The Digression Sessions - Ep. 104 - Isaac Hirsch & Luke Wienecke

Episode Date: January 12, 2014

Follow us on Twitter! @BetterRobotJosh @MichaelMoran10 @IBHirsch @LukeWienecke @DigSeshPod And come see Josh and Mike live! DigressionSessions.com/Calendar  !!!!! Hola DigHeads! On this week’s Digression Sessions Podcast we do an all-male four-way  with Isaac Hirsch and Luke Weinecke! As both performers and promoters, these two young fellas have been at the helm of the comedy world within the walls of University of Maryland and are about to head out west to some place called Los Angeles to perform with past guest Hampton Yount and others. We had an interesting and hilarious episode this week with these two great guys. Thanks for all the support as always Dig Heads! If you feel so inclined we now have a donate button on the website, any support is much appreciated and we will send you a Digression Sessions sticker in return! Also all of Mike and Josh’s improve and standup dates are listed on the website as well. We love you!

What was the line? I love ya! Uh, it is, uh, the digression sessions. Yeah, the digression sessions. Not your grandpa's third favorite podcast. In Baltimore. In Baltimore. The digression sessions.

Not your grandpa's third favorite podcast. In. In. Baltimore. Baltimore. In. I'm sorry. In.

En Español. Por. I'm sorry. In. En Español. Por Fútbol. Okay. Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey everybody, I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to The Degression Sessions Podcast, a Baltimore-based comedy talk show

hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence as we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes. Who's the guest this week? Isaac Hirsch and Luke Winneke

are the guests on this week's program, and these guys are very funny, very sweet fellas. It was awesome to sit down and chat with them for a bit. You can find them on Twitter. Isaac is at I.B. Hirsch, H-I-R-S-C-H. And Luke is at Luke Winneke. And this fella spells his last name, W-I-E-N-E-C-K-E. And get ready for his tweets, everybody.

I think he tweets once every New Year's Eve. So get excited. You just missed 2013, but you're going to want to get in on the ground floor in 2014 for sure. Get there, people. Yeah, get there. I don't know what I'm saying. I do want to say sorry for the delay in episodes. I've been really busy doing rehearsals for this completely improvised play that the Baltimore Improv Group does every year. It's called Unscripted. It starts at the end of the month. We've just been having long practices between doing that and shows and life and work. And woe is me for having long improv rehearsals.

But I'm sorry, guys, for the delay in episodes. But we're going to try to get more regular with that. I'm excited about this episode. We'll get into Luke and Isaac in a minute. But some other shows to promote. This week, we have Chuckle Storm. Baltimore's premier comedy talk show is back. That's right. Wednesday, January 15th at 8 p.m. at the Auto Bar in Baltimore, Maryland.

It's going to be a hell of a time. It's only five bucks, and this show is packed to the goddamn gills. We're going to have live interviews and sketches, music from the Creepers, stand-up from a hilarious group of guys. We've got Justin Hancock, Brandon Wardell,

Jamel Johnson, and your headliner, Ben Kronberg. Yeah, that's a good show. Yeah, I agree. That is a good show. You should definitely come. Wednesday, January 15th,

8 p.m. Autobar. Be there. Also, we have some other shows listed. If you guys go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar, you'll see all of our improv and stand-up shows listed there with the tickets and times and venues and all that cool stuff. And the 16th through the 19th, I'll actually be doing

shows with Ben Kronberg while he's doing his run of shows in the D.C., Maryland, Virginia area. So please check that out. Those shows are going to be a lot of fun. Let's see. Mike's got some improv shows coming up. So just go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar and come see us live. We really appreciate it, guys. And thank you so much for listening. I think I'm done rambling and we're ready to get into the episode here.

As always, you can follow us on Twitter. I'm at BetterRobotJosh. Mike is at Michael Moran10. And, yeah, if you guys want to donate, feel free. If you want a sticker, just donate any amount of money. Go to digressionsessions.com. Click that there Donate button, and we'll send you a sticker for whatever you want to donate.

And we really appreciate it. And, yeah, I think that's it. Let's get into the episode with old Luke and Isaac. Keep our pants up while we go pee. Love you. Love you. Okay. Do you guys want to harmonize?

Okay. I'll take it. All right. Now let's try to do the THX thing where we go in different octaves. Okay. You ready? Great, we're going to get sued by Lucas Entertainment now, I think. That was good. Mike, you all right? Yeah.

I told you to hit the cough button when you do that. Is your thing on? Is there a cough button? Is this thing on? No. No. No. I might need that.

God, look at me. Is there a cough button? No. I might need that. I was going to say the listeners at home just think that every time you make a joke you're like, I might need a cough button. I'm sneaky and sick. You sound like Michael Jackson. I think this is a better impression

of Michael Jackson. Here we go. Oh, I get it. Is it because he's dead? Because he's dead. Wow. Okay. All right.

Did we actually start? I'm very curious. Yeah, this is it. Oh, wow. This is it. We're actually almost finished. Yeah, we're about halfway through. You guys are doing great.

Really good stuff here. Yeah. A couple of young whippersnappers. We're actually almost finished. Yeah, we're about halfway through. You guys are doing great. Really good stuff here. Yeah. A couple of young whippersnappers. In the Dig Sesh HQ with us right now. What does HQ stand for? Headquarters. Headquarters. You caught me.

Yep. Nice try. Before we get to them, just real quick, Mike, I saw your bare ass yesterday. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. When? You were the thing that you hate in the gym.

Oh, yeah. You're walking to this? Yeah, you know, I'm starting to get it. I'm starting to get why men want to be nude in front of other men in the locker room. All right, let's hear it. I don't know why. I just know that. It's just a primal urge, you you think you're surrendering to. Right.

Okay. Alright. Well, I'm going to open this up to our guests. Oh, I was actually just at a retirement community. I was going to ask Luke first. Isaac, you fucking rude dick. Jesus. This fucking guy all the time. Is this the type of professionalism we're going to be dealing with for the next 60 minutes?

This is the first time he's been out of the house in months. Really? Yeah. Hot action comedy. More like hot asshole comedy. Jesus Christ. Do you have typhoid? I just eat a lot of Taco Bell. Does typhoid still exist? You can stop plugging your sponsors on this show, okay?

Isaac, you sellout piece of shit. All right. No. Hard times grill in California. We're being really mean to the guests these days. Yeah, well, they deserve it. Coming over here. What did I do now?

Coming over here invited. Yeah, being all nice and stuff. Drinking up your water. You know, there is a water bill. You guys are aware of that. Oh, no, water's free. I guess you guys get your water from the water tree where it just grows for free. Is that it?

You grow up on a water farm? I just chew eucalyptus all the time. Okay. Well, we should say that Luke is a koala bear. We should say that. No, Isaac Hirsch, Luke Winnike? Correct. That's how you say it?

How are you, fellas? I am well. I'm 21. Oh, okay. I'm unemployed officially. Oh, did that just happen today? Well, like two weeks ago, I graduated college. Oh, okay. So now I'm officially. Oh, well. I'm unemployed officially. Oh, did that just happen today? Well, like two weeks ago, I graduated college. Oh, okay.

So now I'm officially. Oh, well, congrats. So you're not unemployed if you're not working while you're in college? Yeah, because you fill out things and it says, what's your occupation? And you can click student. Yeah. So that's your occupation. Yeah, now you're just a student of the streets.

Exactly. Because you're homeless, I assume. But, you know, I joined a gang. We harmonize on street corners. Oh, that's cool. That's not bad. More gangs should do that. What if they made money that way?

