The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett - E2: Happiness, Meditation & Weird Wins

Episode Date: October 15, 2017

In this Chapter, I reflect on what this podcast hitting #1 on the business podcast chart taught me, I touch on what it takes to find happiness, the benefits of meditation, letting people go from Social Chain and my latest relationship update...

Quick one, just wanted to say a big thank you to three people very quickly. First people I want to say thank you to is all of you that listen to the show. Never in my wildest dreams is all I can say. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd start a podcast in my kitchen and that it would expand all over the world as it has done. And we've now opened our first studio in America, thanks to my very helpful team led by Jack on the production side of things. So thank you to Jack and the team for building out the new American studio. And thirdly, to Amazon Music, who when they heard that we were expanding to the United States, and I'd be recording a lot more over in the States, they put a massive billboard in Times Square for the show. So thank you so much, Amazon Music. Thank you to our team. And

thank you to all of you that listened to this chapter two with a big thank you to everybody who subscribed listened tuned in last week and sent this podcast to the number one spot in the business charts on podcast on itunes i could not believe it when i found out which was about 4 a.m in the morning i swore about six or seven times in succession. And then I screenshotted it and then I refreshed it to check that I wasn't just delirious and it was still there. And then I started to go into a period of sort of reflection over the next couple of days based on the type of feedback I was getting from you guys. And it taught me a very, very valuable lesson. And before I get started, I wanted to share that with

you. And the lesson I've learned is if any of you are looking to tell your story to the world whether it's in podcast or vlog or whatever form you are looking or medium you're looking to tell your story in the one thing I advise you to do is to be authentic honest and give them that second dimension because because of instagram and snapchat and filters and all these things we live in a world where everybody is just showing one dimension they're showing the filtered highlight reel of their life they're showing the birthday party the michelin star meal not the pot noodle they're showing going to paris and celebrations they're not showing the night in under the duvet and so when someone does show that it resonates because all of us still have that second dimension to our lives but we're not seeing

that on social media so when someone offers out, it's incredibly powerful and it resonates harder than anything else. This resonates harder than any kind of scripted audio, anything I could have done because it's unscripted and it's just a bunch of my thoughts and it's a very personal thoughts, thoughts that you guys probably have about yourselves too. So that's my advice. Secondly, before I get started, I wanted to give you my promise because you guys sent this to number one and you listened and you gave me your time and attention my promise to you is I am going to keep doing exactly that I'm not going to write anything I'm not going to script it I'm going to be honest and I'm going to let you into things that I probably don't let a

lot of people into and when I tell you about things, I'm not going to add any fluff. They're going to be real, unfiltered, and as direct and honest as I possibly can be. That's my promise. So without further ado, this is chapter two. This is the diary of a CEO. I'm Stephen Bartlett. I hope nobody is listening, but if you are, then please keep this to yourself. Okay, so the first entry in my diary this week is a bit of a continuation from something we touched on last week. For anybody that didn't listen last week or doesn't know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about the battle that 18-year-old Steve had with 25-year-old

Steve. I'm 25 now, but when I was 18 years old I used to go on auto trade virtually every day and look at Lamborghinis and really really fast cars that I wanted when I was rich one day and I had this real focus on stuff, money, cars, you know that kind of thing and also I think fame a little bit if I'm being completely honest I thought fame was a part of my future and I thought in the same way that I believed money would give me a sense of fulfillment I thought notoriety and fame would as well and so 25 year old Steve upon achieving the things he had set out to achieve was in a position where for the first time ever someone sent me an offer to buy my business and on that day I remember going on

auto trader and right move and searching for a Lamborghini in a mansion in the countryside like 18 year old Steve had always wanted and 25 year old Steve looked at those things and thought what a stupid idea and logged off and And so that sent me on a bit of a journey to find out exactly why I started all of this in the first place. And I built business in the first place. There's a reason there, but I just was confused. There's a reason why I jump out of bed and love my job and drive and, you know, I'm so motivated every day. But I think I still hadn't clarified that to myself because 18-year-old Steve had set out the objective,

which was Lamborghinis and mansions. And so that sent me on a journey to figure out my purpose. And I did that last week. But what I wanted to just close off on this week and what I wanted to sort of be the nail in this coffin or the last sort of comment I make on this topic is trying to understand why 18 year old Steve valued those things. Because many of you listening now,

