The Digression Sessions - Ep. 11 Bucket of He-Man w / The Love Between 2 Hosts aka No Guest This Week!

Episode Date: November 14, 2011

HOLA DIGHEADS! We are back for another hawt hawt Dig Sesh! And lucky you, we don't have a guest this week! That's right. It's just the love between two hosts on this one. Apparently Chris Rock doesn't like to return phone calls anymore! But, that's aight. Mike Moran and Josh Kuderna pick up the ball that Chris Rock dropped and mold it into a beautiful lovely podcast for your listening expereience!  This description needs more exclamation points! !!!!!! We talk about it all on this one. There's He-man, strip clubs, men who lactate, Morgan Freeman, Spiderman in Shawshank Penitentiary, and tragedy talk! Get at us, Digheads!  @MichaelMoran10 @JKuderna [e-mail]

Woo! We'll be right back. It's another digression Oh, another one? That's right It's time for another digression session A hot dig sesh For all my dig heads out there Oh yeah Oh yeah

Answer the phone It's a podcast Yep Just when you thought it was safe To go back into iTunes Nah nah nah Don't go to sleep We'll haunt your dreams

In a good way though You know we should do an episode sometime Like say we can't do one one week Where we just cut and paste all the old ones into one. Do a best of? Yeah. Or just have them all on top of each other? Uh, what?

You know how on DVDs you can do these play all? As in, like, if you had a DVD of season of Becker and you wanted to watch all of Becker. We just combine them into one podcast. One gigantic file. The digression sessions collection. Yeah, I actually stole that idea from Aqua Teen. If you have the Aqua Teen Hunger Force DVDs and you select play all,

it literally plays them all on top of each other. Which is very confusing at first because it's like tab to tab to tab to tab. It's like a bunch of voices that go on top of each other. But yeah, we can do this. Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're telling me that if you hit play all, it plays every episode at the same time? Yep.

I thought you meant it would just go through all of them. Well, that's what it's supposed to do. Right. So it's a joke? Yes. So they're now inserting double meta jokes into hardware. I guess ad is hardware well whatever the hell it is digital versatile discs yeah that's wow that's can you give me some other examples of this

happening i think they're the first that's like the ultimate easter egg right no because that's pretty i think easter eggs are more hidden type stuff this one's pretty obvious This one's more just kind of thumbing their noses at their audience. Right, right. Which we would never do, Diggheads. No, never. We love you! We might nose our thumbs, but probably not thumb our noses. Yeah, of course not.

You a fan of the Aqua Teen, Josh? Big fan. Big fan. Haven't seen it in a little bit, but yeah, those guys are really funny. I've never really given it much of a chance. It's very good. Some of it's really weird. Some of the episodes just make me feel dirty, really creepy.

Why? There's one episode where I think Carl, their big fat... Landlord? No, he's not their landlord. He's their neighbor. Oh, okay. But yeah, big fat guy wife beater purple sweatpants right um he somehow they ended up in the woods and like he i think he

cut down part of a tree right and all the trees came to life or something that had to do with paper and they held like a tribunal for him, like the sacred order of the trees or something. The trees came to life and they had these weird faces. And then they ended up skinning Carl alive using his skin as paper. And they're hanging upside down. And this tree just comes over and rips off this huge chunk of his back hair. Or not his back hair, his skin off his back. And he's just like, oh, oh, God.

Wow. He's just like oh oh god wow and he's just waiting for the joke and it just kind of ends and you're like what the fuck was that so yeah it's a good show though

good show I saw their live act as well they did like a little live how could they possibly do that well it was like

more like a variety show type thing they had some of the characters come up how would they have some of the characters come up in big foam suits i think they did that a little bit but they just had like the creator and one of the guys that does the voices come out and they did songs and stuff like that wasn't there an aquatine movie at one point yeah not very good either not very good yeah difficult a lot of times when they take the cult hits and

make them into feature-length films yeah mystery science theater 3000 being an example aren't there several uh movies uh as far as i know there's only one theatrical release i mean um but aren't they all technically movies yeah that's that's the weird thing is yeah i think it was mostly just that it was in theaters i think um but it's a little like i think maybe they trimmed down the movies that they watch on the show. Right. You know, I don't think they reviewed the entire thing. Right.

