The Digression Sessions - Ep. 113 - Thezz Grimes! (of Color Me Funny!)

Episode Date: March 25, 2014

Follow us on Twitter! @BetterRobotJosh @MichaelMoran10 @ThezzCMF @DigSeshPod See Mike and Josh do stand up and improv live! - DigressionSessions.com/Calendar Turn Down For Responsibilities! Hola DigHeads! On this week’s episode, Mike has to work and Josh sits down with the hilarious and soft spoken Maryland based comedian, Thezz Grimes! Thezz is one sixth of comedy collective, Color Me Funny! - ColorMeFunnyComedy.com Josh and Thezz discuss when it’s appropriate to turn down for things, Thezz’s not eating cheese, when it’s appropriate to give a high five to a high school wrestler, credit scores, people that can get it, how Color Me Funny got started, and Taco Bell served in brown bags! Thanks for all the support as always Dig Heads! If you feel so inclined, feel free to donate to the Dig Sesh! We have a donate button on DigressionSessions.com, and any support is much appreciated! We will send you a Digression Sessions sticker in return and the money goes towards hosting services! Also find us and say hi on our Facebook page! And come see us live! 

Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey everybody, I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to the Digression Sessions Podcast, a Baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence as we interview local and non-local comedians writers musicians and anyone else we find creative and interesting yes

who's the guest this week yeah yeah thez grimes theimes. The very funny, the very Thez, the very Grimes. Mr. Thez Grimes is the guest on this week's program. He is one-sixth of the Baltimore Comedy Collective, Color Me Funny. These guys put on shows all over Baltimore and outside of Baltimore. I should say they're not a Baltimore comedy collective. They're more like Bel-Air. But, hey, if you don't live in Maryland, what the you care? You don't care. You can find these guys at colormefunnycomedy.com.

They put on all kinds of shows all around Baltimore and beyond. You can follow Thez on Twitter. He is at ThezCMF. That's T-H-E-Z-Z-C-M-F. Follow this guy for funny tweets. Why am I out of breath? I feel like I'm out of breath. Yeah. Guys.

And now for our own plugs. Me, Josh Cotton Candy Coderna, and my co-pilot, when Jesus calls out sick, Mr. Mike Tugboat Moran. Wednesday, March 26th, we will be at Jugglestone, Baltimore's premier live comedy talk show at the Auto Bar in Baltimore, Maryland. It starts at 8 p.m. I'll be co-hosting with Dan and Alex. Mike will be doing stand-up. We're going to have a bunch of funny people there. There's going to be people from the Baltimore Rock Opera Society.

There's going to be improvised jazz music from Jazz Lunch happening. Other comedians. It's going to be a lot of fun. Live interviews, stand-up, sketch, all that stuff. Come on out. Five bucks. Let's see here. Thursday, March 27th, I'll be at the Topaz Hotel in D.C. doing stand-up for free.

And then on Friday, March 28th, yeah, I'll be in Baltimore doing stand-up at the Big Hunt for free. And a bunch of other D.C. and Baltimore comedians will be there. Really fun shows. Come out if you're in the area. Let's see. What else to plug? Keep the donations coming. We really, really appreciate that.

Shout out to Vernon Marr for donating $45,000. Can you believe that? What a swell guy. What's with the rest of you guys donating dollars and $5 here? $45,000 he gave us. And you know the Dig Sesh singers from Invoke. They're not cheap. I paid them $75,000 apiece. So listen, you know the Dig Sesh singers from Invoke. They're not cheap. I paid them $75,000 a piece.

So listen, we appreciate the support. Thank you so much to Vernon. That was awesome. Also, if you want to follow me on Twitter, if you got the cojones, you can find me. I'm at BetterRobotJosh. Mr. Mike Moran, he's at MichaelMoran10. I want to shout out to Harley, this fellow from the UK. He found me. He started following me on Twitter. And I want to shout out to Harley, this fellow from the UK. He found me.

He started following me on Twitter. And I'm going to send him some stickers as soon as I figure out how to send shit nationally. So, yeah, if you want to follow us and you're a fan of the show, you definitely can get some free stickers and whatever digression session swag we got. If you want to see us live, go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar. All of our stuff's listed there. And I think that's it. Come see us live, especially if you're in Baltimore. Thank you guys so much for listening.

On this episode, it's just me and Thes just kind of chatting. He's a big wrestler, and he's not handing out high fives. He's an awesome dude. He's one of the nicest dudes, and he's funnier than he is nice, and he's one of the nicest dudes. I'm still running out of breath.

I'm excited. I'm excited about his episode. Are you guys grossed out? This is gross. This is gross. This is going on too long. All right, guys, thank you so much for listening. We really do appreciate it. Now let's get in the episode of mr thez grimes we love you guys to death

what if i just i just didn't let it do the thing i'm gonna do it we love you Turn down for what? Turn down for what? There they are. There they are. All right. Oh, Jesus. Now what? Oh, hey.

There we go. Jeez, these tricky chords. Professional operation here. It's all good. Hey. Hey, Thez. Thez all good. Hey, Thes. Thes Grimes. I know him. The guy's great.

I've heard things. I've heard things too. Things he does to fish. Oh, those guppies. Oh, the yuppie guppies. Mmm. Thes Grimes, the second blackest member of Color Me Funny behind Matt Mahaffey. I was going to say Justin Hancock.

Well, yeah, him too. He's very stereotypical black. Yeah, he really is. He's almost embarrassing at this point. Yeah, he's always late for things. I think he drinks 40s. Yeah, red hair, you know. It's like, ugh, come on, buddy.

Get it together. I think he's dying it too, I think. I've seen the drapes. They are a little, I wouldn't, well. To be clear, you're talking about his pubic hair? Yeah, yeah. It's got, looks like Ice Cube and 88 down there. Uh-huh.

So not only does he have red, like flame red pubes, but a jerry curl as well. It's very creepy. Really? Like he can't put it on couches and stuff and leave stains? He always says he's a sweaty person. It's all from his pubes. Oh, okay. So much so that it defies gravity and goes up to his armpits and forehead. It's a very weird thing.

But oddly erotic, right? I think he's a superhero. I know he's super sexy. I'll tell you that right now. It's all good. Yeah. Well, Mr. Tez Grimes, what's good? What's happening, sir? I'm happy that you

are here. Yes. You're supposed to be joined by a one... Let me see if I'm pronouncing this right. Joe Grenway. I don't know his name. Yeah. We call him Lil Donny. Lil Donny? Yeah.

Lil Dong Donny. That's what I hear. He's got a tiny dong. Shots fired. I'm not even worried about it. Not even worried about it. Come after me. I can neither either confirm nor deny.

Yep. That's basically confirming it. That's basically confirming it. That's basically confirming it. And Mike Moran, Mike Tugboat Moran, he's absent today. Yeah. He was hoping to make the pod, hoping to get cut from the Paper Moon Diner where he serves the masses. He should have Skyped it. Yeah.

Make some type of effort. FaceTime. Jesus Christ, yeah. should have Skyped it. Yeah. Make some type of effort. FaceTime. Jesus Christ, yeah. Walk around with his phone. Yeah. Get some type of apparatus hooked around his neck so he's constantly talking to us, chatting. I remember this thing on Fear Factor

when they put the face cam. Yeah, yeah. He needs a GoPro helmet thing. Exactly. So we could see his movements. It would be fun. It would be fun. Well, Des Grimes, comedian, right. So we could see his movements. You know, it would be fun. Well, Des Grimes, comedian, right? Some days.

Some days. I'm back at it. You're back in the thick of things, huh? Yeah, it's been a minute. How long have you been doing the stand-up? It'll be four years in April. Ooh, four years in April. And today's St. Paddy's Day.

You're rocking your green. I wanted to pinch you. I wanted to pinch you. No, it's there in my shoes. I'm matching head to toe. You got any St. Paddy's Day plans today? Yeah, I'm staying away from white people because they scare me on St. Paddy's Day. Hey, follow-up question.

Turn down for what? Everything. Okay. Turn down. If you have a baby, that should be one reason why you turn down. I'm going to write this down. Because a lot of people have been asking this question. Like, I don't know.

Yeah. Well, if you have kids and responsibilities. All right. If you have responsibilities, that should be why you turn down. Right. Like, hey, I got to work in the morning. Yeah. I'm going to turn this down.

Hey, turn down for what? Be like, well, my girlfriend's at home and it's movie night. No, that's not a good excuse. No. I got hot yoga in an hour. I got to turn down, guys. That's a 50-50. Okay.

Okay. Stamp collection needs updating, guys. I got to turn down. I think you get stabbed on that. Stabbed. That's a federal offense. Ooh. I don't think that's how federal offenses work. I don't think

you get stabbed. Yeah, in a turned down neighborhood. Oh, okay. Again, this is all stuff I need to write down. Went to a Taco Bell today. Gave me their stuff, not in a plastic Taco Bell bag, but a brown paper bag. It was interesting. Their truck didn't come in, I guess.

I guess. But I mean, it's actually better for the environment, right? You can recycle the brown bag. Did you? No. Oh. No, I threw it right back in there. I said, what the fuck is this?

You know, I've only had Taco Bell, like, maybe less than five times in my life. Well, they're our sponsor. Good going, Thes. We're fucked now. I don't eat cheese. Oh, you will. Eat a seven-layer burrito of shit now, because we're not going to get any of that T-Bell money.

Oh, God, the dog's coming in. She's after you. Speaking of dogs, remember that Yokiro Taco Bell dog? That was some funny stuff. Is he dead yet? I hope. He's very ill. And you know that. That dog had AIDS. He's in doggy hospital.

