The Digression Sessions - Ep. 100 - Matt Mahaffey! (100 Episodes!) (We Did It!)

Episode Date: December 3, 2013

Follow us on Twitter! @BetterRobotJosh @MichaelMoran10 @DigSeshPod @CMFMatt And see Mike and Josh live! DigressionSessions.com/Calendar for dates! Hola DigHeads! On this week’s podcast we have Matt Mahafey! Matt is a standup comedian and comedic actor and rolls with the local comedy group Color Me Funny (Hey, three variations of the word comedy in that sentence!). Matt is a very funny, kind, and interesting individual and we are grateful to have him on a very special episode! Why special you ask? Well it just so happens that Matt stopped by on our 100th episode! Sure it’s just an arbitrary number only given special significance because humans likely evolved the ten interval number system from counting on our fingers, but the emotional significance is far greater! Josh and Mike have had a blast over the last 100 episodes and are eternally grateful for all the DigHeads around the globe! Topics discussed on this episode include Matt’s eventual comedic aspirations in far away lands, rapping, shit factories, and much more! Go to ColorMeFunnyComedy.com for their shorts and live dates! Thanks everyone for 100 episodes of making Josh and Mike’s dreams a reality! If you get a chance, please say hi on our Facebook page or maybe leave a review on iTunes. And all of Josh and Mike’s standup/improv dates are on the Digression Sessions website. Thanks everyone! We Love you! -Jason Poon         

What was the line? I love ya! Uh, it is, uh, the digression sessions. Yeah, the digression sessions. Not your grandpa's third favorite podcast. In Baltimore. In Baltimore. The digression sessions.

Not your grandpa's third favorite podcast. In. In. Baltimore. Baltimore. In. I'm sorry. In.

En Español. Por Fútbol. Okay. Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey everybody, I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to The Degression Sessions Podcast, a Baltimore-based comedy talk show

hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence as we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes. Who's the guest this week? Matt Mahaffey is the guest on this week's program,

and he is one-sixth of the comedy contingent Color Me Funny. Indeed he is. And I tell you what, he colored me funny. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was noticing that when I came in. He kind of made a mess in here. He did.

Well, that's the thing, too. You showed up a little late. We kind of did some potting without you. Yeah, that makes me feel special. You know, it's just, like I said, we turned the mics on. We did a mic check. One thing leads to another. We started rapping, and then we started talking.

You should have known that's where it would lead. I know. I'm sorry. It was a dangerous road to go down. Slippery slope. I apologize. It's okay. It's been 100 episodes, but I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Just don't. Speaking of 100 episodes, this is our 100th episode. Speaking of horrible segues. Oh, but before that, Matt Mahaffey is a very very funny man And as is Color Me Funny And they do sketches from time to time And you can check those out

At colormefunnycomedy.com Matt is on Twitter At CMF Matt So check him out And go see all their shows They usually have weekly or bi-weekly and monthly shows all over the Baltimore area. I will be

performing with Matt this Wednesday, December 4th at the Main Street Oyster House in Bel Air. Andy Klein is the headliner and Dig Sesh favorite Nick Oldershaw is the feature. And Matt's hosting and I'll be doing a guest spot. Awesome. So come on out to that free show and check us out.

And thanks to Matt for doing the show, and thank you guys for listening. Right? Yeah. Okay. Yes to the former and to the latter. Regarding the former, nah. I'm still totally confused whenever anyone uses those terms. The latter and former. Yeah. I have still totally confused whenever anyone uses those terms. The latter and former?

Yeah. I have to think for like 45 minutes. I kind of tricked myself by latter is close to late, as in late is the second one. Right, right. Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah. But I have to think of that.

Yeah. So do I. So do I. Same with fiction and nonfiction. I don't get it either. I don't know. I don't even know what the former means um but yeah mike and i your uh your favorite pair of earbuds here me josh cotton candy kaderna an old mike tugboat moran we just wanted to say uh in this holiday season and uh

reaching the milestone of 100 episodes. Fuck you. Why aren't we more famous yet? Spread the word already. What the hell is wrong with you people? Third in the city paper poll? Third. No, I haven't even gotten an offer from Stamps.com.

Audible. Audible gives shit to everybody. Yeah. No, from the bottom of Mike and I's podcasting hearts, we want to say thank you so much to everybody that listens and shares the episodes and writes comments and likes us on the Facebook page and writes a review on iTunes. It really means a lot to us.

Yeah, it's been amazing. Yeah, especially to the international listeners. That's so cool. We get so excited when our dick jokes travel across the pond. means a lot to us amazing yeah especially to uh the international listeners that's so cool we we get so excited when our dick jokes travel across the pond it's uh it's it's insane and uh mike i want to say thank you to you thank you because uh over this uh 100 episode span it's been uh i don't know i feel like we've got to know each other a lot better we've definitely had conversations that we may have not had had we not been recording

them we weren't well maybe i don't know yeah but uh yeah i want to thank you josh oh stop everybody out there here's the secret josh is indeed the heart and soul of the digression sessions stop he pretty much does all the work i'm gonna be honest no honest. No. I try, but he's the man behind it. I'm just the co-pilot. I'm the Andy Richter. I'm the Paul Schaefer. I'm the Bert. To Josh's Ernie. You're the one always

eating cookies in bed? Now I knew it. I knew it. I knew it was you. I'm Robin. I'm Batgirl, let's be honest. I'm a Batgirl. Okay, Alfred. You do clean up my wounds quite nice. And no, I know it's a love fest right now, but 100 episodes.

Yeah, it's been great. Pretty fucking cool. This is one segment in the puzzle of living my dreams that I'm experiencing right now. Very grateful to everyone who supported me and us and Josh and everybody. Yeah, everybody that's done the show. It's been awesome. And so you might be saying, oh, but I thought the first episode was episode two. Well, here's a little secret for you.

Smart guy. Jerks. The first episode is in the Dig Sesh vault and I think we might let it on out. I think we might take it off its leash. And we might do a director's commentary on the first unreleased podcast.

Even though we weren't really directing anything. Nah. More of a producer's commentary. Producer's commentary. Performer's commentary. Right. When I was in this scene, It's more of a producer's commentary. Producer's commentary. Performer's commentary. Right. Yeah. Yeah, when I was in this scene, I don't know where my head was.

I don't know my inspiration for that dick joke. You know, that type of thing. Why would you say what you don't know about it? I don't know. I don't know what the hell I was thinking there. I was heavily, heavily medicated. There will probably be a lot of the commentary like, well, oh my God, how embarrassing. Why would I say that?

Why are we releasing this? So yeah, I think that'll be our next episode. And one thing I want to ask you guys, would you want to see a live show in the Baltimore area? I think a live show would be really fun. We could do a panel style. Maybe have like three or four guests on. Sure.

One at a time, but leave them on stage. Get some convos going. Maybe get Jason Weems back. Yeah, you leave them on stage, you know, get some combos going. Maybe get Jason Weems back. Yeah, you think so? Yeah, I think we could do that. So,

yeah, as always, if you guys want to get in touch with us, do so on the Facebook page, The Digression Sessions, and you can reach us on Twitter. I'm at Better Robot Josh. Michael Moran is at Michael Moran 10,

and the podcast is at DigSeshPod. So, yeah, where should we do a live show? I think in the city. I think in the Baltimore City area might be a good idea. Right. Well, it could be the county. Unless there's like 50 people in like, I don't know, Kentucky. They're like, do it here.

I'm like, okay, Tokyo. Are we ready for the Dig Sesh tour? I would love to do that. Touring our podcast around this country. Discussing lost profits. Lost profits. No, I don't know. It's just been so fun, man.

100 episodes. It's so fucking cool. And I was happy that Matt was here. He's a very funny fella. And a nice gentleman. Yeah, he's great. Yeah. Thank you guys so much.

Thanks, everybody. Thank you for listening, y'all. This is the longest intro. Yeah. I hope you really like us. We've been talking for a long time. Since that Pink Floyd song. Yep, we beat it.

Suck it, Pink Floyd. Thanks, everybody. For real. Love you. Oh, and come see us live Friday, Friday, December 6th at the Meadow Mill. We'll be doing an improv stand-up mash-up show. Stavros Halkias, Mike Fonazo, and Dana Bell

will be doing stand-up, and then we'll have three troops from the Baltimore Improv Group who will be performing improv based off of their sets. And it's a really, really fun show this Friday, December 6th, Mob Town Theater around 10 o'clock.

And digressionsessions.com slash calendar for all of our live dates. Improv, stand-up, and otherwise. Cooking classes. See our cooking class schedule. Anyways, guys. Improv, stand-up, and make your own Dippin' Dots. And our Scientology discussion groups.

Come on out, guys. Now, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you so much for listening. We love you guys to death. Thanks, everybody. We love you. We love you. We're recording? There's SOB. Yeah. I know that feel.

I know that feel. Let's see. Break it down. You want to rap, Matt? Can you rap? So tough. Can you rap? So tough Can you rap? Rickety

Rickety rap Rip rap Yeah What What Josh Coderna Yep That's my name

That is my name That is his name You're the matter of fact rapper Yes I have a modest income. My name's Matt. That is factual. That's a factual statement.

It's a heliocentric universe. I didn't even know this was happening. Yeah, it's crazy right now. It's like there's a whole other room I wasn't even aware of. Yeah, and now you're in the hip-hop room. I don't even aware of. Yeah, and now you're in the hip-hop room. Oh, what? Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, uh, my name's Josh. I got a car that doesn't get good gas mileage.

My girlfriend's real. I'm tired of telling y'all that my girlfriend's Josh. I got a car that doesn't get good gas mileage. My girlfriend's real. I'm tired of telling y'all that my girlfriend's real. Yeah. I assure you. I would never rob and steal because I'm a good citizen. Yeah. I get in where I fit in, which is not most places. I got social anxiety.

Y'all Y'all can't try me Yeah Yeah That's my rap Speaking of not fitting in Last night I drove to Catonsville

And I tried to pick up This battery charger that I left In this all black club And then I couldn't find it Cause they said it was stolen I wasn't surprised Cause it was an all-black club. They told me

they weren't surprised either because that is the kind of environment that they work in. What? Factual statements. Yeah. Not embellishing the truth, y'all. Embellishing the truth.

Bitches. Yeah, but not... I mean, bitches, not like saying women. Yeah. Because that'd be rude. Yeah, that's sexist. That's sexist.

Those bitches need respect, too. I mean, those women need respect. Yeah. Yeah. Respect bitches, you idiots. Two types of bitches. Boom. That was good.

