The Digression Sessions - Ep. 101 - Josh & Mike Solo (Pan the Man!)

Episode Date: December 18, 2013

Follow us on Twitter! @BetterRobotJosh @MichaelMoran10 @DigSeshPod And find The Digression Sessions page on Facebook! WE LOVE YOUUUU! -- Hola DigHeads! As promised last week, this week’s episode celebrates 100 Sessions of Digression with an episode 1 commentary track featuring Josh and Mike in both retrospective and contemporary forms…or at least that was the plan. Unfortunately, we lost a piece of equipment or something so instead of the special episode you just get present day Josh and Mike yakking it up about things, things, and more things. But don’t worry…somehow these Josh and Mike only episodes seem to be getting some of the best responses overall, and this one is no exception! Follow Josh and Mike’s, now standard, guestless episode format where the boys start of silly, get way too personal and emotional, and end with a reference to Jared from Subway. Seriously, things get hysterically ridiculous and seriously deep in this one folks. This may be the best guestless episode yet! Thanks for all the support guys! Please continue to post on the Facebook page and maybe subscribe to us on Twitter. And don’t forget to check the calendar on the website for all of Josh and Mike’s standup and improve dates! We Love you!

What was the line? I love ya! Uh, it is, uh, the digression sessions. Yeah, the digression sessions. Not your grandpa's third favorite podcast. In Baltimore. In Baltimore. The digression sessions.

Not your grandpa's third favorite podcast. In. In. Baltimore. Baltimore. In. I'm sorry. In.

En Español. Por. I'm sorry. In. En Español. Por Fútbol. Okay. Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey everybody, I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to The Degression Sessions Podcast, a Baltimore-based comedy talk show

hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence as we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes.

Who's the guest this week? I was home that night. Sure, Martha, she'll tell you. Don't give me that look. Oh, we're doing an interrogation? I feel like we're in an interrogation? I feel like we're an interrogation. That's different than a showdown, isn't it? It's an interrogation showdown.

I said interrogation. I never said showdown. No, you said... No. Rewind the tape. Rewind. No. And even if I do, I'll fix it in editing, you son of a bitch.

Yeah, that's true. We're recording in the blind here. Which means that we don't have ear buds in. You know, blind recording where you can't hear how it sounds. Well, but I mean, we can hear how it sounds. We just can't. We can't hear the live recording.

Which is pretty much exactly like how we sound in real life but just with maybe a tent of electro fuzz. Well, I mean, it could be too loud, could be too low right now. Right. There could be more Scientology propaganda in the background than there's normally playing. Right.

So essentially we're recording a CD with a guitar that is not plugged in. Well, it is, but we can only hear the acoustic version. Yeah. We can see somebody playing an electric guitar. We just can't hear it. Well, no. It would be if the person playing it can't hear. Are we both high?

What's happening? I'm pretty sure we're dreaming. Oh, Mike, you and your confident lucid dreaming abilities. You want to know how to lucid dream more often? We may have discussed this before. Hit me. You read something. Yeah.

And then you look away. And then you look back and you read it again. Now if you're dreaming, it's probably going to be different than the first time. Oh. So you want to try it right now? That'd be a funny prank if I like convinced you you were dreaming and then got you to do all sorts of ridiculous stuff.

Is that why you travel with several copies of Mein Kampf? Just for these little pranks? Yeah, that's why. Jewish suckers. Oh, boy. So, we were going to try to listen to our first episode and comment on it. But now, since we don't have any earphones... Oh, we can't plug it into a speaker?

We could, but it would sound really weird. Okay. I'd rather have the audio running in the recording as well. Okay, well, at least then we'll be able to interview a guest. Right? Today? Well, yeah, I mean, certainly we would uh well that's the thing um no oh there's no there's no oh yeah no that's that's that's fine i mean you know

well you know um i figure we didn't put out an episode last week right so we might as well put together the shoddiest episode we can and that should recoup our losses we put out an episode last week wasn't that wasn put out an episode last week. Wasn't that wasn't the golden anniversary last week? Was that like two weeks ago? OK. Yeah. And we made a promise that we'd release the first episode.

OK. And so we're going to have a huge backlash is basically what you're saying. A little bit. We're going to lose a lot of our fan base. We gained a lot of steam with our bathroom stickers. Right. And I feel like that's all going to be eroded with this episode. Yeah, well, I just hope we learn from our mistakes

and give up show business forever. Yeah, well, this will be our last episode. What if we're like the Kiss of podcasting? It's like, one more time. That's it. If I recall, Kiss only did one farewell tour. Are you serious? Yeah.

No. Yeah. I don't think so. I'm fairly certain about this. Why? Why are you so confident in this? Well, I just listened to Gene Simmons' audio book. Oh, Gene Simmons tells the truth all the time.

I think there's been other bands that have done several farewell tours and one would assume that Kiss would be one of those bands but they definitely did a farewell tour and then did like another tour

like the next year yeah but they didn't call it a farewell tour no they did so they did two farewell tours no they did one

they didn't call the second tour a farewell tour that's what I was saying they didn't call it a farewell tour was it their last tour no they're still around

so that well look Kiss is still putting out albums and touring the world it's this very analogous called a farewell tour. Was it their last tour? No, they're still around. So, look. Kiss is still putting out albums and touring the world. This is very analogous still to what I said, you know? We're claiming this will be our last. Right. And it won't be. Right.

Okay. I would say the Friday the 13th series is more indicative of false endings. Oh, okay. Why? Well, because part four is called The Final Chapter. Of the first book. Book one. Friday the 13th.

Book one. The last movie of this trilogy. And then there was part nine. It was Jason Goes to Hell, the final Friday. Part nine? They didn't even bother throwing in a Friday. Yeah, that was a weird one, though, because it was like it had nothing to do with the other movies. Except for Jason.

Like it could have been anybody. And then they kept going after that. Who knows who's under that mask? Who knows? Not I. Yeah. Not I. Me neither. Hey, Mike. Yeah. Good to see you, man knows? Not I. Yeah. Not I. Me neither.

Hey, Mike. Yeah. Good to see you, man. Thanks, man. Good to see you. Good to be seen. That's all the time we have, everybody. Thanks for listening.

Several things to talk about here. Okay. I got a couple things on my list. I don't know if you do. Oh, yeah. Let me just get out the old list of Rudy here. Here we go. Oh, there it is. Alright, cool. Yeah.

Mike, you want to show me your list? What? I know we don't have headphones on. You might not have been able to hear me. Do you want to show me your list? What? Did you know that Jason... Are you about to pull a usual suspect on me looking behind me?

The lamp was... Did you know that... Jason Podcast was his name, I do believe. Yeah. Yeah. Microphone laptop, wool hat. His best friend was Brandon. Did I ever tell you about Mike Nesmith from the Monkees?

