The Digression Sessions - Ep. 127 - Jason Weems! (@JWeemsComedy)

Episode Date: August 11, 2014

On this week’s Digression Sessions we have DigSesh favorite Jason Weems! Jason always has hilarious and interesting stories to tell about fatherhood, being a school teacher, and his journey through the world of stand-up comedy.   Jason may quite literally be the hardest working man in the local stand-up scene and its always great to have him stop by and chat. We even get a little bit of the dirt on the controversy Jason is currently embroiled in involving, the public school system , a Watch The Throne parody, and the cleaning of a toilet.   Thanks for all the support DigHeads! If you get a chance please click on the Donate button and toss Mike and Josh a bone or two! Also checkout all the other podcasts on our new home, Thunder Grunt Podcast Network!  

Thunder Grunt Podcast Network. Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey everybody, I'm Josh Kaderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to the Digression Sessions Podcast. A Baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence. As we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting.

Yes. Who's the guest this week? Jason Weems is the guest on this week's episode mr jason weems who is hilarious and nice and just a wonderful funny goddamn dude who you should support on the internet he is on twitter he is at j weems comedy on twitter his website is jason weems comedy.com and also check out the lunchtime.com, which is a thing where he's been collaborating with some really funny guys to make some really funny sketches. So go check those out. You can also see Jason live. He's doing a bunch of stuff, a bunch of really cool stuff, actually. He'll be at the DC Improv this Friday, August 15th, doing a show there.

August 21st, he'll be performing as a part of the Oddball Comedy and Curiosity Festival, which is crazy. That's a huge show with tons of people on that tour. And then in early September, he'll be doing a run with Mr. Ramin Mastafavi of Cool Cal Comedy, and they'll be doing a bunch of shows in Virginia and Maryland. So check that out. It's going to be really good. And yeah, Jason is the man.

He's the best. He's a super funny guy, super nice guy. And one of the busiest dudes I know because he has three kids. It's crazy. The first time he was on the show about two years ago, maybe a little more. He had no kids. He had one on the way. And now he has three kids. His wife had twins not too long ago. So he's working full time doing comedy full-time basically. Now he has three kids to take care of. So we really appreciate him coming by. He was nice enough to carve out some time on a Friday morning and come talk to us about all kinds of stuff.

So it was a really good episode. And please support Jason. Really funny dude. Let's see here. Now, speaking of support, if you want to support the digression sessions yeah we got some shows coming up we're on twitter we like things we like it when you do stuff for us mr michael moran co-host of this here program this wednesday august 13th he'll be doing a stand-up at the main street oyster house in bel-air m Maryland. Mike's the headliner there, and that's a free show,

so check that out if you're in the area. Let's see, this Thursday through Saturday, I'll be at McGoovie's hosting, and that should be a lot of fun. Bobby Slayton is the headliner, the Pitbull of comedy, and Mike Fonazzo, the other Pitbull of comedy, is the feature, and those are going to be a lot of fun. I'm going to try to get them on the podcast, actually.

And, yeah, follow us on Twitter, guys. I'm at BetterRobotJosh on Twitter and Instagram. Mike Moran is at MichaelMoran10. The podcast is at DigSeshPod. You can go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar for all of our live dates, improv, stand-up. All that stuff is listed there. Check out ThunderGrun.com. That has all of our podcasts up there as well as our network mates, if that's a word. That's the podcast network we're a part of. That's our home. So check that out.

Check out all the other podcasts. Really good contingent going on over there. And yeah, that's it, man. Just enjoy this episode. This was a lot of fun. Jason's the man. We had a little bit of technical difficulties at some point, almost lost the podcast, but the podcast guys were smiling on us and we didn't lose it. So thank God. And that's it's the universe yes so yeah jason thanks for joining us on the podcast again, man. Thanks for having me. Thanks.

My girlfriend is pretty embarrassed. She's like, he's just going to think we're like vagabonds. I do. That's the exact thing I thought. Especially when I came down the block. I was like, yeah, this is definitely a vagabond block. Well, you know. This is a gypsy village.

Right. Thanks for respecting our gypsy ways. Of course. I appreciate it. It's a shanty town. Yeah, they're not necessarily your ways. But is a gypsy village. Thanks for respecting our gypsy ways. Of course. I appreciate it. It's a shanty town. Yeah, they're not necessarily your ways. But hey, you're respected. Yeah.

Thank you. Now, they heard that a man was paying people to pick peaches in a different neighborhood. They got a flyer, so they're loading up the jalopy and heading out. I got you. Ten cents on the hour, Mom. Load up the truck. Go to flick shows every evening. Right.

So how are you, man? I yeah good you got uh yeah last time you were here as well you had zero kids zero kids now i have three three kids i have three i have an almost three-year-old son so damn that i guess that tells us how long it's been since we talked yeah almost three-year-old son it'll be three in august and then i have twin almost 10 10-month-old boys. Wow. Yeah. So actually two kids. I mean, I count the pregnancies, not the children.

I got to buy one, get one off from Jesus. You're like, well, this isn't the deal I was talking about. Right, right, right. I guess that is cheaper. You bang it all out at once. One time. Yeah. Aren't we too to the point where technology where you can just have as many

kids as you want all at once? I'm not sure. And still have them be different ages? Yeah, right. One born is born eight. He comes out eight years old. Simplify. Yeah, we had the money so we just wanted a nine-year-old. We just went right for it. We just wanted to get right to it.

Get those messy years out of the way. This one's just designed to skip right over his adolescence right deal with any of that go straight to 37 um so i uh i was up late last night doing uh sketches i acted uh in one of my my friend he's doing something for project green light yeah he's like well we're gonna shoot from like 10 to like 3 in the morning is that okay and he's like yeah that should be fine we got this podcast scheduled for 8 in the morning. I'll just tough it out. Sounds good. So, of course, we finish at like 4 and, you know, work out three hours of sleep.

And I was like, I wonder if this is how Jason feels all the time. It is. It is. How do you do it? I mean, how do you not look like shit and are angry all the time? I feel like I look like shit. But people say I look good. I don't know.

I drink a lot of water. That's good. It's about hyd look good uh-huh i don't know i drink a lot of water that's all about hydrating yeah and uh i don't know i mean this is one of these things where you just you just do it is your whole family like that is a genetic type of thing i think so like my father looks pretty young i mean he's in his 60s but he looks good right um yeah i don't know but it that's how i do feel i do feel like that all the time i mean on a good night. Yeah, I don't know, but that's how I do feel. I do feel like that all the time. I mean, on a good night, I may sleep, I don't know, two, three hours if you piece it together. But the twins are sleeping more now, so that's why. When's the last time you got a solid eight hours?

Was Clinton still in office? For the listeners at home, Jason's starting to cry. I am. It's a single tear. Yeah, Clinton was probably in office. Wow. Yeah. For Baltimore people, probably Clarence DuBerns was the...

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah, it was a minute. But I don't know. I can't say I miss it because I don't remember it. You know what I mean? I hardly knew ye. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, you get moments of rest throughout the day, just like, you know, leaning up against a wall or something like that. Are you like, yeah, I'll wash the dishes just so you can like pass out on the sink. Pass out on the sink for a second. Right, right. Face down in the dishwasher. The wife has to save you from drowning. Drowning, right, right. Yeah, so three kids.

Oh, my God. And how old is uh the oldest oldest will be three uh in a few weeks august 24 wow and yeah i just dropped him at daycare before coming here uh-huh ed yeah so i you talk about in your act too but having one kid then you guys are gonna have another kid they're like oh twins like how yeah how fucked up it is to go from one kid to three kids? It's a complete shock. I mean, we went from, I grew up in the city. My wife grew up in the city.

So it's one of these things where, you know, we were living in a row house, semi-detached. Ednaud Gardens area, kind of around Memorial Stadium. Okay. Nice house. But literally, as soon as you find out you have twins, everything changes. Like, you know, this can't hold us anymore. Yeah. Then we both had, you know, passenger cars. But once you find you're you're having twins it's like i can't carry three kids in this so now you

gotta buy a new house you gotta buy a new car uh so everything changes instantly it's not just the shock of you know finding out you're having a another baby right it's the fact that it literally changes the landscape of your life right right so i mean cargo vans and yeah yeah yeah yeah carriers and stuff right yeah so like when we found out it was like we knew we were pregnant with one which we were excited about but then the doctor she like cuts the lights off and starts moving the wand around my wife's stomach then she gets quiet and she's like you know which doctor she's gotta walk through those beads There were extra beads So we were like

Are we having twins? Twins, right A lot of incense burning Fucking dried out frog legs Thanks for the ceiling Pictures of albino kids on the wall Just for, you know, for show Yeah, good luck

Right, she's like This is my nephew This is from his high school graduation Yeah, look at him Yeah, so at him. Yeah, so it's one of these things where, you know, we were excited about the pregnancy. Go to the hospital. Doctor cuts the lights off, moves the wand around my wife's stomach.

And she's like, do you see what I see? She gets quiet. And I start getting scared thinking that something's wrong with the baby. And I'm like, it depends on what you see. Yeah. You're looking for tentacles and stuff. Right, right, right, right. And she's like, there's two of them. And I'm like, what?

Like arms, legs? That's normally a good thing. Yes. And she's like, no, heartbeats. And I'm like. Two hearts? Yeah, my baby's got two hearts. Yes.

He's going to be twice as powerful. Right, right, right. Just in case one of his hearts. You're thinking you're having like an X-Men. Yeah, yeah. Just in case one of his hearts goes bad. The other one can just kick in. How are his two brains looking, Doc?

Do they look good? They're looking good. Right, right, right. And how many penises are we talking here? Just one penis. One penis. All the other organs are doubled. Poor guy.

Poor guy. But, yeah, so it was definitely a shock. Yeah. I mean, it changes things, even, I mean, comedically. It changes things time-wise. So everything has to literally happen on a beat now. Like, I mean, I tell people. Everything's regimented.

