The Digression Sessions - Ep. 150 - Josh & Mike Solo (@JoshKuderna @MikeMoranWould)

Episode Date: February 23, 2015

Hola DigHeads! It’s that time again; time for another Josh and Mike only episode! This time we were in fact recorded in front of a live studio audience, namely DigHead, megafan, Corey Cohen!   The boys catch up this week on all things, local comedy, plus, plenty of wacky tangents along the way, including Josh’s dental mission, Mike’s bizarre sex dream, and soooo much more!   Thanks for all the support everyone! We can’t beleive we’ve made it so far! If you get a chance please rate the  Digression Sessions on Stitcher or iTunes, and maybe give us a follow on Twitter @DigSeshPod or LIKE our page on Facebook. We love you!  

hey everybody i'm josh kaderna and i'm mike moran and you're listening to the digression sessions podcast a baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence. As we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes. Who's the guest this week? Better not be an evil spirit. Michael, I thought you were done with all that.

Well, I guess you'll just have to listen and find out. I told you about my pet cemetery that I got going. Pretty good. Under the arc of a weather steam board ancient goblins and warlords I think the opening lines to pet cemetery by the Ramones there was a South Park where they're making fun of they're not making fun of it like an homage to pet cemetery it's just this old prospector and they're like tell me you didn't build this

on top of an ancient Indian burial ground. He's like, oh, heavens no. I dug up their bodies, pissed down their throats, buried them upside down. Buried them upside down. Something like that. Pissed on them.

Michael Moran. Yes. Hey, buddy. How are you? I'm well. Good to see you. It's a guestless episode. No guest.

It's topless too, if you're any indication. It's topless you. It's a guestless episode. No guest. It's topless, too, if you're any indication. It's topless Tuesday. That's how I like to do it. It's freezing cold outside, but I just let it ride. That's when your nipples are at their best. Oh, at their peak. Do you think they make it really cold in Playboy shoots and stuff, so the nipples are... You are just obsessed with Playboy.

Yeah. You are obsessed. I'm pretty... A little window for the listeners right uh you and i were discussing the fatalities of world war ii yes and i was doing dishes and you were in the other room and i look back and you're looking through a playboy uh retrospective book well it's your playboy retrospective book look don't put a playboy retrospective book on your shelf if you don your shelf. There's no way I'm seeing that and not going through it. It is pretty great how- Even if my mom was here, I'd probably-

Yeah, and you're discussing her new sweater or something like that. I thought you were going to say she's telling me she has some fatal disease or something. Yeah, she's talking to you about family members she lost in World War II. You're like, like yeah but check out these tits world war ii was the tit uh you you also mentioned um you had a had a sex dream yeah can we go into that yes can we open it up there sure um just leave it yeah that's what i had well i've been uh waking up with boners lately yeah which is good it's been a while since i've done that hey what would the morning wood do huh the morning would not be the same

without a without a morning wood okay how is there not like an emo band called The Morning, spelled like morning, and then wood, like W-O-U-L-D? Sad Boners. Yeah. Yeah. Is there something called Sad Boners? I think we're going to start that band pretty soon. So you've been waking up with a lot of boners.

That's good. That's a sign of- Several at once, in fact. Several. Wow. It's a sign of testosterone. It's when your testosterone is at its peak. Uh-huh. Yeah. So you're waking up with when your testosterone is at its peak. Uh-huh.

Yeah. So you're waking up with a little- Tent is raised. Uh-huh. A little, how you doing? A little good morning. Uh-huh. How's your mother?

You have a British boner in this scenario. I also, I have a habit of waking up with a boner and having to pee. Mm-hmm. And even if I don't have to pee that bad, I still do. And I think it's because I look, it's so great in the cold to like crawl back into bed. Oh, yeah. And I don't know if you listen to podcasts while you fall asleep. Sometimes.

Put one of those bad boys back on and drift off to dreamland. So good. You don't have to go to work the next day. Because for a second you think you do. Oh, that's one of the best feelings oh god oh yeah better or i like waking up maybe like four hours before you have to get up and you feel kind of rested already and you're like oh now i can just go back to bed yeah that's the good stuff yeah the worst is when you wake up like six minutes before you're supposed to wake up and you just feel more tired than you should like well

now i can't go back to sleep right losing out on those six fucking minutes yeah yeah and there's always like the weird debate if there's like maybe 45 minutes or so before you have to get up that's a no man's land too yeah because like if you fall asleep you're doing nothing but like suffering and making yourself more more tired because you're just gonna barely reach that euphoric state before you're ripped out of it like a child from the womb yeah uh-huh face stupid reality that's what doctors say when they're uh helping give birth welcome to stupid reality pal um bruce willis is the doctor in that scenario welcome to the party pal a man and i re-watched that the other day there's some cheesy lines in there i mean i know it's like an 80s action movie. Right.

But there's one part where he's beating up this one guy. He's like, I'm going to kill you. Then I'm going to cook you. And then I'm going to eat you. What? Yeah. The guy that he has. He's trying to cannibalize a guy?

Yeah. That's not so much cheesy as it is disturbing. Well, it's just, yeah, like I'm going to cook you. Was John McClane like cannibalizing all these corpses? He may have. Is there like a missing scene like in the DVD extras where he's like cooking someone's flesh over a fire? He's talking to Carl. He's like, you know, it's just the human heart.

I feel like I get stronger when I eat a man's soul. And he's like, what? I hear you, cowboy. He's like looking around like, what? He's like, oh, you know, tell me about your kids again. Your wife's pregnant, I hear. No, it's the dude. Okay, sorry.

Sorry, but it's the dude. He's hanging by a chain. The Swedish guy. Yeah. The blonde. Yeah, the long blonde hair. The guy who another 80s trope is the guy you think's dead. And then at the very end, he.

Was he the one that came back? Yeah. After he was yeah yeah how does that work yeah exactly i don't think people survive hangings like i did and i mean uh then carl gets his uh his retribution and takes him down all right i got two questions first of all you don't really survive like your neck being broken like you don't hey look like you're dead and you're not. Are you calling into question the merits of Die Hard? I am, because it's a great action film, and it's supposed to be, like, a realistic take on an 80s action movie. And number two, why would he be on the gurney with a machine gun?

Like, I don't think he was on the gurney. I think he just, like, appears at the end. No, no, no, they're wheeling him out because they think he's dead. And he, like, hops off the gurney? With a machine gun. Yeah. I mean, at the most, give him a handgun that he hid in his pocket. Like you don't put the corpse on the-

Maybe it's a paramedic with a heart. You know, it's like it probably was his favorite gun. He died with his boots on. Come on. Bury this man. Let him have it, huh? Any man with a gun deserves respect. Let this Swedish terrorist do his thing.