I feel good about that. That was natural. I feel good about that. So wait, you, where did you perform last night? Tuesday night, so clearly five day window of theft is way better than the one. Yeah, that's on you. But it was Loafers off of Caton Avenue. Wait, that's not Catonsville.

Where is that? Caton Avenue, like south of 695. Okay. So it's like outside of the city. I don't know. Yeah, like just outside of the city. Yeah. In the worst part of the city. Uh-huh. The outside what what room did you do uh it was called loafers it was like a one

time show this guy chris blue campbell um what did i meet him doing oh i did a show at mcgoobies like one of the new talent competition things met some random guy he knows this guy chris is like a year ago yeah and he opened up a show in randallstown uh-huh and so i didn't know what that was like right i was like yeah sure i'll come to this show so i walk into this place it's like me five black comedians all black room just dark as hell uh and they're just like all right man just now when you say dark as hell you're talking about the audience uh the environment and the audience all of the above. That wasn't, I couldn't dodge that. It was a full-on racist description of the area.

But, yes, I get in. Yeah. And, like, the first thing I said even was just like, all right, well, shit. Is this your first time doing all-black room? Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah, I want to do that.

I just met this comedian, Troy Webb. You haven't done it yet? No, I just met this comedian, Troy Webb. Speaking of all black, Mike Moran just arrived. He has coffee for everybody. Uh-oh. Be careful. He's a sweetheart.

I'll try to do this. There we go. Now, let me put it on pause real quick, and we'll talk black rooms. Hey, well, it just kind of happened. We just started rapping, and then we started talking about black comedy rooms. So, I don't know. Tomato, you know. Obviously, that's what we're following.

One thing leads to another, Mike. You know how this goes. There's plenty of white rappers out there. Drew Landry included. My podcast husband just caught me cheating. Oh, we're potting without me now? No, it's not what it looks like. We were just rapping in the microphones.

Then what's the lube for? Why is the drop machine on? Why? Oh, yeah. All right, I'll be right back. Let's take a break, everybody. Yeah, Chicago and New York, that's the two places I was.

Yeah. And Cockeysville. Yeah. I'm the mayor of Cockeysville. And then I went to L.A., actually. It was awesome. Pull that thing to your face. Gotcha.

Also, put the microphone closer. Double entendre. It's a new drop. Pile them up. Pile them up. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, we're back.

I didn't mean to go waste. We're back from the break. Matt, I believe you were saying the N-word before we're back from the break. Matt, I believe you were saying the N-word before we took a break. Yes, narcissism. We've been listening to Josh Kedurna's music all morning, and he's been telling me about his allegedly real girlfriend. Yeah, she's totally real.

She's like a real doll. Like, she's very real. Yeah, I mean, define real. Yeah, I mean, she's got boobs. In a philosophical sense. Philosophically. Does she have a human brain? She's tangible. Let's talk more about Second City.

Deal. So, wait, wait. We got a lot of irons in the fire. All right. Mike Moraney just arrived. How are you? I'm okay. All right, thanks for getting coffee.

You're welcome. That was nice. It's delicious. All right, so Matt just did his first urban room. And by urban, you mean black people? A year ago he did an urban room. And I did another one for the same guy that booked it. Oh, okay, sorry.

That's where that story was going. Gotcha, all right. I always go super far back when I tell stories, so at any point, just cut me right the hell off and say, let's talk about yesterday. Okay, cool, thanks. Listen, Mike, it is good to see you, brother. I've been dealing with this fucking guy for like 20 minutes.

No, I'm sorry. Okay, so the story you were saying where you got your stuff stolen was like a year ago? Oh, this week. I was just explaining the lineage of this guy. You'd never heard of The Room before? No, I had not. One-timer room. That's how he's kind of been doing things lately.

He'll hit up a venue and ask if he can have a comedy show. Yeah. Then I come in and tell him, what are you doing, man? Yeah. What are you talking about? I just did a show on Tuesday at this place called Loafers on Caton Avenue, just south of 695, and left our battery charger there for our cameras. I thought you meant someone stole your material.

Oh, no, no, no. I thought that's what he was implying, too. And I was like, oh, we're making up stories. I'm a bad interviewer, guys. Anyway, good. And a bad person. But go ahead. But yeah, I think I just plugged it in the wall of the show.

And I went back last night before I went to Justin's because we had to film the promo today, which didn't happen. Why not? Because of the story. Oh, because of the battery yep there we go and I was like hey it was here at a comedy show the other night I left something plugged in the wall do you guys have lost and found here and they both just looked at each other and like like laughed yeah that's for sure that's gone and they were like wait what day and I was. For sure that's gone. And they were like, wait, what day? And I was like, Tuesday. Unless it was like five minutes ago, it's gone. Damn.

Baltimore. But how did the show go? Really well. It was, well, as far as running the show went, not good. But as far as the show, it was me, Joe, and Justin. We all did about like 20 25 minutes wow and um crowd liked it crowd was interacting which is kind of surprising yeah because uh that area they tended to kind of just talk over you

that area was my way of beating around saying a lot of things i don't understand what you're trying to say okay cool and is there like a street mural in this neighborhood is that what you're saying there's multiple street murals there's one on the building okay it's stuff named after civil rights leaders oh yeah okay are the churches very obviously converted from old ihops okay yeah a bunch of houses next to liquor stores about all of those three. It's so funny that you said all of them. Yeah. Weird. Wonder who it was.

Anyway. We'll never know. Yeah, I was just saying I want to do an urban room. I have not done one yet. That surprises me. But I just met this fella, Troy Webb, doing a stand-up yesterday. And he said he did all the urban rooms for a while. Now he's trying to do the white rooms, which is a weird thing to say.

So matter of fact, they're like, yeah, i'm trying to get in the white rooms now like i don't know it's i never really like think of it like that but it does exist there's a different audience so you're definitely yeah practicing for a different yeah different environment different material yeah or for that matter like you'll go do one of those shows uh-huh and you'll think you know i just i just did real a material like real good stuff, and I feel like half the room liked it. And then some guy will come out and do the old DJ playback move. Yeah. Or come out to a song and they go, what DJ?

Bring that back. And then they'll, you know, do a five-minute, not even a bit, where they just kind of are. Just like dicking around. Exactly. And it kills. It kills. Yeah. Yeah. so yeah i did that

once i did stand up once where there was a dj and he was playing like super loud hip-hop in between all the comedians yeah and now another nerdy white guy but it was cool i got to do the hip-hop air horn during one of my sets yeah because he did that like the little ba ba ba bar yeah I love that it does it for me that was fun fun stuff yeah I did stand up yesterday at Shaw's Tavern in DC

cool and it's like a brunch show so it's at three o'clock on a Saturday and they said they've had anywhere

from four to forty people there kinda and there were six there yesterday nice somewhere in between yeah

it was still fun Mike Fonazzo did it and Troy Webb and this fellow Cliff that I met people there yeah and uh there were six there yesterday yeah somewhere in between yeah yeah it was still fun mike finazzo did it and troy webb and this fellow cliff that i met and uh max rosenbaum hosted but it was weird doing stand-up for six people yeah it was it was weird started out strong dipped hard in the middle my season my caesar milan bit they did not like and then uh i did my aid story at the end, and that helped. But, yeah, it was weird. Like, getting nothing from six people is really awkward. Yeah.

Really awkward. Yes, it is. Have you developed, like, the callous of being able to make a joke out of when something bombs? Yeah. Well, I basically was just like, you guys do not like Cesar Millan, huh? And they're just like... Nor do you like me poking metaphone at your not liking Cesar Millan. Oh, the sun's still up, huh?

Okay, let's go through my stuff here. Let's see, what can I do? No day drinking. Yeah, yeah, it was fun. What was the audience like when you came and did Bolins? I feel like that one comes and goes. It's like small and big sometimes. Yeah.

Wait, what do you mean? The last time I was there? Yeah. Like was it? When I said that I was in Ellicott City? Yeah. That is exactly what happened. No, the room's like deceptive because of the audience that you think is in there.

Sometimes there's like five people in there. Yeah. And you just go with it because you look down that like narrow path and you're like, oh, all these people are right in front of me. Yeah. It's only five people in there yeah and you just go with it because you look you look down that like narrow path and you're like oh all these people are right in front of me yeah five still so yeah i yeah they were still like the six people they were still awesome like they were very attentive they weren't like talking you know like i'd rather have a small attentive crowd than like a huge kind of crowd that's like pockets we're just talking not paying attention you know so it's like take turns trying to win everybody over yeah quantity i mean quality not quantity yes yeah and then i did an improv show

last night uh my friend matt mccall who's in one of my improv troops he's moving to california i don't know if he's going to do ucb stuff or improv olympic or groundlings or anything but yeah um but yeah it was cool it was his show. We had a huge audience. That was fun. Nice. And got like the best improv compliment of people being like, did you, you guys, but you wrote the thing.

Like we had a bit where we had, in one of our beats, we did the TMI Express. And so like the whole joke was like, people on this train are always like revealing way too much. The guy's like, TMI Express, but like you wrote,

you guys knew, you didn't know when you were going to say TMI express, but you know, yeah, yo stop. So that felt good after doing like a show for six people. And then, yeah,

you know, somebody being like, Hey, I mean, that's kind of the setup for that though. Like I feel like, again, I went to second city while I used to check it out when I was in Chicago.

Yeah. And it seemed like they had everything in the show written out except for those games that used to be on, like, Whose Line Is It Anyway? Well, they do actual skits, though. I mean, they're not all improv. Yeah. Well, that's how they form a lot of their shows is based off improv. And then something that'll work in a scene they'll develop that into an

actual sketch so it's like okay so here's a kernel of something we like this let's blow that up a little bit pop it yeah let's just pop it like just like a frothy zit like a frothy zit i was going for popcorn kernels sure i don't know sorry if you want to face jizz all over yourself? Yeah, I do. Let's take another break for face jizz. There has to be a website called that. I know that's a comedy go-to to say something like that, but there really has to be one. Facejizz.net.com was taken. I mean, there's a computer right there. We could be researching right now.

Yeah, I know. I'll do it later. I don't feel like reaching you. I'll do it later. Kind of in the middle of something right there. We could be researching right now. Yeah, I know. I'll do it later. Yeah. I don't feel like reaching you. I'll do it later. Kind of in the middle of something right now. Josh will do it later with his girlfriend. Yeah. She's real, guys.

There she is. I believe you. Like I said, boobs, vagina. And how come the last time I tried to feel her up, my hand just went through a hologram? All right. I mean, she was drunk, Mike. Oh, okay. That makes sense.