I think probably also value material things, especially if you don't have them, and especially if you don't have the means right now to get them. And so what I'm hoping to do is by touching on this topic is basically correct you so that you don't have to make the mistake that I made for many, many years. And so it got me thinking. It got me really, really thinking about the relationship money plays in happiness. And I wanted to understand, A, what role money plays in happiness, but how do you make yourself happy? And so this week I started thinking and thinking and thinking and reading documentaries and listening to everything I could possibly be listening to. And I arrived at my own conclusion, mainly from listening to Lady Gaga, Russell Brand talk about their own journey

to wanting money and fame, getting it and realising that there was no happiness in that. And here's what I believe. And this is kind of inspired by a friend I have. And this friend, who will remain unnamed because there's no need to roast him, he's addicted to buying stuff. Okay. Every time I see him, which is once in a while in London, probably every other month in London, he has a brand new sports car parked outside. Um, and I asked him where the other sports car went and he tells me that he got a new one because there was a better one available. And then I'll ask him again next time. And he bought a new one because there was a better one available. And then I'll ask him again. And he bought, it's this horrible spiral. And from afar, before I

knew this guy, I used to watch his Instagram and his Snapchat and I used to think fuck that guy must be so happy because that's kind of the dream you're sold when you log into any social channel is that opulence and wealth equals the good life and the good life equals happiness. That's wrong and this is is what you come to realise, I think, is that money equals pleasure. And pleasure is like heroin. If you have a lovely steak today, tomorrow, in order to reach the same height of pleasure, you're going to need to have an even better steak. And eventually it gets to the point where, in the case of my friend, there's not really any more pleasure you can buy. You can't top eating at the best restaurant in the world. You can't top having

the best car in the world. And so what happens is these people become pleasure addicts. And this is the trap I nearly fell into. Had I gone and bought a Lamborghini when I had the means to, I would have become a pleasure addict just like my friend. And there's a great book I read called The Guide to a Simple Life, which talks about the sort of real human psychology behind this thing called hedonistic adaptation, which is our pursuit to attain new things, then when we get them, we get bored. So we have to go after something bigger, better and shinier. And then we get that and get bored. And then we just continue doing that. And you never ever reach an end point. It's a constant battle, like with Heron Addict, to beat the next sort of of rush and so what I

realized upon sort of further contemplation is that nobody listening to this podcast right now actually wants to be a millionaire not one of you nobody wants a sports car nobody wants a mansion what we want is what we believe those things are going to do for us. We want to feel how we think those things are going to make us feel, because we believe that those things are going to make us happy. So really what we want is to be happy. And this is, in my opinion, the mistake 95, 99% of us make in life, including 18-year-old Steve. We'd confused pleasure with happiness. Pleasure is short-lived. Pleasure is fleeting. Pleasure lasts a few days if you're lucky, maybe a week if you're really, really lucky.

Happiness is a constant. Happiness to me is a feeling of contentment and fulfillment. And you cannot be wanting for something. You cannot believe that your happiness will be sort of dictated by the attainment of something in your future, whether that's a girlfriend, a boyfriend, fame, whatever it is, and be happy at the same time. What I'm saying is you can't be grateful and searching for pleasure at the same time. And, you know, so that's what I'd done. 18-year-old Steve had confused pleasure with happiness. And he'd gone off after pleasure thinking that the more pleasure I got, the happier I would be. And really the danger I faced was I would become a pleasure addict.

And there's nothing worse than being a pleasure addict. So here's my conclusion. Here's how I believe now, as of this week, we attain happiness in our lives. I think happiness comes from the perspective we have on who we already are, what we already own, and the people we already have around us. I think if your perspective is grateful, and you are happy with who you are you are happy with the shoes you have you are happy with the friends you have and the circles you mingle in the parties you go to then I think you'll be happy I think it's impossible to be grateful and wanting for something at the same time how can you be and so really the key to happiness is to be grateful for everything you have now, no matter how little or much that is perceived to be. If you want to be a millionaire, I think

you have to decide on it. And when I say millionaire, I mean a millionaire in terms of the happiness you thought you were going to get. So if you want to be a millionaire, you don't have to earn anything. You don't have to chase anything or buy anything or save up any type of money. You just have to decide on it. You have to decide that you're grateful for everything you are now. And isn't it a bit of a weird thought for me to just tell you that maybe everything you are now and everything you own is enough. Because we all are on this weird journey of pursuit for more. And that's the journey of a pleasure addict. What if I told you that everything you have now is enough? That's what I've been telling myself. And I interestingly also believe that when you start to execute