I don't know. I actually hadn't thought about that. But I know that one went to movie theaters and it wasn't very good. Well, I will be goddamned. Maybe we should bring our guest into this conversation. Yeah. Go ahead, guest. Just kidding.

We don't have a guest this week. We got you. I thought you were smarter than that, Diggheads. Diggheads, you're better than that. You're better than that. Oh, boy. Man. Just when you think you know some people.

Only our audience. Wow. Bunch of SOBs. Yeah. Just when you think you know some people. Only our audience. Wow. Bunch of SOBs. Yeah. A bunch of SOBs. Gabbo. Yeah. So this will be released, I think, on Monday.

So this would be Monday the 14th. Great film. Monday the 14th. Great film. Monday the 14th. So, yeah, we tried to land a guest for today, Friday, November 11th. But we failed. We did fail because I am going to New York, or I will have already gone to New York. And, boy, did I have a great time. Mike, I heard.

Are you sure? Yeah. And I heard you killed it at the Michael Ian Black show. I think you got things a little mixed up here. I'm pretty sure I had a great time and you were killed in New York. Oh, no. No. That didn't happen.

Well, that's what my seventh sense is telling me. If I was killed in New York, how am I speaking to you now on Monday? If you had a seventh sense, what would it be? Obviously, the sixth sense would be ESP. What would your seventh sense be? See dead people. I think that counts as sixth. See titties.

X-ray vision for titties. Okay. X-ray vision. Only for titties? Only for titties. That goes for guys, too. It's a gift and a curse. I mean, you can see guys.

I mean, it wouldn't be that bad if that's the only negative side effect. Seeing guys' titties? Yeah. I mean, I could live with that. Whoa. I think we've got to dive deep into a subject here. Somebody's attracted to guy titties. Just because I'm saying that it's being able to see guy titties. Just because I'm saying that it's being able to see guy titties.

Just because I'm masturbating to guy titties right now does not mean. Somebody just came. Why do guys have titties? Fat. But why the nipples? The nipples? Yeah. What do you mean?

Why do we have nipples? Oh, so we can lactate in times of emergency? No, no. You've never done that? Like you've never almost come close to dying in a car crash and then you look at your shirt and there's residual milk? And you save everyone out of your milk. Yeah. It's like your fight or flight response kicks in.

I have heard that men can and do lactate at times. And apparently that's true and proven. Oh, wait. I know why we men can and do lactate at times. Now what I'm unclear, and apparently that's true and proven. Oh wait, I know why we have them. To get them pierced. Yeah, yeah. To look cool. But what is unclear, I've heard this, and I don't think it's true, but I've heard that

men lactate so that if the wife or the mother of the child dies in childbirth, he can nurse the child. I don't think that's a reality, though. Wow. What if you found out that your dad nursed you? Oh, wow.

Well, I mean, when you think about the stuff that your parents do to you when you're a baby, I mean, the places that they touch you. What do you mean the places that they touch you what do you mean like that like that whole i think i know why you're attracted to guy titties now no but you think about it like if think about it man i mean i was nude when i came out of my mom i would not want to do that now so wait what are you what are you saying here that uh i'm i'm saying that if I were to find out that I was breastfed by my father. Until you were six years old. I'd remember that.

I can remember way back. I remember when I was three. Really? Yeah. What happened? What's your memory? I can remember my third birth. I can remember turning three.

Yeah, I can remember holding my fingers up as indicating three with three fingers as my father took a picture of me you were in the nude you just got done you just got done suckling his teeth swiping a little bit of spittle from a dad's two percent of my fresh three-year-old lips you you think you remember that or do you no i'm fairly certain i remember that there's a picture of me and and i remember the picture being taken i do have like very very like very strong memories of being four definitely i pretty much remember that whole year the whole year i kind of yeah like as much as any other year and uh and i can kind of, yeah, like as much as any other year. And I can kind of remember before that.