Not the good kind. Good kind of AIDS? Gades? Lemonades. Lemonades, right? Cool AIDS. Cool lemonades on a hot day. Had none of those.

So you can't eat cheese. No, I'm not really lactose intolerant. I'm like a semi. I forget. There is a name for it, but I forget it. Cheese gives you a semi. That's what I think you're trying to say. It won't even make my mouth.

Like, macaroni and cheese smells like feet. I don't know why people can eat that. It's disgusting. Uh-huh. Mayonnaise I don't eat.

I used to be able to eat mayonnaise. Can't do that. Uh-huh. Ricotta, no. Yogurt, yes. Uh-huh. Makes me fart.

Ice cream, yes. Uh-huh. Makes me fart. Uh-huh. It'd be great if the whole podcast was this for like an hour and a half. Just me listening to stuff that makes you fart. And that's all the time we have, Des. Thanks for coming by.

Joel's Vaginas. Makes me fart. I'm trying to cut you off. You just keep going. Oranges. Wooden chairs. Blinking. But it's really weird.

It's weird asking for stuff without cheese because people look at you like... For what? For a burrito without cheese? Anything that usually has cheese or mayonnaise on it. And it's like you've got to say it twice or else they're going to fuck it up. Yeah, I don't do cheese that often myself

except for pizza. I eat pizza without cheese. Get out. I made a lot of exceptions so far. Get the fuck out. You should try it. It's pretty good. All right.

Well, I don't know. I tell you, we do these office parties at work sometimes. You know, a little cubicle get-together middle of the day. Get some pizzas. And we try to please all kinds. And we order a pizza without cheese. Let me tell you, that pizza sits in the fridge for days. I believe it.

Uneaten, untouched. I'm telling you, try it. It's pretty good. Okay. I mean, I will try it. But I'll tell you this, I do the light cheese. I don't like too much cheese. I used to try to do that, but then it was like.

But you work with the pizzas. I do. I do to try to do that, but then it was like... But you work with the pizzas. I do. I do, kind of, sort of, yeah. You're not allowed to work with pizza anymore. No. Because of your firm stance on cheese, right? I stood up for my people. It's about time they've gotten hurt.

Yeah, seriously. They're taking pills so they can eat the cheese so they feel normal. Trying to fit in, take their normie pills. Don't do Yeah, seriously. They're taking pills so they can eat the cheese so they feel normal. Trying to fit in, take their normie pills. Don't do it, people. Stand up for yourselves. It's all good. Yeah, absolutely.

Now, you work for a popular pizza chain that's inside of a hut, yes? Yeah, kind of, sort of, yes. It's all good. Thursday was my last day. Oh, yeah! Really? Yeah. What's the plan now? Congratulations, by the way.

I guess, thanks. I did get another job. It's not like I'm just going on tour now. Call it funny. We're just hitting the road. It's time to stop. No, I got another job, and now it's more time for comedy this way.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I don't think I'll be able to coach anymore. I coach high school wrestling, so I don't. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, that sucks. I've been doing that for 11 years.

Oh. I'm a very old man. You're what? Like, I don't know. 32. 30. 32. Wow.

Don't eat cheese. That's good. That'll increase the longevity. Yeah. I think that's how I got this sexy body. Yeah. I mean, that's a part of it. And, Wow. Don't eat cheese. That's good. That'll increase the longevity. I think that's how I got this sexy body. Yeah, I mean, that's a part of it. Don't eat cheese. Sure. And prayers, right?

People do that for me. Oh, really? Yeah. Look at you. I walk past them. It's like, oh, Lord. Is that a part of the wrestling thing? Like, hey, Greco Roman and pray for your boy if you want to win.

Well. Put on this trash bag and run around and pray. I haven't done that in so long, tell people I'm running. Because you're not really supposed to tell them. I once told a kid to eat X-Lax the night before. Uh-huh. And he did it. He wasn't even a wrestler.

You're just a jerk. I am. None of my kids really don't like mine. This is what my kids live for, high fives. High fives. Yeah, because I don't give them them at all. You're stingy with the high fives. I don't.. This is what my kids live for. High fives. High fives. Yeah, because I don't give them them at all. You're stingy with the high fives. I don't.

And they don't get until their senior or the last match of the season. Really? Yeah. Win or lose? Yeah, win or lose. Win or lose, they get the high five. Win, eye contact. Lose? Eh. Maybe. But they know I don't give them a high five, so sometimes I'll just put my hand up,

and I'll just put my hand down and walk right past them. It's a fun game. Are you pulling the move where you think you're going to high five, and then boom, fingers through the hair? No, I just keep walking. Wow. It's way more ash-holist that way. Not even, yeah.

It's just not even like, oh, I meant to drink this water here or something. None of that. It makes them look a lot more stupider that way. Yeah, sure, sure. I think, I mean, that's great to withhold love and affection from children. And how big build character. Yeah, sure. Or, you know, emotionally stunted human beings.

Either or, you know. I'm okay with that. Six in one, half a dozen in the other, right? Oh, yeah! Yeah. So you, I'm guessing you wrestled as a young man. Yeah, I wrestled in high school.

It was alright. It wasn't my main sport, but it was okay. What was it? Pussy? Lord knows that was mine. You were JV or Bruce D? I rode the bench for a while. I'll be honest with you. I couldn't know.

You had to be a stud. I tried. Believe me, I tried. I tried. Any black women bring you off the bench? No. Are we being funny? We're having fun. No, no. I'll tell you. see like bigger black ones

Like try to touch you That happened to me once At Paper Moon I remember Because where Mike works It's an open diner Our listeners probably know this But the kitchen

Anyone can come and see you Yeah, so the kitchen's open So there's like a bar Where people can sit And then the grill And everything's right there. We used to be 24 hours, so people would come in after turning up. Is there where they would come and turn down? Yeah, well, they would try.

It would be like a dimmer switch. They'd dim the up a little bit. Dim down for what? That's going to be a new one. Everyone's going to catch on to that. The dimmer. That'll be the dance move. I don't want you to turn down but

can you just dim it just dim it down you don't gotta go all the way so uh now i remember it's like three or four of them it's like you put extra chicken my burrito you cute i was like i if you pay for it like come on i was like i can't i can't do that like oh you're being mean now i'm like you started it why am i being mean because i can't give you free food that's yeah anyways we've been married like four years we're in love black women love the hookup whether it's with hair or food i'm gonna write that down too um no no um i remember in uh second grade munsa i know you hate this story but yeah in second grade i iza, I know you hate this story, but yeah, second grade, I,

I, I had a, had a fling. Yeah. I was in second grade, went to school in a, no, I'm telling the story. I went to school in New Carrollton,

which is in Prince George's County. It was grades, I think like kindergarten through sixth. Munza, stop. And there were, I think I was like one of like five white kids in like the whole school. I was a young man.

Young, young, handsome man. I could see that. I'll tell you. And I remember this girl came up and like she put her arms around my neck. She was being like super flirty and nice. And I was like, what's this all about? She's like, you're my boyfriend. Oh, Amanda, this is Amanda.

Hello. Nice to meet you. She's racist. I'd say the dog's the first time I've seen a black person. Yeah, she's trying to process. Why does that guy look grayer than everybody else? Clayton Bickby of all dogs.

Yeah, exactly. Secondaries came up. Yeah, we're on the playground and it's like, well, you're being awful nice. I don't think I said that. I was like, well, you're being awful nice. And I don't think I said that. I was like, gee, you're being awful nice. But then she's like, well, you're my boyfriend. And I was like, well, get out of here. And then, like, three or four days later, I see her do the same thing to another guy.

And she's like, oh, well, he's my boyfriend now. And that fucked me up. Yeah, I could see how that could do that. Yep. What was her name? Let's find her. God, what was her name? I'm going to Facebook her.

Oh, man. I wish I could remember. It began with a B. Beyonce. Whatever. Whatever. She's probably doing nothing. Probably.

Working at Taco Bell, serving brown bags. Gross. Get it together, Beyonce. What's the deal with her talking about all the sex she likes with her husband? I don't understand. What's this song? Drunk in Love? That's a very confusing song.

This Jay-Z says, Press this for breakfast? Yeah. I didn't know that was an option. No, it's not good. Well, I want titties for breakfast. I just didn't know that you could do that. I mean, I assume.

It's called breastfeeding, isn't it? Maybe. But then they have a baby, too. Or is that just his power move? Like, oh, you think you can suck on her tits? Guess what I'm going to do? Eat them. That's a power move, right?

Eat her whole titty. I think both of them. I mean, if we're going to take the song literally, and I'm going to. The breast of sis. Multiple. That's going to be the Breastises. Multiple. That's going to be in Webster's next year. That's how much power Jay-Z has. Breastises for breakfast.

First time I ever heard the word Breastises, though, was David Allen Greer on Living Color. Yeah. That was the first time I ever heard the word Breastises. David Allen Greer is so funny. My girlfriend and I, we went to Dollar General today because we had some time to kill. Because she just picked up a new car and we had to meet her dad in the parking lot by some dealership. Sounds like a good deal. A car.

You know, a brown heroin car. This is all with quotations. So we had time to kill kill so we went to Dollar General and I think they were playing oh god I forget what they were playing it was like might have been

Teddy Pendergrass or something but David Alan Greer does his bit on the Adam Carolla show where they'll play Teddy Pendergrass and David Alan Greer

sings over top of it but it's just the most vile stuff and he's actually a good singer so he's like oh baby I'm gonna box

your titties. I kept doing that in Dollar General. And he gets even more grabby. He's like, I'm gonna take your butthole plumbing, mess it all up with my knobby black deer. Oh, I gotta find that now.

