The Digression Sessions - Ep. 110 - Danny Charnley & Tok Moffat!

Episode Date: February 24, 2014

Follow us on Twitter! Josh - @BetterRobotJosh Mike - @MichaelMoran10 Tok - @TheTokMoff Danny - @DanKCharnley   And come see Josh and Mike do stand up and improv live! DigressionSessions.com/Calendar   FIND US ON FACEBOOK TOO! WE LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU!

What was the line? I love ya! Uh, it is, uh, the digression sessions. Yeah, the digression sessions. Not your grandpa's third favorite podcast. In Baltimore. In Baltimore. The digression sessions.

Not your grandpa's third favorite podcast. In. In. Baltimore. Baltimore. In. I'm sorry. In.

En Español. Por. I'm sorry. In. En Español. Por Fútbol. Okay. Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey everybody, I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to The Degression Sessions Podcast, a Baltimore-based comedy talk show

hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence as we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes.

Who's the guest this week? Danny Charnley and Toc Moffitt are the guests on this week's program. Two super, super funny stand-ups. Came by to chat with yours truly and my co-pilot when Jesus calls out sick mr mike tugboat moran

and uh yeah we had a pretty fun chat um this was uh yeah we talked about twitter a lot which uh you can find these guys both on twitter uh danny is at dan k charnley that's c-H-A-R-N-L-E-Y. Because he has a neck tattoo. Also, Tok. Tok Moffat. He is the Tok Moff. That's T-O-K-M-O-F-F. Why?

Because Danny has a neck tattoo. Yeah, no, go follow these guys. They're very, very funny. And we talk about Twitter because Danny, the elephant in the room is that Danny has a billion followers, probably the most popular Twitter, a comedian with a Twitter in the DMV area, as we call it, D.C., Maryland, Virginia area.

And, yeah, so we talk about that and i brag a little about some of my tweets which is you know it's great uh you know hey come on the show and then we'll talk about my tweet how about that that'll be fun for everybody involved all the other parties that aren't me yeah let's do that and uh um yeah you can follow me on twitter i dare you to find me on twitter you fucks huh you think you got the balls to land on my profile and hit the follow button well pal i'd like to see you goddamn well try all right let's yeah it's at better robot josh give it a shot see what happens. Hot shot. Huh?

You can also follow Mike Moran if you got even more fucking balls. You can follow him. He is at MichaelMoran10. The podcast itself is at DigSeshPod. And as always, we thank you for listening. Yeah, this episode was kind of a quick one. Danny was coming up to do a show in Ellicott city, which is just outside of Baltimore and, uh, talk was with him.

He was going to do that show as well. And, uh, we're supposed to have talk and his partner that he runs a few rooms, uh, in Maryland. Uh, his partner, Ryan Nazer, um, also a super funny comedian. We're supposed to have talk and Ryan on and Ryan on And we just keep rescheduling Because nobody's schedules can match up And so it's pretty insane But it was nice to have Toc on Who is very funny

We're going to try to get him and Ryan on the show together This one, yeah, it was a quick episode It was snowing that day So we tried to shove this one in there real quick But yeah, it was still a fun chat. We talked about Twitter, farting, you know, all the good stuff. Yeah, I think that's all I'm going to say. Yeah, this was a good episode.

I hope you guys enjoy it. As always, thank you so much for listening. You can find us on iTunes, of course, digressionsessions.com slash calendar has all of our upcoming dates. Yeah, I almost forgot to plug stuff. What? This is crazy. Yeah, if you want to see me and Mike live doing some stand-up and improv, you can see all of our dates at digressionsessions.com slash calendar. I have a bunch of stuff this week.

I will be in Baltimore Wednesday the 26th. I'm doing two shows. 8 o'clock I'll be at the Creative Alliance in Patterson Park in Baltimore doing stand-up there. And then right after that I'll be doing McGitty's Pub in Canton, Baltimore. For the addresses and all that stuff, you can go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar. Friday, February 28th, I'll be in New York. Super excited about this slash nervous. I'll be doing stand-up for the first time in New York on February 28th

at the Cobra Club in Brooklyn, New York. Going to be awesome. That's at 9 p.m. I wonder if you guys can hear the dog barking in the background. I like to keep it professional on these intros. And then on Tuesday, March 4th, I will be at Magoobie's in their little side room. I think it's called the Wits End Saloon,

and I'll be doing stand-up there. So come out to that. If you're in the area, I'm very excited to go to New York. I'm super nervous. If we have any digheads listening in the area, it would be awesome to meet some of you. It would be really cool if you'd come out to a show. Like I said, digressionsessions.com. Can't stress that enough.

Come see us live. There's a donate button on the website if you want to hit that. Me and Mike really appreciate it. That goes towards hosting services and hopefully getting some better equipment here, better microphones and all that stuff. And yeah, whatever you want to donate. Every little bit

really does help. And whatever you donate, we'll send out some free stickers or any kind of digression sessions. Swag. Swag? No. Swag that we have. We're trying to get some new shirts soon too, so we'll keep you Stickers or any kind of digression sessions, swag, schwag, swag? No, schwag that we have. We're trying to get some new shirts soon, too, so we'll keep you updated on that. And remember when I said that's all I had to say about like 10 minutes ago?

You guys remember that? You guys aren't even listening. Come on. You're not even listening, you crazy kids. Yeah, so I think that's it. Find us on Facebook. Plug, plug, So I think that's it. Find us on Facebook. Plug, plug,

plug. Come see us live. Follow Danny and talk on Twitter. Like I said, Danny is at D a N K neck tattoo and talk is at the talk moth. Um, yeah. So without any further ado,

thank you for listening. And we love you. Test, test, one, two. All right. All right, we're all here. Danny brought his notes. Got Mike Moran sitting to my left here. Or his tweets.

Or his tweets. Hey. What? It might be his tweets. It might be his tweets. Yeah. It's either Mike Moran or Danny's tweets. All right.

Look, Tuck, I have not introduced you yet. You're talking a lot. Okay? All right? I'm sorry. I'm talking a lot. You are talking too much. Pretty soon, talking is going to become a term for talking too much.

Have you heard that joke before? No, yeah. No, he hasn't. He hasn't. We're killing it. Hey, Mike, how are you? I'm good. Great.

I'm good. I'm a little tired. Okay. How are you? I'm well. Feeling good. All right. Got two sexy men here, and Danny and Talker also here.

Let's take a break. That was cute. Hey, you guys know we're just joking with you, right? Yeah, we're just busting your fucking balls. You guys are cool, right? Yeah, this is no time for comedy. Yeah, let's be serious. No time for jokes.

Good. Israel, Palestine, what's up? Danny, go. Palawa? Yeah, that's right. Taka? Jewish. Palestine ain't no pal-a-mine.

That's what the Israels say. Palestine? Barely newer. What about RL style? It's been real. Don't get me started on that, Jew hater. But it hasn't been Israel. Don't.

All right. No, but seriously, we got two funny guys here. Yeah. And also Danny and Tyler. But seriously, seriously guys come on oh yeah all right one more time one more time one more oh yeah it's all good all right boom now we got danny charnley how are you buddy i'm great great thank you hey no thank you thank you i would like to also thank you. Thank you, guys.

Hey, you're welcome. We've been trying to work this out for a while. I would text you. You'd be like, yeah, that sounds good. I'd be like, all right, man, when do you want to come by? And then I'd be like, hey, man, you still want to come by? Like, yeah, okay. And then six months would pass.