December 22nd, 1984. I was playing with He-Man. You're not helping this whole gay. Not the action figures. The actual man. My neighbor, Norman, he asked me to call him He-Man. I was likely watching-Man. I was likely watching Sesame Street.

I remember a lot of that. I remember it was Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers. Then they alternated a little bit. For a while it was 3-2-1 Contact. I don't remember that. I think that was right at the end of its run. Also there was the one with Morgan Freeman. What was it called?

Spider-Man. Yeah, there's Spider-Man and Morgan Freeman. What was it called? Spider-Man. Yeah, there's Spider-Man and Morgan Freeman. And it was called something. What was it? It was some learning show. And Morgan Freeman was on it. And it had Spider-Man. But you had to read what he was saying.

Invictus. No. Shawshank Redemption. No. You want to get out of here, just climb up the wall, Spider-Man. Peter Parker. I knew I liked him from the first time I met him. Peter Parker crawled into Shawshank in 1932 and swung out a free man.

There was weapon all over the place. He left that night. But I'd like to think that I got to know him. Peter Parker served two hours and 37 minutes at Shawshank Penitentiary. Just short of two football fields. He was emptying webbing all over the place. Now the warden didn't like George.

The warden Dr. Octopus. The Spider-Man redemption. When he's doing the voiceover, the person's just like, Morgan, what are you reading? Four hours and making up his own Spider-Man Shawshank fan fiction.

Now penguins have to avoid polar bears. Remember the Onion headline that was Morgan Freeman narrating out of control? The government had been called in to stop him. He's just holed up smoking a cigarette somewhere in a sound booth.

I could just see him with a tiny old-fashioned recorder in a closet with a microphone. Eyes all wide. I'm surrounded in this closet. There's blouses. I don't know what those two women were singing about. I first saw this blouse in 1942.

But I'd like to think it had something to do with the lizard. Morgan, get out of there! So you're playing with He-Man. Right. And when you played with He-Man, you just had him doing curls and stuff. No, no. I had him. No, there was much violence.

Much violence? Of every, I will say this, and it has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but of every line of toys that I took part in as far as having ownership of, He-Man were the figures that I had the most. Figures and accessories. What does that tell you? I had a big old bucket full of He-Man figures and the castle and that Puma. A big old bucket full of He-Man. Yep.

Skeletors. That's how I'm going to describe myself on my LinkedIn profile now. Website. My favorite website is big bucket of He-Man. I hate the website big bucket of Skeletor. So terrible. I mean, He-Man must have been way before your time, right? No.

Yeah, I remember watching He-Man. Wow. I think I jerked. I mean, I saw a couple episodes. She-Ra, I would... Never mind. What? Nothing.

Throw off a cliff and then masturbate to He-Man? Is that what you're about to say? Yeah. I gotcha. I'd have that tiger eater. You refer to your penis as your tiger, right? Yeah. My tiger would eat her less.

What was He-Man's tiger called? Do you remember? That's actually called my penis. Gary. Gary. Gary the tiger. It wasn't, He-Man like had an alter ego, right? Like Adam or something.

Yeah, a straight guy. And that was. Hugh Jackman. Was that, so he was like He-Man had an alter ego, right? Like Adam or something? Yeah, a straight guy. And that was... Hugh Jackman. Was that... So he was like He-Man in disguise? How does that work? He just has... He's like a giant guy with glasses?