Knobby black deer. He's gonna mess up her butthole plumbing or something like that. Oh, I've got to find that now. Now people are like... Yeah, they're just going to mess up her butthole plumbing or something like that. No, he's a hero. Let's circle back to the wrestling thing. Because I had some friends that wrestled in high school. And it looked pretty intense. Went to one match one time. This fella, pretty sure he got an erection

during the match. I've never seen that. Never? No. Not even when a guy and a girl had wrestled before. I've never seen that. Really? Well, I mean, because there's a lot. I mean, you're wearing the skin-tight uniform there. I mean, pretty much anything. You got a young virile penis just

rubbing all over some skin. And I'm pretty sure that's what happened. They said it's happened to him multiple times. It's like the ref season is like, whoa, kind of breaks him up. And then he had to just sit there on his knees and kind of wait it out. That's the weirdest thing ever. I've never seen that. Thank God.

I've never had any of my kids happen. Yeah. It's like, I'd probably embarrass the fuck out of him. That's probably why this never happened. Like, you're never going to get a high five. Or if it's a big, impressive one popping out under the shorts, high five. No. No, okay.

Okay, that was a test. Just testing. I'm not going to lie. I'm not a very nice person to my kids. They all know that. Now I'm an asshole. Sounds like you just take out your rage on young children. You know, teenagers are the smartest.

Have you ever talked to any? I try to avoid them. Yeah, they're the smartest dumb people on the face of the earth. They are really special people. Okay, so smart in the sense that what? They're intuitive? Like they know stuff, but they don't really know stuff. I had one kid to restore

heat. We don't get a lot of water breaks, so he tried to sneak in one. Let me turn this thing closer to you. We got some buzz. There we go. He tried to sneak a drink, but he came running out the back room. I didn't know what he did.

Then he came back in, and he was scratching his tongue with his teeth, kind of, sort of, like, get something. I was like, what were you doing back there? And he's like, huh? That's what they all say when you try to think of a story.

That is the best. Huh? Huh? And he's like, hmm? And I'm like, what were you? Did you take that spray bottle and spray it in your mouth? And he's still, like, describing something. He's like, huh?

I'm like, did you do that because you thought it was water? There's a spray bottle back there. It says H20 that because you thought it was water? There's a spray bottle back there that says H2O2. He thought it was water. He thought this is what he said verbatim. He's like, I thought it was super water. Smartest dumb people. Super water. When he ran out of the room, I told everyone to get a drink.

And when he told me a super water, they all come back, and I said, everyone get another drink. I mean, it's only fair if he's going to get super water. They should double down on regular water. No, I wanted to laugh and scold this kid at the same time, and I didn't want them to be around. Call him a dumbass. Whoa. His name was Space Jam before that, but then.

Space Jim or Space Jam? Space Jam, which it fit that he Jam before that. Space Jim or Space Jam? Space Jam. It fit that he would say that. Because he was always like, when you ever talk to this kid, you weren't sure if he was paying attention or not. He'd always just be looking at something else or looking through you. Thinking about the big game with the Monstars coming up? I don't know. He was a putt head, so I don't know what he was thinking about.

Sure. Super water. But no, wrestling wasn't my main. Track was my main. Oh, you ran track. Yeah, I was better at that. Okay, okay. So why not coach track now?

I did. I coached that for four years. Hey, run faster. I've tried that before. There's a high five waiting for you at the finish line. I don't think they ever got high fives. No wonder you don't coach anymore. Broke them down.

They all talk to me, though. They're better for it. They have really good stories to tell. Like the ones that last anyway. One time, I thought he was at least going to give me a handshake. And he didn't. And that's why I've been in prison for nine years. That kid's doing good, though.

He got his degree. Oh, good for him. Inside? Yep. Good man. Construction degree. I don't know how that happened, but he got it. That is a weird degree.

Shout out to Strayer University. Big ups. I think it was Phoenix or I don't know. Right, right, right. Okay, so we're coaching the wrestling. You're bringing home many championships? I've had one state champion two years ago. This year I took two kids to states, one fitness, six. There you go.

Do you take any cues from Friday Night Lights? I'm a big Friday Night Lights fan. Never seen that. Come on. It's a football, right? Yeah, but I feel like it would translate. Is it kind of like Varsity Blues? I've seen that. No,. That's football, right? Yeah, but I feel like it would translate. Is it kind of like Varsity Blues? I've seen that.

No, it's better. Okay. It's a good show. And Coach Taylor at one point doesn't say anything. He's got his team all fired up after a win. And they're kind of the underdogs, but they're on a roll. He just comes in, makes eye contact with everybody, doesn't say a word, goes up to the whiteboard, and he just writes state and underlines it.

And they're like, yeah, we're going to state. So, I mean, if you want to take that move, sounds like you don't have any trouble getting to state, but bring them on. Well, I'm not much of a motivator. That's not my forte. There's two other coaches. We all have our thing. I'm not the motivator at all.

Okay, so you're like the Charlie's Angels of wrestling coaches. You all have your own superpowers. Yeah. Right? Like the head coach, he's good at that. And he's good at consoling and comforting. I'm not good at that either. Okay, so your thing could be you go in, there's the whiteboard,

and you just write W slash E. Yeah. I'm very straightforward with them. J slash E. Yeah. I'm very straightforward with them. J slash K. LOL. No, I'm very blunt. I don't beat around the bush with them. Mm-hmm. You don't beat around Justin Hancock's bush with them? No, that trippy, trippy bush. Yeah, it would make a mess on the mats.

And those things are already gross. That is something. We've never had, like... Staff infection? I had one kid who had a scare. That was pretty weird. But it wasn't from our school. It was from visiting a school.

Had a match there. Yeah. He had a staff scare, so he had to sit out for a few days. Okay. Okay. That's disgusting stuff. Yeah. You want to avoid that.

Yeah. Staff. No thanks. I's disgusting stuff. Yeah. You want to avoid that. Yeah. Staff. No thanks. I'll say it. All the staff supporters out there, I don't get you. No. Don't come around here. No more.

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. All right. All right. Well, let's circle back to the comedy. So you're with the Color Me Funny fellas. Yes. Were you based out of Bel Air?

Well, I'm from Hartford County, so Havre Grace is where I'm from. Oh, okay. And is that by Bel Air? Havre Grace is in between Baltimore and Wilmington. I'm probably closer to Wilmington than I am to Baltimore. Really? Yeah. Home of tax-free shopping. Yeah. And liquor. Oh, yeah. No liquor tax there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a plus. There you go. You knocking back a few liquors?

Captain. Captain? Yeah. Captain Liquor. Yeah, that's about it. Is that a thing? Oh, yeah. I just had private stock for the first time, which is really good.

Was it your private stock? I mean, isn't any stock private once you own it? No, it's Captain Morgan private stock, but yeah. So it's like his personal stuff. Yeah, he gave it to me. Oh, that's cool. It was nice to have him. Nice. How's his bird? I think he's got AIDS also. Really? Bird AIDS?

You hate to hear about that. You hate to see it. He probably deserved. It's a dirty bird. Dirty bird. Dirty birdie. Yeah, well, okay. I guess we're not going to get him as a guest now. You're knocking a lot of people out of our repertoire here. You don't need him. Yeah, that's right.

That's right. We got Joe Greenway in the hopper. Somewhere. Somewhere. Somewhere. Somewhere. It's like, oh, I have to work. And I'm like, whatever, bro.

Counting money. We all got to work, you know? Yeah. Let's see here. Okay, so the comedy. So you were all got to work, you know? Yeah. Let's see here. Okay, so the comedy. So you were kind of in the Bel Air area. Yeah. In that area.

That's where everybody's sort of based out of for the most part. Everyone but Joe is from Hartford County. Right. Joe's from the overlay section. Right. So I guess you guys are doing stand-up together and kind of seeing each other at shows and things like that? Yeah. We haven't done a show together in quite a while.

Yeah. Not all six of us, anyway. There's, like, different places, but a few of us will go. I mean, before, like, it kind of came together, I guess you guys were seeing each other at shows, like, before Color Me Funny. Yeah, I mean, we're, like I said,

we're all from Hartford County, and there's really no comedy scene in Hartford County. Well, there is now with us, but there wasn't anything going on. Yeah. And we were all pretty much had the same thing. We always had to travel so far to shows, and it's hard to get on the shows, stuff like that. So we just came together that way and started putting stuff on in Hartford County and started from the bottom. Hey, there you go. That's a fit. So you guys are... We started from the bottom, and we're still at the bottom. Now there you go.

So you guys are from bottom and we're still at the bottom. Yeah. I like to say it started from the bottom. Still relatively close to the bottom. Yeah. I mean, you guys have moved some, you were in like the third rung of the ladder.

There you go. Yeah. That's not quite the bottom. No. It's still a jump. I'm scared of heights. I still wouldn't. Really?

Yeah. What if, what if somebody was coming at you with like a liquid cheese gun and they're like get to the top floor I'll shoot you

with this cheese gun as long as I don't spray it in my mouth I'm going to ball tap you and run alright well I got a cheese gun here I'm not going to

pull it out now but at some point I'm going to spray you but not in the face because I respect you thank you not in my eye no of course not you. Thank you. Okay. Not in my eye. No, of course not.

That's another thing with wrestling. I have to wrestle around with kids, and the bigger kids, I hate wrestling them. Because you've got a cheese gun. I wish. No, they would eat the fuck out of that. Super cheese. Yeah. And they wrestle me.

I don't feel like, so I just ball tap them and drop them and then keep them moving. Maybe that's another reason why. Ball tap. Sounds like that'd be an illegal move. It is. It is not legal. Not legal, but you get away with it. It's one way for me to tell you to get your fat, sweaty self stomach off me.

