The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett - Shocking TRUE Story: “I Lost Both Of My Legs Because Of A Tampon” (Health Warning) - Lauren Wasser

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

In this new episode Steven sits down with model, Toxic Shock Syndrome survivor and activist Lauren Wasser. Lauren was born into a family of models and started modelling at just 2 months old. She was beginning to make a name for herself in the modelling industry when at 24 years old she contracted Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS) from a tampon. TSS is a life-threatening complication from bacterial infections, and due to infection both of Lauren’s legs were amputated. 3 years after being just 10 minutes from death, Lauren made her return to modelling at 27 years old in her now trademark golden legs. She now works to educate and raise awareness about the impact of TSS. In this conversation Lauren and Steven discuss topics, such as: The day that her life changed forever How a tampon nearly killed her Losing her leg at 24 years old Her struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts Finding her confidence again Her return to modelling How her golden legs became her statement piece Finding her purpose in tackling Toxic Shock Syndrome The information that everyone should hear You can learn more about Toxic Shock Syndrome here: https://bit.ly/3O1Lu92 You can also learn more about the impact of TSS on the people who have lost loved ones due to the syndrome, here: https://bit.ly/43KouB4 Follow Lauren: Instagram: https://bit.ly/3rOB3yk Twitter: https://bit.ly/44DkrYF Follow me: https://beacons.ai/diaryofaceo

Quick one. Just wanted to say a big thank you to three people very quickly. First people I want to say thank you to is all of you that listen to the show. Never in my wildest dreams is all I can say. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd start a podcast in my kitchen and that it would expand all over the world as it has done. And we've now opened our first studio in America, thanks to my very helpful team led by Jack on the production side of things. So thank you to Jack and the team for building out the new American studio. And thirdly to to Amazon Music, who when they heard that we were expanding to the United States, and I'd be recording a lot more over in the States, they put a massive billboard in Times Square for the show. So thank you so much, Amazon Music. Thank you to our team. And

thank you to all of you that listened to this show. Let's continue. This almost killed me. And it's killed hundreds and thousands of women. If men's dicks were falling off, there would be a resolution tomorrow. Until something's done, I won't quit. Lauren Wasser. Model, activist, and survivor of one of the deadliest diseases caused by a product millions of women use today, resulting in losing both of her legs. I'm the girl with the golden legs.

Lauren. October the 3rd, 2012. Can you take me to that day? It was just on my period. It was super heavy, and I guess I must have passed out. They found me face down on my bedroom floor. Toxic shock syndrome caused by a tampon, and I was 10 minutes from death.

I had two heart attacks. My kidneys, my organs were failing. My feet were turning black, so when I finally woke up, they needed to amputate my right leg, or I was going heart attacks. My kidneys, my organs were failing. My feet were turning black. So when I finally woke up, they needed to amputate my right leg or I was going to die. But they're telling me that we cannot give you any pain medicine. I have felt every single thing that was done to me. For those eight months, I was alone. Every day I was throwing, screaming, crying, wanting to think about ways I could kill myself. But there was something in my soul that was like,

don't pull the trigger. Just hold on. Are you feeling a sense of injustice? This shouldn't have happened, but there's nothing on the market for women that is safe for us. It kills us. This is my new beginning. Lauren, what can be done?

That's the scary part. I have to give you a warning. This conversation is not easy to listen to because it's so deeply moving. But it's important that you do. It's important that more people know about the risks that they face by the products they use every single day. And it's important that people hear Lauren Wass's unimaginable story. A story that will change your mind, break your heart, and then put it back together again. Toxic shock syndrome is probably something you've never heard of before, but it can affect anyone at any time. Men, women, and children of all ages.

Lauren, what do I need to know about your earliest years to understand how you were shaped, molded, the perspective that you inherited from that early context and environment? I think the idea of perfection, the idea that physically looking like that 1% and being, I guess back back then too being a supermodel in the late 80s 90s that's kind of like the cool era and that's kind of where me being around all of these women that were just flawless and beautiful um kind of set the tone and also saw like you can get away with anything if you're beautiful as well, which was interesting to me. But I was the complete opposite. Like, I am a tomboy. I played basketball. It's my first love. That's where I think really molded and shaped who I am as a person and why I honestly think I'm alive. have the dedication, have the determination, but also like have to show up every single day and give it your all

was something that I didn't really see anywhere else. Like my dad wasn't there. My dad, unfortunately, he was, he got caught up in the whole drug scene, complete drug addict. Basically saw him homeless on the side of the street when i was younger like my mom and i would be driving down melrose and my dad i would look out and be like oh my god that's my dad like on the side of the street

because he was a model he was he was a big model but you know studio, that whole era was obviously drugs, mostly drugs. But my mom was like ahead of her career, 21 years old. 21 years old. She had me at 21. She was a big model, wasn't she? She was pretty big. She was with Stephanie Seymour and Cindy Crawford and Naomi. That whole era, you know, kind of growing up around that was just kind of crazy to see she wouldn't even leave

the house without wearing makeup or like looking like top of the line whereas i don't give a like i'll just roll out of bed and put on some basketball shorts and a vintage tee and be like cool i'm out you know what if i'd asked you then say you're 16 years old and i said what do you want to be when you're older what would you have responded to me oh I thought I was gonna be like the Maria Sharapova like the WNBA like I was I was I was set in stone wanting to be like endorsements playing ball 24-7 travel like that was my dream like that's what I really wanted for myself to be a basketball player yeah so that's why it's kind of like just the irony of like the fact I don't have legs anymore it's like just crazy to me because I'm like I'm an athlete first and foremost and like that is my livelihood like that's what I know best

is movement is going outside and going for a run you know I mean even just we all take for granted just walking in the shower you know so you're 24 when your life changes October the 3rd 2012 you're 24 years old can you take me to that day when you woke up that day what was you know what was if you can remember the the plans you had for that day and um and how that day unfolded yeah i was uh 24 probably the best day ever in my life super healthy um my period has always been really heavy so i've always had to use super absorbent tampons um but and my mom had told me about toxic shock syndrome. She told me, obviously, how to use them properly, change them every few hours. But on that specific day, I, like any normal day, it was just on my period. It was super heavy. And

I ran out of my tampons. So I ran and bought a new box and I just remember feeling super sick like almost as if I like the flu it was October so flu season all of my friends were getting sick and I had to go to my friend's birthday that night and it's just me and my blind cocker spaniel at the time living in Santa Monica so it's just her and I I changed my tampon obviously and I'm living in Santa Monica. So it was just her and I. I changed my tampon, obviously. And I'm just laying there probably, I don't know, 30, 40 minutes. I start feeling even worse. And I'm like, wow, I'm really feeling sick. I'm texting with my friends, you know, a couple hours go by,

change my tampon again. So this is the second time I've changed it. It's about now, like, I don't know, 5, 6 p.m. And I have to get ready to go to my friend's birthday. So I get in the shower, get myself together, put another tampon in. And as soon as I drive and I walk into the venue, all of my friends are in there and they're just like, dude, you look so sick. And I felt it. Like I finally in that moment felt like this like whole wave of like heat and also just something is not right. And I'm like, yeah, I think I should probably just go home. So I drive myself back home. My mom and I are super close. So we chat every five minutes. We're always in communication. I was like yeah I'm

just feeling kind of unwell but I'm I'm I think I'm okay and then I get to my apartment and I'm just like really really hot so I just take off all of my clothes and I just like lay on the floor with by my bed with my dog and I guess I must have passed out and my mom is frantically trying to like get in contact with me and she can't get a hold of me, but she knew that I was feeling ill. So she called the police to come by for a welfare check. So I'm laying on, I remember this because I was laying on my bedroom floor

and I just remember my blind cocker spaniel, like literally on my chest. And you know a cocker spaniel, like they're so sweet and friendly and she was like ferociously like barking at me to where like i could feel her like breath and her like spit almost and she was just like so like adamant about like getting me up like jumping on me and stuff and then i hear like the knock at the door and i hear police, police open up. And I'm like, what? Like what's going on? Like, why are the police here? So confused. But at this time I was already accumulating like 107

fever. So I was pretty much like just not in any shape or form, like making any real decisions. Cause I'm just so discombobulated of like, even what's going on. So I like throw on a hoodie and I open the door and the cop comes in and he looks at me and he's like, you're really sick. And I'm just so discombobulated of like even what's going on. So I like throw on a hoodie and I open the door and the cop comes in and he looks at me and he's like, you're really sick. And I'm like, no shit, you know, like obviously. And he looks around my apartment and I think like I didn't even have a chance to take my dog out so I'm sure there was like pee and whatever. And he's like, you're really sick, you need to call your mom.

