The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett - Most Replayed Moment: Your Thoughts Shape Your Reality! How To Rewrite Limiting Beliefs

Episode Date: April 10, 2026

Marisa Peer is a renowned therapist and best-selling author, known for her work in personal growth and the mind-body connection. In this Moments episode, she explores how childhood experiences, shaped by family dynamics and unmet needs, create subconscious beliefs that influence how we see ourselves and the world. Marisa shares practical tools to shift these beliefs, and successfully reshape your reality. Listen to the full episode here! Spotify: https://g2ul0.app.link/u9dMae0Kc2b Apple: https://g2ul0.app.link/48NKVd4Kc2b Watch the Episodes On YouTube: ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/%20TheDiaryOfACEO/videos Marisa Peer: https://marisapeer.com/

A few times of year, our team travels all over the world to interview guests who aren't able to record in one of our studios. And whenever these trips get confirmed, the first thing we book is a place on Airbnb, so that the entire team can stay together. And over time, we've developed a small checklist for wherever we stay. Obvious things like incredibly fast Wi-Fi are a must. And a big dining table so we can all work somewhere together. Then there's less obvious things like a coffee machine to keep the team going, a living room big enough for planning meetings, and all of these things. The small things, the big things, they really do make the space. work for a team like ours. So if you've ever thought about hosting on Airbnb but haven't felt

sure if your place is right, remember that it might have exactly what someone's looking for. Hosting on Airbnb is easy and it's a smart way of making a bit more extra money on the side. All you have to do is choose the dates that work for you. Your home might be worth more than you think. find out how much at Airbnb.ca.ca slash host. I've been trying to figure out if we get to choose our beliefs. Mm-hmm. And I actually read about this in my book recently, and I feel like you're the person to ask this question

because I know that our lives are governed by these beliefs that we have about the world, ourselves, and everything in between. But can we choose them? I think so. You know, when I was here last of you asked me about my childhood, which I don't talk about a lot. It wasn't awful. But also it wasn't amazing, but the beliefs I had then,

I totally didn't know the beliefs I have now because I chose to give myself better beliefs because, you know, you make your beliefs. And then your beliefs turn and write around and make you. And then confirmation bias means you look for proof of what you have chosen to believe, and you'll find it. So if you say, oh, I hate cats, they're vicious things that scratch you, they're really aloof. Or I don't like dogs.

They're barky, yappy, horrible things. then if you believe that about a dog and you meet a dog, you'll feel so anxious that that will become true. But if you say, oh, I love dogs. They're the most loyal, gorgeous, loving things. Then you'll have a different energy around them. So you should choose your beliefs. You should constantly upgrade, update, question your belief. Where did I get that from?

Is that true? Who told me that belief? And even if it's true for them, does it have to be true for me? You know, I see a lot of women who say things like, well, you know, if you're really famous and rich, you'll never find a guy. because 100 years ago, that was probably true. Men didn't go for rich, successful women because they wanted them at home. But it's not true now.

So your grandmother's belief is not your belief. I love my daughter's generation who don't do body shaming or fat shaming and have a whole different language. I think it's so refreshing. So you can always choose your beliefs and you really should constantly check why do I even believe that?

Is it even true? Because so often it's not true at all, it's just something you've been taught, or you've just gone along with it anyway. So in the case of cats then, you know, I like all animals, but cats, I do think, you know, the way you describe them then, a little bit scratchy, sometimes a little bit, you know, annoying, not as loving as dogs, maybe I'm going to annoy a lot of cat people here. If that is my belief, if I say to myself, okay, you know, cats are wonderful, they're lovely, you know, they're fantastic, they don't scratch, etc.

I feel like I'm just lying to myself. And, you know, this is the case with self-belief as well. I could say that I'm amazing and attractive and all these things. But in my subconscious mind, after getting, I don't know, bullied at seven years old by a kid that called me fat and whatever else, am I just not lying to myself? Well, I think you should lie to yourself. I think you should lie to yourself. I think you should lie, cheat and steal every day of your life.

Lie to your mind, cheat fear, and steal back the confidence you were born. So imagine you're going for an exam. You go, I'm going to fail it. I'm going to mess it up. I've got a terrible memory. I know when I read that paper, my mind's going to go blank and I'm going to blow it. So that's a belief. But you could also say, I've got a great memory.

Everything I studied for this exam is in my head when I read the paper. The questions are going to come up and I'm going to remember the answers. And I'm super chilled at exams. I'm cool, calm, collected. I'm going to ace this exam. So if you repeat that over and over again, you see, the subconscious doesn't think it just feels. And if you say, I'm nervous, I'm so nervous, and the subconscious feels that, then when you're nervous, the mind shuts down, while the blood rushes to your heart

and your mind empties, it's like if you're crossing a road in a car comes, I don't think, should I go left, right, forwards, backwards, you just move because in fear, you don't think you move. So when you're scared, your mind empties, I remember years ago I was coming home and this guy was following me, and I knew he was following me, and I knew I had minutes to get in my door, and I couldn't get the key, and I couldn't remember which way to it. Oh my God, I have all the times to forget how this key works. I lived it for five years, but I was so scared.

