The Debrief - My Friend Hates My Boyfriend... HELP! | The Debrief Podcast

Episode Date: August 26, 2024

Welcome back to The Debrief! This week we are joined by Archie whilst Katie is away in Edinburgh and we discussed all things regarding that tricky dynamic of friendships and relationships. As always if you have any debriefs or dilemmas please email us [e-mail] or DM us @the.debriefpodcast Have an amazing week! Lots of love, K+K x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

welcome to the day room hi guys long time no see i know guys he's back again katie's away this week it's basically my podcast but well we'll see that. But we've actually got quite a good subject that you can fit in with. So he's back. I'm back, bitches. He's back, bitches. Back and better than ever. Katie's away, living her best life with the Scots.

Do you know what I would love to know is if the listeners are like, oh, yay. No, they're probably sick of me now. Giving some shit. Yeah, they're like, oh, he's back. He's back. Well, Katie's away in Edinburgh we just went to

Edinburgh Fringe so that is we did we're going to talk about that in a second but wasn't it fucking brilliant the Fringe

yeah I mean the creative people there I'm about to go it's going to be my recommendation as the play I'm sure you know

which one I'm going to say no I don't which one are you oh yeah it's just it was just absolutely brilliant I can't believe that as creatives or

sales we haven't been earlier just people are so inspiring and it's so nice to see other people really excel in their line of work as well and it's so like quirky yeah you think how do people think of this i mean i'm gonna do a quick shout out to classic penguin i mean oh gary star gary star i mean that was without giving much too much joy wow he's got a lot on show he's got a lot of balls literally yeah yeah he's even more annoying that he's in very good shape fantastic shape it was all going on guys but i tell you it takes a creative mind to think of a play like that so so let's crack on okay so tell me your mantra for this week archie and i don't actually believe you've been able to do a mantra before have you yeah i've have you i've mantred have you yeah

i've been on about three times it's my first showing okay yeah i'm not your first radio also i'm like i've got a stitch in my side. I am literally like trying to breathe. I've got such a bad stitch in my ribs. And I feel like I need to disclaim that I'm probably going to be really nervous for the next 10 minutes because I'm also in charge of tech. Oh, yes. I have my eye currently on the audio to see if it's working. I'm never in charge of tech. So if Katie's got a, I'm like, so what do I do?

Okay. We did a FaceTime with katie last night and she tried to give us the rundown yeah and all of a sudden i was like i just miss you girl and now she's like okay but back to the technical side um so yeah hopefully it'll go okay okay tell me your mantra my mantra is i am always able to grow oh always able to grow okay tell me why you'd like to do this so lots of different reasons evolving in life is something that has to happen i i don't want to be that guy and i'm 22 and i'm young but i was going through doing a lot of drinking okay and i think we had because we've been on we've been on our holly bobs i mean our friends are going to joke and saying we live one

big holly bob but uni finished for a bit work finished for a bit and so i honestly think from maybe june i drank every other night okay not in like a dependent way i'll disclaim that okay but in like a just trying to drink and have fun and all that stuff which is fair and fine but got to a point where i was backing out so much i was like this is not good so yeah i went well have been sober for seven days guys seven whole days don't you get like chips at some point i know no feel good we did a pub golf sober so feel good but actually i was really impressed because arch said to me like i'm doing this and i thought okay that's like all right and then I was proved wrong because you went to see your friends from school and you went back to Bath and you had a nice time

and you were still in God's sober and you know I could tell guys I wasn't there but when he phoned me which he always does when he goes away I could tell in his voice and I was like he hasn't had a single drink no I know all putting bets on me like oh he'll bail at pub four I thought you'd bail I'm so competitive don't give me a challenge. Yeah, actually. Actually, that's a good point. Try and pretend you think I'm going to do it and then I won't. And then I won't.

Then I'll prove you wrong. But no, I am always able to grow. And not even just with alcohol and stuff like that. Within life. We're learning and growing. Yeah, always able to grow. Because I also think with the whole 22 thing, people are like, oh, you're an adult now. Yes, I am.

But I'm literally a child as well like i am still trying to establish myself and i'm not saying that just career-wise i'm saying that emotionally i'm saying it figuratively figuratively i'm saying it in a relationship wise it takes years to fully be i i listened to this podcast a while ago a woman said i can't remember who it was but she said at the age of 45 i love myself now and i feel i truly know myself and i thought a lot of people take years and other people it takes 45 years but for that individual it did take that amount of time which is like okay well she had loads going on for some people it could take way more yeah i mean i think i've got quite a good grasp of who i am i think i've got a great grasp of who i am i mean i don't always get who i am

you shouldn't be laughing like there's a few times i just say things and i'm like oh my god but i am very lucky that archie understands me but also i'm gonna brag myself that i'm such a great apologizer yeah i am i do apologize yeah you do you do what's the face I was just thinking no you are a good apologizer you give you give the you apologize once you you've mulled yes I'm a muller you're not an immediate apologize you're an immediate apologize yes which irritates me but I but in a way you're kind of winning so okay but I will apologize but i take time i'm like and sometimes because it gets worse i don't know i've told you this before but i'll

dig deeper like and then i'll have to apologize for all the things i've just dug up but hey i'm lovable so my mantra this week is going to be to do with the recommendation so i won't give too much away but my mantra is anything is possible if you just believe and I'll explain a bit more in a second but also this refers for me personally I've just got some great news I feel really happy I feel really like excited for myself you're crushing it I am crushing it thanks and I feel sometimes it's 2-2-2 what? yeah it's oh my god it's a sign guys it is actually a sign I'm going to make a quick wish every time I have to make a wish Kit goes is it for me?

