The Digression Sessions - Ep. 122 - Pete Buchbauer (@PopularOutcasts)

Episode Date: July 7, 2014

Follow Us On Twitter! @PopularOutcasts – Pete Buchbauer @BetterRobotJosh – Josh Kuderna @MichaelMoran10 – Mike Moran @DigSeshPod – For Podcast Updates! Hola DigHeads! On this week’s episode, Josh sits down with comedian and beer enthusiast, Pete Buchbauer! Pete is a guy that has dabbled with stand up over the years while also pursuing other creative outlets like music, sketch comedy, and amateur wrestling in West Virginia. That’s right, it’s our first guest that willing had a staple gun used on him! Willingly! He was known as Jessie Christ the “Holy Man of Hardcore.” But, Pete has hung up the tights and is now pursuing stand up with a vengeance. And we talk all about it! Thanks for all the love Dig Heads! If you can swing it please drop our asses a few bones via the “Donate” button on the website. Also please subscribe to Digression Sessions on Stitcher and iTunes. Thanks everyone! We love you!

Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey everybody, I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to the Digression Sessions Podcast, a Baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence as we interview local and non-local comedians writers musicians and anyone else we find creative and interesting yes

who's the guest this week pete buckbauer is the guest on this week's program. Comedian Pete Buckbauer. Funny dude. You can find him on Twitter. He is at Popular Outcasts. Spelled not the band Outcast way. Just like, you know, normal Outcast way. And so follow him on there.

Popular Outcast is also the name of his sketch group. And you can go to thepopularoutcast.com to catch up on all of his sketches. And I think some of the sketches are pretty old. But, you know, they're still good. Why? Are they easy like making jokes about New Coke? Yeah.

There's a lot of that in there. This grunge movement we keep hearing so much about. No. He told me he hadn't updated the website in two years. But, you know, there's some stuff up there. It's not that old. Well, if it hasn't the website in two years. But, you know, there's some stuff up there. It's not that old. Well, if it hasn't been updated in two years. Well, if nobody, they probably wouldn't have known until you said something.

If all the jokes, they're just like, man, 2012. All right. No, I'm with you. There's still good sketches. I agree. I agree. Has time really changed all that much in two years? God, Mike, we'm with you. There's still good sketches. I agree. I agree. Has time really changed all that much in two years? God, Mike, we're different people.

Like, I'm going to change my Twitter name. You know, Google search isn't super specific. We were all clicking I'm feeling lucky back in 2012. Yeah, it was. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Anyway, Pete Buckbauer, very funny guy. You remember him?

Sorry. This is why Mike doesn't do the intro. Sorry. Pete, yeah, funny stand-up. And he also had a good story. He's had his finger in many pies over the years. He played in bands. He was also a backyard wrestler.

Or they wrestled in, like, bars in West Virginia. Interesting. His name was Jesse Christ. That was his character. Weird. He was, like, a hardcore Christian guy. Oh, that's Virginia. Interesting. His name was Jesse Christ. That was his character. Weird. He was a hardcore Christian guy. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah.

So you evangelize? I think so, yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. But they did the whole staple gun thing, like hardcore matches, hitting each other. It's disgusting.

Yeah. It kind of takes the charm out of it for me. The actual blood? The charm of backyard wrestling. Oh, that's quaint. That's quaint. Well, no, there is like, there's, you know,

there's a silly charm to like professional wrestling. Yeah, well, it's like redneck theater, you know? Right. Yeah, and... Like blood and shit? Yeah, well, he said, too,

they would hit each other with fluorescent bulbs as well, like the lights. Right. But the trick to it is, kids, if you hit somebody with a fluorescent light, you have to stop as soon as you hit them because they become jagged

almost immediately, like the shattered glass part. Okay. FYI. One time I shattered one of those fluorescent lights into a bin of lettuce that I just chopped. And you just kept going? No, I had to throw the entire thing out and put a new light in.

Alright, so check out Pete online on And you just kept going? No, I had to throw the entire thing out and put a new light in. All right. So check out Pete online on Twitter. He's at Popular Outcast. And then as for us, your favorite pair of dig heads. As for us. Earbuds. Dig heads. Dig buds.

Me, Josh Coderna. You can follow me on Twitter. I am at Better Robot Josh. Also on Instagram is at Better Robot Josh. And we have a bunch of shows coming up, so you can check out digressionsessions.com slash calendar. You can also follow Mike Moran on Twitter. Yes, you can.

And it's at MichaelMoran10. For now. For now. For now. But if you want to find him, just look for Michael Moran on Twitter, and you'll find nine other guys and our own beloved Mike Moran. And as for shows that we have coming up, like I said, this Friday, no,

sorry, this Thursday, the 10th, I think that is? Yeah, the 10th, I will be at the Green Room of the Arlington Draft House hosting for Cool Cal Comedy. And then Saturday I'll be at Zissamos in Baltimore at 8, and then at 10 o'clock I'll be at the DC Arts Center in DC on the 12th doing stand-up.

And then a bunch of other shows coming up, doing Artscape this year and a whole bunch of other things. Chuckle Storm is going to be on the 23rd, doing a show with Mr. Pete Buckbauer on the 24th at the Alamo Drafthouse somewhere in Virginia. I'll get back to you on that. And, Mike, what do you got going on? What do you want to plug? Let's see. I'm headlining High Tops in Timonium

on July 27th. Show starts at like 9.30. I'll probably go on around 11. All right, all right. All right, all right. I also have a column that is in the works for Weekly that I believe will be called You Can Relax.

Nice. We're not positive on that yet. But go to whatweekly.com and search your name. There should be some articles there. Yeah, there's already two up, but it's not like an official thing yet. Okay. We'll get in on the ground floor on the What Weeklies. And thank you to everybody

for listening um we're gonna put out a try to put out an episode once a week if things uh if time permits and uh we may be on a uh a podcast network soon as well so there's a really yeah first mike's hearing of it uh so uh yeah stay tuned for that and And thank you guys so much for listening. We really appreciate it. And, Mike, any closing words? Don't be with Al. I think Stein should not. Okay.

All right. And, all right, we love you guys. Thank you for listening. Enjoy the episode. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Hello. Hello. Okay. So, yeah, I hear you. Can you hear me? I hear you. I hear me. You hear you?

I do. Okay, good. It sounds sexual. It's fantastic. It does sound sexual. Okay. Mr. Pete Buckbauer. How the hell are you?

Not doing too bad. Not too bad? Not too bad. Okay, player. Enjoying this nice, hot summer day. Yeah, it is. It's a little warm. A little warm.

It's all good. But it's all good. Absolutely. It's all good. The sound box hits. Yeah, man. It's the digression session singers. We pay them a lot. But it's worth it. As you should. It's worth it. The sound box hits. Yeah, man. It's the digression session singers. We pay them a lot.

But it's worth it. As you should. It's worth it. They're always on key. Uh-huh. It's really impressive. I love it. Love it.

Okay, so Mr. Pete Buckbauer. Yes, sir. Comedian. You could say that. Beard haver. That is true. Tattoo haver, I see. That also true.

Accurate. Child molester. T-shirt wear. T-shirt wear, right. Child molester. Did I say? Never convicted. Right. That's also true. Accurate. Child molester. T-shirt wear. T-shirt wear, right. Child molester. Did I say? Never convicted. Right.

That's on me. So there's, you know, alleged is one thing. I always forget that word, alleged. Thank you. It's important. And that's going to get me in some hot water. It's going to get me in some hot water if you keep forgetting the alleged. Well, I mean, that's how it started, giving baths to kids.

But, hey, anyway, let's talk about the comedy thing. Absolutely. No, Pete, I met you doing stand-up at a place called Iota in Arlington, Virginia. That massive comedy club. Yeah, it's like a bar, coffee house thing. It fits about 25 to 30. Yeah, and it's a fun show. It's called We Are the Nine.

Which I thought was an awesome concept. Yes, had a great time. Justin Trawick, or Trawick? I'm having trouble pronouncing his name. But anyway, it's like... It's Justin. Just Justin. Just Justin. That works for me.

Good dude. He books the show. It started out as a musical show. When I say musical, not like we're like, Hey, we're comedians. It was a song and dance number. When I say musical, not like we were like, hey, we're comedians. It was a song and dance number, a lot of soft shoe. Yes, yeah, yeah. Which I look forward to that because I'm a triple threat.

Triple threat. Child molester, comedian, dancer. Well, I mean, I could tell. The ballet shoes are a pure giveaway. Parts of those are more threatening than the other. The dancer is the most threatening part. Because I do that angry dance thing. You know, like most all backup dancers are like, yeah.

People are like, what's wrong with him? Why is he so angry all the time? Yeah, I heard Bill Burr talking about that. Like, why are you fucking angry dancing at me? I was like, that is a good point. You see it all the time. Oh, yeah. They've got that angry, pissed off look on their face.

Yeah. I love all this. We're doing a lot of physical comedy. A lot of physical comedy. Podcasts love that. We're killing in the room. Munza is loving this. My dog.

Paws crossed. She had to lay down. She was like, whoa, that was too much. It's getting intense. Yeah, I know. So, yeah, so we do this show, and then comedy can be an insular type of thing. So we are the nine, and it's nine of us, and eight of us know each other. We're like, who the fuck is this Pete Bookshower guy?

Yeah. I heard so many variations of my name that night. Right, right. And it turned out it was you. It was me. It was you. Didn't see that coming. Which was also funny for me, is I get there, and I'm like, I know none of these motherfuckers.

Yeah. Where's Justin? Right, right, right. Where is my noodle in the deep end? The one dude who booked me, and therefore I know his face. So, yeah, no, I felt for you in that moment. It's not like you were like, I don't know, like ostracized or anything, but it can be a thing. I'm an introvert, of course, as most comedians are.

Not good with talking to people or seeing people or being on stage. So that was tough for me to have all these people I didn't know. Yeah, you crossed a bridge. Good for you, man. I did. I actually just burned that bridge afterwards, too. That's the way to do it. Once you get across, you don't need it anymore.

