The Decibel - How to deal with back-to-school anxiety

Episode Date: September 3, 2024

This week, most kids across the country are headed back to school. That transition can bring a lot of feelings – excitement, but also nervousness and anxiety. And this year, along with the usual transition, some students can expect another big change – provinces across the country are bringing in stricter regulations around cellphone use.Psychologist and children’s book author Dr. Jillian Roberts is on the show to talk about how parents can help their children navigate back-to-school anxiety. But first, Caroline Alphonso, the Globe’s education reporter, joins the show to talk about the state of youth mental health, and the impact students and educators think phone restrictions will have.Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at [e-mail]

Across most of the country, kids are headed back to school this week, which is a change that can come with a lot of emotions, like excitement. I'm most excited about playing soccer. I'm excited for if Mirabelle and Jacob to come in my class. Because they're from the English margin and I'm in the French margin. And what else are you going to do that's exciting? Play with my friends. Well, I am going to a new high school, so I'm definitely excited for a change of scenery and

also participating in new school clubs that I couldn't have done during the summertime. But also anxiety and nervousness. I'm anxious about my bus ride because last year it was really long. I'm nervous that we won't get that many playtime. Yeah, we like playtime a lot, so that's why we really want to do playtime. Yeah, we like playtime a lot, so that's why we really want to do playtime. I'm going to a new school, so I don't really know anyone there. So I'm definitely nervous about the people there and just making friends in general. I hope I'm in the same class as my friends. And this year, many schools will have greater restrictions on cell phones in class.

So today, The Globe's education reporter, Caroline Alfonso, is here to give us a sense of the state of youth mental health and how the new cell phone rules could affect students. And then we're speaking to Dr. Jillian Roberts, a registered psychologist who specializes in child psychology. She'll tell us how to recognize anxiety in kids and how to help tots and teens through challenging times. I'm Maina Karaman-Wilms, and this is The Decibel from The Globe and Mail. Caroline, great to have you back on the podcast. Thank you for having me on. So going back to school, of course, has always been difficult for kids, right? But I'm wondering how have things changed since the pandemic?

The rates of psychological distress, I'm talking about anxiety and depression. We've seen those rising, not just here in Canada, but globally. We've seen a rise in eating disorders for both kids in Ontario and throughout Canada. So I think we've seen more anxiousness, more mental health and well-being issues among kids since the pandemic. And of course, if we're all kind of a little more stressed, if kids are kind of generally feeling these things, then an additional stressful situation like a new school year probably just adds more weight to that. I think what we're seeing now or teachers are saying they're seeing now is more dysregulated behavior where kids are acting up a little more and showing more signs of anxiousness as they approach the school year. Do we have some numbers to kind of quantify this?

Like what do we know about the state of mental health among students these days? So one of the things that I've turned to is the Center for Addiction and Mental Health has done a survey of Ontario students. This is middle school students, students in grades 7 and 12. And one of the more recent surveys, so they do the survey every two years. And in 2021, they surveyed about 2000 kids. And what they found is that one in five of these students said they often or always feel lonely. So that's one of the most significant things. They also found that around 60% said they felt depressed about the future because of the pandemic.

Over one third of them felt the pandemic affected their mental health. They rated their mental health as fair or poor. So already we're getting a sense that kids coming out of this, many of them are not doing so well. Yeah. Wow. Okay. So that helps us kind of understand where kids are. That was a few years ago, though, too, Caroline. Do we know how that's changed over the last few years? That's right. So a more recent survey in 2023, last year, showed that the number of hours kids were spending on social media actually went down. It now stands at around 23%, down from 31%. What's also heartening is that the number of students who reported feeling

lonely often or always also went down a little bit. But at the same time, the percentage of students who rate their mental health as fair or poor has increased quite a bit since 2007. In fact, it was 11% and now it's about close to 40%. And what is really interesting is that almost half of students report that they rarely or never talk to their parents about how they're feeling or their problems. Have we seen a shift in how schools actually deal with mental health issues? There's a recognition right now about the increase, a number of kids with mental health issues are just feeling more anxious about things. Curriculum in many provinces has changed to reflect that. So they're including more around mental health and well-being in curriculum.

You know, most schools have psychologists and social workers on hand. They have speakers coming in to speak about these issues. One of the school boards, the Ottawa Catholic School Board, they used to employ addiction counselors from the community. And more recently, they brought them into their staff, brought them into the school boards. They're the ones who deal with more serious issues. So we're talking about more substance abuse issues and drug use and mental health issues, really serious ones. But you're seeing sort of school boards. They always took this seriously, but they understand how it has increased. And they're trying to bring in more supports for students as a result of this.

