The Digression Sessions - Ep. 123 - Mark Joyner! (Dark Mark)

Episode Date: July 14, 2014

Hola DigHeads! On the week’s Digression Sessions Podcast we have the hilarious Baltimore comedian Dark Mark! After spending an incredible ten years in the NYC prison system (mostly as a faux-Jamaican, Mark quickly turned things around upon his return to Baltimore to become one of the most creative stand-ups in the city!   in this fast-paced episode we discuss Mark’s nearly unbelievable journey from teenage criminal to top-shelf comic, and amazingly great guy! We get a bunch of classic DigSesh race jokes in too, as Mark admits, white people are a new phenomenon for him!   Thanks for all the love Dig Heads! If you can swing it please drop our asses a few bones via the “Donate” button over there on the right! Also please subscribe to Digression Sessions on Stitcher and iTunes. And check out our new home and podcast network, Thunder Grunt! ThunderGrunt.com ! Thanks everyone! We love you!   @BetterRobotJosh – Josh Kuderna @MichaelMoran10 – Mike Moran @DigSeshPod – The Pod

Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey everybody, I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to the Digression Sessions Podcast, a Baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence as we interview local and non-local comedians writers musicians and anyone else we find creative and interesting yes

who's the guest this week mr mark joiner is the guest on this week's program. The Baltimore-based comedian, Mark Joyner. Very funny guy. Very nice guy who Mike and I met through doing shows here in the Baltimore area. Mark has one of the more interesting stories of any guest we've ever had. He was in prison from when he was 17 to 27. And that's just so crazy. And he always wanted to do comedy, even in prison. He was kind of toying with it where he would do talent shows. That's right. They had talent shows in prison. You get to learn all about Mark's experience. And it's a hell of a story. And he's such a good dude and such a funny guy that it was awesome to have him over. And even when I was like trying to lead up to why he went to prison, we talked for a while and we really get into like the meat of the story,

probably about 50 minutes in. And I'm thinking I'm being a good interviewer and trying to like lead up to this question. And Mark just goes, what are you trying to ask me, man? You want to know why I went to prison? I was like, yeah, I do. And, yeah, he just went right into it and couldn't be a nicer guy. I mean, I wouldn't even picture it from what he says that he was, pretending to be Jamaican and involved in drugs. And it's crazy. It's a crazy story. So thank you, Mark, for coming by.

Thank you for doing the show. And I hope you guys enjoy it. Thank you guys for listening. Me, Josh Coderna, and my co-host, Mike Moran, really appreciate it. If you're finding us because of our new home, the Baltimore Podcast Coalition that we have right now and growing, our new home at the Thunder Grunt Network. That's right. Your boys got a network. Yeah. Check out thundergrunt.com. It's a group of Baltimore-based podcasts that we've all come together to form this mighty Thunder Grunt podcast. Like, meanwhile, at the Skull Base, an innocent-looking bookstore, expert at nothing, a bunch of stuff going on over there. So check out thundergrunt.com uh very excited for that also if you

want to see us live me josh kaderna got a bunch of shows coming up i'll be doing artscape this saturday july 19th um for the lol at artscape portion or something like that it's like lolscape or something uh the 23rd i'll be doing chuckle Storm at, uh, Auto Bar in Baltimore. And so Wednesday, the 23rd, the 24th, I'll be in Winchester, Virginia with Mike Fonazo and Pete Buckbauer doing standup at the Alamo Cinema and Draft House. It's going to be a hell of a time. If you want to see Mike Moran, he's got some shows coming up. Uh, on the 19th, he'll be doing improv at the Fells Point Corner Theater with his troupe

Pop 6. And the 27th, he is headlining High Tops, doing stand-up headlining at High Tops in Timonium. So please check that out. Follow us on Twitter. I'm at BetterRobotJosh. Mike is at MichaelMoran10. And yeah, I'm also on Instagram as at BetterRobotJosh. So thank you guys for listening. Thank you to Mark for coming on the show. Follow us on Twitter and all that stuff and and yeah, I'm also on Instagram as at BetterRobotJosh. So thank you guys for listening. Thank you to Mark for coming on the show. Follow us on Twitter and all that stuff and check us out. And for our funny tweets, so please, please like us. Oh, and a big shout-out to Michael Bird and the Fuzz Ups of DC,

a really funny improv troupe, for having me out at the DC Arts Center this past week. It was a lot of fun. And thank you to everybody that came out to that. Everybody killed it. And I think I'm done with the rambling. So this is Josh Gadart signing off. Please enjoy this episode. And we love you. We'll talk to Munster.

Who's he named after? Somebody I should know? No. Famous white man I've never heard of. George P. Munster. Right. Apparently there are many famous white men I'm unaware of I hate when that happens

Like at comedy clubs And somebody States a famous white man And I'm like Yeah that guy Like historical white men Or like Just whatever

Like when it's in reference To a joke Right And everybody's like Oh And I'm like I wish I knew that white man Yeah you have to

Overcompensate. Right. Exactly. Ted Stevens. Exactly. That's why you guys should have White History Month. Yeah. I know.

We should. I'm going to start it. Believe me, we're trying. I have a White House petition right now. I think I used to have all of them. All of what? The months. And you were forced to relinquish them, and now every month something else.

I know. But we only really recognize Black History Month. And we gave you the month with the shortest amount of days. Right, right. That fucking sucks. What's going on in February? I don't know. Hey, nothing.

But this is like breastfeeding awareness month or some shit like that, right? Breastfeeding awareness? Yes. I mean, we're aware. I'm pretty aware. Does that mean it's whole month? Yeah, I think it's... Wow.

All the months used to be White History Month. That's what we used to do. They were officially white. They were. All right, class. This month we celebrate white history. Right, right. But it wasn't, so...

Yeah. I had to give them up, and now everybody's got a month with you guys. I, personally, I would go for, I don't know, like a June. June sounds like a strong white month. Yeah. Really? I think of cold when I think of white people. Nah.

We come from the cold. I feel like we should have July, because we get Independence Day, you know? We get to celebrate America. Yeah, that's true. And what should you study in white history, my friend? How great we are. Yeah. Like, great great we are. Yeah. Like, great moments and domination.

That time we sacked Mexico. Right, that was awesome. I remember that one. You know Mexico used to, like, be half of America? Yeah, a ton of it. A ton of it. We're like, all right, thank you very much. And then we stay out.

Yeah, right. That time we, like, started a war in Panama. Right. Just to get a canal. That's like breaking into somebody's house and telling them to get the fuck out. This is my part. The upstairs is mine. Yeah, and then you're like, can we build a fence to keep these people out of our house

that was ours this whole time? But it wasn't. Mexicans weren't there before, though, right? I mean, they were like the Mexicans of today are like Native Americans mixed with Spaniards, right? From my understanding, a lot of them, they look. Well, Mexicans just got here in Baltimore. It wasn't a lot of Mexicans. They just got here? Yeah.

A ship just arrived. They're playing violin. Are you from Baltimore? No. Okay. I'm from actually a place that has ship just arrived. When I was a kid. Come on, man. They're playing violin. Are you from Baltimore? No. Okay. I'm from actually a place that has even more Hispanic people, I would say. Oh, really? See, they just came here.

Like a burrito. We didn't know what the fuck that was. Like a 1985. Oh, shit. What? Yeah, you got it. The fuck is that? Yo, that's the black Baltimore accent, if you don't know.

What is it? Yo, what the fuck is that? A motherfucking burrito, yo. Wait, what are the nuances of the black Baltimore accent, if you don't know. Yo, what the fuck? Is that a motherfucking burrito, yo? Wait, what are the nuances of the black Baltimore accent? I can definitely tell the black New York accent. Like the Wu-Tang Clan. Yeah, that's, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I was in New York for a long time, you know what I'm saying?

So it was more like. But that's an actual blend of like Ebonics and the New York accent. And it is, it is. Is Baltimore similar? No, Baltimore is more like this, yo. Like somebody sounds like they're depressed, half asleep. Like I'm a little bit high, yo.

Like Mace? A little bit of Mace? A little bit of Mace, yo. When I first heard him, I thought he was from Baltimore. I thought he was a three-year-old. Right? He's either from Baltimore, retardedarded or three years old That would have made more sense If he was three though

He should do things for sure Who's hot? Has like a little lisp You know Who's hot? Who's not? Man, Mase is the one That gets the same

One, two, three Get it It would really Like if he was three If he was three He'd be amazing Right He'd be the best rapper ever

Like now he'd be just Coming into his own Like yo that Maze Kid Yeah From when he was three He was hot then Right But now

As an adult Yeah You know they recently Did a word count To see which rapper Uses the most words You know who it is Twista

A$AP Rock Get the fuck out of here A$AP Rock makes sense he just no no no he just uh what's his song i don't even listen to rap like that anymore it's funny how you identify that right away like no it's a different song but you know what i'm talking about that is like twisted like how it does that like bone thugs in that vein today right right, right, right, right. In that vein, you know.

I love how passionate rappers are. That's the main thing that I love. I don't listen to rap the way I used to, but rap is just so from the heart. You know what I'm saying? Is that Mase's new stuff? Return to Harlem world? As the baby. Return to Harlem world. A grown baby. You know your, like, career is, like, hit a, is, like, on the downslope when you start

trying to referencing, like, things in your earlier career. Yeah, your first album. Yeah, like, Warren G had Return of the Regulator in, like, 2005 or something. Right, right, right, right. That's the fucking worst shit. Yeah. It's like, it's like your career becomes, like, like like one of those fucking apps that they fix your radio and shit right you know like when you go on pandora some dumb shit and you want and you want you know you look you

like yo i like l l koo jay from 1985 yeah i'll give you l l koo jay i'm back you know something that was hot yeah and then i'll give you a bunch of other shit nobody wants to hear like like deep in my heart by run dmC or some shit like that. Deep in My Heart? What was that? Was that like their attempt at a ballad or something? Right. That's what I'm saying.

You'll get those other songs. You'll be like, I didn't. This is not what I wanted. There should be a whole compilation of bad hip-hop ballads. Right. There were a ton of them. The worst, I Miss My Homies by Master P. I'd rather die than listen to Master P.

Exactly. I hate him. How could you hate him? He made us listen to Master P. Yeah, exactly. I hate him. How could you hate him? He made us all say, Uh, na-na-na-na-na. He made us all say, Uh, and then na-na-na-na-na. I thought he was saying phenomenon for the first 30 times I heard that.

He absolutely was not saying phenomenon. Na-na-na-na. You're giving him way too much credit. I've never heard the song all the way through But I know for sure The one word he didn't say Was phenomena Right You know I learned that

While the song was still popular But that's what I thought The first few times I heard it Now let's make him say It was a call and response Of the same word Right I say it a lot of times

You already know We don't have to ask What to say You just say the shit Yeah You don't have to ask what to say. You just say the shit. Yeah. You don't have to ask, okay? A lot of demands in what you should be saying or doing. My black ask?

No. Ask. Only because I'm in a white neighborhood and I feel safe. Since we're talking about this, since I'm black and you guys have black and white t-shirts. Wait, you're black? I don't really see race. Oh, well, I guess you are. All right.

But since we're talking about that, you know when I first – because I'm really just discovering white people. I wasn't bullshitting about it. This is like – Yeah. Well, that's why you're here. Right. Exactly. We're happy to educate you.