And now we're here. Must be nice. I didn't like you for a really long time. Yeah. But now. Still hate you. Okay. But you're here. Here. Here. Yeah. But now. Still hate you. Okay. But you're here.

Here. Here. Started from the bottom. Now you're. Can only go up. Still kind of at the bottom. Still hovering around the bottom. Well, you're still in the game. Still in the game.

Yep. And Mr. Talk Moffat. Yes. How are you, buddy? I'm excellent. Awesome. Yeah. Glad to be here.

We've been having some scheduling issues too, huh? Right. Huh? Did they ever call you Little Miss Moffat? All the time. Never heard it. Never heard it before. All these jokes that you...

There's no time for jokes, guys. Yeah. We're original. Yeah. Completely original. Just off the dome. All right. Now let's do the top 10.

Top 10 talk jokes. Enjoy your burrito. Got to get it on. No choice. What's that from? Adam Carolla's podcast. Oh, okay. Let's see here.

We got Talk. Runs a room in Frederick, Maryland with his good buddy Ryan. Yep. Called The Cellar Door. Every Sunday, right? Every other Sunday. Every other Sunday, right? Yeah.

And then we have an open mic at Church Street Pub. Yes. On Tuesdays. Every other Sunday, right? Yeah, and then we have an open mic at Church Street Pub. Yes, on Tuesdays. Every Tuesday. Damn right. Why do we have the energy level of like Sunday afternoon NPR? I think it's these guys. They came in. We were smoking weed on the way up. Were you guys smoking drugs?

No. We weren't burning pot leaves. If anything, you were discussing your relationships with your parents. Yeah, or lack thereof. Do you guys have any meth or anything we could... Oh, yeah, that's after the show, though. Okay. That's a part of our digression session.

Get it back. Now, are we talking adone or amphetamine? That must get confusing in the drug world, right? Because they call both of them meth. I don't think people are jonesing for methadone, though. What are you talking... Yeah, they are. Yes, they are. Oh, yeah? That's like one of them meth. I don't think people are jonesing for methadone, though. What are you talking about? Yeah, they are. Yes, they are. Oh, yeah? That's like one of the most

addictive drugs in the world. Yeah, but that's supposed to get you off of methamphetamines. Well, it gets you off heroin generally, I think. Maybe other stuff. I don't know the words. It allows you to function, but apparently it's nearly impossible to get off of. Alright, guys.

What's up, guys? Hey, who hurt you guys? We're having fun, right? No time for jokes. Okay, great, great, great, great. Danny? Uh-huh? How long you been doing stand-up, buddy?

I just started two days ago. Oh, wow. That explains a lot. I've been doing it for two years. Okay. People years or dog years? Dog.

Figured. So you've been doing it 14 years. Yes. Clearly, if you've ever seen my act, I'm still doing open mice. Since you were

in your mid-30s. Killing it. I'm 52, by the way. You look great. Do you moisturize? I do. Nice. Is the neck tattoo, that's what keeps you 52, by the way. You look great. Do you moisturize? I do. Nice. Is the neck tattoo, that's what keeps you young, right?

Yes. That needs to be moisturized several times or else it gets mad and puts cigarettes out on me. I just had a thought. I could convince people that I got a tattoo just by drawing something on myself in the same spot for every day. Yep. Yeah, then you'd be crazy. Just a little crazy. That would be pretty funny, though.

No, no, no, bro. It is Jesus. It's real. I know when I sweat, it starts to run a little bit, but it's real. It's totally real. That's how prison tats work. It was done with Pruno and a dream, all right, pal? Don't judge.

Don't judge. Is that the only tattoo you have, Danny? You famously talk about your tattoo on your neck a lot. There's no way. If you have a neck tattoo, there's no way that's the only tattoo you have. I didn't start there. Yeah, that's like... Fuck the training wheels. Put it on my neck. That's like going right to methamphetamine.

Like, you know you've at least tried pot if you do methamphetamine. Nope. Never even smoked a cigarette. Just jumped right in. Just right into meth. Never probably even did the pots. Nope, never even smoked a cigarette. Just jumped right into meth. Never probably even did the pots. He just went right to the meths. No pot-toking. Huh?

No pot-smoke-leaf-toking. What else you got on you? You got an ace of diamonds on your back. When you flex your muscle. Huh? I have a tramp stamp of a dolphin. Oh, very cool. Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh. Is it coming out of your butt? Like, free-willy, kind of gloriously. Here, very cool. Uh-huh. Is it coming out of your butt? Like, free willy, kind of gloriously. Here, check it out. Oh my god, it glows. Look at that. That's beautiful. Thanks. Wow. You guys mind if I just keep these off?

Oh, okay. Can I keep these off now? Yeah, yeah, please. Maybe that'll loosen you guys up. What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong? Is it this weather? Jeez. You look broken. I'll tell you what else is cold.

My wife. Oh, seriously. She's a cunt. Talk. How are you? I'm excellent. Okay. You look good.

Look good. As I always do. You been moisturizing? Yeah. No. Black people are not known for any lotions or butters or anything like that. I swear to God, yeah. There's people at the Juergens headquarters like, if we could only tap the black market. Yeah.

Right. The black market. The black market. Yeah. Exactly. Guys, it's African-American market. It's a little unfair to call it the black market. African-American market.

It is African-American month as well. And that's why Toc's going to be here twice. Yeah, thank you. We should have you on every week. For this month, right? Oh, yeah. Just for this month. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then back in 2015. Oh, yeah, exactly. Just to get these liberal jerks off our backs, I tell you. Back to my originally scheduled date in 2015. Yeah. Well, we had you for 17, but that's cool. That's cool. How long have you been doing this stand-up talk?

Going on two years in June. Oh, boy. Off to a good start. You won that Magoobies contest, huh? Yeah, the Magoobies. Oh, that's how you guys say it. Yeah, it's very, very nice. Okay.

Okay. You get a guest spot out of that. Yeah. It's very, very nice. Okay. Okay. Uh-huh. It was cool. You get a guest spot out of that? Yeah. Got a guest spot the week after I won that weekly contest. Uh-huh. And hosted there for a weekend. Nice.

What comedians do you work with? Pete Correale and Tommy Simbaza. Oh, a couple hacks. Yeah. Sorry about that. Definitely hacky, yeah. Sorry about that. No, that's awesome man um

that's pretty quick too it's like hey you won what are you doing next week yeah i was like uh let's see if i can should i give them eight minutes of african material or or seven minutes of african material huh your choice mcgoobies yeah and then for those listening mcgoobies it's like the big club in the balt. The big comedy club. The big, it's just a big club. It's like a Sam's Club. No, it's like a giant. Or BJ's, yeah.

Everybody performs around the big stick. That's what we do. Danny, you keep holding the microwave. Put down the microwave. You'll get cancer.

Hey, tell your neck tattoo to let go of my microwave. No, you're doing it again. Every time you laugh, you pull the microwave from your mouth. to let go of my microwave. No, you're doing it again. Every time you laugh, you pull the mic away from your mouth. Professionalism, bro. Why don't you fucking Google it?

He's got a weird laugh, that's why. Because at a comedy podcast, you... Oh, there it is. There it is. Talk, stop tickling him. Stop it. I can't stop. I won't stop.