His mom invented whiteout. What about Brandon Houseplant? That guy. There's a kid in my middle school named Brandon Howdy Shell. What? Howdy Shell? Howdy Shell. Oh, boy.

People make fun of him? Yeah. They call him Howdy Doody Fuckface Shell? Possibly. They definitely made fun of him, though. More so because he was kind of poor, I think. It was a weird dynamic in Virginia because it's like a lot of rich people, but then a lot of really southern backwoods folk, too.

Yeah, but they're all going to the same high school, mixing it up, trying to fornicate with one another. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. File this one under history. Weird how West Virginia's northern.

Yeah, I guess. What the hell? They're so northern that they left the state. They separated. They're like, where's going to leave? They're so northern that they left the state. They separated. They're like, where's going to leave? Oh, no. Oh, man. It sucks.

Not you guys with your no teeth. I guess we'll have the memories and stuff. You and your cousins who are your wives are leaving? Shit. I wish I would have thought about that i had a i had a bit going a little bit uh-huh um but yeah it's so weird they're like they were like so offended that virginia would be fighting with the north that they're like no we're leaving well yeah i mean slavery was a big deal right but it's just weird how like west

virginia you know i don't think of that as, like... Yeah, as, like, the bastion of northern principles. Yeah, exactly. It is funny that... Haven't you ever read Thomas Paine? We're out of here. If you prick him, does he not bleed? Hey, man, if you prick him, does he not bleed?

Come on. God damn. We extensions of the enlightened men up in here. Y'all is acting like you ain't enlightened. You know you is. Quit pretending. Speaking of West Virginia, got a few items on the list. Okay.

One of the items was Mike Fonazzo and I did a corporate, quote unquote, a corporate event. Not really corporate, but it was the, I think the Parkville MVAs, Parkville City in Maryland. Oh, wow. Did their Christmas party. And Mike Fonazo, I think Wendy Townsend was supposed to do it. She couldn't do it. And then she reached out to Mike Fonazzo, and Mike Fonazzo was going to do it. And he was on the hook to do an hour, like 60 minutes.

So he asked me to open for him. Right. So he's like, if you do 15 to 20 minutes, I'll give you some money that'll lighten my load. I was like, okay. Actually, let me let the dog out real quick. Okay. I'll leave you in suspense. Can you lamp?

What happened at Josh's performance at the MVA? We'll find out shortly here on the Digression Sessions. Your podcast listening is important to us. Please listen closely as our options have changed. Why is that always on there? It's like every single time. I doubt your options have changed. You're just trying to make me listen closely.

Yeah, every single one of those should just be like, don't you have the internet? Press one. Are you stupid? Do you ever heard of a computer, Einstein? Are you fucking kidding me? Please listen as I call your intelligence into question. Are you fucking stupid?

You negligent monster. Baby, come back So Alright so you're at the NBA No it was You're in a stand up set As you do They called I-9 And I just stood up on a chair

And I just killed it I just went for it I wonder how many people Yell bingo Yeah Comically I was gonna make that joke For Battleship It's gonna be like and I just killed it. I just went for it. I wonder how many people yell bingo comically. I was going to make that joke. It's going to be like, man, you ever call I-9

and J-9 shows up? You're like, get the fuck out of here, J-9. But I did not. That's really good. Man, you ain't no I-9. Get the fuck out of here. Also want to work on your curly ass bottom half.

Joe Dreifelin ass. Looking like a broke ass Roman numeral and shit. Rocking two up in this motherfucker. Expendables extra looking motherfucker. All right. Yeah, so we show up and it's being held in Towson at an Elks Lodge in the basement of an Elks Lodge in Towson, Maryland. And it's a party for the NBA.

Yeah, the Parkville NBA, I'm pretty sure. NBA or MVA? Let's just make it clear. It's for the Chicago Bulls NBA team. The MVA. The MVA. The Motor Vehicles Association. Did you know it or you just, I don't know.

I think I did. I mean, you know. I'm just making stuff up. Motor Velocity. Alamo. Melvin's Vertical Alliance. Yes, we all know. Go on.

I'm aware. I'm not stupid. I'm entertaining the Parkville Melvin's Vertical Alliance. Right. And it's the bottom of an elk's lodge. Right. And we go in and it's supposed to start at 8. How many levels does an Elks Lodge have?

This one had two or three, I think. Wow. Get out of here. Sorry, the dog keeps popping in here. So, yeah, we go in there, and there's a few people milling about. There's some food, and it hasn't really gotten started yet. And we see the guy that we're supposed to talk to, the guy that set everything up. Is his name Earl?

Nope. His name is Ray. That would have been, well, as long as his name is within the names that killed Martin Luther King. Oh, God. James would have been my next guess. Yeah, so we go and talk to this guy, and he's like, hey, hey, everybody's not really here yet, but let me just talk to you guys for a second.

I'll give you the lowdown. I'm like, all right. And we're talking to him, and he makes the motion for us to come in close. He's going to tell us a secret. He's he's like now i haven't really told everybody but you guys are the surprise they don't know there's gonna be comedy you're the guest celebrities well they didn't even know that like they just knew like there's gonna be a surprise they didn't know what you're the surprise yeah mike mike and i are the surprise. Wow.

But you can't fault him. Just he thought that he was helping. He doesn't know our brand of comedy or anything. He's just like, guess what, guys? You thought you were going to be able to drink and socialize with your friends, but you're going to have to pay attention to these two people you don't know for one hour. Congratulations. Sit quietly. Merry Christmas, you assholes.

But he was really nice. So were you worried at all? Were you thinking we're way too alternative for this crowd? No, not alternative. Just the setting for it. Nobody ever wants to have a surprise comedy show, especially at your Christmas party. I don't think it's that bad.

It's not bad, but it's not conducive to comedy. It's the thing. It was still fine. The guy thought that he was helping, but if you went to a Christmas party and you're like, oh man, we can finally just hang out, just chat, have a few drinks, have some food, and then somebody's like, hey.

Why would I be drinking at the Christmas party? Because you're letting loose. Hey, Mike, you mike you're dreaming okay so i'm relapsing and this comedian's trying to ruin your relapse all right okay so then what happens i mean what happens yeah there's actually like a concrete reality here not just a hypothetical situation. Yeah, it's real. So he's like, why don't you guys just come back in a half hour? Everybody's not even really here yet. And we're like, yeah, sure. So we're both like, what the fuck, what the fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

And everybody in the room is kind of hovering around 40, I think, for the most part. It's kind of the average age. And so we go and get dinner. And I'm like, man, what the the fuck am i gonna do for 15 minutes but i just did my set i did 20 minutes and then finaz is like well what the fuck am i gonna do because he had to do 40 right and uh yeah i went up there and i just joked around but it was hard because some people weren't paying attention and uh there were tables set up there was like two rows of circular tables so maybe like 30 of the audience just by happenstance since it's a

circular table had their back facing you right and they're just like not really interested anyway but uh and then there were certain things if you mentioned like something innocuous some table would like it was just inside jokes galore so if you'd be like right well yeah there were bananas and they're like hey phil bananas and they're like i don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about you know yeah that happens and people were just drunk and uh kind of rowdy especially this table in the back of like these random yenta women you know're just like, are you the surprise? Are they strippers?