was that wish for me? I care yes I do and they always are yeah so anything is possible if you just believe you've got to be your own best friend bitches you've got to you have got to believe in yourself especially in this creative industry that we're in you have to go into oh my god where are your shoes i know i just took them off because i'm getting too sweaty oh my god sorry guys that's

actually great oh she's got no shoes on yeah i just feel it's so i've said it time and time again but you really need to be your own biggest fan whether this is we've got a friend at the moment who's about to go on the first date whether that's going on the first day take that into it think i'm interviewing you all right it's not just all about if you think i'm nice or if you're attracted to me or if you think i'm funny it's about what i goddamn think of you as well it It has to be like that. And I had like a meeting the other day and I went in a bit like, oh, stressed and arched,

said that exact same advice to me, saying you need to believe in yourself because then anything is possible. You know, you're interviewing them. So that's for me this week. And on that, I'm going to do my song first. My song this week is Not Afraid by Eminem. You know, the one that goes,

I'm not afraid, I'm not, because I'm not fucking afraid. Sing it more, come on. I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid to take the stand, to take the stand. Everybody, everybody gonna take my hand, gonna take my hand.

Oh, it's such a good tune. I was trying to vibe with it. Really? All together through the storm, whatever weather. I'm not a huge Eminem guy. Oh, see, Arch. Well, I'll play it to you later because it's such a bop. Oh, okay. But not afraid because I'm not fucking afraid.

I mean, bring it on. Bring it on. Bring it on. Bring it on. Okay, tell me your song. My song is Beat Goes On campbell campbell campbell it's like oh that is quite a good one actually yeah that's interchangeable yeah bop you can do it running you can do it getting ready in the club yeah in the club oh that'd be really good in the club

really good in the club yeah in the club oh that'd be really good in the club really good in the club yeah yeah okay would you like to record record recommendation

with me okay so this week it's all to do with Adam Refringe obviously you went to the fringe we went to go see the only time a fringe

is good yeah so true sorry to all those fresh people no it's not happening well i'd love anything actually i have a fringe then don't i so i'm gaslighting myself yeah i'm only a fringe looks good on me yeah so it's to do with the edinburgh fringe and we are going to do the

biggest shout out to rob madge my sons are. If anyone is going to the Edinburgh Fringe, if anyone has gone, if they're listening to that, go to this performance. It was incredible. I bawled my eyes out through it. I bawled my eyes out. That's not hard.

It's not too hard. I thought it was beautifully executed. I thought it was, what would you say, about an hour? It was an hour, wasn't it? Yeah, most Katie sorry sorry it did take an hour it was an hour 50 it was brilliant though it was very good yeah and it was absolutely brilliant it was about his journey as a queer individual and his journey through his adolescent and through his childhood.

And he's always had a passion to perform. So you see childhood clips of him wanting to perform Beauty and the Beast. You see childhood clips of him wanting to perform as the princess in The Little Mermaid, you know, and he's very dynamic. And he's, and as a child, I said to Arch and his sisters, when I left, I just said, how amazing creativity is. And as a child, I said to Arch and his sisters when I left, I just said, how amazing creativity is built in from a child from the get-go. Don't take that away. And that's what it was all about, about his journey as a queer individual, but also as a performer and wanting to do that

and navigating that journey with a lot of obstacles, but how he got through them. and he's made a show all about it and it was fucking brilliant it was absolutely brilliant i would i would recommend any age group whether it's us or i really think you know the older generation should see it as well because it really highlights why people the way they are and what that why it shouldn't be judged because he had he's done this for a couple years this show took it to west end brilliant took it to broadway but didn't get the funding i think so now it's back at the fringe to get some more funding but i mean what are the

legends like it was incredible like you said the older generation to show how much effect you have on people in general but also young children yeah and it was kind of to see the way his parents handled his upbringing all that it was yeah gorgeous lesson to be learned yeah it was it was really nice definitely would recommend that yeah okay should we crack on yeah let's crack all right you're gonna let's debrief with me let's debrief okay guys so this week we are all talking about if you should stay with your partner if your friends hate them okay so we're gonna talk about whether you've had a situation where you felt your friends don't like your partner obviously with me that's not possible but maybe like with previous partners that could have been or if you've been in a situation where your friend is in a relationship and you're like i'm really

conscious on them this week we're going to talk all about that as well as of course we'll do dilemmas and all that shebang so before we go any further arch can you tell me have you had a situation where you've experienced this in some capacity? I don't think I've had an experience where I've necessarily been the person in the relationship and have been told that they don't like them. Yeah. I've had a situation which I won't go into, but where my mum actually said, let's be considerate and careful about the situation. Okay. So yeah, that definitely... Was that harder coming from a family member rather than yeah i think a friend yeah you can always drop a friend you can't drop a family no definitely

and your family do know you well friends do know you but yeah that was especially mums mums always know they do yeah mums know like your mum will say to you as a child don't be friends and you're like mum I'm finding myself. And then she snakes you out. So mum's all right. Mum's what? Mum's the word. Mum's the word.

