The Debrief - Thank Goodness! | The Debrief Podcast

Episode Date: November 11, 2024

Welcome back to The Debrief!This week we are all about giving thanks and spreading our gratitude. We walk through the benefits of gratitude and daily practices to help us all appreciate the good around us.As always email your debriefs and dilemmas to [e-mail] or DM @the.debriefpodcastHave an amazing week,Lots of Love,K+K xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Team Brief! I can't help but be feeling this Monday. Do you know feeling good, feeling fresh? We were actually just saying that we had some weird dreams last night. I know, so out of the ordinary. And dreams that I can't even share on the part. Mine was that I was in a relationship. So that itself was humbling to wake up to.

You know when you actually think it's happened as well? I dreamt I was just in the caress of a man all evening. I hate when it's so good that you're like, oh my God, I want it. And then you wake up and you're like, dammit. I woke up and I was like, Oh, alone again. My weird dream now I can't go into the details. But it was so weird. I held even though I was waking up. I was like, I want to get back to see where it goes. Yes, I love those kind of dreams. Yeah. Where's

that going? Yeah, I like the end. Oh, I'd really like the end. I'd love to know what's gonna happen. Truly. I love a good dream. Because mine was a blast from the past. It was someone that I went to school with and then it was really weird and something happened. I was like, Hey, hey, what's your name? Why is that happening? But you never think that happens and then you feel guilty. You're like, my subconscious. Yes, yes. But I do wonder where it all comes from. No, I love dreams.

Me too. I wish I was like a dream analyser. Oh, I love to be a dream analyser. I would dream most nights, I would say. I don't see. I'm quite a heavy sleeper. I don't think I dream often, but when I do is very vivid.

Really? Yeah, cheesy dreams maybe. About cheese? No, I was in life you have cheese before bed, apparently you dream weird dreams. Why do you have cheese before bed, Peach? Well, it's just a lazy lady. Me, the fucking block of cheddar. Got a drink tonight.

What's that about Elise? We had a wholesome Sunday yesterday. So guys, it's getting into winter. I'm getting cozy. Winter's upon us. And I'm not going to, I'm not going to like dance around the fact I've listened to Christmas songs. Me too.

1st of November. When do you think you could listen to Christmas music? No, like, I listen to- When would be the earliest for you? Earliest is first of November. Yeah, me too. Yeah, me too. And I have done it. Because I know quite a few people don't celebrate Halloween, so then they start listening to

like Christmas music in October and I'm like, whoa, too too soon too soon because there's still a bit of a like, let's get the monster mash on. Let's like have a funky time. I think you could be called monster mash. I feel like if I were a Halloween song, I would be the monster. I was working in the late one night. Like I feel like it kind of suits my vibe. I think so. I think you could be mm monster effortlessly hip You know

Like the monster man. Oh, okay. So okay. Yeah, I think it's that I was thinking more kind of unique Got you got you know, like a bit go bit you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you the ones that match. I wouldn't put it on purposefully. I wouldn't turn it off if it came on shuffle. What would you turn off? Maybe Thriller. I think that's actually quite terrifying. Yeah, yeah. Thriller, it's like, oh my god. I'm like, all right. Yeah.

I don't know what I feel like there are more Ghostbusters. I'll tell you something quite exciting. So last night Arch and I had sex on the floor. Did you? Yes we did. We were in the bedshed, the throes of passion. Oh. I know when it was like no need for a bed. Just we could have a floor.

Right to it. Completely. Well. And it was very passionate, very, very passionate. Do you know who I did feel like? I felt like the notebook where they have sex on the floor and they're covered in the sheet because then we lay on the floor for a bit and cuddly. Just lying there. We did. Oh, isn't this the place? Oh, you. Time for bed, I guess. Cool up. Well, we did. Right. Then we off, I guess. Yes, yes. Cool up.

Yes, yes. Well, we did. We were like, right. Then we off, we brushed our teeth and then we went to bed. Oh, lovely. Yes, it was very nice. Oh, well, I'm glad. I'm pleased to hear you.

Yeah. I thought you found that quite amusing. Yeah, well, do you know what? Most times when I hear you shag, I just always assume you're in the bed. But now when I hear it, I'll be like, where are they? Are they in the bathroom? Are they on the floor? Well you shouldn't always expect Katie. Never assume. You shouldn't assume. Never. What do they say about assuming?

It makes an arse out of you and me. Completely. Exactly. And now is that because it's ass? It's A-S-S. A-S-S? Ar Ass. You and me. Fuck. I know. My dad told me that and I was like, what about the third S? He was like, there is no third S in assume. So right, well, that's it in practice then. I love it. Ass.

