The Debrief - The Conflict Diaries

Episode Date: April 15, 2024

Welcome back to The Debrief! This week we are talking all things conflict! We give you some of our own personal stories, whilst also answering some of your dilemmas. As always don’t forget to email [e-mail] with any dilemmas or DM us @the.debriefpodcastHave an amazing week! K+K x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

welcome to the debrief good morning good morning a bit of oh listen do you know what i was actually thinking i was i was yawning yesterday on the tube. And I was like, I know that someone told me that yawning is like getting oxygen to the brain. It is so much associated with sleep or the deprivation of sleep. So then I'm like, does the brain need more oxygen if you're tired? Has it had less oxygen? Are you holding your breath while you're sleeping? Your teeth and the brain? Do you know what I mean?

I'm like, what's going on there? That's it. You know when you fall asleep and you feel like you're falling and you wake up and you're sleeping oh you're teasing the brain yeah you know what i mean i'm like what's going on there that's it you know when you like fall asleep and you feel like you're falling and you you wake up and you're like oh there's nothing worse there's nothing out so much nothing worse you just hold on i get so icked out by myself when i do it but apparently that's because some your body thinks your heart rate's dropping too much so it starts you oh Oh my God, no way. That's so interesante. Muy interesante. Muy interesante. Sometimes I wake up and I'm like, oh, nearly died.

Yeah. I remember people used to say, which maybe it's associated with what you said, but they used to say that your body was being carried to go to death and then you just like, I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I cannot tell you how much that fucked with me for years.

No, truly. The fact I'm terrified of death. Especially, yeah. terrified especially i remember quite recently we were talking about biggest fears like archie's family and i yeah we're all just talking about biggest fears and then archie's dad's like what's your biggest fear and i was like dying and he's like let's dissect that and i'll snort let's not because i'll cry like i'll literally cry like genuinely okay should we crack on let's crack on tell me a mantra my mantra is not my circus not my monkeys what hang on a second now what all right this was just like no my it needs to be told what i'm entering i'm like not my circus not my monkey not my circus not my monkeys my mum says it all the time my dad says it all the time and then recently i was

listening to the radio and someone said it and i was like this is like a common phrase fuck off unless it's just the three of us that do it like but no evil see no evil speak no evil three monkeys it's like other people's problems aren't my like i shouldn't worry about what other people are doing i should worry only about myself not my monkeys it's not my circus they're not my monkeys why should i be worrying about them i've never heard of that before i need to be worrying about i've never heard that before okay nice why did you need that this week i feel like it's one of those things that i just really need to focus on myself i need to not i feel like and this is just a general theme for the year i think yeah in the casey leach roller coaster ride we're on yes yeah But I'm like, just keep looking forward for yourself.

And you can be selfish. You can make decisions for yourself. And you don't have to worry about what other people think. Yeah. And also, because I know exactly what you're inferring. Katie's got a lot on her MA at the moment. A lot of things being juggled. There's a lot in there.

But as well, I think don't think of the inevitable like don't wish for something you know in the sense of don't be like oh but what if what if what if no ignore the what if focus on the now yeah exactly 100% what's your mantra my mantra this week is yes I remind myself to take a breath and tell myself I'm in control love that why do you need that this week so I need a bit of stabilization yeah you know so obviously I'm still like getting to grips with my new job I'm still really enjoying it yeah but like you know I'm what three three weeks in I'm still learning so much and I think I had like a knock back the other day because I felt I wasn't maybe

being as quick as I should be with things or you know and my someone who looks after me on the team was just like it's fine you're fine take a breath and I did and I was like okay yeah and they were like you know you are in control nothing and it was really funny I worked for a PR company and they always go PR not ER like you know like honestly not er and i'm like okay like not life and death okay like don't shit yourself oh my god i love that yeah so that kind of stabilizes me a bit more yes my song this week is and if you're thinking of me then i'm probably thinking of you Thinking of you, deal a trace of body paint from your legs and down your arms and on your face. I don't know how to sing. By the Arctic Monkeys.

Should we play it? Should we play it? Because I think... What your play will sound exactly. Will it? Will it? Because I think my fellow friends here are like... Interesting.

Yeah. It's from their new album and genuinely like I thought... Was it called Arctic Monkeys? Body Paint. Body Paint. interesting yeah it's from their new album and genuinely like i thought it's called arctic monkeys body paint i thought their new album was a load of shite and i'm a die die hard arctic monkeys fan i love them so much but i really didn't like their new album and then this is the only one i'm like i love this and imagine me the sun's setting oh wow the evenings are getting earlier oh this is actually quite nice to be fair it's like we're out on the balcony having a barbecue. Oh, I quite like it, actually. Oh, yeah.

Oh, it's quite smooth. Quite the bird to lie in. Oh, I like it. Yeah. I like that. Okay, that was nice. It's funky with a capital F. Oh, yeah, it is.

It is. Okay. Yeah. I've got mine. With a capital F. Oh yeah, it is. It is. Okay.

Yeah. I've got mine. You'd think I was in love. There is nothing better than Olivia Rodrigo obsessed. No. Why does this girl just keep getting better and better? I'm telling you, she could write us like a debrief song. Oh, I would love her. You've never seen Kitty and Katie in the studio and they get them.