I've definitely been in situations where I don't like friends, partners, several occasions. It's really, really hard because I have no, you have no place. I honestly don't think you have any place to say. Because it's there. No, I don't. I personally don't think you have any place to say. No. Because it's there. No, I don't.

I personally don't think, I think you can guide and navigate and nurture, but like you can't, because that person might not listen to your advice and then you fucking put yourself in the shitter because you've said you dislike their partner. That's the only risk that is a bit scary because you want to be honest with your friends but then you're also like it would be really uncomfortable if then they told their partner

like such and such hates you which i wouldn't put it in that way anyway but then you kind of run the risk of being like yeah especially if it's like you're in a group of friends like i think nurture it you can definitely ask them leading questions like do you think that's the right way to be treated or oh i'm sorry that's really harsh way to eat it but i would never say i don't like your partner yeah yeah yeah but i also think that i'm not a great liar so most people know you're not but i think something that you do quite well apart from when you're drunk is you're quite not anymore you're very like diplomatic so you'll be like yeah well if you're happy are you happy because then we're all happy yeah it's not about us you

know well it is about them but it's when you feel yourself so for example i've had many friends i don't like the partners not many i would no no that's not all our friends listening to this now yeah they'll be like no guys if i actually say to you i love your partner i'm being dead on a set if i avoid the situation then red flags there have been two occasions where i don't like someone's partner but also i've had a family one like my sister my sister's been in a relationship with someone that i i wasn't a massive fan on and i think that was really hard for her you know and as you said it's not about us no it's not and my mum kept saying to me kate if he is the love of her life we need to take a step back and literally respect that because at the end of the day we want

her to be happy and bang on mum yeah yeah yeah we do want that but do we want him to be an arsehole at dinner over like shouting shit do you know what i mean but but it is true it's like i feel that you're not a good influence on my sister yeah that's my personal opinion okay maybe i shouldn't put me all in but i'm going to because i think it's for the sake of my sister yeah who knows maybe that'll change i feel like it's hard bringing siblings involved and friends like this two different situations because we've had conversations before about that scenario certain scenarios where when it's a sibling you and your sibling are have a good friendship and all that but you're not like i'm not saying it was saying siblings in general are kind of have to be friends by default because they're in the same family yeah which means the person they fall in love with and love with and

all of that wouldn't necessarily be your pick of person I know and you say this to me all the time but it stresses me out because I'm just like I know but but with friends I can understand it more it's like okay that's my friend I've chosen to be their friend like I like them because we have shared interests and qualities if there's this person who i'm like i don't have any shared interest or quality and i don't see why they have any shared interest or quality then it's more of a let's nurture this let's understand let's try and yeah see what they see like let's be let's be upfront when your sister had that ex-partner that you didn't like and my sister has had an ex-partner that i didn't like we and my sister has had an ex-partner that I didn't like,

we both didn't say it to them. No. Because... Oh, we hinted. We hinted. Yeah. You know, and we're very dramatic people in the sense of, it'll be, you know, slight little comments or...

Nothing that would ever offend them to the point of making them upset, because that's never the intention. The intention is, I want you to be with the right person yeah and that is going to be the whole topic of today so so this week kitty and katie asked the debrief polls on their opinions of if your friends hated your partner would you still be with them and why and there are a couple of percentages that we wait and we always do the gas we always do the gas so i'm gonna go so the first thing is yeah no no way my friends have known me longer and know what's best for me that's option one okay or there's option two is yeah why not we all have a personal preference okay would you stay with them now i think the no is gonna be small

okay would you stay with them no i think the no is going to be small like because although our listeners are young like our age and friends mean a lot at this age not a clue no i'm gonna say 30 say no we don't i would not stay with them because my friends know the best and then 70 say yeah we why not we all have a personal preference yeah yeah tell me okay so 45 of people said no way my friends have known me longer and know what's best for me so 45 will not stay with a partner that their friends don't like oh interesting whereas 55 said Whereas 55% said, yeah, why not? We all have a personal preference. So to be honest, almost like even split. Yeah.

And that's probably very interesting about the differences. Like, was it type A, type B person? Yeah. Yeah. 50-50. I don't know, you know. Would you? Would you?

So if, say, one of your friends, I'll be listening to these girls. If one of your friends i'll be listening to these girls if one of your friends came up to you and said i just don't like arch actually maybe don't answer this no i've never had a friend say that i've never had i've had friends say it with exes but i've never ever like the two girls that come to mind are like the closest and longest and you know both and they're both coming to that event soon and one of them said to me recently i would not be with someone who you didn't like and i said it to her as well now she sings raves about you you know she can't stop raving about you i think if it was one of the girls and they came to me and said I really don't like him I would need a good reason why yeah you know if they were just like you know if it was a if it was something that harmed me in some way you know my

zest my personality my like good graces my lovely but if they were like he puts you down he always puts you down, I'd be like, oh, you know, I would take it into consideration. But if they just say, I don't know, I just thought you'd be with someone else. Then I'd be like, well, that's not, do you know what I mean?

