The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett - The Rise, The Fall & The Rebuild Of True Geordie

Episode Date: July 5, 2021

My guest this week is my friend and all round good guy True Geordie, otherwise known as Brian Davis. Brian is from Newcastle upon Tyne, England. He was born on a council estate, raised mostly by his mother as he describes his father being in and out of prison and not really being the father figure he desperately needed. When Brian left home he went to work on the oil rigs, scuba diving to work on them underwater. He describes how this would put him into life or death situations on a daily basis. The colleges he gained on the oil rigs became his father figures. After leaving the oil rigs he started YouTube under the name footballfan533, and first rose to prominence when his first video (titled A True Geordie's view on Nile Ranger) went viral. Brian quickly gained a following due to his expletive and passionate opinions, and therefore changed his channel name to True Geordie, uploading more regularly. He was originally known for uploading rants about his football, but has since become best-known for the eponymous True Geordie Podcast, hosted by himself and his best friend Laurence McKenna. Geordie was chosen the host and commentator for the KSI V Joe Weller fight in February 2018. He had previously been a commentator for some of the charity football matches.  I met Brian back in 2017 to record his podcast, we recorded it in a tiny abandoned bomb shelter that he paid £50 a day to rent out. Brian has come a long way since then, running a rapidly growing Youtube channel thats accumulating millions upon millions of views per week, he’s commentated on one of the largest Youtube events in history and he’s also created some of the best content I’ve ever seen. All of this was quickly ripped away from him last year after one of the hardest weeks of his life, something we talk a lot about today. He’s gone through it all, been to the darkest of places, anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation. However this didn’t stop him getting back on his feet and rebuilding himself from the ground up, coming back bigger and better than before. Follow Brian: YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/c/TrueGeordie Twitter - https://twitter.com/TrueGeordieTG Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/TrueGeordieOfficial Follow me: https://beacons.ai/diaryofaceo

Quick one. Just wanted to say a big thank you to three people very quickly. First people I want to say thank you to is all of you that listen to the show. Never in my wildest dreams is all I can say. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd start a podcast in my kitchen and that it would expand all over the world as it has done. And we've now opened our first studio in America, thanks to my very helpful team led by Jack on the production side of things. So thank you to Jack and the team for building out the new American studio. And thirdly to to amazon music who when they heard that we were expanding to the united states and i'd be recording a lot more over in the states they put a massive billboard in time square um for the show so thank you so much amazon music um thank you to our team and thank you to all of you

that listen to this show let's continue i feel like i'm struggling to breathe it blew my fucking mind i don't know whose dick i've got to suck to get fucking respect around here. True Geordie went through incredible adversity to get to where he is today. Depression, anxiety. And he's one of the few people that's willing to tell you about it. My ego was just going fucking crazy. I'm the man. All the worst parts of me amplified.

It was better than a drug. It was better than anything. It was like, wow. I would have carried on doing that probably if i hadn't have had a moment of like boom it just felt like everything i'd been building to had been like really like fucked up i know i needed humbled but it was brutal i literally wanted to kill myself. Like, you know, I really, really did. When you love someone more than anything else in this world, that matters more than anything. And where others would have capitalized on a sob story, she was far too precious for me to share. She was mine. She wasn't there for anyone else. She was just my mom. And I miss her every fucking day, bro. but once you give it

there's no taking it back the day i don't need money anymore that's going to be a scary day for the rest of the internet i don't i don't want to let the fans down and i don't want to stop doing what they they love me for but true jordy brian he's one of the real pioneers in the youtube space he runs one of the biggest football shows the biggest podcast the biggest boxing shows and much much more but he is at heart not the guy you see on screen he is a gentle, one born in a council estate who went through incredible adversity to get to where he is today. Billions of views. His conversations seem to sway cultural conversation, but he's still not getting what he deserves, in his opinion and in mine. When you see True Geordie, what you see is this big six foot five guy with tattoos and huge muscles. But when you peel the layers back, you find the total opposite.

You find a small kid in there. One that's still living in the council estate in his mind. And one that's missing his mother after her tragic death a few years ago. He's been to rock bottom. Depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation. And he's one of the few people that's willing to tell you about it and tell you about it with full honesty and vulnerability i've known brian a long time and i've been so fascinated by him because he appears to be this contradiction he appears to be someone

that does not give a f but at the same time he he's incredibly, incredibly sensitive. To me, he's the ultimate reminder that we are all a contradiction and that you should never judge a book by its cover. What you're going to hear today is some stories that Brian has never told. Stories that will move you, some that might move you to tears, but also stories that will inspire you and teach you some important life lessons about what it really is to be a human being scars and all without further ado i'm stephen butler and this is the diary of a ceo i hope nobody's listening but if you are then please keep this to yourself

how would you define and describe the rise of true geordie and when i say that i'm talking about take me back the early days okay the stuff that made you who you are today um i'm an opportunistic person i i when i see a tiny little like thing i just blow it open straight away so like uh the first um thing that happened to me was i made a random rant about a footballer that went viral didn't really do youtube at all just boom and then loads of people seeing it in the northeast it was like this crazy son of a bitch because no one really did stuff like that then i was one of the first guys to do a football rant i want to go back further what really yeah what further in how i want to know the the the insecure kid on the

council estate all right okay um kind of sensitive inside but had to act sort of tough because if you didn't you would be fucked up like you know on the estate like like my shed once got burned down like set on fire just by some kids just because it was a shed and it was there you know like you had to carry yourself in a certain way because all of our dads were in prison all of our dads like it was like weird you know what i mean so we were sort of raising each other and like i was like a milk kid at school just because i could like drink extra milk and that like dinner time and stuff and i was smart obviously i'm a smart guy but like i was looked upon as like a nightmare like my when i was 10 years old my teacher told my mother at parents

evening she went you can just tell when some of them are destined for prison can't you but like Like, when I was 10 years old, my teacher told my mother at parents' evening, she went, you can just tell when some of them are destined for prison, can't you? But, like, she worded it like that, you know what I mean? And my mum's like, I know exactly what you're saying. But, like, it was because I hated her. She didn't understand me, get me. She talked down to me. So being talked down to, that really pisses me off, even at a 10-year-old age.

Like, I didn't like that. You can win me over and I'll be I'll be brilliant for you but just respect this ask me don't tell me you know like even and I know that's like a naive way to look at the world but I was 10 and I just had a chip on my shoulder and um yeah didn't like authority um and but I always was quite, like, a little bit competitive. I remember, like, there was a couple of kids, like, just little random memories I have of, like, I was fighting all the time, but, like, I remember I always thought of myself as one of the smarter lads, and there was this thing about, like, some sort of school day

where they selected, like, the brightest boys and the brightest girls, and I wasn't selected, and I remember thinking, I'm smarter than them you know like but i couldn't prove it or whatever i don't know it was i was in detention a lot i got thrown out of school multiple times ones for pissing on the uh the school teacher's lounge window and telling them all to fuck off when I was eight years old. One for fighting, just white, like rebellious, you know, but like, but with a brain and I just needed to like find something.

What caused you to be that rebellious eight-year-old kid? I think it's genetic a little bit. My dad was a rebellious man, very much so. My mom, not at all. My mom, loving, caring, kind. Mother Teresa. My dad, like, a punk rocker who wanted to... Like, he did mad shit when he was at school. Like, he took the whole school on strike once

just because he didn't like a teacher. And, like, he was known for, like... He was thrown out of schools for, like, beating teachers up and stuff like that. Because when he was, like, 14, violence was his life, you know what I mean? Do you actually think it's genetic i think that um yeah i think i think part of what makes me aggressive is my genetic yeah because even the look i get on my face when i'm about to fight

is identical to the look my dad gets like it's that that switch you know what i mean so i'm lucky that i've got it diluted with the kindness of my mother. And I finally managed to channel the aggression into later on in life, into like focus, into drive, into the good stuff. You know what I mean? But at the time I didn't, I was overwhelmed with whatever the fuck

was going on in my head. I didn't really know what the hell it was. I had Joe Wick sat here, you know, the body coach and he um he told me about his mum and his dad and his mum was very very caring and compassionate and his dad would punch holes in the door yeah every day and you know was violent and abusive and joe wicks has come out as really really compassionate and kind i don't know if you know him personally, but even during the lockdown, people saw him doing pee with Joe

and dancing and doing pee in his room and stuff. Was that the guy who went popular for the pee stuff? Yeah. But he was crying. He was deeply upset that there was a lockdown because it would hurt other people. One of the most compassionate people I've ever met. And his dad was, from his account very very um aggressive so i've always wondered about these

generational cycles whether it's you know i think it's different for different people i personally i believe that there's a cocktail in me that's a real weird mixture of a self-obsessed arrogant showman who was my dad bodybuilder hard man went to prison fighter and then a woman who worked like looking after people very caring compassionate loving charitable generous you know all the good things and i'm not saying my dad can't be good in any way but it was just they were very polar opposite people and for me i see that come out in me and there's and there's i believe in both genetic and uh like the sociology side of it as well even any brothers or sisters i've got a half sister from my dad's side yeah do you think it makes a difference being an only child of sorts uh yeah yeah definitely me

and lawrence have had a few conversations about this. He's an only child too. And I think it does make you just live in your own head a little bit, you know, and it makes you, like, I have times where if I spend too much time around people, I'm like, I need a fucking break from this. Like, I want to be on my own and just listen to music for a bit. I heard you say this thing. I heard you say that people who live in their own heads and think the most

struggle the most they're the ones who are more susceptible to depression I would say so take me through the rise so we I know

it's well documented how you became to be a YouTuber yeah apologies I'm just used to rehearsing yeah I know you're the same you tell the story

a lot that just rolls up the tongue and loses its emotion because I've said it that many times so you rose as a YouTuber i want to get to the point where we you know money starts coming in because for me 23 24 years old when money started coming in i was going to every nightclub on the weekend and getting five bottles of don perry on

and i was trying to fill some kind of gap in me and from what i saw in your videos you did a similar well i'd had a bit of money before youtube because i was working offshore on the oil rigs to fill some kind of gap in me. And from what I saw in your videos, you did a similar path. Well, I'd had a bit of money before YouTube because I was working offshore on the oil rigs doing me deep sea diving. So that was good money. I was earning about £10,000 a month doing that. And that was a bit of a wild lifestyle because I was young, I was working class,

I was surrounded by men who were military men who wanted to go out, beat men up and fuck women and take drugs and get drunk. So I was surrounded. They were my male role models. So it was a crazy lifestyle, that. So that was kind of partly me getting raised by these fucking men around me. And then obviously when I found YouTube, it was like a rebirth of like, oh, like I went in, it's a long story, but I went into a bit of depression coming out of diving and not knowing what the fuck I wanted to do with my life.