He's been tickling him the whole goddamn time. Yeah. I suspected footsies Guys, what's your fan base? Curiosity? Because I don't do podcasts with anything less than 400,000 listeners Oh, yeah We only have 375,000

Well, guys, it's been real, but Hey, don't worry, we'll stretch this thing out We have enough of your responses just to drop them in later You know? Yeah, we can edit it Iraq War, Good Move? The Crow or something Yes, neck tattoo this thing out. We have enough of your responses just to drop them in later. We can edit it. The crow or something. If they can make another Fast and the Furious with half of Paul Walker. Are they going to do that?

Remember when they did that on Crow? Yeah, they're doing that with him too. They're going to use his brother and they're going to put his face there. I cannot tell if you're being serious. I'm being serious. Oh. That's what I heard, at least. That's what Brian Preston told me, I think.

How's that fucked up? This just went from, like, I know it, I heard it, Brian Preston mentioned it to me in passing. The Brian Preston? Yeah, but, well, no, but he was asking. How do you know it's Brian Preston? I don't know, man. He's got pretty good nerd cred.

But, well, no, but the question was, am I making it up? And the answer was no, I'm not. As far as I know. Look, in the dream that I had where Brian was there, he was a penguin. But yeah, I trust him. The Mad Lib that I did, it turned out something like this. Exactly. That makes no sense at all.

I have Fast and Furious Mad Libs. Those are great. Those are great. Those are great. Especially the Tokyo Drift. A blank should die in a car crash. Kind of an odd brag. I don't think so. Wow.

I think it's a perfectly fine brag. Kind of awkward in here. Talk, do you moisturize? No, I don't moisturize. Okay. Black people are not known for moisturizing. I'm going to write this down. I feel like we talked about this.

Yeah, there should be some sort of product. Black. Maybe some sort of butter. Black moisture. Made of, I don't know, cocoa? Butts. Yeah. Juice.

Or Vaseline. Got it. Yeah. Got it. Perfect. So you guys are doing an open mic in beautiful Ellicott City tonight. It's more of a showcase, I would say. Open mic kind of has kind of a showcase showdown.

Like anyone can come to it. Yeah. They invited Danny, and so since I rode up with him, they're allowing me to get on. Wow. Wow, this is great. The Coco Lane. Right.

Yeah, can we get on to it? As long as you keep it to a tight 23 minutes. All right. I'll keep it to 23 minutes, but it's not going to be tight. Now, I've got to ask Eric. I mean, when I get there, who's hosting the show, I'll say, do you want 22 minutes of my African material or 23 minutes? You know?

That's all right. Depends on the crowd. Depends on the crowd there. What's going on? You could shave off a couple of jokes. I could. I could. This moisturizer thing is a big blow to my closer.

Yeah. But I'll figure it out. Close something African. I could do that. It should work. Lion King drops the mic. That's my move. That's my move.

Well, I think both you guys are really funny. Let me just start right there. I like to start with the hard stuff. Danny, he's a bit of a Twitter star, this guy. You know this? He's big on the Twitter. Really? How many followers are we talking? Here we go.

Well, I have to say this. Sorry, Danny. It's all the time we have. Thank you, guys. I follow back a lot of people. I follow a lot of people, too. Apparently, people have a problem with that. I just want to go ahead and get that out there. I have like 95,000.

Jesus Christ. Isn't that huge? It's huge. How is that possible? You just buy them all. It's quite easy. I got like five. You bought those five?

Dude, I think you're getting screwed. Yeah. How much was it for five of them? Yeah, of course I am. I don't want to say, but let's say if they were musicians, they would all be platinum by now. Wow. Damn.

So, yeah, how long did it take for you to amass this amount of Twitter followers? Because I'd have to say... Six years. Really? Maybe longer. Is that like the beginning of Twitter? Pretty much. You got in on the ground floor, so that helped.

My buddy who did music, I did music for like 15 years before comedy. What did you play? I played the piano a little bit, made some beats. Oh. I'm pretty good at Pro Tools and mixing, mastering, recording. Okay. Mostly hip hop. This doesn't have to be a fucking advertisement for your solo job.

Solo job. But yeah, I was on it from the ground floor. Got kicked off. Whoa. Oh yeah, for what? Talking about... Jew-hating. Yeah, mostly Jew-hating.

Well, pretty much hating everyone. Is that what Twitter said? They send you an email like, sorry, you were Jew-hating. You were Jew-hating. We have strict Jew-hating rules. I was talking about crystal meth. Really?

Yeah. Crystal methadone? Crystal Pepsi? Crystal.... Really? Yeah. Crystal Methadone? Crystal Pepsi? Crystal... Yes, Crystal Pepsi. They kick you off for that kind of talk. Right. This is a Coke app, all right, pal?

Cherry Coke Zero and Crystal Pepsi. Yeah. You're out of there. Get the fuck out. Wild Cherry Pepsi? What are you gay? It's really cool. I'm opening that question.

Really cool Cherry Pepsi. Uh-huh. Whatever. So, wait. So, why did you... You It's really cool. I'm opening that question. Really cool, Jerry Pepsi. Uh-huh. Whatever. So wait, so why did you, you got kicked off twice? Well, suspended. Account suspended. Oh, look at you, the bad boy at Twitter. Yeah, man.

Was this right around the time you got a neck tattoo? It was. It made me do it. Of course it did. Of course it did. Twitter made me do it. That old defense. Uh-huh.

Yes. What did you get kicked off for? For talking about, like, saying things to, like... Little girls? To, like, the president or something like that. You know what I'm talking about? You know, like, when you threaten the president online? Who would think they would kick you off for something like that?

I don't know. I couldn't believe it. I don't know wow what would you say to the president and mind you he's a dig head he's listening this is the this is the way it was barack how do presidents work how long has barack two years he's been almost six years. Six. So, yeah, maybe it was. Well, that would explain some things. The job was up until like 2008. You're like, at Barack Obama, you only got elected because of your daddy.

He's like, what? I have a daddy. I called George Bush the N-word. Oh, boy. That was bad. Oh, yeah. But I said N-word. I didn't, you know. Right. Oh, boy. That was bad. Oh, yeah. But I said N-word. I didn't, you know.

Right. In what context? Just said it. You're an N-word? Yeah. He was eating chicken, and he was like, damn, George Bush, you're an N-word. Well, did you say my N-word or a N-word? That was the thing.

I said a N-word, which is incorrect grammar on top of it. Yeah. No, it's not. Was it a hard R? N. It should be N if you're going to say N-word which is incorrect grammar on top of it yeah no it's not was it a hard r and it should be an if you're gonna say n-word because no it is oh an english major okay you're saying actually n-word instead of the actual n-word correct i really what n-word are we talking about here i hope this argument is happening in a kkk basement somewhere right now just like great man i don't want to be an asshole all right but? But if we're going to be... Rick, you are such a grammar Nazi

and a regular Nazi. God damn it, man. We're all just trying to have some fun and hate. So you got a degree. Whatever. Now, can we get back to the minutes?

Are we going to get milkshakes? That'd be great. KKK milkshakes? That'd be great. KKK milkshakes? Nobody fuck around and get chocolate. That's not funny. This guy's still around. Are they still doing that? Oh, yeah.

The KKK. Talk. Immediately answers. Oh, yeah. Oh, God, yeah. I think they mainly just exist for talk shows. Seriously, I think that's like... That's really the only place you see the KKK these days.