What if we organized the Bloods and the Crips to be like street corner harmonizers? I seem to be the only one excited about this. Y'all be harmonious through harmony. Cooley high harmony. Yes, there it is. Right. But how do you guys feel? Instead of harming me.

That'll be the bumper sticker. How do you guys feel? Do you guys go to the gym at all? The gym? A little bit? I play basketball once a week. I've gone a couple times to play basketball. I'm terrible.

Okay. And are you seeing nude men in the locker room? What's the sitch? Are you seeing any nude men? Well, what I was saying before I was cut off for five minutes. And another thing that I apologize for, Luke. I thought my opinion was supposed to be first. I was just at my grandparents' retirement community,

and old people are so comfortable with being naked. Like, just an old guy walked in, he was just like, hello! And then he immediately just took off his clothes in front of me. Walked into where? The locker room, sorry. Yeah. I should be more clear.

Just in the lobby. Hello! Welcome to Shady Acres. Who's up to kick the can? Yeah, no, they just like... I'm talking about my balls. Even at the University of Maryland... Who's up to kick the Jew?

Hey, look at my balls. My fucking balls. No, I'm sorry. Go ahead. You know, even at the University of Maryland gym, they're just like naked old guys. And like the college students are just sort of like they're like trying to cover themselves up with their pants and shit. But old guys are just like, I got an old guy, dong. You would think it'd be the opposite.

Yeah, exactly. I would be ashamed of my truly. We're a much more liberal generation. Right, yeah. It's not a homophobia thing, though, is it? It's just like, I just don't want to be around all those old man penises. Exactly. But. I have always been confused why it's

if you were to be naked in front of a young boy anywhere else in the world besides a gym locker room, you would be thrown in jail. Right. But there it's like, no, it's cool. This is what we did. Yeah. And I almost feel like there is like a creepy child molester vibe to like some of these old men that like talking to the young boys nude.

Yeah. To the same thing. Like you couldn't just walk into like a living room like drying your balls and be like, some weather, huh, Bill? Like, get the fuck out of here. Yeah. And they love like having mundane conversations nude. Yeah.

Yeah. I can almost picture them on Crossfire or something. If there was an old man The View, they'd all be naked. There should be The View naked old man edition. They're all just in towels, just fresh out of the sauna. They'll try to start conversations with you that are completely unrelated to nudity, too. They'll be like, Brad used to cost a nickel. By the way, here are my balls. I want to start infiltrating this locker room world

and then just suddenly do an awkward, like, so what, are you getting uncircumcised there? Like doing a Dateline investigation? Yeah. You take off your fake mustache. I've had clothes on this whole time. Just kidding. It's me, Mike.

Moran. What? Famous podcaster this whole time. Just kidding. It's me, Mike. Moran. Sorry, not you. Famous podcaster and comedian, Mike Moran. He's like, get out of our gym,

you weirdo. You're just looking in the window. Yeah, I don't understand it. I met the lead singer of Power Man 5000 once. You have to convince yourself that.

With a question mark? I met him? The worst, too, is you ever see old fella powder his balls in the gym? No. I saw someone doing something inside their butt crack once, and that was really disgusting. That just seems like I have to look for too long. Explain. Elaborate.

I don't know. He was building something in there. There's smoke coming out. It must have been some sort of construction project. Putting in a Starbucks probably. Those things are everywhere. That's not coming out. It must have been some sort of construction project. Putting in a Starbucks, probably. Those things are everywhere, huh? That's not a hack. I don't know.

He's doing something, reaching down in there. He's elbow deep in his own self. Very meta. There's definitely an aspect of exhibitionism to it. They'll walk around to places where they don't even need to be naked. They'll go to use a urinal while nude because they can. That is disturbing. I witnessed that, and I nearly had a psychotic break.

I'm like, you could put your clothes on and then go use the urinal. Nude in the urinal. There's something very, very dirty about that to me. He had to pee. Yeah. I'm sure he did. I'm not contesting that fact. Would you rather him pee in the urinal. There's something very, very dirty about that to me. He had to pee. Yeah. I'm sure he did. I'm not contesting that fact. Would you rather him pee in the shower and have the pee on your feet?

Yes. Okay. It's like people who pull their pants all the way down when they pee at a urinal. Retarded people. Does anyone do that? Well, that reminds me of a very sad story because I went to a camp for developmentally disabled children for a few years when I was a kid. It seems like I just queed you up for that story. Like, wow, that sounds like a retarded person. How do you say that?

I think he just cued you up for looking like an asshole. Retarded people, right? Well, I was retarded for a time. No, I went to this camp where I was like the most functional kid there. And we went to see a Mystics game, because I guess that's the most entertaining thing. And for those that don't know, which is most of our listenership, that's a WNBA team, which is women's basketball.

I was thinking more like the thing where they dress up and fight with dragon costumes. That would have been way cooler than a Mystics game. What's that called? LARPing? Yeah. But if you want to see some good layups, good fundamentals. It's called Medieval Times, actually. Okay.

That's also a WNBA team. They're really good. They're from Los Angeles. They're like the Globetrotters. They get horses and stuff. How do they get away with that? That ref should have called him out on that. That horse is traveling.

There's nothing in the rules that says a horse can't play basketball. Show me in the rule book. His shield is out of bounds. Yeah. All right. So you're at this camp. Went to a Mystics game. Yeah, we went to a Mystics game, and we went to the trow they have at sports arenas where

they don't even have decent urinals. They just have a trow that everyone has to line up and just piss indiscriminately. Isn't that one of the weirdest things ever? Just a bunch of dudes peeing in a giant bucket. It's worse when you're right next to your dad. I remember doing that at a county fair and there'd be a hose. But they had this at a sports arena?

It's much more efficient than just having individual urinals. People can literally stand shoulder to shoulder and just pee wherever. Dudes will pee on the floor too. I remember going to the hf festival one year and there's just so many lines people are just pissing on the floor in the stadium so why don't they just go outside and pee in the grass oh not allowed to do that either that's also not you're not allowed to pee on the floor i presume yeah but what do you mean like they go out to like the field of the stadium and go piss?

Okay. Isn't the HF Festival, like, outside usually? Yeah, but it was at a stadium normally. And then it was in the surrounding parking lot. Do you want them to piss in the parking lot? Yeah. I'd rather they piss in the parking lot than piss in the parking lot. Does the HF Festival still exist?

Yes. We're plugging it right now. No. But that's my last sports stadium experience. I think it does, actually. I'm pretty sure it does. Right. Well, no, it's not. I was at the concert at the PSI Net Stadium when a guy fell off and died. No, but that's my last sports stadium experience. Well, no, it's not.

I was at the concert at the PSI Net Stadium when a guy fell off and died. Oh, yeah. They never had a concert there again. Which is now M&T, right? Yeah. Yes. All right. Stadium talk.

I just know my buddy went to the last HF Festival. It was supposed to be Jay-Z's last show ever in 2002. And we saw how long that lasted. How was that? I wasn't there. Oh, well, all right. Luke has a lot of stories about other people. I do. Okay, all right.

Anyway, I was at the urinal trowel thing. Isaac, I believe you were at a WNBA game. I was. And this kid in front of me in my camp drops his pants and starts peeing. People start laughing, which, first of all, is a really shitty thing to do. But secondly, I immediately thought, holy shit, I look like that. I've got to stop doing this immediately. You were peeing like that?

Because you were also doing it? No, but I had been up until this point. I was still probably too old to be doing that. So that's when I stopped doing that. So, but why weren't you peeing? I mean, if that was your normal mode was to pull the pants all the way down, you just went out on a limb or what? Was this your sixth sense kind of being like, I need to pee, you know? Well, no, I just, I saw like this kid.