Okay. You don't have to say that to me. That's not nice. This is very weird how we're doing it. I invited you. We're just laying on top of each other. I didn't know. Well, I feel it's a more personal way.

You got chairs. It's a more intimate interview. Are you sitting in chairs? Nah. All right. It's worked so far. If it ain't broke, I'm not going to fix it. Yeah, I don't think so.

Not in this economy, Thes. I ain't got money to waste on that. I don't think so, sir. Money on chairs. Now, speaking of wrestling and scantily clad young boys, you color me funny just did an underwear show. That was a great show. That was a good time.

Yeah, so that was the conceit of that is all the comedians do their sets as normal, just in their underwear. In their underwear. It was a good time. And I was sober, so I remember all of it. Joe Pettis hosted it and did awesome. We had Damo Hicks was on there. Tommy Simbada says he cheated because he had a T-shirt on.

He had two T-shirts and his hat along with his underwear. He didn't wear pants. That's pretty much all Damo did. He didn't wear pants. Oh, I saw that picture. Yeah, he just had his shirt on. That's all Damo did was not wear pants. I like that he's like, I have dignity. I'll take my pants off, but I'm not he just named his shirt off it's all he would do is not like that he's like i have dignity i'll take my pants off i'm not gonna take my shirt off

him and tommy had something going who was gonna be the fattest i guess tommy won because damo didn't show his stomach and uh yeah tommy simbazo he was there in a thong tommy he's big into the steampunk kind of dark on making all kinds of costumes and stuff. So he was wearing weird shoulder blades as well. Stuff out of Mad Max. Yeah, shoulder pad kind of thing. I think he had a holster with it too. Which he had a fan in. Because it gets warm.

He had a kimono. Of course he did. Why wouldn't he I don't why wouldn't he he was he was awesome yeah

but the women were Kim Ambrose Biz Cop and Walker Hayes see that's what the show is all about broads and underwear yeah

right I well yeah I liked it if you're into that sort of thing well if you're a straight male

who is that anymore? I don't know. Probably like Justin Hancock or something. There's pictures. You can check out Instagram, Color Me Funny. There's some pictures up. Also, our Color Me Funny page has a lot more on there. Some backstage nudies while they're changing.

Just Tommy. Just Tommy. That's all I'm interested in anyway. He had some red marks on it. I didn't look at the picture. I guess from sitting in the stool or the chair. Oh, you get kind of just the little divots there. It was weird.

I don't know. That was the weirdest part. A couple red lines on the tuchus. Yeah. Okay. Matt Mahaffey of Call Me Funny performed. He did awesome. I'm trying to think.

John McCombs. Yeah. Quite aombs. Yeah. Quite a few people. Are you guys going to do this underwear show? Make it a regular thing or is that Joe? I don't know.

It's a Joe Pettis thing. He goes, tours around and does that. That's his thing. But it was a good time. Everyone had a good time. Let me ask you this.

Would you do the underwear show? I think at the end he asked me to strip, like take my pants off to show my underwear Matt came up he did and the show had been over

for like seven hours yeah it was just weird but I didn't if I pulled my pants down then the whole room would get darker right

I have that problem too big black cock just to be specific like a gleam of light just oh no no no nah I got surgery.

It was worth it. I don't care. You're welcome. Mm-hmm. Thing pays for itself eventually. Well, only credit scores, you know? Mm-hmm. Only credit scores in the toilet with that big black cock.

Hey, it's worth it. Get it. Yeah, exactly. That's the catchphrase for big black cock. It's worth it. No, it's Big Black Clock. Bad credit, but you'll find yourself a white woman with good credit. Okay.

It's a very long slogan. That's long. It's going to be tough to put on a bumper sticker. Just initial it. Yeah, people will get it. People will get it. Next YOLO. It'll be BBC White Women.

Something. You just have to say it, though. You can't just say all of this. I know. We'll fix BBC white women. Something. You just gotta say it, though. You can't just say all of this. I know. We'll fix it in post. It's like saying the planets... What was that? That's how you know the planets in order?

You're including Pluto. You know Pluto was cut. Cut from the team. That's in your America. Yeah. Not in mine. Not in your America, Pluto was cut. Cut from the team. That's in your America. Yeah. Not in mine. Not in your America, huh? Nope, that's not in my America. Okay. Oh, yeah!

Fair enough. Fair enough. Didn't strip down the underwear. Brandon Lascure, he asked me to do this underwear show a long time ago, and I was like, yeah, I'll do it. And then I was like, oh, it's happening tonight? Nobody invited me. I guess they didn't want to get embarrassed by my excellent physique.

They probably heard you got that new big black cock. Yeah. We got two of them on the show. Sorry. I would have taped it up. I don't feel like this big black cock discrimination is something that I should tolerate. Nor ignore. I would find a representative.

I will. Congressman, maybe. Sure. Write a letter. I'm going to representative. I will. Congressman, maybe. Sure. Write a letter. I'm going to get all of it. Protest? You better fucking believe it. I'm with you.

Thank you. I don't do any booking, so you have a discrepancy. It's okay. It's okay. It's all right. I did the Valentine's Day show. That was fun. That was good.

I wish we hadn't snowed so we could do more stuff. That was a good show. Yeah, that sucked. I was good i wish it we wouldn't have had snowed so we could do more stuff that was a good show yeah that sucked i was like uh brandon's like look four people canceled i can't do a show without comedians and i was like all right i'll drive yeah thank you for braving that because i didn't even want to i don't speak in hyperbole that's another thing i hope catches aids no i hope snow cuts not the good kind either. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Not the kind you can live with either. No. Not like a Magic Johnson AIDS. No, the immediate Philadelphia Super AIDS.

Yeah. You're Tom Hanks. You're Tom Hades. Yeah. That type of thing. The Eazy-E. Sure. I want you to get Eazy-E AIDS.

Eazy-E AIDS. Yeah. Like early 90s. We don't even know what this is yet. Uh-huh, uh-huh. No, I'm with you. Yeah. Listen.

Are we supposed to get some soon? The weatherman was talking about tomorrow or Monday. We're supposed to get these. The weatherman? Yeah. Listen, as we record this, it's pretty nice here in Baltimore, Maryland. It is. It's 60.

However, I hear, yeah, in two days, it's supposed to snow. What is with this weather? I mean, up and down, it reminds me of my wife. You don. It's 60. However, I hear in two days, it's supposed to snow. What is with this weather? Up and down, it reminds me of my wife. You don't have a wife. Okay, we'll take a break. I'm going to cry. Oh, yeah! And we're back. No tears. No tears. I'm a man.

I tell you, Thes drove all over this goddamn state today. He did. I like Baltimore. Just the only thing I don't like Baltimore is the parking. That's the only thing. Like, I would come here often if anyone else drove. That would be awesome.

Uh-huh. Just parking. I get angry. Yeah, parking, it's pretty annoying. What part of Baltimore is this? What is this area called? This is Hamden. Hamden.

I think I know people who live there. Hamden, Baltimore. We got the avenue. A lot of House of Cards was shot on the Avenue. It was kind of cool. I watched SportsCenter. That's it? Specifically SportsCenter.

And Cops. A lot of overlap there, huh, sometimes? Hey. They have a marathon, which is... Cops is the funniest show ever to me. Yeah. What are some standout cop moments? I remember one time they tried to take down this naked black man in a barbershop,

and he was just catching all the tasers. Okay, no, no. I want stories not from your life, but from the TV show. Nothing about you. They all relate so well, though. Right. There's some overlap. The times that you were on the show.

It all runs together. I'm being unfair, and I apologize. I'm okay. Let's take a break. We're back. Oh, yeah. And we're back, baby. Woo!

More Color Me Funnies. I should be plugging some other stuff. You don't got to plug. I don't know what else we're doing. I'll plug some stuff in the beginning

and all that stuff. There's ColorMeFununnymd.com. Yes. Apparently it's Colormefunnymd.com and Colormefunnycomedy.com. We were having a discussion. I thought it was just MD, but apparently it's both. Yeah, that works. That works. I think

Digression Sessions is thedigressionsessions.com, digressionsessions.com. I didn't know. However you want to get it, you can get it. Yeah. I was listening to some rap songs today. Like I said, I had to drive all around this goddamn state because my girlfriend's car died.

So we had to go meet her dad, who's a wholesale dealer in Dunkirk, Maryland, which I didn't even know existed until we met. Where is that that Southern Maryland? Yeah, it's far. So we had to meet him there, and we had to drive even further to this dealership and work all this stuff out. She had to take her rental car back, so I drove her car, her new car,

back to Baltimore while she returned the rental car. And I'll say I was a radio, so I'm listening to the radio, and there's a lot of that Beyonce song. A lot of her being like, I'm drunk. She's been drinking. Yeah, but there must have been a rumor. Her producer's like, you know there's a rumor going around that you're not very good at sex.

She was like, ha, ha, ha, I don't think so. I'll make a whole album about how good I am at it. Yeah. I'll tell the driver to put the partition up because he doesn't want to see Beyonce on her knees, which I would argue, I bet he does. I bet if he had his druthers, this driver, he'd want the partition down. Unless she looks like Justin Hancock down there. I mean. She might.

Big old red bush. Trippy red. Ew. Put a tarcock down there. She might. Big old red bush. Trippy red. Put a tarp down in that limo. You're going to have to pay for that, fiance. I don't think that... Maybe she's just trying to be polite, I guess. As long as it's about politeness. I feel like the polite thing to do would be like, leave the partition down.

