The Debrief - Long Distance Logistics | The Debrief Podcast

Episode Date: July 1, 2024

Welcome back to The Debrief! This week we are discussing all things: long distance relationships! We answer some of your dilemmas whilst also discussing our own experiences with this often tricky subject! As always don't forget to DM us @the.debriefpodcast or email: [e-mail] an amazing week, Lots of love, K+K x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

welcome to the tea room hi guys happy birthday first of july first pinch punch first day of the month which means how many days to my birthday peach 17 yes yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's your birthday month it's my birthday month it's started i love my birthday i'm a birthday girl yeah i love every birthday i love it love it love it i'm so excited yeah and you're the big two two big two two and i'm feeling 22 i can't believe I'm 22. I know. I'm excited for you. 22 and 24. Literally. My God. I'm excited.

I kind of feel jealous of the people. Yeah. This is what I'm thinking. It's been 2024 this year and I've been so lucky this year. Good shit has been happening. I'm like, only good shit can continue. Literally, I always do better on the even years. Always.

I do. I'm like, the thing I want, it's going to happen this year. Well, yeah. Well, yeah. Well, yes. Because it's 2-2. 2-2-2-4. In 2-4.

Yeah, well, of course. You know it. What is your mantra this week? My mantra this week is, I trust my gut and listen to my intuition. Yeah, I like that a lot. Yeah, I like that.

I like my, yeah. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trusting my gut. You just gotta, you've got to. You've got to. Yeah, I like that. I like my own stuff. Trust in my gut. You just gotta, you've got to. And it's always right. It is always bang on. It's so mad how, like, I had a feeling and then it happens.

Yeah. I tell ya, I tell ya. It does. It really is. It is a woman's intuition. It is a woman's intuition. Because men don't have the same. No.

I always find my, so my acting coach says to me like we'll be talking about things and i'll say well what do you think and she says no what do you think she's like she's like how do you feel about it and i'm like to be honest i would prefer to do this because i just feel i'm not and she's like well there we are that's what you have to do and i'm like yeah you i just need to be reminded that the cleverest person is yourself. Yes, you're the master of your own mind, really, listeners. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you are. What's your mantra?

My mantra this week, and I think I hate to be a repeater, but I think I've done it before. Oh, so forgive me. OK. But it's needed this week. Oh, let them. Ah, let them. Let them. Now, why, why, why, why did you need it this way because i feel like i'm like i can't i can't be bothered by other people's actions i just can't i just can't

if you're gonna be fucking strange if you're gonna be a wet why put your trends on and run off okay literally i'm gonna let you do you know what like you you go for it yeah you be odd fine you be strange you be weird okay you be you be like i'm just gonna let you do you that's fine not my problem no not anymore not no no no no no no no oh i like that okay and literally people want people want to like, under the hand comments. It also like, so it just puts things into perspective like, oh, you want to be petty?

Go on then. Do it. But I'm not going to react. It's all my control. That's what, yeah. Yeah. What you can control is yourself. You can't control them.

Yeah. Exactly. So my song this week is Me and Mother Nature's Bitch. Do you know that song no oh it's brilliant so mother nature's bitch okay kaya i think that's how you say it or okay kaya mother nature's bitch what a song love it me and mother nature's bitch love it love it i know like a bomb i don't really have a reason for this song this week other than i I was listening to it. I was like, God, this is a good one. Oh, I like that.

I got the podge. Yeah, it was a satisfied Bob. Yes. Loved it. How about you? Mine is, You said you'd never fall in love again because of me. Then you moved on immediately.

Bomb, bomb, bomb. You moved on immediately. But I wish you the best for the rest of my life. Le Monde de V by Billie Eilish. I loved how long that went on for. Yeah, I did fear. I got that halfway through and I thought, I wanted to hear the rest. Yeah, I'll give you a rendition on the way home. Yeah, I loved that.

I think Billie Eilish's new album, I like. I like a lot. I love Billie Eilish. I like it a lot. You like it? I love it. You like it? I love it.