I get you. How about you? Yeah, I think if someone came to me in that situation, if it was a friend that came to me, I'd, I'm pretty strong on my opinions so i don't think i'd be swayed that much i'd want to hear their reason and then i think i'd probably be like nah you misunderstood that or like okay well let me not like you know like i would never i understand my opinion stronger than I think.

Okay. Yeah, my friends. My friends couldn't swear at me. No one saying it to you has ever. So that was like 90%, right? 10% just be like, no, I'm not listening to her. Yeah. Okay, we're going to do...

It's never happened. No one's ever said that. No one's ever said that. I'm not happy. Okay, so we're going to read some answers from people who said, no way, my friends have known me longer. No way. And we're going to... No way, no way. friends have known me longer no way we're gonna no way

no way not gonna make me a mug and then i'm gonna read some answers about yeah why not we all have a personal preference so we're gonna do like you do one like a ping pong a ping pong you know it you've been listening so one person said if my friend didn't like him it would be a huge red flag to me and if she gave a good reason i'd be out of there before i could even wave him goodbye kind of similar to kind of similar to what i said in the sense of let me hear you out you don't need to hear but let me hear you out what are you saying why what's the reason you know like has he said something to you about me that has caused a red flag but if it's just he's not your kind of person, well, then I'm sorry, but he's my kind of person.

So, you know, someone said to do with we all have a personal preference. To be honest, I would think that, to be honest, I would think they're just jealous. So I would ignore them. I know. I know. I know. You're friends, aren't you? Friends if you're thinking they're going to be jealous.

I just thought you need to get new friends you need to get some new friends okay controversial I mean if you have jealous friends then cut cut them out

yeah fair enough but wow yeah I know I was like oh okay okay

give me another I couldn't stay with them because it makes meetups so awkward true I live with my girl group and if they all hated him, it would make the situation so difficult. I'd rather keep my girls over some guy.

That's fair. Oh, bless her. Okay. I feel like at this age, if your partner is hindering you from having friendships, that's a huge red flag. Since being with you, not only have i kept all my amazing girlies that i love and adore but i've also met some great girlies from your friendship group who now i love and adore as well shout out to phoebe fusser i love you girl you know like

there are so many benefits this is the thing that i find with relationships. Are you getting more benefits? Or, no, are they, what's this saying? Are they... You talking about pros and cons? No, it's not even pros and cons. It's something like, are they giving to the relationship or are they taking stuff away from the relationship? Radiators or just like that. Yeah, something like that.

And what I basically mean is you need to be getting good things out of this relationship not be taking in a relationship anyway you need to want them not need them you should be able to stand on your own two feet and be able to function you'll find yourself you don't need to do that but if you're thinking i love my girls they love spending time with my girls but now i'm with him i can't see them yeah that's a huge red flag to me i would be like and it's difficult because we know a group or we know a situation in a flat share where someone's seeing someone who the other flatmate doesn't like and that makes evenings awkward that's difficult of all sides so yeah like it is a spanner in the works it really like yeah it depends how much you value

your friendships over your relationships and some people are relationship people some people are are not necessarily friendship based and if that suits you that suits you yeah yeah um that's true but don't isolate yourself yeah yeah 100 so one of the girls said this happened to me and i i ignored what the girls were saying because i felt i trusted my boyfriend more than them okay this has happened to me you know someone chatted shit about me and the girl took her boyfriend's side you can't hate them for it like if you're in love and if you trust your partner then you kind of are you would hope that you're yeah you kind of hope that your friendship would stand the test of time to be like you're going to come to me and address this sometimes it doesn't

sometimes it does but with her saying i trust my boyfriend well okay that happens yeah i think on that it's also interesting if you've got if it's one friend who comes to you i think okay if it's a group of friends if it's several of the friends have come to you and said the same thoughts and you're choosing one guy over more than one friend yeah like if if that amount of people who know you and love you are saying that yeah that's a good thing to consider actually that it's more of a like an average let's look at the average here you know is the average of my friendships saying oh because then let's consider that but again also you know yourself best you do yes um but i also feel that a lot of people don't address the situation until

they know they have the support from others you or it's always the the people who give the best advice can't necessarily listen to their own advice yeah and i think there's some psychological thoughts in that but yeah yeah okay do you have another i do i have i would drop him like a hot potato last time i didn't listen to my girls and found out I was the other woman. What does that mean? Oh my God. So he was in a relationship and she was a bit on the side. Oh, interesting. Poor you. Yeah, drop him like a hot fucking potato.

Yeah, drop him like a hot potato. And I love that you said that. Great. Yeah, I think that's natural for... And bless her, she's being so honest, being like, yeah, my friends told me that and I ignored them because as a girl just said here i trust my boyfriend more and girls can i say men can be fantastic gaslighters so they can be so the fact that you've trusted him well it's not your fault yeah i got you girl oh she's giving me devil's saying okay so i've got one more cool one of the girls says well i don't exactly

ah interesting she says well i don't exactly love caplock my besties boyfriend so if she didn't like me and if she didn't like mine, and if she didn't like mine, I'd hope she would be so courteous as I'm being and just get on with it. Okay? Okay. Do you know what that's like? I'm respecting your relationship. I hate him, but I'm respecting it.