And I'm like, okay. And then he's like, so I plugged in my phone and he just fucking left. The cop just left me. So then I like plug my phone in. I text him. I'm like, the cop just came. Obviously, I'm really sick, but I think I just have the flu. And I mean, he's a cop.

So I think if there was any real urgency he would take me to the emergency room and at that point i'm in santa monica and i'm living five minutes from saint john's like you could see saint john's from my balcony of my apartment yeah this hospital that saved my life how long had you been on the floor probably a few hours. Okay. But she was like, after speaking to her, clearly she has that motherly instinct to be like, something doesn't sit well. So I said, listen, the cop just left. Obviously, I think I'm okay.

I just need to just sleep this off. And I'll call you in the morning. And that was the last we spoke. Obviously, that doesn't sit well with her. So she feels the need to get another welfare check. She gets her husband to drive her. She just had surgery, so she was bedridden, and she was living in Riverside at the time,

which is like, it could take up to like an hour or two to even get to me. So she called all of her friends, all of my friends, called the police again to come to my apartment to like see how I'm doing or get me help or something. So once she did that, the cops came again and it took them like 30 to 45 minutes to get inside of my apartment. And they found me face down on my bedroom floor, defecated basically myself and everything around me. I was dying. I was 10 minutes from death. They rushed me to St. John's and they were like,

why is this healthy, young 24 year old girl plummeting? They didn't get it. And thank God there was an infectious disease doctor that was on call. And he said, well, does she have a tampon in? And once they located the tampon and they sent it to the lab, it came back as TSS1. And that's when they were able to finally kind of get me stable and give me the things that my body was more susceptible to accepting at that time because it was really grim. And I had two heart attacks. My kidneys, my organs were failing. They put me on life support. I had 107 fever.

They basically gave me a 1% chance of even surviving. So... TSS1. Toxic shock syndrome caused by a tampon. It's because all of these tampons, feminine hygiene products that are available for women on the market right now, if we were to go look,

they have chlorine, bleach, dioxin, all these synthetic fibers that we place inside of us at such a delicate time. And that just gets in your bloodstream and it slowly kills you. It's a gateway to everything. And those specific things are so toxic you know and then if you're using super absorbent tampons the absorbency is way more than just a normal one and even if you use a cotton tampon it's still sprayed with pesticides so there's actually nothing on the market for women that is safe for us everything has something some sort of chemical in it so so they you're in hospital they've given you a one percent

chance of of surviving of living and they've they've told your family presumably that your chance of survival is you haven't well you have a 99 chance of not surviving do you know how your family had responded to that there was a whole line around St. John's of like everyone that I knew to say goodbye to me of course my family too but like I'm from LA like I I've been around and know everyone and to see that kind of response especially during that to where like people are actually coming to say their their goodbyes and pay their respects is just insane obviously i i don't know any of that but that's that's just what i've been told but it's just pretty crazy and i was you know in a on life support fighting

for my life and each moment was was very grim you're in a a coma? Yeah, I was on life support in a coma for like a week and a half. Have you found out when, Ton, while you were in a coma in terms of the treatments they were giving you to try and keep you alive? So they gave me, they pumped me my whole body full of fluids because the toxins had taken over. So they pumped my body full of like 100 pounds of fluids.

So when I finally woke up from the coma, I was 200 pounds. So like I'm tiny. And I woke up and I was just like, I thought I literally just had one of those nights where you just eat a bunch of donuts and candy and ice cream. And I was just like, is this what happened? You know, I just had no idea why I was literally and had tubes in my throat and

machines everywhere and my mom obviously like sitting right beside me and everyone freaking out that like I'm awake and but what degree am I awake like no one specifically knew how damaged or what severity it was until I could actually like be awake to tell them or to show them. But yeah, it was really touch and go. The rest of your family, your grandparents, your brother, were they around at that time? Yeah, everyone was, all of my friends.

I mean, it was really to that point. I mean, my godfather and my mom got a casket. They were gonna plan my funeral funeral like it was to that point of like this girl probably will not make it and it's a bacterial infection yeah but it's it's it has nothing to do with leaving your tampon in too long i was changing my tampon as as normal as i've always done as normal as you should as normal as directed um but done, as normal as you should, as normal as directed. But again, I think it's about how toxic these tampons are and how they sit in our bodies. And it just takes one of those toxins

to get in our bloodstream and it starts that kind of flu-like symptoms, but that's so vague. That's so, yeah, I just think that could be in so many things. And even now I would never be able to differentiate, oh yeah, my tampon is making me sick. I would never think that. But now that I have all the information and obviously knowing that I'm just a lucky one that got away with my life, looking back on it, I'm like, wow, it's crazy that that almost killed me.

And it's killed hundreds and thousands of women since the 80s, the early 80s to now. It's still an epidemic that's never gone away. Was it by chance that that particular doctor was on call that day that asked about, does she have a tampon in? Oh, I'm so grateful because that that in itself is a miracle that there was someone that knows about toxic shock syndrome and you know understands

the dangers and was there and saw you know the symptoms that I was obviously showing and had even the idea to to ask or to look or to, you know, say this could be it. This could probably be why this girl is literally dying right before us. But it says a lot that they would ask that question. It says that there's clearly a long history of that being a causal factor for illness. If a doctor would even ask that question. But the sad thing is, is a lot of it goes misdiagnosed a lot of the time. And a lot of people just think it's,

it's doesn't happen or it couldn't happen. Or, you know, it was kind of swept under the rug by tampon companies because it's a billion dollar industry. And, you know, no one ever saw someone like myself survive it.

And then being able to say, Hey, like this is, this shouldn't be happening like this almost killed me and that's why I even shared my story to begin with is because I wanted women and I wanted the world to be aware that this is something that we shouldn't be taking lightly and that we need to demand for safer products and also demand like why is this still happening and you know obviously then it was 2012, but here we are at 2023

and young women more than ever are in danger. I read that the doctors were telling your mother to start praying that you would stay alive. Yeah. And that the doctors were praying. I think everyone was praying. It was really dark. It was like, I feel so bad for my mom because i can't even

imagine to like what degree she you know seeing me in that state and then every moment is like you know when this machine's going off you know she's literally sitting on a cot next to me just staring and hoping that i i'd even come to you know, and... You were her best friend as well at that point. Yeah. And it just probably was so hard. You start to wake up. Yeah. Can you talk to me about what happened from that point onwards when you start to regain consciousness? What did you hear? What did you see?

Again, I think when I first woke up, it was just pure shock. I didn't know why I was so big. I didn't know why I had the breathing tubes. And, um, the, the crazy thing too, is I guess during my, the whole time when I was in a coma, my, my feet were turning black slowly because a lot of the damage was done when my body was dying. So all the blood went to like my brain, my heart, my organs and my everything. And so your lower extremities or your extremities of that don't really get the blood because you're dying.

So they're gonna preserve the goods first, if that makes sense. So a lot of that damage was irreversible because I was, I don't know, on my bedroom floor alone, dying for, I don't know, a couple hours, I guess, you know. And that time, a lot of that damage was done to my lower extremities. But also, it was happening to my hands, too.

And so my hands were turning black, too. And to this day, there's no reason why any medical physician can tell me why my hands came back and I didn't have to amputate. Like they were thinking about amputating my legs and my hands while I was in the coma because they were discolored and, you know, turning kind of purplish pink. And it's pretty crazy. Like if I would have woken up and had no arms and no legs, I definitely don't think I would be here there's no way I don't think I'm that strong there's there's just no way but the idea of that is just kind of crazy that and maybe it's because you know my arms are close to my heart and the blood flow came

came easier that way but I think that's pretty crazy too. When was the first time you were aware that there was a suggestion of amputating anything? For the first time I was alone in the ICU at St. John's. And it was just me sitting there and my feet were just constantly on fire. Like it literally felt as though someone was sitting there just lighting my foot on fire. Like the burning sensation was insane. And my right leg was worse than my left. My toes on my left side were turning purplish pink. But my right side, there was a lot more damage, you could tell. And so then the concern came in of

basically they needed to amputate my right leg to save my life or I was going to die. And I had no idea about any of that. So I'm laying there, my room is empty, and there is a nurse that comes in and she's on the other side of me behind a curtain, and I can hear the conversation. And she's saying, I have a young girl here who's 24 years old who's going to need a right leg below the knee amputation, and we need to get her in bed right away and into hyperbaric as soon as possible.

So she's on the phone to UCLA to get me into UCLA because they have the best hyperbaric chambers there that basically it's like 200% oxygen that you go into and it basically just like gets everything moving and the blood floats everything and so they were trying to get me a room and I just remember hearing like I just remember like looking around and being like is she she's talking about me like she's she's saying that i'm an amputation like and i just fucking started screaming and i was screaming for my mom i was screaming for my god i was screaming for everyone i was like do not let this person do not let anyone touch me do not let this like what is she saying like tell her that's not true

like just completely unaware of like the severity of the situation for myself. And yeah, it was, that was probably the first time where I like even heard the word amputation. I can't believe you overheard it. Yeah.