Next time you feel her up, I swear it'll be something tangible. I promise. I promise. Well, Mr. Mamahaffey. Yeah. How are you? How are you, buddy? I'm good.

Yeah? I'm always good. Okay. Happy, dude. You're one-sixth of Color Me Funny and one-sixth Cherokee. That's what I thought you were going to say. Just like every girl I've ever met at a bar late at night I'm like 116th native really people say that all the time it's a cool thing to say yeah apparently weird it's like overprivileged white kids go to

right where they're like actually I'm 116 I've got street cred I've got revs revs cred I have woods cred yeah CP cred I have a dream catcher yeah I like it anyway

Indian heritage aside this tattoo means strength in Navajo it's right above my butt I do have my sign tattooed on my back actually do you

what's your sign Aries the ram I'm just gonna try to guess I'm sorry no hold on back it up I do have my sign tattooed on my back, actually. Do you? What's your sign? Aries. The ram. I'm just going to try to guess. I'm sorry. Hold on. Back it up.

Libra. No. Surprisingly not. I know it's the eyes that do it for you, Josh. Cherokee. That's not a zodiac. Damn it. Your turn.

But I am 1 16th Cherokee. Wow. I did not know that. Actually, 2 16th. Really? Progresso. Did. I did not know this. Actually, two 16th. Really? Progresso. Okay. You said Campbell's?

Yeah. We'll take the physical challenge. Have tattoos? You don't want any? No. Okay. I do. I don't put it beyond me.

I was like 18. Yeah, same here. I'm like a stupid 1999-esque son. Oh, my God, you guys. I forgot about this. For the show last night, one of the troops, they're like a short form team, kind of like Whose Line Is It Anyway, that type of stuff. They do the games. And they had to bring two people on stage.

And it's a game called Columns. So you have two people on stage from the audience, and they're sitting in chairs. And then you have two people that are performing. And so if you're doing a scene, you'd be like, God damn it, Carol, I'm tired of all this. Look at all this. And then you tap that person, and they say a word. And whatever they say, if they're like, cucumbers, you'd have to make cucumbers work. So this one guy comes on stage, and the first thing he says is, you guessed it, rape.

Wow. And cumshot and stuff like that yeah but they made this like a night time improv audience or was it like a family friendly no well it was a good crowd no it was pretty family friendly a lot of times no it was pretty it was pretty good our set was pretty blue i made it pretty blue right um on the tmi really you did worse than rape and cum not not worse than that on the tmi express i was the conductor and i said i came so that helped um not bragging guys on the tmi express you know but no like he was just saying like really foul stuff but they made it work in the scene so like uh they were saying like cumshot love was like uh like a basketball term it was something.

They were like, cumshot, cumshot, cumshot. Daniel, get it together. But that guy, I don't know. They made it work. Cumshot, cumshot. Yeah, like it was just something you just say in that like universe they made. But like when that guy was leaving, he was leaving with his buddy who had a face tattoo. And his face tattoo was a crack pipe coming off of his mouth and you

thought it was a good idea to ask his friend to give you the uh he wasn't no i just wasn't during i i was not in that troop and it was dark so like your improv choices are better than your companion yeah it was just weird it's like man we're reaching a different demographic with a Baltimore Improv a crack pipe as a face tattoo permanently on your face I hope he was paid by like an internet show or something to do that maybe he's like a millionaire crack pipe salesman or something like has his own

company what explanation could there possibly be like are crackheads to get a crack pipe tattooed on your face? Yeah. Y'all's just jealous, all right? Do you have, like, some philosophy that, like... Hey, I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. No drug paraphernalia. I don't think I'd ever tattoo on my body. A tattoo on your face is always a bad idea. Yeah. That's a double whammy of... I don't even have a word.

Yeah. It's just I don't ever want to be employed ever. Yeah. You're saying you're saying, well, my my white horse is never going to be able to take control because I'm going to have a real job. Now, maybe if you had like a job where they loved you so much, they were like, hey, you better get this crack bite tattoo on your face because they're like telling you it's part of your job description, but they really just never want you to jump ship.

Yeah. What that is, is your mediocrity permanently fighting off your potential. That's what it is. It's like, oh, no, we are not. No. Never. We are being dependent. You are not breaking up with me.

Yeah. It was definitely weird to see him at an improv show. But like. Right. Right. No, no, no. He enjoyed it was definitely weird to see him at an improv show, but like, I don't know, he enjoyed it. He had a good time, just like all the other non-crack pipe face tattooed people. He fit right in. Yeah, it was cool.

Good for him. Maybe they were like rappers, and he was going to be like crack pipe. A little cracky. Maybe. Yeah, like maybe there was somebody else with like internet porn tattooed on their face. Like the group was called Gluttony. Yeah. And they all had different...

Yeah, the unfaceables. Dependents. Yeah. One guy had like a swastika of dicks or something. Dixitka. Just the worst. Swastika of dicks. Just the worst stuff.

Were they circumcised? You know, I didn't look close enough. I didn't want to make eye contact. It was a rough group. Gotcha. Yeah, you never know what happens if you get caught staring at that tattoo. Yeah, I don't want to get caught

staring at the dick swastika. Nor the pentagram of cum that was tattooed on that guy's face either. No thanks. Mine's on my back, so guys already know what they're in for if they're looking at that tattoo. That's good. You know what I'm saying. Butt stuff is what I was saying.

Butt stuff. That's the name of your autobiography, right? Yeah, butt stuff. I'm Matt Mahaffey. B-U-T dot dot dot stuff question mark. Question mark. Butt stuff? Yeah.

You're just confused on the cover. Yeah. But still an eternal neck. How did I end up here? No pants. So, yeah, you're doing the Color Me Funny stuff. We are. Got sketches and those types of things.

I love those. Are you guys doing bi-weekly sketches monthly? The plan was last year we did this thing where we led our season, so we filmed for three weeks. We had three skits in the backup just waiting to get released. In the can, in the hopper, ready to go. On deck. And then it would go every two weeks,

and then there would be one where it was like a three week gap. And then somewhere in there, me and Justin look at each other like, wow, we got a whole lot of sleep that week. And that was that was nice. That was good. And so then that kind of just kept happening until we trailed off last year. Yeah. We'll just call that end of season one. Yeah.

It was around like May of 2013. That is. I noticed people do that with podcasts, too. Like, well, that's season two. Yeah. Basically just saying, like, I need a couple months off. Next thing you know, you have a crack pipe tattooed on your cheek. We had a wild break between season one and season two.

Oh, boy. Did you guys go on vacation? Paid vacation? Yeah. This crack pipe tattoo pays for itself. Okay. And the opportunities for pussy and money. People just give you money on the street.

You need this more than me. Maybe he was competing. Maybe he was on a really populated panhandling block. Right. He just took it to a whole other level. He probably doesn't have to say anything. I don't know why they would give people to give him. They're just so intimidated.

Maybe it's like when you sign up to not be allowed to gamble at a casino. Maybe he's so scared of himself that he got a crack pipe tattooed. So that way crack dealers would know, hey, buddy, don't make money off me over here. Get out of here. People wouldn't give him money if he panhandled. Oh, I got you. Sorry. Continue with your crack pipe talk. We were talking about crack pipes?

Yeah, back to crack pipes. I believe you were telling us about butt stuff. Butt stuff. No, yeah, and so season two, if you will, we released a short for that, too. Did you see that ad? I don't think so. Okay.

I might have saw the post on Facebook. I'll call it written by Brandon, because there were no words in it, really, but it was his idea. Oh, yes, I did see that, where it's like you guys in suits yeah you're in the uh spoiler alert scuba suit yeah what oh you ruined it for everybody that wanted to see that two second joke um but no it was uh it was fun and it turned out pretty well and people that again people that watch the uh the promos it's typically only like a 200 or 400 view audience and it's all like yeah us where we're

just like hey nice uh cross demographics yeah exactly there's like one person on reddit who was like i wonder what baltimore comedy is about oh never mind not deleted gay monsters clear the cachet laptop burned yeah and so season two just started fingerprints acided sorry no no you're fine eyeballs scooped out

we what did we do we filmed for like 48 hours over a weekend and gone I guess like like 12 skits in the can at this point

it's just a matter of like editing really 12 skits in 48 hours yeah yeah that's good we did see a lot of what me and Justin do for the promos is like, we'll just meet up.

Again, we probably shouldn't do this. We should probably plan it out way in advance. But every promo has been written where Justin and I are like, hey, next month's like tomorrow. So we should do that. And we get together, write the script in the first hour, and then basically perform the script, but also improv a lot. And if we make each other laugh while we're doing it, we like that's really funny let's figure out a way to get that in there right and um i think we have like a full year of those now like 12 12 promos nice and so we told the guys like hey maybe or it was a collective idea that we say like maybe we should

just make characters and then build skits around those characters so like um one of turpin's ideas was like uh that you performed in and it was like kids in a classroom quote-unquote performed yeah and um and uh sorry i trail off sometimes in my own head but uh that's fair those those were gonna make potentially three to four episodes yeah and um i love that yeah yeah brennan's just like all right let's let turpin just do his thing for a little bit yeah we'll see how it goes yeah i had fun how were those i wasn't there for him i think they could be good yeah yeah i think they could be good i think they could be good mike turpin if you're listening right now good they have to be edited i mean well it's that type of thing where it's like we went for like 15 minutes for like a two-minute sketch.

Yeah. So it's like, I don't know. You know, that's, I mean, it's all like, what do you call? My God. Hey. Sweet, sweet can. Yeah. I like it.

Yeah. No, Josh and I actually script all the podcast episodes a couple months in advance. Yeah. Including this right now? Yeah. Thanks for learning your lines, too. You're doing great. A lot of people have to bring their lines. Hold on.

Yeah. No problem, guys. I like that mouth effect. That's what page turning is. You don't have that on the soundboard. Matt, are you turning pages in there? No. No.

No, son of mine. Yep. My dad would never let me read books. It's movies or nothing, boy. Son of mine's going to read a book. God damn it. Get back in the Bel Air coal mine. I would like to see those sketches because I personally think I was funny

because I personally was in them I have a lot of people to show while I play music and talk about my girlfriend I need some content before you showed up Mike I have all the instruments here and Matt

he fell right into my trap of putting all these instruments I was like you're a god damn me? that's funny you should ask let me just turn the fog machine on He fell right into my trap of putting all these instruments. I was like, you're a goddamn rascal. Me? That's funny you should ask. Let me just turn the fog machine on. I dabble a little bit. I think I have a strobe light around here. Let me give you the full effect.