Yeah, you do. But this song in particular is a banger. Yeah, okay. I need to give it a bit of a 12 then because it hasn't 12 in years yet. Yes. It's the little bum, bum, bum. Is it her usual kind of like

call me again? Like, is it like that or is it more like I would say I just kind of wish you were gay. Like, is it more like I think it's not as like drum and I say drum and bass it's

not drum and bass as like bassy as her first album cool okay not as like edgy but i would say it's more like floaty than happier than ever love it so i think it's just it's literally an album i could floaty gorgeous thing about her songs like oh my god i could she's got a song for every occasion yeah she does she really does like if i'm there like oh god i really can't deal she's got some crackers if i'm like i'm so angry yeah i put oh my god she's got great songs oh my god she's talented she's great i went to go see her last year my god you did was she really good she was really good and like getting to like scream happier than ever oh i'm gonna cry it was so like i had chills everyone was just like you

know like i love concerts for that reason everyone how bad that must be if you're an artist like we're at the o2 you got the chills i wonder how she felt literally it's like 20 000 people singing singing your lyrics back to you yeah yeah like there are people crying like like oh my god and also what those songs then mean to those people yeah she's like i know what i meant but what what why is this so good for you no literally it's crazy like i love rupaul's drag race yeah and lady gaga was a guest star on rupaul's drag race and one of the queens was like bawling her eyes out when she met lady gaga oh my god that's so cute and then literally sat her down and was like, you saved my life.

Like, you don't know, but your songs literally saved my life. And I was like, oh my God. It was just so like, God, what a job. To have that much influence, you must be like, whoa. Yeah, it must be crazy. Yeah. Honestly.

Cray cray. that much influence you must be like whoa yeah it must be crazy yeah honestly cray cray recommendation so this week's recommendation tell me is Romeo Romeo where

for Romeo and Juliet and Juliet and Juliet we went to go see Romeo and Juliet at the Duke of York Theatre,

the new Jamie Lloyd production in town. Tom Holland. Yeah. I thought it was sensational. It had a good rep for a good reason. Oh, I fucking love Jamie Lloyd. What's the new girl called? She's like up and coming.

Who plays Julieta? Oh my, Francesca. She was brilliant. Francesca, yeah. She's going to go far. I'm just going gonna see her go further and further and further I heard so many good reviews

about it beforehand and then I was like gotta go see it Jamie Lloyd never disappoints if anyone's listening get yourself down to any Jamie Lloyd production yeah

I think he is sensational yeah although you you were like you weren't the biggest fan of Sunset see but that may be more than musical

I didn't yes I really enjoyed the visual aspect yes yeah i loved the voice like the vocals yeah i thought you could not beat the singing like the singing was incredible yeah the the visuals of how what's that called that camera thing that was amazing it was really really cool like i can't fault them on that. Yeah. All I did feel was the acting. I just was a bit like, which it could be, I called my hands up,

it could, maybe they were going to do the style of the Hollywood, like, you know. Yes. Because Hollywood, you know, back in the days

wasn't really that acting. So, you know, maybe they were trying to do that style, but for me, I was like, I'm not convinced. I'm not buying it.

I love the songs. You're selling out, but I'm not buying it. Yeah, I'm not. Yeah. So, guys love the songs love the visuals but I'm not buying it yeah so guys we luckily got the tickets you and Arch

I got the tickets and ended up getting them for the night of my graduate show hilarious and I literally that was a big faux pas on my part

I had to sell them on hilarious but Arch came through yeah Arch came through because they're pretty sold out now I think all the really expensive ones are left.

Yeah. It's one of those like cabaret where it's going to just get more and more expensive. But if you go, you should. I actually saw someone selling them like on Facebook. Someone was like three VIP. And it was literally like three VIP tickets to see Romeo and Juliet. It was box seats. Oh, wow.

You get like a glass of champagne and you get interval snacks and stuff. Guess how much it was for the three tickets. For each ticket? Yeah. 500? Oh my God, it actually was. It was 1500 quid for three tickets. Shit, man.

And I was like, what? Shit, man. Like, I love the theatre. I love the theatre. I think there's nothing better. I try do a theatre trip at least once a month. Yeah. I usually do a fortnight, but I love the 30 trip.

But bloody hell, it can be spanny. £500? Yeah. Yeah, that's difficult. £500? £500? That's cray-cray. That's cray-cray.

That is cray-cray. Shall we crack on? Let's crack on. So let's debrief Katie Peach. Let's go. Miss McNeil, we are discussing all things surrounding long distance relationships. Ooh. Ooh.

