The Digression Sessions - Ep. 107 - Sean Joyce (I've Prepared These Words)

Episode Date: February 3, 2014

Follow us on twitter! @_SeanJoyce @BetterRobotJosh @MichaelMoran10 @DigSeshPod *** Hola DigHeads! On this week’s episode, Josh sits down for another one-on-one Barbara Walters style interview with the very funny DC based comedian, Sean Joyce!  Sean independently produces and hosts three of Washington D.C.’s best weekly comedy shows. He has been performing stand-up comedy in the D.C. area for years at venues like the Arlington Cinema and Drafthouse, Howard Theatre, State Theatre, and as part of the D.C. comedy festival, The Bentzen Ball. He has performed with comedians like Tommy Johnagin, Jared Logan, and Tony Woods. Follow Sean on Twitter and check out his shows here! Josh and Sean discuss Sean’s time as the self proclaimed “King of Applebees,” Sean’s deep rooted fear of improv, how crazy it is to pursue to stand up comedy, and we discuss it all while Sean sits in Josh’s lap! Thanks for all the support as always Dig Heads! If you feel so inclined, feel free to donate to the Dig Sesh! We have a donate button on the website, and any support  is much appreciated! We will send you a Digression Sessions sticker in return and hopefully improve the quality of the pod! Also find us and say hi on our Facebook page!            

What was the line? I love ya! Uh, it is, uh, the digression sessions. Yeah, the digression sessions. Not your grandpa's third favorite podcast. In Baltimore. In Baltimore. The digression sessions.

Not your grandpa's third favorite podcast. In. In. Baltimore. Baltimore. In. I'm sorry. In.

En Español. Por. I'm sorry. In. En Español. Por Fútbol. Okay. Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey everybody, I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to The Degression Sessions Podcast, a Baltimore-based comedy talk show

hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence as we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes. Who's the guest this week? Sean Joyce.

Sean Joyce is the comedian. Why do I keep saying that? Sean Joyce is the guest on this week's program. Sean is a comedian based out of the dc area you can follow him on twitter at underscore sean joyce that is j-o-y-c-e and you can find all of his dates he runs a few rooms in dc at underground comedy dc.com uh he's the host of big hunt in dc on wednesdays and fridays it's an open mic and uh of some other venues in dc very funny guy mike moran sitting to my left huh yeah uh mike was not here for this podcast no because he's sticking to one word answers that's his new podcast uh uh theme what

there it is right there um no this uh this conversation between sean and i was a lot of fun um i got to know sean uh by doing stand-up in dc over these past couple months uh he's a really funny dude really nice dude and uh one of the first conversations I had with him was, I almost listened to your podcast. Hey, thanks, man. You or him? No, that's what he said. Well, hey, so we finally have a fan.

We got him. We got him. He's like, yeah, I saw that podcast you did with Sarah Armour. Almost listened to it. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Thanks, man. So we're almost there. We're almost there.

Almost. And, yeah, it was a really fun conversation. We talked about comedy and first starting out and sucking when you first start out and stuff to work on and how it's progressed over the years and the opportunities to how it goes from, like, you just get to do some guest spots and you get to host and now hosting is this different muscle.

And Sean shared some really funny stories about working at an Applebee's in Pennsylvania where he was the self-proclaimed king of Applebee's. And there's some good stories in this one. It was a long chat, but it was a lot of fun. And, Mike, I'm sorry you weren't there. It's okay. Did he have to assassinate anyone to declare himself king? He almost got assassinated.

Oh, wow. But you'll have to listen for the story. Oh. So like I said, follow Sean on Twitter at underscore Sean Joyce. His website is undergroundcomedydc.com. Yeah. Yeah. And as far as for your favorite pair of earbuds here, me, Josh, Cotton Candy Kaderna.

Got some shows coming up. Go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar. Tuesday, I'll be at the, what is that, the 4th? Tuesday, February 4th, I will be at the University of Maryland at the Stamp,

I think that's what it's called, hosting an open mic there. And then on Friday, the 7th, I will be doing two shows. I'll be doing Unscripted at the Meadow Mill Theater in Hamden

and then I'll be doing a benefit stand-up show at, oh God, what are they calling it? It's like a, the Hamden Castle or something?

Yeah, it's this comedian Peter Muth who's been on the show. He lives in like a mini mansion in Hamden which is weird. It's like behind a liquor store. Yeah, I've been on the show, he lives in like a mini mansion in Hamden, which is weird. It's like behind a liquor store.

Yeah, I've been in it before. It's not really a mansion. It's a cool spot. It's a mini mansion. Isn't that just a house? Hey, if you want to be a dick about it, yeah. It's a pretty big house. There's a lot of open space.

It's a cool area, but it's not like it's... Yeah, but he sets up a stage and everything, and they're doing a fun show there. They're doing a benefit for the Maryland Special Olympics, and Justin Schlegel from 98 Rock will be there, Stavros Halkias, Mike Fianazzo, and, of course, Peter will be doing some time. So that show's going to start at 10 o'clock on Friday.

It's going to be a lot of fun. Yeah. Real quick, Mike, while I got you here, before we get into the episode with the great Sean Joyce, this episode's going to come out the day after the Super Bowl. I want to know what you think happened.

I'm hoping Bud Light gets his ass handed to him. Oh, you're speaking of the Buds. Sons of bitches. The Bud Bowl. I think Dry has a pretty good shot this year. How they maneuver three teams on the same field is beyond me. Does Ice have a horse in this game?

I hope so. I sure should hope so. Okay, so what do you think happened in this? I don't know. I don't even know who's in it. Just guess. Tell me the teams. The Seahawks, right?

That's right. And, I don't know, the Jazz. Okay. So between the Seahawks and the Jazz. Tell me the final score of the Seahawks-Jazz Super Bowl. I'm predicting Team Coco winning by a handicap. I don't know. All right.

You heard it here. You heard it here. I feel like that's – Team Coco takes it by three minutes. Okay. There it is right there. Your Super Bowl XLVIII prediction from Mike Moran. If you want some more advice and gems like that –

The Monster Squad. They're going to drink the talent juice. The Monster Squad is going to beat the Socs at two. That Teen Wolf fella is going to dunk you. Two pineapples. Nice.

If you want some more gems like that and insights into the world of sports, you can follow my main man to my left, my cohort, my confidant, my co-pilot when Jesus calls out sick. Your Ed McMahon. Yep, Mr. Michael Moran. He's at MichaelMoran10 on Twitter.

I'm at BetterRobotJosh. Follow me. And the podcast itself is at DigSeshPod. And, of course, go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar for all of our upcoming dates and shows where we'll have prices and website info and locations and all that stuff. Yeah. So it's a lot of rambling. One more thing.

If you want to hit donate, we've been getting some donations coming in. Thank you guys so much for that. If you go to the website, there's a donate button. Whatever you want to donate, whatever amount, we'll send you a sticker and an email and a thank you and a locket of our hair. Yep, a locket of our hair. All right, guys,

let's get into the show with Mr. Sean Joyce and I having a nice little chat about comedy and such. Thanks, everybody. We love you. Sean Joyce, who said to me one time, he said, Hey, I almost listened to your podcast. Yeah, that's right.

And now look at you. You're on the podcast. I knew it was going to happen. Really? If I didn't think it was going to happen, I wouldn't have said anything about your podcast. I would have pretended like I didn't know you had a podcast. Okay. Or even that I knew who you were. I would have just walked right past you.

Just kept going. Yeah. No acknowledgement. He's probably in a band or something. That's not important to me. Whatever. I don't care about music. Yeah.

I mean, that goes on in most uh comedy shows where all the comedians are hanging out you're like who do i want to invest time in with this conversation where am i going to get trapped yeah and then we got trapped in a conversation of you saying you almost listened to a podcast you felt trapped in that conversation like this one oh that one yeah this one no Oh, that one? Yeah. This one, no. I could leave anytime. You felt trapped when we were talking? Yeah. Most times.

Most times when we're talking. It's like, Jesus, Sean's coming at me again. I'm getting warm. I've got to take my flannel off. I didn't know. I didn't know. Getting hot. No.

I've never thought that. I always thought you were a funny gentleman. Oh, there we go. And a funny gentleman. Oh, there we go. And a nice guy. Oh, thanks. And I don't mind conversating with you, if that's a word. Great. That's great, man.

That's great. Yeah. I thought we were going to get off to an awkward start because you're feeling trapped in a conversation. No. Then we got off to an awkward start because you're too nice. Oh, you don't like the compliments? I mean, I mean i like them but do you want me to switch it up yes yeah keep it yeah keep me on my toes okay i mean yeah i mean there's definitely people i'd rather be here but you're fine exactly how's that that little undercut there that's a little

undercut if you want to be respected by me you're gonna have to uh a little bit gotta trash you just a little bit that's the way it works man man. Because you're like, oh, that guy already likes me. He fucking loves me. What do I got to invest time in him for? I don't have to. I'm done. Yeah. You beat the game, the Josh Kuderna love game.

Yeah. Which is an intense game. Yeah, I'm checking everybody off slowly. I'm going right down the list. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Well, I am excited that you're here. And like I said, funny dude. Doing stand-up. How long have you been doing stand-up?

About three years. Uh-huh. Yeah. How's it going? Well, it's going real well right now. Yeah? Because the shows I'm running are going well. Uh-huh. You run Big Hunt?

Yeah. In our nation's capital yeah every wednesday and friday free show free show good show yeah it's been that show has been great and um it's got me a lot of stage time and uh i thought you're gonna say ladies it would it it has gotten me the possibility of a lot of ladies, which I've had to turn down all of them. And I resent it very much. But that makes you like it even more. I keep track of it.

That's your thing. I would, yeah. If I didn't have a girlfriend, then I would actually find out that I couldn't sleep with all these girls that are talking to me after the show. Nice. Nice. But it's nice with a girlfriend because I'm like, definitely could have slept with that girl. Definitely could have slept with that girl. I'm just going to count them as girls I actually slept with. Nice. Nice. But it's nice with the girlfriend because I'm like, definitely could have slept with that girl. Definitely could have slept with that girl.

I'm just going to count them as girls I actually slept with. There you go. Put that, when I look back on it. Yeah, the sex column. Yeah, they're in the sex column. A lot of tallies in that column.

Yeah, it's just, the tallies keep going up even when you're in a relationship. You just, you can project. You understand what's going to happen. And they know

that it could have happened too, you know? No, nobody's pretending, right? And they know that it could have happened, too. Nobody's pretending, right? Okay. Okay. So the shows are going well.

Shows are going well. I think I've been getting a little better on stage. Well, I mean, not everybody feels that way. But hey, at least you do. At least you do. Yeah. Well, I had a long way to go. I still have a long way to go, obviously. But I had a lot of problems in the old performance.

Really? Oh, yeah, man. Why? Just not a good performer. Really? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I had people tell me that, too. It's like, you've got to sell your jokes more.

It's like, ugh. Yeah, it's when you get off stage and everybody's got advice for you. Constantly, every time. Here's what you should do. Why don't you try doing this? Why don't you try doing this? Right. As far as what you're doing, don't do that anymore.

That thing where you do everything, everything you're doing? Then when you get to a point where you get off stage and people don't say anything to you, you're like, okay. Yeah. That's better. Yeah. Well, it is kind of what we're talking about where you know where somebody when they bust your balls they're almost saying like good job you know that's true versus like hey man all right and you're like oh god it sucked if they're if they're just like hey why don't you try a little harder next it's still better it's still better

to have someone say you know try to hold the microphone closer or make eye contact that because that's still they at least like you enough or think enough of you that if you did those things it would work out right we of course know plenty of people that you wouldn't bother giving advice to not me you know there's just like there's no there's no reason they're beyond reproach it would probably make it better if you got make it worse if you got a little bit better, because then you'd just keep going. Oh, my God. You probably should stop. Yeah, I guess in D.C. there's definitely more comics than in Baltimore.

So are you seeing a lot of people come through, like first-timers come through a big hunt? And you're like, ugh. Well, first-timer, I don't think. It's not the first-tim that when i have that thought it's kind of people that have been around for a year or two uh-huh and uh you know if you're when you're just starting i mean you can tell a little bit from the first time but that there's potentially yeah right but even if, I think people can do poorly the first time, but they can figure out how to tell jokes or how to be themselves a little bit more. And then they can be decent. But then there's people that just don't, they're just never, they're not getting any better.