Because I didn't know, I knew I didn't want to be a diver anymore. I knew I was done with that. And when I found YouTube, it felt like a little window of hope. And then obviously that took off. was done with that and when I found YouTube it felt like a little window of hope and then obviously that took off and once I uh once I started getting money yeah it was like okay I've I made it because I basically gave up my money I chose YouTube as a path to happiness that was the idea was give up the money forget that you're not happy doing that job i'd rather make minimum wage doing videos than make six figures doing diving so i went on that path and then i did don't on me oh i'm gonna make more money doing this actually once i once i was in the thousands a month it was

a bit of a oh fuck like okay how do i handle this And I thought I had a good handle on it. Like, it was little stuff at first, new car, move house, better place and all that. And then once I came to London, that was when it really went tits up, to be honest with you. I just started spending money like crazy. I bought three new cars in the space of about 18 months. Not altogether, one after the other sort of thing but like

um i was able to get things that i never dreamt possible and that was the moment of like oh i can have this like my favorite car ever wow uh bought an audi r8 first that went fast nice blue audi r8 beautiful then i swapped that for a mclaren which they had the convertible, the roof come down. I thought I was the dog's bollocks and that. Especially a guy like me. Like, what the fuck am I doing in a McLaren? You know, it looked ridiculous. Because I'm so huge in that.

And then I swapped that for a Bentley GT, six litre Continental. White leather interior. Gorgeous interior gorgeous all black wheels black everything black and white there's this bit you talked about when you leave diving and you kind of lose your orientation and that gives you minor depression which seems to be so common in people when they they lose their purpose and i mean i had tom bloomfield sat here as well it was very similar they lose their sense of purpose in life their direction they feel that disorientation they feel the depression then you went after something that you thought would give you like

intrinsic internal joy and then it becomes a career and i read this study which i found fascinating that in um in in psychology if they give someone a game that they enjoy and they play it they enjoy it and then if they then give them the same game and pay them to do it they lose joy so when you start paying someone to do something that they once did for the sheer fun of it they lose the fulfillment they're getting from it i've seen it in boxing and stuff like that a lot like the passion goes once it becomes monetary and obligatory. You have to do it. It's not, I'm getting up and doing this passion now.

But I've never lost the passion for video making. That's still there. I love it. But yeah, I lost my way. Like this whole thing of doing something for the right reasons. Because I'd never experienced that kind of money before, I remember, like, driving that Audi, the first one, the Audi R8, when I drove that off the parking lot, that was a moment of, like, what the fuck?

Like, it just blew me mind, you know what I mean? The fact that I was able to drive a car worth, it was worth £100,000. And I paid for it in cash. You didn't. Really? Boom. Yeah, I was like.

And I remember just driving it. And it was, honestly, I don't regret it because even though it was a complete waste of fucking money and I wasted even more money swapping it for the other two cars, it was a real healthy lesson to learn and get out my system. But it was like a drug, you know. It was better than a drug. It was better than anything.

It was like, wow. Like, for me, I don't know what it is about fast cars and they look nice and the way you feel when you're in. It just makes you feel like a fucking movie star or something you know um especially coming from a place where people set fire to your shed because there was a shed you know like nobody had a nice car where i came from you know it wasn't people didn't even have like a mercedes or a bmw let alone a supercar. So that was mind blowing.

You know what I mean? And they just, it was too much for us. Just was. And my ego was just going fucking crazy. You know what I mean? Like I'm the man, you know,

all the worst parts of me just amplified. There must be a reason why you got, you traded it in so many times though, right? I was addicted to that feeling. The new, the new shit that, that was the, Oh, but, just amplified there must be a reason why you got you traded it in so many times though right i was addicted to that feeling the new the new shit that that was the oh but but what if oh and then i seen the mclaren i remember driving it into the fucking this supercar place i looked at the mclaren i looked back at me already i was like i don't really and then i just kept looking at the

mclaren going it's new that's the new shit the new hotness and you know it's ridiculous just absolutely idiotic never ends yeah i would have carried on i would have carried on doing that probably if i hadn't have had a moment of like that boom you know what i mean what are you doing mate you know health health life's good at that give you a good slap around the head when you need it and i really needed it you know i mean because everything that at that give you a good slap around the head when you need it and i really needed it you know i mean because everything that a man does when he's from nothing like all these rappers you know i was doing the same thing like spunk money up the wall buy pointless jewelry clothes bullshit like that treating people the wrong way treating myself

the wrong way not looking after myself i piled on, I think I just skipped like the good years to Elvis at the end. Do you know what I mean? Like I just went full throttle. So yeah. You said boom. Oh yeah, yeah. So I had a bit of a moment where everything was just,

you know, came crashing down. There was, a lot of people know there was the DMs, but also in the same week there was the um the loss of a huge deal um which for anybody that doesn't know the dms some somebody leaked some dms yeah some sexual dms that were out there um and uh me being the crazy wild bastard that i was at that moment you know drinking a lot just doing all sort of fucking lost my way and then in the same week I also had a deal that was on the table that was pretty much negotiated done signed sealed delivered which would have secured my financial

future for the next two years with a huge company, big betting company, multi-million pound deal. It wasn't just one, you know what I mean? It was the deal. And they had hired a new guy who thought he knew better than the last guy. And I think he just didn't like me. He also, I think it was partly like, you don't want to carry on the work of the guy who

used to have your job so he he was trying to find any reason he could to um you know fuck it up and you know he did what he did we got to a point where i was like are you going to do the deal or not mate like and there was um i can't go into specifics because i agreed to like keep it you know respectful like but there were some things asked of me, which were just outrageous and we couldn't move on basically. And I'm very glad I didn't because otherwise everything I now have, it might not have ended up that way. Do you know what I mean?

When you're put in a position where do you want to, do you want to keep your ownership of things or not? You know what I mean when when you're put in a position where do you want to do you want to keep your ownership of things or or not you know what I mean so uh but yeah that was a devastating blow and then obviously having people laughing at you for sexual dms and stuff when you know it was I was drunk as fuck at the time and it was just a stupid moment but regardless you know knowing that there's just such a little compassion out there for you when you're having a awful time it really it it took me i got from as high as i was it took as low as possible in that moment of like no one cares everything you've worked hard for you now don't have i'd literally agreed a tenancy agreement on my flat for two years on the basis that this was all going to be saying so i'm like how the what the fuck do i do now you know what i mean so

and then i was hit with a tax bill that was way more than i could handle as well because in my head it's like got the cash coming and got the tax bill paid off man don't worry about it so everything that could go wrong went wrong and um you know I know I needed humbled but it was brutal that was and I know it might sound to some people like out there like oh uh oh poor pitiful you know white boy problems and shit like that but I literally wanted to kill myself like you know I really really did because it it was just too much even for me like and I'm a pretty tough person it was just it was awful like the level of abuse and ridicule I got online and and the financial mess I was in it just felt like everything I'd been building to had been like really like fucked up. And yeah, it was even just talking about it now was hard to say, do you know what I mean?

Because it was bad, it was awful. So that left me in a really, really low place. The people online would have had no idea because I remember watching that play out from afar and it was just online it was just kind of jokes and well what you have to remember is they didn't know i'd lost a multi-million pound deal that yes they didn't know i had a six-figure tax bill to pay yes so that's happening behind the scenes and that happened before yeah before the dm so then the dms happened

as well the icing on the cake was the dms right if it was just one or the other you could say maybe but when you're financially fucked and you're also trending on twitter being called i'm not even going to say the words but you know the things people say about gay people that are to hurt them the things people you know you should go the words, but, you know, the things people say about gay people that are to hurt them, the things people, you know, you should go and do this, you should, you know. And people love to kick people on the way down, but what they especially love, and this is the difference, is if you're a vulnerable person publicly,

you're seen to be, I don't know, let's say you're seen to be in some sort of subculture that people view in a way that's like oh poor them i hope they're all right i'm a big strong alpha male i look tough i look like i can handle all the ridicule in the world i'm brash cocky you're like you know so they people probably didn't think you know like and also when you're a man you don't get sympathy the way women get sympathy when they go through revenge porn or anything like that it's not looked upon the same and i just had to sort of think about it and take and go yeah this isn't fair but life isn't fair so what the fuck do you expect brian like you know um so i drank a lot of whiskey and uh smoked a lot

of weed that week if i'm honest Do you know what's so funny? I remember seeing it trending, and I thought, go on Brian's account and see what he said about it. Yeah, yeah. Nothing. Silence. Yeah, yeah. And that, for me, was really surprising.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think a lot of people thought that, actually. But I, even in the chaos, I act quite cerebr'm a i can be quite reptilian when i need to be to get myself out of it you see in diving for example in the moment of panic in that moment of like i could fucking die here i've been in those situations if i don't act smart i could i'm in a shit situation yeah i gotta use i've got to pull my knife out, cut this rope, do this, do that. I'm used to thinking like in that way. So I just thought I'm just going to say nothing

and I'll have a night to think about this. Just think about how I was. I felt awful, don't get me wrong, but I knew I wasn't going to give up. But even though I wanted to kill myself, I also thought that weirdly, I think all the shit sort of, it gave me something to resist. Do you know what I mean?