Ass. Again. Fumant. Don't I? Again. Fumant. Right. Should we get into it? Let's do it. Tell me your mantra please for this

week. My mantra is take every day as it comes. Hey, hey, hey, hey, why are you stressing? Why are you creating Botox lives? Why are you stressing take every day as it comes? You should have seen me Friday. Friday was quite a big day. We were all waiting on news. I was watching my emails like a hawk. I sat in front of my computer, no music, nothing on, just looking at my computer, waiting for an email. Wow. The email never came, guys. I had to actually then email the person I was waiting for and

they were like, no, actually, you won't be receiving an email. So then I'm like, well, that's a shame. Well, that's a real shame. So I'm spiraling. I'm like, for fuck's sake, I'm not having a good time. I'm like, well, that's a shame. Well, that's a real shame. So I'm spiralling. I'm like, for fuck's sake, I'm not having a good time. I'm not in a good way. Meet my friend for coffee. I'm like, he got his emails. I'm like, I can't believe I didn't get an email. I'm really, I'm butthurt right now. I'm like, literally on the verge of tears, like, I just don't know what, ping, ping, ping. Three emails come through. And I'm like okay let's not stress let's not stress

about the future let's take your mantra again take each day as it comes yeah I love that every day I think just take each day each day you need to be like what can I accomplish today just chill Chill. Yeah, you need to chill. Just chill vibes. Chill. And mine is quite similar actually. Mine is, I trust the journey, I trust the process. Yeah, like it's just bang, bang, bang. I trust the journey, I trust the process,

which means I'm just like, everything's gonna happen. Just chill. All my dreams are gonna come true, but let's not stress. Let's not. I ruin this process by being like anxious. Exactly. Okay? Anxious, sad, and silent.

I just need to be like, I trust the journey, I trust the process. I truly am like, life is good. Yeah, what's meant for you will not pass you by. Bang on. And I'm like, yeah, you're right. It's so true. And also you just need to know that everything that you want, and everything that you're putting out there that you desire is on its way. Exactly.

You need to appreciate the now to appreciate the future. Yes. Completely. What's your song? My song is, You wanna have belly? Oh, you want a Maserati? You want a Lamborghini? You better work bitch. I love that. This is work bitch by Britney Spears. Not work. Work bitch. Work bitch. And I would never have thought it was a Britney Spears song personally. Oh lover. Because Britney's very like, oh baby, baby. And then it's like, you want

a Lamborghini? It's so new Britney. No, I love it. But I love this song because I put it on like, you want a hot body? I was like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I do. I want a Maserati. Yeah. I was like, you better work bitch. And I'm nothing at the moment. I love it. Tell me your song. My song is L-U-C-K-Y baby come on pussy on fire. You're so lucky tonight because I'm giving you the show that you want. So I recently so I had like quite a big performance last week, right. So I'm trying to get my mind right. I'm trying to get the tunes in. Now, a secret between you and I, okay, is that nothing gets me more like hype than the RuPaul's Drag Race musical recordings. So every year,

all the finalists in RuPaul's Drag Race do like a music video and do their own verse to a RuPaul song. So this one was from, I think this is season 12. Sarah- Okay. Sarah- And it's called Lucky. And it's like, L-U-C-K-Y baby come on, pussy on fire. You're so lucky tonight, cause I'm giving you the solitude. And it's honestly so great. I've never heard this song before. And it's just drag queens then have a verse about how they should be the winner. Basically

being like, and then my favorite one is Rosé, one of my favorite drag queens. Sorry, Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. And then Rosé goes, every single thing about the bitches right. And I'm like, every single thing. You were talking to me on the spectrum. Every single thing about the bitch is right. And I'm like, every single thing about the bitch is right. And I'm like, yeah. Lucky by who? RuPaul. Oh, okay. I'm like, yes, every single thing about the bitch is right. The bitch being me. Let's listen to this. It's a banger. It's a banger.

Pussy on fire though. I believe it's got mixed verse first. Okay, I can get behind that. They're bangless. I can get behind that. RuPaul shouldn't go as hard as he does. But I'm confused because I'm like, I thought RuPaul was a judge. Yeah, but RuPaul has an illustrious music career. No, no, no, no, I mean, does he perform on his show?

No. So the song is RuPaul's and then the contestants write their own verse. So then like the finalists then kind of like do a whole verse about how they should be the winner. Wow. But it just, it goes so fucking hard. Really? It really does. Do they still do it now? Yeah. I actually haven't seen a lot of Drag Race recently because they took it off Netflix and put it on WoW Presents and I don't have WoW Presents, which is very sad. I'm butthurt.