They don't change. They just keep doing the same thing. Yeah. And you're like, okay, I don't, where do you see this going? Because you're not changing. Those are the people that I want to have that feeling yeah not new people new people they got plenty of room to grow yeah i uh doing improv i was talking to somebody last night about doing stand-up that i uh that i do improv with like improv i kind of get it because you can take a class and then you kind of can be like okay okay, here's stuff you need to work on.

Here's, you know, how you can get better at this. And there's like a roadmap. I was like, well, there's that with stand-up too, but you have to do it yourself. Like recording your sets or, you know, like being more critical of like, okay, this is, I did it this time. If I fix it, maybe it'll be better. And it's like, you always have to kind of be grading yourself. And I think there are some people that are like, oh, that that was right that's what it's always gonna be so i think that's what kept me doing stand-up it was just the fact that i was like i know i messed that up

i need to try to do this without messing that up but you don't record your sets i don't record my that's crazy uh i mean i it i mean when i do record my sets i mean if i have to submit a tape or something or um i guess that's the only reason i would ever record my set and uh and i see myself it's awful yeah and it makes me realize i need to like buy new jeans do you know a lot of stuff but uh it may but i mean i'm like okay i gotta stop standing like that i need to stop doing weird shit with my hands yeah i mean i do realize that but uh i don't know i just it's too unpleasant well i mean just even just the audio do you record that no no i have i don't alter my jokes very much. I pretty much, I write them.

And then the only, I'll add a tag every once in a while. And I'll change the wording to make it more conversational. Just because it's hard to type out exactly how you would talk. Yeah. Even though I try to. But because I don't change my wording that much or kind of ad ad lib much, I pretty much know what I'm trying to say. Gotcha. And I know when I don't say it right.

Right, right, right. And I just, when things, you know, when I'm working on new jokes and they're not, some parts of them are working and parts of them aren't working, like it feels so bad when they don't work. I'm like, I'm not gonna keep saying that word that no one reacts to that's been imprinted on my soul yeah like i say this word yeah i'm like guys how about this do you see this word i put at the end of the sentence and they just stare at you and you're like i'm never doing that again okay all right fine i'm like i don't need that on record

it's recorded in my brain not even on my own phone i don't need that on record. It's recorded in my brain. Not even on my own phone. I don't need that on record. I do. Every once in a while, I'll record a set every few months. I'll be like, you know what? I'm going to try to record a set. And then I'll listen to 30 seconds. I'm like, I can't stand to do this. Yeah.

I can't do it right after I perform, like on the ride home. I try to be better about that. But especially if you don't have a good set, you're just like, ugh. Just opening that wound. What are you looking for when you listen to it so basically just to see like delivery stuff i think that you don't notice in the moment you know or like oh fuck i forgot to say these two words and if i would have said those it would completely change the bit or give it more context or like oh i talked over the laugh there like stuff for like next time you're like okay just give it a pause.

Or sometimes in the moment if you're riffing on something, I would maybe forget. I'd be like, oh, okay, that would be great as a tag earlier or something like that. So mostly it's just to get perspective, I think. Yeah. I think if I had more time to write and I was going through material more quickly yeah then I think it would be valuable to keep track of it but I've changed my material so slowly uh-huh that and it's so repetitive uh-huh because I have to because I have to host those shows yeah and I was hosting three to four a week holy shit and by the end of uh the monday night show i had there was a crowd there every week and so i felt responsible for it

going well right so i did the jokes that i think will do the best and i just keep telling so then i'm telling the same jokes four nights four nights a week so you don't want to mess around and be like hey let me try and float something yeah i mean I mean, I will a little bit, but it's just like one joke. It's just like 20% of my set is that. And then so I'm just repeating myself so much that, you know. You got it. Yeah. Yeah, I think for me it's just like I always want to be overprepared a little bit.

So like I'll have that set recorded. It's more like a mental thing. Like even if I don't need it, it's comforting to know like, okay, I've listened to be over-prepared a little bit, so I'll have that set recorded. It's more like a mental thing. Even if I don't need it, it's comforting to know, okay, I've listened to this set, and I recapped this whole weekend, and I feel pretty comfortable with that, versus it's like over-studying for a test, I guess. I repeat the joke in my head over and over and over again. Yeah.

I mean, I just do ithuh over and the more times i can do it the better like i like getting somewhere and then being there too early accidentally or like getting pushed back and then i have more time to go through it like two more times get in the zone okay okay well you are uh you're at the Draft House this weekend, right? Yep. And who are you opening for? Tommy John again. Ooh. He's a national headliner.

He is, yeah. Did you have a show last night? Yep. How was it? It was great. Awesome. Yeah, it was the first time that I hosted there, so it was very exciting. I wanted to make sure I did a good job

I've been in places that feel like the draft house before I've been in a couple of theater type places that are real high ceilings like that real big stage so I felt comfortable in that type of environment but I've never

had such a serious comedy job to do right right um so i just wanted to make sure that i did not fuck that up really yeah okay and i was like i could what if i get nervous and fuck it up maybe i'll say something stupid you might but i didn't last night but tonight well tonight i'm like i already did it i know how to do it oh okay so i'm like okay i did it i know how to do it oh okay so i'm like okay i did it i'm good see what if that's that overconfidence then you fuck up but if i fuck up hey jews right oh shit right but if i fuck up i'll be like i think tonight if i fuck up i'll

be like it's okay i know how to do it i just fucked it up one time i've done it before fuck ups happen yeah like you guys are fucking perfect fuck you you're probably all jews right that's how you bail yourself out right how many people are in the uh the draft house how many people is that seat i want to say i don't i don't really don't know i want to say about around 200 maybe nice yeah and it's like a full because they play movies and stuff there for those that don't know it's like a real theater theater, but there's grouped seating with tables and stuff, right? It's kind of crazy, the seating. They have basically big office chairs.

Right. Yeah. So everybody's insanely comfortable. It's an entire room of giant black leather office chairs. And they all have popcorn shrimp and mozzarella sticks. Yeah, right. There's tables and waiters walking around with it's pretty comfy yeah and then the high ceilings is uh does that make it uh hard like are people paying attention does that make it harder if they're just

so relaxed they're like ah fuck it it well you have that thought uh-huh and i don't i mean i've definitely talked to people where shows have been kind of not great in there. For whatever reason, maybe the headliners. Who was it? Name names. Let's do it. Who was it? What are we talking to?

Kathy Griffin? No, I don't even, honestly, I don't even have a, I don't even have a person in mind. But I just know that um for whatever reason some nights went better maybe it was just the comic is just overly critical about every how everything goes but yeah um but last night the crowd was like perfect crowd like they laughed hard at the first joke oh nice isn't that the best when you go oh i got that breathing room now yeah and i'm just like yeah as soon as that happened i'm like okay, okay, this is going to be fine. That's awesome.

And I was, so I performed at the State Theater a few times. Are you familiar with that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's also like a music venue, too. That's a pretty big place. In Virginia, right? Yeah, and they kind of ripped all the seats out of that and put tables in down on the floor. What do you call that? Mezzanine? Okay, yeah. think i'm not like the bottom floor is that the mezzanine

the yeah the main floor you're trying to get fancy on me right now i'm just trying to be right oh wow fancy is right to you all right okay and then they have the balcony that has the still has the theater seats in it. I believe it's pronounced theater. I like it when it's R-E. For some weird reason. In the state theater, people are further away from you than in the draft house. And because there's a balcony, it's even higher ceilings. It just is a little bit of a harder place to

to perform yeah um i got to do the howard theater uh-huh um and howard theater and draft house the people are kind of closer to you yeah it's a big room people are actually physically closer to you yeah so it didn't really it made it it felt better than i thought it was no yeah you can connect easier and then get that infectious laughter going a little bit more you can also see people oh whereas weird and uh yeah in some places you can't see anybody yeah but you can see everybody at the craft house and that's really reassuring right and terrifying at the same time it's not to me it's terrifying when i can't see anything really i hate do you have you performed in places where you can't see anything yeah i well except like the very front i kind of like that where it's like you just kind of look at the light and you just

kind of like fake it like hey i see everybody when really it's just darkness right right that huge bright light there's a um an open mic in virginia uh comedy spot are you familiar with that i've heard of it i haven't been though so it's a black box theater uh-huh which is really nice but it's in a horrible mall and there's no audience for it really because it's on the third floor of a mall that has like no stores in it it's got an old movie perfect it's got an old movie theater in it that's terrible that no one goes to it's got's got just real trashy stores. Right.

No stores that anybody's actually going to. And so you go there and get on stage, and you can't see anything. It's just lights. It's completely black. And then it's just silence. And then you tell your jokes, and it's just silent. And behind, on the other side of the lights, is's just about 10 comics with like notebooks, like writing jokes. Judging.

Judging. Yeah. If you're lucky. If they're paying attention at all. And it's the worst feeling. Yeah. But I've performed in places with crowds that you can't see anything. And that's a lot better, but it's still kind of i to me it's

unsettling i don't as long as you can hear the laughs and then make eye contact with some people in the front i don't mind yeah you know because usually i mean god i'm doing places where there's like thousands of people it's like i can't connect with all you're not i want to right i want to but jesus you know at this level i mean what are you gonna do right what are you going to do, right? What are you going to do? It's not easy being at your level. No, no. I mean, a year in? I mean, what are you going to do? Hey, sorry, everybody.

There's a lot of Kaderna heads out there. Believe me. That's true. I want to connect. I want to connect with a K. Do they all wear the floppy hair wig? A little bit. Yeah, they got those.

Yeah, which is nice. They'll wear flannel sometimes. Yeah. I sell wigs. So if you guys go to digressionsessions.com, you can check out the merch section. You should look into that. Got some great wigs coming in. I think it would be worth buying one wig like that, taking a picture of it and putting it

on your website for sale. Okay. I will. I'll just take a picture of myself and just Photoshop out the face. Yeah. It's like you could have all this.quin head exactly exactly so uh how was it when you first started did you have the thing where it was like uh where it was where it went well and i guess it had to go well enough for you to continue but looking back do you think that you were good or was there enough delusion there to keep yourself going i think that i think that i've always been a good

writer and a terrible performer right and um i just agree like yeah you're awful i think you're a good performer to be i, I couldn't look. I just stared at the ground. I watched this set of mine a couple of months ago, which was like the fourth set I ever did, which got recorded on this website, which I'm not ever going to tell anybody what it is, but it's on the internet if you can find it.

Bing.com. Yeah. My name's not on it, so it's not searchable, but I remember performing on the show. It just says fancy guy. Mm-hmm. And it's horrific. It's the most embarrassing thing you can imagine.

Right. It's one of those things. There was a little crowd there. There was probably like 15, 20 people there. Uh-huh. And I got up on stage, and I'm barely audible. I'm talking so quietly really and the crowd is gets real quiet and everyone is paying attention and trying to hear because that's

a weird trick because i've seen some comedians do that they're purposely quieters to get the crowd to pay attention yeah but this was just like an accidental thing it was i didn't do it on purpose yeah but that's but it is what happened it made everyone really pay attention everybody wanted and i think you could tell everybody felt bad for me. So they wanted to laugh because it was obvious how nervous I was. It was like, he stopped talking. Less of it a joke. Okay.

Okay. But I think my jokes were reasonably funny as they were written. Right. And so I think I was able to get some laughs from that um and then i just got a little bit less terrible over time and then i got more more comfortable um on stage i'm still getting more comfortable um i can't i haven't figured out what to do with my left hand yet. Really? Yeah.

Have you ever done a show with no mic? One time. That's weird, isn't it? It was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Yeah, it feels very TED talky. You have both your hands. Yeah. Yeah, I had that too.

Just like, what the fuck am I doing with the mic cord? Like, stuff you don't even realize you were doing at the time. Oh, I never thought about playing with a mic cord. give me something to do i'm just like like in my pocket out of my pocket touching my face make a dog out of it like a balloon for a while i got into leaning on the mic stand yeah a lot of guys do that and which i like it made me i felt like i looked more relaxed yeah and uh it was working well but then i had a couple shows where i knew there wasn't going to be a mic stand so i was like i need to get out of that habit because i'm not going to have anything to lean on just lean on and then i got into holding the microphone with two hands which i don't like doing

but that's what i do i do now oh so i don't know i yeah i don't know what i do with my most of my concentration for my last few sets have been as i'm telling my jokes thinking about what to do with my hand i'm serious about 50 of my brain is just on okay now my hands on my other hand now my hands on my my leg now my hand's in the air this is a gesture this is good that's good that's good we're pointing more gestures i'm like i can only think of a couple i'm like i only have this one this maybe okay so for the listeners this is the sean joyce repertoire we have the closed fist and then open hand and the point yeah i do a point so there's the action figure i also do the coming across okay got the hand cut like kind of like a swooping motion a little bit

and i also have over things are over here that's how you do when you host we got people over here swooping motion we got people over here swooping motion i'll do that if i'm talking about something else i'll be like look there's these things and they're over here look guys i can't stress this enough they are over here this is not going on with me this is somewhere else that and then sometimes they come back and they come across and they come back that's true i mean that you're breaking it down pretty good uh i think pretty hard about there's stuff over here do you ever stop halfway because i feel like you've got all the way over here and then they come sometimes i'll do i'll do the gesture

in the middle like before the sentence before i'm supposed to do it and then i'm like Like, do the move of the fake handshake. Yeah, fake handshake. The crowd's like, oh, he got us. Okay, a little misdirection there. I like that. I don't know. I think I just, yeah, I looked at the ground a lot. And then I had trouble remembering my jokes, which I think takes people out of it.