I'm like, no. He's like, what's your name, ma'am? She's like, Barbara. No Mary. No Janice. And everybody's like, so obviously she's giving me fake names. I'm like, I got my eye on you,

Barbara Mary whatever. Right. So I started out okay. And then kind of lost him in the middle. And I was telling one joke and I just completely abandoned it in the middle. I was like, and you know what? Fuck it. What do you guys want to talk about?

And then she was like, sex. And I was like, all right. What about it? She's like, I had it. I'm like, OK. Back in 1967. Congratulations. had it like okay back in 1967 congratulations um and then i do a joke uh where i mentioned buying tampons for my girlfriend and there's this white trash girl up front and she leans

into her friend and she goes making like the whipping motion i was like really i'm whipped because i do something nice for my girl like also it it's a joke. It's just like, isn't that pretty nice? I bought tampons. That's just the setup. She's like, whoosh. I was like, well, obviously your dad's white trash, so you're not going to be in a loving relationship or something like that. So she wasn't...

She was talking shit about you a foot away from me. But not even heckling you? People were very conversational, too. They were already talking, so you had to make the show conversational to an extent. Sure. And then I was telling a story at the end, and as I was reaching the climax of the story, something happened. This woman, she went to go grab a folding chair and just knocked a stack of them down.

I was like, oh, fuck. So I had to comment on it, but it kind of took the wind out of the sails a little bit right and then luckily the table up front was really nice to me and i was like fuck where was that what was i saying and then like this girl up front said it and i was like oh thank you she's like it's okay baby you funny go ahead i was like oh thank you that was nice so yeah i did uh i did my 20 minutes and then, after making that joke, and then I got my story back online, ended it, and then I brought Mike up. And what he did was really smart. It was a cordless mic, so he could walk all around to every table and basically, like, kind of police them without them knowing it because he checked in on every table and, like, made jokes.

Not necessarily, like, about them, but kind of, like, with them. Sometimes about them if they're being, like, some of them, you know, like, they're trying to, like, but with them, sometimes about them. Some of them, they're trying to tag every joke that he'd say. Like, I do this. Yeah, I bet you do. He's like, shut up. Everybody shut up. But then again, it's not their fault.

They didn't know there was going to be comedy. But it was really cool. He walked around the entire room, and then by the time he got back to the stage, everybody was paying attention, for the most part. And it was pretty good he told the one table of the women who were like sex my name's barbara bro um he was saying something and as he was walking back to the stage then they shouted out and i think it was just uh it just came out of him he was like you need to shut the fuck up and then like that got a good response. So yeah, it was fun. It was the first time,

it was probably, I don't know, maybe like 50, 60 people of just like mostly people that didn't want to pay attention. That's the first time I've done that. And it was like, I didn't do great, but I didn't bomb either, you know?

So yeah, it was interesting. It was an experience. Yeah, yeah. I wanted to make so many jokes, just like just like god you people aren't good at anything you can't even pay attention but i didn't yeah you know my i9 joke i didn't do that you ever call i9 i came up with something the other day i can't yeah it's kind of in the vein of Little Havana. I was joking around, like, it would be a fun character to do, the sensitive Def Jam character, the sensitive Def Jam guy.

Man, you ever hope an old lady across the street and just feel fulfilled? My man, God damn. Nice. Yeah, that's cool. I got my girl tickets to a Broadway play. God damn. Nice. That's cool. I got my girl tickets to a Broadway play. You know what I'm saying?

Because I don't play with her emotions because I love her, y'all. Come on. One time we did kind of a, I don't think it was a surprise, but we did like a 90-year-old's birthday party, like my improv troupe, Pop 6. Uh-huh. Did you guys know? In someone's house. Like in their living room. Right.

So weird. No stage. No stage. Like kids everywhere, old people, you know, it was so weird. Was it somebody in the troupe's like friends? No. No, I think it was relatively random. I think they were just looking

for a troop did they contact uh big i think so yeah oh interesting yeah so weird yeah it's like a few years ago i wouldn't you couldn't have paid me five thousand dollars to like go into somebody's living room and perform you know like i would have wanted to jump off a bridge yeah but it's like it's so weird how like now it's just like you just gotta dive in and do it you know yeah if you think about it too i mean it's not that long you know like 20 minutes right and with other people you just this was like an hour though at least you guys did an hour i think so yeah it was it was a long long thing was it all long form stuff yes i think maybe maybe a few short form things yeah but yeah we were there forever how to go like the whole family just like gathered around in the living room.

It went pretty well, you know. Oh, good. Well, I guess it had to be pretty PG too then, right? Yeah. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Little kids running around like, oh, fuck me.

Yeah, it was fairly PG and it was, you know, it was it was fairly pg and it was uh you know it was bizarre but it's just so strange how we're just like who would have thought we'd be in situations like that a few years ago you know yeah it's uh yeah just performing in general is pretty weird did you do any performing before you started improv like ever nope um music yeah i I played in bands, but I didn't play that many shows, really. Yeah, and I was never really, I was probably pretty nervous early on. Like some stuff popped up here and there. We did, like in high school, we would do, like I remember we did the talent competition one time but that was just

messing around it was like a faux metal band that was a lot of fun yeah and then playing in Wilford Brimley that was probably the band that I played

the most shows with really yeah wow so then before that then I just took classes with Big

but yeah I kind of wish I did have a theater background yeah I wish I had gotten more into that in high school. I did somewhat in middle school. I played Peter Pan.

And the experience was so embarrassing that I like... Oh, yeah. I don't know why the hell we chose Peter Pan to do. Did you have the tights? Were you on ropes swinging from the auditorium ceiling? No, it wasn't quite that elaborate. Come with me, kids. I think, like, the flying was just, like, you know, waving the arms.

You had to, like, gleefully, like, skip. I don't think I did that. But I was so, like, embarrassed that I just didn't try at all, you know? Like, I already looked like such a jackass that I just kind of was like, uh. So you just threw in the towel, like, immediately? Yeah. You can't make fun of me. Come on stage, like, eyes was like. So you just threw in the towel like immediately. Yeah. You can't make fun of me. Come on stage like eyes down to the floor just like I don't care.

Right. You can't make fun of me if I don't care. Right. But you did anyway. But you did anyway. And you were how old? Like 13. Okay.