Like, honestly. I would be a top ten number one here. She'd know it. She'd seen Kitty and Katie in the studio and they get them like honestly I would be a top 10 number one she'd be like ginger and the blonde all bitches in the hose and I'd be like do you know what I mean

she'd get it and I'd be like she would get it that song bitch about the boys and bitch about the boys and bitch about the boys with the ginger and the blonde

hey hey any other word it's the I'm so obsessed with your ass it's the little no she so obsessed with your ass. Uh-huh. It's the little, uh-huh.

No. She just keeps on getting better. I did it the other day. Better and better. I was listening to it the other day and I said, uh-huh, out loud. Uh-huh. I was like, uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Yeah, I don't blame you because it's just next level. It's a fucking bop. It is. I love that song. Yes. So guys, start your Monday with that. It's so good. And then end your Monday with the your with the arctic monkey sunset imperative quite right yeah should we tell them our recommendation this week is the swan in

right it is peach no i'm telling you this is lovely more of a goose i'd say but no need to be pedantic and i went over the weekend. Loved it. Fantastic. Fantastic. I'm telling you, beats Inferno's any day. I'm sorry, overrated,

sticky, but if you sponsor us, great, but sticky carpet. Too better. Too big, weird men. The Swan is this Irish kind of pub.

Hilarious. Nothing better. Have cheesy tunes on. It's so good. There's nothing quite like i will say i was stone cold sober on this night out and it was genuinely my favorite nights out this year and that tells you a lot let's debrief okay so this week tell me what we're talking gorgeous we're taking the opportunities this week to talk all things how we feel about it, how we live with it, and more importantly, how we get past it, how we resolve it.

So tell me. For anyone who doesn't know, I've looked up the definition of conflict. As you should. And this is categorised as a serious disagreement or argument. Okay. So conflict is something you find every day. Yeah. I'm beefing with the flies in my room at the moment.

Like, they're back. So we asked the debrief. We did. Are you comfortable with confrontation? Or would you rather say nothing and let it blow over? How many people, what do you think the weighting was on that? I'm going to hope that women are fighting for the confrontation. And assertive women, I would say.

So I'm going to say, it's going to be bold, but I'm'm gonna say 60 confrontation okay 40 you're not far off you know it was 55 comfortable with confrontation 45 not okay and i well i'll be the fifth yeah and i'll be the fourth i'm like we've got this this is a great episode because we are on two sides of the argument here. We are on a completely different spectrum. Yeah. I personally find confrontation, I will do it if I have to. Oh, yeah, you have. Yeah.

But it would be grit your teeth and you'd need a bit of the, come on, bitch, like, come on. And I'd probably prep you. Just think of everything they said. I know. Think of everything they did. This is like revolting if you let it go. And then she's like, you know. Yeah. Whereas whereas sometimes i'm like does it need to be an issue

but i genuinely not to blow smoke up your ass but being around you i feel like i am a more grounded person in terms of you know i've got rage yeah i'm constantly red I find standing up for myself a lot easier because I watch you do it all the time and do it very well thank you that's sweet I think it's something that needs to be done you know I am a woman who loves a bit of a drama

let me put my hands up drama on a holiday nothing quite like it drama on holiday combined fantastic I'll be wanking over that yeah let me say that you know i love a bit of drama however i do think things can be handled the right way yes and what i will say is there's been there are so many people and you're unagi you know what i'm thinking um that can be childish like handle this as an adult yeah like handle this maturely you know because when you leave school you'll put your fingers are wagged yeah this is how you deal with things

this is how go apologize to emily and you're dragged by the wrist go say sorry to emily yeah you know but when you get into an adult it's either literally make or break like are you gonna lose this relationship whether it's a friendship are your boss at work like are you gonna do that or you know are you not and it's one of those things i think that it is and we'll talk about this a bit later it is all in how you handle it yeah i personally yeah i feel like your what's said and the hurt caused can be forgotten about and resolved over time the way you handle things sometimes can't be yeah completely so I think it's one of those things that and it's inevitable and I find that it's almost like a muscle memory yeah in the sense of I remember like the first time I got called out on something or they were

like you've done this job send me oh my god was I on the defense I was like what the fuck like I didn't mean it I don't know and it's one of those things that some people don't shake that and I think it's learning to shake that. Yeah, completely. And I think something that's quite interesting that you said about the definition, it's either like a disagreement or an argument. Yeah. And I think that is so pivotal. Yes.