Who needs it? Who the fuck? You're going to go backwards? I mean, have we not all seen the film Bushwhacked? Yes, we all have. Once you get across that bridge, chop that motherfucker down. Yeah, chop it, burn it, regurgitate it. I want to see how many Daniel Stern references I can throw into this podcast.

Hey, man. In my home, you're not alone. Home alone. Anyway, moving on. Yeah, so I was like, oh. I mean, it's got to be pretty crazy. I mean, you show up to an open mic, and a lot of times you don't know everybody there. Right.

But then when you show up to a show with eight other comedians, and they all know each other, you're like, hey, I'm the new guy. Well, that was the worst thing, too, because I hadn't done stand-up really in three or four years. Yeah, you were telling me that in the kitchen. That's crazy. So I had taken quite the break, you know, to be an adult, to go and get a job. Uh-huh. What was the job? I thought it was insurance. to go and get a job. Uh-huh. What was the job?

It was insurance. Oh. I was selling insurance. Uh-huh. That's soul-sucking. Uh-huh. And awful. Do you have insurance for getting your soul sucked out, though?

No. Oh. That's the worst thing, is I sold insurance, and it was such a shitty job that I got myself insurance. I was like, I can't afford this. This job sucks. And I had to get rid of the insurance I sold myself. Wow. Yeah.

So being an adult didn't work out. Man, you sold yourself some shitty insurance. I did. Wow. Shows you how bad that industry is. Right, right. You're trying to convince people to get insurance and meanwhile you have a leaky gross eye or something.

I'm sitting there like, have you been to the doctor? I can't afford it. I don't have insurance. I can't do that. But if you would buy some, maybe I could get this fixed. Trying to be an adult took me out of comedy for a while. Yeah, it'll do that. It's a tough balance. Which is odd, because I own

a comedy troupe. A sketch comedy troupe. You own a sketch comedy? It sounds like they're your slaves. They are. Oh. They show up when I tell them to. They read the script I give them, and we do our sketches. Oh, okay.

No, not totally. Loosely based on... But yeah, so I had the popular outcasts. I had a website. Yes, the popular outcasts. So having that, and we would still do some videos while i was selling insurance uh-huh but the stand-up had to move kind of away it's tough tough takes a lot of time uh but getting back into that yeah it uh it's been great yeah getting back in especially meeting all you all

you young whippersnappers i know i know right uh no that is one of the cool things too just meeting people and then actually yeah once you get to know everybody, for the most part, everybody's really cool. Yeah, absolutely. Then you have people like Older Shaw, who just made me feel real fucking old. Yeah, that kid. Kid's 12 or something. That little kid. Yeah, past guest, little Nicky Older Shaw.

We were at a show a couple months ago, and he got kicked out because he wasn't 21. Really? Yeah, he's pretty funny. It was so funny. Of course, after Iota uh i run a room in leesburg virginia ah yes you don't have to say virginia we get it leesburg there's also leesburg in florida well i mean there's also a hollywood maryland but we know what we're talking about that's where all the stars are yeah exactly absolutely but we don't have to say all the movies

are done in hollywood maryland but uh so i was are done in Hollywood, Maryland. All the meth tutorials are done in Hollywood. Absolutely. I mean, you've got to know how to do it. Yeah, no doubt. The houses don't blow up themselves. No, not in this academy. No, not at all. I booked the McDowell Brew Kitchen.

McDowell Brew Kitchen, Leesburg, Virginia. Yes. Which, that show sucked, by the way. I had fun. You had way. I had fun. You had fun. I had fun. I don't think everyone else had as much fun as you had that night. Oh, Pete, I'm sorry.

You just got to move a little bit. Can you just grab the mic, bring it a little bit closer? Just the whole mic speed. The whole deal? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're picking you up, but I just want you to be as crystal clear. Just right there. Yeah, no, we're picking you up, but I just want you to be as crystal clear. Just right there. Yeah, no, we...

There it is. Booking the room in Leesburg was something I started doing to get back into doing stand-up. Uh-huh. Hosting a lot of those shows and then starting to work out new material, of course. Yep. And then start booking some of my own full sets. Uh-huh. But yeah, it was great running into you guys because right all three

of my comedians for the show i had two weeks after iota canceled on me and uh i grabbed you and and little nicky and yep and jen tisdale also former guest um but no it's funny i when i would send you guys all the details about the show and i was like oh they they comp drinks yeah and then nick guessers hey uh i'm only 20 uh-huh i was like i don't give a fuck they comp them doesn't mean you have to drink them right so but yeah no it was a it was a fun show well no the cool thing about it was yeah so we met at that show and uh it was a fun show and then afterwards yeah you brought up the you book a room in uh leesburg we're like okay cool like yeah i'd love to have you guys down we're like yeah sure and you're like i'm actually looking for three comedians um it's a hundred dollars and then like immediately nick's like oh you have your three right here yeah

it was fun he was also your agent yeah it's like oh here's your three right here and uh i was i was fine with just splitting a hundred dollars and then you're like yeah you each get a hundred and we're all like yeah okay let's do that do that. I run a good room. Yeah. It was crazy. Yeah, the amount of money and then the free food, free beer. And it's like I'm fairly certain because we just met you, right? I was like, we're going to wake up in a tub of ice at best and have our kidneys missing. See, you have to worry about that if I'd offered you the show before I saw you perform.

Right. Okay, that's true because i'd already seen you i was like okay these guys can as long as they can do enough time they probably have good kidneys we'll be all right right right i saw that nick wasn't drinking so you know the internal organs are probably in pretty decent shape exactly exactly on the black market too they check they check you know what you don't think because it's a black market but they do the research. Yeah. They do the testing.

And you need a good liver. You need a good liver. I tell you what. The black market would not be thriving after all these years if they just fucked around. It's true. Right? It's true. They're professionals.

Yeah. No doubt. I don't care how much you say, oh, I'm not going to get that online. Yeah. You have to. Yeah. I can get Chinese babies anywhere. Okay. Good. Do it without get that online. Yeah. You have to. Yeah. I can get Chinese babies anywhere. Okay, good.

Do it without the black market. Yeah, good luck finding that on Amazon. Yeah, have fun, jerks. That's a hell of a search engine. Yeah, exactly. No, I've had a lot of fun, but we have, I mean, I've been able to kind of take that whole pool from the We Are The Nine show. Yeah. And just say, hey, I got this other show coming up.

Right, right, right. Because I've been doing, even when I was doing stand-up prior to my break, I did a lot of stuff with Richmond comedians. Okay. I have a lot of friends down in the Richmond comedy scene. Richmond, Virginia, to be clear. That's the one. Okay. See, you tell me I don't need to put these state variations.

Not Richmond, Florida. No. I got you. No. Okay. Or New York. Right. Of course.

But I'm scared of putting these cities in random states. Not Richmond, Florida. I got you. No. Or New York. Right. Of course. But I'm scared of putting these cities in random states. Not Richmond, Oregon. Right. But Richmond, Virginia. I was thinking that, yeah. But a lot of great comedians down there, too, that just – it's got a really good scene, but they don't really get out of Richmond. Okay.

Which, I mean, you find that a lot in. Local scenes. You see the guys at every show. Yeah. Um, you know, you'll see a lot of repeats at, at some great, great shows locally, you know,

the green room of early draft house and stuff like that. You see a lot of the same people. Uh huh. Um, so I like the idea of trying to bring these people and saying, Hey, why don't you drive a couple hours? Yeah.

Stretch it out. And, uh, and entertain new people who heard all of your jokes already. Yeah. And I, I like that. I mean, I mean, starting out here in Baltimore too, it can be kind of your jokes already. Yeah, and I like that. I mean, starting out here in Baltimore, too, it can be kind of a small scene.

It's decent, but then you want to go to D.C. and spots in Virginia and get in front of other people. I mean, it's great, too, because you can try older stuff and be like, oh, okay, I haven't done this in a while, because performing in front of the same people all the time, they're like, okay, yeah, yeah, we know. It gets old for them quite quickly absolutely which is never never a good thing no never good so um so yeah so that that's a nice

thing to have uh people coming out and doing those shows so yeah yeah the show that we did it was just uh it was like right in the middle of March Madness. We have this great, so far, great luck. The first show, The Nine, was during the season finale of True Detective. Right. So that didn't help. And then the show we did at McDowell was the third week of March Madness. Right when it's really starting to get intense. And it was Friday night.

On a Friday night. And they didn't turn off the TV in the room. Which is so much fun for a comedian to be competing with a television. Very conducive to comedy. Yeah, absolutely. But yeah, that was a little bit of a train wreck. It was. Yeah, it was.

And then at least the crowd liked it When you went at them You know You had to be like Alright fucking pay attention Oh well I mean My favorite part of that show For me

Was getting the entire crowd That was watching comedy To tell all the guys Watching basketball To shut the fuck up That was nice They loved being told what to do Yeah

Yeah And then at the end of the night They just wanted to dance They cleared out the chairs And then These middle end of the night, they just wanted to dance. They cleared out the chairs, and then these middle-aged white people. They didn't even clear out the chairs. Yeah. These are just pushing them. Yeah, they just pushed them to the side, and then these drunken white people just danced to black-eyed peas.

Drunken middle-aged white women. Yeah. Loved their Roy Rogers. Yeah, that woman would not stop yelling about Roy Rogers. It was, oh my god. I loved it. You loved it. I'm glad you enjoyed that.

No, just what did she say? She said something like, oh, I was fucking around because I said something about Baltimore and they're like, boo. And I was like, all right, Leesburg, let's chill out. Just because you have a Roy Rogers doesn't mean you're the shit. Oh, she perked up with it. We have two. She goes, we have two.

And I was like, all right, all right. Let's figure it out. Yeah. Okay, let's settle down. Which was actually funny because Oldershaw got so excited on his way into Leesburg seeing Roy Rogers. Some people are really weird about Roy Rogers. Mike Stork, also past guest on this show, a personal friend of mine. One of the greatest hits is what we're discussing today.