Mike and I are doing a service. We're proud to be part of this journey. A journey of discovery. Yeah. White people. I did a – Hi. Right.

I'm telling you, I'm going to go back and tell black people about this, about here. It's like returning from the sacred village. Right. I'm going to tell them how I discovered it. You did a what cast? It's a podcast. Man, shut up. Get the fuck out of here, man.

Some futuristic. I'm telling you, when I came here, I didn't know if the white people around here were white or evil. White or evil? No, if they were good or evil. the white people around here were white or evil White or evil? No if they were good or evil it's hard to tell If white people are good or evil When you're in a new What are some markers? I don't know it's just something to look It's something in the eye contact

Or lack thereof Like most of the time the good white people Go out of their way to try to You know connect like it was a family Right where I parked and they all looked directly Okay, okay. Like, most of the time, the good white people go out of their way to try to, you know, connect. Like, it was a family right where I parked, and they all looked directly at me and shook my hand over. Like, we weren't even close. Like, they reached really far to shake my hand and shit. All right, now.

Like, I was coming. Like, they went, you can come to see us if you want. A family shook your hand as you walked here? Now, I'm getting jealous because I've lived here for several years. No one shook my hand. When does that ever happen? Strangers just shake your hand on the street? Actually, that's kind of racist when I think about it.

It's probably like overcompensation. Right, that's what I mean. It seems like out of the cab. We're not racist. Dude, like he stopped doing yard work and shit. The kids ran over. I guess I was amazing. This just happened?

I swear to God, like 10 seconds ago. That is way too friendly for comfort. They probably want to make you a human sacrifice or something. I don't know. I was like good white people. They probably want to make you a human sacrifice or something I don't know, I was like good white people They probably want to eat you Okay, they're okay Uh-huh, handshake Okay, now

I feel uncomfortable when people smile and nod toward me I didn't know what to do Maybe they weren't trying to shake me Maybe he was doing more of his yard work And I reached in You just terrified this guy? And I just reached in for the love, and then they all just jumped in. They probably saw the Green Mile where Tom Hanks shakes.

Right. They probably think they're going to get special powers from you. He's having urination problems, and it's like, oh, great. Good. Hello. Suck in his magical, scientific powers. I fucking hate. Yo, I hate in those movies.

Why? Listen, this is what I hate about the black people with the powers in the movies. Right. Why? Like Malcolm X. He's a powerful black man he was you're right i'm talking about i'm talking to super the superpowers the superpower black right why why do they reserve their powers to only help white people uh maybe they tell me you're the we're the white people experts you yeah exactly i don't understand what the fuck that's like do you ever see the league of of distinguished gentlemen yeah it was awful

at the end a black man brought sean connery back to life or some shit he did a dance and jumped up and down and sean connery was it a tap dance yeah of sorts was it like the hammer time did he yell a hammer time african version and'm just like, all the fucking dead people in Africa all around you. Right. Nope. And he's just like, there you go, Mr. Conner. Right, right. Exactly.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Great job. Magical Negro. He'll fly halfway across the country to go try to save the kid in The Shining. Right. Just to get an ax in the back. Scatman Crothers. Not anymore. Deadman. Deadman Crothers. Dude, when I leave, do I get a axe in the back Scatman Crothers

Not anymore Deadman Deadman Crothers Dude, when I leave Do I get a picture on the wall? Can I bring you one? Do you get to take one? No

No, I want to leave one here I'm like, oh, that's smart That's fucking awesome Every guest needs to bring A headshot for the wall Oh, that's fucking amazing That's a new rule Well, Mark

Let's So, Mark Joyner You're going by that now Because there was a stage name You dropped the Dark Mark? Who told me I'm Dark Mark? Who said I'm Mark Joyner, you're going by that now because there was a stage name for a while. You're dropping Dark Mark? Who told me I'm Dark – who said I'm Mark Joyner? I'm still Dark Mark. You're still Dark Mark?

Is that what you want to be known as, Dark Mark? I'm comfortable with that. Yeah? It really has nothing to do with race. No? See, that's so fucking racist, you assholes. Yeah. White people always say that.

Well, we don't want people to know we're free to get here, which we are. Fuck that shit. It was actually when I first started doing comedy comedy i had a lot of dark jokes and fucked up humor and shit like that and initially that was gonna be you know like my thing right it turned out not to be yeah but fucking i still like the name it rhymes and shit it's hard to forget you can forget mark joyner but dark mark is pretty dope but i'm not hiding my name or anything okay good good well mark thanks for coming by i sent out a crew to shake your hand to make you feel welcome we have a welcome committee we have a welcoming white committee uh yeah white people welcome you do

stand up here in baltimore and uh when did you get started doing comedy because you said you were in new york for a bit right yeah but I didn't do comedy there I did jail those are the choices that's the only way black people get to New York like post Giuliani it's either yeah yeah definitely instead of doing open mics you went and visited other people in jail for a little bit you know what I'm gonna do jail I think jail is better either jail comedy or you have to live in Queens but yeah yeah, I did jail in New York and I came home. I've been home for a while. What made you decide

to give that up? Jail? It got old. Right. You know what I mean? I hear that. You see one in jail. Yeah.

You see them all. You see them all. And honestly, when people talk about jail, they always talk about danger and all that shit. More than anything, jail is just fucking boring.

Yeah, that's what I've heard. It's like, imagine if you're just in the fucking DMV or some shit just for 10 years. Yeah, yeah. Literally, that's what it feels like. You can't sleep there. You get to read a lot. Oh, it's Thanksgiving.

They're going to give us, you know, special Thanksgiving government food and shit. Wow. The gravy has pepper in it today. No, we have gravy today. It's not just. So that's what it is. It's boring more than anything. Right.

I think I would like to do maybe a year in jail. I mean, actually, I've been in jail sometimes. Just to get stuff. Get a lot of reading done. Just to get stuff done. Get a lot of writing done.

Come out with a brand new set. Yo, this is the fucking shit. Yo, I was in tip-top physical condition. Right. I'm motherfucking... I wrote three books. Really?

You wrote three books? Yeah, man. I wrote some of them. I wrote a psycho. Really? You wrote three books? Yeah, man. I wrote some. On what? I wrote a psycho erotic thriller. What? Tell me this is online. It isn't. It's on written pages that I wrote in my, like some Malcolm X shit in the dark.

In my fucking, I just flushed it down the toilet. I swear to God, I never even fucking uh translated it into you know like like typed it up or anything like that but i wrote three fucking books it was a the first one was a it was a a ghost story i wrote a ghost story really i want to hear this basically what happened is the dude uh a guy died and his wife is she was a slut she is a slut and he's haunting the house that he used to live in, and she's doing the most. She's getting it. Yeah.

Yeah, and that's one story, and it gets really creepy after that. And then there's another story that was, like, a guy loosely based on myself, and he ended up, he was into, he wrote poetry. I write jokes or whatever. And he met a woman, and he sees he's celibate for whatever reason because he had problems with women in his life and for whatever reason he's you ever see anybody and you have like a connection with them but you don't say anything like she's nice looking and you could tell it was something

anyway he's been doing this with this broad a few times and on one particular occasion he's on a bus with her she falls in his lap or some shit and uh he looks up and he sees her writing in a book i mean he don't want to stare at her so he stops staring at her and he falls in his lap or some shit and he looks up and he sees her writing in a book. He don't want to stare at her so he stops staring at her and he starts writing his own stuff and he looks up again and she's gone but the book she was writing in is still there and he gets up and reads the book and it turns out to be a bunch of

freaky stories of shit that she did in her life and as he reads the book he becomes haunted with like a succubus and some crazy shit happens. Wow, that sounds awesome. Yeah, I wrote a few of them, and I wrote another one. I'm not going to go on and on about my books. Anyway, when I was in jail, I had tons of time on my fucking hands. You're like, and that was the first day.

I just banged out the room. Guess I'll work out. All right. You had a to-do list. Get all my muscles today. Psychoerotic thriller. Let's see what's going on in the yard. That's fucking hilarious.

Throw some weights around. Could you share that with people that you were in jail with? You say there was no danger element, but I do feel like that would stand out. Like, Mark, what are you writing? You're like, just a psychoerotic thriller. First of all, let me say, the dog is on my foot. And I'm a little bit stoned. His name is Mike Moran.

Okay. Don't call him a dog. Exactly. And from the position I'm sitting for, I thought that was you doing some footy shit for half a second. And I was like, how do I respond to this? I like to make the guest comfortable. I really want to be on this podcast, but he's throwing something in my foot. It starts with a handshake outside, foot rub inside.

Right. Yo, somebody had a joke. I don't want to bite anybody's joke. And it's not mine. I'm going to just say it clear. I thought it was something funny. But it was like every gay relationship starts with a hand on another man's shoulder. One hand on another man's shoulder.

That was your dad? That's why I don't hug you. I don't want to turn you gay. All right. And it just starts from there. It just starts from there. Right. It's kind of weird.

And now that I said it, I kind of wish it was Mike's foot. It would have been funnier. Yeah. I'm glad you figured it out, though. That's a pretty long leg. Right. That's what I'm saying. I looked at it.

I was like, get the fuck out of here. Like, does Mike play basketball? Right. It would have been... That would have made it really weird. If you were just leaning, like really getting into it. If I was like, get the fuck out of here. Like, does Mike play basketball? Right. It would have been, that would have made it really weird if you were just leaning, like, really getting into it. If I was, like, really stretching. Right, right. Yeah.

To get to me. It's like Mike's head just keeps sinking and sinking as he's stretching. And I'm feeling some shit. Until I'm, like, disappearing under the table. And he's like, so this ghost, did he hook up with? Fan? Colbert? Yeah, that's mine.

I love Stephen Colbert. Very funny dude. His books are, like, every sentence is hilarious. Yeah. Sarcasm. Yeah, I have several of them on TV. Sarcasm and satire. I fucking love that shit.

Yeah. Satirizechasm, I call it. Right. Satasm. Satasm. Okay, so you went to jail in New York, but you're from Baltimore. Yes. How did you end up in New York?

I was a teenager, and I thought I was an adult. So I fucking just left. I went to New York. I was going to stay with my grandfather. Okay. And I didn't tell him that before I got there. Right. Surprise, Grandpa.

Right, right, right. So when I went up there, I had a little bit of drugs. I had a gun. He told me I couldn't stay. He didn't like the surprise. He didn't pull out the gun when you did the surprise right right right so i mean i hit the street i was um my my daughter's mom she used to stay in the bronx and um i used to sleep there like in the daytime and i was just fucking just

committing crime and shit at night like what um at At first, like robberies. I used to rob drug dealers and stuff. Really? So you were like the real 50 Cent? Nothing like the real 50 Cent. Thank God, because we're going to have to ask you. 50 Cent used to let it go. I never hurt anybody or anything like that.

Right. Actually, I was so young. But you would rob drug dealers. That's risky. Yeah, but not if you're not from the place. If I did that here in Baltimore, that'd be very risky. But if I was in New York And nobody knew me

And I'm a fucking kid And I'm running It's you know New York is so huge Yeah but don't they Normally have guns and stuff Yeah but That's not how robberies work

Oh Like if I If somebody busts in here We can all have guns If somebody busts in here Right now and puts guns on What are we gonna do We gonna fucking

Try some quick draw shit Fuck I would challenge them To a duel No you're not. I challenge you to a draw. You're going to do exactly what they say. Ten paces, sir.