Suspense. Here we go. We've had some dilemmas through this week that makes me feel like we should address the topic all together and do a nice little deep dive into what they are yeah why they fail and how to stop them failing how to stop that see that's the key yeah so we know long distance relationships are with a significant other where they are physically apart so this can vary because some people can meet on the internet and never meet um whereas some people usually have distances with work circumstances yeah like the military

yeah or even people who work on cruise ships yeah yeah performers like on tours it's rife it is rife uni long distance yeah so infamously yeah long distance relationships are hard yes yes they would be you've never done i've never done a long distance i did a long distance relationship when we were at mountview yes you did didn't you so he was at uni in swansea yeah and i was in london yes so that i well yeah that was a long distance because we were together yeah but as in relationship wise but we weren't together together you know so we'd see each other we were lucky that our families lived near each other so when we went home for christmas easter yeah holidays all that

kind of stuff we were literally 20 minutes from each other yeah so that was good but it was hard when it was like i don't think i ever met any of his uni friends and he never met any of mine so when he's like oh i'm just seeing such and such i was like who and i and he's like what have you done i'm saying i'm like i've spent the day with katie and he's like and i never met her like you know so that is quite hard when you're like i don't feel like i'm in your life yeah yeah 100 but equally if you want to make it oh my god before we go any further talking about long-distance relationships yeah yeah archie's friends from school have just got engaged. First ones. First ones.

They're 20, they're both 21. That's crazy. They'll both be 22 in August. And you're going to get to go to the wedding. God, I hope. They are the most beautiful

people inside and out. Yeah. They are stunning inside and out. Yeah. So kind, so generous. The engagement, God, he nailed it.

Nailed it. The photos looked amazing. The photos. The photos? The the photos the photos the pictures i bawled my eyes out i was like i'm so happy for you so and they spent three years apart she was at durham he was in london they spent three years apart and now they're engaged yeah so so they wanted to they were there's a fairy tale for everyone wow when you make it work i could do jingles.

That was beautiful. I've been watching actually some of Kitty's family videos recently. You're quite the songwriter. Well, actually, my sister's come to stay and obviously

I was away for a bit. I went away with Arch and then came back and honestly, Katie was like, I've seen everything. I was like, I'm so embarrassed.

I'm so embarrassed. I genuinely was sat there like Lily was showing me these videos and I was like, I embarrassed i did i'm so embarrassed i genuinely was sat there like like lily was showing me these videos and i was like i genuinely think if kit was here she would actually say no i'd be like turn them off because she even tries to do it last night she was like getting them up i was like ah that's enough ah burn it off burn it burn okay i genuinely was fuck i was genuinely pissed because i was like, I've got a like hot exclusive that I knew I would never see if you were in my presence.

You, I mean, Peach, you know for a fact I'd tell you the story. But you, I would never see it. You'd never see it.

So you've, you've had a, I've uncovered the gems. I found the treasure. You've had the full Kitty McNeil experience. I have, yes. VIP ticket.

For me. For me. For me, VIP. Okay, so where we at? We were talking about long distance relationships

yes and they're hard yeah okay so they can be really hard and we're going to discuss a few of the main reasons why

long distance relationships are often set up to fail yes look we don't want negativity on this podcast

however what we do want is reality hey and what we're relying we bring reality to you we'll like the facts we'll like the view okay yes yes we bring education to you thank you you're entertained while you get the cold hard facts all right exactly okay so we're gonna talk of a few things yeah i think the biggest thing that will flare up if you are long distance is trust issues.

Yes. I'm like, how can you possibly think it's going to work if you leave having trust issues? You know, like, for example, if you have a relationship and you're like, oh, he's going to move away. We've got, we know someone. Yes. Who their boyfriend's just about to move away. And I'm like like if you want to make it work it works if you don't if don't you know yeah like for example if someone goes oh my

girlfriend's moving away i'm so worried she's gonna cheat on me what what well then what are you doing yeah what she's gonna cheat on you then don't bother at all and also it's hard with long distance relationships when you have those fears yeah and you're like are you cheating on me are you cheating on me and then you're not again the gut the gut the gut yeah when you're not with each other as well i feel like that just drives the other person into the arms of someone else 100 because they're looking for comfort yeah and you can't give it to them because you're not there 100 which also i think lack of physical into like closeness i think that's hard is also a really big factor in a cuddle can heal a thousand wounds yes and also

your face you're like yes but what oh my god it can a cuddle can heal a thousand quite right peach quite right i'm gonna remind you of that thank you yes yeah well i'm like Oh my God. It can. A cuddle can heal a thousand wounds. Quite right, Peach. Quite right. I'm going to remind you of that. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, when I'm like,