You are butthurt. But Drag Race is a big passion of mine. I know you love it. I personally have never watched it. So good. I know, I know, I need to watch it. It's so good. Should we do our recommendations? Yes! Recommendations for this week. Now I assume it's the same one that we got. Oh yeah. B-B-B-Baptist scene.

Baptist scene fireworks. Baptist scene fireworks. Guys, guys, guys. Can I just say, I know that I, so I'm already thinking, I want a fire display at my wedding. Yeah. And I want it pew pew pew pew pew. And then I want like a platform in which Archie and I are standing on. Yeah.

And the photographer is taking photos from behind. Yeah. And it's like my dress and there's like the black silhouette of us. Right. The fireworks from behind. But Archie also added that there could be a drone show, which look, I wasn't a massive fan of because I was like, I don't know if it's as romantic and Archie was like, hear me here. The drone show could like, boom, lift off. Yeah. And there could be like a photo of you and I, or a drone show and they could lift and it could be like Kate and Arch or Katie and Arch. And then

it goes into the fireworks. I was like, okay, I could be down for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it needs to finish with the fireworks, because I don't find the drone show as romantic personally. No, no, it's quite cool But you could have the fireworks display very romantic. 100%. Then I want it to last for at least like 10 minutes. So maybe a bit longer to a few of our favourite songs like for us to be playing while it's going off. Nice, nice. Would you want that while you were like dancing or like on your own special viewing platform? Viewing platform like the silhouette of us from behind.

Yeah, and then nothing too flat, like very modest. Nothing, very low key. Very low key. Very low key. Yeah. And I think that could be, and I've also thought maybe my wedding reception, I really enjoyed what they did at Bathsy Fireworks. They have like a festival. Like a fairground.

Yeah. Yeah, I've heard of that. It's like that's kind of fun. But hurt we didn't get to on the rides though. Me too. Why was everyone getting so stressed? We've got pussies that are out skating. I was like, can't we go on the ride? We've got to go. I'm like, where?

Where are we going? Yeah, where are we going? Yeah. So this is the first year I believe that Bathsy have done like a fairground. It's not, it was really fun. Oh, it's so family friendly as well guys. So great. And the tickets are reasonably priced, aren't they? It was like 10 quid, no? Yeah. It was really fun. Oh, it's so family friendly as well guys. So great. And the tickets are reasonably priced aren't they? Yeah. It was great. You get to see the fireworks, there's all food in there, there's drinks, there's mulled wine, there's hot

chocolate. I got some chips and curry sauce. Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? And I got an ice cream. Actually so did you. I got Mr. Whip. We got a Mr. Whippy. Yeah. But I had my gloves on so it was fine but I said it wasn't for pleasure it was because I had a sore throat. Medical. It was medical. And I did have a bit of shit people want an ice cream and I was like it's so it's medical. Medical. Me too. No pleasure. Solidarity. Solidarity sister. Yeah. Right. Shall we crack on? Let's debrief. Tell me KCH. So this week on the pod, we're heading into November, which is the month of Thanksgiving. It is. So I've recently made friends with more people from the US. Yes, you have. Like on my course. Yeah. I didn't realize obviously how big

Thanksgiving is. Will they be hosting a Thanksgiving this year? I hope so because they did it last year and the food was fucking great. There was a sweet potato casserole, right? Which I don't like, it's a dessert, right? So it's like sweet potato, but with like loads of brown sugar. And then it's like a layer of marshmallow that they torch. It was fucking yummy. I was like, more please. Every time you catch me eating sweet potato. I love sweet potato, but that sounds minging. It was really yummy.

It was really good. And then like mac and cheese. It was really great. So the concept of like giving thanks and gratitude and being excited for the end of the year and celebrating those around you, I think is a really nice tradition to have. Yeah, I do. And even if you're not like American and all of that, I remember saying to my parents, I was like, I think we should do Thanksgiving. Yeah, because you're just giving thanks like everyone should be grateful for what they have. Yeah, I think it's really nice. So my question to you is, what are things that you're grateful for this coming season?