It is either a disagreement or an argument and how you handle it is how it goes. If you go aggressive, you're going in, well, that's your argument. Yeah. But if you handle it diplomatically, that's where it's a disagreement yes you know i think we should talk about our own experiences with confrontation

yeah you know how we've managed this how we've dealt it and look we come from a place where katie and i speak as the oracles however in life do we pull through maybe not you know maybe not most of the time we do most of the time most of the time but sometimes we are human like it's so natural i would say probably the biggest confrontation that i've had recently i would say that confrontation doesn't get to me yeah that much i would say yeah if i've got an issue with someone or if i feel it needs to be handled i think right well i'm gonna have a discussion with you and then i feel with it with people if I can read them well and if I trust them the lines drawn that's fine yes you know and if it's whether it's work

or career industry well then you handle it in a different way because it's your reputation yeah you know I think the one that really got to me recently was an actual a disagreement with a friend and I found this really difficult yeah to give a bit of context that I love this person like absolutely love this person and school friends so we've known each other for years and years know each other inside out like all this kind of stuff their boyfriend told her a lie about me and said that I'd said something that I didn't it really upset me for the first time in like a long time I would say this confrontation was very difficult because you're stuck in between your friend and your friend's boyfriend

that's what yeah that's a really sticky position really difficult yeah and look I had this conversation with my friend and it's a long story guys it's a long story but the crux of it we did end up having this conversation and I did end up being able to say my piece. And I would say my wholehearted respect to the both of us that it was handled in a very diplomatic way. Yes. Yeah. However, I don't know what she feels because we haven't communicated since. Which is very difficult because I've got friends that are friends with her and, you know, we think the world of her. And it's a real shame because in my mind, confrontation quote-unquote confrontation went very well yes we both understood each other

and we both gave each other a hug and it was very fun and and normal and I thought okay that's fine and that's an example of confrontation being done I would say well yes neither of us shouted or spoke over each other however the the outcome isn't something that I wanted. Yes. Yeah. And I think that's something that we have to live with that sometimes you're not going to get your way and you're not going to get the outcome that you wanted or expected. Yeah. But how do you move on from that? Because I thought, oh, everything will go back to normal. Unfortunately, it didn't. You know, hopefully one day it will but I think because that relationship is clearly strong then maybe I wasn't believed or I wasn't trusted yeah which

which is it's difficult and then you think right and I made the personal decision to not keep pushing I felt I if I'm gonna keep pushing and keep confronting and I'm making this an issue whereas I feel right now that I haven't done anything wrong. Yeah. You know, I said, I'm so sorry you felt that way. However, that's not what I said. Yes. You know?

Yeah, 100%. It's difficult. How about you? What's your confrontation story? Do you have one up your sleeve? I feel like there was one I had recently. And again, this is one of the things I struggle with most and i feel like you can vouch for it as well is that i feel a lot easier to go to someone and speak to them about them hurting a

friend or someone else but if it's me that's involved i usually brush it under the rug for their sake and probably mine as well yeah yeah but something had happened. I felt extreme. I was extremely annoyed about it. Yeah. It was by someone who I wasn't, who I was close-ish with. Yeah. But not besties. Not besties,

but close enough to, for what she did was incorrect. I thought it was wrong. Okay. And me, maybe a year and a half, two years ago, would have been like,

well, do you know what? Like, I'll just leave it. But I think it was one of those a half, two years ago, would have been like, well, do you know what? Like, I'll just leave it. But I think it was one of those things that I think you owe it to yourself to be your biggest advocate. And whilst, you know, with confrontations, you don't know which way it's going to go. You might not get the apology you want.

You might not get, you might get a lot of pushback, actually. And this person was also very infamous for never admitting wrongdoing. So part of me was like, why should I hype myself up yeah get so emotionally charged to go confront this person when I'm not even sure I'm going to get an apology and someone said to me they were like you owe it to yourself to make her aware that you know what's happened because this was all behind my back so yeah make her aware that you're clued in now on the situation and that you think it's wrong yeah and that not that you don't need an apology but you need to let her know that her behavior was incorrect and I felt very I just feel so sick every time I go to confront someone I feel

physically sick I'm like shaming I'm like oh my god and I think it's because again I struggle with being like I'm hurt because I'm worried they won't maybe respect me. I don't know. But you know, the conversation I would say went well. And I feel like as much as it is a joint conversation, there's a lot, like you said, saying your piece is so important for your sake. Cause you can be, I'm someone that can toss and turn all night and be like, oh my God, I should have said this and I should have said that. And I'm like, if you can get it all out in one go and articulate it, then your mind is at ease yeah i completely agree and i managed to say what i had to say got an apology which was very unexpected

and i'm happy to be completely civil i think we're very similar in the sense that when i say a line is drawn a line is drawn let's move on absolutely fine let's move on unfortunately there are some people i've also had issues with that don't seem to draw a line no but that again not myself it's not my monocles exactly i'm i can't control that no completely and i think confrontation from our kind of personalities maybe even more yours not sure this can be up for discussion can be hard because people think our goofiness or our playfulness is I have no fucking boundaries you can say whatever you want because I'm fun I'm free I'm carefree and I'm ready to have a bit of a party yeah yeah I am I love a bit of a joke I love the banter yeah

don't cross the line this is I do want I literally had this conversation recently where i'm like i sometimes and i feel like i've said this to you before we are very similar and we are very happy go lucky people very chilled out people but i'm like there becomes a point where you're taking the piss now and almost i feel like and i don't know if you felt the same way almost backed into a corner because i'm like well my personality is like chilled and like aloof and like oh wouldn't say i wouldn't i wouldn't pick up on this in my normal personality so no i'm so happy go lucky that like i'm you know i'm the comedy relief what if i turn around and go what the fuck that was really rude i'm gonna make things awkward now and i'm like oh yeah yeah i completely agree and it's the ones that know you best where they kind of respect