No, he didn't even wear glasses. He just had different clothes and a different name. I think I was confused about that as a child. I wasn't sure if it was like a Clark Kent type of thing going on. Right, that's what I'm picturing. He just puts glasses. Why would he ever need to be in disguise, though? I don't know. Everybody else seems perfectly fine about flaunting

their otherworldliness. Oh, I thought you were about to say those big muscles. Everybody else seems fine with it. Was He-Man, now that I think about it, I bet you He-Man was like the initiating the giant muscle superhero craze of the 80s and 90s. No way, because Superman was way before him. to think about it i bet you he-man was like the initiating the big the giant muscle superhero

craze of the 80s and 90s no way because superman was way before but he didn't look he didn't have like bulging muscles like sticking out like that he did he uh i think in the 90s no like even in like the action comics time i'm pretty sure he's flat no you think he's flat like in the old action comics like those guys would just like look like middle-aged men that were wearing regular shirts. Right, right. Just like John Q. American. Like, oh, I'm a strong guy. Yeah.

Strongest of the strong men. I do. Well, maybe G.I. Joe is a part of that. Maybe. Yeah, that's true. That's very true. And then, well, I guess you had your Batmans. But I feel like most comic book characters did not.

You watched the Batmans? Did not have that ultra-muscular, super-tight shirt look until at least late 80s, early 90s. Hmm. I don't know about that. I think we're going to have to do some research on that. But I'm going to think that they were already pretty muscular. I don't think they that. I think we're going to have to do some research. All right. But I'm going to think that they were already pretty muscular. I don't think they were as muscular as they are now. That's all I'm saying.

I'm not saying that they were like, you know, Jared from the Subway commercials. He's not muscular at all. Well, he looks a lot better than he did, and we should give him credit for that. For eating a bunch of Subway? Well, it's not because he saved his life. Did he really, though? Well, maybe he was he saved his life. Did he really, though? Well, maybe he was a big fat guy. He could have died at any time.

That's true. He could have just exploded on the street. It would have been candy for all. Fat people are full of candy. Is that what you're insinuating? Yes, that's why the Hispanics have them hung up as piñatas. Hispanics just see Jared on TV like, ooh, I'd love to

crack that open. Meals, meals. They get really disappointed when they show up at Subway. Fuck, I was just about to ask you something.

And I forget. I forgot what I was gonna say. I forgot what I was gonna say. I forgot what I was going to say. I forgot what I was going to say. I forgot what I was going to say. It probably wasn't that important any old way. Yeah, so no guests this week. Sorry, Dig Heads.

Sorry. Busy weekend, but we appreciate all the support we've been getting. Yes, we do. Yeah. And Mike. Do you ever need anything? Anything. At all.

We were going to have Jen Tisdale back on the podcast today, but she had to bow out. She had a good time with the weasel. But apparently money is more important than her friends. Yeah. As work duties kept her from hanging out today. Yeah, a bunch of duty. Let's see. Jen Tisdale's Facebook status is, oh, dot, dot, dot.

Did I forget to check into scores last night with Pauly Shore? Question mark. Jesus, period. Hmm. Wild story there. Jesus, period. So. Wild story there. So what do you, what do you make of that?

Do you think she's joking or do you think she really went to scores with Pauly shore? I'm thinking she really went to scores with Pauly shore. Okay. Let me ask you this. Um, is there a person you would not go to scores with? So just for the story, Pauly shore,

you wouldn't go to scores with Pau for the story. Pauly Shore. You wouldn't go to scores with Pauly Shore? No, I probably would. Let's face it, I'll do anything to be around anything resembling something better than what I've got. Really? Titty-wise?

Yeah. How are you with the strip clubs, Josh? Not a fan. Not a fan. Not a fan. Not a fan. So I'm not suggesting that you're fanatical about strip clubs. I know. You're fanatical about pointing out that fan is fanatical.

Yeah. I went to a couple strip clubs. A couple strip clubs. I went to a couple strip clubs. A couple strip clubs. I went to a couple strip clubs. And boy, was my face red. Yeah, so we went to Montreal, some friends of mine. Right. I think we were like 17 or 18.

18, you can drink and gamble in Montreal. So that's why I went. We were super excited. And we went to, they were going to strip clubs because you can go to strip clubs when you're 18 you're like oh that's everywhere that's not just yeah yeah well anyway we went right and uh i was uh it's pretty most of the chicks in there were uh i don't want to be mean but it looked like they shaved several Sasquatch. Those ugly bitches, they shave down and call strippers. Best fit to be models for ugly people. Models for ugly.