Whenever you have, like, the set list and you're just like what was next oh yeah this other random thought i had you know trying to pretend like you don't have it scripted yeah i mean i think people are getting pretty used to uh comics looking at their notes i think people like they know what's going on um but for me like when i watch people i think it's more fun like it seems like they're more in the moment. When they're not looking at their notes. Yeah, they definitely are. It's definitely a much better set. It makes your set much better if you don't do that.

Yeah. But, I mean, sometimes you need to look at your fucking notes. I mean, doing those shows with Ben Kronberg, he has his notebook out the whole time. Yeah, that's a thing. He does that, and he's the headliner it's crazy you can do 40 minutes and he'll be going through his book and he'll be silent so you're like not that one okay this one and then he'll say it and you're like wow that's so weird like but it works for him yeah you know yeah and uh gives him something to do with his

hands i think that uh it's one of those things that's like, you know, if you get to a certain point, then you can like break the rules. Like you have to follow the rules first. Like you can point and be like, stuff's not over there. Right? Yeah, that's right. Because that's the next level. Misdirection. But I'm not there yet.

You're getting there. When I do that, I better be talking about stuff that's over there. Because people aren't going to buy it. No. They're like, no, you can't skip ahead. No, no. Nice try. Yeah.

Nice try. We're not buying it. Keep the training wheels on before you try to do a little loop-de-loop there, pal. Okay. That's what the crowd, they call you pal. So do you like stand-up? Crushing pussy? Yes.

You? Yes. Very much so. Sorry, go ahead. Very much so. I'm like, do we want... Oh, yeah! I was trying to think of pussy topics after that, but... That's the later segment.

Okay, yeah. I know you listen to the podcast. I do, like, I do that with my set. I keep my pussy topics at the end. Uh-huh, that's good. Start off topics, you know, like news topics. Okay, like current events. Local stuff. Local. Gotta keep it local, right Okay, like current events. Local stuff.

Local. Got to keep it local, right? I like to do some local stuff. Hey, how about that Washington Monument? Looks like a penis. I've heard about that. The Washington Monument's over there. That's right.

And then you bring it back to Pussy Topics. Okay. We're here with Pussy Topics. Hey, I'm Pussy Topics. That's funny. Okay, so how do you feel about stand-up and improv in terms of what you like doing uh i would like to marry the two like one of them uh speaking of like watching people in the moment uh people like rory scoville and i feel like even locally like mooma does it a bit you know where you can kind of like just talk to

the audience and not be afraid to mess around for a bit. Which I think, yeah, because I started in improv, and I feel like that helped with stage experience a little bit. Except when you do finally get up there, it is really weird where you're like, okay, everybody's looking at me. I'm on an elevated stage. My voice is coming out of these speakers. And it's like like they're not really judging you but they're looking at you because you're waiting yeah and you're just like vaginas are fun i mean it isn't josh could do it thank you guys so much it does you do feel the

expectation yeah of people sitting waiting for you to say something funny and it's not even right the expectation isn't even for you to talk it's for you to make something funny and it's not even right the expectation isn't even for you to talk it's for you to make them laugh yeah yeah and that is the difference between uh improv crowds and stand-up crowds i think most improv crowds are already on your side because they know you're just making it up you know it's like most improv if it was like a written sketch wouldn't be as funny but the fact that they know that you're just making it up, they're like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. They know they're like, oh, he's walking on the wire. We hope he makes it.

We hope he makes it. Versus stand-up like, fall. We want you to fall. And you're like, no, I don't want to fall. But yeah, speaking of selling your jokes, I had to get used to being like, even though you're terrified inside, you're like, I'm smiling. I'm having fun. That means we're all having fun, right? Meanwhile, it's like sweat, armpit, sweat, sweat.

Terrified. I've started to get less terrified. Yeah. Which is nice. I don't know. I'm assuming you're feeling less terrified the longer you do it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that and knowing like you said with your show, like, all right, I did well at the draft house last night.

I know that I can do it. Right. So I kind of have that in general where it's like, all right, I know that these jokes work for the most part and that things normally go well. Right. Doesn't mean I don't bomb. Right. Which I don't. Okay.

For all those listening. Never have. That's good. Never have. Never have. I wouldn't expect it. I do Andrew Dice Clay jokes all night long. Not one bomb.

You understand? No. That was so great when you ended with that and got nothing on the last line. And then you're like, okay, well, see you guys. Yeah, I was like, what? You have all the bravado. And then you're like, oh. And then I played with my hair.

Yeah. I think what I said, because i have the recording i was like um probably shouldn't have ended on that but i'm going to and that's it i'll see you guys later which got a little laugh because i'm like oh okay he gets it i don't care let's say that gets said about three times a night at big hunt oh yeah, yeah? Probably shouldn't end it on that. But that's the end. Yeah. Because it's a five-minute set and, you know, some people are trying out new stuff. Yeah. Well, the thing is...

Other people should not be trying out new stuff there. Really? Yes. Just old stuff all the time. Yes. Mm. Mm. So no.

No more Andrew Dice Clay jokes. I'm not talking about you. Are you talking about me? I'm talking to your listeners. If you're a listener and you want to perform at Big Hunt. The Dig Heads. If you are new to stand-up. Open mic.

Don't come out trying new stuff when you're in a good show. Yeah, keep it rolling. That is one thing I noticed about DC, which is hard, too, is like, especially just starting to go down there, it's like, oh, these are all the guys that are, in the scene you want to do stuff that works even though it's called an open mic you gotta do the stuff you know that works yeah definitely i mean i mean i guess you could try to be above that but i don't you might as well just come down there and be funny and then people would be like hey there's this funny guy in guy in Baltimore. We should be on shows and included in conversations.

And then after you establish that, then go ahead and try stuff when you've got open mics. Right. Let's not avoid him in the lobby. Right. Yeah. Yeah. The first time I did stand up, the guy that was running it is Mike Stork. I don't know if you know him.

I know the name. I don't know him, though. Super funny dude. Really nice guy. And he's like, oh, is it your first time? I was like, yeah. He's like, all right, well, I'm going to give you four minutes. And I was like, four minutes?

What are you fucking insane? I'll be lucky if I do like a minute and a half. Yeah. And he's like, no, no, no. I mean, just take your time. I'll do four minutes. I'll light you at three. And I was like, oh, yeah, I'll be done before that.

Did almost eight because he never gave me the light. So I had no context of time or anything. And I just kept talking and talking and talking because my thought at the time was, if I keep talking, there won't be a pause where laughs should be. And this way, if there's no pauses, they don't know I'm not funny. That's true. That is true. Because I just kept steamrolling.

And another thing, my dog is weird. I get like that. I mean, I think everybody does. But you just start talking through your punchlines. There's no chance for it. Because if you don't have the confidence they're going to laugh, you don't want the awkwardness. When you stop and nobody laughs awkwardness when you stop. Yep.

And nobody laughs. That's because everybody knows you failed. Because the room's like, OK, he stopped. That's where we're supposed to laugh. Right. I think. Is this is this a joke? No.

Maybe just set up. Could just be more set up. There could be something big coming at the end of this. Keep it going, guys. We've been here seven minutes. It's going to pay off. It's funny, too. The law.

I had this. I have this joke, which I didn't want to do last night, but I needed it time-wise. It was my best option for fitting in at that moment. And it's got a bunch of parts in it that all have places where people can laugh. It has probably four parts where people can laugh. And probably four parts uh-huh four parts where people can laugh right and the first one gets an okay laugh and then the next two get like mild chuckles but if i roll through them quickly and then get to the last one the last one will get this real big laugh which i don't think it deserves but i think it's just because it it kind of is so much of a long setup to it that it releases more. Right, right.

Build, build, build. Other jokes that are funnier. The whole thing is funnier. But the laugh at each part takes away from the last laugh. Gotcha. So I think it can be good to kind of talk through, to kind of not give them a chance. Yeah. But what you're doing is more methodical and strategic.

Mine was go, go, go, go, go, go, go. I mean, I do it accidentally, too. Right. I start talking real fast. I used to have that problem where I would just, as soon as I got uncomfortable, I would just talk so fast. And there was no way for people to laugh because they couldn't even process what I was saying because I was talking so quickly. And then then I would get even more nervous because they weren't laughing at the next joke and I would talk faster and then it would just fall apart. Oh, my God.

That was it's funny that you say that about not making like the five minutes because like when i did my the first open mic that i went to i planned it out and i'm like i have five minutes of words that are prepared right and then last night they asked me if i wanted a light and i was like no i've prepared 10 minutes of words that i'm going to say wow and they're all gonna get said and then it's gonna be over you can light me but i need to say all these words for this to have an ending right and uh that said and then it's gonna be over you can light me but i need to say all these words for this to have an ending right and uh that's just how it's gonna be nice so did you go over 10 no i don't think so really i mean it wasn't exact i mean it doesn't have to be exact on it right right right i mean right um i mean i might have gone i didn't go over by more than a

minute i don't think. Wow. That's awesome. I tell those jokes all the time. I mean, I know how long they are. I tell them over and over again. Right. Exactly the same every time. Right, right, right. Yeah, for me, I think little stuff will pop up that throws me off.

Like there's a noise in the room or somebody does something or you got to talk about something that happened previously. And that always fucks up my i had this i rhythm i talk about really talk about it but uh i just referenced tinder in one of my jokes and i said it last night and this lady in the front row made this huge noise like oh like when i like but no the no one else was making any noise yeah it was just i just said the word tinder in the joke and she's like and i stopped and like looked at her and laughed and then everyone laughed and then i'm like back to jokes and i just went i just went right i'm like we can't i'll lose the rhythm of the whole set if i prepare 10 minutes lady shut it down this is yeah we're going on beats we're going straight

through this we don't have time to fuck around interesting yeah for me i like to fuck around a little bit but i think when you're hosting you gotta you gotta keep the trains on well yeah and i mean if i was that even if i was that even at big hunt i feel pressure to keep to keep things yeah moving along and going smoothly but other times i would i would i do like it when i get the fuck around yeah Yeah. Well, I think it's different just cause you're hosting. So, right. Yeah. Um, do you think, uh, hosting all those shows, I guess it's definitely paid off for hosting,

like, you know, hosting the open mics and things like that. I think it's paid off for standup in general. I mean, that's what I was trying to say when early, when you first said, you know, how are things going for you? I think things are going a lot better for me from hosting so much because i have i feel a responsibility to be energetic yeah and like kind of selling my jokes because i feel like i'm trying to get this show rolling yep and it's my responsibility so when i do that night after night yeah uh it has just made me better when i'm doing a regular set.

Because that's kind of more automatically how I am. So it definitely pushed me really hard to get a lot of my bad habits gone. Right. And I think it develops a different set of muscles, too. Oh, yeah. From doing just guest spots or longer showcase kind of sets. The hosting is really hard yeah i think well because you have to be like hey like i kind of i see it as like camp counselor

camp counselor-y kind of in a way of like we're all having fun right okay i was just thinking i think philippe is a really good host because he's a teacher oh and he's a gym teacher, and it's just like, it just hit me the other day when I saw him. Blow a whistle in between every comedian? You're like, oh, okay. I don't know what he was doing, but I don't know if he just got on a big hunt and things weren't going well, and he was like, come on, guys, come on.

