The Digression Sessions - Ep. 132 - Josh & Mike & Africa (@BetterRobotJosh & @MichaelMoran10)

Episode Date: September 15, 2014

Follow us on Twitter: @BetterRobotJosh - Josh Kuderna @MichaelMoran10 - Mike Moran @DigSeshPod - For Podcast Updates @CoreyCohen4 - Corey Cohen Hola Digheads! Today's very special episode of Digression Sessions just may be the strangest yet. It takes place in a car for one, so listen as Josh and Mike joke about how they're totally going to be in an accident (hahaha) and then it almost happens. Yeah, it get's a little uncomfortable. But its not like they're running any podcasting while driving PSAs, are they? Secondly, the whole whacky vibe of the episode shifts dramatically half way through, as Josh and Mike cut the joking and que in a serious debate concerning the well-being of Africa. Those of you Digheads paying attention to the Facebook page will recall a slightly tense exchange on the page between Josh and Mike in regards to a discussion about Africa on a previous podcast, resulting in a a few commenters fearing trouble in paradise. But what's a podcast without a little drama, aye? Anyway, the boys talked it out with respect and without murdering each other. Seriously, this is one of the great one guys! Oh, and we had comedian Corey Cohen chimming in from the back seat from time to time! Thanks, Digheads! You're the best!

Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey, everybody. I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to the Digression Sessions Podcast, a Baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence. As we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes.

Who's the guest this week? guest no no there's no guest it is just mike and i yes actually this might be a special episode well there's there's kind of a guest yeah yeah there's uh there's a special guest in the back seat yes his name jesus christ we were driving and then all of a sudden i wasn't in the driver's seat and i knew jesus was driving shouldn't jesus be the pilot and you be the co pilot yeah i mean i was in the back seat right i think he had it yeah but do we want to say cory's on the show cory cohen yeah sure okay we don't want to say he's the guest oh yeah yeah but he's in the back but he's in yeah. But he's in the backseat. But he's in the backseat. He's in the backseat. We can acknowledge his existence.

He's there. Mike and I did a show in Frederick, Maryland. Yes. And I have that mobile recorder that I'm in love with. And so we went up. We carpooled to a show. And then on the way back, we said, why not make some juicy content? Yes.

On the way home. So we recorded make some juicy content yes on the way home so we recorded instead we did a podcast instead mike and i did a podcast and uh it was lovely we just couldn't afford juicy content sorry sorry sorry next time uh but yes cory cohen uh wanted to ride along and see the show and uh he chimes in here and there and it is funny because you can barely hear him because we only had two microphones. I think this was a great episode, though. I really do. I had a lot of fun. There were some thrills.

We almost died. We almost died. We almost got our... We were joking about how we're going to die on the air. It's going to become this internet meme. Listen to these jackasses die. And then it almost happens. Yep.

Yep. While we were talking about farts. Or I was. Was it farts while we were talking about farts or i was was it farts i was talking about farts a lot and uh as i'm want to do sure those may be my last words i think i have to come to terms with that yeah um but that's okay yeah okay there's a lot of episodes you can choose like don bagdaryl you'll go out doing what you love i'm gonna get shot by a crazed fan well one can only hope i mean you know you get a you get a big laugh you know you're feeling great on stage and then you're out and you're done it's like all right that wasn't so bad okay i wouldn't mind that's what i'm planning on happening for you

oh my god wow what a revelation i just don't want you to have a painful death you just want me to be shot to death. That's all. Doing what you love. No pain. Just shot. All right, guys. Well, enjoy this episode. We had a nice talk, and then it gets mildly serious at the end. It was a friendly debate. Yes.

If you're familiar with the film From Dusk Till Dawn, it takes a twist like that. The first half of the movie is like a crime movie. Yep. And then it turns into a vampire fighting movie. Right. It's kind of like that. The tone completely shifts. Yeah.

Corey Cohen is, in fact, a vampire. Yes. Emotionally. He's an energy vampire. Just kidding, Corey. We love you. No, of course. No, I don't think it shifted.

I mean, we were still joking, and then it got semi-serious, but it was never a fuck you. No. No, that's not what I'm saying at all. Okay. Yeah. See, I mentioned killing vampires and all the sudden things. I know.

I know. Well, yeah, so we had a nice exchange. I don't know if nice. We had an exchange. It was a nice exchange. I don't know if nice. We had an exchange. It was a nice exchange. Yeah. We kept it classy. On the current state of the continent of Africa,

of which we are both experts at. Scholars. So you should, you know, respect her. If you want to hear two white guys hovering around their 30s debate the status of the continent of Africa. Based on TED Talks that they've seen. Or that they've heard other people talk about. And just like the titles of books.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. That I've seen in Barnes and Nobles. That I've gleamed from dreams of mine, which I think are real. Yeah. So this was good. So we had a nice talk.

It was fun to do a podcast in the car. Yeah, I think it was a great episode. I'm excited to hear it, actually. So enjoy that, guys. And come see us live because we got a bunch of dates coming up, a bunch of really good shows. And on the 17th is Chuckle Storm, a live talk show with stand-up, sketch, interviews, characters, all kinds of fun stuff and then on the 26 michael yes we are doing our first live podcast at the wind-up space in baltimore maryland wow yeah i wasn't i told about this you sound excited um and we're doing stand-up there as well yeah we'll be doing

stand-up alongside uh tommy simbazo andon. It is, in fact, a Thundergrunt night. A whole night of Thundergrunts. That's right. That is our home. You heard it on the bumper on the intro. Thundergrunt Podcast Network. We're going to try to do maybe a monthly show for Thundergrunt doing live podcasts and showing off various talents within the network. There's going to be music, stand-up, live podcasts.

Maybe I can do that thing where i like swallow stuff and then spit it back up without swallowing it every month you put your fist in your mouth and everything wow it gets better every month no i can really do that go on you can he's doing it right now uh so yeah come out to that we're gonna have some great guests we got a few lined up right now we got a director director, Chris LaMartina, lined up for that. Tommy Sambaza, who I mentioned, will be a guest. Hilarious guy. Ben O'Brien, right?

The O'Brien clan. That's him. That's him. So we got some good stuff lined up here. More guests to be announced. TBA. So I think we're going to have like four to five. I'm going to try to get a lady in there.

Don't announce that we're making an effort to be diverse just act like we're naturally diverse gonna try to get one of them immigrants in there you know i'm talking about we're gonna get a toddler in there just to mix things up we're trying to get on nbc this fall we need some diversity maybe maybe a hen okay i wouldn't mind that. Just a squawking chicken up there. Okay. So, yeah, guys, come to the show. Look out for that squawking hen. Or as Mike calls them, women. He's not.

The squawking hen cast. Squawking hen. On Thunder Crunch. Squawking hens. So follow us on Twitter as well. I'm at BetterRobotJosh. I am at MichaelMoran10. There it is.

There it is. So follow us. Go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar for all of our upcoming live dates. Rate and review us on iTunes and Stitcher. We really appreciate that. The higher we get up in the rankings

and all that stuff, we can get bigger guests because that gives us some clout and they see that we're not just two jerk-offs. Right. And we fall. Well, they think we're not two jerk-offs. Until we get them on the podcast.

And then it's too late. What are they going to do? Leave. We lock the doors. Of course. There's no escape. Yeah, exactly. The only escape is death.

Or podcasting. Yeah. Podcast or death. Right. Exactly. That's the rules here. It's the new inquisition at the Dig Sesh HQ. Give me podcast or give me death. Yeah. Podcast or death. Right. Exactly. That's the rules here. It's the new inquisition at the Dig Sesh HQ.

Give me podcast or give me death. Yep. Exactly. Podcast free or die hard. That would be a good flag, actually, that podcast or death. And instead of the snake that's broken up, it'd be a microphone. That's a good idea. That would look cool. Why'd you say it live?

Now someone else is going to steal it. Someone should make it for us. Yeah. That would be cool. Free stuff. Yeah. Do that. Oh else is going to steal it. Someone should make it for us. Yeah. That would be cool. Free stuff. Yeah, do that. Oh, and guys, I was a guest on the Hobo Trash Can, another podcast on this network. So check that out.