It was like shocking. And then from there, I think I just was like, I'm fucking doomed because like you know being able to just walk and move and obviously being an athlete and having your legs like i couldn't even wrap my head around that like what does that even look like you overhear that behind the curtain you start screaming what happens then I think too it's like being able or just being a normal human being you never even think about what that looks like what that even entails of having to live with or having to even

you know put a leg like you, your mind doesn't even go there because why would it, you know? And so for me, just knowing what that did look like and what I knew of people with, you know, prosthetics or whatever, I just, I was like, this is not gonna happen. Like this cannot happen to me. This is not reality.

This is like a fucking nightmare that I just really hope is gonna end soon did your mother come running in you yeah she she came running in and she was just like trying to calm me but obviously it was like she probably knew too but it was just a shock it was just like how i couldn't even comprehend like what that even meant. Um, so then they were like, we need to get you to UCLA as soon as possible. So we went to UCLA. Um, and you know, it's crazy. It's like our healthcare system is so backwards too. Like I can look back and say, I'm grateful a, that I have health, that I had health insurance, but also that I knew people that I knew people in substantial places and places that could help me.

But if I didn't know them, I wouldn't have been given those luxurious like opportunities of even getting a bed in UCLA if my mom didn't know so-and-so or if my godfather didn't make this call or do you know what I mean? And it's like, that shouldn't even be a thing. Like everyone is a human being. Like there's no this or that for life. And that was kind of like really, after all of this, I was like, that's really sad that, I don't know, life is kind of picked apart, like what matters and who matters and when it matters

and what cards you can pull together you know um so just getting to ucla and in in there and getting a room and being able to like have that specific health care and that attention especially when i needed it was honestly heaven sent because i wouldn't have gotten what i got had I not been in connections with the people that I knew but yeah just getting to UCLA and immediately getting into hyperbaric and trying to see you know the severity of the damage and if it was possible to even get any blood flow but and it would be weird because I'd go into the hyperbaric chamber and it's like this huge it's probably like the size of this room and you could probably put like four or five people in it

and they would just wheel me in and I'd probably have to take some like crazy anti-anxiety medicine because it's like, it's like going to the depths of the ocean, you know, they have to turn the thing and they can't open it for anything. Like otherwise your lungs would explode and it's like, it's pretty serious. And then having to like see your feet slowly just mummify or your toes turn black and you know, this one doctor I remember she said something like, yeah, you can just go home and you know, your toes will just fall off.

And you know, like this is before i got to the doctors that i needed but that was like kind of the the shit that i was presented with of like people coming in and saying like oh well you know this is just what's gonna happen and after that happens then we'll figure it out it's like excuse me and then like making a call and being like this is absolutely like insane no way is you, that happening or. You just go home and your toes will fall off. Yeah. As if that's like just the thing.

You come out of the hyperbaric chamber. Your, I guess the hope was after coming out of the hyperbaric chamber that there'd be some kind of movement in your feet or something, right? I had to do it like three times a day for hours on end. It was not just like one thing it was just trying to see especially immediately how my body was responding and if it was responding and if there was any way they can salvage anything and at that point gangrene had set into my right leg and it was moving really really fast so that's when they were like we need to

amputate like now and if they hadn't then i would die because the infection would spread from the right leg up around the body so it was like cruising up my right leg but it somewhat was starting in my left foot too so my my toes and my heel were really badly severely damaged so from that but then i had my whole left leg but on my right side it was like slowly creeping to where I was turning purplish pink. And yeah, they were like, this is going to move quick and it's going to move to your heart and you're going to be dead. So I really didn't have an option.

A doctor said that to you? Mm-hmm. With your mother there? Mm-hmm. And they were like, you have a 50-50 chance of ever walking again as far as keeping my left side because my toes would need to be amputated. My heel needed to be debride. And knowing this now, but like your heel is probably the most important part of your entire body because there's nothing on this planet that is able to take the beating that it takes on a daily basis, whether it's standing, running, the pressure, anything, that fat or that specific skin, you can't buy that on the market. There's

nothing on the planet that can, you know, you can just grow it back or replace it or, you know, do a transplant or something of that sort. It doesn't exist. So that was a huge concern for the doctors. And as far as like me being able to go back to normal life and being able to just walk normally even if I didn't have toes which people can do but the heel was a huge like concern for theirs and me personally I was like and God rest my my godfather I wish I would have listened to him, but he was like, you should probably just do both and move on with your life and just kind of like, you know, just keep chucking. But like, I couldn't even fathom what that looked like. I was like, there's no way, there's no way. I was like, I have to do this slowly. I have to like maybe just do the one and then see what happens.

But like, there was no way I could go in there definitively and be like, just take them. So. When it becomes clear that that's the path forward, what's your initial response to the doctors when they come with the definitive answer that this is the path we have to take? How do you receive that?

How does your mom receive that? Oh, I was just like, just obviously just a nightmare, like crying, screaming, freaking out. You know, especially when I'm presented with the papers to have, you know, them do the procedure to take my life. I mean, I take my legs and it felt like my life because that's all I knew of like being an athlete, you know, being a model, looking a certain way. Everything I knew about myself was completely just out the door. I mean, I was 200 pounds. My head was shaved because my hair got matted because they were trying to save my life. And obviously no one gives a shit about your hair when you're dying. and you know here I am in a hospital room and being told that you know I'm going to enter this

operating room and come out a completely different person and losing a part of myself it was just it was so surreal and so scary and you know then I had like people coming in with prosthetics and like showing me how they're how they live their lives. And, you know, my God, my grandpa is from the army. So he was like, you know, you're just like these guys that go and get blown up. And and at that time I was so like depressed and it was such a dark time that I was like, I'm not I didn't sign up for this. This is not what I asked for. Like, I didn't sign something saying, these are the possibilities i could die i could lose limbs i i was like this is this shouldn't have fucking happened you know let alone like i'm 24 years old and now i'm having to lose a part of myself and it's something i can never ever get back i can never grow it back i can't go to a surgeon to get it like this is this is going to change my life forever and you have to sign that paper and I had and I had no choice because otherwise again it was my life it was was my leg did you consider not signing it no I was in so much pain I was in so much pain I can't even tell you. I don't even know how I made it.

Of course, I was drugged up so much and I think that was how obviously I got through it. But just to have to actually process what was about to happen, I don't think I fully even gathered until I got down and they were like, I signed the papers and they're like, "'All right, it's today's surgery day." And like wheeling me out of my room down to the floor and like me holding like a stuffed animal and just screaming and crying and like feeling like I'm doomed. You know, and then my mom is like freaking out and everyone's crying and then they write on your legs like yes and no. So like them writing yes and black marker on my leg

that I knew that was going to go. And then, you know, seeing it on my left leg of amputating my toes and to bring my heel. It was, yeah, it was just, it was a lot. I don't even think I really processed that. And then when they were wheeling me away, I just screamed for my mom to like not let them take me. And that was, yeah.

Your mother during this period, she's watching her daughter be wheeled away. You're 24 years old. You've built a life on modeling and athletics. She's watching you be wheeled away to have an amputation that day. What's her state of mind what's her sort of visible um state broken completely broken completely shattered completely just couldn't

believe that that was even what was happening and it all happened so fast because obviously you know it's it's my livelihood it's it's am I going to survive this let alone do I have time to make a decision based on am I wanting to keep my leg or not it wasn't even an option it was chaos it was complete chaos what did she say to you before you um you get wheeled into the operating room I love you and she I just remember her like grabbing herself because she was like obviously screaming crying but like trying to like not hide it from me but like she couldn't even look at me being wheeled back because she knew you know it was like she just had to like turn and just like cry and scream and hold it in as best she could to be strong um but yeah me screaming for her obviously didn't

help and I just felt like there was no control I I couldn't even just get up and run if I wanted to that's the irony of it it's like I was literally physically stuck no matter what and I was just having to do this and it was yeah it was horrible she she kissed your leg. Mm-hmm. And my feet. She kissed your leg and your feet. Mm-hmm. Before you were wilding. Mm-hmm. I mean, as a mother, you know, your newborn baby,

toes and feet and seeing, you know, you just never would think that that would ever happen, especially to your child or your loved one. I can't imagine what she was going through um because we often you know we we often think about the person who is going through the medical condition but the people around them especially people someone as close as your mother who is your best friend and you've you've lived your lives together since since you were born i can't imagine the the the sort of trauma and the, you know, the uncertainty that