As a musician, don't you often, we may have talked about this before, you're waiting, when you play something, you're waiting for someone to be like, who is that? What song is that? Oh, that? Actually. I wrote it. But it's never, it's always just like, like oh it's just something else yeah I know he did

say just that he really yeah I you know just 15 minutes I guess that's the musicians version of suggesting that your improv is scripted yeah yeah yeah yeah but no kudos you're good oh yeah he is good oh thanks guys yeah in bed yay record label contract slash porno guys yeah you know josh could go have you ever seen there's a porno um add sorry there's this porno no i just wanted to plug my soundcloud with my music but you go ahead with your porno this isn't going where have you ever seen this porno? No. When I was visiting my buddies at College Park all the time. I like to jerk off. I got a story for you.

I'm at my house, and I like to jerk off. Read about it in my book. Butt stuff. Ear and face jizz. I believe in two things. Sorry, go ahead. Anyway, there's the scene. Again, to describe my favorite porns,

they're just hilarious things that you probably could never masturbate to so just to clarify the funnier porn is whatever and this guy is inside of yeah no budwiring he's like inside of a girl and he's just sorry I really keep

messing this up and he's just like playing drums on her butt and he screams out this song and he's okay. And he's just like playing drums on her butt and he screams out this song and he's like, now I'm in your ass, yeah. I'm gonna come.

What? I'm gonna come. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, come on. I've seen that. And it's like the singing. Yeah. Yeah, he has like long hair, right?

Yep. Is this thing popularized because it's funny? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's not like you guys just happen to jerk off to the same weird porn.

I saw it in a compilation of porn. That's what I call cum, volume five. Compilation. I really want to work the word compilation into a joke. I'm not sure how. There's got to be something there. No, it's compilation.

You go to the library and ask if you can look through their compilation. And they're like, excuse me, dirty, dirty old librarian. And she's like, I've been watching so much porn that I'm lost in my own world. And I just heard you say that. Are you fucking with me? The old timey ones before the Internet. Black and white compilations, please. Like, blows dust off a book.

These are the boner jams of 1943. Good Lord. No, I saw that in a, they had a bunch of porn bloopers, and that was one of them where he's like, I'm in your ass, girl. There's one where this guy's, like, going to come on this chick's face, and the cameraman's, like, facing the guy,

and he, like, goes to come on the chick, and then she's, like, has her eyes closed, like, that whole thing, like, yeah, this is going to cum on the chick. And then she has her eyes closed, like that whole thing. Like, yeah, this is going to be fun for me. And then he's just like, ugh. And she's like, yeah. And opens her eyes, and it's not there. And then the cameraman's like, oh. It got on him.

The guy just so far had hit the cameraman. Nice. That's funny. It was pretty funny. I enjoyed that. Not as good as I'm in your ass, yeah. Yeah, that guy does it for me. Yeah, that was good.

Maybe we could get internet famous by doing a funny porn. Yeah, you can do that one on your own. Thanks. Mike, I'm tired of you slipping that into every podcast. A lot of comedians think they can just go ahead and get famous by doing porn. That's a thing that people just think they can get away with. Jen Tisdale ruined you. That's not what I was going after, by the way.

I thought of that as soon as I said that. Who is that? Who? Oh, Guinevere Derringer? Is that who you think? Oh, that's the same person? Yeah. Oh.

That's weird. Man. Right. No. I subscribed to James Dean, so I just thought she had like a long lost cousin or something that had the same tattoos and sexually abused her. Wait, wait, wait. Does she have like a fake name?

Yeah. And are we going to edit this? No. No? I mean. I probably should. Why? She talks about it.

She wrote an article about it. You're right. I ain't judging. You guys be the judge of that. I'm, hey, I'm not judging. You guys be the judge of that. I'm not judging. I'm pretending all this is going on. Judge Judy, I am not.

I don't like to talk about the time that I hung out with the lead singer of Power Man 5000. Yeah. I've been to two Slipknot concerts. Whatever. We all have our demons. It's like, no, I love those Slipknot concerts. Off the record, I'm just excited about being James Dean's Eskimo brother. And along with, apparently, Jimmy Pop from Bloodhound Gang.

No, I thought it was some other guy from Bloodhound Gang. She said, do you know who Jimmy Pop is? But maybe she, like, it was the way less cool guy. She talked about it on one of our first episodes. Really? Yeah. I thought it was, like like another guy from the group. Well, now I'm disappointed.

Now, are we talking about James Dean, the actor who faked his death and turned sausage maker? Yeah, he's really. Sausage maker, eh? James Dean. Jimmy Dean. I would like the idea that he became Jimmy Dean. Didn't change his name. Barely.

Barely changed his name. All three of them are the same guy. He became the sausage guy, and now I was a young porn star like you yeah it's like I've gotten fat I gotta get my shit together loses weight he wasn't that James he knows in that fat Jimmy Dean the sausage fat no he's a regular old guy regular I mean he wasn't like you know what's no Matt Mahaffey so we doing sure Josh could turn either know. So are we doing shirtless stuff? There's no Josh Katerna either.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, we're going to do a shirtless photo after this. Yeah, for sure. That's all I ever wanted. Have you ever thought about changing your name to Matt Malaffy? I've heard that. Or Laffy Mahaffey. I go by Mahaffey Taffy.

Or Cedric Durgan. Laffy Taffy, yeah. Laffy Taffy or Laffy Taffy. Okay. But never, no, I never thought to change my name. Fez Grimes, actually, when I met him, met him I said hey what's going on he was hosting what's your name

what's your stage name that's my name I don't have one and he just went ha ha really? is it normal to have stage names? he just hated my name so much I don't know he just did not like it and then he told Why? I don't know. He just did not like

it. And then he told me that it sounded kind of like an Indian man. And I was like, I really don't know where you're coming from with this, man. And he went up on stage and he... Man. And cat. I say that too. My man. And he went on stage and he was like, this next guy

sounds like he works at a 7-Eleven. Hey, my name is Matt. It's my hair for you. I was like... Since when guy sounds like he works at a 7-Eleven. Herb, my name is Matt Mahaffey. I was like, what the fuck? Since when is Matt an Indian name? I don't know. Or Mahaffey even. Herb, my name is Sizer, 216th Indian. Yeah, exactly. My name is Brian Smith.

Clearly we meant Eastern Indian and not American Indian. How are you doing? Howdy, partner. I go by the name Raj Mahushaband. Around these parts. Yeah.

So when did you start doing stand-up? Let's see. Summer 2012. Okay. Two and a half years. Okay. How old are you? Uh, 24.

I always almost say 21 though, because once I turn 21, you can just drink and that's all you think about. Yeah. Yeah. Sure you do enough of it. I think about pussy too. I don't know about you guys. Yeah.

I think about, I think about crack pipes. Yeah. Right. Hey, you should get one tattooed on your face. I heard. Wow. That's so weird that you said that. Cause yeah, I'm going to do that. pipes. Yeah. Right. Hey, you should get one tattooed on your face. I heard. Wow. That's so weird that you said that because, yeah, I'm going to do that. What?

Yeah. I was going to get two of them. Two of them? Yeah. Like both sides. Like dual pipes. Yeah. You want to get the mirror.

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. One side double. Yeah. That's very rare. Just the whole cheek. The whole cheek of pipes.

The whole cheek of pipes. That way you still get your right side, your good side. Right, right. Yeah. You can do your photography. My right profile is completely normal until somebody calls me like, what? I'm like, oh! You know.

Yeah. Does Josh's Glamour Shots online? Oh, my gosh. They've made it into my 1964 Boner Jams collection. Right. My pasted pictures. Yeah. By the way.

I pasted mine myself. The next Color Me Funny the poster... Talking about my ejaculate. Sorry, Josh, go ahead. Wait, what's the viscosity of it? Is it like... Is that what it's like? He just coughs them up.

It's like that loony right there I just put on the keyboard. Anyway, next Color Me Funny show. At the Main Street Oyster House? Yes, formerly Dark Horse. the keyboard anyway next color me funny show oh uh at the uh what is it the main street oyster house yes formerly dark horse the picture that you guys use for me still the one where mike a little bit of mike moran's head is in it oh did we do that do we crop him out it's in your crotch yeah it's weird because all of you know when i do the promo videos and i've had to put you on there yeah i have now like 30 pictures of you that I saved onto my iPhoto,

and that's how I just interchangeably throw people in there. I love it. I'll make sure they change it. Thank you. This is going to be embarrassing for my fans in Ellicott City. They're like, who the hell's half face is this? Or whose ugly shoulder is that? Next to Josh's beautiful shoulders.

I recognize that moley chin anywhere. That's Mike Moran. I'm not going to this show. Holy moly. Oh boy. So how much are you so you started about two and a half years ago and when did Color Me Funny form? May of 2013. So wait.

May of 2000 a year and a half ago. How old is that? That's May 2013. So, wait. May of 2000. A year and a half ago. How old is that? That's May 2013. Okay. No, no. 2012. 2012.

So, I'm 2011 is what I meant to say. Gotcha. Mine is state. Math. Okay. It's so weird how we're looking back at the early 2000s with nostalgia. Yeah. Math.

Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math.

Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math.

Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math.

Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math.

Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math.y. Math-taffy. Spanish guys at work call me Mahaffy because they just smash my name together. Oh, that's nice.

Do you mean Spanish or Mexican? What did I say? Spanish people are from Spain. Oh, El Salvadorian. Okay. So, neither. Whatever. Those are the only two types of brown people out there.

It ain't American. They're either Spanish or Indian There you go Sometimes they're both And that's just gross That's too much That's crazy But I was just going to say Because you guys run now

With the open mic What like three or four rooms? Four rooms Yeah so And you guys are usually hosting Most of those shows. So you must have like, right off the bat, like tons of opportunities to perform. Did that help or was that scary at first?

That was cool because my, when I first started, it was at Sean Bolin's at an open mic where they did music. Oh, okay. So it was a very like, fuck you, get the fuck off the stage kind of crowd. Yeah, well, it's always tough when you're mixing stuff like that, like music and comedy. It's just they don't really jive. Unless people know that's what they're going for. Indians and El Salvadorians. Exactly.

It's exactly what it is. People don't want it. Nope. Nope. But so that one, I would write like 15 new minutes every two weeks. And you just can't do that really. Yeah. That's a lot. really. And so like,

that's a lot. Yeah. And I just thought it was because the room was bad. And then I started like doing real rooms with a go. I just physically can't put out good material every time. Cause it's just kind of arrogant to think that you're that funny. How much time did you spend writing? Um,

sometimes honestly, like two or three hours before the show, I would just like put the pressure on myself and be like, all right, you have these ideas rolling around in here. Just go for it. Yeah. But then you end up doing a set that's like 15 minutes long, strictly about butt fucking. Right. And like that.