when you're like, oh, Kitty, I'll be like, hey. Hey, hey, hey, Kitty, what did you say? Go give them a cuddle. Go give them a cuddle. Heal a thousand wounds. Or I'll show these videos to the whole world. Yeah. But it is true where just like a hug,

a touch of reassurance yeah there's nothing quite like it to make you feel special loved like that physical touch is just something okay a lot of relationships happen online but if you're like having a long distance relationship online that is just something you cannot do you can see each other visually like your face but you cannot touch oh oh which even then could make someone horny and then run astray run astray exactly because it's also like you'd be frustrated you'd be so sexually frustrated like if you can't shag if you can't shag you can't even get the anger out with the shag no exactly sometimes when you're annoyed you you just need to have a good shag and then you're like, love you.

Yeah. Sometimes it's just, you know, it is one of those things. It is. And body language is a form of communication. You're talking 100%.

Layer of communication has been removed from your arsenal. Oh my God, I love that. But also it's like, you know, when you're stressed

and you go for a run, it's like, I have a shag. I feel better. Yes. Yes's like, you know, when you're stressed and you go for a run, it's like I have a shag. I feel better. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes. And I also thought the lack of effort can be something that can struggle.

It can. Yeah, it can reveal. Yeah, it can. Because you might not then feel important. Because say if you live together, you don't have to plan spending time together. You're just together. No, exactly. But if you're not, then you have to be like,

you have to want to, yes, spend time with them. Like, you have to be like, right, are you free for this hour? Let's FaceTime. Are you free for this hour?

Let's do this. Yeah. Because if you're not willing, if you're not proactive, then, well, that's not going to work then. No, and it becomes like, it becomes revealing then

in the sense that once you're stripped away of that closeness of being near each other is it was it just a relationship of convenience yeah because you were just around and also like okay i know it can be different for different financial perspectives but if i'm always coming to see you yeah and you're just sat there sitting What, do you not want to come see me? Yeah. Is it me having to come to always see you? You've not seen that LNER advert about long distance relationships?

No. The train line. And he gets into Edinburgh Uni and she's in London. And then they live in London together. And he goes to Edinburgh Uni and they're like in long distance. And she's like, I'm so sad, but I can't afford to go up to edinburgh to see you and he writes meet me halfway and they go to york for the day all through the power of lner that's so cute yeah see they both want to and they'll compromise they're compromising that's the important thing but if i if you're always coming to see me and i'm just saying i'm to be honest, I'm not bothered. Listen, come on.

Especially imagine if you make plans and you get there and then they've got like nothing planned. That would upset me. That would upset me. Like, so what do you want to do? What? But like, do you not want to like

go somewhere and do something? Go somewhere and do something and spend time with me? Yeah. Or even if you don't want to do anything, you've got like a movie night plan. Yeah. Like something.

You just get there like, all right, just sit down. It's just lack of effort in general. Like that deteriorates relationships. Yeah, 100%. What else do we have? Infidelity.

In for bloody fidelity. In for bloody fidelity. For blubs. Which I actually think is, if we're adding up all those previous points, this is the equals infidelity. Yeah. This is the result. Yeah, this is the equals infidelity. Yeah. This is the result of all of these.

Yeah, this is the result of all of that. Lack of communication, lack of physical touch. What's the lack of effort? Lack of effort. Trust issues. Trust issues. Off you go. You find the new little fling.

Yes, because all of a sudden. And it's all. All of a sudden, Jeffrey. Popping out of the woodwork. Telling me I look nice oh Geoffrey touched my arm at lunch I'm feeling a bit

Geoffrey listens to me vent about all my issues with John Geoffrey saw you cry when you upset you about your boyfriend and he said you deserve more

and all Geoffrey knows is that John is upsetting me he wants to make me feel better yeah all of a sudden, Geoffrey says,

should we go out for a company lunch? Oh, yes. He says, let's go out for dinner. You go out for dinner, but you start to see yourself wanting to look nice. For Geoffrey? For Geoffrey. All of a sudden,

you're in the office, your cheeks flush when you see Geoffrey. Yep. And you're thinking, why? Why? Why is this happening? Then you leave a conversation with Geoffrey and you go, was he flirting with me?

And did I just flirt back? And a few days later, the text pops up. Geoffrey says, I love spending time with you. And the ball starts rolling. Starts rolling. Rolling down the hill. We should be right we we've just created a novel and we went through everything a girl goes through there and it was rife it was it was and it was detailed and we painted a really visual picture so listeners i want you to dm us to think and maybe someone volunteered to illustrate oh yes and we'll get

it off its feet your sister could do that that for us. Yes, she could. She could. So we also asked the debriefs any tips they found helpful to cope with long-term distance relationships. And they responded. Obviously, we talked about how they can deteriorate. Yes. So people are saying this is how they can.