Yeah, exactly. Everybody we bring up past guests on the show Barack Obama I don't know what happened to that guy Zach Galifianakis leave me alone whatever happened to him consistently hitting up on the text message

yeah exactly all the time find somewhere else to stay you don't have to sleep on my floor all the time it's awful you know it'd be nice if you'd actually do something a movie about a hangover no i don't want to invest in that that sounds stupid who everyone knows how that ends okay you guys had a crazy time whatever yeah anyway you know but mike stork will like like notoriously drove like an hour or something like that just to go to a Roy Rogers. Which I don't get. I don't partake in meat that often.

Right. And I've had Roy Rogers before, before I went vegetarian for the most part. What's going on with Roy Rogers? Why are people... Is it the Fixin's Bar? So here's the thing. Is it the Fry Holster? I'm in a similar situation to you. Which is not so much as me being vegetarian, but my

girlfriend, or my wife, my former girlfriend, my wife is vegetarian. My wife. My wife. You can't not do it. Can't not. Thanks, Borat. Oh, boy. So my wife's vegetarian.

So it's one of those where it's like, oh, where are we going to go out to eat? Wilder's Subway. Yeah. Yeah. Veggie patties and whatnot. Yeah. So yeah, I don't know what the buzz is about the Roy Rogers. I don't know.

It's just, I think it's a glorified Wendy's. Whoa. That's a tough zing. You know what? I'm going to take those shots at Roy Rogers. Oh, boy. There goes all that Roy Rogers money we could have got. I'm sorry about, you know, I hate to go against your sponsors.

Yeah. Because that's what I was building up towards. I was like, I don't get it, but these people do. And then we would fight. We're going to cut to break. Yeah, exactly. Roy Rogers, it's my dad. It's going to be just like listening to any Doug Benson podcast. It's like, hey, everybody, let me tell you about Roy Rogers.

Yeah, exactly. How great they are. So, yeah, okay. Well, the Roy Rogers quandary Rogers. Yeah, exactly. How great they are. So, yeah. Okay. Well, the Roy Rogers quandary continues. Yeah. If anyone, you know, when this comes live, you can hit us on Twitter. Twitter, yeah.

With your Roy Rogers reviews. I'm at RoyRogersDude9. There were eight others before me. It's tough. Yeah. It's tough. I love YouTube and Twitter handles. Mm-hmm. Because you have to be like, you couldn't get more creative when somebody else already had it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. But yeah, I mean, because for us doing the sketch comedy, of course, it was posted on YouTube. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I love comments on YouTube. Uh-huh. I had a comment. We had meet the cast videos for a while, just as like we started, and then we had too much cast turnaround because I'm a dictator. Right, right, right.

Got to get some warm bodies in there after you behead one. Well, after, you know, how are you going to let them know who's boss? Hey, man. Preaching to the choir. You are preaching to the choir. You don't hear Mike Moran because he's in the dungeon. That's right. He's a bad boy.

He's sitting over in the corner just watching and waiting. Yeah. He's sitting in the kennel. It's awful. we'll throw gravy at him later or something he loves that i hope so it's a good treat it's a reward yeah that's all he gets to eat today well you know some old brown gravy it's great it's great it was made yesterday our sponsor old brown gravy but uh we get these we get i get comments when i had to meet the cast video i had my video up uh-huh it's the last one we posted just because i do all of our editing right i was like i don't But I get comments when I have the Meet the Cast video. I had my video up. It's the last one we posted just because I do all of our editing.

Right, right, right. So I was like, I don't want to do myself yet. I'll meet everybody else up. Yeah. And I got mine up, and it was up for about three days. And I got our first comment from RidinDirty666. So there were 665 RidinDirty. That's my assumption, at least. I don't know what else that would mean.

Nope. So RidinDirty666, and his. I don't know what else that would mean. Nope. So riding dirty 666. And his response was, this guy's a faggot. I want to punch him in his faggoty face. Wow. So there's that. I'm not sure what exactly. But did he like the video?

Was he like, but I like it. That's a good question. There were some likes on there. It might have been. Could have been. He's riding dirty. He's probably ironic. Right. That's a thing too. I mean, he seems like, alright, he's a

faggot, but I like this faggot. Well, it was so funny because then you get all these people that are just like, he is a faggot, but his face isn't faggoty, it's smug. And I was like, well, okay, I accept that. I'm pretty smug looking. Going all these and you get the one guy who's like, I don't know, I think he's funny.

And then everyone hates him. They'll love it. Little faggoty comment. Faggoty, fag, fag, fag. This one must be this guy's faggoty, faggy friend. Yeah. No, yeah. I mean, every YouTube video devolves into some type of racism or bigotry.

Racism, homophobia. Yeah, yeah. Sexism. Why aren't there more titties in this video? Right. Because it's all dudes. Yeah. That'd be a reason. It's a Holocaust documentary. Gay. Wear more titties in this video? Because it's all dudes.

It's a Holocaust documentary. Gay. Wear the titties. Gay. I like that you went there. Not scared to touch the serious topics. Nope. Of YouTube comments?

No way. Speaking of serious topics. Oh, I like this. So you and Marin, everything good with the... Yeah, we had our beef sesh and we're good. You know, couples fight. Couples fight. I'll be totally honest. As I was listening to it,

it is the epitome of a married couple fight. It is. Because no one will ever win. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just like, all right, well, you know what? We're done. Right, right. Moving on now.

Yeah, it's just... I was glad that we had it out, because we talked through it, but yeah, we really... And then we saw each other from then, like, after the fight. We saw each other, like, a couple times. And we were cool. Across the room.

Yeah, which is, you motherfucking – fucking – fuck your fucking shit. Make eye contact. Oh, hey, Mike. How are you? Yeah. No, we were fine. It was just, like, I don't think we really had talked about it in person. Like, we talked over the phone.

And I'm one of those people that wants to sort something out like immediately as it happens like i drive my girlfriend nuts with that and she's like i don't want to talk about like let's fucking talk about it you know when she's probably right that we there should be some breathing room in between so uh so yeah and then mike and i are like we were gonna do an episode and uh yeah we just hadn't really worked it out at that point so i was like let's let's do it. Because, I mean, most of the show is just talking about, like, what's going on in our lives. Right. So people had to hear our petty scheduling fight. So here's my question.

So you have your cover band. No, I'm not in it. He does. He has the cover band. I thought you were playing in the cover band. Right. So what happened was we would do these, like, birthday shows. Like, my birthday, Moran's birthday, and another guy we know named Mike,

our birthday is around the same time. So three years ago, we had an idea. We were just going to have a birthday party, and we wanted bands to play. And they were like, oh, we should play some cover songs because we rented out this performance space. So we would do that just once a year. And then we did that three years in a row. And then sometimes there'd be like

an offshoot but it was never like hey we're gonna play shows and try to make money it was more like let's invite our friends and that type of thing so then we had one show scheduled and then he was like well let's do another show before that on that thursday and that was the one that i couldn't make gotcha so and then because yeah i was gonna do the green room at the uh arlington draft house not to not to drop and plug again. The lovely Ramin. Who I hope I get on this show one day. Mr. Ramin Mastafavi, also a child molester.

Ramin played McDowell Brew Kitchen on my last show. Thank you very much for the intro. At my behest. He killed it. He's one of the best. It's tough when you have an Iranian and you're like, it was he killed it yeah he's one of the best i mean it's tough when you have an iranian you're like hey killed it he was also at the comedy show he killed it but he also did yeah yeah uh but also had the joy of yelling at at random people in the audience yeah he likes that to the point where everyone's like uh-huh and you for it, and he's like, how's Brails doing?

And everyone's like, all right, we're good now. Yeah, like, okay. Once we got through some business, now we can have fun. That show actually worked out better than the one you were on. Oh, wow. There were more people paying attention.

Nice, nice. So one of these days, I think it's our fifth show at McDowell, so now that they're starting to get the hang of this, one of these days I'll have you back when people are actually watching the comedy. Yes, yes, yes. That'll be a change. Yeah, there were some paying attention.

There were the few of the proud. Yeah, it was fun. Well, the few. Yeah. I don't know if anyone who yells about having Roy Rogers, two Roy Rogers, I don't think you'll be proud. She was proud about that aspect of her life. That's a sad thing to be proud of.

Just finish the comedy so we can dance drunkenly. I'm like, okay. I want to shake my ass. Come on. It's Friday. Whoa. But circling back, Moran and I are fine, and he's not here because I hate him. But other than that.

Well, because he's in the corner in the kennel waiting for his gravy. Yes, exactly. No, there was just a scheduling conflict. Again, scheduling conflict. Mike could not make it today. But, you know, good luck to him in whatever the fuck he's doing. I'm personally offended. Yeah.

He didn't cancel whatever else to be here to speak with me. You guys should have a beef sesh. Just the two of you. I'll drive all the way back out here just to do a beef sesh. What the hell, man? Look, man, I drove two hours. You weren't here. What's up?

What's that all about, man? Oh, you had to work? You think it's not work for me? You think making money is important? Not accurate. All right, dude. All right, dude. Now, it is funny.

Like, yeah, just having that episode and then like, oh, I agree with you or I agree with Maran. Like, I don't care. I don't care. Well, the funny thing is i'm listening to it and my thought was how many people are responding like texting or or tweeting to them like you were right yeah yeah there were there were some but you know it's like it's it's whatever but it would have been fun to do a poll if i think if we had a bigger reach it would be nice to get some hashtags out there you know there's 10 people are listening yeah i would be like, I agree with this. I mean, in any circumstance, I want to see a hashtag that says Josh is right floating

out on Twitter. You know what I mean? So are you telling me that at one point you're just going to create the hashtag? Pete, I did not say that. I would just say I would like to see it. I don't care how it gets there. If I do it with my pretty slender fingers, maybe. You do have dancer's fingers.

Thank you. That is accurate. I exercise them every morning and put little booties, weighted booties on them. Just walking up and down the side of the bed. Put a little salt on my nightstand, shake it around. Anyway, we've digressed. But hey, that's the name of the show.