We were way too old to be doing Peter Pan. I don't know. It was like a weird stupid sequel to Peter Pan called Pan the Man. What? Called Pan the Man? Yeah. Who's the maneter pan called pan the man called pan the man yeah who's the man i don't even want to think about it mike looks visibly depressed right now and it was all like it was like kind of a badass like class too like it was all like kind of like you know cigarette smoking skater kids that are 13 yeah yeah yeah it was like kind of like the you know, cigarette-smoking skater kids. That are 13? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah, it was kind of like the badasses in the class. It was kind of a bad class, and for some reason we just thought it would be cool to do Peter Pan. Well, yeah, I guess it makes sense for the Rufio character. What is that? Rufio is... Isn't he a badass?

He's in... Didn't he have dyed hair? He's in Hook. Yeah, that's Peter Pan. Rufio wasn't in the original Peter Pan. I don't read children's novels anymore. Okay. I don't know.

I loved Hook when I was little though. Yeah, that was good. That was pretty good. Yeah, performing, yeah, it's just weird in general. But I don't know. I think your fight or flight muscles get honed, which is fun. Yeah, so when you're just up there, you're like, well, I'm here. Better do something.

Do you still get a wave of utter panic pretty much every time you go on? Absolutely. Me too. Every single time. My armpits sweat too, so I have to compensate for that. I had a black t-shirt that I wore to New York and I left it

at my friend Mike's house and Jason brought it back. He was like, yeah, you got to tell me how you get those gnarly pit stains because it's a shirt that I always do improv in.

I was like, I just get terribly nervous. I'm getting slightly better with that, but it's still there. Yeah. I had a lot of fun when you and I hosted the stand-up improv mashup show. Yeah, it was great. That was so fun.

I was so glad that went well, too. That was awesome. Yeah, it looks like we're going to do that the first Friday of every month. So it was cool. We had Stavros Halkias come out, Dana Bell, and Mike Fonazo. They all did stand-up. Then we did some improv off of that. It was great.

Yeah, it was a lot of fun. Super fun. I like calling it the mash-up show. I think that's, unless you have any other names. How about the monster mash? Okay. How about a very, how about. I don't know about this.

How about. Sounds kind of frightful no it's fine alright I think it's fine good good good good and yeah you've been hitting a lot of mics too yeah yeah

I've been hitting more mics than Evander Holyfield oh good just random people. Just punching them. So let's see here. Yeah, we had a fan reach out to us. That's what I hear. A fan of our stickers.

I don't know if she likes the podcast. All right. Can you read this email? Where is it here? So I'll explain while Josh is looking this up. I really want to hear your explanation. All right. This is my interpretation of what Josh told me.

He said there's a woman in Brooklyn who saw a sticker that Josh put up there in some punk rock bathroom. It said 9-11 was an inside job. Listen to the digression sessions. So anyway, so she contacted Josh and said how much she enjoyed his product. And... No, she found the digression sessions podcast page on Facebook, which I encourage everyone listening to find and like. Except for racists. Okay, only some of you racists.

But anyway, Josh is insistent that her praise is purely for the Digression Sessions sticker. She's really into this sticker. And I think maybe he's reading the email wrong. Like maybe she really likes the podcast.

Which also makes me wonder, do you just think that I'm dumb? I don't just think that. But I mean, I definitely think that. I mean, for sure. I think she doesn't make any sense to me. Can we read the email, please? Okay, yeah. She contacted me through Facebook, so it's not really an email.

But, hey guys, any way you'd want to send me a sticker in the mail? Question mark, question mark. I love it, exclamation point. Let me know, exclamation point, Amy. I'm still unconvinced. How can you be really into a sticker? I mean, it's a cool logo. She likes our logo.

I think she means she loves the podcast. She said, I love it. Asking to send her a sticker. Any way you'd want me to, any way you'd want to send me a sticker in the mail, I love it. It referring to this previously mentioned, the aforementioned sticker.

Now, she did, I don't know if she clicked like on the podcast page I don't know if she liked it Let's see Nope Did she friend us? No Oh not me

Okay So you can't friend You can only like the page You can't friend it No yeah you can only like it You can like it but you can't friend it It's that old chestnut can only like it. You can like it, but you can't friend it. It's that old chestnut. If you like it, then you should have put a friend on it.

And then I replied, absolutely, Amy. What's the address? We'll send you strands of our hair for free, too. What the hell? It's Christmas. She wrote, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I love it. Then she gives her address.

123 Fake Street. Fuck you, New York. Fuck you, New York. Fuck you, New York. I don't know. Zip code rejection. And I said, nice. We'll send you a shirt too. It's the last of our first run of shirts. And then I said, how'd you hear

about the pod? She goes, that's awesome. Thank you so much. I actually saw the sticker in a bathroom at the gutter in Williamsburg, which is a bowling alley that I put a bunch of stickers up. And I said, ha, that's great. My friends and I put those stickers up a few weeks ago. I love that place.

So no mention of, I love your brand of unique comedy. Well, ask her right now and see if we get a response. So are you talking about the podcast or the... Okay, let's see. How should we word this? I don't think... I mean, are we trying too hard? Let's just send her the stickers.

I feel like any promotion is a good promotion. I'm not talking about the promotion. I just want to know if she's really into our sticker or the podcast. I want to get to the bottom of this. I feel like maybe she's listened to one episode. Maybe. You feel like that. You feel like that. You feel like that.

Just ask her. Okay, all right, we'll do it discreetly. Okay, how about this? No probs. What's your favorite ep? No, that's... Exclamation point, question mark. That's inferring she has a favorite episode.

Why don't we just say, have you listened to any? Any chance you've listened to any episodes? You just said you didn't want to do that. That's what yeah do that that's what i said right away well i if we're gonna do it that'll be the compromise right all right any chance you listened to any episode the compromises you do exactly what i said the first time that's how congress works mike dog the first time. That's how Congress works, Mike. Dog. And then I'll write in capital letters,

we're not needy or anything. So you're acknowledging our desperation. Just a little bit. Okay. I like how you don't want to sound desperate to this one person,

but we're talking about... This is the first person to reach out for a stick. But we're talking openly about it on the podcast. Should we fake this, though, and act like we have tons of people asking us for stickers? Yes. Oh, yeah. There's a long waiting list to get a sticker. Yeah, I mean, Jesus Christ.

I mean, I don't know. I mean, we might be able to get one up to you. Nothing attracts a crowd like a crowd. Yep. The rich get richer. Or shotgun, I don't know. I mean, we might be able to get one up to two. Nothing attracts a crowd like a crowd. Yep. The rich get richer. Or shotgun shells. Shotgun fires. Shut up!

Shut up. Don't type that. Shit, I just wrote, shut the fuck up. I wrote, go outside. Is this a pimple or a boil? It was a gummy bear. In the meantime, while we wait for her response, which she might not. Let's see.