she was living with as well. Like, have you, have you had conversations subsequently with her about what she went through in those moments? No, I mean, it's sad because I feel like God has blessed me so much. I'm so lucky not only to just be alive, but I have everything I can need and more. And I, I forget every single day that I don't have legs. Like, I don't even think about it. The only time I think about it is when I got to pee in the middle of the night and like, you know, going in the ocean, like there's certain things I can't do. You can't just run in there because, you know, I have metal and I have screws and I have bolts. And so like rust, but like, I don't even think about it. Never. And I don't even think about

what happened, the trauma. And a lot of that, you know, maybe it's true. Like I'm suppressed and I've just kind of moved on, but really I'm just the happiest human. But when I am with my mom, it is something where she's so fixated on the trauma, right. Of what happened. And I think it's lives with her more so than me and it's sad because I hate that because I wish that she can just live her life and know that and live and know that like I'm more than okay like God's got me and he's had me this whole time like you don't have to worry but I think as a mother and knowing the shit that I don't even fucking know that she had to go through and decisions she had to make. I mean, she was like writing down everything, calling everyone, you know, making sure that I had the best of the best, making sure she like took the notes and the nurses and the doctors. And I mean that she definitely saw and felt way more than I could even understand or you know gather from her and and I just hope that one day she can

let it go because I have you know and I just I want that freedom for her have you spoken to her about this? Yeah. But I think it's just hard. I mean, I can't imagine what she must have felt and seen. You know, it was hard. Every day was like, are we going to make it? You know, it was a lot you come out of the operating room how long were you in there uh i don't know how long i was in there but i was in there for a while and i just remember waking up and the doctor coming to me

and he's like um basically my heart freaked out during the operation because I had two heart attacks when I first went into the hospital. So my heart was already kind of freaking out and not in the best state. And then through the operation, I think some complications or something happened. So I woke up and I'm sitting there

and I won't look at my leg. I didn't, I probably didn't look at my leg for months. Like I couldn't even acknowledge that that even happened. So I just remember sitting up and being like not even acknowledging it. The doctors are coming in and talking to me and they're telling me that I had, you know, some sort of complication. They're like, so Lauren, for the next 24 hours, we cannot give you any pain medicine. This is right after I had my leg amputated, like chopped off. And he's like, I guess basically because of all the medicine and stuff,

like something about they couldn't, I don't know, it was about me staying alive and not like having my my heart freak out, having another heart attack or whatever. I don't really remember the gist of it because clearly I was so not even really present. But when I heard those words, I was just like, what? So literally for 24 hours, they put me in my own little room. And I felt every single thing that was done to me. I was throwing shit.

I was screaming. I was crying. I felt like a shark had just fucking ripped through my leg. And yeah, like my mom couldn't be in the room. Like no one could be because I was just screaming and crying and just freaking out. Because like not only was that traumatic enough having to like have my leg chopped off but then to have to really feel what was just done to me and have like have to actually just deal with it was on another level and that's something like a lot of people don't know but that was really crazy it's just unimaginable it's just like

you've used the word god quite a few times were you religious before this happened and are you religious are you still religious now yeah i definitely i definitely was i mean i'm not like you know i just i believe in a higher power i believe i believe in god i believe that you know there's something definitely directing my steps like i would not be here if there wasn't there's no way i would be alive if there wasn't a purpose for my life and there is definitely obviously now I can say that but like going through all of that um I think there definitely was a moment when I was pissed at God and didn't understand why this had happened um but I know that in the process of like going through depression and suicide and even having those thoughts every morning when I get in the shower and I have to get on like a little stool in the shower.

I'd wheel myself to the shower, which is another thing. I was in a wheelchair for eight months, which is crazy. And my foot, my left foot was still questionable. I didn't have the right leg, but that's kind of just where I was after I left the hospital. But every day I would wheel myself into the shower, get myself on a stool and just fucking scream and cry

and just yell at God and wanting to like think about ways I could kill myself and my life that day. And every day that I did that, something inside was like, just hold on on there was something that just like in my in my soul was like just hold on and i mean it all makes sense now but for those moments it was definitely like hard just hold on yeah and i and trusting the process and trusting and believing that like you know this madness is this temporary and this is it all but just makes sense just just hold on kid just like don't don't don't

pull the trigger and you seriously considered that during those times i mean obviously not pulling a trigger i didn't have a gun but if I did have access to one, I'm sure I probably wouldn't be here. It was to that extent of like every day, you know, waking up and just couldn't even believe or even know how in the hell I got to where I was. You know, 200 pounds, head shaved, one leg, another leg that's questionable. Just the excruciating pain that i was in and just life continuously moving right everything's happening and i'm just having to stand still sit still and and be present with this nothingness but just darkness and it was

my mom and i and my little brother and i just he would be the first one coming home every day and every time I thought about killing myself I always thought like he would be the first one to find me and and obviously my mom too but like not having them have to live with that for the rest of their life. I think really it was like, I couldn't do that. So obviously it never happened, but it was, it was for sure. And every moment thought, especially like, and just being in so much pain and like having every part of yourself removed sorry i don't know why i'm crying but yeah when i hear your story i you know and this is think, why I asked the question about faith and God, is it feels just like the deepest injustice. You know, it feels just like such a deep injustice.

And it feels, for that to happen to you, my head just goes, you know, like, how is this fair? And then to hear the suffering that you endured from then after i just i just can't understand the world where someone puts a tampon in and then they have to endure such suffering and it just it's hard to make sense of like even for me hearing it i just can't make sense of a world where that that could happen to someone what what what are your thoughts at that moment about this point of injustice are you feeling a sense of injustice are you asking yourselves the questions i think back then i was so concerned with every moment and surviving every moment and trying to just live um that i didn't really think of how fucked up this is that you know i'm doing a documentary and so i have like

90 hours of footage that was filmed during this whole process because i was going to die because of damages because of damages, because of the reality of just documenting everything that I had to go through and the trauma of it all. And when I look back on it and I see myself, my 24-year-old self, especially in that state, it's really sad because I'm like, I was so innocent and I was so young and I had this entire life and journey ahead of me. And it was like, how did I deserve that? Just crazy.

Like I didn't do anything wrong. I was using the product as I should. I did everything I was supposed to. And it's just crazy that that is so powerful and toxic. And again, it's almost sad because, again, I'm the lucky one that I'm here being able to speak about this. But there are so many women that you'll never see. You'll never hear their stories. You'll never see their faces.

You'll never hear the trauma they experienced because they're no longer here. And so it's my duty to A, share my story, but B, inform the world that this is inhumane. And it's just, it could easily be prevented. But again, it's greed, it's cost efficiency, it's money. You know, I always say in my interviews, if men's dicks were falling off tomorrow, that wouldn't happen. So why is it women are having to fight for everything, let alone what we do with our bodies,

let alone with the products that we are given for something that we are just naturally having to do every month for 40 something years. You know, why are we not a priority? Like, why are we not protected and upheld to the stature of men? We're 50% of the population. And also we make life. We create life.

It just seems so crazy to me. But again, we're in 2023 and those men are still making decisions about what women do with their bodies and their choices on how they, you know, approach what they want to do with themselves in their lives it's it's crazy you come out of hospital you're in your wheelchair bound for eight months um you're living at home at this point yeah with my mom and my brother yeah what impact does it

have on your brother he's he's 10 years younger than you so he's what 14 15 year old kid um he is now firsthand he's got a first sort of person perspective to real trauma and suffering and someone he loves and at 14 you know i can't even imagine i mean i think that's also why there's a lot of um i think it's hard i've realized in my situation that everyone that was with me in those moments, it was so heavy and dark for such a long period of time. Again, like you said prior, it's not just about me going through the situation. It affects every single person. It's like a domino effect.

And everyone's going to deal with it differently. And a lot of people, especially then being so young, you know, just have to go through even that with me, not even experiencing firsthand was traumatic, you know, so let alone my 14, 15 year old brother who's having to see, you know, their sister in this state, you know, and then having to be so depressed and so angry and just pushing and punching everything away from me as far as I could because I didn't want to be here anymore. And him having to experience that I'm sure has taken a toll. And it makes me sad because it's, it's just, this whole thing is, is, is just so dark and

it just goes back to yeah it just affects everyone differently and and I'm lucky that I've been able to get to this place because you know I've I've done a lot of the work I've had to actually sit with myself and deal with it but it's hard to go there it's hard to to dig deep and to have to face the reality of of what you faced especially in those moments and who knows when that will be and if that will ever be but you know what for those you mean for those around you yeah if they'll also go sit and do the work yeah and like I think too it's like to see me in such a place now where I'm okay I think a lot of people forget like that I that I went through that too like they just see me now and like

everything's great but and I see myself now and everything's great but again I I'm at a different place when a lot of people still have to maybe sit with the things that I maybe wasn't aware of or I was in a coma or what you you know, the decisions and the talks that happened when, you know, it was, it was crucial to my wellbeing and to even if I was going to survive or not. When you came out of hospital and you spent the next eight months in a wheelchair in real pain, depressed, what were your prospects for life in your own from your own perspective what were you thinking your life was if you thought about the future if at all what was the future for you in those moments i didn't have one i i definitely i think that's

also why i was so suicidal is because i had this life you know i had everything at my fingertips i was able to do everything and anything um and there were so many goals that i wanted to achieve and to to i just wanted to live my life i just thought like i just had so many hopes and dreams that in that moment of like sitting in my darkest room because I didn't want to see the world, I had it like completely blacked out. And having to and just do the simplest things and to a be looked at differently um just things that we as people who are able to just be able-bodied or have prosthetics or move or or whatever how that challenges them you know and then face a world that kind of just looks at them and and kind of doesn't in a way. It's hard.