Is that the movie one? Yeah, kind of. It's like an entertainment kind of podcast. And it was a lot of fun. So with Joel Murphy and Lars over there killing it. So I think that's it for this nice rambling intro yeah so it's me and you talking right music bumper me and you talking some more excellent that's what i like that's what the people like i hope if we could just

like fill in that music bumper with us talking then it would be even better if we could get that fucking music bumper out of that slowly etching slowly etching our way up to iTunes being nothing but us talking. Yeah, just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That'll be the bumper into the next segment. Right. Yeah. All right, Mike. I had a great time talking to you.

Me too. Now let's listen to me and you. Talk to me and you. Sounds good to me and you. That's a pretty good sign off. Sounds good to me and you. I'm Mike Moran. Bye, everybody.

Thanks, everyone. Bye, everyone. Hello. Hello. It's a car cast. Car cast. It's your favorite pair of earbuds here broadcasting live from I-70. Hoping we don't die. Josh is holding a microphone to his lips and fooling with the recorder. Yep.

And texting. And I just cannot get enough of this latte either. Num, num, num, num, num. Josh Coderna here with my good friend and confidant, Mike Moran. Just did a show in Frederick, Maryland. And we were carpooling. And I was like, you know what? I'm going nuts with this mobile recording thing.

I feel like we're doing car talk. Yeah. Except for we're in a car. Uh-huh. What do you mean, like, car talk? Isn't there some dumbass NPR show called Car Talk that everybody's like, I just love car talk? I don't know. I've heard too many people talk about car talk.

That's a big, like, white people thing. White people love car talk. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, Mike. Yes. Yeah, like you said, this will either be a success in that we don't die.

Right. Or the biggest success in that we do die. Yes. This will be the number one downloaded podcast. Right. Should we say something like kind of into the black box just in case? I'm a good man. Just right up front.

I love you, Mom. I love Slipknot rules. I want to say that, number one. They're on TMZ. And his final words were, no fat chicks. I bet on my tombstone. Oh, man. No.

This is actually kind of exciting. The car cast. Look at this. We're multitasking. We're not just wasting time. Well, I'm of exciting. The car cast. Look at this. We're multitasking. We're not just wasting time. Well, I'm not really. You know what this feels like? Do you remember a video game in the arcade when we were young, early 90s, where it was

a car game where you shoot while you're driving? Now, though it both... We should say that we do have guns in our hands. Yes. Though both of the players got to shoot, only one got to drive and shoot. Oh, that's not fun. There was a steering wheel on the left supplemented by a gun, and then the guy on the right just got a gun. Right.

The literal shotgun position. Yes. Right. Good thinking. Hey, yeah. Uh-huh. Don't say wow after I say something. No, I'm shocked that as a child I didn't come up with that or hear someone else. I am shocked you put that together, you Claude.

I am absolutely, I am floored by, that's the most creative I've ever heard you be. It's a good thing you're sitting down. Wow. Wow. Anyway, no, I don't remember the name of that oh but do you remember the game uh i feel like i remember playing something in that vein um well yeah i'm sure you played many games in that vein but i got you played very many of that exact i can't remember it specifically and this could just be something i'm creating in my mind

like i can see the wheel i can see the gun in the holster and the pedals on the floor. But I just can't picture the name, you know, like a time crisis or that type of. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, I never asked you for a name, Josh. I just asked you if you remember the game. I mean, I guess. Look, I'm trying to yes and you as much as possible.

But you're putting yes and you're failing. Yes. And I'm putting your feet to the fire on this one. I remember one of the first times I met you, you made a yes, and joke at my expense. Oh, boy. It was when I was taking improv classes. Uh-huh. And I just fucking zinged you right to the wall.

I think maybe I said something about a video, an improv video or something that I wanted to watch. And you're like, what's it called? Yes, and volume three. And then you follow it with the greatest yes, ands of all time. That's pretty good. I'm making myself laugh. Yeah, no, not bad. That's pretty good.

No, I remember thinking like this guy's got to get the fuck out of my face. I pray to God I never podcast with him in this guy's got to get the fuck out of my face. I heard him. I pray to God I never podcast with him in a car. Pray to God. Pray to me. That's Batman as a local pastor. Batman. Batman.

He's in all the garb, but just with his Batman hat on. Right. Batman hat on? Like, he has, like, a hat from the early 90s. Right. Like, the flaps coming down the back. with his Batman hat on. Right. Batman hat on? Like he has like a hat from the early 90s. Right. Like the flaps coming down the back. The guided adventure world. Right.

I'm like his Jewish grandmother referring to his cow as a hat. Make sure you put your hat on when you're fighting the bad people. Is your hat warm enough? It's cold. Batman's, it's cold out there. I don't want the Joker spraying that flower of acid at you. So what? You saved the whole city.

I still worry. Okay. All right. Michael, we should say, too, there's somebody in the backseat. What? Yep. Holy shit, there is. You know that type of fear you have while you're driving that there's always a killer in the backseat just waiting to get you?

But if you don't look back there, they're not real. Do you remember the story about the high beam lights? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a spooky one of them. Just tell our listeners, they're not real. Do you remember the story about the high beam lights? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just tell our listeners if they may not know. Okay. You may not know. Okay, so this is the version I always recount. I was big on these things when I was a kid,

so I knew various versions of this. You're big into legends. I am. Big into the mythology, ghost stories, things like that. The film I Am Legend. legends. I am. Big into the mythology, ghost stories, things like that. The film I Am Legend. Yes. Uh-huh. John Legend.

Which accurately predicted Batman-Superman mashup, from what I understand. Oh, interesting. I've never seen that film, and yet I have a second anecdote, if I may, real quick. Oh, please, please. Mike Patton from Faith No More did the voice of the monsters. Interesting. Did they talk? I think they just made growly sounds.

Oh, okay. And they brought him in. They're like, hey, you got a good growl. Yes. It's like Vin Diesel in Guardians of the Galaxy. Guys, it is tough podcasting and talking at the same time while driving. Podcasting and talking at the same time? It's tough.

It's way easier when we just don't talk. I know. We just think our thoughts i just put the microphone up to my temples you know it's not going to be long before like a smartphone allows us to do that yeah exactly um okay but in guardians of the galaxy vin diesel he plays or he does the voice of a character groot yes and the guy only says i am groot like vin diesel did a really good job but they modified his voice so much you wouldn't be able to tell it's really yeah it really could be anybody he literally just says

that i am groot yeah but he says it with a bunch of different inflections and that type of thing but yeah that's that's all that he says but you know he just came into the studio one day and said i am groot like four times in an hour and left now apparently he said it like millions of times because they had to do it in different languages too for the international film crowds. But if he's agreeing, he'd be like, I am Groot. Wait a minute. Or if he's angry, he'd be like, I am Groot. All right, let's back the truck up here one second.

I can't, Michael. We are on the highway. You're telling me that when they do movies with celebrity voiceovers like Shrek and stuff like that, The celebrities don't record in a bunch of different languages, do they? They might. I bet they get paid a lot extra. If they don't want to do it, I'm sure they have people that can mimic voices really well. Right. That'll just do it.

But that was a story. That was one of the things. Vin Diesel is like, he read it in 70 million different languages. You're like, hey, good for you. Anyway, we got a lot of irons in the fire here. I know this is the digression sessions, but we should circle back. Okay. diesel is like he read it in 70 million different languages you're like hey good for you anyway we got a lot of irons in the fire here i know this is the digression sessions but we should circle back okay uh headlights you high beams oh i should turn my lights on while we're driving um you were gonna say something about legends yeah okay um let's do that. Okay. So let's set the scene here.

There's a woman. She is driving home from something, some sort of gathering, a basketball game perhaps. Maybe a gathering of juggalos maybe? Yeah. Okay. Let's do that. All right. There's a gathering of the juggalos.