One, I'd never seen myself do it. Cause like, you know, you don't look at yourself in the mirror, but like this kid dropped his pants and it looked really silly. Yeah. I absolutely love it when I can see myself pee in a mirror for some reason. Sorry, continue. No, I was just like, oh, that looks bad and people are laughing. So this is probably a thing I should no longer do. It was a learning experience.

Yeah. I had a similar thing in elementary school where you're transitioning out of that phase of pulling your pants down all the way to pee and uh i think i've told this on the podcast before but i was peeing next to this kid and i saw he pulled his sweatpants all the way down and i was just like hey what are you what are you doing and then he was mentally uh handicapped the kid he like just looked over and had a big smile he's like hi i like feet and i was like oh okay that's what's happening um you ever pee your pants at school yeah i was actually just oh yeah when you were laughing yeah when i i went to uh a daycare in the summer that had kids that were in middle school when i was in elementary school and they were cussing like crazy and i thought cussing was the funniest thing ever because you

know you're not it's so out of bounds but they were just so cavalier, like, fuck that. That's the shit. Yeah. So essentially you were at the level of most comedy fans in today's world. Yeah. And I was, yeah. I remember I was sitting on the sidewalk because we were out at the Blacktop, and we were having recess out there. And then I was on the light gray sidewalk that met the blacktop and,

uh, peed my pants cause I was laughing so hard. And then I was like, Oh man, I peed my pants. I better get up and get flee the scene. Right. But as I get up,

there's just a scarlet, um, circle of scarlet letter being handed to you by the teacher. Yeah. And, uh, the teacher comes over. She's like, what happened here?

I was like, I don't know. That was there. That was there before I was sitting on it. I was like the Walter White of lying back in the day, just like right there. Oh, yeah, I forgot. Sorry, that's a reference past 2005. Sorry. But she was like, no, that stain wasn't there.

Let's just get you to the bathroom. I was like, oh, okay. But luckily she didn't's just get you to the bathroom. I was like, okay. But luckily she didn't tell anybody else, and the cool kids didn't see. Nice. And now I'm telling everybody. Well, yeah. I peed myself like two weeks ago. What happened?

I didn't really pee myself, but I was at a party. Someone else peed me. I was at a party, and I was using the restroom, and I look away for a a second and I look and I've like peed all over my pants somehow. What? Well, I wasn't. And you don't drink. Yeah, I mean like that happens and like I'm like, all right, this is cool. I'll just go.

I'll wipe it off a little bit. Go back downstairs. No one will be the wiser. And I look down and there's like two trails. Yeah, I do that sometimes. Sometimes I'll just pee and then I'll put my pants back on. I mean, close my pants back up. And then inexplicably,

there's just like pee dripping everywhere. Yeah, I have that too. It's just how much piss is left in our urethra there? I'll be shaking for days. I don't think we get it all. I don't know. I think we do. How much piss is left in our urethra?

I think you should check it out. It's a timeshare, Mike. I just know that when that was happening, I was getting live text updates as that was happening. It was the best. Well, because I was at this party, and I immediately went, I can't go back downstairs. Everyone would be like, Isaac, you have two trails of liquid

on your pants. You should have owned it. So I was like, hey. Like Billy Madison. Yeah, they wouldn't say it's piss. Like, there's liquid coming from your genital area. Who knows what it is? I was just like, hey, my girlfriend, come upstairs.

I have a problem in the bathroom. And that, unfortunately. Or you could have just pretended like you were the wacky party guy who was taking a shower with all his clothes on. Like, everybody, let's get in the shower with our clothes on. Oh, my God, Isaac's the king of the party. They would have carried you out on their shoulders. Isaac. Oh, Isaac.

It would have been your Rudy moment. I just waited a half hour for it to dry. In the bathroom? Yeah. Everyone's like, where's Isaac? Someone's in here. What did your girlfriend say when you came up? She just laughed.

She's like, that's something you would do. I don't understand my girlfriend at all She finds like the awful things I do like charming and quirky when really I'm just a maladjusted person like that's love Well, no not like be But like wearing this I know your viewers can't see this shirt, but she bought me this shirt the viewers can she's encouraging this However, they don't exist. Let's describe this. You're basically wearing a wallpaper shirt.

I'd say that's more of a kitchen floor. Okay. My mom said that shirt looks like it's for African people. It's kind of Daishiki-esque. It's hanging off of you a little bit. You look like Charlie Sheen in two and a half.

Is that FUBU? We'll take a Pictionary. It's kind of Daishiki-esque. It's hanging off of you a little bit. You look like Charlie Sheen in two-and-a-half. Is that FUBU? Yeah. We'll take a picture for our listeners, and you can delight in this. It's like Zach Braff, Garden State, sort of, when he's in the bathroom. And the shirt matches the wallpaper. Yes. Yes, very much so. But, no, that's love uh she likes the stuff that you

think is bad i think you know you get away with that stuff like she forgives you you know like oh you peed your pants i love you lovable scamp you know what are you gonna do i i thought yeah i feel like cheating it's charming i feel like there like there should be a stage where it's still uncomfortable. When early on you're dating somebody, they should be like, you peed your pants, you sicko. And then eventually, just like, yeah, five years in, I don't care anymore that you peed yourself. Yeah. But no, it's just like, ah, whatever. That's a funny thing you did.

Yeah. Go first. Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that happens all the time. My girlfriend and I have been together for five years. Our water pressure in our house is really bad. So if you turn the sink on and you're taking a shower, like the shower pressure just goes right away.

If you flush the toilet, you have to wait like 20 minutes for the water to get back to like full pressure. And I was going to take a shower the other day. And luckily I pooped before my shower, not but i was like well i don't during yeah i've been working on that i'm getting a lot better at that um so i pooped before the shower but i was like i don't want to flush it because i'll ruin my water pressure and of course took my shower and forgot about my turd in that toilet amanda goes to pee. She's like, there's a turd in this toilet. I was like, sorry. That was it.

If that's your first or second date, you're mortified, right? But a few years in, you're just like, what do I expect? Is my mic working, by the way? Yeah, I can hear you. What was I going to say? I don't know. Something interesting. Something about poop.

Yeah. Pooping in front of gals. Oh, yeah. I had a girlfriend that made it clear that she would break up with me if I pooped my pants. And I did several times. Was that like a ground rule? Yeah.

Just like, when you first date, if you poop yourself, we're done. Just about. Just about. Don't try to change me, baby.

That must have been a great dating history, too, where she just has to inform guys, hey, no more pooping yourself. If I meet another guy that wants to shit himself i didn't want to shit myself but i guess i did not want to shit myself all that bad you didn't choose the shitting yourself lifestyle right lifestyle chose you you know yeah what happens in my pants uh-huh they're good my pants my world

yeah another bumper sticker right there. Yep. Right there. So I did several times and had to hide it from her. That's almost like a sitcom thing

where it's just like... Yeah. Mike keeps pooping himself. How... Oh, shit. Guys, we lost a little bit of that recording

because I accidentally closed the laptop. You son of a bitch. How much? It was like two seconds. You missed my witty repartee. It's probably like the two best seconds. Okay. All right. Here, Luke, you say what you said and we'll act like we're hearing it the first time.

So I say like then on our dating profiles like she says, dislikes pooping your pants. Oh, man. Very right. Let's take a break. So I'm glad that you guys are here because you're very funny gentlemen. We're glad to be here. Good. You just went to L.A.?

We're about to go to L.A. Oh, okay. Okay. In like four days? What's going on out there? Weather. Good weather is going on out there? Weather. Good weather is going on out there. Also, theoretically, we're doing some comedy shows.