that and get that yes you know i know that boundary of being like we're having fun we're having fun whoa too far yeah you know whereas the ones that don't i often feel can offend yes you know and i i think we're different in this respect i think think it reads all over my face. I think I'm like, I'm an open book. I'm like, nah, you've pissed me off. Whereas you will hide it. And I've seen you hide it numerous times. Oh, interesting. The only reason I will know that's upset you

is because I know you so well. You know, like we've cried to each other numerous times. You're correct. So I can see you just going, oh, like, oh, it's fine. And I'm like, she's a little bit. It's so funny. Sometimes I'll be like, I know, so I can see you just going, oh, like, oh, it's fine. And I'm like, she's a little bit. It's so funny. Sometimes I'll be like, I've done so well. And then you'll turn to me and you'll be like, I know that annoyed you.

I'm like, it did. I know it did. Gorgeous. So as we've been speaking about, conflict can be found in all areas of life. So reportedly, the most common environments with highest reports of grievances tend to be the workplace and schools yeah i can believe that yeah which i feel like is very natural i feel like school if there wasn't something going on like there was always something going on always always always always and i feel like that's where you start to learn how to approach things yeah and i feel like that's where

i probably made the most mistakes oh I would oh my god yeah I was an absolute nightmare like I look back and I think that oh I would deny I'd outright deny my lie I didn't say that I did I'm thinking why are you lying I do and I think one of the best things is like having a guilt-free conscience yeah and yeah let me tell you right now okay everyone's gonna fuck up in their life yes in the sense of tell someone something you weren't supposed to yeah maybe tell a little white lie or you know do something they weren't supposed to but i'm telling you you will come out on top if you've just been on it oh my god you will shit yourself at the time

i'm gonna back it like i didn't i honestly would never say you did yeah and i think that's where i went wrong i was caught out you know i was caught out many times i look back i'm like oh god you should have just said it right there so much could have been avoided yeah but you live and you learn and like so many things i've learned i wouldn't if i didn't make those mistakes i don't advocate lying guys but i just say things happen for a reason oh i would lie through my fucking oh someone said you said this i didn't i don't weird weird i would i throw i would throw people under the bus because then oh well they must have been lying then i'm like must have been yeah well must have been they're toxic you know they made that up yeah it's so much i

actually think it's more actually fucking devilicious yeah to turn around be like yeah i did say that. Probably shouldn't have. Sorry. Because you know the rule I go by now? Yeah. Is that if I say it and I'm willing for the person to hear it, say it. Oh, I love this game.

I'm like, go for it. Let's say we're talking about Keith. Yeah. Okay. Good old Keith. Part of our friendship group. Yeah. But he's pissed me off because he's a cocky shit.

Yeah. And keeps talking about himself. And if you hate Keith, I probably hate him too. You friendship group. Yeah. But he's pissed me off because he's a cocky shit. Yeah. And keeps talking about himself. And if you hate Keith, I probably hate him too. You probably do. Yeah. So, and I'm saying to you, do you know what, Katie? I do think he's a bit stuck up his own arse. Yeah.

I'm happy to say that to you because if Keith goes, whoa, heard you say I was stuck up my arse. Yeah, you are. And there's no power to, that is the biggest power to him. And then they go, oh. Hilarious. Hilarious. Do you know, literally,

what is it? Ask for forgiveness, not permission. Yeah. I'm like, genuinely, it's the same thing if I'm speaking about someone that's annoying me and they go,

oh, you shouldn't say that. I thought, bring them in right now. Yeah, I'll say it to them now. Bring them in. Big brother style. Bring them in. Yeah, nothing bad. I will happily say that to your face.

You can so understand, though, why it's workplace and school. Yes. Like, they're such competitive environments they are cliquey environments yes where god it really is dog eat dog oh 100 and you're contained you can't go you can't go anywhere you have to go to school you have to go to work of course you can't really escape it so it is key that you have ways to deal with that i would say i have found okay accepting conflict face value is actually very helpful i feel like okay what you mean by that if you try to

push it down in the sense of oh it's not an issue no like it's nothing it's nothing it's nothing it's not no if it's something acknowledge that it's there don't let it be this kind of like oh i don't know it's fine no no just acknowledge that it's there and then once you acknowledge the elephant in the room is actually a it becomes a mouse yeah like completely it's also I feel like I can get quite ahead of myself and I overthink so much and I think sometimes what the version of events I create in my head is actually so far from what it actually is yeah so if I speak to someone about it and if i address it i'm like oh i was making a mountain out of a molehill here completely yeah i think it's so good to have like certain little

things to navigate you to know if this needs to be confronted yes like i think one of the biggest things to ask yourself before you confront someone what do you want out of this yes like what why are you doing this and if you go i want no apology fine yeah you know there's not reasons that i'm like well that's not valid but you'll know in your own head whether do you know what actually that's not worth it because it's whatever yes but what do you want out of this do you just want a drama like you know six years ago do you want just to create your drama or do you want to humiliate this person because if that's the case then that's not on yeah but if you're like no they need to be told where my boundary is gorgeous fantastic yeah i also think like clarify what the actual problem is because