gratitude and you become grateful for what you already have, it grows. That's the funny thing. If I become grateful for the amount of money I have in my bank account right now, it will grow because I'll start saving it and appreciating it a little bit more and maybe investing it, not spending it on Dom Perignon in nightclubs with people that I don't even know, like I used to. If I start executing gratitude on my relationships, they will grow because I'll be a better friend. I'll be a better son to my mum. So I think not only will you attain happiness, but those things will actually grow. Happiness is a very binary choice. You either are or you aren't, and you can't be grateful and

wanting at the same time. That for me is the conclusion I needed, and I had to share that conclusion with you, and from here on out, all I hope is I'm able to be grateful. I'm going to make a conscious effort to just be grateful for what I have now, and I hope you can too. Okay, so point two in my diary is slightly left field this is what I've written down I've written people leaving and letting people go and here's what I mean so we social chain now employs over 150 people and sometimes people leave and also sometimes we have to let people go and I wanted to share a bit of my journey to understanding what these two things meant and dealing with them because I struggled

with both of them. On the side of people leaving I used to take it so incredibly personally. I used to because it was so closely connected to my ego if someone told me they wanted to leave social chain I think I would make excuses as to why they wanted to leave I would try and sort of attribute it to external factors beyond my control and I thought that social chain because we'd tried so hard to make it this way was the greatest place to work on the planet and I still believe that but I've come to learn something else and I've come to not take it so personally. And that is that when you create a business, there are some things which you can't compromise. These things are, I guess, your culture, your

values, your objectives. We're able to be flexible on a lot of other things and create a tailored experience to the people we have, but those things you cannot compromise on and because you can't compromise those things you create an environment where not everybody will suit your culture not everybody will espouse your values and not everybody will share your objectives with their personal objectives and so sometimes you have to part ways and back in in the day, I remember a guy, one of our original team members called Nick, who now works on Team 10. Some of you guys will know him.

When he told me, when I heard that he was leaving for Team 10, I think I took it pretty personally. And I regret the way that I responded. Or I regret the way I felt. Because I think in some respects I I tried to fight it to some level or I tried to control the situation a little bit too much when I really should have just you know let him go with much more class and professionalism and to be honest when Nick told me he was going I did fully support him I told him told him immediately, you've made the right decision, etc, etc. But I think somewhere deep

within me, if I really, really look at it, I also took it quite personally. And I did for the first few people that told me they were leaving. And I think that's because I was trying to control the situation. Someone once said to me, you can't find peace in the midst of struggle for control. And I think that's. And I think that's important. I think we try and control people so much in our lives, whether that's romantic partners or colleagues or, you know, employees, whatever it is. And that's what I was trying to do. I was trying to control that situation. I think I resented the situation a little bit. And I've realized that you always lose, you always lose

when you hold resentment. And this kind of like links to a point about forgiveness that I wanted to, I'll sort of divert slightly and I'll come back to this point. But someone once told me that forgiveness is letting a prisoner go and realizing that the prisoner was you the whole time. I'll just repeat that. Someone once told me that forgiveness is letting a prisoner go and realizing that the prisoner was you the whole time. I'll just repeat that. Someone once told me that forgiveness is letting a prisoner go and in doing so realizing that the prisoner was you the whole time. So many of us walk around with resentment and grudges and negative feelings and when you run a business where you are guaranteed bullshit regardless, the last thing you need to do is carry around bullshit and resentment and grudges and

negativity from the past because you're gonna fucking overdose if you do that right and so this quote told me a very very uh taught me a very very valuable lesson which is when you hold negativity within you towards somebody towards a situation it weighs you down and it sits in your head and And the only way to find your peace is to let that prisoner go. And as you see him running off into the distance, you realize that the prisoner was only yourself, not the other person, because if they held no grudges, they held no negativity. And so, yeah, going back to my point, there are key things we cannot compromise on, which are our cultures, our values,

our objectives. And if someone doesn't suit those things, as a CEO, I would be disrespecting everybody else that's bought into our cultures, our values, our objectives, by trying to change these things to suit a person. And if you compromise these things, if you compromise your culture, your values, and your objectives, you have none. They immediately become completely pointless because these are the very sort of staple things that your business needs to have its own, to be defined, right? And that's the journey I've been on. And so now when someone tells me that they're leaving, which doesn't happen often, to be completely honest I think versus every other company that has employed probably 200 people in total um not