I'm scared already. A juggalette leaves the gathering. Okay. She's driving home. Lives in like a slightly rural area. You know, she's gone down a few like kind of isolated roads, you know, probably out in some shitty county somewhere. Uh-huh. Maybe passes a Sheetz.

You know what I mean? Drives past the place where she lost her virginity. Like, I don't know. Down by Cobbler's Creek. So you're saying she's just circling the Juggalos convention then? Yes. She gets around it. She's driving home. She's down on these windy country roads.

And she noticed this car has been following her the entire time. And she's getting in like kind of the sticks. And she's kind of like, wow, this guy's still following me. And just as soon as she thinks it starts to get weird, the guy starts honking his horn and flashing his high beams. So she jerks around. But does she have a bumper sticker that says honk if you're horny? Perhaps, in fact.

Right, okay. I haven't researched that. I don't mean to derail you, but that could be on her. Look that up on Snopes, please. Did that woman, in fact, have a bumper sticker that read honk if you're horny? Go on. One, honk if you're a warning? Go on. One for honk.

So, okay. So he's honking. So she's a little freaked out. She drives a little faster. Again, he does the same thing. And this time he actually taps her car a little bit with his. So she's really freaking out. And why she doesn't call the police, I haven't really considered the story since the mid-90s.

This is before cell phones, though, right? Well, if it's before cell phones, it's probably before Juggalos. So this is BJ and BC. Before cell phones, before Juggalos. Let's say her cell phone got stolen at the concert. Of course. Or she bartered it away for some Faygo and some face paint. Good idea.

Right. Good thinking. Okay. So she turns down a really... She knows this back road to get to her place. And she turns down real suddenly, hoping to lose the guy. Follows her down the back road. More of the same stuff.

Every now and then, she's already super tense same stuff every now and then he'll she's already super tense and every now and then just horns start talking high beams flashing and he bumps into the back of her car repeatedly does this just out of nowhere she finally makes it to her house she drives uh right up to the front door just like right up onto the porch opens the door she drives through her living room murdering her entire family. And that's it. And he's still following her. Right. He's still behind her. He's right behind her, but she realizes she can make it in the house just in time.

Slams the door, locks it. Let me ask you this. Did she think of pulling the, like, alright, I know I'm gonna turn right, but I'm gonna put my left blinker on. Good thinking. I don't know. Right. She is abroad, so, you know. Yeah. Let's say she was

dyslexic. Okay. So even if she does think she's pulling one over on him, she's not. You know what? She traded her turn signal for Faygo as well. Let's say that. She's a thirsty gal. Yeah. Okay. So she rushes in, locks the door, goes and grabs the phone, calls the cops right away.

Yeah. Cops come there, and they pull the guy out of the car that's following her. They handcuff him. They got him on the ground. You know, they're ready to tase him. And right before she's watching the whole thing from the porch at this point, you know, the guy seems calm. He doesn't seem like a maniac. She's wondering what's going on.

Finally, they let the guy talk and he says, I wasn't trying to harm her. I was trying to warn her about the axe wielding maniac in her backseat. And then they find an axe wielding maniac in the backseat. Why he wouldn't have ran away. Like why he wouldn't just have ducked out? Yeah, I guess maybe. Okay. You know what?

They open the back door, and he does the thing where he pulls on his collar. He's like, ooh, ooh, ooh. Is this the restroom? Damn, GPS. I was looking for the gift shop. Boy, did I fall asleep. You know what? I think I remember the version that Otto told on The Simpsons.

Kind of, yeah, yeah. Where she gets killed at the end. She actually loses the guy. And then that's when she realizes that the... I think I like that version better. Yeah, because that guy wouldn't... Yeah, he would have made his move by then. You think, too, when the woman would have been getting hit in the back,

like the guy ramming the back of her car, the guy in the backseat would have been like, Jesus Christ, you know? Ah, fuck. Like, who is that? Who is behind us? And she just thinks, like, God, that man's really loud, too. He's cursing at me. Must have a horn.

You can hear him right away. Oh, too. He's cursing at me. Must have a horn. You can hear him right away. Oh, good. It's now lightly drizzling, which makes our imminent deaths even more likely. The weather report. I'm digging this, too. Yeah, it is. It's a little wet. A little wet and wild, but hey, aren't all our podcasts.

Hi, I'm Josh Koderna. That's Mike Moran. Yes. And the axe-wielding murderer in the backseat is Mr. Corey Cohen. Now, your Facebook has a different last name, Corey. You sure it's just not a different guy? Hold on. Say hi to the people, Corey.

Hello, guys. Hey. Hey, I'm Corey Cohen. Okay. He's Corey Cohen, everybody. But, yeah, so he wanted to come to the show with us, and I said, all right, meet me in my house, and we'll fucking take you, you fucking piece of shit. And he said, oh, okay, good. yeah, so he wanted to come to the show with us and I said, all right, meet me in my house and we'll fucking take you, you fucking piece of shit. And he said, oh, okay, good.

Yeah. We love you. I, you know, he speaks in the way the Royal way. Yeah. So, uh, Corey's yeah, we're all, we're all on the same team. Hey, hey now, hey now that's my favorite team. Um, so Mike, uh, this is our car cast and we would normally be catching up right now. So, uh, what's my favorite team. So Mike, this is our car cast. We would normally be catching up right now.

So what's been going on, man? What's up? Well, we just did a show. Yeah. Right? From what I remember. From what I'm told. I performed for 10 minutes plus.

Yes, we performed. It was one of those nights for me where it went okay, you know? Like the plane was landed. Yeah. It was pulled off. Yeah. But the magic just wasn't there, you know? People aren't going to yelp about it either way.

They're not going to say, oh, worst plane ride or oh, best plane ride. They're like, oh, it got me to my destination. It wasn't like the movie Flight, but it also wasn't. You were drunk and you did turn the microphone upside down, though. Did I? Yeah. Oh, wow. I must have been really drunk.

You fell out of the wagon. Corey, you do not talk back there. You keep it down. You look out for axe wielding maniacs. No, thank you for coming, Corey. What do you want to say to the people, Corey, the digheads out there? I was going to say it was a good show. Josh and Mike did really well.

We have a gun to Corey's head for those listening. He's reading. I love her. I need like $6,500. He denounces america send it as a gift though so those greedy paypal bastards don't take it take a chunk of it and the people that listen to our podcast uh-huh um it was one of those shows where it was kind of like crowd wasn't to it you guys soldier yeah it was uh i i enjoyed the show it was just i think the crowd was a little partied out on

memorial day better than me though you i don't know i feel like there's times when i just it gets better over time but there's still times where it just doesn't flow and it's just being forced. Well, you can just kind of feel you're swimming upstream. Yeah. You're more natural than me in that capacity. Well, thank you. I feel like I had to because I was first up in hosting, so you're trying to break the ice and make it fun. Yeah, but just in general, you're more of...

I don't know. Mine's more like a presentation. Yours is more is more of a discourse oh yeah yeah try to try to engage the people and i think that's kind of what they just wanted like it more had like less of a show vibe more like a hangout right right and i think that's what the people wanted so when it got a little too like you weren't afforded the artifice of a show like oh it's a person on stage it was just like all right that's another guy which is fine like it was just a different vibe and you know sunday night on memorial day weekend so yeah you know this was the plan that they made for memorial day weekend or lack thereof they're like all right let's just go to the bar and hopefully they'll be funny right but i had fun shout out to uh ryan

naser and talk moffitt for having us. Thanks, fellas. So that was good. Always a pleasure. Yeah, yeah. Show was good. How have you been, Josh? I'm doing well, man.

Yeah. Always doing well. Always doing well. Always doing well. Always. You know, the Nile ain't just a psychological defense mechanism. Duh, Nile. Yes.

Corey, you keep it down back there. Hey, if your seatbelt's not on, I will turn this car around. We will turn this into the third act of Pulp Fiction so quickly. My mom always told me when they're podcasting, I'll drive in to wear your safety belt. Good, good. I don't know if the people can hear Corey, but he just said how great we are. And that's all he just keeps repeating, so good on him.