if you go into this and you're like no no let's say okay let's say you've annoyed me because you keep talking over me okay i'm just like okay to be honest like you are getting on my tits because you keep talking over me yeah and you're just like oh you know oh like what in particular i'm like well it's just like you just what are you doing be specific because otherwise you're wasting your time you're wasting their time and there's no point in confrontation but if i go katie look the other day we were in a group of circle i was telling a story and you interrupted me right bang on in the middle and it really annoyed me because i was enjoying my story fantastic yeah perfect perfect so i feel delivered yeah i love it it's one of those things i'm my mom actually her biggest tip that she always takes to me is goes take the personal stuff out like take yourself

out of it because it like don't be and my feelings are so and i'd like be like you said this it's felt like it's felt like this it's come across so, and I'd be like, you said this. It's felt like this. It's felt like this. It's come across this way. And I'd like you to apologise. And then I went home and I cried all night because, no. I think that's actually one of the best things you've taught me. Because I remember when I had this confrontation

with the friend that I mentioned earlier, and I was like, oh God. And I was emotional and upset. And I was like, oh, like, I'm really upset over this. And you were like, when you have this discussion, bring that emotion that emotion out of it yeah no because don't stop flabbergasting and yeah and it's easy to do it's easy to do especially when you fumble or if you're like i don't know what to say of course it is and it is human nature but if you can and i would also suggest this make notes of what you want to say oh i love it oh the notes app that's fine love it because you

don't want to walk away and go oh actually oh i was yes no you got your notes to think these are three bullet points you talk over me you keep interrupting me and you're rude whatever i can't you know yeah fine you got your three points that you can you know i wouldn't say the rude because again that's personal yeah you know like try and manipulate it in that way yeah and i feel like it's hard but especially if this is like a tip of the iceberg thing try and keep to the task at hand yes i can if you haven't i feel like it may be controversial if someone's been doing little things to you over a series of months and you haven't pulled them up on it but decide to pull them up on the last thing that's tipped you over the edge stick to that last thing yeah yeah don't be that and then you've been doing this for months now like no no if they're unaware that's unfair to them yes yes you can't behold none what happened two years ago because

that's actually your issue that you didn't say anything yes you know okay we're going to go on to this next bit yes so we're going to call guess the apology okay now olivia rodrigo could write a great one with this oh she could the apology because you never say it to me fantastic that was actually fucking brilliant that was so good okay so we are going to read out an apology that a celebrity gave publicly yes yes and we're going to read these out to each other. Yeah. And Katie and I have to guess what the circumstances, why they're apologising,

and who they're apologising to. Yes. I'm going to kick us off. Okay. Vanessa Hudgens wrote, I'm so sorry for the way I have offended everyone and anyone. I realised my words were insensitive and not at all appropriate for the situation.

This has been a huge wake-up call about the significance my words were insensitive and not at all appropriate for the situation this has been a huge wake-up call about the significance my words have fuck i feel like i know what this was about and i can't remember was it something to do with her and austin butler did she say did she she oh my goodness was it around covid times was something is it something to do with COVID? It was, yes. Fuck. Was it something about like vaccinations or something? Not about vaccinations. Oh, was she apologising like on Instagram to like the general public? Yes. Okay.

Yes. Okay. So I'll tell you. Yeah. You actually got it pretty much right. Like it is to do with COVID. Yeah. And it is the general public.

So Vanessa Hudgens apologised publicly to the general public. It was over COVID because she said that people dying from COVID was inevitable and that lockdown was bullshit. Oh, Vanessa, Vanessa. That caused quite a bit of a hoo-ha. Oh, God. Give me one. So I've got this one I feel like you'll get.

I'm so sorry to Taylor Swift and her fans and her mom i spoke to her mother right after and she said the same thing my mother would have said she's very talented i like the lyrics about being a cheerleader and she's in the bleachers i'm in the wrong for going on stage and taking away from her moment i know exactly what this is about. Katy Perry. She's apologising to Katy Perry. Oh no, is this wrong? Oh, maybe I've got the name wrong. Oh, the dancers. She took the dancers.

She did take the dancers, but this isn't that. Oh, okay. Oh. Is it about Jake Gyllenhaal? No. She wears sharp skins and wears a t-shirt. You must know about this.

Dream about the day when you wake up. Of course you do. Looking for what's been here. I don't know. Oh my God. I don't know. This was Kanye West apologising to Taylor Swift after interrupting her Grammy acceptance speech saying that Beyonce should have won instead.

That is the most painful thing I have ever watched in my life i'm personally not a big fan of the colony west no and i was like and i like i do like taylor swift but i'm not a diehard swift no but i do like her but i thought that is a step too far like you don't imagine winning an oscar what do you get for a music grammy katie gets a grammy i get an oscar like and they're like the girl's bathroom should have won and you're like I'd be like okay I mean what we'll be talking about this on the pole yeah I'll be like this is a good content yeah I mean what that is so bad that is terrible it's so bad grown man but I don't think that's enough like and also like put your eyes away darling like so I'm so like be sincere

yeah it was the fact that he came out with that song like years later about fame i made that bitch fame yeah you are the worst yeah he's not a good vibe okay let me read you another one i love these okay jimmy kimmel said quotations they said i stole your moment and maybe i did and i'm sorry i did do that actually and also the last thing i would ever want to do is upset you because i think so much of you i tell you i didn't actually know this i was like oh my god jimmy kimmel what's he done recently he hosted the oscars didn't he it's got to be about the oscars i wonder but this year's oscars i don't remember there being much drama, but he's hosted before, hasn't he? Nothing quite like The Slap. No.

