The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett - Moment 73 - Simon Sinek: How To Find Ultimate Fulfilment At Work

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

In these ‘Moment’ episodes of my podcast, I’ll be selecting my favourite moments from previous episodes of The Diary Of A CEO. In this moment, Simon Sinek talks about how we can find purpose in our lives through attaching it to causes bigger than ourselves. There are things that we can achieve by ourselves, but true satisfaction and real pride in our achievements always comes from being part of a team or a collective. A wider cause or a group we care about is the only thing that would cause us to make real sacrifices. Simon’s thought long and hard about how we can take projects in the workplace and in our social lives and infuse them with real meaning for everyone involved with them. What’s emerged is a profound meditation on where human satisfaction really comes from, and a step by step guide on how to bring these principles into your life. Listen to the full episode here - https://g2ul0.app.link/bjurcFnPYsb Simon: https://twitter.com/simonsinek?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor https://www.instagram.com/simonsinek/?hl=en Watch the Episodes On Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/c/TheDiaryOfACEO/videos

Quick one, just wanted to say a big thank you to three people very quickly. First people I want to say thank you to is all of you that listen to the show. Never in my wildest dreams is all I can say. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd start a podcast in my kitchen and that it would expand all over the world as it has done. And we've now opened our first studio in America, thanks to my very helpful team led by Jack on the production side of things. So thank you to Jack and the team for building out the new American studio.

And thirdly to Amazon Music who, when they heard that we were expanding to the United States, and I'd be recording a lot more over in the States, they put a massive billboard in Times Square for the show. So thank you so much, Amazon Music. Thank you to our team. And thank you to all of you that listened to this show. Let's continue. On that point of seeing one's life as a continuum, by the way, you completely, we call it atting someone where you describe their situation, but you completely atted me. You completely described my situation in terms of the place of mind I was in at 25 when I had that offer to buy my company. It was about me. It was about filling some void that I had in me from

being like the only black kid in an all-white school and thinking that I think success and accolades would fill that void in some ways. But on that point of a continuum as a way to live your life, the other moment in my life where I, which I really struggled in, in terms of goal setting and motivation was when I was trying to get in shape. And in like 2017, I said to myself, I want to get a six pack for summer. That's the goal I set myself. Really, I was trying to find a way to stay fit forever, but I set myself this goal of getting a six pack in summer. That was my thing. And then every single year, my motivation would only last for like four or five months. And I couldn't crack how people are continually motivated to work out.

I've cracked it now. But what was wrong about that? Because I've heard you speak about arbitrary goals before. What is the flaw of creating arbitrary goals in our lives? And how do we create goals that are more based on that idea of a continuum? You know, I'm not a huge fan of the term self-improvement, right? But I do like the idea of awareness, self-awareness. You know, we all live with

blind spots. We all live with missing gaps and pieces of information, which will by the way, last for the rest of our lives. And there are some people who choose to live a life where living with those gaps is acceptable and they never fill them in and we would say that they remain stagnant and arguably either mentally or physically unhealthy or get gaining you know getting unhealthier as they get older you know for someone for anyone who who wants to be a better version of themselves a more aware version of themselves you you, you, we, I seek out information and that comes in all kinds of forms, right? It can be in a relationship. Um, so for example, I went and took a listening class. Actually, I should preface with, um, I was dating someone and she accused me of being a bad listener. And I was like, you do know what I do for a living, right?

I'm a really good listener, so I don't know what you're talking about. And then I took this listening class. Turns out I'm an absolutely brilliant listener with people who I'll never see again for the rest of my life, but amongst my friends and family, appalling. Appalling. So I had this basic skill set that I never applied with the people closest to me and gave myself an out because quote unquote, I knew

how to listen. And so I realized I was a terrible listener. This was a blind spot. This was a gap. And having somebody love me, tell me that didn't work, didn't believe them until, you know, this objective outsider, or at least I just took this class and came to this realization. That was brilliant. That awareness of the blind spot and the awareness of the skills that I need to be a better brother, son, boyfriend, friend, you know, I had to learn how to hold space for someone and then practice. That's awareness. And I think our health is awareness. Unfortunately, some people wait for the breakup to learn that they're bad listeners.