Like, I don't think if I had to be in a wheelchair, would I be that strong mentally? It takes a really strong person mentally to be, to live that type of life. And I hold the utmost respect for anyone that has to live in a wheelchair or be in a wheelchair because you're fucking a rockstar and so strong. And for those eight months, I was just like, there's no way I can live my life like this. There's no way I can, it's just not accessible. The world is not accessible. I learned that, it's just not. And it's, and then you're just looked down upon,

which is just crazy because you're really so strong to have to, you know, just face the world every day. What is that like? You said you look down upon. What did you learn about the way that people in wheelchairs are viewed? Or just people with disabilities in general. I think it's just like, there's just like stigma of incapable because you maybe look

a certain way or because you're confined in a certain space or the world is not built for that. The world is built for, you know, run in, walk stairs, you know, a shower, even just step like people forget that there are people who can't do those things. And there are a lot of the time left out. And in those moments, I've learned that because I faced it myself. I think in my journey, it's interesting because like I've had to face so many different parts of life and lived so many lives for maybe shorts amount of time.

But at least in those moments, I've been able to relate and to live with maybe something that someone does have to live with forever and how strong you have to be and what it takes every day to face a world that isn't really made for you or accepting of you or just because you look a certain way, you're immediately judged or just seen as you can't do it.

And that's not true. Were you going outside during that eight months? Barely. I hid myself. I didn't even, like, yeah, maybe just to, like, somewhat get my my dog outside my mama kind of forced me but i wouldn't i would just definitely want to stay in my own little world as dark as possible and just hide as dark as possible yeah because i didn't i didn't want to see outside because i couldn't go outside like i used to look at people with legs and be so pissed because I'm like, why do they have their legs and I don't? Because you're so depressed and so like,

just in this zone of like, you don't want to live anymore, let alone like, you're angry at the world because just of life because you can't live it the way that you used to. And yeah, you just you just it was just a really dark time of trying to figure out again why am I here what am I doing is there a place for me I didn't think I would ever be accepted by the modeling world at all let alone looked at let alone find love genuine love um i again i didn't even think of life i just thought of how can i get out of this misery and that's why i was like just contemplating suicide daily every day i was just like how can i do this it's it's really um it's really it's really just really hard to think about when you see no light at the end of the tunnel for such a long period of time like there's never been been through hard things in my life but there's always been a glimmer of light even at the end of a tunnel

and to be in a situation where you're waking up every day and there is no light at the end of the tunnel as far as you can see. But carrying on regardless. Well, also, my foot was questionable. So I'm having to go to wound care. I'm having to go to hyperbaric every day. My whole entire world shattered and I'm just sitting there with the pieces. And then I'm just in excruciating pain. I mean, the pain that I lived with for even seven years before I made the decision to amputate my second leg, I had, because I was so young, my body was overproducing so much

calcium that my bones, even though I didn't have toes anymore, my bones were literally protruding out my skin, like pushing and trying to basically fix the damage by like growing new toes, but it's impossible. So I would have to go in and they would have to amputate that. So I'd have to get my, that cut out of me as well. I had to do that surgery twice. I'd have to go to wound care every, every Monday, every other Monday, because my heel was so badly damaged that again, like I told you with the skin, there's no skin on this planet that's strong enough. So I had to do apple grafts, which is basically maybe for skin, because that's the only skin that's tough enough. And they did two transplants of that on my heel and then hyperbaric to try to get you know everything to kind of come together but even doing that I would my sweat glands are really damaged so

I would sweat and then the they would just kind of get really hard and stay there and I'd have to surgically get them removed every Monday and I was just like in so much pain because there was no fat pads even on on the bottom of my where the toes would be so i'm just on bone so every time i'm stepping i'm just like it's just excruciating pain it just felt like um you know when you have a toothache it's like that consistent throbbing pain that you can't get rid of, obviously, until you go to the dentist. But that was something that I lived with for seven years. It's crazy. I don't know how I did it. But I just thought that I had my whole leg. And I'm that type of person that needs to exhaust

all of my options before I make a decision. And that's something that I just had to do. But in a way, I wish I would have taken my godfather's advice in that moment of being like, just take them both. Because yeah, I can sit here now and say that probably would have been the best answer, but would have I survived and not killed myself? I don't know. But I think gradually doing one and learning how to live and to adapt and, you know, just how to have a prosthetic in general and to all the capabilities and things I can do. I had to kind of learn as a slow process in a way, I think. That was my life for seven years. I don't know how I did it. How did you do it?

I did it my faith also knowing that i have this purpose that i have to you know scream out in the toppest mountain that i possibly can find and yell and and get people to pay attention and i think realizing that i'm just a lucky one really gives me the fight for these next generations to come to not allow this to ever happen again to another soul and to hopefully change the world to where that this is not an issue anymore and it may take my entire life but that is my purpose did you get therapy during that period those eight months was there any sort of psychological support yeah definitely i had a lot of that um and it's interesting because during that process obviously it was i was so dark and so just not wanting to be here but the one consistent thing

which is the irony of it all is like my grandpa telling me about the um the veterans that that come back and and all this stuff and just me being like, no, no, no, I don't understand that. I don't understand that comparison. Then my therapist at the time was working at the VA and she was like, you know what? You should really come talk to some of these guys and see, you know, how they're living their lives. I was just like, no, this is not the same. Cut to my prosthetic guy, Peter Harsh, who's incredible. He's down in San Diego.

He's an angel. Like he's just the best at what he does. His name is Peter Harsh. What does he do? He's my prosthetist. Prosthetist. But he's like the best in the world and literally an angel. I got recommended to go down to him because I'm an athlete and I, you know, I'm young and I'm active and I want to live my life. And so he would be setting me up for that lifestyle that I'd want. And he's the guy to see. So I got recommended to go to him. But in that time period of having to sit kind of like this, but around a table in his office or his

facility, he's dealing with a lot of the veterans and he's the one that gets them and fights the VA to get them taken care of. And it's just so interesting that I've had to sit in this chair amongst all of these amazing individuals and hearing their stories and learning about the fight and just the resilience of them. And finally seeing what everyone was kind of saying

as far as the comparison or like you are just like them and me never understanding. But the common denominator, when I look around the room is we didn't kill ourselves. We are alive. We chose to live. And we all had that moment in our journeys. However, we lost our legs to want to give up, to want to pull the trigger, to want to end it all. And we fought to be in that chair. And that was like, it just came so first full circle for me. And it was just like this beautiful kind of like aha moment of like, roll with the punches of life, regardless of how they come at you. It's about, you know how you react to it what's your choice going to be

and to know that we all made that choice is like you know incredible not an easy choice to make there isn't that acceptance you describe no i think that's kind of that's kind of what i'm i'm really i'm really curious about is the journey one goes on where they, at first, they try and fight the thing that's happened to them. And then that whole contemplation around the injustice, why me? This was preventable. This is unfair. You're looking out your window, you said, and seeing people with legs. And I read that you were even annoyed at the sunshine. You go through that chapter, which is, is it's a real it's a conflict right it's a conflict with oneself and the nature of what's happened and then at some point you

arrive over this other side where you use the word acceptance you kind of accept it and you make as you said a choice you realize that there's a choice you can make um that whole journey because you know whether someone's had an amputation or not, there's so many people in their lives right now that are, something's happened to them. They're feeling that sense of injustice. You know, they're going through the motions of blame or guilt or whatever it might be to try and understand how it was avoidable. But the journey from that place, the conflict place to this acceptance, what, you know, what does it take for us to get to acceptance faster? I guess is my question because acceptance

seems to be a much happier place. I mean, time, time, time, you can't rush it. You have no control over it. And I think that's when it's those moments when you have to sit in it, sit with it, feel it, feel every part of it. And you have to figure out what are you going to do with what you have and what you've been given. And, you know, I had to do that. I didn't have a choice. I didn't want to be in a wheelchair. And I saw, you know, my only option was a prosthetic. But how was I going to, you know, make it cool or make it me or make it, you know, something that I could feel like, all right, like, this is my new self. This is my new chapter. This is my new beginning. It was more so like, I needed to see it as a challenge first, because that's how my mind operated of like lauren you have no other fucking choice you're either gonna be depressed and kill