The one that we're both doing is called And Show with Justin and Gil. It's hosted by a friend of ours, Justin Cuson and Gil Alvarez. Is that how you say it? Alvis Sarez? Something like that. I don't know him. You better learn his name. I will.

And I forget. What's the lineup on that? It's really good. It's like a bunch of people you probably should have heard of. Rory Scovel's on it. Maybe. Oh, wow. Hampton Yund.

Yeah, he was on the show. Aparna. Nanchalak. Yeah. Andy Haynes, who was just on Conan recently. So it's like a bunch of DC guys. Yeah, that's sort of like the theme. It's like former DC people. and then us, like current.

And then maybe special guests that are unconfirmed. Which could be a Patton Oswalt. Yes. But probably not. Literally, that was probably not. Yeah, well, Isaac was telling me about that, that you guys were like, oh, we love Patton Oswalt, but we also don't want Patton Oswalt to see us bomb.

Exactly. I haven't done a show in a couple weeks, and I'm like, Tara, I need to go do a show now. Yeah, you got to do some warm-ups. Any warm-up gigs? I have nothing yet. No? Because I've been busy with graduation and Christmas and whatnot,

and now it's like, oh, I'm pretty excited. Luke always has an excuse. I do. I'm pretty. I perform once a week religiously. Look at you. How long have the last two weeks been? I was in North Carolina.

Oh, how convenient oh what they don't have open mics in north carolina uh they don't actually have a burgeoning scene i did open mic when i was in north carolina once at a bookstore how's that it was okay it's okay we're just we have so many good stories yeah yeah yeah i You could sit back all night by the fire and tell two friends across America. How was that? It was okay. Is your teeth too hot? No, it's just right.

Good. You want to go to bed? It's 3.30 in the afternoon. We should retire. Maybe toss in a Starbucks joke or two just to spice things up. And then Isaac's doing two more shows. And I was told I was doing another show by Justin but I haven't heard from them

exactly so I'm kidding. Kind of worried but it's whatever. It's just LA. It's cool to go out there and see how it is. That's exciting, man. Neither of us have ever been.

Yeah, I've never been out there let alone do comedy out there. That's fucking rad. I've done comedy out there but I've never been out there. Really? That's weird. I've been to

Hershdale, California. That's as far as I've gotten. You can stop bragging right now. It's named after one of my ancestors who died. Dale Hersh. Dale Hersh. What? It sucks.

There's nothing there. It's an abandoned one-room schoolhouse in like three houses. That's it? Yeah. And that's your guys' town? That's my legacy, man. Wow. Do teenagers at least go and get drunk there?

Possibly. I was too young to know. I wasn't cool enough. You've got to go back. Yeah, when you guys are out there, you're going to make a pilgrimage? Yeah, I guess so. Return to the motherland? Yeah.

Cool. Okay. Okay, cool. Mecca of shitty towns that no one lives in. So how long have you guys been doing comedy? Doing stand-up comedy. Like three years off and on. Three years.

Three years. And you guys were friends before that? No. No, met through comedy. Enemies. Actually, we lived in the same dorm and kept running into each other as like a romantic comedy kind of thing. But we never like talked to each other or anything. He used to operate the elevators every weekend night and sit there.

Are you serious? I am dead serious. What school did you go to? University of Maryland. They still have to have operators for elevators? It wasn't like an official. What the floor, man? No, yeah.

He just decided he thought this was a good idea. He would sit with a book in a chair and you'd get on in a weekend. I wore a suit and I'd like swipe drunk people people up at 1 a.m. on Saturdays. And what, they'd give you money? I got a few tips. So what was your motivation? I did not tip him. Again, I was a fucking weird person in freshman year.

Right. So you just took it upon yourself to do this? Nobody asked you to do this? No, no. I just was like, hey, you know what would be funny? If somebody operated the elevator, I'm going to do and everyone's like whatever get away from us and now you turn on comedy central everybody's doing that yeah and then it's huge and then we ran into each other a couple times doing other comedy group auditions that we didn't get into what are these

uh comedy groups well they're they're like uh improv um there was it was like a combination stand-up sketch improv group at Maryland. They were all purpose. That was their whole thing. Gotcha. And we both auditioned for them. I only auditioned for them twice. He auditioned.

I went three times because I am a glutton for punishment. After the second time, one, we had found the all stand-up club at Maryland at that point. So I was just like, whatever, forget these people. And Luke, I guess, was just like, no, I've got to get into whoever these guys are. No, I just always wanted to. My first love in comedy was I wanted to do sketch. So stand-up was a thing I always liked, but I was never like, I've got to go do stand-up. But it was like, okay, I want to do sketch, and I'm too lazy to start my own group or thing.

So I'll just find this one in. I'll just waltz in, and I'm like, you're a great kid. And they're like, no. Three times, like, no. You just walked through the audition process for that. in and I'll just waltz in and I'm like you're a great kid and they're like no three times like no what was the audition process for that like you just walked in the door and they're like you're great kid get over here tell me why I should join your group

famous now there was like a bunch of improv games they did yeah yeah we did you did like three improv games and then the end was you performed a sketch they had written that was traditionally not very good and they would end was you performed a sketch they had written that was traditionally not very good and they would be like you're allowed to rewrite it which i did every

time he did i i knew better than to like rewrite their sacred sketches or whatever he would always go in and be like here we gotta change this this sucks uh and they're sitting right there and i'm like this line's fucking awful wow and he wonders And he wonders why he didn't get in. They were better. The lines I added would get laughs, damn it. I knew what I was doing. I love that you're heartbroken, though, for punishment. And then you go in there like, oh, this fucking sucks, you hacks.

Why won't you accept me? They said you could do it, and they gave us pens. What am I supposed to do It was a trick though Yeah it was exactly It was testing how loyal you were Here's how we don't get in Yeah

I didn't do anything like that I guess they just didn't They didn't go for me Like even Even like a couple years later When I was the president Of the stand up club at Maryland Which is called Off The Wall

Like we did a stand up competition That they were Like some of their guys Were also doing I walked in I was like what's up guys they go hey oh hey Harrison which was like another guy in the club Wow

they would always call me like buddy hey what's up big guy hey there that's one of the one of my pet peeves hey how you doing there chief chief big guy and boss buddy never come off as anything but condescending. Buddy's also bad.

You call a dog buddy. Like, what's up, buddy? Hey. Yeah, or like a little kid. Pal's also good, too. Excuse me there, big guy. There's a guy at work that used to always say that to me. And I don't think he was trying to be condescending,

but it always came off that way. Excuse me, big guy. Pardon me there, big guy. Like, how many times can you say that before? He just didn't know your name. How are you, Big Guy? Is that it? Hey, what's up, glasses?

He keeps acknowledging that, so that must be his name. Let's see here. So you guys met through auditioning or doing stand-up together? That's when like saw each other that was still more of a rom-com like cross paths never met kind of thing and then like i did a there was a comedy contest and i was the only independent in it and whereas like everyone else was affiliated with the club at that point okay only one and then just like i talked to him

afterwards he was like oh we're doing the show you should come out because the difference between off the wall and all these other comedy groups is that we have literally no audition process. We'll put anyone on a show. That's awesome. Yeah, well, that is awesome

but also like Off the Wall had like a one year renaissance under my presidency where we like won all the competitions and we were doing great

and now it's sort of falling apart and like we're graduating so we don't really care. What happened was we used to only have like five people in the group so everyone got to do a show right and now it's sort of falling apart and like we're graduating so we don't really care yeah we used to only have like five people in the group so everyone got to do a show right and now somehow with nothing we did we haven't promoted we don't promote it at all pretty much and we somehow got

like 30 members and it's like they get pissed when we don't put them on whatever show we have we don't have that many shows so We get very vengeful emails. Seriously. You guys are so disorganized. I'm going to join another club. I'm like, okay, that actually helps the problem. Please do. Get out of here. Okay, so who's the president now? It's still me.