So what's the problem? And the problem was I just had to stare at my friend's faces just doing this. Like wide eyed shaking their head. Like, please just stop doing what you're doing. And I just give them the old thumbs up. Now I'm gonna power through this just like butt fucking right you start playing the drums on them and that was the first butt fucking there were like so many more to follow right but um never be fucking a butt that is the worst when you've got like a long string of jokes yeah very the premise that you throw out there completely dies. Yes. Yeah.

All right. Well, the cool thing to do is to stick through it and totally not acknowledge that it's failing. And the worst thing you can do is be like, well, this is going poorly,

but I have about 10 more minutes to do. Because as soon as you say that, everybody kind of checks out. Yes. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

Or they just hate you. There's a way, I feel like there's a way to time it too. Like if you're getting a little bit I feel like there's a way to time it, too. Like, if you're getting a little bit of a laugh and you jump right to the next one, it usually stays pretty seamless. Yeah. Yeah, I know. You definitely got to keep the momentum going for sure.

Which is hard for me because I always forget what the fuck I'm talking about. Yeah. Do you? You seem pretty seamless. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know.

I guess I'm getting better. I know that I'm doing more. I feel like the time to you feels like an eternity between jokes. If I forget my next joke, I feel like I go wide-eyed and start sweating. Then I just try to compensate by doing what I would normally do socially and just be like, hey, what's up? So butt-fucking is a thing. That is the worst. I hate when I listen back to like my set and I forget like a key phrase or a couple words

that would like completely change a joke. Like, oh, God damn it. Like, you just forgot like three words and it completely went way better. When that happens, it usually gets me in trouble. Like, it's not like, oh, that could have been funnier. It's like, oh, that was the most racist thing I've ever heard of. The problem with immigrants is black people are not inferior. I forgot to put the not in there.

I'm always forgetting the not. This is all over me about that. Cool. By all over me, I mean he laughs at me from a distance and just goes, man, we're not hanging out. I meant to say the Nazis were were greatly incorrect yeah not great great that was on me guys i'm sorry sorry guys um so yeah but no so you uh i guess because you guys are all from bel-air right so yeah everybody lives in bel-air and joe lives in uh uh like just outside of rosedale i think okay Okay. So then were you just performing regularly before you hooked up with those guys?

Yeah. Before me and Brandon started hooking up on the weekends. Uh-huh. Sexually. One thing led to another. I did probably that thing that I mentioned. Like every two weeks I would do new material for about like two or three months. Yeah.

Bumped into Fez up at Susky River Grill grill have you ever been up there or heard of it before it shut down nope um that used to be a club that thez hosted at for I think a long time like maybe a year or more than that okay and um he said you know you should meet these guys uh brandon and justin because they were just new to the scene too we all got together and then our first show I basically asked boland's hey I've been here for like three months now what do you guys think about we'll build some momentum here get a regular crowd like give us tuesday night instead of thursday night and um we did a show mike and joe came out to perform because they had met brandon at some point and then uh we all had a meeting in the back room just saying like hey tonight went well let's do this and then you know um mike and joe

just kind of like walked in the room and we were like all right yeah let's do this. And then Mike and Joe just kind of walked in the room, and we were like, all right, yeah, I guess all of us are going to do this now. And then that was how six of us are a team now. But no, it's cool. It's a very different dynamic for everybody. So it's hard to sit six guys in a room and come up with stuff, but it's easy to kind of break off and do things and then come back together.

No, I think it's great. I said the same thing when, yeah, we're slowly collecting all of the members of Color Me Funny. No, we haven't had Fez and Joe. Fez hasn't done it, Joe hasn't done it. We've had Mike, Matt, Brandon, Justin. And Kimberly.

Oh, fuck. She counts. She's Justin's personal cheerleader. Yeah, it was funny. Jim Meyer introduced her as part of Color Me Funny. Really? She's like, no! No, not with those assholes. She's like the Capadonna.

Wow, high praise. High praise, Capadonna. What is that? The unofficial 10th member of the Wu-Tang Clan, right? Wow, high praise High praise, Capadonna What is that? The unofficial 10th member of the Wu-Tang Clan Oh This in Baltimore Really? And according to my co-workers

It was a total dick when he was at the moon I can see that Anyway, I'm tired of trashing Capadonna What were you going to say? Sorry What was I? Oh, Kim writes with us every once in a while too Oh yeah, yeah

She's been in some of your guys' shorts and stuff Yeah,, yeah, yeah. She's been in some of your guys' shorts and stuff. Yeah, yeah. But no, I... She's been in some of your guys' shorts. That's funny. Short videos, guys. Come on. I wear jeans, too, so...

Nice. Okay, edit that. Yeah. I don't want people to think I wear shorts on this network. Yeah, no, I think what you guys is doing is awesome. You guys, too. Oh, stop. I know.

Oh, stop. I mean, the music and the girlfriend thing. That's just like. That's icing on my cake. You're just knocking it out of the park, man. I'm knocking it out. The sex with my real girlfriend. There it is.

There it is. With her boots that are real, too. Her boots. And then, so, yeah is. With her boots. Her boots. And then, so, yeah, you got Sean Bolins. Yes. This Main Street Oyster House. Formerly the Dark Horse in Bel Air. Uh-huh. Now it's the Main Street Oyster House.

Deal your foleys. You're doing Main Street Oyster House Wednesday. That's right. I'll be there. Yeah? That's the poster I was talking about. Oh, yep. The one where I'm pissed off.

That's the one. This fucking guy's head is in my fucking shot. He's just stealing the spotlight. Well, you got to steal something. He's right. He's right. He's right. That'll be a fun show.

Andy Klein is the headliner. Funny fella. And Nick Oldershaw. Featuring. And then you got the open mic going in Towson now. Sunday night. Seeing you there. CBP?

Yes, and I will be there tonight. I might go tonight. I'll be at all three open mics tonight. Oh, are they though? Oh, wait, that's right. Ryan Nesser in the talks room, and then over to ours, and then... High Tops. High Tops.

Nice. Yeah. Nice. Okay, okay. So, what's the plan, Mr. Matt Laffey, Taffy, and Haffey? The old GT, or GP, game plan? Yeah, the old GT. My game plan, my GT.

For life? Yeah, what's your philosophy? We like to do a thing at the end where we get everyone's life philosophy. Yeah, man. So, like you said, you might go to Chicago. Yeah. I'm real amped about, I know, do you ever meet Jesse Kendall? You know who that is?

No. Local comedian for a while. I met him a handful of times, and then at one point or another, he just said, like, you know, I'm way more into characters than I am stand-up. I think I'm going to go to Chicago, do this thing. And at the time, I was like, hey, I just move out of town and, and like pursue your dreams, whatever. That sounds dumb. And then like a year into this, I'm like, actually, yeah, I don't want to go back to having a nine to five. I used to do engineering. So that's like a thing that I don't ever want to

do again. So what do you do now? Uh, real estate, wait tables and, uh, odd jobs. I used to build houses too. So like for a while. Yeah. I did that like on the side and stuff like that. Okay. Yeah. So you, did you quit the engineering job to focus on comedy and then the rest you're like, let me just kind of fill in.

Um, the engineering thing was like at the time, actually it's pretty epic story, but it's super long. So I won't get into that. I told you. I haven't. Great. Because in podcasts, we hate stories. Yeah, man. Podcasts. Okay. A brief version of it then't get into that. I told you I have an issue with that. Great, because in podcasts, we hate stories. Yeah, man.

Podcast. Okay, a brief version of it then. Break it down. I'm working at... Can you rap it? I'm working at... We do have to break for commercials, so... Yeah.

Hit it. I was working in Rosedale, and then none of these other words are going to rhyme. It doesn't rhyme. No, I was working... I was working in Dundalk, actually, at the shit factory. Not the eggs that everybody knows about. What?

You know the eggs? Yes. Oh, okay. When you say shit factory, like the processing plant or whatever? Yeah, not where they make shit. That's just your tummy tummy. That's where my Dundalk is. They make, like, the plastic prank shit.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Or rubber. The doo-doo. There is some guy that works at, like, one of those factories. He just cries every day. Every now and then, there's, like,'s a breakdown and the boss comes in and screams, like, you call these rubber tarts?

I want to know the one guy who every day thinks it's funny to take a real shit on the conveyor belt and just be like, really, man, this never is going to get old to you. Because if you take a real shit on the floor, no one's going to think it's real. Just going to pick it up with their bare hands. You guys need to be cleaning up after yourselves. He's complaining to his wife. Busting my ass with a fake shit platter. And you can't make dinner?

God damn it. I make fake poop for a living. What do you do? I'm a teacher. I'm out there every day, working class hero. Working my fucking fingers in the bone so america could have fake shit we need that shit all right so wait you were working at a shit factory yeah what uh i got this job through college um that's a shitty college

waka waka and uh this guy was like i'm really into like green energy renewable energy uh i'm in civil but i really want to do environmental engineering he's like oh And this guy was like, I'm really into like green energy, renewable energy. I'm in civil, but I really want to do environmental engineering. He's like, oh, perfect. We have we have a project like that going right now. We also work in like clean water. And I think that means like drinking water. I'm like, let's do this. And so the first job I went to is Fredericksburg.

Find out to ship plant. And I was like, can you even show me the green energy project you were referring before you lied to me? And it was like a solar panel on top of their office. No way. Dead serious. Like two large solar panels, probably like six foot by six foot. They're not even connected to anything. Just the wires like hanging off the roof.

We got plans. We got plans, Matthew. We got plans. We're big on plans and not on the follow through. And then the following job was in Dundalk, which is just like where so much of my original comedy used to come from. Because it's just a hilariously terrible place. Yeah, Dundalk, Maryland is like, I think Mike Stork talks about it. Like everybody shits on Dundalk.

Doesn't matter where you, whatever shitty part of Maryland you're in. At least it's not Dundalk. Apparently every state has that place. Yeah, they have a Dundalk. I want to know what that is because when I travel for shows I just want to transfer my dundalk stories over to them yeah but then I end up saying something that's like a touchy area and I feel like I messed that up really oh yeah you don't want to talk about the shit you're like you're all those children got killed last week yeah right very funny we respect those people

around here yeah not like this d sundog people our mayor works at the shit factory you idiot you idiot um but uh actually it's funny that the shit factory is fought over whether it's not really called the shit factory everybody calls it the shit plant is it like solar heating? I just pictured this beautiful calligraphy sign, like the shit factory. A factory for shit. Since 1849. The shit of tomorrow is today's shit.