It gave me, because I'm a fighter in my heart. So I was like, nah, fuck you. So within a day, I was like, okay, this is how we're going to do this. I'm going to get the two best piss takers I know, and I'm going to get them to rip the piss out of me, make everyone feel like it's over and done with now because the minute you acknowledge it laugh it off and show

that you're not frightened people will get bored move on to something else and they'll scratch the itch of saying because what they really want me to do is self-destruct but if I show I'm brave they'll respect that and then move on what they don't realize is i was pretty fucking drunk during that whole episode really like i was it was we were recording 11 a.m i was on the whiskey like i had like fucking two massive glasses full of whiskey straight and then i was like right let's do this and like because i knew they were going to be brutal but i said you have to be you have to just say every worst thing because then people will leave me the fuck alone and then I'll really get on with my depression then. Do you know what I mean? So that's how I was like,

kind of like sensible in planning out my own self-destruction. Smart, yeah. Yeah, it's very weird. And I've spoken to other people about this when they've been in similar situations, like when Logan went through his thing and he was like, yeah, same.

I just drank a lot and smoked a lot. And that was what we both did like you know so yeah so that after that happened i then had to um okay where do we go from here then um and i had a production company who were partnered with us at the time who agreed that they would carry the cost of the kickoff while we were looking for another sponsor so that was very kind of them shout out to the vet he knows who he is and um we don't get me wrong those costs had to be paid back at some point so every show is x amount of money every single fee that you know and this is the thing that people forget i've probably got the biggest crew on youtube really so there's like 15 people every show who need paid and every every single

time we do a kickoff show that cost was building my my tax wasn't going anywhere i needed a fucking sponsor big time um so that was it was a bad time you know what i mean a lot of pressure i think that was the thing pressure i felt it from every angle you know how how does how does that impact other areas of your life i've heard you talk about the impact it had on your sleep which i think is something people don't think about enough because i think sleep is probably the foundation of your mood how you make decisions and everything in between so uh probably um i still haven't quite mastered that i think that's the thing that i think partly it's because when you have your own business there's not enough hours in the day so you're always like late night being like what else can we do what else can we do so i'm shit at

sleeping and like as soon as i wake up by the time i've made the toilet for a piss i'm thinking about what we need to do like it so that's part of it um but yeah i drank myself to sleep to a point where i was more collapsing rather than sleeping you know and uh it was awful like i'm gonna play just because these are the questions that come to mind you're drinking yourself to sleep but you're a smart guy you know that that's not good oh yeah yeah but but at that point i cared more about uh it was like almost like it was like a mathematical equation it's like what what is more important right now me being like i didn't care about myself i just thought get through the days because so my mom died, right? This is totally side thing, previously to that. And I remembered when I got through that,

I did a similar thing where I would just, I drank myself to sleep for about a month at least. And I knew if I could just get a few weeks under my belt, no matter how I got through it, it would be easier. So I just had to get to that point. And I think I'm not recommending this, by the way, but few people will go through the kind of week I went through. So luckily it won't be necessary,

but sometimes you've just got to put distance between you and the event and daylight will slowly become sayable. I'm not saying it was a good idea. Yeah, yeah, this is, yeah. It sounds like kind of... It looked good on the movie. Yeah, I can imagine, yeah. For me, because if those issues aren't ever properly addressed,

then they kind of reemerge or they sit down. So I hear you, but there's a time and a place, and right in the aftermath isn't always the best time to go and go, right, let's figure out what went wrong here. It was emotionally so distressing. I just thought I am one of fucking, every waking moment was, they're all, like the whole thing, the finances, the Twitter, all this bullshit.

I couldn't address it at that point. I couldn't think about it at that point. I couldn't work out what had gone wrong or all of that. I just thought, get a fucking sponsor, keep doing the shows, drink yourself to sleep if you have to, just get a fucking sponsor, keep the money coming in. Because right now, without money, you're fucked, so fucked. Like, I'm homeless, you know i mean like the amount

of bills that were crewing up and the amount of money i had i was gonna end up like i was like i might end up fucking wherever you know what i mean like so it really wasn't about oh let's go and work through my problems it was like let's put some fucking money in the bank here. Was there one day through that period which you remember as being the most agonizing? One particular day? Every single day. Every single day was just as bad as...

It was like when my mom died. That was what it reminded me of. It was like I had died almost like... Every day I'd wake up. So when my mom died, I remember when I'd wake up, I'd go, oh. And it was that first moment when your eyes wake up and you go, oh, it's real.

It's actually happened. And that's the moment where when my life had ended, it was that moment of when I'd first wake up, I'd go, oh, it's real. It's real. And then I'd have to get up and face the day, you know what I mean, and just try and block it out. When I'd go outside I wore a cap I'd try everything I could to to hide who I was because I felt ashamed that I was the

DM guy or I used to think of myself as like a great podcaster someone who had changed his life brought himself from and now I was like being like shamed laughed at all of that shit so i just felt so like humiliated you know what i mean i just didn't feel like me anymore when you said you woke up and you the first couple of seconds you thought it's real yeah does that mean that your sleep was a place of peace or a place of escapism uh yeah yeah yeah i'm asking this question because tom bloomfield from monzo was sat there and he talks about being anxious and depressed for about two years and he said when i'd wake and he literally said he's here last week he said when i woke up for two or three seconds i didn't know who i was or where i was those were the best and then he said it would just come crashing back down no so

the best time was when i was drunk before I went to sleep. That was the point where I really enjoyed it because I was like, oh, it's like I'm not even here. You know what I mean? So that was the best time because then nothing felt, I couldn't feel anything. You know what I mean? That was ideal.

That's why I kept going back there every night. But I wasn't an alcoholic or anything. It was that feeling that I was chasing the I don't feel pain numbness yeah that was the good bit you when your mother passed away you didn't talk about it no no I mean YouTube's a shitty place isn't it it's a horror like as I found out the hard way you know so um and also she's just precious to me so i uh i keep it to myself always um i keep her to myself always i've only talked about her once online and that was the rebuild yeah and even in even in that video which i watched twice um i still had no idea when it

when it happened yeah yeah because i was trying to pinpoint if there was like a change in you or if it was during your youtube career at the height of your youtube career before and and i thought it was you know for a guy that does really pour it out on the internet and i've seen you you know when the logan paul incident happened i watched that video and you were pouring out your heart in a way that was just remarkably vulnerable and that was just a secret yeah but it's like um it's like what i said earlier i can be quite cerebral when i have to be and i can make decisions when i have to be pardon me for my own my own sake and here's the thing. When you love someone more than anything else in this world, that matters more than anything.

And where others would have capitalised on a sob story, she was far too precious for me to share with anyone. You know, it wasn't about she was mine. She wasn't there for anyone else. She was just my man. Do you know what I mean? And that's the way I plan to keep man. Do you know what I mean? And that's the way I plan to keep it. Do you know what I mean?

I've explained what she meant to us in that video and how much I love her. I always will. And I miss her every fucking day, bro. But it's just one of those things where I think to myself, certain things, I think, you draw the line online, you know. There has to be some stuff that's for you. And even if I say, yeah, my mum died and I loved her

and she meant the world, it was... And I did try and give some ins and outs of what my relationship was like with her so that people could feel how much, feel the love, you know what I mean? I didn't want to give everything because I don't know it's just too special for me to give everything do you know what I mean like that and I think that's one thing that some creators could do with learning as well is like what is

how much value does something has if you'll just share it with everyone and i do think you got to pick and choose you know what i mean carefully because once you give it there's no taking it back and that's the problem isn't it you know what i mean with youtube it's like once it's out there it's out there so in that video you say when you're, I think you've just been fighting with, um, is it Vlad's dad? Oh, with Vidal's dad. Vidal's dad.

And you, I mean, you've, it looks like you've gone like 12 rounds with him or something and you fall over and you're back and you get emotional. Cause, and he says, you know, that's what boxing does.

It brings all those emotions. And you said a line, you said, I'm just a guy that misses his mom. Have you ever processed that um yeah a lot a lot i've truly faced i know everything like about me that's good bad i really face up to my to everything in my life you know what I mean I know where I've gone wrong I know I really faced things head on and and with my mom I faced it more than anything because it was it was a

constant in my it's like losing a parent if you're especially if it's an it's an if you're an only child and there's only one parent it's um so severe, because it's like, I try to describe it to someone, it was like one day I went outside, and the whole world was full of water, and people are swimming around in their scuba gear or whatever, going, what, everything's normal, Brian. I'm like, no, no, you don't understand. Like, the constants in my life have been like,

the sun comes up in the morning, I breathe air, you know, the moon comes out at night, my mom loves those four things like or this is reality so to remove one of those components it blew my fucking mind like that she couldn't be here anymore i was like it doesn't make sense to me you know what i mean so i had to face it and i really have processed it as and i think that's why I never felt the need to share it either because I was like you know I'm at peace with with that as hard as it is it's just part of my life now and uh and I and I feel like as uh people say things like this but I feel like she's there I don't I don't need anything from anyone to make me feel better

because when a mother loves a son the way my mother loved me, there's nothing anyone can tell me in this world about her, about me, about us. So I don't need to share it, you know what I mean? You said you had one parent then? Well, my dad was, you know, around sort of, but like in and out there. He's like, he was an old school guy, my dad, you know,

like fucking shagged around, went to prison, just a wild man. But I'm okay with my dad now. I've just reached a place of like understanding that my dad's got bipolar disorder. He's never going to be quote-unquote normal. Like he's just that guy. And, you know, he recently had a suicide attempt, which I had to phone the ambulance for and that.