But you don't... Oh, are you still at Maryland? Yeah, I got one more semester. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. And I'm treasurer? I don't know. I have some position. I got one more semester. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. And I'm a treasurer? I don't know. I have some position where I don't do anything. Yeah, no, I do all the treasurers. Okay, so what happened was we had a...

The University of Maryland gives everyone a budget if you apply for a budget. And at some point in my tenure, I forgot to apply for a budget. So I've just been paying for everything out of pocket. It looks like I know when. I've been paying for everything out of pocket. And everything like I know when. I've been paying for everything out of pocket. Everything costs money to reserve a room for a show.

It grinds my gears when people are like, you don't care about this club at all. I'm like, I wouldn't have paid 50 bucks for this show if I didn't care. And then on the other end, why do you have to pay out of pocket? I'm like, well, okay, that's a fair point. Yes, it was my own.

That's on me. It was my own incompetence that's causing me to pay out of pocket. But you like, well, okay. That's a fair point. Yes, it was my own. That's on me. It was my own incompetence that's causing me to pay out of pocket. But you guys are being dicks about it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that sucks. It's all right. We're done soon.

Yeah, it's not a big deal anymore. It's just like, well, if you want to be president next year and see how hard this is to do. Or if you just want to win the club, please. This is really a microcosm of America, I think. You know, it's like, oh, okay, you can be a better president. You try. And then we'll see how the club, a.k.a. America, please. This is really a microcosm of America, I think. It's like, okay, you can be a better president? You try. And then we'll see how the club, a.k.a. America, does. We want to have everyone on every show.

Thank you. But you can't have like... Well, we don't want to have everyone on every show. Well, I mean, it'd be nice to have everyone, but you can't have a three-hour show. Again, it's like America. No immigrants. No more immigrants. We could have more people.

The show is long enough. The show is way too long. The show of America is way too long. We need to build a wall for the show. The immigrants can watch the show. Sure. Sure. From afar. You can appreciate the show.

On television they can watch it. From the camps that we put them in. Yeah, exactly. How come I can't hear the word treasure without immediately thinking of a guy who finds buried treasure as a job? That is your job though, right? To help pay for stuff, right? I go in her backyard with a shovel. He buried treasure as a job. That is your job, though, right? To help pay for stuff, right? I go in her backyard with a shovel. He's very bad at it.

It's hard. Metal detectors are really expensive. Yeah, I feel like they're pretty finicky, too. That'd be tough. I have one. It just doesn't. It's just a piece of crap. I'm sorry, man.

Well, hey, talk to your president. He doesn't have a budget. How can I get a new... Get it together over there, Mr. President. Borrowed from China. Again, with the metaphor. This is like if the president forgot to pick up taxes. Sorry, guys.

I forgot to pick up the taxes. He forgets to ask Congress for a budget. What was I supposed to say? Oh, shit. Now we can't pay for anything. I was pretty drunk that night. Yo, China, you confront us, right? We have to close the parks and stuff.

You're pulling me. God damn it. My bad, y'all. My bad. No one else wants to be president, though. I don't want to do that shit either. Stick with him. I don't want to do that.

Yeah. Yeah, I feel like once you're graduated, you should probably move on from being president. I don't think we're allowed to be technically president. You should probably move on from being president. I don't think we're allowed to be technically. You should probably move on from being part of the college group that you no longer attend. We had a guy who was still in the club like three or four years after graduating. He was just much older. We kept making him older in our minds to the point where he was like a 28-year-old. He used to do comedy around here.

I don't know. I think he took a break. But yeah, Vish Bhatt, if you ever met him. I was told Vish quit. Yeah, Vish might have quit. I don't know. I know who you're talking about. Such a sad day in comedy when Vish...

R.I.P. He was a nice guy. He's dead now, right? Rest in peace, Vish. R.I.P. Vish. So, and then you guys had Hot Action Comedy, which was a little comedy contingent

the incredibly ill-fated comedy show let's go through our thinking so first of all we were like hey Luke we should have a comedy show good idea you know where we should have it let's say a hard times cafe an hour from where we live

I emailed a dozen places in College Park, and I got back one response from hard times, and they said, how about our Arlington store? And I said, sure, why not? Right. Because there was no one else who wanted to do a show. And so we ended up in Arlington in a sports bar that no one cared about. Yeah.

And I'll say the first five shows were good the first three were great the next two were okay we were still drawing a crowd and then through a combination of us not being great showrunners and the venue just stopped promoting the show yeah it didn't seem like i did it once seemed like they didn't really care the first time we did a show they had like a sign out front comedy night they put the signs up all over the rest and then like week 10 they were just like they put like one up in the bathroom just like here's the poster if you're already here you should go to this i don't care yeah and then i got an email one day saying hey please call hard times we'd like to talk to you about the company and i immediately went i was like oh see this email

we're getting canceled and i called them i'm I'm like, yeah, we're canceled. I'm like, yeah, I don't blame you. No one's coming. Because like the last few shows were just like literally it was only the comedians and like our friend Gary who we started putting

on the posters. I think he was on the last one and that was like the end. It was like, now with 10 times more Gary on the poster. And that was it. Hot action comedy.

And Gary. Essentially. Were you guys getting paid to do the show? No. We got comped food. That was it. And apparently even the

cost of comped food was just too much. Yeah. I think the first show they were giving out like free drinks to the comics even. Yeah.

And then like after that they were into it and then it was all of a sudden just gone. Yeah. I remember the show that I did. It was the like house PA system that plays music and stuff.

It was separate. You had a separate PA for the room that it was in. But sometimes Miley Cyrus would be pumped in for like 30 seconds. People would be telling their jokes. They'd be like, oomph, oomph, oomph. You're like, what's happening? If you were sounding for like five seconds, it would go back to the house. It was, I don't.

That's another thing about the show is that the PA system never worked. It would always, it would either sound like a fucking Metro operator or it just wouldn't work. Plaza. Yeah. But yeah. And then, and we,

what was I going to say? I don't know. Someone else continue. Yeah. No. So yeah, the PA system didn't work. Like comics like became not, I don't want to say? I don't know. Someone else continue. Yeah, no. So, yeah, the PA system didn't work. Like, comics, like, became...

I don't want to say resentful by the end, but they were just sort of like, oh, this is a fucking waste of time when they showed up and no one was there. And I didn't blame them. I'm like, I'm sorry. We had one guy do our show. Like, we invited him,

and then he's like... It was, like, awful. No one was there. And then the next show, two weeks later, we had a guy dropped the last minute he asked to be on it again and then like you made fun of the show at the show which is okay but i'm like you asked to be on this and i have no idea why you saw what this was two weeks ago nothing's changed man this sucks can i do it again sometime

wow so yeah we had discussions about buying our own pa system and then we just didn't do that yeah because it didn't seem like we didn't do a lot of things yeah yeah well it seems like it just fell apart anyway essentially i mean we've talked about trying to start a new one but like nothing yeah good also because like booking was just kind of like weird booking's a pain in the ass i mean we even just booking this podcast every week is a fucking pain. Not that it's hard to deal with people, but just matching up schedules and all that stuff. And just trying to keep a rotation as opposed to going to the same guy.

We had Ryan shot in our show like 10 times. There's, hey, someone dropped. Ryan, do you want to do this show? And he was like, sure. We were like, oh, Ryan's reliable and we like him, so we'll just keep having him. And that turned out to be more than... Gary loved Ryan, right? Gary did love Ryan.