I'm a model, but, yeah, I model just ugly stuff. Yeah, why aren't there, like, ugly models to cater to ugly people more? Like, you want to see people like you, you know? It's the answer to cosmopolitan. Just ugly-politan. For us, by us. Cosmo. I can't think of a pun there.

Yeah, me either. We'll cut that part out. But yeah, so we're in there, and as soon as I walk in, there's a chick, a little older, I'd say, knocking on 40's door. Right. And she is stripping to Metallica's Sad But True. Nice. Which was pretty on point for the whole setting.

Right. You're a stripper. That's how you make your living in front of 18 year old american boys sad but true but track two off of their famous black album from 1991 yep and she was gyrating right to like the bass drum where it's like sad but like right that kind of grossed me out and then there's porn on tv. There's porn on TVs? Yeah. Wow, this must have been the most amazing time of your life. I came immediately.

And porn. So get to the problem that you have here. Where's the shitty part, faggot? But the porn was just gnarly. It was a chick. She was on her knees jerking off two guys onto her face and guys that basically had the hugest dicks I've ever seen. She's just like jerking them off on her face. And then one of these.

Oh, yeah. I've seen that movie. That looks much better. Jerking off two guys on your face. Part died. Chicken soup for jerking off two guys on your face part died chicken soup for jerking off it's actually loosely based on a philip k take novel but they changed a lot of the stuff so i think they just wanted to put his name in the title right that's one of those harry potter prequels um yeah and then i don't know the chick just came up to me and she was kind of gnarly and it's like hey you want to dance?

Right. No, no thanks. They dance with you there? Or like a lap dance? Lap dance. Like, did you want to go get a lap dance? They tap you on the shoulder like, may I have this lap dance? Hello.

Yeah, and I was not into it. It was funny, though. A friend of mine gave another friend of mine, allegedly gave him ecstasy. And we're at the strip club. Without him knowing? No, he knew. Okay. Oh, yeah.

Sorry. But, yeah, did not, like, you know, put it in his drink or anything secretly. But he, while we're there, like, hey, you feeling anything from that ecstasy? Because it's the first time he'd ever done it. He's like, no, no, no, no. But he kept doing this thing where he's licking his lips right yeah but almost like in a way like wow it feels really good and like he couldn't control it just like like lick at his leg so you could tell i think it was starting to kick in to sneak it in no it was just like one of those casual like

like like he's wiping his nose right like kind of like a tick. And yeah, so friends of ours, of course, bought him a lap dance, bought him one. And then I don't think he – I left, and he wasn't back by then. He was gone for like a half hour. So we think he bought like several more dances. Brilliant. As the ecstasy was probably kicking in. I could see that happening. Yeah.

It's understandable. Yeah. So that was pretty funny. But no, the whole thing just kind of grossed me out. Right. But maybe if the ladies were a bit more attractive. I know it's really shallow to say. But I mean, it gets very expensive in there.

Oh, yeah. Like lap dances and stuff. Yeah, it's not really worth it. The whole scene. That's weird that they had like hardcore pornography on TV screens. Real hardcore. It was gnarly. Like that must be really awkward.

Like if you're, you know, trying. I mean, because strip clubs, like, get kind of casual when you're there a while. You know what I mean? No. Like, you start talking to people and asking them about things. Oh, okay. You know. Hmm.

Have you been to the strip club? Yeah, I've been to several. Oh. Hold on one second, all right? Okay. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. several oh hold on one second all right okay and we're back we are back mike you were gonna tell me about these clubs was i that you go to no i don't go to them where that you frequent no let me just say this is is Jacob Titty and we're...

Welcome back to Titty Talk. Jacob Titty. It's Tuesday and it's Titty Talk time. What if you changed your name to Titty? Josh Titty. Hi, this is Jacob Titty and my lovely co-host, Miles Boubet. Boubet.