You guys want to go to a talk show? Sure. Round up the troops? Yeah. Put this on. Get in the truck. We're going down to Maury again. Apparently, the KKK protested the Westboro Baptist Church,

which is weird. They have standards. You guys are too crazy for us. Sorry. Your hatred is giving hatred a bad name. Like, you're making us look bad. Hating on people for their skin color, acceptable. But they put wieners in butts, uh-uh.

Ah, right. Yeah. God hates dead soldiers? skin color, acceptable. Yeah. But they put wieners and butts, uh-uh. Ah, right. Yeah. God hates dead soldiers? Come on, guys. I think that was probably the sticking point. Right, right, right. I don't think it was so much the homosexual. Yeah.

Because they're real patriotic, right? KKK. Yeah, I think so, weirdly. Even though they're like, hey. I just want all white people here. That's what I mean by patriotic. Yeah. They're patriotic in the way that I'm patriotic.

Their colors do not run because it's all white. It's really easy to watch that stuff. Really easy. Okay, so you're a bad mouth in the president. Both times? The president of what, by the way? KKK? BGE?

President of the United States The P-O-T-U-S As I heard POTUS Yeah Just stupid Shock value Dumb

Things Okay You know Okay Which I've totally changed Yeah which is like It's different now Oh yeah

If you're not following Danny It's a lot of inspirational Your loss Creep Yeah that too You non-sex gettinggetting piece of crap. Okay. You don't have to talk to our listener like that.

You don't have to talk to Bill like that. Bill, we apologize. Sorry, Bill. I'm just kidding, Bill. He's a faithful listener, and you're kind of being a dick. That's all right. We'll let it slide. You seem to be a good guy otherwise.

I didn't mean to make fun of all you guy. Thank you. Thank you. Now, what was your first big tweet? Did you get some traction, or is this just like a long haul over the six years to get to 90K? My first big tweet was, St. Patrick's Day is like the open mic night of alcoholism. Retweeted by...

Barack Obama. Michael McKeon. What the hell's that? Of Spinal Tap. Really? Wow. It's huge. Also, Jiminy Glicks, like a band leader.

Nice. And he's been in a million other things. And also the guy from Two and a Half Men. Charlie Sheen. Not Charlie Sheen. Oh, Ducky or whoever. Yeah, the guy from Hot Shots Part D. John something.

John Cryer. Yes. Retweeted. Really? Same retweet. And that one, boom. Wow. That's awesome, man.

Yeah. And that's kind of what I've been learning. I jacked off after it happened. You know, people have kind of been saying that in AA meetings for years. Swear to God. Not open mic, but amateur night. I feel like you're saying I stole that from an AA meeting. What if you did get all your tweets from there?

Just all these terribly sad tweets. Like, oh, they're all dead. This is going to be great. How long? They're all dead. You know, just like a really sad AA. All right, so that's the big one. That's good.

Topical tweets are big, I think. If he can strike while the iron's hot. So that's good. That's good. You had a great one are big, I think. If he can strike while the iron's hot. So that's good. That's good. And then you got. You had a great one. Hey. Very topical.

I'm building to me. Oh, okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm building to me. Professionalism. Brag. Yeah.

Huh? What happened? We're doing that too. Hey, it's my show time. You'll be back on Saturday. You settle down. Okay? All right.

And I'm not just saying that because you're black. What if I just said that about everything? Like, dude, hey, I think you're really funny. And not just because you're black What if I just said that about everything Like dude hey I think you're really funny Not just because you're black You're just like a funny guy What if you said it's because he is black You're like I know you're a funny guy But it's because you're black

It's totally because you're black You could say the n-word You say the n-word in your material That's great Not even the real n-word I really like the one about Lil Wayne or the guy living in your apartment. Yeah, your complex. The N-word.

Yeah. Okay, so that's the first one. Topical tweet. And now you're getting retweeted by a bunch of people that probably have a bunch of followers. So that gets some eyeballs on your account, right? Uh-huh. Okay. So what's the next one?

Behind the tweet with Danny John. Come on, you know. Took a big poop. Hashtag LOL. That's it? That was the... Dude. I know.

Dinner with my GF. Excited. Triple exclamation point. Retweeted by 500 people. Michael McKean's like, Jesus, this guy's a genius. I couldn't get to the retweet button fast enough. Bill Murray retweeted that one. Ironically, though.

This weather is bringing me down. I can't wait for the next season lol smiley face lol they're all dead lol uh so you don't you don't remember but that was the the the um saint patty's day that's the big one that kind of cracked it open and and i started with on fave star that you, that little side program Twitter has. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I started with a couple other people who have really blown up my life. Mary Charlene out of Chicago.

The woman that wrote Frankenstein. Yes. She's the funniest girl on Twitter. Absolutely everyone follow her if you're not already. Mary Charlene. I am Enid Coleslaw. I want to marry her and eat her butt. Whatry Charlene. I am Enid Coleslaw. I want to marry her and eat her butt. What's her handle?

I am Enid Coleslaw. And you want to eat her butt. Yes. That's the whole thing. She knows this. No, I thought that was her handle. That's a separate thought? Yeah, that's a separate thought.

Okay, fair. That's fair enough. It's funny how you repeated both of them. He didn't even, he just asked you about the handle and you had to retread. Just want to make sure you guys remember, I want to eat her butt. I can't stress this enough. I want to eat her butt. You guys ever eaten butt?

Sure. It's not all it's cracked up to be. I think it's kind of corny. Oh, boy. Doc, I think it stinks. It's awful. I think it's. It's awful. I think it's the type of thing that feces would come out of. Jesus Christ, Mike.

You ever shotgun to fart? Guys, I think my mother-in-law might kill my knockin'. Call the fire marshal. All right. All right. I'm tired of this. I show you where the edge is, and you just cross it. That's what you do.

Huh? Fire marshal. Okay. Come on. Stop. Stop. iTunes is going to take us off. We already got this pistol over here.

Talking to the president. Telling him his pants are stupid. Is that what he told me? I did. Did you say he had stupid. And so he told me. I did. Did you say he had stupid pants? Hey, stupid pants. Banned. Banned.

What if it is that one time he checks it on Twitter and he sees how it's like, fuck you. I like my pants. He was having a really good day that day too. Like, great day.

Had a few drone strikes. Just to see what my at replies are doing. Like, stupid pants. What? Why do you suck? Sometimes celebrities will say really vulgar things in response, and they'll get put on the news or something.

What if the president was like, why do you suck my balls, you fucking fairy? Fuck it, Danny Charlemagne. I so would, though. Take your teeth out while you suck my cock, dickhead. Done. Barack Obama. I approve.

Awesome. Get out to those polls. Okay. So, yeah, I'd say you're probably the biggest Twitter dude in the local scene here. This side of the Mississippi. In the D.C., Maryland, Virginia area. You're the Twitter king. Are you the Twitter? You're a kingmaker.

Sweetheart. You're the local Twitter sweetheart. Sweetheart, yes. That's how I'm going to bill you on this show. Danny has all these followers, right? Always, you know. He's got basically an army. Yesterday,

God saw fit to call Shirley Temple home. Yes. And as most comedians are wont to do, when somebody dies, you got to make fun of them on the internet. Well, yeah. I mean, it would be not cruel not to. Yeah. Yeah. It's almost a sign of respect.