Even in death. The older cops like explaining it to the younger one. Give the man his gun, son. gun deserves respect. Let this Swedish terrorist do his thing. Even in death. The older cops, like explaining it to the younger one. Give the man his gun, son. He deserves that. All right, so now let's talk this sex dream. Okay. After all these digressions. Oh, boy.

Corey's playing with his hat. We have a spectator for this one. Okay, so I wake up. Wait, no. No, okay. hat yeah we have a spectator for this one okay so i wake up wait no no okay in the dream i uh i'm i'm the plot of the dream is i'm going to a family member's house uh to start a porn to start or start to star in a porn uh-huh not to start a porn not like i'm gonna sit down with a bunch of paperwork and work out all the legal details make some phone calls fill out the 1099s i don't want my ass in

a sling with the irs all the insurance all the forms filled out make sure no um secure location lighting and so it's a lot of stuff that goes into oh sure sure sure it's scheduling forget about it yeah that's the uh that's the ugly side of porn. Plus vice laws. You can't shoot on a Sunday. Right. But yeah, that is the ugly side of porn you always hear about, scheduling. Yeah.

It's all the behind the scenes. I'm sure it is a thing where it's like the vast majority of it is like boring paperwork and numbers and- Yeah, sure. The penis is like barely made. We only see the penis, but we don't see what happens behind the scenes. Behind the penis. Yeah. Behind the penis, but we don't see what happens behind the scenes. Behind the penis. Yeah.

Behind the penis. A Mike Moran story. Anyway, so I'm going to star in a porn with a family member's friend from high school. Okay. And I'm worried about being able to get a boner. Because there'll be people, there'll be cameras and- Boom operators. Yeah, like how often?

Everybody's depending on me. That's a lot of weight on your boner. It's a lot of pressure. That's a lot of pressure on your boner. Yeah. A lot of boner pressure. Is your cousin present for this? Is he like, oh, hey.

First of all, we didn't say what family member right that's okay uh yeah yeah it was weird it was weird now is your grandma gonna be there in this uh scenario uh so what happens in the dream you just show up you're like well here we go mike and had you done porn before in this scenario no no this is a new experience um but i was i was down to do it i was it's hard for me to not be excited about anything like that anything sexual yeah kind of dipping your uh wick in some ink yeah like i yeah any any sexual thing is hard for me to like i don't cheat i'm honest uh-huh but it does kind of crush me a little bit what's that like when i have the opportunity to cheat oh which i never do and

you don't take it yeah i think it's it's better in the long run of course for moments like these it's a black horse white horse type of thing there there was a scenario well i don't know why you have to be racist about it but uh there was a scenario where uh i was with some friends uh at a bar and uh it was after a show and everybody's kind of in a good mood and uh and somehow the topic of cheating came up it was me and two other people and uh he was like we're kind of like making jokes about it and then this one guy goes like yeah um i mean you know we've we've're kind of like making jokes about it. And then this one guy goes like, yeah. I mean, you know, we've all kind of cheated, right? Me and the other person were like, no.

And he was like, all right, so we getting drinks? I just looked around and tapped the bar. I think it's those scenarios. Like in the moment, you're probably like, yeah, it'd be amazing. But then looking back, like you don't want to be that guy one of those like short short-term thrill yeah it's like long-term despair yeah and honesty has gotten me far in life i think you know like keeping it honest yes they say it's the uh best medicine don't they really i don't know i don't know what they say they say honesty is the best no i've heard that george i just lie about it george washington said that yeah no i did a whole thesis on it when i

graduated from harvard that yeah and i was at my master's no i think that was when i was at the business school for that i graduated in the international space station the yale had a campus up there yeah i had a campus on the mirror space station yeah yeah have you heard about it yeah so anyway just being me that's that's what i do well when's the last but see here's the thing is every now and then lying is the right thing sure every now and again sure let's hear a lying story from you josh uh uh i don't know like a recent one or like something that got me out of i mean i think we all tell lies all the time you know like i'm having a good time right now uh no i remember uh just at work once my my team leader was like uh my team lead uh was asking me about performing and stuff.

She's like, well, how many nights do you sleep? Sexually? Yeah. I was telling her about this porn story I had where I had to have sex with my cousin, or whatever your story was. She was like, wow, that's a lot of nights. How do you even function at work? And I didn't want to be like, well, barely.

It's just like, you know, you find a way. That's not really a lie. That's just like... Yeah, it's not telling the truth, barely. You know, it's just like, you know, you find a way. That's not really a lie, though. That's just like. Yeah, it's not telling the truth, though. But you do function at work. I mean, they would know if you, like, sucked at your job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, maybe it's just not peak performance, but I don't know.

Like, a time that I've lied, like, where it got me in trouble? I don't know. Just like the last flat out lie you had to tell. That I didn't mind Corey Cohen being here? Just kidding, Corey. We have a spectator here. Corey Cohen, say hello. Hey, guys.

Hello. Are you telling me what the live studio is me let me think all right i'll tell you my live cory cohen all right and you can tell me if this was the right thing to do or not okay so this girl she she moves into a place and she uh she needs me to come over i think i was coming over anywhere i like lived right by her she needs to me to come over and kill a spider in the bathroom. And she explains to me that she's so freaked out by bugs and spiders that she might irrationally move out of this place, even though she knows it's not in her best interest.

And she says she's done this before because she's had such a bad phobia, she makes bad decisions. So I go over and I go into the bathroom and there's no spider. So it's no spider. So it escapes somewhere. But I understand that she's going to be really freaked out if I don't kill the spider because it's going to be somewhere else. Yeah, because it's still in the hoose.

And she might do something irrational like give up this place and then she'll regret it later and it'll cost her a lot of money. So I flush the toilet. Just an empty flush. Did you really oversell it? Like, come here, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you! First I'm gonna kill you. Then I'm gonna cook you. Then I'm gonna eat you. I'm like slamming my head against the door.

I'm like shattering mirrors and stuff. You son of a bitch! And I do like one final catchphrase like uh i don't know what's what's something uh now you're the one caught in the web there it is something like that yeah yeah yeah something anachrocentric uh-huh uh yes that word and uh there's that word again. And so, you know, I flush the toilet. Yeah. Just a weird, empty, flush.

Uh-huh. There's no turd. There's no pee. And there's certainly no spider. Uh-huh. And I tell her that I killed the spider. Now, do you throw any toilet paper in there? Just to hear, like, a toilet paper rip, you know, because that's what you, like, follow them up in.

You know, maybe that's why she thought I was lying. Yeah that's that extra little detail i don't think i did i can't remember it was a few years ago and so she somehow she was like super perceptive like almost a hannibal lecter way and she did she sliced my face off really no? I was going to say something, but you do look different. Not bad, just different. Just different. No, so I was like, yeah, I killed it. And she looked me dead in the face and was like, are you lying? And it was so weird.