So the things that I'm grateful for this coming season is having a strong unit around me. So that includes my family, my friends, Archie. I think just having that strong sense of community and love and support and unwavering. Like if I have a wobble, I know I can go to any of those people. The second thing is the my own. I'm very grateful at the moment for myself exploring my talent. Yes, in a different way than I thought I would. Gorgeous. So I'm really grateful for that and

I'm grateful for the courage that I have to pursue that. And the third thing I would say is I'm really grateful for the belief that I'm growing to have in myself and that others have in me as well. I got a great text from my old head of drama. And I was telling her about what I was doing and she was just like, and she said, in all the years I've taught all the people and blah, blah, blah, blah. She was like, I knew you would be the star. And she was like, hang in there, Kitty McNeil, because you'll make it. And I was like, oh, it was so funny. I was like, you really think that? Yeah, I was like, squeezing as much as I could. Yeah. I was like, come on. And it was really sweet., I was like, you really think that? Yeah, I was like squeezing as much as I could.

Yeah. I was like, come on. And it was really sweet. And I was like, I'm grateful for those people. Yeah. So tell me, Peachington, what are you grateful for? So I'm very similarly grateful for those around me. My friends and my family have been my cinder blocks to my helium balloon recently.

I'm grateful for my, like holding my nerve, although I don't know if I've done the best job of it. But I'm like, I feel like I've been extremely nervous. I've been in extremely like tumultuous time of my life where there's been like loads of change and uncertainty. Yeah, and just trying to find being grounded in that. I've been very grateful and quite proud of myself that I've been able to do instead of completely flying off the handle. Yeah. And I would also say, do you know what? I'm grateful for my body. I've been moving my body. I've been running. Although I fucked my head. It's really bad. I know Archie's

doing a half marathon every day and all, but like I ran the last 5k of a half marathon with Arch on like date Friday. Yeah, last Friday. My hip is not a happy bunny. Really? It still really hurts. Really? I need to stretch it out a bit more, I think, but I'm not a bell woman.

And it's when it's, I know exactly, it's the groin. Yeah. It's like just up from the vagina. Killing me. It's like oh my god, oh my god. I know the exact pain. Honestly, if I'm sat down. And even if you walk, yeah.

Sat down for too long I'm limping around. I'm like it needs to warm back up. Oh interesting. It's really bad. Oh interesting. But I'm grateful that it needs to warm back up. Oh, interesting. It's really bad. Oh, interesting. But I'm grateful that it's repairing itself. I'm, you know...

She's still grateful for her body. Absolutely. I did a little workout class this morning. Oh, did you? How did it go? It was good. It was fun. Which was this one? The circuit one. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God, how did he... It was fun, yeah. It was... It was awkward. It was not too bad, actually. Was it one of one? No, there was only three of us. OK. But it It was fun, yeah, it was good. It was awkward. It was not too bad actually. Was it one of one? No, there was only three of us. But it was still fun. Oh, that's good.

In Wandsworth Park. That was nice. Yeah, it was really fun. Okay, so we're going to go on to the Court of Thanksgiving Values. And of course is giving thanks and being grateful and appreciative. Expressing gratitude and sharing that with those around you. Yes. So you can do that through the meals that usually are hosted and all that kind of stuff.

So we are big fans of gratitude here at The Deep Roof. Big positive mental attitude. I've got my gratitude book, my gratitude journal that I like to write down what I'm grateful for. And we have a bit of positive mental attitude, PMA. So we did some digging and found some of the benefits surrounding expressing daily gratitude. So the benefits of gratitude as well, because people can say, well, why would you practice gratitude? You know, what are the benefits within that? And it's not only the physical, it's the mental of how that affects your views towards what's

around you. So gratitude can definitely help you notice the positive in your life. And I think because we always search for that PMA, the positivity, that's great. And especially when you get so uptight with what's happening in your life, which that's no shade, we all do it for ourselves. When you physically write down what you're grateful for, you're like, I've actually got so much going for me. Yes. And I've got such good in my life. Yeah. Gratitude also reminds us of what's important, which is similar to what I just said, when you

do get caught up in this has happened and this is happening, I'm really stressed, noting everything down is like, okay, the core values, what do you actually have here? You've got a really strong unit around you, you've got a roof over your head, you've got heating, you've got a drive, a career, all that kind of stuff. And I think sometimes you can take that for granted if you don't remind yourself that not everyone has that. Yes, 100%. Following off from that though as well, because it encourages you to live in the present moment, which I think is very good because I think when you're getting overwhelmed and then you just sit down and you're like, I'm sat on a sofa in a house right now, I'm very grateful for that. Or even grateful for getting enough sleep or having a bed to sleep in.