And it's like, what the fucking hell is this? Like, you know what I mean? You're panicking, hoping he's going to be all right. He then got sectioned again, which this was this year, you know what I mean you're panicking um hoping he's going to be all right he then got sectioned again um which this was this year you know and you had to phone the ambulance yeah yeah um he texted me basically a sort of a message that let me know what was going down you know so instantly got on the ambulance and then you're panicking because the ambulance they're like oh covid covid i'm like you fucking just get there like are you shitting me two hours it took them to get there you know

two fucking hours and like it was like a full-blown suicide attempt like the pills were already gone you know what i mean so um yeah just like that it it's stressful you know um when when you go through that and it was i did a podcast about it because you know you don't really know what to do like when my last time my dad was sectioned i was a fucking child like so i'm now his next of kin i'm his his parent now in this situation so he's mentally unstable they're coming to me asking me for the answers i'm trying to run a company and and do my youtube videos hey everyone welcome back you know what i mean it's fucking mental and that's one of the weird things about uh being a youtuber is like i know that people rely on me for their escape

but it's sometimes that's why like you you messaged me to do a podcast around that time and i said mate i ain't doing a fucking podcast right now i'm not in it and i didn't because i just said i'll just be fucking miserable i mean great start anyway we're talking about but yeah i i just knew i couldn't i couldn't do it you know what i mean but um yeah it's been a me and my dad are all right. Like he, sometimes he just, he sees things from a different angle because he's got bipolar. So it's challenging, you know what I mean?

To get him to see where I'm coming from sometimes. It's so difficult when eventually I think a kid has to kind of forgive their parents and start parenting their parents. It's even kind of happened to me in a strange way because I think my mom i think my mom has bipolar dude your mom's such a character i've heard stories and i'm like yeah i remember being young and being told that well i mean the first one i wrote my book is when she came to the school in her lingerie when i was like four or five years old yeah because she wanted to put on a show and then the other instance that sticks my

mind there's one where she chased my dad through the house with a knife. And the third one I remember is being told that she had been locked up because they'd come to repossess her restaurant and she was stood in the street with a knife and she was smashing up her own shop and there was police in the street and everything. And I didn't see that, but yeah.

We'll have to set them up for a date. No, but there is, you get to a point where you realise that I'm not going to have the perfect family that I see in the films and I'm going to have to forgive these people who were meant to be my idols and guardians for their own flaws. And then I just...

Yeah, I've made, I've sort of, I've made peace with my dad's mistakes in life. It's difficult though, you know? It's a really long process of why don't you love me? Why won't you be like this? Why aren't you doing that? And as the years go by, you realise other people's parents are also fucked up.

How many people can actually say they've got two parents who love each other and a great marriage and have been great parents. Most people I know don't have that situation. Even if their parents are together, it's a fucking shit show. So, yeah, people are imperfect. And I think just accepting that is a good start in life. Anxiety is a really interesting topic. I've been involved in this mental health

company for some time now a tie and i've just got really fascinated about the concept of anxiety no it's fucking horrible just and i've experienced it as well i've i've oh yeah been there tell me about your experience with anxiety um and when and was it later in your life that you first uh i think the first time i'd had anxiety was after my mum died. In the immediate, I didn't know what was going on. I just remember being in the room and saying to my mates, my chest is getting really tight. I feel like I'm struggling to breathe.

And I was like... And then, you know, the doctor's hired us some Valium and fucking, I think, I had that with some alcohol at the same time. And that was when the forcing myself to sleep sort of was started. But as I got older, I realised through the YouTube thing, just like being known is is a really weird thing particularly obviously around that time with the the fall of True Geordie as I called it on the video uh lots of anxiety and depression um and it's just such a horrible feeling to go through because it feels very serious at the time yeah but it is in your

head isn't it really you've been very open about your and i don't want to continue on this topic because we've got a lot of let's talk about you've been very open about your depression and suicidal ideation and one thing that i haven't quite managed to get over in your head is what you said earlier where you said one of the things that actually made you hang in there was that people didn't want you to hang in there. And that's the fire in you. Yeah. Yeah.

I like, I sort of, there was a tweet that was tweeted at me. It's such a weird little confession where a guy went, I've heard about your financial issues or whatever he said in his tweet, and it couldn't have happened to a better guy. And I've got like a dark sense of humor,

and I sort of smirked at it. And I thought, in my head, I thought, I know I am not beaten. Like, I just know it, and I know I'm going to be rich, and I know shit's going to come back around. So I just screenshotted the tweet, and I remember thinking, I'm going to use that as like an air fres screenshotted the tweet, and I remember thinking, I'm going to use that as like an air freshener on a Ferrari. You know what I mean?

Like, I have this like, I don't know. You know what I mean? Like, I want to prove people wrong. And I think that drive at the start was a lot of that was like, when I started YouTube, so many people were like, the fuck is this idiot doing? Like, shouting on his camera and all that. So then all of a sudden there was that negativity came in droves, fucking thousands of tweets.

And yeah, it was sort of a weird like, oh, it's like starting the game again, but like on a different level. So I'm like, okay, now I'm fucked, but I've been fucked worse before. So it's kind of like all right let's let's use this a bit so but to sort of uh yeah the depression it's it's like it's awful and it's so negative and you think about like i was thinking about suicide on a daily basis at one point i was

you know i'm sorry if this is bringing people down when they listen to this, but, you know, I was really seriously contemplating it in a way of like, here's what I would do. And when the anxiety attacks were coming over me, it was just an awful way of living. And I honestly don't know how I got through what I got through. Like looking back at it, it was fucking mental.

I've never been um to that point so when i hear people talking about it it just it's like incomprehensible to me that you could get to the point where you think the best route is to end your life so yeah i mean looking looking at it at the time i thought i had what was like situational depression where i'm in this horrible situation and that's why i'm depressed which was partly true obviously but i was also chemically depressed as well like there was what i now realize is through that my mom dying other trauma in my life i definitely had chemical depression like i needed i needed medication you know um but um i sort of um didn't believe in it didn't want to do it didn't think it would work uh for me you know and also like when you're a guy who's um lives in his head and thinks you know i'm a smart guy yada yada yada you sort of you're worried it's going

to change the way you think and make you a bit what if it makes me dumber you know some something silly like that or you hear about other people's bad experiences on it like fucks your libido all of this sort of weird shit puts weight on you there's this all sorts of little fears so um it had to get so bad uh before i would try medication but like one day it got bad enough where i was like i realized i thought i'm definitely going to do it soon. Otherwise I'm going to have to, I was like frightened almost like as a kind of like as a friend of me, if that makes sense. Like I was frightened for me. Cause I was like,

you're really going to fucking do this here soon. Like the way I was thinking and the way my life was going and the way I was feeling about small things that really are like, you know, when people sort of push your buttons a little bit? The way that was making me feel was awful. Like I was shouting at my friends and my crew and when someone was challenging me in any way, the fear and anxiety was bubbling underneath.

It was just overwhelming and I had like really bad nightmares and I'd wake up in the morning and I remember just waking up one morning just being like oh i really don't want to live anymore and that was when i was like on the phone to the doctor and i was like give us whatever the fuck you've got because i'm willing to try anything now and uh thank fuck you know um so they uh they prescribed us some antidepressants and I'm really fucking glad I tried them, mate, honestly. You called the doctor yourself? Mm-hmm. One night, one morning?

It was in the morning. You woke up and thought, I need to call... Yeah, I just knew, I thought, I'm a liability to myself here. And it was like the fear of, oh of oh fuck you're getting dangerously close like you like thoughts become things right so like we we know that because when we challenge our channel our brains in an ambitious way we can make magic happen but also if i'm thinking negatively i can go to the worst possible place and i really knew i was like almost manifesting it because it i was spending so i would there was so many times it would pass through my head if oh well i'll just kill myself

oh well i'll just kill myself oh well like if this doesn't happen if this doesn't happen if this doesn't happen it was it was becoming an answer it was becoming a solution to all of the problems that felt like they were mounting on my shoulders and stuff like that um so yeah um and when I took the medication that was when it really dawned on me like oh that wasn't just because of what I've been through or it was a it was yeah post-traumatic stress disorder and all sorts of other shit but it was also like a chemical imbalance probably in the brain where my serotonin levels were real low um and you know i was desperate so i'm glad i took them i never see you meditate go on holiday relax chill out go to the jungle i was in the jungle and you you messaged me and said oh i need a little bit

of that yeah i mean you look like you were having a a whale of a fucking time um yeah but i am on like a treadmill you know what i mean like and i'm not quite at that point of um financial um what i want from life financially i haven't quite clinched that moment of will you ever set yeah i will i will you think so yeah yeah because i don't think i have um yeah but we're at different points you know what i mean sort of like um financially speaking um i'm nearly there i think i'm getting there i've got a really good organized team now money is is sorting itself out and it's like if i just carry on the way i'm going we'll be okay and then i can have those moments where i go't i don't meditate i don't uh you know how do you relax

um glass of wine and um i say a glass a bottle of wine but you know um were you ever taught how to relax no not really i i feel like i don't really relax. Like the minute I put out something I'm really happy with, I get this feeling of like content. Like I'm like, oh, that's class. That's a really good piece of work that I'm really happy with that. But then like 10 minutes will go by and that'll be when I'm like, okay, what are we doing next then?