Yeah. Yeah. If they're bringing someone on staff, that really kind of shows the need that they're feeling. They need to provide the service for kids. Exactly. I know you've also reported a lot, Caroline, on the changes around cell phones in schools, right? This is a huge issue right now because there's a lot of changes coming in for the new school year. What impact might that actually have on students and their mental health? So almost every province has brought in policies and rules around cell phone restrictions in schools, which generally mean that kids cannot have their cell phones on during class time, unless a teacher says it's for educational purposes,

or they need it for medical purposes, for example. And you know, kids spend a lot of time on cell phones. One thing is clear about cell phones. I mean, we see it all the time, it's a distraction. So if a teacher is in front of the class teaching a lesson and kids are pulling out their cell phones because they have notifications, they're not really concentrating on what the teacher is doing. So it's a distraction. But what the science is not really clear about quite just yet is how it's affecting their mental health, whether they're seeing images, you know, body image on social media, things like that. And it's really affecting them. The other side is saying, well, we don't know yet. We still need some studies to show us what kind of impact it's having on kids' mental health. Because kids are dealing

with a lot right now. They're dealing with issues of loneliness. They're seeing the world around them, and they're not really happy with the state of things. So we don't quite know what the impact of cell phones is. But for one thing's for sure, when the school year starts, I think educators will be quite relieved not to have those cell phones out, although it is going to be really tricky, I think, Menaka, for them to enforce the new rules. Yeah, we're going to, I guess, kind of see how this plays out and how that all happens. You mentioned educators. Do we know, actually, Caroline, how students are feeling about these restrictions on cell phones, how they're thinking about this?

It's quite a mixed bag. Most students, you know, use their cell phone quite often. They have it on their person as they walk around a school. So I spoke with one student who said, you know, she's felt that the restrictions are really not going to have much of an impact because if kids want to use their cell phones, they'll find a way around the rules. So for her, she was like, well, they can bring these restrictions in place. We'll see how it plays out. She's distracted by her cell phone. She admitted that she has it on her desk and she looks at it. So on the other hand, there was another student who said that she thinks this will be a good thing. She said that she's looking forward to more interactive

class discussions because when they have little group assignments or group work, kids immediately pull out their cell phones. They're not paying attention. They're not concentrating on the assignment. So she feels like perhaps this will move things forward and, you know, maybe kids will do better in school. And we've asked about educators, kids. I guess I just want to lastly ask you about parents. Do we have a sense of how parents are feeling with these new restrictions? I think parents are generally fine with the cell phone restrictions. Most of the parents that I've spoken with seem to be comfortable with it.

I received a note from my kid's school outlining cell phone restrictions coming in place. And I think one of the things that we as parents have been asked to do is to talk to our kids about what they need to do when the school year starts, helping them understand the new transition, helping them understand the new rules. Caroline, thank you so much as always for being here. Thanks for having me. After the break, psychologist Dr. Jillian Roberts with some tips on how to address anxiety in children. Dr. Roberts, thank you so much for being here.

It is my pleasure. So we all know that back to school time can be difficult for kids, but I guess what is at the core of this? Like, why is it so hard for kids at this time of year? Change for anybody who experiences anxiety is a time of heightened anxiety. Children don't necessarily know who their teacher is going to be, if their best friend will be in their class, if someone they don't want to be in their class is in their class. There are all of these unknowns ahead of children. And for children with anxiety, these trigger anxieties to be heightened. And of course, kids like the rest of us too, right? We don't always come out and say exactly how we're feeling. We don't always say explicitly we're feeling anxious or we're not feeling good about something. So I guess for kids,

what signs should parents and guardians look for that could maybe signal that their children might be dealing with some of this anxiety? That's a really good question. And we know that children, especially under the age of 10, will often show us their anxiety. So we will see their anxiety through their behavior. They may not have the cognitive awareness to understand what anxiety is to be able to like express that clearly to us. We understand that anxiety in children present in some primary ways. We often think about fight or flee, but I actually think about anxiety in terms of five Fs, not just fight or flee. And those five Fs are fight, flee, but then also freeze, fawn, and fixate.

Can you give us just kind of a quick description of each of those five Fs? So like, what are the kind of behaviors that parents can look out for when it comes to those categories? Absolutely. An anxious child in a fight response, that means that their brain believes that there's a danger. And inside of the limbic system, the part of the brain that is supposed to signal danger is triggered. And so the child will present potentially highly irritable, non-compliant, defiant. They may react with anger on the first day of school, make it very, very difficult

for parents when they're trying to get their child to school. Flee is a kind of avoidance behavior. So with little ones, you might find them hiding under their bed. Older ones, just, you know, skipping school. Freeze is when children are kind of like deers in headlights. And if anyone has ever had that experience of going into an exam and your mind going blank, that's an example of a freeze response. Fawn is people pleasing tendencies. So children going overboard, like wanting to pack little gifts for any potential friend that's in their class, wanting to pack a gift for their teacher, but going overboard. And fixate is when a child

becomes like overly fixated on one particular topic or just simply stuck, like they're asking the same question over and over again, even when they've been told the answer, that can look like a child being incredibly obsessed with what they're going to wear on the first day of school. Okay. So that's actually good for parents and guardians to kind of be aware of these behaviors and to recognize these. I guess the next step, Jillian, is what can we do with that knowledge? Like what are some ways that parents can help kids deal with those feelings? I hold true to my heart three wisdoms when it comes to children and anxiety.