Let him see. Cracked a little bit. A little bit of crack to see the crack. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying. Yeah, that's a... I never really pay attention to their song, but I guess that's what that's about?

Yeah, sure. There's several songs about doing it. I know there's one about doing it in a tub. Uh-huh. Tub Thumpin' by Chumbawamba. Yeah. He remade it. Uh-huh. Tub Thumping by Chumbawamba. Yeah. She remade it. Uh-huh.

It's a good remix. A lot of people doubted her, but she pulled it off. Don't doubt the queen bee. Lesson learned. She got knocked down, and then she got back up again. Uh-huh. To have sex with Jay-Z. In a tub.

And he ate her titties. Yeah. Tub sex is weird, because I imagine my tub, and I can't. Uh-oh. I've been hungover and tried to take a nap in the tub. It sounds like you tried to kill yourself. Take a nap in the tub. Yeah.

Here's what happened. My toe got stuck in the drain and... What? I can't swim. Thank God I caught myself. Wait, wait, wait, myself wait wait wait your toe got stuck in the drain

yeah I was asleep and you were asleep I was taking a nap because I was hungover and I wanted to kill two birds with one stone uh huh

so you didn't think that this was a bad idea like oh here's what happened I was taking a shower but I was sleeping wait a minute yeah it's very weird

how it happened wow this is a mess I am yeah when was this Wait a minute. Yeah, it's very weird how it happened. Wow. This is a mess. I am. Yeah. When was this? Years ago. I've learned my lesson.

Okay, good. It's not about drinking. It's about taking a shower when you can't swim. Shower, nap. Shower, nap. Shower, nap. No overlap. I was trying to kill two birds with one stone.

I was sleepy, and I really need to take a shower. There is no Venn diagram between shower and nap. There's no overlap there, Thes. I bet you Mark Spitz does it. If Mark Spitz jumped off a bridge, would you do that? No, because there's water there. He can do it because he can swim. Right, right.

If Mark Spitz got AIDS, would you get AIDS? Don't answer that. We'll be right back. I'm sitting here with guest Thes Grimes. I'm here. And I'm asking the tough questions. If you're noticing your seat's getting hot, oh, look out now. Watch that mic.

There we go. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Keep it taut. There we go. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Keep it taut.

There we go. Yeah, just lean into that thing there. All right. There we go. I would say you wouldn't get AIDS if Mark Spitz got AIDS. Does Mark Spitz have AIDS? Was that him? No, that was Greg Louganis.

There we go. He just had it on a diving board. Yeah, he did. Probably hurt. Oh, good Lord, did that probably hurt. But then the chlorine, it killed it, so it didn't matter. Did it? I thought chlorine kills AIDS.

Maybe. I should just take chlorine pills. If I got AIDS, I would just take chlorine pills. I feel like that's not good for the intestines, though. But I wouldn't have AIDS. That's true. Or a large or small intestine. You would just shit blood forever.

But AIDS free blood. Sacrifice. Right? That's the give and take there. It's all about sacrifices in this day. This day and age. What was I talking about? Oh yeah. And then listening to hip hop songs. There's this

Kendrick Lamar song where he's like you can get it. You can get it. You can get it. And I was like oh he's probably talking about his penis's like, you can get it. You can get it. You can get it. And I was like, oh, he's probably talking about his penis, right? And you're like, hey. You know, it's a nice thing. Like, hey, lady, you can get it. You can get it.

You can get it. You can get it. You can get it. You might have been talking about AIDS. Maybe. Right. Like, if you do me, you can get it. I think, no, he's trying to tell them to be aware. Be protected.

Oh, okay. Or else you're going to get it I think he's trying to tell them to be aware Be protected You're going to get it There's a long caveat unless you're in a pool Because chlorine kills eggs But otherwise you can get it He has a song about pools That's right and also about drinking Was that about you?

One shot, drank Two shots, nap Three shots, shower Four shots, choked to death in the shower Four shots, choke to death in the shower. Because your big toe's stuck in the drain. It was a very creepy thing. That is a horrible way to die. And not the best.

Harold does die. Tomas took a nap in the shower. He knew he couldn't swim. He's probably high-fiving Jesus in heaven now. I would high-five Jesus. I don't think I could fake high-five. You couldn't fake high-five? I would't think I could fake high five. You couldn't fake high five? Like I would want to if I would think about it.

Yeah. He might respect you. Everybody's probably kissing his ass up there. You know, like this guy's different. He gets it. Like there's a major

personal pan pizza, extra cheese. Like, man, fuck you, Jesus. I'll be right on that. You wouldn't say that. You wouldn't say. You can't lie to the J-man. He knows what I'm going to say before he

says it. I don't think Jesus can read minds. He's not psychic. Him and that lady that was always on Montel Williams. Are you talking about Mary Magdalene? No, Sylvia Brown. Sylvia Brown. She died. Okay. Alright.

Not of AIDS. Okay. All right. Not of AIDS. Okay. Put an asterisk next to her name. She was a psychic on Montel Williams all the time. What did she predict? Was she like, I can get it? Not her death. Yeah.

Where was she on that one? What happened there? All right. So doing the stand-up, doing the comedy. Did you start out doing the black rooms, as they say? No. No. You were just doing

rooms just wherever. Like I said, I'm from Hartford County, so it's hard to find places. The first place I ever did was Magoobies when I was in Timonium. Uh-huh. I'm sorry, Kearney, Parkville. Yeah, like the different location, the smaller one.

Yeah. That's the first place I ever did was there. Their new talent contest? Yeah. That was the first one I ever did there. And I won that contest. Nice. And I went last.

So I can lie and say that I got paid and headlined my very first show. There you go. And won the whole thing. Yep. That's great. There you go. I was the whole thing. Yep. That's great. There you go. I was only in it for the bitches, but apparently bitches and riches is what I came for.

Uh-huh. And how's that going? How are we doing in the bitches department and the riches department? Justin's good looks takes all the bitches. Sure. And I don't see any of the money. I don't know.

You're drinking some type of fruit smoothie. Well, that's only because I'm into steroids. And I crush my steroids up and I put them in the smoothies. Yeah, you're looking swole. Did you see my face in the paper? Face, yeah, yeah. I saw your face. Yeah, my neck is huge in that.

Yeah, what's up with that? When I cut my hair, no. When I cut my hair, I saw how skinny it was, so I did shrugs from October until the season just ended. While my kids were in, I would just be in the gym just shrugging all day.

Like, man, Dez looks really indifferent to everything. He's just shrugging all the time, but his neck is so foreboding. I wanted my Adam's apple and this to all catch up, and then I'll be done. Oh, okay. And then you've achieved perfection.

Yeah. I can have really skinny arms, but as long as my neck is huge, I don't care. Uh-huh. So, yeah, are you working out, trying to do a little weight gaining? Because I know Mike Turpin, fellow Color Me Funny guy,

he lifts heavy objects. Yes, he lifts them up, puts them down. He is, yeah. Like, he flexes me. His weight, is, yeah. Like, he fluctuates. His weight, though, it depends on what he's, like, doing. So his weight, like, fluctuates, but he still lifts a ton of stuff. Yeah, he does. Yeah.

He likes lifting the things. Yeah, he's very good at it. How much weight are we doing when we do the shrugs? Just 30, 35, but it's more repetition than anything. Is that how shrugs go for everybody or just you? That's just me. I just do them. The dumbbells just shrug away.

Now, are you going up and holding? You're letting go. Everything. There's variations. You do it up and hold and you reverse and then you roll. A little cut and roll yeah i gotcha build the traps yeah about the traps the traps yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah working out hurts though so i don't i don't do it often it does hurt i got a nagging rhomboid injury that i'm trying to work through

that's in your ear isn't it no not even. It's the shoulder blade. Like where the shoulder blade meets the spine, kind of. I have a separated shoulder. Okay, it isn't a fucking contest, Des. One of my arms is longer than the other, so when I wear dress shirts, I can try to pull the shirt down. How much longer? Oh, God,

like two feet. How did I never notice that? Jesus! Not much. You can only tell when I wear dress shirts. Do you keep your arms out like a mummy all the time too? Look at my deformity. But also look at my neck.

Just flexing. That's the other thing though. It's like I wear bigger size. I wear like 15 and a half but it doesn't really like my neck and my arms don't fit the same. You should just roll them up like 15 and a half, but it doesn't really like... My neck and my arms don't fit the same. You should just roll them up.

I do. Like you're a working man. I do, but I can't get away that church all the time. It just looks weird. Let me tell you this. Just don't go to church. I watch it on TV as often as I can.

You watch church on TV? Yeah. You got the church channel. No, my uncle's a pastor, so it comes on sometimes on the Hart You got the church channel. No, my uncle's a pastor, so it's like he has... It comes on sometimes on the Hartford County Network. Oh. Yeah. So you got to get dressed up to watch church

TV. That's how fancy you are. I'm watching my draws eating cereal. Does Jesus know about this? He's probably sitting next to me. Really? Okay. Well, hey. I mean, to each his own. To each his own. I mean, if you want to go to hell, hey, who am I to stop you? I don't think...

It's a free country. It's a free country. Eat cereal in your underwear. Yeah, you know goddamn well it is, Des. Don't fucking treat me like I'm an idiot. That's the 11th commandment. Yeah. Yeah, we all know about it.