That's implied. Implied, lisa or implode all right mike so what's your what's your strip club experience i don't really have um i i i oh i know a story about you what strip clubs oh all right let's hear it i heard from whom it's all over the news. It is not. No, I've been to a few in my day. I dated a girl once who likes to go to them for some reason. Oh, I thought you were going to say you dated a girl who's a stripper.

No, no. Can I say the story? Oh, yeah. Actually, maybe I did. Not her, but I dated. Actually, I think I've dated two women in my life who later were strippers, at least for a period of time. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Their names? And their stripper names. Gladys. Coming to stage, Gladys. Beatrice. Get your wallets ready, fellas. Here comes Gladys. Gertrude and Beatrice Get your wallets ready fellas Here comes G-g-g-g-gladis

Gertrude and Beatrice Ramona Don't be a bitch Here comes Beatrice No Don't be a bitch No Marty

What about women named Marty What Piper Piper I can. What about women named Marty? What? Piper. Piper, I can understand. What woman is named Marty? There's women named Marty. No.

Yeah. Marty is short for Martin. Well, maybe it's also short for Martha or something else. There's definitely women named Marty. Marty. So Marty and I fucked last night. I can't either, dude. No, no no no no it's marty you know marty you know how uh you know when you worked at the there's the dishwasher you which was an endless supply of funny jokes yes he's a lay ocean gentleman whose name is you right um what's up you so you could write your you could write like a good 20 2525 jokes a night

with him yeah and yeah there's also someone there years ago named me yeah and apparently

one day Un came into a manager's meeting and referring to her brother whose name was oh what the hell is his name

Dunn Fun no I forget his name but she essentially and me was a woman who was dating her brother. And she essentially said, I came home and found my brother having sex with me or something like that. He was fucking me. He fucked me all over my house.

Yeah, that's pretty much what she said. There's another dishwasher because they get all their dishwashers from uh from laos uh the guy's name is very nice but his name is spelled uh t-s-u-n but and we're like well how do you say it he's like oh coon just say coon really and they're like no no we can't call you because paper moon has a very open um very, too. And you're always facing the dishwasher and you have to ask him for plates and stuff. So he can't just be like, hey, Coon, I need some small bowls. Hey, Coon, go fucking bust. It's bad enough how openly we refer to home fries as homies.

I feel like that turns some heads sometimes. Homies. Get those homies out of here. It's like that. God damn it, there's homies everywhere. What's the status on those homies, get those homies out of here. It's like that. God damn it. There's homies everywhere. What's the status on those homies? You was great. Uh, a great dishwasher.

Cause he always had a funny voice. Like, Hey, you'd be like, hello. Yeah. Yeah. He was a good, he was a good foreign guy. Yeah. Cause he always had the pitch. Whenever, whatever he said, it would always go up at the end.

Right. Right. Hello. You think he's listening right now? I hope so. He's a good guy. Yeah, he is. He's the high five. My man, Don.

Don's probably my favorite dishwasher. Him and I bonded over sexual and potty humor. Yeah. Sometimes both. Did he ever make food for you? He makes food for me sometimes. It's really good. i've had a little bit of stuff that he's made yeah i've had some of that usually it's pretty spicy yeah pretty spicy dishes but um i remember i got don there's a sandwich that he really liked i need to know what it was called so i told him it was called big Nut. So the way that the line is set up, where I would be working,

I would basically be facing the dishwasher because you always have to ask him for certain things. So he'd be like, hey, Josh, Big Nut for me? Big Nut? And then I think he eventually knew what it was, and then he was such a good sport, he still played along. He's like, Josh, Big Nut, hot. I like Big Nut, hot.

Do you get the sense that he intentionally tries to sound like a foreign guy? You know what I mean? He just goes home and he's just like, oh, bother. What a long day. I know, but I think he like toils. Like saying things like,

no good, me. And things like that. I just don't think he's he's learned a lot actually but it's like he just plays into like the stereotype like i think he like tries to keep it cute yeah right yeah he's like i don't want any more responsibility he's like dish me washed And I'm like, ah! Me eat dog. You make me dog kiss deer. Dog nut. Josh, for me. And then I remember when he first started, he was like fresh off the boat and didn't really know any English.