So I'm not in the relationship. So if you don't like mine, but also that's hard because I'm like, if she's saying respect mine, because I don't like yours. If she comes to you saying, I don't really like your boyfriend. And then you said, well, respect mine because i don't like yours if she comes to you saying i don't really like your boyfriend and then you said well bitch i don't really like yours it's gonna look like tit for tat yeah i think also in any friendship a real friend would just

be happy if you're happy even if they didn't like your partner like if you have a friend who who came to you and said i don't like your partner but i can see he makes you happy like do you know what i'm saying as in like if they can see that is that still possible do you think yeah 100 people are so different everyone like everyone has their own quirks and their own things like yeah i guess you can see your best friend is being made so happy by someone but the conversations you have with him you're not like oh really like... But surely you want your best friend to be happy, therefore you're like, yeah, he's amazing. But if you're not ready to jump at the, yeah, he's amazing, why?

But I think you can see someone else being happy who that person doesn't make you happy. But I personally would not like a partner, a friend's partner, because I think they were bad for them. Not because of my personal preference. Honey, I'm not dating you. Like, it doesn't matter about me.

It doesn't matter if I'm... That's what I mean, yeah. So then the only reason I would not like them is if I was like, I don't think you're good for her. That's what I mean. So if there's the scenario where you look at them and you go, oh, I can see you make her really happy and you're good for her. I don't necessarily think I'd ever want to go for a drink,

just me and you, like a coffee, just me and you as friends. Then that's fine. You don't have to like them on a personal level. You can just know that they make your best friend so happy. I feel like I'm getting... No, but I'm saying that I don't. You know, for example, I'm saying that I would never reach out to a friend

saying I don't like your partner just because they don't make me happy. Fine, I'm not bothered about them making me happy. I would say it though if I'm like, I don't think he's good for you. And that might not be in the bracket of make you happy. It just could be, I don't think he's going to fit into your family.

I don't think he's going to be nice to you during this situation i don't think he paints you in the best light yeah she might not be saying that she might be like but i am really happy okay fair but i don't think he's good for you it's like but that's where it comes to like i don't know what it's hard for friendships when you then think well i don't know when to step in or is it really not my place yeah i don't know i don't know i know i don't know should we dilemma yeah let's dilemma right let's go on to dilemmas so we've got some dilemmas from our listeners about this whole topic and about what we've been blabbering on about

for the past half an hour. Half an hour, wow. We'll try to give our best advice to discuss it and see how we go with it. But, you know, sometimes I tell you to lie and then I'm like, hey, scrap that. On that, I have to quickly say, last week or two weeks ago, Kitty and katie i had to stop my run

and voice note both of them when they were going on about the the girl who met the guy she saw bill bill drop no i was like the boyfriend's in the hotel loving you and you're out there saying to no i so no lying so so archie had a different opinion yeah we'll see okay so we got a few dilemmas here i'm gonna read this one because actually this one is from a male listener so i think it'd be quite interesting to get your opinion on it first hey kitty and katie male listener here this is such a good one. Well, not great for him, but good for us. I started listening to your podcast because my sister and I

have shared an Apple ID account since we were kids and your pod kept coming up on my Apple Music. Now I listen every week and you've made a Monday just a little bit better. Oh, love you.

Aren't you flirty? I know he fancies me. Yeah, he does. He fancies you. Back off. He wants me love letter so I need to debrief with you

because I am in need of some dire help I have been dating my girlfriend for 8 years oh 8 years and 5 months ago I had the honour to announce that she is now my fiancé I'm going to cry.

Honor. She remembered that. I am so, oh, this is so cute. I am so madly in love with her. Eight years in and I still can't get enough of her. I'm in awe of everything she does. And every time she looks at me, I just feel warmth of happiness. She's kind, beautiful funny and i love

the way she always puts me in my place this is me writing in guys for the last five months we have we have been planning the wedding as we want to get married within the year good i'm so with that i'm so i wonder if she's like we're getting married within the age so we want to get married it was a joint decision it was a joint decision so she has just started to make arrangements with her girls about hendoos and all that and i wanted to start making arrangements with my boys about the stag but before then i needed to let people know about the whole best man situation and easiest decision of my life my all-time best friend who i've known since we were 11 we are now 29 we live in the same borough in london we see

each other at least twice a week i've arranged to go i've arranged for us to go golfing together and have a boozy pub lunch after afterwards and ask him to be my best man nice it's all sounding pretty nice where's the yeah just wait for the dilemma i felt very emotional and a lump in my throat as i started to broach the situation however i got a very different reception than i thought he thanked me shook my hand and told me he was very happy for me but he thought that i was not the right choice when I kept questioned him as to why as I explained he was so obvious to me how much he means to me and has been in my life for forever he said he didn't want to go into it I kept pressing as I was worried I'd upset him or let him down in some way he then begrudgingly added that he can't stand my fiancé and doesn't think she's right for me.