You know what I mean? And I think like, you know, we have that in common for sure. And I no doubt that when I hit that point of where I'm financially secure, I'll still carry on being a bastard. This is it. But I will chill out more. I will chill out more.

And I'm already chilling out more since I started the antidepressants actually. Like in terms of the way I behave, like all of those, I'm so much more in control of myself now my anger my ups and downs like you know they're everything's a lot more relaxed and and I communicate in a way that's not as um like you know there's times where people have pissed me off and I would just not even look at them because I would be so frustrated that when I'd tell them I wouldn't I wouldn't even

be able to look at them because I'd be like I want to punch you right now so I'm not gonna look you know I mean like I just exude anger even when I was trying to hold it back it was there obvious and I don't want people who work with me to feel like they're working with a fucking lunatic you know what I mean so the the antidepressants have been a godsend and um that really helped me communicate and now now if i have an issue i just sit down and i'm just honest and calm and i just go here's what's gone wrong here's what i think we should do better if you want to hear tell me what i need to do but i'm all ears and it's like i'm a different i'm a better person now you know i mean still not the finished

article by any means got lots of work to do but it just made me realize like my and it goes but ironically to to the trolls you know even even the trolls who gave me all that shit it's like when you're really unhappy within yourself it comes out every way and and that was really what was happening to me I was like and part of it actually made my YouTube videos good because like the pain that, like that Fall of True Geordie video, it was just, I just said, Lawrence, you need to fucking sit down and I need to sit down because I've got so much shit I want to say right now. And if I don't get this out there, I'm going to fucking explode.

So we're doing this. It wasn't thought out or anything. But it brings, but it brings sometimes, it's like that struggling artist thing, isn't it? People like that a little bit, like to feel like they're battling something. So it makes the videos better. So it worked in my favor a little bit.

I've just come to, I mean, from my own experiences, I'm sure you've heard this, heard me say this before, just when I was insecure, broke, and striving to be rich and successful upon actually getting there i realized that that was totally unfulfilling because it just moves off into the future and so when i what i think i've come to learn maybe is happiness is in fact finding peace today irrespective of uncompleted goals that's definitely in my head as well yes that word peace today yeah like in even in the last month actually i remember thinking i only want to be around people who are who make me feel peaceful if you bring drama if you bring aggro stress you can fuck off because

i'm trying to turn over a new leaf now and not deal like and i think a lot of people just did not realize like while they were heaping stuff onto my plate because i'm the mountain of a man who can handle anything apparently that i was at fucking breaking point and i just wasn't saying it you know whereas now i'm saying it i'm like no i'm not doing that like you know the other day one of the lads in the team said it was, oh, it was about research or something, like, you know, for graphic design and stuff. And me mate went, it was,

oh, it would help if you had a look. And I said, would Joe Rogan's team tell him to do that? Or do your own research, Joe, you know? And now I'm just very much like, he has the standards. This is what we do. And, you know. and now i'm just very much like he has the standards this is what we do and you know and are you still do you think this is what really what i'm getting at here is do you think you're still attaching some happiness to the future attainment of some goal or or and this is like this is scary no it's it's it's healthy in a way because it's like i'm not under the illusion

that the minute i hit the big number that all of a sudden i'm gonna um that will make me happy but the freedom that that number will then give me is what i'm looking for freedom from what freedom freedom of choice freedom to do whatever I want with my life. Right now, I'm a slave to the game. The game for me right now is I've got all these shows, all these brands that I'm trying to build. I'm doing the fighting, I've got the kickoff, the football brand, I've got the podcast and other things I'm working on as well,

like my poker and stuff and Twitch. I am on a treadmill where every single week i have to do i'm contracted to do this show this show this show i i'm the most consistent youtuber in the uk it's just nobody really realizes it because it's kind of always been that way i've always been that the guy like even though i slowed the podcast down in terms of like the amount of videos I've been putting out it's been insane from for years now so I have to do them because I'm not at a point of financial freedom and even when I am I might still carry on but it would be nice to have the option to go yeah I'm gonna do this and yeah I'm gonna interview that guy hey if I want to interview a guy in America I can stop the kickoff because I

just don't want to do it this week or I'll let my other boys do it and I'm going to go to LA and interview Joe Rogan you know I'd love to have the I can't do that I'm chained to my content and I love my content fortunately and I love the people I'm around but if I if I if I didn't it would be really hard got you I've I've been thinking a ton about this it's actually again the last chapter in But if I didn't, it would be really hard. Got you. I've been thinking a ton about this. It's actually, again, the last chapter in the book I was writing. And I think my conclusion... My book's actually quite similar to yours.

It's called Happy, Sexy Geordie. Is it? When did you get the name for it? It's just that last... I thought so much about ambition. And my conclusive point was when you realise that you are enough and you actually don't need more money or you don't need more external validation that foundation is such a contradiction right that when you realize that you're actually you've got everything you need

then you then the result is true ambition not ambition to impress girls with a lamb beginning not ambition to prove everyone wrong but you go after the things that you actually genuinely give a shit about and when you get to the things that you actually genuinely give a shit about. And when you get to the point where you are, you know that you're enough, then you start to go for things just for the sake of like the intrinsic internal feeling. And that's what I'm talking about. That's where I am.

It's like, I know I want to get there, but I'm not there yet. And when I get that big fuck off deal, that's insane. Then I can be like, I mean, unfortunately that'll mean more work but there you go but i'll have the money to then have that in um bring the plane into land eventually and go okay now what do i want to do um ultimately the funny thing is i'm doing what i want to do now i'm just doing a lot more of it than probably physically I should be.

You know what I mean? It'd be nice to have a bit more, a bigger team is really what I'd like to do is invest more into the team and have like more people to help me because me and the boys, we do a lot. It's funny because it feels like the snowball then gets bigger as it's rolling down.

Yeah, possibly. Add five more people, then that means more brand obligations to pay for that you know what it is though it would make me so fucking happy to be um i i know this is like i i get why this is bullshit but it's also like it's enough for me even people from newcastle have like underestimated me even people who should be championing me and supporting me are telling me I ain't shit. So just to like go beyond what anyone could even imagine, it would be such a fucking ride.

And ultimately that's all I want to do at the end is look back and go, fuck me, I showed those cunts, didn't I? Like, and have a good laugh and spend time with my friends, make great videos. That's what I want to do. What are your ambitions now then? I don't think you've, you know, you've signed this deal with obviously Gymshark,

which is great. And you've done a deal with Beats, which is great. You're over on Twitch now. Poker Stars as well. Poker Stars. Shout out Poker Stars. Gotta love Poker Stars. What is the big, when you talk about that big,

you know, vision that you have in your mind of where you will be in five, 10 years from now, what is that? I feel like I'm in a bit of a unique situation in that I want to kind of be the king of multiple different things. And it's going to be interesting to see how that goes. I think I'm the best podcaster currently about, aside from Joe Rogan.

No offence to your good self. No, it's fine. It's weird what you're starting out. I think you're very good. And, you know, I want to kill the podcast game, but that's been something that I've had to, in the past, when that shit happened, I kind of had to put that back and go,

where's the money going to come from? And sports is a lot easier to make money out of. So I went full steam ahead with the kickoff. I think I've got something really special with the kickoff. That to me is the future of football in terms of how people will consume it in the uk that that show the the brand the kickoff the the personalities i've got there i'm working on rebranding it right now you know gillette soccer saturday is dying a death i've seen it coming a mile off soccer m is so fucked

like they've all piled like this what that happened in that space right now there's so many youtube channels they're faking their views they i know them all they've got all the big brands budweiser you're getting robbed i'm just saying that right now you want to check the fucking why have why have certain youtube channels switched the likes off switch the views switch the comments off because they're fucking buying views and stuff like that what we've got is so authentic and real my studio i've spent hundreds of thousands of pounds on the equipment in there we've we've got something special there so it's just about watering it and letting it grow and if i build the team right i think we could like no one can fuck with us like everyone's copying us

everyone's copying the kickoff no one can copy the kickoff they're all wasting their time all they do is make us look better their shit attempts at the kickoff make us look 10 times stronger so with that one I think we've got something really special there and I'm surprised a huge brand has not seen that yet like an Amazon or a Google or whoever the fuck you know because all right we swear on there but we are killing it you know and and credit to Twitch they did see it and you know I'm proud of that but the potential for that brand I just think is enormous I just like I say I've been through so many financial struggles while keeping that going I haven't really been in it had a chance to put it in third gear yet but we're getting there and then there's the fighting I feel like thanks to Logan Paul and KSI they've put me in a really particular position where I really know fighting but I also know the entertainment

side of fighting and as as boxing moves towards that direction and MMA as well and my history of loving boxing and UFC I can really nail down a special place in that where you know live stream wise we're we're number one on fighting and football. How weird is it that there's one guy in the world who does a live stream on football and he's got the number one audience and fighting? You know, that alone puts me in a really unique position without having to talk about the podcast