Gary did love Ryan, actually. Gary had a show. It was his birthday. It was his birthday and someone dropped him. We're just like, Gary, who do you want to be on the show? He's like, Ryan Shutt. We're like, okay. You got it.

It's your birthday show and then he was the only non-comedian there, so it really was his birthday show. Oh, good for him. It was all for him good just keeping the rotation up which is yeah because you have like six comedians and then they're occasionally like there'd be a guy like we were trying to put on like a theoretically we're trying to put on a high quality show yeah and like sometimes it wasn't but like we're always trying to put good comics on and sometimes like a guy who is just like we all would go like oh

we don't this guy yeah saying no is hard yeah i know exactly so like we all would go like, oh, we don't, this guy. Yeah, saying no is hard. Yeah, I know, exactly. So like we'd put them off, and then people, if you put them off, they're just like, so what about next week? They're like, ah, we're booked through that week. Yeah, do you ever, as bookers, do you ever have to tell people like, we just don't like your comedy? No, we've never done that. Yeah, that's never.

You just put it, you just, oh yeah i've got to wash my hair that night we say that in our head right but we don't say them we don't we're not fans of you so yeah don't you have to do that sometimes don't you just have to be like we just don't think right for i mean that's probably the the right idea to do like and i sort of did that with one guy who was like because like this was like arlington it was really young and this guy's really old so i was just like like, yeah, you know, maybe you won't play well with this crowd.

Maybe you shouldn't. And he had his balls out at the gym. He's like, let me do your show. I'm funny. I'll have the kids jitterbugging in back.

I have the sauna rolling in here every night. We didn't get a ton of requests to be on their show, did we? We got a ventriloquist. Why did we say no to that? That would have been amazing. I didn't see the email. I would have said yes. We set up get a ton of requests to be on their show, did we? We got a ventriloquist. Why did we say no to that? That would have been amazing. I didn't see the email.

We set up an email for the show, and then we never checked it. It got two emails and it's history. And one of them was from a ventriloquist. Do you want to be on the show? I would have said yes. Three months later. Absolutely. That's interesting. I would have wanted that or a comic magician.

Don't see enough of those. Or the hypnotist. I don't like those guys. I hate the comedy hypnotist. In 2010, I did a show at a magic lounge in Baltimore. Ben Rosen, a guy from here, used to run a show at a magic lounge. I remember that. I did the open mic there once.

Where is that? Federal Hill? Something like that. One of those areas. Isn't the kid that does magic there, didn't his parents buy that. One of those areas. Isn't the kid that does magic there, didn't his parents buy that place for him? Probably.

I know his parents own it, or at least his dad owns it. Yeah. And he was on America's Got Talent. I was a greenhorn at that point. Someone drove me there. I'm like, what's going on? Wow, you have a comedy show? One, I was just really happy that such a thing existed existed that there's a magic bar somewhere in the middle of

baltimore right that has a comedy night as opposed to like a comedy place having a magic night which is more likely right yeah yeah yeah true true true and uh okay so then that kind of faded out so now you guys are just trying to operate kind of independently i I mean, I don't know what we're going to do. Because like we said, we've had talk about just doing a true mic and running that. Yeah, like just kind of open mic instead of like a showcase show. Yeah, we want to do it in College Park, which is the original plan. But we couldn't find a place in College Park that would let us do it. And now we would actually, which I would actually probably go in person and actually ask them as opposed to sending a form email.

Right. Which was a mistake. Luke sent a form email out and he like didn't bcc he just had all the businesses in the two line i'm like luke that's not very professional this is not gonna get a lot it was a well-written email i'm a big fan hello sir or madam all the other businesses suck this is the business we want to do our show because you Because you're the best. Yeah. So, I mean, right now we're just making our way through the murky local comedy. Keep making plans we don't follow through on. Let's make a sketch video. Oh, it's a lot of work.

It's tough, right? It's tough. I mean, we're just two very lazy people, first of all. I feel like a lot of comedians are. I don't know. I feel like there's the crazy driven and then just the... There's people who do it for fun

and there's people who really want to make something out of it. They operate in the same venues. No doubt. We had a guy in our club named Kevin Klinkle who was a funny guy. Very affable stoner type.

But he's one of those guys who's just doing it for fun. Right. Like never had any desire to pursue it seriously at all or even do outside venues out of College Park. But he would always do our shows, always have new sets. Really? Yeah, no, he would always. He would write like 21 liners the day of and then show up with his list of 21 liners. Were they good?

Occasionally. Some of them. Occasionally means no. day of with his list of 21 line were they good occasionally means that most one-liner have like a hit miss thing on yeah it's either funny he was he was essentially to subscribe he was he's a Chris Pratt on Parks and Rec that's like who he was you've ever seen parks okay gotcha what's his name Andy Andy Dwyer's gotcha but yeah no He was also just a very handsome man. Apparently, before our time, he showed up at Off the Wall because he had been admitted to Maryland and then dropped out and then readmitted

like a billion times. This happens a lot of times. Weird. One of his shows is like, you guys keep making fun of me, but I've gotten into Maryland way more than any of you. It making fun of me, but I've gotten into Maryland way more than any of you. It is weird that the admissions officer is like, all right, one more time. All right, Kevin, you got it.

He's so charming, though, that they're probably just like, oh, this guy. This is it. This is the last time. You handsome devil. He showed up to the first show with all these jokes about how ugly he was, and someone had to take him aside being like, look, self-deprecation works for a lot of people but it's just not going to work for you. You're like classically handsome. It's just not going to fly, man.

Yeah, he's like, I never have sex. Right, everybody? We can all relate. I'm not handsome. Alright, so you guys are plugging away. Doing the comedies. Going to go out to LA's. How did this LA thing happen? We had talked about it for a long time All right, so you guys are plugging away, doing the comedies, going to go out to L.A. Yes. How did this L.A. thing happen?

We had talked about it for a long time. We have a friend who lives out in L.A., the guy who runs the show. It's the guy who started Off the Wall several years ago, Justin Cuson, who is from this area. He started Off the Wall, did a bunch of stuff with that, and then he moved out to L.A. I think before either of us were in the club, he moved out there. Yeah, pretty much. He's been out there for a couple years now. He was like, yeah, come on out. He'll have people he only

tangentially knows crash at his apartment for a week. And we're like, we're really good friends with Justin. We should crash at his apartment for a week. That's great. Just don't get involved in that gangster rap feud. I don't want to see you guys go down. You're way too young. You're way too pretty.

Hey, don't do that. I probably won't wear this to Sheiky. Call people my brother. My man. Hoss. You guys did Chuckle Storm recently. You guys were great.

It was okay. I love Chuckle Storm. It's one of my favorite shows. It was very awkward when there was discussion about how I don't eat pie, and there was literally a pie in front of me. I was going to bring that up. And someone telling me,

you should eat this pie, and me going, no, I don't want to. He's a fucking pussy. You should eat the fucking pie. Look, I am an overweight man. Have you seen this? This is not a thing. You're not crazy overweight. You're not like crazy overweight.

You're good. I'm not crazy overweight, but at the same time, it's like I don't need another dessert I know I like. Okay. Hey, addictive personality, man. You like cocaine? Try heroin. It's really good. But just take a bite of heroin.

That's all you need. You don't got to eat the whole thing. Just a spoonful of it. Just a spoonful of heroin. Just a little bit. You take the lighter. Moderation. Moderation. Yeah.