This is how to stop that. This is how to. A, A. Plug that. Plug it. Okay. So someone said, I found building independent hobbies really

helpful for when my boyfriend had to move for work at the start i felt angry and bitter that he'd moved away and left all the things we used to do together solely on my own but over time i tried to see it as a positive i now do yoga classes pottery classes and even take a film study course weekly this has helped me so much feel less angry at him as I'm pursuing things he wouldn't want to do. It also made me feel more secure in my own identity. I was about to say, actually, because it almost is like you still,

I actually think in a weird way, it helps relationships because you still, like, remain so much of yourself as an individual because you have to. You do. Yeah, you do. So you much of yourself as an individual because you have to. You do. Yeah, you do. So you never lose yourself in a relationship because you're not together all the time. Yeah, completely.

So you still have to be your own person and be independent. Yeah, completely. So I kind of love that. I love that. I had making sure to actually make time for each other is so vital. Me and my partner have shared a calendar. So we add in a time for our calls. But it also allows us to see each other's schedules.

So if I call and he doesn't answer, I can see what he's doing rather than assuming he's ignoring me. What a great idea. So I can see, I'm like, oh, John didn't pick up. I'll go on the calendar. And oh, John's with Jeffrey. John's with Jeffrey. They're out on a company dinner.

Yeah. Jeffrey's just told him how he felt. The ball started rolling. The ball started rolling. That's a great idea a great idea yeah but bloody hell that takes trust it does because i think so you don't just go willy-nilly with your schedule to anyone be like oh yeah sure i'll share my schedule and of course not to play devil's advocate but like obviously there can still be things that but then yeah if i called if i called john yeah and he didn't pick up. And then I look over and his schedule's clear. Beef. Beef big time. Why are you ignoring me? Why are you not picking up? This one's kind of similar. Someone

says communication is key. Not going to lie. I hated doing long distance with my boyfriend as I started to feel we didn't take, we didn't have time for each other anymore. It wasn't as easy as driving 20 minutes to his house and having dinner or taking the dogs out for a walk yeah i began to feel it was a chore to spend time with me so i talked to him about this not an accusatory way but in a way that made me feel that it made me feel sad and he said he felt exactly the same so now we are way more open with each other and have actually planned a schedule for when we can have quality time together while he's away we have a date night zoom every tuesday where we do a quiz a movie night every thursday evening as well as saying every night at 6 p.m wherever whenever

we have to check in even if it's just for five minutes yes it's going to be yes it's not going to be able to be spontaneous but it's me but it makes us both feel needed happy and loved i love that yeah i like that really great and as we said that's the reason why things deteriorate because you're not communicating yes so being like look i feel this way and the fact he's like i felt exactly the same yeah oh you guys want to be together love it love it love it yeah so good i had someone write in little gestures so me and my boyfriend have recently become lost long distance because of uni and we always send each other a postcard with something we love most about each other if we can't make the time to travel postcards bring them back guys

post you're gonna start getting postcards from me katie if you write me a postcard i'll cry i love postcard cry they were my favorite things as a child whenever we went on holiday i used to be like please can we get postcards to send to nana and granddad grandma oh that's so cute it used to be the most special thing when they go on holiday we get postcards like i i'm not being funny but can you imagine can you imagine getting a postcard and someone being like I love you oh no come on shut the fuck up

it's like that type the TikToks you see where the boy's like I don't have time for you and then you see old photos of men at war and they're writing a letter saying I loved one

I'm like he had time he had time he was fighting for our country fighting for our country I was fighting what are you doing eh

yeah on your Xbox what are you doing yeah figure it out yeah figure it out i'd love to receive it how cute is that the little gestures though and as we said girls little is everything just a little gestures oh literally literally i actually saw a woman reading a letter on like a handwritten letter on the tube once and it was an elderly woman and i cried what was it who was it from a man i was trying to look but she was um she was just reading it like it had been she was looking through and i was like someone's written her a letter in center oh my god i couldn't decipher what it was i was too far away i would have loved to read that but she was like smiling and i was like we need to start sending letters guys we need to bring it back

come on truly chivalry is not dead beautiful it's honestly delightful i cry so much honestly do you have any more no that's me done that's me done too let's do a debrief dilemma we've got some really good ones this week yes you go first you hit us i will go first okay weird hi girls hope you can help with this one so basically my boyfriend and i have just moved in together and have been living together for a few months now all going super smoothly cool he's actually a musician and finds himself traveling a lot for work which is super amazing and he always looks like he has the best time when he's away lovely which is exactly the issue i don't know girls but he's away, it's like I don't exist.