yourself and end it or you're gonna get the fuck up and figure out what you're gonna have to do to survive and live the best life that you know you deserve and it was just a slow process slow like i wish i could put the fast forward and be like, what I know now I knew back then, but it's impossible. Every part of my journey and everything that I've been through has gotten me to this place. Every part has shaped me and molded me into who I am right now. And a lot of that had to do with me doing the work and processing

and, again, seeing that our physical beings is nothing. It doesn't matter. It's like a shiny object but you can be the most beautiful person but you can be the most sad unfulfilled ugly person you know I mean it just it doesn't mean anything it's about what you do on this planet not just for yourself but for. How can you leave that impact? And that's kind of like how I now live my life every day is because, again, everyone is fighting something every day. And a lot of those wounds you can't see. It's mental. It's trauma that you'll never speak about or talk about or whatever, but you are internally having to deal with and face on a daily basis. And I think if anyone sees me,

if I'm just getting out of my car, if I'm walking to get coffee or I'm laughing, I'm hanging, whatever, you see me on the cover of something, Google me, whatever. And you see that I didn't just wake up and get here, that I too had all of those feelings, that depression, that state of mind of not wanting to be here, but not allowing that to define me and to define the future that I knew that I could have for myself. You got to see that even though things are very small, those big celebrations of even just getting up the next day, even though you don't want to, or, you know, facing something super hard or pushing yourself out the door when you don't want to, or, you know, not taking the pills that are in front of you and ending it. That waking up the next day is a new day that like you made it from that point. So it's just about gradually building onto that. Every, every little little challenge is a success that you've overcome and it adds up over

time and then soon enough you'll be in a place where you're like looking back and being like wow i did that and i think that's the beauty of like life and the darkest times really mold us for the people that we're supposed to be. It's so incredible because, you know, everyone in their own lives feels like they've overcome something, right? And the degrees in which the mountains that they've overcome are all different sizes. And that's why your advice there is so unbelievably important and powerful because it is life advice for us all. It's not someone who has an amputation advice in that I saw, as you were speaking, I saw all of the struggles I've been through in my life and the process, the things you were saying about time, community, meeting other people that have

been, been through hardships that you can relate to and that making you feel like you belong and you're understood and your plight is is um a human plight you're not you know broken or or or there's nothing wrong with you this is what it is to be a human i was as you were speaking as well i was thinking about this idea of strength and it's so tempting to say oh my god you're so strong and in any in the context of how someone might view you and say, you've got incredible strength, which you have, there's also this other side of using the word strength, which makes me feel a bit uncomfortable because when we think of strength,

sometimes we think of like, just kind of like buckle up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But actually I think from what I've learned from doing this anyway, the path to strength is actually often being okay to be vulnerable and be what some people might describe as quote unquote weakness, which is like being willing to talk and being willing to cry and being willing to hold your hands up and say, I need help. And it's almost ironic that that's the path to strength, that sometimes a vulnerability and saying i need help is the path to does that make sense yeah but it's also owning it being able to like be like this is what it is and and you know patience and time and once you understand that you can't rush that

especially when something physical happens to you can't rush the human body to heal right away. It's impossible. So I really had no choice. It was like, I had to feel, I had to sit with it. I had to use a wheelchair. I had to use a stool for a shower. I had to, you know, learn how to walk without a limp. I, you know, I, I, I had to force myself to do the uncomfortable, but we only grow in the uncomfortable if we're feeling fine and great and everything's dandy we're not growing we're just staying the same you make the decision some years later i think six or seven years later that you um you wanted to amputate the second leg your left leg why i wanted my life back i I wanted my freedom. I was turning 30 and I was like, I want to be a mom. I'm an athlete. I want to just be able to run. I want to feel the wind in my hair, you know, the wind on my face. I just want to be able to move. Movement is so important. And I wasn't able to do that with that leg. It was holding me back. It was holding me

back from living my truth. And I knew it was the best decision that I was going to make for myself. And it is, I never, ever look back and say, oh, I shouldn't have done it. I more so look back and say, I should have done it sooner. Or I wish I would have done it sooner, I guess. On the Today Show, you said losing your first leg saved saved your life and losing the second leg gave you your freedom which is so interesting it's such a it's such an interesting um unexpected thing to hear that losing your second leg is the thing that allowed you to have your freedom how did life change once you'd made that decision and you'd gone through that operation? So I didn't have toes and then my heel was still just,

it just would never be normal again. And it was just like, why am I going? This is not living. I'm just getting by. I'm just waking up and going to the doctors or I'm not going for a run. I'm not going to go and play basketball. I'm not going to go and play basketball. I'm not going to be able to just walk down the street comfortably. You know, I definitely

even like right in the beginning, like I would wear hoodies and sweatpants. I mean, you can see the heat wave here right now. That's kind of what I was in. But I was in like, you know, huge sweatshirt, huge sweatpants, making sure like no one could see that I didn't have a leg because I was so scared of what other people would think I I just was ashamed of myself I was ashamed of what happened I didn't I just didn't know what was happening or what would happen next because it was so unknown so I was just trying to like still i guess live in this world that i thought was of that girl but i was no longer that girl and this was your god was your godfather's advice was to at the time when you first had the incident first happened your godfather's advice was to

amputate both legs yeah and by the time you you'd gone through that decision to amputate the left leg as well was your godfather still around? He was around, but then shortly after he died in a horrific car accident, which was really crazy because he literally sat with me every single day, you know, hoping and praying that I would survive, you know, playing Bob Marley's Three Little Birds and singing to me, you know, playing Bob Marley's Three Little Birds and singing to me,

you know, and then cut to he's killed and I'm okay. So it was just like how that happened is insane. But. And he was like your father. Yeah. He was incredible. He was one of the biggest sports agents in the world for basketball. And he was just like 007, like so swaggy, so cool. Like, you know, had the asthma. And he just lived this like cool lifestyle and was just the coolest guy and was so smart and loving and sweet. And yeah, just everything I didn't have within a fatherly figure he definitely was my rock um in that aspect of life up until you know the very end how does how does how does

losing him impact you at that that point in your life it was hard it was just like I literally had just amputated. So I was on crutches. I just bought a house. So I was like really wanting him to come over and see it. And, you know, I saw a voicemail that I missed his call and the voicemail was like, hey, let me know like when I can come over and finally see, you know, the crib and check it out and blah, blah. And it was like, that was it. And then then like I think a few days later he died but it's just it's just crazy because I know he's proud of me and I know that like I have so many angels that I carry with me and I just know that he's he's along on this journey I know he's super proud of me so if i can you know i live with that so and he has an amazing little son that's the best as well so he's he's still here in a lot of different ways and he's aware how much he helped you throughout through that period

i think he's still really young but i but, but it's interesting because like, you know, for kids to see me like kind of like a robot or like a superhero, you know, I walk out and I just see these gold legs. And it's like, it's interesting because a lot of kids at first don't even notice them. And then when they do, then they're just fixated. Then they're just like staring. And then they're just like, there was just one little boy. I remember being in in switzerland in the airport and he literally sat on top of his suitcase kept rolling up his pant leg looking at his leg looking at me looking at his leg looking at me and then i remember his mom was like you know can he can he ask you a question or something i was

like of course like he came over and then he started to like try to race me in the airport because they wanted to see how fast i was and then he was like touching my course. So like he came over and then he started to like try to race me in the airport because he wanted to see how fast I was. And then he was like touching my leg and feeling it. I was like, I'm like a superhero. I'm like a robot. And he's like, yeah. And then at the end of it, he's like tugging on his mom's shirt. And he's like, he's like, mommy, mommy, I want a golden leg.

And I was just like, yeah, yeah, that's pretty cool. I must say. But again, that's just like, I've learned too. It's like in this journey that owning it and accepting it and being okay with it, it only attracts people's curiosity instead of shunning them away or making them feel like they shouldn't ask the questions. And especially with young kids, their brains are like sponges and they're curious. And a lot of people, you know, that may look different, Their mothers or their parents are probably like, don't look, don't stare. And that's not what you should do. Let them ask the questions.

Like I'm an open book, but like, I think giving little kids that idea of there is something wrong, don't ask, don't question. It should be like, you should ask the questions and you should wonder because that kid now is going to see someone like myself or just think that I'm the coolest thing on the planet instead of leaving thinking that there's something wrong or that I'm incapable or unable to do something. So I think it just, the perception of, I think how you just carry yourself is really important because you don't know who's watching and it's usually the ones that like are in the you know the little ones and those are the ones that are this next generation or the generations to come golden legs golden legs why golden um it was 2012 obsessed with Rihanna um and the irony of of rihanna is that my mom had got me

tickets to go see her and i was so depressed and in a wheelchair and i was so embarrassed and i was like i'm not gonna go so i didn't go cut to she hires me for savage and it was just so like full circle moment for me too because i'm like Rihanna's hiring me for her brand. And I was so embarrassed to go to a concert. Just crazy life. But anyway, now she's married to Ace or, you know, has babies with Aesop. And Aesop was the reason why I chose the golden legs because he had the golden grill. Like he was all about that, especially at that time.