where it's Ricky Gervais one week, it could be Kamaru Usman UFC champion the next Tyson Fury Logan Paul do you think you've got the credit you deserve I definitely don't know why um I don't know I don't know um I think you know I just did an interview, for example, with Kamara Usman, and the older I get and the wiser I get and the better at questioning I get and the better I get as an interviewer and leading the guest and taking them on that journey, my emotional, compassionate side is really another gear that I have

that other interviewers are just, you know, I've always aspired to be like Joe Rogan, but Joe Rogan has things I don't and I have things he doesn't. He knows everything about everything. This guy can talk to anyone. I just don't have that. But my emotional, compassionate side, my empathy, I think, gives me something else. And on that interview, I got so many comments because it was one of the first interviews I've done, which was the same guest Joe Rogan had. I saw the comments. And loads of people going, you fucking outdid Joe Rogan with that one. And I knew I did. And I don't mean that as a disrespect

because he's like a God to me. But on that one, it really showed because I just did a totally different interview. And Joe is always going to be the goat to me but sometimes even the goat can be got and I can get him every every now and then and I and I'm he's who I aspire to to be on every podcast you know so maybe I don't know I don't know what the fuck it's going to take um I don't know if it's because I'm I feel like it's because I'm working class and I don't necessarily

like some people just get credit thrown at them like Mr Beast, wow you spent loads of money on a video what's the other fucker who's always surprising his friends with cars, I don't give a shit, like with all due respect, you don't impress me, none of you, like

your creativity is bang average I could turn up with fucking money and buy a car for a friend. You know what I mean? So I'm trying to tell stories, like, with the fall of Trigodi, with the rebuild, with the podcasts. That content is, like, I poured my heart and soul into it. I edited it with my editor, Gio. Shout out to him.

Amazing editor. We sat together and did frame by frame. I do the grade i fucking everything like every minute detail i care about why does my podcast look different everyone else because i care and i will literally go and go right we're going to do the grade we're going to do the sound that doesn't sound right and i every fucking detail i care about so it frustrates me that I'm not where I think I should be because the numbers are there the deals are there but the critical acclaim for whatever reason isn't there and I guess it's because I swear and I'm not like mainstream worthy like I'm never I'm never going

to be the kid who Jonathan Ross invites on or you know I'm not and I don't want to I don't give a fuck about being well known on telly I don't want to go on it particularly um and it's not because there's anything wrong with it it's just I'm happy where I am you know but um I don't know what it's going to take bro do you think I've got to move a fucking mountain no I know I was just thinking about it then because I agree with everything you said in terms of the influence you have and I and you I also agree that you are the best podcast in this country and really you were the one of the real pioneers of a certain style of podcasting but also on the kickoff right you're a real pioneer there but from what i've learned about company valuations and even how

brands do deals it's the way that it is packaged yeah and look i'm not greasing the wheels of these companies and that's definitely a thing i need to do better because you talk about certain branded channels yeah certain youtube channels will take people out for dinner they'll schmooze they'll do all of that shit and i'm clearly not doing that but like credit to the companies who have invested in me because i've just went look i'm the best and and and you know i learned how to do decks myself i was i've done decks i do all my own decks you shouldn't be i i sell uh well i've just hired a guy so he's gonna do them from now on but the point is is like i got i've done all

right you know yeah you've done really well i've done well i don't i'm gonna say it you're not getting the credit you deserve yeah i'm and and it's say it. You're not getting the credit you deserve. Yeah. And, and it's, you know, and you're not getting the money you deserve either. It's fucking frustrating, bro. Like, I don't know what money you're getting,

but I know it's not what you deserve. Trust me, bro. It ain't what I know. I'm credit to the partners we've got. Cause they've looked after us. Particularly, um,

Jim shark and poker stars and Twitch. Um, I'm grateful for, for those people to be uh partnered with us but yeah i i definitely feel like where where i am is not reflected um but yeah i need to do the the schmoozing bullshit a lot better and and the deck side of things we've built that out and we're packaging up and branding wise i need to be a bit more there's a lot of rich old white dudes who sign the fucking checks who i need to be more friendly towards i and i get that i don't even think you do i think you need a bunch of rich

old white dudes to be friendly with rich old white dudes yeah i think you should probably call your company like true true entertainment yeah you put it all under there the minute so people when they look at something if they if they value it as a YouTube channel, you're getting paid X. If they value you as a media company, a Buzzfeed or a Vice. Well, which I am. Yeah, you are.

Which I am. But you're not packaged like that. You're packaged as a YouTube channel. Vice is worth five, like, I don't know, no, it was 1.5 billion. Yeah. Like, if you think about the influence and reach, you're probably up there with Vice,

but you're branded differently. You're branded as a YouTube channel. And I've done all this on a shoestring as well, bro. Exactly, yeah. I've been in debt with a tax man. I got that rug pulled out from under me with the deal. I've had to scramble to get other deals. I had to pay off the production company,

all the money I owed them. Yeah. You know that one who kept us going after the deal? I had to pay them off, and then I went solo and got my own production company all the money i owed them yeah you know you know that one who kept us going after the deal i had to pay them off and then i went solo and got my own production company set up so we are beginning which is the obviously the concept where the promotion where the distribution we are a fucking media company it's just fucking frustrating because i don't know whose dick i've got to suck to get fucking respect around here um but I should be a multi-fucking millionaire right now balling out of control not balling out of control I should be going back down to the fucking Audi garage now

yeah I'm pissed off and I think that chip on my shoulder is a healthy thing in a way because it'll just keep driving me to get that respect i deserve and ultimately to get the money to look after the people i care about and that's that's the goal it ain't about like ultimately yes i've got an ego yes i want to be respected yes but i could quit all that as long as i get the money to secure everyone who all my team all of that you know what i mean and you 100 own your your formats absolutely yeah i pulled up on heineken because they used the kickoff trademark and said i want my fucking money really yeah shout out to heineken they paid me off yeah they used the kickoff and um i was like the kickoff the europe European Champions League night with Heineken. And I'm like, what the fuck?

Tweeted them. And yeah, I had everyone fucking, oh, can we make the score away? But to be fair, the gaffer at Heineken was cool as fuck. Well, he better have been. Yeah, he should sponsor the fucking kickoff. Do you think you're happy now i want to i want to answer this honestly i'm really really going there um no i wouldn't say happy is the right word but i'm closer to in the middle than I have been in a long time. You know what I mean?

Like that neutral point of like, I'm not really happy, but I'm also not low. I'm heading up to like, okay. You know what I mean? I have more okay days than I have had in a long time since I started taking my antidepressants and stuff. That's really helped me sort of level out a bit. So, yeah, I'm definitely a bit better, but I wouldn't say happy would be the right word.

And also, I'm not striving to be happy either. I think I'm striving for peace and content and just, yeah, you have your happy days, you're also going to have your bad days but it's like i want to get to a place where i ride the storm and enjoy the good bits and appreciate them and know that there will be hard times again but that i'm mentally equipped to deal with them and then if i do have a uh a bad moment that i don't want to kill myself or anything that's sort of my what i'm looking for do you know what it's going to, the work, what work it takes to get there? Do you have any idea what it's going to take?

Yeah. Yeah. I think so. But also I'm, I'm kind of think I'm one of those people that I'm, I'm not anticipating an easy ride in life. I'd be a fool after everything I've been through to think, but now it's going to go great, you know?

So it's like, um, that's kind of why I search for money because I think money does solve a lot of problems and it can make life a lot easier and it's it's not like money isn't the answer but that can help a lot the freedom it gives you yeah I'm still super scared slash conscious about my relationship with money because I know that there's nothing you can do to take that kid out of me oh yeah it will never leave me yeah there's still bits of me man man. I say a fast car and I'm like, well,

fuck me. I can really go for one of them right now. Bitcoin was taken off. I'm like, Oh, should I, should I get on the train? Do you know what I mean?

Once every three months, I'll send my friends, one of them's over there and my manager and my PA, a picture of a Rolls Royce. And I'll just be like, should I do it? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'll do it five times a year. I'll never buy it. But it's that kid showing up again, being like, get fucking show them. And this, all I've tried to do in my life is just be way more conscious of that kid in me.

But this is the thing is like, at this point for you, everyone thinks you're way more loaded than you probably are anyway. So it's gone to a point where it's like, for you, there's nothing left to prove you've you've proven it you know what i mean like you you're and i guess yeah bro credit to you by the way you've done a fucking good job oh thank you you're right proud of you yeah thank you bro

i appreciate that i hope you're proud of yourself as well um i am and you're right i don't feel like i've got um a ton left to prove to people. And that's what I, that's what I was kind of referring to. And that for me has been a really good place to actually realize what I care about in life, because before it was all trying to get laid, trying to get girls, trying to get respect, trying to get followers, trying to get whatever. And when I was doing that, I was reaching, I was getting, I was making myself unhappy, but I was self-destructing. When you finally get to the point where you realize that you are actually never going to be internally worth more you're never actually going to be more valuable as a human being no

matter how much money i have my value doesn't change but insecurity is is is is it's a gift and a curse isn't it it's like rocket fuel it's like before when i was talking about my podcast and how i'm underrated you see the the way I talk, like the passion. Whereas Joe Rogan ain't fucking talking like that. He's content. He is the king. Like he has nothing there. And also I kind of envy it because he's never been that way.

He's never been, he's never come across as, I need validation. And I know that's in me, you know what I mean? And it's not a healthy thing and i do you think it's a good thing it it's certainly fucking driven us so i can't i can't hate it all but it's like controlling it it's like the beast inside you and it's like um mastering it you know knowing when to let it go like, it's that same thing that will make me obsess over the quality of the content or, you know, the detail

or the research. And it's the same thing that when people let me down in a work situation, I get fucking frustrated because I'm like, why the fuck don't you want this as bad as I do? You know what I mean? But if they did, they'd be me. You know what I mean? But if they did, they'd be me. You know what I mean? I'm me there then.