Hold on. Real quick. A friend of ours, he got mugged outside our auto bar recently, and they took his wallet, and everybody's like, holy shit. Like, he came back inside because we were all going to leave, and then he comes back in. It's like, yeah, me and my girlfriend, we just all gonna leave and then he comes back and it's like yeah me and my girlfriend we just got robbed they took our wallets they took our phone and uh like holy shit man did it did you have like your debit cards in

there he's like yeah and he asked for our pin number and somebody's just like what did you tell him the right pin number and they're like yeah like i wouldn't have done that it's like yes you fucking would have like the guy has like a gun like, a gun on you, and, like, you're just going to lie and be like, it's six. Right, right, right. If you're at the ATM or nowhere near it. Nowhere near it. I mean, I'm pretty sure I would lie. Josh.

Really? You know, it's funny. When you first started that story, you was like, yeah, I'm a friend. He got robbed after a comedy show. I thought you were going to be like, Mark, did he rob this? That's why you're here today. That's why you're here. I just wanted to ask you.

I was like, whoo. And like And Mark this isn't just you We ask all our guests Did you rob my friend No no no I just think Like what you were saying I didn't hear about this robbery About like being

It was after a chuckle storm Really Yeah Yeah it was really fucked up But no it just makes me think Like yeah like everybody In their situation's like You know what I would do

It's like no you wouldn't No you wouldn't You got a gun Cause in their situation is like, you know what I would do. It's like, no, you wouldn't. No, you wouldn't. You got a gun. Because I've been robbed, too. Really? You know what I'm saying? More than once. And you just kind of go with the flow.

Yeah, I mean, if it's a gun, just fucking give it. What do you have that's going to be worth more than a wristband? It's going to be worth it. They got the drop on you. Like I said, you're not a fucking superhero. Just hand them whatever cash you got. Even if you got the gun on you, unless it's in your hand and you're ready to go out because that's what's gonna happen you just fucking give them the shit right yeah do you think most people will actually pull the trigger though if you if you resist or i don't know like

i said i've never really been in a you know i was a kid right i i think i did some good planning without the you know not planning to you know go to jail and right time and other stuff but so far was the actual robbery was concerning, they were normally pretty safe things. Just like really quick. The safe type of robbery. Pretty. Like, you know, I've got you dead to right. Come on, man.

Give it up. Come on. I don't even need a gun at this point. Just come on. And was that a conscious decision to not go after civilians but to go after drug dealers? Yeah, I mean, because they had money. Right. Okay.

Why would I rob? It wasn't like a moral thing? You're just like, that guy's got money. I mean, I think as I look back, I think a little piece of me might have thought about this type of, you know, your upbringing. Right, right, right. You know what I mean? Yeah.

But honestly, I was just really like, you know, they got money. Yeah. What the fuck? That's right. I wanted to get some money. Uh-huh. So what was it like the first time you did that? Were you terrified or were you just like, ah, I'm just going to do this?

It's just going to happen. I think at first when, I don't want to, see, now we're going back to Baltimore. Oh. At first it was more like, I'm not going to go too deep, but it was more like strong arm robberies. It was like a fight happened. Right. And I was with some people

and that wasn't even really my kind of i wasn't like no no no other people did and i was there and it was like and i got a piece and i was like oh shit i didn't even know this was a part right right i was like that's a thing you could fucking you know wait a minute and i kind of fell into that you know yeah kid running around crowd and that sort of thing uh-huh yeah so it was kind of fell into that, you know, kid running around the crowd and that sort of thing. Yeah. So it was kind of like, like I said, it was a fight and that sort of situation. Damn. I was like, light bulb. And that's when I put two and two together. Do people really like carry enough cash these days to like make it worthwhile though?

I don't know. Like I said, this was so long ago. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I'm talking the 90s and shit. So, I mean, you know know i'm an adult now and shit i got fucking kids i don't know you know what i mean yeah somebody you know someone where i was me i'd probably talk them down like listen i've been through this i've been on both sides of the

gun just relax you know i'll get you i'll get you everything you need samuel at the end of pulp fiction right the other guy no bullshit exactly that'd be me like look i just i've changed my life but i know what you're going through tell that bitch to be cool right i just i just need my id yeah thank you yeah that's what i was thinking too like they took his keys like his car keys and really his house key it's like that just fucks your life up right right right right right somehow get home and get a spare exactly If he'd been robbed more or if he'd robbed more people, he'd know. He'd have been like, listen, you can have the money, but I'm not going to, you know. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Isn't that just like incriminating too? Like if you get caught with cash, but if you get caught with somebody's house key. And if you're cool enough, you can tell them that. Look, man, you're going to be walking with my wallet, man. You can literally talk to somebody. They want money. You know what I mean? Right. Right, right, you're going to be walking with my wallet, man. You know what I mean? You can literally talk to somebody. They want money. You know what I mean?

Right, right, right, right. All right, so when you're in New York, how long are you up there before you start kind of falling down that path? Oh, immediately. Like I said, I left Baltimore. I started with, you know, I was getting in trouble. I stopped going to school and stuff like that. And I had got my daughter's mom pregnant. How old are you at this time?

15. Damn. I was locked up by 17. Damn. And I was home by 27, so I did 10 years. Whoa. So almost all your 20s. Yeah, yeah.

Your whole adult life until you were 27. Mm-hmm. And I came home. Yo, I told you. I was in jail so long, I thought I was in the future. Were you shocked by how expensive movies got? Fuck, I was shocked by everything, dude. I told you, I was looking.

It was no dogs. I was like, it's no dog shit. You know what I'm saying? In the 90s, it was. You've told me that before. Yeah, it's just a fucking. You're like, the sidewalk was just mountains of shit. Not mountains, but you know, like, at least once a week you get, you know, chased by a dog.

I haven't been chased by a dog since I've been home. Munza, get him. All right, never mind. We'll work on it. But, yeah, you know, the small things were definitely weird. And, you know, I gradually got back into it. I had custody of my daughter. So I'm, like, going from a teenager to a grown-ass dad.

You know, because, you know, things didn't work out with my mom and she ended up staying with me. So, you know, did you like make a cautious change in prison? Oh, yeah. Because you're like one of those guys. It's like I'm going to like take time to figure it out. Yeah, you quit. You quit. I mean, for the first like when I was going to trial and shit and I thought I was going home, I was planning more robberies and shit. I was planning more trouble.

I was making connections. But that's how I was selling drugs, too. So I was like, man, this is going to be great. I can't wait until I get out of here. Wait, from inside you were selling them? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying a transition. My whole life of crime lasted about 18 months.

It was like a reign of terror. You accelerated quite quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah went you accelerated yeah yeah yeah about 18 holy left home stay on the street end up getting an apartment after that and fuck it i got my girl pregnant like all kinds of shit it's just i just i just kind of lost you know when you're when you're in school and you see some kids going down a bad route and you don't hear about them? Right. This is what happens to them. They end up here on the digression sessions.

They're fucking 30s trying to crack jokes. This is what the fuck happens. You're our fourth one today. That's what you need to explain to the kid that's trying to rob you. Right, right. Why don't you crack jokes now? You want to grow up and be on the digression sessions? No, man.

It's not going to be like that. Do you want to be on the digression sessions? No, man. It's not going to be like that. Do you want to be on the digression sessions? No, I don't feel that way. I feel like I've wasted time. I really feel like I could have. Yeah, I hate that feeling of wasting time. I wasted probably age 16 to 21. Just fucking off.

Yeah. But at least you figure it out. Some people just never do. They're just like, no, this is it. This is all I'm ever going to do. 40s, 50s, most people, some people just never do. They're just like, nah, this is it. This is all I'm ever going to do. 40s, 50s, sting people, end up places. Yeah. How many people, like, just spend their entire lives just kind of doing what they think they're supposed to do?

Just kind of get a job. Yeah. I mean, you see those people in Hamden, just grizzled white trash, just, like, just there, just one lane the whole time. Right. Like, has nobody ever told them, them like there's a much more satisfying way to live your life you know they probably like yeah fuck yeah fuck yeah and that's the thing yeah about i mean for me with comedy it's like i always wanted to do it i've been cracking jokes my entire life yeah a group of people at some point i'm gonna start talking and literally doing

stand-up and i always watched too and i didn't even plan it but i've always watched right so i mean it was one of those it takes balls I was in jail. Yeah, I was just about to ask you did you guys have shows? Not in that way, but I did they had talent shows not to me people do comedy But you have a guy just come out. He's a muscle man We're all muscle minutes All muscle men. It's fucking chill. Yeah, me too, man. Right. Like everybody.

It'll be like a few like homosexuals in the front like clapping for him. Like, ah. And everybody's like, why we want to see this? So what else? What other talents do they display? I mean, nothing. Just like a whistler. A whistler?

Yeah. And they can come out and just whistle like all of today's hottest. That sounds really white. Like some A$AP Rocky shit. It'll just be. It'll just whistle it all out. You know what I mean? You got singers and like shit. Nobody really white. Like some ASAP Rocky shit. It just whistled it all out. You got singers and shit. Nobody really cares.

It's just a reason to get out your cell and fucking. Were you confusing A$AP Rock with A$AP Rocky? What did I say? That's what I thought I said. Did I say A$AP Rock? When we brought it up earlier, the guy with the most words in his rap. Yeah, the rapper. A$AP Rock. different guy than asap

rocky see this is how little i know about hip-hop yeah well that's why we're here two white guys gonna educate you on right i don't i don't fucking i listened on the radio and i used to rhyme i used to be deeply into hip-hop i just i'm not music that much anymore, and I need to get into it. Do you think that happened as you got more into comedy? You're just like, eh. Time, yeah. Yeah. Because, I mean, I literally drive a cab now, and I did that to enable me to do comedy, to get places.

I mean, you drive when you want, and you don't. And I'm serious about comedy. I'm going to put everything I got into it. I'm going to do whatever it takes and shit so uh-huh you know i think i think some certain luxuries kind of fall by the wayside but i think i'll get back into it who knows i think it'll help with inspiration because i like some people like ross and shit uh-huh rick ross is the fucking man you want to get fucking pumped really i've never given him a chance i like i like, if you listen, he's also got a motivational message. Really?

And I like that. Yeah. Sort of like a keep grinding sort of attitude. I like that. You can achieve anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that a lot. You know, you can hear all the drugs and guns.

Fuck, I don't listen to that shit. I listen to the shit that he's actually done, which is build a huge empire. Pretty much, yeah. I mean, he was a prison guard. Right. Fuck. I mean, call it what you want, but he's made a fucking empire. Right. You know, a huge empire. Pretty much, yeah. I mean, he was a prison guard. Right. Yeah. Fuck. I mean, call it what you want, but he's made a fucking empire.

Right. You know, from that. He's really rich, not like a fake, you know, he's built something. Yeah.

I want to build something. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Well, yeah, I mean, you're super funny ever since, I mean,

pretty much every set I've seen here has been hilarious. Yeah, you're definitely one of my favorites. Yeah, I mean, you definitely have. And you guys too,

especially you. Dude, you're getting fucking better and better and you're fucking improv the shit off the head mike you're the fucking best the absolute best no bullshit i'm for the listeners he was pointing at me first he was pointing at me no you know what he said like especially you and then you're like mike you're the best no but you say this to every podcast no but mike mike you always like like baseline you can pull some shit out your ass, and that's fucking amazing. I want to work on that.

