The Digression Sessions - Ep. 10 Blason Saddles w/ Blake Phelps & Jason Schwab

Episode Date: November 7, 2011

DIGHEADS, welcome to episode 10! That's right! Double digits! WE DID IT, DIGHEADS! The wonderful and hilarious  THE Jason SchwabS returend to the podcast and he brought along the beautiful and gassy and THE Blake "Brakes" Phelps! This ep has it all - KISS, hog penises, provolone bites, Ledo's talk, and most importantly a nice trip down Memory Road.  Rate us 5 stars AND write a comment on iTunes! @Blake Phelps   @MichaelMoran10 @JKuderna

Oh shit. Oh. Uh oh. We seem to be the only ones dancing to the intro music. You guys aren't feeling this shit? Gentlemen. Nah, nah. They're feeling it.

They're feeling it. I think they're feeling it out in podcast land. I would agree. I'd say that's likely. I'm feeling the vibes. The good vibes. Uh-huh. The funky ones.

You know, I think I can actually hear someone listening at home right now You hear them? And that's the sound of somebody turning off the podcast There it was right there Well it's another motherfucking Digression session No you did not Oh yeah

You did Back here at the Digcess headquarters Oh yeah Digheads We got a special episode today Oh, I did. You did. Back here at the Dig Cess headquarters. Oh, yeah. Dig Heads. We got a special episode today. We got our first ever returning guest, Jason the Toolman Schwa. Back in the house.

And my good friend. As always, his loyal assistant, Blake Phelps. Hello. No, you're not on the show yet. Shut up. I didn't know. Shut the fuck up. I'm new to this. You're new to this show.

All right, that's your first mess up you get. First mistake. Yep. Next time you'll have to phone a friend. And we'll cut your pinky off for shame. All right. Mike Moran, how the hell are you? Not bad. Not bad. I can't complain. Yeah? Feeling good? No, how the hell are you? Not bad.

Not bad. I can't complain. Yeah? Feeling good? No, I kind of have a headache right now. Okay. But can't complain about life. Right.

Things are good. Things are good. Sometimes. Just had some pizza. Yeah. Yeah. Very good. Our friends out there in Pizza Bowlies.

Yep. Shout out to the sponsor of the podcast, Pizza Bowlies. Serving mediocre food for 13 years. It is always funny when a company has the, since whatever date, but it's really not that long ago. Since 1998. Wow, really impressive. It stayed in business for 12 years. Way to go.

You did it. I think I trust you. Now with the recession, if you're like, since 2007, then everyone's like, holy crap. They made it. They must be really good.

They made it through the dark. Either that or members of the mafia. Funded by the Yakuza. Pizza Bullies. Well, do you think we should bring our guests into the mix?

Nah. No? We'll just keep going. Anyway, more about me. Yep. What's up? How's it going? I am a good person.

Uh-huh. I am a strong person. Yep. And I am going to make waves in this world. Definitely. Your chakras are open. You've got some good karma coming to you. You're selfless. Right. Handsome. Yep. Good head on your shoulders. Uh-huh. Well, my neck

on my shoulders. Right. What about you, Josh? What do you have to say about yourself? Let's start with a little bit of positive Handsome. Yep. Good head on your shoulders. Well, my neck on my shoulders. Right. Right. Well, what about you, Josh? What do you have to say about yourself? Let's start with a little bit of positive reinforcement. I am fun, you know? Even if I'm sad, I have fun. Something else.

Something else. I am alive. Josh. No? Technically, sure. Sure. I am alive Josh No I technically Sure sure medically speaking I suppose you're not dead Yeah I have a pulse pretty sure Yeah but I mean

Going with the P.O.D. definition Are you really Payable on death Is that what you're talking about Yes the bad P.O.D. Domination, are you really payable on death? Is that what you're talking about? Yes, the bad beauty. What? I feel so alive.

Don't you ever feel so alive? I feel so alive. Yes, of course. I listen to it every morning to remind myself. Would you really say that you can say that? Can you really shout that to the heavens? I can. You're lying.

I say, I feel so alive. Josh, tell me the truth about yourself. How would you describe yourself in this moment? Tense. Pretty. Loquacious. My favorite member of the Jackson family. Loquacious Jackson.

Yeah. He's cute. All right. Well, let's move on, I think. I think it's time to move on. To, like, not podcasting anymore. Yeah, I think it's over. Let's just take a break.

Let's move on with our lives. Yeah, we have, what, like 10 episodes? That's a good run. Yeah, you know, we had a good stretch. I think so. Today will be a good day to die. All right, but since they're here, we might as well bring them into the mix. Jason, the Toolman Schwab.

Blake, Al Impersonator Phelps. Did you think of that, like, before? Yep, I did. Al Impersonator Phelps. Well, I couldn't remember Al's last name, so. Borland. Borland. Al Borland. I don't remember Al's last name, so. Borland. Al Borland.

I don't think so, Josh. I thought you said Al. Al. Al Impersonator. The way that he always moves his neck. He has like those huge eyes. The way he's always swallowing mice whole. Say hi to the crowd, Blake.

Our listeners at home. Well, you guys like the Home Depot or Home Depot Home Improvement references. I do believe I remember hearing Home Depot as well. It goes well hand in hand. Yeah, we tried it. Home Improvement, Home Depot. Subliminal ads right now. Home Depot, I mean.

That's not exactly subliminal if you say it out loud. Brought to you by Home Depot. I mean, not Home Depot. You didn't hear that. You should eat at Pizza Bully's. I mean, I like Josh. Yeah, just slipping

references. Orange Apron. Anyway, how are you? Home Depot. We way we're always. We're just terrible at our product placement. Anyways, I'm going to have another sip of this delicious Folgers coffee, deep roasted. Who made that? It tastes like the mountains. Did you brew it?

No, that's a good cup of coffee. I am Mike Moran. French Press. Over on the east side of the house. Oh, shout out to the east side. Well, Jason, our returning guest, how the hell are you? I've been good. Good.

You know, no complaints. Uh-huh. All right. All right. Nothing new here on this side. All right. This episode is just new here on this side. All right. This episode is just going to be bursting with energy. Like, I'm good.

Things are okay. Well, you guys didn't learn. Pick one extreme or the other, Jason. You guys didn't learn from the first time. The same Buddha cast. Bring back the same shit that I did last time. Fool us once, shame on you. But you can't fool me twice.

Nope. Well, it's okay. You want to know why? Why is that? It's all good. It's all good. Yeah, it is. It's all good.

Glad to see you brought back the backup dancers. Yeah, they're hanging out. I thought maybe times were hard. The Dig Sesh backup dancers. I feel like they were left out. Well, it was a little tough, but we renegotiated their contracts, and they're doing it for the love, not for the money. I can accept that.

And, you know, I was like, what do you think of new contract negotiations? They said. It's all good. And they were back. I mean, looking gorgeous as ever. I said, do you want to work for pesos instead of American currency? They said. Oh, yeah.

You know what I mean? So it's cool. They're cool. You know, it was a tense time, but everything's a-yite, a-yite, a-yite. You hashed it out. Yeah, we did. Hashtagged it out. A lot of hashtag references being dropped these days, I've noticed.

We're trying to get that Twitter fucking sponsorship, bro. You know, that was our subliminal Twitter talk. Hashtag references being dropped these days, I've noticed. We're trying to get that Twitter fucking sponsorship, bro. That was our subliminal Twitter talk. Hashtag. Hashtags and abbreviations. I don't like them. We should do rapid fire questions like that. Abbreviations. How do you feel about them?

Don't like them. I hate them. All right, next subject. All right. Why do you hit them right down? Let's talk to right, next subject. Absolutely. All right, why do you hate abbreviations? Let's talk to Blake, Al Borland impersonator Phelps. Well. Get that mic a little bit closer.

There you go. Pardon me. Can you hear me? Yeah. Okay. Very clear. I do not. You hate abbreviations.

I do. I just think. You were molested by an abbreviation when you were younger. No, I feel like it's a little lazy, perhaps. Like, maybe it's good for marketing. I can understand that. But it's like, come on. Like, Rofo, Bogo. I hate those ones.

Like, SoCo. Yeah, yeah. Like, when they name neighborhoods. Why? Soebo. That is so obnoxious. What is it? It doesn't even end with an O.

It should be B-A. Southwest Baltimore. Yeah. Soebo. No, no, no. What did I say? What did I say? Soebo. Meet me at the Rofo in Soe. Southwest Baltimore. No. What did I say? Soebo. Meet me at the Rofo in Soebo, bro.