And he was like forcing them. Helmet's not a chair. Break it down. He was talking to them helmets not a chair break it down he was talking to him like children uh-huh in a way and uh and it worked yeah he's like oh like we're sorry mr philippe there's some people that are just no like they talk to audiences with they can command audience like uh herbie you know herbie go i know the name i don't think i've seen him he um i mean he's a pretty accomplished local local comic and uh he brought me up i usually have somebody just come on stage and just say you know give up so it's not like completely cold right yeah

and so they they're up there for like five seconds but he went up there and just him up there the way the way he talked to the crowd yeah it was like fuck yeah that's what how i'm supposed to be talking to them yeah i i had the same thing uh watching uh ramin uh mastafavi like just he did the same thing i got to host the sunday night show but seeing him host just in general but he did the same thing he's like hey it's who i am and like even made fun of somebody in the crowd but they loved it you know and he's like all right well we're gonna keep the show going and everybody's just already in a good mood you're like oh fuck like you set the tone for the show in like 30 seconds yeah and with me i'm like hey we're all smiling and having fun right our next comedian is good just like you guys who are good i uh it's funny too because uh sometimes i would usually just grab somebody to do to do that and every once in a while

i'll catch someone off guard and be like can you bring me up and they'll be like okay sure and then they have to do it real quick yeah and it will just kind of they're not really mentally prepared for it to be to walk out on stage and it will come off it'll be real awkward right and then i'll come on stage and i'm like oh i'm so confident compared to this like guys don't worry guys the show's under control i'm here this fucking guy yeah it's training and that's how i feel and that and then so then i'm like i know what i'm doing like i'm confident like i'm i'm like running the show but then you know somebody like herbie or around ramin yeah it's like so far to go ah so far to go right right so the difference is just in hosting not even in being like funny or yeah great comic like just in that one little aspect of the thing that i do over and over again, I'm like, yeah,

it's depressing. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, some people I think are just naturally good at it. They just have a way to kind of just whip the crowd up and like, like where I mean, does it like he'll make fun of people,

but like kind of in like a loving way and like stuff that I wouldn't even like dream of doing. Yeah. That's like, especially in the beginning, like, Hey cleavage, how are we?

Like I could see her being like, you can't talk to me like that. Like you're right. I can't your next comedian. I so sorry uh yeah i've i've just had like and then like remembering people's names and then timing of sets and all that stuff it's a lot more to oh there's no what's going on sorry um in the this has been happening on the last couple podcasts um the heat is messed up there's like air in the pipes so when the heat comes on sounds like there's a guy in the pipes it sounds like a rat with a small bat

is just like hitting the pipes which may be happening yeah maybe happening it's baltimore i don't i don't know could be but yeah my my girlfriend i've gotten used to it and everybody else that comes over it's like are we gonna blow up i think someone's yeah breaking into your house with an axe it's pretty loud i think you can hear that on the podcast speaking of that thief i told you that story don't feel safe oh you don't feel safe do you want me to hold you yes please thank you okay for those listening sean's on my lap okay we've been playing footsie the whole time but now he's on my lap it's better this way yeah i feel it i feel it um so warm yeah i told you i caught that guy stealing my girlfriend's book bag yeah yeah yeah turns out he didn't get anything i thought he got her checkbook nope didn't get it

it was just just good timing so yeah um look the last time i saw you you were telling me um what if i just set you up really poorly? You robbed people, right? Didn't you get your car broken into? They took your GPS? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's a habit.

Do you want me to retell that story again? No, that's cool. I just set you up so you could just agree. Yeah, yeah. I mean, if you don't feel it's a good story, that's fine. Well, that's fine. I just feel awkward because I told it to you like six days ago. I know, but there's other people listening. No, fuck it.

Let's move on. What do you want to talk about? What were you talking about when I heard that loud noise and got scared? I don't know. Probably something deep and interesting. Yeah. Let's see. What were we talking about?

I don't know. I usually write stuff down. We were talking about Ramin being a i usually write stuff we were talking about ramin being a good host oh yeah yeah uh just hosting uh like all the different things that you have to have in the back of your mind versus like showing up like oh i'm gonna do my set kind of doesn't matter what my energy is versus like it's weird too i feel like as the host like uh talking to jess brodkin about it she's like your job's not really to kill it. It's just to keep things moving. She's like, it's basically, she's like,

the way I look at it is like you are having a party at your house and you're just coming around making sure everybody's having a good time. That's right. Hey, more chips. Versus like, I just go up there, do my thing, and I'm done. Yeah. I tried to remember that last night. I was trying to think like I don't have to have a great set.

I just need to have a normal set with nothing weird happen and don't say anything weird in between the comics and have the show go fine. Because they're going to be funny. Yep. They'll be fine. That's what everybody's there for. Nobody's going to be disappointed if the host wasn't that funny. Right. It's not going to matter to them.

That's the thing. If you did your job, they don't even notice right versus if like you sucked and be like oh so that was a lot easier and in hosting all the time i mean for me anyway like i just have to get used to saying certain words like in a certain order like we're having fun i like you thank you guys for coming out make sure you take care of your weight staff. Like coming up next. This guy's very funny. But once you get used to – because I say that 15 times, three times a night, three nights a week. It's like a million times a week.

Yeah. It's like now that is muscle memory. So it's like one less thing I have to worry about going to do this. So that made it a lot easier. Yeah, yeah. When you talked about that, you know, you did that. You got to do that show with Ramin. Yeah.

You did several, right? Yeah, I got to do a whole. It was like my best weekend of comedy so far. We got to do a whole run of shows. We did Draft House, Rockville, two shows in Fredericksburg, and then one in Lorton, Virginia. You did the visual arts center yeah so i did a show there with with ramin and i'm just thinking back on it now it wasn't that long ago it was probably six months ago maybe um and jason williams was the

headliner he's the best yeah he's awesome he's great so but i got i he needed help with ramini to help with the door uh-huh and so he was like, Rami needed help with the door. And so he was like, if you'll help me with the door, I'll give you a guest spot. Nice. And I was like, yes. Yeah, because that's a big room. It was like 160 people when we were there or something like that. And I love Jason Williams. He was around a lot right when I first started.

He was down in D.C. doing mics a lot. Yeah. And he was like my favorite guy to watch yeah because he's definitely one of those guys uh where he's not afraid to talk to the crowd or like make something out of nothing he has great jokes as it is but on stage he's just so in the moment right um and such a nice guy too right he's fucking awesome yeah and he was yeah he was so nice to me before i even started yeah stand up he was yeah nice to me he did he did the podcast when we like first started he was like yeah i'll come to me. He did the podcast when we first started.

He was like, yeah, I'll come by. He's the busiest guy ever. He just had a kid. He goes to New York, and then he'll teach in the morning. And you're like, hey, you want to come hang out in my kitchen for an hour? Right, right. Yeah, sure, kid. I don't know.

Right. Yeah, he really is. So I was like, yes, I definitely want to do that. I also, Ramin used to have this uh he used to have a mic on tuesday nights and in virginia and uh that's where i used to see jason williams all the time yeah because it was right by my house did i tell you this uh no okay so i was just telling don't ever tell me anything you told me before i'm so you know what i'm so trained from my girlfriend being like you told me this that she She gets such an attitude when I repeat myself.

She's no patience for me repeating myself. She's like, yeah, I know that. You told me that. Really? Yeah. Not even like, oh, hey, babe, you told me that before. No, nothing like that. Or like agreeing like, oh, yeah.

I would never date anyone that talked to me like that. Like, oh, yeah, honey, I love that. I can't stand girls that talk to me like that. They got to beat you up a little bit. I'm seeing a pattern here. You don't respect people that respect you. No, why would I?

I've already got them. I have already got them. Okay, all right. It's done. My job is done. They love me. I get it. Game over.

Moving on to the next person. You can't capitalize on that love or let it run? I can't make other people love me if I'm spending all my time making this person that already loves me love me. I get it. Game over. Moving on to the next person. You can't capitalize on that love or let it run. I can't make other people love me if I'm spending all my time making this person that already loves me love me even more. That doesn't make any sense. Hey, you're right. You fucking idiot. So.

Stupid. Oh, yeah. So. Yeah. But I just started doing stand-up, and Ramin would make me bring my friends. You told me this already. That's why I like you, man. So he would make me bring my friends.

I would be terrible at stand-up. And, you know, it worked out for everybody. My friends went. They got to see good comics. I was terrible. The sun would come up the next day, and life would go on. And everything was fine. Yeah.

And then he stopped doing that show. He started doing the show at the Draft House. Yep. And it was like a year or two later. And I'm like, hey, Ramin, can you book me on your show? Like, I'm much funnier now than I used to be. And he's like, yeah, yeah, sure. Okay, player.

You know what he used to always do? He used to always go, after my set, he would always go, hey, man. He's like, I really like that character you're working on. He said it every time. And he was dead serious. And so he. But I'm like, it's not a character, man. I was like, that is what I look like when I'm terrified.

Right. Like, this is me barely being able to function. Right. That's not a character. Right. Or you could be a character. It's a character of me. Sean Joyce, when he can't. He's too nervous to talk.

It's like, hey, man, that retarded guy thing you're doing? Yeah. So good. People always used to think that I was high on stage. Really? Yeah. Because you just seem like a little paranoid. Yeah, and I just stare at the ground, and I just monotone, just barely getting words out.

Oh, my God. That would stab at me like a thousand knives right in the heart. Like, hey, man man that character yeah i mean it didn't i mean it didn't bother me that much but it was just like uh yeah i'm just like it's not it's not a character every time i'd be like it's not a character and then he'd be but he didn't even listen to me just like shook my hand like just kept walking you know he's like yeah yeah yeah yeah you could say give a shit he did not give a shit but he but then you know uh you could tell like when i would see him around he would be nice to me yeah you know but he was like ah you're a good kid but i you're not funny at all so i'm not putting you on a show wow but then he had that thing come up where he needed somebody to run

the door and i was like i'll do it for you nice and uh and so then getting to that show i was really nervous because i wanted jason williams to think it was funny i wanted ramin to think there's a lot of people there yeah and it's a big room yeah and i'm not i hadn't you know i hadn't performed in tons of big rooms and i hadn't been hosting those shows very for very long at that time yeah and we weren't getting that big of crowds at that time. Pretty decent crowds. But thinking back, and so I had a half-decent set. But still lots of stupid nervousness,

clearly nervous behavior on stage. And I'm trying to think of the word just uh real i'm not gonna come up with it but like just not in the moment like um like just shyness okay just like being like almost like i want to say coy but coy is not the word but like like your finger yeah yeah i'm like i'm sorry about coy but coy is not the word but like you had like your finger to your yeah yeah i'm like i'm sorry about these jokes guys i don't really know them that well you know just kind of yeah just kind of like that what is laughter yeah like i don't know i'm just i'm just throwing it out there guys don't worry about it you don't have to laugh at it don't

don't laugh so i mean so you know i think about that set. Yeah. And at the time, I was like, oh, this is a fucking good set. I'm glad I got this on tape. You know, but just thinking back on that, and then I'm picturing how I would feel now being in that situation. You know, I would feel completely comfortable and be like, oh, this is gonna be great. I'm gonna feel good. I'm gonna, I want to do well. I'm gonna concentrate and I'll be a little worried before I go on stage. But generally, I'm like, I feel good about this.

Yeah. And thinking about how I felt on stage back then, I think that just like, makes it clear be a little worried before i go yeah but generally i'm like i feel good about this yeah and thinking about how i felt on stage back then i think that just like makes it clear to me like how big of a difference does make hosting these shows all the time yeah and i i think even what you just said there like in your head too like not not to get too like frou-frou kind of secret-y stuff like you say frou-frou a lot do i yeah you said it a couple times on sarah's podcast well maybe i'm frou-frou well because she's very frou-frou i don't know how to like kind of like crunchy hippie stuff is that what that means i don't even know what frou-frou means like just kind of like because sarah is very um like uh put it out to the universe and the universe will

provide like to me i think that's frou-frou you know she got a free apartment yeah uh exactly stavros is oh were we talking about that Stavros is making fun of me for that. For what? Not making fun of me, making fun of Sarah for the put it out to the universe shit. And then she gets a free fucking apartment. It's like, oh, who's an idiot now, Stavros? Who's an idiot now? Who's living in the fucking free apartment when she put shit out to the universe?

Yeah, who's taking care of her? How are you going to argue with that shit? Exactly. Fucking everything falls into place for her. And all she's doing is being positive and trying hard. Exactly. So that's what I'm saying. There's nothing wrong with that.

It sounds weird to say that, though. It does catch people off guard. Just put it out to the universe. But she backs it up with hard work, I think. So what you're saying of having that mindset of like, oh, this is going to go great versus like, holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck. I still have that nervousness there. Ramin asked me to host. He's like, hey, do you want to host?