It had been so long since I just had to flat out look somebody in the eyes and just lie. And I was like, no, I killed did you did you say it like that because it's something you trail like yeah i killed i gotta go yeah you jump out the window anyway about the window three stories under a car well that's my time i gotta go uh anyways i left something on the stove Yeah I think my car is running One thing that I Like a small thing

So the other day Amanda and I we have Munza the dog And Amanda's been She's back in school and she's working So she's not home as much So the other day I was on my way home from dc and i thought i was going to be home much districts of columbia yes and uh i was thought i was going to be home much earlier to let the dog out right and amanda texted me and she was like hey are you home and i was like almost which kind of isn't a lie i didn't specifically say that i was on 295 or if I was around the corner.

Those are, you know, I want like a bold-faced, straight-in-the-eye, if I get caught, I'm going to look so bad. I told him, I said I wasn't in the book depository that day. And, you know, that one guy went down for it. What was his name? Old Oswald. Patton Oswald.

That was him. The guy that murdered JFK? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know uh hunter s thompson booth yeah i try not to uh lie too often i think it's a little like little like white lies stuff like that like where i know she would be amanda would be worried if i was like yeah i'm still like 45 minutes away versus like five minutes away and she would like worry about the dog so it's like you know yeah just a little little white line right in there but other than that like big lies i don't know like uh no i never saw that email i don't know right yeah i don't know you know i yeah i don't know i don't i don't think i have anything too big there whoa whoa whoa actually

i do have one work related uh is it related to the text you just got no okay no but for some reason they're like ding like aha yeah yeah like oh yeah i should do that more often for you this has triggering like memories uh the recently i went to the dentist remember i told you this is going to be the year I take care of my teeth. The year of the tooth. Hadn't been to the dentist in probably like, seriously, 5th, 14th, like over a decade. Really?

Jesus Christ. I thought I had got a long time. A long fucking time. Wow. Clean bill of health. Can you believe it? No calves? Just kidding. I had eight. Really? Yeah. long time a long fucking time wow clean bill of health can you believe it no calves just kidding i had eight really yeah one for like almost every year that i wasn't there and uh it was so funny

the guy was like the dentist was inside my mouth and uh he wasn't saying cavity he was saying like abrasion or some type of like medical term right and it was And I knew it was bad because he just kept saying it way too much. He's like, all right, in the four, we have abrasion. Number nine, abrasion. And I just kept going around. And I'm like, all right. It was sounding like a Yoko Ono song or something. Number nine.

Number nine. And I just felt pretty bad about that. And then I was like, I knew it was going to be bad. Like, you know, you don't go to the dentist for over a decade. And he's going to be like, wow, this looks great. Get out of here. I'll see you in another decade. Like, okay.

You've actually grown new teeth since you've been an adult. And they look great. Yeah. You're like a shark. It's amazing. Crack walnuts on these bad boys. I'm going to put a medical walnut in there. You just crack it.

So I was like, ah, all right. And it actually kind of felt good because I was like, I'm going to take care of this. It's going to give me something to do. Really? Yeah. For some reason, I was like, well, it's going to be in a car. It felt good to go to the dentist. I knew it was going to be a mess, but to finally, like, start taking care of shit that's going on.

Yeah. Like, my teeth don't hurt or anything. Right. Like, I told people that. They're like, eight? Like, does your mouth just hurt? Maybe it does, and I'm just used to it. I don't know, because it's been so long.

But so the, yeah, went to the dentist, and then went to work. And after the appointment, i gotta go it's like not good and kind of told him the same story like right basically just gonna light an m80 and throw it in my mouth and be like you're much better off now uh it's like yeah so i gotta get a lot of a lot of work done over the next couple weeks and they're like okay yeah take take as much time as you need and uh because i have medical leave too so two days later i scheduled and uh a massage and i was like i gotta go to the dentist straight up went to the massage allegedly and went home it was a hell of a day wow yeah um don't fucking do they ask you about it the next

day no i mean there's nothing they can do it's not like they can be like all right open your Yeah. Don't fucking judge me. Did they ask you about it the next day? No. I mean, there's nothing they can do. It's not like they can be like, all right, open your chompers. Let's see what's going on in there. I would have. You want to see it? I'd have been like, how's the dentist? Let's see it.

Yeah. What, you want to run through that scenario? You ready? Yeah. Good. Oh, hey, Josh, how's the dentist? Good. What'd they do?

They went in there, just kind of cleaned some stuff kind of prep work all right see you later whoa whoa whoa josh josh what they cleaned some stuff like what do you mean well they could they like you know i hadn't been in a while so they have to do like a preliminary cleaning before they can really you know you look really relaxed oh thank you i got like a solid eight i don't sleep too much so Uh-huh. Yeah. All right. Well, I got to get to my- Wait, wait, wait. Josh, Josh, Josh. Yeah?

Can I touch your back? Do you mind if I ask why? I'm trying to get to my back. Hey, you know, I just want to. I just want to. You don't have to. No, it just looks nice and loose and relaxed. I just want to touch it.

How can you see my back? There's a mirror behind you. Oh, I always forget about this giant mirror in your office mr moran yeah in an x-ray machine what an x-ray machine i'm openly exposed to radiation yeah all right look if it's just a small amount all right you can touch my back real quick but i gotta get out of here okay i got work to do oh that feels really loose yeah well i like i said i slept well what do you mean it just feels like a warm warm. Can I put your teeth up to the x-ray machine? I have to get out of here.

They look a little filthy. I'm not going to lie. I told you it was a preliminary clean. It's not. Okay, so they're prepping you for a better clean? Yeah, that's how it works. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's called a debrialization.

They get all the debris out of there. Debrialization. Do you mind if I Wikipedia that? Yeah, go ahead. I can't find it anywhere. This is where I shoot you in the head and I run and I jump out of there. Deep realization. Do you mind if I Wikipedia that? Yeah. Go ahead. I can't find it anywhere. This is where I shoot you in the head and I run. I jump out the window. No one will ever know my secret.

Everyone that knows must die. And then I tail it to Mexico. Three people know. Two are dead. You're the only one left. Let the games begin. Exactly. So all that allegedly happened.

Right. So how do you feel about that? That's a good example. That's a good example. Yeah. There you go. There you go. Let's talk about your teeth.

Let's get into it. Los dientes. Do you have any that have to be root canaled? Mm-mm. And he said my wisdom teeth are good. So that's nice. And the next step, try to get some Invisalign straighten these bad boys out

let's get this straight I don't know how I feel about you with normal teeth well that hurts calling them not normal I'll tell you how I feel about that it hurts doesn't feel good I'll tell you that right now let me see your teeth they're fine the small embellishments are what make give them character yeah that's

what amanda says too but you know no one's gonna like you after you get it oh his teeth are straight now banish him when you stand up he's gonna stare at you like what the fuck is going on man this guy is too handsome now we can't listen to him yeah i um my teeth are like rotting away it's kind of scary it's a little nightmarish all that sugar you eat it's not that no no it's i i don't know what it is but you tell the dentist no it can't be that you eat a pint of ben and jerry's every night yeah well that's the i don't see how that's pertinent to the conversation. But if I take care of my teeth... Stop rubbing a Twizzler on your teeth. You go to hell.