Right. That's where I'll be. Pick up some Soebo. Bro, Rofo, Soebo. Oh, my gosh. We should call our podcast, like, Dig So. Do So. I also don't like when, like, people shorten names of bands.

Like, if it's a longer name, like, I don't know. Like Backstreet Boys. BSB. P.O.D. No, I just think. Just give them the respect to say the whole name. What about the Chili Peppers? Yeah.

What about that? That actually. The food, not the band. No. I think the Chili Peppers is acceptable. But maybe because. If you don't reference them at all, then you're in. Okay. But Chili Peppers, I'm all right with that.

What about the Trail of the Dead? That's an obscene. And you will know us. And you will know us. I But Chili Peppers, I'm alright with that. What about The Trail of the Dead? That's an obscene And you will know us. Oh, and you will know us. I know. I mean, it's so long. It is so long. If you're

I can accept that one too because that is a very That is a very long Trail of the Dead is fine. What about the film To Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything,

Julie Newmar? You have to say the whole thing. Okay. It would be unacceptable to short it. Don't disrespect one of the greatest films

of all time. Do not. What about It's Always Sunny? I don't like that. I hate that. Yeah, I don't like that either. That is one of the greatest films of all time. Do not. What about It's Always Sunny? I don't like that. I hate that. That is one of the ones I hate. I hate when they say have you seen Sunny? But I need to be just saying the whole thing right there. You always say

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. You say the whole thing? Yeah, because you sound like a... What about Curb? Did you watch Curb this week, bro? I dislike Curb. What about SNL? I really dislike Curb this week, bro? I dislike Curb. What about SNL? I really dislike Curb. SNL is acceptable.

That also goes on the abbreviation thing. Because SNL has been around for like 25 years. It just, I don't know. What about people who call Disney World Disney? SNL is because they actually called it SNL. It's not like people are just like, hey, it's SNL. I feel like. And Saturday Night Live. it's a mouthful

every time. Saturday Night Live. Saturday is hard to say for me. It is. Saturday. I remember that show. It really used to annoy me when that show, Men Behaving Badly, was on.

And they'd be like, Tuesday on an all new men. was on and they'd be like tuesday on an all-new men right now josh is yelling at his dog yeah she's a big fan of men behaving badly or men wasn't rob schneider on that show rob schneider is a man behaving rob schneider is about to find out it's not so easy to be a man behaving badly. Rob Schneider is about to find out it's not so easy to be a man behaving badly. Did you see the previews for that new Adam Sandler movie?

It looks so bad. He's doing an Eddie Murphy thing. He's playing two roles. He's playing his sister. You didn't know that? And it gets even worse worse Al Pacino is in the movie and falls in love with his sister oh I didn't see that part it's not in the previews but it's Al Pacino yep Al Pacino. When's the last time Adam

Sandler did a decent movie? Rain Down on Me I guess is pretty good I never saw that I saw the theater when it first came out and I was good punch-drunk love is awesome I thought I thought Funny People had some moments. That was okay. Funny People was awesome. It was too long. Yeah, it was too long. It was way too long.

I'm over it now. But I do like, it had its moments. Yeah, I agree. I agree. I think it might have been supporting cast. When's the last time you did a comedy movie that was decent? Happy Gilmore? Ever.

Billy Madison. I haven't watched those in a while. I used to love Happy Gilmore. They don't I haven't watched those in a while. I used to love Happy Gilmore. They don't. They're not very good. What was that? I thought Big Daddy was kind of funny.

That's right. I forgot about that one. Hey, Frankenstein, what do you want? Ketchup. He's like, get the man some ketchup. He's just eating a plate of ketchup. Who's your favorite team? The goddamn Jets. The old guy was like, get the man some ketchup. He's just eating a plate of ketchup. Who's your favorite team? The goddamn Jets?

Because the old guy was like, these goddamn Jets. Remember the, oh, what's her name? Who's that woman that sings songs? My friends. Sheryl Crow? Yep. She did a cover of Guns N' Roses at the end of Sweet Child O' Mine. Oh, yeah. Oh, I did not know that.

Little Nicky, Pile of Shit. Oh, gosh, yeah. I heard that was horrible. I never actually saw it. I saw it in theaters, too. Oh. I did not know that. Little Nicky, pile of shit. Oh, gosh, yeah. I heard that was horrible. I never actually saw it. I saw it in theaters, too. Yeah. It's kind of like he was playing a retarded person, which made it very hard to watch. Sorry, Gia.

Wasn't he looking for something, and he, like, found it at a yard sale or something? Like, he was going on. But the odd thing is it reminds me of that video for Detachable Penis. Like, when he's looking around for it. He sees it on the street. And he's like, oh, there it it is and then little nicky's looking for in the movie it's kind of so you're saying they ripped it off a little bit i think but it was just kind of funny like really tough accusation i don't know i think detachable penis is dumb too the sorry i'm just i'm a little salty you seem angry right now detachable penis that's detach pen is that what you're talking

about deep pen i don't know the pen the pen pen? Is that what you're talking about? Depend. I don't know. Depend. Depend. Depends what you're talking about. Depend. But yeah, Adam Sandler and his whole camp not doing well. Bucky Larson. Also looks like a pilot. Terrible.

Terrible. When you see the preview and he has those big teeth and the dumb hair, he's like, oh, je oh geez i'm a porn star you guys are way fun like nick swartz is one of the funniest people walking the planet why are you doing that how do they make such bad movies like it seems to be a constant with like good comedians they make terrible movies yeah well i think studios get involved like i'll do this this will be funny but i think adam sandler and company have earned enough uh credit where they'd be like yeah we know what we're doing so i don't think anybody's interfering with their movies i think they still

make money somehow oh yeah they all make money it doesn't matter if it's shitty somebody's gonna go watch it so grandma's boy is pretty great that one actually was a sleeper i yeah i saw the previews and i thought this looks awful right somehow I managed to see it and I thought it was. It was by far one of the better reviews. Those guys are mean. Madison production. Yeah, yeah. It's like the phone's for you. I think it's the devil.

He's like, I'm too high to go to the devil's house, man. I can't drive. I would get the monkey to. The shot of the monkey just flipping the steering wheel around. In the DVD commentary, they were saying they were terrified of that monkey. Because monkeys can just go nuts. And the first thing they do when they attack you is they go for your genitals, your face, and your hands. Did you ever see that one woman that was on Oprah who got her face ripped off?

She was on Oprah? Yeah. Well, she got her face ripped off by a monkey. I think I heard about this. I didn't know she was on Oprah. She owned a monkey. What did she get? She gave it, like, some type of, like, drug or something.

Yeah, but did it attack, like, her friend? Or her friend was there and had to pull the monkey off of her or something like that. There were two people. Luckily, there was somebody else there. Right. And, like, there's, like, a 911 tape also to it. And you could just hear, like, horrified. She's like, my monkey is attacking me!

Frantic, you know. Enough prank calls, okay? Okay, we'll be right there. For the monkey that ripped your face off. I'll bring some invisible tape right here. The monkey lady's calling again. It's the third one this week. Please.

Is this a joke? Imagine the feces all around the house. She's like, I could clean it up. He should do it. What did she look like on Oprah? Reconstructed face. Oh, gross. I think so.

Not even really close. It looked like she just had a clump of flesh just kind of covering it up. That's disgusting. Yeah. Have you seen pictures of that, like face transplants and stuff? Yeah. Pretty gnarly. This one guy I saw, he had to get a face transplant because he was helping out his church.

He volunteered to redo the roof of the church, and the power lines were right there, and he turned really quickly, and his head hit a power line and just fucking melted his whole face. It's like, goddamn, you're helping out a church. You're like, you know, dedicating your time. What about that smiting? Yeah's like, God damn, you're helping out a church. You're like, you know, dedicating your time. Smited. Yeah.

God, just like, you're stupid. Putting shingles on. I said, rain-resistant shingles, you jerk. What about that kid

that, like, tried to kill himself, the Judas priest, like him and his friend did like a ritual. They both shot themselves. And one survived.

They shot themselves in the face with rifles. Whoa. They had to completely reconstruct his face. There's a PBS special on it years and years ago. That you can still find online. His face looks horrible. Just terrible. And then I think he ended up dying a few years later.