And I was like, yeah. He's like, you don't sound too confident. He was like, you don't sound too confident. I was like, I'm never confident going into it. I'm terrified, but I'll do it. So you hosted those shows? I hosted the one on Sunday.

He hooked me up, the one at Lorton, which was great because we had the holiday on Monday, so there were 150 people there. Wow. And I was so nervous.

How many, have you hosted many shows? I've only hosted a few. I got to do the Green Room once once i did that one in lorton then i've hosted um some other like local bar shows and stuff and i'm actually hosting in tawny town maryland on uh tuesday and i'm kind of nervous about that really yeah why what is the venue uh it's i think it's a it's a bar but i I've never been there. But Tawny Town, my dad actually lives there, weird enough. But it's just like this really small town in northwest Maryland.

It's like a few miles from Pennsylvania. And I just feel like, I don't know, like the bar going crowd on a Tuesday night in Tawny Town. Yeah. Seems. What kind of show is it? It's stand up. I mean, it's just a straight-up stand-up show i'm hosting how did you how does this how does this happen oh um my agent no i'm just kidding i don't

have uh this guy dave chauffeur he's a promoter in like baltimore and then i've heard of this dave chauffeur i i don't know i don't know i never do i've never i've performed in baltimore twice so no really oh so yeah you did stav and umar show how was that that was great good venue good yeah you know i fucked myself up a little bit in that show because it was the i mean i had performed i did sidebar one time oh yeah a long time ago and i don't know i was just fucking around new jokes i wasn't really there was hardly there's like no one there so that's what you're supposed to do right yeah so i i't, I didn't think anything of the fact that I was in Baltimore when I was doing that.

But when I was doing Stav's show, just about 15 minutes before I went on stage, I was like, oh fuck, half my jokes are about being in DC. And I was like, I don't, I'm like, I got jokes about the Potomac and like public policy. I'm like, uh, is is this gonna be a problem like yeah and i'm like i don't there's nothing else for me to do now like those are the jokes like i've prepared my 10 minutes i have 10 minutes of words here that's that is your theme right there like look i prepared these words yeah and i'm saying these are the words i'm saying and i'm just like regardless of the situation i was like because i'm in baltimore i'm gonna have to just throw in a couple extra like uh so i live in dc is this cool with you

guys uh-huh and uh and it went fine good but now after it went fine i didn't realize that i should have just told my fucking jokes the way that i normally tell them and not have worried about that. So that I could do again. Yeah, you're not allowed back. I would be happy to not fuck that up. I didn't really, I mean, I didn't have a bad set, but everything I do that is not exactly the way I want to do it. A home run. You're like, ugh.

It's not even the great reactions. It's just when I know that I say words that i don't it's not even the um like great reactions it's just when i know that i say words that i don't want to say or if i say them wrong uh or in the wrong order those are the things that really bother me yeah that's the worst that's why i have to listen back just to make sure it's like because there's just stuff that i don't even notice that i say or ignoring or forgetting to say stuff yeah and uh but uh yeah, as far as like hosting goes, I think you're, yeah, you're,

you're a great host for, for what you are. Okay. Okay. For what you are, which is, you know, I mean,

God bless you. Right. God bless you for trying. But yeah, that's kind of where I'm at is now trying to transition into hosting more stuff. Yeah. Which is, yeah,

it's like I said before, it's hard. It's just having like that vibe of like, like letting the crowd pick up like, Hey, of transition into hosting more stuff yeah which is yeah it's like i said before it's hard it's just having like that vibe of like like letting the crowd pick up like hey i'm having fun we're all having right yeah so trying to make that transition yeah and i don't think it's that hard of a skill to learn i mean there's obviously different levels of it you know to try to get better but yeah yeah you know so uh doing comedy for three years as we're wrapping it up here what's what's the plan sean what do you i don't know man you're gonna go to new york

gonna go to chicago you're gonna you're gonna move to tulsa well my good friend kyle martin just moved to la oh nelly my girlfriend just moved to austin and uh so you're moving to la fuck her well she's only gonna be there for six months she made her choice yeah yeah and i'm like okay i have six months to become good at stand-up okay uh and then consider trying to do something with stand-up. Okay. Right now, it seems a little ridiculous. Well, six months. I mean, I feel like you gave yourself too much time.

Yeah. Are you worried you're going to get lazy around the three-month mark? I mean, make it six weeks, Sean. Yeah. What are you doing? That's true. Yeah, I mean, i don't know i mean thinking back you know just talking out that um doing that show with ramin and how things have changed since then you know i think there's a possibility to get a lot better yeah in that amount of time uh-huh

um i just you know it's just hard to know uh how ridiculous you're being for considering yeah pursuing that that's it seems ridiculous yeah um because the amount of people that are already doing that right the amount of people yeah it's weird i'm just like how many people are in new york and how many people are in la and then in like the couple other cities that are like dc it's like in dc i feel if it was just dc i'll be like okay i feel pretty good like there's yeah you know there's people that are way better at stand-up but there's not hundreds of them that are way better and you can it's easy to get stage time and have longer sets and things like that versus in new york they're like, all right, three minutes.

Right. Then get the fuck out. You know, you're like everybody else who wants time. I don't know if I have this anymore, but I used to have a really strong, like, it was hard for me to perform in places where we're like just shitty environments, like negative, like negative people like running it. You want it to be like attitude. You want it to be a frou-frou thing i want it to be i want the universe to invite me to the stage because i got enough

problems on my own i don't need shit from the people running the show uh on top of it the universe that a black comedian yeah yeah you don't know him now come into stage, the universe! He's very fat. Yeah. So, I think, so then I feel like, okay, well, now DC is nice because I have places to go all the time where I feel welcomed and appreciated. And that's like, people are like, oh, thank you for coming. I'm glad you're making the show better by being here. And it's like, okay, wow, that's great. So now I'm going to try harder. Whereas before, when you're like, I wish you weren't here.

You're really just an inconvenience to me. People said that to you. No, that's the vibe I got, though. And you loved it. I did not love it. got on stage i'm like i don't want to be here you don't want me to be here this crowd doesn't want to be here i'm just gonna say half the words i was gonna say that i'm gonna go home i'm only giving you half the words this is far from ideal yeah but here we are yes half the words yeah but so then that makes me think like

okay well it's nice that i'm in this environment in dc where it's like i can perform where i feel welcomed and and happy and pleasant and i'm around people i'm friends with all the time so yeah it's definitely uh it's a little doesn't sound that great uh having to leave that yeah but even yeah that's the thing is uh having to start over, like establishing yourself again, going through all that. Like even people that are really good have to do it. Like I know I did improv. You know Pete Bergen? He does stand up, but he also does improv too.

But he hosts a really good show called Chinese Menu Comedy, which is like just a mix of people that have never done improv before. He gets like 12 people together. And we did one it was got so hungry when you said that what oh chinese menu oh hungry for improv you want to do a little zip zap zap a little warm-up is that a thing that's a game yeah zip zap zap is a game yeah okay go on i have something to say about improv but you finish your thing i feel like it's good things um but no there was a guy there and uh he was in this troop uh who's in uh well it's home for the holidays so it's like people that have gone

off to new york and chicago and stuff like that they were home for the holidays and then he was like hey since everybody's here let's do an improv show so uh this one guy mark ratterman he's in this group called the cook county social club in chicago and they're like one of the like the biggest like improv troops in chicago he's there for 10 years they're uh i think they're they're either improv olympic or second city and he has like an agent and everything and now he just moved to la with three of the dudes and he's on uh he's doing improv and sketch and he's like yeah we're lucky if we get a set at the ucb like they're the new kids you know but in chicago they're like the top of the heap and then even if you have a manager and an agent and all that stuff like i couldn't even imagine that right it's like yeah i'm gonna talk to my

manager in the morning and not like being douchey about it but i was just like cool i'm gonna go to my cubicle and then you know like where he's at i think it's great but for him he probably feels like he's starting all over again which he is you know i mean so it's at i think it's great but for him he probably feels like he's starting all over again which he is you know i mean so it's like even somebody that's like gone and done as much as they can in that one city the next spot always kind of sucks i think that there's yeah i think there's always things to make you feel like shit about where you are you know what i mean it's like it's like you you got on those shows with ramin you got to be in front of those big crowds yeah he likes you it's great and it's like you know everybody's happy

like yeah look at this guy he fits right in yeah it's like a real comic one year in you're fucking right in you're right in and then uh but then you sit you sit and think about it you're like yeah but i mean i'm still i don't i barely know how to host compared to Ramin. Yeah. And like, you know, then there's all these other things out there. You're like, well, I haven't done these things. Right. And, and you're like, and then you see like other people moving up and you're like, fuck, other people are doing this shit. Yeah. Everybody's going to New York.

I'm still here. Do you do a lot of that? Think about that stuff. Like comparing yourself, like, oh, this guy's doing this. How come I'm not doing that i do uh do i i don't think i do it too much i do it a little bit i don't i don't think i have really low expectations for myself with comedy i always have had i think and that's been a problem for me uh-huh is that i don't expect right to do well and i don't expect to get on shows and stuff right right and uh

so i think that that's more of my problem than i see other people like oh yeah that makes sense but there are people that you're like oh come on man get the fuck out of here yeah um but uh stavros yeah fucking especially stavros more than anybody he is i hate him unbelievable but i think but it's just like even if you you start to i think people that get to become a really big deal like like sabros yeah become a big deal no he's doing great in baltimore in dc then i think i don't want to speak for him but i'm sure i'm sure that he starts to think like okay well, well, I'm going to have to move. Like I'm going to have to, I got to go to the next thing. And it's like,

then when you picture moving to, to New York, it's like, Oh, it's kind of overwhelming. And then it's like, you're going to go there. And then even when you move up in New York and it's like,

once you get to a certain level, you're like, well, but I mean, am I on TV? Right. Like, am I getting TV spots?

How come I haven't done Conan yet? Then you get Conan. You do Conan. You're like, well, okay okay i was on conan big deal but like what was my career gonna be like am i gonna have my own tv show like what am i just gonna keep touring around for the rest of my life that sounds depressing i just now like now it's like wow that would be amazing to tour around but when you get there you're like okay but i want to do more yeah and then you get and then maybe you get your own bullshit sitcom and you hate it and yeah and you're like this sucks i want to do the show that i really want to do right you know what i mean and it's like there's always something i think out there where you're like i still have i'm still

not satisfied i think it's just the way it is there's always going to be more mountain to climb like as soon as you think you're at like the apex you're like oh fuck no you never are no you never are there's always somebody yeah that has done something more impressive that sounds so uh depressing you know and it's just like even you know you could be like a huge comedic movie star and you're like why am i not a dramatic actor yeah and then you become a you then you get a great role you become a successful dramatic actor but then you're like i'm not daniel day lewis i'm not going method yeah i'm not a shoe cobbler nine months out of the year right and studying for roles yeah it's you can't you can't win it's yeah that's it's pointless but i don't know what we're even doing what are we doing i think it's because we didn't get enough attention or as as uh um children oh really i've never heard that really yeah i've

never heard anybody say that about stand-ups i'm gonna i'm floating it out there i know it sounds crazy but yeah yeah i mean i'm not afraid to say it it's a weird it's weird how common of um just the common how much that's become common knowledge to everybody. Because then it's kind of just like, I feel like every time I walk on stage, people are like, oh, I see. Another broken individual. Let's see what this crazy person has to say. Like, I mean, when I talk to people, especially girls, like I'll talk to girls and it's like two sentences in, I'm like, I see. I see what we're dealing with here. Really yeah get right in that psyche i'm like okay i understand just girls in general or female comedians no girls in general once you're a

comedian you're like i'm a comedian like i understand you are comedian i understand i get it i yeah i totally get it but like but yeah girls, you have to listen to two sentences before you can be like, okay, I think we know what happened here. We all know. And that's fine. Yeah. You know, I'm not saying it's a good thing or bad thing. Not judging. I kind of prefer it.

Really? Yeah. You want it out in the open, like, hey, you're crazy. Well, I just get bored, man. I get bored by not i don't i mean i think um you just you can't be crazy and then be with a normal person and have that be satisfying no it's just not yeah i think that is the funnest part about comedians is that you don't have to be afraid of really offending anybody or like you know i mean like especially because i know you

work in the office too like that type of thing where people like what they think is funny and what they think is like a little risque and you're like we're adults what the fuck are we doing you know it's just like i've always i've always been i mean i didn't even consider doing stand-up until i was old i started when i was 30 50 okay i was gonna say wow so well um you're 53 now 53 yeah you look great you moisturize uh no what i do not even in this weather wow i well anyway he's shaking his head yes i do yeah there i have a couple problem areas oh i got a couple dry patches. Okay, yeah. Right on the hips there. You get the dry hips. Right where my underwear rubs against my hip bones. Uh-huh. That is the only place I put lotion for the listeners.