Always posting to his Instagram story when I know he hasn't answered my texts. But when I pull him up on it, he says that he can't help that he's working and that I should appreciate it more. You're working on your Instagram story, are you? I don't know, girls. It gives me a bad feeling that he's acting single when he's away, which makes me feel really awful about myself. Like I feel like I should be with someone that's proud to be with me, right? Yeah. Please help.

How do I come back from this? You don't come back from anything, darling. There is something so fucking gut-wrenching, and this is such a modern woman thing to say, but when you've texted someone and you can see they're posting online, respond to my text. It's a statement. It's a slap in the face.

It's a statement. It's a slap across the face. It feels like it. Just hit me. Go on then. No. Give me your best shot. Give me your best shot

because you've stabbed me in the back. Metaphorically. And in the heart. Right? Am I right? Also right also i said darling i try i try to be diplomatic okay i try get him in the bin i'm sorry throw him away if you're feeling in your gut that he's acting see sorry if you're considering if you even have to write into us saying i think my boyfriend's acting single he's acting single because get him in the bin he's a like he's a what musicians work mostly

in the evening no yeah he's not got the daytime to talk to you yeah and also why you what what has he done to make you suspicious acting single like that ignoring your messages, posting on a story with some random gyal. Networking. I think not. Yeah. I think not. Roll him up. Roll him down the hill. He's off. Into the skip. I'm afraid darling, you're going to have to have a really tough situation, okay, on your hands. You're going to

have to speak to him and say, I've had enough of this. Because I have a feeling. Do you know what you could even do? Which is really shit on me, but I would. Say, I've been approached by someone who was on that trip with you and i don't think you were acting is that toxic though is that toxic is that bad is that bad maybe yes maybe that's but you know what maybe that's far-fetched no no actually i love that okay i back it what you just need to be like i don't think you've been acting you haven't been showing me the communication i would have liked no No, exactly.

Therefore, if you really love him, give him a last chance. But I would say to him. Give him a stern word. Give him a stern word. But I'd be like, oh. Okay. Play him at a Zoom game. Start posting on Instagram. Don't respond.

It's work. It's work, darling. Oh, hey, I'm at work. Find the fittest guy you can. Oh, my God. In your fucking office. Take a selfie. We'll go out for drinks.

And then not respond to him and be like sorry networking dickhead fucking but I had I had a friend

where she had a very similar thing she had a boyfriend who was working on a cruise and she wanted to go see him and he was like don't come I'm sorry

as he's who are you shagging you're acting single who are you shagging yeah you don't want me to come because you don't want me to meet someone who am I going to run into?

who do you not want me to meet? who is it that you don't want them to know that I exist? exactly but I got it you got it hey girls

slightly different dilemma with long distance relationships. As the person I'm talking about is my daughter. This one's real. As I feel she is your age, 22, I would really appreciate some advice. My daughter has just graduated from King's in London and my husband and I also live in London. So I loved being able to see her all the time and feel she was close by. Anyways she's now been offered a job in Paris which she has accepted. She's so excited and moving in a month's time. I am so overwhelmingly proud of her in every sense

of the word and couldn't be happier for all her hard work paying off. However, I also feel a huge amount of sadness and loss that she won't be close anymore. I know it's literally a train journey away on the Eurostar, but I feel really upset she won't be a coffee stop away. I think my main sadness is that, rightly or wrongly, I feel scared I won't be a part of her life anymore. I've said none of this to her as I don't want her to not go because she's worried about me or feel in any way guilty. She needs to go because she wants to. I just really don't know how to shake this feeling or what to do. Sorry if this sounds ridiculous, but I'm finding my husband isn't feeling the same amount of loss or sadness as i am and i'm worrying i'm being overdramatic thanks girls oh my god i could cry

right now oh my god oh my god i could cry that's really sweet my heart melted when i read that yeah yeah i know that's so sweet i felt like oh my god my God, my heart just, I was like, oh. That's really hard. And obviously like a perspective I've never really thought about. No. Like. As a 21, 22 year old, 23 year old, you just think your parents want you to go off and fly the nest. Yeah.