And I think he was terrified of un. Really? And he was across from me doing dishes and I was working. And he sneezed and I looked at him and I got a really serious look and i looked i was like don no we do not do do not let on catch you do that and he got so scared he just like he just had like these big eyes like oh my god i can't believe i did that and then i told then i think that's what kind of started us choking around i was like no i'm just fucking with you you can sneeze all you want he He was like, oh, okay, okay. And then he would later fuck with me as well.

Say a larger woman would pass and he would say, hey, huh? Big pussy. Yeah, he does a lot of that. Yeah, so I don't know how it is in Laos, but apparently the bigger you are, the bigger your vagina gets. I guess that's how Asian people work. Yeah. Maybe that's why they're all so skinny. They're afraid of getting those ginormous vaginas.

Cavernous vaginas. Luray vaginas. Luray? Like Luray caverns. What about Inlet's Cavern? Have you ever been there? Nope. Well, that sucks

what if that was a podcast just you and i just don't agree on anything or have nowhere to start good weather day huh i mean no not really i mean i guess it's all relative but it brings me out i'm not enjoying it it's's pretty uncomfortable, honestly. Right. I think Ted Danson's really doing well on CSI. Big shoes to fill, but the show's been pretty entertaining. The shoes really weren't that big, to be quite honest with you. I think any

D-list actor could step into that role. My aunt's going in for surgery. Well My aunt's going in for surgery No No she's not Okay Well how about this I think that

Racism is bad See Mike That's where I'm gonna have to disagree It's those god damn Jungle buns Oh wow Jungle buns Mike, that's where I'm going to have to disagree. It's those goddamn jungle buns. Oh, wow. Jungle buns.

Buns, buns, buns. All right, should we wrap this quick podcast up? Yeah, let's put a bullet in this tight dog. Let's all yell at this. Let's take this podcast out back and shoot it. Taking things out back and shoot it. All right, let's take a break, and then we'll say our goodbyes. All right.

Digheads, we're wrapping this one up. I know it's a quick ep, but we didn't have a guest. Stop giving us the third degree. Yeah, look, we're sorry. Jesus. We aren't much. What have you ever done for us? Besides download and promote and say nice things to us. Yeah.

Besides that, I mean. Yeah. Digheads, we're working on a hot shirt. Hot shirts. Multiple shirts. You want to be the first to get it on the shirt. Yeah. We'll be giving some away for free when they are ready.

I'd say maybe some of the first people to email us or post on our Facebook page. We got to fucking get all this stuff aligned. We've got to figure out one central location. Daniel Hefner, shout out to that dig head. He's going to work on getting us a website, I think. Oh, nice. So we'd have a forum for each episode and stuff like that. Cool.

Eventually, hopefully, we'll have digressionsessions.com or something like that for a central location. Awesome. So, yeah, once we have shirts, we'll let you guys know. Maybe the first 52 people to approach us will get one for free. Okay. Okay. Sorry, that 52nd person should have been there.

Also, Mike, you did a great job this weekend at the show. Oh, thanks. Yeah, it went pretty well. I can't believe Michael Ian Black said he should retire after watching your performance. Yeah, yeah, I know. Yeah, well, I think that's because his heart's giving out. Right. I don't think that really had much to do with my performance.

And is it true that he asked you if he could cup his hands when you take a bowel movement and that you would shit in his hands? Is it true that he asked you to do that? No. Oh. Urinate in his hands. Urinate in his hands. That's what they say about Jesus. Not a 10?

Well, no, because Jesus would be a 10. Well, Jesus would be a 9. God would be a 10. Hmm. Mohammed, be a 9. God would be a 10. Hmm. Mohammed, maybe a 9. I mean a 10. Sorry.