It would be kind not to. No. Be unkind not to. Well, I thought we're trying to be unkind. No, I'm trying to be kind. It's a sign of respect. Oh, yeah, me too. Okay.

Could you take your hand off his thigh, though? This is getting weird. No, that's kind of where I like it, where he likes it. Also, we've built in a groove a little bit. It's like a nice couch. You just sink right into it. To be honest, I don't feel comfortable without it. Yeah, we can't pod without it.

You can pod any way you want to pod. Yeah. Pod the way we pod. Yeah. Could you guys stop saying pod? It's our potty. Hey. It's our potty, and we'll touch thigh if we want to.

All right. Oh. Nice. I know. Thank you. So I tweet, I hear this broad dies. Right. And so I did a little quote.

Yes. It was a good one. I did. Very good. I'll have a Shirley Temple. And that was a God quote. And I got some good retweets. It was I'll have a Shirley Temple. That was a God quote. That was a God quote.

Hashtag LOL. Your pants are stupid. Butts, farts. You're like, oh, this is a retweet. I don't want to watch this. A retweet. Another retweet. Jeez, Twitter. It's like you're not even trying. And then, yeah, I got some retweets this. A retweet. Another retweet. Jeez, Twitter.

It's like you're not even trying. And then, yeah, got some retweets from some local comedians. And the Kingmaker, he steps down from his Twitter mountain, gives me a retweet, this guy. And then out of the woodwork, getting tons of retweets and faves. At this moment, I have 22,000. No, I'm just kidding. I just have, it was like 225 retweets. That's good.

Which is huge. I've never gotten that. That's still huge. Brutal. What is your, what's your peak retweet? I get less retweets than faves, obviously. Yeah, faves. 200 retweets.

If one of those in one day, if I could get, that would be amazing, man. Really? Congratulations, by the way hey thank you really funny tweet it really was oh hey I call them jokes

I don't like calling them tweets Toc likes to call them tweets but jokes tweets well that's the thing I was going to say you're basically like

a one liner comedian for the most part for the most part do some characters and some other fun stuff a little bit a little Nick Cage commentary here and there

a little bit of Boner Hitler Hitler was right, closer material. Jews are stinky stuff. But for the most part, it's one-liner stuff that Danny does. You know Boner committed suicide from growing pains? Oh, God. That's terrible. You guys are confusing me with Tom Myers. Oh.

Wow, this is embarrassing. Could you please not wipe your snot on the microphone Sorry Yeah we're gonna have to put the mic in the stand for you next time It's okay You're in trouble You are in trouble You're in podcast time out

Yeah no it was huge We knocked your ass down to innocent looking bookstores so quick You fucking asshole Yeah but it was very cool Take your ass back to JJ I was actually with Dan When he faved it Oh boy He was like

You gotta check out Josh's tweet Oh boy I feel like this is such a big This is a big What's big is that Shirley Temple just died Yeah I didn't know she was still alive No no no

What's big Yes Is that tweet Exactly There's gonna be JFK 911, Josh's Shirley Temple tweet. Everybody's going to remember where they were. I'm going to have to start thinking of alternatives for old, famous people for when they die soon. Start writing those tweets now, man.

It's the new obit. I'm short for obituary. It's all about characters on Twitter, right, Danny? It is. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Start writing them. Well-tim yeah. Yeah. Start writing them. Well-timed.

Yeah. All right. Just like a nice death tweet, you know? Sure. Yeah. But, yeah, it felt good. It felt good. This comedian, Max Rosenblum, he said,

I think you won Twitter today. And I said, yeah, I do, too. I believe there's still a little something called the swimsuit competition. I'm never prepared for that. Never prepared. Always wearing a two-piece. It's awkward.

So, yeah, enough about my tweets. What do you guys want to talk about? I want to talk about your pencil-thin beard that you have. It looks really strange. You don't like it? It reminds me of that one Backstreet Boy guy. AJ, yeah.

Why did you dye it? Because he was fat. So it'll get some more attention? I don't know. I'm all about attention now. Ever since I got that retweet, I'm like, bring it on. Bring it on. You're maximizing your brand. I need to do that. I'm branding.

The swastika in between my eyes has always been there. Yes. But now I feel like with the highlights, it really kind of helps. It really brings out the hatred. Yeah. That's what I was thinking, too. But I'm trying to make it my own, you know? Yeah, sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Which is why yours is made of wieners. My wieners. Not penises, but like hot dogs. It's like the cutest swastika I've ever seen.

I'm also endorsed by Oscar Mayer, which is weird. What's the cutest swastika you could think of? Dicks is up there. Smiley faces? Can we do smiley faces? Sure.

Okay. Guys, cutest swastika. Thoughts? Here we go. Cutest swastika.s? Here we go Cutest swastika Kittens Kittens Real kittens or cartoon kittens? Thought you said kitchens at first

Dead kittens Dead Jew kittens Very Jew-y Chewy and Jew-y In the mornings Danny? Ice cream cones? Okay.

All right. Okay. All right. Why don't we take the swastika back and make it cute? Isn't it reversed? You guys can do it. Isn't it like a sign of peace? I think so.

Didn't he bastardize it? Well, I think there's been several similar symbols throughout history. What an asshole. I believe an Indian symbol for peace. To take a sign for peace. I don't think that's what he did necessarily. I think they made it up, but it already existed in other

cultures. Yeah, but what did Brian Preston say about it? Well, Brian Preston said that they actually only, the reason why it seems to be choppy is because they could only use half of it. They were finished. The artist who was creating it died.

His brother had to step in at the very end and be like, I guess this is what he wanted. The swastika's brother had to step in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Bill Swastika was the guy who invented the swastika. And Bill Swastika had to finish it. I'll make a swastika. And swastika. I have no swastika. I had to finish it. I'll make a swastika for you.

It was actually swastikani, but they cut it down. Yeah. At Ellis Island? Yeah. Yeah. I saw Josh.

Josh's name used to be like Katernapopolis or something. That's what it was? They're like, how about just Caterna? How about something that people still don't understand, but, you know, it's less. I did see, speaking of tweets,

I saw a really funny one today. You might have retweeted it. I don't know. It was somebody said, hey, say what you will about Hitler, but he did kill Hitler. Yeah, yeah. The guy did kill Hitler.

That is a good point. That's a good point. Was that yours? Yeah, yeah. The guy did kill Hitler. That's a good point. That is a good point. That's a good point. Was that yours? No, no. I forget the guy's name, but I know who you're talking about. Barack Obama's. Danny knows all the top people on Twitter. I know.

He's up there. What was your move to get followers, Danny? If you get a retweet where you're like, oh, let me follow you. Follow for follow. I'll suck your dick. You have great pants. What was that noise? That was a Wookiee. Okay. That was that noise? That was a Wookiee.

Okay. That explains that. I have a baby Wookiee. Oh. That was his neck tattoo. He's getting hungry. Cranky. It's like a Tamagotchi.

Feed me a nerd. Yeah, being funny. Okay. It's always helpful. What's the real thing? It's always helpful. Write this funny. Okay. It's always helpful. What's the real secret? It's always helpful. Write this down. Why did I laugh like that?

I don't know. That wasn't funny. That wasn't funny. I don't think I ever laugh like that. I think within my laughing spectrum, that is not an option. You've never had the old man cough? Mike looks like he has never laughed. Yeah, it's been a while.