It's regimented. The moment I wake up, my whole day is playing. Right, yeah. Like, there's no pockets of free time. As soon as my feet hit the floor, it's diapers, get this one, feed this one, get this one in the car. Then take care of the kids. Right, right. That's just me.

You refer to yourself as the one. Exactly. I don't even take showers anymore. I just dab off with baby wipes. Just a light dab just to get the dew off. That's their new market. Yeah, yeah. For the guy on the go.

Baby wipes. Right, right right right strap on a diaper yeah because i don't have time to go to the bathroom anymore yeah it's just yeah if you see me getting quiet for a second in the corner something's happening right yeah yeah like you're a little kid like jason are you yeah yeah go to the bathroom right um you even had to start breastfeeding a bit i may right right same time can make sure my milk comes in the yeah i mean even scheduling this podcast i felt it was like hey are you free this day and you would send me back like a paragraph well from 605 i'm kind of booked yeah yeah it's like jesus so it literally is 3 20 in the morning yeah yeah it is that tight so it's one of these things where even when i'm looking at doing shows yeah i've got to cross-check my wife's schedule and see if she has any work events.

And then I have to make sure that we have coverage for the kids. And I've got to get buffering as far as time to travel to the show. So it's like, okay, you can get home at 5. Got to put the kids down at 6. But I got to be on the road by 6.15 in order to get to this show by 8. You ever just consider being a bad father? Not yet. Might be your solution.

Maybe, right, right, right. Might free up some time, some energy. Yeah, just not showing up for the kids. You know what would free up a lot of my time? Time? Right, right. These kids. Big deadbeat.

Exactly, right, right. I'm going out for these cigarettes. I'll see you guys never again. I'll see you guys never again. See you never. Yeah, I mean, your schedule is packed as it is. Even before you were doing, or even before you had kids, you were performing all the time and then working full time. So now, adding that crunch, too, of taking care of three other human beings.

Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, it definitely tightens things up but in the in the same breath i think it almost makes you smarter with the time that you have you know how like when you've got a lot of dead time you know i'll write i'll write later i'll do this later right so on and so forth like now literally sharper yeah yeah so the moment that i do have it might be 20 minutes when you know one of the when one of the twins closes his eyes. That's, you know, I'm on a computer sending out avails or I'm sending out emails and so forth. As far as even writing material, I've never really been the type to really full out write.

At least when I first started, I used to write out jokes. But now, you know, I'm just kind of just, you know, I got a bullet point in my head. Yeah. And then I'll just riff on stage right right you kind of know the mile markers of the bit where to get to and then kind of figuring it out weaver together so i'll use my drives to the shows now it's my time to you know kind of be you know in my comedic space right i mean that's probably really good alone time too alone time yeah yeah all right yeah no music i just ride you know just bounce around thoughts in my head and by the time

i get to the show you know i've got a kind of a framework of you know some ideas i want i mean want to touch on yeah so i guess it adds a certain pressure there too you're like all right i need to make this worth it but at the same time being focused like that probably helps so is it like a double-edged kind of thing it's a double-edged thing it definitely is um but it's tough though i mean it's one of these things where you know by the time you get through a day so say i have a show at eight o'clock at night and i wake up at six and i'm getting the kids together all day you still kind of got that anxiety of the show yeah but you never really focus on it because your day is so you know it's moving so fast so by the time you get to like 6 30 you want to just sit down and just chill but then you got to get back into performance mode so it's like uh i've got to

compartmentalize myself so it's like you know all right i'm daddy from this time to this time but like this time to this time i've got to kind of tweak that and turn that off a little bit. Yeah. And get back into this, you know, you know, it's a different energy being a comedian, you know, being out at night. And, you know, you know, it's the performance side. But then it's also the politicking, you know, you're meeting people, you know, all that type of stuff. So, I mean, yeah. Yeah.

Talking to people, saying what's up. Yeah. You can't just like show up and be like, just leave me alone. I'm working on 15 minutes of sleep. Right, right, right. I mean, you can, but you're probably not going to. Yeah, right. That's not a sustainable model. You can't just show up and be like, I just need to get on stage,

okay? Just leave me alone. You put the mic in the whole city's walk-out door. No one look at me! Now listen to my jokes. But, I mean, you seem to be handling it really well. I mean, I didn't see you for a bit, but I guess that's because, I don't know, maybe you just had your twins. But I feel like, yeah, I just ran into you in D.C. not too long ago. Yeah, yeah.

Are you just kind of doing more local stuff now, like when you can? I feel like I'm seeing you more often, like, popping in places and stuff. Normally during the school year, say late August through through may it's a lot of colleges and stuff summertime has always traditionally been more local for me right um i'm home i'm off from school so you know i've got time to be with the kids yeah all that type of stuff so i try to keep it as local as possible uh whether that's one nighters or you or some club dates or whatever. Also, I'm just trying to turn over as much new material as possible. You were really great at Wits End the other night.

Oh, thanks, man. The bar behind Magoobie's here in Baltimore. Do you know the bartender? Have you seen her there, Mike? Midriff. Yeah, tattoo on the midriff there. She always has coffee on for me. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, tattoo on the midriff there. She always has coffee on for me. Oh, that's nice.

Just boiling coffee. She's always ready to defend herself against me. A midriff. Right, right. Points to the coffee. When Jason went up the other night, the cordless mic fell apart, and so he had to get tape from the bar. And he's like, and I'm not going to start my set until I know your name.

So yeah, so Catherine, she's like, my name's Cathy. He's like, all right, well now I'm not going up until we're friends on Facebook. You made her friend you. Right. Yeah.

Begrudgingly. But it was so great because he was just taping the microphone just very casually. He's like, we're going to be friends on Facebook. And it was awesome. And you guys are friends on Facebook. We are.

Right, right. Has she liked any of your statuses? Not at all No pokes? Nothing Nothing at all No invitations to Candy Crush? Not at all What? Nothing, right

Catherine, if you're listening, you fucked up You fucked up That's really rude I mean, why even be friends If you're not going to invite somebody to play Candy Crush? Over and over and over Right The only

message I get from that person. I think Candy Crush was invented so distant relatives could invite you to play it. People that I never talk to, like third cousins. That's the poking of people that don't want to know that you're being poked.

They don't want to have a sexual connotation. It's just to say I'm connotation. Right, right. You know? It's just to say I'm still alive. That's the prudish poke. I'm still alive. That's what a Candy Crush invitation is. It's basically just saying to someone that you're still...

Yeah. I exist. I exist, yeah. I am. Guess who's still kicking, motherfucker? All right? Wasted his time over here. Yeah, so just trying to get out more right now and just turn over new stuff new stuff i got into a how's that going good good yeah i always have the goal

in every year to turn over a new hour um nice and that's wild normally i'll go through i go through material really quickly so normally i'll actually surpass that in a year. Wow. But it's not an hour that I'm particularly proud of. It's something that I'm really, like, it'll get. Okay, now I feel a little bit better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll get laughs.

It'll be pretty tight. But it might not be the stuff that, you know, is my favorite to tell. Classic. Yeah, yeah. So I'll throw a lot of it out. Yeah. So you were kind of, I think I talked to you about that before. Like, you're like, yeah, it's like a B plus, but I want it to be like a solid A. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll throw a lot of it out. Yeah. So you were kind of, I think I talked to you about that before. Like, you're like, yeah, it's like a B plus, but I want it to be like a solid A.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you like it and it's good, but it's just not like rock solid. That's my dilemma. I mean, I get to a point where, like, I'll get off stage and like, calm and say, oh, man, that shit was great. But in my mind, like, I think I've set the bar to a different level. Yeah. So it still feels like it either needs some tags or, and a lot of what i do is uh i'm emotionally connected to the material so it's not so much

about the i know a lot of guys are very technical and you know as far as like word economy and you know the tags have yeah and so on and so forth mine is it's a lot more so it's a feeling like normally when i get on stage within the first five minutes i can tell if i'm gonna crush a room if i'm a bomb it's just an energy i get from the crowd and then normally once i can tap into that energy of the crowd then it's like like surfing like i literally can just ride the wave and then you get into a zone where it's a thing where it's like it's like jordan on those nights where like everything you throw up is going in. Yeah. And where you don't even realize what you're saying until you said it. You're like, that was great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're just so in the zone. And that's when I kind of find most of my bits that I really like. Yeah. It's when I'm having fun. It's when I'm, yeah. Yeah, and you can tell, too. Like, when you're riffing around and stuff, you're like, oh, he's really enjoying this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that makes it fun for the audience to watch. Right, right. Like, the whole Facebook thing with Catherine was so funny. Especially because she was like, no, I don't want to be your friend. I'm like, come on, lady. You just gave me masking tape. That's the first step

in any friendship. The exchange of masking tape. Yeah, you do what you do. In a lot of cultures, that is the traditional sign of... Yeah, I'm pretty sure you guys are married now. I think so.

You should talk to your wife about that. I should, right. In Tanzania, you would technically be considered married. Married, right, right. You got her dowry, bro. Good for you, man. But the lack of Candy Crush invocations, I think, might indicate a divorce.

I think so, yeah. Go to counseling. Work it out. Work it out. She's worth it, man. She's worth it, right. Why not? So with teaching, too, are you still doing that?

Kind of, sort of. It's weird. Is that the type of job you can kind of, sort of do? It's kind of, sort of. As of. Sorry, real quick. Can we lift your mic up? I'm sorry.

Is that good? Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. I just want the people to hear. Okay. There it is. Yeah, yeah. Perfect. So I've been teaching for, a little bit. Yeah. I just want the people to hear. Okay. There it is. Yeah. Yeah.

Perfect. Been teaching for about 10 years, something like that. But as of May, May 8th to be exact, I've been on administrative leave. No shit. Yeah. Nice. So yeah, it is nice because it's with pay. Awesome.

