The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett - Moment 98 - The One Thing All Successful Leaders Have (And You Can Too!): Whitney Wolf Herd
Episode Date: February 24, 2023With everything that has changed in the world, from the internet to the pandemic, what does this mean for the idea of leadership and being the perfect leader? In this moment Whitney Wolfe Herd discuss...es how for her a leader is the conductor creating harmony among a noisy orchestra. For Whitney, this means ignoring the examples of past leaders that were more like tyrants rather than bosses, and instead to listen to your gut and lead with compassion. It is only by being open and truly vulnerable that we can connect with the people around us and as leaders get the best out of our people. Listen to the full episode here - https://g2ul0.app.link/SHsmgyVKExb Whitney - https://www.instagram.com/whitney/?hl=en https://www.linkedin.com/in/whitney-wolfe-herd-1791a299 Watch the Episodes On Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/c/TheDiaryOfACEO/videos
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Quick one, just wanted to say a big thank you to three people very quickly.
First people I want to say thank you to is all of you that listen to the show.
Never in my wildest dreams is all I can say.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd start a podcast in my kitchen
and that it would expand all over the world as it has done.
And we've now opened our first studio in America,
thanks to my very helpful team led by Jack on the production side of things.
So thank you to Jack and the team for building out the new American studio.
And thirdly to Amazon Music who, when they heard that we were expanding to the United
States, and I'd be recording a lot more over in the States, they put a massive billboard
in Times Square for the show. So thank you so much, Amazon Music. Thank you to our team. And
thank you to all of you that listened to this show. Let's continue.
What are you like as a leader? Because leadership has evolved, you know, over the last 10, 20 years
from like the Steve Jobs days where you've got this kind of tyrant that, from what I've heard,
so, so hard to deal with that they put him in his own building and only people could,
could work in that building if they were really resilient. I had all these stories. I spoke to
Woz. Woz didn't tell me that, but Woz, um, Woz is the closest I've ever got to I spoke to was wasn't tell me that was um was the closest
I've ever got to Steve to Steve Jobs but leadership and the concept of what a leader looks like and
how they behave and how they treat people in a post-internet world where we have the ability
to speak up because we can tweet and glass door and all of these things leadership leadership
has changed uh our perceptions of it how they behave in a post
pandemic world leaders are much more vulnerable because i think a lot of them had to be really
vulnerable during the pandemic to to guide their teams through what if i asked your teams if i said
you know what's what you like as a leader what would they say to me um I feel like I try.
I try.
And so, you know, I'm sure I could be told otherwise.
I try to be empathetic.
And I try to think about everyone around me, probably to my detriment, honestly.
I think it's probably done me more harm than good over the years because
I'm trying to solve for every single person in the room that maybe it doesn't solve anything
sometimes. But I really, I try to just be the brand we are externally, internally. It's hard.
You know, there's so many conflicting needs as a business. You have a marketing and brand team
that want to do one thing. You have a technical team that needs to do business. You have a marketing and brand team that want to do one
thing. You have a technical team that needs to do another. You have IPO teams that have to do
another. And so you end up being this conductor of a very loud orchestra. And I try to create
harmony with people, but I don't know.
I guess I wouldn't say I follow any – I don't read leadership books.
I don't take leadership courses.
Maybe that's something I should do.
I don't know.
But I just lead with my gut.
I just do what feels right.
I try to do the right thing.
I try to listen and hear what people are saying, and I try to listen to other people too. So if one person calls me and says X, Y, or Z, I try to call the other person and say, what's your version of this? Before I jump to a conclusion, I really try to have compassion for where everybody's coming from,
but it's tough. And then I also have to put my head down and say, okay, no, sometimes this is just how
it's going to go, right?
Because I feel like I can see certain things that maybe aren't present to everyone in the
dating space because I've been in this thing for a decade now and I feel like I understand
the nuances of it very well.
So I don't know.
I don't know what they would say.
You talked about creating harmony amongst the orchestra, which I feel like is the perfect example of the role of a CEO.
But a role of the CEO of a public company becomes even more difficult because then you have even
more conflicting expectations. When you're that person that's trying to create a harmony
in all of this orchestra, keep everybody happy, meet all the needs. How would you create
harmony within yourself? So I personally have beliefs that, you know, there's something bigger
than what we're dealing with every day, right? Like I try to zoom out, zoom out into something
that we can't even see, right? There's obviously influences of the universe that none of us know about. You and I
cannot sit here and say that we know every corner of why we exist and what's going to happen
tomorrow. And so I try to just trust the process. I try to laugh. Andre was always really good at
that. He would just laugh in really stressful situations. And I learned that from him. It's just like, have a laugh. You'll be okay. And also to realize that
we are just a blip on the radar. Like this is going to be, if we're lucky, like Bumble will
be like a half page in a book one day, the hundreds of years from now. Like it's just not that big of
a deal, the daily dramas and the
nuances of everything. And so I try to just zoom out. Is this really going to still matter, this
one moment in interpersonal dynamics or this one moment in a failed launch or whatever it might be?
Is this really going to matter in five years? Is this going to matter in five months? And I really try to do that exercise of
like, how big of a deal is this before I allow it to disrupt my harmony? Does that make sense?
I don't know if that made any sense. It does make sense. It does make sense. Um,
I was reading things about your, your sort of sleep work routine and you sounded a lot like me.
I'm the type of person
that has a fairly unhealthy relationship with my phone
throughout the early hours of the morning,
especially when I was running the company,
especially when I was at social chain still.
I'd wake up in the middle of the night.
I was worried too often when we couldn't make payroll
and I knew it was payday in a week.
I'd be riddled with little sort of slithers of anxiety.
When we spoke to, I think it's Robbie.
Oh yeah, he's great.
Robbie in your team.
Robbie said she makes no pretense of being always strong
and is openly vulnerable with the team.
Where you might walk into the office one day
and let them know that you've been struggling with something.
You might be anxious or struggling with anxiety that day and encourage your know that you've been struggling with something. You might be anxious or struggling
with anxiety that day and encourage your other team members if they're feeling the same way
to take the time that they need. Well, that's really nice of him. But yeah, I mean, vulnerability
is, it has to be authentic. I've watched so many people the last few years ride this vulnerability
trend. And I'm like, that's not real vulnerable. Vulnerability
can't be a scapegoat or an exit or a crutch. For me, I don't know. I just tell the truth.
If I'm having postpartum depression back after my first baby, I would just say that to my all
hands because that was the truth. And why would I be anything other than truthful? If I want to lead a company that tells the truth and I want to run a business that
instills behaviors that are truthful and, and healthy and, and better, like why would I want
to operate in any way that's disingenuous to that? So I just get up and just try to tell the truth.
Convention would say, well, that's not, leaders are strong and then they don't have any problems
and they're always tough and they, you know, so what if, and this is honestly what I used
to worry about.
I used to think, well, if I'm truly honest that things affect me too, my team are going
to think I'm weak and then I can't lead them.
And that's the kind of narrative that ran out in my head.
Yeah. But, and I get that, but the reality is everyone's, everyone's feeling something and I'm in a connection business. How can I run a connection company if I can't connect?
And the only way you can connect is through vulnerability. It's the only way to connect
with anyone. I'm being very vulnerable with you right now because we're sitting here connecting.
So I might as well, you know, I could sit here and be like, well, some business book I read,
you know, there's this theory of like, you know, this many hours a day do this. And like, that's
just not my vibe.