not all of them are still within our team now but I think we have a very very low rate of people leaving that's that's my opinion because social chain is such a wonderful place for anyone that doesn't know we you know you have unlimited holidays and working hours and uh not unlimited working hours of course not limited working hours you have you know limited working hours you have um a bar in the office you have food you have great team members that are all young and you have autonomy and these kinds of things but regardless people are still going to go because the experience we provide has to be held to those three things, culture, values and objectives, and we can't compromise. And now I'm much better at accepting it. And whenever someone tells me, the most important thing is I genuinely don't take it

personally. I, of course, always want to understand the why because I want to see if we can do anything better. But I also understand that everybody has their own journey and I just want to support them. And I also now get a bit of excitement from seeing what they do next because I feel so connected to them and lastly I feel a tremendous amount of gratitude towards them for the time they've given us the the laughs the jokes the love and and that's and that's that and that's a genuine feeling um and I'm so grateful I've come to that point because now that means I maintain great relationships with people when they part when they move on to their next journey um yeah and the the last point which is a little bit more contentious is about

letting people go and this is when you have to fire someone from the company because of whatever reason. This is the single hardest part of my job. I still haven't figured out how to fully deal with this. I'm trying my best. I remember the first time I had to do it and the guy had been with us for several, several months. He was very, very dependent on the job. In fact, he told me that he was the sole provider for his whole family his dad had a disability his brother couldn't work because he was disabled and so the job at social chain was the only source of income he had and knowing that obviously made my first experience incredibly tough and I, god, I thought about it, I pondered it, I took it home and the thing that was most liberating was me telling myself that if I didn't

make this short-term tough decision to let this person go, I would have to make an even tougher long-term decision which is standing in front of the whole team and letting them know that because I wasn't courageous or, you know, focused enough to make tough short-term decisions, the whole company has to end because I let the company get to a point where it had fallen into, you know, financial difficulty or, you know, you know know there would have been a revolution because the culture had been destroyed and so that's the decision you have to make as a ceo it's your job to protect the company and to protect the people and sometimes you have to make short-term tough decisions to prevent yourself from making a long-term much tougher one which is telling the

company it's over because steve bartlett couldn be tough. Letting my friends go has been the single hardest thing I think I've done in my life. Letting people go that I have strong personal friendships with outside of work is something I will never figure out. And almost because of the amount I care, I don't think I'll ever figure out. You know, it's incredibly hard. It's's incredibly hard but you have to remember that the most important thing and the reason why you're here every day is to respect and to progress the efforts of everybody else in the team who has given everything and yourself I honestly I remember having a conversation with myself one day when I had to let a friend go. And I remember telling myself that I was disrespecting all of the hard work

my mum and dad put in, all of the sleepless nights they had with me, if I allowed this to continue. That's how deep I took it in my head I was disrespecting Hannah Anderson who works in the media team her parents and the bet they took on social chain when they allowed her to come here and work here and when I think about it that way it actually becomes quite a straightforward thing to do but but never easy. And I struggle with it completely. I hate it, but I also know I have to do it and I never avoid it. So yeah. Okay. So the next point in my diary is again, totally left field. It's about philanthropy. And this is something that I've thought a lot about over the last couple of years and this week

it was kind of returned to my conscience because of a very very amazing young lady in our office called Bethany and Bethany at the moment is raising she's raised money for charity but she's also sending 120 shoeboxes to the Gambia and this week she inspired me and she rallied the office into pulling together these amazing shoeboxes which have gone out to children in the Gambia and this week she inspired me and she rallied the office into pulling together these amazing shoe boxes which have gone out to children in the Gambia which honestly fills my heart with joy because I know how much these boxes will mean to kids out there. I've been out to various places in Africa over the last couple of years and I remember going to one orphanage in particular where the kids

require $400 and that'll take them from being a two-year-old to an 18-year-old and pay for their whole education along the way. If they don't get that $400 then they won't be educated and they'll be basically kicked out on the streets. And so the point is one of the debates I've had within myself over the last couple of years is this. I'm going to try and articulate this as well as I possibly can. I know that with the skills I have when it comes to people skills and business and projects and, you know, ambition and all these skills, that had I put those skills to saving lives when I was 18 years old instead of building a business could I have saved lives and my answer is of course I could have right could I have saved