We've had some snow here in Maryland, Mike. And on one of my snow days, work was canceled, which was nice. I had a nice little snow day. What'd you do? Hung out. Just had a nice day. That's nice. Got lunch, watched a movie.

I think then I had unscripted practice that night. What movies did you watch? Pacific Rim. Pacific Rim. Came out over the summer. Oh, with the monsters versus the robots? Yep. Who won?

Who do you think? Robots? Yeah. Yes. Spoiler alert you think? Robots? Yeah. Yes. Spoiler alert. We got $40 on robots. Yep. The apocalypse was canceled.

Was it awesome? It was. I feel like if I was 14. Right. I mean, obviously, it's going to be like a B plot, but it looked like it would probably be pretty kick-ass as far as... Yeah. It was interesting. It was done well for that kind of thing, but I definitely think it would probably be pretty kick-ass as far as... Yeah, it was interesting. It was done well

for that kind of thing, but I definitely think it's for a younger demographic. They nailed what they were going for. And it was interesting. The fight scenes are cool and stuff, but it didn't really knock my dick in the dirt. Okay. But I was on eBay.

Speaking of going to New York while I was up there, I played a little Xbox. Oh, yeah? I played a little Grand Theft Auto V. Oh, how'd that go? It went well. I had a good time. Yeah?

Who won? Monsters? Yep. This time it was the monsters. And you're not talking about poor people, are you? Villains. You know the word village and the word villain is connected? Oh.

Yeah, seriously. That's where the word village And the word villain Is connected because Oh Yeah seriously That's where the word Comes from Yeah that makes sense That makes sense Let me deal with this I like how there's Like an entire Like psychological drama

Going on right now With the dog That we're just Completely brushing off Yeah It's really annoying In her mind There's like

Something really serious that needs to be addressed. There's this imperative, like, I need to talk about Pacific Rim. Leave me alone, stupid dog. She's probably just journeying through an entire world of... Can you vamp for a

second while I get her out of the room? I have no idea what he means when he says vamp. I assume he means sing a little song and check my text messages. Am I the only one that spends the entire day trying to not check my phone constantly? Like you think you're going to get a little present, you know? Maybe someone you weren't expecting sends a hello. How are you doing? What the fuck? Maybe a number you don't recognize saying, I haven't talked to you in a while.

How are you? I miss you. What are you talking about? Always being on your phone? Yeah, like the constant desire to check text messages. It's a way of life now, man. Always connected. Looking for those notifications.

Yeah, sure. Emails. Nothing wrong with that. But isn't it like every now and then you think you're going to get a present? Isn't it exciting when you get a number that's not on your contacts and it's like, how are you? Yeah, yeah. I don't know. That doesn't happen to me that often though yeah but yeah i do like that i think there probably is something going on with the brain where you get like a notification it's probably like drugs like so and so liked your post oh you got a real it's absolutely like that

yeah it's totally like that uh speaking of any word from amy nope we seem desperate we ruined it so she said nope she said nothing why are you so concerned about what amy thinks i wasn't you were i think you have a i was just gonna send her a sticker and a shirt right or maybe a multiple did am Amy ask about me? No. I think she knows who we are. Can we drive by Amy's house? She lives in New York. We got time.

Come on, man. It'll be fun. Come on, man. It's Saturday. Oh, but real quick. So anyway, I was like, ah, this is pretty funny. I used to love playing Grand Theft Auto. All right.

And I was like, man, maybe I should get a PlayStation for myself. I have no time. And then on my snow day, I was on the eBase. I saw a PlayStation. Tell me you didn't order a PlayStation. I saw a PlayStation 3 with four games and a headset included for $200. I bid on it. What's the deal? I bid on it.

It went up to $220. It arrived today. Right before you got here. I have not opened it yet. We'll be podcasting every month now. I just love that my schedule is already so jam packed.

Here's something I'll hate myself for doing. There's always time to be wasted. I mean, don't feel bad. You're just indulging in a virtual world where you're killing people. Better than killing people in the real world. That is true. That is a good point. That's a very good point.

That's a nice outlet. That is a good point. I think the way that I was trying to justify it would be, you know, instead of watching an hour of TV before bed, you just switched out for the video games. Right? Or instead of going to work, you play video games. Instead of having a relationship, you play video games. You play video games. Right.

Yeah. I mean, you know, there's nothing wrong. I definitely can. Every now and then I'll indulge in video games. You can play video games. Right. Yeah. I mean, you know, there's nothing wrong. Like, I definitely can. Every now and then I'll indulge in video games. Yeah. And I think. And, you know, if I had a lot of free time, I could see myself, like, getting into a game or two. Yeah.

And I don't think it'll be one of those things where I'm like, oh, I've got to get home and do this. Right. It'll be like a, in lieu of just watching TV. We'll see. Yeah, we'll see. Have you known anyone that's gotten, like, seriously addicted to video games? I used to be that way. Well, really?

No, I mean, like, seriously addicted. Oh, like, quitting the job. Like, stop taking care of it. Yeah. Yeah, no. No. I've known two people like that. Really?

Uh-huh. They just got, like, gnarly? Yeah. One, it was more, like, through the rumor mill, but apparently he would do nothing but work and play Battlefield. And his relationship deteriorated. He's like, who cares? Yeah. And another guy basically didn't work for at least a year.

A year? Yeah. I do hear about those people, though, that don't have real jobs and they'll play World of Warcraft. Yeah, that's what it was and then they'll but they're so good at it that they can sell their accounts like really like they've created such a good game profile they'll sell them for like 10 grand really or something and maybe he did that but i don't think he did no just kept it for himself i don't know was he living with his parents how do you afford to do that? He was living...

I really hope he's not listening. I won't say any names, just in case. Let's just call him Barbara Streisand. Let's call him Mike Turpin. Wait, no. Michael Turpin. Anyway, now he was living with his mom, and she got addicted to the game as well.

Swear to God. Jesus. It was so depressing. It's like he brought drugs into the house. Like, do you want to hit? Yeah. Do you want to hit? I think there actually was some drug use involved in this world, too.

It was so depressing. That helps with the video games. I would go over every now and then and like bring him food and stuff. Jesus. Yeah, yeah. Empty out his jars of piss he's collecting.

It was almost to that level like house trashed. He was like, you want to see something disgusting? And he showed me the refrigerator and it was like ants everywhere. He just looked you in the eye.

Want to see something gross? Look at me. And weirdly, he was one of those guys that could like get laid anytime he wanted to somehow. What? Even in the midst of all this.

But with what? He had condoms lying around his nasty bedroom. Oh. Yeah. Gross. All they would do was smoke and play video games all day long. So what you're saying is you know how to deal with my situation. Yeah.

