The Debrief - Me & My Bestie Are Drifting, What Do I Do?!

Episode Date: January 29, 2024

Welcome back to The Debrief,This week is all about your GIRLS! The quote "I got my girls" has been thrown around social media, and we are here to deconstruct what it really means to have your girls. We're tackling friendship dilemmas and bestie dramas, all whilst offering our advice on how to branch out and make more female friends in 2024!As always DM us on Tik Tok & Insta @the.debriefpodcast or email [e-mail] an amazing week, you all deserve one! Lots of love, K+K x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Debris! Happy Monday, Katie. Happy Monday, Kitty! I feel like I never say your name! I know, I know. It's like you're in trouble. I know. Actually, you never say Kitty.

No. You always say, like, Kit, or you will avoid my name in all like circumstances you'll be like hey there friend hey amigo like i don't know who you're talking about i genuinely i but i remember i used to be quite scared to call you kit did you when i first met you i remember in halls you were like kitty or kit and i would be like kitty i would be respectful yeah Kitty Hannah Harriet McNeil yeah I'll give you your name yeah yeah that's your born name and then people be like Kit Kit and I remember the first time I called you Kit I was like Kit you're like done it done it it was like um we all call Archie Arch and Katie never calls her Arch she'll just be like Archie and then if she says Arch, we all spin around like, what?

I know. And it's like, I never found Peach for a long time. Actually, was Peach this year? Because I don't think I called you Peach when we lived in our house before. No, I think this has been a recent thing, but it's just gotten like shorter and shorter. Yeah. Because it used to be Big Batty, then Peachy Leech.

Peachy Leech peachy leech and now it's just peach yeah so what's your mantra for this week my mantra is oh i am excited for the uncomfortable oh that is fucking fantastic i know and you know what it just hit me and i thought yeah that is say it again i am excited for the uncomfortable i am excited for the uncomfortable so am i i am excited for the uncomfortable yeah shit that's scary it's it's really scary i'm doing a lot of things at the moment that i'm feel really fucking out of my comfort zone that i'm finding terrifying but instead of being terrified because that's not a cute look no especially you can read my face so fucking easily yeah you're an open book wait i'm not like and you have to kind of look like you're

confident in what you're doing i do not so now i'm trying to i'm literally like i'm stressing i'm stressing yeah um so i am trying to give confident vibes yeah turn the terror into excitement just gotta think it's another skill in my skill another feather in my cap yeah you know you gotta know it yeah and you've got to believe it you can't just say to yourself this is the thing with mantras okay bitches right ucker bitches listen up listen up ucker bitches the thing with mantras you have to at your might put your puss into it and believe it you have to be like i am excited for the uncomfortable you can't be like i'm excited for the uncomfortable like actually be excited to be like look i can't wait to get a new skill i can't wait to put myself out there yes yeah love it genuinely love it okay so mine is kind of on the theme of of what we're going to be talking

about today amazing so mine are friends or the family that you choose oh I love that and I think this needs to be a reminder to all people there's been so much change in the last few weeks with people wanting to do a detox of relationships friendships um certain habits because it's the new year and that's fine and that's good and it's healthy but I think we need to as individuals we sit very comfortably in what we know yes and if we know these groups of friends then fine we'll just crack on with it however sometimes you need to have a reflection and think are these the people I want in my life yes is do I feel that you're giving stuff to not giving physically although that'd be nice if you got me a present but I love it um so that would be lovely although it'd be lovely but yeah um are you are you really what

i'm looking for and i think friends really are the family that you choose with your family you're born into it and that's great yeah with your friends you can and it is so powerful to be like i have chosen you to be in my family yes you are my friendship family yeah i've also chosen you to be in my friendship because I love and I think almost sometimes it can be a stronger bond because you haven't chosen that person as an individual yeah and I think it's a reminder as well to to make sure you kind of remind your friends that you're in each other's life for a reason I think there is is nothing wrong. People find it very uncomfortable with complimenting, you know? Yes.

However, I think one of the most beautiful things in life is to just be able to and to be like, I'm so happy you're in my life, you know? And it can be uncomfortable. Of course it can, depending on the person and the relationship and all of that. Yeah. But I think it's so important to make sure

you are surrounded with good people. Yes. They're your family. Hell yeah. Holding tight. Ohana means family. yeah um but i think it's so important to make sure you're surrounded with good people yes they're your family hell yeah hold on tight ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind do you know what that's from it's lilo and stitch it is bitch you know it yeah okay so my song this week, I'm going to sing to you. You can't count on me like one, two, three. I'll be there. Yeah. Because that's what friends are supposed to do.