As soon as I read the letter, I was like going through the first couple of lines that, you know, due to serious allegations that have arisen and so on and so forth. Then it got down to the fourth line. I was like, with pay. Awesome. As soon as I read the letter, I was going through the first couple of lines, like, you know, due to serious allegations that have arisen and so on and so forth. Then it got down to the fourth line. I was like, with pay. I was like, sweet. I just finished. I just got up and just walked out.

Just scanning over everything else. Yeah. So if anybody follows me online or Twitter or anything else, me and two of my buddies, one who's a filmmaker and the other who's a radio host. Murdered a kid. Yeah, we killed a kid, right. Off of Falls Road. We didn't like the way he was looking.

So we got out the car, roughed him up a bit. Anyway, I still get paid. Now listen. Right, right, right. Focus on the important stuff. We get a lot of material out of that. We created this thing called The Lunchtime Show. Yeah. Focus on the important stuff. We get a lot of material out of that. Mm-hmm. We did this, created this thing called the Lunchtime Show.

Yes. Where it's an online sketch show. Yeah. And the whole idea of it came from the fact that, you know, I'm a stand-up comic. One of the guys is a filmmaker. The other guy is a radio host. But we all work together at the same school. Mm-hmm.

So on our lunch breaks, we would get together. And we would just together and we'd just be sitting around you know just just talking shit and laughing and then like all these crazy ideas would come out yeah and then one day we was like you know we should start filming this stuff so that's what the the title came from the lunchtime show because it came out of our lunchtime gotcha um wait i don't understand so back up here so uh how far to the very beginning right when you first said hello um so we had shot this video it was a parody of kanye and jay-z's uh uh off the wash the throne album and we uh did a parody called wash the throne so it's about two janitors two school

janitors yeah which is super funny yeah that got that got a lot of good play on the internet got a lot of play on the internet funnier die funny die d.l hugley retweeted d.l hugley retweeted it uh we got picked up by marlon wayne's people he's got it it's kind of like a funnier die it's a spinoff of it one of the guys one of the founders of funnier dies actually the wow cool exec over there. It's called WhatTheFunny.com. We're on there and it was doing well.

Gets out. Somehow, some middle schoolers at my school find it and see it. Then it turned into, it went viral, but in the wrong place. Oh, because you guys, I was going to ask you about that. The whole video for the Wash the Throne is you guys are like janitors. We're janitors.

But you guys are in the school and like in the bathroom. Bathroom and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, and the lyrics are, you know, a spitting hot custodial fire. It's of that genre. It's of that genre, right. Yeah. So.

The custodial arts. And we knew it. Like one day I was walking down the hallway And a kid just like Walked past me He was just like He like Watch the throne Mr. Williams He's like lunch time Like he started like mumbling

And then it like Just turned like Every day like more kids Would be like saying something to him So then eventually Yeah Principal gets word of it Calls us to the office

She forwards it I guess to The board of education Hold on You got called to the principal's office? Me and the other two guys. Over the intercom, Mr. Weems. Mr. Weems, right, right. All the kids are like, ooh.

Yeah. So we go, and he tells the situation. I mean, we had filters and stuff on it, like 18 or older, that type of stuff. But you know, as long as you make them a password, you can get into anything. Oh, yeah. I mean, the only check you can do, like, what year were you're like uh 1940 like great you can watch all the pointy ones what diseases were you born with right right right that way tuberculosis have you been vaccinated against polio right uh-huh um so uh what's your favorite fatty arbuckle film right right right so okay so the principal

calls you down yeah and then do they have the video like on a laptop are they like not you can you explain this not there not there okay but uh she says you know she says that a parent had you know found out about it and brought it up and said how disgusting it was wow because you know what teaches at the school, and it's cursing in it, but it's not just like senseless vulgarity. It's one of these things that it makes sense. It's a parody of an existing rap song. Sure.

And it's two old janitors, who, you know, two old black men, they're going to cuss. Cleaning up shit all day. It'd be weird if they didn't. Didn't, right, right. Totally. So we explained it to them,

but it doesn't seem like it's getting across. Right. So she's like, you know, this is out of my hands. I sent this down. So about a week later, we get letters saying the whole thing about, you know, due to the serious allegations,

you know, you being... Serious allegations. It was an investigation. Oh, come on, an investigation. Right, right, right. God, I want that job, investigating that. Right, right, right. Funny videos. So it's one of these things where, come on, an investigation. Right, right, right. God, I want that job, investigating that. Right, right, right. Funny videos.

So it's one of these things where, you know, I mean, of course, you're sorry that, you know, it wasn't shot with the intention of kids to see it. Sure. But it's one of these things where, you know, it wasn't done maliciously. It wasn't done, you know. Yeah. It was, you know, a funny video. Yeah. It's not gratuitous.

It's just like, okay. No kids were in the video. So it's one of these things where, you we shot it we put it out and uh you know so actually i had i had to go to a a meeting on monday this just passed uh down at north avenue this was a pre-termination hearing oh man so i get a letter in the mail saying you know come for this pre-termination and i hear it i'm like pre-termination like this can't be good like that sounds do you know what's terminator you're getting right right right i don't know it's not that liquid guy i hope it's not hard to escape from somebody pre-termination this shit can't

be good that's like a doctor telling you got like a little bit of aids he's got a little touch of like a magic side yeah yeah yeah just drink water eat some leafy vegetables you'll be good yeah we want to talk to you about this pre-cancer you got going we can talk about that so uh yeah went to that and uh you know same thing explained everything so now it's just a kind of in limbo thing trying to see what's going to actually pan out from now are you just dealing with old crotchety people who don't understand the internet and they're just like what did he do right right some people are like that yeah yeah and then i think some people it's one of these things i think you're caught in between a rock and a hard place like you know they're like the north so the board education has their

legal people so they're talking to you from a standpoint of just protecting the school system okay and you can understand that sure but then it's one of these things where it's like you know is this really the worst thing that's going on in the city schools? Right. Yeah. Like, I mean, kids are fucking beating up teachers. Yeah. Teachers are fucking kids. You know, it's all types of crazy stuff going on. Drugs. Yeah.

Violence. Like, this was a funny. If anything, this boosted morale. Like, they should show this at every school at the beginning of the school year. Yeah. To get and give out pencil cases. Yeah. It's weird.

Merchandise, man. Right, right, right. Wash your throat. Pen pencil cases. It's weird. Merchandise, man. Right, right, right. Wash the throat. Pencil cases. It's weird how cursing is so bad in our society. It's considered so terrible. And the kids at the school curse like sailors. I mean, this stuff that they say that I didn't even know were curse words.

Right. You mother bitch. Yo, call me a fucker ass. What is that? Hey, fuck ass. I saw the wash the throat motherfucker. Right, right, right. Not bad. That-a-ass. What is that? Hey, fuck-a-ass. I saw the watch to throw it. Right, right, right, right. Not bad.

That's a compliment coming from them, huh? So, fuck-a-ass. So we're just waiting now. Yeah. To see what pops off from that. So what happens if you get terminated? Are you blacklisted from the school system? Probably, I guess, from the city school system.

But it's one of these things where, you know, not saying that I don't care about the job. Of course, I've got three kids and we've got responsibilities and things. But at the end of the day, it's one of these things. I'm a comedian who happens to be a teacher. I'm not a teacher who's a comedian. Comedy is what I'm always going to do. It's more so, you know, it's good benefits, which is great is you know what I'm always going to do it's more so you know it's it's it's good benefits which

is great you know for the kids and immunizations and all that type of stuff right yeah I mean they'll be fine yeah yeah yeah just tell them to

drink some water right roll around the dirt for a little bit you'll be fine yeah growing immunity yeah how do you grow

immunity I want you to go do you grow immunity? I want you to go outside and grow immunity. Immunity, right, right. Don't come back in here until you got it. Yeah, so that's the situation. And here's the jar with the plague in it. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Wow.

It's one of those things you deal with. Yeah. You find the funny side of it. Yeah. And, you know, I talk about it on stage and uh-huh which i do everything like uh anything that happens yeah anything that happens i try to tell it almost as soon as it happens really so like if something bothers you or something's like worrying you you try to get it out on stage i've been thinking of maybe i should try to do that yeah yeah and you you you

see one of it's just cathartic it's one of these things i mean it flushes you out but then it's one it's like almost like's almost like a colon cleanse. It's a comedic colon cleanse. Spelled with C's, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you find yourself, you get into these spaces where you don't know where the funny is in it, but it's just so honest. Sure. You see the crowd is doubling over because they can just relate to just the emotion the feeling of yeah and then in that you find you know oh that's funny that's funny that's

funny and before you know it you got a bit so and it feels good too like you're working working it out in your mind as well yeah versus like having it just like hover in the back of your brain exactly let me talk about this thing right right right yeah so that's one of the first things that i did once i found out that this whole thing was coming down i got the letter you know so and so in the back of your brain. Exactly. Let me talk about this thing. Right, right, right. Yeah. So that's one of the first things that I did once I found out that this whole thing was coming down. I got the letter, you know, so on and so forth. Of course, you feel the stress of it. Yeah.

But I mean, I was like, I got to get this out on stage. Yeah. Are you thinking or did they advise you to get a lawyer or anything to like defend yourself? Nothing like that. I thought that might have came up in this meeting that I just went to, but they didn't say anything. So I guess once they volley back one more time i should see like exactly

where this thing stands yeah full out which i feel like would be so weird just like um i made a parody video i need a lawyer yeah you're gonna yeah yeah yeah yeah be in court like talking seriously about the throne right right right the defense is reading your lyrics. Your lyrics, right, right, right, right. So it's one of these things where it's like, you know. Now, when you say turd. Right, right, right. What do you mean by that? Is that a metaphor?

Right, right. Fucker ass. Fucker ass, right? What is that? Could you tell the court? Yeah. A whippersnapper called me a fucker ass. So, yeah, I mean, it is what it is.