Do you hate laughing? I don't want to encourage anybody else to compete with me. You look like you hate having fun. Jesus. I do. This was the weirdest start to a podcast ever. It felt like we were about to play Russian roulette or something. Are we all getting divorced at the same time?

It's like, here we are. Well, it felt weird pulling up to here because I wasn't really sure that there was a podcast happening. And he just gave me the idea. He was like, yeah, yeah, Josh lives around here. Hey, just walk ahead of me a few steps while I call Josh real quick. Yeah, you know, the guy we know. The black midget has landed. You guys could come out now.

Yeah, don't kill him. Then he winks at you. Shit. Fucking this all up. Do you have a sweet opium den downstairs, though? Oh, thank you. Yeah, we worked hard on that. Actually came with the house, which is great.

We spruced it up a little bit. With the Asian people in it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. And put a couple Glade filters in there. It's great. It smells terrific, hey, in this economy.

It smells lovely. Right? Right? All right. Well, Enough of the king of Twitter. Let's move on to our guest. Rob Delaney is the king of Twitter. You think so? It's pretty fucking good.

He's got some good ones. The question is, does he have a book out or something? I haven't heard anything about it. I don't know. Talk? What's going on with you? What's going on with you, Mike? Hey, a lot of good things. Hanging out with Danny more.

Moving on. Mike, you're well, I understand. You're what? I've been hanging out with Danny. We do a lot of going back and bouncing jokes off of one another or tweets. Oh. Oh.

Set list. So we've done a lot of that. Or talk just writing down goals. Yeah. Goals. Goals of African jokes and where they can possibly go. Like a soccer goal? Yeah.

Or as you would say. Where do they need free labor? That's where they can go. Right. So just writing a lot of African jokes. Okay. With Danny. Surprisingly.

Danny helps me with my African jokes. Right. Well, let's see what we're working on today. Yeah. Let's see. Let's workshop them. We got about 15, 20 minutes left, too, by the way, guys. All right.

Here's a good one. Here we go. Here we go. It's about Africa. Okay. Danny, why don't you help me up with good one. Here we go. Here we go. It's about Africa. Okay. Okay. Danny, why don't you help me up with this one? Uh-huh.

Let's start it off. So have you guys heard this? Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? The African guys in Africa, a lot of starvation there. Am I right? I mean look at them We were thinking it He said it

But I had a twist On the end of it Oh let's hear it I'd say just leave it like that Am I right? You guys seen this? You heard about this? Have you seen this?

Have you heard about this? You guys heard about this? Oh open mic Habits Have you seen those guys? Have you heard about this? Yeah, I've heard about this. Oh, open mic habits. Have you seen those guys? Have you heard about them? Jay Leno impersonators? Oh, God. What else is going on? They have a newspaper. Ooh, there is a local comic that does that.

Really? I'm not going to say his name. He brings a newspaper on stage. Yeah, he brings magazines. This is Tuck Moffat. Tuck. He brings magazines. This is Tuck Moffat. Tuck. He brings magazines.

What of it? What of it? Just to like read on stage in between jokes. And actually hold up the newspaper and I go, have you seen this? Have you heard about this? Have you read about this?

Hey guys, I'm just going to read this article until I think it's something funny. You know what the weird thing about the obituary section? What's weird about this is...

They put the word bitch right in there. I mean, come on. That's why they call it an obituary. Oh, bitch. Because your wife bitches until you die. Oh. I don't know. Until you're airy.

In heaven. Tell you what. Airy. Airy? Airy? Just keep saying it Harry Harry Harry

Oh bitch you Harry Alright we'll talk You run the room with Ryan And Frederick How's that been going? Well not to give away all of our Podcasts we'll be doing on Saturday Yeah yeah yeah

It's going well Okay Good Good good good We actually got our next show coming up all of our podcasts we'll be doing on Saturday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going well. Okay, good, good, good, good. We actually got our next show coming up is gonna be a really good one. We got Joe Robinson headlining. Hell yeah. And Danny Charnley featuring.

Okay, I don't know when this will be up, but we can, I'm not sure, but you know. Every other Sunday, good shows. Yes, good shows. Yes. Very good shows. Yes, yes, yes. You've done one. Yeah. I had a fun time there.

It was really cool. I liked the video you guys made. It made everybody look really cool. Yeah. You know. We have a videographer. We get very cheap in Frederick. Everything's cheap there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Made me look pretty. It's going to cost you $10. That's fair. That's fair. Yeah, and I take cash. I made my dick look real big. I take cash or you can fuck me in my mouth. It's going to cost you $10. That's fair. That's fair. Yeah, and I take cash. Made my dick look real big. I take cash or you can fuck me in my mouth.

What's that? Made my dick look real. All right, we've got to wrap this thing up on a non-mouth-fucking-related note. What? Okay, it is on a mouth-fucking-related note. Is there any other kind of note? If there is, then I don't want to know about it. He calls his mouth a pussy.

Huh? You heard about this? Have you seen this? Have you felt this? Calling his mouth a pussy. You heard of this? Have you guys seen this? Just holding your dick.

Will you touch this? Can you smell this? Have you guys smelled this? Have you smelled this? Taste this. Taste it around this? Taste this. Will you accept this? Have you smell this? Have you guys smelled this? Have you smelled this? Taste this. Taste it around this? Taste this. Will you accept this?

Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? Have you smelled this? Have you tasted this? Are you afraid of this? Have you guys feared this? Can we talk about this? Will you eat this?

A little bit. A little bit. All right. Well, what's the goal, comedy-wise? You guys going to make the big move? We got a good thing going here in the Baltimore, D.C., Virginia area, but I'm interested what people's journeys are, what they think it's going to be. You going to move to New York?

You going to move to Chicago? What they think it's going to be. Yeah. Well, I mean, what your plan is. We'd like to know how far you're going to fall from whatever heights you've been. I feel like you guys are asking me how delusional I am. Yeah. And it's pretty delusional.

Well, we didn't want to say it that way. That's part of it. Yeah. I think that I will any day now receive a letter. From the president. From Hollywood. Return address, Hollywood. Right.

From the president of Hollywood. Of Hollywood. Yeah. The president lives in Hollywood, I think. And there'll be a check in there. Liberal queer. There'll be a blank check. Uh-huh. A DVD copy of the Hollywood, I think. And there'll be a check in there. Liberal queer. There'll be a blank check. Uh-huh.

A DVD copy of the movie, blank check. Well, I don't got to be a dick about it, but yes. Okay. I just wanted to be clear. I remember how Chris LaMartina was trying to convince us that that was the best movie ever made. It's a great script from a screenwriting standpoint. Apparently, it's perfect. Sorry, continue.

Chris LaMartina, local horror director guy. Makes good films. Good films. But yeah. So that's the plan. Waiting on the letter. Uh, continue. Chris LaMartina, local horror director guy. Makes good films, good films. But yeah, so that's the plan. Waiting on the letter. Uh-huh. He has your address? Mr. Hollywood does, yeah.

Okay. He or she. They're very PC. Hollywood hogan. Those faggots are very PC out there. I would never accept a blank check from a woman. Yeah. She'd probably want you to buy groceries. Oh!

Right? Get them. Right? Oh, bitch. Oh, bitch. That's why they call it an obituary. Oh, bitch. Bitch, bitch. I'm dead now.