Yeah, things are good. I was a team leader at work this week. That was nice. Yeah, what does that entail? You are just like the point person for everybody on your team. Point guard. Yeah, I just box people out person for everybody on your team. The point guard. Yeah. I just box people out, try to get rebounds.

Well, you know, like, Jesus Christ, Corey, no one can hear you. On my fake metaphor, he goes, that's more of a power forward job. Hey, Corey, shut it. What do you mean a fake metaphor? I mean, a metaphor is kind of a metaphor. Yeah, I guess, but I wasn't sincerely saying i was the point guard i mean what's a metaphor anyway see that's the type of gold core you get a microphone you can say some shit like that all right what's it big for i don't know you better ask your mother bro what about uh when

uh there's there's like a question mark on a sign on the side of the road? Like yield? No, like there's a... No, like not like after, like stop, I don't know, whatever. Somebody told this girl that I went to high school with when she was going through driver's ed that all the stop signs with gray around them were just suggestions. No way. She was like, really? Wow. Of course, all stop signs with gray around them were just suggestions. No way. And she was like, really?

Wow. Of course, all stop signs here in America have that. And she's dead. And so are the other people that thought she was going to stop. But, you know, sometimes there's just a question mark on a sign. It's like, who knows what's there? What were we talking about? You were team leader.

Team leader. And this week in Cubicle Adventures, around 8.35 in the morning, I was headed down to the cafeteria to grab a coffee, grab a cup of Ambition, you know, Mike? Sure. And I see this fella heating up some food in the microwave, heating up his breakfast, and it was hot dogs. Diced hot dogs with cheese all over it and i was like oh man it's a little early for hot dogs he goes well i'm on a uh carb-free diet so like he had the upper hand like you're still eating hot dogs uh yeah i'm eating sliced hot dogs okay i care about my body it's, just because you're cutting out the bread

doesn't mean you're a fucking animal. You know, I can empathize with this fella. Like, when I was a vegetarian, I was like, yeah, I'm a vegetarian, so don't, you know, yeah, I'm eating, you know, pizza or whatever. Toaster strudels for dinner, an entire package of them.

Yes, I'm squirting the icing directly down my throat, but I'm a vegetarian. Okay. All right. Yeah, that's kind of how I was. I just figured I had free reign on everything else. All right. So what happened next? Nothing.

He took the moral high ground and acted like he's doing better because he's on a diet. Right. Oh, okay. So hot dogs and cheese yeah and the cheese got all over the microwave too and he didn't clean it up oh wow somebody posted a big sign like if it was you that got cheese all over the microwave clean really did you tat did you not and we didn't tattle just snitch nah i feel like that's on him man he's got to deal with that karma you know right karma dogs yeah that's what he'll be eating karma dog it's my favorite eating carbs but he has a shitload

of karma on his plate i'll tell you that i'll tell you that right now uh but yeah it was just very weird like oh hot dogs all right yeah and i'm not saying that i'm beyond uh eating some some crap in the morning like i like cold cold pizza. You're not beyond that? Hot dogs and cheese? This guy. Wow. But I mean right in the morning. Right.

You know. And just like, ah. Hot dogs and cheese in the morning. Yeah, that is our new morning duo. Why does it smell like marijuana just out of nowhere? It does. Corey? I like to smoke some weed sometimes and just chilling chilling back here. Responding to some OKCupid messages.

This girl says she likes grammar. And I told her that my grammar is adequate, yo. So let's see how that works out. Did you put comma, yo? No. Fuck. I'm fucking. Yep.

Not going to happen. That's totally Sykesville. She's going to swipe right. That's tinder i don't know anything about it's too bad uh listeners aren't getting our references to the signs that we're passing and by our i mean my and by references i mean one yep party of one but yeah it's just the worst podcast where we're uh I Spy on the Highway. A big blue sign. Yeah, so work was good. There's a

girl that I work with. Her cat died. So that was a bummer. let's see. I'm just recapping the week, man. I'm giving it to you raw. Giving it to you raw. Raw dog. Raw dog. Raw dog and cheese.

Corey wants to know how I led the team. Did you start with maybe some energy exercises like, everybody clap your hands like this. Big booty number one. Big booty number one. We played a game of big booty. We passed the clap around. That's where you make eye contact and pass the clap.

That person, you clap at them. They clap to somebody else. Clap back. No clap backs. Yep. No, I tell you how I led with a fucking iron fist. That's what I did. Right?

Stalin of cubicles. I said, hey, Eric, your last day, your last easy day was yesterday, you piece of shit. Give me your mouse. Did you do the Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross speech? Yeah. Get mad, you son of a bitches. Fuck you. That's my name.

Yeah, let's say he doesn't. Oh, well, hey, Mr. Fuck you. My name's Ted. Hey, wait a minute. Yeah, he doesn't even ask my name. Hey, morning, Josh. Fuck you. That's my name.

I drove here in a BMW. It's like you're tempted to be a good team leader. Don't worry, guys. I watched that Alec Baldwin performance this morning. We'll be fine. Fuck you. Money. Josh, they sent you that PowerPoint.

The leads are good. You're shit. Okay. You see this watch? You're not wearing. Okay. You see this watch? You're not wearing a watch. You see this watch? This watch costs more than your car. Okay, Josh.

He's already sitting down. Sit down. Put that coffee down. This is a hot dog. This is a bowl of hot dogs, smart guy. No, mostly you're just a point person in between you and management of projects your team's working on. Right. What projects are you working on?

A lot of hot stuff coming through. Yeah. The final solution, we're really trying to work on that one. No, just kind of like some boring stuff, like the new fiscal year is coming up, and Congress, by October 1st, they're supposed to pass a budget bill or bills for... or appropriation, rather,

for every agency and different... Yeah, you bored already? They're supposed to pass a budget every year. Is budget bill going to stop by? I hope so, but they supposed to pass a budget every year. Is budget bill going to stop by? I hope so. But they never do pass a budget on time. Mike, since the fiscal year has been from October 1st to September 31st, they've only passed a bill on time or a budget on time three times.

Can you believe it? Why? Because, you know, they just can't get their shit together. A lot of arguing and posturing and all that stuff. So if they don't pass a bill, they will pass what's called a continuing resolution. So your funding stays at the levels of the previous fiscal year. Right. But sometimes you get cut and things like that. So we had to prepare budget scenarios for the coming current resolution for FY15.

Man. You hear that? That's all those pussies getting wet out in podcast land. Why would he hear that? I have a disease. Sounds disgusting. Is anybody else? Are you hearing like squishing sounds?

Yeah. You know, Josh, okay, I don't mean to insult your driving. You're a good driver. Yep. However, you got to do the look back when you change lanes. I've got my mirrors. Yeah, but there's a blind spot. Yes and no, but if I know that I just passed a car,

I can see somebody barely. Hey, Mike, can I ask you a question? It's just our lives. How many cars have we ran into in our way up to Frederick and our way back so far? How many accidents have we been in? Do trucks count? Corey,

nobody is listening to you. No one. Yeah, but no one's listening to us either. That's true. Well, at least we have microphones, huh? Yeah. They're probably just plugged into the cigarette lighter. Yeah, the cord's just dangling

on the highway. No, Mike, we're doing a professional job. Professional job. Okay, so... So yeah, work week was decent. Did some spots. Hung out with some friends this week. I had a good week, man. Good. Friday night, I was going to try to hit some mics

in D.C. and it's like, you know what? I'm going to take a me day. And then my friends Ryan and Jason came over. I made us a banging ass dinner. Nice. Made us some barbecue salmon with some boiled broccoli and corn. Wow. And some homemade mashed potatoes, baked beans.

Jason brought over a pie, apple and cherry. No. Split down the middle, man. What? Put that sumbitch in the oven. Ryan also brought over a delicious sourdough bread. Ooh, that sounds good. Had a couple beers, played Grand Theft Auto.

Excellent. Can I play Grand Theft Auto with you sometime? Yeah, we can play it tonight if you want. No, I got to be up early. Okay. Yeah, yeah, we can play. We watched some YouTube videos. Mike, let me ask you this.