Oh, yeah. Do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do. Okay. Oh, yeah. Boom. Great song. That is a great a great i'm not being funny i used to run around my trampoline singing this song like full blast i'd be like mom put on cats on me i was like what a song what a great song and obviously it's to do with friendships it's to do with yeah it's just so wholesome it's a cute song i do love that now tell me your song because apparently it's not on the same vibe it's not

on the same vibe you are you kill bill or something you have just oh no you've just said such a lovely sentiment about friendships and sung a beautiful song i did i did that is so wholesome yeah mine came to me this morning in the gym oh and i realized i haven't heard this song in such a fucking long time yeah and it's feral and i think it should be played all day every day my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like it's better than yours damn right it's better than yours i can teach you but i have to charge yeah it is the boys are waiting oh it's great i love it it's a great song it's a female empowerment vibe oh it is i was sat there fucking hip thrusting today And I was like The boys are waiting It was a great tune It is an absolute tune

You just put that on and think I believe in myself My mum used to play that in the car On the way to school sometimes It was on like a That is a Kris Jenner vibe Me as like a As like a eight, nine year old

I'm like what milkshake? I thought she made milkshake Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah It took time to sink in She was like a milkshake i thought she made milkshake yeah oh yeah yeah yeah like she took time to think she was like a shake it's like what was that other song blow my whistle baby whistle but i'd sing that as loud as i could on the straight having a barbecue like my sister i remember my sister was like don't sing that i was like it was it was during was the katie perry one I want to see your pika running around my house come on baby let me see you while you've got an afternoon I was literally like my sister told me one um blow by whistle baby men and then she was like yeah this is what it means i looked at her

in disgust and i was like i genuinely thought this is the most disgusting thing she'd ever said and that no one does that lily i was like i was like lily no one does that we've pulled that one because i was like no one i thought it was the most far-fetched bullshit i was like who would do that who would suck that who would think of that i i shook in my head for years i was like it's feral so anyway let's go on to recommendation so recommendation this week i had a lovely brunch at juice baby this week in chelsea with my mother oh it was amazing it was phenomenal you can have these big shakes of all it's all healthy they give healthy vibes oh it's so healthy vibes so we had like an antioxidant one so we had a

berry one but there's all like detox and you've got loads of different great smoothie options they also do like great bowls of fruit and chia puddings they do lovely like healthy toasties they do ginger shots and they do tasters as well in case you're like i'm not sure if i want to buy a full bottle and it was gorgeous absolutely gorgeous let's debrief that was lovely that was okay girls I'm gonna take you through the debrief this week all right take us through so we are going to dissect friendships and finding specifically your girl group yeah um now I think there's a lot of pressure around this subject. Yes. I've seen a lot of people see, a lot of people have said online that,

look, I'm in my 20s, I have not found my girl group yet. There is a lot of pressure to find these people and a lot of people always say anyway, oh, well, if you're in a relationship, make sure you always stick with your friends. And some people, I don't have that. I'm finding that really difficult. Today, we're going to talk about what I've just said. And we're going to normalize it and give you the best advice we possibly can. And we're going to dissect it.

So all of this came about from classic. The phrase, I've got my girls. I've got my girls. I've got my girls. Now, this comes from friends yes Ross turns to Rachel and says are you okay and she goes yeah I got my girls now this went viral okay so it was and I mean friends is always going to be like spoken about isn't it it's always going to be in the media but it went viral because everyone started posting little clips of them with their friends saying

works hard fuck it I got my girls yeah oh so all these clips were made and it was beautiful and it was really sentimental and I loved it yes and uh it felt really special however there started to be a big backlash of people making still using this sound yeah I got my girls and saying they don't yeah actually I don't have my girls um so we're gonna dissect what I've got my girls really means yes and I think I think personally for me there's not a definition but I think for me it means that you feel you have an individual or a group of women in your life that you can trust more than anything yes and to be able to feel that is one very special and very sacred but you are damn lucky to be able to have that yes

um it's almost like whatever happens in life the struggles that you have yeah and the potentially well there will be the failures you have no matter what these girls are there for you yes what do you think what do you think that i've got my girls means i think I'm very on the same wavelength as you were. It's just a base, a solid rock of support. And the big thing for me as well is no judgment. Yes. No competition. Yes, that's so big. In just a supportive collective group.

But weirdly, a group to me could be two people, three people. Oh, yeah. It could be one other person completely it's not necessarily saying that yes there are people who are very fortunate to have a group of like 10 really close friends in a massive group yeah but also i'm all for keeping your circle small yes me too me so yeah to me it is just that constant support. Completely. Who's there for the highs and the lows and everything in between. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. And I think, as you said, the no judgment, the no competition, there are going to ultimately be women in your life that will compete with you and that you will compete with. That's okay. Yeah. That is okay. However, it can get toxic.

It can get too much. And then is, and hopefully, I crossed my fingers, that should not be in your friendship group, that should not be in between your connections. So personally, I don't think I've got my girls means an amount, you don't need an amount. Don't think, oh, well, I've only got two close friends. So does that mean I haven't got my, no, you got your girls. If you've only got two close friends so does that mean I haven't got my no you got your girls if you've got those two close friends and they mean the world to you and you mean the world to them you got your girls yeah it was interesting that 53 percent of women say that they have close friends between one and four yeah 38 percent then they said that they have 38% said that they have five or more close friends.

Oh, wow. 8% said that they had no close friends at all. Do you think that you have found your girls? And why and when and how? It's really interesting because I would say there are so many seasons in your life of friendships. Yeah, completely. And I feel like growing up originally no no I didn't and then I changed my environment and then I did have my girls and I had that all the way through

and then as you get older and it's funny because we talk about feeling the uncomfortable yeah a lot of things friendships have had their seasons yeah and I've had to do the uncomfortable thing and realize that we're just kind of on different planes yeah that it worked when it worked and now it's just a different environment we're very different people um and that's okay and that's absolutely fine yes and that's what's best for you and that person. Completely. So I'm at this point now where I feel like, I feel like I'm so fortunate to have you and to have my close friends. Yeah.