I was gobsmacked and actually thought I'd faint. I've been friends with this man for 18 years. He was there the night I met my fiancé. We have been on several holidays together as couples. We even spent Christmas together and his girlfriend during Covid as we were all away from our family and in the same bubble I had no idea he felt like this for the last eight years he is like family to me when he told me I just got up and left as I didn't want to hear anything he had to say and anything negative about her she's the love of my life so I don't know the

reason why yet when I got home my fiance asked how it went and how excited he was. I lied as I didn't want to hurt her feelings and said unfortunately he cancelled. I know I shouldn't have lied, but I didn't want to upset her and make her worried before I knew what was properly going on. But now time goes on and more and more planning is happening. I don't know what to do. My best mate has asked to meet up. Should I respond respond should i hear him out or completely disassociate from him now i don't know what to do please help should i keep him in the wedding knowing what i do or should i tell my wife everything and risk upsetting her please let me know your thoughts male listener severely distressed and let down oh shit awful situation

oh buddy um awful situation ooh buddy um okay there's a lot of stuff to unpack there if you've been together 8 years and he's your bestest friend for 18 it begs the question

why is he taken to now he cleared I think it's only evolutionary to move towards marriage when you're in a serious relationship and the fact that it's taken for him to do it now is pretty unfair i think he didn't really choose his right moment did he yeah i mean i don't know what advice you give that like this is do you think you should go meet the friend and hear him out? Yeah, I think so. I think either way, if he doesn't meet the friend and hear him out,

that's a complete cutting out. That means he's then going to have to explain it to his fiancée why he's not invited, why he said no. So he needs to go and at least facilitate a conversation. Going and hearing him out doesn't mean your opinion has to change. It doesn't mean that you have to end your wedding. That's one person's opinion. Again, like we've just said earlier, Going and hearing him out doesn't mean your opinion has to change. It doesn't mean that you have to end your wedding. That's one person's opinion. Again, like we've just said earlier,

if you told everyone you're getting married and everyone came to you and said, what the fuck are you doing? Then you'd rethink. But if one man does, I know he's been your bestest friend, but quite frankly, what best friend allows you to be with someone for eight years? Actually, we've just said that I wouldn't. I don't know. But also spending Christmas,

you've had so many opportunities to at least give a bit of a vibe being like are you happy like what's going on rather than being like i'm getting married don't like her yeah right yeah really i think you need to go and have a conversation with him and actually also say how how his behavior has made you feel too because he's completely disregarded a special moment for you. Yeah, that's a good point. It is an honour to be

someone's best man as well so he's disregarded that. Do you think if he's going to meet this friend do you think he should tell his wife beforehand? That's unfair on the wife because he doesn't know any of the reasons so why let the wife worry that this man's going to be a horror like i would i don't think so i wouldn't like this would never happen but if it was a situation for us and someone i had asked to be my best man

said no your best man loves me well how do you know this i know exactly um if they had then said no you shouldn't do it and then i got up and left i would and then i was going to go and have a chat i wouldn't you would be stressing you wouldn't you would be worrying it is a very happy period of time i think the only thing from a female perspective that would make me thrill really upset thinking you lied to me saying you didn't even see him when when he did see which i do understand why you lied okay i do understand that and i do get it so i'm not saying for that but hear me out here i would think you've lied to me said you you'd seen him and he cancelled and then you've come back He's actually said that he doesn't like me or he can't stand me or whatever.

And now you're going out to see him again. Like if I find all of this out, that your best mate's just said he doesn't like me and now you're going to see him again to go hear out why. And then he comes back and tells me this. I'm like, so let me get this straight. He told you this a few weeks ago. Now you want to go back to hear the reasoning why he doesn't like me how do you know he's hearing that he could be going to defend you

well you can't be going to defend because he doesn't know the reasons no but you still go and say i can't believe you've ever had any of those thoughts it's protection it's protecting the wife in a very happy time of their life it does not need to be clouded by one man's opinion i don't know what to advise with telling the wife i think she'll be buzzing with all her bridesmaids doing her own thing she doesn't need to know her husband's best man said no because of her i would i wouldn't i and you can disagree i wouldn't tell the wife it's her everyone like yes i cannot wait to get married with you kitty but i also know that

for the stereotypical scenario it is such a magical moment for a woman or someone who identifies as a woman and that would not need to be clouded by some other man's mistake yeah okay okay you should tell her in the future but it doesn't have to be in this love bubble of we've just got engaged and we're getting married within the year yeah you know what i think i do agree with Arch that when I get married, I wouldn't want someone to make me feel shit during that time. I'd want to be, oh, my girl's screaming. With my mom and sister and be like, oh, my fucking God, look at the ring. Someone's like, I don't like you.

I'm like, really? Like, you're popping my bubble. So I think I do agree with Arch, but, and it's big but here, you do need to find a time to tell her. I don't know what time this is because I don't know you. I don't know her.