And he wasn't, that was Chris Rock, wasn't it? Yeah, with Will Smith, yeah. Jimmy Kimmel, did he make, was it something to do with the Baldwin's? No. Oh my goodness, I don't know, but I have a feeling this happened at the Oscars. You are right. It happened at the Oscars. You are right. It happened at the awards ceremony. So Jimmy Kimmel has gotten into a few too many margaritas after losing out on the Outstanding Variety Talk Series Emmy. John Oliver and passed out and pretended to pass out before him. And as he was supposed to

present the comedy series writing, he pretended to pass out, continued to lie on the floor in front of the microphone no as kinta bruce how you say it kinta i'm not sure i'm not i'm sorry i don't know how to pronounce her name accepted the award now if i show you a photo of this please do this is outrageous it's the most outrageous thing i've ever seen when was this i think it was in 2022 oh my god that's really embarrassing for him it was the most embarrassing thing he just lay at the oh my god here we are he's just lying on the floor it's the most embarrassing why are you doing that and people are like walking past him what the fuck because he didn't win he just lay there i mean personally i think that is i'm like that is grabbing someone's getting an award i'm again, what's up with the awards?

Yeah. Like, if I got an award and they were like, right, and lay on the floor and I'm like trying to say, oh, thank you. And people are like, I'm laughing because this person's on the floor. I'd be like, not being funny, but get up. Like, can you actually get up? That is wild.

What are you doing? A grown man. Yeah, a grown man. I know. Okay. This is one. This is you doing? A grown man. Yeah, a grown man. I know. Okay. This is my fave. Tell me. I'm deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment

I've caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him. I love him. I'm so sorry. Rob. They love him. I love him. I'm so sorry.

Rob? They say Rob. This was Kristen Stewart. Oh, Robert Pattinson. Okay, so Kristen Stewart is apologising to Robert Pattinson for cheating on him with the director. Yes! Remember when this came out?

That was crazy. Who I love and respect the most, Rob. Wow. Read it again, that hit. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardised the most important thing in my life. The person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him.

I love him. I'm so sorry. Do you know what is bad, though? Is she's causing a momentary indiscretion. I'm like, you should have met someone else. Darling, you didn't have a cigarette outside the nightclub. Yeah, you know, you were shaking to someone else. It wasn't momentary. Oh, that is hilarious. Okay. Should we go on to the next one? I love that. Let's go on to it. Okay. We are now going to go on to the debrief dilemmas. So I've got such a good one for you.

So we asked the debriefers, tell us some confrontation that you've got going on in your life right now and peach and i will tell you whether to go for it or to sway away yeah so the tagline for this girl says i hate capital letters my boyfriend's sister no he's like oh no hey girls thank god it's monday as i really need your help i need to debrief so last week was lucy in brackets let's call my boyfriend's sister that okay it was lucy's birthday we all went out for dinner and all of his family and her friends were there to celebrate great i've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half so i thought it's right to make a real effort for her birthday i got her some stuff from charlotte tilbury as

well as a facial oh nice lovely birthday's. Oh, nice. Lovely. I've got those going on. Nice. When she opened my present, my boyfriend and his family were outside just to know. So it was only me, Lucy and her friends. Okay. When she opened the present. She opened it and said, oh, you really shouldn't have. To which I responded, no, of course, it's your birthday.

And she said, no, no I mean you shouldn't have wasted your money you won't be around to see me use it are you fucking serious I was shocked and didn't understand what the fuck do you say to her and her friends went loose and they all laughed and she said why it's true I didn't know what to do sorry it's not funny but what the fuck like actually what do you say to that she's got her fucking like bottomless brunch in front of her like will you be like okay what the fuck she goes she goes should i confront her about it and ask her what she meant my boyfriend knows her and i don't really get on she always makes snide comments about me always bitchy things and always puts me

down i've never been nasty to her and apart from the bitchy comments, I don't have anything against her. Really need your help and please keep me anonymous as Lucy listens to the podcast. Okay. Oh my God, that is so bitch. What are we saying?

It's funny. There's something about older, it's older sister, isn't it? Older sisters and brothers. I don't have brothers. I don't. But for some reason,

I have a friend and you know the friend I'm on about that I am convinced her sister is like, And brothers. I don't have brothers. I don't. But for some reason, I have a friend, and you know the friend I'm on about, that I am convinced her sister is like in love with the brother. I'm convinced. I'm actually convinced. It's rather strange. So when this friend of mine got a girlfriend.

Yeah. That was a stunner in the works. The sister hated the girlfriend and only made my case stronger, I would say. I just think it is so, it's so hard. But I truly think, and then it's her boyfriend's sister, so you don't want to start beefing family. I know. However, I'm, okay, I think this needs to be handled very diplomatically.