Yeah, because they go through things where your body rejects the face yeah you have to stay on medication basically your entire life

yeah because your face will just push it off and any sickness you get your body attacks the foreign objects

so your body's just like what the fuck is that even if you get a cold like oh this must be the case of the cold let's get rid of

our face right I've heard they explain it. It just, like, peels off. Your head just pushes your face off. And he had to eat with, like, he only had one tooth. So he had to eat with his finger and his tooth.

He wouldn't let anyone watch him. What was the deal with Judas Priest? I feel like a lot of people will try to do shit like that. Well, there was a big, like, court case afterward. They had to, like, go to court and stuff. And there was, like, accusations of people will try to do shit like that. Well, there was a big court case afterward. They had to go to court and stuff, and there was accusations of subliminal messages. Right. They would play the record backwards and stuff like that. There's video footage of Judas Priest just sitting in court, and Rob Halford had to sing the lyrics in front of everyone.

Right. I remember seeing those. I think it might have been on the Aussie behind the music. Because I think he got in trouble with that, too. And they just show these old white Southern men that are so out of touch. He's like, well, I saw Ozzy at concert. And I saw everybody doing this and putting up the rock horns. He's like, you know what that means? The devil.

He's like, no. And then you see Ozzy today. It's just like any other grandpa would be. Can't find the remote and stuff. And yet this guy is supposedly channeling Satan. It's like, you guys are giving him too much credit here. Exactly. They're just a bunch of drunk assholes making music.

Right. I really want there to be a movie or something about the big satanic scare of the 1980s. There's a big controversy with Satanist accusations for years and years. Yeah. I don't know if we talked about this but kiss too for a while they're like knights and satan yeah like every every like

metal band you can think of was accused of being satanic is that what it stood for though no no no that's what they mean anything or it just it's just kiss yeah just kiss or acdc the whole uh it might be anti-christ yeah devil yeah but then when you hear those bands especially kiss Or ACDC, the whole... Antichrist. Oh, yeah. Devil. Yeah. But then when you hear those bands, especially Kiss, I remember seeing Circus Magazine is like, Kiss is back, or Heavy Metal Magazine and stuff. They look tough as shit.

They have their big boots and shoulder blades. And then I finally heard their music. They sound like the biggest group of pussies ever. That's nice. People were afraid of that? This is metal? Yeah. When I picture metal, it's like I was like. People were afraid of that? This is metal? Yeah. When I picture metal,

it's like speed metal, like screaming. But those bands were like mainstream. There's plenty of underground, satanic, crazy bands in the 70s and 80s that were like,

I guess people only cared about the mainstream ones, like Motley Crue. But yeah, it's just crazy that there's an uproar about Kiss. They're like, ah.

I know. What do I rock and roll? All they want to do is rock and roll. All they want to do is rock and roll. Just consider it. Damn it. Satanists. Just let them do it.

Just let them rock. Terrifying. Maybe a little bit of roll. Then they had songs like Lick It Up. It's like these guys are fucking crazy. Dr. Love.

Strutter. Love Gun. Yeah. Lick it up. Did you know when Kiss made a movie, not Paul Stanley, who's the other guitar player? The one that didn't sing. Ace Frehley.

Ace Frehley. He was either too drunk or didn't want to do the movie one day, and they had to have somebody fill in for him, and it was a black guy. Right. You can obviously tell it's a black guy in the movie. Yeah, it's a stunt double. Yeah. Oh, my God. And he looks completely different.

I think they also had to redo, like, Peter Criss refused to do his voiceovers. So they had to redo, like, his entire voice. It was another black guy. For the entire movie. Yeah, man. That's fucked up. Can you imagine how bad it must have been? I heard it's horrible.

This is not even good for you. The guy that dresses like a kitty cat for his living. He's like, no. How did they decide it's just the black guy? He's like, you're the only one we got. Right. They could have put gloves on him. He could have done something.

It's so obvious. He goes to grab something. It's a giant black hand. Really? Yeah. You can clearly tell. I remember seeing something with Paul Stanley talking about the movie and how embarrassed he was by it. Yeah.

I was like sinking down in his seat at the premiere of it. Ugh. I mean, why wouldn't you be embarrassed? You should have been embarrassed way before that. Right. Before it comes to the screen. They did open up a coffee shop. I'm a one-take man.

How could you not notice how horrible your movie – like so many people are like, yeah, it just turned out so bad. But it's like, didn't you read the script? You thought this was going to be better than it was. Maybe that's Adam Sandler's problem, you know? It's like Little Nicky was really gritty before the editing got started. On paper, it looked great. It's going to be Tarantino-esque, I swear. It's going to be Tarantino-esque, I swear. It's going to be awesome.

Yeah, but Adam Sandler sucks, and Kiss aren't even close to Satanist. Let's take a break. Oh, yeah. And we're back. And we are back. We are back. Just do that for 45 minutes for the rest of the podcast. We've got some time to fill.

You don't know the lyrics. Yeah, I don't. It doesn't even matter. Yeah. So, Blake Phelps. Yes. What else has been going on with you? I haven't seen you for a while.

It's been a while. You've been my friend of many years. We met at Lido's Pizza. Oh, shout out. You guys worked there. Plug. Shameless plug. That's the second pizza reference here.

Oh, competing pizza factions on this podcast. Oh, Bollies and Litos. Yeah. I'm going to have to go with Litos for the pizza. My Papa John is going to be really mad when he hears this. So we met at Litos. How old were we when we met? I mean, we didn't drive.

That's true. Did you guys work there? Yeah. Jason worked there as well. Oh, really? All three at the same time? You were like 14 or something like that. Probably 15.

Is that how you met Jason as well? No. I met Jason because I heard he played drums in high school, and we needed a drummer for our band. So I just approached him out of nowhere when we were leaving. So essentially, Tremendous Athlete has been around for like 10 years. Yeah. Sort of. More than that, actually.

Yeah. You remember that band Cinder Road? No. I do. You do? Do you? I'm ashamed. You did say it kind of embarrassed.

Like, I do. They've actually been around. They're from like the county, and they're around since middle school. I remember like seeing them playing at pools and stuff. They were called Plunge for like a decade. I've heard of Cinder Road. They opened for kids, actually. Good for them.

Way to go. It's a big feat these days. That's why we... It's like opening up for the Misfits. I mean, the Kisses still get that stature in Misfits. I guess. Are you kidding me? Kiss plays with huge audiences.

Somebody's at Night and Satan's service over there. Night and Stanley's service. Kiss has still got it. Kiss has still got that. We do have a mutual friend who is a huge Misfits fan. Misfits never did. Wait, hold on. Blake, who is our mutual friend who is a huge kiss fan. Missed it's never been. Wait, hold on. Blake, who is our mutual friend who is a huge kiss fan?

James Heston. What? Yeah, he's always been a huge kiss fan. Shout out to James Heston. James Heston. He's a dickhead. He is a dickhead. No, he's always been a huge kiss fan.

He's got, like, the wristbands and everything. It's like, I don't know. I think I kind of remember that because he worked at Lido's as well. Yes. And he was just getting wild to kiss like Detroit Rock. Did you guys know

there was a short-lived like pharaoh guy in the makeup years? What? Really? Yeah, the guitarist that replaced Ace Frehley like before they took

their makeup up. It was like a pharaoh. Yeah. And he had like a gold like eternal life. I have to do more research on that. Nah, man. And a fox that plays Peter Criss. Yeah, and he had like a gold like I turn a life And they're in a

Peter Chris Fox by the end of their makeup career there was like what a Pharaoh which one was Peter Chris with the drummer what makeup did he had man kitty kitty was the cat? Yeah, I mean foxes kind of similar right? Yeah, but yeah the whiskers the whiskers No, he didn't have the Fox didn't have whiskers there The whiskers. The whiskers. No, he didn't have, the fox didn't have whiskers, though. He just had black, like, things on his eyes. I think he had a little red in there, too. Do you, you're a little bit older.

Do you remember a show, Zoobly Zoo? No. By chance? It was a very, very creepy kids' show. They were all dressed up in, like, animals, like a beaver. Right. It was, like, humans, and, like, one was a lion, like animals like a beaver it was like humans and like one was a lion one was a fox and uh it was super creepy like when you're even as a kid like it was really weird like i like it but i don't know if i really like it but then of course with

youtube you can look back at it and looking at it now it's like oh my gosh yeah it's really really bizarre super bizarre i feel like about uh ren and stimpy when you go to watch some of that stuff like that was I kind of knew it was weird back in the day but I didn't realize how weird it was to have

like an 11 year old watching that stuff when they do like the extreme extreme close ups like on bacteria like in a wound and stuff like that

and the weird fights the booger collections underneath the seats exactly yeah they'd have like a gloss to them yeah yeah yeah when they zoomed in the detail it was like I love that it was hard to believe that was a children's show underneath the seats. Yeah, exactly. They'd have like a gloss to them. Yeah, yeah.