Oh. I think you're trying to get a little lotion sponsorship right now. A little Lubriderm action. I don't care for Lubriderm. Oh, thanks. Now we're never going to get a sponsor. What are you, a Juergens guy? I like, i've been using cetaphil lately oh okay pretty nice okay uh what the fuck were you talking about i don't know how much of a corporate shill you are for fucking cetaphil

we're talking about crazy people uh working in the office oh working in the office yeah yeah yeah so we're not okay so for my whole life in school i always said shit you were not supposed to say right always that i was just a dick to everybody that was kind of my thing yeah i was that too like all of my friends were such dicks to each other right it was weird it was like i better make fun of you before you make fun of me yeah and then but the funny thing that i that happens in the office or at least to me is like people will come to understand that you were just that way and then they would be like oh no no no no he doesn't mean it he's just kidding but the magical thing that happens is then you can say anything right and people think that you're kidding and you can just

be like this project is a joke we are never going to succeed as a company yeah we're going to lose the we're going to lose the contract we're all going to get laid off and people are like oh my god can you believe he says that shit like he's just he's crazy with that stuff he doesn't mean that and yeah and i'll be like i'll be like you you literally i don't know how i don't know how you graduated from college. You're really having trouble doing this job at all. You need to use all of your brain power. You can't listen to music when you're doing this. You have so much trouble concentrating.

And people are like, you're crazy, man. He says all that stuff to the... Sean? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, so I do enjoy that in the office. Yeah, it sounds like you get a little more leeway. I've had... I worked in terrible... I worked in a the office. Yeah, it sounds like you get a little more leeway. I've had...

I worked in a terrible office. Yeah. That probably wouldn't fly in a reasonably run organization. Yeah, I get away with it a little bit too. Like, oh, you're doing shows and comedian. Like, are you going to remember us when you're on SNL? I'm like, okay, stop saying stuff like that. But with me, when I say stuff like that, I think people are like, oh.

I said one time to this chick that I work with, she laughs after everything she says, even if it's not funny. Yeah, yeah. Like, stop doing that. It's a little cold out, right? Good thing I brought my coat. Right, right. Stop, stop. Or there's a window right there it's just like

is it still raining you're like i don't know look to the fucking right yeah yeah um i remember one time god what did she say uh oh so it was something there was some project and something i did they're like hey good job josh and it's like hey blind squirrel finds a nut now and again or something like that right which is like a pretty innocuous thing and everybody's like, hey, blind squirrel finds a nut now and again or something like that. Which is like a pretty innocuous thing. And everybody's like, ha, ha, ha. Pretty office thing, too. Yeah, right? A little like, ha, ha, ha chuckle.

And that's the end of that. And then this broad pipes up. The moment's passed, by the way. She pipes up. She goes, well, wouldn't it be easy? I hope this is going to be a nut joke. No. No.

It's a little more. It's not even like funny. But she just goes, wouldn't it be easier for the squirrel to find it because he's blind and his senses are heightened and his sense of smell is better? And like immediately is like, I don't know. Why don't we blind you and see how fast you get a sandwich from the cafeteria? And it was just like, and it's like, hey, I'm sorry about that physical threat.

I didn't really. Just kidding. Hey hey come on i know i said i was gonna throw yeah acid in your face yeah and she's a bigger gal too so it's like let's see how fast you find a sandwich ouch oh that's double-edged sword right there yeah i cut him i'll cut him up yeah yeah i do too i'm'll go at them. But yeah, that did not go over well. It's just like, oh, that was a little much. Right. Yeah, well, don't fucking shit on my metaphors. Yeah. All right?

I'll fuck you up. Yeah. I'll blind you. Literally. Yeah, I'm trying to think of shit that I say to people in my office now. People say that same stuff. They're like, oh, you make jokes about us? And I'm like, jokes about this?

What is funny about this? And I was like, i can't stand to be here for another week i don't know how you've been here for 13 years and i'll say shit like that and then then they'll get kind of depressed yeah you hit a little close to home yeah yeah that's true that's true dude i this one time i said this i used to work at Applebee's. I wish you would stop bragging already. Well, I mean, I only worked there for six years. And I only got fired twice during those six years. And came back.

I came back once. The second time, I couldn't come back. Oh. Couldn't fucking. I want to hear that story. I want to hear your thoughts on improv. And I want to hear these Applebee's stories. I'm going to write this down.

Oh, I thought we were wrapping up. No, go ahead. All right these Applebee's stories. I'm going to write this down. Oh, I thought we were wrapping up. No, go ahead. All right. What do you think? I'm going to cut you off? Well, I didn't think you were going to cut me off, but I don't know how much you want to get into this. But anyway.

I'm going to get fucking knuckle deep. So same deal at Applebee's as the rest of life. Applebee's is a microcosm of my life. Yeah. Okay. And life in general sure okay yeah there's there's pretty pretty shit on the walls there's appetizers waiting for i was like okay how's he gonna make the analogy see what he's gonna go with hey go ahead so uh so okay so uh i worked there for a long time like you like shitty jokes, you serve shitty food, right? Right, exactly. I'm done.

I worked there for about six years, I guess, at the time of this. I was very cocky because I understood how to be a waiter at Applebee's. Cock of the walk, Applebee's waiter over here. Yeah. When I started out at Applebee's, very nice, very deferential, you know, didn't want to rock the boat. But, you know, it takes about six months to learn how to be a good waiter. And then after you've been doing it for six years, you're amazing as a waiter. And so I was very cocky. And there was this dude that worked in the kitchen.

And he would just listen to me. And I didn't realize this, but I came to realize later that he had just been standing on the line just watching me. You know, do you ever work in a restaurant? Yeah, yeah, all my life pretty much. So when you go into the back, usually there's like a service area where the servers are on one side and then there's the line and the cooks are on the other side. Yeah, and you're grabbing your food from the in-between thing. And so, you know, so there's always servers around, hanging around in the back. And so I'm always hanging around the back flirting with girls.

And I basically, that's all I did the whole time I worked at Applebee's. I just flirted with all the waitresses. Because, I mean, yeah, I'm picturing you like Ryan Reynolds in Waiting. Like, you're just the man. I was the man of at Applebee's, I just flirted with all the waitresses. I'm picturing you like Ryan Reynolds in Waiting. You're just the man. I was the man of this Applebee's. Of this one particular Applebee's, I was killing it. Of course. Why wouldn't you?

Why wouldn't I? It's Applebee's. I should be able to. So I'm killing it. I got the experience. I know all the Applebee's tricks. I teach the girls. What are some of the tricks? I don't know. I know all the Applebee's tricks. I teach the girls. What are some of the tricks?

I don't know. I can't even remember. I wish I had a stupid example. I know how to make the dish. I don't fucking know. I'll upsell a milkshake or whatever. I was good at upselling. I'm sure.

You sold me two milkshakes. I don't even work there anymore. I don't have any milkshakes, but I gave you money. So this dude is just watching me as I get cockier and cockier and cockier. And the cockiness is working. It's making girls like me. And then that just makes me even cockier. Right. Up to the point where I'm just unbearable to be around.

Right. I'm picturing you with a sleeveless t-shirt now like just not even caring backwards hat yeah no i didn't look i still looked like myself but that's a shame so this dude is just just hating me just hating me and hating me more every day silently silently hating me and one day he just goes he goes why don't you shut the fuck up and i like turn around and i'm like what shots fired yeah and he's like why don't you need to do this dirt ball you know he's a fucking this is at penn state okay okay so he lives in the town where penn state is he's from there doesn't you know i'm a college student yeah you're from pennsylvania right i'm from pittsburgh okay so and i'm about to graduate from penn state

and so you know i'm like feeling fine about my life i'm about to graduate from college you know he is a line cook at applebee's and that's his full-time job and so he hates me so he says that why don't you shut the fuck up and i was like what and he goes why don't you shut the fuck up you little bitch and i was like and i was like are you fucking talking to me like that dude king yeah king apple this dude is not huge he's bigger than me but he's he's not that much bigger than me but he's a scary type of person sure but i'm so cocky at the time that i'm just like i'm like are you fucking kidding me dude i was like i was like what the fuck is your problem i was like i never even talked to you in my life i was like i don't even know who you are and he's like he's like he's like you need to shut

your fucking mouth and i was like i'm like dude i'm like why don need to shut your fucking mouth. And I was like, dude, I'm like, why don't you shut your fucking mouth and fucking learn how to cook a goddamn steak, man? I was like, I have nonstop problems from your fucking side of the kitchen. I was like, you can't do anything right, dude. You can't do anything right. You fuck it up. I got to send food back all the time for your bullshit. You have one fucking job in life. And that is to put meat on a fucking grill for a certain amount of time and then take it off and put on a plate that's it meat on the grill meat off the

grill that's your fucking job and you can't even fucking do it you are fucking pathetic oh my god so i fucking say that shit yeah and he just turns around and walks away that was like across the line you know yeah yeah and so and i'm just like yeah fuck that dude up and then i like and so then i like go back to my tables and I'm like, oh my God, that was awesome, man. I was awesome. I dominated that dude. I was so happy.

And so this bartender comes up to me later and she's like, she's like, hey, what did you say to Brian? And I was like, yeah, I don't know, man. He said it was a little bitch. So I fucked him up. And then she's like, she goes, he's gonna kill you whoa and i was like and i was like oh okay and she's like no no no i know i know like they were kind of they were about to start dating like they're i guess maybe they just started dating yeah she's like no i no honestly i think i i think he means it i

think he's going to try to kill you whoa and uh and i'm like okay i'm like well can you just talk to him tell him i'm like you know tell him i'm cool like i'll call him you're like can you tell him not to kill me yeah i'm like i look man i work at applebee's okay i i've been here for six years i got the shit under control like what this fucking this bartender loves me we're good friends like just tell him tell him good guy you Everybody loves me here. It's okay. There's not a big deal. And she's like, I'll talk to him. She's like, but seriously, you need to be really careful and probably you should apologize to him.

And I'm like, I'm not apologizing to that fucking dude. So I think actually, so then I think it starts to sink in that I might have a problem. So then like I would walk back into the kitchen and he would just stare at me. Just stare at me wherever I go. Just dead, dead face stare. And you're not asking him for like an extra side of sour cream. You got to go to the next guy. That's right.

Yeah. And they're like, yeah, can I get, I'm like, we don't have that. We are out of that. I'm sorry. There's no more ice ever. Yeah. Anything on the left side of the kitchen we're out of right now, I can't walk over there. I don't know what to tell you.

It's very uncomfortable. But let me get you some more breadsticks. Salad? Yeah. So I start to get kind of concerned about it. And then I'm like, okay, I'm going to reason with this guy. I'm just going to take care of it. it and then i'm like okay yeah i'm gonna reason with this guy i'm just gonna i'm just gonna take care of it it's gonna be okay you're a fucking mr applebees yeah you handle everything else i go to this yeah i'm like we're just i'm gonna reason with

them i'll apologize i don't give a shit why not who cares give him a gift card or something yeah whatever chill him out yeah i got you i'm like you want me to get you a tour of the campus or something piece of shit i like can't help it i like try to apologize but then i just have to throw that in at the end yeah i mean you're not gonna do anything you're fucking trash so do you want to see where good people go yeah so um so i go so i go to the uh bar that's like the hangout the applebee's hangout bar which is a different place. It's a different casual dining restaurant right in the same parking lot. What are you talking like a Denny's? No, it was a Champs Sporting Goods, not Sporting Goods, Sports Bar.

Oh, okay. You ever heard of Champs? I know the shoe store Champs. Well, there's a bar chain called champs okay so we go there yeah and uh i go up to this this bartender and uh she goes did you slit brian's tire oh and i was like i was like i was like no i was like i'm what the fuck do i look like slitting people's tires i was like are you fucking kidding me and then she's like he thinks you did it i was like well i didn't why would i do that like i hurt his feelings i don't need to retaliate

against him well maybe he knew that you knew there was a hit out on you right like fucking i'm not scared of you i'm acting first yeah i was tired i'm gonna make you want to kill me you want to make you kill me even more right like oh you're gonna kill me you were gonna get more slit tires possibly if you don't finish the job right but one at a time so uh and i was like i well i didn't and um she's like she's like okay i'm gonna go talk to him. So she goes and talks to him. Yeah. She comes back and she goes, okay,

I have all of his knives. And I was like, what? And then she holds her hand out and she's got five knives, like pocket, various sizes of pocket knives, like terrifying looking like real. Yes.