Again, what you want out of this, that's the first thing. The thing I would say is an apology and an explanation yeah because the first and also boundaries don't be saying shit like that in front of all your friends no that's embarrassing your shit yeah and embarrassing me and all of them going loose and like no yeah no actually yeah that's really rude if he was here would you say that probably not yeah interesting so i think it does need to be said look i know it's also hard talking to the brother and talking to your boyfriend because that's his sisters yeah but it doesn't

have to be nasty yeah you can literally just be like oh look this comment was said and it's it's really upset me yeah you know i feel really embarrassed i'm just gonna have a word with lucy fine you know say to lucy give her a text or don't obviously it's not on her birthday now because you're right here but you know give her a text and just be like oh can we have a chat it can be so diplomatic and just be like look i know the other night we had maybe she was really drunk as well yeah look we had a few drinks and i just wanted to is there an issue between us i know you said the comment about i won't be around to see you, use the presents I got you. Have I? That's fucking horrid. That's really fucking horrid.

Especially when you spent, you got a facial and Charlotte Tilbury product. That's really mean. Out of your own pocket. I'd cry. Oh, I would have burst into tears on the spot. Like that's so cruel. That's really cruel.

That's calculated. I'm doing it in front of a friend. And you know what's rude is, you know what's worse is that the friends are all like lose so she clearly said that to them as well yeah they weren't like no poor like i just yeah oh god like that is just horrible i'm saying confront what i'm saying confront i think it's one of those things that it's like like you said take the emotion out of it yeah take the emotion out of it be like i got you a present it seems like you didn't like it um yeah and you also then made a comment saying that i wouldn't be there to see you like

that's at the end of the day darling you've got the moral high ground you do she was rude she was bitchy and she was unkind she must have like she's got to apologize for that so i'm not being funny if i said something like this to katie and you came up i'd be so embarrassed i'm really sorry yeah you cannot defend your actions there you simply cannot no what she can defend is saying look i don't think you're right for my brother she has the right to say that she has the right to say that which she might however that's not her issue unfortunately it's the brother's decision it's your boyfriend's decision she can't tell him who to date and who not to date yeah you know good luck darling yeah that was some kind yeah but go on do it with grace you've got this i've got three three yeah my first one is people who don't apologize so it's literally like okay

i don't know let's say i've called you out yeah i'm calling me rude okay so i've called you out and calling me rude. So I've called you out and calling me rude. And you're just like, well, yeah, I think you are rude. And you're like, okay, we think I'm rude, but that upset me. And you're like, yeah, you're rude. No, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, you still think I'm rude, but you affected how I feel. Surely you need to apologise. Some people do not understand apologies at all.

There's nothing that infuriates me more than someone who cannot apologize. You know, the biggest respect I have for a person is if they apologize. If they hold their hands up and say, do you know what? Fucked up there. I am really sorry. Yeah. I didn't mean that. I did.

I even respected people like, still stand by my point, but I'm sorry. Fantastic. Fine. Are you ready? Yeah. On a similar vein, people say, oh, I'm sorry you felt that way. That was my second one. That was my second one.

Yeah. Get in the bin. And I know you don't mean it. Yeah. I know you don't mean it. And it's just one of those things that I'm like, no, sorry you felt that way. Isn't an apology. No, it's not.

It should be. I'm sorry you took it that way. No. No. No. It's like, I'm sorry i came across in that light that's yeah i'm sorry i'm sorry that was not my intention accountability come on but i apologize because i can see that's really upsetting i agree with you there honestly okay so you've taken my second one so i've only got two now my my second one now is people who apologize then go back on it. What I mean by this is, so I'm like, this happened to you recently, actually.

Someone apologized to you, said, oh, I'm really sorry. Then you overheard them saying, so why is she bothered? What's going on? I didn't even do anything wrong. Yes. Right, right. I respect you more to sit with me and say, I think you're wrong. I think you are wrong yeah okay fine not everyone can see my point of view and i certainly don't see yours right now you bitch yeah but no guys don't handle it like that but you know that you're not always going

to see eye to eye no not at all but i would prefer and respect for someone to be like i think you're out of order okay you think i'm out of order and i don't respect what you're saying yeah right fine rather than you know what i'm really sorry like i'm so sorry i'm so you know what it's fine let's move on as i said let the water flow let's go yeah then i overhear in the lift i'm going why is she even bothered like i didn't even do anything what who's big dog now what oh you're crying a second ago love you literally know this literally that really winds me up though because i'm just like there was no you've wasted your apology now yeah because what oh you're crying a second ago love you literally no this literally that really grinds me up though because i'm just like there was no you've wasted your apology now yeah because i don't take you seriously no it's like i didn't take you especially in my situation yeah didn't