I'm trying hard to, like, work it. Oh, bitch. First, I just thought you were doing, like, a rude sign phone. That's why they call it an obituary. Yeah, my character. Oh, bitch. Rude they call it Hello, bitch. Yeah, my character. Hello, bitch. Rude Seinfeld. Hello, bitch.

You know about my Get off my cock, you bitch. You stole my math. You stole my math. That was my math. Not your math. Oh, math. What do you think I said?

Math. You stole my math. I thought maybe there was some Seinfeld routine that I was forgetting or something. His old math routine. The old math one. Seriously, guys, though, do math, not meth. That is your campaign. That's why you're here today, right?

Math, not meth. Right. Bumper stickers. Right. Doom off. Math for meth. It's like the book it program You know

You used to read a certain number of books And you go to Pizza Hut And you get a Pizza Hut You own a Pizza Hut Michael, do you want to get a Pizza Hut? No, no, no, you become the owner of a Pizza Hut As a fourth grader The guy's read ten books

He's read ten books I mean, I've read like six, guy's read ten books. He's read ten books. He's a lot of stress. I mean, I've read like six. He's read ten. He's in charge. Oh, man, I love him. Give him all the mozzarella sticks he wants. He's the boss now, okay? You know what I loved about Pizza Hut?

At least the one in Harrisonburg. Uh-huh. Was the big old bowl of mints, peppermints at the end. Oh. I grabbed as many as I could and run. And one time I knocked the thing to the ground and ran out the door as fast as i could i might have mentioned this on the podcast one time me

and my friend were at a video store and i was staying the night at his house i was uh 35 at the time no i was i think i think it was like eight or nine or something and uh we were uh there was like a scantily clad woman on some movie and we were faux wrestling for it. He let go and I flew back. Wait, faux wrestling for the woman? He was like a tug of war thing for this video.

I'm sorry, it was a VHS. She was on the cover. Why didn't you guys watch it? That would have solved the problem. We're at the video store. Plus, it's really gross. You guys are fighting over Mrs. Doubtfire. Yeah, I mean, this chick was hot, though. Hot. Big old glasses and titties.

Big old titties. To match. Wait. Big old bitties. Big old Mrs. Doubtfire tits. Yo, Mrs. Doubtfire got a fat old ass, though. Yeah. I don't even care if it's prosthetic. The podcast has reached a new low when the term tig old bitties is actually used.

All right, Mike. Sorry. All right. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, in the middle of my story. My blade's asleep, and I can't wake it up. Yeah.

Remember, Mike hates having fun. Yeah, this is my co-host. Yes, and. Here we go. Yes, and, buddy. There we go. Here we go. Yes, and, buddy. There we go. He's smiling. Oh, there it is.

He was rubbing his crotch. But anyway, so he lets go of this tape in a tug-of-war, and I fly into one of the shelves and knock everything off. And as I'm landing, I fart. It must have been the greatest moment in your childhood. I could not stop laughing. It was like embarrassment laughter, but then like farting and my friends laughing. And there's videotapes everywhere.

Oh, man. Like everybody's just staring. I remember a classic when we were like making lunch. And some kid pulled out the cheese and unknowingly announced, I'll cut the cheese. Oh, that was so good. That guy was you. No. Barack Obama was that guy. That guy was you. No. Barack Obama was that guy.

He said he's going somewhere. That's your closer, isn't it, Mike? I'll cut the cheese. I pull out a block of cheese. I said. That's funny. Weirdly, I had a character that I did only once where his catchphrase was, did someone cut the cheese?

It's like a bad 80s movie. We pictured his fans always going, cut! Cut! Cut! Cut that cheese. You guys have been great. I'm out of here. Cut that cheese! There's somebody here. Cut the cheese. Big foam scissors.

That's your catchphrase? Cutting the cheese with Dan the Man Guftafson. Dan the Man. Giving you the biggest funny for your money, the most how with the best bizarre, so much humor you'll get a tumor. Dan the Man Guftafson. Did someone here cut the cheese? Crowdy russing to left.

Standing O, baby. I got a tumor, and I don't even care. It's from his humor. Oh, man. My foot's really asleep. I got a bad case of foot asleep. Here, I'll massage it for you. I'm dreading.

It's terrible because you inevitably have to face the horror of standing up on that asleep foot until it wakes up. And it's so painful. Well, you know, you can start working it out now. You want to stand up? No asleep foot until it wakes up. It's so painful. Well, you can start working it out now. You want to stand up? No, I don't want to. I don't want to do it. You could just never stand up. I don't want to do it.

Mike gets his legs sawed off. Way better this way. I don't have to deal with it anymore. Because when it gets really intense, you don't want to take that first step. It's so painful. Yeah, I don't mind. I'm just a man about it I remember one time when I was a kid

My foot fell asleep and I noticed that it was Completely numb when I was in that state Like you couldn't feel anything So I took a tack And I stuck it in to see how far I could go Are you a serial killer? Can we please stick to the topic? And it eventually

And I was like wow this doesn't hurt at all. I can't feel it. And then, oh! I farted. And it was all okay. You mean you cut the cheese? Yeah! Cut, cut, cheese!

Woo! I'm out of here! Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. You guys have been awesome! Yeah, we do actually have to wrap up the podcast soon. And I feel bad that we just talked about Twitter the whole time. But is there anything else you guys would like to talk about? Yeah, Stanley, where he thought he was going to go.

But seriously, I'm interested as my buddy, partner in crime. Whoa. What crimes have you guys committed, by the way? Loving each other. Besides stealing our hearts. Is that a crime? Not anymore. Not under Obamacare.

Under Obamacare. Josh has no idea what Obamacare is. He thinks it's just like the caring of Obama. He thinks it's Obama space care. Obama cares. He's got his Obamacare bears out there spreading his gay agenda like butts. Who care? Obama care. I guess.

Anyway, Danny, where are you headed, pal? I'm going to try to be the next Richard Pryor. White Richard Pryor. George Carlin? The next white Richard Pryor? No, no, no. I hate George Carlin. The guy's a hack

Yeah Everyone knows that Okay Especially Rob Mayer And Joe Robinson They both always talk about How they hate Richard Pryor Sure

And George Carlin Sure sure sure I'm actually kind of In the same boat They're hacks right I don't hate them But I just like I watch them

And I'm like It's kind of funny Yeah but Mike didn't know Who Bill Burr was Yeah I don't know Who Bill Burr was Or is For that matter You're like Bill Burr Who. Yeah, I don't know who Bill Burr was or is for that matter.

You're like, Bill Burr? Who's that? He's like, just saw him at the Baltimore Meyerhoff Symphony Hall. Yeah, well, who were you guys there to see? Bill Burr. Well, surely he wasn't on stage. I mean, no, no, no, he was. There was like 2,000 people there.

There was two shows. So like 4,000 people in total. And who was performing? Bill Burr. Bill Bur performing? Bill Burr. Bill Burr. Bill Burr. This is the level of professionalism. God.

I feel like... Bill Burr. How much am I getting paid for this? What kind of name is that? Bill Burr. I feel like our kids showed up when we were in the middle of a fight or something. Look, guys. You are getting closer.

Mommy and Daddy are going to be fine. Okay? Go to your room. Go to your room. We're not done talking. Don Daddy are going to be fine. Go to your room. Go to your room. We're not done talking. Don't go. Call the police. Why are you unzipping your pants?