So for those listening, Luke, you've never had pie. Yes, never. Do you intend to have pie? I don't know. Okay. Probably not. Like at this point, now I'm just a jerk about it, honestly. Yeah.

It's like I'm not going to. It's like I did a joke about. This is also true. I've never seen an episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And now I'm just like. Did you realize that Uncle Phil died yesterday? Yeah, I heard about that. I didn't know.

He's dead. I didn't really care. And it was like, okay, what do I? So now I'm at the point where now I'm going to actively not watch it. Same with Pi. I'm going to actively not watch it. I developed that around the Mac Arena when that was popular. I didn't do it once, and then I decided I'm really not going to do it once.

Exactly. Except that's actually worthwhile, probably, as opposed to pie. Pie is probably wonderful. Yeah. I, on the other hand, actually came back on stage at the end of the show, found the pie, and ate the rest. You kept eating it. You ate a bunch when you were on stage. Yeah, I started eating their pie, and then I came back on stage.

I'm like, yo, could I have some of that pie? And Alex was like, yeah, sure. I guess we were just using it for a bit, and I just went to town on stage. Yeah, like I started eating their pie, and then I came back on stage. I'm like, yo, could I have some of that pie? And Alex was like, yeah, sure. I guess we were just using it for a bit, and I just went to town on that. Yeah. What kind of pie are we talking? It was apple. It was a pretty good apple-like crumb pie. Yeah, yeah.

Pie is the one... Outlakes having a stroke. Where I find it acceptable to mix fruit and dessert. Really? I love fruity dessert of all kinds. What about a fruit tart? No. No?

Maybe. What about a fruit salad? That's a dessert. No. You're not into the whole French fruit pastry thing? No. I don't mix business and pleasure. What about a jelly-filled donut?

Jelly's a fruit. Yeah, I could do that. But that's not really a fruit. It's like diluted down with sugar. What about a jelly-filled donut? Yeah, I could do that. That's not really a fruit. It's jelly. What about a banana split? Mango ice cream. A sorbet. Wow.

You're taking a hard line on this. This is an interesting dessert division. It's just like me not eating pie. He doesn't mix fruit. No, it's not that. You've never eaten pie. You've never tried it. I've eaten fruit for dessert, and I say no thank you. Well, maybe I'll give it a try, and I'll come back here and report back.

I would love that. We should have your first pie eating here on Friday. Yeah, record it. Actually, we have one right here. Oh, we do. What a coincidence. When I was a young man like yourselves

and I still smoked marijuana, the best gas station snack was those cheap frosted pies with the cherries inside. Oh, okay. They're like half a pie folded over. It's like a pie taco.

Which sounds amazing if you're stoned, I'm sure. Pie taco? You just suck the filling out I'll have the lobster stuffed with tacos I remember we'd always buy way too much food At the gas station and think we were going to eat it all Look at you

You crazy stoner kids You're wild Those were the days Alright we gotta wrap it up here in a little bit Because we gotta get to a show You're wild. Wild. Those were the days. All right. We've got to wrap it up here in a little bit because we've got to get to a show. Yeah, we've got things to do, fellas. I'm on that show. Is this being released right now?

No. We are going out live across the nation. So to advertise the show would be moot. Yeah. Okay. I mean, you know. Hey, guys, you missed a great show. It was something.

It's going to be really something. I'll be in the audience. Yeah, Luke will be there holding it down. We do need to be a little more clear next time about how the exiting works during an emergency. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well. Note to self. Sorry, if you're in a wheelchair, you know, I'd stay home.

Obviously, God doesn't like it. Anyway. So let's see. Oh, yeah, as we're wrapping it up here, I'm glad that you guys came. Anyway, so let's see. Oh, yeah, as we're wrapping it up here, I'm glad that you guys came. You're very funny young men. You are. Nice fellas. Oh, thank you, sir.

I think you've got a bright future ahead of you, gentlemen. Thank you so much. I want you to hang in there. Just pee with your pants up. You'll be fine. Pee with your pants up. I probably should not have led with that story. That's right.

This is like a really long, boring story. No, this was great. We've learned a lot today, boring story. No, it's good. We've learned a lot today. I'd like to close with a story, if I could. I live in Hamden, as some of our listeners know. Hamden, Baltimore.

It's got a mix of this artsy kind of vibe, and then there's also a grizzled white trash thing going on. I'm glad you just came out and said white trash instead of dancing around the issue. Oh, yeah. And a blue collar old school. Yeah, no, it's definitely white. It's definitely trash.

Like Tim Heckle told that story once. He was at the Royal Farms right a couple blocks from here. And this woman was with her kid. And her kid was like, I want candy. How come I can't have candy? And her mom was like, because want candy how come i can't have candy and her mom was like because you ain't being haved like that's a thing you know so like one should behave yeah like to to be a state to behave or not to behave um so uh we went to uh the last weekend after we recorded the

podcast i went out to a bar with with my girlfriend and a friend of mine. And we went to this place, Birateca. And they closed super early. Their last call is like at 11 o'clock. Wow. Yeah. So we were leaving. And they're like, let's just go.

Let's get one more beer. Like, well, where should we go? It's like, oh, there's that shitty dive bar right around the corner that we've never been to. Oh, Bloody Bucket. Yeah. It used to be the Bloody Bucket. It's something else now. That doesn't sound good. So, you know,. Yeah, it used to be the Bloody Bucket. It's something else now. That doesn't sound good.

So, you know, it was just so stupid. Like, oh, it's a dive bar. This will be fun. This will be fun. This is ironic. Yeah, so we go in and there's like 15 people there.

And the bar is just basically one big room. And they're like, oh, we don't fit in with these people. Like, the novelty is wearing off like really quick. What do you mean,

those people? Oh, the blacks. Oh, gotcha. I was just confused. Just kind of what I was talking about. It is kind of like that blue collar kind of vibe. Skinner playing on the old day. No, it wasn't Skinner.

It might have been like Limp Bizkit, something like that. Ooh, maybe. So we got a little bit of a younger generation. Well, like age. People like Limp Bizkit was their jam back in the day. Now they're in their mid-30s. I only like oldies. Limp Bizkit.

Now they're like roofers. $3 bill or nothing. Call me a music snob, but I can't go past significant other. Or chocolate starfish and hot dog filled with water. Anything past that, I'm just not going to do it. When I went to their last, I went several times a few years ago. Yeah. And it was like a very healthy mix of hipsters and white trash.

Yeah. And it was fun. There are some really nice, like, you know, if you're white trash, super nice. But these people, there's just kind of like a weird vibe in the room. Maybe they're like sick of you kids coming in there and screwing... Could be, but I don't think we had anything to do with it. Because, so I go to the bar and I was going to get beers. We don't take kindly to your types around here.

I was like, oh. Somebody pulls a gun on you. Jeez. Raw. It smacks me with a glove. The challenge to a duel. So i get the beers and then my friend jason he had to pee really bad but uh the bathrooms that they have are just one person bathrooms and at the dude's bathroom there's four guys like two guys kind of in the bathroom two in the

doorway and they're all like congregating really close and i'm like what the fuck are they doing over there jane's like i don't know i don't know but i really have to pee and he's like all right well i'll get beers you go pee he's like i I don't know, I don't know, but I really have to pee. And he's like, all right, well, I'll get beers, you go pee. He's like, I'm going to wait. And it's a good thing he waited because the bathroom door closed with two guys still in there. And then this drunk guy, I don't know if he had passed with these fellas that were in the bathroom or if he was just knocking to go pee. But he knocks on the door, and one of the guys who was in the bathroom, he opens it,

and he has these crazy eyes. He's like, what the fuck, bro? What the fuck? And the guy's like oh like super drunk guy in the bathroom punches him right right punches him right in the face holy fuck just for knocking on the door right so i don't know if this guy had been there all night maybe he's like bothering them for coke or something like that but just really wanted to use the bathroom yeah or maybe he just had to pee but yeah they were doing coke in there and i was like oh my god so yeah so the guy he punches him elbows him and then like the guy kind of falls and uh all like their like uh respective girlfriends like leave me alone no don't and uh what the fuck's going on and the guy that got punched his ass

gary well the bartender came over and she was just like, I had too much shit today for this to happen. This isn't happening. And then so like they break it up. And then the guy that got punched in the face comes back. And the guy that did the punching in the face is like, great. And just elbows him again right in the face. Knocking him into an air conditioning unit. And he like hits his head on it and then falls down. And he gets sucked through the air conditioning unit. He hits his head on it and then falls down.