Yeah, it's like the secret commandment. Don't eat cereal in yourment. Yeah. Yeah. We all know about it. Yeah. It's like the secret commandment. Don't eat cereal and eat rolls. Yeah. Pay him some respect. Imagine if Moses came down with the tablets

and there's just some dude in his underwear eating cereal. Like, oh yeah, that's cool. Next time I will put a bow tie on. Pretty fucking disrespectful. This isn't some bullshit color me money,

color me funny cash grab. Color me money Color me funny cash grab Color me money basically is what it is We're in our underwear It might be a new thing now I let my comedy speak for itself How long have you been doing comedy? Me? Yeah

Don't you ask me questions Don't you try to turn this around on me Yeah, we talk about you going to hell And all of a sudden you got a bunch of questions Not so fast, Thes Grimes. Busted. I know Moran's been doing it, I think. Moran, Fonazzo, Wendy, Daylon Morrison.

We all around the same time started. Yeah, yeah. I know Moran's probably three to four years, somewhere in there. Me, I've been doing improv for close to three years. That includes going to classes and stuff. Um, me, I've been doing, uh, improv for close to three years. Like, that includes going to classes and stuff. Um, or maybe it is three years. And then stand-up about, like, a year, like, 15 or 16 years.

No, it's like, uh, it's like a little over a year. Okay. Like, 14, 15 months or something. Yeah. Yeah, getting into it. Yeah. Started with the improv. I've never been good at improv.

Only in like improv at life. All right. Let's do an improv scene. All right. I'm horrible at it. You've seen me. You've seen me. I'm not good at it.

Jesus Christ. Are you eating? You can't watch the... Jesus can see you in your fucking underwear. What are you doing? Are we having a scene or are we just improv? I don't know. And scene. Great job.

This is how good I am. Great job. You have to tell me what I'm supposed to... This is when we have the... When we do... Have you ever seen any of the videos Kelly McFarlane's on with me in them? I don't watch that trash.

I have the least amount of lines. I mean, the best one we did was with me and Valance. I had one line in the whole thing. But I was the star of the whole thing. You were the star? Me and Valance we did was with me and Valance I had one line in the whole thing but I was the star of the whole thing you were the star me and Valance

it was just me and Valance and it was just I didn't have to say anything but dad and I fucked that line up were you like mom shit

cut cut it was like how I was supposed to say dad and I couldn't I fucked it up and did it like four times you had to have the right inflection

you were just like dad dad I'm horrible I was like it was supposed did it like four times. You had to have the right inflection and you're just like, Dad. I'm horrible. Dad? I'm horrible. I was like, it's supposed to be like a question. He's like,

Dad? But I kept fucking it up. He's like, Dad. Dad! Turpin had so much, he was very patient with me. He's like,

that's good, but no, like this. And kept saying. And he was directing? Yeah. Okay okay and then the other one i was in was the uh game of thrones spoof i had quite a few lines out and i kept inflection with that one too because there's a part where i was supposed to yeah like i like the dog and it's like we're gonna be friends forever or something like that. And I kept the inflection on the wrong part of that. We're going to be friends forever.

Yeah. Friends. My favorite sitcom was Friends. Anything that doesn't have to be written, I'm really good at. If they just tell me to just be in it and talk, then I'm good. That's improv, baby. Yeah, well, it usually works. Yeah, it is hard when you have...

I've only done a couple of sketches, but yeah, where you have written lines, like it's the most basic stuff. I'm good at feeling. And me, a glass of water. Yes. Yeah. It's weird to make it natural.

Yeah, but you have to tell me what we're doing and then I go from there. No, that's not how it works. That's not how it works. That's not how it works. That's not improv? No. Well, I mean, yeah.

I mean, we all have our scripts beforehand. But, yeah, I can't tell you what to do. I do like Whose Line Is It Anyway. I like the new season. Yeah, I haven't seen any of the new season. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, Whose Line Is It Really Funny.

Yeah, what's her name's hosting now? She's pretty good. Aisha Tyler? Aisha Tyler, yeah. She's really funny. Yeah, what's her name's hosting now? She's pretty good. Aisha Tyler? Aisha Tyler, yeah. She can get it. Aids. She's not careful with those Hoosline boys. Yeah.

Might improv some aids on her. And Ryan Stiles, you can tell he's got aids. Yep, big time. Tall, skinny. Yeah, he's got foot aids. Fades. Big time. That's what they call it.

Stage four, fades. He's guilty. He's he's got foot aids. Fades. Big time. That's what they call it. Stage four. Fades. He's guilty. He's got it. He is. Yeah, I like the Who's Line. You know, the piano player on Who's Line? The woman?

Yeah. Laura? Laura Hall, yeah. We got to do improv with her. Really? It was pretty fun. Her and her husband, they go around doing workshops and stuff. Nice.

We had to do like the singing um do they have sex on the piano multiple times nice it was kind of awkward it's like uh i kind of paid for a workshop i think that's part of it and he's like yeah two for one i think i'm gonna teach you how to fuck and i was like that's weird on a piano which is probably beyonce's next song oh baby we fuck on a piano on my grand piano Beyonce's next song. Oh, baby. Me fuck on a piano. On my grand piano. I'ma eat your butt for brunch.

Butts for brunches. Yeah, it was fun. Her husband was actually talking about a Viagra commercial he got to do in Canada or something. That's his fame to fame. Yeah. He was a really good singer. I'm horrible i'm not a good singer and then like i i can't do the musical thing like i can't just be like this is my you know like or whatever and like you have to rhyme and all this stuff i don't have a theater background but like he was like yeah you know you can have fun with

it you can kind of do a run of octaves if you you know you're in a scene you can be like or you can bring it down like blah blah blah like yeah let kind of do a run of octaves. If you're in a scene, you can be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Or you can bring it down and be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, yeah, let me just do a run of fucking octaves, you dickhead. What the fuck are you talking about? I think it was more just him being like, look how

good I can sing at this level and this level, too. You should have ball-tapped him. Cut that out. Cut it out. If you ball-tap, you gotta make sure they too. You should have ball tapped him. Just a little. Cut that out. Cut it out. No, you got to. If you ball tap, you got to make sure they drop. It's funnier that way.

Yeah. Yeah. It's not worth it. That was a big part of being a young man. A lot of touching butts in balls. You know, in like a ball tap. I thought you went to a black school. Yeah, I did.

I did. They did not like me. Did not like me. Black people don't play that. Well, I went to a black school for a year. My formative second grade year. That's when... Yeah.

Was there much ball tapping then in second grade? Look, I don't want to talk about it. That teacher did not. I have prosthetic balls. It was the teacher who did it, Dez. Way to reopen my old ball wounds. Oh, that lady. I wish it was a lady. I did it, Dez. Way to reopen my old ball wounds. Oh, that lady. I wish it was a lady.

I wish it was a lady. You know who it was? Joe Biden. Vice President Joe Biden. You lived in Delaware? Uncle Joe. I'm a blue head. Oh, I remember when they,

I don't know if he did this at your black school, but schools would come and like when you're a senior and talk to you about trying to get you to go to school and stuff like that. I remember Delaware came. Oh, because you were doing the sports? Well, not just that. It was just like for kids who wanted to go to school and think about where they want to go. They had like representatives come and talk to you. Oh, about colleges. Yeah, about going to college.

Gotcha. I was like, wow, you're getting recruited at high schools? You must have been fucking crushing pussy. Like, Dez, come crush our pussy. Is that how it works? I don't know how it works. I was on the bench, too. Hey, come hold the towels for our dudes at Crush Pussy, Dez.

Wipe their brow. Wipe their brow. Wipe their brow. Me and my buddy James in Delaware came and he just weird look at their brochure and he saw that their nickname was the Blue Cocks and he just decided to bust in and laugh.

And that's for 25 minutes with his back laughing. Just like, and our ecology program. And they're like, she's like at the. They're just like, and our, our ecology program. And they're like, ah! She's like,

at the end, she was like, where are you laughing at? Like 25 minutes and then laugh. He's like, is your nickname the Blue Cox?

She was like, yes it is. And he started laughing and then it was time to go. It was just over. I bet that happens at every single school. Probably, yeah.

Are there any questions not related to the blue cock thing? Yeah. No? South Carolina's a game cocks? Yeah. Yeah. That's gotta be horrible.

Tell your parents. That you're a game cock? Mm-hmm. I don't think so. I've said worse. They're like, who are you gonna have on your podcast?

I was like, Dez Graham. My dad hasn't talked to me in like weeks. Weeks, Des. I hope you're happy. It'll get better. I hope you're happy. He'll hear this and I'm like, eh, what's so bad? Donnie Greenway was there.

No. I want to read you something. My dad, he would not be... He would maybe listen to the podcast if I emailed it to him. He's just started getting into email. I didn't know black people were allowed on podcasts. This is awesome. Oh, yeah.

I think I'm breaking a barrier. Am I the first black person ever on a podcast? No. Just lie to me. Well, we had Jamel Johnson on. I mean, if you don't think he's black, that's something. He has a backpack. He has a backpack.

He's a backpacker. Yeah. Let's see. No. God, I've got to try to find this text from my dad. Jamel's pretty black. He's pretty black. Okay.

So. I gave him a 10 out of 10 in blackness. So I texted my dad. He has, for his new health care plan, he's on some type of Obamacare, I don't know, socialist bull. But you get a free cell phone because he refuses to get a cell phone. So you get like a free tiny cell phone. And I texted him something to do with like a comedy show and he responded whigi one word on

spree wiggy on spree is that a is that code did i know that i'm allowed to know that that's what he wrote uh he he it was about butt sex wiggy on spreesprey? Yeah. So I was like, what the hell is that? So the last time I saw him, his phone is the old version, so it still has the physical buttons on it. So if you're tapping number five, you have to hit it three times to get to the L or whatever, the K. And his was on T9. Do you remember T9?

It would try to guess the word for you. So he just tried to respond. He's like, it just kept making words and I didn't know what they were doing. So he sent that though. It said Wiggy on Spree. He's like, that's good. He'll know what I mean.