When they zoomed in the detail, it was hard to believe that was a children's show. Exactly. I remember some parents being kind of outraged that it was being shown on Nickelodeon to children.

They were doing borderline cussing. Not cussing, but the innuendos, I guess were there. Yeah, it got pretty like... When you're looking at it now, as a kid, it's like,

oh, this is pretty cool. Do you guys remember the big premiere of the Nicktoons with ren and stempy doug and rugrats all premiering on the same day oh that is a killer line yeah it is they were the first like nickelodeon produced cartoons oh wow because before that they only showed like other people's cartoons yeah that's a good run though yeah i'm just say, they just kind of took off from there. I guess I don't really, obviously, I don't really know what they do now. Rocket Team was one of them, but that was, I mean, my youngest sister's like 17. So, like, when she was younger, I kind of know. You've got a nephew now.

I do, but I don't, he doesn't, he watches, like, Bob the Builder, and that's not, like, he doesn't, like, watch the Nickelodeon. What doesn't watch the Nickelodeon. What's Dora? Nickelodeon. Nickelodeon, there you go. I don't know. They just kind of took the ball and ran with it. Does Nick Jr. still exist? Do they do Nick at night? I work during the days.

I don't know. That was my thing. Is TV Land a spinoff of Nick at night? I think so. I think TV Land is its own channel now. It is. But they probably still, I mean, what else would they do at night? Are you afraid of the dark?

Are you afraid of the dark? Guts. Midnight Society. Guts. Oh, Michael Mallory from Guts, but he's like on the ESPN commercials. You mean Hey Dude? Hey Dude. Hey Dude.

What did I say? Captain Lou Albano was on that. Dude Ranch. That's Blink-182. Oh, the Blink-182 album. Come on. Hey Dude. Spino. That's Blink-182. Oh, the Blink-182 album. Come on. Hey, dude. It's a spinoff show.

I don't know why. We all know Blink-182 came from Hey, Dude. Hey, Dude did have some pretty good episodes, but it was a little bizarre. A little wild and a little strange. This thing came up. When you make your home, ride on the range. I remember. That was the theme song to Hey, Dude.

I figured that. Yippee-ki-yay. Yippee-ki-yay. Yippee-ki-yay. What? That's really how it went. Anyway, I digress. But I digress. Well done, sir.

For what? Like, what were we talking about? Nick Toon? Back to the important topic. Back to the important topics that we were talking about beforehand. Blake, one of my earliest memories of you at Lido's was you asked a friend of ours, Barry Morrissey. You were a dishwasher at Lido's. And Barry went to go drop off a frying pan or something.

And you just said out of nowhere, like, hey, have you been to the aquarium? Barry came back. He's like, the dishwasher just started talking to me About the aquarium For like 10 minutes But I think I think the reason I asked him that Was because

We had talked prior Okay And He was actually From Brooklyn Where I was from And we knew the same people Oh that's right

I just thought That was really strange That like This older guy Oh actually He wasn't that older than me No I think It's your age actually

Barry's a genius But I know I forgot forgot he did he did but like he had not I have a receding hairline but his was like really bad and hit that he would cut his hair they hung out with like all the older kids so I was like yeah you know kind of like yeah you look good okay I used to make out this this girl. I was like, oh, you're so cool. I was like, oh, man. You made out with a girl? Can I smell your mouth? How do I relate to this guy? Oh, the aquarium. That's pretty much what was going through my head.

You ever smoke cigarettes in front of the aquarium? Everybody has been to the aquarium if you live in Brooklyn. Duh. Duh. I don't know. I have no idea. He must have been going to the aquarium all the time. I bet he has his own VIP seat.

Sea turtles, man. He's got that monthly pass. And how he gets there. Sits in that splash spot when the dolphins do their thing. I actually got to get in the splash zone. So did the ladies' pants, apparently. Oh, yeah. But it was some wild times there.

And I think that's where our relationship kicked off. Something like that. You're like, oh, I got to investigate. You did. I don't know if I can say it. Drop it. You and Jason. Who, Jason?

Schwab. Okay. You guys like to do, you like to touch my butt a lot. Like, oh, excuse me, I need to get through here. I'm like, what are these guys doing? We still do that to this day. That's true. I don't understand why that's a problem.

But, like, when I don't know you, I'm like, what the heck is going on here? Well, that was a funny, if it didn't bother you at all, we would never have done it again. Right, yeah. Backing me into the corner, I think you guys, like, threw me accidentally. Like, bumped me. I tripped over and went into the corner where the mops and buckets and stuff fell in there and you guys are still persistent on

groping and hip thrusting me. At a different time they would have considered that sexual harassment. Yeah, absolutely. I do remember the one time when we found the long sausage patties. Look, Blake used to wear really short shorts.

He was just asking for it. That's not even true. He dressed for it. He's not dressing like a slut. The time we found the... We usually have sausage patties, but then I opened it up the one time and was like, ah!

It scared me because it was links. And they were long. I was like, what is this? I knew what it was. Send it back to him! It startled me because it was like, I wasn't expecting it. Something's very wrong. But we pulled it out, and I think Jason and his brother might have been there.

I'm having a nightmare, and I can't wake up. But you guys wound up throwing it and using it as a rope. A sash? Yeah, a scarf, putting it around me. And I couldn't stop laughing. I'm cracking up, but then you guys took further advantage of me because I was weak at the time. Like I was laughing. I was weak.

He's defenseless now. I was laughing so hard. Throw up his butt. Throw up his butt. Yeah, you did. You took advantage of me, damn it. So you guys were Spartans. I was assaulted.

It was a foolproof plan. Let's get these sausage legs. Then he'll be powerless. But then we had to return them, so we already fucked with them. And, like, they were all beaten and destroyed. We just put them back. Like, we never touched it. Yeah, like that circular kind of stack that they were in.

It was so mangled. Oh, man, that was funny. Sorry. I needed that one. And then I remember we started hanging out, like, with you and Daggum. With you and a good friend, Brent Wagner. Brent Wagner. And I think we went to go see The Phantom Menace together.

It was me, you, and Jason. Oh, yeah, we had front row seats. The Phantom Menace at the opera. We didn't pay for front row. We got so late. I know. That's why. But it sounds good saying you had front row seats.

I'll take two of the movie. I know. But it sounds funny. It sounds good. Like, hey, I got front row seats for this movie. But know, but it sounds funny. It sounds good. Like, hey, I got front row seats for this movie. But you're saying that you were late and your neck hurt very bad afterwards. I'm sorry.

That was. Paying a pretty fee for these. Do you remember this? A man outside told them to me. He said they'd be reserved. I said, give me the best seats in the house. I'll pay top dollar for them. Front row setter.

Right this way. Near the orchestra pits. Your eyes will be bleeding. Your neck will be broken. It'll be great. But on the way there, you accosted a BMW driver because he had a different license. Oh. Do you remember that?

That was scary. Jason, I think it was in the days when you had a truck. What was your truck? It was a Nissan? It was a Chevy S10. 85. Chevy S10. Good year.

Nailed it. So we all had to sit up front. It was the three of us sitting there. And the whole ride over the Bay Bridge, Blake yelled at a car for having a different shape. European. European style. European. I was like, what? I don car for having a different shape of life. European style. I don't know. I don't really remember. Blake was really hyped up on Red Bulls and stuff. He was like, what are you doing in my country?

I didn't say that. It was real fucking scary. I was like, I don't think I can ever hang out with him again. I do remember you guys telling me, you gotta calm down. What are you doing? It lasted through the movie, too. All the Star Wars movies have those big orchestral pieces like the build-ups and blake is using his arms like he's conducting the orchestra we're in the front row the entire theater could see this guy just waving his arms you're sinking down in your seat like paul stanley

but i think we had to like split up or something split up or something. Because we met somebody over there. And I remember somebody was throwing something at me. Maybe it wasn't a friend. Maybe it was just somebody in the theater. It's a guy whose arms are covering up the first two feet of the screen. I was like 15. I can barely see Quaggan. I can't see the shitty movie, dickhead.

I just now realized that Darth Maul has a double-headed lightsaber. Holy shit. So, yeah, those are... I'm not going to find out who wins the pod race. All right. God damn it. No Jar Jar Binks. That's not...