That's a skill. Thanks, man. I try to learn from everybody, too. Like, I'm not. That honestly is, like, something that has just happened within the last few months. Really? Yeah, I was never, I could never do, like, crowd work or anything before. Dude, you're sick with it.

Thanks, man. You're quick on your feet and comfortable up there. Thank you. That's important. I feel like it's just not trying at all is like like before like i try to do it and i'd like try to think really quickly right right just get anxious you can't do it yeah it's like like you just want to be witty yeah right our salesman i got a i got a friend right i got a friend and she's always like like she thinks she's like my fucking manager or

something she's always all the only advice she ever gives me and she's like i told you be yourself shawty right be yourself shawty so i told her i'm like listen i need to start i'm gonna start auditioning for like acting parts like small acting and they had something for the walking dead so she was like shawty let me see let me see your zombie face shawty so i'm like i'm doing whatever she's like nah be yourself shawty i'm like a fucker like do your set like i'm like so you're saying i'm just a fucking So just like Do your set Like Dustin's a zombie I'm like so you're saying I'm just a fucking zombie Like I'm just

How do you tell somebody To play a zombie Like just be yourself Nah Mark Your normal face Looks like Right looks more zombie You look like you're dead

Don't fake it Nah shawty That's too much You be you I'm like that's the most Bullshit advice You're dead enough inside That I think your real soul

Shined through Exactly Just be yourself Just be yourself Oh shit Real quick We were gonna get to complimenting me Let's just

Before we move on No no no For real I did wanna say something Mike Are you getting me? I'm feeling great No you're good

You're good But know what I was gonna say And not just Just to talk Cause I like feedback And it's more than just It's more than just it's more than just compliments but your your performance y'all that's fucking josh your performances have

really been oh outstanding thank you man your stage presence yeah you when you get up there people feel it oh this guy's funny no people just have that fucking yeah oh thank you that that thing yeah you know i'm saying it is shining through oh thank you before you were funny but i didn't feel it as soon as you got on stage now yeah yeah when you get up there you're like oh this guy it makes people believe in you yeah that you don't even have to be as funny yeah honestly when people believe there is something like certain people just have like that quality like certain actors you could like listen to them just read the phone book right exactly morgan freeman right but there's definitely a thing with that with performing too yeah if you

just see somebody if they're enjoying themselves and they look like they're in control you know what i mean like some people say like you just want to know that the pilot can land the plane right right right right you don't want to look up in the cockpit and he's like sweating yeah so like after that if he wants to do fucking loops and flips and shit Fuck it Yeah He looks like he can handle it Right Once he's sure he can land it I don't care what he does Yeah

Well thank you man I'm gonna start calling you Sully Hey come on Come on Thank you man I appreciate it Yeah but I've noticed It's fucking

I mean I'll try to watch everybody Yeah I'll watch and I'll learn Yeah it is important Like I'll get distracted And start doing other stuff Or start talking to people when other people are on. But I feel like it's probably pretty important to, like, pay attention to everyone and take the good things and the bad things.

Right. Right. And try to cut out the bad things and tape yourself and see what are you doing. Right. It's fucking weird. Right. Yeah. I mean.

Yeah, I feel like, too, when I watch people, I'm like, oh, if they tag it with this, they could do this. But then when I watch my own stuff, that stuff comes so much slower. I mean, it comes to me, but it's so much easier to look at somebody else and be like, oh. And be so critical and dead on. And you know what it's like? Yeah. With good stuff. In a good way.

Yeah, yeah. But I mean, dead, like, spot on with yourself. I think it's because of, you know, how you hold yourself. Sure. You know, you think you're biased. Right. So that's why I'm not against listening to other people. I'm never too.

Yeah, that's a good. That's a good. Yeah, definitely. Like, you know, people that stop learning, you know, like this. You might as well just do your set. Just try to make it with that. Just go hard with that. Yeah.

But have you guys noticed, like, I feel like there's only like if I write something, there's only a pocket of time where I can keep writing new stuff for it. And then somehow it's like impossible for me to make new tags onto something. Sometimes. But I guess it's probably for the best, too, should move on like once a bit is itself yeah i mean like once you keep adding to it you're almost taking away from it at that point you know yeah yeah um but i think one of the cool things where where i'm at oh sorry mark it's like like uh what i'm trying to do now is like have other bits blend into each other or like do a callback from that bit into a new thing you know what i mean that kind of gives a new life that way but yeah yeah

uh other than that i haven't been restructuring too much but trying to like add jokes together it's like a whole chunk right okay mark yes no we want to hear from you okay no i was gonna say yeah sorry i cut you off well yeah We were talking about writing or whatever. I was going to ask Mike, do you throw him on the back burner and wait until something else comes up that fits so perfectly? I got a joke. I don't want to blow it up. I don't know if anybody fucking cares. I don't want to tell my fans yet.

I got a joke. For the darkies out there. Right, right. For all myies out there. Right, right. For all my little market maniacs. Darkies. Darkies. Jesus Christ. You son of a bitch.

I don't know what they're called. I don't know. Right. He's slowly inching his way towards saying the N-word. Right, right.

I'm getting there. Getting there. I think we should change our football team to that. The Baltimore Darkies. Redskins are getting a lot of attention. A lot of attention. But what I was going to that, the Baltimore Darkies. Redskins are getting a lot of attention.

A lot of attention. But what I was going to say is I got a joke. Like, for instance, it's an old and new joke. What I was saying is I was talking. The joke is about sometimes I have fucked up thoughts and I think about, damn, I wonder, like, if I had to. If I had to choose my death. Like if you were, you know how they say, how do you want to go? You can get shot or whatever,

like in a capital punishment situation. And you can choose anything. Anything? And you can choose anything. I choose stoning. Because, you know. Out of anything. Because, well, I got three of them. Right, I got got three of them i choose stoning because i feel like stoning to be at least would start out funny

i feel like stoning would at least start out funny like when you come into the room fully like your victims families and shit and you're like hey guys and then you get that why would that be funny at At first, ow, that's understandable. All right. All right, that was bigger than a pebble. All right. And then you get to catch some of them and throw them back and whatever. You realize they usually bear you up to your neck.

Right. That would make it suck. I want to dodge ball it. I want to go through a dirt road in the alley. You're picturing a barrage where you're... Right. I get to go through a dirt road in the alley. You're picturing a barrage where you're dirt. Right. I get to catch some. I get to show everybody how agile I am.

Right. That's what I'm thinking. All right. So it's that part of the joke. And then it's also what I thought that might work well. The second way is maybe like a heroin overdose. Yeah, that sounds way better right right right and it's not and there's nothing funny about heroin overdoses you just it's got to feel fucking awesome that's

what they say right like a full body i don't think i think if it's a big enough dose to kill you usually pass out pretty right right but that's not even a joke the joke is well honestly like the third one that i'd i'd really rather do is both of them at the same time. Because then, like, you know, you'll be getting stoned, but you can't feel it. It'll actually probably feel pretty good. You're loose. It'll feel like a massager, like a massaging showerhead, like on a rough setting. So you'll be like getting massaged to death.

Right. But it'll never be pelting chunks of your skin and bone off. Yeah. So you'll be like Getting massaged to death Right But Stoned while you're stoned You'll be pelting Chunks of your skin And bone off Yeah But you just Yeah okay

So it will probably Feel pretty awesome Maybe What about just a massage That just doesn't ever stop Until you're dead Right But that's what it'll feel like

That's totally what it will feel like You're positive about this Yeah I'm sure It sounds like he's done the research Yeah Do the research Before you agree to this Well anyway

That's a joke That it's not quite finished Clearly But it's just in pieces At first I was thinking about The getting stoned part I was like that'd be funny And then I thought about A heroin overdose

Clearly it's not funny But it'd probably feel fucking amazing But then it just popped in my head. What if you were already overdosed on heroin and people were stoning you? You'd be getting stoned while actually being stoned. Yeah. You'd have to make that wordplay joke repeatedly while it's happening. Right.

Like, oh, this is funny. Get stoned. Stop. That was my eye man Come on stop Guys Guys So How long have you been doing stand up?

Roughly About three years Labor day I make three years Wow Really that's it? Wow I thought you were more seasoned than that No no You appear to be

Yeah yeah I'm really new I'm just an old dude You know what I'm saying You got some Not old but Life experience You've been working at it for years. Yeah, yeah.

I've got some stuff to talk about. That's all. It's life experience. And I really study. I study. I watch fucking tons of comics. I try to be original. You know, not to steal, but also learn from people.

Well, it's inspiring, too. You're like, oh, I want to write when you watch somebody really good. Yeah, yeah. I spend a lot of time studying. So you said you started in prison right or it was just kind of like messing around i've always done that okay same way we tripping you saw how comfortable we were just kicking it and shit yeah we're all funny kind of dudes if we were in a room full of drab people any of us would have took over a room it's just one of those things like you get to talk it and you get you get in the role i've always done it yeah and in prison at a couple talent shows

and i used to rap at the time too so i hosted and and just cracked natural jokes and stuff but that's not what started me in stand-up i just fucking i broke up with my wife and i wanted to do something amazing and i was like I'll show you Go to Come on to Degression sessions now It's a shitty Shitty open mic like You're lost bitch Right Exactly

Exactly what it was Sign me up for three minutes Dead fucking on But yeah yeah yeah A real You know life changing Fuck that Yeah

I was like Y'all could fucking die Thinking about What if you did it Where you can go hard And fucking you know do you not hear yourself yeah your mic's up uh how's it going out i don't know are you moving it i don't know i don't think so okay well go ahead uh what you were gonna ask a question no no i was saying like It is like you know I'm so glad that I'm doing stuff That I will be satisfied

That I didn't not do Yes if I die poor and broke And I did tons of stand up I'll be a happy man I won't be thinking Oh I wish I had more money Fucking checking out Right

I don't want this to be a maybe When I know I got something Like it seems like kind of a fun silly thing But in reality it's like That's really life I'm living It's very important for me, silly thing, but in reality, it's like... That's really life. I'm living. It's very important for me to do stuff like that. I agree.

Yeah, it's hard. It takes effort. It feels good, too, actually. It feels fucking good. You do a show, like, okay, I'm doing shit that I really like. You get self-esteem. And God forbid I really make strides in it. Yeah, right, right.

That's just a bonus. Like, shit. You know what I mean? But I love to do it anyway. It's fucking amazing. Yeah, I went to D.C. and did a set on Thursday, and I popped my tire in D.C. Really? And still went to the show.

I felt pretty good about that. Right. Changed the tires. I was like, yeah. Commitment. And then while I was on stage, I was doing a bit about Baltimore, and I was asking the crowd. I was like, what do you guys think about Baltimore? Because there's a whole, like, Baltimore, D.C. thing, which is so stupid.

And some woman, she just goes, meh. And I was like, why meh? Why don't? Because there's a whole Baltimore, D.C. thing, which is so stupid. And some woman, she just goes, meh. And I was like, why meh? She's like, just all of Maryland. I was like, why? She's like, they're bad drivers. And I was like, well, I popped my tire on the way here. So you got me there. You got me there.

But no, it was a really fun show. And it was a good thing I was having a good day. Because I feel like that's one of those things. If you're having a good day, you're like, you know what? I got a spare. I pulled over and I changed it. But if I was having just a halfway shitty day, you're like, what the fuck? This? I need this now?