The first one is that the child is having a hard time. The child is not intending to give us a hard time. And that is incredibly important when we're seeing a child in a fight response. The child is not in that moment intending to make life more difficult for the parent. It is not an attention-seeking behavior. It is not a power-seeking behavior. It's not manipulation. Okay. It's the child genuinely having a hard time. The second is that we must always share our calm, not amplify their chaos. Children learn how to manage and regulate their emotions by watching us regulate our emotions. So if on the first day of school, a child is arguing, what's important is that we respond even more patiently, make sure that we're

not raising our voice, making sure that we're not passing on our irritation to the child who in that moment is genuinely doing their best to survive an experience that is threatening for them. The third wisdom is that we must always see before we soothe. And so what that means is that when a child is not feeling well, not behaving well, is in a place of frustration or anxiety, we start by focusing on that emotional bond with that child. And so that would look like, I can see that this is a really hard day for you. You're going into a new classroom or potentially a new school. And there's a whole bunch of unknowns. And you've got all those rumbly butterfly feelings in your stomach and it's really, really hard for you. If I was in your position, I would feel the same. So seeing a behavior creates a bond between that important adult and that child. But also,

depending on how the adult expresses themselves, you might be able to give the child wording to better express themselves in the future. There's a tremendous amount of research in my field that says how important it is to identify, honor, validate an emotional experience, and also to give children the language to express complex emotions in the future. And Jillian, what should parents look out for in their child that, you know, could signify maybe they're dealing with something more severe here? It's important to know that anxiety, just like, you know, almost every form of mental challenge is on a continuum. And so nervousness, low anxiety is not something completely different than a clinical presentation of anxiety. It's all on a continuum. It is important to understand that a clinical presentation of anxiety is quite different

from run of the mill nervousness before the first day of school. When a child has a clinical presentation of anxiety, and that means that the frequency and severity and duration of those anxious symptoms is high, really, really high, and meets the criteria then for a formal diagnosis, that child is in a kind of mental anguish. They're in a kind of pain. So it's not something for us to take lightly. And if we honor and understand and take the right steps early enough in the process of development, we can help the child develop strategies so that that kernel of anxiousness does not become, does not grow into a clinical manifestation of anxiety. And what kind of things, I guess, would you look for?

Like, what are some signs that maybe you need to pay more attention to things? I often see drastic changes in behavior, so like cutting all their hair off or drastically changing their friendship group, becoming sullen and withdrawn, not leaving their bedroom. I want to ask you about cell phones as well, because a big change that we're going to see in a lot of Canadian schools this year is that cell phone usage is being more restricted. So, Jillian, how can parents help their kids deal with anxiety or, you know, any kind of negative feelings around that? For many anxious children, a coping mechanism is to have little texts to a parent or to a safe adult throughout the day. Parents can put notes in lunchboxes, put, you know, maybe a special treat in the lunchbox, not for the whole year, but just for that transitional period. Maybe put a picture of the family in the lunchbox, reminding the child that their world is bigger than that classroom, that their world involves people who love them deeply. Yeah. Just before I let you go here, Jillian, I think for a lot of people, it might

be kind of tempting to accommodate, you know, a kid's anxiety by taking away the source of stress, by making them feel better in that moment. How do you see that? Is that actually helpful behavior? There is an important idea, which we refer to as leaning into anxiety. And to little ones, I have a really cool and relatable example from an Indiana Jones movie, where you are deeply inside of a pyramid and you've triggered something and the walls are closing in on you. And you have to push against those walls, right? You have to actively push against those walls. If we let anxiety win, if anxiety gets its way all the time, what happens is that a child's world gets smaller and smaller and smaller. So it's important that we lean into, we press against anxiety.

Now, that is sometimes a difficult concept to express to a parent. What does leaning in look like? And an analogy I often use with parents is imagine that you have a child that is incredibly anxious about a performance, some kind of like piano performance. And they're going to be on stage with bright lights on them. And there's going to be an audience of several dozens of people. If that child is refusing, not wanting to do that performance, I don't think it's a good idea to just let them not do the performance. What I would do instead would be to, you know, get them dressed up, go on top of that stage, get those lights on them,

but maybe two hours earlier when only grandma is sitting in the audience. That's an example of leaning into anxiety. So we don't let anxiety win. We always push against it, but we're careful to push as far as the child is able to handle and not push so far that it becomes a traumatic event. So I have observed children being forced to do something like a performance and wetting themselves on stage or throwing up on stage or something like that. And then that becomes a trauma that we have to then deal with. So leaning into anxiety is helping a child go to the edges of their comfort level, not stay firmly in the middle of it.

Jillian, it's great to have you here. Thank you so much for doing this. My pleasure. Thank you for having me on your program. That's it for today. I'm Mainika Raman-Wellms. Our producers are Madeline White, Rachel Levy-McLaughlin, Michal Stein, and Allie Graham. David Crosby edits the show.

Adrian Chung is our senior producer, and Matt Frainer is our managing editor. Thanks so much for listening, and I'll talk to you tomorrow.