But I feel like in terms of, I don't know, maybe sometimes people find often they're girls in the workplace and stuff like that. I feel like, I feel like I get on with everyone yeah and then I have my base who I'm so so comfortable with yes yeah but I feel also it's quite hard in the sense especially like at our age to let people in without feeling a bit wary so I would say yes and no I would say yes I think there's a big difference as well of having acquaintances having people that and we all know that we have circumstantial friends we all have seasonal

friendships that's okay yeah that's not to think you're a bad friend yeah um but there's such a difference between acquaintances and I got my girls because with acquaintances you see day to day maybe every yoga class on a Monday you see that person and they're lovely and you get on and you chat about their boyfriend and your boyfriend and the dog they just got yeah you're not meeting up for coffee with them you think oh no no I'm not crying to you on the phone that mum had a go at me I'll be going to different people with that yeah I think personally I feel I have yeah but I think it's taken me a time yes I have found friendships easy to come by yeah and growing up however I look back and I'm like wow you were not real friends you know yes

and that's not shitting on them no nor is it shitting on me but I'm like we were both trying so hard for that bloody friendship yeah and I look back and I'm like oh god like we're just not in the same bubble at all. Cause I feel like that's where like, and you can agree or disagree, but in, at our point in life now, we're at a point where you're almost going into that new season of life. Like it is, we're in a big transitional period of our lives where even the most loyal friends or anything like that can come out the woodworks and and it's just it's just a really weird time I think in our lives um and I feel like the real

ones stick by you oh they absolutely do and if I really reflect and it did take me time I thought who could you go to and tell your biggest secret yeah and have no judgment yeah and five women came to me yeah and I thought do you know what I feel damn lucky to be 21 and to have gone through all these different people and said I love you love you don't can't stand you can't you know like oh god get out my face whereas like there are five genuine people I think of in my life and think yeah I could speak to you yeah and that's so nice that I have chosen that family yes that's not my family yes um but you are you're my kitty family you're my girls yeah you're my friends you're my my own being yeah and I would argue some know more than my own family do because you have those different relationships

yeah and um of course you go to different friends with different things but I feel really lucky that you can you can find people well I have found people that I think okay I could tell you I could really tell you and I know you wouldn't judge me yeah and you would give me a hug yeah and you would reassure me yeah um but it took time and it took a lot of time and tell me and these girls are from different stages of my life yeah only one I've kept from my childhood yes yeah yeah two from school uh one through experience yeah and you you know and and i think god you you meet thousands of people yeah school over life live and get different relationships and all of that whereas these people i'm like my base and that's what we said ultimately yes that's your base absolutely because

i would say i've got three girls yes that you're like i'm like i've got you i could talk to you yes and i feel like it's yeah i think that's what only yeah two of them are from school and when you think about school you're like what the fuck oh when you say i love you you're my best friend and you're like can't stand you there's some people like in my i went to like a different sick form and i like oh my god like there was three of us and we were like the fucking three musketeers yeah um i do not speak to them now yeah yeah it's just it's just so weird that you think oh my god like i you were ride or die at one point and then life happens you just fade away which is absolutely okay yes and that's fine but you can have your base but it like you said it takes a while to figure out who your base are yeah like

years years of absolute years going through things we're just about that you led us on brilliantly but we're literally just about to discuss that why can it be hard for people yeah and that is because you cannot find people until you find yourself now it sounds so found myself you know but it's so true like I look at certain friendships and the ones that have stuck stuck the ones that have stuck yeah knew me for me like I look at these girls I'm like okay you knew me before I knew who I was and you loved me for it. And then I think of these three other girls and I'm like, I was my truest self in front of you three. Other people, I was so different.

And actually, these other three girls mentioned it to me and said, you're different than them. And I'm like, you knew me, you know? So the first thing I'm going to refer to with why it can be really hard yeah now according to research we make 29 real friends in our lifetime and only six of them stick around yeah it's just it's interesting 29 and I think yeah like for example I have my 21st and yes there are a lot of people there and you know what it's really nice to have people that you're like oh you're a great person I just

can't see you all the time that's okay yeah so the first thing I'm gonna um say what makes it hard is pressure from the media yes through films through tv shows through media we see friendships such as how i met your mother yeah friends um as well as new girl yes and in this is idealistic unrealistic relationships yes and i'm saying this yes you know for example katie and i live together so yes we we are so lucky to have that friendship um because we do live together we can say fuck it should we go for a coffee shall we go now it's done you know but in these environments they are unrealistic because they're all in the same place at the same time yes well that's unrealistic they've all in friends somehow

someone who's a waiter a waitress someone who's a um paleontologist yeah someone who's a musician they all have the same timetables yeah and they all work they never work and they can sit in a coffee shop for three hours yeah it's unrealistic and all these friends live in the same place unrealistic how can they possibly be paying the same amount and can afford the same place like they can't they all live around the corner from each other like yeah yes they have no it's perfect yeah exactly so I think that's the one that's the first biggest pressure because it's like well you see it on tv and you're like well they make it look so easy yeah so why can't I surely I'm well I can do that yeah Rachel Green