He gets sucked through the air conditioning unit and flies out the other side. Charlie Chaplin in modern times. It's just like blood and guts flying out the side. And this literally happened like a minute and a half we're in the place like, oh, this will be fun. This is not fun anymore at all.

I want to go home. It was terrifying. You ain't in Golden West no more, kids. This isn't quaint. No. And then... We just wanted to be ironic. Yeah. Is that all?

We just want to make fun of you people and your stupid lies. We just wanted to look down upon you. God! So finally, like, they kind of clear out a little bit, and then Jason goes in the bathroom, and there were two lines of Coke still on the sink. Really? Yes. Free Coke! What'd he do? I left him there. That's free Coke. He left him there. out a little bit and then Jason goes in the bathroom and there were two lines of coke still on the sink. Free coke.

What did he do? He left them there. It's free coke. He left them there. Free cane. I didn't do it. He's like rubbing his gums all the way out. No coke in there.

What? No. Why does he have coke? Is anyone else's gums numb? Can we put some music on? When I went there a few times it was like kind of drunken karaoke

with the locals and the transplants it was a lot of fun there's another bar right next to it where they used to do karaoke that was a lot of fun this was definitely the bloody bucket interesting I did Sweet Child of Mine and some rednecks kind of sang with me. It was fun.

Oh, that's good. Well, good for you. That's like the gallant to his goofus experience there. I know, right? I don't know what you're talking about. Goofus and gallant? What the fuck is that? Are you familiar with goofus and gallant? What the fuck, bro? Did you never go to a doctor's office as a child?

Highlights magazine, bro? My parents. I grew up Christian scientist, actually. Okay. He probably had Christian highlights with Gallant and Gallant. They just both do great stuff. Goofus is afraid of God. So is Gallant. The end.

Yeah. All right. Well, thank you guys for coming over. Yeah, this was a lot of fun. This was great. Anything you guys want to plug? Your Twitters? Listen to Isaac's podcast, Laugh Till It Hirsch.

I don't have a podcast. Laugh Till It Hirsch. And mine, which is another Winnikee pun. We haven't figured it out yet. Anyway, I'll be featuring. Winnikee fits. Turn it. How about that?

I just thought of one. Winnikee fits. Turn it. Oh, that's all. I got it right that time. There it is. There you go. I'll be featuring at Sean Bolin's on the 21st of January.

Okay. I've been told. And, you know, you can find me on Twitter. I, B as in boy, Hirsch, my last name. Very creative handle. There it is. I am on Twitter. I am at Luke Winnicke.

You don't tweet. Don't promote your Twitter. I had a tweet from New Year's Eve I tweeted. Wow. My tweet was, I like New Year's Eve because it's one of the few times every year I get to yell, Hey, everybody, shut up. Brian Seacrest is on TV. Oh.

That was it. Got one favorite. You get one of those every two months. Wow. You got to follow. I get it, yeah. They got to cook in the hopper for a while. I got nothing.

I mean, we're doing Ann's show in L.A., which is... Yeah. If you're California listeners... It's a week from this Monday? We could get Thomas to go. Is it on Monday? I believe so. Yeah, it's a week from this Monday.

Okay. Which I don't know what the day is, but... Like the 13th? So where is it? Yeah, because we have some listeners in San Francisco, which is a little far, but... What is the name of the venue? It's at a place called Lot 7. Yes.

Lot 7. Okay. Lot 7. Okay, cool. And then you can just see us around the area. Okay. Well, I'll tag. Is there a Facebook event or anything on the webpage? Not yet, I don't think. We'll send you some info. Get in contact with our people. Our people. Jerk your people off.

That's how we do business. Hand jobs. Mike? They call me Steve Hand business. Yeah. Hand jobs. Mike? They call me Steve Handjobs. Yeah, they do. Yes, they do. What do you want to plug? What do you want to plug?

What do I want to plug? Skeptic Magazine is out with a column I wrote. Yes. I guess it's an article, not a column. And it's online as well as... It's not a column. No, it's not online. No? No, I's not online. No?

No, I mean like you can go to the website and see my name. But you can't read it online. No. I think maybe they put up the columns after they're a little old. I think you can pay to see if you're like a member or something like that. What is your article on? Excuse me, Luke. I'm sorry.

Well, I guess you know more about my column. I'm just kidding. I know what Breaking Bad was. It's on the satanic panic of the 1980s and its return on the internet. Oh, thank you. I'm interested. Check it out.

It's at Atomic Books at Barnes & Noble. All right. There you go. I'll try to find that. Do that. And you're on Twitter. I am, at Michael Moran 10. There you go.

There you go. Follow that sum, bitch. Follow me. And I am at Michael Moran 10. There you go. There you go. Follow that sum, bitch. Follow me. And I am at Better Robot Josh. For all of our upcoming shows, go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar. And also, if you're at digressionsessions.com, there's this fancy little button there now. Oh, yeah? It says donut, I'm pretty sure.

And it's linked to donate. That's what it is. If you want to donate, feel free. I could totally see Homer hitting the button. The donut? Where's my donut? I clicked on it. Someone broke the toilet. I'm going to drink a lot of beer.

We'll tell you about it later. Are these like Simpsons lines from the last 10 years that I have? No, it is a Simpsons line from a Terrible Impression video. Okay. But yeah, if you guys want to donate, that would be awesome. It just goes towards that I know you're familiar with. No, it is a Simpsons line from a Terrible Impression video. Oh, okay. Okay. But yeah, if you guys want to donate, that would be awesome. It just goes towards hosting services and paying for equipment,

so maybe we can get some nicer stuff. And we'll send you stickers if you want to donate, whatever it is. $1.50, doesn't matter. That would just be really fucking nice. Yeah, yeah. Help us out. It's real easy to do. Yeah, just fucking help us out. Just. Yeah. Yeah. Help us out. It's real easy to do. Yeah.

Just fucking help us out. Just send us a buck. Pieces of shit. And finally, our main man, Mike Fonazo, just put out a new album. He did. It's called The Cheery Side of Denial. I helped produce that thing. It's up on his website, thatmikefonazo.com, and you can get it for free. How about that, huh?

No deal. No? Obviously, he doesn't value it. Why. How about that? No deal. No? Obviously, he doesn't value it. Why should I have to? But yeah, go support Mike because it's a really funny album. So Isaac, Luke, thank you again for coming. Thanks, guys.

Thanks, Josh and Mike. It was a great time. This is fun. Okay, shut the fuck up, guys. We're wrapping it up. I'm sorry. Can I finish? I keep trying. I'm sorry. Can I finish? I keep trying, and I just...

I'm sorry. It's all good. This ain't when a key fits, brother. All right, thank you guys so much for listening. Stop by the Hirsch Locker and start running minds. That's it right there. Wow. Hey, if you like somebody, tell somebody.

There it is.