But hearing this, this is really heartwarming. Yeah. I just wanted to say, i think you're an incredible mom yeah i truly think you are yeah if you're prioritizing your daughter's happiness and her career and her excitement for her progression by not saying how you're feeling that is really really strong of you but also first of all i don't think you're being over dramatic in the slightest you love your daughter of course you're gonna how is that how is that in any way a fault yeah you know I truly don't think it is but you know I don't think it's a bad thing to share how you feel to be honest she might

not even know yeah she might be like mum is so proud of me I have to go yes I have to go she keeps telling me how proud she is so I have to do this yeah and I have to slay it but she might not know that you're like I'm gonna miss you so much yeah I am overwhelmingly sad by how much I'm gonna miss you by I completely understand you don't want her to make her feel guilty but showing how much you love her by how yeah she's just going to feel more appreciated yes yeah exactly and you can always like try and schedule in um times to go see her like you said like if you can afford to go like once every few months go across and she can always like i'm sure she'll have christmas off but i do think like although

you'll be seeing each other less finding that time to go up i have a friend of mine her mum and her relationship is super duper close and was always so close throughout school and she went to uni at the complete other side of where they left the country yeah hours and hours and hours away but she would always find time to go down like once a month or once every two months for like a day or two and then come back because it was just so important and i'm sure she as much as you want her that i'm sure she wants you there yeah moving to paris is going to be oh my god she'll miss her mom so much you know familiarity i live an hour away from my mum and I miss her.

Yeah, literally. I just think everything you're saying is okay. Yeah. Also, as a 21-year-old, 23-year-old, this is such a beautiful thing to say to your daughter. Yeah. In no way did I think, God, she's being selfish by saying this.

No, no. Just at the end of the day, it shows how much you love her. Exactly. And just be open with her because that will make the transition easier it really will yes exactly right this week i have three three yeah two okay ping pong you okay so my first one i hate i've never experienced it

but like if people are in a long term relationship and then the assumption is so say my name's Polly my boyfriend's name is Patrick yep and I'm like

Patrick's moving to Scotland yep and I'm staying here in London yeah and then someone goes well that won't work don't tell me if it works out

I'll make it work out okay yeah we both want to make it work. It's not going to work out because you're telling me it's not. That annoys me because I'm like... It's very optimistic. It's up to them, actually. It's not your relationship. Keep your nose out.

Keep your nose out. Keep your nose out. Ready? Yes. Mine is, following on from the dilemma, is when men act single, I've seen it so many fucking times yeah and hey it's an equal podcast i've also seen my second dick i've also seen women act single yeah you know oh i've seen it like not all on men i've seen girls who say i've got a boyfriend so why are you flirting

why there's a girl we actually really know who does this yeah oh and i've got story on that have you can you say it can you say it or is it after the debrief debrief it might be an after the debrief sorry guys sorry but there are some people that like you said they they do act single and i'm like i'm all for being your own person yeah but not talking about your girlfriend at all is a red flag to me yeah real red flag and also when you see how they behave with other people like when they're not there. Yeah.

I'm like, ooh. In my opinion, if I think, if I was that person's girlfriend and I saw how they were acting and I'd be uncomfortable with it, you're acting single.

Abso-bloody-lutely. Yeah. I agree. Yeah. Completely agree. Okay. You ready? Yeah.

Okay. Okay. People assuming because you're doing long distance that something else is going on oh that you're like it's all trouble in paradise yeah so again yeah and i'm like yep patrick's moved to scotland yeah what's going on he's got a fucking job you're absolutely numpty yeah like i hate the assumption it's a bad thing yes like oh well well we'll say we'll say who he sees down there like let's see who he connects with it's like we've got no idea right honestly and that was me because my third one was the the acting singer oh ping pong me good minds think

alike yeah yeah mine isn't related with long distance but it happened today and it and it's just one of those things where you witness it and you're like i will never unsee this tell me tell me tell me when runners carry on running when they're waiting to cross traffic now i saw someone do this today and i was pissing myself because he was doing high knees no so i was like waiting at the like the traffic lights and usually i i just like pause my workout or i just stop yeah because you're literally waiting less than a minute it's 20 seconds not long it's 20 seconds but this guy next to me was knees up fucking kept moving and i'm like that is hilarious to me that is fucking hilarious it made me piss myself i was like it that is so funny so if you saw your boyfriend doing that

would you be like what the fuck are you doing oh that's hilarious if i saw like any one of our male flatmates doing that i'd be like stop doing that you foolish. You look crazy right now. Like, it's just, I just thought it was the funniest thing. You look so foolish. Love it. Okay, you ready? For questions? Questions.