Jar Jar Binks wasn't in that one. I know. That's why I said no Jar Jar Binks. Yeah, Jar Jar was the star Was that the first one? Yeah They phased him out very quickly Oh yeah

He was in the second one But then he wasn't in the third He was barely in the second one They cut him out of I think he's in the third But he doesn't talk You see him in the third Right

Yeah Right yeah And George Lucas was all like Oh that's what I totally planned that No we just totally That's what we're gonna do the whole time Yeah

You know when he made Jar Jar Binks, he's like, boom, money in the bank. Everybody's going to love this. Lucas, you've done it again. I love on The Simpsons when they had George Lucas on, they made him like a foot and a half tall. I don't know why. Is he that short? I think he is a little, but I don't know. Is he like five foot something?

I mean, I guess he's not that tall. He was shorter than Bart and Lisa when he was on the episode. Really? Yeah. I don't know why they did that. I don't know his stats. Bless you. Bless you.

God bless you. Thank you, but my soul didn't really come out of my nose. Well, we don't know that for sure. Yeah, we stopped it from. Part of it did. It's kind of weird that Lisa's like seven years old. Like second grade. That's where you should be, right?

I mean, come on. No. I'm just saying, how could she possibly be in second grade? Kindergarten, fifth, year five. I know. I'm not saying, I'm not talking like logically. I'm saying logically. Yeah.

I'm not talking like chronologically. You know, the things she does to be in second grade. That's true. Right, yeah, exactly. Yeah, second graders that are vegetarians. So socially aware. Do you guys think that would make the Simpsons better if they advanced them a grade or two? Like from the beginning or if they did that now?

If they were to do it now, I think it would be jumping the shark. Be a little desperate. Yeah, absolutely. They did it in South Park. They made them go, I think it'd be jumping the shark. Be a little desperate. Yeah, absolutely. They did it in South Park. They made them go, I think, from third grade to fourth grade. And fifth grade. South Park is like more, you can do crazier stuff on South Park. Yeah.

I get annoyed when the Simpsons go way out of reality, like when they moved the entire town. Yeah. That's stupid. Oh, they really jumped the shark when they made Barney sober. Yeah. I hate that they did that. And then he got drunk again the shark when they made Barney sober. Yeah. I hate that they did that. And then he got drunk again after a while. Did he?

Yeah. Good, because, yeah, they fucked that all up. And he was drinking coffee all the time. Yeah. Yeah. And he could fly in a helicopter for some reason. He won. I can't remember exactly.

He won, like, a voucher or something like that, so he had to sober up. Oh, no, no, it was a gift. Yeah, so he had to be sober to fly it that's right yes i like when it's uh when in his drinking days they're talking about how he's making his money he's like i just do scientific testing and he turns to the side you can see his profile he has a shaved head and all his wires he's one of the best characters um blake so what are some of your lido's memories oh um lido's down that road oh gosh um there are a lot a lot of memories um i remember thank you paul i'm gonna say i'm gonna put this. Do you know Dan Porter? This is a funny Danny Porter story. I remember.

Dan Porter. That's what I'm saying. I think you should change the names. Not Dan Porter. Not Dan Porter. Dan Porter, a big fat guy. It sounds like a fucking name. Dan Porter.

But anyways, so this guy. Don Porter. I'm just going to say. I'm just going to change his name. Dan Porter Stein. All right. The guy D. You don't have to cover it up now. He's not Dan Porter. I know. He's not D he's I'm sure he's shout out his teeth

are all weird great this is huge so I okay I used to take bites out of the logs of provolone cheeseeses. Let's slow the story down just because most people don't know. You slice up all the cheese at Lido's Pizza and we have these huge logs. They look basically like wooden logs. Were they like two feet long? Yeah, probably about two feet long. Two feet long, about six

inches in diameter. These huge things of provolone. So you have to cut them up and then you have to put them in the grater to shred them. But they would be small and I would do it and just look at my teeth and then I'm like, oh, this would be really good. Let me get Dan to take a bite out of this so I can look at his

effed up teeth and tentations. Dan Porter, right? Correct. Dan Porter. Dan Porter has fucked up teeth. So he was a little reluctant to do it. Dan Porter has fucked up teeth. So he was like a little reluctant to do it. He was like, uh, not. Dan the Great White Shark Porter.

So I do it again. I was like, nah, just take a bite. He's cracking up. Old British Dan Porter. Yes. Why, you want me to take a bite out of this cheese, right? But anyhow, he, uh, I take the bite. And then I was like, you go do it. He's like, no take the bite. And then I was like, you go do it.

He's like, no. He's like, all right. Carmen takes the bite. I was like, that's wild, isn't it? Something like that. He's like, yeah. Like, big smile on his face. So I take the cheese and I look.

I was like, oh, my God. He's like, look at these chompers. I wish I had, like, a flip phone or something at the time. I was just, like, amazed. Like, oh, my God, look at this indentation. You should have poured some glue into them and made a mold. But I don't know why that story sticks in my head. I do also like you stole my car one time.

And I thought that was like, really? I walked out. My car is gone. I'm like, what? I was like, this is not funny. I think I might have asked my girlfriend at the time I was like did you move my car

did you take my TV so I knew it was somebody I knew it was Josh Jason so I'm looking out front Josh had taken it into the back behind Kmart but not just in the back we were next to a Kmart.

It's like a little shopping center. Yeah, a shopping center. So he took it way down in the back of the alley. If I was to look over in the corner, I wouldn't be able to see it. What was down there? That was a car. Please tell us. It was a Daewoo.

What year? 2002? No, no, no. Daewoo makes TVss i think you're confused that was your car yes they make forklifts also oh you're driving a forklift i'm probably drove they're like the of other yes except they don't what was it called it was a day woo lan Okay, if you saw that movie, Pineapple Express, it's the exact car except silver, not yellow, that she hit, or he hit the guy with and killed him.

You just got ran over by a Daewoo Lanos motherfucker. Yes, that was my car. I look like a penis a little bit. Some would say. It was phallic in shape. It was definitely phallic. It looked like the Ambiguously Gay Duo's car, but just squished. It's like any time it broke down, you just broke open another TV and used the spare parts from it.

Correct. It actually, because they made microwaves, it actually ran off of popcorn, which Mike Moran loves. I learned today. Oh, yeah. He loves popcorn. Instead of pressing the gas, you just turn up the volume. It goes a little faster. There was this one time the food line was next door to Alito's,

and we stole the wheelchair from there. Yep. And we rode around. We were playing with that one night, and then I threw it in the back of my truck and went to work. I remember that. I had to go to Food Line that day to pick up some produce or something like that. So I just threw the wheelchair on the side

by this drainage basin. I come back, and there's police investigating. Oh, I remember that. They're looking around the drainage basin. I think they were looking for somebody. I think somebody wrecked their wheelchair and ended up in the drainage basin. No way.

They were looking in the grasses and stuff like that.'s going on I guess somebody called it there's a wheelchair in the grass but there's no person just drive away like Jesus get out of here keep driving keep driving we had like we had like four old we had we got new plates and they're like four old plates so We got new plates, and there were like four old plates. So Josh and I were like, hey, you want to chuck these plates just like discs into this drainage? We did. Yeah, we took these plates. We were like, we might as well get rid of them because we were still using them for whatever reason.

So we just chucked these huge metal plates into a drainage. We have a massive TV at my house that we need to destroy. Oh, wow. Can we throw it off to something high up? We're trying to figure out what we want to do with it. We're thinking maybe filling it with gunpowder and throwing Molotov cocktails at it. Where? Somewhere in the woods.

You've got to throw it off something high, though. Seeing a TV fall and then smash and then throw the Molotov cocktails at it. What if we filled it with explosives and dropped it? That'd be good, too. I don't know why that would make it explode. Well, you could put a long fuse on it. But then it wouldn't explode at the right time.

No, you could adjust that. No, you do just the right fuse. You light it, kick it off so mid-fall it's... I'm glad we have audio evidence of the reason we all have third-degree burns now in the future. This is what we'll do, guys. We'll shoot it on the way down. Do a little foreshadowing. Yeah, exactly.

We were thinking maybe what if we filled it with aerosol cans and covered it in kerosene and threw Molotov cocktails in it. Oh, that'd be a pretty big explosion. Yeah. I think we should get some guns in the mix. All right. Let's have some KISS playing in the background. All right. Love guns? Sounds good to me. Yeah, love guns. I'm going to get some guns in the mix. All right. Let's have some KISS playing in the background. All right. Love guns?