The shit of your future is today's food. Solar heating international. Yeah. Shit. That. Oh, my God. Solar heating international. Yeah. Shit. That's the abbreviated thing. For short, solar heating international technologies. Here it's shit. We should.

That's a video right there. See, this is how videos are made. That should be, yeah. Yeah. Solar energy, that's my shit. Yeah. That's my shit. That's my shit. It goes around the community filming people. Maybe a Soul energy. That's my shit. Yeah. That's my shit. That's my shit.

It goes around the community filming people. Maybe a construction worker. Yeah. That's my shit. Like a telephone pole. Yeah, he turns. I love this shit. Like a mom pushing a kid in like a swing. That's my shit.

What if, okay, I just had a really random thought. What if they had like, in the next Forrest Gump movie, he beats Bud Dwyer. It's just like, alter it. Sorry. I had given that man a handgun. Because he had done something awful with it. Because the next one takes place in the 80s,

right? Yeah. So he, Right? Right, you guys? Yeah. Right? Yeah.

No, there's a sequel to Forrest Gump that takes place in the 80s. There's a book sequel, and they've talked about making a movie, and I was thinking maybe he could meet Bud Dwyer. Oh, yeah, that'll work. What's a book?

I had given that man an envelope. It's like an e-book. Oh, shoot. It's like a compilation. Forrest Gump compilation. Compilation of shit that we love. All right, so you're working at the shit factory. Yeah.

That's why we call it the digression sessions. The shit factory. So I'm working there and boy is it shitty and just like hole in the ground i'm just like actually touching shit sometimes what what was your job um well i i so deservedly was like like i sew shit into blankets. I worked in the office and got paid really nice money to be like warm and not cold. No, you make your shit, Joe. And not touching shit.

And then I was like, you know what? No. I want to go in the field and get my hands dirty because that's the kind of thing I love. So like a week into that, I was like, well, this is the worst mistake of my life. And that was that like heat wave summer that happened in in i don't know 2010 whatever yeah and um 10 10 and uh so hot so sweaty so shitty just shitty smell the whole thing hated it and then i thought i had this like savior of a plan yeah i had i had gotten all these tools together yeah i started believing in jesus the

church of latter-day saints he saved me no good that'll never happen and um i had this buddy who allegedly had all this money since we were in high school he's always told me like i have my family has all this money some of it's mine i can get it by a certain age whatever yeah i've been living in this lie yeah i've been living this lie for like seven years with this guy. And he had a lot to show for it, though, too. Like you buy shit all the time, like real nice stuff. Just lie and lie and lie. And so I put all these tools together. I basically had like a company worth of like tools and these buddies that I was training to like do the same work I've been doing forever.

And we're like, all right, man, here's our first project. It's going to be this guy's house that he bought, and we're going to just nail this plan out, and then we're going to have enough money to buy a property after that. So you would sell that house? Yeah, we would do that. Like Vanilla Ice. Exactly. Yeah, like what was that show called?

It was so terrible. Vanilla Ice sells houses. Yeah, Vanilla Ice yells at guys to fix houses and drives a dirt bike around the yard or whatever i never actually watched it yeah it was terrible so don't look into it um well i need to change my netflix q yeah man don't don't do that don't follow through um and so all this stuff happened and i told my boss like hey man i quit i'm out i got this other awesome opportunity you can shit and shove it yeah you can take your shit yeah you can take your shit

right back up talk about a shit job and um so i quit and i i tore this house apart with this guy like three weeks we all get like really good pay we're all like perfectly in line i'm making this kid extra money because he's hiring us to do it right and um i'm out of town and my buddies call me they're like hey uh so and so's dad just came over here and almost exploded like his face turned purple and he told all of us he was gonna murder us and i'm like why what happened and he's like this is a rental property that i owned and alex was gonna rent it from me fuck like what are you guys doing here and this house is gutted. Like, there's no wall, ceiling, floor, anything in this place.

And this is like stage one of five stages. So there's no way he's going to give us the opportunity to like work stages two through five. And you gutted it, right? Yeah. We gutted the entire place and did all this work. And again, I had all these tools that I like had just bought. So this company was set up to be a thing. And then I quit my other job and basically lost that job

when it no longer had income coming in. Wow. And so I was like, well, back to school. And I hope I don't fuck up like this bad next time. That fucking guy, though, is like, I can't wait to see my rent. Oh, my God! Everybody's just like, hey, come on in, Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins. Let me show you around.

This is where the kitchen will be. He doesn't notice until he leaves. He goes to open the door, but there's no walls. He still opens the door anyway. Maybe there's a chance. There's a door. Fingers crossed. Oh man.

Oh no, oh no, oh no. Please be a house. Please still be there. There's a chance. Please be a really convincing paint job. What time there is a,

like a cartoon. Like a tunnel hole into a wall. Don't be a real tunnel. Like they just painted the backyard. Yeah. Nice mural of the backyard, as you can see. One time there was a prank call by some guy. Who's that guy from...

Ugh. Never mind. There's some prank call. I forget who does it, but he convinced the woman that the walls had fallen down off the house, but the windows were still standing. And she's just like, how is that possible? down off the house, but the windows were still standing. What? And she's just like, how is that possible? He's like, I don't know, but they are.

She's like, well, okay, I guess I'll take a chance on this one. Yeah. He successfully convinced her that the walls of physics were falling. Hello, Munza. This is the podcast mascot. Hi. You're adorable. All right, Matt, so you were saying so then you decided

to go back to school? Yeah, I went back to school. You're like, I'm in debt. I need to be in more debt. I'm going to go back to school. I did that. Hey, babe. She's real.

That's her. That's her. She's not a robot. You didn't pay that girl to just walk in with a fake dog that you don't actually have. Of course not. The check's on the table.

So then, yeah, I went back to school, and I came home that summer and was like, you know what? None of this is what I wanted to do ever. Right. I've always wanted to be on Saturday Night Live since I was like five years old.

And so I looked up, like, how do you get on to Saturday Night Live? And you don't audition. You can't do that. You get spotted basically like an athlete. Yeah. So you just got to start doing it. And I just started doing it and i just started

doing it and nice the group kind of came from that too because i always watched you ever watch like a lot of like short video kind of people like derrick comedy or yeah yeah yeah whitest kid you know and that type of thing yeah i was really into that growing up and uh in college especially yeah which explains a lot of my grades too and. And so the group, for me, got together because I kind of wanted something to force me to output things constantly, force me to do shows. Right. You get lazy if you don't. Yeah, well, that's what I was going to say. It's actually really good, especially if you were a new comic, because you guys have all these rooms.

It's like we've got to fucking be up there. I mean, even if you're hosting, you still have to do some of your bits and stuff. And if it's every two weeks, you can't be repeating yourself. Exactly. I mean, I guess you can get away with it a little bit. Our regulars call us out on it. I'm sure, yeah. Definitely.

Yeah, and just the experience of being on stage is fucking great. Yeah, absolutely. No matter what. Well, that's awesome, man. So that's progressing. So if you go to Chicago and do Second City, you're going to try to get into improv then? Definitely. There's a bunch of other options out there, and do Second City, you're going to try to get into improv then? Definitely. There's a bunch of other options out there too beyond that, like ImprovOlympic and some

other theaters. Or you can manage a store. There you go. Lots of stuff you can do in Chicago. There's tons of stuff. Lose the dream and just buy a shop or something like that. Sell every kind of condom at a weird car store. The annoyance theaters out there.

There's a lot of stuff out there. There's a ton of stuff. Shakespeare prop. You want to go? Oh, yeah. You want to come with? I might, yeah. You want to go up there?

Yeah, I might. Go set up fort. Yeah, do that. Hey, you can come. No, I'll hold down Baltimore while you're away. I'll rule Baltimore, you guys. You can come too? That's what I meant.

With a question mark. Butt stuff? As you slowly roll your eyes over Josh. That depends, Mike. How down with butt stuff are you? Because it's the deal breaker right now. I'm about as down as one can be. Nice.

Depressed. What are we talking about? I am so sad right now. But no, I will. Okay, okay. So you, so yeah, so doing the sketches, doing the stand-up, trying to diversify. The whole thing. Gotcha.

Been doing a lot of acting this year, actually. Oh, yeah? What are we doing? Besides Two Gay Monsters, what brilliant films? I love that everyone refers to that as like, I like the Two Gay Monsters video. Oh, thanks, man. That was Matt and Justin in Green uh in uh green face yeah which was offensive to green people by the way way offensive and uh they were a couple and uh yeah we were the

ben and jerry frankenstein uh not frankenstein we were the the jewish the jewish couple and we were getting married and we had prepared a whole month of shows to celebrate yeah so it was good that's hard to write for to be honest like yeah um we'll get together and say like here's the scenario like one that we want to do spoiler alert i'll let you guys know the secret is just uh like uh interviews with wrestlers uh-huh where they're just like super into everything they're gonna crush everyone and that whole thing thatSlave. And so then you take that and then we start writing a skit in our head and it's a hilarious skit. And we're like, all right, let's do this. And then we go, oh, wait, we didn't talk about any of the shows in that script just now. Yeah.

And then he and I both look at each other like, shit, we're about to do something so fun and creative. And now we have to go back and talk about how Josh Gadurna is going to be at a show this Wednesday. Yeah, you've got to shoehorn all that stuff in. Yeah, and so it's hard to make it funny and then still about people and everything. So again, it's a challenge. I guess if you look at it, it's like educational or whatever. Yeah, absolutely. So other than that, yeah, House of Cards films in D.C. and Baltimore.

And pretty much anybody can get extra work on that. Yeah, Veep is here. Veep's here now. I i'm gonna try to do that this winter before i get out of here uh-huh and um just a couple other projects like a lot of them are free projects that people get like kickstarter money for yeah and i think that stuff's great i was i was talking to my uncle about trying to do some stuff he's like i think you need an agent yeah no not at this date like if if somebody's like nice enough to be like hey you should be in my thing yeah i'm all about it you know versus like um what's the pay here yeah and then they're just like ah fuck off we'll get somebody else

i feel like i went into it with that realistic outlook too yeah you're such a nice humble guy so you have the similar outlook i do but i basically told myself i'm a one-sixth uh sioux indian oh are you that's probably what it is that might be that's why i feel such a strong connection to you like are you still here what nothing and um and uh no i told myself like until i get a resume together which is like all of our shorts at this point i'm not gonna tell people i can act because I'm going to show them videos and be like, if you like this, if you like this thing I do, here, take it.