10 lives 100 lives a thousand lives out in that part of the world where kids really really really need support and help. And so my answer is, yes, I could have if that's what I've been doing for the last five or six years. What I've been doing for the last five or six years, essentially, is building a company, a great company that obviously has had a very positive impact for all the reasons I stated in chapter one, because we've developed young people, we've given them opportunities they wouldn't have otherwise had um including myself um but i've always had this sort of like moral question what would have been a better use of time and it's something i've struggled with had i'd committed the last five or six years to my life of my life to just saving people's lives in third world countries

where they need um nutrition and they need clean water and these kinds of things what would have been a more worthwhile journey and I used to say when I was 18 years old I used to tell all of my friends that at some point in my life I'm going to stop what I'm doing I'm going to get up and I'm just going to go and I'm going to go and help young kids and young people and people in Africa and around the world obviously I'm from I was go and I'm going to go and help young kids and young people and people in Africa and around the world. Obviously, I was born in Africa. I was born in Botswana, just near South Africa. So, you know, my mum's Nigerian, my dad's English. I have an affinity to the plight of the African because of that, as we all do for whatever reason. But I also have a strong affinity

to anyone that's suffering around the world. And so because being an entrepreneur and a business person is seen as being, I guess, a very selfish thing. It's seen as being a pursuit for like self, you know, like trying to get as much money as you possibly can, basically trying to make yourself rich. It almost in the stereotype acts as a direct opposite to philanthropy and selflessness right people think being an entrepreneur or a ceo it's got this such sort of negative connotation around it because of like greedy bankers and all of these kinds of things so that's the struggle i've had over the last couple of years in terms of my personal sort of moral compass what you know would have been a more worthwhile journey and here's the conclusion I've arrived at and this is something I do believe in so I'm not saying this and I had to double check I wasn't just saying this to make myself feel better I had to double check that this was the truth and here's

what I believe is the truth in order to help other people you first, or it's at least easier to first help yourself. And when I was an 18 year old kid living in Moss Side, which for any of you that know is a terrible fucking area with relative poverty and a lot of crime, I had no money. I couldn't feed myself. And so to think that I would have been able to help a large amount of people in another part of the world is probably unrealistic at best, but probably wouldn't have happened. And even the ambitious self-believer within me likes to think, you know what, you would have been able to help at least somebody, but it wouldn't have been a huge amount of people at least. By focusing the last six years, let's say, on myself, on developing my skills, on developing my sales ability,

developing my understanding of how the world works, my political understanding, becoming more sort of worldly, let's say. Oh, that's the first time I've used that word, worldly, I'm now much better placed to add a tremendous amount of value to that part of the world. And also, I've managed to build up a little bit of influence amongst like my own personal platforms and my social media channels and around myself. So I would be much better placed now to help those people because I focused on myself first. And I think that's an important message to give to any young people that have a burning desire to have a great impact on the world. I believe that the first person you've got to develop, if you want to develop or help anybody else, is yourself. And by the age of 40 or 50, with the things I would have managed to learn, what I would have achieved, the contacts

I would have made, my understanding of how business in the world works will leave me much better place to help hundreds of thousands of people if everything goes to plan than I ever would have been had I started at 18 years old just knocking on doors. There's a reason why the most successful people in the world when they turn their hand to philanthropy um can have an amazing impact let's use bill gates as an example here is here is a guy who built microsoft a huge huge company got himself to be tremendously wealthy um and then was literally able to cure diseases single-handedly because he did that and continues to attribute sort of like all of his um his personal wealth to contribute all of his wealth to helping causes around the world and that's what i believe so i believe that a time in my life will come for philanthropy i don't know

when it will be but um i'm doing i'm doing the right thing at the moment by working on myself first. Okay, so the next point in my diary is a very, very short one. And it's, I just wrote in my diary, weird wins. And what I mean by this, I was, I think it was Thursday this week when I wrote this in there. But I just, I needed to write this down somewhere because I think there's a thought in it. My point was that people who operate differently get different results. And I remember when I started vlogging and people used to stare at me when I walked down the street

and I used to feel their sort of judgment and their eyeballs on me and it almost compelled me to just put my camera back in my pocket. But in that moment, I remember reminding myself that the reason they're staring at me is because I'm doing something unusual. I'm doing something that most people don't do.