Uh-huh. You know, was well i was explaining to them was like you know that isn't mr weems the teacher cussing yeah on the video that's a janitor named like it's not me it's a character that i'm playing it's it's m-u-a-h like he's kissing somebody and weese w-e-e-s-e yeah like you're not wearing like coveralls and you don't have big mutton right right right right right yeah anybody yeah leg up on a exactly yeah that has common sense just look sad it is you know okay it's funny i mean i i see that we didn't ask permission to shoot in the school oh okay but it's one of these things where we didn't even look at it as trespassing because we worked there. Right.

And it's one of these things where, like, the building's so big. It was under construction at the time. There's wings of the school that aren't even being utilized. So it's like, you know, let's just go shoot in this hallway in this bathroom. Right, yeah. And you're in and out. Yeah, it's not like you're like, yeah, let's just go in this kid's classroom. Classroom, right, right, right.

You know, just hold tight. Why they teach us social studies? Right. Listen to this custodial fire. Custodial fire. Damn, well, good luck with that. Yeah, but I come from the mindset that everything happens for a reason. Do you see it as kind of like a kick in the ass?

Like, all right, I'll just do comedy full time. I do. Because for so long, it's a's a safety net totally to a certain degree uh-huh i mean i do comedy enough that it's almost like i got two full-time jobs sure so i mean yeah absolutely i'm doing a lot of colleges i'm doing so on and so forth so i mean i'm working you know both equally as you know as much so it's not where you think what i comedy like i'm doing it like you know once a month or something like that. Yeah, and now you're like, okay, now I'll focus on comedy.

You're doing it so much. I'm already out there, but it's just one of these things where it's like, okay, now that can be your soul focus. So it's a blessing in a lot of ways. But scary. It's scary at the same time. Yeah, because there's no health benefits package. No health benefits, right.

They're not like, hey, Jason, you've been doing comedy for 10 years. 10 years, right, right, right, right. You now have Kaiser Permanente. Exactly, right, right, right. $5 co-pays, 10 for specialists, 50 ER visits. Keep it up. You might be a general manager of comedy. Exactly, yeah, yeah.

But my wife is super supportive. I mean, she's like, you know, I mean, of course, when she first gets the news, it's one of these things where it's like, you can see the stress on her, but then like, you know,

the next day, it's like, you know, like I'm with you, like whatever happens, like, you know, chase this down,

you know. Did she know you before you started doing stand-up? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah,

so we met, we've known each other for 15 years. Wow. We've been each other for 15 years. Wow. We've been married for... 17 years. We've been married for 17 years. Right, right.

We met online. Time traveler's wife. Uh-huh, right. I met her in 72 before I was born. And I said, you're going to be the one. Give it a few years. Give it a few years, right. But yeah.

Yeah, so we met in college back in 99. We're just friends initially. It'd be weird if you weren't. Right, right. But yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was like, you know, she was dating people, I was dating people. And then eventually just grew into something more. Nice.

So the friendship is there, which I think, you know, grounds us and holds us through like times like this whereas you know it's not like you know you're just freaking out like you know thinking about the financial aspect she's like you know like i knew you when you first had the idea of doing this shit yeah and so so she's seen yeah like your dedication and drive from the beginning from going from like not doing it at all and then like becoming like one of your biggest passions because i started talking i was talking about doing comedy for years before. Yeah, I feel like everybody does that. You know what?

I'm going to get to an open mic in like four years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the first time I did it. And then I'll be famous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I'll be famous next year. I bombed so badly the first time I did it. Like, did it, did it.

The body training joke, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A little bow-wow. Yeah, yeah. Body training day. It was horrible. Yeah, I thought yeah, yeah. A little Bow Wow potty training day. It was horrible. Yeah, I thought that shit was great. I think you talked about this the first time you were on.

Not only did you bomb the first time. I went back out for a second and did the same joke. And it bombed again. I didn't get back on stage for six years after that. Oh, my God. I love that so much. You're like, you know what? Fuck it.

I'm doing this again. Maybe you didn't hear me. Maybe the first time, right. And it was one of these real hood shows. So it's like, you know, it's nothing but thugs in the crowd. I probably couldn't even tell you how many guns were in the audience that night. Wow. And I walk out with all this energy and music's blasting.

Suge Knight's threatening people. Right, right, right, right, right. So I grabbed the microphone. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the second time I'm out. And I start the exact same joke that bombed the first time. And I get to the same exact part. Nothing again.

Put the mic in the stand. And it shook me. How bad? Six years. I didn't get back on stage. But I was always thinking about comedy and always writing. So I would have these shoe boxes full of material. Oh, that's right.

Yeah, you would just write random notes. And just put them yeah like a ziploc bag yeah yeah yeah yeah uh-huh so when i started stand up it was one of these things where i had like i was like comedically constipated so like i had all these like six years worth of thoughts and material but i never performed it wow so when i get on stage i'm like shit like what do i tell first so like i just grab post-it notes out of the box. And that was actually how I did my first set. I grabbed like a handful of post-it notes, put them in a Ziploc bag, drove to Virginia, got up on stage.

And then for three minutes, I just stood up there and just pulled post-it notes out of the bag and just read them. Wow. And then like, I got like a chuckle off or something. And then, you know, that gave me enough confidence to try to keep on doing it. Damn. I like that, too. It's literally a grab bag of bits.

It might not go together at all. There's no transitions, but here's the six I'm doing. This is it. Yeah, yeah. So I actually haven't had much luck with, because then I got to the point where all that stuff, the past way of thinking. But by the time I started doing stand-up, I was a different person. So, you know, what I was experiencing was different. You know, my mindset was completely different.

So it was kind of hard to tap into the emotion and the feeling of that material because it was, you know, I don't know. I was 18 when I wrote it or 20 or whatever. So then I just was like, okay, I'm not doing any of this, only forward motion. So it's still sitting. At some point, I'd like to do something with it. I don't know what. That would be a fun show. Like, everybody just does their earliest stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I still have my original notebook laying around. Oh, really? Nice. Yeah. My phone just died died and i had all of my voice memos because i record all my sets on there all gone yeah because i kind of had the

same experience i didn't back up everybody was like well did you back it up on the cloud no of course not right why would i like i thought the iCloud cost money and they're like right i'm giving that cloud that cloud is wealthy enough fuck off right giving that cloud no more money. That cloud is wealthy enough. Fuck off, cloud. All sorts of free clouds flying around all day. Rich ass cloud up in the sky taking everybody's money. You need my voice memos and pictures?

I'm living in a gypsy village. I got money for a fucking cloud. You want me to pay for the sun too? I'm a butterfly farmer. I raise butterflies for a living. Then I do that weird card thing where you track the peanut or whatever. Right, right. Then when I find out somebody's on to me, I flip the table over and I run up an alley.

And I have a plan. A smoke bomb behind you. Yeah, I always perform near an alley and with a table I can easily flip. Flip over, exactly. Right, right, right. a table I can easily flip over. Exactly. Right, right, right. Just get right over. You just get disposable. Got to have a way out.

What De Niro say when you feel the heat? That's what he was talking about. That's what he was talking about. Yeah. Doing gypsy tricks. Yeah. That was the original screenplay. Yeah.

It got the writers. It was called Gypsy Tricks. Gypsy Tricks starring Robert De Niro. And Al Pacino. Right. And Al Pacino's like, if I see you doing gypsy tricks, I'm going to take you out. I'm going to take you out. Good.

Right, right, right. I would love to be taken out. I've never seen that movie all the way through. Really? Everybody keeps telling me about it. I've tried to watch it. I don't know. I can't get into it for a minute.

I haven't seen it in a minute, but I feel like it's a good 90s action flick. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like over the top kind of thing. Really? I thought it was more of a talky drama. There's that too, but it's all about bank robbery. Bank robberies. I was going to say robbing and robberies at the same time, but I haven't seen it in a minute.

It's probably no Die Hard, which came out late. I would assume that it would be. Even a Die Harder. Yeah. Right. But I think it's good. I don't know. Check would be. Even a die harder. Yeah. Right. Right. But I think it's good. I don't know.

Check it out. Well, thank you for the recommendation. That's a solid recommendation, I would say. Have you ever thought about reviewing movies professionally? I can't remember, but I think it's pretty good. It was all right. Yeah. I mean, if you got...

It's no Dunstan checks in. It's pretty good. Yeah. If it's at the Redbox, who cares? Go for it. Why not? What, does it cost you $1.30? What are you going to do with $1. It's pretty good. Yeah, yeah. If it's at the Redbox, who cares? Go for it. Why not? What, does it cost you $1.30? What are you going to do with $1.30?

Just return it the next day. Okay, okay. We should shoot a movie called Die Easy. Like the credits roll, it comes up, a guy gets shot in the stomach, then it just goes off. Well, no, it should be from the point of view of whatever guy just kind of dies in the beginning that nobody gives a shit about. You know, just like the random like henchman or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. Or some bystander that gets like hit by a car or something that nobody gives a shit about. Just like the random henchman or whatever. Or some bystander that gets hit by a car or something that you never hear from again. Yeah, like low-level cop who's just like, wait, we're doing what? We're just shot in the head. Die easy! And then we just see his funeral. We learn what happens to his family. Yeah, it's all the boring minutia.

We go through the paperwork of his death certificate. Writing out the eulogy. It's too wordy. The prince would say of his death certificate. Writing out the eulogy. It's too wordy. For instance, we can only have 250 words for the eulogy. But with heavy music the whole time, just like a regular action movie. Yeah, yeah. Exactly.

Four hours long. A masterpiece. Die easy. Figuring out the life insurance, everything. Family arguing a little bit over who gets what. Yeah, he didn't leave us a will. Right, right, right. He dropped the casket on the way out of the church.

He falls out and dies again. Dies again. It's the sequel inside the other movie. Double dick. It's a mid-quill. Right, right, right. That's what that's called. Guys, we got a hit on our hands here.