And I think the whole like, when you're so in your own head, you're looking towards the future so much. Yes. And if you're like aiming towards something, they'll fixated on that rather than genuinely being grateful for what you've done today. You're like, I've been able to work out, I've been able to come back, I've had food. Like, yeah, it's just appreciating the here and now. You know what you always say to Arch, like, we have to recognise each day and appreciate each day. Because you know, sometimes it's so silly, but he'll be like,

what are you doing tomorrow? And I'm like, we're still on today. I'm still enjoying my today, you know. I think gratitude, one of the best things about it is it reduces comparison. And comparing is the thief of joy. That's the word. It is the thief of joy because you just continuously compare your situation, compare yourself. And then there's always going to be someone more well off than you. And there's always going to be someone less well off than you. Yeah. But if you can stay stagnant in your appreciation of what you've got, then one, more well off than you and there's always going to be someone less well off than you.

But if you can stay stagnant in your appreciation of what you've got, then that's really good. And it stops you from comparing your situation with everyone else. You know, for example, you were comparing your situation with a friend who got the emails. If you hadn't, you would have just seen that those emails had come through for yourself. And like ultimately that's what you did, but it's just being able to, and that's why social media sometimes is so much. Like sometimes switching on social media can silence the anxiety. 100%. Yeah. Because I feel like it's one of those things as well that you never see what's going on behind the scenes on either So someone posts something and you think oh my god, they've just got that instantly and it's very interesting

Especially in like lines of performing and stuff like that. Yeah, I'm doing xyz But you're not seeing what's going on behind the scenes as well. Yeah, it's easy to make assumptions Oh 100% yeah Yeah, I agree and I think the most I think the most clear one is I think gratitude just boosts your mood. Yes, it does. Yeah. Just writing stuff down. And it's one of those things. I remember someone said, if you can think of three things, more stuff comes to you. And it just becomes this growing list. And it's easy once you get one thing down to think, oh my God, yeah, there's that as well. And there's that as well. And it's easy to kind of, yeah, and it raises your vibrations. Yeah, you're like high vibes. Yeah, completely. Yeah, it changes your outlook, I think. And also, you know, I've got and

I can send links to whoever wants it. But even if you go onto Amazon and say like a book of gratitude or gratitude journal, yeah, it has a page for each day. And it says like three things that you're grateful for this morning. What are you grateful for? And it literally takes you five minutes, three minutes before you go to work. And then it's like three things I want to achieve today. And that's even getting to work on time. Yeah, you know, all that like simplicities. And then when you come back at the end of the day, and open that journal again, you're like, Oh my gosh, I've

done so much today. I'm really grateful for what I did. You know, and it's even the act of like taking off like it's all mental but like the physical act of doing that. Yeah, makes you feel that you've accomplished a lot. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And I also think that gratitude can help strengthen the relationships around you. I think it can make you more aware of what you do have. And therefore you put more time and energy in the forefront of wanting to pursue that relationship. Yes, 100%. And I also feel like it's one of those things that sometimes you can really bury your head, like I can specifically bury my head in the sand and kind of think like,

in terms of like, Oh, no one else feels this way. And or sometimes pride makes you feel like you can't lean on others. But if you're actually like, thank you so much for like, being around and being my friend, it makes you just more appreciative. Yeah, exactly. I remember seeing something once that was like, instead of apologizing for being late, thanks someone for waiting. Yeah. And I'm like, wait, you know that I would genuinely find that really hard to do? Yeah. I would find it really hard if I was late to be like, thank you for waiting. I'd be like, I'd find it really hard. I'd be like, I'm sorry I'm late. Oh gosh. Yeah.

It's so true though. But like, your point is spin it in a different way. Yeah. To see the positive in the situation. Yeah. Good. So shall we crack on? Let's crack on. So now we're going to go on to our tea brief dilemmas. So this week we've got a few dilemmas surrounding different attitudes and views.

We're talking about gratitude specifically because of Thanksgiving. Yes. So, would you like to kick us off? Yes, I would. So, hi girls, I've been with my boyfriend for nearly three years. Oh, wow. I'm a very optimistic person and he is an extreme pessimist. It used to not bother me as much, but since our whole lives have changed, due to post pandemic, I'm finding it hard to deal with his negative feelings and my own. It feels like everything he says is negative, or complaining about something. I've tried bringing it up and he just says that he needs to rant sometimes, but it feels like it's all the time. He also often expects me to be positive one which has become harder and harder to do all the time. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with such negativity? Oh, I think it's really hard because I think that's so difficult. I think it's one of those I'm like, fill your own cup fast. Because I think we've both been in positions where we think we're