It's all good They're on point every time Money well spent, right? Absolutely There it is Just rocking Alright, so let's talk about the beginnings Of a Pete Buckbauer

The beginnings of the comedy Are you a native of Virginia? More or less, yeah. More or less? I've lived elsewhere. Okay. But I always come back. Let me just say,

when you say more or less, it sounds like you're saying you're an alien. Yes. Oh, okay. Well, that clears, okay. I have that in my notes. Alien, question mark?

But the Hispanic style of alien. Oh. Not intergalactic. So you're from El Saturn. Yes. Okay, that's what that is. El Hoopitor. Excuse me.

Yes. Excuse me. Got to be accurate about these things. El Hoopitor. Got it. Okay. And then you land in Virginia at some point. I actually started doing stand-up.

Assimilate with us. I started doing stand-up in Pittsburgh. Peaburg. Peaburg, the Burg of Pittsburgh. Uh-huh. As they call it. Yeah. That's on the sign-up in Pittsburgh. P-Berg. P-Berg, the Berg of pits, as they call it. Yeah, that's on the sign. Welcome to Pittsburgh, the Berg of pits. Lovely.

And Butler, just outside of Pittsburgh, which that Butler is a whole. Okay, the lure of butts. I will alienate the entirety of Butler. Sure. There goes our listenership. Yeah, there's so many, I'm sure. I know. I don't think most of them know how to use a computer.

Whoa, man, come on. That's our bread and butter. Butler bread and butter. Your Butler bread and butter? Yes. Your bread and Butler? Yes. I'm just going to stop. Butler PA has such a hard time with reading and getting things straight that their crosswalks beep at you to let you know it's okay to walk. Because it's tough.

Tough to figure out. Because that little walking guy and that hand, not good enough. Look, man, I've been saying it for years. Being a pedestrian is not the easiest thing in the world. The whole one foot in front of the other, stopping and going. It's tough to do. I tuned out as soon as you started talking. I'll be honest.

I tried to pay attention. But it's tough. It's difficult. I understand. I you started talking. I'll be honest. I tried to pay attention. But it's tough. It's difficult. I understand. I have a nosebleed for those listening. It's true. But I'm going to power through. So go on.

They have a tough time writing, walking, that type of thing. Sucking at life. But I started actually doing stand-up up in PA. I was in college 12 years ago. Big college boy. All right. I got that one. I don't have one of these sweet diplomas like you've got.

I don't have one of those. I can probably make one. Yeah, I got that out of a vending machine. Would not be official, but it would be all right. It'd be all right. I'll have to hit the BCCC on my way through and see about taking some courses. That is how it works. You just pop right in, and they'll just print you out a diploma.

I totally forgot to get this. Can you just make me another one? Yeah, check cleared. That is how it works. You just pop right in and they'll just print you out a diploma. I totally forgot to get this. Can you just make me another one? Yeah. Check cleared. Here you go. Congratulations. Yeah, exactly. On the black market.

Hey, bringing it back. That's it. It's a callback joke. Oh, yeah. Love it. That's right. Love it. So you're in college in Pittsburgh?

I was in college just outside of Pittsburgh. St. Francis University. What up? In Loretto, PA. Go fight fighting saint francis says the red flash okay yeah you know it's always good to have a mascot that that could be a nickname for a period well absolutely yeah the red flow was taken right so the red flash is just a heavy crimson wave yeah absolutely gotcha um they're one of. One of those great ones, unlike the Redskins.

Oh, we were the Redmen. We should change this. So the Red Flash. But I did an open mic night that had the prize was a chance to open

for Kevin Hart when he came to campus. Wow. And I'd always had friends telling me, oh, you should try to do stand-up. You're pretty funny. And I was like, yeah, all right, I'll do it. So I put together the three minutes that you had to do for this open mic, went up there and did them, and I was voted to win. Nice.

Which was pretty cool. I think there were maybe six of us in the competition. There you go. So fuck those five guys. Yeah, idiots. They opened a burger chain. Oh, good for them. Yeah, those five guys.

Roy Rogers? Oh, five guys. Sorry about that. Go ahead. But yeah, so I then got to open for Kevin Hart, who's an adorable little man. Yeah, yeah. The black equivalent of a leprechaun. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

He gave you a pot of gold? He did, he did. Yeah, I gotcha. I caught him. Uh-huh. Couldn't go anywhere. Yeah, you gotta corner him. You know, he gets very skittish when you corner him.

He's wily. He is. He's like a cat. Uh-huh, uh-huh. A five-foot-one cat. Uh-huh. So this is before Kevin Hart is Kevin Hart. This is when Kevin Hart was doing the college circuit.

Right, because he started in Philly, I'm pretty sure. I think that's accurate. I know he did a lot of stuff in PA. We did a lot of college shows. This was actually the second year in a row that they brought him to St. Francis. Okay. And so I'll get closer again. No, no, you're good.

And so I was able to open up, and it was hilarious because I went ahead. I did my three minutes or whatever and got a good response. And he came on, and as anyone who does a lot of work and shows around, you stick with a set that you know works, and you perfect it. He was still doing the same set he had done a year before when he came to St. Francis the first time, which was actually great because, guys, this one random dude starts yelling at him, but we've heard these jokes. Oh, no.

He then went on for a solid 10 minutes making jokes about that guy and gave everyone a new show. Oh. So it was actually worked out for the best. There you go. But he was a very, very sweet little man. I'm sure he appreciates the little. He listens, by the way.

Oh, I'm sure. What up, Kev? They listen on the ride-along. He and Ice Cube. Hey, hey. Think like a man, too. Okay? You know.

But he, 40-year-old virgin. Boom. Are we just throwing out the filmography right now is that what's happening that's what's up so what's up he um came and and uh offered he said hey i've got this other show coming up in in pittsburgh uh um we all come and do a couple minutes i was like yeah yeah let's do this that's's awesome. He set me up hard. Nice. It was me in front of an entirely black audience. Nice. And I was an 18-year-old skinny little white kid doing jokes about being half Puerto Rican and half German. Okay, right.

They did not care for me. No. At all. They didn't like your three minutes of fury. They did not at all. But I stayed on for the full three minutes. Yeah. Trying my hardest.

Hung in there. Had nothing else to do. And those three minutes felt like an eternity, I'm sure. They did. They felt longer. You know, I've done an hour set at times, and that hour set feels shorter than those three minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I came off just laughing.

Yeah, that's a bad sign. The comedians are laughing. And not at the jokes, but at you as you walk off stage. Well, because there's like punchline, no sound from the audience, back of the room. Not even back of the room, it was like side stage. Oh, no. Like he's sitting over there, knee slapping, being tiny. Okay. And I walked off, and I'm sure I just looked like devastated

And he goes Hey man Once you bomb You got it out of the way Yeah And I was like Alright I guess

And it was true You know You don't hit every time Not every audience loves you No But I've never bombed like that Right Since

So Okay good So it's nice to get that out of the way. And he said that it's actually really cool when you're bombing and you don't just give up. Yeah, you got to ride it out. Because I've seen that. I mean, when you bring in somebody who's not done comedy before, not done comedy long, going to do three to five minutes and then the first two don't work and they're like,

oh, it's my time. Yeah, like that's it. I saw a guy the other other night it was really funny he he uh he went up there and he was like he was like last night these jokes killed with the audience you know that was his caveat right up front he's like so you know whatever if y'all don't like him i mean last night does one joke nothing and he's like i mean they loved it last night like if you have to keep reassuring like hey so yeah remember that time in high school when i scored a touchdown right cheer for me now yeah exactly when i'm 35 and not doing nothing yeah it's like all right you don't have to laugh

i'm going back to my mom's basement yeah enjoy i yeah i just i i love that move like well i mean last night and first of all the story's not true. You know what I mean? But it's like, you should not be doing that. There's a way to kind of do it where you're learning. Like, all right, well, this didn't work, so I need to try to fix something here. You know what I mean? I mean, anyone who does comedy knows that it could be the slightest tweak.

Yeah. The slightest change, and all of a sudden that joke goes from being a bomb to being hilarious. Yeah, exactly. And people bomb all the time. All the time. I've bombed more than I've succeeded. Yeah. The slightest change and all of a sudden that joke goes from being a bomb to being hilarious. Yeah, exactly. And people bomb all the time. All the time. I've bombed more than I've succeeded. Yeah. I was going to bring that up now.

Over 12 years off and on doing stand-up, I've bombed a lot. But it's awesome. And I've met some really cool, supportive idols. Yeah. So I know that you've worked with a lot of bigger names. So the beginning is Kevin Hart. He takes you in. The term worked with.

Uh-huh. I've done shows. The term worked with is different. It's I told jokes, and then later on in the night, the guy everyone came to see came on. Yeah. Doesn't even mean I met most of them. Okay, gotcha. We all know how that goes.

We used the same microphone at one point. They had their people come and switch out mics. They're like, ah, not that one. Get that bomb stink off of this thing. I need a new one. Gotcha. Great. And then I'm just meeting people who weren't on shows.

I'm at Chevy Chase. Oh. The Chevy Chase. The Chevy Chase. Of Hollywood, Maryland. The king of the pratfall. of just meeting people who uh weren't on shows uh-huh uh i met i met chevy chase oh the chevy chase chevy chase of hollywood maryland the king of the pratfall sure yeah um met chevy chase uh-huh and uh how was he you know you always hear about him like people always talk about him being an awful person and he was just awesome he he made a point of telling me, like, oh, you're not bad. Which, I mean, that's a huge compliment coming from a guy who was on SNL and all that stuff. And he goes, keep at it. And I was kind of like, that's nice.

Sweet. I was about 20. And, you know, it was really nice. Took a photo with me and didn't sue when I posted it online. That's good. He's a great dude. Didn't tell you to fuck off or anything? Didn't tell me to fuck off.

That's good. Real friendly. Good, good. No, that is nice when somebody that's been in the game a while or somebody you respect is like, yeah, keep at it. Even if they're just saying it, just to say it, but you're still like, thank you. Well, of course. And I stand by that he watched my set.