He gets it. He knows me. I'm like, Wiggy on Spree. Just get my passport and lock everything up. Kiss my girlfriend goodbye. Oh, God! My dad said we're wiggy on spree.

I cut off all my fingerprints. No one can know. I knew this day would come. Just not so soon. Wiggy on spree. Wiggy on spree. That Wiggy on the spree. That's my boy. That's going to be my new motivation thing.

There you go. Yeah, you just write that on the chalkboard. Wiggy on the spree. And just leave the room. On three, wiggy on the spree. One, two, three, wiggy on the spree. They're just like, what the fuck's up with this? Ever since he got that giant neck, he got weird.

The reason it's weird, when I was at, I coached at two different schools. The school I'm at now, I'm at Grimes. I coach Grimes. When I was at Havity Grace, I was Othell. You were what? Othell, my real name. That's what they called me. Oh, Othell, that's your real name?

Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. Oh, where does Thes come in? It's a nickname. It's Thesol, not a short knit. Oh, where does Tez come in? It's a nickname. It's Tezel and then a short knit. Oh, gotcha. I don't go by Tezel because old white women fuck my name up.

Yeah? What do they say? It's always like Otho or Othello. They always say Othello. It says Othello. They're like, hey, black guy. I mean, I'm sorry. I have trouble with names. Sound easily.

They'll either leave an L off or add extra. Yeah. Or just, I've gotten Phil once. I was like, no, it's not even close. I'm just going to go with the name I know. Phil? Is it Phil? That's a funny thing.

Yeah, like my last name, I remember teachers, they would just add letters all the time. It's like, why are you adding letters? Why are you ever adding letters to anybody's name? I don't. They'd be like, oh, you know,

they're like calling roll. They're like, okay. And James, James Kirk, Captain James T. Kirk. That's a weird name to name your son.

And Josh, oh, I'm going to need help with this one. Josh Codono. Like, there's no O's. There's no O's.

I would just cut them off when like we had to, like I knew when I was next to, it's Othell. Don't fuck it up, lady. Wow, O's? There's no O's? I would just cut them off. It's Othell. Don't fuck it up, lady. Wow, that was pretty bold for a young seven-year-old Othell. It's okay.

I got good grades, so they'd let me slide. Oh, really? Yeah. So you could toss around the F word. Smack a bitch on the tuchus. Keep up the good work. Let them know they're doing good. Uh-huh. Let me get a little extra recess, boo.

Is that what you told them? That's what I would say. That would have been real cool. Make it 10 more minutes, girl. Yeah, like they have to bring your parents in. It's in quotations. He said, let me get some more recess, boo. You know anything about this?

When I was a young man, I might have been like kindergarten, first grade, somewhere in there. Went to daycare afterwards. Might have been during the summer where you go like all day. I got in trouble because I gave some kid the finger.

At the end of the day, they're like, Joshua, hold on. We got to talk to your mom for a second. He gave one of the other kids the finger. They're like, Joshua, hold on. We got to talk to your mom for a second. Like, he gave one of the other kids the finger. And my mom's like, oh my goodness, Joshua, get over here.

Where did you learn that? Where did you learn that? I was like, grandma does it to grandpa all the time. Mom didn't look good there. I told the truth. Told the truth.

Grandma does the great job. She would, too. Just like, just giving the truth. Told the truth. My grandmother does the great job. She would, too. Just like... Just giving the finger. My grandmother can drop it like it's hot, and she's 80. Uh-huh. That's just a weird fun fact. Is she like, fuck your cheese allergy?

No. She would never throw cheese in my face. She doesn't have a cheese gun? Uh-uh. She doesn't have some type of Obamacare cheese gun? She's too nice for that. Too nice? She drank some Bush Light and dropped it like it's hot.

Bush Light, huh? Mm-hmm. Well, because she wants to watch her figure. You can't just drink straight up Bush. I know. Justin Hancock Bush. I drank that. Lord knows it's wet enough.

Oh, boy. I'm grossing myself out. Yeah. I think I just pooped a little. Did you? Unrelated, though. It's probably because of that smoothie. Sliding right through you. There's no content in it. I don't know.

I should ask what's in that next time. What is that, a McDonald's smoothie? Yeah. You go to McDonald's, you're like, well, what's healthy? What do, a McDonald's smoothie? Yeah. That's for the, you go to McDonald's, you're like, well, what's healthy? What do they have that's healthy?

You know, I was talking to to Mati, and he gets salads from McDonald's. Mati Litwack? Yeah. Comedian Mati?

I don't know why he would do that to himself. I don't know either. I mean, isn't that just iceberg lettuce too? I have no clue, but if you're like

going to eat healthy, why would you, McDonald's is where you are? Yeah, there's some other options. He just needs hugs. I want to hug you. Yeah, why are you getting a salad from McDonald's? Maybe it's cheap.

I don't know. I don't know. I try to eat healthy. Do you eat healthy? Most of the time. Like I said, I got a Taco Bell and a brown paper bag of it. You got to have cheat days. Got to have cheat days.

You know, my thing is, that's what I also got from you. I got a McChicken with bacon. That's my thing. Okay. It's really good. You ever had McGangbang? Not today. It's a McDouble and a McChicken with fries together.

Sounds racist. Is that racist? It's deliciously racist. The best kind of racist. Yes. No, never done that. Oops, sorry. Didn't mean to smudge your puma. Try it. It's on your cheat day. Well, I don't

eat meat. Don't eat meat, buddy. What is chicken? Don't eat chicken either. Oh, okay. Don't eat chicken. You could never turn down. Nope, that's the thing. There's a dimmer switch, but I'm not turning down. No way. How do you get turned up if you don't eat chicken?

Fish. Huh? Good tuna steak. I enjoy it, yeah. Tuna steak. Yeah. Literally, bomb.com. That is.

I am a tuna guy. I like a good sockeye salmon. None of that farm-raised bullshit. Come on, man. Tuna is all protein and helps my traps. Yeah? Lord knows you need help with those. Apparently.

I almost ran out of ink trying to print all your traps in the Baltimore Suns, fella. The other two coaches, they're over 250 pounds. They're close to like 280. So I'm like the smallest one in there. So they joke about how small my neck is. I'm going to tell them it's huge.

They don't believe me. Because they don't have necks, first of all. I like that. You're just like, well, no, it's not. It's huge. They're like, oh, fuck. They don't have necks, though. They came in.

Whatever. Hey, don't worry about it. You're in a safe place. Makes me so angry. You don't have to stick your neck out for them. You don't have to do that. Did you see the picture, though? It makes me...

I was like... The only one I noticed was Haywood. Haywood turned up and said, he was like, why are your necks so huge? I was like, that's real life. That's why. You see me in person, it's wrong angles. That was just the steroids talking. I was like, that's real life. That's why. You see me in person, it's wrong angles. That was just the steroids talking.

That was a rage. For the listeners at home, his eyes went blood red. Yeah. I'm back now. They're back. I think that was just smoothie. I think you have McDonald's smoothie in the eye. Little strawberry action. I swear, I think my, I have a younger brother, and I think he's on roids.

You can stop bragging right now. Yeah. He does not like me. He lives like two miles, not even that, away from Main Street, North Shore House, our Bel Air place, and he's been to like one show. One free stand-up show. Yeah, the 100 show, and he didn't even stay for all day. He's like, I get it.

I get it. Yeah. I get it. He's like, I'm here, and I'm just showing. He didn't even stay for all day. He's like, I get it. I get it. Yeah. I get it. He's like, I'm here. And I'm leaving. Uh-huh. And I'm leaving. He's a dickhole.

He just checked in. Yeah. Checked in. Dunstan checks in. Is his name Dunstan? No. I call him Brutter. Brutter?

Yeah. Because he's your brother. Yeah. He's been his name since high school. Yeah. Okay. I think he tried to call me since, probably since high school, yeah. Okay. Like, I think he tried to call me that, but I started calling him that, and then all his friends, my friends, everyone calls him brother.

Now, mom, is that mother? Dad? No, they're mom and dad. Father? Mom and dad. That sounds like a speech impediment thing. No. What, mother?

Yeah. Hey, that's my mother. That's my father. That's my brother. Hey. That's not in Hawaiian. That's my, hey. Hey, brother. Hey, that's my mother. That's my father. That's my brother. Hey. That's not a Hawaiian. That's my... Hey.

Hey, brother. Hey, coolie. That's my brother. That was actually my Thes Grimes impression. I'm working on it. That's a good one. Thank you. I wish someone would impression me.

It would just be all mumbles and... Oh, of you? Yeah. Yeah. I got the mumble mouth, too. Yeah. Speaking of improv and uh teaching the young ones i uh i i was a ta for a couple improv classes trying to i was gonna teach but

i just don't have time but you have to sit in kids or dicks no they weren't really like kids i mean people are you know they're like in their 20s anywhere from like 20s to whatever. And, you know, one of the classes you had to – we had kids – people in the class would just say – they would just do a monologue about whatever, and then you'd throw out a word. So they'd be talking like, oh, in the summers we would always plant daffodils, and somebody would be like, rocket ship. You're like, it was great because we could see a rocket ship. They just had to keep going and try to like integrate whatever they hear into whatever they're saying to justify it

and literally everything that i said they heard something different i'd be like july 4th and they'd be like well then the other day a snake and i'm like no how are you hearing like and it was just and everybody else was like yeah i heard I heard snake too. I forget the exact example. And I was like, do I have that much of a mumble mush mouth? And they're like, I heard golden corral. I'm sorry. I don't know. My older brother talks the same way I do too.