take you seriously before and not taking seriously and now i take you even less seriously and i don't trust you and oh my god yeah it's just one of those things that i'm like why do you feel like you're the big dog now when you're literally like oh and like shit the bed i'm so oh my god yeah it's just one of those things that i'm like why do you feel like you're the big dog now when you're literally like oh and like shit the bed i'm so oh my god i'm like and no look what you say it's natural say if i had a beef with someone to come back and to be like to casey like she's an honestly an idiot like do you i mean that yeah it's natural like i would do it i would but i'm like in the privacy of your own home in the privacy of your own don't be doing it publicly like don't be making a mug of yourself there darling you never know like go when you're out like that call your mother yeah exactly your dad call your friend call your brother that was just stupid don't say it when i'm literally around the fucking corner

idiot where you know i could be an earshot yeah it's an idiot i'm like you're silly right should we go on to questions let's go on to questions i'm on serious questions this week yeah so my serious question to you is is confrontation vital in order to solve an issue that's interesting i would say yes and i would say there are two routes you can go down you can either confront the person or you can confront your own feelings. Ah. I think. Oh, nice. So confrontation doesn't have to be.

No. And also I feel like confrontation is such a big, scary word. It could literally, when there are adults present, it can just be a very chilled, very diplomatic conversation. Uncomfortable, potentially. Yeah. But you just setting a boundary and outlining your feelings it doesn't have to be a big holler below yeah or if you choose because

i often find that if something's upset me it really depends on the person in the situation especially if i'm like i'm never going to see this person again of course i'm not going to say anything yeah in that case i'd be like yeah okay why why has that upset me so much? Sometimes it's a good opportunity to look inward. Sometimes if I really fly off the handle where I'm so deeply hurt by something, I'm like, why has that upset me so much? That's really interesting. It's hit a nerve. Yeah.

It's finding... It's brilliant advice. It's a great answer even. Because when you... I feel like when you're confronted with something to confront, I feel like you can either choose to drop it yeah because if you know the person well enough or if you know and you know they wouldn't have meant any harm by it and you know you can live with that yeah then then let's it's by the by completely if you're around that person all the time and then feel

like i would feel like i really owe it to myself to say something and i'll feel better yeah say something but it's also good to look reflect i think as to why you're so because we're not perfect no we're not perfect and if something's really triggered you and if you've flown off the handle yeah and been like what like yeah just think why is that her me why you know yeah 100 a great answer yeah thanks my doll okay so would you rather have every single person in your life yeah pick you on everything confront you be like the way you said that i didn't really like it like any minor thing any completely minor little itty bitty thing like you moved your glass slightly to one side not just like oh i didn't appreciate that you did that do they correct me

or do they just like tell me that they didn't enjoy it they'll tell you that they didn't like oh i didn't like how you just put that there can you put it back to where you usually put it oh my god a thing like oh you didn't dry the forks like i, I'd like for you to, like, fully dry them before you put them in the thing or, you know. Or just have yes men around you all the time. Being like, you can do no wrong. You're like, oh, I feel like I really fucked up. No, you can never fuck up. You're always the best.

You're always on top form. And you're like, no, honestly, no, you've got nothing to apologize for. Oh my God, this is a really good question. Now, is it everyone, did you say? I would say everyone that you're close to, whenever they want, will be pedantically nitpicky. So am I saying then, if they were all yes men,

they couldn't be like, if I said, if I weren't crying to my mum, I'd say, I've really messed up. She couldn't be like, yeah, darling, you have. No, she'd be like you've got nothing to apologize for you are simply the best i'm taking the nitpick yeah i have to take the nitpick yeah i can't have people around me who are like licking me ass going like everything you did is great because it's not like like let's be real i get it wrong and you know what it's like

when i say something that's offensive i'll i'lluckle down. Like I keep going and I'm like, shut the fuck up. Like honestly, like just leave it now. And I'm like, like I did the other night and I'm sure you know what I mean by that. Yeah. Like I went for it

and I was like, leave it. Like leave it. I was like, leave it. No one cares. Like no one cares. And I was like,

no, I'm going to stand by it. Like, so I couldn't have people being like, completely agree because I'm like, no, I was so wrong. You know, people being like, like we love you but that wasn't great yeah i completely respect that and the nitpick i'll just be like shut the fuck up yeah haters back off yeah i'll let you smell

them with the water i'll be like i'm not shush you yeah and then you can apologize and then you can apologize exactly exactly what would you think what i would be the same yeah i think good question though that's quite hard i think i would also say like my if people like you can do no wrong you're absolutely perfect be like yeah you get delusional you get delusional wouldn't be delusional more delusional than i already am i would literally be like i would think i like farted rainbows yeah i think i like lived on a cloud like i'm fucking untouchable yeah completely yeah yeah i couldn. I couldn't cope with that, though. I need honest people. Yeah, I need accountability and honest people in my life.

Exactly. Right, Peach, we've come to the end. And here we are again. Here we are again. Just another Manic Monday, eh? Just another Manic Monday. Yes, thank you so much for listening, guys. Thanks, guys.

Thank you. Have a great week. Have a brilliant week. And go forward with competition. Go get them, Tiger. Go get them. Love you so much for listening, guys. Thanks, guys. Thank you. Have a great week. Have a fantastic week. And go forward with competition. Go get them, Tiger. Go get them. Love you so much. Love you.

Bye. Bye. I've got a rebel soul. I've got a rebel soul. I've got a rebel soul. I've got a rebel soul I've got a rebel soul