Sounds good to me. Yeah, love guns. I'm going to shoot my love guns at it. What was it last night when somebody added a V to, like, this? The gout. Anything. I said the sonar. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you put the in front of anything, it automatically makes it old-timey. Right. Anything. You get the iPad 2. I've seen the iPad 2s. The internet. What would you call it? Sounds so old now.

The HPV. The Targets. What about adding S's at the end? The Targets. I love that. I like Use. Use Guys. Use Guys.

That's a very handy thing. Best Buys. Best Tar Centers. I'm going to grab another beer. You want to get another beers? I'm going to get another beers anybody else want another beer the beers I heard this kid in high school would call Jerry Springer multiple but what was the bouncer Steve Steve waco and then he wound up getting his own spin-off why why who has a striking resemblance to cal ripken yeah he does he does i remember saying that i've been saying that when he was on the uh like baltimore rock morning show

or something yeah he does though he does um do you know steve wilco wilco oh i know i know him very well well i went to school with him but he's like 40 years old yeah he worked at it as well could roll the best pizza i met calvary a couple times oh yeah have you really yeah because i used to work like out there near where he lived he came to the movie theater that i worked at once and also his kid had a party at the uh like arcade thing that I worked at once and also his kid had a party at the arcade thing that I worked at. You remember Harold Baines? Oh, yeah. He was an Oreo. He

used to live on the eastern shore and we were bowling in Easton once and he came in. Easton? Yeah, it was kind of like, that's Harold Baines, but who really cares? I want to go back to why you were so angry about the license plates. That experience

was real fucking scary because we didn't really know him very well and he flipped out. He's like, speed up! I get buried down. He's hanging out the window screaming, go back to Europe! Get out of here! This is my country! I think I was more befuddled. Why do you have a license plate I think I was more befuddled. I'm befuddled. I'm befuddled!

Why do you have a license plate from Europe? I don't understand. Befuddled. Please explain to me what befuddled means. I was caught off guard. I'm befuddled. I'm befuddled. Yes.

Go ahead. I don't know. I just was like... It is weird. You don't really see that normally. Yeah, and I'm like, how is he driving with these... Was I not wrong? It was a European license plate. It was European-shaped. European normally. Yeah, and I'm like, how is he driving with these? Was I not wrong? It was a European license plate.

It was European-shaped. European style. Style, yeah. Was he on the right side of his car steering? I wish he was. And driving in the other lane. No, actually, don't. My blood would have been boiling.

I'd probably be in prison right now if he wasn't. Roll down the window, Jason. I'm jumping onto this car. I'm going to be throwing this motherfucker. Lucky you didn't have a truck. I would have pulled some Mel Gibson stuff. I'm jumping into the back. Follow me back.

Follow me to the destination. Becomes like the Terminator. Sliding on the back. T-1000. Breaking out the window. That's what we learned. Blake is a T-1000. And of course you drive into

some factory or something where there's hot steel. Driving off the Bay Bridge. Lava. Smashing through with, of course, fireworks or explosions for no apparent reason because it's just metal.

Like, oh, this bridge is exploding for no reason if they ever make like a uh movie of of either of your lives josh or jason they'll have to like make that scene more traumatic embellish it bringing it i don't know man it was pretty dramatic for me anyway it was pretty weird well we didn't really know this person at first it was funny it was like ah yeah so what you just worked. So what, you just worked with him, and you're like, hey, you want to come to the movies? I think I charmed him a little bit. We messed around with him so much. Now, why did you have to go across the Bay Bridge to see a movie? We're not going to Easton.

Easton? Easton. Yo, you don't want to go to Easton. There's no movie theater on Ken Island. Really? The closest one was Annapolis. Yeah. Really?

As a Ken Island kid, you spend a lot of time in Annapolis. So was this a tiny little town what was your hometown like the thing i mean it's not bad it's not really set up as towns like there are towns but these towns don't really are more like communities yeah yeah it's like one giant town like everybody there's a couple grocery stores yeah how many how many high schools is there food line there's only two there's only one in the county for the longest time. My first year as a freshman, they opened up the second one in the entire county. So, Ken Island had one, and then there was another one further east.

So, it's a fairly small town. Well, Ken Island itself is only 13 miles long. Everybody knows everybody. Nine miles wide or something like that. So, Ken Island's not very big at all. I think I've been there once. We do have three grocery stores in that small span. A lot of pharmacies.

Yep. I remember a Rite Aid and a Walgreens now right across from each other. And at the time it was Ken Island. Yeah, the Mom and Pop. All three. Literally across the street. Walgreens, across the street, Rite Aid, to the left of Rite Aid, a Mom and Pop, to a Ken Island drug. Like, why?

Amongst the Safeway that was right there, which had a pharmacy as well. The Kmart has a pharmacy. You know, it was... I remember when the big talk... I guess all the people

were... The big talk was that we might get a bowling alley one time. It's like, I heard they were building a bowling alley. Do you have a Walmart?

No, we have a Kmart. We actually have a Kmart. A big K. We had Kmart in Harrisburg. Big K. It was a big deal when we got Walmart. Yeah, they didn't allow the Walmart.

Walmart tried to come, and they were like, nope. Well, didn't they fuck up because they wanted to put it on the shoreline or something stupid? Well, they wanted to put it over near the airport. If anybody's ever been over the bridge, like right to the right is where Hemingway's, there's a bunch of restaurants. Like right when you get off the bridge to the right, there's a little spot of land over there, and they wanted to put it there, but they're like, no. And then I don't know if anybody knows where the McDonald's is.

If you're coming off of 50, it's on the left. Shout out to the McDonald's on Kent Island. Looking for that sponsorship. But down the way, behind there is another flat area. And then Walmart tried again. It was like, well, how about we put it here? And they're like, no. They just, Kmart's there and it's been there, I guess.

I don't know. People are really fickle, I think. I like my blue light specials. They can roll back prices in hell, as far as I'm concerned. Price match guaranteed miles. Well, I remember they were distributing pins to, like, no Walmart. And it was the rollback, like, yellow happy face. Billy, I think. But it had a sad face. It had a sad face. It was like, say no, Walmart. And it was the rollback, like, yellow happy face. Billy, I think is his name.

But it had a sad face. It had a sad face. It was like, say no to Walmart. It should have had him with a bullet in his head. That's been a little much. He gets the point across, though. Walmart's just like, these Cat Island people are fucking nuts. I want to kill our big cat.

Yeah, Cat Island's a magical spot. I want to kill our pig happy face yeah yeah Ken Island's it's a magical spot it should have shown like the the happy face with the stick through it

like Lord of the Flies like the pig head I never read Lord of the Flies I'm familiar with the concept of it changed my life really

civilizations will crumble without rule obviously for me it horrified me like nothing ever. It's like kids. Without rules, civilizations will crumble. Excuse me.

I'm never in a group of children. I get really scared. That was his synopsis. Whenever I'm trapped on an island with a group of schoolboys, I'm horrified. I fear my life. I kill them all instantly and just get it over with. It's just like the book. It's happening.

It begins. That's just when the book. It's happening. It begins. That's just when you're on a family vacation. Holiday road. Speaking of road, let's continue down this memory road. Okay. And then let's go to... Let's take a detour off of it and go to a lane.

No, I don't think we should go to memory lane. That place sucks. All right. That's like Martin Luther King. It sucks like Martin Luther King. Boulevard. We had the... That shit sucks like MLK.

Am I right? Boulevard. Boulevard. Memory was when we stayed the night for the HF Festival. Oh, that was so fun. But that whole weekend. That was the year HF Festival was two days in a row. The first time they did two days.

What bands were on the bill? Eminem. Deftones played the first day, I remember. I bet you guys got down to Deftones. Deftones played the main stage. I don't know. Maybe I'm confusing. I thought Eminem was there the one year. That's the the same year i'm pretty sure and everybody was up front and

like everybody kept crowding the front yeah so eminem's like all right everybody one two three back the fuck up one two three it's like oh i like this song this is good this is good i just remember getting absolutely nuts inside the mosh pit, just like screaming at people in there. It was kind of like, ugh. Like they didn't know if I was going to just explode. There's a theme here. I was going to say, Blake's not building a big good case for himself.

I'm not going to deny that I was nuts, but the hotel room. To make a long story short, I killed her more than skinned on my birthday. I thought the hotel room was fun. The hotel was great because you had your demons in your mouth. You guys got to stay in your own hotel room. My dad. Shout out to Joe Schwab. Jason's dad.