Don't worry about this teacher thing. Yeah, man. This thing just wrote its own. It'll be fine. It'll be easy. We'll pay the bills. We're going to flesh this shit out as soon as we get off. Oh, yeah.

We're going to get a Kickstarter of the whole thing. It's going to be nice, man. Some guy got like $79,000 to make potato salad. I heard about that yesterday. On Kickstarter. Did you hear about this, Jason? No. Some guy.

Fund my potato salad. Yeah, he got a Kickstarter, or he did one just to make Potato Salad. As a business? As just like a project for Kickstarter. Like, you know, some people like help. Just like a fake joke. Yeah. Fun to My Potato Salad.

Yeah, people do like, hey, I want to do a web series. I need five grand. His thing was, I'm going to make Potato Salad. I think he got like $70,000. Are you serious? Yeah. Because people are like, oh, it's so funny. People have tried to imitate him, but it hasn't worked. Yeah, I mean Are you serious? Yeah. Because people are like, oh, it's so funny. People have tried to imitate him, but it hasn't worked.

Yeah, I mean, you know. Yeah. That's something you can probably only do once. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. That scheme is over with. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

But I'm so jealous. Right. Yeah, why didn't I think of that bullshit? Exactly right. Why did I rip people off? Trying different types of salads. Yeah. I could have taken advantage of it.

Help me make pasta salad. Yeah. Help me make a rice salad. I bet you it'll be a pretty good potato salad, though. I mean, a pasta salad. I mean, make a rice salad. I bet you it'll be a pretty good potato salad, though. With all that? He's just sprinkling diamonds in it. A little bit of gold dust. I hope he uses red bliss potatoes. Yeah, please.

You've got $70,000. If there's generic croutons in that thing... Someone's getting their ass kicked. Why would there be croutons in a potato salad? Who knows, man? I don't think I even know what a potato salad is, to be honest with you. Potatoes and mayonnaise and celery

and onions. Basically all the worst stuff in the world. How do they get away with that? Macaroni salad is just macaroni and mayonnaise pretty much, right? Pretty much mayonnaise makes anything salad. Yeah, that seems like it should be the opposite. That should make it not a salad.

As soon as there's mayonnaise, it's no longer a salad. No, that's a salad. Or good for you. It should just be called goop. Potato goop. Egg goop. It should be called salad for poor people. Potatoes and shit. You want some potatoes and shit? All this sounds like it comes from a famine in the 30s.

Yeah, like that's all they have. Yeah, exactly. Just scrape some mayo in there. And it's a salad. Some beard clippings. Maybe some, I don't know. Whisk it lightly. A little bit of dust from the dust bowl.

You can really taste it. Weeds. A few weeds. All right, so we got a good script here. Jason, you're grinding it out. Grinding it out. When do you think you're going to have the next hour ready? Because you have one out already.

You got the DVD out. I've got one out already. That came out at the end of, well, I shot that at the end of 2010. It was there. Since then, 11, 12, 13, I've probably gone through a few hours, but just nothing that I felt like I want to tape this or I want to put this out. Do you think about just recording it? I mean, I know that's super expensive, but just having it to be like, all right, I got all this out.

Just to catalog it. Yeah, exactly. I have thought about it before. Do like a shorter thing maybe. Right, right. And also like 2011, my oldest was born in 2011. So we do the show December 4th, 2010. About a week later, me and my wife go down to Florida just for a vacation.

And we walk around. We went to like the Universal thing. She's a big Harry Potter fan. Really? Going around the Harry Potter stuff. And she keeps telling us, she's like, I feel a little out of it. So we come back, beginning of January. Too much Butterbeer?

Too much Butterbeer, yeah, yeah. Diagon Alley and all that bullshit. What is that? Hogwarts, Harry Potter shit. Oh, it's out ofbeer, yeah, yeah. Diagon Alley and all that bullshit. What is that? Hogwarts. Harry Potter shit. Oh, it's out of Harry Potter. Yeah, yeah. Another thing I could never really get into.

Yeah, yeah. I've tried. Yeah, the Butterbeer is the only thing that I know. Yeah. But I hope that's how they advertise it. Like, we got Harry Potter and Diagon Alley and shit. All types of shit, right. Get on the ride, you asshole.

Right, right. Come see Gryffindor, bitch. Buy our shit, all right? Right, right. Come see Gryffindor, bitch. Buy our shit, all right? Right, right. It's like some shitty traveling carnival. Like a big fat guy with a cigar. Uh-huh. Right.

Eating potato salad out of his navel. Just lays it in there. They call it God's Bowl. That's probably the guy that started Kickstarter. Uh-huh. So we come back. We're at one of my buddy's birthday parties. Yeah. And my wife's birthday parties. Yeah.

And my wife's like, I got to leave the table. I'm not feeling good. So about maybe an hour or so later, drop her off at the house. I go to have some dessert with the rest of the people. She's like, you know, go ahead and have fun. And I come back and she's standing at the door. She's like, I'm pregnant. Oh, crap.

So we go to the patient first, do the blood test, just confirm. It's like, yeah, she's pregnant. So that was January. My son was born August of 2011. So pretty much 2011 between now, you know, it's been a change for me, a shift. Sure. Comedically. So I went from 2010, which, you know, I did last comic stand and I did Montreal just for last.

So it was a lot of momentum. Then 2011, all of a sudden, like, I'm a dad. Right. So, like, priorities kind of shifted. It was like, you know, Then 2011, all of a sudden, I'm a dad. So priorities kind of shifted. It was like, okay, let's buy a house. Then I got into the dad mode. So in the evening time, I'm doing baths. I'm cutting grass.

I'm at Home Depot looking for air filters and shit like that. So that was that. Doing a type 5 at Home Depot. Doing a type 5 at Home Depot. So even my way Of coming up with material And stuff changed The process was different Right

Between 2011 and now Like my crowd work Got a lot stronger Like previous to that It was more so It was material But you know Crowd work was sprinkled in

Yeah But then it turned to the point Where I wasn't doing open mics Just cause the time My time was so valuable so like I would do paid shows but people would hit me like hey can you do an hour so on and so forth

and I'd be like yeah but me being the type of comedian that I am I don't want to do the hour that I just recorded. I want to do some new shit so it's exciting to me but I didn't have time to work out a new hour so I would go on stage and fucking riff for 60 minutes. Damn.

And then it turned to this joint where the crowd work was crushing more than the material ever did. Because you're more in the moment. You're more in the moment. And it's not like you don't have the fleshed out stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then some bits would kind of arise from that. So then it turned to the thing where other comments were like, Jason doesn't even do material anymore. This motherfucker just talks shit for 60 minutes.

And gets paid. Yeah, yeah. So that's what I pretty much did for the last three years. It was just riffing and crowd work. So it built that muscle a lot more. Yeah, which is totally valuable. Yeah, yeah. That's so great.

I mean, because if anything happens in the room, you're ready for it. You know what I mean? Right, right. So, I mean, that's great. But then it turns into this thing where you can't – one of one of my buddies seaton smith yeah um great comic new york now super funny guy yeah he's on mulaney on nbc is about to come on yeah it's so crazy yeah he's in promo shots like really with john mulaney and martin short yeah yeah yeah that's awesome yeah amazing dude one of the first comics that i met like when i first started doing stand-up

seaton may have been i don't know five years in something like that and the first comics that I met, like when I first started doing stand-up, Seton may have been, I don't know, five years in, something like that. And the first time I saw him do stand-up, that shit was mind-blowing. It was literally like, this was the night that I was pulling the post-it notes out of the bag. Like I see this guy on stage, and it was like literally watching. I felt like I was watching Chris Rock or Chappelle. It was just, you know, being so new to it, it was just watching a guy who felt like he had it all figured out. And that shit was like, it was very inspiring. And then we became friends over the years.

He actually edited the special that I shot in 2010. Oh, nice. He edited it for me. He's great with that type of stuff. But I'm trying to, what are we talking about? I'm trying to go down that road. Because he talked to you about crowd work and stuff? Oh, oh. Because, because yeah then i got to the point was he actually said to me one time he was like you know because seaton's great at crowd work too he's one of these guys and he said you know

this is maybe 20 2009 maybe he said this to me he was like uh he was saying he loves my material and i was saying i love your crowd work and he was saying you know the thing about crowd work is though you can't do it on tv he's like you know i would i love your shit because you could do a late night spot so on and so forth gotcha so then between 2011 and 2013 i understood what he was saying well because you can't replicate it you can't replicate it it's in the moment and that's the thing like after a show like you get off stage but that shit was amazing but then you have nothing to show for it. It's like I can't go into the next room and start talking about this horse that was painted on the wall. So I was at this other club, and they had this really funny stuff.

Guys, they had a moose head. So right now, I'm back out trying to hammer out a lot more actual material. Yeah. But also keeping that crowd work strong. Yeah. So I'm trying to get to the point. Now I feel like the world's emerging. That's great.

It was, you know, more so solely material than it was straight crowd work for a couple of years. So now I feel like I'm becoming, like, you know, the actual comic that I really, really want to be. Yeah. That's excellent. Yeah, so, yeah, merging those two things I think is going to be awesome yeah yeah yeah and i think that stuff's good for a special too actually i mean if there's stuff that happens in the moment you have it recorded like that's great right right um yeah i i i mean it's funny for you to say that like you saying like you don't feel as polished because i felt the same way i'm sure you did mike but like watching jason like okay this guy has it completely figured out like it's oh yeah it's great to hear that you're like no i'm still growing i'm still working on stuff

yeah definitely like yeah i remember i saw you at a chuckle storm i think might have been like the first time i saw you and just like somebody was taking pictures and you're like you just stopped you're like all right now make it look like i'm just like crushing you're like yeah all these hoses yeah yeah and i think you literally just started the set like he just sat on a stool it's like how's everybody's new year's yeah yeah just like good like it's just like the balls of that like because i think i was just doing improv maybe just kind of messing around with stand up where it was just like i gotta get up there and do my bits and then you're just like anybody got any resolutions? Like yeah

like just the comfortability of it of the whole thing is so cool to watch. That's the first night I met you I remember that very well.