very like positive sunny people. That, but sometimes I definitely feel pressure to be the positive one in a situation. Yeah. And that in itself is very draining. Yeah. Yeah. So I would, it's a hard one because I'm always like yin and yang, you know, it's always fun to have your head in the clouds and have be with someone that kind of brings you back

to Earth. But if they're draining, like if it's constant negative, like energy, then I would kind of make that known in the sense of like, you kind of need to reflect. Sarah- 100%. And I think, I think if you love this guy, which it sounds like you do, and that you're not like, I've had enough, I'm leaving him. Yeah. I think you need to be like me. I've had enough of this. Yeah. I think you need to sit down and have a serious conversation and be like, I love you so much, but I'm finding your negativity really draining. Yeah. And I know you expect me to be the positive one. Yeah. But I'm finding it really hard to be positive when you kind of have that like black energy, like black cloud, you know, like, and that cloud can sometimes, you know, like that thunderstorm can feel

like it is dulling you out. And then you can try to be shining through, but you're just like, oh my god, no matter how much I'm trying, I'm still getting. So, and I remember when Arch and I started dating, like, I kind of felt that, I mean, we've said, I'm very positive person and always tried to see like the positive in a situation. And I remember when Arch and I started dating and he really caught on to that and then he was doing the same. And I think with him doing the same, it really made me feel so much more at ease because when I wasn't having a good day, or if I needed some time to like see the positive and I wasn't being able to see it through my own eyes, with him being like, oh my god, no, that's a really good thing. It was like, oh god, that's so good. I just

think you need to have an honest conversation with him. I even wonder if you get him like a positivity journal. Yeah. Or like, maybe get one for yourself. Yeah. And show it to him and just be like, I'm doing this moment to help me. I'm more than happy if you want to do that. And if you want to explore it. Yes. But to be honest honey, you can't keep getting dulled out by this negativity. No, you can't be responsible for his mood either. If he's in a bad mood, then that's on him and on you necessarily. And you shouldn't feel like you have to carry the burden of his mood or feel like you're obliged to change it either.

I wonder whether you ask him if he's okay at the moment or if there's like something going on because I know you that you said he's a naturally like pessimistic person which I would find really hard to be around. Yeah. But if he if that's the case, but he's got like more. I wonder if you just say like is something going on or like how are you doing mental health wise at work? Is there something bothering you? Yeah, because that there could be something that is bothering him. Yeah, but you can't keep being his light bulb. No, when he keeps turning the lights off. Yes, because that's draining. It's non practical. It's just and it's not going to work out. And fundamentally, and this is going to be hard to hear, if that doesn't change, your relationship won't work. Yeah. So you need to be able to express to him that this

is happening and to fucking lighten up, man. Like, sunflower, right? Yeah, yeah. Come on. Right. Good luck with that. And let us know how that goes. Okay, so, hey debrief team. I know I was like team. Oh yeah. I'm hoping you can help me out with the dilemma I'm stuck in. I'm in my early 30s and I'm always super career driven. I love my job and have worked really, really hard to get where I am. It's something I'm genuinely passionate about and I find a lot of meaning in the work I do. Here's where the problem comes in. My partner and I have been together for four years and we're starting to talk about the future more seriously. He wants to settle down, maybe move somewhere quieter and start a family soon. But that vision doesn't totally

align with where I see myself. Right now I'm a big city girl with a lot of opportunities and to be honest, I'm not sure I even want kids or the settling down life anytime soon, if at all. I love the life we have together, but I can feel them getting frustrated, like I'm holding his future back that they really want. And the thing is, I don't want to deny him of that either. I feel like I'm at a crossroads. I genuinely love him so much, but I don't know if I want the same things in life that he does. My values are around

independence, pursuing my career that I've worked so hard for, while theirs are leaning towards family and stability. Is there a way to find common ground here or is it unfair to ask either of us to compromise on such fundamental values? Any advice on what to do or how to approach this conversation would be amazing and very torn." That is really hard, isn't it? Because I feel like, like you said, it's a complete crossroads. And I think that conversation in itself is very hard. And it's also one of those things that relationships all compromise. But then it's like, how much are you willing to compromise? Because you've got your own careers and ambitions

and you don't want to then hold it against someone if you then feel like you've compromised your whole life for someone. Because then that just grows resentment. I would say, try and open the line of communication and maybe see if you can settle on maybe not moving out of the city, maybe trying to find somewhere closer so you can still feel like you're maintaining that kind of element. But if you're not ready for settling down in a family, then you have to say you're not ready and kind of deal with the fact that that might not be okay with him and that might be it. But you don't want to then push yourself into a corner where you're then unhappy. And also you can't live with regret of him. You know, you can't think, fuck it, I'll just

do this right thing for him and move out and then get pregnant. And you're like, you made me do this. You exactly. And equally, you don't want him to do the same. Like you don't want to say, you don't want to stop his dreams and his goals by saying we're staying here. And then in five years time, he's like, I wanted kids. I want you can't. So I think I agree with Pich. I think you need to be like, just so honest. I was even talking to Archie last night, and I was like, confrontation is communication. And honesty is where solutions lie. Yes. And without, you just hold resentment or anger. And I was like, I really think that being honest is where you can just get so much clarity.