You might like me in public. Like I did from the producers. If you like Batman. Two gay monsters. Will you narrate that? Comes two gay something. Two gay men wear hats. Two gay robots.

Two gay robots with scarves. Matt and Justin in the two gay series. Two gay dudes doing stuff. Two gay astronauts. And what the hell was I saying? Little two gays. I did a project the other week. I was a cross-dresser and a hairstylist. That's a project. And that was a thing that I did a project the other week I was a cross dresser and a hairstylist

that's a project and that was a thing that I did for these it's called Women in Film in DC it was like a pretty big group and they have like a branch in California

New York DC probably a bunch of other places I just don't know about yeah and went and did that with them and so again

like I'm same as you I'm down for whatever people are like hey I like your stuff and I got that from that I'm the worst sketch where me and brandon are dressed like girls oh yeah yeah yeah the cake and stuff and that was funny too because again it is it's kind of like a resume and when the lady called me she was like so how many outfits do you have like how many looks

they call it i was like oh i don't and i wanted the job at the same time so i was like, oh, I don't. And I wanted the job at the same time. So I was like, oh, I don't. 35. I don't often do this. Like to brag, but I have more than I can count. I have a cowboy hat. I wanted to say, like, I'm not really a lady man. But at the same time, I was like, oh, I'm such a good lady man. Oh, God, my G-strings are riding up. Sorry, what were you saying? She was like, how are you in heels?

And I was like, well, I don't often. I mean, I'm good. I can pull off heels. And I had, like, tried to masculine my way into it, too, where I was like, I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm a man's man, but I know my way around a pair of heels. Sorry. My bra strap is way too tight. What did you say?

What was your last question? What did you say? So, anyway. Oh, that's cool. Good, good, good. What do you want to do video wise

do you want to do a short have you been throwing any ideas around in your mind no I have some ideas me and Alex Broslowski wrote a web series

about a spider that I think would be great but it would be really hard to shoot and then yeah definitely they need a CGI spider no we want a real spider

gigantic CGI what kind of spider are we talking about like wolf spider maybe like a tarantula yeah it's basically We need a CGI spider. No, we want a real spider. Gigantic CGI. What kind of spider are we talking about? Wolf spider? Maybe like a tarantula. Yeah. It's basically Leave it to Beaver, but with a spider. And other people?

Yeah, and real people. That hasn't been done a million other times. Real fresh, guys. Leave it to tarantula. Classic. All the characters can understand spider, but the audience never hears him. So you just have to infer what he's saying. Yeah. does he make a noise wait no no you have to just infer yeah it's amazing it's so funny so it's it's it's like a a puzzle and no it's kind of like some of it's easy and

then there's definitely some built but he will definitely it won't be completely random he really will have an unspoken dialogue to the other characters. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Awesome. That's kind of cool. Yeah, no, it's not just like off-the-wall stuff. Some of it is. There is kind of like a joke where it's like we want to do one where it's like, Spider, why'd you do that?

And then it's just a close-up of a spider for like 40 seconds. It cuts back to the other characters like, oh, okay. I'm so sorry. Start like playing like the full house music that they play at the end of the lesson. Yeah, exactly. That's what we're doing. We had all the ideas of like... That's pretty good.

Yeah, well, it's basically audience clap when he comes in. Yeah, stuff like that. I don't want to say too much. People might steal our spider idea. I was just thinking all the CEOs and movie heads are stealing your idea right now. I feel like it would be a good adult swim show. If we see Steven Spielberg's spider next year, we're going to know who to blame. Yeah.

No, I would love to do stuff like that, writing some sketches. But, you know, where is the time? It's tough. It is really. Times are tough. I want to also do, I have an idea for a sketch I want to do. It would basically be like the meta office meeting. Basically all the stuff that people are really saying, like the subtext of stuff.

Like I want to have like a boardroom meeting and then, you know, like the guy that's going to lead the meeting comes in. He's like, okay. I like to start off the meeting by arguing about who should have printed out the PowerPoint. And then there'll be one guy that's like, I'm eating myself loathing. And like grabbing a donut and like Carol's just, you know like someone would be like i'm in an unhappy marriage so like all that stuff like the subtext yeah exactly so i think i could have been something yeah exactly exactly because everyone in an office isn't something yeah well no but you i'm pretty happy guy who who like you know wanted to be something else and just get out of that shit factory.

Like a stand-up? In a movie style. That is great for your origin story. Like, God, I gotta get out of this shit factory. It's an actual shit factory. I'm not in love with this shit factory. When I'm future Ashton Kutcher, they're like, what did you used to do?

I'm gonna cut out all the good stuff, like the college stuff. I used to work at a shit plant. I had dreams, though. Oh, yeah, okay, so real quick to wrap that up. You said you went back to college? No, we can just skip over all that. Okay.

My graduating GPA, and by graduating, I mean I haven't had a degree, is 1.975. That's pretty close to 1.9775. That's pretty close to 1.978. That's not close. No, I remember that exact number. If that one teacher didn't hate you, you could have a 9.78. You could probably get that up to an 8.

That one teacher that I retook that class seven times for didn't hate me. No, it sucked because in high school I loved math and physics, and so I was like, all right, engineering, here we go. Let's do this. Yeah. And got in. My first two semesters were pretty awesome. Nice. Nice.

And then I started telling myself, like, I can do this in four years instead of five. Because it's typically a four and a half to five year program. Yeah. And so I just overloaded myself. And then also started liking just like Jason Poon and, you know, doing typical science stuff. Who's Jason Poon? Just kidding. I started doing Jason Poon and, you know, doing typical, uh, scientists. Who's Jason Poon? Well,

Jason started doing, I said, I started liking Jason Poon. Me and Jason Poon were inseparable. We would go out like every week, every weekend, just drinks. We just drank all the time.

and just, that's where butt stuff started. Me and Jason Poon There's nothing but Jason Poon with this guy Matt's always talking about this guy Jason Jason Poon I don't get it

Jason Poon talk And then he tries to tell me Straight somewhere in the story Just to clarify that he's not Sexually aroused by Jason Poon It's a mess It's really confusing It's a real mess Oh man Alright so Jason Poon. It's a mess. It's really confusing.

Oh, man. All right, so Jason Poon almost ruined your life. Yeah, right? Just derailed on drugs and Poon. Sorry, pot, not drugs. That's silly. Heroin, sorry. My dad kept telling me all the time,

like, hey, you can't keep living with these guys who are just like party animals and just smoke pot and drink all the time sure so i just would move in with another group of guys that were into that same thing i've decided to move into the neighborhood crack house dad i've taken your advice yeah and um so yeah man i did like school and i really like that that type of thinking like it's like puzzles to me. Yeah, critical thinking. People that like school to me are like people that hate meat, that are really turned off by meat. It's like, yeah, it's easy for you to be a vegetarian. You don't like meat. Right, right, right.

Yeah, people that are genuinely into the whole working hard and stuff. Right, yeah, yeah. Fuck you. I'd rather hang with Jason Poon. Yeah, me too. Jason Poon, just kicking it. Okay, all right. I'd rather hang with Jason Poon. Yeah. Jason Poon. Just kicking it. Okay.

All right. So you did school and then you're like, all right, stand up is what I'm going to do. Came home. It's like stand up is the way to go in order to future get into this. And again, stand up even is just a resume for acting. Acting is a resume for better acting. So if you were to be given like a good role in something, would you stop doing stand-up or do you think you'd always kind of want to do it?

No, it's just like you said where it's good for stage time. It's also good for just material. Like you like to try out your different things either socially or on stage that you want to do for improv. And so if I'm ever like writing a sketch or I can't decide between whether something would make a better bit or a sketch I'll do it or even if I'm just describing it to people

like is this scene funny I'll kind of like play out the characters of a scene which you do too you do like some story based stuff that's pretty cool and you I like your style the way you kind of perform from a couple different angles like within the story so that way you kind of win people over too because a lot of guys will write these dickhead jokes

where they're telling a really asshole fact, but if you play the character of an asshole and you play another character who's like, you're a bad person. Yeah, you've got to bring in a self-deprecating aspect. You can't just be like, I'm a piece of shit. Exactly. Me too. Stabbers yelled at me too yelled right here guys oh for you yeah because uh for a while like i i would stop writing material and i would just start telling like stories because like things that happen to me are kind of outlandish right and they're typically very like sexual and so i'd be like oh the other day this guy and his

and this guy and his girlfriend came into my work. And she, like, right in front of him asked me for my number. And his head was just, like, kind of turned to the side. And then later I got drunk and was like, oh, bang that guy's girlfriend later. And he was, like, within earshot. But then he knew I did stand-up. So I was, like, pretending to play around with him. And Star Wars was like, this asshole is over here.

Like, stand- up is the craft of making everybody feel the same and like laugh at a subject right right just bragging about yeah getting so much poon it hurts yeah i have that problem jason poon and um and so i i stopped after that i was like yeah i can't do that i gotta yeah to make it tangible. Yeah, it's a fine line. Right, yeah. Between bragging. Exactly. But we have that problem, Mike. Talk about all the... It's hard not to.

Yeah. It is hard not to. When that's your life and you talk about it. I really don't know anything else. Yeah. That's all we know. Getting pooned. Oh, gotcha.

Chasing it. Well, I mean, anything you're into. For instance, some guys, they'll lure you into their bedroom and play music for you and play it while they're not even in the room for you. They'll just leave it on loop and just be like, you're going to love this. See ya. Wait, we're talking about bad people? No, no. A lot of just people.

A lot of guys. Then you have to find a way to make yourself comfortable with that. Yeah. I would just say check out their SoundCloud. Go to Tremendous Athlete. Check that out. Just get familiar with that. Yeah, I would just say check out their SoundCloud. Go to Tremendous Athlete. Check that out. Just get familiar with it. This way you're not diving in.

You can put your toes in the water a little bit. Just kind of dipping in a little bit. Yeah, absolutely. You've got to learn to crawl before you learn to walk. That's right. I've been Josh Guderna. There was a time when it was Christopher Crawlin. What?

Walking. Christopher walking.. What? Walking. Christopher walking. Come on, Josh. Sorry, I'm stupid. Yeah. I am a dummy. Well, Matt, thank you for coming by. Absolutely.

I'm glad to have you on the podcast. It took enough passive-aggressive comments to finally get you on the show. I made one comment about not being on this podcast. I don't know if both of you or just you said, like, all right, man, I get it. We'll put you on. I was like, no, I'm okay. We're good.