I couldn't remember how to open my door at all because when you're scared, your brain empties. So if you go into an exam, going, I'm scared, I'm nervous, you won't do it. If you say, I got a great memory, I love exams, I'm excited about this exam. I'm so excited, I'm going to be assessed, I'm going to do really well, or I'm going to to this assessment, I'm going to ace it. This person's going to love me and see that I'm so smart. Martin. My answers will show them that I know I'm talking about. The mind doesn't go, well, come on that silly. The mind goes, okay, whatever you say, you make it real. Your mind's job is to make your thoughts real. The subconscious doesn't think it only feels. And if your mind's job is to make your thoughts real, then your job is to think better thoughts all the time. So imagine you're going to have a needle stuck in your arm. You've got, oh, that's going to hurt, and that's going to be so pain. But you could, I was read my phone. And if you cough, just as the needle goes in, it confuses your mind and you don't feel it.

Is that lying? Or is it just taking your mind somewhere else? That's the, because I think if I can choose my beliefs, then I can un-chose beliefs. But I couldn't think of a single belief I have now that I could genuinely un-chose. I can say it. Yes. But I think I'd still believe it. Yeah, but the thing with the mind is, there's a couple of rules of the mind.

One is, let me give you a couple that will help you. every thought you think is a blueprint that your mind and body work to make real. Every thought you think has a physical reaction and indeed an emotional response. And here's another one. The mind learns by repetition. So when you think a thought a lot over and over again, it becomes real even if it's not real. So if you think a thought, my neighbor's driving me crazy. They're so noisy.

I can never sleep. I can hear their television. They're getting on my nerves. it'll become your reality. If you say, it's a little bit irritating, but I can put my headphones on, I can tune out, then you'll have a different reaction to the same event. You know, we don't have to change events. We have to change how we think about the events.

It's like saying, oh, this commute to work is killing me. You know, this being on this freeway is driving me crazy. But someone else would go, wow, I'd love to be on. You've got a car and you're going to a job when you're getting. paid, that's my fantasy dream come true. Don't have to change a thing. You have to change how you think about the thing. So that is changing your beliefs. And a belief is really just the thought you think a lot. So you're born as a blank slate. Where did you get those thoughts from? Who gave them to you? So the beliefs you think you can't change. Where do they come from? Let's do that. Now, where do the

beliefs you think you can't change come from? So I think one of the recurring beliefs I've had about myself. Yes. Which I think goes back as long as I can remember, to be honest, is that I am fundamentally unorganized. Unorganized, okay. And I think people would be surprised to hear that because I'm very, I'd say, productive. My output is high, but the organisation of my stuff, even if you looked in my bag, it would be like a jumble sale.

My house as well, if I didn't have a cleaning, I think it would be, you know, it would be like a bomb had gone off in there. I heard you saying actually on a podcast that when you go, your hotel room is very messy and it upsets you, but not enough to make you change it. You've been listening. I have been listening. No, you're right. I think there's a habit or something that I've built into myself where I think I've told

myself it's faster to be messy. Yes. But then the dissonance or the issue that I take with it is that's not who I want to be. I want to be a messy person. I want to be someone who comes into their hotel room, goes into their suitcase, and hangs everything up so that tomorrow is easier. But what happens is I dive into the suitcase, pull my gym equipment out and run to the gym. And it's something I want to change because it's almost like this concession in my life where I've gone,

well, that's just who I am. I'm just a messy person. And I think we all label ourselves. And of course, when you do that, now you're making it really say, you know, I can't spell, but my dad couldn't spell. And now it's genetic. So every time you say I'm just a messy person, the strongest force in you and everyone in the world is you must act in a way that utterly matches up with how you have chosen to defy. you. So if you start by changing that and saying, I love being organized, it gives me such

joy to be organized. I love putting, so when you say it, say it, say it, it will start to change. So for the last three weeks, I've been staying in a place with an amazing gym. And I started to love working out with really, really heavy weights because, you know, I got run over and I started to get muscle weightage in my leg. I was going, I love heavy, heavy weights. I love it. And I was really a Pilates yoga person. But for the last three weeks, I get up and I'm in the gym at half seven, I love heavy weights. And I didn't like it before, but I decided to say it over and over again, because when you say, state, and affirm something, your mind must make it real. So all you have to do really is to start saying a lot, I love being organized. It gives me immense joy to put

stuff where. I love it when everything's in its place and I'm in a hotel. And sure I run to it, when I come back, I put my gym kit in a particular place. And I love that feeling of being super organized. quickly it will start to change because you're thinking a thought that your mind has no choice but to make real. So interesting. But it's also true. You know, you think a thought and your mind can't help it. It has to make, you know, we did that thing with a lemon, didn't we?