And when I think about all the people that have been able to change the world or achieve unusual results, they started with unusual actions. You think about Steve Jobs building small computers in his car when everyone else was out partying with their friends and doing those kinds of usual things. So Steve Jobs went on to get unusual results. You think about all of the great pioneers in this world, the greatest pianist in the world, the

greatest football players in the world, they spent their time practising doing weird things, right? Unusual things. And it's only those that do the exceptional things or the unusual things that get the exceptional results. They are exclusively reserved for those taking exceptional actions. And I just want to share that with you. It was a very short point. And I'm trying to, I think by doing that, remind myself that whenever you do something which is unusual, whether it's working very, very, very late and hard, whether it's walking down the street or walking through an airport holding a camera and talking to yourself hard whether it's walking down the street or walking through an airport holding a camera and talking to yourself whether it's what you did when you were 18 years

old where you literally trapped yourself in a room for what I can only describe as three years trying to build a website all of those moments of apparent being differentness resulted ultimately in a different type of result and the crazy thing is at the moment at that moment when you're doing that unusual thing where you're you know whatever it is people try as hard as they possibly can to bring you back to normal they judge you they condemn you sometimes you know they they tear you down at times. They talk badly behind your back, as they did to me when I was first starting out. And I spent a lot of time in my room when I was a student.

But eventually, when you come out the other side, the really interesting thing is they ask you how you did it. it and I'll never forget Hannah this girl who I went to university with who used to make weird comments to me about what I was doing so I would be working late or I'd be like scribbling on a piece of cardboard about my business idea and I'd be talking about it all the time and she always gave me funny looks and always kind of like passed judgment on me which at times was pretty hurtful to be honest um but then fast forward three years I remember Hannah coming up to me and asking me how I did it and I almost wanted to say to her it was that moment where you judged me and it was that moment where I was a weirdo that's what's brought me here that's why you want to work for me now you you know? And so my advice to you is twofold. Embrace weirdness and unusual actions because weird wins, right? You're probably

not going to get extraordinary results from conforming to the ordinary. And the second point, I think, is more about effort, hard work and comfort zones is that I implore everybody to struggle on purpose because just like muscle fiber I believe that the human being only grows when he or she hurts and you know the way we've been conditioned is the minute we struggle or we feel stress or pain you know we're told to relax and to stop but I I honestly believe it's all of my, you know, anything I've managed to achieve in my life has come as a direct result of enduring struggle. So my honest advice to anybody who's going through anything, which feels tough, which feels stressful, which, you know, which feels like they just want to run back to comfort and their comfort zone is to keep

struggling on purpose, because this is the only place struggle is the only place we grow um someone someone also i remember a couple of years back said to me in the moment in my journey which was toughest they said the best view comes after the hardest climb so cheesy i know and i hate you know, like this, but there's real truth in that. The best view comes after the hardest climb. Okay. So the next point in my diary is even shorter. Um, and it's about meditation. So the crazy thing is I was a skeptic of meditation. I always have been, I always think, you know, what a load of rubbish sitting in a room and being quiet. How is that going to help me? I also think I struggled with it because my head is nonstop. As I described in chapter one, my head is always ticking.

There's a million things whirling around. And this is why, for instance, I can't sleep without the TV on because I need the sort of mental distraction. And I also saw meditation as a bit of a fluffy, like, you know, a thing for girls and a bit of a fad, like all these other sort of like spiritual fads. And so I always dismissed it. I thought it was a load of shit. I've had a bit of a change in that. I've had a little bit of a change in that. And that change started with me being open to the idea of meditation and really trying to understand how it could be helping me. I think there's a famous Chinese philosopher called Tao Tzu who said, if you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. And often in my world, when we're thinking about big challenges we have ahead of us, we get quite, I would describe it as anxiousness. And that anxiousness, you take it home and it feels, you know, you feel the weight of it,

whether it's a strategic business decision or there's a tough call you've got to make, you feel that. And I spend a lot of time thinking about those things. And when I told you last week that my girlfriend used to tell me that she was lonely sat next to me, it was because I was within my head and I was thinking about the past, I was thinking about the future too much. And I struggled to be future too much and I struggled to be present. I've always struggled to be present. I can literally remember a time I was on holiday with my ex-girlfriend and we were on a jet ski and I couldn't wait to get off the jet ski because my head was thinking about business and work and my emails and I hadn't been on the internet because this was a two-hour jet ski ride and I just couldn't be present and so I didn't enjoy the moment in fact with my ex-girlfriend I never