But no adults stayed there with you? No. He was in there, right? No. He bought us pizza and he got us a hotel. And then he let us just stay by ourselves. Did you get wasted? No.

No access. But we didn't have any beer. We just jiggled all night. Jason's brother threw pepper mushrooms all over the hotel room that his father just paid for. I don't remember that part. I remember. Oh, man. Jason, sorry.

Ryan cost your dad the safety deposit. I remember. Sorry, Joe. Sorry, Ryan. That festival as well. Ryan cost your dad the safety deposit. I remember. Sorry, Joe. Sorry, Ryan. That festival as well. Ryan's really fast. Jason and his brother are both very athletic. Soccer style kickers.

Soccer style. But I remember, I think Ryan kept getting waters or something at the festival. And they always had lemons in them. And he was just collecting people's lemons. And he would just throw them. And security guards. He got kicked out. They didn't catch him. Oh, really? They couldn't catch him. He hit the guy from Newtown Wood. Well, just collecting people's lemons, and he would just throw them, and security guards would try. He got kicked out. They didn't catch him.

Oh, really? They couldn't catch him. He hit the guy from Newfound Glory. Well, just at people. He would just throw them, and security would try to eye him up, and he would just run away from them. Like, oh, there goes Ryan. Like, Ryan was just doing it for fun, just to run away from security and not get kicked out. But he spotted the guy from Newfound Glory and beamed him in the back with a lemon.

The guy turned around and was like, what the? He was like, hey, what's up? He blamed it on Rudy. Shout out to Rudy. That was the second week in a row. Rudy looked like Rudy Hayes. Rudy's a dickhead. I wanted to say a story about that real quick.

That was about the Chad Kroger. The same day, I think it was, we were coming back and we got this snowball. There were snowballs. It was at the HF Festival. Somebody was getting rid of their back and we got this, it was snowball. There were snowballs. It was at the HF Festival, but it was, somebody was getting rid of their snowballs, and you know how it's like the syrup or whatever, but it was like black cherry, so it looked like blood.

It had like white shirts, so Josh poured it on him, laid on this curb, and acted like, poured it on the cement, so it looked like it was shooting out of my mouth. So these guys come up and be like, yo, check his pockets. Check his pockets. Yeah, they were gonna go check Josh's pockets, and Josh was shooting out of my mouth. So these guys come up and be like, yo, check his pockets. Check his pockets. Yeah, they were going to go check Josh's pockets.

And Josh was like, bleh. Stealing stuff? Yeah. So Josh pops up like he regained consciousness. And the guys were just like, ah. They scared him half to death. He's got this fake blood all over the floor. It's not even blood.

It's snowball syrup. Wow. It was the end of the day. And the guy just had a bucket of red syrup. I was like, do you want that? He's like, no. So I took it and I spilled it all over the cement and lined up my mouth perfectly.

So it looked like blood just shot out of my mouth and I was just laying there. Check his pockets. Yeah, I remember people walking by too. Like, homeboy got fucked up. Yeah, that's exactly what they said. Homeboy got fucked up. Check his pockets.

And then you scared the shit out of them. That was good. That was good. I was scared too. I was like, theyboy, fucked up. Check his pockets. And then you scare the shit out of him. That was good. That was good. I was scared, too. It's like, they're going to kill me. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, that festival was good times. But yeah, that was really funny when Ryan threw the lemon at the dude from Newfound Glory.

Then he goes up to Rudy. He goes, what the fuck's your problem, bro? And Rudy has no idea that anything happened. Right. And he's like, why'd you fucking throw a lemon? And then Rudy's like, I didn't throw a lemon. I don't even know what the fuck you're doing. You're the guy from Newfound Glory.

At first, I'm pretty sure Rudy just thought it was some guy. And then he's like, holy shit, it's a guitar player from Newfound Glory. A band that we loved the whole time during high school. And then we ended up getting a picture with them. So it went from like, who the fuck are you? yeah you could take a picture yeah that's cool damage control yeah it was it was great and then ryan's like i threw it at him oh yeah somebody threw a lemon at him he's like yeah it was me all right let's continue down uh fucking lido's lane jason's gotta go i have to go right, let's take a break, then we'll be right back.

All right. Oh, oh, oh. All right, y'all, we're just going to say our goodbyes. Blake's got to go. Brent Wagner's got to our goodbyes. Blake's got to go. Brent Wagner's got to give him a ride. Jason's got to go. I drove. What about Ben Porter?

Excuse me. Was that his name? Dan Porter. Dan Porter. Snaggle tooth Dan Porter. I have a snaggle tooth. It was just weird. It looked like, I don't know.

How do you describe it? Dan the walrus. Oh, what? I do remember him. Never mind. Yeah, he always did this. He broke his leg, right? That was Danny Anderson.

But anyways, he like, no. This one guy broke his leg out front at the restaurant. Oh, it hurts. It hurts. Doing what? I don't know. He slipped on ice. But it was like, be careful.

There's ice out there. Oh, my leg. Why didn't someone tell me about the ice? He tripped because he was running out to meet his dad. His dad was picking him up. And he's like, okay. And just fell. That's what you get, motherfucker.

Being excited to get in a car with your dad. Daddy, daddy! Did his dad run out of the car? I don't know. Did he cry? Nobody really liked him anyway. Did you ever cry? Especially Blake Feltz.

When you were way too old to cry in front of people? Cried. When you were a teenager, did you ever have an embarrassing crying incident? I don't think I really had. I didn't really get embarrassed much. If I did cry, I definitely wasn't embarrassed if I was crying. I'm just like, what? I really had. I didn't really get embarrassed much, so if I did cry, I definitely wasn't embarrassed if I was crying. Just like, what? I'm crying.

I don't know. I remember one time maybe I said something inappropriate to a girl. Maybe somebody in this room's sister or the other room's sister

and she worked at Leaders too and I said something and I was like, shit. Then I had, something else had happened but not to deal with her. I was just upset

and that was it. So anyway, I said something bad and I apologized to her and maybe I got choked up a little bit and that was about, but I was like 15.

Yeah. I was like, sorry. But I wasn't embarrassed. I did the manly thing to do. Right. Apologize. Oh. I'm not going to mention what I said though. Oh, you apologized But I wasn't embarrassed. I did the manly thing to do. Right. Apologize. Oh.

I'm not going to mention what I said, though. Oh, you apologized. Never mind. That's all. That's what I thought of it. Oh, you meant lay down the swift hand? Hop-ah. No.

I would never, obviously. I don't know what you thought about that. Hop-ah. I like the sound effects, dude. All right. So Jason has to go eat Gordon Ramsay's grub at Cafe Hun because he's in town. Yeah. Or Cafe Hun.

Is he there right now? Jealous of you? Apparently, I guess. Say hi to him for me. I'll try. Promote the podcast. Oh, yeah. That's what I'll do instead. No, promote the show too.'s what I'll do instead. No, promote the show, too.

Okay. I'll do all. What I'm going to do, I'm going to get a Sharpie and a white t-shirt and I'm going to just write everything on the t-shirt. Alright, cool. So when it airs a month from now, Hey, it's the guy! It'll probably be like a year or something. It'll just be a giant blur spot. It'll just be blurred out.

I'm going to sign I sign a release I have to sign a release And everything like that They take pictures When you come in And all this weird shit Wait so you're going to be on TV Possibly I don't know

Have you seen the show I've never I've never seen it I mean a couple Yeah so at the end I think they serve food Right And then

To the customers Are you going to go home And dress up I mean I'm going to Clean up a little bit I think I'm not going to look Like a total degenerate You're not going to wear Are you going to go home and dress up? I mean, I'm going to clean up a little bit, I think. I'm not going to look like a total degenerate. Are you going to wear a skinny tie?

I don't think I'm going to wear a tie at all. It's Cafe Hun. Are you going to dress like Strokes? I forgot. I'm not very familiar. Last night, she said. Put on your bread and give me a little Strokes. I feel like everybody our age, like, whenever we dress up, we look like one of those bands.

Hot, hot heat. Strokes. It's true. The Hives. The Hives, yeah. I love the Hives. Do you? Yeah.

I want to get free. Their early stuff's so great. No, the Hives were... The Vines. I'm thinking like the Vines. The Vines. The Hives were good. The Vines were stupid.