I don't know your relationship. So I don't know the dynamics, but you're getting married. You say she's the love of your life so clearly. She's everything to you. But you do need to, you do need to find a time to tell her yeah okay good luck good luck buddy good luck you're the best man i'm available but

and happy wedding yeah oh bless okay um i've got one um it's a long one as well it goes hey girls it's actually um girl and guy but it's okay i hope you're both enjoying your hot girl summer girl and guy summer hot girl summer i'm gonna dive straight into the debrief because i really want to know your thoughts on something okay i hate my best friend's boyfriend i can't stand him not because he's dislo, a cheat or unfaithful in any way, but simply because he's an arsehole. He's rude, arrogant, cocky and completely unpleasant to be around. I hate spending time with him and avoid him at all costs. When I go over to her place, I always ask if he's there.

If he is, I won't go. Once I showed up to an event that she was hosting. She is an event planner. And he had the nerve to say to me, did no one tell you the pretty woman theme is off? Pull your skirt down. You look like a hooker. Jesus Christ.

That pretty much sums up this twat. I have no idea what she sees in him, but all I see is a rude and disrespectful person. Anyway, my birthday is coming up and I always do a big birthday dinner. Great food, great vibes, and most importantly, great people. Last year, I made it girls only to avoid inviting him,

but this year I wasn't as cautious. I sent out all the invites, my friends, their boyfriends, who I'm friends with, and my best friend. The only one not invited was her boyfriend. Oh, shit. Most of the girls are single but for those who aren't their boyfriends were invited i just thought screw it let's keep it simple however i think she assumed i just forgot to invite him because she responded can't wait doll doll doll

doll oh sorry fred and i are excited i thought oh shit she didn't get it. There's no way I'm letting that horrible man come to my birthday dinner, an event meant to be about me and having fun with my friends. When every time he's around, he makes horrible comments, sexist jokes, and is just downright rude. I don't want my friends to think I'm associated with someone like that. I'm seeing her for a Pilates class on sunday followed by brunch what do i do should i be completely transparent i don't want to lose her as a friend she's been going through a tough time recently which i think might be why she's dating him so i don't want to make her feel even

worse what should i do girls please help i'm really torn about this yeah tell her do you know what first of all i fucking love this woman yeah it's about me and my day i'm like right i get you but he's an absolute arsehole quite frankly there's no ifs or buts there's no other side of the story he's an arsehole a man calling you a hooker is disrespectful and saying in front of other people as well is just darn right arrogant rude and entitled you have every single right to say to her he is not coming and if she says but why do you know what you've said she's going through a hard time fine however you cannot diminish your feelings because she's going through a hard time you can communicate in a certain way but you can't forget your own feelings if it was to the point that she'd been dating him for a few weeks she's going through a hard time. You can communicate in a certain way, but you can't forget your own feelings. If it was to the point that she'd been dating him for a few weeks,

she's going through a really hard time, and you're just not really sure about him, just let him come. But that's not the situation. Last year, you had to sacrifice your own birthday by inviting, not even bringing your boyfriend. You had to have an only girls thing, which I'm sure was great,

but because you're like, I don't want him there. Which I'm like, good tactic. But she didn't follow on this yet. So I think you go to the brunch and you address that. You address that. You don't need to be rude. You don't need to make her cry. And I tell you, darling, if she is a real friend, if she is a true friend,

your friendship will not be broken over this. It could be awkward for a little bit. Like, I'm not going to doubt that it could be awkward, but it doesn't mean it's broken. I think you approach it. You go have a lovely time at Pilates, go to brunch. Also, I want to join like Pilates and brunch. I'm like, yeah, have your class,

then go to brunch and just sit there and be like, okay, it's my birthday. I just wanted to talk to you. Don't feel that I'd like, what did you call him? Frank here. Fred. Fred here. And she's like, oh my God, darling, why? to talk to you don't feel that i'd like what did you call him frank here fred fred fred here and she thought oh my god darling why and just say if i'm being completely honest there have been a few things you've said that has made you feel uncomfortable and i think with it being my birthday and having my friends around i just don't want any of those comments to be made

if she's a real friend if she loves you she she might be hurt by this she might be but she will be willing to listen and i think you need to say your piece for your own sake there's nothing murky about this a lot of the examples we've given earlier there's murkiness it's like oh what why there's no real reason yeah you have absolute proof and reason that he has said comments to you that make you uncomfortable so you can absolutely say your face easy done yeah done like that done and dusted good luck can't wait to hear from you enjoy your birthday without fred yeah okay shall we go on to eeks okay so i've got one. Yeah, I've got two.

Okay, so I'll ping pong you first. Ready? Yeah. That was really nice. Really good. My first one, I gave myself the ick the other day. I think, I don't know if this has been said before, but I really embarrassed myself.