could do it I could do it yeah you know but it is so different um what the second one i was going to go on to which you mentioned earlier was lack of trust so the friendships you make at school are really hard to maintain after high school yes you all go off to different areas you all do the same thing and let's face it when you're at school you have a small amount of people from to choose from and you're going to choose two tits that don't really aggravate you that much yes but do those tits actually you actually like those tits yeah it's it's like do you or are you just unified by a common ground that you fucking hate everyone else genuinely you know like it's hard with school in the sense that you meet so many people and then you get on with them so well but i'm like is that just because

you're forced to spend time together every day you're just trying to make your life easy and then you don't trust your judgment you think well am i friends with them just because we were at school or do they like me genuinely i feel like it all comes out when when you leave school and you kind of get to know them on a deeper level as a person and you think oh god i either one one stops making an effort one is short and then they start acting in a certain way that you think okay that was fine in school but we're not in school anymore like people mature and develop at very different times and i've had it before i've turned around and been like oh my god we are completely different people it's like this just is a weird vibe now yeah and of course we all

mature we do we even look back and we think oh bloody hell if I matured however my friend who um I've known since I was six and she's my oldest friend she said to me you haven't changed and I think so fundamentally I am still the same yeah and I think to be able to do that is is great but also to have friends you can recognize that in yeah when you start having friends that you're like and then you leave school you're like it's who are you it's wild it's scary it's really scary it can be it can be really scary when you're like I told you everything now I'm like who are you I shouldn't have done that yeah but I feel like it's weird it's also a strange one in the sense and you touched on it with finding yourself first

oh yeah that's why it might be hard because you might not even know what you what you like in a person because you don't know what you your values yeah I definitely didn't yeah like growing up I really would I did not respect myself at all I had very low confidence so it's only really gotten to like the last two years where if I see qualities in someone that I think I don't respect that or I think that's disrespectful I can turn around and be like okay we're not going to get on yes on to the next thing which is a huge struggle is lack of time now yes university is such a great time to make friendships because you have three solid years yeah where you can establish friendships in a new area yep in new environment where you've really understood yourself a bit better yes

yeah and that's a great time however it's three years it's a lack of time goes quick yes and the first year you're making friends second year you found your friends third year you're doing work yeah and before you know it oh little bobby's off to manchester doing doing psychology yeah oh katrina is going to north umberland you before you know it you're like oh i just thought i found my people and now everyone's fucking off yes yeah that is difficult that's hard it's hard with university in the sense like you said when you join first year and you kind of get you think the people in your halls are going to be it and i mean we were so fucking fortunate from what we've been told but yeah there are you can go into your halls and be like oh my god everyone's a wackadoodle and i don't

vibe with them yeah that could be difficult then trying to join societies and but then forcing yourself also to go out i've said it so many times it's so much harder to make friends as you get older i personally find yeah and i think the whole lack of time it then goes on to after university everyone's now prioritizing their jobs everyone's prioritizing their jobs and making that their forefront of i need a career i need to build my career therefore i'm sorry little bobby can't head off to you know can't head off to manchester sorry katrina can't go to northumberland yeah you it it is difficult and look if you want it you make it work yes and that doesn't mean texting every single day meeting up every week having a face time it means a text whenever that

works for you we asked the debriefs about statistics to do with making friendships and finding girls so the first one is when have you made your closest friendships during your life so far number one is school number two is university and number three is working life what do you think was top i'm gonna say university you'll be right there yeah you would be right yeah absolutely 53% university which I thought was huge yes but but you can understand it more yeah you know yourself better god I knew myself way better when I met you yeah I was ready to party I was like so yeah okay but oh my god I still look back and I'm like I still have no idea yeah yeah yeah you know I like oh I knew myself better but also I chatted did I yeah I'm like did

I like half the things I did I look back I'm like oh god how embarrassing you know I'm like that's embarrassing but we did it and we cracked on what do you think second option I would say second I want to say school you'd be right yeah yeah but only by two percent it's hard though because it was pretty equal with workplace you have a common interest yes you do your job the company yeah um and also similar to school workplaces you are also put in a room with someone for nine ten hours a day yeah like you will find common ground and you will yeah forge friendships a bit better because you're in the same place and you can get to know them a bit and also if you like procrastinating ask karen how her friend is

yes you know like it's that's also quite easy and you get like work nights out and stuff like that i also um asked do you feel you have found your girls and there were a few responses which were pretty sweet one girl said no not at all that's okay i'm saying that's okay do you know what i will say and everyone knows this person and for a while i was this person that has all the fingers in all the pies knows every no knows everything that's going on about everyone but i will say floats between so many groups that they're not part of a group themselves completely and that's a very lonely place to be and it's also quite sticky because they're also it's impossible to be so well liked by every single group of persons so