Your point being, he turns to me and I'm eating a candy necklace. I don't know what it could be, Doc. In fact, I always floss after I eat a candy necklace. With a butterfinger. Yeah, let's just go over your habits. I dip a butterfinger yeah let's just go over your your habits well i dip i dip a butterfinger and do a fun dip and then rub it around my teeth like anybody else would what do you think i am an idiot that is how they treated me they're like well let's talk about your

routine i was like sure and this woman had to floss my teeth and you could tell she just hated me because i had i'd never fucking floss they were always really aggressive with the floss yeah it was funny like she started in like the back right and then like moved around to the left and was very thorough when she started and then towards the end i think she was like just fuck this guy and just like in and out it is weird that they clean they give your teeth a cleaning like if you're not keeping your teeth relatively clean at home there's a bi-yearly cleaning isn't going to do anything is it yeah well i think the idea is that you do it i mean the mechanic doesn't like wash your car no no but i think uh yeah great analogy perfect you sound like a bad politician like well i'll tell you this a mechanic doesn't buy

your wife flowers you don't hire a coroner to do your makeup and hair before you appear on The Late Show. Thank you very much. Thank you. Mr. Maroon. I'm sorry. What does that have to do with taxes? You don't chase a fox up a hill. That's what I'm saying.

That's all I'm saying. You don't hire a fox to vacuum your house. Why are foxes involved in so many analogies? I don't think they are, are they? Yeah. Like what? I don't know. Let's move on to the...

I think I proved my point. Like a fox... I don't want to embarrass you. People say like a fox. Smart as a fox. Which I don't know what that means. Foxy ladies. Like this wood is wood like a fox wood like yeah you're

talking about your boner yes i don't want you to point to that anymore um what was i talking about something about my teeth fixing them cleaning them you know well mine are rotting away oh yeah yeah i don't know why they say it's from grinding and i don't think i grind in fact i did have a moment like you were saying where i was like no that no, that doesn't happen. And the doctor was like, yes, it does. Yeah, he would know. Also, you grind in your sleep, so how would you know? Because I've been with many a woman, and I've heard complaints about snoring, never heard complaints about grinding. Well, is this...

I'm even on Grindr. Now, be honest. Is this just a story for you to say you've been with many women? Now, I've bedded many alas from here to the mississippi i brought up the whole thing about lying so that you would bring up teeth so i could bring up that and the dentist and then i've been a lot of it's a long con yes yeah it's like the unusual sense i drop my cup and you walk away with a limp that you eventually fix you look at your mug and it says like uh rotten teeth there's a fox on it yeah um yeah uh amanda's told me that i grind

mine too what are you supposed to do for that you get like a mouth guard yes there's the dentist one that they make that was expensive so i just bought the cheap like right aid ones that you like mold onto your teeth yeah it feels awesome when you do it like oh yeah yeah i remember back in the day when you needed like a mouth guard for sports when I was a little kid. You sink your teeth in a plastic and it melts around your teeth. It's so nice. Yeah, it was really weird. Being scared of it back.

Like, hey, I just boiled this thing. Now put it in your mouth. Yeah, that is weird that you're chewing on warm plastic. Melted plastic. It can't be good for you, right? No. So I did that. But I don't know how well it's working i'm sure it's working

a little bit but i feel like my teeth are still just like rotting away why because they're less than they used to be there's less there oh really yeah they're like smaller yeah like they're they're like jagged like they're like being whittled away like wood seriously like i have one fake one from when i had a root canal and that that reminds me of what teeth are supposed to feel like oh is that one still the same size yeah robust beautiful monuments of uh food crushing yeah there's like a mount rushmore of yeah exactly exactly like a beautiful like egyptian sculpted you know you got this that's that's what a tooth is supposed to be absolutely my shit looks like a burned out barn like or it feels like it i guess you can't

really see it again i want the dentist to describe that to you like he's pointing your x-ray like your shit looks like a burned out bone yeah my mouth is like if if they like drop the you know like a bomb but like one statue of jesus is still standing miraculously you know at least like that yeah i get it no i get it i get it it's all shattered and broken except right right right right um uh so do you go to get your teeth cleaned how how often uh like to dental school right yeah i did but i haven't been in years oh okay since they like fixed everything oh good i mean i'm sure i should get them checked out soon uh-huh i don't know i don't feel anything wrong with them other than i didn't either and then i had fucking eight cavities but i remember when i had cavities i can remember feeling them kind of like when i'd go

down the stairs like i could feel like rattling in your skull not so much rattling but just like you could feel a little pain and you know you don't get that at all no one of mine was so huge that they had to basically just blast it away and start it new just put a gun in your planet a new one in fact that's the student dentist he's like now i'm new at this but what i'm gonna do is just put a revolver right against this thing now i was watching castaway last night so i think i have a little somebody's surgical ice skate here and just knock this puppy right out of This is medical grade. Don't worry.

That'll be $60,000. What was I saying? Fuck. Teeth? Oh, yeah. My tooth fell apart backstage years ago at the aisle bar when I first started doing stand up. Oh, my God.

Were you biting into something? I don't know. I don't know. I think it just started cracking stand-up. Oh, my God. Were you biting into something? I don't know. I don't know. I think it just started, like, cracking and falling apart. Yeah. And I think I actually pulled out pieces of it on stage. Wow. Yeah.

It's like, excuse me, that was my tooth. Yeah. Anyway, I'm in full control up here. Here we go. Here we go. Right? Right? So what else has been going on with you uh we haven't even like i think this is the first time we've hung out in a couple weeks yeah i think so too um same old thing you know

doing uh you know stand-up comedy yeah and providing? Yes. Uh-huh. Improvising. Improvising, bro. Been writing ghost stories. Yeah? Like, fictional ones? No, I've been writing true ghost stories. Hey, there you go. That's where the money is. True ghosts.

And, you know, that's about it. Uh-huh. Playing a little music. Uh-huh. Are you still playing with Colligan in them? Yes. Okay. But not all that much.

Okay. Now, is that in a different incarnation? Well, there is Echo City Summer, which is mostly the same as it used to be. We did a really good recording of Sinner Man. Oh, cool. At the, I think it's Mob Town Studios or something. Okay. That went really well.

The guy's a really good producer. Nice. And we've got the cover band going with a drummer in Essex named Johnny. I've been singing for that. Johnny Drummer. We actually did the circuit open mic, which was a lot of fun. Oh, that's cool. And I'm actually getting together.