If I fall into that hole, you'll come over and bathe me and feed me. Okay. That's all I needed to hear. Because, yeah, I got Grand Theft Auto and three Call of Duty games. Oh, my goodness. Now those games are, like, everywhere. It's like, Call of Duty. War Criminals.

Yeah, that type of thing. War Criminals. Nuremberg Trial. Call of Duty. War criminals. Yeah, that type of thing. War criminals. Nuremberg Trial. Call of Duty. Do you ever get to fly a kamikaze? Ship or plane in those games? I don't know. But you can definitely do that in Grand Theft Auto.

That's the most amazing thing about it. You can do whatever you want. You can fly a kamikaze plane. Technically, yeah. Well, you can fly a kamikaze plane technically yeah well you can fly a plane really and uh so there's one of the characters like this white trash guy who lives out in the desert in california and with all the cheat codes you can just make a helicopter or a plane appear right uh you can change your character's clothes and get them tattoos so my

guy he i think it's trevor has his name and uh he just had like white boxers on he's bald except long hair in the back and a big beard a bunch of tattoos and of course you just put all the cheat codes in so you can get all the guns and all that stuff so we just flew a plane over top of like a highway and then jumped out with a parachute and as he's like landing on the highway just just has an Uzi just spraying the highway. Oh, my God. So it's basically like a school shooting fantasy. Yeah, no, it's completely insane.

You can live out your mass murder fantasies in this world. You can even go to strip clubs. I did this while I was playing. You go to a strip club. Plug your laptop in and start playing. Yeah. They have a really good policy about uh playing games there but no you go to a strip club in the game and it's like tap a to make it rain as you approach the stripper poles you're just throwing is there nudity in the game yeah you

can see some uh cgi titties uh yeah what about vaginas uh no. Why not? I don't know. How explicit are they? Is there like X-rated games? Well, I think it's just mature. Like it's like a rated R. So there can't be like pure like full on like hardcore porn type games. Yeah. I don't know if you can show penetration.

But well, there's all. Well, so with this, as you're making it rain for whoever. Right. Their up at the bottom, and there's like a little bar that you can fill up. And it's like, make Cheyenne like you. And so you just keep making it rain, and then that bar finally increases. And then you get a lap dance, or if you get enough lap dances, you can do all kinds of stuff, too. It's like press A to touch. See, like these computer hands my god and then if she likes you enough she'll go you want to get out of here and then it says follow cheyenne to the alley and so you follow her out there you get in your car

and she gets in and you go to her house and what yep it's insane it's completely insane you don't see anything it just shows i don't see anything. It just shows. I don't know how interesting that part would be. It was pretty funny. Right. Just like how far will this go. Right. And you can do all kinds of stuff. Like say you've been shot a couple times.

You're kind of hurting. You know, hurting a little bit. Sure. We all hurt sometimes. Of course. Well, just like in real life, you go pick up a prostitute, and as she fillets you, your health increases. I didn't know that's how it works.

Yeah, and then after your health is done increasing, you run her over and get your money back. Wow, that's nihilistic and disturbing. Isn't that insane? Yeah. That's what the game is. I am interested in this mass killing, however. Can I play that once you get it set up?

Yeah. Yeah. All right, cool. They're going to play this back at a courtroom setting. Is there a Columbine version? Buck Hunter. I do feel like Buck Hunter is just like a freaking massacre. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, especially because you get as close as possible to the screen. So, yeah, I did that. I figured, too, if I don't end up playing it or after I get bored with it, I can probably sell all that for like $150 and not lose all my money. So what PlayStation are we up to now? Four. That's why I got such a good deal on this one. And what's – I remember when the PlayStation 2 came out,

it was like everybody was like crapping their pants. And that's the one that I had, and that's pretty much where I tapped out on video games. So it's like 16 or 17. Is four as exciting? I haven't played four, and i don't know much about it like i'm not like a gamer dude yeah but the the cool thing is that a few of my friends have a playstation 3 and i like the online play with all this stuff which is actually pretty cool yeah he came with this headset so i can like you know be that nerd be, Blake, around the corner. Captain.

Captain Kill, throw the grenade. Throw the grenade. Throw the smoke bomb. Max Burnham. I don't know why I was Jerry Seinfeld. Throw the grenade. Captain Kill. So yeah, that's what I've been hopping up to How are you?

How you doing? Pretty terrible Okay, well, that's all the time we have You're pretty god-awful Why, what's wrong? I don't know, I just feel like I'm rotting on the inside It sucks You're just slowly dying?

Yeah, totally What's going on? Are you exercising? Yeah, I'm exercising I'm uh you know i don't know what it is i just like feel like shit getting enough sleep yeah i think so wait how many hours a night what are we talking here 15 no i don't know like the use you know like some nights six some nights nine yeah nine's good yeah but i get a lot of sleep you know like

i know people that that like only get a few hours of sleep a night. Yeah, well, there are those people that can do that. I hate them. I don't get it at all. Oh, I got to work at four in the morning. I'll be all right. Yeah, yeah. What about people that are, like, out drinking and stuff?

Yeah. I can't do it. Like, oh, yeah, I got to go to work tomorrow morning. I'll be fine. Yeah, and I always look awful. Like, I hate those people that are like, yeah, I got like four hours of sleep and they just look like they just came from the spa.

My face just starts to cave into itself if I get five hours of sleep. I get real greasy. Yeah, I feel like shit. Yeah, I'm a catch. We're both catches. Is it just the winter? I don't know.

I guess so. Some winter blues? I guess so. Well, you're working a lot, so doing a lot of stand-ups, doing a lot you're working a lot. I'm working a lot. Doing a lot of shows. Yeah. Maybe I'm not relaxing enough.

I do feel like I need to. But I fucking hate relaxing. Well, yeah. I like it in theory. Right. That's the same thing like me buying this PlayStation. Like, oh, here's something I'm going to resent. I just brought into my home.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. It's such a hard thing. Because whenever I'm at work and like i'm like god i just wish i was sleeping in and then like you do sleep and you're like god i should have been doing something right you know like i'm always fighting that balance yeah and i think it's healthy to a degree if you can just channel it in the right things you know right okay okay he's like sure sure um uh

yeah I'm trying trying your dog's like right in my crotch yeah she likes that I think Amanda went to the store that's why she's going on she left I'm like clasping her skull between my knees she likes that

well that sucks man I'm sorry you're not feeling all right. You know, it's not so bad. It's one of those things where it's like, my head just tells me all day long what a piece of shit I am and what a piece of shit everybody else is. But then when I can look at it with clarity, I'm like, now things are fine.

I'm learning to deal. Yeah. I like that your brain, it's one of those things where you just pretend like everybody else goes through it. Like, you know, it's like when your brain tells you, like, everybody's a piece of shit. So, you know, we all go through it. You know how it is when you just want to burn a couple churches and smear poetry on the walls with blood. I mean, but we all go through it. You know, your standard thing.