they're changing themselves to fit that dynamic yes just for the sake of being well liked by everyone and also you've got to think who's going to back you at the end of the day they've got bigger priorities exactly yeah so i would much rather having the courage to be disliked and having being okay with the fact that you're not going to get on with everyone and not everyone's going to get on with you is a very brave place to be yeah and i would much rather be vibing by myself yeah until i find the people that get me then try and brown nose every fucker no no no no exactly i think that's great advice another girl said i do feel i do have a close group of friends however I don't trust them I would say on that one not sure you found girls before we move on the last girl said that I feel that my boyfriend's closer to my friends than I am because I'm in a group of boys oh that's hard that's hard some

girls are closer to boys that's fine that is okay so this term I've got my girls yes we have been referring to females but for some girls that also means potentially other people yeah it doesn't have to be women um look for that particular advice if they are your friends they your friends don't let sexuality overcloud that the fact that your boyfriend's the same sex that don't let that cloud it um remember that you knew them first yes yeah and that they chose you and you chose them 100 to be family okay so the next thing um how do you feel that these people can come over not these people specifically as in we were talking about the different obstacles of lack of time lack of trust yes how do you feel people can come over them i think overcome them sorry come over them yeah i was actually with some of the other day and i tried saying sentence

two times i was like and i was like and i was like oh my god i was like i can't speak anyway god i would say anywhere you are yeah classes follow your hobbies yeah if you love dancing go go to dance classes lovely and i know it's really hard but i would also assure yourself that if everyone's there by themselves they're also probably feeling a bit nervous and anti-social like literally give a quick smile be like oh sorry do you have the time something like that break the ice in a nice way love that leotard oh that's lovely yeah oh you did that so well like like you said compliments are hard to give but when you give them everyone loves a compliment everyone relaxes feels oh yeah yeah um i would say facebook groups oh interesting there are so many facebook groups

of people in different areas that you can do where you can join and make um someone will literally be like hey i really fancy going to the cinema but i've got no one to go with is anyone down to go see um tommy the giant at 7 p.m yeah exactly and then you can go um and enjoy tommy and enjoy tommy the giant yeah instagram pages as well yeah so many instagram pages especially i'm talking mainly about london is what i see the most but i know there are places for other cities where you can join and go to group events i mean these girls run these girls run we also have the lonely girls that you do like walks and stuff and and it's all all about making friends yeah that's all the premise

i mean even that mixer we went to oh that was great like the tbh mixer that was great and we met verity who you know runs it all and is the founder and stuff and introduced us to loads of different girls which was great yeah absolutely yeah that's really good advice but what would you say um i think don't be afraid to lean on your family in the sense of if your sister does have more of a friendship group or more of an established vibe that's all right yes go along with her because you not you don't know she your sister's friend might have a younger sister who you really get on with allow yourself to go to different things and just be open don't think oh they're just my sister's friends or yeah my brother's friends so they don't want to be friends with me yes they will

yeah and i get on so well with all of our friends siblings yeah so do i yeah i feel like i could have a have a coffee alone without any of like with just your siblings and be no drama yeah just so lovely um so don't be afraid of that at all I also think I think the hobbies one is so good it's so good I think if you're finding difficulty in a situation remove yourself completely yes a lot of the time say there's a group of five girls which is always tricky because fives are not a nice number but if there's a group of five girls and three of them are getting you in your tits one of them you like one of them you love yeah and you go to the one you love and say look oh i'm not feeling this way and she's like oh well i really like them

that's difficult okay that's really difficult i'm not saying drop that friend that you love yeah but try and remove yourself from the situation completely and look elsewhere and as you said the hobby vibe um i don't know what else you could do, as in the different groups. Don't be afraid to reach out to people. Yeah, I honestly learn to love your own company as well. Yes, yeah, yeah. Like, truly. Because that's when you'll learn what you want in a friendship.

Yeah, there's no, but I, again, I'm a bit of a fucking, what's it, a clam? Like, I do, hermit, hermit. I was's it a clam like i do a hermit hermit i was like a clam i was like where's she going i do i am a little bit of a hermit i do love my own company great advice allow yourself to understand yourself and think yeah that's what i'd like yeah that's what i'd want absolutely okay so we're gonna go on to some debrief dilemmas that the girls have written in about um i've got my girls yes hey girls i loved this question this week and i found myself in a bit of a situation so basically i've got a childhood best friend we've known each other since we were three wow and grew up together bloody hell my shit me yeah literal shit um she knows everything about me and

i know everything about her and i love her to pieces lovely basically we both live in the uk but after school i went on to study at nyu nice fuck off nice come on this is international living the life of miss usa so gossip girl oh my god i'm so jealous i'm like sit on the steps oh sit on the steps please i absolutely love it and i've found some great friendships it's been hard for my best friend let's call her by becky okay to stay in contact because of the time difference so we basically just text all the time well that's what we said earlier with make it work with what works for you i haven't seen her for a year and a half because we've

just kept missing each other so i'm now in third year and after i graduate we've both decided we're going to go traveling around southeast asia oh my god i'm like see you in Thailand girl See you in Thailand Oh Which goes Or so I thought In caps All in caps Dot dot dot Oh god it's like a novel Oh

Because we haven't seen each other for ages I invited her to come to New York For New Year's Eve Wow As she had some time off for uni What a trip Oh my god this is lovely Oh my god lovely

You're welcome But to say i was counting down the days until she left was an understatement i was praying for them to come quicker she was not capitals the becky i remember she was rude sarcastic and quite frankly someone i'd never associate with shit very. Very negative energy. And I really found myself wondering how we were ever this close. My friends in New York, even subtly and politely,

mentioned how they would never have matched us, which I could understand because I told them all about her and what they were expecting wasn't what they got. She made subtle digs about everything. The fact she had a boyfriend, I don't. How my studio flat is the same size as her bathroom. Oh, okay. I mean, what a bitchy thing to say.