Yes, that's what it was. The Vines. I saw the Vines. The Vines The highs were good The Vines were stupid Yes that's what it was The Vines I saw the Vines The Vines were I want to get free Smoking cigarettes Playing guitar Drinking a Coca-Cola

And a Pepsi Like switching off Between the two On stage Like okay The Vines guy I think turned out To have like Asperger's

Or something like that Like really Yeah Did he eat them Shout out to Asperger's Shout out to Asperger's Sponsor of out to Asperger's. Shout out to Asperger's. Sponsorship of the podcast. Asperger's.

Asperger's. Come on down to Asperger's. We'll treat you real well. Buy two Asperger's. Get one free. I mean, you can come off it if you want to. It would be good for business. That would be good.

I don't really care. Yeah, well, I guess this is the the part we give our plugs as well. So you're performing Michael Ian Black with Michael Ian Black this Saturday? I'm performing Michael Ian Black with Michael Ian Black. You're going to steal his set. Do his set before he does it. You're performing Michael Ian Black. Yeah, in character.

Remember in the 80s? When I was 14. Never mind. This is a terrible joke? When I was 14. Never mind. This is a terrible joke. My name is Blake Phelps. No, no, it's not either. No, it's not. I make really bad jokes.

And I hate Dan Boyd. Okay, that may be true. I have terrible gas. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. That is true. Keep your European license plates out of my goddamn country. Blake has terrible gas all the time. Yes, my girlfriend can vouch for that.

Do you think you've ever had a fart that didn't smell terrible? I'm Blake Phelps. I hate my girlfriend. No, I didn't say that. She'll probably listen to this and hate me. I'm Blake Phelps. I'm cheating on my girlfriend. I did not say that.

I'm Blake Phelps. No one's landed on the moon. Okay, that's acceptable. What are you, Cuban? So they teach children to be Cuban. I'm not. But anyhow, I don't even know where this is going. That's what Cubans believe.

I'm Blake Phelps. I'm Cuban. Non-sexual. You know, like in the city paper or whatever, they'll have erotic massage, blah, blah, blah. Non-sexual. Like all the obvious prostitution things are like non-sexual. But you think women should be able to do that in real life? Because whenever a woman talks to me, I just automatically assume that like she needs to undercut it with the voiceover real quick.

Right. Yeah, I feel like they should be able to be like, hey, I like that author too. Non-sexual. Hey, you look nice today. Non-sexual. Hey, you look nice today. Non-sexual. Is that a new shirt? I don't want to fuck you. I had a friend that was like that.

Every time a girl talked to him, he's like, oh, yeah, she wants me. I don't necessarily think that, but I will. As soon as any woman takes any interest in me at all, I am thinking like, well, I don't know. Would my mom like her? I just start thinking like, what if we get married? That's the first thing you think though? Not the first thing. But I start.

Second or third. Whenever any woman shows any interest in me for like five seconds, I'm like thinking, would I like to spend my life with her again? Where are we going to get a house? Usually when they acknowledge me, you just feel it. It's like, boop. Should we name the first kid Paul and the second kid Stanley? Or the first kid Gene and the second kid Simmons?

Simmons. Simmons. Oh, boy. Or the first one Ace and the second one Freely. But, guys. I know you got to go. I do have to go. All right.

Well, Michael Joseph Moran. Yes. one ace and the second one freely but guys i know you gotta go i do have all right well michael joseph moran yes performing at the auto bar featuring for michael dan and alex will be there too walk in the door with me get five dollars off if you buy tickets to the door and um what else yeah that's it all right well i'm gonna put a plug in for myself. What's up, Jason? I don't really have a plug. Also, look up my book review for the book A is for Armageddon on eSkeptic. Please leave a comment.

Also, DigHeads, we need some comments and we need you to rate us on iTunes to get us going up the charts because download numbers, while we have millions and millions of downloads, it doesn't factor into the charts as much as ratings and subscribers and comments. So we get some comments and five-star ratings. RSC, we'd like you to remember. Yes.

Don't bother rating unless it's going to be a five-star. Exactly. Yeah. Five-star or nothing, you fucking douches. Yeah. And Blake, thanks for being on the podcast. Oh, thanks for the invite. I had a great time. Of course, you can come back.

I feel like we got cut off. I think we need to do these Memory Road podcasts. Yeah, we could make this a two-parter. I wouldn't mind it. I had a great time. I always like coming down. Don't make my podcast a three-timer. Exactly.

Can I promote something? Hey, Blake Feltps has to promote something. All right, and that's all the time we have. Thanks again. We'll chat to you next time. Okay. Hey, you have something? Go ahead.

Go ahead. Spit it out. I'm Blake Phelps. My penis is an innie. I just wanted to see if I'd like people to follow me on Twitter. Oh, okay. What's your Twitter? It's at Blake Phelps. What is Twitter? It's at Blake Phelps.

What is it? At Blake Phelps. One more time. At Blake Phelps. Okay. B-L-A-K-E-P-H-E-L-P-S. You might know my cousin, Michael Phelps. No, sir.

We are not of relations. Have you had relations? That's what it means. You haven't fucked him. I'm Blake Phelps. I've had relations. We are not of relations. God damn it relations? That's what it means. You haven't fucked him. I've had relations. We are not of relations. God damn it, Tom Hanks said it.

Senator accused of having sexual relations with his wife. I was like in The Onion once. Accused of having a sexual relationship with his wife. That's awesome. The admin denies it. Never! Pointing with his thumb a lot. I have not had sex with my

wife. Alright, so Blake Phelps on Twitter. Jason, do you have a Twitter? I don't. Yes, you do. That's a lie. No, I don't. At jschwab42. At j s-c-h-w-a-b 42. That's not true. I don't have one.

No, it's not. Let's be honest. But I am going to make a fake one, and that will be it. So follow the fake Jason. We all know Jason's Twitter is Pornodude365. Newfound Glory girl. 60. Faux Schwab. Faux Schwab 42.

That's it. I'm going to put fake Jason Schwab tweets. I'm Jason Schwab now. Your brother used to do that on Instant Messenger. When you would stay signed in, he'd be like, I'm Jason. He made this Hello Kitty website because I was in a band. I was in a band for a little bit, and I hated the singer so much. He made a Hello Kitty website that just ripped him apart.

And it was anonymous. And his name was? Ryan. No, no, no. And his name was? Ryan. No, no, no. The guy that got shit on. I'd rather not say. Jake Dunleavy. Okay, it was Matt Brunseld.

Suck it, Matt Brunseld! But yeah, that guy, he was super pissed because he's a huge, egotistical guy. Look, I like Hillary. Somebody doesn't like me? Fuck you! One person. One person. One person. Fuck.

Michael Joseph Moran, you have a Twitter. I do. Let's hear it. Michael Moran 10. Yeah. I'm out. All right. All right, we're out of here.

All right, thanks, Dig Heads. Thanks, everybody. We'll talk to you soon. I'll play films. I have a Twitter, too. Don't even go there. Hey, Blake Phelps, you want to blow me out to the podcast? I sure do.

All right, great. I don't even sound like that. Do I? Oh, dude. You kind of just. Because I was laughing with food in my mouth, obviously. I'm going to go back to Eastern Shore now. That's not where I live.

I'm going to blow pigs. Eastern Shore. I'm going to suck a to the Eastern Shore now. That's not where I live. I'm going to blow pigs. Eastern Shore. I'm going to suck a hog, man. Eastern Shore. I knew this girl who told me that when she was, like, living in West Virginia for a while, like, camping and stuff in the mountains, it was a regular occurrence to find a dead farm animal, like a sheep or a goat, that had been raped and beaten to death. Holy fuck.

Surrounded by beer cans and stuff. Oh my god. Isn't that crazy? Let's go out on a happy note. Just go to Vegas. Nah, man. When a sheep struggles, I get off so hard. West Virginia. Do you think if they take a pig, do you think they tell it to scream like a human?

Squeal like my sister i'm gonna rape me a pig squeal like my sister guys guys i'm up against the wall i gotta go rape a pig i gotta get out of here i'm blake phelps he is not absolutely not i'm'm Blake Phelps. He is not. Absolutely not. I'm Blake Phelps. I'm Blake Phelps. The one, the only. It'd be funny if Blake was like, no, I don't have to rape a pig. I have to have consensual sex with a pig. It's a warthog. At Jake and Derna.

And like our Facebook page. Tell me what you would not do in court if we have sex. Sweet. Sweet. Alright, let's get it on. Alright, thanks, Dig Heads. Good night. Good night.

Good night. I'm about to get married.