Have you seen the fucker right in the pussy guy? You heard about this phenomenon? No, I have not. Maybe I'll lay it into the podcast right here. I'm a big fan of news bloopers, like local news bloopers and stuff. And I was watching... Like Budweier? Yeah.

This will only take a minute. And they overdub it with like noise. It's like boing, boing, boing. No, I mean, just in and of itself, it's kind of a blooper. Some guy's just like, Jesus Christ. Call 911. Boing, boing, boing. I'm not suggesting like adding a America's Funniest Home Videos-esque overdub.

Yeah. Oh. It really would improve it. But this guy. this guy okay so this woman she was doing like uh um an on-site god i can't think of the word i guess it's on site i don't know but on location right they're like oh we're gonna talk to diane who's on location now and they cut to this woman she's like yes the new railroad will open up. And this guy, this old guy with this gray goatee, he's wearing sunglasses and a black hoodie. And his hoodie's pulled up.

He bumps her out of the way, almost like football style, for an interception. Grabs the microphone. No way. Looks right in the camera and goes, fuck her right in the pussy. What? And they cut away immediately. But this guy, he's been on local news channels wherever he is. Three different local news channels.

No way. He's been on saying the same thing. And he doesn't get arrested for this? Not yet. So the next time that he did it, he said he was a witness to something, like some type of spill or something like that. And this woman, you just see a shot of the newscaster, and she's explaining what happened. She goes, and this local man actually saw it all unfold, type of spill or something like that and uh this woman you just see a shot of the newscaster and

she's explaining what happened she goes and this local man actually saw it all unfold and then it pans out and you see it's the guy wearing the same exact outfit as the other one you're like oh boy here we go what's what's this man's motivation just to be a hero you know that's that's what it is but uh she goes and what did you see and he doesn't say it right away. He's like, yeah, I was out on my porch having a beer. And then fucker right the pussy. Just pulls the microphone away and they cut away again. Wow. And then the next time it was around Halloween and he's wearing a skeleton mask.

And they're asking people about like their costumes for Halloween. And she's like oh that's pretty scary he's like i got a scarier one actually can i show it to you and she goes yeah of course so he takes the skeleton mask off puts his sunglasses and pulls his hood up and goes fuck her right in the pussy oh my god so now it's become this meme where everybody's doing that like there's this kid there's this kid at this high school assembly, and I think they were doing like a Price is Right kind of knockoff. Right. Like the principal's putting the mic up to these kids and like, $200, whatever.

And he's like, fuck her right in the pussy. Oh, my God. Wow. Then there's one of, I think it's like a college sports or something like that. It's these sportscasters. They're at some game and the game's letting out. And they're like, oh, we've got some fans behind us. And this guy wearing a Batman t-shirt and a cowboy hat,

he just goes up in between these two old guys, the two newscasters who are in their 60s, and he just goes, woo, fuck a ride to pussy. Oh, man, that's kind of disgusting. in the pussy. Oh, man. That's kind of disgusting. And it's even spread to Brazil. Like, they had clips during the World Cup of they're, like, interviewing people and they're responding in Portuguese.

They're like, you know, they're saying, like, fuck a ride in the pussy. All right. Here's my stance on this. Global phenomena. I would like it. I don't like that it's such a kind of nasty thing. But it's such a funny thing. Because, first off, you're going to be fucking anything.

It's probably going to be in the vagina, right? Well, that's... Fuck it right in the pussy. Yeah, but I don't know. There's just something kind of misogynist in, like... Oh, it's just a stupid thing. I would rather it be a different phrase. Oh, boy, this wet blanket over here.

Do we have to say pussy? It's just kind of mean. That's going to make people really uncomfortable, like the people that you're with. That's what he's trying to do. He's not trying to like... I know, but it'd be funnier if it was something like, my balls smell.

Please don't kill us. We're good. All right. Almost died there for those of us staying at home. You want to disagree with me some more, Mike? You know what? You're right. Fuck her right in the...

Is that what you want to do, Mike? I do the fight club thing. What do you want to do with your life, Mike? Paint a house. The one guy's dream is to build a house. You can do that all the time and you get paid good money. Most people don't want to do that. He was on the spot, you know?

No, I hear you. No, it is you know. Let go! Anyway, go ahead. Let's ask Corey what he thinks. I feel like we're leaving him out. Yeah, Corey, go ahead. What do I think about what? Never mind. So, Fight Club. go ahead um let's ask cory what he thinks i feel like we're leaving him out yeah cory go ahead never mind so fight club uh about the fucker right in the pussy guy i mean it sounds pretty cool i don't think it's like misogynistic no i think i think it's just a vagina if you wanted to it's a it's a silly thing to say right i mean saying pussy on tv is uh

pretty funny i It just strikes me as slightly mean-spirited, and I think it'd be funnier if it was just something more absurd, like I've got a third testicle, or something like that. See, you're like the church pastor, like, alright guys, I know we're rocking and rolling a little hard, but

can we change all the babies to Jesus? Exactly. We'll just say Jesus. Can we change all the fucker right in the pussies to Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus? Yeah. Well, maybe I am. Maybe I am just like a youth pastor who moralizes everybody else and tries to ruin your good time. You're getting old, man. Yep.

Getting old. Yep. No, I will concede that he is a psychopath for sure. He's a disturbed fella. To make it, that's his mission, just to get on TV to say, fuck her, write the pussy. Yeah, it'd be one thing if it was maybe a comedian or somebody trying to make a name for themselves. He might be. He's definitely in his 50s for sure.

I appreciate that type of fight club, suicide club. Like chaos kind of thing. Yeah, like kind of the randomness of it all. Just throwing a wrench in the world of media. Let me just say something completely shocking. All right. Fucker. The fact that it's caught on in this kid in high school.

Right. The principal didn't know what to do. He grabs the mic and then he just holds the mic with two hands. Yeah, I guess that's kind of probably becoming an issue. Like kids doing things just to become an internet meme, you know? He didn't know. I mean, maybe he did, but he's not looking into the camera. His friend's recording it from like 15 feet away.

So I bet probably. But the one drunk guy at the college game, I guess he knew they were on TV too. Right. I just think it's such a funny thing that newscasters are going to have to deal with random people. No, overall, I definitely approve. Right. Right.

I would just, if I were God. Yep. And I'm working on becoming. Uh-huh. I would alter it slightly. Uh-huh. That's and I'm working on becoming one, I would alter it slightly. That's all I'm saying. We can still have fun, but let's just go to bed a little early if we could. Without doing stuff that would make my mom really upset. Who's also in the backseat and has been very quiet.

Shout out to Miss Moran. Thank you. Thank you very much. So, yeah, that was a nice adventure. And then also, Michael, you know this Nicki Minaj lady? Yes. Her new video is called Anaconda. And it's a reference to Sir Mix-a-Lot's That Big Butts song.

It's a callback to the Big Butts song. I didn't know that. Yeah. Well, I mean, she mostly samples that song. Or she or whoever made the beat. Well, I don't think I've ever actually heard it, but I've heard of it. Right. Whoever makes the beat, it's basically big butts uh sample the whole way through so

the whole so we've gotten to the point in hip-hop history where yeah we are sampling other song other hip-hop i mean if you think about it was a long time ago yeah yeah i guess 15 17 years yep i remember laughing hysterically with ste Whitmore at that video. And then the next day, I remember him saying, let's turn on MTV and see what that video's on. And we turned it on, and it was freaking on, and we laughed. And laughed. The gods are on your side, man. The gods of butts.

Yep. So the latest video from her, this Nicki Minaj lady, she has a big old butt. Does she? Got a big old butt. Yeah. So the whole video, it's all about, you know, it's sampling Sir Mix-a-Lot. So there's a big emphasis on her butt, other ladies' butts. Now, we're talking about like their butt cheeks, right?

Yeah. This isn't a song about like- The whole? Excretion. And it's oddly very erotic yeah really no it's not about pooping this isn't about anus right when she says anaconda she's not referring to like a big turd wait wait but she's not the anaconda that does is the penis right i mean i would hope so okay i'd hope so but i've never met a woman with an anaconda butt and i

don't want to is that a a rap? Are you rapping? It sounded like a rap. Did that rhyme? I mean, just the flow of it. Okay. I'm on your side here. If somebody wants to take that sample and create a... Hey, I would love that. Yeah.