And I even noticed she didn't ask me any questions about my life at all. Oh my God. No, no. I don't know, girls. girls i just feel i don't feel right about this i considered her my girl and now i don't really want to associate with her at all what should i do am i being too drastic should i cancel the trick trip or my feelings valid oh god cancel the trip oh firstly cancel that i i have been there oh you have i have been there you have canceled fantastic story cancel that trip i completely get where you're it's it's mind-boggling when this happens and i don't know whether that person has been the same when you think has she been the same this entire time has she always been like this or have i just my blinkers

come become a different person and then it's almost like when you break up with an ex and then see them for what they were and you're like and you're like oh my god like i there are so many things that we don't align on that at the time I thought we did. So I completely get where you're coming from. I think, let it fizzle. I don't think it has to be this whole big, I don't think we're friends anymore. But that's hard when you're like, this was my ride or die girl. And do you know what? And I completely get you because I bet it was just one little thing she started doing and you thought and then you just start noticing everything else and you go oh we are very different people and maybe because she found herself at uni her vibe her new friends her friends were like oh she's

and i respect the new friends for not being bitchy yeah but being like oh they seem like we're just they do seem like good girls is it bad if she goes traveling with the other girls because i'm only concerned that she cancels the trip and then doesn't go traveling before she starts work i think you should plan if you still want to go to is it southeast asia if you still want to go to southeast asia go but i would also go i would go with another group okay yeah um i i would yeah i forgot katie had this first hand like went to a trip with someone and it was it was hard wasn't it it was it was a difficult time yeah it was yeah and i think do not as katie said dedicate yourself and if you're going southeast asia you're not

going for a week you're not no you're going for a while you're going for a few weeks yeah don't commit yourself and think god i love that time but fucking hell she ruined it yes don't do that then go with other girls now i'm sure she's gonna write in and be like yeah how do i do that then okay um can't lie that is quite hard that's a hard one because you don't want to lie and be like oh i can't go on the trip anymore and then just and then go because you're going to be posting about it you're going to be doing all the stuff so that is difficult it's a hard one in the sense where um or could she invite her new girls with her yes that's a really really good solution that could be a solution like and then

maybe be like oh look i'm gonna invite my uni girls why don't you invite yours yes so then it's more it's safer to travel in groups anyway girls yeah but it could be good then if she brings friends and they kind of yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah say oh my god my friends that met you had such a great time meeting you they really want to come i think it'd be amazing to go as a big group of course it's you you and i's idea we came up yeah but i thought it'd be so nice to go as a big group yes great it just seems like she's giving i can't lie it seems she's giving jealous vibes well saying the thing about the room was really bitchy that's really bitchy that's bitchy and also i'm not being funny she's in new york so what do you expect like if you're in fucking manhattan living your best life no and then she comes up and is making loads and she's

a student she seems a bit jealous yeah that's true yeah very jealous and to come from uk to nyu wow you've done well it takes a very brave thing to do yes it does the first thing i'm gonna say is yeah do not let her rain on your parade yes okay go on what was your dilemma mine is hi girls hope you're well i've recently graduated from uni and got a job here in london which is super exciting yay however all my girls have got jobs in other cities or have moved back home my workplace is still new and i'm having trouble making any new friends my age i've never understood london as a lonely place till now it just seems that everyone has their groups and i feel like

it's really impacting my time here as well as my enjoyment of the job which i was so excited to start if you have any tips to help i just get so shy thanks girls oh oh darling do you know what i went to this um it is on topic but I went to a another like creative mixer and there was someone who overtly addressed the fact that it was shy they said it took me four hours to sit there and think I'll do this and I was like shit like I literally just rolled off my day and came here so to be shy is I don't underestimate that it is so difficult because I I do get shy yeah and I feel like it I get shy shy I get really shy especially like less so I would say with friends but I do especially when i started my uni course this year yeah i really tried my

best to be like hey guys yeah hi because it's so hard because at this age your mum's not going to be there like go speak to that person no no no you you have to go up and be like hello like this is me this is what i'm about yeah i would say um it is really hard in the sense as well as because workplaces are also a very diverse place in terms of age yeah where I used to work in a place where I was the youngest by about 20 years that's hard so that's also really hard I would say I would say it's a hobbies thing I would say still rely on your friends still catch up with them when you can text them check in when you can because they're still your girls yeah don't lose those friends yeah if you felt they were your