Some people wait for the heart attack to realize they're eating poorly. You know, that's awareness. You get awareness by getting a punch in the face. And I think it's a responsibility for every human being, should they want to have value in the lives of others, to seek awareness in how they show up in the world and how the world impacts them, their mental health, their physical health, their ability to maintain relationships and nurse relationships. And you hear me, I mean, you hear me say this over again, it's a sort of, it's a repeating pattern, which is for those who

want to show up better in the lives of others, which is I see being healthy as a service to others. I see being a better listener, being a service. I see everything in terms of service to others. There are benefits to you as well, of course. But I think we've neglected for decades the socialness of our animal and social media and cell phones and the ubiquity of those technologies have complicated our ability to be human. There are others who comment on this as well. Brene Brown talks about this, where we have a young generation that has mistaken vulnerability and broadcast, right? Where you sit in your room by yourself, put your phone on record and make a video of yourself crying because of the loss of a relationship and then posting that on Instagram or Snapchat or YouTube

or TikTok or whatever your media of choice is. And the hashtag is just being vulnerable, right? And there's nothing vulnerable about that. You were by yourself broadcasting to the world, live or video, it doesn't matter. Do that exact same thing with the person you hurt. That is way more difficult. Don't leave a voice memo saying, hey, I'm really sorry, just taking accountability. Call them or go visit them and look them in the eye and say that exact same sentence that you just left a

voice memo for. That's vulnerability. That's really hard and requires practice. And we avoid it because it's difficult. We avoid it because it's uncomfortable. We choose broadcast, not because it's better, it's because it's easier. And then mistake the two. And so the reason to learn to be vulnerable is not for ourselves, it's for our service to others. And I talk about this all the time, which we've confused these things. And once again, going back to what we were talking about before, we've weirdly taken these very pro-social activities and made them selfish. Like go us. My biggest pet peeve, I'll give you my biggest pet peeve. And I've talked about this one before, but it drives me nuts. I was at this, I was in this meeting once and there was a woman next to me who was this

big timey yoga instructor apparently. And the entire meeting was a big group of us. She was on her phone under the, under the desk, under the table. And I sort of sneaked over a look and it's not like she was like, there was a family member in hospital and she wanted to just, you know, stay in touch. She was on social media. I could see. Right. And at one point, the conversation at the table turned to being present and she popped up her head and said, that's why I love yoga because it helps me be present. Of which I'm thinking, you're an idiot, you know? And I started to realize we've confused things here, which is we don't get to decide when we're present. We get to practice being present.

But you actually are not present until someone else says you are. You know, you don't get to sit with a friend and be like, I feel present if they don't feel it. That's like me saying I'm a great listener, except I'm not, right? I don't get to self-assign these accolades, especially when they're social

they can only be assigned by another and so for anyone who's ever practiced meditation there are absolutely benefits to us without a doubt and those are important mental and physical health benefits of meditation and mindfulness and we should practice those for sure but there's also what I think is the primary reason, somewhat considered secondary reason,

which is if you practice meditation, for example, you learn to focus on one thing, your mantra, a sound, whatever it is. You learn to, your breath, you learn to, you don't think of nothing. You think of one thing. You focus on one thing, right? And if something interrupts that thing, you have a thought. Can I leave the washing machine on?s that thing, you have a thought. Did I leave the washing machine on? You label it a thought and you push it out of your head and you say, I'll deal with it later. And that's the whole idea. It's total focus and the ability to put

your thoughts out of your head to stay focused on this one thing. Now think about when you're sitting listening with a friend who's going through a hard time. Are you listening or are you waiting for your turn to speak? Right? The whole meditation practice that you've been doing is now valuable in this moment, where you are focused entirely on what they're saying to you. Every distraction, every screech of a car tire outside, everybody who's talking around you, you don't hear any of it.