I want to do something with a drum machine, like just me and the bass and a drum machine, and start planning a Halloween performance. You're way ahead of the game on that one yeah but i mean life moves so quick that it's like i'm sure to be halloween in like a week you know like it's already february 2015 like there's no way yep like you may as well just plan everything you're ever going to do because it's going to happen tomorrow get Get your drum machine, do the Halloween show, and then probably die. Yeah, probably. That's how it's going to work. Teeth are going to fall out of your head, and you'll be dead. So I want to start planning an auto bar thing there and just do a Misfits tribute with just a drum machine and me and maybe some other Halloween songs.

All right. What about you? Yeah, same thing doing stand-up uh trying to write some more and uh did some shows at the baltimore comedy factory that were fun and uh guy brad williams who was the headliner he was great yeah on the show really interesting guy and uh he just he destroyed it was so funny he like uh he did really well like just jokes alone and then at the end he uh does a uh lap dance on some woman from the crowd and takes his shirt off to like lady gaga's poker face and the place just went nuts like stereotypical like you know like black audiences are different than white on it like right people were like standing up and like running and like oh my god running yeah just like what like in place yeah or like

up and down the aisle getting up from their table just what yeah like i can't picture this destroy running what is running a part of the comedy audience experience because they're like doing i mean like getting up and like up in like four or five steps and then like coming back. Are they jumping hurdles? Are they like jumping over tables and stuff? They did a whole decathlon. She had a javelin pull.

Yeah, it was pretty incredible. Wow. Yeah, so those shows are really fun. And then, yeah, just trying to do more mics and things like that. I've been dealing with like, I did a show in easton and my family was there oh yeah i was just up in my head it was really weird like uh for some reason i was

just nervous about it and it's just like all right i just need to chill out i should have like just taken a sight like i needed like the stereotypical like coach from like an inspirational movie like hey kid you got it calm down like all right i will you get out there yeah you give them hell yeah but we uh just went up there and i was like hey here's one thing and now here's another uh goodbye what about pants all right see you later you know like that yeah so it was uh so that one kind of hurt but it wasn't bad it was just like it was one of those things reciting the lines yeah it was talking at the audience versus like to the audience. Yeah.

I totally know what you mean. It's weird how that works. Like every time I think I'm no longer anxious or scared to go on stage, there'll be a show like that. Yeah. And it's just like, oh, this is what it feels like to be afraid of people again. Yeah. Yeah.

Or just, yeah, it's weird like to just not be able to just chill out. Cause then there's some shows where you're like, oh, whatever. But I think the added element of having family there sure i don't know and it was nothing about them it's not like they were like you better be fucking good you're not coming to thanksgiving like nothing like that like everybody was excited and i was like oh hey hello like i was just talking i know what you mean really fast so it was uh and then i was thinking too like i had done over the past few months several shows where people have had family at those shows and they like same thing happened to them so i

wish it was one of those like perspective things like once it was over i realized i should have just calmed down but i wish just before yeah so yeah that's always how it goes i mean it is it's if you think about it's like it's almost like not normal to not be scared and anxious. Think about just a couple years ago. It was horrifying to do anything in front of people. Oh, especially the first time. Yeah, yeah. I remember the first time we did improv in front of an audience,

and it was just people that knew us. It was nothing. It was just a showcase of the class. Yeah. And it was the end of the world all day. Oh, yeah. Yeah, exactly. And you're end of the world all day. Oh, yeah. Yeah, exactly. And you're doing-

What if I'm not funny? Right. And if you're doing a showcase in- It's basically like assembly. Right. Back in the day at middle school, your parents are coming out to see you be tree number three. Right. You're like, I hope I don't fuck this up.

You know? Make sure I wave my leaves enough. Because the showcase uh where we would do those for for improv in the Baltimore improv group when you take the classes most of the time you're not performing in a theater you're performing in a basement right of the synagogue so there's you know and that's where all like the classrooms are for the kids and yeah so they're just sitting on bleachers and you're yeah it's just you know doing anything and the fact that we're like not constantly shitting our pants, you know, is like a testament that it gets easier.

Yeah, it does. And I think it's just perspective to just having like once it does happen and you're like, you're like, oh, OK, this is when it can be really bad. But yeah, even then it wasn't like really bad. It's like a B minus. You know what I mean? Like it still went fine. Yeah, that's how I was at the Creative Alliance. uh yeah even then it wasn't like really bad it was like a b minus you know what i mean like it still went fine yeah that's how i was at the uh the creative alliance i just got that wave of nervousness yeah yeah and like you don't bomb but you're just not in the right it just feels like

you're just reciting the lines yeah and you want to like smash it in front of your family and friends and stuff like that but i'm sure it'll come with time i mean yeah you know the more you do it i'm sure there'll be a point where, I mean, I think it's like, it's so good to like cross the hump of like, okay, this isn't horrifying anymore. It's actually kind of fun.

Yeah. And you look forward to doing it more. And then, so, you know, but it's always like three steps forward, two steps back. Yeah.

Yeah. So then it's, it's also just, uh, yeah, just with time, like in those things actually help you too. So you're like,

okay, I know it's not that bad. And if you would just chill the fuck out, it would go much better. So did a show. Jason Weems, very funny comedian based here in Baltimore. He just quit his job recently. So he's doing full time now. He's been doing this gig.

This was the fourth year he's done it. Every Valentine's he performs at a vineyard in Virginia and these the vineyard is family-owned and the people live in the bottom floor of this building and then like the top floor is where they do like wine tastings all really and so me Stav and Jason did it and it was so – it was fun, but it was so weird, the layout of it. I don't even know if I can, like, accurately describe it so you know what I'm talking about. So the house is three stories. So you walk in.

There's, like, a kitchen area. There's a bunch of tables, and that's kind of where they serve everything. And there's a second story. There's, like, a small bar up there, and then there's more tables. But the middle is like cut out so there's just seats and tables like going around like basically like the perimeter of the second story so there's like a big hole in the middle right then the third story is a balcony that you perform on so sort of like a dictator like looking down so you're looking at like two stories of

people and it's really fucking weird so it's like imagine you're in like the attic, but somebody cut out like a diagonal hole looking down. Wow, that would not work well with my double chin. Yeah, just looking down. You just have to look up. And then during my set too, there was supposed to be a spotlight on me and they forgot to turn it on. And then it came on at the very end where I was like, and your next performer. And I was like, what the fuck? So this means like people that are like 70 feet away from me in the butt like

couldn't like i don't think it was too bad i think they got used to it but i think once the light came on like everybody was like uh how many people were in the audience um i mean i don't know uh 80 maybe more nice 80 to 100 yeah i don't know a good amount of people good amount of people and they like yeah there was an added pressure there because they paid 37 a ticket jesus valentine's day night you know it's like this was what they were going to do with their valentines and then i'm anxious about that yeah and i i was hosting so i just go up there cold the guy that runs the vineyard this this guy, Steve, he was like, what's your name?