But it just drives us fucking insane sometimes, you know? I think it's about balancing that thing. And as you say, trying to master it, because you're definitely right. It was like the fucking rocket ship that took you here. Yeah. But at some point, I think probably to fly, you've got to let go.

And I genuinely think i've thought this from just watching from afar and seeing the similarities in me and you i've thought to myself the day that brian reaches his full potential will be the day that he no longer gives a fuck about proving himself to people because i think then i think then how you operate becomes a lot more healthy and more productive and more effective. You're not being driven by these external forces who clearly, you know, that don't want your best interest. You can be in control. Because you're not in control if there's that driving you, right?

You're not actually. I'm the same. As I said, I'm on the treadmill, bro. And the day I don't need money anymore, that's going to be a scary day for the rest of the internet because the content's going to fucking change. I don't know what the fuck I'll do, but it'll probably... I don't know.

I don't want to let the fans down and I don't want to stop doing what they love me for, but I am a person who evolves constantly and I'm always thinking and re-evaluating and what you know what is this what am i doing why am i here all of that and uh it'll be interesting to see what happens then i'm i'm excited to see if that if that happens you know what i mean like what i would say what i will do you're relentless like um eddie hearn yeah yeah he's one of the most relentless characters i've ever met

and he told me you know he's just working for that day to sell his to sell matrim and i asked him why he wants to sell matrim if it's making him happy and he goes well we were never supposed to be here and it sounds a lot like what you say to me and then he goes what i'm going to do is i'm going to sell matrim five billion then i'm going to go to the beach and smoke my cigar and i said eddie you're not no but yeah i'm not trying to do that i i get that i love what i do um but like take take matrim for example right this is me going on a rant again i look at the zone i look at what matrim are doing i'm like you guys are fucking geniuses this is great why are you not coming for me why what what you waiting for UFC had Joe Rogan I've got a fucking huge podcast audience every video I do about fighting gets loads of views my production

quality my shows um you know they've tried to copy my shows no offense but I know they I mean I can see the way they try to get a round table going they got Joe Weller in there and stuff like that I see what they're doing good good on them like you know it looked all right but we just come for the real McCoy pays the money and I'll fucking I'll make you guys I'll help you out you know what I mean there might be an issue of being dependent then on you right for brands because if you're the main event one day if you decide to yeah cut the brand but look at what Joe Rogan did with the UFC. It was a perfect marriage. His podcast had the fighters on. He told the stories for the fighters.

He helped promote them. They then go back into the UFC. They're now more relevant. They get more pay-per-view buys. And it's a symbiotic relationship there where you give me the fight, you give me Anthony Joshua, the new Anthony Joshua,

you need to build him up. And I tell the story better than he could himself. i helped make a documentary on him better than he could himself i'm king of content and i help you out and that like i don't know i just feel like i've got all these fucking skills and i'm sitting here making my own stuff but like with a budget imagine what i made the rebuild me and two other guys made the rebuild like it was good but imagine if i actually had a fucking netflix budget you know what i mean like why don't you take investment then uh i i would consider it but it would have to be from the right person who understood what the goal was and actually backed me but unfortunately because i've had those previous

issues where companies have tried to um get me to sign over my ip for fucking peanuts um putting a gun to my head and shit like that and i've had multiple people try and do that this made me very wary you know it would have to be a big amount of money and a good a good long-term partner so you fancy it no i genuinely i've always looked at what you do and you know this anyway and i've always thought that you you had been undervalued and i tend to believe that and because you do you've been the king of what you do for a long time not blowing smoke up your ass you know this anyway i appreciate it no but you know it's true and um other people who aren't as good because they they're packaged as these like big media companies, they're getting the big seven, eight figure contracts.

It fucking destroys us, man. It destroys us. When I hear, I'm just going to fucking say it. When I hear, fucking got a massive fucking deal with Budweiser or anyone, we'll bleep that,

bleep, because they'll fucking take me to court. I will do. It destroys us because I'm just like, you guys are putting out shit content. You don't get any views. Randomly, your video, one video's got 10,000 views.

The next video's got 5 million. No one asks anything. No one at Budweiser double-checking that. I ain't that. And I'm sure there's some backscratching going on behind closed doors where someone went to Eaton with his other fucking mate. And I'm not invited to these business dinners.

But if you actually want to sell some shit and you actually want to make a fucking buzz and you want to kick ass on the next World Cup or whatever, we do the content. We are... Piss us off. I can tell you've had this. It's because me and my team work so hard.

It's not just me either, you know what I mean? We're all like grafting constantly. My editor, for example, this kid works till like four in the morning fucking regularly, you know, to give everything. And someone's got to pay for that one day. Like I got to get my end result from that, you know. We do because I'm very loyal to them and we all deserve result from that you know we we do because it won't i'm very loyal to them and i and what we all deserve that do you know what i mean that moment of look at what we've

built you know when i see spotify signing um they've just signed the girl in the america yeah uh call her daddy yeah right they give her a fucking huge contract i'm like look at her views look what the fuck am i doing over here like i don't know what it is man i don't know what it is but i think i'm right when i say it's because you've not packaged yourself as a media company that you well i think call her daddy had a lot of help from barstool and obviously barstool being a huge company in america they packaged her well and and put her on the map and stuff and we've had to do everything like you when you met me I was in a fucking bomb shelter bro I I paid a toothless Russian man 50

pounds a day for a sweaty bomb shelter because that's all I could afford when when I met you in 2017 because a company had sacked me a company had let me go because they quote unquote I'm not brandable and they couldn't make money out of me because they couldn't sell me properly because of the way i was and i was on 50 quid a day paying rent for the studio and that studio was fucking horrible but now poker stars beats by dre jim shock and twitch apparently think i'm marketable so i proved that fucker wrong didn't i sometimes it does feel good to prove people wrong steve do you know what i mean but that's not the goal the goal is the bank balance yeah proving it wrong when he said i wasn't sellable i've competed with a company before when i was in the bomb

shelter for a for a sponsorship which was a six-figure sponsorship deal, and they were a 20 million pound company and I beat them. You know what I mean? So to say I've come up from nothing is the understatement of the fucking century. And I just, I need to get to that point where I'm content like yourself.

I just hope and pray, and I think this is what I keep, you can hear me keep coming back to it, is I just hope that you don't believe too much in you getting there and finally being completely happy and content. I don't. I'm aware of what you're saying.

And I've had plenty of money before and I've had the adrenaline dump of bloody driving a fast car and all that. You can live anywhere in the world. You can drive any car in the world. If the people around you aren't who you want to be around if you yourself on content it doesn't matter because i wanted to kill myself in in you know in a in a situation where many people would have felt like it was the best thing and all of that and i i'm aware of what you're saying i just want it all i want the content peaceful happiness nice people around me and i want the money and it's it's life's a good ride in it so

i might as well go for it i think it's possible do you know you want to know something that's funny do you know what during that um that week of hell i had i remember um i was just sat there i was like i think i was having a whiskey at the time and uh this is what like a dark sense of humor i've got i remember thinking hi this is so fucked isn't it but what a ride like there was just a bit of me that was like this is a fucking story and that's jesus something like you know what a ride like there was just a bit of me that was like this is a fucking story and that's jesus something like you know what i mean like step out of yourself yeah you just gotta laugh and go hey my life is not fucking boring if anything like it was like you know gotta laugh at it sometimes i'm there your fitness stuff at the moment i've been getting very into health and

fitness yeah i've seen that yeah you getting very into health and fitness yeah i've seen that yeah you're looking shredded thank you bro yeah i'm on i'm on his friends on his close friends yeah yeah i say that i say the stories other people don't say is that getting cut as well how's that how's that um impacted your life just having you know you've started boxing and you've started working out a lot and you're looking good thank you yeah how's that had an impact on your mental health it's be honest with me it's it's great in terms of like making you feel better and you have a great workout and you get the endorphins and stuff but also weirdly there's the um if i have a bad

week i feel worse about it like if i have like a week where i haven't trained or i've put weight on and stuff like that it makes me go i'm letting myself down here you know i mean i need to fucking soak myself out supposed to be a gym shock athlete you know i mean like so now there's more pressure on it if anything but um are you gonna fight you've got to fight i don't know who because you're massive but i think i might do something like a charity boxing match at some point something that isn't like what the youtubers do i'd rather i i'm i'm sparring quite a lot now and i'm getting some like heavyweight sparring in with like i'm going to get some pros to spar with me and stuff like that.

And really push myself. I feel like what a lot of these YouTube boys do is they call someone out and then learn how to fight. Whereas I'm actually just learning how to fight because I enjoy it. And also because I'm dedicated to what I do. Like if you look at my analysis on fighting three, four years ago when I did Logan Paul KSI one one or joe weller ksi and then look at what i can do now when i break a fight down it is fucking so much better now and i think a lot of the

to be fair a lot of the boxing and mma fans although they always disagree with you i think a lot of them are recognizing like this guy's getting punched in the head just to learn fighting so he can do better videos and that's real real dedication. So that's my actual goal, to be better on camera. But I do love fighting for whatever reason. It just brings out this, all the things about me that I've probably showed in this podcast or that they come out in the ring when you're being challenged and wanting to quit,

but keeping going anyway. Like I think every entrepreneur has that in them really they're all fighters they're just doing it in a different way but when you're in a boxing ring it really brings that out of you and um it gives you some sort of self-worth and self-esteem because i i got that when i was at my lowest point really my depression um like all of a sudden it was like yeah i am tough i'm not just a big lad i'm hard as fucking nails me you know and it give me a lot of give me a good thing in the time i really needed it so if i was to do a fight it would probably i'd rather do it like a social club where everyone's getting pissed drinking pints

and i'd live stream it on my own channel or something and and donate everything to charity rather than making it a like a spectacle yeah and I'd rather fight a real amateur fighter who I respect he respects no trash talk shake hands we'll have a pint together afterwards and you know just something like that really you when you were going through that depressive period and you started boxing, I noticed that you stopped podcasting as much and you talked about how that was to do with money. Yeah, it was also mental health. It's hard to do a two-hour podcast, even now. I'm in a much better place now, but it still, it comes out.