Yeah it's one of these things where yeah when I was talking like the emotion of stand up for me it's all about I mean of course you want your material

to be you know well written and great and all that type of stuff. But for me, it's the emotion and the comfort. Because I feel like anybody who starts stand-up, you're funny. You wouldn't try it unless you're funny. You make your friends laugh. You make your family laugh.

But it's just trying to find that comfort that you can be the person that you are offstage, onstage. And that's where most guys bomb. It's like you get up there and you start thinking. And anytime you start thinking, it takes you out of the moment. So let me ask, when you do stand-up, is there anything going through your mind at all? I mean, when you do crowd work. Because for me, I'm still to the point where I'm thinking,

but sometimes that works. You know what I mean? Like sometimes you can search really quickly and grab something really quick and throw it out there and it works yeah it's nights like that some nights i'll if i'm once like it works differently some nights i might be off stage and i'll be while watching like the host of the feature or whatever and it might be something they say or something that i notice in the crowd or the room before i go up so i'm actually already writing or in my head so when i go up i already have maybe 10 minutes a riff just of what i've gathered over the night and then that gets the energy of the show going

right and then i can dive off into maybe a couple of bits and then i might see something but i sometimes i do feel myself thinking sometimes i can see something about to happen in the room before it happens it's almost like the matrix is like okay it's a joke coming right here and then you know by the time you're up there for 45 60 minutes you fuck with this guy about something somebody screamed out something a bartender dropped a glass you made a joke about that and by the end of the night it's somehow you weave it all together right and it turns into this elaborate story and that shit goes up in flames and people are like you know how the fuck did you do that yeah but it's really just kind of just keeping a uh an idea of you know where you are on your set what you've already talked about you know what bits you're going into and normally you

know if you're in the moment you're having fun it you can make some ridiculous of it yeah it kind of comes together yeah which is such a like uh it's such a weird thing too it's like the more comfortable you are the easier it's gonna be but it's such a weird thing, too. It's like, the more comfortable you are, the easier it's going to be. But it's such a weird thing to say, because it's just like, just have fun. You know what I mean? But it's so hard to keep all those plates spinning. Like, oh, yeah, I talked to the lady over here. It said, oh, yeah, earlier, and all that stuff, and merging it all together. Yeah, at Topaz a couple months ago, there was that going on.

And then the crowd gets into it, and they're like, alright, we got the all-stars of hecklers now. We got the oh yeah lady and then the yep guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that night. Jason had a really funny riff about what did you say? Anybody married? And the guy was like, yeah. Or something like that.

Is that your wife? Or something like that. She was like, I is that your wife or is it or something like that the guy was like she was like i'm the good wife he's like oh you're on after the mentalist that was really funny um so yeah i i live i live for moments like that on stage like that makes me enjoy it yeah yeah because because it it you it pulls you into the moment too and then it like it's like okay i know this kind of material, and I'm kind of just getting some reps. But now, this is fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's those times where you fall back in love with stand-up. You get off stage energized, like, man, I can't wait to get up again. Then you have those nights where you just have to soldier through. I mean, it's some nights you go up, and you're trying to talk to the crowd, and they just not give you anything back. So then you just dive into your material. And that's when I hate stand-up when i feel like i'm just reciting something or you know there's no emotion in between it um it's just you know joke segue joke segue joke good night get the fuck out of there yeah yeah yeah yeah i hate it when i can when i know everything that's going to happen in that chunk of time all right some technical difficulties we'll keep going we're gonna we're gonna hit our inhalers have some coffee and regroup real quick um god what was i what was

i saying oh um so we're talking about um like in the first five minutes you know how a show is gonna go yeah typically and for me like i feel like it's so hard to like if you're like god damn it like this crowd's giving me nothing they hate me already yeah it makes it so hard to give your like all to it be like all right i'm gonna try to win these people back i guess sometimes you feel that way but right especially like if you're doing like a 10 minute set you're like all right i'll power through but if you're doing like 45 to an hour yeah how good are you at putting a face on and being like, I'm enjoying this? Pretty good.

I mean, it's to the point now where at that point, I just start thinking about the check. That's how a lot of college shows are. You go to a college and you're just in a different place in life. I've got three kids, so a lot of my material right now is about the kids and this and so forth but i'm talking to 18 year old people yeah and i'm talking about twins and changing diapers and whatever and it's just no relatability so that's when you do crowd work so it's like you know you riff about the school and anything else but then you got those shows where a lot of college shows it'll be like at weird times it'll be like a 12 noon lunch show really yeah so like they don't have any idea

of how comedy is supposed to be set up or how it's supposed to look or feel yeah it's just like oh you wanted chairs yeah yeah we should probably have chairs in here right like so it's a cafeteria people like walking past you with fucking like chalupas and stuff all the lights are on full blast right which is great for high ceilings high ceilings perfect yeah you're in a corner with like the mic just like goes Into like an auxiliary Port in the wall And then they're just like Okay do an hour

And like there's no introduction Somebody might say Hey guys okay Thank you for coming out To the student activities Here's Jason Waymes So you have to learn How to host for yourself

You got a feature for yourself And then you got to learn How to close it out for yourself Right So yeah So you would say If it's not going well In the beginning You've got to feature for yourself, and then you've got to learn how to close it out for yourself. So, yeah. So you would say if it's not going well in the beginning, you jump into crowd work? Typically. Yeah.

I like to normally start off. I don't like going straight into material. Right. It feels unnatural to me. Like, I've had, like, late night auditions before for, like, Fallon and different stuff. Uh-huh. And those are tough for me because it's like literally walk out and it's like, so me and my wife were,

uh, Hey, how you guys doing? You guys got YSB too. Yeah. And I know that's a skill that I have to acquire if I want to do those, you'll get those types of opportunities, but I'm just so used to,

I like to know who I'm performing for. I like to, you know, uh, just, it's, it's that comfortability again it's i like to feel comfortable and i don't feel comfortable when i have to come out and feel like i'm you know like it's you know a recital yeah like it's almost just an assembly line like now i'm here doing this

like comic comic comic i'm one of those comics yeah i'm trying to make you laugh versus like it feel like you try to get to know everybody in the room almost like yeah yeah and they say like towns like new york are actually great cities for learning how to do an industry set yeah i mean because yeah you're doing like two minute open mics two minute open mics stuff like that you learn how to like everybody's there's so focused on you know getting the late night spot getting this everything is very tight it's very regimented so they get to the point where you know they've got a tight five minutes and they can you tight it's very regimented so they get to the point where you know they've got a tight five minutes and they can you know it's on a beat yeah so i mean i know guys like even seaton said that to me he said you know he didn't learn how to do an entry set until

he moved to new york right like what you think is a tight five here in baltimore isn't a tight five there yeah like it's just a different feel yeah we we've had a couple comedians like the last few people we've had on have been in new york like we had ben rosen and liz mealy and it's just it's just like a whole nother animal new york it's a different yeah it's a different energy um i mean at the end of the day i think what people can sometimes lose focus on is that it's still comedy yep but you know i think a lot of times uh i guess it depends on what you're in it for like if you want it if you want to be famous or if you want you know so on and so forth i mean you do need certain opportunities to move your career forward sure but i think i see a lot of guys or

girls who do it and they they lose sight that it's jokes right that it's supposed to be fun yeah because there's all these things we're talking about before like okay i gotta get this down i gotta have a type five. I would like to have this. And I should have a callback here. But what you're saying is like, just be in the moment. And it's going to kind of sort itself out. Like, you got to have the material, too.

So I'm not sure if I'm ever going to be a big late night spot comic. Yeah. Well, also, like, you're so used, like, your mode is an hour. You know, like the 45 to an hour so you don't start out like boom boom boom i mean you have good jokes but it's more of like it's a build you know so it's got to be weird to take that momentum and those muscles just you're just it's muscle memory too you're like okay that's how it's gonna go it's gonna be nice and funny but we're gonna it's gonna be a slow build uh-huh versus like right away just bam right in and out you know

yeah yeah so that's something that you know i've got to work on because like you said like when i do when somebody says do five minutes i almost get nervous like i freak out like how am i gonna do five like i'm not even warmed up at five yeah they're like they say do 90 i'm like sweet i'm like i got 90 in me i'll stretch out right i can't do five what are you talking about yeah so it's just one of these things where, yeah, I think it's just muscle memory. It's what you're used to. It's what you feel comfortable. And I'm comfortable in doing longer sets just because I can talk.

I lay down on stage sometimes. It's been times where I've actually left the stage. Yeah, I've seen you. And give the heckler the microphone. Give the heckler the microphone. I've gone to the restroom. Leave them in the middle of of the stage i've walked to my car before really i've done all types of shit yeah and it's it's almost like an exercise to me because it's like you know okay because once you leave the stage the energy of the room just drops yeah so then it's almost an exercise we're like okay can can I leave this room, come back in and grab the mic and then get them back?

So it's like, you know. Wow. And if you can. Yeah. Let me just dig this hole real quick and see if I can get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to do that to myself. Sometimes I would go on stage at open mics and I would purposely say something that I knew was going to alienate the room. And then I would spend the rest of the time trying to dig myself out of the hole.