really fully enjoyed the holidays even though we're in the best places in the world because I couldn't be in the moment I and when I when I say this I really mean it I I don't like holidays because I don't like being away. I cannot enjoy myself. It's like, it sounds pretty terrible. And I kind of think it is. I've really, really struggled with that. And so I, I, I'd heard something about meditation and, you know, I downloaded an app at one point and I tried that. And then about two or three days ago, I really, really tried to, because I felt myself thinking too much about the future and too much about the past. Well, more about the future, to be honest. But I sat in my hot tub in my apartment and I just looked at the leaves. And I just, for a second, I just tried to focus on on the leaves and it was about 2am in the morning

completely dark I'm just watching the leaves move in the wind and then I started thinking about the future and the past and the business and all these kinds of things all rushed back into my head and I stopped myself and I focused back on the leaves and I just watched the leaves moving in the wind this sounds so corny but I don't care because it's the truth um I watched the leaves just like flowing in the wind and I felt the wind blowing on me and I felt peaceful and then business started flowing back into my head and I thought about the past the future and all these tough decisions that I have to make and then I stopped myself again and I focused again just on the leaves, I took a big breath in. I let the wind sort of, I felt the wind on my skin and I relaxed and I was at peace. And in that moment of peace, I realized what Lao Tzu meant when he said, if you are depressed, you're living in the past. If you're anxious, you're living in

the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. And I believe meditation has great values, especially for busy minds and CEOs and entrepreneurs and managers and anybody that's working really really hard at just allowing you to be present. And the last point in my diary is about my relationship status. This week it changed. Last week I told you guys I was dating someone that lives in America. That has ended now and much of the reason why that's ended is because I again was unable to communicate focus give attention to um this person because you know the way that I am is you know I can make someone feel lonely sat next to me let alone 5 000 miles away and so that's what happened and eventually I I told her that we were better as friends, which I do believe

to be true. The way I am is I think I'm either 100% or I'm zero. There's no 80%. There's no 95%. And upon me realizing that I'm 95% about somebody, I go to 0%. And I think that's what I did. Because I'm so concerned with the use of my time this sounds so incredibly creepy and a little bit crazy the minute I realize that there's no chance of me marrying somebody there's no chance of me marrying them not even one percent chance of me marrying them I end it because it just becomes a waste of my time I don't have time to do small talk every day. I don't feel like I have time to call you up and say, hey, how's it going, etc, etc. So if I think that we reach a point where I believe we don't fit anymore, we go to zero.

And I guess, you know, there's two ways to look at this. I might just be incredibly picky, and I might be screwing myself over and throwing away good people or I might be incredibly time efficient in getting to the right person who knows I guess we'll find out in the end I do struggle to understand how anybody could date Stephen Bartlett I really don't understand that or why anyone would want to I'm incredibly selfish with my time when it comes to relationships I'm incredibly selfish with my attention and my you know all these kinds of things I find it hard to compromise I'm because I'm so stubborn and unapologetic about my vision and my business and my and my professional life and so the experience is a bit shit but even when I'm as my ex-girlfriend told me, even when I'm sat with you, I'm a million miles away.

So I don't know why anyone would want to date me. Fortunately, I'm happy on my own. And when I said I was lonely in last week's podcast, it is lonely. I don't feel a sense of loneliness, but it's a lonely experience, right? And I think there's a big distinction between the two because I had a lot of messages from people who were concerned that I was lonely. I want to make

that distinction crystal clear. Being an entrepreneur and a CEO is lonely because there's so much of it you do on your own. It's not a lonely feeling I have. I don't feel lonely. I feel so happy. I've always felt the same way. Deep down within me, and this is why I said at the start of this chapter that happiness was a constant. I've always felt content and happy with who I am and what I'm doing. Obviously, I mistook that for pleasure, but I'm happy and I'm happy alone. And I think in some respects, people that are happiest alone are also the most stable people to be in relationships with because kind of linking back to what we said at the start they're not looking for anybody else to make them happy and I'm certainly not looking for anybody else to make me happy I'm happy now yeah I'll keep you updated

thank you so much for listening to chapter two of the CEO Diaries I've really really enjoyed this therapeutic experience this week it's been a bit of a journey in my head and I've really sort of learned a few things just by thinking out loud and I hope at least one of you has learned one thing too that'll make it all worthwhile for me please leave a review in the podcast or that's kind of how I gauge what you guys think and what you want me to do differently and um and all those kinds of things subscribe if you can as well and I'll be back again next Sunday and in in the meantime, remember, let's keep this between me and you.