And this week I'm serious. And I'm serious. So, kick us off. Mine is, do you think that every couple should do long distance at least once yes I think they should because I think whether that long distance is one of them going traveling yeah whether that long distance is one of them just going home for a month like that is still long distance yes yeah it doesn't have to be years and years like it doesn't have to be like that yeah but I think it helps to see it definitely tests the relationship sees how much you want to know me yeah yeah it sees how much

you want me yeah it shows how much you're willing to prioritize me and also it helps your own independence yes so I think it doesn't need to be months it doesn't need to be years yeah but even just a week like that's still having a bit of long distance yeah i'm not saying right archie this week i'm going to live in a different place because we need a long test i'm saying that if i went on holiday with the girls or if i went back home i wouldn't be like oh archie needs to come with me because yeah you can't do long this no you know how about you what did you think i agree i i think it's really but i think it also like especially it tests a relationship yeah and it makes you realize how much you actually like

like them yeah it does yeah like i remember when you went to australia yeah and i'm sure like and i'm sure you missed arch as much as he missed you, but I was only around when Arch was there. Yeah. And like, bless him. Like, he was just like, it just made me realize how much I'm in love with that girl. I miss her so much. And I was like, oh, bless you. He's so cute.

Like, and that was like three weeks, wasn't it? Yeah. Two weeks. And it only makes you stronger, I feel like, when you come back. And you just, when you really like her. Really appreciate each other. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

So my silly question is, would you rather have a long distance relationship with your boyfriend for three years? So this boyfriend's like your forever, let's say, but for three years, he's completely long distance. And when I'm saying long distance, like he is in Dubai. He's not in Scotland. Right. So away, away.

Yeah. But you get to see him every six weeks. Yeah. For a day. One day. Okay. So for three years in total. Every six weeks for a day.

I don't know. I can't work that out. Every six weeks for three years. 20 times. Something like that. Or live close to your boyfriend or live with him yeah but you can only communicate via text when you are together so you'll be sat together and it'll be like hey no yeah yeah well i've got to go with the first option and i'll tell you why okay tell me um because that would be really awkward.

Imagine me living with my boyfriend and then texting being like, hey, what the fuck? I'm a terrible texter. Katie, can I even deal with awkward silences? No, I can't. And it gets really feral, actually, more recently. Has it got bad? It's gotten really bad.

A little much. Especially since when I've been chaperoning the exams, when the kids don't want to speak. Only what do you do? And I'm literally'm literally what do you do brilliant no and i'm like and i can really hear myself doing it and i'm like they didn't ask anything they're just like trying to get in the zone for their exam and i'm like yeah i'll be good that yeah fantastic yeah fantastic delightful yeah delightful but yeah i can't i'm also terriblexter. So you wouldn't be getting the full Katie Leach experience if I had to text you all the time because it's all in the banter. Oh, it is.

It's all in the banter. All in the banter. So I'd have to do and just make that day the best day we've ever had. Oh, yeah. Could we FaceTime in the six weeks? Yeah, of course. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Then I'd take the first one. You'd take the first one. Would you? Yeah, I'd have to. Yeah. I'd have to. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Then I'd take the first one. You'd take the first one. Would you? Yeah, I'd have to. Yeah. I'd have to. To not speak to him. Also,

what would happen if I spoke to him? Also, how am I supposed to get angry on text? Like, that's embarrassing. Yeah. Literally. Emojis.

I have to do an emoji like, don't speak to me. Exactly. That is a bit embarrassing. And what, having sex and then afterwards texting and saying that felt great.

What? Thanks for... Yeah, could you actually like talk during sex? sex no so you'd have to have sex in silence unless you wanted to communicate being like love this great loving this right now this is so good yeah please carry on please keep going different position harder please no that's so embarrassing i could not do that right guys we're at the end of the episode thank you so much for sticking by us yes absolutely always emailing always follow us on tiktok instagram and email us at hello at the debrief podcast.co.uk perfect subscribe to us on all the podcasting platforms

yeah and the podcasting platform spotify yeah cheeky podcasting platforms. And Spotify. Do Cheeky or Spotify. Love you guys. Have a great week. Bye. Bye.