So I think if you talk to him and just say, and it's going to be really hard, I don't deny that it's going to be hard. And you might feel like, I honestly don't know. Because you're saying here that, yeah, I'm not sure if I want kids or the settling down life anytime soon, if at all. So therefore, I think you need to say that. Yes, 100%. And be like, I know you want this and I love you so much. But I cannot see myself doing

this at the moment, or potentially even in the future because that could mean he goes, oh darling, you mean more to me than that and let's not worry. Or he could say, well, I really want that. You just need to be honest. And that's really tricky. And it's always one of those things that confrontation doesn't always have to be like a screaming match. I think it can be just a sit down honest conversation. Just confronting the issue. Because I think confronting has like such a negative connotation, but I'm like, it shouldn't.

Because confronting something is just being like, that's my boundaries. This is how I am feeling. These are my feelings. And without it, it's all the pleasantries and I'm like, we can't live in pleasantries. I wish you all the best of luck with this situation. But what I do say is that you need to be able to stay true to yourself and I don't think you can give up your independence, your career, your drive for him. 100%. You can't. I completely agree. Unfortunately. There we are. There we are. There we are. Good luck. We've written the right of the wrongs. Exactly. The wrongs of the right? Written the wrongs of the right or the right of the wrongs? We've righted the wrongs. That's the way. Yes, yes. We've righted the wrongs. Right, okay. Let's go on. Okay, I've got one. Let me ping pong you.

Okay. Mine is glass half empty people, but to the point it's a detriment. Now, I will clarify I'm all for a bit of realism because sometimes I'm a bit of a fantasist can live with my head in the clouds. So if I'm like one plus one equals five, I'm more than happy for someone to pull me back down to earth and goes, it's two. It is two. It is two, that's less. I need that. Yeah. Yeah. And I'll choose that for you.

Yes. But I, what I don't like is people being like, well, why bother? What's the point? Yeah, ee yours, be my ticker. Yeah. Yeah. Or even if you don't necessarily agree with my delusions of grandeur, don't shit on me with logistics.

Be like, that sounds great. And then just pay no more attention to it. 100%. I want to open up a zoo. I want you to go, oh cool. Not like we thought about funding. What animals say? Yeah, I'm like, listen, I appreciate your concern. But I'm like, healthy bit of realism. That sounds great. How are you going to go about that? Fine. But if you start going,

well, you'll never get a penguin in there in these conditions. That's upsetting to me. Get out. Yeah, I'd like to, you know, the way people go about things. Yeah, completely agree. It's all in the delivery. It is. Yeah. You ready?

Okay, so mine is devil's advocates. Shut the fuck up. So let me tell you, let me tell you, so if I'm on a rant, or if I'm like, I'm like, and trying to express myself about something and I'm like, this is really pissing me off. And they're like, to be fair, like I'm sure they didn't mean it. To be fair, I don't think it was, who are you? Why are you doing that? Who are you? Right now, I am so angry at you. Yeah, I just need a listener. All I need is a listener here and the shoulder to cry on. And I had this recently where I was like, yeah, and honestly, they think they're the bloody this recently where I was like yeah and honestly

they think they're the bloody shit and they were like to be fair and I was like no no no no no no no devil's advocate here I was like we could devil's advocate tomorrow you know what it's all about timing it is all about timing because I'm like if you just let me get through this I'll probably devil's advocate myself at one point. 100%. You know, just let me get to that. But if I've come to rant to you, it shows that I can trust you to be able to rant to you. Yes, yes, yes. So let me rant. Just let me get through it. 100%. 100%. Right, should we go on to questions? I'm serious. And I'm silly.

So my serious question to you is, do you think you can actually change someone's mindset? Me personally? Yes, I think I can. I love that. I 100% think I can. I think it depends on the individual. But I think I could drop some p- pets of poison. Yeah.

To change their mindset. For example, I don't think in one day I could be like, right, you need to start doing this. Yeah. But I think little increments being like, have you thought about doing a gratitude journal? Have you thought about maybe doing counselling? Yeah. You know, and just being able, I think, especially if you're in a relationship, I think that's when you can have the most influence. Yes, 100%.