I don't talk about it because it was my state of mind and obviously this is a podcast about my life. But when you're really rock bottom i could get on and we do these uh comedy videos for those who haven't seen them called true news where we basically look at the the news and we just rip the piss out of it and you know people like piers morgan and the like they get they get a lot of stick off us and um i can do that because we can edit it down it It's me and Lawrence, we're laughing and joking. And then afterwards, you know, you switch off

and you go back to being normal. When you're podcasting, there's really no way to hide. And that's what I love about podcasts. It's like, you really do get a good idea of who someone is. If they podcast regularly, it's hard to hide. It's hard to pretend, you know. And that's why I didn't do it because I knew I couldn't lie to the, I didn't want to lie to the audience.

I didn't want to, I'd rather come out and do like a month later when I'm feeling up to it and tell them what I've been going through. So, for example, when, like I say, like when my mom died, I never mentioned it. Or when my dad went through um his um suicide attempt i only did a podcast on it once i knew he was all right and once that moment had been and gone um it's difficult when you're a podcaster and you're living a life to to pretend like this isn't happening to you you also turned off all the comments on your social media channels.

I was just thinking that. I was like, I realised I can't respond to your tweets anymore or I can't reply to Instagram. You know what? That's an interesting one, isn't it? Because it's something no YouTuber ever does because it's bad for engagement. And I did that on a couple of YouTube videos as well.

And they still trended in the top 10 in the world, and I realized, well, that's bollocks then. Oh, you need comments for engagement. No, you don't, actually. And, you know, when you're watching something on Netflix, you're not like, I need to comment on this. So why is the comment such a big deal? But mainly, I got to a point where mentally I realised this wasn't helping me.

And for all I get lovely comments and shout out to the fans, you know, they make us who we are. The negative ones were so nasty at times. It made me just think, I don't need any of these. And there's that old fucking poem um is it rudyard kipling treat these two imposters just the same you know treat treat people who who praise you and people who criticize you i just thought you can all keep your comments because i'm going to do what i'm going to do regardless, to be honest with you. The numbers, you're watching it, cool. But for my own mental health, I don't want to hear it, right? Watch it, enjoy it, don't watch it, don't enjoy it, vote with your feet.

I don't need to read this stuff right now because it ain't helping me. So, you know, a lot of people, even people on my team were like, oh, you know, you shouldn't do this, shouldn't do that. And I was like, bro, if you're going to sit and troll through these comments and delete them all hours of the night, cool. But if you're not, I'm turning them off. And it's really helped me that. Because it's like I put a tweet out, I put an Instagram post out, and I'm not going, what are the comments saying?

Are they good? Are they bad? I just go fuck it do you know what I mean like the video is the video and that's who I really am because I truly I don't want to sound like it's it's a weird thing to say I don't give a fuck but like I do give a fuck in a way if that makes sense like I want you to enjoy it but if you don't enjoy it cool but if you're then going to try and insult me for it or say anything bad about me I'm not interested you know what I mean because I know I'm a good person I know I look after the people around me I know I've got a lot of qualities and I don't need you guys tearing me down right now so that's sort of the

way I look at it just it's so it's so one would say it was it's not surprising to me because i think i've i've spent a long time talking to people on this topic but it would be surprising to someone viewing in thinking you know true geordie big man you know says he doesn't give a fuck swears down the camera all the time. And then for him to be affected by the comments on Instagram, it feels like, it feels it's not, but it feels like a contradiction, doesn't it? To the outside person who's viewing in. Okay, so to be absolutely brutally honest then,

to really narrow it down for someone who might think that there is a contradiction it's like um i don't mind whether you like me or hate me i'm actually fine with that but if you insult me that will hurt my feelings so i'm choosing not to listen to either side because i truly don't care if you like me or hate me you know what i mean i don't care i just don't want to hear it because then i will care care I just don't want to hear it because then I will care yeah and I don't want to have to do that and that's the truth you know what I mean and I'm comfortable with that reality of some people will like me some people won't like me and I think to be as honest I have from day one and just be like fuck it put it out there like

that I'm not I'm not trying to make people dislike me if anything i want to make people enjoy life forget about their problems have a laugh and it's probably as passionate as i've come across here sometimes i'm really like a light-hearted person and surprisingly i think one of the main things people say about me when they get to know me is i'm actually really chilled out off camera but when the camera comes on i know it's time to fucking do what i do and it's like the volume goes up and the opinions become more powerful more passionate more in um definitive you know what i mean and i don't know that's just what i've learned to do yeah that's what i've come to learn about you as well i think the first time i met you i remember thinking god he's such a such a soft um nice kind gentleman i am i am soft as shit actually but then there's this

there's this exterior which is can be quite can be quite like aggressive at times and and it comes back to what we started the podcast on really is it's that two sides to me like and I kind of called it my mom and my dad but yeah very much so like there's my mom's side of me which makes me the care and compassionate interviewer who can pull things out of people I think other people can't and make people feel like it's okay to share that and then there's the arrogant show-off who has a huge ego sometimes, and that is my dad's qualities, you know, coming out in me, and I'm lucky to have both of those, you know, because it is such a weird combo, but yeah, I guess is that it yeah that's it yeah no i genuinely i've

been fascinated by you for by you for so long and the more you shared and the more vulnerable you've been online the more it's it's all started to make sense oh yeah to some degree oh yeah and i'm i'm looking forward to see where we go with it you know because i want to dig deeper i want to i want to i want to be even more vulnerable i want to i want to i want to be even more vulnerable i want to i want to go further in the future but i got a group i like to grow as a person and then let it come out like in stages because you know like you know how people like us we sort of we're mulling things over on a daily basis like who am i what am i becoming is this the direction i want to go and all these fucking questions and when you do that every single day and you're laying a brick in the house that

eventually becomes like the person you are in your life three months to someone like that is a lot they can do a lot so yeah i feel like we can i'm looking forward to finding out that direction and and hopefully making a shitload of money as i said said, that's the... If anyone, any... I know a lot of investors listen to this podcast. Info at truejody.com if you want to... Well, we'll end it there. But no, I genuinely... Do you know what?

Crazier things have happened from people that have listened to this podcast. So I know that a certain big brand got a very big deal off the back of... Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Big, probably worth nine figures. Whoa. Okay, I'm on the right podcast. Finally. a very big deal off the back of oh really yeah yeah big probably worth nine figures from the guy that's right here

on the right podcast finally I came here to do you a fucking favour but it could work out for me no but you have you've really done me a favour because you know

just for anyone that's listening we had a guest move till next week and bloody Ben Frum honestly if I wasn't his favourite

employee I bet I'd be now I tell you I texted you i think yesterday or the day before and you've you know moved things around to be here so i appreciate that and i owe you a big big favor but um and you didn't have to you know i mean we're all very busy so i do honestly appreciate that i've always we've always got on all right mate and um and i've always um you i like obsessive people who are pushing themselves to the limit and I appreciate what you're doing

and you've always been respectful of the space that we're in because I feel like you're trying to bridge the gap a bit between mainstream, hence the TV show and all the other stuff, but also the space that I come from. And you don't talk down to people who are on this side and I think there's a lot of people who are in the mainstream who sort of, they just don't know what the fuck we're doing over here. And by the time they do, it'll be too late

and they'll be swallowed by this industry. So I'm coming for your job. I agree, man. And I look at you as a businessman and I genuinely, and I'm sure a ton of people watching this will as well. I just see, and I've always, you probably know this, I've always seen a massive opportunity because i do think what you do represents the future

and i also think the way you present your content and not having the filter also represents the future because the reason we have watershed and this and the bbc are so scared of everything even though i'm now on the bbc is um uh is because they is because of the medium in which we deliver the content. TV and... But look at Sky. If you look at Sky's social media, they're trying to copy us every step of the way. Now, they're trying to do what we do.

You know what I mean? And that's a compliment. And they're pulling YouTubers in from these shows. All the time. But when Sky set up their own version of the kickoff, that was the ultimate compliment and when it went down in flames within two years it was an even bigger compliment we're gonna end the podcast here but we'll talk we'll talk we'll talk offline about you know if

there's any way now i'm a free agent maybe there's some way that i can help you get the value that you've oh man imagine imagine you were the guy who finally sold true geordie to the mainstream and made it all happen. If you can do that, then you'll really prove yourself. But we'll let Steve Bartlett go and do his Dragon's Den thing for now. But if you really want to see if he's good, can he sell True Geordie? Sounds like a challenge.

I love how he'll play with your ego a little bit. If you know me as well, I'll be like, I'll be going upstairs and I'll be like, sounds like a challenge I love how I'm playing with your ego just to say it if you know me as well I'll be like I'll be going upstairs and I'll be like well done on the drug I appreciate it

thank you bro it's fucking amazing isn't it Thank you.