It's so weird how whether something is catastrophic depends on if I'm feeling shitty or not. Like I was well rested. I had a good meal and I was like, I'll change it. But that's important to take control of how you feel and be aware of that it's easier said than done because in the moment you're like but you know to take you know to take your energy and focus it in different direction it changes everything

change your whole fucking day how you mean you make some great material and everything out of it that's why i look at any bad situation like what's funny about this yes you know i mean yeah i've been trying to do that a little bit more like kind of use it as my therapy you know like what am i really what really like hurts me in life like what's really scary you know and how can i turn that into a bit yeah and then yeah you actually do kind of work through right it's helpful you'll hear about like writers doing that like they write about their fears or like yeah yeah depression or whatever like lyricists do the same thing absolutely and it fits so well and if you look at it like that really nothing can go wrong in your life as long as you're committed to being a comic because it's all material

as long as you're 100 committed to being a comic you what can go right yeah what what yeah you turn into gold. Lemonade. Like a mother for piss aid. Which would probably be very disgusting. Lemon drink for Mark, I meant. What do you think piss aid would really taste like? Piss aid? If you want to hear a prison, a jail story, I drank piss in jail once. I drank my own piss.

I was so fucking thirsty. I was so insanely thirsty. How long were you in jail? Like overnight type of thing. Back in my own piss. I was so fucking thirsty. I was so insanely thirsty. How long were you in jail? Like overnight type of thing. Back in my drinking days. And I was just lying there just obsessing over a cup of water. Was that it right there? It should have been.

But then I ate my shit. I wasn't even hungry. I wasn't even hungry. No, I went on a little while after that. I tried to drink it, and I wasn't even hungry. I wasn't even hungry. I went on a little while after that. I tried to drink it and I couldn't drink it. I was so hung over and just wanted a liquid

so fucking bad. It was for hours and hours. So you don't drink at all now? No. 100% so. Don't talk to him Until he's had his piss In the morning He gets crappy

Yo I really admire that I'm not just saying that Thank you Because like I don't know if necessarily Drugs are my problem Because I don't I mean I smoke weed

Maybe weed is a problem I barely drink But I know I have An addictive personality Really I want to stop smoking cigarettes It took me forever To stop fucking chasing broads

Like I got a son Well those things are, like, pretty... You don't necessarily need an addictive personality to get addicted to cigarettes or whatever. You have it. I mean, anything. Jacking off. They have to jack off for hours. You know what I'm saying? I need more focus.

I feel like if I drop all of those things, I get better. Like, when I stop... Like, I used to run a room and... Not the last one, Ziba, but before that, I don't know if you ever came to it, but it was like in a hood and shit. And it was always fucked up because I was with some broad or I was over here or I was doing this. So as that backed away, my harmony got better.

I feel like for some reason, cigarettes, anything else that's in the way to push could make me sharper. Yeah, definitely. Any toxins are going to bring you down mentally for the most part. I mean, you know, like I think coffee can be good if I use it correctly. If I overdo it, it can fuck with me. Yeah, it'll fuck you. Yeah, it stresses me out.

And you stay even. So, like, if I need weed to write and I don't have weed, what the fuck? Yeah. But if you're coming how you are all the time and you do what you have to do,'s always with you you can't fucking take that away or drink to perform and stuff like that oh yeah i used to try that when i first started it sucks yeah and i can't feel the crowd anyway i can write stone and shit but perform it's not so good because i can't feel the crowd you have to have a connection for me anyway feel slower yeah yeah you gotta be witty you're not as sharp you're definitely not as sharp yeah staying sharp I think is like the main thing.

I am kind of addicted to like having a cup of coffee like 20 minutes before I go on. Well, that's, yeah. I wasn't laughing at that. I was still laughing at when he was like I only drink piss. I have a dick. 20 minutes beforehand, I gotta get that cup of piss. I am not going on.

I am not going on. Piss with sugar. The best part of waking up Pissed sugar water Like not a lot of piss Just like a little Like a bottom of a Dixie cup of piss Yeah just a little bit

Just like the first ring I can control it That to a gallon I don't judge you It's pissing There are people that Supposedly drink pee Yeah I

Oh yeah I researched that You gotta drink it right away though They say as long as you Cause it's bacteria and stuff Yeah yeah So you gotta drink it I even talked though. They say as long as you... Because it's bacteria and stuff. Yeah, yeah. So you got to drink it hot. I even talked to a doctor online who told me that you should drink your first pee in the morning.

Yeah, that's the best. Because it has all your... It was an online doctor that really told you? Because he gave me... Mike's just in some fucked up chat room. I'm a doctor. I ordered some... I had this issue.

Also, can you film yourself drinking your pee? While you're at it. I had an issue where I, can you film yourself drinking your pink? While you're at it. I had an issue where I, this is like really getting revealing, but I had an issue where I like had erectile dysfunction after I went off of antidepressants. Oh. Because, you know, I can like fuck with you for a while. It can fuck with you while you're on them too, right? Yeah. But then I came off of it and it was, I don't know, it was still weird.

I was like, why is this not? And he gave me like some meds that like really fucking worked well like some herbal stuff that like oh i was like wow this is fucking awesome cups off the tables and shit i trust this guy so he was the same guy until you drink some piss yeah i did i didn't do it didn't do it how long did you think about it like seriously consider it right you? Did it cross your mind? You're like, well, I'll try it. I'll try it. Yeah, it was at a time when I felt absolutely terrible and was willing to try anything.

It felt fucking awful. Every day I felt sick. So I was like trying all these different alternative medicines. And what was it for? What was it supposed to? I don't quite remember. I don't remember what his claims were exactly. I think if you research it, it's one of those things where quacks will claim that it cures anything. So he just told you it was good for you. I don't remember what his claims were exactly. I think if you research it, it's one of those things where quacks will claim that it cures anything.

So he just told you it was good for you. I don't remember. I bet if we searched my mail, my email, I bet we could find it. Well, I've heard, yeah, that you pee out extra vitamins or nutrients or something like that that your body can't process. You can run that back. I think so. That's what they take vitamins from. Exactly.

You don't have to drink pee. Just take another vitamin. You're good. I think so. That's what they take a vitamin to. Exactly. You don't have to drink pee. Just take another vitamin. You're good. You're good. But the piss is yours. Mark, you ever drink your own pee? No, I haven't. No, all right.

I'll mark that off the list. I may have drank like two or three teaspoons of a woman's pee. Really? Not like in a straight pee in my mouth, like a squirt situation going wrong. You're down there it's just you know things one of the hazards of work you know i get you it would be more like right right um all right so uh we've kind of been all over the place here so i think we started can we i want to go back just to like it evolves devolves to pee drinking. Right. Every time we end up on this peak.

It'd be crazy. That's what it's really all about. The 18 months in New York. Can we talk about that? Like leading up to like the trial and all that? Just like. All right. What's up?

I mean, so you basically got to New York and you said it just started like immediately? Like you're 16, 17 years old? All right. Are you asking a question? You want to know what I did? Yeah. I want to know. Yeah. What? Like how it like like if you don't want to talk no no no no no no no no i've i got it down to the basics just like certain jokes you know you trim out all the fat sure i can tell you in like five lines i'm sorry if i'm asking the hack question give us a haiku yeah

because i think about this stuff because i know you know if i plan on being serious in comedy it's going to come out. So just let it be. Yeah, yeah. And I mean, and I think it really like it's a great story of you being like, yeah, I fucked up. I realized what happened. Now I'm following my passion. Well, at the time I was selling drugs and I hung out with a group of guys that I'd met, you know, other teenagers, street kids and shit like that. Yeah.

And it was we worked for someone else. I don't even go into names and stuff. We worked for this one guy. For the listeners at home, he's pointing to Mike Moran. Let me ask you this. Was he mentioned in 50 Cent's ghetto Koran? Yo, shut up. I don't have anything to say.

Anyway, I worked for somebody else. Stop talking about 50 Cent. Right. I worked for someone else. That talking about 50 Cent. Right. I work for someone else. That person went to jail. Okay. And he basically like left me in charge. Wow.

I guess he thought I was smart or whatever. And he just wanted me to chip his wife off with a little cash here and there. And just, you know, he told me where the drugs were and stuff like that. So I basically inherited a crew. That's pretty quick too from like showing up to Grandpa's house. Exactly. And then you kind of just fall into it. So now the crew who I think are my friends with my naive maybe 16 –

no, because this was right before I got locked up, so I was only involved with this particular crowd for maybe six months. So I was, like, 16 pushing 17. Damn. And now I'm tops. Right. In a small – you know, not like I'm tops. I'm not running the mob or nothing, but a small group. You're not having a political leader assassinated.

They come to me at night and they're looking for where's the work. You're just now eligible to drive, basically. He's like, hey, now you're in charge of a criminal empire. It was a small group, a group of kids. But he was an older dude

that was running some kids. What kind of drugs? Everything? Crack. I mostly specialize in crack. Crack. Do you have a sales background? Is it crock? I've only read it. How's it pronounced? Mostly crack. I have a sales background? Is it crock? I've only read it. How's it pronounced?

Mostly crack. Like, I have a sales. The crazy shit when you're in jail, that's how they tell you to apply for jobs and shit. He's like, you could just turn your prior bad experiences into good work experiences. I'm like, so I'm basically going to apply for the sales job. I was the kingpin of a sales job. Of an elite crack unit. You mean a crack task force? No, not a task force.

Not quite. Just a task. That was our task. We just... It's like a to-do list. Right. We're crack distributors. But anyway, so yeah, I kind of I was left in charge. A new guy came around

and a new kid, know similar who knows what the situation was but he connected with us you know okay the oldest of us was 19 and like i said i'm here you know 16 pushing 17 how old was the dude that left you in charge uh i'd say he's in his in his 20s you know in the street you don't know a lot about people background uh actually when i got locked up later he saw me he was like oh like, oh, my God. I'm like, what the fuck? What are you doing here? Where's my crack? All right. Who's got the rest of my crack?

I left you in charge. So anyway, so yeah, so he might have been in his late 20s. Right. You know, something like that. Is there any resentment in the crew that you're the man now? Some jealousy? It's getting deeper. Dum, dum, dum.

Oh. And a new guy comes around. Uh-huh. And he needs some work. And he's like, you know, he's like, yo, I heard you have work and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I let him hang out with us. Uh-huh. And I was like, yo, just hang out with us.

We're going to go to this hotel in the morning. We're going to bag up and this, that, and the third. And I'll give you a couple packs so you can make some money tomorrow. I go to the room. You know, we leave. We're in Midtown Manhattanattan and we leave and we go she hates she hates midtown right right fuck that so we go to our uh to the room and where we're staying in harlem we have two rooms i'm supposed to be the boss so i have one room right

and the other guys have another room uh a fight breaks out between the new guy that i brought around and the rest of the crew oh shit and uh long story short the guy the new guy got into a fight with one of my co-defendants who was a woman and she was pregnant at the time and he he hit her kicked in the stomach oh my god so i came in the room and i literally was she okay uh and when i look back i don't even know if that bitch was pregnant i don don't know if it was kids. I don't fucking know, to be honest with you. Either way. The story gets deeper. But no, she was.

She was. She was. But at the time, we reacted. And I didn't know that. So when I came in, I broke it up. I'm like, yo, I brought this dude. I forgot to tell you. At this time, I was Jamaican as well.