I firmly believe that. Otherwise, why would he have I stand by that he watched my set. I firmly believe that. Otherwise, why would he have said these nice things to me? Exactly. I don't know. He had to have been able to hear me from that room across the hall where he was hanging out. I mean, over the laughter, maybe. Well, it's true. It's true.

It was questionable. Yeah. But that was actually one of the biggest shows that I had done. Did he do stand-up? No. He was passing through or something. Interesting. It was actually one of those where he was doing

like a junket of some kind. Okay. And so he was just in the city and was like, I'm going to go to this comedy show. Nice. At Ha Comedy Club in New York City. Plug, plug, plug. Right there in Times Square.

If you've ever been to New York, you've gotten the flyer to Kodahoth Comedy Club from the guy on the sandwich board telling you it's $5 and look at all these famous comedians that have performed here. Did you have to do that? Did you wear a sandwich board? I did not. Okay, good. Luckily. I had a friend who was doing stand-up in New York at the time and was like, hey, I can get you on the show.

So, Haw Comedy in Times Square is a basement club that has three rooms. They literally shuffle the comedian from each room to make sure that you're getting as many people in the door at a time because it's a $5 ticket with a two-drink minimum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's funny because the people, they're the guys who are sitting out there with that flip board showing you all the comedians who performed here. It's like, oh, this guy from

The Chappelle Show and this guy from Saturday Night Live. But none of them are there. They all started off. Yeah, I've heard stories of that too. It's so funny.

I think they have a script of names they're supposed to say. It might have been Al Madrigal, but I'm not sure. But one time when he was in New York

and they stopped him and they're like, oh, you comedy? Can I see some comedy? And he's like, no, I'm good. Like, all kinds of people are coming through. Dave Chappelle, Patton Oswalt, Al Madrigal, or something like that. And it was Al Madrigal. He's like, oh, is he? He's like, yeah, he comes in all the time.

Like, okay, yeah, we'll see. Yeah, exactly what it is. It's so funny because they sit there and they've got, of course, every – it's not even like they have, like, up-to-date headshots on these things. They're like the old pictures from when they did perform there. Right, right. But they get tourists. Yeah.

I mean, Times Square, yeah, no doubt. Yeah, and it's the weirdest thing. So when I did the shows there, it's the worst show of your life. But you get Bubba Gump shrimp tickets, right? Like to go there, you get free comp. No, they actually gave you the $5 coupon to go to the Olive Garden in Times Square. Wow. $5 for breadsticks.

Whoa, you're lucky I'm sitting down because you are knocking me in the dirt right now. Wow. Just in case it slid by you, if you order a meal, those breadsticks are already free. Good point. Good point. And aren't they unlimited, too? The unlimited soup and breadsticks. Wow.

So they might as well just give you a piece of paper that just says, go fuck yourself. It just says, you should go to Olive Garden. They pay sponsorship. Right. That sort of thing.

But it was an awesome experience because it's a club where a lot of people played these stages coming up. And some of them, I guess, do come back from time to time. Right. From what I understand, the week before I performed, Patrice O'Neill, rest in peace, had performed there. Just because he wanted to. Yeah. Just because he was like, hey, put me on. Yeah.

He didn't have to do the mandatory three shows every 10 minutes no uh he probably did one show for like an hour yeah probably just went up there and and the people who paid the five dollars for that one got blown away by an amazing show yeah then brought all their friends the next day and watched shitheads like me get up there um shitheads but the worst thing is that we get up and we do this i do this bit yeah And because you're doing it Over and over and over Just shuffle from one theater To the next

Yeah And I do this I'm doing the exact same bit That Similar to that gentleman You were talking about Had been killing In the other theater

I'm doing the jokes here And it's just silent And I finally I'm just like Hey can we get the lights Up a little bit I want to be able to see Who I'm talking to

All Japanese businessmen Because they just got Pulled off Times Square And they're like Yeah yeah yeah They don't speak the lights up a little bit. I want to be able to see who I'm talking to. All Japanese businessmen. Because they just got pulled off Times Square. They're like, okay. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't speak a fucking word of English.

Wow. So they all paid $5 to come in and drink. They probably thought they were going to a strip show or something. Something, yeah. Some type of entertainment.

So I twerked. And they threw money at the stage. It was great. That's why you're a professional. You know, you gotta work. Roll with the punches. Yep.

Know your audience. Know your audience. Know your audience. The funny thing was Craig Carmin. I don't know if you're familiar with Craig Carmin. But he was the closer on the junkie at the time. And his claim to fame is he does like musical comedy similar to Stephen Lynch. Okay. His claim to fame is Pet Names for Gentalia.

Okay. His claim to fame is pet names for Gentalia. Okay. Which is going through different pet names for dicks and vaginas. Dicks and vaginas. I'm going to write this down. To the rhythm of I Didn't Start the Fire. Okay. Okay. And just real fast dropping off the different dick names. Okay.

And that was his claim to fame. And they loved it. Because I think they thought he was Billy Joel. I don't know. They just knew the music, and they were like, yeah, this is great. This is familiar. This is something I can get down with. I've done karaoke to this.

I like this. Exactly. Got it. Okay, so there's some bumps along the road, right? As we've all had. As we've all had a couple bumps. But then you, I mean, we talked about Zach Galifianakis earlier. You said that you opened for him?

I did not open for him. I played at a club across the street. Gotcha. And went to go see him for free because of it. That's in my mind. I'm like, you opened for him? You're like, well. I have met him.

Gotcha. He's also really a great guy. And he was like, oh, come over and see your set. And did not. Yeah. But just awesome dude. Nice enough to say that he would. Well, and the nice thing was that after the show, because most big cities, you're going to have the nice comedy club.

And then just down the streets, the shitty comedy club. So he's playing at the grammar C hall or something like that. And I'm playing over at the shitty. We make people laugh is the name of the club. Right, right, right, right. But when you get out, all the shows end at the same time, and you have like two or three bars to go to.

Right, so everybody's in the same general vicinity. So yeah, it was great, because I met him and I watched his set, and then I hurried back over to my spot. I did my bit. At the time, who was he opening for maybe gaffigan okay okay um and then we ended up both ended up at the same uh bar he's like hey how'd you do and i was like i did well he's like good and walked away yeah okay good that's the best part

yeah and you can just lie like killed awesome killed. Awesome. Great. Sold it out. They were dying. It was amazing. Literally, there were three heart attacks from laughter. I wish I had more hands so I could sign more titties afterwards. Really. It was... I'm a rock star.

Yeah. I curse God he didn't give me enough hands and Sharpies. Right. For all my titties. But yeah, no. Galifianakis was a really cool dude. I've met so many people just by being at shows at similar places or close by. Doing colleges is a great way to just come across other comedians.

For instance, if you're doing Notre Dame, South Bend, Indiana, and then there's three comedy clubs. So you'll be doing something on campus. Right. And then... Chances are. Chances are there's somebody worth seeing. Yeah. Which is why your attendance is so sparse.

Right. Just off campus. Right, right. But you actually get there. You get there where they'll come to the show. Mm-hmm. Because they want to see these guys who are up-and-comers. Mm-hmm.

And kind of see like oh is there somebody i want to work with is there something i can put on a show yeah um and then you get and then you get opportunities to potentially book with them yeah um yeah which is really cool uh but yeah it was one of those i was trying so hard to get onto the uh to the showcase right right naca is like the national association of collegiate activities But yeah, it was one of those. I was trying so hard to get onto the NACA showcase. Right, right. NACA is like the National Association of Collegiate Activities. Yeah, so yeah, comedians.

Yeah, it's basically like you're at like a big fair and you have like a booth and you want to. It's like going to like Comic-Con. Right, but you're selling yourself and like and and they have their there's three theaters and there's theater sessions where the different colleges the people who book for these colleges go to whichever session they think they want to be at whether it be music or comedy or uh performance art which is generally gonna be like magicians and mimes and mentalists and stuff like that and uh and they go and they go to that theater and they watch two hours right you know where a band gets to come on and do two songs then right or a comedian goes in just five minutes and uh and then after that

it's like they break for lunch and then you go to this big ass exhibit hall yeah where where you also have like the random things like here's an oxygen bar you can bring to your college yeah um it's like a it's like a science fair for like acts right like walk around like oh what do we have here? And I was trying so hard At the time, I was trying to get onto Neon Entertainment Okay Which Neon was

I think at the time, they were representing Just about every person that was on SNL That was doing stand-up during the off-season Gotcha, gotcha But they were doing all these small acts, too Craig Carmine was actually on Neon Okay So I was trying to get on Neon Entertainment

And apply, apply, apply, apply And they they were like well yeah submit to naca and if they accept you we'll accept you we'll we'll uh do the pr for it and i was like yeah absolutely absolutely so i submit and i get this this uh like postcard because at the time everything was still like physical mail yeah that says, you have been shortlisted for NACA. Okay. So because of that, they gave me a room

in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Man, all over PA. Love it. Yeah. Love it. PA was there for a while. It's a keystone state, man. It is.

It is. You need it. Home to Yingling. Yeah. But so I was able to go and your short list, it's what they're saying is if one of these bigger names that we have booked, they get really drunk and don't show up, we'll page you at your room.

Right. And you come running down to the performance place and you do your five minutes. Because I guess they have to show up like a half hour ahead of time, stuff like that. Okay. Which sucks because when you sit there and you're sitting in your room just like, I hope someone doesn't show up. Right.

I hope someone doesn't show up. Yeah. And nine times out of ten they do because they're already there with a PR firm. Right. Who is booking for them. Who is like shepherding them through. Yeah, exactly. And it's a huge opportunity for them that they're not going to put that up.

Yeah. Right. The nice thing, though, is that I was able to perform in the hotel bar okay at the lancaster holiday and convention center okay right right which was awesome because i was like oh hey he's like i'm here and i do stand-up comedy and they had nothing booked of course because right who after spending eight hours of your day watching Axe, nobody wants to go and watch somebody who wasn't accepted. But they were like, yeah, we'll do it. We'll throw you

dinner. And I was like, yeah, let's do that. Free dinner? Free room? So, not a free room. Reserved room. It was not free. I had to pay for it. Yeah, that's how they get you, man. That was shortlisted. I need to pay for it. No. Yeah. That's how they get you, man. That was shortlisted. I need an oh no drop.