And we're always, when we have a conversation, we're just like, what do you say? What the fuck did you just say? Speak up. You speak up. That's what it is. All right, man. I'll see you later. What?

It's horrible. Yeah. Well, I man. I'll see you later. What? It's horrible. Yeah. Well, I've been able to understand you so far. Well, thank you. You'll listen back to this and be like, I don't know what he said. I don't know what he said. Probably something racist. Yeah.

Old racist. So that's the thing. When I do my comedy, I have to remind myself when I go on stage. To enunciate? Yes. Yeah. I have that, too. I have to put on my office voice sometimes. I have to go, airplane Yes. Yeah. I have that too. I have to put on my office voice sometimes.

I have to go, airplane food. Yeah. Men and women are different. Well, I'm reciting 2 Chainz, so that's even harder to enunciate. That doesn't even make sense. Nope. Doesn't even make sense. Was that on the radio, the Beyonce? There was no 2 Chainz today.

I would have punched the radio if I did. No 2 Chainz. There was no birthday song or whatever. Birthday song have punched the radio if I did. No 2 Chainz. There was no birthday song or whatever. Birthday song and not one mention of the birthday. Nope. Not one mention. But hey, you know, good for 2 Chainz. Hey, 2 Chainz, number one in my book. You should get a new book.

Let's take a break. Oh, yeah. All right. And we're back. I think that this has been a good convo. I've had a good time. It is. I think we can bring this thing into the station.

I don't know what that means. Is that radio talk? Improv is yes and, sir. Yes fucking and. Where were you on that one? We were clearly doing a scene on Mars. Okay. You and I, we on Mars. Oh. Okay? Yep.

You and I, we're aliens. Okay. Fuck, I can't. Let's take a break. Fucking Fez. Jesus Christ. Hey, Fez, thanks for coming by. I had a great time.

I did, too. I had fun. This was a good chat. Fuck Joe Greenway. Who? I don't even know who you're talking about. That's the greatest insult of all. Not even on my radar.

I'm kidding. I love you, talking about. That's the greatest insult of all. Not even on my radar. I'm kidding. I love you, Joe. Hey. You're beautiful. Joe doesn't like to be called the beautiful one. Really? So I'll do it often. So what do you like to be called?

I say I'm the color. You're the color in Color Me Funny? Yeah. Because that's going... I can't be the me part. That's just weird. Mind if I call you late to dinner? No.

Okay. I got a lot to write down. That's me writing. Right next to tuna steak. There it is. Underline tuna steak. Tuna steak can get it. Are you drinking for St. Patrick?

Are you going to drink it? I don't think so. I think my plan, well, I'm doing a show in Potomac, Maryland tonight. Bragger. Yeah, I'm doing a show in Potomac, Maryland tonight. Bragger. Yeah, I know. Big time. So maybe have a couple there? I don't know.

We'll see. I didn't even think about that. I wonder if the crowd's going to be drunk and unruly. Yes. And I'm hosting, too, so I've got to corral these fuckers. Good luck with that. Ugh. Gross.

I am doing a show on St. Patrick's Day, so we'll see how that goes. Today isn't St. Patrick's Day. It's Monday? how that goes. Today isn't St. Patrick's Day. It's Monday? Or is it today? Monday is. Monday, the 17th. Yeah. Got it.

No one's going out on Monday. Okay, so today people might be celebrating early. There are. That's why I thought Baltimore was going to be packed, because I know where all the bars are set up with their tents and everything. Yeah, I feel like Fells Point and Federal Hill will be the zones of green beer and all that stuff. Main Street, Oyster House, and Looney's are probably going to be pretty packed. Is that where you're going to be?

No. Turning up the dimmer switch? I told you I'm scared of white people on this day. Uh-huh. You're scared of white people, especially on this day. Just St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, it is like the amateur night for drinking, you know? Yeah.

Yeah. You do some crazy things. Uh-huh. So what are the plans for tonight besides a few million shrugs? That's about it. Just sit-ups and shrugs. Mm-hmm. Lunges, maybe.

Okay. Stretch the groin out. You got to stretch the groin. And captain. Okay. It sounds like a well-balanced evening. A lot of aerobic stuff going on, working out. And then you get drunk.

It's called yin and yang workout. There it is. Yin and yang workout. And that is by the yin and yang twins, right? No, they're just as bad as... They just whisper, like, Hey, they're just as bad as... They just whisper, like, Hey, little mama, do it a million times.

Where do you see my weight bench? Yeah. Where do you see my neck? My traps? Beat the dumbbell up. Beat it up. Do you have to beat it up? Come on, Yin Yang Twins.

Yes, you do. Whoa. That I agree with. You gotta beat it up. You have to, or else it's just weird. Well, I would say. Yes, you do. That I agree with. You got to beat it up. You have to, or else it's just weird. I would say the opposite, but hey, to each his own. Satisfying. To each his own.

Well, listen, Tez Grimes, one last question. Who's your favorite member of Color Me Funny? And why? Tommy Simbazo. Uh-huh. Because he's not in the group. Great answers. Great answers.

Thez, you're on Twitter, are you? I am. Thez CMF is my Twitter. Uh-huh. That's T-H-E-Z-Z. CMF. Yeah, CMF is all caps. Instagram, I'm on that.

Yeah, you hold down the Color Me Funny Instagram as well yes I do that is my I think that's the only thing I'm responsible for which is awesome

they give me a lot of things which is very smart between six guys they're like alright you can do the Instagram yeah and that's just at Color Me Funny

yeah Color Me Funny I just found out that we had an email like I've never looked at her email before until like two weeks ago and Color Me Funny has been just found out that I've never looked at her email before until two weeks ago. And Color Me Funny has been around for what, like two years? Two years.

Two weeks ago was the first time I checked her email. I was like, none of this has to do with me, right? All right, good. I was like, I had to look at it for something, for a lineup or for something. It's under email. I was like, it's the password. In our what mail? What's the password?

It's the same thing. It's been there for two years. And what was the password? It's the same thing. It's been for two years. And what was the password? Write this down. Black guys are out. Hey, that's my password for everything. Weird. All right.

Now you catch. Yeah. And then we are coming. Funny. We do shows. The main street. Awesome. Bel Air.

Yeah. Wednesdays and Fridays. Is that every Wednesday and every Friday? It's alternating. So if we're there on a Wednesday, the next week we'll be there on a Friday. The next show is Friday the 21st with Mike Stork. His headlining, Becca Steinhoff feature, Megs Rodriguez. I'll be hosting.

Nice. Nice. I'll be at Fish Head Canteen on Monday with the Roast of Chumlee. Okay. Oh, my God. That's going to be a mess. Jesus. Good luck.

That guy is a treasure. So let's see. This might actually be out in a couple weeks, though. But just in general, Color Me Funny, MD. Yeah, ColorMeFunnyMD.com. I'll plug some stuff in the beginning, too. So alternating weeks, free shows if you're in Bel Air, Main Street, Oyster House. It's right on Main Street.

Can't miss it. Delia Foley's the third Thursday of every month, right? We'll be there again April 3rd at Delia Foley's. Nice. Main Street, Oyster House is the day after that, April 4th. Yep, and then there's an open mic for all the comics in the area. Sunday nights at CVP. Yes, right. In Towson. Air Wrecker, the around the corner. Uh-huh, April 4th. Yep, and then there's an open mic for all the comics in the area, Sunday nights at CVP in Towson.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. Alright, Dez, well thanks for coming by, man. Thank you for having me. This was a fun chat, and when Joe comes back, if you want to be the buffer between he and I, you're welcome to come back. I should have learned some Joe impersonations and then just act like him. I gotta work on that. You wanna try one?

Uh, no. Okay, I will. Go ahead, shout out your Joe. I've got to work on that. You want to try one? No. Okay. I will. Go ahead. Shout out to your Joe. I'm Joe Greenway. Yeah. That's pretty close.

I'm working on it. A little octave. Yeah. Octave higher. Should I take it lower? No. That's it. That's the accent. Yeah, that's him.

Yes. That's him. That's that accent we know. All right, Dez. That's the accent. Yeah, that's him. Yes. That's him. That's that accent we know. All right, Dez. Thanks for coming by. As always, now to plug our stuff. DigressionSessions.com slash calendar has all of Mike and I's upcoming dates of shows. We've got a bunch of shows coming up.

I think when this one comes out, I might be in Chicago doing the improv festival out there. So if we've got any dig heads in Chicago, stay the fuck away from our show. Thought I was going to say to come, didn't you? No, get the fuck out. No, please come. Let's see. Calendar for all our shows. You can follow me on Twitter, Josh Cotton Candy Coderna.

I'm at Better Robot Josh. Mike is at Michael Moran 10. Podcast is at DigSeshPod. And digressionsessions.com. We got that donate button. We really appreciate all the donations that are coming in. And we'll try to send you stickers and all that stuff. We're going to get shirts made.

So whatever you want to donate, if it's 50 cents, you know, don't be an asshole. But, you know, it's 50 cents. We'll send you some stickers. Whatever. Every little bit helps. A sticker. A sticker. A sticker.

Just one. Just one. And as always, thank you for listening. And this is our sign-off. Okay? When I point at you, you say black people. No. Blackpeoplebeat.com.

Whatever that was our normal sign-off. It's like, you just say black people are scum. Okay? You ready? All right. You just say, tell somebody you ready? All right. You just say, tell somebody. Okay? All right.

I was about to say, you're probably pointing at me. Tell somebody. No, not yet. That was practice. Okay. Come on. I'm good. Okay.

Improv. There it is. Okay, ready? And if you like somebody. Tell somebody. Yeah! Did it! Oh, yeah!

Woo! Thanks, Des. Thanks.