I was a Jamaican. So that's real about you being Jamaican. Oh, I was Jamaican for like three years. I was Jamaican when this was going on. My name was Business. Really? I swear to God. Wow.

My whole criminal life I was Jamaican, actually. I forget. You got any Jamaican? You got any Jamaican music to throw in the back? Nope. Seal drums. Right, but honestly. So I run in the room.

Yeah. And I'm like, what are y'all doing? Yeah, boy. I'm talking What y'all doing? Yeah boy I'm talking about I'm printing this boy around here Like I'm flipping I'm flipping on everybody In my Jamaican

I can't do it as well Because you know At the time I was Jamaican And I'm fucking I'm flipping on I break it up The guy runs out of the hotel It's a raggedy

New York Harlem hotel He runs out Hit the streets Yeah They tell me what happened I'm like yo go, go get him. Mm-hmm. They run.

They get him. And we beat him up really bad. And we thought he, honestly, we thought he died. And we left him. And, you know, I went to jail. That's it. And I went to jail. Because he turned over on you, right?

Everybody did. Really? Everybody. The guy, the girl, her boyfriend. Whoa. The other two guys. So that's why you got along good. And they probably got off. And I was the boss.

The guy's girlfriend, they asked him about an attempted murder and he starts his statement with, we all sell drugs in Midtown. What the fuck does that have to do with anything? He just started way back. So yeah, It was really

Was that just so they could like Oh yeah yeah yeah Everybody got less time Less time So they wouldn't even Have brought up the dress The girl Might have got six months

No no no Two guys didn't roll over on me It was five It was five people in the crew Outside of myself Two of them didn't roll over on me And they got 15 I got a 5 to 15.

they got 15 to click damn well to to to like so when i maxed out my bid like off parole and everything yeah just seeing their first girl which was in 09 damn were you guys in the same prison together uh initially yeah yeah yeah initially but the other guys That snitched Everybody that snitched I mean One guy got a Two and a half to five So that was the first time I went to my parole board

He had been done With prison and everything The girl like I said Maybe did six months And it was It was two other girls We were We were trying to run holes

And some Fucking A Everybody came off Wow I've heard that That most people Will snitch That's what they say I mean I didn't But clearly I didn't have much to snitch on because everybody

was yeah I mean you're at the top I mean I lied about everything I was I told the police I was Jamaican like they was like really yeah they was like are you from Jamaica Queens I had a place in Jamaica. I was filming everything. Like, so much before I came home. Because people told me, another reason I stuck to that, because people told me if you go to jail in Jamaica, they'll just send you to Jamaica. So I was like, jail? Jamaica? No fucking brain in Jamaica.

But I didn't know you had to do your time and then Jamaica. Right, right, right, right. So, okay, let's go back to the Jamaican. How did this start? I just, like I said, I had an active imagination as a kid. It was only black people and white people in Baltimore. It wasn't a, you know. I didn't know any.

I wanted to be African because I saw Shaka Zulu when I was like 11. And I just wanted to be, I don't know, just more exotic, blacker. Like I didn't wear clothes in the house for like two years and I just I wanted to be I don't know just more exotic blacker like I didn't wear clothes in the house for like two years after that I swear to god it was time yeah yeah loincloth type shit I was tying fucking uh uh I was making spears out of broomsticks and shit in the house uh-huh spearing shit in that yeah I was that type of kid too yeah type of yeah just get into something like a movie or something oh yeah devote myself yeah me too I was Billy the kid for several years Yeah, totally

I was into weird shit Did you ever see Alec Baldwin's movie, The Shadow? Yeah, I thought it was terrible I loved it I dressed up like The Shadow And he was that I was a little older when it came out I had a Stetson hat

And I wore a towel as a cape You know, The Shadow knows And they're like, okay For me, it was Shaka Zulu And I was Shaka And I didn't know any Africans I met a couple Jamaicans. I was like I could do that close enough I could pull that off. Yeah, I guess to gradually became Jamaican right and then when you're in New York He just have a new identity. So yeah, yeah, I'm anybody I'm business

Did you and every was anyone ever on to you? Were they like, really? I'm on a blood clot normally. I'm a Jamaican, man. So some people bring me in and say I'm a Jamaican. They bring me inside and tell me we're friends then. Oh, man. Did it ever almost come out like if you stubbed your toe real bad? Or were you like, ah, fuck, I mean, bump the clot. No, nigga.

No, I was pretty committed. I was in. I woke up. I remember one time I got set on fire. And like, uh-huh. Like, I don't know. Like, first of all, I don't know. Like, whenever I'm on fire, like, it feels like more like an itch.

Whenever I'm on fire. It's happened multiple times. Whenever I'm on fire. Like, I've been on fire the last year. I have dark. I'm business. I don't know about how. Whenever I'm on fire, I like... Like, I've been on fire the last few years. I'm dark. I'm business. I don't know about how, yeah. I get lit on fire.

I'm business, you know. Whenever I'm on fire... I always use Neosporin. Let me tell you why. I'm like, Neosporin. Good for your fire foot. Ear Manal. Yeah, that's...

Remember Miss Cleo? That was fucking Ridiculously Her shit was weak My shit was way stronger Oh really Like I don't know How strong it is now

But at the time I was totally Like I was submerged I was Jamaican Anyway I got set on fire When I was in jail The first time Because I went to jail

Like a month before this I had a warning shot I got locked up For some actual drugs And I had a warning shot And I got in a fight Or whatever Because I didn't want to lock in I was like Who's these little niggas And long story short Somebody set my feet on fire for some actual drugs. And I had a warning shot and I got in a fight or whatever because I didn't want to lock in.

I was like, who's these little niggas? And long story short, somebody set my feet on fire while I was sleeping and I woke up Jamaican. I was proud of myself. I woke up like,

I was like, blood clot! And I was burned. I put the fire out but I was like, that was good. Were you dreaming in Jamaican? Yeah,

I was in Jamaica. I think, I just remember my feet were in the sand because what they do, what happened was niggas would put um matchsticks between your feet between your toes while you sleep and this particular joint I was on Rikers Island I was in one of the uh dorm housing units so there's no cells okay so you sleep and like people just and I just woke up and I was Jamaican

straight out to sleep and everybody was dying laughing Is it more like a prank type of thing? Yeah, it was definitely a fucked up horrible prank. Right. And I was a pretty big dude or whatever. So people couldn't really, at that particular joint, people weren't coming at me straight up. It was still adolescence. It was before I went to the adult jails. Gotcha.

So I was bigger than a lot of the kids. So it was like, we got something for your ass. Like he's asleep, so now we can fuck with him. Right, big Jamaican ass. Gotcha. Yeah, yeah. We got something for your ass. Like, he's asleep, so now we can fuck with him. Right, big Jamaican ass. Gotcha. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus Christ, man. That's, I mean,

that's just so insane. I mean, just that 18 months is not a long time. But I was rolling. I was rolling. I left home. Baltimore to New York, and then, like,

that shit just falls apart. Yeah. God damn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what, how did you, what was, I mean, a decade of your life? Yeah, it's's crazy y'all

Right It's so crazy That's why I feel old and young At the same time You didn't get a chance You're like I'm making up for lost time Yeah yeah

Some of my perspective I know is So Do you do a lot of masturbating Oh absolutely Yeah I told you I still got a fucking addiction

Right How do you pull that off in prison I mean you can't get Oh you go in the bathroom And you take a chair And a set up And magazines and shit Oh really Yeah and you set it. How do you pull that off in prison? Oh, you go in the bathroom and you take a chair and a set up and magazines and shit. Oh, really? Yeah, and you set it up. How do you get magazines?

Oh, you can get magazines. In New York State. I don't know about other places and stuff. Yeah, I've heard in Baltimore they won't allow anything. That would suck balls. Almost literally and figuratively. Gotta do something. No, but surprisingly, very, very little rape in jail.

A lot of gay shit going on, though. Really? A lot of it? going on though really a lot of you know because i mean you have gay people yeah sure but i mean what is what is the culture like outside of the actual homosexuals like it's regular like it's it's really it's unfortunate no no you try not to but what about like download dudes i mean see, see, that's the thing. Like in prison, and I'm definitely not a homophobic person. In fact, I'll go so far as to say I feel like, you know, it's the civil rights issue of our time. I'm almost a gay activist. I'm really on their side.

But in prison, you can't really mix it up with them because that's one of the things that keep you out of trouble. You don't deal with homosexuals. You don't gamble. You don't fucking join a gang you don't fucking play why would homosexuals you don't you don't you don't you don't play with the police like even look like you're snitching at anything and don't borrow nothing if you don't do those things you'll be fucking fine and like i said homosexuals because they're they're they're able to have romantic relationships if i'm'm talking to Josh and Josh is, you know, sweet Josh.

I'm hoping someday he will be. And you're into him. You're into him. He's just a friend of mine. I'm just talking to him. I'm just liberal Mark. Oh, he's got some jealousy. Right.

Really? Yeah. So there'll be like relationship drama going on. Absolutely. Absolutely. People get stabbed and killed behind that. So just don't even mix it up. And you don't want to be tied relationship drama going on. Absolutely. Absolutely. People get stabbed and killed behind that. So just don't even mix it up. And you don't want to be tied into that at all, period.

And then let's say, for instance, me and Josh are regular friends, platonic friends, and we get in a fight, a fist fight. Know what that looks like? Mark was in the yard fighting with a gay dude. What's that about? What is he tied into? What might be invited to him? Who may approach me now? You know, it's just not a game you play with.

You just leave it alone. What about drinking and drug use? I mean, I didn't. I didn't. I was completely sober. You can get it in. You know, but I wasn't. I was reading books and working out and chilling, man.

Really, it was more boring than anything. And I just wanted to do something. I didn't have really a plan. You know what I mean? But I wanted to do something. And didn't have really a plan, but I wanted to do something. At first, I just came home and wanted to be a good dad. I took care of my daughter. Damn. Then I thought, fuck, I don't want to do comedy.

It took me a minute to start living life. Okay. You mean like once you're outside? The pursuit of happiness thing, to really feel like now. My only regret was comedy that I didn't do it sooner even when i immediately came home i should have did it right because but i didn't you don't feel free you don't feel yeah you feel awkward around people you don't because when you're in prison if you you got rules you play by okay you know what i mean and it takes a while to feel like a full citizen because it's

just a whole different culture you know like yeah yeah definitely definitely and we're not joking shit about white people and this, that, and the third. First of all, that's not really my thing at all. But it's true, my interaction with people. What probably would have happened naturally had I not went to prison eventually. Because I'm the kind of guy, I wouldn't have just been with the regular people in the hood all the time. I would have had plenty of friends of different, but I'm just blossoming, so it's fucking weird. Well, it's stuff you just haven't experienced. Yeah,'t experienced yeah yeah i'm just kind of figuring out yeah yeah so i'm just coming to

the point where i feel comfortable like okay i'm supposed to be out here yeah i'm nobody's gonna take me back to jail right because i'm not committing any crimes right but you know i'm just i'm just getting there so i mean even to the extent of one of your jokes where you're like yeah i came out and everybody has a fucking phone like Yeah, that was fucking crazy. That has to be weird. Dude, I got locked up in 1994. Right. So pagers were on the scene. Yeah. And people had phones, but it was like you were rich.

You were a fucking millionaire. And it was like a brick. A brick. It was huge. A brick and a suitcase that goes with it. Are you kidding me? Right. For like old rap videos, they'd have car phones.