I think, you know, and I think I have been able to change Archie's mindset with a few things and also he was more pessimistic when I met him. And now he's positive poly. Yes. And I'm like, well, so therefore I can. Legend. It's interesting because I feel like when you meet certain people, you're like, that's just them. That's just them. And that's fine. But I do think I, I sometimes I've got influence. Yes. Yeah, I feel but also I don't know when that's because I only surround myself with people that I gravitate towards people that are just generally more positive. Yeah, maybe. Or maybe everyone's

just fooling me. Yeah, will be will be positive around me. But then as soon as I leave that life, isn't the world terrible. But I feel like I've got a general lightheartedness that people enjoy and maybe make them feel a bit more lighthearted by proxy. I don't know if I could change. I'm quite good at manipulation. Now let me tell you this. Let me expand on this. There was a girl that I went to Mountview with, who I was very like in close quarters with, and she was naturally so negative to the point where I was like, I feel you're draining me. When I'm around you, my blood vessels are draining out of my fingertips. I'm so drained by you. So I started doing this.

Let me, let me tell you, this is the part of the manipulation where I was like, there's nothing worse than negative people. And she was like, what do you mean? So I made up a story. I was like, when I went to this school with this girl, I was like, she was just so negative. I was like, everything, you know, I'd bring such energy. And I was like, and to be honest, I just really don't like being like that. I

don't like being around that energy. All of a sudden, she clocked on and she started to be more like positive around me. Interesting. And I don't know whether she was like, oh, well, Kitty doesn't enjoy that. Oh, interesting. Okay. Kitty doesn't enjoy being around negative people. So maybe it was either that she was thinking, like you were saying, maybe she was like, well, I know I can't really be negative around her because she won't enjoy that. You know, because

I said to her, it's all well and good having a moan. But let's not always be negative. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she didn't respond. She was like, and then I started to notice. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So sometimes if you got a makeup as sordid. Yeah, my friend, I knew someone. I knew someone one. Yeah, I've done it so many times. Okay, my silly question is, would you rather have to mash all your Thanksgiving food together in one big bowl? Okay, so you've got that bloody sweet potato, marshmallow, gravy, mash it all together, yum yum yum down my tongue, all have to eat each one item individually at one time over the course of the entire day. So it's quite anti-social, you know, so like everyone sat at the table, digging in, you know, having their big thanksgiving dinner and then having the dessert later. But you can't, you have to have one item. So you're like eating cranberry sauce

like when you wake up just on its own. Oh, I do that one. Really? Yeah. Because I'm a bit of a textures person, right? If they were all lumped into one, I could think of nothing worse. So eating individually one by one, I like a challenge. And to be fair, it's like snacking. And it's just constant little snackaroos. I could do that. Really? Yeah, I wouldn't mind that. Would you not mind how anti-social you'd be? Everyone sat around the table and you're just, you know. Would I have to eat

in my room? Yeah, you're just one time, one individual at a time. Sarah Well, I feel a little bit bad. Maybe invite people to come see me. Niamh No one can see you. Sarah Oh, well, I feel like I feel a little bit bad, but not bad enough to have a whole mashed version of Thanksgiving dinner. That'd be gebus. Niamh That'd be minging. Sarah Gebus. Niamh Mingaroonie.

Sarah Yeah. Niamh And although I made that question hard for you, I would do the same. Sarah Yeah, honestly. Niamh Because there's nothing worse I hate in this world than for you, I would do the same. Yeah, honestly. There's nothing worse I hate in this world than mash. I don't like mash. Minga, mingamune. Yeah, we don't get on me and mash. No. It's even the word. The word is offensive. Yeah, no, not off. Now, Katie plaited her hair last night, didn't you, Paige? Yes, the results have been less than optimal. I don't think it helped that I also went to a work out this morning and tied it up so then it has kind of fluffed out a bit. I see but it's quite cute.

Little fluffing tons. Yeah, little fluffing tons. Right guys, we've come to the end of the year. End of the year. I hope you have a great day. Have a great week guys. And remember to note down the little things that you're grateful for. And how about you email it to us as well. Tell us what you're grateful for. Tell us if you're grateful if you've had a lovely

shag this week or maybe if you haven't. Grateful for restraint. We would love to know. We would. Right guys, have a great week. We love you lots. Love you. Bye. I've got a rebel soul.

I've got a rebel soul. I've got a rebel soul. I've got a rebel soul.