girls it's just been a matter of life taking where they need to go yeah and out of these five girls i mentioned earlier one of them lives in london and that's where i live yeah you know that's you yeah so girls don't don't stress you know and I would you can still have your girls but be in different places yeah absolutely and even with our we have a friend who moved um far to come to London and they've settled in so well yeah they have a great group but they also have their girls completely and that's okay so I think I would give work a bit more time it seems like it's still quite new and I would say it takes at least like two months to three months to feel fully settled in a job anyway yeah I completely get what you mean in terms of London being quite an overwhelming place because

it seems there's everyone and also no one yeah it's it's a very vast place and I feel like without a solid group around to be like should we just go for a drink it can feel very overwhelming um but i would say even clubs hobbies i know there are places that do i actually saw um oh my gosh i'll have to post about it i need to remember the name they were doing a valentine's mixer oh valentine's lovely it looks so much oh definitely do that that's coming up so stuff like that which is equally as scary yeah i remember when i used to get really shy when i changed sick forms as well i was going to a sick form no one else from my school was going to i knew no one going in yeah um and my mum was like have it on your list to speak to three people yeah just

say hello how are you that's fine and then it just rolls on from there yes completely i would also say biggest thing for you my love be open-minded yes so someone at my work might say look i'm gonna have drinks this evening um just at my flat with a few people do you want to come and you think oh no no i don't actually because you're not my vibe yeah but you go and you meet someone that you think oh my god who are you you're so much fun yes and they're such and such his friend who used to work with such and such absolutely so you think oh and they live near me they just live in the next borough great so definitely be open-minded also be brave be brave be bold take a deep breath and think oh I've got this be open-minded and last one um busy and being busy

means just have things in the diary try keep yourself busy therefore you're going to look forward to things you're not going to dread the evenings on your own yeah if you're living by yourself keeping busy is the best thing you can do yes as well as the fact if you're at work and someone goes oh what are you doing tonight you're like oh actually i'm going to go to a dance class you can come if you want brilliant you're the best type of people don't be stuck to it if they go oh that's a shame we were gonna go out for drinks go be like that's fine fuck the dance yeah yeah yeah be flexible it's almost like uni again where you have to do a lot yeah you do i know london can feel very lonely but and again you've got to reach out to us reach out to l on truly 20 she goes she's been through it

recently do this um yeah absolutely proud of you girls okay how many do you have i've got one i've got two okay okay ping pong yeah okay okay first one people staring at you on the train what the fuck are you doing it's a form of harassment now it is it's genuinely a form of harassment okay so on the train you see sometimes saying staring is harassment like it is it genuinely is i went on the train the other day i was coming back from seeing my acting coach went on the train and I sat down in a four yeah this man was staring at me and when I say staring he was like staring yeah and not blinking not looking away and I visibly looked back at him to be like I I can

see you're looking at me and it's making me he kept going so then i looked away to feel uncomfortable and then i looked back and i was like what are you doing what are you doing it's such an ick i was like stop staring like it's so rude it's really it is so rude and it's really intimidating even if i don't know why you would stare at someone for that long it's so weird i'm literally just i'm like oh i'm gonna put you in a cave i'm like what are you doing oh okay you ready yeah okay okay mine's kind of friendship related okay go on is and this is maybe a bit controversial oh they're being a group leader oh in a not like a project manager no no because we love them someone who is oh well maybe we should

run that by emily first why are we running it why are we scared of emily why are we running it by emily it icks me out like especially in it obviously has to be a group bigger than two people yes but i'm like if you were in a girl group and there's someone like oh we shouldn't do that emily won't like it i'm like emily't have to come no i in team emily no i in team so it's just one of those things where people almost kind of there's almost like a dictator of the group oh god i'm like yeah and they're like oh oh i think of doing this what emily said we want to go to subway so we're going to go to subway why are you doing that it really i tell you i saw a friend the other day and she told me this exact thing really friendship group of four one of the girls got kicked out the friendship because the

leader didn't like her oh the girl one of these girls in the friendship still likes the girl and she was like i kind of want to meet up with her she told not asked she told the script leader yeah saying look i am going to meet up with her she told not asked she told the script leader yeah saying look i am going to meet up with her we had a very good friendship she said well that would be ridiculous you'd be out of the group i'm like bearing in mind this woman is 21 come on come on if someone said to me you cannot see them or you're out of the group of like oh love oh jog on jog on jog on Emily says do I give a fuck what Emily says am I a person no no no no right okay my last one when people make unnecessary conversations it actually I like and I feel I'm quite good at making it known if I don't want to speak to them yeah the first one that happened last week I was running yeah I was running outside

and you think I'm not that slow that people think they can talk to me I'm thinking I am running you know I'm moving and I'm starting I'm running and someone says oh gosh isn't it a nice day i've got headphones in so i'm like what they say oh isn't it what i take my oh it's a nice day i'm like yeah yeah it is but i'm running you silly bitch i'm running anyway go back in going to sainsbury's good old sainsbury's because i'll sponsor us yeah yeah i'm in Sainsbury's getting some celery okay anyway someone stood next to me they go oh what like what genuinely what yeah like oh gosh it's all so confusing is it the vegetables it is it and and I wasn't like I'm not rising to ask what's confusing and if you need help because I don't work it yeah I don't want if you need help go to someone so I'm like oh and then they were