It's like, Josh. He's like, last name? Kaderna. He's like, all right, I'm just going to say Josh. I was like, okay. It's that complicated? Yeah. Hope they don't ever get any foreign comedians.

Well, yeah. This show that we did in Easton, it was really funny because Stavros Halki is hosted. I was the middle and then Ramin Mastafavi was the headliner. So the guy that worked at the venue, he's like, so I'm going to introduce you guys. I'm going to go up and bring everybody up. So what's your name? It's like Kaderna. He's like, and the other guys like Halkias and Mastafavi, just like the worst three names. The guy got like like a thousand yards stare he's like okay i'm just gonna say stavros his name and he'll say the rest so this guy steve when he brought me up he's like hey you know he's friendly and

kind of he's like all right how's everybody doing we're gonna get the show started your host for the evening josh i'm like share madonna josh thank you hello and i just went up and i was like how does it really felt like a dictator like looking down on all your people because there's a railing too so you could like lean on the railing oh nice and I was like rich white people welcome to my villa and that was uh it was it was nice and I did uh I did a um uh a joke uh my crush pussy joke with the uh the my my it's a real think piece you know with the punchline that says uh crush pussy joke. It's a real think piece, you know, with the punchline that says crush pussy.

And there's a woman. You gotta be at a certain level of IQ, I think, to grasp multiple layers. Right. I should ask to see everybody's master's degree before I perform. You really should. You really should. Not only am I there, they're wasting my time.

I'm wasting theirs There's a lack of respect And we're not judging anybody There's just a lack of respect And that's fine We need garbage people in society To differentiate between the great people like me Who write pussy crushing jokes

So they had this one woman She was like I thought she was with her husband And he looked dismayed when I said that line. She looked dismayed. And she was rubbing his arm. And I was like, oh, boy. Sorry about that.

And I was like, is that your husband? She goes, no, it's my father. I was like, why are you rubbing his arm? That got a great reaction from the audience. I was like, that's your dad? Because they couldn't see her either because she's like 25 feet above everybody else. So that was fun. I was this close to trying to get the crowd to chant Crush Pussy.

That would have been a highlight. So it was nice to have like throwing your hands like a dictator. Exactly. What are we going to do? Maybe like tear up a Bible like Marilyn Manson when he's on the podium. Yeah. And then we all sang the beautiful people it was really fun me and a bunch of middle-aged white people just rocking the fuck out bathed in the blood of lambs and virgins sometimes virgin lambs it was a nice

crossover and then jason uh stob did great and then jason weems went on to just kill just crush for like over an hour it was great and uh the crowd was like a little tight and he just went at him like right in the beginning he's like he's like i didn't fucking drive an hour and a half to have you fucking tight ass white people and like you're like oh we are tight we're white too yeah and like just kept going at him and just ripped it wide open i always love that when like i feel like that's another stage too for comedians when they can go at the audience and be like right fuck you yeah yeah but it is i have seen people like mess it up like you can't tell the audience fuck you and be timid like no fuck you guys they're like what you're like nothing you have

to like really kind of lean into that fuck you yeah sorry i've definitely done that like sorry i'm just kidding yeah and they're like what like they just lose all faith and it's weird too like when you're doing that and like like one one thing you say kills like you kind of poke fun in the audience and it kills and then you say something else and it's silence yeah then it's really like oh yeah then real quick you're like no i'm just kidding uh you're all fine people. Anyway, let's move on. Where were we? Crushing Puss. I believe we were talking about Crushing Pussy.

So that was nice. So now I'm just trying to write more and get some more stuff going. Then I'll be back in Easton in October. So hopefully that's when I get my retribution and try to write some stuff. That'll be my inspirational movie. Hopefully this was just the beginning or the midway point of the movie that that that uh so i'd say it's probably the beginning yeah how how unless you're like gonna quit in two years i gotta go out on top man gotta go out on top now let me ask you this for as far as you can see do you think you'll ever want to quit doing comedy because i don't think i ever want to no i, I don't think so. I would like to,

you do hear about people that if they're working on like a show or something like that that's comedy related, then they find it harder to do stand up, but they still dip in here and there. So I can see myself like, if I got like a writing gig or something where it took up most of my time,

I'd probably take a break for a little bit. Really? I would come back. I don't think I'd want to even take a break. Yeah, I'm with you. But I think just like time, like you hear about people on shows and stuff like that, and I doubt that'll happen to me anytime soon.

But that's the only time I can see it. Well, we have a surprise for you. A digression sessions magnet. Yeah. I was on a podcast recently. I was on the podcast called Eric Tries Too Hard. And I was telling him about that's our new campaign. He was saying he's seen the gorillas everywhere from our logo.

And I was like, oh, yeah? Well, we just got some magnets. So shit's going to start blowing up pretty soon. And I told him the story. Do you remember that girl in – I put up a sticker in a bathroom of a bowling alley in brooklyn yeah and she got in touch with us and she was like hey i really love your logo and it's like yeah and she's like yeah can you send us a shirt and i was like yeah sure

yeah so what do you think of the podcast she's like yeah you know it's okay anyway can i get a shirt i was like yeah sure wow so as long as uh that's that's like when i i had a nine inch nails t-shirt in eighth grade but yeah had only heard like two nine inch nails songs ever whatever it's a cool logo it's a cool fucking logo so uh yeah i'm uh and then the uh uh his podcast uh eric tries too hard um he hit me up on twitter to do it and i was like yeah sure like where do you when and where do you record he's like oh i just do it over google hangout which is like a version of skype really yeah but it's through google and uh i didn't know that the video was going to be recorded so i was looking on youtube i was submitting to i was submitting on you're

being recorded without knowing it like video like i knew audio would be a part of it but said like the video like so you're like sitting there naked with like no i just look like i do not like i hadn't showered in two days and i woke up like funny to think that you didn't know you were on tape i knew the audio was going to be recorded of course but i mean are you like scratching your balls and well yeah i just kept like scratching my head and i'm just like looking off the distance you're like reading mind comp i could have scratched my arm and like reveal a swan oh man this thing really smarts anyway uh you're like whipping the dog jerking off jerking off in the mirror yeah so we just

got magnets man you should check these fucking things out yeah oh geez i didn't know i was on tape oh see that's photoshop um but yeah i was uh because i i was i was looking at my youtube page because i was submitting to a festival and then i saw that pop up and i was like oh shit this is on youtube forever but it's not too bad actually were you were you like searching through like oh crap was there any, like, point where I, like, was playing with myself? No, I remembered pretty much everything. Like, I'd just kind of sip coffee and play with my hair. Amanda, did I make a thump on you that day?