That was his thing, his gold teeth. And I was like, you know what? I may not have gold teeth right now, I'm gonna get some gold legs and it's kind of just been my thing and I love gold I love gold jewelry and I have a grill too I've you know so many different things but like my legs are they're my jewelry piece they're like my trophies it's also a statement of um of the kind of where you were with the acceptance piece because you went from the sweatpants where you're trying to hide to the gold where you're like look at this look how cool this is it's a real it's a kind of a real psychological journey to to get from there to there yeah and i think it's just about again

finding and making it your own and figuring out what works for you and how like you know and i'm also that was zero zero one percent that is so lucky to be able to have the access to the prosthetics that allow me to move the way i do that allow me to walk the way i do you know prosthetics are so expensive um and tell me that because i'm in obviously i don't know about prosthetics in terms of prosthetics are so expensive. Tell me that, because I'm in, obviously I don't know about prosthetics in terms of detail. So prosthetics are really expensive because like the feet are what allow you to do everything. Right. And healthcare, like God forbid,

someone goes and get hit by a car tomorrow, they're just given the basic needs that are going to be met, which is just like a peg leg that just gets you from point A to point B. Anything that's allowing you to basically get back to your livelihood, meaning running, biking, swimming, any of that stuff, going into the ocean even, that's a luxury considered. So healthcare doesn't really provide you with that option. So I'm grateful that I'm, that I'm sponsored by Oster, who's a prosthetic company out of Iceland, that they're so advanced and so like ahead of the game that they've made my feet to where it's like the blade is like an ankle to where like the mobility and flexibility is just like, as if I had a foot, um, my blades are my running blades. Um, they're like $125,000 and that's just to run, just to run. And I mean,

these are expensive to my legs are probably like a hundred thousand dollars, but these are just because the feet and then, you know, the technology that goes into them and then, you know, the whole leg or whatever. It's a process. And it's also just sad that I'm lucky that someone can't just get back to their life. Like that's why this foundation called Challenge to Athletes Foundation, CAF, and they work with getting their people their lives back by getting them legs that they need to get back to just living their everyday life so I want to come back to this um what caused all of this you've been campaigning for some time you've spoken to government officials about how to prevent this happening to other people. Zooming in specifically on what causes TSS,

it's the synthetic chemicals that are put into tampon products that a lot of big brands still have on shelves all around the world today. I'm an idiot when it comes to tampons. So if you had to explain this to an idiot. So basically a tampon, it goes inside of us at a really delicate moment when our body is, we're bleeding, we're trying to get that blood out, but yet we're putting something in us.

That's basically like a corkscrew and all of that blood that needs to get out is stuck there. And it's creating this perfect storm along with the dioxin, the chlorine, the bleach, all of these chemicals that are, that shouldn't be anywhere near us, let alone inside of us, and it creates the perfect storm. So once that even, a sliver of that even gets in your system and your bloodstream, because it is like the mecca of everything, it can go straight to your heart and kill you. And, you know, that's basically what we're saying is

like why are you giving us something that is so toxic with all these chemicals even if it says it's organic it's still sprayed with pesticides and then we're putting that inside of us and it's like it's just like a petri dish of of yeah like just the perfect storm the has it changed your perspective on all of these other cosmetic products we use in our lives you know like deodorant everything yeah because everything has something in it i think even with the food you know and and the thing is like these girls nowadays are getting their periods at such a young age eight nine ten years old because of all the hormones in the food. So then they're using these products

way sooner than we would when I was younger. And they don't even have the antibodies to fight the toxins in the tampons. So they're the ones that are more susceptible to even getting toxic shock syndrome. So, and a lot of these young women nowadays are getting endometriosis, polyps, cysts, cancer, you know, way earlier than ever, ever before. Because they're using these products way before they probably should.

Why do you think they're still on sale, these products and is there when you see that the products that you caused all of this harm to you are still on shelves right now how does that make you feel infuriating because i'm just like how is it the thing is for me it's it's about being transparent right cigarettes if you go to to purchase cigarettes and you look there's sometimes there's a picture it's uncomfortable to see but at least that's your choice you're making the choice to use cigarettes and you look, there's sometimes there's a picture it's uncomfortable to see, but at least that's your choice. You're making the choice to use that product. You're not giving women choices. You're not like being honest about what's going in your product and what it's going to do to us. If I use it for a day, a month, a year, what is that going to do to my body internally? What issues may I develop? You know, again, why also are we having

to use products that are just full of toxicity instead of using something that could easily be changed? But it's because it's money. It's easier for them to pay out lawsuits or to do all of that stuff than to change all the machines. The development of the tampon has actually never been changed. The tampon is the same as it's always been. The only thing that was changed is the advertising, the packaging, the commercials. I was always pissed at the commercials because I'm like, how is there a girl running on a beach, going down a slide, running track, doing all this this stuff but there's no warning at the bottom of a tampon commercial of what that product can do to you let alone you watch an

advo commercial or a men's enhancement commercial and if you're not looking at the commercial you're hearing it it's a medical device do you think that's their approach to it that they're well aware of the potential harm these products can cause but they'd rather just pay the lawsuit than do the expensive work of changing the product yeah a thousand percent this shouldn't be happening it doesn't need to be happening but there's been no you know no uh accountability and that's why, you know, I'm having to be in this position where I can share my story, share the story of others, you know, work with this woman trying to wake up Congress to like, say, hey, why is this still happening? What's going on here? You've been campaigning to have laws changed, to have, you've done, I mean, a tremendous job,

probably more so than anyone else that's ever lived to raise awareness for this issue. What can be done? What do you want to see done to prevent this happening to other people? Yeah, I've, unfortunately, fortunately and unfortunately, I have been working with a mother

who lost her teenage daughter to toxic shock syndrome, I think when she was about 18. Madeline Masabi. Through the darkness and through the trauma of all of that, we've really joined forces and wanting to change the world and wanting to advocate and wanting to pass these bills that are necessary for us to be protected. And it's taken a lot of time and a lot of energy. And she's doing a lot of the groundwork, like starting her foundation, DontShockMe.org. There's bills that we are working on to pass. There was a bill called the Robin Danielson Act, which was named after a woman who died of toxic shock syndrome in 1998. And that bill in itself got rejected by Congress 10 times. And cut to Don and I meeting with the Congresswoman, Carolyn Maloney in New York a few years ago, to try and get that bill reintroduced. Me sitting with the Congresswoman and having the conversation about why is this still happening? And if that bill had passed, this probably wouldn't have happened to me. And I had her speak

to Don, the woman who lost her daughter, because I'm like, listen to this woman crying and screaming because she will never get to hear her daughter's voice again. See her daughter ever again because of this. So it was just kind of getting this congresswoman to like realize like, let's reintroduce this bill. But there's also so many things that we need to reintroduce and also address within Congress that has to change. So her and I have definitely joined forces and have kind of been putting together new bills and, and, you know, again, it's, it's going to take time and it's not going to happen overnight, but it's definitely in motion and. Alternatives.

A lot of the alternatives that women do have they can still get tss from like the cup but that that i've i've had women reach out to me you know their husbands writing me saying my wife of three kids is fighting for her life right now in the ICU from using the cup. Or, you know, a lot of women want to say like, I'm using organic tampons. It's like, okay, you're using organic, but it's still sprayed with pesticides. You're still putting poison inside of you. What is the approach you would advise? I think just being aware of what you're putting inside of you, being aware of, you know, are you reading the box and seeing that it has all these chemicals?