Oh no. Yeah. The singers need to get on that and record that one. Yeah. I only pay them for specific things, but yeah, we'll get to it. But so I was performing in the bar, and Aisha Tyler came out to the bar. Those people who performed are then like, no. Right.

Well, they're like staying in that hotel probably, right? And more than likely, they actually were just coming to get a drink at dinner and I was just doing stand-up. Uh-huh. Which was, you know, kind of cool. Mm-hmm. But yeah, it was between doing stand-up and then playing in bands.

Yeah. I've always been, my dad loves to bring up all the time, especially after I dropped out of school, that I would try and find a way to make money doing anything that wasn't work. Right. I toured in a pop punk band. Oh, really?

What was that band called? Well, several bands. Okay. One was Third Complaint. Okay. Based out of Waldorf. Yeah, Waldorf Worldwide, baby. You know, just like Good Charlotte and Wakefield.

Wakefield. Ugh. Yeah. We were in the same family as those guys, baby. You know, just like Good Charlotte and Wakefield. Wakefield. Ugh. Yeah. We were in the same family as those guys, basically. Nice. But I played drums

in that band. I played bass in a band called Toulouse-Lautrec. Okay. Cool, cool, cool, cool. So just kind of playing one of those

really nice emo bands called Fire Gone Cold. Oh, no. Fire Gone Cold. Oh, yeah. Where I was able to play some drums and do some screaming. Oh, there you go. There, yeah. Where I was able to play some drums and do some screaming.

Oh, there you go. There you go. I loved you, but the fire's gone. Oh, yeah. Where it's like the lyrics are all suicidal, and you're like, ah. Yeah. You really shouldn't be singing. You should be seeking help.

Yeah. You dated her for two weeks. It's OK. Dude, you guys, you met in an elevator. You don't actually know this woman. Yeah. You're wrapped out by arms. Pretty much. Yeah um so i was doing

a lot i did music for a couple years yeah when then did stand-up when i wasn't doing music we'd be playing shows and we had like a big break and i'd be like i'm gonna go do some stand-up again um i pro wrestled for a year and a half wow wow you wow what a what a gamut here that you're running i uh talk to me about that. I was Jesse Christ. Jesse Christ. The holy man of hardcore. Wow. Wow.

Oh, yeah. Wow. I think we found our episode title. Holy man of hardcore. Absolutely. Now, talk to me about this wrestling. Is this also out of Waldorf, Maryland? No, that was actually based out of Winchester, Virginia.

Okay. Okay. Where I currently live. Okay. Where we will I currently live. Okay. Where we will be on July 24th. At the Alamo Drafthouse Cinemas. Yes. Yes.

That's going to be a great show. Yeah. Me, you, Fonazo. Yeah. Some sketches in between. It's going to be a lot of fun. Alamo Drafthouse as a corporate structure has a contract with Doug Benson. The Benson Interruptions.

Yeah, yeah. And so he, of course, can't be at every theater every month. Yeah. But he jumps around to the different Alamos once a month. Uh-huh. But he wants them to start being able to do Benson Interruptions monthly. Yeah. So he selects comedians.

Nice. So because of that, I think they're actually going to be filming our show to submit to Doug Benson. No shit. Wow. That's cool. That could be pretty fucking awesome. That would be amazing. We'd be under the Benson umbrella of comedians.

I'll get under that smoky umbrella. I will sit there whistling with Graham Elwood. It would be fantastic. Yeah, right? Doing Bane impressions all day. I think Mike already does one. He's in. Yeah, exactly.

Game over. He's a whistling Bane. I think Mike already does one. He's in. Yeah, exactly. Game over. He's a whistling Bane. I think we're set. Yeah. So out of Winchester, it was all Premier Wrestling. Okay. Before that, it was Apartment Pro Wrestling. That sounds professional.

Yeah, that's when it was real backyard. I was not doing it at the time that it was Apartment Pro Wrestling. I came on after they were all Premier and there was a ring ring and they were doing it in smoky bars in West Virginia. Wow. So they're setting up a ring in a bar in West Virginia? Oh, yeah. Wow. Or you go to a high school gymnasium.

Sure. And you get a whole bunch of rednecks who bring all their kids out. Wow. Oh, my God. So how do you get a whole bunch of rednecks who can bring all their kids out. Wow. Oh, my God. So how do you get involved with this? I got involved with that actually just through a friend of mine who was doing it. Okay. And I'd come back.

I was living in Winchester. I just started dating the girl who had become my wife. Oh. And when you said you were going to wrestle, she was like, I need to lock this down. Well, it was funny because it was a mutual friend of ours. And he had been doing this. And he goes, hey, you used to like do different sort of sports and stuff like that, right? I was like, yeah.

So you were kind of athletic. I was like, I mean, yeah, kind of. He goes, do you ever think about pro wrestling? I was like, no. And so he invited me. He's like, I'll put you on the list. Come out to a show. Okay. So my buddy Kyle, to name drop,

he was actually in the wrestling world. He out to a show. Okay. So my buddy Kyle, to name drop, he was actually in the wrestling world. He was Damien Stage. Okay. Okay. All right. D Stage, Damien. Gotta love the wrestling names. I know.

They're amazing. But so I went out and watched an APW show, and I was like, this looks like a lot of fucking fun. Right. So they were like, well, hey, we do training on Tuesdays, and then we book shows, and we do shows once a month, and it's a lot of fun. I was like, alright. They were like, we've got to get you a gimmick.

I was like, okay. Do I have to come up with that? They were like, we have this gimmick. No one's willing to do. It's called the knots. They're all worried about their parents disowning them. It's called Jesse Christ. I was like, I'll do it. That sounds awesome.

Say no more. It's funny. When I started, I wore do it. That sounds awesome. Say no more. So it's funny. When I started, I actually wore a priest collar for the beginning of it. Sure. Before going to the more traditional wrestling tights. Okay. Yeah. I did all that.

Okay. So you didn't have the tights and the collar? No, it was the collar and actually like dickies. Okay. Okay. Which is the most backyard-looking wrestling getup you could possibly have. I mean, I had the actual wrestling shoes and the kick pads and stuff like that, but it looks real backyard. Yeah.

But gladly so, because at one point we did a flaming table. Ooh. And the Dickies caught on fire. No! So the nice thing is Dickies are such a durable fabric. Yeah. And a sponsor of this show. Absolutely.

Dickies, flame on. Exactly. That I didn't get burned. Wow. Had I been in the wrestling tights at the time, I would have had horrible burns on my legs. Wow. I would love to see that commercial. Like, Dickies, for when you're wrestling in the backyard and you light the table on fire.

But that was not in the backyard. That was at Cookies Bar. Excuse me. In Martins not in the backyard. That was at Cookies Bar. Excuse me. In Martinsburg, West Virginia. Wow. This bar. So they did a lot of shows at Cookies because Cookies was willing to pay for it. Okay.

Well, that's the thing. It's because you go wherever they're going to pay you. It's just like comedy. You go where the money is. Yeah, yeah. Ring time is ring time. Exactly. And they, at one point, there was something.

Somebody did like a press. They threw somebody up. And they put a hole in the ceiling with the person's back. Jesus. And it's like a shitty, you know, drywall ceiling. Yeah. But it's still like, oh, this is way, we really should not be wrestling in here. These ceilings are really low. No.

People getting up, can't even get on the top rope, you get on the second rope. Yeah. So not a lot of high flying action. No. Well, yeah, but generally going outside of the ring. Gotcha, gotcha. So, Jesse Christ. What is... I mean, I get that you're a holy man,

but are you so angry that everybody else isn't as pious as Jesse Christ? Yeah, that's pretty much what the gimmick was. Right, right. It was going trying to cleanse the APW of sin. Right, one DDT at a time. I'm not a DDT guy. Okay, excuse me.

I would do the angel's wings was one of my moves. Sure. What was that? What does that entail? You know, yeah, the pedigree that Triple H does? Uh-huh. It's like that mixed with a suplex. So you actually bring them up into the air and then drop them to the side.

Okay. This is really digressed to quite a podcast right now. No, I mean, you're the first guy that's done wrestling, like this type of wrestling on the show, I think. We wrestle with our demons all the time. But not in West Virginia at Cookies Bar and Griller. Yeah, fucking dive bar cookies. Jesus Christ. Wow.

Okay, so how long? You said over a year? A year and a half. Wow. Okay, so and how long? You said over a year? A year and a half. Wow. Did you ever get a title? Did some of the hardcore stuff. Yeah, so yeah, you're lighting tables on fire. That's fucking crazy.

Are you getting like choke slammed onto like a bunch of tacks and getting hit with chairs? I did the staple guns. Oh, no. What does that entail? So you go and you get like a staple gun you'd use from Lowe's. Yeah. And you use a staple that does not – not a serrated staple. That'll cause damage.

A standard staple. So just flat. It goes straight in and then you put it straight out. Oh, my God. It's actually not that bad. I'm surprised. Whoa. uh actually not that bad i'm surprised so i was that guy who because of all the the stupid shit that i'd done growing up yeah um i mean i was playing in a band and doing a lot of drugs and

shit like that when jackass came out okay to kind of explain the kind of stupid shit we would do right um that uh because of all that stuff that you'd be like Say we need somebody to do this And I'm like Nah fuck it I'll do it Okay But then my buddy Kyle It's funny So in pro wrestling Everyone's like Oh it's fake It's like well

You know it's planned Yeah But we're hitting each other It's redneck theater Yeah pretty much Yeah Pretty much Yeah

And that said I loved wrestling Loved it But the difference is You're not faking hitting somebody You're hitting them Oh yeah Yeah yeah And the big rule, like, you're not faking hitting somebody. You're hitting them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the big rule is the closer you are with the person, the harder you hit them. Right. Because you're not going to, it's kind of like. Oh, okay. So if you're buddies. You beat the shit out of each other. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Because no one's going to take offense to it.