Yeah, they had shit like that. I think the first gray flip was out. Right Right I remember like old rap videos They'd have car phones Yeah Yeah they had shit like that And it had a huge cord on it I think the first I think the first Gray flip was out Right The first big gray flip Right

Like the shit It didn't even light up You had to shine a light on it Like a wristwatch Or some shit It was just a big ass Hold it up to the moon Right right

That type of shit And you know From that to You know I came home Or four or five That's a huge You know difference Fucking A

Yeah yeah so You know It was a gradual How or five That's a huge You know difference Fucking A Yeah yeah so You know It was a gradual How like in touch Are you with pop culture While you're in there I mean Do you get TV and stuff

Limited You get TV But it's limited You know you got Because it's not on your own You can't just stay up A little later Because you want to watch this

Or you know In some jails You know because New York is actually A police state It's got like 70 something state prisons. I've been in like, I don't know, 20 of them.

You know what I'm saying? You get moved around. Why do they move you? I mean, sometimes you get in trouble. Sometimes your classification changes. As you get less time, you move from a max to a minimum. Okay. You move down.

So for different reasons, you get moved around. And different jails have different things. That's what I mean. So this jail, I may have BET, and I'm up on all the videos and whatever, and over here it's just country music, and that's, you know. And over here it's just MTV, so you get what you can. So they changed the video channel by how low you go? Yeah, actually the closer...

You're down to the East One now. No bullshit, because the closer you get to the city, the more places. Because if you're way in upstate New York, I don't know if any of you are familiar with it, it's like a tundra wasteland. Yeah, not much going on. Why would they carry BET in their cable package? Right. For who? For fucking, for Jared that lives up the fucking block?

For who? For Tyrone and his family? Who ordered BET on the goddamn Right on the goddamn Anybody want BET I can just see the white horses like Surrounding the cable station Right exactly there's no need for it So of course the jail isn't going to have that But as you get closer to New York City

And that's traditionally what happens You know the lower your classification gets The closer you get to the city And then you start getting more stuff Just before you get home you're in Queens and you can hear Hot 97 on the radio. And you're fucking panicking and freaking the fuck out. It's like the city's right outside the wall. Did cigarettes get banned in prisons during your tenure?

Not upstate, but on Rikers Island, yeah. But not upstate. Upstate, you can smoke, but not inside. Did people freak out? Oh, yeah. It was riots the first day. It was riots the first day. It was riots the first day we got cable. I remember when we first got fucking cable.

Really? Yeah. I remember hearing people upstairs and shit. Just different people fighting over it and shit. Put the USA Network on. Yeah. No, motherfuckers. Yo, I see it.

La Femme Nikita. No, no. The big shit is soap operas. Soap operas from the old heads versus Rap City and whatever rap shit is on from the young boys. That was because they clashed. Soap operas? The two time zones clashed. That shit was clashing the titans every day.

Wow. For real. I sent a nigga named Cadillac to get his whole shit beat in for 25 minutes by a young boy for soap operas for all my children. Whoa. Really? What's up with that? Is it just like such an easy story to follow? I guess, I mean, it's just some people like soaps, man.

Yeah. Some people like soaps and some people like to watch. I don't think of aging criminals as the soap opera demographic. I'm telling you, Cadillac had a thick ass. He looked like Lionel Richie, but thinner. Imagine that. With a hot top fade with the cul-de-sac on top on top now this guy I could picture watching soap operas exactly and that's what he wanted to do but he was tough he talked a lot of shit but nobody ever

tried he was like you know he was like in his 40s or someone was like just leave him alone yeah let him have it right let him have it yeah this particular Muslim brother came there one particular day he wanted to watch rap city he was oh no he was already watching I don't just rap city even still come on whatever you're rappers and shit I never heard of but anyway the dude was watching he was watching his rap videos yeah Cadillac comes in there and he just turns the TV off one young boy now young boys in tip-top condition really in tip top he's like he boxes practices in the yard he's got on a fucking kufi and shit

he just turns the TV On this young dude Young dude looks up He's like Excuse me brother I'm watching Whatever Cadillac is like Look you's a bitch

Your mama's a bitch And I'm gonna bring it out you That's the last thing I remember saying I just remember When fucking Cadillac Was talking shit The Muslim brother

Was taking off his koofy Just like okay Alright Doing voodoo Or whatever they do with shit that nigga said like a prayer and commenced the whooping he commenced the whooping Cadillac's ass for the better part of 15 minutes I've never seen such an ass whooping like he was he had his breathing together he was beating the shit like he was like boxing yes he was beating the fuck

out of Cadillac beating the shit out of him. Oh. Yeah, he lumped him up. He lumped him the fuck up. Over sole proprietor. And he took the beating. He took the beating. In fact, he was talking shit afterwards like he won. That was the craziest. I was like, did he win?

That's how propaganda works. Yeah. That is how you persuade. Yeah. I've never seen somebody beat somebody's ass and they got tired. The Muslim brother beat his ass And he was tired of beating ass

And then he left He proceeded to leave And then Caddy was talking shit Like yeah motherfucker If you try it again I'm like does he see the wrong You might hurt your head If you punch me some more

I thought he saw a different fight He's tired Look at him he's tired He got all tired He's like breaking out in his head I'm tired of beating my ass Tired. Got all tired. It's like breaking out in the sky. I'm tired of beating my ass. He can't even go 20 minutes. Come on.

But he could get punched for 20 minutes like a champ. Jeez. Wow, over soap operas. That's insane. That is insane. So you see that, and you're just like, no, all right. You guys figure it out. No, I watched it.

I was cooking. I was making octopus. This story gets crazier. I was making octopus and calamari. And I remember I went to strain my octopus, and I left. Like, how long is the fight going? This I know was like 15 minutes, because I left to drain my octopus and stuff. And it's a long hallway to where we had a slop sink, which is like a sink where

you put like disgusting stuff. So I had to walk way up to the slop sink and all the way back down. And by the time I got back down, he was still like. Only guards break this stuff up. No, because of the way this particular jail was set up. Couldn't see it. The day room was in a long hallway away from where the rest of the unit was. Right. The dorms and the police. It's away from where the rest of the unit was. Right.

Where the dorms and the police. It was a great area. Great idea for a prison. Right, right, great, great. It actually used to be a mental institution. This was in Fishkill. Gotcha. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he was just whipping their ass. And I just left. And I just heard, poof, poof. And I heard it get lighter as I was leaving. Was there a bunch of ghost stories about the mental patients that used to live there? No, I didn't give a fuck about ghosts. Are you kidding me? They're worried about getting shanked.

Right. This is real shit to be afraid of. Over all my children. I'd have been happy to see a ghost. That would have been the best shit I've seen. You can have this bit. And that's why you're writing about ghosts. You're like, that'd be actually fun.

Right, right. Actually, yeah. Actually, that's what I was thinking. A ghost would be kind of cool. You're living in a fantasy land, Mark. This is the real world. Wow. Man, okay, so there's octopus, soap operas.

You're working on what you said. Sweeney Lionel Richie. A psychoerotic thriller. That's just, I mean. I actually went to my first maximum security prison recently. Oh, really? Why? To visit?

Bring a meeting there. No shit. Oh, really? That's dope. And this is the weird. I used to go to the meetings this is the ice that juice and coffee and yeah You bring you to one are you on the coffee people? No from you don't bring this in. Yeah. Yeah, we saw there's no coffee It was like full-on like I said I'm not Catholic

But the way first right but then they had wine Nigga, where else you getting wine? They gave you real wine in there? Like a bitch Like a little cup of it, but wine Wow I would try to double back in a line They were like, I remember you

But anyways, we went down I really need to be saved Hello You have a new accent That's what the Jamaican I come back as regular Mark Hey, we're the blood of Christ that boy We went down all these crazy corridors

Like elevators Like cannibal electors stuff Like doors clanging behind you And then there's a fucking rock band playing What? It was so weird Oh yeah, you get shit like that There was a rock band practicing in a room

Yeah, you got bands and stuff I used to rap You have a better practice face than I have Yeah, yeah, you get shit like that. There was a rock band practicing in a room. Yeah, you got bands and stuff. I used to rhyme. I used to rap. You have a better practice face than I have. Yeah, yeah. I was a fucking master rapper. All I did was crack jokes and shit in my raps, and people liked it a lot. How far did you take the rapping thing?

I mean, I was famous in my jail. Nice. The whole jail, because we had sent a tape, an actual tape. And this is when tapes is done, but in jail, we got what we got. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We sent an actual tape to a local college radio station. Really? And what was this?

In Albany, maybe? Mm-hmm. Somewhere in upstate New York. And they started playing this, and they told us, I did their intro. I rhymed their intro in and shit. They used to fucking love my shit. And I was supposed to come home and do that, but like I said, I had to get custody of my daughter. And I took a different direction. So I always kind of wanted to show business.

And even then, I was cracking jokes. I used to always say it. Like, yo, I'm a comedian, really. I'm just, you know. Those are usually the best rappers are the ones that are funny. The ones that are funny. That's the ones that I like. Have that clever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a sense of humor about themselves. Exactly. Don't take themselves too seriously. Right. You're not the actual gangster, motherfucker. You rented that mansion Right

Come on man Yeah I like that as I'm gonna send that To College Raiders My comedy Like I'm in prison Like oh yeah

We'll play it We'll play it We'll play it right now I'm telling you They gave me a shot They gave me A show them a shot And they liked it so much

They said Can you do the intro And I did the intro I mean they used to You know They dropped All those Oh at this point my

name was not show I'd stop being Jamaican uh-huh this is a ladder part of your now Spanish well you know the porn star Nacho Vidal who's a porn star named Nacho Vidal you ever heard of him no well anyway it was a long story uh-huh was named after him because I just say crazy stuff when I might and we should basically like listen nacho Just cuz nacho was known for spitting on broads and shit like that So they was like yo don't just start out with your raps with the like just spitting like nacho doesn't just come in the room Spitting on bitches right away. He eases into it. You know you start learn from nacho right a little finger fuck

It's just spit on right away. I should just come in and say something Right so long story short they started call it a tree nacho Wow, so yeah, damn. Right. So long story short, they started clubbing. A lot of tree nacho. Wow. So yeah. God damn. It's quite a story. I've done a bunch of shit.

Wow. Like I said, this is going to be a two-parter. Yeah. No. Come back anytime, man. That's an insane story. Man. So yeah.

Coming from drug, like running a drug group, rapping in prison. And they're like, I drive a cab and do comedy right right right oh no no you missed the whole my whole my whole time and then probably after that I did I came home I used to work like warehouse work and stuff and then I went into working with people with developmental disabilities I did that for

years no shit I just I've been I hasn't even been a whole year I've been driving a cab I just wanted to turn comedy up I wanted I was, I was missing stuff because, you know, more money and time. Yeah. Flexible schedule. Yeah. And I make, I make better dough, you know, cause it's really up to you how hard you want to go out there. Wow. So yeah, I did, I did years with people with disabilities and you know, I had a bunch of jokes about that shit too. How are, uh, how are the people you pick up in the cab? How's that? I mean, it's not as funny as you think, man. It's more weird.? I mean, it's not as funny as you think

It's more visual humor It doesn't make for great stand-up People are always like, I know you got a lot of stories I'm like, no, fucking no Not really Actually, you're actually boring It's a lot of assholes I get cursed out a lot

Really? Yeah Why? I mean, because you're doing a lot So cab drivers are bad drivers Not because we're bad But because you got a machine You got a GPS You, you got somebody saying something, you're moving, you're calling people. Traffic.