Just to put myself, I like being in uncomfortable situations because I feel like it makes me grow comedically. Because you're going to have those nights where, like you said, nobody's on your side or they hated the guy before you, so now they're hating you before you even start. Yeah, there's a toxic energy that you got to deal with. Yeah, yeah. So I always try to learn something from my sets some nights i feel like you know i don't um yeah last night i did two sets and it was like you know they were fun you know i riffed that type of stuff maybe figured out one or two jokes but i didn't leave like you know like some nights i'll do something i'm like oh shit like i feel like i just you know just

graduated to like another yeah and like didn't even know it either but like oh wow yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but yeah like didn't even know that that next level was there right right right yeah but yeah once i realized how important comfort was that changed a lot for me and a guy named john moomer very funny comic john is so funny used to open up for justin schlegel all the time uh roy scoville and that crew yeah yeah yeah super funny guy and he's one of the guys who you know was you know years ahead of me when i started stand-up one of the guys who embraced me i used to mc for schlegel all the time when i first started so john would feature schlegel with headline and then i would open up nice and they would like take me down to the factory you know introduce me to people

and uh maybe like two or three years then me and john was doing a show at the improv in dc and i was backstage in the hallway and i was crazy nervous and i'm standing there and then the mc john comes off stage mc's out there and he introduced me give it up for your next guy you know this guy's very funny by the way jason williams and i'm about to go out the curtain and john just grabs me he grabs my arms and john's a pretty big guy so he like wraps me up so i can't move so like now people like the clapping is dying out no one's on stage the mc's like looking like where the fuck is jason which is so awkward for the audience too just like yeah yeah okay right and john just got me this fucking bear hug and then he finally lets me go and like pushes

me out of the curtain wow but it was like one of these things where he took me out of the nervousness because for those couple of seconds i'm not thinking about my bits i'm not thinking about anything else i was focusing on that so when he pushed me out i was in the moment right it was like what the fuck are you doing right right right and then i just went into my stuff and that was like a one of those life-changing comedic moments wow um because i think he'd say somebody actually did something like that to him like it just takes you out of you get so caught up in your head sometimes you know this bit comes after this bit remembering segues and callbacks yeah and sometimes it like just train wrecks in your head well also yeah then it just becomes stilted versus like versus

like a natural flow to it like okay point a to point b and then there's a call back here and then it just feels kind of flat yeah versus like if you're actually not really thinking about it but yeah in the moment with that uh-huh that's a pretty big risk too i think it's a risk like what what mooma did i like that somebody did it to him it It's going to be like a rite of passage. And you're just going to do it to the wrong guy. Just do it to the wrong guy. I do that to every first timer. Right, right, right. Just bear hug him.

Whenever I open for a big comedian, just grab him. Just grab Chris Rock before he goes out of the curtain. I'm being reviewed for termination. Got my pre-termination comedic letter. Whisper in his ear, I'm helping you. Right, right.

So real quick, before we wrap it up, thank you for coming by. Oh, yeah, man. It's fun. Thanks, man. This was great. Always. So if we could just talk about your kids, too, real quick. Because you say one of them may be a future serial killer. One of them might be a serial killer yeah and i love that you say he calls you diddy

he calls me diddy yeah anytime like giving him his food like he used to call my wife uh mimi and i was diddy so he still says diddy he's more so a mommy now but he still calls you should call your wife little kim little cam right right right, I'm the CEO of Bad Boy Entertainment. Uh-uh, uh-uh. So, yeah, he calls me dead. He's a funny kid. Like, I talk about him in my set now. Yeah.

And I got this bit where I'm talking about him. I think he's going to be a serial killer. Because you know how serial killers all have something that they do that normally alerts you to the fact that – Like torturing animals? Is that where we're going with this? You know how they're all serial killers? At least in movies. I'm not sure about real serial killers. All of them have a creepy-ass whistle or they'll do something.

In a movie, they walk out like they're like, What the fuck? They walk real slow. Walk real slow. They'll pull out their keys. Something crazy. They're super quiet. They're just behind you. Yeah, yeah. My son, I think this is going to be his thing. Whispers Bible passages to you in the dark.

Right. Luke 14, 18. Be strong, my faithful ye. Yeah. My faithful ye. I don't even know what that is. Be strong, faithful Diddy. Faithful Diddy.

Yeah. You don't even know how to read. What's happening? Right, right, right. What's happening? So he sings a specific line of the Itsy Bitsy Spider. Oh, Christ. This is creepy already.

Yeah, exactly. He sings, down came the rain. Oh, my God. Just like that. But he sings it at creepy-ass times. It's like a weird Noah's Ark reference, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cleansing the world of the evil.

You put him to bed at 7 o'clockclock and it's like 10 o'clock at night and you're washing dishes and I don't know where you head. Down came the wave. Right behind you. Your ass cheeks lock up on you. So yeah, I think he might be a serial killer, man. He's creepy sometimes.

Is he one of the twins? No, that's the oldest. So the twins aren't talking yet. Are they the look-alike type of twins? They No, that's the oldest. Oh, okay. Yeah, so the twins aren't talking yet. Are they the lookalike type of twins? They're fraternal, so no. Okay, I always forget which one that is. So identical is the lookalike. That makes sense.

Yeah, yeah. That makes a lot of sense. Fraternal, yeah. So, I mean, they got a lot of similarities. One's a lot bigger than the other, though. Liam is bigger than Emery. Oh, my nephew's name is Liam. Okay.

So what happened there is he just like he was just in the womb just muscling him out right from the start just like doing reps like it's prison right yeah liam was baby a so he was on the bottom oh okay so baby b emory the smaller one was on top long head he had more space uh-huh my wife said she could always feel him like flipping and moving he's the same way now he's like crawling standing up uh-huh but liam he was like shoved down into this little area so i think all he could do was eat right so he came out bigger right and he's still the same way like he's a very sweet kid but still just eating all the time eating right right right um and uh yeah so there's always about like a six or seven pound difference between the two. Wow, man. But just three kids.

Like, I can barely handle a dog. Right, right, right, right. I noticed that when I came in. Dog was doing cocaine in the living room. She was hyped up. Yeah, yeah. She was hyped up. Because, yeah, the leash was out.

There were new people. She's like, holy shit. I can barely handle taking the time to put the toilet paper roll, like, on the roll instead of just resting it on top. Yeah, yeah. Just reach back and grab it. Let alone keep three other little humans alive yeah yeah yeah jesus it's one of these things though man once you do crowd work and do crowd work right right it's one or the other it's right right i can't do both somebody's gonna die or daddy's gonna be in the moment i can't juggle all these balls. This is crazy.

Oh, my God, man. But it's fun. I mean, it's stressful. Yeah. But it's fun. Satisfying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, at the end of the day, you feel like you did something with your day.

Right. Yeah, it sounds like you won't have a lot of regrets when you die. Right, right, right. Which is the goal. It's such a sobering but yet nice thing. It's true. It's such a nice like what it comes down to yeah right at the end of it you're like okay that's good i did it all thank you and good night yeah yeah yeah it's like last night i'm driving to a show my wife calls me and says that

she'd ask sean my oldest to pick up a bunch of toys off the ground and sometimes there's some resistance but she was like you know he picked them all up he put them away just what he's supposed to he came upstairs and got ready for bed. And then he gets on the phone. He's like, Daddy. He's talking in voicemail. He's like, you ha-ha man? That's what he calls me, ha-ha man. Anytime I'm leaving for a show, I say, Daddy's got to go make people laugh.

He's like, could you ha-ha man? And I'm like, yeah, I'm ha-ha man. I think you found your new stage name. Right, right, right. I think I'm going to get t-shirts made. That might even be the name of the next special. Like, volume two, ha-ha man. That's not bad.

I like that. So that's like nice leaving out of the door you know your son you know saying that you're funny right yeah take that energy on stage and that yeah that he just like everything you do is great yeah yeah yeah yeah and then he tells me in a voicemail i love you too daddy uh so you go on stage talking about the band U2. Right, right, right, right. He's talking about Bono. Right. I love what he does for AIDS research. I want to be like Bono. Right. I just heard Joshua Tree.

It's great. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, bye, ha, ha, man. Exactly. So you have moments like that. It really puts things in perspective. Yeah. You go on stage. You're like, who gives a fuck if they laugh?

Right. Like my son just told me he loves me in the voicemail. Yeah, I'm killing it with my son. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, I like it for that, I'm killing it with my son. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, I like it for that. He's got late night connections. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It keeps things right.

I called Fallon daddy. Right, right, right, right, right. I put in a good word for it. Yeah, me and Questlove were having lunch the other day. So, I mean, it's good for that. Like before the kids, sometimes you get so caught up in my career comedy so on and so forth but it's just kind of it gives you something else to worry about yeah i've heard parents say that like it's so nice to not worry about yourself all the time yeah yeah it takes the focus off you

yeah it puts things in perspective it allows you to really prioritize and figure out what's important yeah and all of a sudden the stuff that was like you like a huge problem you're like oh that was bullshit compared to like it's bullshit yeah yeah like the real stuff like i'm in charge of people people yeah yeah yeah yeah versus like am i getting 20 minutes or should i should be featuring exactly yeah yeah yeah so that's the great thing about it man and you really find out that most shit in life is bullshit that's what you find out like kids show you that life is bullshit. That's what you find out. Kids show you that life is bullshit.

Yeah, yeah. Are you okay? Are you happy? The more you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, I think we should end it there. That was a nice note. Yeah, man. Kids show you that life is bullshit.

It is, man. But in a good way. But in a good way. Let's end it before we ruin it with some sarcastic bullshit. Right, right, right. Thank you for having me, guys. Complaining about other things. Right.

For my water bill. $14. If I may bring up my credit card debt. Three months. Why am I paying this convenience fee? Is anybody else's DVR cutting shows off three minutes before? What the fuck is that? I've got to go into settings

and add an additional five on the front end and the back end fucking i don't i'm never gonna know what happened on deadwood exactly i've got to watch five minutes of the good wife i don't know if they'll ever get that train out into the west yeah right right right right so much speculation oh wait real quick uh that just reminded me i uh i reminded me. The thing you're talking about, like your son saying you're funny and how touching that is. I just recently, like in the past year, connected with a half-brother that I have for the first time. And he's 13. And he was at, I think he still is.