And it's a silly one. Tying your shoelace on the club floor. Oh. In the floor. Tying your shoelace. Oh, that that is embarrassing and what makes it even more embarrassing is because i'm so embarrassed i'm doing it i do it quickly which means it then comes untied again like so you have to do it twice no it got to the point fourth time have to go sit down in a cubicle to double knot my flipping shoes that's even worse embarrassing that's icky you should go to the bathroom not on the men's bathroom be the urinals i'm not touching my shoelaces then oh fair enough okay

fast okay so this week i know it's hot okay i know it's hot i know it's we're in london i know it's hot but please keep your shoes on while we're on the train okay i cannot stand we were traveling back from edinburgh for five and a half hours this absolute minger takes their shoes off i couldn't see the person i just saw their smelly feet waft into the aisle and i was like are you joking yeah and she was lying on on the double chair so you would prop her out you could have a video I hate it I hate it so much I'm like

I know it's warm but keep your shoes on horrible okay ready how about that okay my finally I don't know if this is controversial

because I feel like we're all the same Snapchat users at our big age now I completely agree of 22 I completely agree so old guys yeah why are you using snapchat and then people who put snapchat stories no no

that is embarrassing and i'll admit i was a big snapchat private story in mountview i was a streaker at school yeah yeah but now we have a streak at mountview i know but we didn't keep it we didn't do the like you know do you not remember at school this is embarrassing i'm gonna kick myself out at school we went on dav you gave your password to someone else they then said f yeah to all of your streaks so you could do your streets yeah i do remember this but oh my god if anyone our age did streaks now okay so are you saying like what age is exceptional for a snapchatter i think the main thing for me is maybe not the actual communication on snapchat because it is still a messaging site if you snapchat me i won't reply i'll go on whatsapp oh god i haven't gone on for

years i know i just deleted it yesterday i think because i was like and it's starting this new thing where it like pops up with random like stories oh yes it tells this person sent you this but it's not a set story yeah it's this guy i don't know if he listens it's a guy that we went to uni with who likes to put a lot oh i know yes likes to put a lot on and also puts a lot of like first trials i would say yeah yeah what is it not suitable for nsfw i was like that is too much for me to see on the tube i'd love to have deleted it god yeah i probably should for me use instagram instagram whatsapp i'm there for instagram stories also i'm a i'm a huge messenger people not facebook i literally don't even have a message i message i'm a message for me bitches

i'm a huge i messenger people are like what champ i'm like yeah whatsapp's fine but i if someone sends me a text on iMessage i'm like hot yeah but what i don't like about iMessage is when you don't have wi-fi and then it does the whole green thing and then it fucks up your phone for a bit like you can't then actually send iMessages for a while whereas whatsapp if it doesn't send it doesn't send easy get services sends and whatsapp is inclusive for the android users so no android users need to get an iphone okay so should we go on to questions questions so this week i'm serious okay and this week you're silly yes yes so no ifs or buts it's yes and yes or no okay to the answer this question we're not doing

a gray area you go yes or no because we've done lots of gray area during this episode do you think breaking up with your partner because your best friends hates them is a justifiable reason yes oh go on if that's your reason you think it's justifiable if that's that person's particular reason to break up with someone then yes no don't be so moral it's you we're not talking about another person no no no no no okay we'll have an argument later you do your silly question no if my friend comes up to me and says, that's, you should dump her. Do you think breaking up with your partner because your best friend hates them is a justifiable reason?

Do you think that? No. If your best friend came to you and said, I just broke up with my girlfriend because you told me you didn't like her. Is that cool? No. Okay. I think you should stick to your feelings, your heart.

If someone came up to me and said, I don't like your girlfriend, I'm not dumping you because they don't like it. I'm dumping them. Well, you did five minutes ago. No. You said yes. So we'll see. Give me the silly question.

My silly question was, I can't find it. But... The password's here. What numpties? My silly question, I can't find it. So I'm going to think of one on the spot. Okay. Silly question.

Silly. Silly. silly question i can't find it so i'm gonna think of one on the spot okay silly questions would you rather would you rather be the person to tell the friend that you don't like their partner yeah or you rather be the person who is the friend being told tell my friend i'd rather tell my friend i would be really upset if someone came to me and i know my friend would be upset as well but i would make sure to do it in a very nice way and i'm not saying any of my friends wouldn't but i think if someone came to me and was like i really don't like arch i'd be like oh yeah and it would really upset me my stomach would sink yeah i would feel really upset i'd

probably cry i'd be like but if i think i could go to my friend and be like if he if you love him amazing i'm not 100 sure on him but that doesn't mean that's about you yeah but i'm just looking out for you i I would do it like that. Yeah. Cool. Right, guys. We've got to the end of the podcast. Enjoy your Monday. If you've listened this far, comment. Yeah. Comment on our Instagram. Yeah, right.

I love it. Insta, YouTube, not Snapchat. Sometimes TikTok. Sometimes TikTok. Not Snapchat. Not Snapchat. But I love you guys. Oh, my God.

I used to have a family group chat on Snapchat. Really? Yeah, because Lola and I used it so much that mum and dad were like your parents had Snapchat? yeah so we had a family group chat

on it I know it was great mum used to send me like mum used to send me like photos with sizzle oh bless it was brilliant on that

I know a friend whose parents have be real and I also now have their parents with be real I hate be real with a passion I love be real it's so fake

it's not real people wait to do something if it was real it would be real i hate be real i love be real it's so fake it's not real people wait to do something if it was real it would be take it right now in this moment it wouldn't be like i'll be real comes i'll take it later when i'm going out for a drink it used to be real it used to be that and then you couldn't but yeah okay love you guys have a great day i'll see you next time. Enjoy one day. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.