The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett - Moment 119: How To Figure Out ANYTHING In Your Life: Marie Forleo

Episode Date: July 21, 2023

In this moment, entrepreneur and author of ‘Everything is Figureoutable’, Marie Forleo discusses her 3 rules for a Figureoutable mindset. The most important of these rules is her third rule, which says that if you don’t care enough to reach a dream or goal, that’s OK, and instead you should find another dream or goal. Too often in life we beat ourselves up for being unmotivated or lazy for not achieving certain targets. Actually, we should just admit that we don’t care enough about the goal, and it is just something we think we should want to achieve. Instead, Marie believes we should reexamine our priorities and understand the difference when we say we ‘can’t’ or ‘won’t’ do something, as 99 percent of the time when we say we ‘can’t ‘we mean we won’t or don’t want to. Listen to the full episode here - https://g2ul0.app.link/ebU0K9spWvb Marie: https://www.marieforleo.com https://www.instagram.com/marieforleo/?hl=en Watch the Episodes On Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/c/%20TheDiaryOfACEO/videos

Quick one, just wanted to say a big thank you to three people very quickly. First people I want to say thank you to is all of you that listen to the show. Never in my wildest dreams is all I can say. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd start a podcast in my kitchen and that it would expand all over the world as it has done. And we've now opened our first studio in America, thanks to my very helpful team led by Jack on the production side of things. So thank you to Jack and the team for building out the new American studio.

And thirdly to Amazon Music who, when they heard that we were expanding to the United States, and I'd be recording a lot more over in the States, they put a massive billboard in Times Square for the show. So thank you so much, Amazon Music. Thank you to our team. And thank you to all of you that listened to this show. Let's continue. In the book, you talk about these three points of philosophy that... Oh, the three rules. The three rules, yeah, that underpin this figureoutable mindset. Yes.

What are those? So rule number one is that all problems or dreams are figureoutable. Rule number two, if a problem or a dream isn't figureoutable, it's a law of nature, right? So death, maybe taxes. Rule number three, you may not care enough to solve a particular dream or reach a particular goal, and that's okay. Find something that you do care deeply about and go back to rule number one. And what that does is it creates a container, a container for us as human beings to be honest about what we care enough about to go figure it out. Because in my life that I haven't been able to figure it out. And if I don't want to figure something out,

like I can get real at myself. Like I don't care enough about this to go figure it out right now. That's super important. Point number three. It's the one we don't talk about. Yeah. Because we'll all have goals in our life that we, we think are important. We think we want to do. I want to, you know, I want to become a DJ. I want to start working out and get a six pack. I want to be an artist. They often don't happen. And we end up thinking that they haven't happened

because we are an unmotivated person. So we say, you know, we start beating ourself up. I'm unmotivated. I'm a failure. I'll just keep trying at it. We very rarely pause and go, do I actually want want it and there's this weird thing that i that i noticed which i won't name the person but they know who they are because i know they're listening there's this weird thing that i observed which taught me a really important lesson it's just sometimes like we want to want something and the way that i just laughing the way that I described that is like, we want to want something. We want to have the

motivation to do the thing. We want to want it. Yeah. We want to want it. We think we should want it. Yeah. So we, so we go around saying we want it. So like, I want to, I really want to go and lift weights. I might say, Steven, I really want, you know, I'm saying to the world, I really want to go and lift weights, but it's because I want to be the type of person that wants to be that, that wants that. Yes. So I go around saying it, but I don't actually want it. I just want to want it. Yes. I had this same conversation with my best friend and we were laughing about this because I have put so much pressure on myself at so many different points of my career because I think I should want something. Yeah. And I'm like, but if I, okay, for career because I think I should want something.

And I'm like, but if I, okay, for example, I think you'll appreciate this because I think you and I share a similar philosophy, perhaps about social media, for example. So I suck at social media, right? I'm never on it. I don't put any attention in it. I actually had a colleague of mine say to me like, Marie, you're so good at what you do. Like, why aren't your numbers bigger? And it was like one of these,

you know, like when someone makes a comment and you're like, oh, that kind of feels like a punch in the gut. And you're just like, oh, oh, I don't know. And anyone who knows me, my friends and even my audience, they know I'm like very transparent. I'm like, I don't spend a lot of time on my phone. Like I'd prefer to write books. I create programs. Like there's other things. And then I, I just want to live my life. Like, I feel like I'm like, oh, there's like, oh, if I was really committed to being a change maker, then I would be making videos. I was like, what the hell is that philosophy? Like I remember torturing myself. I should want to want that. Exactly. But the truth is I don't. Exactly. And that's the hard part to admit. Yes.

Yes. That's the really hard part to admit that we just don't care enough. We just don't want it. It's someone else's. It's someone else's. And I think that just having this conversation, because I would imagine there's folks listening to us right now that think that they should want to want something and they don't. And then what happens? So, you know, I failed to go to the gym to get that six pack that I tell myself I want, or I failed to start that business because I don't. And then what happens? So, you know, I fail to go to the gym to get that six pack that I tell myself I want, or I fail to start that business because I don't really want to, but I want to want to start it. And then I use excuses. And the number one excuse is I just don't have the time. Because that's a cloaking of, as you said earlier, that's a cloaking of your true priorities. It's a way of saying, so it's not my fault. It's just a lack of time in the day. There's

only 24 hours. But really, as you've said, it's actually how you use your time as one of the clearest demonstrations of your actual priorities. Of your values. 100%. 100%. The way that I always like to keep myself honest about what I want and to call myself out on my own excuses, this is the two-word distinction that has helped me the most, understanding the difference between can't versus won't. So anytime that I'm about to say, oh, I can't do that. I can't do this. I can't get up earlier to work out to get those six packs. I can't write my next book. I just don't have the time for me. Learning Italian. I can't learn Italian. I have so much on my plate right now with my business. So 99, not 100, 99% of the time when we human beings say can't, it's a euphemism for won't.

And what does won't mean? Won't means we really don't want to. We're not willing to make the sacrifice. It's not that important to us right now. And so I always encourage myself and other people to play with this. Anytime you're about to say the word can't, try on won't or try on that's not a priority for me right now and see how your body feels, going back to this body truth. Something in me goes, you know what? I actually don't want to learn Italian right now. You know why? Because in my free time, I'm watching The House of Dragons. You know what I mean? I'm watching this show or that show, or I'm hanging out with my friends, or I'm doing something else where I could be dedicating that to my Italian

studies, but I'm not. You know why? Because that is not my priority right now. That is so much more honest, and it's so much more freeing. And then all of a sudden, I'm not a bad person. I'm not ambitious enough. I'm just me.