Winter blues. I don't want to sound like a walking cliche over here. Tell me more about this mass suicide game. Mass suicide. I want everybody to go with me. It's like Jonesboro. Wait, no, Jonestown, I mean. Yeah.

Westboro. Westboro. Jonesboro wait no Jonestown I mean yeah Westboro Westboro Jonesboro Baptist Suicide Church um well I think you're doing fucking great so I'm sorry that you're

feeling that way man yeah no it is one of those things where I've gotta like not listen to my thoughts too much because they lie to me

yeah you know what I'm saying yeah you gotta I feel like I'm constantly under attack by my own stupid brain. Uh-huh. Well, I saw superfan Ben Hefner last night. Oh, yeah? How's he doing?

Doing well. The Hef? The Hef. He said to say hi. Oh, thank you, Ben. He's like, how's that Mike Moran doing? That's nice. And there was a white elephant Yankee swap, and I stole a Homer Simpson Chia pet from somebody.

Oh, nice. A white elephant Yankee swap? What is that? Basically, it means like, or is it just, no, it's just white elephant secret Santa. I don't know if Yankee. It's all these like weird terms that like people with money say. Like, it's a Yankee swap. But this white elephant was just like ten dollar gifts and uh

yeah so it basically means like if you were to get a gift anybody could steal that after oh i oh right right and then you could steal something else's but that sucks about your your brain like being under attack about your brain yeah it's something i've dealt with for a long time uh do you think it's um something that's one of the reasons that you're uh so motivated and get stuff done because you have that thing yes you're gonna fail yes yeah well i think it's like um i don't get the i think like with depressed people i don't we don't get like the right endorphins for doing stuff. So then when you don't do that stuff because you don't want to, but then you feel like shit about yourself.

So you constantly have to be forcing yourself to do things to feel good about yourself. Yeah. Even though you might not get the right mental rewards. Right. So you're just trying to stay above water the whole time like kind of like this gives you like a little bit of like room kind of floats you a little bit well it's i i feel like i've gotten to a point where i'm i can't really live so much for like uh pleasures you know like like nothing feels that great but i but it's more about like achieving things and then feeling good about myself is um i think it's uh is it a delayed gratification thing where it's like um i need to

work hard kind of constantly and that'll be the reward yeah as i go versus like yes this one thing now i'm great it's more like the culmination of things. Yeah. Well, it's like, you know, when I was young, I could just like live a normal life and be okay with the tiny little pleasures of every day, like a bag of Doritos or, you know, you know what I mean? Like, but now like I have to, uh, I don't know. I feel like I have to achieve certain things instead of, instead of like just enjoying the day. Yeah.

I have the same thing where it's, yeah, if I'm not doing a million things at once, I'm wasting away. Yeah. I still don't have it all figured out. Yeah, me either. But I'm very grateful that I've got so many awesome people who have always helped me out. Yeah. If I look at it from the outside, I can tell that things are really good yes but but i'm here but it's just like i don't know i just have like a negative mind yeah it's uh and it's it sounds dumb to say but it is like a constant struggle of like i need to keep

doing this doing this doing this and at the same time it's like well you need to be happy when you can just chill out and watch a movie and recharge. You know what I mean? Because if you're constantly putting shit out all the time, it's draining. And then it's like you have nothing. Especially, I think, I feel it's like comedy or whatever it is. You need to have experiences and things that are outside of work to influence that stuff and kind of replenish. And also, I think I just have a fear of being gluttonous again.

I feel like my natural instinct is to be gluttonous and lazy, and I constantly have to fight against that. Yeah, same here. Same here. Exercise is a big help with that though. Yeah. It like completely refreshes me. Yeah.

I haven't been able to cardio yeah i haven't been able to do much cardio as of late but and then like trying to lift weights and then i have my back's been hurting and i hear about people that are like yeah i got a so-and-so disc apparently i was working out wrong for years and just like killed like whatever vertebrae oh my, that's not me. But anyway, it's enough about how great we are. No, I think you're doing fucking great, man. Thanks, man. I appreciate that. As far as stand-up and improv, you're definitely one of the hardest working people I know.

Thank you. Thank you. And I think that's fun, actually, to kind of surround yourself with people like that. I feel like Mike Fonazzo is the same way. A lot of people in Big. Everybody's like, I don't know if it's always been this way but i think there's so many more opportunities to do stuff now versus like people are like i'm just an improv and i'm just a sketch you know what i mean like it's all kind of bleeding together and there's so many opportunities for things which is great and uh shitty at the same time where you like

feel pulled in a million directions. But then the opposite is, you look at your calendar, you're like, oh, I don't have anything scheduled. And then it's like, oh, I have too much scheduled. Being a workaholic is way better than being lazy, I have to say.

Yeah. Were you doing a bit on that? No. I don't think I... I think I've talked about it before. I thought it was you, or maybe somebody was just like, the way people talk about their dads being an alcoholic. Like, I hit my mom, or he came home, and he was always just so abusive, versus like a workaholic.

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I have that bit about how awesome it would be to be a workaholic. No, I think this was talking, it might have been you, but I just have the line in my head. It's like, and dad would come home, and he would just always be able to provide for us. Yeah, that's kind of how mine goes. So either you're thinking of mine, or somebody else is pretty much on the exact same thing. I'm thinking of somebody really good. Somebody not on my mind.

Like the intervention of like... Yeah. Do you know how good your stock portfolio looks? Yeah, it might be you. Okay, good. I tried that at the improv stand-up show, and it bombed. Really? That was the only awkward moment.

Oh, you did a joke in between? Yeah. Like hosting? Because Stavros was talking about addictive personalities. Ah, yeah. But yeah. But I've definitely been on both sides of the laziness and the pushing yourself too hard. And it's definitely way better to be working hard.

Yeah, you're just like, oh, I'm exhausted. Look at all the things I'm accomplishing. Oh, God. Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's good. I think I go through it, too, with winter.

Everything just sucks. I mean, the sun goes down a quarter after four and everything's gray and dead when the sun's up. It's cold. The worst is when it's lightly drizzling in the morning. That cold, icy rain.

The air is just wet. That is the worst. You wake up and it's all gray out. Ice cold drips of water dropping onto you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it sucks.

It's a dreary gray death scape. But you got to find the positivity in it. No, I do actually kind of like it sometimes. If I'm not totally depressed, I kind of like it. Gotcha. I like walking around in that clean, crisp air. That is nice, especially when it's snowing. It's quiet.

When I'm in that, like, noir-ish kind of mode, I think I like... You ever, like, have that where you're just, like, slow, like, your thoughts are nice and slow, and you're just, like... Especially with headphones in, like, this is the soundtrack to the world right now. Right, right. Yeah. Dude, I love walking around Manhattan like that and just taking it in and pretending I'm in a movie.