Did we put the tarp down? Just going to pee on my girlfriend a little bit. This is all audio, right? All right, good, good, good, good. I honestly, this might be a little weird, but I honestly, when I'm alone, I do find it hard to not touch myself when no one's looking a little bit. What does that mean? Are you just kind of just jerking it a little bit?

No, just rubbing the old pee. Wait, like a jar of pee? Is that what you're talking about? Yes, I take out my jar of pee and I rub it for good luck. That's what that vial is around your neck? Yes, it's like a Buddha belly. Just rub the belly. It's just the pee of my dog that died.

So it's like piss Christ, but piss Buddha? Yes. I got you. I got you. I don't know. I feel like my hand finds its way down to my peter every now and again and says hello. Uh-huh. Gives a know uh-huh gives a little massage a little trip to the dentist when i'm on the playground i just end up i don't know what i'm

doing down there like you say you're still just i do the thing and i i hate that i i i kind of love slash hate it but the married with children al bundy thing yeah i'll do that and i saw my dad doing it the other day too what is that where Where you just kind of put your hand there, right on... Yeah, you're touching your penis. I'm not, though. That's where your penis is. My penis... I'm touching the top of my pubes, basically, almost.

You tell me. I don't do that. Where you put your fingers right underneath your pants waist right there. You don't do that? No. Sometimes I kind of put my fingers in my pocket. Corey says yes.

What's the point? You two are the experts. Why are you asking me? Corey said yeah, I touch it. Maybe Josh's penis just isn't long enough. It's not leaning towards my gut. It's hanging down

like towards my... I think most people are touching the top of their penis. I don't think so. If I were to go all the way to the thumb. I'm not at the thumb. It's like the knuckle.

Yeah, but you're supposed to go to the thumb, I think. No, I don't think so. I think it's different for every man. That's even weirder. You're just resting the pads of your fingers on your pubes. I like kind of the tip. I mean, I don't get to pube, and I'm like, that's paydirt right there. Really? You're not at pube territory?

I'm basically there, but that's not the goal. Are you sure that you're shaving your pubes? That's not the goal. Well, I like to have designs. Currently, I have a lightning bolt scenario happening with some stars. There's Orion's belt. Yeah, I don't know. I do that.

So you're alone, and you're just touching your neck. Don't try to put the weirdness on me here. Hey, I'm't know. I do that. But so you're alone and you're just... Don't try to put the weirdness on me here. Hey, I'm not jerking it. I'm not jerking it either. I'm not jerking it either. It's just hard to not like... Yeah, but it is hard. A little rubbish.

You know what I'm saying? Sick bastard. Hey. Sick freak. Hey. Hey, well... What's there? What about picking your nose?

You pick your nose like a maniac when you're alone? Not like a maniac, but probably occasionally. What about you? Yeah, pretty good. I definitely fart a lot. Oh, I fart a lot. I fart a ton. The worst, I always love...

We were at the movie theater the other day and I was just hoping for an action moment so I could just fart with impunity. Where it's a huge, loud fight scene and you're just like, ah, let it rip. And then you're like like oh this is like the the smell-o-vision yeah like the kingsman smells weird doesn't it doesn't it they actually tried that before using smells in movies yeah how'd that go didn't work out very well yeah it's stupid there are tubes in the seats yeah yep that's stupid yeah that's a real waste of money.

What about the rumble seats? You ever seen those? No. So if somebody is there, you can sit in these special seats that shake if they're in a car chase or something like that. What? That does nothing for me. Yeah, like a rumble pack, but you're sitting on a rumble pack. Who decided that rumbling would be a good feature to add to things?

Americans love to rumble. That's what the research shows. So are these in normal movie theaters? The whole theater isn't that, but there's a row or a group of them, like four or five seats. That are in normal movie theaters? Yeah. Really? Yeah.

Weird. Yeah. I think I would have seen that by now. Yeah. Weird. Yeah. I think I would have seen that by now. Yeah. I do remember experiencing days of thunder at Paramount's King's Dominion in a moving seat that moved up and down and stuff. How would you describe this moving seat? Thrilling. You said a moving seat that moved.

Thrilling. Yes. That's what it is. And then for the lame people there's like a row in the front that didn't move lame-os like how shitty would that be just like watch it yeah why go to that yeah all right I think we can wrap this

thing up here so there's been a delay in posting podcast just because I'm too busy and stalling the rumble pack. Yeah, I'm trying to add the rumble to the podcast and smell-o-vision. So when we talk about our dicks, the smell of just onions just floats into your ears and then hopefully into your nasal cavities. Yeah, so I think that's pretty much all that I got. We're working on some stuff, trying to do some sketch stuff, which has been fun.

Joey Malinsky had this idea where he wanted to take news stories and then whoever they're talking about in the news story, like an actual news story, you take that footage and then edit in one of us as the person that the story's about. That's a good idea. Yeah, it's really good. I'd be shocked if that hadn't been done before, though. Oh, I'm sure it has, but we're just trying to like you know just do it ourselves uh and uh we did one where this guy uh he was cashing i'm pretty sure his mother's social security checks and they think that they

brought her that he brought her into the bank when she was dead like in a wheelchair oh i think i heard about that yeah and so uh matt manning uh this guy didn't he like dress up like his mother too no no no he just brought her in like in a wheelchair like weekend at bernie's style just like oh she's fine meanwhile her foot's like going the wrong direction and like heads they got suspicious when he asked for like 10 lollipops and they remembered she was diabetic wait a minute so yeah so we had matt manning be the guy like you know go interview him it looks really good so we're gonna try to do a bunch of those and then uh yeah working on working on some sketch ideas and uh applying to festivals and uh yeah i need

to apply to festivals but i don't really feel like it. Yeah. I'll apply to a few, I guess. Just do it. Just do it. It's a snow day. Are you off today? Well, yeah, I would have been anyway, though.

Diners closed on Tuesdays. Oh, is it? I didn't tell you that? I feel like I knew that, but I didn't know it was Tuesdays. I thought it was like Monday. Tuesday's a weird day to be closed. Yep. Okay.

All right. You know what I think it is? I think there's a weird day to be closed. Yep. Okay. All right. You know what I think it is? I think there's a lot of holidays on Mondays and holidays are busy days. Ah, smat. That's very smat. How'd you spend your president's day before we get out of here? Working. Hey, there you go.

Just like the president. Sucked. Just like the president's do. A couple people got mad at me. For what? It was one of those days. What'd they get mad at? There's just not enough people on and like.

What'd you do? Nothing like one guy it really wasn't me it was more like the food took forever uh and like one couple was mad that i didn't come back to them quick enough after i gave them a dessert menu uh-huh but the thing is like there's supposed to be multiple servers taking care of them you know yeah And that kind of didn't happen. So they figured it was my fault, which it maybe kind of was. Yeah, some people aren't used to the system there. But I try to just be reasonable. They were cool, so it wasn't terrible.