So, I mean, like, I cut somebody off one time in a circle in Towson. It was a truck driver. And I was going around the circle. My windows were down. I thought, I said, damn, maybe I should close my window. At the time, I had my family in the car. I had my girl and my son and my stepdaughter. And I'm going around the circle.

And I thought, damn, I should roll up the windows. And it was too late. I just heard a voice like, hey, boy, fuck your mother. Fuck you. And he just threw a whole fucking iced tea in my cup. I hope it was iced tea. He fucking. And the shit is, I was so. I saw it and it fucking Oh And the shit is I was so

I got I saw it And it splashed all over me I was like so embarrassed But I tried to retaliate Because I had like my own juice And I tried to throw it back Here comes the juice boy

But I'm rolling the window up already So it just hits the glass And it splashes back on me Friendly fire And the lane I'm in I can't do anything about it I can't even argue back with it So you just go in a circle No the lane I'm in I can't do anything about it I can't even argue backwards So you just go in a circle

No the lane I'm in I have to I have to go in the parking lot I'm in that lane And he keeps him moving There's tons of traffic My whole Yo it's

I've never been in a quieter car Like it was The car was completely full It was dead silent Yeah My fucking My stepdaughter was in the back And she was holding

I was like Like she's an asshole She's a very funny little girl, too. Right. She's a ball buster, though. Yeah, she's a ball buster. Oh, my. She loves to hate on me.

I was like, go ahead, Taylor. Yo, she was crying laughing, yo. I was like, go ahead. Go ahead. It's funny. It was funny. That's why, like I said, I mean, it was humiliating. You kidding me?

At the time. My fucking baby is right there. My fucking girl is like, hey, man, fuck you. Suck your mother. And throws an entire. Like like he dumped it in. I'm at a disadvantage because he's in a truck and I'm in a car. He's got the height, yeah. Yeah, and then I try to respond and I just get ice chips in my face.

That is too funny. Right, but it was funny. Jesus. That made me smile afterwards. Wow. Just covered it up. But I really would have loved to chase him down and kill him. You ever kill people in your mind? now don't even know it I love

to kill people my mind like when you just like I could be a fucking yeah yeah yeah all the time you don't know you watch Game of Thrones I don't watch anything no no time and I'm poor and I don't know. Do you watch Game of Thrones? I don't watch anything. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No time? No time, and I'm poor, and I don't have cable, but I'm getting it tomorrow. Okay, nice. They're coming in. And I live in the woods, and we can't have cable, so I have to get satellite. It's a lot.

I'm not going to be able to hit it. I can because they're going to. So you won't be able to watch Rhapsody? Nice. Fuck you. Fuck you, and you said it like Rhapsody. Not Rhapsody. Not Rhapsody. Well, there's one character who killed another character in one of the last episodes where he just crushed the guy's head.

First he just drove his thumbs into the guy's eye sockets and then just smashed his head. His hands? Yeah. How strong is this dude? His name was The Mountain. He's like a giant. That was his thing. And I've wanted to do that to my boss ever since.

Just slowly. Just fucking out. Just dive your thumbs right in there and just. Really? Like, don't you know? But that's the terrible thing. It means nothing. You can feel like that all day.

Yeah, yeah. It means nothing. You know, people, like, you know, as a cab driver, sometimes people talk to you in kind of way. Yeah. And just, like, some lady threw a fucking drink at my foot. People always throw drinks at me. I don't know. You you in kind of way. Yeah. And just like some lady threw a fucking drink at my foot. People always throw drinks at me. I don't know. You're like a beverage magnet.

Yeah, I swear to God, my whole car is like sticky. Like it doesn't even wash good because I'm not going to fucking wash it. I go to the machine. It smells like a slurpee machine. Well, the white guy that shook your hand outside, he had a juice behind his back just in case. He's like, let me get this orange juice. Right, right. He didn't know if I was good or evil.

He was like, should I? I'm not going to go out there naked. I'm going to have a juice behind me. Family's line up the windows with juice. Don't do it, honey. Well, damn, man. Well, thank you for coming by, man. It's been awesome.

It's been fucking amazing. If I could smoke weed here, I'd sit here all fucking day. Oh, you could have done that. Oh, really? Yeah, you could have done that. I'm sorry. Oh, I didn't even bring it up. Don's been fucking amazing. If I could smoke weed here, I'd sit here all fucking day. Oh, you could have done that. Oh, really? Yeah, you could have done that. I'm sorry. Oh, I didn't even bring it up. Don't worry about it.

Next time I'll get everybody. Well, I'll get two of us, please. Sorry, man. I do admire that, yo. No bullshit. It's okay. Yeah, no, Mike, he's got 11 years, man. 11 fucking years.

That's amazing, man. Yeah. Thank you. He's a bad motherfucker, this guy. Right. How fucking year? You know your comedy's real. It's not chemically induced.

Mine, you don't know. I'm always high. Can you count on Mark? You can't use that excuse. If I suck, I just suck. I guess not. Right, I can make an excuse. I just wasn't high.

I just wasn't high. I apologize. I wasn't high. I'm normally higher than this. Normally in the zone. Sorry. Make sure I'm high next time. I was implying that you could say that you were high.

Oh. And that's why you fucked up. No, I wasn't high. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm not high. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm not high. That's on me. Right, right, right. It sounded like he was Jamaican, so maybe he didn't understand. It's like, oh, Jesus, I'm not high That's on me Normally Right right right So that's the police It sounded like It was Jamaican So maybe he didn't understand It's like oh Jesus

I'm so sorry Oh man What do you What do you want to plug Are you on Twitter Or anything Mark Oh man I am but I'm not that active

Not active Just I don't want to plug anything Matter of fact You motherfuckers How do I find this I've got I got an Apple computer

I just got a great computer Well it's It's going to be on iTunes. It's going to be on digressionsessions.com. I got to buy it or what? No, it's free. Okay. I mean. Just go on iTunes.

Yes. $200 and it's all yours. You can buy it right now. Just put it on the table and we'll give you the episode. That's what I mean. No, no. We'll own the master, but you'll have access to it. Okay, I'll have licensing.

No, I'll send you the link to stream it and all that stuff. Okay, that's dope. And you can download it. And I won't be online until tomorrow, but you'll have access to it. Okay, I'll have licensing. No, I'll send you the link to stream it and all that stuff. Okay, that's down low. And I won't be online until tomorrow, but I'll be. It's going to be up next Monday. Okay, so I got time. You got plenty of time, yeah. So we're just going to chop it up and stuff? No, that's it, man.

I just let it roll like it is? Yep, for the most part, yeah. Okay, this is going to be great. I don't think about everything I said. I don't think I shamed anyone. Besides that Cadillac guy. Right, right. Unless he's listening like, oh, man. Fuck him. I didn't want that everything I said. I don't think I shamed anyone. Besides that Cadillac guy. Right, right. Unless he's listening like, oh, man.

Fuck him. I didn't want that story to get out. He's a dick in a butt. Fuck him. A little dick in a butt-ass nigga. It's better not turn into some sort of snitching situation where some drug lord from New York starts coming after us. Right, right. All because Mark said the wrong shit.

Heard that podcast, man. I mean, Caddy's probably dead. Knowing Caddy, he's dead. Okay, well, I feel better. Thank God. If you're dead, the last thing you worry about is that. If you're dead, the last thing you worry about is that. Oh, man.

What are you going to change your name to in the Witness Protection Program? Oh, man, I haven't decided yet. Probably something really, you know. Right. That's why I'm Doc Mark. I'm already Doc Mark. I'm thinking about Billy the Kid. Billy.

Okay. That works. Sounds good. The Simpsons. Hello, Mr. Thompson. He's talking to you. All right. So nothing to plug.

Just look for Mr. Doc Mark Joyner. Yeah, yeah. There we go. Let's say it like that. Mr. Doc Mark Joyner. I will be putting up. My Twitter is Doc Mark Rules. I'm Dark Mark Joyner. I will be putting up. My Twitter is Dark Mark Rules. I'm never on it, but I will be soon.

You want to be there when that first tweet comes. Right. You want to be there. Right. I want to receive. But yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm on Facebook. I'm on the Facebook.

That's where I recognize you from. You can find me on the line. Can you talk to somebody? I'm trying to get in there myself. And on the Facebook. That's where I recognize you, bro. You can find me on the line. Can you talk to somebody? I'm trying to get in there myself. And on the Facebook. You put in a good word for me. I think I know some people at the Facebook. Thank you.

Nah, nah, nah. I know a guy. But really, I'm really not that savvy with that stuff. And it's mostly because I've been late. Not late, just lazy in that respect. Right. Because I've been doing so much. But I'm really, right now.

Yeah, when you went in, you were playing freaking Doom on floppy disks. And when you come out, computers are like running your life. You know, I thought I had the shit.

No, motherfucker, I had a Sega CD. I was like, yeah. That was some neck and neck shit. It didn't happen one game. It was a dolphin just swimming.

Echo. Echo, that's it. And he made an echo. And that was it. He just went back. I didn't know the point of the game. I didn't either. Just swim. You get you get to swim really and jump out the water and spin around yeah i went like 50 feet then there's like a bunch of coral yeah like nobody sewer shark was like the

cd game that came with well they had echo on genesis echo was the main but they probably moved it over to cd too it was bullshit bullshit. So bullshit. All you did was swim. It should have been called Swimming. Swimming. It's called Swim Right, basically. Remember those shitty Nintendo games like that? The cover would look so exciting. The cover would be like a guy on an inner tube splashing sunglasses on him. And then you'd get it, and it'd be this horrible bird's eye view. Right.

Fucking six square blocks of different colors running into each other. Same music looping every five seconds. Go right. Yeah, exactly. All right. So what was it? Dark Mark Rules on Twitter? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But don't go there yet. Dang. Guys, give me some time. Right. I'm working on it. Like I said, I'm trying to take comedy seriously. But no, if you friend him on Facebook, you post about shows and things. Right, I do. I do. And I also have my

group, Don't Stop Comedy group. Oh, Don't Stop Comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to write that down. I'll plug all this stuff. Somebody trying to stop comedy? Is that what's going on? That's the name of my company Ultimately I see somewhere where comics can work I feel like that's the key to it

I've got it all figured out But I just feel like that's the key There it is If you keep going I was talking to somebody You'll headline eventually if you just keep doing it Just work hard I truly feel if if you put everything into it i think that if i think that applies all the way to the top all the way to to getting what you want

either you're gonna die and then it's over anyway who gives a fuck yeah let's go out on that inspirational message you're gonna die so what the fuck uh mark thank you so much for coming by, man. Somebody's computer screen saver. Like those perseverance posters. It's just the bald trees in the background. Yeah, no, it's a bald eagle. It's just like, you're going to die, so what the fuck?

It's the truth. That's the real shit. So what the fuck? All right, thanks, Mark. This was awesome. Yeah, and thank you to everybody listening. Follow us on Twitter. I'm at BetterRobotJosh. Mike is at MichaelMoran10.

Yeah, yeah. DigressionSessions.com slash calendar. Thank you. Thanks for coming by, man. That was awesome. And yeah, hit us up. iTunes, Stitcher, all that stuff. Thank you, guys.

Bye-bye. you you