Real. Yeah. Real. Well, any one of them would have killed me. Sure. He could kill me by himself. He doesn't even need a knife.

He uses his hands. He's big enough and angry enough to kill me with his bare hands. He could use his fucking stupid, trashy, mongoloid hands. Yeah, exactly. How are you going to get knives? Right. It's how dumb this guy is. Yeah, yeah.

Right. Like, can't even fucking analyze the situation, you piece of shit. Freaking down. Right. Okay. So, she's like i talked to him she's like you need to apologize to him but i i think he's gonna be okay because i he promised me he wouldn't touch you and i'm like okay thanks thank you chick thank you chick saving

thank you chick saving me from violence so uh so i go so i go up and talk to him yeah and he goes i'm gonna be completely honest with you right now the only reason i can talk to you is because i'm so fucking high right now wow he's like otherwise i will be killing you and then he like gives me this whole speech about how he comes from the fucking mean streets of state college pennsylvania just like in the middle of the state it's like a it's like farming right like a farming town and now it's just a college town right i don't think the streets are too mean here right it's like i've seen guys die you know just just on tv i'm like right and i'm like okay man i'm like listen man yeah i'm really sorry about what i said yeah you know i felt you know you hurt my feelings when you call me a little bitch and i was just trying i was just reacting against that i didn't mean any

of it i was just trying to make myself feel better. Yep. I'm really, I'm totally sorry, dude. I think you're a good guy. I think you're a good cook. I didn't actually mean that.

I did mean it. He's a terrible cook, but I did, but medium rares. Yeah, they're good. I just, I was just trying to get back at you,

you know, cause I felt bad about myself and, uh, and it worked perfectly. And he was like, he's like, okay, man, we're cool now i'm like great cool nice so then i leave the bar next day i go into work they're like did you hear about brian and i'm like what they're like he left the bar and he crashed his car into a tree and now he's

in a coma in the hospital oh my god wait did he try to drive with a flat tire or was this like i don't know i don't know if it was he drank and smoked too much i think it was more of that he yeah okay okay yeah he crashed his car into a tree and and then i never saw him again so like i had that conversation with him and then he was in a coma. Yeah. And then a few months later I got fired from Applebee's. Uh huh. And then I never, I just never saw him again. You don't know what Brian's doing to this day.

He could still be in a coma. Yeah. I think I did hear that he got out, that he did get out of the coma and was okay. And I think he started working somewhere else. Maybe like, uh, what's a,

what's another chain? What's like a Ruby Tuesday? Yeah. That's what I did when I got fired from Applebee's. I went to work at Ruby Tuesday. TGI Fridays. You worked the whole circuit, right? I didn't.

My friend got fired from Applebee's, and he went to TGI Fridays. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Wow. So, man, so you got out of that. It's almost like you could have challenged him and be like, yeah, fucking come at me tomorrow. Oh, I could have. Yeah. Let's do this tomorrow, right not tonight not tonight i got something

i'm going to watch a movie on my dvd player i gotta do that yeah just got a dvd player pretty cool yeah pretty cool wow i love how cavalier you were like yeah gonna try to kill me yeah man i i think it's amazing that i've never got fucked up. You've never been in a fight? No. Yeah, me either. Because the thing is, with everything in the end, I always am like, I can talk my way out of this at the end. At the end, I'll just say whatever I have to say.

I know the words I need to say. I know what you want to hear. This seems to be your path for everything. Like, look, I've prepared these words. I'm like i want i'm gonna think hard about it i'm gonna figure out the words that need to be said i'm gonna say those words and then we're all gonna be friends at the end go to champs look it's taken me pretty far yeah i mean look at you look at me you're in my office in hamden my beautiful office where the pipes might explode hey man you're doing pretty well for yourself you have an office.

Yeah. Yeah, pretty good, huh? All I have is a room. I don't even have anything beyond a room. Well, you live in hoity-toity D.C. That's true. What are some towns that I can mention when I'm doing stand-up in D.C.? Like, local references I can make.

Like, if somebody's shitty, I'll be like, hey, where are you from? But road city? Road side? People get a lot of, I think the most common laugh reference is Woodbridge. Woodbridge. Okay, I've heard that actually. Because Woodbridge is, it's outside of DC. It's probably a half hour, 40 minutes outside of DC.

Yeah. But it's got a, it's just got a ghetto feel to it. Gotcha. Yeah, actually, it's funny you say i tim miller mentioned woodbridge and his yeah he does right he does him yeah he's like what am i gonna buy a house and it's in fucking woodbridge and everybody's like yeah woodbridge he does tim miller does a couple yeah he has a couple different places where he says woodbridge yeah it's like i don't know what that is um jamelle's from woodbridge uh tyler and jose are from Woodbridge. Tyler and Jose are from Woodbridge.

So it gets thrown out there because of that. But it is a thing that everyone understands when they say it. Everybody knows what that means. It's like country ghetto. I think for Baltimore, you can say Dundalk. That's probably the equivalent. That's what I say. Yeah. Dundalk.

I just substitute. So if you're going to say Dundalk, say Wood that's what i say yeah dundalk just substitute yep so if you're gonna say dundalk say say woodbridge okay i will if you and then arlington you could say if you want to talk about like frat guys i would say arlington or clarendon okay i used to have a joke that didn't particularly work out uh-huh where my girlfriend gave me shit about everything in the joke and then she says you're from Clarendon? And people will recognize that that was an embarrassing thing to be about myself.

Okay, I got that. Yeah, working in restaurants, just to wrap that up, and then I want your thoughts on improv, and then we're going to be done because I have to pee pretty bad. You want to pee? No. Okay. Not yet.

I'm going to see this thing through. How far in are we? Two hours. done because i have to pee pretty bad you want to pee no okay not not yet we're gonna i'm gonna see this thing through um how well how far in are we two hours no we're not no hour and a half okay um what was i gonna say oh yeah my yeah i worked in restaurants uh from when i was like 12 to because my dad uh he was a manager at alito's and he was like oh you're coming on friday and do dishes right and at the time i was like that hey, come in on Friday and do dishes. And at the time, I was like, that's fun. It is kind of fun at first. With the dish machine?

Oh, all that stuff. And when I'm talking about the hose that hangs from the ceiling, that's so powered. You've got your sanitizing sink and all that stuff. Yeah, it's a whole thing. I do kind of enjoy it, yeah. Well, it's very relaxing because it's just like dishes go in, dishes go out, and that's it. And that dishwasher, it's very relaxing because it's just like dishes go in, dishes go out. That's it.

And that dishwasher is like 45 seconds. You're like, God damn. The one at home takes like an hour. Right. What is this, the future? Yeah. And then there's like 16-year-olds working the line and they're cussing and you're like, yeah. Yeah.

You guys can drive. That's cool. That's cool. Yeah. But I don't think I ever worked with anybody too scary. My girlfriend works at this restaurant downtown called Alewife. And there's a guy that does dishes there. He's just like this nice guy, but like very ghetto.

He's like, hey, can I borrow your phone? I got to call my wife. She's with her sister. She a crackhead. So we're going to have to whoop her ass. Holy shit. And he talks about his wife. He's a crackhead, so we're going to have to whoop her ass. Holy shit. And he talks about his wife. He's like, yeah, she got gold teeth.

I paid for them, but we break up. I'm getting them back. You best believe that. Holy shit. That's a threat. Yeah, don't cross that guy. He's going to punch you in the mouth. Take your teeth and wear them like trophies.

All right, now thoughts on improv. Go. Go. Well, I've been thinking about doing improv. You say don't do it? No, you should. You should. I don't.

I just feel like it would make me more comfortable on stage. Yeah. That was the door. I also have a lot of trouble thinking on the spot like i'll fuck around with crowd work and i'm real good at asking questions and then people say stuff back to me but then i can never think of anything funny to say about it right you're like oh cool anyway yeah that's interesting you know what's interesting about that i can do that i'll tell you what's interesting about that? I can do that. I'll tell you what's interesting about that, but it's not a joke.

Right. Like, all my thoughts in conversation are about just, I don't know. My reaction to it is just, oh, here's what's interesting. Yeah. Not here's what's funny. But that can be funny, though. I mean, that's your point of view. Right.

Which could be funny to the crowd.'s your point of view right which could be funny to the crowd i mean like it would just be like a random fact just facts that's good too yeah you can do it you can do that where like brody stevens does that yeah where he just lists facts about whatever you say and it's funny it's just like he does it in a crazy voice oh yeah yeah like names your zip code and all that stuff yeah area code professional um it is you should uh yeah why not i feel like it's uh it's a good tool um it's all the same comedy muscles you know what i mean like being able to like be in the moment and then a lot of improv like i was saying like zip zap zap it's like it's just a warm-up game a lot of it is like not being

afraid to be fucking stupid like that is my biggest fear in life you should see the warm-up game a lot of it is like not being afraid to be fucking stupid like that is my biggest fear in life you should see the warm-up games especially in intro classes like literally zip zap zop is you you make eye contact and you clap and i would go zip and then you would have to do zap to somebody else and then somebody else would do zop yes this is terrifying to me and it's the goofiest stuff and then you start mixing it up. And you're like, well, let's go backwards. And you'd be like, zop. You know, like that.

Like going backwards. And then there's another game. It's called Bunny Bunny. And you literally, you're in a circle. And you slap your thighs and you clap. And you go, koo-ja, koo-ja. Like, it's just a weird thing. That's very scary.

Yeah, you just do that. And then you make eye contact with somebody in the circle. So I'm having, there's already listed so many things that I'm not, that I can't do already. Yeah, well, it's just, and this isn't even like improv. This is just to like break you down into being like, not being afraid to look like an idiot. Yes.

So I'm just going to go through it. So you're in the circle. You got your koo-ja going. Okay. You start a little slow. Then you take two fingers, kind of like bunny ears. You aim them at your eyes. Then you make contact with somebody else in the circle.

You go bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny. Then all of a sudden, now you need to do the bunny, bunny. You need to make eye contact and pass the bunny, bunny around. You're doing it on the beat of the Kunja. Meanwhile, the people on the sides of you, right? People on the sides need to say toki, toki, toki, toki. But they, like, bounce from side to side. So everybody just looks like the biggest asshole on the planet, no matter what you're doing.

Right. And then it just picks up and goes faster and faster. Yeah, yeah. And, yeah. So I feel like I need that yeah but i also feel but that what you're describing to me is like the worst thing i can imagine yeah like i can't i i can't i have really trouble like speaking uh in unison really like i don't like church churchy type stuff i don't like to say the Pledge of Allegiance.

I refuse to say the Pledge of Allegiance. That's because you're a terrorist, right? I don't believe in America. Oh, okay. No, but I just don't like... I like deciding the words that I'm going to say. I don't like for other people to decide the words I'm going to say. Okay.

And it bugs me when it is expected for me to say a certain thing what like even um if somebody dies yeah and you say i'm sorry for your loss just the fact that everyone says that and i have to say those exact words yeah it bugs me i have a lot of resistance to saying i don't like someone prescribing to me how to act. If someone prescribes to me how to act, my instinct is I'm going to do the opposite. I'm going to be inappropriate. You say I have to come in and be polite to people at work. I'm going to come in and be rude to people at work.

Don't tell me what to do. I will decide how to act. If you tell me I have to do something, I'm going to do the opposite of it. And so that is very scary what you just described. Yeah, so it sounds like you'd be a great supportive improv player from when I hear all that. You'd be great. You're saying the opposite of what is true.

I'm literally saying the opposite. Right. Just like, oh, I'm supposed to be the child. Oh, I'm your dad in this scene. Go to hell. Right. I mean, if I asshole dad in this scene go to hell right i mean if i asshole dad in the scene i'll do that yeah you're the asshole dad okay no problem i know how to do that you're

the baby you don't have to be the baby i don't know how to be a baby well i don't you're kind of being a baby about it see that gotcha nailed it yeah it took four hours but i know you're gonna get through it eventually um yeah i i think um it's just good experience to have that anyway and then like um getting out of your shell a little bit and doing that type of stuff if you want to but i mean some comedians don't need it right the improv thing for me i started doing improv just because like all the podcasts i would listen to and then like hearing comedians bios or even people that aren't stand-ups or writers and things like that like oh yeah i did improv for a little bit i did improv i did improv and i was like all

right i should probably fucking do this yeah because it's a it's a great starting point and it is really cool to like some of the best parts about being a comedian is just hanging with other comedians same with like improv shows like you have a good show you already have like 15 people there that were like performing that night and go hang out and shoot the shit and uh yeah and it's good um stage experience yeah and not being afraid to fail and look silly but that's my whole drive in life yeah is not wanting to, not wanting to look silly. I think, but you appreciate the silly, but you just don't want to look silly. Because I think you like silly humor, right?