Okay, so the song's about... What does she say about other ladies' butts? I don't know. I haven't really heard the whole song. I just watched some of the video. I think I watched it on mute, too. Ryan wanted to show it to me because of a parody video somebody made where they took out the entire song. Well, there's a little bit. They made like a fake song. It's like a little music bed underneath. But they just layered in tons of farts because this is like it's just-ups of her butt and a bunch of other butts and uh

it sounds very very very childish which it is but goodness did i laugh at all those goodness did i laugh at all those farts it had like three million views on it too wow and uh so yeah dig sesh listeners you got some homework go go look for the fucker right in the pussy guy yeah well i have homework too now, now, apparently. Thanks for giving me an assignment. It's fun homework, though. It's fun. Yeah.

I remember when teachers would try to pull that line. What was I going to say? Holy shit. Holy shit, honk your horn. Okay. The person in the back might hit us. What was that? You should usually honk your horn in those situations, I that? The person in the back might hit us. What was that?

You should usually honk your horn in those situations, I think, so the person behind you doesn't run into you. That came very close to being scary. So a person just randomly, like, swerved. They're still kind of swerving. They swerved and just slammed on their brakes for no reason. Yeah, like they were kind of, yeah. Well, I think the person in front of them did. Right.

That was weird. Now they're passing everybody. Now this car is passing everybody. They're, like, on two solid yellow lines. Yeah, like going up a hill, meaning, like, another car could come at any time. And not see them on their way down. Let's stay away from that car. Woo!

Well, that was fun. All right. Now, this honking the horn thing, that's better than them seeing my brake lights? Yes, I would say so. A lot of times people just aren't paying attention. I was in an accident like that, and ever since I've made it a point to always. I've never heard that. I don't, I mean, i think i i didn't really

i came up with that idea i'm sure other people have too i don't know if that's a thing or not right it's more just seems like that would be the attention yeah yeah okay um yeah that would freak me out anyway what were we talking about again but i wonder how that's gonna sound on the podcast yeah almost getting in a wreck i believe we were talking about again? Butts? I wonder how that's going to sound on the podcast. Yeah. Almost getting in a wreck. I believe we were talking about farts. Yeah. The thing we're joking about almost actually happened. Right.

It's like our last things we say are like, you got to see this fart video. Well, we wouldn't have died in that accident, but it would have ruined it. If I would have wrecked my car, I would have killed all of us. Just because I don't want to go through the insurance process. Yeah, yeah. Up until I had health insurance, I was kind of like, you know, if I get in a terrible accident, can I just die? I don't want to deal with a hospital bill.

Right. I think I was supposed to turn left there. Oh, no. Wow, we both just ummed at the same time. I think we can... You owe me a Coke. Jinx. Is there anything else you want to talk about or wrap this thing up? Not really, but I feel like we were discussing something. Well, we were discussing just butts and fart videos and how they're childish, but they're funny.

Okay. Yeah. So let's wrap this thing up, I think. You and I got in a little bit of an argument about Africa. Yes. Which I don't intend to get an argument here. You sound like you do. But you're a piece of shit. And get out.

That column I was working on, You Can Relax, it was called... Do not tell me to relax. Which doesn't look like it's going to happen, but it might happen with a different news source. Okay. And I want you to read it. It's not like it's going to happen, but it might happen with a different news source. Okay. All right? And I want you to read it.

I will gladly read it. I think what we were arguing over was semantics, because I'm sure there are portions of Africa that are getting better. I just feel... That was a nice police car passing us are there laws on like talking no microphone and driving

yeah you probably have to be hands free so we probably should wrap this up as we get into the city I'll hold your microphone for you oh really yeah sure alright it looks like Mike's holding a dick yes let me hold it we'll just wrap this up in the next couple minutes Yeah, sure. All right. It looks like Mike's holding a dick. Yes.

No, let me hold it. We'll just wrap this up in the next couple of minutes. And then maybe we can talk Africa. This will be an upcoming segment or a reoccurring segment of how's Africa doing with Mike Moran. For me, I was talking about that continent just as a whole is a mess. And you were saying it's rapidly getting better. But I think what you were saying is like certain aspects are getting better, but not on the whole.

No, I'm pretty much saying on the whole. Why? Well, careful. Sorry, I thought that car was coming over. This is like the most tense. I'm having a good time. I mean, certainly there's peaks and valleys, and there's some regions that do better than others at various times.

But over time, I'd say maybe there's a couple exceptions here and there. Just some genocides. In fact, in Uganda, they'll kill you if you're gay. Listen to me. That is how human beings act. This whole not murdering each other for being gay thing just happened last week. Humans torture and murder each other until recently. It doesn't mean that that's good.

No shit. But if it's still happening, that's not it. It's happening less frequently. Is it? With the whole country of Uganda? I mean, there's an AIDS outbreak. Millions of people don't have access to water. There's peaks and valleys.

I know, but when you say that Africa is doing a lot better, it's like, what's your data on that? How many people have a decent food source? How many people have jobs? How many people have a home, shelter? You know what I mean? Access to water, plumbing, that type of thing. I guarantee you many of these areas 100 years ago had nearly a 50% infant death rate. That's fine.

I mean, if they're like... That's fine. But yeah, so like the babies are being born, yes, but there's still a ton of terrible stuff still happening in Africa. Okay, well, I mean, you could... Would you not say that there's still a bunch of terrible stuff still happening in Africa. Okay, well, I mean, you could... Would you not say that there's still a bunch of terrible stuff happening? Yes, absolutely, absolutely. And that's a cause that I am actually concerned with since I was a little kid that freaked me out

that there was children starving to death and horrible things were happening over there. But the good news is it's getting better. It really is. I know, but how... They're completely skipping... A lot of areas are completely skipping the Industrial Revolution and going straight to the digital age. What areas, though?

I mean, Frederick. No, I don't know. That's what I mean. I'm with you that maybe it is improving, but it's just so war-torn. I mean, there's child slavery. There's AIDS. Like I said, women aren't exactly treated well. Gays aren't treated well. There's no water. There's AIDS. Like I said, women aren't exactly treated well. Gays aren't treated well.

There's no war. This is the thing. That is how humans act until very recently. That's how humanity was. But it doesn't make it right. It doesn't. I'm not saying that it's good. I'm saying all those things are terrible, and it sucks that they exist in the numbers that they do compared to other places.

But they are rapidly getting better. I don't know what you mean rapidly, though. Like, very quickly. Sometimes within decades. Sometimes within 100 years. I don't know about that. I mean, look at where Europe was like 3,000 years ago. Like, Roman, to now. It took that long to go basically

from the agrarian age to the city-state age to now, where people aren't being tortured and murdered and killed in the streets because they're gay. It's taking Africa far less time to go through that. I don't know about that.

Because they're around just as long as Europe was. Yeah, because they're around just as long as Europe was. Yeah, but they were still a tribal world. Right. And I'm not saying that they're inherently bad. I'm just saying that ever since the power vacuum... I mean, Europe definitely fucked up Africa, and they carved it up under their own imperialist needs. And so that created a power vacuum when they left.

And they're bouncing back at a very fast rate. But why do you say that? Because they're starting to get Wi-Fi in some spots? No, no. Because of rates of war and all those terrible things like starvation and disease are declining pretty quickly. Rapidly declining. Yes. The place with the biggest AIDS outbreak and also this current Ebola outbreak.

Absolutely. It's nothing compared to the numbers of people that used to die from diseases. Maybe I shouldn't say nothing. It is still pretty bad. Right. That's what I mean. It's getting better pretty quickly. But it's still like if I said, hey, Mike, you're going to go live in Africa for a year.

