. It's not. It's really not. It's really not. And I feel it's all like very samey. You don't get like an original dish. I feel Covent as well. Covent's better for food. If you want to go bougie, there are some really nice bougie restaurants, a few nice French restaurants in Covent. There's a nice sushi samba. There's like some sensationally great restaurants there. Yeah, which I just think the food's

better. You get more for your money. It's still on the more expensive side. But I think Mayfair is just unreasonably priced. Yeah, I agree. Okay, I'm ready. Labooboos. What is up with them? I'm actually so glad you've said this. Katie, what is up with them? Because what's wrong with people? I saw someone came into work today with the labooboo on their bag. No, I can't. And I'm like, I don't know what these are. I don't know where they came from. All I know is everyone's obsessed with

getting one. People are coming to Harrods on their day off to go to the top floor to get a Labooboo, which now let me tell you what a Labooboo is if you're my mother's generation, because you'll have no idea what a Labooboo is. There are these fuzzy little toys, but I don't think they're plush. They don't look squashy. No, I think they're like, well, I think they're fluffy on the outside, but they've got a firm face. And they've got like teeth and like they're very scary. Their face are very scary. And

then they've got like a fuzzy tummy and like, like fluff it. They're like fluffy. And I'm like, Oh my God, what? I know. And everyone keeps, I can't, are they like 15 pounds 20 quid? Let me look at everyone and their nan has a Labubu. I'm just thinking it's not. Okay. How much are they? So they're going on eBay for like 14 pounds. Okay. But then I'm seeing some for like 30 quid.

I think it depends on like the collection. They're just sticking me out Peach because I'm like jelly cats I can get behind. Jelly cats are kind of cute. Jelly cats I can get behind. Labooboos. No, because seriously, someone who I love live outwards is obsessed with them. And she actually speaks about it quite openly. And it actually makes me die. Yeah, but I do love her. I think she's hilarious. I love her podcast. But I'm like, what do you actually do with them though? Click them onto your bag, let them swing. But like, when you're not out with a bad, right?

Are they just- Well, this is the thing because I also- Sat remind me of the sunny angel thing and I get the sunny angels. They're kind of cute. They are cute. But I, but as an adult, I'm like, what am I doing with them? They're kind of they're very you though. They are very, yeah, I feel like you kind of look like a little sunny angel like. I think I would have loved them when I was younger. They're so cute. So I do understand, like we used to have one on our work computer and it's kind of cute to just look at. But like the Labooboos, I'm a bit confused. I'm glad you've said this because I don't get it. I literally was thinking that today. I've seen people get in a queue with me for three hours for a LabooBoo and I'm like, why?

I'm like, you're wasting your day honey buns. I'm like, for a toy. But I don't know. But I don't know. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, And I'm serious. So hit me. My question is, where are you on prenups? Okay. So prenups. If my hubby or my fiance said to me, I'd like to have a prenup, I think he doesn't see me being his brother. Now look, call me immature. Call me self-centred. But that's how I see it. I'd be like, but we wouldn't need one if we're together forever. And personally,

I would never go into a... I know, and this is coming from a place you don't know, you never know. But I don't think anyone goes into a marriage thinking that they're going to end it soon. No one one does that unless they go that Influencer who was seeing that other person and everyone really wanted them to be them together. You told me about them They were like nation's sweetheart and they want they were all together and then they found that he was cheating on her cuz he'd been Seeing this woman He told me about that and also and he was like and and the day he married her, he was still seeing this other woman.

My God. I'm going to have to think. Yeah, you told me about this. And I was like, Oh my God. So most people do not go into a marriage thinking, well, it'll be ending. I'd be like, I find that weird. I'd find that really, really strange. Completely if they said, let's divide money. Yeah, you know, say they're

a really high earner, and I'm a really high earner, then it's not really necessary for us to combine. Yeah, you have your money and I have mine. So if they said, right, well, if we, well, even then, if we got divorced, we'd have, I'd be like, why are we talking like that? Yeah, I just feel there's something weird about it. I get it with companies. I get it with things like that. But marriage, I'm like, oh, it's weird. What do you think? I'm very split on it. Part of me is like, protect your money. But then also, for example, if I was at the top of my game, and was like a high high earner

and got married, and I'd earn a lot of money myself, I would want to keep some of that. Or have that at least protected. Yeah, interesting. But then again, like if then you're divorcing, they get 50% anyway. But like if they're a high earner, it's all kind of fickle, isn't it? It's tricky. It's really tricky. What's your question? My silly question is, if your partner paid for every date with loyalty card points, like coffees, cinemas, nandos, waggies, date nights, everything, would you be impressed by the hustle or secretly icked out? Like if they used a loyalty card?

For every day. You're not going once. I'd be icked. What do you mean you're ruffling through your wallet to find your voucher? I think it's like every single one's crazy. But also like if I was going on a first date with someone that I'm going to get you a coffee and they stamp it because it's free. It's one of those things where it's like, oh, oh no, I've got this, I've got this. It's fine in the sense that like if I was seeing someone and they were like, I've got this because do you know what, I actually have a deal. Great. Use the deal. I love a bargain. Every date though. Every date would

feel like- It is free. You would be like, do you not want to treat me? It depends because then I might am I capped at like nice restaurants like- Yeah, yeah you would be. There are no sushi samba vouchers. You're not getting sushi samba vouchers. But does that mean if I said I'd like to go to sushi samba, they'd be like, no. Well, no, he'd be like, let me see if I can get a voucher. Oh no, I'd find that a bit. I'd be like, come on, we can treat ourselves like once in a while. I'm more than happy for a saving on a Chipotle, more than happy for a Nando's waggy saving. We both win in that situation. But if I'm like,

for my birthday, I'd like to go to Gold and Notting Hill and he's like, afraid we can't because they don't have a voucher. I'd be like, please. What are you doing with the money that you're saving on all the meals? Like, come on. Yeah, so true. Put it in a pot. No, I completely agree. I completely agree with you. Ryan, my lovely listeners, we've got to the end of the app. Send Peach and myself a lot of love because we send you tons. Oh, we're sending it all constantly.

Remember to follow us on Instagram. Give us a nice little subscribe and a five star on Spotify. We'd love that. We'd be your biggest fans. Have a great day. Love you! See ya! Bye! Bye!