Right. And you're not going to be taking liberties with a stranger. Right. You know what I mean? Right, right. So my buddy Kyle and I had some just crazy matches. Uh-huh. There were times light tubes would be used. As in, like, a fluorescent?

Like a fluorescent light tube. Wow. Because they make a big noise and look really cool. But the thing is, you know, as soon as you break one of those, it's like a knife. Like, they're paper thin. But, like, crazy serrated. Crazy serrated. Sharp.

And so it's one of those, when you have to hit somebody with one of those, you have to hit and stop. Because if you follow through, you're just going to gash them. Gotcha. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. So it can shatter on them, but you don't want to follow through. You don't want to follow through or else you will cut them. You hear that, kids listening at home? So for all those kids who want to get into pro wrestling.

Or even just hit each other in their backyards. All those kids who watch the WWE and go, kids, don't try this at home. If you want to try it at home. Because let's face it. You're going to. You want to. They're going to. Yeah, no doubt.

So it'd be better just to say, hey, this is how you make sure you don't get hurt doing it. Exactly. But it's funny. I did all this hardcore shit. And the reason I actually stopped pro wrestling is that I blew my knee out. Ooh. Kicking the ring steps. Are you serious?

Yeah. Like kicked it on accident? No. So we were at the point we started doing a lot more like high school auditorium shows and this Galaxy Skate House, which is a big-ass skating rink,

that they would put the ring in the middle of the rink and then set up chairs all around it. So it's this big place, but it's all family. It's all age shows. Yeah. That we were like, if we're trying to get sponsors and stuff,

we should probably retire Jesse Christ. Right. So we came to this decision that we were going to retire Jesse Christ. I was going to do another. I was going to change my gimmick to basically like a guy who just had a mental breakdown. Right. So they're going to crucify you.

Three days later, you come back. The whole plan was that I wasn't booked on a show, and I come out. And I'm sure you've seen this a million times where I come out, and you guys are all missing out because I'm not wrestling. The whole thing. And then say, well, I'm going to give you guys a show. I'll wrestle any person in the back. Anybody who wants to come out here, I'll wrestle them. And then, of course, you get the person who comes out.

It's like, look, man, you're not booked. You need to get out of here. It's like, look, I'll wrestle anybody, and if I lose, I'll never wrestle again. Ah, stakes. High stakes. Yeah, high stakes. And they sent out this woman who was a pro wrestler in Philly named Amy Lee. Not from Evanescence.

Okay. That was my next question. I figured. Okay. She was about 5'9", and about 300 pounds. That's a big lady. She's my next question. I figured. Okay. She was about 5'9 and about 300 pounds. That's a big lady. She's a big lady. And her whole gimmick was a biker chick, so she's like head to toe and biker get leather and stuff.

Yeah. So the whole thing was she came out and I was like, oh, this is going to be easy. No problem. She's a chick. Are you worried that you're going to get a boner, though, with somebody like that? You know, those tights't they don't hide anything tights don't lie exactly i've said it once i'll say it a million times on this podcast tights do not lie i've heard it i've heard it a million times that was almost the name of this podcast

it should have been honestly digression sessions is okay it's all right it rhymes but yeah um but uh so then they have her just annihilate me in like two minutes what what's her uh what's her wrestler name amy lee just amy lee she just goes by. What's her, what's her wrestler name? Amy Lee. Just Amy Lee. She just goes by her name. Wow. That's ballsy.

It's ballsy. Okay. Okay. And she's one of those who, because she's bigger, like she's athletic enough to run the ropes and stuff like that. Yeah. But like her finisher is like the leg drop.

Yeah. So it's like, it's like you're wrestling Hulk Hogan circa 1985. Yeah. No doubt. And then she pins me and then I threw a tantrum. All right. Saying like, it doesn't count, she's not even part of our

Whatever, federation And then during my temper tantrum I kicked the ring steps And blew out my knee In that moment, did you know that you did that? Oh yeah, it was like you could feel the pop And I was like There goes wrestling, I'm done with that now

So how does that work? You're like, god I don't care anymore I keep yelling it, because the whole thing was going to be this And I was like, well, there goes wrestling. I'm done with that now. So how does that work? You're like, God. I don't care anymore. I keep yelling it because the whole thing was going to be the security to come and carry me off. Yeah. The whole thing was kicking the ring steps, and then I was going to sit like a petulant child, just sit and cross my arms like, I'm not leaving. Right.

I'm not leaving. And they're going to come pick me up and carry me out. Gotcha. So as soon as I felt the pop, I was like, time to sit down. I'm leaving. Time to throw my to sit down. I'm leaving. Time to throw my temper tantrum. I'm leaving. And that's how that ended. And I guess it's good

that you can scream when you're hurt too. Yeah. And so they don't know. But he's like, gah. Wow, he's really doing this. Yeah, going all in.

All right. Yeah. So did that. Damn. Recently hosted a music television program called-huh called the white label lounge the white label oh yeah i meant to ask you about this the white label lounge you had a bunch of bunch of bands on there right like brand new came through well we were trying to

get brand new working on booking brand new okay almost done with it and then the producers pulled the plug on the show oh so and i'm a huge brand new fan. Yeah. And very depressed that that never got to happen. Yeah. But we interviewed a lot of bands in the genre. Census Fail, The Used. And then outside of the genre, Chuck... Fuck, what's Chuck's last name? From Styx.

He's the bassist for Styx. Okay. He came through and he sat down with us. How was he? Awesome, dude. Yeah? Like, just really cool. What was he doing he sat down with us. How was he? Awesome, dude. Yeah? Like, just really cool. What was he doing?

What was he promoting? Or was he just around? Well, he, um, so he actually is an openly gay man with AIDS. Wow. Yeah. Oh, shit. And it was one of those where for, I guess, like the 20 years of Sticks, he wasn't allowed to be honest about it because Sticks was like...

Well, yeah. I mean, yeah. Their bread and butler was you know just like dudes like wearing wearing like jean vests singing mr roboto and all that stuff drinking beer in the parking lot and and all these uh so all these ladies of course loved sticks so he there was like and at the time like yeah a gay man that's like yeah it's like musical kryptonite sure so he uh right no gay man is going to be famous. Nope.

That's at the time when Elton John and stuff were still married to women and pretending they liked it. That guy dressed as Donald Duck. I bet he smashes pussy. He's killing it. Who wears a wig? Yeah, he's killing it. He's all over it. Liberace, everyone thought he was straight. Stuff like that.

He needed to wear a raft at all times because he might drown in pussy. Absolutely. Absolutely. He was such a ladies' man. Really was. Such a ladies' man that he just went straight lady. Yeah. That's, well, hey, happens to the best of us.

It does. Happens to the best of us. But yeah, so Chuck, he does this whole AIDS awareness program. Oh, okay. He's got a book and stuff like that. Right on. So he was coming through and he was going to be going to Shenandoah University in Winchester to do a big... It's a music conservatory. Oh, okay, cool.

So they have a large gay population. So he's coming to just do a talk. And so it was like, well, if he's coming through, do you think he wants to stop in Chantilly at our studio? Nice, Chantilly. And talk to us. And he said yes. Cool. And he came.

And it's what he did the night before he was doing his whole thing. And we were talking to him and he was just like, you know, we get to the part where we're like,

we don't want to keep you. He's like, oh, I'll stay here all night. All right, let's keep talking. Okay, Chuck. So, but yeah, just awesome dude. Nice.

Who unfortunately, from what I understand, I was told recently he's not doing real well. Oh, yeah. So that's disappointing. But really awesome dude good for him though getting getting the word out and stuff yeah absolutely that's awesome very selfless oh yeah he's uh he was really really uh sweet sweet man yeah i think i feel like i've used that term for

like everyone today hey no there's a lot of sweethearts there's a lot of sweethearts floating around um but yes we did we've we interviewed we interviewed In Flames, the metal band. Oh, yeah. Okay. And Darkest Hour from DC. Who was the funnest interview? Oh, man. The most fun interview of all this guys.

Actually, Efren Ramirez. Who is that? Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite. Really? So Efren is a DJ also. No shit. You know who else is a DJ? Hodor, the dude from Game of Thrones.

Yeah, I saw that on... In German DJ. Thank you so much. Yeah, yeah. At one of the many BuzzFeed articles I've read about Game of Thrones. Yeah, exactly. Not that I'm obsessed. Yeah, sure.

But, yeah, no, you know, Paris Hilton gets paid a lot of money to DJ. They couldn't see my air quotes. They think I meant it. You're wearing a Paris Hilton shirt. I should disclose to the audience. I am wearing a Paris. Paris is my homegirl. Yep, that's what it says.

And on the back says, fuck Perez. Yeah. Because he just shits on her all the time. I know. I know, man. But no, it was funny because he's still, Ephraim still is a vinyl DJ. Okay, cool. He still does everything with on vinyl. Nice. Which is awesome. But I mean, we talked to him for a long time. The night before we actually went and met up with him at a hotel, he did a screening of Napoleon Dynamite at the Alamo Drafthouse.

And did a meet and greet afterwards. So we hung out with him the whole night beforehand. And then he came out to the studio and we hung out for a couple more hours and brought him to the airport. Cool. Good dude? Great dude. He's one of those guys who we've stayed in semi-contact with, which is awesome. Nice.

He's a good guy. Look at you. You're rubbing elbows with a lot of different people. You know, like my dad said, anything I can do to not be an adult. Or make money. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. The music show was awesome.

Especially having played in a band. Yeah. Respecting and appreciating these guys and being fans of their music. And that's the thing, is that I was playing in those bands there between 2003 and 2007. So right when that was the pinnacle. Yeah, Senses Fail, for sure. Used.

I was a big fan until the guitar player slept with my ex-girlfriend. But hey, it happens to all of us. These things do you have? Quinn? Yes. Yes. Yeah. Lovely gentleman.

It does magic, by the way. Apparently. That's how he did it, man. Apparently. Those magic tricks, they'll bed any lady. No, it was so funny. I remember, yeah, speaking of angsty stuff, I loved the used. And we went to go see them.