like do you know where the apples are I'm like okay so if that was your intention say to me at the start excuse me sorry do you know where the apples are honey I got you other side on the right yeah you know but oh but to be oh it's also confusing it's not really like why you must be an idiot because it's not confusing how to find apples it also no but that would annoy me in the sense that if someone like asks me where things are i'm also like it's it's i don't work here like this could be my first time in sainsbury's as well yeah yeah how how do i know this like how how do you think i'm not mystic meg like no crystal ball like oh second row after the bread do you know what i mean i'm like

i don't know bitch i i don't know my patience was thin so i was like around just around there i was like but you should have just said that to me at the first point yeah silly bitch silly woman okay so you ready for questions questions questions questions questions okay so i'm silly so you go first yes so my question to you is would you rather yeah be the biggest socialite ever okay like on the steps okay on the steps you were in everyone's circles everyone's like kitty fucking hell we love that girl like that fucking girl like you're always invited to the parties you're always invited however however you're like a filler invite a filler so they're all like oh yeah we love kitty bring her but not everyone i have to have her at the event you know what i

mean like oh oh yeah actually oh yeah see what kit's doing like get her across but you i'm invited to every event but not necessarily wanted yes but you're at every event so if they're like oh my god remember that after party and you were like oh yeah that was crazy like you always okay i'm always there and you're always invited okay and if there are coffees happening brunches they're like oh let's see if kit will come you know okay so i'm thought of yeah okay okay okay nice or spend and that will go on for all your 20s okay but you feel like am i aware of this am i aware of people a bit like but it's almost like if you had to get rid of a dead body you'd be struggling to figure out who to call because it would go around like wild what a shame what a shame a lot of trust okay or you'd spend your entire 20s with numero uno yeah by yourself and then meet your ride or die

group when you turn 30 i'm telling you it might be controversial but I'm doing Paris Hilton because I'm like 20s is about gaining experience yeah with numero uno although she's a legend she might not be able to experience them if it's only numero uno yeah you know there's not lots of parties for and you you know yeah yeah and but like going to all these experiences that's fine but then at least i know i've got my family to be like don't really trust the bitches but we had a good time you know and then at 30 we're like coming in bring it in bring it in come to mama come to mama yeah you know but i i don't think i could go through all of my 20s without being like she pissed me off like being like back me here yeah because sometimes i tell you stuff and

you're like do you know what i don't need to hear the context i back you and i'm like thank you you know um and that's what i need to hear i don't need i actually beefed up like a few days ago like i was telling him like a situation and i was like oh it's just so irritating he was like oh but on the other hand no no i was like at this point there's no other hand i was like, oh, but on the other hand, no. No. I was like, well, at this point, there's no other hand. I was like, for the first hour, you bat me. Then when I'm ready to hear it, you'd be like, okay. And then we can talk. Yes, exactly.

Exactly. Okay. So my silly question, similar round, but slightly different. Okay. Would you rather find your girls at the age of 45, but you can see them every single week? Oh. Okay. so you've got a group of girls at 45 they are your bestest friends ever and you see them every single week so that might be like coffees lunches brunches walks daycare like you see them every week or find your girls in your teens late teens 18 19 and only see them once a year

first one really yeah yeah yeah i want to be around that environment me too and then if i once a year once a year imagine i'm like hey girl but i'm off and then and then like what is it all just because i what i like with my friends that live away i probably see them every two months or like sometimes every month great facetime all the time and text fine once a year no once a year nah what do you say i'm a clam i'm a i'm a clam i'm a clam at the end of the day and that's not gonna work no that's not gonna work for me that's not gonna work yeah i agree with you i would yeah i'd have to see them every week that'll be so much fun yeah i know you've all got your hubbies or your partners and you're just yeah having a great time ideal all right girlies i hope you had a lovely monday yeah and enjoy the week happy monday

and debrief to each other about how you feel if you found your girls yes and if you haven't you will and if you have legends yeah yeah and always write in your dilemmas. Remember we're on YouTube, Instagram, TikTok. So you can find us. We are everywhere now. So we are omnipresent. Yeah. Also, before we go, guys. Also, I know it's really weird,

but we saw, if you want to have like the weirdest night of your life, we saw the weirdest film at the cinema last night. Poor Things. Poor Things. With Emma Stone. Now. I wasn't crazy on it, guys. I won't lie lie to you i'm still thinking about it like i'm scared i was not crazy i'm telling you it wasn't weird sort of one word it was it was weird weird weird weird weird weird weird weird

it wasn't like yeah it wasn't feral weird no it was wackadoodle weird like it was sometimes it was feral but i know what you mean it wasn't like oh this is No. It was wackadoodle weird. Like it was just. Sometimes it was feral, but I know what you mean. It wasn't like, oh, this is like, no, I was genuinely like, what the fuck is going on right now? So I would love if people watch, only over 18 though, because it was an 18.

Yeah. So come on now. Fake ideas. Although I'm like, it should be 21. It should. Or 25. I was like,

I was so shocked by that film. It was wild. So guys, over 18s of course, watch it yeah tell us what you think Sam's still shook yeah

okay guys do the heart put your nose through it I don't think that worked the clown's not no no it's alright girl love you guys

have a great week bye I get bitches Bye. Up your bitches.