I knew. I was just busting your balls. Well, now they're hurt. Sorry, I've bruised your balls. No, we'll fix them. We'll fix those balls. Anything to plug besides the shows

Color Me Funny MD dot com. Color Me Funny Comedy dot com. That's it. Is where shows and shorts are. Like us on

Facebook. Go to our YouTube. Twitter. Color Me Funny MD and Color Me Funny extras are the promos.

Way big into bloopers. Bloops. I love bloopers. Gotta do the bloops. Way big into bloopers. Bloops. I love bloopers. Gotta do the bloops. They're so much better than bloopers. Do you play like funny 30s music? Like...

What the fuck 30s did you grow up in? Slash that's way too old for you to grow up in. They're in the 80s. Anyway, do you mean like Benny Hill? Yeah, yeah. Like... What are you doing? What do you mean? That Hill? Yeah, yeah. Like, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr. What are you doing? What do you mean?

That's standard bloopers music. Did Jason Poon play you up to this? Brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr. Brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr. Brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr. No, no. Yeah. That's not the instrument I was clearly doing. I'm not sure what I was. That was the mouth instrument. What are you talking about? Oh, man.

I'm not doing a banjo. That's what the executive hears. They're like, God, we need to slash our music budget. Give me that Mike Moran kick. Sign him now. He needs a makeover. You're doing all the movies. You're doing the Inception noise.

I want to make this man the Michael Jackson of bloopers. Yeah. He'll finally bring some sex appeal to the bloopers world. The bloopers game. Me, me, me, me. Real bloopers. Remember, I do miss going to the CD shop and going to the bloopers section, picking out my favorite CD.

Your favorite bloops? What? That's a thing? Yeah. What? No. Oh. Sorry, I'm pretty naive.

A tower they had with like 10 racks of just bloopers music. Yeah. Yeah, it's just musicians. I'm a little bit of a bloopers music snob, I'll be honest with you. It's just all the musicians fucking up. My brain just caught up with it. I'm dumb. I'm like super gullible, by the way.

Yeah, well. So if you ever want to just lie right to my face, I'll just be like, oh, man, that's awesome. I don't think you're gullible. Oh, you're so nice. Thanks. Zinger. Sure. Zinger.

Winky face. No, but thank you for doing the show. Yeah, no problem. Thanks for coming, man. Come back any old time. Mr. Mike Moran. Why are you laughing at me? Because, man. Come back any old time. Mr. Mike Moran. Why are you laughing at me? Because he knows I'm being insincere.

Right. I'm serious. But come back any time. For sure. Yeah. Mr. Mike Moran. What do you got? What do you...

We'll plug it in the beginning of the show, too, but... Plug in. What do I have to plug? Skeptic Magazine. Yes. Next issue. Yeah, it's up on the website now, actually. Oh, plug? Skeptic Magazine. Yes. Next issue. Yeah, it's up on the website now, actually. Oh, really?

Sweet. Yeah, so skepticmagazine.com. It's on our website? I put a link to it. Oh, okay. Gotcha. But it's up on their website. What's that?

It's a magazine that I wrote a column for. Awesome. I guess it's an article. Yeah, Satanic Panic. Yeah. Yeah, check that out and then this the 6th Friday the 6th we're doing the improv

stand-up mashup show at Mob Town Theater right go to big improv.org or digressionsessions.com slash calendar for upcoming dates you and I will be there

that'll be fun both of our troops are performing that's a show where we do improv based off of stand-up so we'll have a stand-up

go up for like five to seven minutes and we use that as the input for our set what and it's so fun that's a show where we do uh improv based off of stand-up so we'll have a stand-up co-op for like five to seven minutes and we use that as the input for our set and it's so fun so that's really cool yeah so like where is that uh we'll be doing at the mob town theater in hamden okay and uh that's yes it's uh six yeah uh this friday the sixth um yeah it's really cool so like whatever like you know if you're talking about getting in a fight with your girlfriend or work like we could see that scene as kind of like the start of it

and then just kind of go from there so it's basically it's really fun it's like a series of like callbacks and stuff so like the comedian

creates the universe you just play with in that it's so fun yeah Stavros will be there Stavros Haukias Mike Fonazo

and Dana Bell are gonna be there and yeah I'm really looking forward to that. I'll be at the Main Street Oyster House on Wednesday, the 4th. The 4th. The 4th in Bel Air and then the Green Room in Arlington on the 5th. Get it.

The 5th. Yeah. Busy little week on your hands. Woo. Yeah, this week is going to be a bit much. Going to be a bit much. But, you know, we'll ride it out. Yeah. Busy little week on your hands. Yeah, this week is going to be a bit much. Going to be a bit much. But, you know, we'll ride it out. Yeah.

Yeah, as always, but go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar, and that has all the dates and venues and tickets and all that stuff. And thank you guys so much for listening. Thanks, everybody. This might be our 100th episode. It is our 100th. Or we're hovering around. Get out of here.

100th. You didn't invite me on the 100th episode. We did. Well, here's the thing. It's an arbitrary number and it really doesn't signify anything meaningful. Didn't it start from an odd number? We started on two. I was actually going to say the first episode we didn't release, I might release that as our 100th.

You should not do that because Matt would like to be... I'd be so ashamed. Make me one. That'd be cool. Yeah. This is the first episode. I'd be so ashamed yeah I mean make me one that'd be cool yeah pretend oh right this is the first

this is the first episode yeah and then all these residual views will go back to episode one yes and then that's how you do that yes

marketing I like it but no but it's seriously we're at a hundred episodes or more I'm a mess of Einstein's laws of physics

Lisa in this house we obey the rules of thermodynamics. No, I fucking, we're at 100 some episodes. That's crazy. That's great. How long have we been doing it? The 90s? Yeah, I don't know.

Stop. When did they stop making Crystal Pepsi? When was that? No, we used to be like two Americas for a while there. That's George Washington. He had all these crazy ideas. I'm thrilled that people listen to the show. We have downloads all over the world.

Yeah, Japan. We have some listeners in the UK, Sweden, things like that. Trimonium. Dundalk? No, the dick jokes that we make in this office travel around the world. Exactly. And it makes me feel good. Yeah, me too.

Jason Poon is being heard around the world currently. Jason Poon's going to be the next big name. So seriously, thank you guys so much for listening. Thanks, everybody. Love you. Love you. And check out Matt and Color Me Funny and all their stuff. Let's see.

Oh, wait. Let me try to... Oh, yeah. stuff. Yeah. Let's see. Oh, wait. Let me try to. Oh, yeah. There it is. Let's see. The 100th oh, yeah. I love you. Yeah.

We mean that. That's from the heart, guys. A little bit lower. In honor of the 100th of the third. We have. We should do 100 oh, yes. Get on that, Josh. I'm going to go get something to eat.

A 100 oh, yes salute. Listen to all of them and count. Yes. Yes, yes. Do you know our 100th show is coming up too? Really? Not to be unprofessional, but we have no idea what we're doing yet. Yeah, I know. We want to do a live show soon.

Do you want to get into it? Yeah. Do you want to do a little stage stuff? Because I've been trying to push skits on everybody. Oh, like a live sketch? Yeah, we could be into that. That'd be fun. We did two at Towson this past time, Justin, Joe, and I,

that we kind of prepped before the show. Yeah. Went really well. Nice. Yeah, we would love to be part of that. Yeah. So, yeah, we're going to try to plan a live show, too. Yes.

And I wanted to do a live show for the 100th episode, but that shit fell apart. Well, Matt ruined that. Just delete all of this. Yeah. Delete it all. Let's just get rid of our worst episodes. Or let's just call the 104th episode the 100th episode.

Okay. Just keep referring to it as the 100th episode. Title it like 104, the 100th episode. Yeah, it took us 174 episodes, but it's the 100th episode we made. Or we could just bang out 50 real quick and do the 150. There you go. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I mean, they don't have to all be an hour.

Yeah. Just a minute. Hey, Mike, how are you? Good. I'm okay. Okay, me too. That's been the digression session. Episode 102 in the can.

I think somebody's bidding to be the new Mike Moran. I know. I'd like to play the part of Mike Moran. This quickly went from, hey, man, I'd really like to get on your podcast to, hey, man, I'd really like to muscle Mike Moran on your podcast. That would be funny if I got replaced, but you just, like on a TV show, you just pretended like it was the same character. We got Mike Moran here.

Hey, guys. How are you? I got you guys coffee. Am I right? Majestic. Oh, guys. All righty. I got you guys coffee, am I right? My chest hurts. I have bad posture. That's our lovable Mike Moran, everybody. I just have his wardrobe and everything. Your glasses.

I can't see. I'm bumping into things. This is going too far. It goes back to the Daniel Day-Lewis of podcasting. Yeah, but they're getting laid like constantly. Start like

vagina related injuries. You start dumbing down your own humor so that it's at the level of your podcast partners. You know, like. My penis like

just starts growing all of a sudden. Yeah, it's a lot to deal with. You start hooking up with Josh's girlfriend without him knowing about it. What? I'm just kidding. Real girl. Yeah, these are all jokes.

Start hooking up with the actress that Josh hired. Let's be honest. We're all having fun here, guys. Speaking of fun, follow me on Twitter, guys. What's your Twitter name? You always look around. Twitter. Because you know we're not follow me on Twitter, guys. What's your Twitter handle? You always look around. Twitter. Because you know we're not following you on Twitter.

You're talking to just us and not the podcast. At Better Robot Josh is my Twitter handle. My confidant, my co-pilot when Jesus calls out sick, Mr. Mike Moran. What's your Twitter? Michael Moran 10. Boom. At. At. An arrow pointing towards the front. Classan 10. Boom. At. At.

An arrow pointing towards the front. Class of 2010. Yes. Yes. And the podcast is at Digstead. Is that what it's for? I think they suggested that name for me. Yeah.

What name? Oh, wow. 10. It's usually what numbers at the end of stuff. I don't think I was on it 2010, though, was I? No. I think it was like last year. No.

I think there's just nine other Michael Morans. You just sounded like a kid who just graduated high school in 2010. They were like, the stuff that you're into. Do you put likes and stuff on Twitter or is that not a thing? No. No, it's just a feed of stuff. You can't poke people either. Yeah, it's fucked up.

It's bullshit. Fucking Obama. I just love poking people. Yeah, fix that shit. All right, guys. I think we've rambled enough here. It's like the longest outro ever. Thank you so much for listening

We love you guys Thank you Matt And as always If you like somebody Tell somebody Thank you That was a free bird of Outros

Free bird of podcasting It's still going on Thank you. you