Where you think you're eating a lemon. Have we ever done that? What's that? Well, let's do it now. So put your hand in front of your mouth. Yeah. Imagine you're holding half of a great big, big, fat, juicy lemon. close your eyes and just put that lemon right up to your nose and breathe in that amazing lemon smell

because nothing really smells quite like a lemon. Now squeeze that lemon so hard so that lemon drops, pucker onto the surface. Stick out your tongue, lick off the lemon, open your mouth really wide and shove that entire lemon into your mouth and I want you start sucking and biting and chewing all the flesh. Literally bite into that lemon until the lemon drops burst onto your tongue and your taste buds pucker and swell as you start to chew that lemon, suck that lemon, swirl that lemon all around your mouth, keep eating the lemon, suck it, chew it, swirl it around. And then open your eyes. Did you start pumping out saliva? Yes, I did. And so here's a question. Was there a lemon?

No, there was no lemon. That's true. There was no lemon. But you could also say yes, which is also true. They're both true. No, there wasn't. And yes, there actually was. Where was it? Where was the lemon that was making you make saliva? In my head? In your head? Yeah, it wasn't anywhere else. It was in your head. Just do another one. Put your right arm out towards me. And just swing your arm behind you as far as it will go. And have a look at where it's gone. Just look behind you to notice where it is. Bring it back. I think you went up to like the third book on that bookshelf. I want you to imagine. close your eyes and tell your mind my arm's going to go a third further i'm now like a bendy barbie and ken doll my arm is so flexible it's going further i want you to imagine all the muscles in your right arm becoming super flexible like cook pasta open your eyes put your arm out and say to your arm you're going a third further now you're like a pretzel you're super flexible go a third further swing your arm back and just watch as it goes a third further. Now look at how far it's gone. You were any up to the third book before.

So what happened then? I just believed my arm was going to go further. And it did. Yeah. And you see, and for men, I get men who say, you know, I can't please my wife. I can't get an erection. I can't keep it going. And she's going to leave me. And if I tell them other things, you know, you're a great lava, you can maintain an erection for 20 minutes or 10 minutes or. the average is about four and a half minutes. That starts to happen. They don't do anything else. It's that listen to a recording that says,

you have longer erections, you can have a great sex life, you can wait until your partner orgasms, and it all becomes true because every time they say, but I can't do it. It's all over in a minute. I can't please her, or him,

they actually make that real. But when you just change a thought, you know, there's a song called Love Changes Everything by Climey Fisher, but actually thought, Thoughts change everything. When you think a thought, it's such a game changer. Erections.

Yes. It's so interesting because in my friendship group with my male friends, we've spoken about sex, life, libido, erections. Of course, yeah. We've all struggled in different ways at different times with this. And it's one of the areas in life where it's so clear to me that thoughts, are the problem and the solution. Yeah, because again, if a man thinks about sex,

looks at pictures, looks at a movie and gets aroused, you get a very physical reaction straight away, even if there's no one in the room with you. So that's a classic example of thinking a thought about being aroused, turned on, feeling sexually attracted, and your body makes it really, even there's no one there. And it can be, at a wedding, can be an event, it can be highly embarrassing for guiding to get an erection in the wrong place.

But if you think a thought, I'm turned on here the body, it does it for women too but it's not so obvious for us we can kind of hide it but yes it's a thought I can't do it I can I'm going to fail

I'm going to succeed I also think I just learned that I was at a very young age that I think maybe that I learned that I was unlovable at some level because I think about being a black kid in an all white area where your house is like

dilapidated I think that's the right word where you can't never brought anyone home never brought a girl home in the 16 or years that I lived in Plymouth, never brought anyone home. No one knew where I lived. I had this like constant shame.

Yeah, shame in my own. And I showed up as if I was a confident kid. Yeah, but it was an act. It was an act. Yeah, and you went home feeling a cent. You see, one of the, I taught 16,000 therapists all over the world, and I teach them to say,

there's only three things wrong with every person that turns up at your door. Only three things. One of them is, I'm different, so I can't connect. The next one is, I want something. It's not available to mean. The third one is, I'm not enough. There's a lot of versions.

I'm not smart enough, good enough. But when you talk about that little boy who is a black kid in a white world, living in a shambolic house, never bringing people home, straight away you're saying, I was different. And if I'm different, I can't connect because we connect by being the same. I like postman, Pat, so do I. I like pastor, so do I. I like Barbie, so do I.