Things are getting a lot better. I've said repeatedly it sucks. Okay. But I would even venture to be like, yeah, maybe that is a space where, you know, people avoid. But it might actually, I mean, you know, like I would venture to say like fairly, you know, of course, it depends on where you are. But, yeah, many of those places are becoming quote-unquote civilized or like like egypt well that's just north africa it's like kind of all turmoil all the time no i mean i'm talking the whole continent the whole continent the whole

goddamn thing there's probably some uh pockets where it's doing well. But on the whole, Africa is fucked up. It's all relative. It is. Think about the population of Africa right now. It's huge compared to what it used to be. Right. Just a few hundred years ago, a lot of those areas couldn't get a survival

rate past 50 to 100 people in a tribe. And now way more people are alive because of health because of uh decline in violence i'd have to see some stats on that you don't think there's more people in africa than there used to be i'd have to say what you're saying basically that the um uh the mortality rate has gone down so that people are living longer in Africa. They're living longer. I'd have to see some stats on that. But people are living in general.

Babies, they have enough health care that 40% of their infants don't die in childbirth. And children are able to make it out of childhood alive which is like a luxury of the modern world uh yeah i would like i said i would have to see some stats on that and then i'm just saying then what they're born into isn't exactly sunshine and roses all the time yeah so granted yes you that's one aspect that's improving um if that's the case but i'm just saying beyond that like yes they're living longer but they're living longer in squalor and horrible conditions on the most part, majority. See, I think we don't see,

I think you see it more as everybody should kind of be at the same, like, we live in the luxury of the modern world. You know what I mean? We live in a world of science and technology that allows us cheap living, relatively speaking. I'm not saying they need to have modern goods, but if they had access to shelter and clean food, water.

Our basic needs are met, and it upsets you that their basic needs are not met. Yeah, that they're living in a type of squalor, and then there's tons of disease and warlords and child slavery and all that stuff. No, believe me, that shit is absolutely... I mean, child starvation and trafficking are like two of the most disturbing things in the world to me yeah um and it's been like that since i was a kid i remember that was

like the first philosophical like questioning i ever had like who am i to be buying comic books when there's children starving to death right right right and um but here's what i think the difference is between the way you and I are looking at this. Like you are looking at it like we have that. They should have that too. They should have their basic needs met. And I agree. I'm saying that we live in a country where we're not just shitting in the streets and we're not living in with like, not everywhere, but I'm just saying most of africa is uh it's not going well

i what i'm saying well it depends on how we define well okay uh that like i said they have access to clean water food shelter there's jobs that type of thing we completely agree that it's not good right the only difference is i say it's improving pretty quickly i would just need to see stats on that what is like what does quickly mean to you it means because quickly to me currently in africa the way i see it is like a snail's pace if barely moving at all i i wouldn't say that even well okay number one it is it's a little unfair to look at something like that. We agree that human beings in nature live pretty brutal lives, right? Up until a few thousand years ago, human beings lived in small bands of 50 to 150 people. Violence and death were a daily part of their lives.

Very few, well, not very few, but there's a huge mortality rate as far as children, disease, you know, all that bad stuff. Like, that's how humans lived for 99% of their history, right? And they weren't very nice to each other a lot of the times. They would brutally murder other tribes. There would be raids. There wasn't a huge price on human. I mean, there'd be raids. There wasn't a huge price on human. I mean, there are like things

when you look at tribal society as far as like the community where you're like, wow, that is actually kind of cool how communal they are. But as far as like other tribes, they're usually pretty brutal and, you know, murder or human sacrifice, things like that are kind of what humans do

up until recently. Certain regions of the world, starting maybe 7,000 years ago with farming, started to change civilization in a way where they started taking advantage of science and technology to the point where today we live relatively luxurious lives

compared to our ancestors. Uh-huh. But other regions just weren't a part of that for whatever reason and some regions like africa got exploited by people who were yeah a part of the technological imperialism yes yeah um so to say that the african people um who some of whom just a few hundred years ago were living in that tribal world and who have been exploited by many different people from Europe and other parts of the world, including Africa itself.

To say that they are not bouncing back pretty admirably is a little insulting, I would say. But I'm not saying like, hey guys it up let's go i'm saying i know what i'm saying is that yes there was a power vacuum created so all these other i mean who's that would happen in any country where there's a power vacuum there would be uh there'd be there'd be wars for people trying to get the power and making atrocities in their wake yes i'm just saying that a lot of that stuff still goes on. Right. There's still an incredible amount of disease and pestilence.

I think the only thing that we're debating here is the statistics. That's it. I would say, yeah. I would say that there are probably some things where they're improving. Right. It's just I take umbrage with the word rapidly.

Right. To me, rapidly means like, hey, just in a few years. Okay. Well, I understand. I could show you. Okay. The fact, i do think it's a little unfair to say it i mean a generation or so of change is is pretty rapid compared to the fact that humans society was pretty much exactly the same for 150 000 years now uh as far as rapidly within what we can see i would even go so far as to say that that's a reality because

things have changed a lot since the mid 90s they really have I know but it's so it's so hard to say to that all of it is rapidly improving when it's it's a gigantic content well yeah I can't say all but I can't say generally speaking most how do you win this argument you're talking about

Africa like writ large it's a huge place like Africa right I How did you win this argument? You're talking about Africa writ large. How did you prove your burden in the debate? I will attempt to show you some statistics that I think you'll be satisfied with. I agree with you there.

We're probably saying the same thing. On the whole, comparatively speaking, not doing great yeah however there are areas of improvement where things are uh showing some well signs where we would disagree is that and this is part of like my mission in life right now yep is i think that people don't generally see uh the age that we live in because our brains just aren't equipped to recognize change so rapidly. And I think even in the last 15 years, there's been something pretty miraculous happening in the world that we just haven't noticed. With what?

All the things that we, mainly mainly peace i would say the great pieces yeah i understand that that but you can say it but to me peace is is literally seen as peace where in the time of the 15 years where we've had several genocides there's still a ton of wars going on granted yes it's less in the larger scheme of things. Right. And then, so that just bothers me, too. It's like, yeah, I know that, like, in the, comparatively speaking, there's less war, but it's tough to call this the great peace when we've had several raging wars,

but the Middle East is a mess, has been a mess. Again, I think we're looking at it from two different angles here. I'm looking at it linearly, Lee. Yeah, I know what you mean. I know what you mean, but I'm just saying, it's tough to, like, if I was like, yeah, it's a great peace. I mean, at it linearly, Lee. Yeah, I know what you mean. I know what you mean, but I'm just saying it's tough to like, if I was like, yeah, it's a great piece.

I mean, we have tons of wars all the time and there are several, you know, genocides, but for the most part, it's a great piece. Like if you're talking to aliens and you're like, yeah, things are great back home. Yeah, so if they saw us like shipping off tanks and they saw it's going on Israel Palace, like I thought you said there's a great piece.

Well, I mean, it's great, but you know. I get what you're saying, but I'm not disagreeing. Those things are things that disturb me terribly, like violations of human rights are horrible things. I'm not saying they don't. But can we take some, like, credit

as a human race? Can we acknowledge that there's been a huge Yeah, you want to focus on the good. Exactly. And I think we can get to a point within our lifetimes where war is, like is almost a non-existent thing. I don't know about that. War is just going to go away. I don't know.

But I think it's interesting that you guys are both talking about something that's so broad conceptually. How do you say the world? It's a hard argument for either of you to win because it's like the world at large is a good or bad thing and then you can say like well yeah like you know not or like africa like nigeria and like south africa and some of the more industrialized places have improved somebody can say that and then you can say like well look at uganda and it's like a hard like balance to win you know what i mean it's hard to like it's like a hard like balance to win. You know what I mean? It's hard to like, it's such a broad concept that it's like, it's hard to pin it down. Even with like statistics and data, like, you know, a lot of it's going to be kind of just like. Well, it's like, it's what we're kind of talking about, what you're saying.