You only hear what they're saying to you. You're entirely focused on what they're saying to you. And when you have your own thoughts of advice you'd like to give or things you want to tell them, oh my God, me too, that happened to me as well, right? You say, nope, that's not important in this moment. And you put it out of your head and deal with it later. And at the end of that conversation, your friend will say, thank you, I feel heard. Or thank you for being there for me. Or thank you for holding space for me, or thank you for listening. And those are all indications that congratulations, you've been present for another. And I think what gives our lives purpose is not to wake up every morning to learn meditation so that we can be

present for ourselves, though that is valuable. What gives our lives purpose is to do these things for another. There's nothing wrong with doing things and enjoying the benefit of those things yourself by all means. But the sense of the deep feeling sense of purpose and meaning to one's life or to one's work only comes when those things are for another. And in my view, primarily for another, where our benefit is secondary. You can't have equal. There's no such thing as equal because at one point, one of those things will have to be sacrificed for the other. And do you sacrifice your spouse's love so that you can stay in love? Or do you sacrifice your comfort? Do you sacrifice your girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse's comfort so that you can be

better? Or do you sacrifice your comfort so they can feel better? That's an obvious, it's obvious. Well, it's the same here. It's the same analogy, which is I choose to sacrifice my happiness, my joy, my comfort, my Lamborghini in this moment, not forever, but in this moment for you, for you, my employee, for you, my friend, you know, I will delay so that you can have, and that's where the joy and love of business, relationships, friendships come from. There's a great irony in all of this, which is to sacrifice for another

really is the most beautiful thing we can ever do. I mean, that's kind of what love is. It's sacrificing for another. And all of these things, whether it's learning to be a better communicator, learning mindfulness and meditation, being in shape, if you can translate those things in for another, all of those things start to have a higher purpose.

In the case of health, doing it for another, you're saying that it would be so that I can be here longer for my family would be a much more joyful, if I had children, for example. Sure. As long as it's real, it can't be generic. You can't, you just can't, you can't just put it out there just so it's fills the, you know, mad libs and you fill the gap. Yeah. You know, it's got to, you got to actually feel it, that that actually is the purpose. I'll give you one then. So part of, I do think about this and I thought about this last night when I was in the gym was

in part, I think I work out because I want to be healthy and in shape for my for my girlfriend like I want to be I want our relationship to be good I want us to be able to be active together I want her to be attracted by me when I'm naked you know like I had a debate with my team as to like whether that's a noble reason to work out and should we have a feel an obligation or whatever to be in shape for our other half? I think to be healthy for our other half, for sure. But you think the aesthetic stuff is a bit? I think it's fine. I mean, I think the aesthetic stuff is about confidence, right? Which is, I'm sure she'll love you, even if you're chubby, you know, I'm sure she'll love you, even if you don't have a sex pack, you know, but if it makes you feel confident, then it's like people have nose jobs, you know?

Like somebody says, you can't have a nose job. Why are you? Well, if it makes them feel better about themselves, then how can we argue with it? Like if they went from being really, really insecure and hiding their faces or bad teeth and they never wanted to smile to fixing their teeth and now they smile all the time. Like why should we tell them they can't? Now, of course there's a line. Getting addicted to plastic surgery is something different. And there is a line. But getting your teeth done or getting a nose job to make yourself feel better is fine if it builds your confidence.

So if it builds your confidence and you're doing it in a healthy way, then how can somebody argue that you shouldn't be exercising? So it looks at now, again, there is a line. There are some people who actually overdo it where if they stop exercising, they gain a tiny bit of weight. They actually spiral. There is a line where they're actually not building confidence. They're actually building insecurity. But some of these things don't have to be big and lofty. They can be ridiculously small. Like, so for example, for me, you know, I'm very good at disappointing myself. Like I have no problem disappointing myself, right? Like I'll

wake up in the morning, two hours before my alarm. And I'll say to myself, you should work out. Like you're up super early. You've got a busy day and you just got an extra two hours. You could like use 30 minutes of that to work out, get out of bed. I'm like, nah, I'll sit in bed for two hours and just like read the newspaper and play Wordle, you know? And two hours will go by and I won't work out. Do I have any guilt? None. I'm just like, oh, you're an idiot, Simon. Right? Now, if I'm meeting someone at the gym at 7.30, because we're going to work out, I'll be there. I won't let somebody down. I'm okay letting myself down, but I won't let somebody else down.

So for me, my purpose sometimes is very in the moment. I'm doing this for them. When I would run, one of the reasons I stayed in good running shape is because when I ran with my running buddy, I never wanted to ruin their run. If they wanted to keep a slightly higher pace, I could keep it. So it doesn't always have to be big and lofty. Sometimes it can be in the moment.