But I just be reasonable and give them a discount. Apologize. Right, right, right. Slash my wrist in front of them. No, don't do that. Don't do that. That would be a great sketch, actually. Just like, is this enough?

I'm sorry. Do you feel better now? Getting blood on our cheesecake, sir. I have had people that are just being ridiculous, and I've acted like I'm completely distraught over it, just to screw with them. Yeah. Yeah, it's matched their level of like, yeah, it i can't believe it it is overcooked uh yeah i was talking to somebody about that like

how that's the fun part about working at a restaurant is you kind of become like a little like team slash family and then you just hate everyone that comes in for the most part like nothing unites people like having a common enemy yeah and that's the customers that are paying you and you're like look at these fucking ass but there's there's constantly like i don't know if you notice this in restaurants like and maybe like all workplaces there's constantly like uh allegiance shifting between employees you know oh yeah team up yeah fuck ted yeah yeah i try really hard to not give a shit about that stuff you know but like sounds like you're talking about survivor like when you're on like like that's kind of what it is because i i've even had like people like not like me for a while and then like come back over to team mike and like it's weird

i had a weird thing where i had like some people not like me for a while do they try to put out your tiki torch and kick you off restaurant Island? Yeah. That was part of where I learned that, like, if, like, in, like, doing stand-up or whatever, like, you have to be totally humble if anybody thinks it's cool. Because, like, I would, like, joke around with them and, like, pretend like I was, like, Mr. Big Shot. And, like, I thought we were, like, joking. Yeah. Like, I think I'm a celebrity.

You're just deadpanning it. Yeah, yeah. And then they, like, really thought I was, like, super arrogant. Like, Mike's like joking. Yeah. Like I think I'm a celebrity. You're just dead panning it. Yeah, yeah. And then they like really thought I was like super arrogant. Mike's a dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, you definitely have to be like, no, it's nothing. Come on.

Well, then too, it's the thing we were talking about also where it's like, then you do have a shitty set, you know? So it's like, you know, I know it's just right around the corner. Okay. Well, yeah, I think this was a nice little catch-up session. Thanks for having me over. Yeah, man. It's always fun.

So I'm going to try to get some more people on the show. Some good people are coming through. I was going to host for Damon Wayans in April, but he's too tired. He's going to be taking a nap from now until then. He's sleepy. He's a sleepy boy. No, I don't know what he's doing. So, yeah, that would have been cool, work with somebody from living cooler.

Okay. Not to mention Major Payne. Yeah, I enjoyed that movie, actually. I haven't seen it since eighth grade. Dude, uh that little boy was complaining of a monster in the closet and then major pain just unloads a clip like into the door he's like if he in there he ain't happy oh what a genius you shoot it i'd like totally like written off and forgotten about that movie so i dated a girl who like her and her friends

was obsessed with major pain yeah like her and her friends like that was their movie like that was like their yeah so weird like that was like their classic like go-to movie from when they were younger right wow knew all the lines and stuff wow that that sounds like a like uh one of those theoretical scenarios like all right this chick's super's super hot, right? And you can marry her, you can date her, but she's obsessed like every reference. Would you date Beyonce if she were obsessed with Major Payne? Like Luke Winneke's joke, yeah. Yeah, that's a weird one.

Okay, all right, what do you got to plug? Show's coming up. God damn it, you gotta warm me, you gotta prep me. You go first, you go first. I just ask you every single show that's on. Yeah's coming up. God damn it. You gotta warn me. You gotta prep me. You go first. I just ask you every single show. Yeah, come on. You just blindside me. Every single time. With a consistent

blindsiding. Alright. The dates that I have coming up. You ready? Hit me. This probably won't come out before tomorrow, right? Sometime this week, yeah. Okay, well, February 18th, Tommy Zimbazo roasted the Main Street Oyster House in Bel Air. Mm-hmm.

Bel Air. 220, that's February 20th, Josh. Uh-huh. I'll be performing at the Comedy Platform Arts Center. Mm-hmm. You made that up. It's called the Art of Comedy. You made that up.

I just throw in the word art a whole lot. Comedy, platform, grid, polygon show. Let's see. The 13th of March, we'll be doing improv at the Mercury at 8 o'clock with Pop 6. And the 19th of March, I'll be featuring at the Bourbon Bar and Grill in Hanover, Pennsylvania. Hey, now. Let's see. On the 12th, I'll be at Therapy, 1030 in March. Let's see. So I'll be doing the Capital City Showcase at the DC Arts Center on February 28th.

It's a stand-up. March 4th, I'll be a part of a live show that uh a member of big uh the baltimore improv group prescott and a woman that owns a sex shop they host a like bi-monthly show called foreplay and they have comedians on and then like other uh sexual deviant perverts no they have uh i don't know other guests on they have a homosexual. It's a real novelty. Just a real freak. But yeah, they talk about like one sexual topic. If you want to see a real live homosexual, come on out. Gather round, all ye who dare enter.

I need a freak show. If you dare breach these walls, take a look at the real live. There's a woman who doesn't wear dresses. This woman. There's a tale that she wears a pantsuit night and day. And a boy who doesn't like cars. Take a look at him. Two bits of gander.

Yeah, so I think the topic of that is oral sex. Nice. That is on the fourth. And then the seventh, I'll be hosting a show. Like talking sex? Yeah. And then on March 7th, I will be at the Hyatt in

Arlington, Virginia, hosting a show there. And so go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar for all of the locations and ticket info for all that stuff. Follow us on Twitter, right? I am at Josh Coderna.

And I am at Mike Moran Wood. Mike Moran, W-O-U-L-D, Wood. I am at Twitter.com. I am slash MySpace. I am at Twitter 1. And the podcast is at Dig Sesh Pod. We're getting some more followers on there, so that's nice. Damn right.

Come say hi on the Facebook page. I really do like hearing back from people, even if it is that you just like our logo. Let us know. I mean, even if it's like I hate your logo, I still like hearing back from people. Yeah. So like the page. Let us know what you think. Any guests that you want on the show let us know and uh go to thundergrunt.com that's our

podcast network bunch of other good shows there yeah and uh yeah come see us live it'll be great and i'm gonna be on that podcast called eric tries too hard um search it on youtube and you can see me in my uh in my glory in my basement with with masturbating into a tarp during the whole thing. Hopefully there'll be a recording of Bonus Disc in which I will be sitting in for a Friday the 13th marathon. Oh, Bonus Disc is on the Thunder Grunt Network. Corey, what do you have to say? Great show, guys. I really liked it.

We had a gun to the whole time. You heard it first. We want to thank our live studio audience. Yeah, Corey. Thank you. The Gresham Session was recorded in front of a live Corey Cohen. All right. Thank you, everybody.

Thanks for listening. Love you. Love you. Bye-bye. you