And we went to go see them. They were playing in a minor league baseball field. It was like a part of a field day for some college or something like that. Right. And so the backstage isn't really just a backstage. They just have a stage kind of like in the outfield. And then there's like a gate on the side of the stage. So you can see, quote, unquote, backstage.

Right. And there weren't a lot of people there. We got early and they're like oh you guys should come back and i was like yeah okay yeah so like you know all of us are going back and then all the ladies make it in and they're like and you guys can stay it was just like okay there goes my girlfriend yeah like and so they didn't do anything then but i was was just so pissed. I was just like, yeah, absolutely. Like, why? Like, oh, no, they just like us. I'm like, yeah, they like you.

Like, is there a reason we're not coming? Well, that was the funniest thing. So at the time I was playing in bands and stuff, and the starting line played Shippensburg. Okay, yeah. And I had a friend who was at Shippensburg, so I was like, oh, let's go on out. And so we got there. We get there early. Yeah. And Kenny from the starting line is, like, just standing over, like like by one of those gate areas i'm walking the singer bass player yeah so i walk

over to be like hey man like i love the music he's like yeah yeah and then these three underage girls come by like hey we love your music you guys should come on back and i'm like nice i've been sitting here talking to you for like five minutes yeah and like i actually like your music versus who like they're like oh you look like that guy from the thing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, come on back. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So, yeah, so the ex-girlfriend. Yeah, so, like, and then, like, yeah, so then, like, that, yeah, that was a pretty big wedge.

I think we ended up breaking up, like, not too long after that. But it was just so funny. Like, no, they just like us. I'm like, not for your mind. They're not inviting you to like come play chess backstage oh man you know that of course it was like later like the show is almost over and like well they said you can come back now i'm like i don't want to fucking go back there now like what are you like oh hey thanks guys thanks hey thanks for having us thanks

for bringing us back so we can take them home now exactly exactly thanks for calling in the drivers right right you know, I And same thing Like a bunch of her friends Had never even heard of the band And they're just like Calling them by their first names Like, oh, Burt was so Like, you didn't even know who Burt was

Like, he's so cool I'm a big fan Like, you don't even know any of their songs Well, it's so funny because Yeah, dude Slutty girlfriends suck Yeah, I mean, it was Yeah, it was

Yeah, like I said She didn't do anything like was, yeah, like I said, she didn't do anything, like, technically wrong. Like, shouldn't have, like, stayed back there, but, like, didn't, like, hook up with him then. But, you know, I mean, eventually did later. Right. And it's like, oh, man. But real quick, but on that story, the used aren't doing shit now, so I feel good about that. They are, actually. No, they're not.

They're horrible people that aren't doing anything. They do all the take action tours. They're all anti-suicide and shit. Oh, well, I guess if my career was in the shitter, I'd have to be anti-suicide, too. Yeah, they're not what they used to be. Used to be. Yes. I'm sure they're still hooking up with 17-year-old girls all over the place.

You know. Hey, baby, don't kill yourself. Somebody has to. Play with my dick. Somebody has to. Play with my dick. Somebody has to. God bless them. Doing the Lord's work, those fellas. Absolutely.

No, I actually, it was funny. Oh, man, this is a great story for you. Okay. Speaking of slutty girlfriends, I had a girlfriend back in high school and stuff when I started playing in bands, and she wasn't a fan of that. Yeah. So her way of getting back at me for going away to go play music was to fuck other dudes.

That's a great way to get attention. Dudes love that. And then be like one of those where she wanted to tell me but then wouldn't tell me. So she wasn't even getting her doing anything for her. So what was great was that she what was great was everything. The awesome part of that is that she ended up hooking up with one of these dudes, liking him more, breaking up with me.

At which time I was hanging out, I was playing Toulouse-Lautrec. Okay. And living with our guitarist. We had a house together and we were all, and they were like, dude, she's been with a lot of dudes. I was like, I know. Because that's when she tells me everything. And I was like, we should go get tested. It was like, dude, she's been with a lot of dudes. I was like, I know. Because that's when she tells me everything. And I was like, we should go get tested. It was like, yeah, you're right.

And that's, of course, the worst, most awkward experience ever. Yeah. But then you get that, like, oh, you're all good. Thumbs up. Yay. I have a new lease on life. And here I am with all of my friends and being a horrible human being. Yeah.

I decide that we should call her and tell her I have something. Oh, no. So they were like, oh, tell her you have syphilis. And I have something. Oh, no. So they were like, oh, tell her you have syphilis. And I was like, ah, too easy to clean. Right. Like, ah, tell her you got herpes. I was like, ah, she might have noticed that. What are you going to tell her? She's like, I'm going to tell her we got AIDS. Wow. And actually called and convinced this

girl. And here's the best part is that I texted her, or called her, like, hey, you need to call me, you need to talk. And her boyfriend, the one she cheated on me with, who also had jumped me with some of his friends and beat the shit out of me. Sounds like a good sitch. Great dude. Great dude. He called me to let me know he didn't want me talking to her.

He's like, something so important you should tell me. You should tell Mia. You don't talk to her. You got it. And I was like, yes, sir. And I actually said that I was HIV negative and they found antibodies in my system, which is 100% accurate. But he just heard HIV and antibodies and freaked out. Right, right, right.

So he was like, I'll tell her to call you. So then I'm like hanging out downstairs and I get a phone call from her and I'm like, all right, turn on the sad voice and all that stuff. Right. He had not talked to her yet. So I got to say the exact same thing to her and she breaks down and I'm like, yeah, just thought you should know and hang up the phone. Being a complete piece of shit and awful human being. A little bit later, he calls me back

and was like, I think you're lying. And of course, why would I lie about this? And he went on and was like, I want proof. And I was like, fine, I'll give you fucking proof. I'm working the night, come on by. And and then i was like fuck i had nothing no way to prove this yeah what do you so we uh me and my friend doctored up paperwork yeah um then had somebody else sign it right and then had it as proof um and he came by and like we showed him

he's freaking out now does it say that you're HIV negative? All it said on it was that Antibodies? We said that at my recent test They realized that there were antibodies in my system And I had to come back every six months for testing Right Nothing inaccurate

Right, right But so he's like, oh my god Just a lesson to the children Anyone sexually active should be tested every six months. Yeah, yeah. After you guys hit each other with light bulbs, get out there. Yeah, because, you know, the blood's going to be there. Sure.

You start spreading blood around. Get a pool of it. Go check into those things. Absolutely. So this dude, he shows up. He shows up. I give him the paperwork. Yeah.

He gets that look on his face like, oh, did he bleed on me when I hit him? Right. Right. And so and and so on so forth so about a half hour later my parents come into the I was up working at a coffee shop yeah and my parents come in mm-hmm and I could tell that they'd gotten a phone call from her yeah or something it's like white and no not even that my dad's a divorce attorney. Okay. So he's one of those, like, well, there's stages to breakups, and he's just angry, and he's getting back at her. Okay. And the mom's like, no, he wouldn't lie about this.

Why would he lie about this? He says he has proof. Mm-hmm. So my dad would come in. He's like, hey, how you feeling? Mm-hmm. I was looking at my post. I was like, well, my aides are acting up.

But other than that, I'm doing fantastic. Right, right. I think it might be the most proud my dad's ever been, also being disappointed. Nice. Nice. Well, you reach two think it might be the most proud my dad's ever been, also being disappointed. Nice. Nice. Well, you reached two pinnacles. Two pinnacles right there. And two pinnacles, one stone.

One AIDS test at a time. One AIDS test at a time. I think that's a good note to go out on. I think it's a, I'm a horrible human being, and that's where we should end it. Just to wrap it up. No, you're a fantastic dude. Thank you for coming all the way up absolutely i appreciate it uh plug whatever you want to plug i'll plug it at the beginning

of the show as well absolutely um we're going to find you on the twitter on the twitter at popular outcasts there it is with an s popular outcast it's not just me i am the only one who uses it but uh initially it was not supposed to be just me um using that twitter but it is it's my personal so yeah yeah but um got a lot of shows actually coming up uh working out on working out the final details i'll be down at uh richmond at uh underground comedy at fall fallout on i think the second tuesday of july okay uh got the uh mcdowell Brew Kitchen in Leesburg with David Twitey and Alahi Hizata. Love those two. On the 18th.

Nice. 24th, as we've already said. We'll be at the Alamo Drafthouse. Good shows, man. On the 26th, I'll be at Three Brothers Brewery in Harrisonburg, Virginia. Nice. Doing stand-up. Nice.

The rest of the bill still being filled out on that one. Okay. All right. Awesome, man. And then all the stuff you were talking about, it's all on YouTube and sketches. The sketches are all on YouTube. Thepopularoutcast.com is the website. Nice.

Hasn't been updated in almost two years, but it's still very nice. Check it out. We put some money into it, so it looks good. Looks good. Looks good. All right. Yeah. All right, sir.

Well, thank you for coming by, man. Thanks for having me. Yeah, and as always, check out digressionsessions.com. Absolutely. Uplated? Updated. That's me being like, I updated late. You've been drinking. I've been drinking. I've had a lot of water

out of this mason jar. But listen, digressionsessions.com slash calendar has all our upcoming shows, so come check those out. Follow me on Twitter, everybody. Follow me. I am at BetterRobotJosh. The podcast is at DigSeshPod. Our Brown Gravy fan, Michael Moran, is at MichaelMoran10.

Thank you, everybody, for listening. Thank you so much. We normally end the show by saying, if you like somebody, tell somebody. Normally, I mean maybe the past four episodes. I've heard that. I might just let it go. Listen, i'm gonna say if you like somebody you just say whatever you want all right well let's figure this out let's well whatever you know all right let's work together

if you like somebody i'm just gonna stick with tell somebody whoa there it is there it is thank you man this was fun i'm gonna go pee now. You should. Okay. All right. All right. Cool. Bye, Pete. Bye, everybody. That was good, man. Those headphones get real hot.

Yeah, get a little warm on the ears. Yeah, a little warm on the ears. A little warm on the ears.