Oh, you're my friend. But when you're different, you can't connect. So you first had that first thing, I'm different so I can't connect. What I want being the same as all the other kids is not available to me. And if you think you're unlovable, then you have to think you're not enough. But of course, that's what you felt. The truth is you're deeply lovable just the way you are. But it's very hard when you don't feel it.

So when you, you know, your feelings is the most real thing you have. And we're always trying to use logic. But logic doesn't work because in a battle between emotion and logic, emotion, wins every single time. So the emotion of being this kid who felt different, not enough, not the same, you can't logic that better. Yes, you can achieve a lot and work hard and be a millionaire. You remember John Lennon said the thing you can't hide is when you're crippled inside. And so you're trying to fake it till you make it, but then you just end up feeling like a big fake. You have to go back and look at, okay, I felt different, but here's an interesting thing.

if our greatest fears to feel different it must have been I'm the same as everyone because that's our greatest fear to be different we used to be cast out for being different banished for being different but actually if you fear being different I really that means you're the same as everyone because you've got the same fears

and what wasn't available now you've made it available many years ago and you're deeply loved and more than enough so you have to kind of go back and look at that old scenes and go but that's not me anymore of course it's not me So just stating why it isn't you

It's actually one of the most transformational things you can ever do As we're so busy looking for how it is us You know, here's a rule of the mind Whatever you look for You will find whatever you focus on you get more So when you look at how it's still you Or still there or still bothering you Then you'll find it

And interesting, I think when you look at the mess in your room You remember the shambolic house And that's why it bothers you Not because it's messy because you were brought up in a shambolic house. Now you come back and think, oh, look at this room. I've recreated the same. Instead of saying, actually, I'm in a five-star hotel.

There's a maid next door. It's a little bit messy. It's not shambolic. But you see what your brain is looking for is what's the same. And it will always find it. But if you look for what's different, you'll find that too. So when you have a brilliant brain, which we all have, and you definitely have instead of you've got to talk yourself out of it, not into it.

You're talking yourself into how the men. messy room is the same as a messy home and it bothers you greatly because it feels out of your control, which it was when you're a kid living in that house. Don't talk yourself and talk yourself out of it. Oh yeah. I have great to mess. But hey, I'm a super successful guy. I'm busy. Someone's going to come in and clean all of this up and it's not the same. It's vastly different. But our mind is always looking for what's the same because it loves what is familiar. After all, you know, if you were two-year-old kid living in the prairie and you wanted out on the prairie, you'd only eat the berries you already knew. You wouldn't eat anything unfamiliar because it would have killed you.

So our primitive brain wants to go back to what is familiar, back to what is known, back to what is comfortable. I wasn't sure whether I'm messy because it reminds me of home. So a messy room makes me feel more comfortable. Or if it's the opposite, like, you know, I've never been sure which one it is. Well, it's just, I think it, because you lived in a messy home, it was familiar. it was easy. No one said tidy up, put that away. So if you were in the army, for instance, you say, oh no, I make my bed. And because you learned a certain way, but you learned the opposite, just everything's in a mess. So the two things that you learned it is familiar, but also it's deeply disappointing because it makes you feel, oh God, there's a mess again and I can't

fix it when the truth is you can't, you can't, you've always got a choice. The worst thing is I can't change it and I can't accept it. I can't change it. I can't accept. I can't change a mess. I can't Okay, I can accept them. I can say, hey, I'm messy and I love it like, like an artist. Or you can say, I can change it. But it's like I can't change it and I can't accept. Accept it. My daughter loves living in a mess because she's an artist.

She doesn't even see it. Or you can say, I can change it by changing how I think. Just say I love putting stuff away. It makes me feel powerful. And if you say it enough, it will become real because your words create your reality. If you don't like your reality, you don't have to change. You have to change the way your spirit. which immediately changes your reality, which is completely shaped by your words.

What you just listened to was a most replayed moment from a previous episode. If you want to listen to that full episode, I've linked it down below. Check the description. Thank you. A few times of year, our team travels all over the world to interview guests who aren't able to record in one of our studios. And whenever these trips get confirmed, the first thing we book is a place on Airbnb so that the entire team can stay together.

And over time, we've developed a small checklist for wherever we stay. Obvious things like incredibly fast Wi-Fi are a must and a big dining table so we can all work somewhere together. Then there's less obvious things like a coffee machine to keep the team going, a living room big enough for planning meetings, and all of these things. The small things, the big things, they really do make the space work for a team like ours. So if you've ever thought about hosting on Airbnb, but haven't felt sure if your place is right, remember that it might have exactly what someone's looking for. Hosting on Airbnb is easy and it's a smart way of making a bit more extra money on the side. All you have to do is choose the dates that work for you. Your home might be worth more than you think.

Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.com slash host.