Do I? Do I? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe. I think you do. Who's silly? Nelson Mandela.

What if we just left it like that for like an hour? Yeah. Alright, thanks Sean. Yeah, right. I feel like locally who's silly? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's his name? Michael Foodie? Is that his name? You think Foodie's silly? At the times that I've seen him? I guess. He says some poignant stuff but he looks like

he seems like he's having fun. I do. Yeah, I do enjoy foodie. Silly, silly. Just saying goofy things. I do. I agree. I do like it.

I can picture it. Yeah. You appreciate it, but it's just not your thing. You know what? I'm not against being that way. Yeah. When I think about it, I'm like, that would be fun if I was silly on stage right yeah that could be funny that would be good why wouldn't i want to do that i and the more i think about it i'm like yes i would like to do that but maybe you don't

but you explore it and then you know yeah i don't know take take an intro class yeah go for it i have to dana does improv all the cool people do improv yeah me you i i i always think of you dana and stavros together because the three of you and i'm sure there's other people who are like this too never stop making jokes it's not like you guys no i don't know. It's funny. I like it. But I'm like, but it's crazy talking to you guys because anytime I talk to you guys, it's just all jokes. It's just jokes. Ripping. All jokes. It never stops.

It never stops with the jokes. And there's a lot of other comics that you talk to and it's just a normal conversation. And there's not like just constant jokes, constant jokes. But I'm kind of envious of it because I'm like, God, you guys are just... If you put you guys in a writer's room, there's just going to be nonstop jokes flowing out of you. That's a pretty amazing thing to have. Oh, stop. You. Yeah, I think that comes from...

I mean, I'm not saying they're funny, but people need jokes. There's a flow. People need jokes. Yeah. Yeah, I think that comes from... I mean, I'm not saying they're funny, but people need jokes. There's a flow. People need jokes. Yeah. Yeah, I think that comes with improv, too. You're like, got to find it, got to find it. That's the next thing, the next thing. And it's just like, to me, even thinking of it that way, I'm like, well, if I could think of it, if I'm thinking of a joke while I'm on stage, why wouldn't that help me write better?

Yeah, exactly. Not writing too much out of fear. I think so. Let's play a game of Bunny Bunny. While I'm on stage, why wouldn't that help me write better? Yeah, exactly. I'm not writing too much out of fear. I think so. Let's play a game of bunny bunny. Just you and I. Okay. And we'll get out of here.

All right, you ready? Are we serious? Yeah. Okay. All right. Bunny bunny. Bunny bunny. Bunny bunny.

You look so awkward. Is that how I do? Yeah, well, it's okay. It's not bad. What was I supposed to do? What did I do wrong? Nothing. Look, let's just end this. I don't think you well, it's okay. It's not bad. What was I supposed to do? What did I do wrong? Nothing. Look, let's just end this. I don't think you're cut out for improv.

Zip. Zap. You got to clap. All right, man. Sorry. Zip. You didn't clap. All right.

You're paying attention. You're paying attention. You're paying attention. You're paying attention. My man. Yeah. Yeah. Do it.

I would be... I'm going to come to your showcase show. Do it. I'm going to come to your showcase show. All right. I'm going to come. Sounds good. I'm going to laugh. I'm going to laugh a lot. I'm going to be like, who's that silly man up there? Who is that?

Don't even recognize him. What if this is your path? You become one of the best improvisers ever. I will give you a lot of credit for it. Really? I talked to Dana about it. I maybe talked to a couple other people. But you, just now, I think have convinced me the most.

Do it. Break out of that shell. Thanks, man. You're still that cool guy at Applebee's, but now you're not afraid to break up. I just think back on those days, man. How do I get back there? How do I get back to the cool guy at Applebee's?

That's your path. Improv could bring you there. Maybe so. Maybe. I got a hair in my mouth. I do. Nelson Mandela. Mm-hmm.

Okay, we covered that? I think we did, yeah. I'm going to cross that off my fake list. He's silly. Silly dead. Oh, yeah. That was a good one. Oh, okay, cool. It's all good. Yeah. He's silly. Silly dead. Oh, yeah. That was a good one. Oh, okay, cool.

It's all good. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Okay, okay. Oh, yeah. Huh? Okay. All right.

You've ruined it now. Do you want to rap? I don't know how to rap. Really? Do you rap? Nope. Okay. Go ahead.

I like that. You like that? I was ready to start dancing oh really yeah bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny oh my god we can't take this on the road you see the fear no i don't see it a little bit i was shut down so you're like now your turn i'm like i can't see it. A little bit. I was shut down. So you're like, now your turn. And I'm like, I can't do it. I don't have prepared words. Okay. Yeah, you need those prepared words. Yeah, I don't know what words to say when you do that to me.

All right. Or how to say it. I don't want to be wrong. I don't want to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. That's the thing. There is no wrong thing in improv, bro. Yeah, that's where you're wrong, dude. There is always the right thing to say

you could always say something better well i mean yeah if you look at it like that trying to say the best thing you could possibly say you could be saying garbage stuff i'm sure people say garbage stuff in improv all the time you're like are you no not one never happened not once never i don't think there's ever been a garbage improv show Yeah Nope, never I'm seeing my problems as I say them out loud Oh, that's good Visualization, putting it out to the universe Yeah, I see them in a little

What up the universe? Problem bubble, coming out of my mouth Pop them, just pop them Problems are over Pop that bubble Let's wrap this up, huh? Okay. Well, this has been a fun chat.

I'm glad that you came up from... You live in Virginia? I live in D.C. D.C. That's right. You told me. I live in Petworth. What is it?

Petworth? Mm-hmm. I hear that's an up-and-coming neighborhood. It is an up-and-coming neighborhood, yeah. Oh, okay. Good. Yeah. They're building a giant...

Safeway? Giant. Wow. But it's big. And it's going to be... Not like a giant. It's going to be gigantic. A gigantic Safeway.

Because there is a giant... I know. I think it's going to be actually... It might be a giant. I don't know what it is. It doesn't matter. They're interchangeable. The point is, there's going to be a grocery store that's wonderful right by our house

great and uh hopefully the poor people will start moving out and uh we can just feel like everybody's the same sure like me yeah so would you say living there is pet worth it i think it's worth it i think it's a nice place to a nice place to live. I've been very happy living there. Okay. You heard that pun I made, right? No, what were you saying? I said it was... Pet?

Please don't say it again. Pet worth it. Pet, pet worth it. Your turn. Bunny. Yeah! Yeah! Got a giant safeway. bales of hay your turn bunny

what rhymes with honey bunny see that was too set up i didn't like it okay okay i'm all about money safeway god. God damn it. Look at you. No wonder that guy wanted to kill you. He's just trying to improv with you, and you're like, hey, bro, make those shitty steaks. Learn how to fucking live, dude. I don't know what to tell you. All right, Sean. Thank you.

This was an awesome chat. I haven't really done a lot of these one-on-ones. Yeah, I was worried about the one-on-ones yeah i was i was worried about the about the one-on-one because i the way i like it is to have two people as i like talk shit on you that i look at him talk shit on him that i look at you i like you're doing the the uh the pointing to where yeah everything is like you were earlier yeah exactly i might talk over here and then i'll then i'll look over there i talk shit that way i look that way i'm like right all right we have a moment then later uh-huh talk shit there then we have a moment but then this

yeah we just have to interact we're trapped there's no there's nothing we can do you can talk shit to like the chair over there i don't that doesn't make any sense that's what i would do an improv show that's just Why would you say that, dude? I mean, what am I supposed to do with this shit? That's how every one of the things I do ends. And then I just walk off stage. Like, we're on a farm on Mars. That doesn't even fucking make... How am I supposed to fucking do anything if you guys keep saying nonsensical shit?

It's just like... Okay, cool. Good shit. Holy fuck. Yeah, I think that'd be great listen i told you i told you to take an intro class skip it yeah your leaps and bounds above yeah you're right about that oh i'm coughing i have something in my throat are you i am i am i don't want you to have discomfort Physically, psychologically I just want you to feel good

A nickname for a rabbit is Safeway God damn it Alright Sean We're done What do you want to plug? You can go to Undergroundcomedydc.com to check out shows. I can go wherever I want.

That's going to be the place that's going to give you the information. Undergroundcomedydc.com. That's right. That's it. Okay. That's it. And if I have some good stuff, I'll put it on there. Oh, man.

And you're on the Twitter? Yes. That's it it i'm underscore sean joyce underscore i say almost nothing on twitter you can follow me it will not fuck your feet up uh-huh uh every once in a while throw a gem out there there's gonna be a couple gems you want to be on be there when the gem drops what did i say i don't even want it never mind i did tweet yeah i haven't tweeted For like the first time In like a month yesterday Ooh

Let's look at it I'm gonna find it Keep talking I can just tell you What it says Okay Just for the sake Of not having to wait for that

I think I think it said I like all these chicks Power reserving Groups of seats For comedy shows On Valentine's Day already Ooh

Okay Um Which is groups of seats for comedy shows on valentine's day already oh okay um which is you understand what i'm saying it's a lot of again that's a lot of words to process but yeah uh the idea i think you get the idea right no i get it i get it yeah it's really hilarious there's no reservations at all for for all of fe February. There's two shows a week. There's three shows a week. There are no reservations for any of those shows except Valentine's Day. There are like six groups of four girls. Wow.

And they're just... Now, are they reserving them in hopes that a man will be with them? No, they're like, fuck Valentine's Day. We're going to go out and we're going to have fun. We have girl power. We're making moves. We're not even going to have to think about Valentine's Day because it is taken care of mid-January. Problem solved.

We're having fun. Fuck men. Exactly. Okay. It's hilarious to me. Every time I see one, I'm like, I see what you're doing there. I see. I see. I see.

Thank you for your email address. I see you're very lonely. Yeah, right. Conversely, if some guy was like, do you want to go to dinner? They'd be like, yes. Cancel the comedy show. Right. It's crazy.

It's crazy how many more girls make reservations than guys. Just in general. Because they're planning ahead. Guys are flying by the seat of their pants. That's what I'm doing. They love making plans. Broads. Live in the moment already.

We're trying to wrap this up. Shit, sorry. Hey, that's why they called it aggression sessions, huh? You know what I'm talking about? A couple of animals in here. A couple of fucking animals. Andrew Dice Clay. Am I right, guys? Have you seen this impression? couple of animals in here a couple of fucking animals huh andrew dice clay yeah am i right guys

have you seen this impression shouldn't have ended the podcast on it but i'm gonna yeah um yeah thank you so much to everybody that's listening uh digression sessions.com calendar has all of our upcoming dates improv and stand up uh there's a donate button sean if you want to go visit that feel free to tap on that donate button. Yeah, I'll tap it. Whatever you donate, I'll send you a sticker. Maybe a vial of blood. Maybe a strongly worded email.

I'm telling you, dude, you need to get those floppy wigs. Yeah, I'll send you a floppy wig. For now, I'll just send you a locket of my hair while I wait on these floppy wigs. That's the name of our improv troupe, by the way. It's the floppy wigs. The floppy wigs, why notpy Wigs I like that yes and attitude I like that

And I'm on Twitter I'm at BetterRobotJosh Mike who is not here He is at Michael Moran10 The podcast is at DigSeshPod Thank you so much to everybody listening Give us a review on iTunes Sean anything else?

I don't have anything else Bunny And if you like somebody tell somebody tunes. Sean, anything else? I don't have anything else. That's it. Bunny. Perfect. And if you like somebody, tell somebody. Thank you guys. Bye-bye. That's it. We're done. Do you want to curse? I've been cursing for the whole time.

I mean, but do you want to say like the C word or something? We're off the air. No, particularly. I don't have the urge to say know particularly i don't have the urge to say that sometimes i do have the urge to say that but not right now i don't what would you say if you had the urge i'm not saying it all right fine you've bested me this time sean okay we're done okay you wanna say no okay okay we're done.

You want to say it? No. Oh, God. Why do I want to say it? What makes me want to say that? Oh!