And, you know, do you really want that to be just being, I guess, more just being more aware, not just thinking that it can't happen to you because it can happen to anyone at any time. It's not about anyone's off limits. No one is off limits. That's the scary part. And yeah, I mean, just be more aware, educate yourself. That's the advice you would give if a young girl's listening to this now. Because I imagine this is a really pressing question

in the people that are listening to this in their minds is what should I do instead? Well, that's why I fight so hard is because I need women to wake up and say like, well, what is our alternative? What do we do? But we're only given what we're given and what we're given is shit and it's horrible

and it kills us. That's why I say it doesn't make sense. Like if this were happening to men, there would be a resolution tomorrow. Because a lot of these companies are male driven. There's a lot of men sitting in the seats that are making these decisions or have the power to, but they don't even know what it's like to have a period. They don't even know what it's like to have a baby, to have to make a decision if they're going to keep it or not. You know, it's not anyone's decision but that don't they're that own they're the person that's going through it i guess my

question is about like you still we've still got to use tampons right so like you you've got you i can never and i don't i can never use tampon ever again. It would kill me. It would kill you? Yeah. Do you mean literally or you mean psychologically? No, I mean, I would never anyway, but I'm just saying like that literally almost killed me. So why would I ever want to, you know, have that thing even in the same room as me? You know? Yeah, I can never, nor would I ever

suggest anyone to. I mean, I get it, you have to, but again, that sucks because those are the only options we have. Even pads, you know, a lot of pads have synthetic fibers as well, you know? The issue is there actually is nothing safe for us that we can use and go through the day and be like oh you know just doing life and there's no worries it's like no you have to have that consciously on your mind of like oh yeah like this thing could kill me but i have to use it because i i have track today or i have to go swimming or i have you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Forgiveness, this topic, this word of forgiveness, what's your, you know, I was thinking about what you said about the, the, you wouldn't want to be in the same room as that,

that thing because it killed you because, because it nearly killed you. Um, what do you think the answer is in terms of like acceptance, forgiveness? Where do you sit with, there's this tremendous injustice that happens to you is the answer trying to get to a place of forgiveness for what happened is it acceptance and what what is what is where are you at with all of that forgiveness for who for the companies that know that they're killing people? No. It's just greed. And forgiveness, I don't even know what I would forgive other than, I don't even know if there is forgiveness. I think there's just anger. There's just this fight. There's just this unjust that sits within me to know that when I see a little girl walking down the street, I see myself. And I see her little feet. I see a little girl walking down the street, I see myself and I see her little feet. I see her little legs.

I see her whole spirit. And to know that that was me, you know, and not ever wanting that to ever happen to another soul. And I think that that's like just my whole mindset of there is always going to be unjust within myself if i don't live my truth by fighting for what i believe is right and what i believe is right is equality and safe products you've done more than anyone i've ever encountered as i said a second ago to raise awareness for. And I remember when my team back in London, they were sat around and they were discussing,

you know, we said, oh, we're flying out to LA and Lauren's going to be on the podcast. And Jemima, who does a lot of our, she leads the guest booking team. She was explaining to them what toxic shock syndrome is because none of them had ever heard about it before.

And just to think about that one isolated example, that there's a whole team, there's a whole room full of people in London now that know about it because we're having this conversation. There's millions, tens and tens and tens and tens of millions of people that have watched you talk about this online.

You have done more than anyone I've ever encountered to put this on the public's radar, and you continue to do that. And in doing so, it is very, very obvious to see how you will end up saving many, many, many, many, many people's lives. You'll save them from harm, you'll save their lives entirely, you'll save them from the trauma that happens as a byproduct of the horrible things that happen when someone undergoes toxic shock syndrome and i know because you've described your faith that you are someone who almost has an air of believing in destiny and purpose and and things about you with it in mind all of the people that you've helped and how you've put this this conversation on the map would you change anything

absolutely not if you told me tomorrow that i could wake up and have my life back i wouldn't take it because what i'm doing is like you said's fulfillment. It's the fact that I know that I'm doing something that needs to be done. I'm fighting for life, for people to be able to live their lives, to be able to, you know, like, go about their days and live out whatever it is they want to achieve and know that it's, you know, I don't know. I just, I feel like that's my job. My job isn't done by any means. You know, and I, and I'm,

I'm making a documentary right now or going to, but there was no reason why I should share anything with anyone because I don't need to. And it's horrific what I went through and it's hard to even imagine, but I can be on a million covers. I can do a million interviews. You can see images and this, that, and the other, but unless you see me and you hear me in that state will you ever be able to put someone you love in that position to be like wow what is going on why is this happening i never want my daughter my sister my cousin my wife you know to ever use a tampon again do you know what i'm saying like someone has to see me fighting for my life to be able to put themselves in a position to be protective of the ones they love. Right? Because again, it matters. And I think that is too why I got so much attention is because I am what I look like. And how did that happen feel in my heart that like when I see a little girl, I need to be vulnerable to showcase that part of my journey in my life to remind people of why I am the girl with the golden legs.

Which can't, but it is. I mean, in a way it is. It's because I'm okay with who I am and where I've come and knowing that that's part of what allowed me to be this person right now, you know, and having to go through all of that. But even sitting here and having this conversation with me where you have to walk back down the path of that trauma. trauma i mean the only time i got emotional is when i speak about my brother or my mom and killing myself and them finding me i don't cry about what happened to me and maybe that's because i just suppressed everything and and you know it's this trauma that i haven't really addressed but like i know enough to know that like i'm okay and like god's got me and god's always had me and like i'm living proof of that i'm living proof of you know there's there's someone definitely directing my steps like i should not be here and have what i have and have been able to be above and beyond blessed that i forget my trauma i forget the darkness because i have so much such a beautiful life to live if your work was to be done if i if i sit here with you and i don't

know how many years time but if i sit here with you in a couple of i don't know a decade it could be it could be five months and i and you you say my job is done in regards to toxic shock syndrome what would you mean by that meaning that we as women are protected that we are given things that are not going to kill us for something that we inherently have to do every month and and that's a basic necessity for life you know i mean we can't do anything without having something that's gonna you know help us get through our days to be able to be the bosses that we are you know and and hopefully you know help us get through our days to be able to be the bosses that we are you know and and hopefully you know knocking down these doors and and making people wake up and realize like this is a huge problem and hopefully getting these companies or a company to to make something to

where we can go about our lives and live just like everyone else and not have to worry if our tampon is gonna kill us. I think that will be the day where I can be like, wow, I know that we're safe. I know that whatever happened to me will never happen to somebody else ever again. And I think that's where the peace and maybe just the, you know, the breath of I can relax and really just let that part of life go because I know that my voice has been heard and I know that change has been done. I don't know. I just think the

purpose of it, of being able to leave a legacy of like where you're actually impacting something for people to say for when you're not here.'s where i feel like that's where i want to be i want to be in that like that changing the world factor of how either people see themselves and love themselves changing the fashion industry changing you know feminine hygiene products making sure that we're all protected and safe and i think that that's so much bigger. And if I can save a life, I mean, that's bigger than anything. That could be bigger than any achievement you could ever imagine is because a human life and what that person is and what they could be to the world is so much more

than just a cover or a fancy car. It's so surface. There's no fulfillment. What are those things going to do when you die nothing but you can die knowing that you've changed the world you've changed someone's life for the better and that to me is so powerful well lauren that is what you're doing um i've never been so inspired by someone um on this podcast ever and i don't bullshit people but like genuinely I've never been so inspired because there's so many things that um you're doing as a result of speaking that aren't necessarily the most obvious benefits you're having obviously your work to change the industry that harmed you

is going to change lives but the the message of perseverance when there's no light at the end of the tunnel and to keep on going and to have faith that there is a higher purpose, there is a reason to carry on. I think there's so many people around the world that are in dark places and they can't see a reason to continue, you know, and a lot of them listen to this podcast because a lot of them message me and i think even hearing how you managed to take yourself from that place you used time and you sat with all of the things you felt and where you are now in your life i think that alone will save a lot of people's lives because there's so many people honestly there's so many people that are going

to listen to this that cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. You are the light at the end of the tunnel. You know, you being here and doing what you're doing, you are that light. You'll never get to see all the lives you impact and change positively because of that. So on behalf of all those people who I'm sure would love to message you and tell you, but I'll do it on their behalf. Thank you so much. You've really, really inspired me. And you've inspired me at a very profound, deep because um you know it's easy it's easy to go through life even sometimes in the world i live in and feel a sense of sadness or injustice or to to have a huge amount of pity for myself or whatever it might be you know um and you're a constant reminder of the choice that we have every day every time we wake up

so thank you yeah thank you so much for having me giving me this opportunity it's been so fun thank you thank you thank you for blessing us um we have a closing tradition on this podcast where the last guest leaves a question for the next guest not knowing who they're going to leave the question for and the question that's been left for you i've not read it all because it's a little bit long but i'm going to start assume you can visit yourself on the day before you die brackets in the far future i hope what do you imagine that future version of you will tell present day you that you've done well that you've set out to do what you've chosen and wanted to do. And you didn't stop no matter how hard things got. No matter how many no's you got.

No matter how big the world got. Or how high up that you couldn't see how you were ever going to get past what was in front of you. But you did it. And you never gave up. And you saw everything as a challenge. And hopefully in that moment, I'll know that I've changed lives, saved lives, changed the world for the generations to come

and know that my work is done. And I think that's just pure beauty. I have no doubt. Lauren, thank you so much. It's been an absolute pleasure to meet you. Thank you too. Thank you. Thank you. Outro Music