That it's like, you can point to one thing that you can point to another. And there's always going to be a balance of that of like, well, good but this is bad so it's not really a general black and white good and bad it's there's a mix of things going on and it's kind of what you want to focus on right yeah like i think like oh yeah like the world there is like less war like there's not so like world war one like 100 million people died it's like the 100th anniversary of world war one so that is a good thing right there's There's not that many wars where people use every single weapon. The great powers don't blow up each other anymore. After the 50s, we kind of stopped

doing that. But at the same time, there's still a lot of shit that's really bad, like global warming and things like that. So progress in other places, I think we're kind of at. Yeah, but I completely agree like we yeah that's all i'm saying that's all i'm saying but there's still areas to improve right i never didn't say that i never didn't say that i'm gonna quote you but you know you can't agree with me that it is like we think that i very negatively pessim pessimistically. What? As far as journalism and stuff, they focus so much on the terrible things that we completely miss great things happening in our world sometimes.

Yeah, absolutely. That's all I'm saying. I will agree. That's your only message. I'll concede to that, but you will concede that it's not all sunshine and lollipops? Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. But there are some rainbows. It absolutely breaks my heart when I hear about humans being manipulated.

Human trafficking to me is one of the most disgusting things ever. They are a sponsor this week, uh you know and that is you know although i i don't know i guess it's my personal opinions are beside the point but um no i mean this whole discussion is about personal opinions not necessarily i mean well cory just said we can all agree human trafficking is great i don't know if the mics pick that up but hey like you know he said bad but he meant like bad like michael jackson bad like who's bad yeah so that's bad man um no it's it's the same set of data just interpreted in different ways so you can say there's horrible stuff going on that's horrible but in the grand scheme of things it's pretty good i mean when can we i mean there's always going to be something bad in the world in our lives like it's never going

to be perfect even if it gets to a level that we think is perfect we're going to find other stuff uh-huh but i do i i don't know a part of like you know growing up is like a kind of depressed cynical person a big part of my sad view of the world was that i was constantly hearing how fucked up it was and how the terrible things that people do to each other and um you know i i want to let people know that it's not you know there's a lot of good stuff going on too yeah i uh i'm i'm with you man i i can definitely agree with that but i i think where we differed was areas of focus so we're both saying both things are happening but it's just yes what are what do we want to highlight but i will say this if i if i were to show you the data i think you'd be pretty shocked by how steeply things have changed

yeah i would have to see i mean there was just little stuff that i looked at we got to wrap this up too but i mean little things that i that i saw i mean not even little but huge things like i was checking out uh the international water foundation and they basically said that so many africans most of their days is spent trying to find water or trying to get water any type of clean water and they quantified it in work hours and basically there's so many africans are just just going to get water. Their amount of work hours that they do that is equivalent to the entire workforce of France. So what they're doing just to get water on a daily basis is equal to France doing everything in the industrialized world.

So that's what I mean when I'm saying that it's good that their way of life is not comparable to ours. And say, oh, they don't have malls of life is not comparable to ours and say like oh they don't have malls they're not great or they don't have highways i mean when they're spending all of their time just to get water yeah that means something's fucked up is what i was saying yeah absolutely but i mean my the way i would look at it is like well that's kind of how humans have lived for a long time and hopefully i mean I can't speak directly to that particular issue but I would think that that's probably less and less of a problem. But when

they said most of Africa is doing that. They said most of Africa is spending most of their work time looking for clean water. Well I can't really speak on that because I don't really know. Yeah I mean I guess. Maybe they're just not working very much in France. They're just traveling all week. Croissants. I mean, I guess... Maybe they're just not working very much in France. Yeah, they're just traveling all week.

Croissants. I mean, I would honestly... Not to say that that's not... I would be a little skeptical of a study like that, but I can't say you might be right. See, if I can't do that to you, you can't do that to me. I mean, we can look at the International Water Foundation's website and the validity of that statement, but that was just one thing. I'm not saying you're wrong. I mean, you can go

on the internet and find a week's worth of horrible things that are happening in Africa. All I'm saying is look at the numbers, look at the statistics. I know. You would have to show me some, though. Okay. Show me some. All right. Yes.

We will have another boring podcast evidence. Yes. Right. We will have another boring podcast where Mike and I argue about stats. No, this was good. Yes. This was good. And if it's not good, you can switch to the Nerdist. They're on right after us. Sunday night at 8 p.m. on 7th Central.

Stay tuned for WTF reruns after an all-new Digression. That's how the podcasting world works. Will you tape the digression sessions for me? I'm going out. Well, no, let's wrap this up. I think we worked that out in a nice, cordial way. I think so, too. We both respect each other.

I apologize if I was too rigid about it before. Oh, no. I apologize as well. And I apologize to Robert Andrew. He just annoyed me. Because he was like, oh, Mr. Fox News. I was like, he said Africa's doing great. How does that make me Fox?

I was in my cubicle going nuts. Then I was telling my co-workers, I was like, these fucking people. They're like, alright, Team Leader Josh said, put that fucking coffee down. Alright, Corey, any last words before we kill you? Don't kill me. Mom, PayPal.

No. This was cool. This was awesome. Goodbye. Nice. I think you wrapped that up succinctly. Michael? Yes.

Anything you want to, any parting words? You can plug some stuff i'm right just kidding no uh michael i'm right moran uh let's see who do i got going on um we'll listen to the digression sessions podcast number one i'm gonna plug that right away somebody's accidentally listened to the whole thing holy shit all right i'll check it out look for me in skeptic magazine i got some dates coming up but I don't have anything In front of me to tell you I'm not even sure when this will come out

Check out Mike Moran Comedy.com Mike Moran Comedy.com At Mike Moran 10 on Twitter So yeah this will be a special episode that I release at some point Corey what's your Twitter? At Corey Cohen 4 Number 4 For you And I am on Twitter and Instagram Corey, what's your Twitter? At CoreyCohen4. Number four. Number four. Number four.

For you. And I am on Twitter and Instagram as atbetterrobotjosh. Got some live dates coming up. As always, go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar. Maybe I need to get a joshcodernacomedy.com now. The mic won up on me here. Somebody offered one for free. There you go.

Just getting a portfolio going. There you go. I said, you know what? Hey, why the hell not? Smart. Yeah, a bunch of live shows always coming up for improv and stand-up. And thank you guys for listening. We appreciate it.

Ooh, should we plug the live one coming up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, if you're a fan, you've made it this far. So come see us live. We have our first ever live podcast. Or you're asleep. Or you, like, fall asleep. Hey, come see us live!

Hello! They used to do that on Loveline if a caller would pass out and Adam would put on a bunch of reverb and act like he's in their dream. Just like, Carol! It was pretty good. Anyway, come see us live, September 26th here in Baltimore at the Wind Up Space

It's going to be a Thunder Grunt Night Which is our podcast network That's our home, the Thunder Grunt Network And yeah, we're going to be doing There'll be some other stuff, there'll be some live bands There's going to be Expert of Nothing Which is a really fun live show and also a podcast on the network And we'll be doing our first live podcast

We're going to have maybe like four or five different guests Maybe read some emails so send us an email if you have any questions or anything that you want us to debate hot topic round table style maybe the economy of the Ukraine

regarding this current crisis that we're in and we'll discuss any old topic that we can argue on but yeah come to that review us on iTunes review us on Stitcher we're in and we'll discuss any old topic that we can argue on but uh yeah come to that as long as we can argue review us on itunes review us on a stitcher thank you so much for listening the podcast everybody the podcast is at dig such pod for podcast updates we have a facebook page so much fucking media i know jesus christ um yeah that's it thank you everybody for the billboard

yeah say thanks everybody we love you. Night-night. Bye-bye. We're going to take some time to do the things we never had. The wild dogs cry out in the night As they grow restless longing For some solitary company I know that I must do what's right Sure as Kilimanjaro rises Like Olympus above the Serengeti

I seek to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this thing that I've become. Gonna take the life to drag me away from you. There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do I guess the rain's down in Africa We're gonna take some time to do the things we never did I'm going to go ahead and get my hair done. Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you Gonna take a lot to drag me away from you There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do I bless the rains down in Africa.

I bless the rains down in Africa. I bless the rains down in Africa. I bless the rains down in Africa. I bless the rains down in Africa Gonna take some time to do the things we never had Thank you.