He's at camp all summer. Okay. And he was texting me like, hey, I'm bored. And we're going back and forth. And he's like, can you send me some of your youtube videos so i sent him some of my stuff yeah and uh he didn't say anything that i was like did you watch him he's like he's like oh yeah i'm laughing so hard you're good at comedy he used the wrong year and i was just right right wanted to like cry it's great thanks man yeah like we haven't even met yet like we've talked

and stuff but just knowing that like your family and like this little kid's like laughing you got me lol and over here like oh man that's a good feeling that's very sweet so i can't imagine having like a little kid just like right man i love you you're funny like it's all worth it it's all worth it man that's great yeah so that's what i do it for and uh yeah i know everything's gonna work out the exact way it's supposed to wow that's great mike do you feel that way that everything's going to work out the exact way it's supposed to. Wow. That's great. Mike, do you feel that way, that everything's going to work out? Well, let's bring the energy down a notch.

You know, I'd be lying if I said I don't struggle with being a glass-half-empty type of guy. But when I am able to take a clear perspective on things, especially with family, like when my mom tells me she's proud of me and my dad yeah like um yeah i i can i i should and try to be very grateful for especially just the last like i was i was taking a nap at my mom's yesterday because i was like in between doing stuff and i stopped by for dinner right and uh i i i thought about you know i'd stayed with her like five years ago when i broke

up with my fiance pretty much And I was just like down Like right before I started doing comedy Just like felt horrible And I remember just like laying in that bed And thinking like you know I just gotta like try my best I feel like the whole world's falling apart

I got nothing going for me But I'm gonna try my damnedest At getting a life together that I love Yeah yeah And you know And I feel like i've pretty much done like five years later it's like wow i think i pulled it off for the most part so excellent if i could just see things a little a little more accurately in life instead of

pessimistically yeah and it's those moments that i'm extremely grateful yeah and it's it sounds like the long-term perspective i think what we're all talking about like like in the very moment of like something's going wrong so do you think it's so fucked up like in the long-term perspective, I think, what we're all talking about. Like, in the very moment of, like, something's going wrong, something you think is so fucked up, like, in the long run, it doesn't matter. Right, right. What are people going to say at your funeral, you know? Yeah. That's the stuff. I do think about that. Like, I want a well-attended funeral.

Right. You know? Yeah. Which is why I plan on going out pretty soon before my peak starts. Yeah. Yeah, you want to go out on a high for sure yeah sure you don't about perspective like it's like what are people really gonna remember about right right right are they does it really matter like my petty bullshit yeah yeah shit at work and yeah and it

doesn't it really doesn't yeah like that's what you see more and more and like i watch a lot of kids movies and tv shows like during the day all, all I see is Disney Junior, Nick Junior. If we're in the car, we're watching movies. Spice Junior. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Spice Junior. Right.

Playboy Junior. Right. So we were watching a movie, Frozen. Yeah. The other day. And it's a song in there where the lady says, when you step back,

it makes everything seem small. Sure. And like my kids just watch it and dancing and liking it. But to me, I'm like, oh, that shit, it resonated with me. sure and like my kids just watch it and dancing and liking it but to me i'm like oh that shit like it resonated with me it's like it literally you're not going through the stuff with the school system everything else you're like wiping away a tear watching frozen yeah yeah yeah paying attention right right right and uh i'm not a particularly religious person uh my father's muslim my mother's christian but i find truth in everything

like you know in all religions and everything. I'm a spiritual person. Yeah. But it's one of these things where, like, I was reading, it's a lady named Ayanna Van Zandt. She's one of, like, Oprah's good friends. She's, like, a life coach. Oh, yeah. She does the moving up in the house thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember watching that. But she sent out something on Facebook or tweeted it the other day and it just like stuck with me and she was saying you know a lot of times when life is ready for you to make a change and we're resistant to it life will find any way to push you where it wants you to be now you can think about life as that as god as whatever you want to do but like for me in this position with the school system thing like in the moment you're thinking oh this is a disaster yeah but like no maybe this is life saying okay look this is done you need to be here because something amazing is about to happen with your comedy right so like just stop fighting just be it's like the beatles song like just just let it be yeah like it's it's helter skelter yeah yeah yeah right right wow so that's what i try to do man

just just take my hands off of it do what i can do yeah to set yourself up to be in that position yeah and then just let the rest happen man damn well this has been great i this is this is awesome so next time i move we'll have you back again right right let me know man yeah i'll try to ruin things with this next landlord too okay we'll get you back pretty soon right lots of water damage in the future i'll spread some rumors. Planting drugs in the house and things like that. Right, right. We'll try to speed up the process. Josh hasn't been keeping up on his lawn.

I saw lots of heroin receipts laying around on the table. The house is lousy. Are you okay with that Nazi flag hanging outside? Did that come with the house? Oh, okay. I'm not trying to start anything. Yeah, yeah. All right, trying to start anything. Yeah. All right.

So let's plug some stuff here. Let's focus on what's important. Our Twitters. Twitters, yeah. Jason, where can everybody find you online? On Twitter, at JWeemsComedy. That's at J-W-E-E-M-S comedy. Facebook, Jason Weems, or the fan page, Jason Weems Comedy.

Website, JasonWesComedy.com. Got some great merch up there, really funny shirts, your first DVD and all that. First DVD, yeah, great merchandise. Some good-ass shirts. Good-ass shirts. I had to go with good-ass jokes. And, yeah, all the show dates are there. Coming up is, what do I got coming up? Some local headlining stuff next couple days.

I'm actually doing the Oddball Fest, the Funny or Die. No shit. August 21st is going to be in Virginia. Wow. Congrats, man. A lot of big people on that show. It rotates, but you know, guys like Louis C.K. Aziz. Yeah, Mark Maron, Amy Schumer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chris Hardwick, yeah. Right, so I'll be a part of that on the 21st of August. Beginning of September, doing the Cool Runner shows with Cool Cow Comedy. Oh, Ramin's the man. He's the man. Puts together a really amazing show. Guy out of Virginia, producer, comic, very good guy.

Yeah, check him out, Cool Cow Comedy. Then in October, I'm actually going to be in the islands doing shows in St. Lucia. I'll be in St. Lucia doing shows. Really? Yeah. Wow. I don't know where it is, but that sounds nice. Yeah, it's in the West Indies in uh st lucia i'll be in st lucia doing shows really yeah wow i don't know where it is but that sounds nice yes in the west indies uh what for real yeah wow the west indies yeah october 2nd through the 6th i'll be down there aaron jackson will be doing the shows

uh wow it's a part of this thing called the annual takeover um so yeah so things are things are good go headed to the west indies yeah that's not bad. Right, right. Getting paid to perform on vacation pretty much. Exactly, yeah. There you go. Well, I'll be doing some open mics. Mike, where can we find you on Twitter? At Michael Moran 10. Hey now.

Hey now. And that's the number 10. Not the word. Right. And then you're also contributing to What Weekly? Yes, I should have a column up pretty soon called You Can Relax. Right. And then you're also contributing to What Weekly. Yes, I should have a column up pretty soon called You Can Relax. Nice. Just a regular column.

That's the plan. Yeah. I'm not sure exactly how it's going to go. And it's going to be your typical kind of skeptical view. It's skeptical optimism. Yeah. Slash media watchdog. Basically, I'm going to take

whatever the news is trying to convince us is killing us this week or going to kill us and remind people of how good our lives are through statistics. And that it's not the end of the world. Right. Nice. And you can find me, Josh Kaderna,

at BetterRobotJosh on Twitter, guys. Come on. Follow me. Come on. I'm so close to 500, guys. Let's tip the scales if we could, please. What am I doing at 498? Come on. You fools. You've been at 498 since 2009. What the fuck? What's happening there? I mean, those are the 498 my Twitter

came with when I bought it. That was preloaded. Yeah, exactly. I need some real people. Yeah, all these eggs. Fucking eggs following me. And Tom from MySpace is following. I've got dozens of eggs following me. Yeah. I've got more eggs following me than a chicken.

Right, right, right, right. Or something. Guys, look for that tweet. I'm going to tweet that. Tweet that, right. Twitter omelets. You've got more eggs than a fallopian tube. Right, right, right.

Twitter omelets. It's fucking Twitter omelets. Omelets. Also on Instagram. And then I got some shows coming up as well. I'll be at Magoobie's Joke House, August 14th through the 16th. Those are the big shows that I know about right now. The headliner is the Pitbull of comedy.

Bobby Slayton. Bobby Slayton. I'm going to try to take his name. I'm going to say I think I should be the Pitbull. Right. We'll see how that goes. Irish setter. The Irish setter of comedy. I'm the Yorkie of comedy. Right, right. I'm going to try I think I should be the pit bull. Right. We'll see how that goes. Irish setter. The Irish setter of comedy.

I'm the Yorkie of comedy. Right, right. I'm going to try to get into that. That's what we should do. We should all just be dogs, man. We'll have a dog-themed comedy group. Uh-huh. Right.

Ooh, Ha Ha Man leads into Baja Men. There you go. Right? Right. Ha Ha Men? Uh-huh. There you go. Who let the laughs out?

There you go. Whoop, whoop. Wow. Guys, a lot of great ideas. We've got some good scripts. We do let the laughs out There you go Guys a lot of great ideas We got some good scripts Who let the dogs joke Who let the dogs joke We're copywriting that So nobody take that

And thank you to everybody that's listening All of our live dates are posted On digressionsessions.com So check that out Go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar. So check that out. Go to digressionsessions.com. Find us on iTunes. Rate, rate, review us. Love us. The three R's. Yes, please. And then

check out our network that we're a part of now, our podcast network, Thundergrunt. Go to thundergrunt.com and support all of our family of podcasts and all that stuff. So one more time, Jason, thank you very much. Thanks for having me. Thanks, man. Thanks, Josh.

Thank you to everybody that's listening. We love you. Goodbye. Bye.