So, yeah. So, Danny, New York? Think you're going to go to New York at some point? I would absolutely go to New York. To try to do stand-up? Mm-hmm. Oh. Maybe a writing gig?

Oh, okay. I write a little. Okay. Okay. Some sketches and whatnot. Sketches. Oh, okay. I write a little. Okay. Okay. Some sketches and whatnots. Sketches. Uh-huh. Short pieces.

Jerry Maguire fan fiction. Haikus. Some haikus. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Jerry Maguire fan fiction haikus. He's shaking his- Obscene tweets to the president.

He's shaking his head vehemently, yes, fellow listeners. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. He's also erect, very erect. So all of the digression session listener out there, if you could hook me up with a job. Bill. Bill, what it is.

Heard you had a huge girthy cock. Fortunately for you, Bill does actually work at the water treatment plant, and he said that they're hiring. Dude, hook it up. Talk. He's got a pretty prestigious position there. What's're hiring. Dude, hook it up. Talk. He's got a pretty prestigious position there. What's the plan? They need a writer.

What's the plan of attack? I'm also considering moving. Mine might be a little different. I'm going to write a bunch of American material and move to Africa. Oh, I like that. 23 minutes of American material. Switching it up. 22 if I'm hosting. 23 minutes of American material. Switching it up. 22 if I'm hosting.

Tight. A tight 22. People are like, have you seen him headline that extra fucking minute, though? He then does some African stuff. It's awesome. It's so great. 55 minutes of African and American stuff. As soon as you break into your African material, the crowd's like, what the fuck is this?

He sounds like us. This is not what I pay for. Let's go get AIDS. Wow. They have an AIDS problem there. I mean, to be fair, they already had AIDS. Okay. Can we get double AIDS? Let's go get more AIDS.

Yeah, this is a serious question. Let's double down on AIDS. Let's cancel out our AIDS by getting more. More AIDS. I think some people actually believe that in Africa. Mike, what are you doing? If you have sex with a virgin, it takes away your AIDS. Yeah, which is like the worst.

Whoever spread that rumor should be shot in the face. That's what I tell them. I've had sex with many virgins, and that's totally not true. I still have AIDS. There's only more AIDS. Good for you, man. Good for you. I love that we're riffing on it.

You're like, no, that's true. It is. That's true. I know. It's been like nine times in this podcast. You're like, uh-huh, guys. Time out. Brian Preston told me.

The Brian. Local comedian, Brian Preston. Middle name Emma. Ooh. Last name me not sure what the Preston is exactly I think it's the second middle name okay

Brian me Preston oh Brian Impreston me Impreston okay gotcha gotcha little pun humor

I get it I get it it's better than big pun humor am I right oh hey that guy's dead get. It's better than big pun humor. Am I right? Oh. Hey, that guy's dead. Get him.

I'll take a big pun. God. Hey, he's not a player. I'll take it. He just likes to crush a lot. He makes love a lot. Okay. Okay.

Well, hey. He makes love a lot. You said it. You said it. You said it. Sorry. No, go ahead. I'm wrapping it up.

Wrapping it up, pal. What's the difference between a player and one who crushes a lot? Well, I mean, a player, I feel like it's more of a, and Danny, feel free to jump in here. My neck tattoo might jump in. Yeah, please. I feel like a player, it's more of a vindictive move to have sex with a bunch of girls. There's a plan, you know, Going to use them, leave them. That's not very nice. However, if you're just crushing a lot,

it's just like the pussy's falling in his lap. Yeah, that's way better. And we've all been there, right? Yep. So it's like a cruelty-free... It's free-range pussies crushing. Yep, organic fair trade. I'd like to think that I crush more than I play.

Okay. You look like you crush a lot. Yeah, thanks. Although I think in Big Pun's case... play. Okay. You look like you crush a lot. Yeah, thanks. Although I think in Big Pun's case. If Big Pun did. He probably did crush them. He's fat. Okay, guys.

He's fat in Arbuckle style. I love how straight-faced he said that, too. I'm serious. I feel that I crush a lot of poontang pie myself. Well, I do think that is a good lesson. Learn to crush, not to play. There it is. Don't just play with it.

Crush it. That's our new sign-off. Hey, reminding you out there. Don't just play with it. Crush it. But yeah, so I know we didn't talk about Twitter at all, but are you guys on Twitter? No.

Okay, okay. Compared to Danny, no. Everybody compared to danny no everybody compared to relatively speaking um no i want to thank you guys for coming over sorry we had to do like a quick episode but we're both or all of us are risking our lives to drive in a horrendous snowstorm to go tell jokes to strangers yep because we're all broken people Okay. And we need validation. Yep. Got to get that validation from strangers. Well, let's see. So, Danny, you are at Danny K. Dan K.

Charlie or Dank Charlie as some people. You know who you are. You know who you are, Sharon. Osborne? Did she retweet you? You know who you're sharing? I love it. Dan K. Charnley.

There it is. Charnley spelled like neck tattoo. Correct. There it is. I don't know about people that have a Y at the end of both of their names. Ladies and gentlemen, Mike... Mike the Bit Killer. Hey, by the way, who cut the cheese?

You guys have been great. That's C-H-A-R-N-L-E-Y, right? There it is. There it is. And, yeah, they're very funny tweets. Thank you. Thank you guys for inviting us today. Yeah.

Come back anytime. I don't have a Twitter. Talk, yeah, you do. Oh, is that right? Huh? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah don't have a Twitter. Talk, yeah you do. Oh, is that right, huh? Yeah. You have a Twitter.

Are you guys asking for it? Yeah. Can I hear you ask for it? It's at K-E-S-H-A. Me, Mike, and Bill want to know what your Twitter handle is. It's at the talk moth. Spell it. At

T-H-E-T-O-K-M-O-F-F. How do you spell at? Ampersand. That's not an ampersand. What the hell is that thing? And why do we use that? I think Airwalk started it a few years ago. Remember Airwalk?

The old Airwalk made me do it. That's what it is. And then also for all your comedy shows, you and Ryan, you have Rectum Comedy. Yes, Rectum Comedy. Yep. And we're also on Twitter at Rect Comedy. Okay. There it is.

There it is. Well, hey, I'll see you Saturday. Definitely. That'll be fun. Thank you for having us. Yeah, absolutely. I had a lot of fun here. Absolutely.

And to all those listening, Bill, and maybe if your mom walked in, Bill, everybody else, hi, Sharon. That might be the same Sharon. Probably. Might be. Might be. You can follow us on Twitter. I'm at BetterRobotJosh.

My cohort, my confidant, my co-pilot when Jesus calls out sick, Mr. Mike Moran. He's at MichaelMoran10. He's shaking his head vehemently, which means he knows how to podcast. Picking up those head shakes. Yep, killing it. And the podcast is at DigSeshPod. You can go to digressionsessions.com. And we have all of our past eps there, future and past, sometimes current.

Oh, this is good coffee. You can go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar to see all of our live dates got a bunch of shows coming up I can't think of any off hand

because I don't know when this is going to come out but go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar come see us live improv stand up and hey

we love you guys you know we love you thank you for listening and if you like somebody tell somebody great great episode

Danny Doc thanks for coming by guys thanks guys thanks everybody oh shit fucking shit hey god that's

alright you guys ready to do it for real are we all warmed up now that was take one alright all warmed up now? That was take one. Alright.