Yeah, just everything. The slime, the grease, the crud. And then there's the people. This is the city at night. The darkness.

You're in a bed, bath, and beyond. Jesus Christ. This is the scourge of society. The pimps, the pushers, the hussies, the slayers. They wrote about the apocalypse. The border balls. But they didn't know it would be this bad.

The Rosenbergs. Some guy's like, hey, what did I do to you? This is what society pushes under the carpet, deems worthless, and tosses aside. But it's you in line at Taco Bell, and that's just your inner monologue. And by the time you get to the counter, you're like, yeah, two gorditas, how are you? You know, can I get an electric blue Mountain Dew? Electric blue. Woogie, woogie, boogie.

Well, at the end here, let's, I guess at the beginning we should have said there's no guests. We kind of just rambled. But. Let's bring them out. Jay Zach, everybody. Oh, you're leaving? Okay. See you, Jay.

Thanks for coming by. We're doing a show on the 18th, Wednesday the 18th, with Color Me Funny. They've asked us to be a part of their 100th show. Copying us. We just do our 100th. I know. They're like, oh, guess who else has 100 shows. I wonder where they got that idea from.

Fucking A. I guess it's the best form of flattery. Yeah. Copying us. Yeah. Or just flattering. Yeah. I guess flattery is a pretty best form of flattery. Yeah, copying us. Or just flattering. I guess flattery is a pretty good form of flattery, too. Yeah, they could just give us a couple compliments versus rip us off. So, yeah, we'll be at the Main Street Oyster House in Bel Air, Maryland at 9 p.m. Or maybe it's at 8.

I don't know. We'll post details on the website. DigressionS sessions.com slash calendar has all of our dates and uh yeah it should be fun we're gonna be a part of like a family feud type game or something like that it's gonna be local comedians versus color me funny i think the panel is me you stavros and mike stork. Okay. Should be a lot of fun. Cool. Yeah, that's really cool they asked us.

Yeah. I'm excited. And, yeah, we still have to get Joe Greenway and Thez on the podcast. And then we'll have a complete set. We'll have a complete Color Me Funny set. I think Kim counts, too. Yeah, she's a part of it. Well, yeah, she's like the fifth Beatle.

Right. Yeah. That's how they bring her on stage. The fifth Beatle. She's just like the it. Well, yeah. She's like the fifth Beatle. Right. Yeah. That's how they bring her on stage. The fifth Beatle. She's just like the fifth Beatle, everybody. Pete Best, everyone. I'm sorry. Kim Ambrose.

Dave Mustaine. Pat Smear. Terry Clays. I saw Joe Greenway at Little Havana. And I was like, hey, man, what's up? And he's like, hey, we're doing the friendly thing. And I was like, hey, man, what's up? And he's like, hey, we're doing the friendly thing. And I was like, hey, I just wanted to say, I know we've been having a lot of the Color Me Funny guys on the podcast. And I've been meaning to say this for a while.

You'll never fucking be on the podcast ever. Did you make him cry? Yeah. Nice. Then I took his lunch money. Did you shatter those fucking glasses? Wait, he has glasses? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Not anymore because I smashed them. Let's see here. But, yeah, Mike, it was good hanging with you. Yeah, you too, man. Sorry to everybody we couldn't do a podcast. We have just both been super busy, and then the snow kind of fucked us up a little bit. And, yeah, we'll try to be more regular.

We're going to release the first episode. But Mike and I hadn't got together in a while. This is literally the first time we've hung out in a week or two i think the early 2000s i think so a lot has happened yeah but we're still doing it for the nookie right we are nothing changes there we're podcasting it's all dead leaves on a dirty ground if you ask me yep we're both uh podcasting and uh backwards red new yorkkee hats, right? Mm-hmm. Okay. I've got my Slipknot mask on.

It's just cardboard the whole time. Yeah. I'm wearing my pig mask. Mike, can you take that mask off? What? What mask? What are you talking about? Oh, right.

Oh, my pig mask. Oh, sorry. Sorry. I remember. Oh, my pig mask. Oh, sorry. I remember once, back in my going-to-court days for drunkenness, my friend suggested that I wear this big foam beer bottle hat that said something like, I'm not drunk enough yet or something like that. It's beer o'clock somewhere.

It's like three feet high. It's like Mr. Buran. Oh right. Sorry. What hat? Oh this. Forget I'm wearing it. But you're in like a three piece suit.

Mr. Buran. It's beer o'clock somewhere. Oh, now you're on. If I may. You're out of order. I'd like to begin with a speech. I'd like to begin with a poem by Robert Frost. Man, that hat is inappropriate.

I believe it was William S. Burroughs who said that. The late, great Martin Luther King. Martin Luther X. I believe it was MCA of the Beastie Boys that said, you've got to fight. Fight for your right to partake. I quote the Balloon boy from a few years back. We all remember the Chihuahua talking Taco Bell duck. As the great Jared from Subway once said.

Oh, I'm going to jail? All right. Which was going on here while you're handcuffing me. Yeah, thank you everybody for listening. I know this is kind of a rambling episode, but it still was a lot of fun. We go deep on these solos. I like these. Me too. I like how it always starts out silly, and then we get into some deep issues,

and then it ends with Jared from Subway. This is actually how we talk, though. Well, minus the British accents. Yeah. Less racial slurs, usually more British accents when we're talking off mic. Yeah. But no, I think it's just an excuse to hang out at this point. Yeah.

And God damn it, I enjoy it. Yeah, me too. I love that everybody's listening. Even if you just like our stickers, good on you. Okay. Talking to you, Amy. Any response? everybody's listening. Even if you just like our stickers, good on you. Talking to you, Amy. Any response? Let's see. This is the new Professor Griff section.

Has Amy responded? Has Amy responded? Nope. That's no. All right. Follow us on Twitter. I am at BetterRobotJosh. And I am at MichaelMoran10.

Boom. And the podcast is at DigSeshPod. Go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar for all of our dates. And if you guys want some stickers, go to the Digressions Sessions podcast Facebook page. Like it. Send us a message. And we'll send you out some paraphernalia. Thanks, everybody everybody we love you

uh yeah nice try, dream character. But I think I know the difference. What if I just did that as a one-off character on stage? Just like, this is a character I'm calling the pretentious, lucid, the overly confident, lucid dreamer. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, nice try, dream character. But I know when I'm dreaming.

Now hand me that knife. Uh-oh. Oh! Jesus, that actually really hurts. Wow. I'm really good at lucid dreaming. This feels so real. All right.

So let's test. Test. Hey. Check it out. Woo! Okay. Okay. Chicka-ha. Woo. Okay. We're recording in the blind here.

Alright, let's just listen. Oh, yeah. you you Oh yeah!