I don't know about that. We'll check the math on that one. Shut up, shut up, shut up. What about John Smith? Adam Smith? Was that his name? The guy who started. Joseph Smith. Yeah.

What about him? How would you rate him? On a scale. On a profit scale. 11. Really? Wow. Push it to 11.

Where did the name Mormon come from? Shouldn't it be like Smithian? Smith? Yeah, I don't know. Smithsonian? Well, they're actually Jamaicans. So when he was telling them the stories, like, I'm just going to end it there. They're like, no, Mormon.

Right? Wow. Right. Mormon. No, Mormon. I'm sorry, dickheads. You're scraping the barrel on this one. Mormon. I'm sorry, dickheads. You're scraping the barrel on this one. More mom.

Come to the Facebook page and tell us who your favorite prophet is. Buddha. Jesus. Mohammed. What do you rank on? Buddha is really a prophet. No. More of just a philosopher, I think. Well, we'll leave that up to the message board.

All right. We'll see what's happening. David Koresh. Isn't he the guy that they murdered? Well, it depends on what your definition of murder is. But, yeah, he was killed by the FBI. Is he the one they had the compound and they rushed this compound? Yeah.

Yeah, what happened with that? He was just, like, having a bunch of sex. Well, it depends on who you ask. There's different sides to it. Some say it was like a dangerous cult in which he was molesting young women and things of that nature and stockpiling arms. Others said that it really wasn't anything dangerous. It was just a little slightly weird religious sect going on that were involved in gun shows that really weren't stockpiling arms

or anything. Right. And that the government in a breach of liberty killed a bunch of people for no good reason. There's a lot of controversy surrounding it. Yeah, as in, yeah, I think

what they try to say is that they fired first. Yeah, there's a lot of controversy. Yeah, as in, yeah, I think what they try to say is that they fired first. Yeah, there's a lot of controversy around that. A lot of people kind of think they should have just been left alone to do their thing. Apparently, you know. Before we wrap up, are there any more tragic events you think we should touch on? That we should promote?

Yeah. No, I think that's about it. Rape of Nan King. Don't want to talk about it. Rape of Nan King, don't want to talk about it Rape of Don King You didn't hear? No Only in America

I think we've come to a halt A screeching halt What do you think Mike? Yeah, I think so Should we just try to a halt, a screeching halt. What do you think, Mike? Yeah, I think so. Should we just try to drag this on a little longer? Sure. People have the stop, delete option.

I wish they didn't. Oh, man. I've been craving steak lately. Why don't you have one? Yeah, maybe I will. It's dangerous when i get super hungry why because you just eat and eat because i'm in danger of like going to i've been fantasizing about going to like one of those horrible like country buffets like uh yeah i like i like gorging at home more though well yeah it's a little right yeah it's a little easier to do that like you're less embarrassed you can have your own little party like i just feel more comfortable too i usually

want to watch like a movie or something yeah me too me too but but i you know it's not so much the atmosphere that i'm craving as the food that's available there oh heck i hate the food i just love the people i love the people i don't go to Golden Corral for the food. I mean, that's just mediocre. It's more of the atmosphere. Everybody's so friendly. Conversation. The porno playing on the TVs. She's really jerking them good. More mashed potatoes, please.

The lap dances. You get lap dances at Golden Corral now? Yeah, times are tough, man. I got to make the deals to bring the people in. Texas willies. I thought that's what you were calling the lap dance. How much for a Texas willie? It does sound like a sexual move.

Yeah, probably. So then, yeah, I shouldn't even see it coming. I just fucking taxi willie. Texas willie there. Is it Texas willie or cactus willie? Cactus. That's why I was like, what? All right.

Shout out to Cactus Willie, a guest on next week's podcast. Congratulations, Jen Tisdale of the Pauly Shore Show. Oh, yeah. We'll have Jen in soon. Yeah. And, yeah, thanks for listening, Dig Heads. We are off to the Golden Corral. Mmm. You just say you do.

Get in my pants. Bye.